Loss and Love by Elisabeth

Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: I claim no ownership over these characters. I am merely borrowing them from Joss et al.
Distribution: Willow's Dragony Dreams: http://www.dragonydreams.com/
The Mystic Muse: http://mysticmuse.net
Spoilers: Post-Chosen.
Feedback: Yes, please.
Author's Note: Written for Gwynnega's Willow/Giles Ficathon: For Lostgirlslair.
Pairing: Willow/Giles

Summary: Willow takes Giles out to help him get over a break up.

That is how long Giles had been maintaining his current routine. To some a month would not be a very long time. To others it could seem like forever. To Rupert Giles, it was both, simultaneously.

The event to spark his current situation had occurred two weeks earlier with the arrival of the redheaded witch who had once been his charge. The beautiful young woman he had watched grow from a shy, awkward teenager to a strong, powerful, (gay), woman.

She had come to him saying that life on the road had become tiresome and she wanted to settle down around those she cared about. When asked why she wasn't settling down with her girlfriend, she politely evaded the question and he allowed her to, for the time being. It didn't take long for her to admit that she had caught her lover with another woman.

Giles began to invite her to his home more often, much to the chagrin of his girlfriend. He hadn't had a girlfriend since Jenny had died, not really. He knew that what he and Olivia had had would not have merited such a label. This is why it had hurt so much when Kathleen had broken things off with him.

According to her, he wasn't the same man he had been when she'd met him a year earlier. He seemed much happier in the last two weeks, and she knew that it wasn't because of her. When pressed for a further explanation, she shook her head and with a small, knowing smile, said that he would figure it out before long. Little did she know it would only take a month…

Giles was surprised to hear the doorbell ring as he went about preparing for his evening. He had fallen into a rather enjoyable routine over the past four weeks that did not include company. He cast a longing look back at his plans, then sighed and opened the door.

"Hey Giles," Willow greeted the older man. As she brushed past him she leaned up to press a fleeting kiss to his cheek. "I'm not interrupting anything, am I?"

Willow's voice startled him out of his shock from the kiss. He closed the door before turning to face the redhead.

Willow showed herself into Giles' study, taking in the nearly full bottle of Scotch sitting on the table beside an empty glass. Following the path Willow's eyes had taken, Giles moved to stand in front of the offending liquor.

Willow looked at him with disbelief and Giles hung his head, collapsing back into his chair. He almost reached for the Scotch, but hesitated under Willow's disapproving glare.

"I have no need to explain my actions to you," he reminder her. "I am a grown man and may mourn in any way I see fit."

"You see, this is what I was afraid of." Willow said with a sigh. "You got dumped," she added succinctly. "Well so did I, and you don't see me wallowing in alcohol."

"No," Giles agreed with a smirk, "You ran half-way across the world so that you wouldn't have to watch your ex-girlfriend with her new one."

"Is that what you really think? That I ran away?" Willow asked with wide eyes. Her lip trembled a bit as her eyes began to water.

Giles immediately felt guilty for upsetting her. His voice softened as he said, "We all cope with loss in our own way. Sometimes being around those you care about can help you past the grief."

"Exactly," Willow beamed. "And that's why I'm here. You need to be around people who care about you too."

Willow extended her hand to Giles, encouraging him to stand. Taking her soft hand in his rough one, Giles began to push himself up. Unfortunately, Willow was standing a bit too close and in order to avoid bumping heads, Giles collapsed back into the chair, inadvertently pulling Willow down onto his lap.

Willow landed with a muffled, "Oomph." Instead of immediately scrambling off his lap, as she probably should have done, Willow leaned into him, enjoying the solidity of his body beneath hers. She only allowed herself the pleasure of such close physical contact for a few moments before reluctantly pushing herself back to her feet.

Giles could only hope that he wasn't blushing. He mumbled an apology when he found himself back on the chair with Willow now sitting on him. He could almost swear that he felt her snuggle closer, but shook it off as his own desires, for there was no possible way that this beautiful, young woman would seek out his physical comfort. He had to bite back a groan of disappointment when she stood.

When Willow offered him her hand again, Giles politely declined. "I better not, unless you want to end up in my lap again."

Pausing midway to his feet, Giles eyed her curiously. He honestly couldn't tell if she were being serious or not. He could only hope that she was.

Clearing his throat, Giles said, "I believe you said something about being with people who care about me?"

Willow blushed and looked away, suddenly feeling like she was fifteen again, trying to talk to the boy she had a crush on. "Um, yeah. I decided that you've been spending too much time alone since…the break-up, so we're going out."

"Out? Are you asking me out on a date," Giles teased, knowing she only meant as friends.

"Yes, I guess I am. Would you do me the honor of accompanying me to dinner, Mr. Giles?" Willow said in her most proper voice.

"I would be honored, Miss Rosenberg," Giles responded with a slight bow. He recaptured Willow's hand and brought it to his lips. "So where are we going on our date?"

Willow sheepishly looked at him through her hair and admitted, "I hadn't thought that far ahead. London is your city – show me your favorite haunts."

Giles looked thoughtful for a moment before his face lit up. "I have just the place."

The walk to the restaurant had been comfortable. Willow eagerly talked about her new position with the new Watcher's Council, thanking Giles again for the change of venue. Her internal NSL (New Slayer Locator) was still in overdrive, new slayers popping up all over the world from her spell over a year ago. She therefore divided her time between meditating to find the new slayers, dispatching the newly trained Watchers, led by Andrew, to make contact and explain to them about their calling, and working with the coven to continue honing her magickal skills. In her spare time she helped Giles to salvage and track down any demon texts that may have been lost when the Council was blown up and transferring them onto CD-ROMs.

Giles shared with her the frustrations of trying to rebuild the Watcher's Council. He was either working with those members who had been out on assignment around the world when the headquarters had been destroyed, or training newbies. He admitted that the benefit of training a fresh generation of Watchers was that he was able to do away with many of the more dated and harmful practices (such as the Cruciamentum, and separating slayers from their families and friends) that had been encouraged under the reign of Quentin Travers and his predecessors.

Willow loved the restaurant, just as Giles had hoped that she would. It was a small, family owned and run Italian place just a few blocks from his flat. The furniture was a dark wood and the lighting low, with candles on every table. He hadn't intended to bring her somewhere with such a romantic ambience, but the food was excellent; and Giles knew Willow had a weakness for good Italian food.

After the meal, which Giles insisted on paying for despite Willow having asked him out, he suggested a walk through one of the enclosed gardens in the neighborhood. Feeling full from both the delicious food and relaxed from the wine, Willow agreed that an evening stroll sounded divine.

She accepted Giles' arm as they left the restaurant. "You have protection, right?" she casually asked as she stroked his arm with her free hand.

It took Giles a moment to figure out that she was referring to a stake, having been so caught up in the feel of her against his side and wondering what it would feel like to wake up so entangled with her in his bed.

"Ah, yes," he patted his jacket pocket, "Never leave home without it." He realized this statement would hold true for either form of protection.

"Me too," Willow agreed. She swung her purse within eyesight. "You have no idea how annoying it is to have to carry a purse big enough for a stake. Then again, when I'm feeling more stylish I just go with a pencil," she giggled.

Her giddiness from the wine was apparently contagious. "Why not a tongue depressor? Or a Popsicle stick?" Giles lightly enquired.

They arrived at the entrance to the gardens and Giles removed a set of keys from his pants pocket to unlock the gate.

"Yes. Unlike in the States, gardens are kept private, for those who live in the neighborhood."

Giles finished turning the lock and held it open for Willow enter before him. The gate clicked shut behind them, closing out the rest of the world. Willow's mouth fell open in an almost silent 'O' as she looked upon the beauty before her.

"I suppose it is to keep it in such pristine condition." Giles was lost in watching Willow's enraptured expression. She took a hesitant step forward, but stopped, apparently unsure if she were allowed to venture farther.

Placing a hand at the small of her back, Giles led Willow into the gardens. He felt her shudder under his touch as he felt the warmth of her skin through her shirt, the ends of her hair tickling the back of his hand.

"This is beautiful," Willow said in awe as they strolled along the winding path. She noted that there were benches hidden away under trees or surrounded by flowers. She could easily imagine herself curling up with a good book on a sunny afternoon. Or better yet, sitting companionably with Giles under a starry sky.

With a quick look up, Willow was happy to realize that the stars were visible, so she dragged Giles over to a bench with a clear view of the sky.

Willow insisted Giles sit first, then she joined him on the bench. However, once she was sitting she immediately twisted around and lay back with her head cushioned on Giles' thigh.

Giles blinked in surprise at the familiarity of the position. Willow had her head in his lap! While a part of him was flattered that she was so comfortable with him, he also couldn't help but imagine her head in his lap for far more lascivious reasons.

"This okay?" Willow turned her head slightly to look at him, having felt his thigh muscles tensing beneath her head. "I don't want to make you uncomfortable."

"O-of course," he stuttered, cursing himself for doing so. "I just hadn't expected to be used as a pillow."

"You make a very nice pillow," Willow said, looking back towards the sky. She closed her eyes briefly, contentment making her slightly drowsy. "I could almost fall asleep right here."

"Ah, but then you'd miss the stars," Giles said, gathering the courage to brush the hair away from her face. She was truly beautiful.

A slow smile spread across Willow's face. She opened her eyes and for a moment they locked on the soft green ones looking on her with more emotion than she had ever seen in them before. Her breath caught at the lust that could not be mistaken on his face.

"The stars are beautiful," she said in a breathy whisper. Her breath quickened and she felt the heat rise in her cheeks and she forced herself to look away.

She knew that she had always had a slight crush on Giles. From the moment she had met him he had taken on the form of the perfect man to her. Even as she learned of his shady past and vulnerabilities as a man she had only grown to admire him more.

Then, after she had killed Warren, Giles had taken her under his wing and brought her back to England with him. She had thought that he was going to punish her like a parent would punish a disobedient child, but he hadn't. Instead he had opened himself up to her like he probably hadn't ever done before to anyone in his life. He told her about his life surrounding the time of Eyghon. She was probably the only person to know the depths of his feelings and thoughts surrounding that time in his life. He understood her pain in more ways than one, and she felt herself fall a bit more under his spell.

It all came rushing back to her in this garden, reminding of her of the fields of his home in the country that he had shared with her a few years ago. He was the same strong, caring man she had always admired. And once again they were experiencing similarities in their lives.

Grabbing his arm, Willow pointed up with her other hand as she exclaimed, "Look, a shooting star. Make a wish."

Giles followed the direction she was pointing and he watched the trailing star rush across the sky. He silently made his wish, knowing that it couldn't possibly come true…Willow would never want him like that.

He felt the pleasurable weight of her head leave his leg and turned to look at the now sitting up woman beside him.

Willow pulled her bottom lip between her teeth, worrying it for a moment before shyly nodding.

"Can't say, or else it won't come true," she told him. She took a deep breath, as if trying to steel herself for something. "But I could show you. Would you like me to show you what I wished for?"

Giles hadn't seen Willow this hesitant about anything in a very long time. She was nervous, obviously wanting to show him her wish yet afraid of his reaction. He could only hope it was along the same lines as his as he said, "I would very much like to be shown your wish."

Willow nervously licked her suddenly dry lips. "I hope you like it," she mumbled as she scooted closer. She turned slightly so that one of her legs was on the bench before her. When her shin was pressed against Giles' thigh she leaned forward and pressed her lips against his.

Giles had watched Willow shift her position, bringing her body closer to his. He could feel his heart speed up as she closed the distance between them. Even though it had felt like she was moving in slow motion, he was still surprised to feel her soft lips press against his. He was unable to suppress his groan of approval and kissed her back, wrapping his arms around her.

Willow's arms slid around Giles when she felt him deepen the kiss. She hadn't expected him to respond so eagerly to her. She had hoped, of course, but never predicted that he would want to kiss her back so thoroughly.

Pulling back for some much needed air, Giles panted, "And here I thought you were going to show me your wish, not mine."

"To have you in my arms like this has always been my greatest wish," Giles admitted.

Willow scrambled off the bench and offered him her hand. "Well, what are you waiting for?"

Giles took her offered hand and brought it to his lips. "All in good time my dear." He rose to his feet and tucked Willow's hand into his arm. "We've not far to go, and I've waited far too long to rush this evening."

"When you put it that way…" Willow squeezed Giles' arm in agreement. She could hardly believe she was on her way to make love to Giles.

Each lost in their own thoughts as they moved through the busy London streets, they were before Giles' door in no time. The moment the door was unlocked, Willow was in Giles' arms again.

Her thoughts on the walk over had done nothing but increase her desire for this man. A small part of her was surprised that she was so eagerly leaping at this opportunity, as she had not been with a man since Oz. She knew that she should be questioning this, but as she stole glances at Giles she knew that it was right.

Giles had no idea what had happened to have brought Willow to him at this time in his life, but he wasn't going to question it. He had wanted her for far longer than he liked to admit, and he was not going to pass up this opportunity to love her as he had dreamed of.

The door was barely closed before Willow's hands were insistently pulling at Giles' shirt, wresting it from his pants. Capturing her eager hands, Giles reminded her, "There's no rush."

"Only that I've waited years to see you naked." Willow mumbled. "Why are you not tearing my clothes off too?"

"Because I want to savor the experience," Giles purred. Still holding her hands he began to back down a hallway. "Come with me."

Giles' lust had clouded his sense of space, unfortunately, and he missed the opening to the hallway, clipping his shoulder on the corner. Tearing his eyes away from Willow's, he glared at the offending wall, muttering under his breath, "Ow, bugger."

Willow couldn't contain her giggle at Giles' muffled swearing. "Aw, did you hurt yourself?"

"My pride more so than my body. I had been hoping to come off as dashing and suave, not a bumbling old man."

"You are far from old," Willow said, soothingly running her hand over his aching shoulder. "Show me your bedroom and I'll kiss your boo-boo and make it better."

"You don't want me to kiss it better?" Willow pouted, looking up at him through her lashes.

"Well, when you put it that way…this way, my dear." Giles continued down the hallway, this time walking face-forward.

The door to his bedroom was already open, and Giles nervously stood outside the doorway as he permitted Willow to enter before him.

Willow allowed herself a moment to look around, getting a feel for Giles' personal space, for as often as she'd been to his apartment in the past month, she'd never been in here before. The room was simply decorated with an armoire and a bureau on one wall. A queen-sized bed dominated the room, placed under the windows, negating the need for a headboard. Next to the bed was a small table with a reading lamp.

"I see you've taken a minimalist approach to bedroom design," Willow joked, turning back to look at Giles.

"Yes, well, with the study…I did not see a need for more furniture. It has all the necessities."

Moving to sit on the bed, Willow grinned slyly. "That it does." She leaned back on her elbows, motioning him forward with one hand.

"Probably around the time I started dating a slayer. It takes a lot to get one's attention."

"Don't," Willow interrupted. Sitting up, she placed a finger over his lips to silence him. "No more talk of past lovers, okay?" She searched his face for agreement. "I'm finally in your bedroom, so let's not invite others to join us."

Giles opened his mouth; not to protest, as Willow had feared, but to pull her fingers into it, caressing them with his tongue. Pulling her hand away with his, he said, "You're the only lover I want in my bed tonight."

"Just tonight?" Willow aimed for a light tone, but her fears that it would only be tonight couldn't help showing through.

"No more talking." Willow closed the remaining space between them, preventing him from saying anything else as her lips pressed firmly against his.

With Willow's kiss, all coherent thought fled from Giles' mind. His hands rose of their own volition, one settling on Willow's hip, the other threading itself through her hair. Before long, the hand on her hip began to slide under her shirt to rest on the warm flesh of her back, causing Willow to moan.

Taking his explorations as her cue, Willow's fingers found the buttons of Giles' shirt. Finding the next one by feel, she worked her way from his neck on down, before sliding her hands back up to push it off his shoulders and down his arms.

Once Willow had completed her task, Giles took advantage and pulled her top over her head. This also forced them to break their kiss, allowing some much needed air into their lungs. Panting harshly, they eagerly ran their eyes over the other's bared torso. Willow reached behind her back to unclasp her simple black bra.

Giles emitted a sound that was a cross between a gasp and a sigh as her perfectly pert breasts were revealed to his eyes. Her skin was milk white with a spattering of freckles on her shoulders. Her breasts, while on the small side, fit her body perfectly and were peaked with rosy nipples that darkened and pebbled beneath his stare.

It was the feel of Willow's nails raking over his chest that finally pulled his eyes from hers. As he had been admiring her attributes, Willow had been doing the same. Her fingers had itched to run through the rough matting of hair on Giles' chest, never having had a lover with chest hair. She could feel his firm muscles beneath the hair. Her thumbs found their way to circle his flat nipples, causing Giles to hiss in pleasure.

"What's the rush?" Willow pressed a brief kiss to his lips before working her way down to his neck. She licked and nipped at his earlobe, found the sensitive spot just behind it that caused every nerve in his body to tingle, and then moved on to continue her oral inventory of his body.

On automatic pilot, Giles' hands returned to Willow's flesh. He ran his hands through her hair, stroked her back, then moved back around to slide up her sides to her breasts. He ran his thumbs under the swell of her breasts, learning the terrain. It didn't take long for his hands to move up to completely cover the soft mounds of flesh, experimenting with their weight and resiliency.

"I need to taste you," Giles panted. He removed his glasses, tossing them on the bedside table before pressing Willow to lay down. Lying on his side, Giles lowered his head to place a kiss in the valley between her breasts. Willow's sigh was all the encouragement he needed before taking the nearest breast into his mouth, suckling her nipple.

Willow arched into Giles' mouth, her fingers finding their way into his soft hair. She writhed under his insistent suckling, his fingers plucking at the breast he wasn't feasting on.

"I said so, didn't I?" There was only a slight hint of annoyance at his need for confirmation.

Giles pressed his lips to her belly before finding the button on her pants and opening it. Her zipper soon followed. Giles slipped off the end of the bed, grasping the waistband of her pants and underwear.

Willow raised her hips, allowing Giles to slide the material down her smooth legs. He had to pause to remove her low boots before he could pull the clothing away completely.

Gathering his courage, Giles raised his eyes to gaze upon Willow in all her naked glory. Her hair was cascading onto the bed from where she was propped up on her elbows as she intently watched him with lust-glazed eyes. Her chest rose and fell with each rapid breath Willow took, drawing Giles' eyes to the breasts he had recently been feasting on. On down her flat belly, his eyes ran, to undiscovered territory. A neatly trimmed patch of red hair pointed the way to his ultimate goal. "You're positively breathtaking," he reverently said.

"You just gonna look," Willow silkily asked, brushing her knee against his chest in invitation.

"Oh, I think not," Giles responded huskily. He shifted until he was between her legs. His hands settled on her thighs, lovingly caressing her smooth flesh from knee to belly.

Giles merely chuckled as he lowered his face between her legs. He gently exhaled against her folds, sending a shiver of delight up Willow's spine. Instead of licking her, as he assumed she'd been expecting, Giles placed a kiss on her inner thigh. He placed an identical kiss on her other thigh before kissing his way over her hipbone and to her belly.

"Wh-Where are you going?" Willow whined as she felt Giles moving back up her body.

"Not going anywhere," he promised, sitting back on the bed so that he could continue moving his kisses up her body.

"But…" Willow's protest trailed off when Giles ran his fingers lightly over her nether lips before dipping between her folds. He sank one finger deep inside her as his thumb took up residence with her clit.

Giles added a second finger to his ministrations as he completed his journey north, taking Willow's mouth in a passionate kiss. Willow enthusiastically kissed him back, winding one hand into his short hair, the other returning to play with his chest.

Willow writhed under Giles' skillful mouth and hand. When he brushed against her g-spot, again, she pulled out of the kiss to wordlessly proclaim her climax. Giles continued to stroke her through her release, albeit at a much more leisurely pace.

Giles subtly pressed his hips into the bed, hoping to find a bit of relief for the erection that was beginning to become a bit painful in its intensity. He had never seen such an erotic sight as Willow cumming, and he had seen many women cum in his time.

Catching his movement, Willow sat up, pushing Giles onto his back. She didn't even bother to try to contain her giggle at his startled expression as she attacked his jeans, practically ripping the material in her haste to rid him of it.

Giles wolfishly grinned as he complied. It had been a while since a woman had taken any kind of control during sex with him.

Willow removed his jeans and boxers together, much as he undressed her. She sucked in a breath when she looked upon his naked form, one part in particular. She knew her judgment could be off since it had been so long since she had been with an aroused, naked man, but Giles looked pretty big to her eyes.

"See something you like," he leered, knowing that he probably looked huge to her eyes.

Nodding silently, Willow reached out to touch him. She carefully stroked his length, rubbing the moisture seeping from the tip into his skin.

"Willow, love, come here," Giles pleaded, knowing he wouldn't be able to stand much more of that delicious torment.

Willow swung her leg over his hip, settling over Giles' erection. His eyes went wide as he realized what she was about to do.

"Don't need it," Willow said. She placed one hand at the base of his shaft, holding him steady as she slowly lowered her body onto him. She grit her teeth at the unaccustomed girth filling her, but made no move to slow the process or withdraw. She took a moment to rest when she finally sat against his thighs with him fully sheathed inside her.

Giles allowed her a minute to adjust before his need grew too great to remain motionless. He gently raised his hips, pressing deeper into her. Willow's head fell back, her hair tickling his knees, as she let out a low moan.

Straightening up, Willow began to raise and lower her hips, just an inch or so at first before being able to move more freely. Giles was now able to meet her thrusts with his own counter-thrusts.

Willow leaned down to recapture his mouth, her hair curtaining their heads, trapping the scent of sweat and sex between them. Giles' hands moved from her hips to brush the hair back off her face.

When they paused for breath he panted, "Have I told you how glad I am that you've grown your hair long again?" He lovingly caressed her hair. "I've always loved your long hair."

Grinning, Willow pressed another kiss to his lips. "No, you haven't, but I'm glad you like it."

Wrapping the strands around his fingers, Giles brought her head even closer. "Oh, I like it very much, indeed." Any comment Willow could have wanted to make was lost in his kiss.

Disentangling his hands from her hair, Giles slid them down Willow's back until the rested on her hips again. Once he had a good purchase on her, he smoothly rolled them over and grinned down at Willow's shocked expression.

As fun as Willow's leisurely pace had been, Giles needed something a bit more, being as close as he was to release. He steadily increased his pace, driving them both towards climax. Sensing he was a bit closer than Willow, having not cum yet that night, Giles lowered a hand to begin teasing Willow's clit.

Willow could feel the tension in Giles' body, as well as see the concentration on his face, as he tried to withhold his impending orgasm. Knowing she was close as well, Willow brought his face down to her breast, encouraging him to take it into his mouth; which he eagerly did.

The taste of Willow's flesh was one stimulant too many, and Giles roared Willow's name as he flooded her with his release. The feel of his body jerking inside her, followed swiftly by the wash of his orgasm sent Willow spiraling right along with him.

"Gi-Gile-Rupert," she cried out, digging her nails into his back as her entire body shuddered from her climax.

They lay together panting for many long minutes as they regained control of their bodies. With a groan, Giles rolled to lie next to his lover, who curled into him.

"It's been so long…I'd forgotten…that was fantastic," Willow said, looking up into Giles' shining eyes.

"You've dreamed about this?" Willow asked, brushing her hair purposefully across his chest.

"Of course I have," she agreed. "You don't think this just happened out of the blue, do you?"

"Mine too." Willow snuggled closer to him, smiling at the fate that brought her back to England, and more importantly, to Giles.

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Loss and Love

by Elisabeth

Copyright © August 2004

dragonydreams@yahoo.com