You've Gotta Have Faith

By Annabella

'Where do I go from here?'' Buffy thought to herself as she walked along the street alone. The streets of Sunnydale were abandoned. No normal person would be out this late, but of course Buffy wasn't normal. ''Never have been, never will be,'' she thought to herself.

She knew none of the Scoobies were going to come looking for her tonight. After her heart wrenching confession to them earlier, she knew she was safe. No talking, no touchy feely bullshit consisting of "We didn't know," and "We just wanted you back," and the best of all "We love you."

Buffy knew she loved them too, but she couldn't feel it. It was in her heart, but that was a place she couldn't reach right now. She sometimes wondered if it was even there. She could live without love, just as long as the pain stayed away too. It wasn't too bad a trade off, as far as she was concerned.

"I'd rather not feel at all," Buffy said to herself, out loud.

She thought it would be Spike. Buffy was sure he was the one who was going to open her up. But the feel of his cold lips against hers just left her…well…the same. She turned and walked away from him wordlessly. No need to bruise his ego then, that talk would most definitely come later. But for now Buffy continued her stroll down the deserted streets.

Out of the corner of her eye she saw the bright sign of the liquor store. ''What the hell,'' she thought as she headed inside.

"What can I do you for miss?" The old clerk asked her.

"How about a bottle of Jack Daniels, and why don't you throw in a pack of cigarettes?"

"Rough night?" He asked her. She couldn't tell if he was making small talk, or if he was genuinely concerned. She didn't care either way.

"You could say that," she said, noncommittally.

"You watch yourself out there little girl," he said putting her items into a bad, "it's not safe for anyone to be walking around alone." She just shrugged her shoulders and headed for the door. "Be sure you don't get yourself killed."

She stopped and turned around, her back against the door. "Oh I'm not afraid to be killed, you see on the contrary, I'd welcome death," she said, "I've got better things to do than live." With that she backed out of the door and left.

Buffy decided to head down to the docks. 'For old time's sake' she assured herself.

They were pretty deserted as of lately. It seemed like all of Sunnydale was trying to keep out of her way.

'Smart people,'' she thought as she took a big swallow of the whiskey. She could feel it burn all the way down her throat until it spread across her chest. She sat down on a crate next to a warehouse that overlooked the water, and lit up a cigarette. She took a long drag before slowly exhaling and making a smoke ring. She could feel the nicotine running straight to her brain and making her dizzy and nauseous. It reminded her of Faith. The smells, the feelings, all of it. Faith, and the night she taught her how to make a smoke ring.

Buffy shook her head and smiled at the memory. If only she knew then how it was going to play out. She thought about the knife sliding into Faith's stomach. "You did it. You killed me." Buffy lowered her head into her hand, trying to erase the memory.

"Guess we never can know what the future is going to hold for us, do we B?" Buffy didn't even turn around. She knew it was Faith. She could sense her.

"It's about time you showed. I've been waiting."

"Yeah well sorry, you know how I like to be fashionably late," Faith said as she sat down next to Buffy.

"So slayer dream I'm assuming, seeing as how you're still in the big house."

"Keen observation B, you're not completely out of touch I see," Faith said as she took the cigarette out of Buffy's hand.

"Well I'd rather be dreaming than living…"

"Cause living's just too hard to do…" Faith said, finishing the song lyric. "Good song, but hits a little too close to home." Buffy just slightly nodded at Faith, and returned to staring at the water.

"Damn girl, how much of this shit did you drink," Faith remarked picking up the almost empty bottle.

"Well obviously enough to knock me out so I can be here with you," Buffy replied.

Faith smiled at Buffy. "Aww B, it means a lot that you'd get totally shitfaced just to spend time with the likes of me," Faith said half jokingly. "Drowning away the world?"

"Something like that," Buffy mumbled before she took another drink. Faith decided to let it go.

"Well you know, you could save yourself the hangover and just come visit me in prison."

"Well I could," Buffy said, "But then I'd have to see you in that jumpsuit, and orange is so not your color." She was beginning to remember how much she used to enjoy her and Faith's verbal sparring.

"Fuck you B," Faith said laughing, "I look hot in that jumpsuit"

"Is that what the berthas in there tell you?"

"Fuck that," Faith said with a sneer. "I've been like a goddamn nun in that place."

"Aww Faith, what happened to 'get some get gone'?" Buffy asked, mocking concern. At this point, she actually understood the girl's separation of sex and emotion.

Faith avoided Buffy's eyes. "It's just well…things are different now. I've been thinking about looking for one of those relationship type things. Kind of like you and Angel, even though it pissed me off to see it."

That was it. Sorry folks, time to head home because Buffy Summers was closed for the evening. Faith struck entirely too close to a nerve. Buffy scoffed at the thought of Angel, and how innocent she'd been back then. She'd put everything she had into that relationship, or as he called it, their freak show. There was no fucking way she'd ever do that again. She wasn't capable.

"Hey B, you in there?" Faith could sense she had lost Buffy over some unseen edge.

"Oh yeah, sorry," Buffy said with a weak smile, "I was just daydreaming."

"You were daydreaming inside a dream. Is that possible?"

"Guess so."

The girls just sat there in the quiet. Faith took one of Buffy's cigarettes and lit it. The good thing about dream smoking, no harm no foul.

Faith sat there as the silenced loomed around her and started getting angrier. She was sick of the sad puppy act Buffy was putting on. Frustrated, she flicked her cigarette into the water.

"B, what the hell is wrong with you?" Buffy wasn't surprised at the outburst. She could almost hear Faith fuming next to her. "You've been so fucking mopy for so goddamn long. Why don't you just fucking pull yourself out of it 'cause it's getting old pretty damn fast."

Buffy just got up and began to leave. She wasn't in the mood for confrontation, especially with Faith.

"So you're going to run away, is that is?" Faith said, her voice verging on yelling. "You're a fucking coward. The Buffy Summers I knew was fearless. She would never run from anything."

Buffy spun around to face her. Faith could see Buffy was beginning to tear up, but the most prevalent emotion on her face was anger. "You know what, you're right. That Buffy Summers was one pretty fearless girl. But you know what Faith? I hate to break it to you, but that Buffy is dead. She no longer exists, and all she left behind was a body. Nothing more." Buffy turned and continued her walk away.

"Hey," Faith said as she jumped down from the crate and grabbed Buffy's arm. "You are so fucking selfish, do you realize that? Your friends, family, they care about you so goddamn much they brought you back from the fucking grave for Christ's sake."

Buffy looked at Faith suspiciously. "How did you kn…forget it, fuck this," She said as she roughly pulled her arm out of Faith's grasp. "What the hell would you know about it?"

"I could feel you," Faith said quietly. This got Buffy's attention. "I've always felt you inside of me, and I suspect you've always felt me. But I just assumed it was the slayer thing. But that day when you died…" Faith ran her hand through her hair. It was almost as if recounting the memory was causing her physical pain. Faith took a deep breath. "When you died, it felt like someone ripped my heart out of my chest. It hurt so badly not to feel you anymore. When you left, I realized you took a part of me with you." Faith could see Buffy tearing up, and she was desperate trying to stop her own. "And then one day you were ba…" Faith's voice cracked. She cleared her throat to keep herself in check. "…you were back, but it wasn't the same. I could feel your presence but no…it's like you were a ghost."

"Faith…I…I didn't know."

"God B, I want you back. I love you so much. I need you to come back to me," Faith said Buffy took her in her arms. She buried her face in the dark hair as she tried to reassure Faith. She could feel Faith's breath on her ear, as the dark-haired girl pulled her closer. She could feel an inkling of desire in the pit of her stomach.

"Buffy Summers," Faith said in a husky whisper, "I want to help you feel again."

Buffy pulled back from Faith to look into her eyes.

"Faith...I…I'm afraid. Not of you, of course, but if you do "wake me up" then I'm sure it'll feel good, but then the pain will come back too. It's too much it'll overtake me and…" Faith silenced Buffy with a kiss. It was gentle and telling. She could feel the safety of Faith's touch.

"Don't," Faith said as she smiled and tucked a stray piece of Buffy's hair behind her ear. Buffy could feel the heat everywhere Faith touched her. She leaned closer to the blonde. "Just feel it."

"But what if…"

"Just feel it. It's just a dream, remember?" Faith closed her lips over Buffy's in a searing kiss. The air was almost crackling with the electricity that was running between them. She could faintly hear the small moans Buffy was making into her mouth as her tongue explored. Buffy was overcome by the heat of Faith's body pressed against her.

Gently Faith pulled back with a smile on her face. Buffy felt something different about the atmosphere. She looked around, and recognized Faith's old motel room from when she first came to Sunnydale. Buffy smiled at Faith. "You did this didn't you?"

"I loved you in here B. You were always so relaxed. I wanted to remember that."

"It wasn't the room Faith, it was you. Your presence. It made me feel safe and…"

"Loved?" Faith finished for her.

Buffy smiled, "Yeah loved."

Faith gently kissed Buffy on the forehead as she removed her leather jacket. Buffy held her arms back and let it slide to the floor. "That's the great thing about dreams," Faith said, leaning in closer. Her lips were almost touching Buffy's. "No rules." She licked Buffy's upper lips before placing small kisses desperately close to her mouth. Buffy put her arms around Faith's next and pulled their lips together. She could feel Faith's hands all over her body as their tongues intertwined. She loved Faith's taste in her mouth. Buffy moaned when she felt Faith's hands at the bottom of her shirt. She whimpered as she reluctantly pulled away while Faith pulled removed her shirt. Finally Faith picked Buffy up in her arms, and gently laid her on the bed, before covering her body with her own. With her mouth at Buffy's ear, and her hand unzipping her pants, Faith whispered, "I'm going to set your body on fire."

Faith got up to quickly remove her clothes, before pressing herself into Buffy.

"Oh…Faith," Buffy moaned at the first contact of their bodies. Faith placed her leg between Buffy's and ground into her wetness. She could feel the blonde's hips rising to meet her. Buffy grabbed Faith's head and pulled her into a kiss, while she grinded her pelvic bone against her thigh. She could feel her wetness soaking Faith's thigh. Faith matched her pace, and Buffy could feel the heat radiating off of the friction of their bodies.

Faith brought her hand down Buffy's body, trailing over her breasts and finally reaching her inner thigh. She could feel Buffy desperately trying to move her body towards her fingers.

"Tell me what you want Buffy," Faith said as she dragged her along her outer lips.

"You Faith…I want…you…inside…I need to feel you," Buffy said breathlessly. "Yes…uh…" Buffy moaned as she felt Faith enter her. She put her arms around Faith as she arched into her. Faith placed kiss on any part of her body she could reach while Buffy turned her head to the side and groaned. She felt filled by Faith. It was the most exhilarating sensation she had experienced. She could feel the dark-haired girl everywhere, inside of her, outside, on her breast, stomach, neck…

"God yeah, right there…oh don't stop…"

"Don't worry B, I wasn't planning on it."

Faith moved down Buffy's body, still keeping her fingers in rhythm with her hips. She stopped at her stomach, and licked the perspiration off. Faith loved Buffy's tastes. Salty and sweet. She placed herself between Buffy's legs.

"Come on B," Faith cooed, "come for me. I want to hear it."

With that Faith licked Buffy's swollen clit.

"Holy Shit!" Buffy screamed. Her hips were moving to their own accord. She had no control over her body, and could feel herself letting go. Faith placed her hand on Buffy's abdomen to keep them in place.

All at once Buffy felt the pressure rising. She could feel it as it spread from her fingers all the way down to her toes. Buffy felt she was going to die from the sheer intensity of it. Just when she thought she couldn't take it anymore, Faith curled her fingers, hitting Buffy's g-spot.

"That's…oh God…oh Faith…." Buffy said as the orgasm ripped through her body. She felt. All of it .Everything, the happiness, pain, guilt, anger, everything she had been repressing. But most of all Buffy felt the love she was showing her, and the love she felt for Faith.

Faith moved up to Buffy to take her in her arms.

They just stared into each others eyes, happiness loom around them. Buffy smiled and gently ran her fingers through the dark hair.

"I love you Faith. You are a part of me." Buffy curled up closer to Faith and laid her on her chest.

Faith kissed the top of her head. "I love you; it's nice to have you back."

Buffy smiled. "It's nice to be back." Buffy began tracing patterns on Faith's taunt stomach. She was reveling in her ecstasy.

"So what happens now?" Buffy asked as she propped herself up on her elbow.

"Well I guess I'll go back to my life, and you'll go back to yours."

"But Faith," Buffy pleaded, "I need you in my life. I want you around."

"Aww B, I want to be around, believe me," Faith answered. "But I've got to finish this sentence; anyways I should be up for parole soon."

"Well I'll come visit you. I don't care what color you're wearing." Faith smiled at Buffy. "I love you so much, but I don't want you to come visit me. It'll be just too hard, to see you and not be able to hold you. I don't know if I could take it." Faith could see the disappointment in Buffy's eyes.

"Don't worry B, one of these days I'm going to show up at your doorstep. You have my word." Happy with that answer, Buffy laid her head back down on Faith's chest and closed her eyes.

Buffy was awakened by the sun reflecting off the water into her eyes. She squinted as she looked at her surroundings. The docks. She got up, but immediately bent over to ease the painful headache. But she was happy nonetheless. "Happy. Happy." Buffy said it to herself over and over again as though she finally understood its meaning. She decided to head home before they sent the search party out for her.

When she stepped through the front door, she saw all the Scoobies there waiting for her. Well sort of. Willow and Tara were asleep against each other, while Xander had his head hanging back, and his mouth wide open. Anya was asleep in his lap. Giles was passed out with his head in his arms on the table. They all jumped up when Buffy shut the door.

"Nice to see people who care about my whereabouts," Buffy said jokingly.

"Oh my God Buffy, are you alright?" Giles asked with concern.

"I'm fine; I just had some thinking to do."

"Buffy, about last night," Xander started.

"We want to apologize and talk about…" Willow interrupted.

"Wait, wait," Buffy said, silencing them. "I know we need to talk. And we will, it'll be a big mushy gushy touchy feely talk thing. But right now I want to check on Dawn, take a shower and go to bed. You guys should go home. We can meet later."

"Alright Buffy, if that's what you want," Willow said. "I'm glad to see you are feeling better."

"Yes Buffy, I do detect a dramatic shift in your disposition from last night," Giles added. "Did something happen?"

Buffy flashed back to the memories of Faith, kissing her, touching her, everywhere. She couldn't keep a small smile from forming on her face.

"Nah," she said heading up the stairs, "I just got my Faith back."

The End

Continued in She's Saving Me...

Send Feedback to Author

Return to Mystic Muse             Return to Forever Faith