Lost Without Her by My Osage

The brilliant young woman leaning against the doorframe sighed in resignation. She had grown quite fond of the dark slayer. Sure, Faith had defeated a horrid beast that possessed world-ending capabilities, had brought safety and light back to LA, captured Angelus, and saved Angel from annihilation. But Fred had found that there was so much more to the raven-haired beauty. Faith had endured incredible hardships, both from the world into which she was born and of her own design. Yet she was still fun, spirited, spontaneous, and sassy. Fred just felt that the world had a bit more sparkle when Faith was around.

Three months had passed since Willow and Tara had come from Sunnydale to re-ensoul Angel. It had taken that long for the lawyers at Wolfram and Hart to negotiate Faith's release from prison. In a closed-door session with the Governor of California, a case was made that her extraordinary bravery and selflessness during the macabre occurrences in LA earned her a pardon. The Governor agreed.

Faith zipped up her bag and walked over to the resident scholar at Angel Inc. She engulfed Fred in a big hug. The smaller woman basked in the warm affection of the slayer.

"Thanks, Fred." She murmured near Fred's ear. "You made everything so much easier for me." The slayer held Fred away from her for a moment. "If you ever need me, you know where I am."

Walking down the stairs together, they encountered the rest of the staff of Angel Investigations. Angel, Wesley, Cordelia, Gunn, and Lorne. Warm good-byes were said all around.

Angel reached into his pocket and handed Faith a bank card and a healthy amount of cash.

Angel took her hand and put the items in it. "We've been given possession of Wolfram and Hart's financial resources." He explained. "And there's no better use that I can think of than to support the heroes of this world." He stopped Faith's objection with a raised hand. "It will free you to fight evil and you can live a better life, Faith. Please. The account will never be empty."

The rogue slayer didn't know what to say. No one had ever given her this kind of support except the Mayor. But Faith knew that in the fight against evil, what Angel offered was to help tip the scales in the favor of good. A slayer who was not tired, hungry, and homeless could do just that.

In the early hours just before dawn, Buffy awoke to a warm feeling in her chest. Looking around her room and listening, she could detect nothing amiss. She turned over and fell back to sleep, with the warmth lingering near her heart.

Watching from a distance, Faith saw Tara coming up the walkway toward her first class at UC Sunnydale. She quickly caught up to the witch and put her hand on Tara's shoulder.

"Faith!" She exclaimed. She threw her arms around the slayer's neck and gave her a heartfelt hug. Faith returned the embrace, thankful that Tara was glad to see her.

The slayer flashed a dimpled smile at Tara. "Ya know, Tara? You've got to be the only person in Sunnydale who's first words to me are "How are you?" instead of "What are you doing here?"

"Faith," scolded the witch, "that's not true." She paused, her smile widening. "Well, maybe it's a little true."

Tara looked back at the clock tower as it chimed 10am. "I know." Faith continued to grin at the Wiccan. "Women's Studies, 10am to 11:30am, Wednesdays and Fridays."

The slayer watched her go, thinking that maybe Tara was the only person in Sunnydale who would be happy to see her again. She knew all about the Scooby gang. She'd been writing letters to the Wiccan for the last two years. It had started with Buffy's death. That event had hurt her so badly that she had desperately needed to reach out to someone. And Tara was the only person she could think of who might be willing to listen and understand. It turned out to be one of the best things she'd ever done. Despite the fact that Buffy had been resurrected, it was writing to Tara that had given Faith an outlet to express her feelings and to change. Tara's letters had also kept her informed about the people she had genuinely grown to care about. She wanted to make amends. She wanted to continue to fight evil as she'd been chosen to do. And most of all, she wanted to be with Buffy. Over the months Faith had confided in Tara about all the feelings she had for the Chosen One. Tara was the only person who knew that Faith was deeply in love with Buffy.

Having told Willow about the rogue slayer's arrival, Tara had to refrain from smiling at the reaction Faith had so accurately predicted.

"But Buffy will freak." Willow was still not happy. She knew that Tara had been writing Faith for months. She respected Tara's privacy and she trusted her judgment. But she didn't think having Faith back in Sunnydale was the best idea. After her resurrection, Buffy had done well in the slaying department. But the redhead knew her best friend's state of well being was not good. And it was growing steadily worse. Willow knew that the blonde slayer's purpose in life was the killing of evil things. But her responsibilities had become her only purpose. There was no joy, no relief, no life beyond that. Perhaps it was time to try another course of action.

Tara waited patiently for Willow to process the implications of Faith coming back into Buffy's life. The gentle witch also worried about Buffy's increasing remoteness. In Tara's mind, Buffy was lost. She thought the slayer was descending slowly into an abyss of duty and despair. Tara believed that Buffy was lonely, incomplete somehow. From what she'd been told, sparks had flown between the two slayers, before and even after Faith was seduced by the forces of evil. Tara felt there was something extraordinary between the two women that no one else could possibly understand. If there was anyone who could find Buffy, it was Faith.

"Ok." Willow relented. Though she was the more powerful of the two witches, she knew that Tara was by far the more intuitive. If Tara believed that Faith was the answer to Buffy's sadness, then she would just have to trust her instinct. "But if she doesn't tell Buffy that she's here soon, I will."

Tara gave her lover a soft kiss. "Thank you, Willow. I'm sure that Faith will find Buffy tonight."

Buffy was taking a tour through the last cemetery of the night. The warm feeling she'd felt in her chest all day was still there. She wasn't terribly concerned about it. On this cool autumn evening, it was welcome. But she didn't have much time to consider the sensation. Hairs on the back of her neck stood up. Something was coming her way, something bad.

Across the cemetery, she could see two large demonic creatures approaching her. 'No,' she thought, 'not large… huge…' "Uh oh…."

As the fiends advanced on Buffy, the warmth she'd been feeling in her chest all day changed into more of an electrical sparking. And Buffy knew immediately that there was only one reason in the world, or rather, only one person in the world, who could make her feel that way.

As if by a magician's hand, Faith suddenly appeared by her side, a vision in black leather. But before Buffy could say anything or notice more, the demons were upon them.

Like a well rehearsed team, Buffy and Faith leapt into action. They pummeled the demons, but made little progress against their thick hides and dense bodies. Both women tried stakes as well, but to no avail. One demon grabbed Buffy and tossed her twenty feet away from the fight. The blonde slayer hit a gravestone near where she had dropped her weapons bag. She sat up, reached into the satchel that held her arsenal and pulled out her Slayer's Scythe. She looked back to where Faith was trying to hold her own against the two oversized monsters, mesmerized by the dark slayer's skills. Faith was so quick, so agile, and so powerful. And she seemed so much more controlled than Buffy ever remembered her being. She was absolute poetry in motion.

When Faith looked back at Buffy, the blonde tossed the scythe to her. The rogue slayer caught and handled it as expertly as if she'd been using it all her life. She kicked back one demon as she swept the legs out from under the other one. When he hit the ground, Faith chopped his head off with one crisp, clean motion of the blade. As the other demon closed in on Faith again, she stabbed his leg with the sharp, stake-like opposite end of the scythe. The demon howled in pain and dropped to one knee. Faith then decapitated him with a left-handed upswing that would have made any home-run hitter proud.

As the satanic bodies disintegrated into the ground, Faith walked over to where Buffy was still sitting up against the gravestone. Buffy used the seconds to drink her in. She noticed every detail about her. The way she walked, her scent, the look in her eyes. Faith was still breathless from the exertion. The older slayer could almost hear Faith's heart racing, practically feel the adrenaline still coursing through her veins. Her hair was longer, cascading past her shoulders in untamed waves. She wore a waist length leather jacket over what Buffy assumed was a tight-fitting, black tank top that revealed plenty of fair midriff skin and ample cleavage. The leather pants she wore were so form fitting that they appeared to have been painted onto the slayer's shapely, muscular legs. Her lower lip was cut.

As Faith approached Buffy, all she could think of was how beautiful her former partner looked. Gorgeous, yet strangely vulnerable. She wanted to scoop the woman up into her arms and never let her go. Faith stopped in front of Buffy, the scythe still in one hand. The smaller slayer stared up into deep brown eyes.

Faith looked away for a moment. "I'm not ready to tell you that yet, B. But I promise I'm not here to hurt you." Trying to deflect the inquiry, she looked down at the amazing weapon still in her hands. "Wicked cool weapon."

Buffy regarded the scythe. "I found it in the basement of an old abandoned winery." She looked back into Faith's eyes. "Giles says it's ancient and magical. That it belongs to the Slayer."

"Oh…. right." Faith quickly handed the scythe back to Buffy. She turned and started to leave.

Faith turned halfway back to the blonde. Her eyebrows formed a slight frown, as if she were steeling herself against an upcoming emotional blow. She tried unsuccessfully to keep the defensiveness out of her voice.

Not expecting that, Faith let a small smile play across her lips. She glanced away for a moment, shaking her head slightly before looking back at Buffy.

Faith turned and walked away. Buffy watched her until she disappeared into the darkness. She felt the electricity that had been pulsating in her chest fade back into the warmth she'd been experiencing since dawn. How could she not have known it was Faith's closeness? The connection she had with her fellow slayer was unique. But it had been so long since she'd felt it. She wanted to follow Faith, to be near her again. Instead she gathered her weapons and started toward home.

Unbeknownst to the two slayers, an evil witch from another dimension watched from a distance. She had only been in the shadows long enough to see Faith dispatch the demons she had sent to capture the Slayer. Disappointed by the failure of the demons she'd brought with her, she thought to herself. 'There's got to be another way….'

Willow and Tara waited anxiously for Buffy to return. When she came though the door, they practically pounced on her.

"Demons. Big. Huge." Buffy replied starting toward the stairs. She was somewhat in a daze, still thinking about Faith. "Couldn't be staked, couldn't hurt 'em."

"You saw Faith?" Tara figured it was her turn. When Buffy nodded, she asked. "Did she talk to you?"

"Did you talk to her?" Willow was getting impatient as Buffy nodded this time. "Well, Buffy, what did you say to her?"

"I told her she was hot." Buffy turned from the two stunned witches and climbed stairs. "'Night."

"Well." Tara drew her arm around her lover as they listened to Buffy close the door to her room. "It's a start."

The hotel was much nicer than anything Faith would have ever picked out in the past. Not the fanciest place in town, but clean and comfortable. It had a nice big bed, a bar, a refrigerator, and a TV that actually worked. Faith threw her jacket on a chair and sat down on the bed. Images of Buffy filled her head. She wore her blonde hair straight and long, pulled partially back just the way Faith liked it. Under the white fitted V-neck sweater, the brown suede jacket and jeans, Faith could tell that Buffy's lithe body was toned and battle ready. Buffy didn't have her fellow slayer's defined athletic build. So she looked deceptively fragile. She never appeared as powerful as she really was.

But it was her eyes that Faith kept seeing in her mind. The rich, hazel colored depths made her think that Buffy could see directly into her soul. The rogue slayer almost wished she could. Perhaps then Buffy would see how much she loved her and how badly she wanted to share her life.

Faith got up and poured herself a drink from the bar. She was restless. But she hadn't really cared to do the mindless sex thing in a while. She only wanted Buffy now. God, how she wanted Buffy now. Faith wished she still smoked.

Buffy also lay in her bed unable to sleep. Images of Faith kept reappearing in the darkness. The way she moved, that wisp of a smile, the way she made Buffy feel. Since she'd been away, the younger slayer had evolved from a pretty teen with a dynamic body into a gorgeous woman with muscles and curves in all the right places. Buffy didn't try to pretend that she was immune to Faith's physical charms. She had secretly lusted after the lovely brunette just like everyone else had. But she'd always kept Faith at arm's length because she'd felt a responsibility for her. Buffy sighed. 'Yeah, right… and a fine job I did there….' But it was obvious now that Faith no longer needed her guardianship. If the opportunity ever presented itself, she would not make that mistake again. The implications of her thoughts faded as Buffy allowed replays of Faith at the cemetery to lull her to sleep.

Two days later, Tara knocked on the door to Faith's hotel room. The slayer had told her where she was staying. It was already past 10am and the witch knew that quite possibly Faith was still asleep. But she needed to talk to her. She knocked again and heard muffled movement behind the door.

When it opened, Tara grinned. The slayer was indeed half asleep. Jeans unzipped and barely pulled on, an old T shirt put on inside out. Faith was rubbing her eyes, but she stood back to let the Wiccan in.

Faith nodded and padded into the bathroom. Tara went to the sink and set up the coffeemaker the room provided. When the slayer came back, she had splashed water on her face and was trying to look awake. She sat down at the small table.

Faith got up and poured the coffee into a cup. She held up the carafe to Tara who shook her head.

"I've been slaying." Faith answered as she sat back down. "Keeping a low profile, ya know? Stayin' out of Buffy's way." She watched Tara for a reaction. "I thought I'd give her some space. Ya know, time to get used to havin' me around again."

Tara sighed. "Faith, she can't get used to having you around, if you're not." She put her hand over Faith's. "I think Buffy needs you."

"I think she's always needed you, Faith, as much as she tried to hide it." Tara attempted to explain. "There isn't another person on this earth who knows and understands her life and her feelings like you do. You may be opposites on many levels. But your destinies are linked together like no one else." As long as she had gone this far, Tara took a chance. "I know you're in love with her." Faith stared down at her coffee cup. She had written it to Tara. She had thought about it constantly. But she had never admitted it out loud or heard someone else voice it. "You need to tell her. I think she's lost without you."

Faith quickly looked up at Tara again. Concern flashed in the expressive, brown eyes.

"Since the resurrection, it's as though Buffy's happiness didn't come back with her." Tara continued. "She slays, she's responsible. But she doesn't really feel. She doesn't really let anyone in. You have a connection with her that's special, Faith." Her instincts told Tara to lay it all on the line for her friends. "I think you've always been a part of her heart. And…" the witch hesitated, "I think she loves you."

"I know." Tara held up her hand to halt the tirade Faith was about to launch into about their past. "There's been a lot of history, mixed messages, and damage. But the bottom line here is that I still believe she's lost without you."

That night, Willow approached Buffy, who was reading in the living room. "Going slaying tonight?" She asked. Buffy shook her head. "Things have been pretty slow since Faith came back. I was going to skip tonight."

"Come on, Buffy." Willow interrupted. "Let's go have some fun for a change." She turned and headed toward the stairs, throwing her last comment over her shoulder. "Who knows… maybe Faith still loves to dance as much as she used to."

When the three women entered their old club it was fairly full. The Friday night crowd was a good blend of town people and college kids. The local band was a popular one. The music was already pulsating and the dance floor contained many gyrating couples. As they made their way toward the bar, Buffy abruptly stopped and let her eyes wander over the dance floor. It took only seconds for her to find Faith. She was near the back, completely absorbed in her dancing. Buffy watched her fellow slayer move to the music. Faith loved music and she loved to dance. Buffy knew it was one of the few times that Faith might not be instantly aware of her presence. She could get that immersed in the rhythms and movements. The man Faith was dancing with was obviously more interested in Faith's body than in dancing. He tried several times to capture his exquisite partner and pull her to him. A flash of annoyance pierced Buffy. But Faith eluded him easily. Closing her eyes, swaying to the beat, she continued to dance practically alone.

As the song came to its conclusion, Faith suddenly turned, opened her eyes and looked directly at Buffy. The blonde felt slightly unsteady as if the gaze had physically impacted her. She let out the breath she hadn't been aware she was holding and managed to smile at the sexy slayer. Faith started toward her when the man she'd been dancing with grabbed her arm. Buffy wanted to dart across the room and break the offending hand. But Faith turned, said something to him, and he let her go as if he'd been burned. Faith strode over to Buffy.

"You look great." Faith admired the soft, pale blue shirt Buffy wore. The peasant style neckline exposed the smooth, tanned skin just above the blonde's breasts. Its stitching gathered in the front leaving the string tie to rest in Buffy's cleavage. Faith could imagine pulling at the bow and loosening the opening just enough to let it slide down the blonde's shoulders. She wore gray slacks that fit snugly, accentuating her slender hips and firm ass. Buffy's charisma was subtle, yet Faith was mesmerized by it. The brunette wanted to slip off the suede jacket she wore and let her hands run rampant over everything underneath.

"You, on the other hand," Buffy teased, "leave nothing to the imagination." It was true that Faith's radiance was completely displayed. She was wearing her usual skin-tight black leather pants and this time a crimson red tank top. Her hair was loose and all the skin that was showing around the tight shirt had a sensual glow.

'You, writhing naked on my bed,' thought Buffy. She shook her head to dispel the vivid image. "Wouldn't you like to know?"

Faith took another step closer so that she was mere inches from the blonde. Buffy could feel the heat, the lust, emanating from Faith's body.

Willow and Tara watched from the bar as the two slayers did their own private dance. It was quite clear to the witches that the slayers were completely unaware that there was anyone else in the room. They were so focused on each other. At that moment, someone jostled by Buffy and accidentally nudged her off balance. Suddenly Buffy was in Faith's arms. Buffy's hands were on Faith's biceps, Faith's arms circled Buffy's waist. They stayed that way, gazing into each other's eyes. Tara took Willow's hand and squeezed it.

Finding herself in Faith's arms may have been the last thing Buffy expected. But she instantly realized that it was where she most wanted to be. She began to feel a slow burn that started low in her hips and built up her torso. Her eyes widened as she stared into her partner's eyes. She finally recognized the feeling as it coursed through her entire body. It had been years, and it felt like an awakening.

Faith watched as Buffy's body went through its transition from bystander to participant. The brunette could practically feel the transformation. Faith's extensive sexual experience had taught her a lot about passion. It was intoxicating to feel the blonde's libido stirring. As much as she wanted to pull Buffy to her, she did not initiate a more intimate embrace. Faith waited.

For once, Buffy didn't think or rationalize. She just let herself feel. It took very little effort to close the distance between her and her slayer. Buffy reached up ever so slightly and kissed Faith.

Soft and slow, Faith let Buffy learn her. She savored the tentative exploration, the gentle repeated caress of lips she'd been dreaming about for years. She wanted so much to increase the pressure and slide her tongue into Buffy's mouth. Still, she waited.

At the door to the club, a group of college students entered the Bronze. Among them was college freshman, Dawn. She still lived at home, but her class schedule and friends left little time for her to spend there. Unaware of the recent events involving her sister, Dawn was surprised to see Buffy at the club. She was even more astonished to see her sister kissing another woman. As Dawn took in the scene, she felt her blood begin to boil. Strangely, it wasn't the fact that her sister was kissing a woman that galled her. It was who the woman was she was kissing. 'What is she doing here?'

The youngest Summers marched over to the couple and pushed the rogue slayer out of her sister's embrace. Before anyone could react, Dawn reached up and slapped Faith hard across the face.

"Dawn!" Buffy shouted at her sister as Faith slowly straightened back up. Faith watched the fuming young woman with no discernible expression.

"What was that for?" Buffy was frightened and furious. So many emotions that she hadn't encountered since her resurrection were bombarding her this evening. She felt raw, exposed and overwhelmed.

But Dawn stood her ground and continued to glare at Faith. "That's for my memories of you."

"S'ok, B." The dark slayer interrupted, still holding the young woman's gaze. "She's got reason."

"No, she doesn't." Buffy held onto Faith's arm to prevent the brunette from turning away. Her voice became softer, almost pleading with Faith to stay. "She had no right..." Faith broke eye contact with Dawn and turned regretful eyes toward Buffy.

Buffy turned on her sister, her own anger rising to the surface. "What in the hell's the matter with you?!"

"What in the hell's the matter with you?!" Dawn shot back. "That was Faith for god's sake!"

Buffy was at a loss. Of course her sister was upset. She hadn't thought to tell her about Faith's return.

"Dawn, wait!" Tara called after her retreating back. Going after the young woman, neither Buffy nor Willow stopped her.

Willow shook her head at the sweeping range of emotions she'd just witnessed. She felt now more then ever that her lover had been right about Faith and Buffy. No big shock there. Tara had an extraordinary way of reading people. But what she hadn't expected was the reaction of the dark slayer to Dawn's tirade. The young woman had slapped her in front of a crowd, but she'd not reacted at all to the affront. Faith had remained calm. No anger, no violence, no retaliation. If anything, Willow thought Faith had appeared sad. She had to admit that she'd had doubts about Faith despite Tara's intuition. But those reservations melted away as her heart accepted the change in the dark slayer.

"How could you?" Dawn stopped and whirled back at Tara. "You knew she was here!"

"How could you let her anywhere near Buffy?" Dawn flared. "After everything she put her through."

"Come on, Dawn. Faith has spent the last three years in prison. She almost lost her life stopping an apocalypse in LA." Tara drew near Dawn. "She's here to help. And I think Buffy needs her."

Dawn's expression became slightly less angry as she tried to take in what Tara was saying. "Why would Buffy need her?"

"Sweetie, you know that Buffy's been struggling ever since the resurrection." Tara now had a soothing hand on Dawn's arm. "No one's been able to get through to her. I think Faith can."

Dawn loved her sister. And she knew that she'd been unhappy for a long time. "Do you trust her?"

This is what it came down to. Trust. Dawn had endured the loss of her mother, living with her sister who was The Slayer, who had died, and Willow's spree with dark magic. Tara had been the one constant in her life. Dawn loved and trusted Tara more than she could articulate. If Tara told Dawn that she could trust Faith, then she would. But if the Wiccan was wrong and Faith let her down, Tara knew that Dawn would never trust her again. She made a difficult decision.

Tara released Dawn but kept her hands gently on her arms. "No, it doesn't. But if you make it difficult for Faith to be around, the only one who will suffer is Buffy."

As Tara followed Dawn out the door, Buffy looked across the room and saw Faith standing at the bar. Almost immediately Faith was approached by a pretty blonde who'd been sitting with a group of college coeds. She leaned close and spoke into Faith's ear, lightly brushing her fingers up and down the slayer's arm. Buffy couldn't see Faith's expression. But she did see her look down at the woman's hand, take it, and lead her to the dance floor. Not unexpected, Buffy thought. Faith could literally have asked any person in this room, male or female, to dance and they would have. Buffy was willing to wager that a majority would have also gone home with her if she'd wanted them. That was the seductiveness of Faith's natural sexuality. Add to that her incredible good looks and her innate power and who would want to resist?

The band was covering an eclectic mix of dance music. There was a variety of styles that allowed for the maximum of lustful connections.

The music's beat was driving and sensual. The coed used it well to keep her body in rhythm with Faith.

Halfway into the song, she turned and made it quite clear that she wanted to finish the dance erotically rubbing up against the sexy brunette. Faith had only to step up and her breasts, stomach and hips would be sliding all over the young woman's back and ass. It was definitely what the blonde had in mind. But to Buffy's amazement, Faith put her hands firmly on the tempting hips swaying in front of her; keeping the would-be seductress at a close, yet respectable distance.

Willow nudged Buffy. "That looks to me like a 'You can try to give me yours, but you can't have mine' message."

The song ended and the coed was leading Faith off the floor. As the singer began a sexy disco style selection, Buffy stepped up and took Faith's hand from the young woman. As she led the rogue slayer back out onto the dance floor, Buffy shot the girl a warning look in case there was any objection. There wasn't.

A smile tugged at Faith's mouth as they begin to dance. Just like when they were fighting, they fell into perfect sync. Their movements mirrored and complimented each other as if they'd practiced together for years.

Partway through the piece, Buffy also turned her back to Faith. In a matter of seconds, Faith had stepped up and embraced Buffy's slender body drawing her close. Buffy could feel Faith's breasts pressed against her back, her nipples hardening from the friction. Faith's hips continued her moves as they cupped Buffy's ass. One strong arm wrapped around Buffy, resting directly under her breasts, holding her tight. Faith put her other hand low across Buffy's pelvis. She splayed her fingers possessively above Buffy's mons, leaving no doubt that they would rather be mere inches lower. The blonde leaned her head back onto Faith's shoulder feeling the brunette's cheek against her own. They lost themselves in the music. When the song ended, Buffy turned in Faith's arms. Looking into those beautiful brown eyes, she knew that there was nothing Faith could ask of her that she wouldn't do. But if she kissed her now, Buffy didn't think she'd be able to stop.

The rogue slayer grinned. "Why Buffy Summers," she teased, "are you coming on to me?"

The blonde took Faith by the hand leading her off the dance floor. "Yes," Buffy admitted, "I am."

The two slayers approached Willow and Tara. "We're leaving." Buffy looked a little flustered, yet determined.

Faith leaned over and kissed Tara on the cheek. "'Night, T." She nodded to the redhead. "Wil."

"Yeah, that's some powerful wattage coming off those two." Willow turned and took her lover in her arms. "How about you and I go home and take advantage of that big empty house with a little wattage of our own?"

As Buffy put her coat on, Faith grabbed her leather jacket from the rack near the door. They headed out of the club and around the corner to where the motorcycles were parked. Buffy stopped short. "You've got to be kidding."

"Nope." Faith replied as she mounted a new Harley and started to back it out of the parking space. Seeing Buffy's hesitation, she ran her hand down Buffy's leg. "Ah, come on, B. Just think of it as the first time you'll have me nestled between your legs."

Buffy could feel the blush creeping up her face at the comment. But she could also feel a smoldering heat between her legs at the promise of what the comment implied. She mounted the bike and molded herself tightly up against Faith.

It took less than ten minutes to reach Faith's hotel. Dismounting from the motorcycle, Buffy watched the brunette lean it on its kickstand.

"Faith." Buffy touched Faith on the shoulder. "I haven't done this in a long time."

The brunette swung her leg over the front of the bike. She sat on the seat sideways looking up at Buffy and grasped both her hands. "S'ok, B. I kinda stopped bringing people home to share the sheets. So it's been a little while for me too."

"Really?" Buffy looked somewhat unconvinced. She knew her fellow slayer could have anyone she wanted, 24/7. Sex had always been Faith's constant companion. "Why?"

The dark beauty stood up and wrapped her arms around Buffy. She pulled her close and looked into her eyes with an openness that took Buffy's breath away. "Cuz none of them were ever you."

Buffy involuntarily leaned back at the subtle yet revealing admission. But the implications of what Faith had said got lost as the rogue slayer brought her lips down possessively onto Buffy's. It was a kiss that at first appeared to be gentle. Yet it was constant and demanding. There wasn't the patience that Faith had displayed at the Bronze. It was all fire and need. As Faith's tongue sought entrance, all of Buffy's apprehension disappeared.

Faith continued to kiss Buffy as they stumbled toward the hotel side door. She didn't stop as she fumbled with the card key. They continued the few steps to Faith's room. Buffy moved down to Faith's neck, nibbling and kissing her as she opened the door. As soon as they were inside, Buffy immediately began trying to push Faith's jacket off her shoulders.

"Hey, slow down, B." Faith said as she took off of her jacket. "We got all night."

Faith relished being the lover in control. She liked being on top. But the hunger in Buffy's voice and in her eyes was something she could understand. She postponed the image of slowly lowering Buffy's blouse down her shoulders for another time. They lifted each other's shirts off. Buffy hurriedly unsnapped Faith's bra and discarded it. She sighed deeply as her hands immediately cupped the beautiful mounds. Faith undid Buffy's bra as the blonde fondled her. When they were both topless, Faith embraced Buffy. The feel of skin on skin was electrifying for them both.

Buffy maneuvered Faith over to the bed and sat her down. Buffy slipped her shoes and socks off quickly, then she dropped her slacks and panties to the floor. Faith had removed her boots and socks and stood up. She paused for a moment to admire Buffy's supple body. Her hesitation was more than Buffy could stand. She unzipped Faith's leathers and slipped the offending item down her body. As the brunette stepped out of her pants, Buffy practically tackled her. She landed on top of the sexy slayer, her knee parting Faith's legs.

This was not what Faith had imagined all those nights she'd spent alone. She had fantasized about how Buffy's tongue would taste as she sucked on it. About what it would feel like to have lover's nipple in her mouth. About how many fingers Buffy would want inside her as she came or how many orgasms her clit could handle in one night. All those imaginings disappeared as they ran their hands all over each other's bodies. Buffy's fingers traveled extensively over Faith's breasts, her toned stomach, hips and thighs. Faith countered with hands that roamed up and down Buffy's back and fondled her ass. The intimate contact ignited a lustful burning in both slayers. With their thighs pressing up between each other's legs, something, someone, had to give.

Buffy stopped for a moment and whispered softly into Faith's ear. "Let me." She drew back slightly to look into Faith's eyes. "Please."

Surrender never felt so sweet to the dark slayer. She tilted her head back and closed her eyes. The blonde's lips lightly caressed the exposed pulse point on Faith's neck. Buffy's hand swept down the lovely torso to where her thigh had been between Faith's legs. She wanted to own Faith and she wanted to own her now. Sliding through wetness, she entered the rogue slayer with determined fingers. Buffy's penetrations eagerly reached deep inside. Faith gasped at the invasion but reacted immediately, rocking her hips in rhythm with Buffy's frantic thrusts. No waiting, no hesitation. Buffy kissed Faith hard as the first orgasm hit the rogue slayer. The quick intense burst caught Faith off guard. "Damn, B." Faith tried to communicate, but Buffy cut her off. "Shhhh..." She licked Faith's lower lip, then gently nibbled at it. "More," she whispered, before letting her tongue slide into Faith's mouth. "I want more."

Faith was desperate to get her hands and mouth on Buffy's body. Yet right now she wanted to give Buffy whatever she needed. "Then come get me, baby." She murmured into Buffy's ear. "It's all for you..."

The blonde slayer grasped Faith and kissed her hard again. Faith welcomed the strength and the passion. Buffy's hand spread her legs further and Faith felt insistent fingers enter her once more. She fell in sync with the searching penetration, feeling the heat and magic coursing through her again. Faith urgently wanted to give Buffy everything she possessed; still she tempered her response so as not to overwhelm her lover.

"Don't hold back, Faith." Buffy implored, feeling her hesitance. "I need to have all of you." Another intensely erotic wave began to surge through Faith as the implications of what Buffy meant permeated her mind. After all the countless nights of nameless sex, she finally had a lover with whom she could let herself go completely. At last, she was with someone who could handle all of her power. Someone who wouldn't be broken or battered by her strength. The mere thought was intoxicating. One she had never allowed herself to entertain. The experience of totally feeling everything that was inside of her. The kind of freedom that only another slayer could provide.

Buffy descended Faith's body. Everywhere she touched was responsive, soft, yet muscular. She spread Faith's legs even wider and slipped her body between them. She started low, kissing and nipping at the inside of Faith's knees. She traveled upward learning every inch of the satiny skin inside Faith's thighs. She could feel the muscles quiver under her lips. She stopped at the apex of her lover's legs. The scent arousing Buffy even more than she already was. She turned her head to the left and latched her mouth onto the delicate skin so near Faith's center. Faith could feel Buffy sucking gently at first on the tender skin of her upper thigh. But the pressure increased and she knew that Buffy was marking her. Normally Faith would never have let anyone mark her. But Buffy already possessed her completely. A small brand would make no difference now.

Later, Buffy lay on top of Faith as the dark slayer tried to get her vital signs to return to normal. The blonde had pushed her to her limits with strong fingers, a sensual mouth and a determined tongue. Faith had lost count of the orgasms. But as sated as she was, the ache to touch Buffy won out.

Flipping her slender lover on her back, Faith grinned down at her. Drawing her fingers across the blonde's jaw line, down her neck, and palming her breast, Faith brought her lips feather-light against Buffy's ear.

Buffy sighed at the multiple sensations Faith was eliciting from her body and mind. "Faith…. I…."

"5 years." Faith sucked gently on Buffy's earlobe. "3 months." She kissed down Buffy's neck and chest to softly breathe over her right nipple. "28 days." Faith spread compliant thighs apart with her knee. "9 hours." She moved to position herself between Buffy's legs. "35 minutes." The lustful slayer gently parted the downy hair that hide Buffy's treasures. "14 seconds." She breathed in the subtle scent and gazed down at the silken folds that she was about to have the pleasure of savoring. "And counting..."

Buffy's hips lifted involuntarily trying to get closer to the sexy mouth whispering to her in that sultry voice. "Faith...please..."

Faith smiled as she heard the passionate pleading in her lover's voice. She immediately attached her mouth over the folds already slick with Buffy's readiness. "I'm here, baby." Faith murmured as she nuzzled the blonde curls. "I'm here."

Faith snaked her tongue over Buffy's center in strong and possessive patterns. Buffy was already ravenous. And Faith knew it wouldn't take much to take her lover where she so desperately wanted her to go. She brought two fingers close to Buffy's heated entrance and slipped them in easily. Reaching as far as she could, Faith's thrusts complemented the stimulation her tongue was lavishing on Buffy's sensitive clit.

"Oh god... Faith... oh my god..." The sensations were overpowering and Buffy responded almost immediately with an earth-shattering climax. Trying to catch her breath, Buffy expected Faith to slow down and let her rest. But Faith had waited for years to be the center of Buffy's passion. And she had no intention of letting her lover off so easily. Soon Buffy recognized that the subtle sensuous attention continued. She cried out Faith's name over and over as she eventually succumbed again.

Faith withdrew her fingers from inside Buffy and slid them down through the abundant wetness to stroke her puckered back opening. She massaged the tight skin and added a slight amount of pressure. When Buffy gasped slightly and then relaxed, Faith knew that she could have everything Buffy had to offer. Some images of the many things they would do to each other quickly flashed through her mind. She returned her fingers to Buffy's still eager clit and feverish tunnel. While the dark slayer eagerly concentrated on her body again, Buffy climaxed a third crushing time.

As her lover collapsed back down on the bed, Faith crawled up and covered Buffy's body lightly with her own. She held herself up and rained soft kisses on Buffy's lips, neck, breasts, shoulders, and ears. Trying to convince herself that the woman recovering beneath her was not a dream. That she was not merely the wishful thinking Faith had been doing forever.

The women rested against each other for what may have been minutes or hours. Eventually Buffy's hands began to wander over Faith's body until a sexual rapture consumed them both all over again.

Hours later, a barely rising sun cast a faint light on the two slayers. Buffy was lying on her side, her head leaning on her hand watching her lover. Faith was on her back still asleep. Buffy brushed her fingertips over the slayer's smooth skin. She wondered if she'd ever be able to get enough of the silkiness of Faith's firm body. Faith stirred under her touch. She opened her eyes, slightly surprised to find Buffy still with her.

Faith smiled up at her. With a whispered "Hey" she pulled the blonde down into a soft kiss. Buffy continued the gentle intimacy by smoothing her lips down the silken neck Faith presented to her.

"So." Buffy murmured against the tender skin over Faith's pulse. "You gonna tell me why you're here now?"

Faith brought Buffy up to look at her. "I woulda thought it was obvious by now. But since you're still askin', I'm here to be with you. To help you, B., to fight by your side." Faith paused and mentally braced herself. "And if you'll let me, I'm here to love you."

Buffy was obviously stunned at the revealing admission. Faith was telling her that she loved her?

Faith thought Buffy looked as though she couldn't comprehend what she had just said. "I love you, B." She wanted to make it perfectly clear. "It's always been you."

Buffy's only response was to lean down and kiss Faith gently. Her hands continued their exploration of Faith's body. But this touching wasn't the frantic search and possession that had pushed their sexual interactions through the night. In the delicate morning light, there was a soft and slow discovery; with attention to detail, revelations of emotions, and the worshipping of two beautiful bodies. For the moment, intense passion was set aside for the sake of learning and loving each other.

That evening Faith rode up to the Summers' house. Buffy heard the motorcycle and was waiting for Faith at the door. Faith took off her jacket while she kissed Buffy. Afterward she hung it on the coat hook and turned to her lover. She was dressed in her usual black leather pants. But she wore a tight white tank top that had the words "U Slay Me" written at an angle across her chest.

Faith looked down at her chest. "Oh, it was a little going away present from Fred."

Buffy stepped closer to Faith and began to trace the letters displayed on her chest. The "U" started very near Faith's right nipple.

Dawn was in the kitchen and froze at the sound. It took a moment for her to realize what it was. It had been so long since she'd heard her sister laugh out loud. She quietly looked around the corner into the living room to see what could have caused her sister's amusement.

She found Buffy being held by Faith. Her sister's eyes were closed and her head was resting on Faith's chest. She had such a look of contentment on her face. Faith's head rested on top of Buffy's. While Dawn watched, the rogue slayer moved to kiss the blonde's hair before resting her head down on top of Buffy's again. Dawn returned to the kitchen. Tara had told her to trust Faith. She made a decision to try to accept the woman who could give her sister such peace and make her laugh again.

For several days Buffy spent practically all her time with Faith. They went slaying every night. They slept either at Faith's hotel or in Buffy's room. Buffy couldn't remember when she'd felt so alive. At times Faith puzzled and exasperated her. But Faith also amused and excited her. She challenged her to live and Buffy knew without a doubt that Faith loved her. For the first time since even before her death and resurrection, Buffy felt whole.

A few weeks later, Faith arrived at the Summers home slightly before she was to meet Buffy. She was hoping to catch Dawn at home. She wanted to try and spend a little more time with the young woman. To try and bridge the gap she still felt between them.

When she climbed the porch her slayer's senses went into overdrive. The door was ajar and she could detect the essence of demon activity inside. The room was in chaos as if there had been a struggle. When Faith saw Dawn's purse on the floor, her blood ran cold. Near it she saw what looked to be parchment paper. The writing on the paper was obscenely neat and beautifully scripted. Completely at odds with what it said. Dawn was being held in some caverns near the outskirts of Sunnydale. The slayer was to come alone or the young woman would be horribly killed. The author would give the slayer until 5pm. Faith looked up at the clock. It was already 4:40pm. She tucked the note into her jeans and ran for her bike.

Dawn was frightened. She didn't understand why the demons had brought her here. The witch, who was setting up some kind of crystal on a pedestal, had told her nothing. She sat on the floor of the cavern and waited silently.

Suddenly from the tunnel leading to the outside, there was a commotion and cries of pain. Almost immediately, Faith was standing at the entrance to the cavern. The witch greeted her calmly.

Faith glanced at Dawn, who seemed to be restrained with some kind of glowing neon bindings around her wrists, ankles, and neck. She then turned an angry glower back at the woman across the room.

"I think not, Slayer." The witch replied confidently. "As you can see, I have something you value." She intimated, pointing to Dawn. "Your sister's life."

Faith walked over to Dawn, while keeping an eye on her captor. Squatting by Dawn's side, she asked quietly. "Are you alright?"

"Hmm." The witch moved away from the pedestal. "Let's see, why would I want the Slayer here and at my mercy?" Faith continued to glare at her, clearly not amused at the riddle. "You, Slayer." She stated. "I want you. Your strength, your life force."

"Oh, I think it will." The witch's voice was almost silky. "You see, I know I can't take it from you. But I think I can persuade you to give up your life force willingly." The witch looked pointedly at Dawn. "Because if you don't, I'll kill your sister." The witch smiled in a way that made Dawn's skin crawl. "And I assure you I can, before you could ever make a move to stop me."

Faith stepped in front of Dawn. She had an instinctive feeling that the witch was telling the truth. Considering the magical restraints that were now holding Dawn, Faith had no doubt that the witch could kill a human before she could prevent it.

"Yes." The witch agreed. "Once you consent to willingly put your hands on this crystal, I won't need her." The witch waved a hand as if to dismiss the useless mortal. "She was merely the bait to get you here. She means nothing to me."

The neon bonds holding Dawn disappeared. Faith helped her up. Seeing Faith's resolve, Dawn tried to appeal to her. "Don't do this…"

Faith kept her hands on Dawn's arms. "Listen to me. This is who I was chosen to be. I was born to protect people and to fight against evil like this. There were times when I lost sight of that. But it's who I am now."

"I know that. And I love her." Faith admitted. "I'll always love her. But I can't allow anything to happen to you when there's something I can do to stop it. If I did, my life would mean nothing to her. There would be no going back from that."

Dawn wrapped her arms around Faith and hugged her tightly. The dark slayer returned the embrace and said softly into Dawn's ear. "Now go. I'll be alright."

Faith released her and turned to face the witch. The neon manacles that had been holding Dawn now materialized around Faith's wrists. "Just a precaution." The witch warned. "Now come here." As Faith approached the pedestal, Dawn moved quickly out of the cavern. She rushed out into the early evening light and started to run.

Buffy was pacing the living room when Willow and Tara arrived home. They could see that the downstairs was in disarray from some kind of struggle. "Dawn's gone!" Buffy was frantic. "And I can't find Faith either!"

"Buffy, calm down." Willow stopped the agitated slayer's movement. "If Dawn is with Faith, she's safe."

"Well, if its vampires or demons, Faith can easily handle them." Tara interjected trying to placate her upset friend.

In moments, the witches had the Sunnydale map spread out on the table. Willow mixed a potion of multi-colored powders together and poured a measure into Tara's hands. As they cast the spell, both witches tossed the contents of their hands onto the map. Almost immediately the caverns near the edge of town drew a concentration of the powders. That area of the map began to glow intensely. "Massive unnatural activity going on out there." Willow admitted.

Fifteen minutes into the drive toward the caverns, the car's headlights picked up a figure running along the side of the road. In the twilight, the women recognized a frightened, disheveled Dawn. As the car screeched to a stop, Buffy jumped out and grabbed her sister.

Dawn was having trouble talking. Her heart was pounding and her breath was coming out in short painful gasps. "A w-witch." She stammered. "She has Faith." More labored breathing. "She's going to kill her."

The women piled back into the car and Willow gunned the vehicle toward the caverns.

Faith's heart ached. Her mind flashed on the future she would now never have with Buffy. She knew that Dawn's safety was the most important thing. But she grieved to know that after she was gone, Buffy would once again be alone. Reaching out she put both hands on the empty orb.

Almost immediately the globe began to fluoresce. Sparkles of little bright lights appeared in the middle of Faith's chest. They traveled down her arms, through her hands and into the crystal ball. That was when the anguish started. Faith gritted her teeth as she felt a fierce burning throughout her body. It felt as though her insides were being ripped apart. It was becoming increasingly difficult for her to breath. She'd never in her life felt such pain.

"That's it, Slayer." The witch cooed, also placing her hands on the crystal. The sparkles of light began to leave the ball and travel up the witch's arms where they disappeared into the middle of her chest. "Give me everything."

Willow's car came to a grinding halt at the entrance to the caverns Dawn had pointed out. Demons came out of the cave to block their entry. But Buffy dispatched them with hardly a backward glance. As she cleared the way, Buffy could feel the warm connection with Faith fading. She was extremely close and yet Buffy could barely feel her.

They entered the cavern to see the witch basking in Faith's life source. The dark slayer was on her knees, her hands still glued to the crystal ball that was draining her. Buffy could see the agony etched on her face.

The sinister woman orchestrating Faith's death smiled at the entering liberators. "Well, what do we have here, reinforcements?" The witch practically purred with loathsome confidence. "Witches to the rescue. How sweet."

Tara caught Willow's eye. "I'll take Faith." Willow nodded. Tara, Buffy and Dawn moved to the fallen brunette.

Looking at the dying slayer, Willow could feel the anger quickly building up inside her. There had been a time when she couldn't control that rage. But that was long ago. She now used it as a catalyst to tap into the wealth of power she possessed.

"You can't stop me, witch," taunted the malevolent being. "I have the slayer's strength."

"Well, we've got something more powerful than that, you bitch." Willow countered. "We have the slayer's heart."

The witch shot out a bolt of power that knocked Willow across the cavern. Willow's eyes darkened as she stood up and shot back with a force of her own. The witch was thrown a distance away from the pedestal.

Buffy grabbed Faith from behind. "Buffy, no!" Tara stopped her. "Don't move her. She has to stay in contact with the globe." Buffy supported the now unconscious Faith against her chest while Tara began to chant softly. The sparkles of light in the glass stopped their movement and then slowly began to swirl. Gradually they reversed direction and began traveling back up Faith's arms. Tara made a circular motion with her arm and drew a transparent curtain around them and the pedestal.

Outside the protective cloak, Willow was going head to head with the witch enhanced with the slayer's strength. It was fairly even so far. Willow's innate power held a slight advantage against this moderately competent demonic witch whose magic was getting a boost from Faith's life force.

When the globe was empty of light, Faith's hands were automatically released from the crystal. She fell back into Buffy's arms, hardly breathing. Tara looked into Buffy's eyes. "It may not have been enough."

Tara turned to where her lover was engaged in a battle of magical wills. She knew that Willow was powerful, brilliant, and at times charged with emotion. She'd seen her lover's magical potency escalate when her anger at the thought of losing Faith had kicked in. Willow needed an extra push now.

The redhead felt another surge of emotion shoot through her. The determination to not lose the rogue slayer heightened her powers yet again. She encased the witch in glowing red magical shackles. The demon struggled, but could not break free. Willow came over and stood in front of her. Suddenly she plunged her hand into the demon's chest. The evil witch howled in rage. When Willow withdrew her hand, it contained a circular measure of dense sparkle lights. The wicked witch dropped to the ground. Willow crossed the cavern and knelt down next to her lover. Carefully giving the luminescent sphere to Tara, she asked. "Will this help?"

Tara took the glowing orb and turned to Buffy who was still holding the motionless slayer in her arms. "Hold it against her heart, Buffy." Tara instructed. "Concentrate on your slayer's connection." Buffy held the orb against Faith's chest and focused on the potent bond she shared with her lover. Tara began to chant again. The sparkle lights started to disappear into Faith's body. In addition, Tara could detect Buffy's transfer of some of her own strength. Tara didn't know if it was something Buffy did consciously or if it was a side effect of the spell. But she knew that it could only help Faith to recover.

Willow turned to the now helpless witch from another dimension. "You don't belong here." With a wave of her hand, she opened a portal that would normally have taken her minutes, if not hours, to do. But Willow was still charged by her emotions. The evil being screamed in frustration as Willow pushed her though and slammed the portal closed. She turned back to her family.

Faith had not awakened. But she seemed to be merely sleeping now. Buffy ran her fingers through her lover's hair and softly down her cheek. She stood up and quietly left the room.

In the living room the two witches looked up anxiously as Buffy came down the stairs. "Still asleep?" Willow asked.

"Hey." Willow interrupted. "We're a team." Willow put her hands over Buffy's. "We save each other one way or another every day. Some days are just a little more exciting than others." Tara's smile confirmed her agreement.

Buffy went to sleep that night holding Faith possessively in her arms. She knew now that she'd be truly lost without her. She couldn't begin to imagine the pain she'd be going though if Faith had died. She realized that Faith did know how awful that kind of loss felt. 'How did she survive that?' Buffy wondered. Not for the first time did she consider that of the two of them, Faith might definitely be the stronger.

"Hmm, guess you are feeling better." Buffy smiled and kissed her again. "Need anything?"

After Buffy left the room, Dawn stuck her head through the partially opened door. "Can I come in?"

Dawn smiled. "I'll never understand what that means." She looked down at her hands. "I just wanted to thank you for saving my life. I know you didn't have to. And that you did it for Buffy…."

"Hey." Faith tilted Dawn's chin up slightly so that the young woman would have to look into her eyes. "I know I haven't been here long and that we haven't had much of a chance to get to know each other. But I know that you're an important part of this family. And no one's ever gonna hurt you. Not as long as I'm around. Got that?"

Buffy was standing in the doorway as Dawn left the room. She sat down on the bed and gave Faith her glass. "Interesting talk?"

"That's right, slayer." Buffy took the empty glass from Faith and leaned over her. "You get into entirely too much trouble left on your own. I think I need to keep a much closer eye on you."

Faith pulled her down and kissed her. "Wanna start keepin' a closer eye on me right now?"

"Yeah, right…" Buffy rose up and smirked down at her lover. "You haven't got the strength yet."

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Lost Without Her

by My Osage

Copyright © 2003

Myosage@aol.com