Rising from the Wreckage

Disclaimer: The characters and show all belong to Joss Whedon, Fox, Mutant Enemy, Kuzui, et al. No copyright infringement was intended. The storyline, however, is the sole property of the author. This story cannot be sold or used for profit in any way. Copies of this story may be made for private use only and must include all disclaimers and copyright notices.

Summary: How's Buffy doing with her new job and the current living arrangements with Tara? Uh-oh! Can she handle meeting up with Spike?

The campus at UC Sunnydale had long since slipped into darkness. The intermediate security lights made the paths and walkways a patchwork of bright places and dark corners while the larger areas of grass and tress became black holes of looming danger.

It was through this atmosphere that Buffy Summers now walked, an odd confidence in her steps as she prowled out a route around the campus. She started her shift at the main student center where the security desk was located and moved in a diagonal across campus towards the library before she then looped her way around the closed up lecture halls and finally snaked around the dorms before she repeated the lap.

Her standard issue steel toed boots were silent as the slight squeak she'd noticed in them during her first days on the job had died away as the leather in the upper portion began to work down with a fine groove around the steel. The polyester cotton blend of her dark navy pants and shirt was starchy, she'd noted from the first time she'd pulled it on that it was of a much better quality than she'd been given at the Palace. Though it was shiny and not particularly fashionable, it wasn't itchy and she didn't feel like a complete idiot wearing the ensemble. There was something about the shoulder mounted communication device and batman like utility belt that made her feel… well important.

"Officer Summers keeping the peace." She joked with herself as she purposely took the darkest route around the library emerging out by the front.

She nodded at a skittish young freshman that was hurrying up the stairs into the large building. She could honestly see the relief that crossed the probably desperate student as they realized that here in the dark campus night they weren't alone.

She was a few feet away before she realized how puffy with pride the experience had made her. After all this was basically what she did every night, in a more scary demon sense but this was something to be proud of that she didn't have to keep hidden. If trouble broke out she'd definitely be able to handle it and if it was supernatural in origin well better her than some regular person trying to handle a vampire for twelve bucks and hour and the best part was she got a uniform and a locker.

"Things are definitely looking up." She smiled to herself as she took the long neck rope with its whistle and twirled it around her finger. "I'll have to get something special to say thank you to Tara."

As she thought of the blonde Wiccan she felt her smile grow even brighter. In a short few days Tara had pretty much helped turn a good deal of the turmoil in her life around. She had a new job which god forbid she wasn't dreading every moment of, the house had a semblance of order and there hadn't been one phone call from Dawn's school in days.

Of course there was still lots that was broken and lost… the biggest one being a petite redhead whose gaunt and tormented face at the bus depot still haunted her mind. She hadn't really wanted to think about the previous afternoon when she'd awoken flailing on the couch with reigns of accusations and a slap echoing long after she opened her eyes from the nightmare.

Even then the only thing offering her consolation and comfort had been Tara. The blonde had checked up of course after hearing her screaming, but somehow had known not to push things as she instantly understood in a way Buffy knew she would never be able to express herself.

The calm way Tara had cleaned up the broken glass she'd knocked over with her sudden awakening had unnerved Buffy a little. It had almost stole her breath away when Tara had come to perch right next to her as she sat feeling small and cold only for the Wiccan to push through the numbness to hug her briefly. The contact between their bodies sending a surge of warmth through her that Buffy couldn't ignore.

That was all Tara had said before she'd fluttered away again, keeping busy. Buffy was sure she hadn't seen the blonde perch in one spot for more than a few minutes since she'd moved in, her actions fast and purposeful all the time as if a moment of idleness would be her undoing.

The transition she'd seen in Tara was a painful one and she couldn't help feel a certain level of blame. She'd been too busy with her own pathetic life when Tara had moved out of Willow's life and she had never really taken the time to realize what that meant to her best friend or even herself.

With a heavy heart she remembered the first time the dead dried up roses on dining room table had caught her eye and she had wondered why no one had cleaned them up and bought new ones. It was then for a moment she had felt the bitter pang of understanding, Tara was gone. There would be no more fresh flowers or funny shaped pancakes or jokes that Buffy didn't get but made her smile anyway.

Now there were fresh flowers again, but there was no laughter. A heavy shadow hung over Tara and the Slayer knew that she couldn't bring back the sun. The blonde Wiccan had lost a lot of weight, obviously from her tendency to merely pick at her food and the fact that Tara would be waiting for her at six am when she got in from work pointed to the obvious truth that she wasn't sleeping.

They were both being driven by the same demons this time, driven by the hole that Willow had left in their lives. That commonality was something that confused Buffy if she thought about it long enough, though it was a confusion she found playing inside her head more and more lately. Willow was Tara's in all those ways that she wasn't Buffy's but yet the Slayer felt an aching loss inside so similar to the Wiccan's that in her own mind she had grouped them together in their loss.

'But what right do I have to do that?' Buffy questioned herself as she walked down the bike path around Stevenson hall.

Could she really dare to compare Tara's loss of her heart to her losing her best friend? She knew Tara would never want her to reduce the magnitude that was her friendship with Willow but with all she had preached in her life about true love how could she be feeling this way now?

Her thoughts spiraled more and more as the quiet night gave her the ample time to contemplate, gave her the chance to shed light on the growing root of resolve she found planted in her heart. She had to fix things. She had to stop being caught up in her petty little self pity and make things better, especially for Tara and Willow.

What had she really been looking for all this time? Emotions, feelings, love? Well all of those were waiting for her if she only embraced them, nurtured them and accepted that good would come with the bad.

Yes, Willow's pain and accusations were a hot poker slowly pushing its way through her heart but she could fix that. She just needed some guidance, she just needed to figure out what to do.

'I just need to talk to Tara.' She resolved herself knowing that she couldn't do this alone. If it wasn't for Tara putting herself on the line and reaching out Buffy knew she would still be moping around doing nothing.

She didn't understand it but the shy blonde somehow gave her a silent strength and with that offered an unconditional acceptance that Buffy couldn't deny. It was a compliment to all the things Willow had been there to give her over the years but with a different foundation, one not in years of friendship. It was an acceptance on trust and the Slayer found her footsteps falter as she realized this. Tara had no real reason to trust her and in truth had ever reason to pile on her the blame for all that Willow had become. The magic had been fostered by the Slayer's eternal need for help saving the world, her reckless descent into the dark arts a direct result of Buffy's unwillingness to admit the true love that existed between them.

"Well, isn't it TJ Hooker." Spike laughed as she stepped out of the shadows and appraised Buffy's outfit. "Please don't cuff me officer."

"I'm not a cop I'm a security guard." Buffy felt her mind go cold as the vampire interrupted her thoughts and forced her to focus on him.

"Either way, I can handle a bit of authority." He sauntered closer to her, his hand reaching out for the buttons on her top.

"Come on, no one will see us in the dark. By the time you finish working it'll be sunrise and I got an itch I need you to scratch before then." Spike followed her move shadowing her.

"I'm not scratching anything else for you, ever." She underlined in a strong voice feeling a thick wave of revulsion curdle through her body as she found a tree at her back and his hand closed on her shirt.

"Feeling self righteous tonight, fair enough." The vampire seemed unfazed by her words as he popped open a button. "You want to beat me up before or during?" He hissed as he bent his lips closer.

"Get off me." Buffy's voice wasn't strong but her hands were as she brought them up flat to his chest and pushed him backwards. "This is not happening again." She reached up to fix her top.

"Blah, blah, blah. You're singing the same tune again Slayer. Why don't we just skip it?" He stared at her figuring the anxiousness in her body would soon turn into the violent sexual reaction he wanted.

"This is different Spike, I'm not doing this to myself anymore." Buffy took a deep breath as she looked at him and felt perspective forming in her mind. Why would she do these horrible things with him? Why would she keep coming back to it again and again as if she deserved nothing more? She did deserve more and she had more in her life than an undead chipped vampire to offer her love. She couldn't ever have the self-respect she was going to need in order to face all her present problems if she didn't finish this with him.

Sure he said he loved her, but had she even really cared about that? Had she not just all along been trying to prove to him that he shouldn't because she wasn't worth it or had she been trying to prove to herself that the depraved relationship was the only thing she did deserve?

Either way she had to stop it and she had to stop it now or she was going to lose everything good in her life. After all she'd already lost Willow to some extent and the prospect of permanently losing Tara or Dawn on top of that now made her feel fear like she had ever known.

"Okay Buffy, it's alright love. I know sometimes you get upset and confused." Spike tried another tactic as he approached slower his voice soft. "I understand how you feel."

"Don't you dare." Buffy snarled at his apparent understanding. "I've had enough of you and your mind games. It's over between us, all of this, whatever sick and twisted thing I let this become." She motioned between them. "It's over William." She finished her voice soft and resolved.

Spike stood there for a minute feeling the Slayer's use of his human name slap over his face harder than her hand ever had.

"What makes you think you got any say in when this is over?" The vampire hissed looking her up and down. "Do you think any of your precious little Scoobies are going to want anything to do with you when they found out the things we've been doing? Do you think they'll understand the fact your nothing but a lying, two-faced empty whore of a girl who doesn't care about them?"

"Maybe I should take a little trip to L.A. and tell Willow all about what we've been doing love. Tell her how while her heart was breaking you were too busy getting your..." He started but his words were cut off as Buffy leapt at him and as they slammed to the ground a satisfied smile crossed his face.

"Now that got your back up didn't it. Maybe you're afraid the little dark witch and I could have a little fun together? I mean I know she went for a softer woman's touch for awhile but I could show her what a real man is." Spike struggled more to shift her over him then to get away. Freeing one arm he landed a firm punch into her cheek but she didn't even flinch as she grappled his arm back down. "Maybe the three of us could have a little fun together, you've always had a soft spot for the redhead… just think how hot it could be with the three of us."

Buffy couldn't control herself as she pulled her arm back and punched him square in the mouth, his lip cutting back over his teeth and spraying blood into his throat. As she hit him, caused him pain and asserted her strength over him for the first time there was no hint of anything other than pure hatred and anger in the move. No underlying feeling of arousal or a need to hurt herself rose with it, only revulsion that he would even dare to mention hurting or touching her Willow.

"Tara then? That little bird is so sad lately a little action might liven her up." Spike taunted her again and wasn't surprised when a quick volley of blows snapped his head back into the ground over and over. For a moment as he tried to internalize the pain he slipped into his game face but as he right eye began to swell shut he shook it away.

"If you ever, ever do anything to either of them I swear Spike I won't stake you, I will cut you up and keep you in little bits to cause you more pain." Buffy snarled at him as nightmare visions of Tara and Willow being hurt or worse at his hands cut through her heads. Unbidden her mind switched around, replacing one of them with her own body in the memories of her moments with Spike. She felt herself blink slowly as her mind's eye watched first Willow then Tara abused in that way and it was all that she could do to not burst into tears. She could never bear that, it would break her heart. They both deserved love, tenderness and to be cherished.

"You always hurt the ones you love Buffy." He looked up at Buffy in her place above him.

"This is over." Buffy pushed back away from him reaching up to rub at her hot eyes as she tried to strip the crippling images from her minds. "Stay away from them, stay away from me."

"What love I'm supposed to live my little undead life in Sunnydale and not run into any of you or you'll what?" Spike pushed himself up spitting out some blood.

"Get out of Sunnydale." Buffy locked her jaw trying to hide the emotion inside her. She knew that he couldn't see what she was feeling, he couldn't know how close to her heart he had hit when he'd threatened them. He couldn't see what she wasn't sure she wanted to admit to herself.

"Buffy…" Spike tried to reasonably object for a moment before he saw the resolution on her face. "You think you can dismiss me? You think you can use me and then poof I disappear when you think its time?"

"This is my town and you're not welcome anymore." Buffy stood up a little bit straighter as she gained confidence in what she was doing.

Spike considered taking another shot at her but there was a resolve staring back at him that made him reconsider his approach.

"This isn't over slayer!" He sneered at her. "Mark my words, I'm going to get this bloody chip out of my head and drink all your little girlfriends dry. If you're lucky I'll kill you first." Without wanting to wait for an answer he turned in a flourish of old leather and stalked into the darkness again.

Main What's New Fiction by Author Fiction by Pairing eBooks

Subject Index Submissions Gallery Forums Links Awards Contact Us

If you find problems on these pages please email your host.

Rising from the Wreckage

Chapter 9

By The Rainbow Writers

Rainbowwriters@hotmail.com