Rising from the Wreckage

Disclaimer: The characters and show all belong to Joss Whedon, Fox, Mutant Enemy, Kuzui, et al. No copyright infringement was intended. The storyline, however, is the sole property of the author. This story cannot be sold or used for profit in any way. Copies of this story may be made for private use only and must include all disclaimers and copyright notices.

Summary: Buffy, Xander, and Tara come to some important realizations about Willow and the events that lead up to her leaving.

Xander watched the retreating back of the slayer as she walked away, her hair DID look cute, but for some reason he couldn't raise any enthusiasm about that right now. Scratching his fingers through his unruly hair, he thought about what had happened in the last couple of days, Buffy's invisibility, Willow leaving, and a few other problems to do with the impending doom of his own marriage. From out of nowhere came a hot surge of anger, 'damnit where does Will get off leaving without saying a damned thing to him? And what about everyone else, wh ...' he shook himself, 'what about poor Tara, did she know?'

"Hello?" He held his breath for a few moments, the voice on the other end sounded a little uncertain. "H ... hello??" The voice questioned shakily.

"Xander? What ... is ... uh is everything ok?" He licked his lips and tried to think of something safe to say. And instead blurted out.

"She left!" Silence greeted him for moments, so he was forced to continue. "Will ... she left."

"Gone? Where Xander? Where is she, where's she gone?" Tara's voice was shaking. "Why ... was it ... was it 'cos of ..."

"No it's got nothing to do with you, it was ..." Xander again licked his lips. "Buffy said something, and she ... they had a fight, and Will left. She's gone to LA."

"Look I'll come over, I'll be there in a couple of minutes, ok?" Tara sighed audibly across the lines, her breath coming in a shudder.

"O ... ok. I'll just ... yeah all right." And she hung up. Xander looked at the cell phone and wondered if he'd done the right thing by telling Tara, but he realized, she also deserved to know, SHE especially needed to know.

The door opened a crack and Tara peeked out, and closed the door again to remove the security chain. Then she pulled the door open and closed with Xander, throwing herself into his arms. She'd been crying and her face was raw and red.

"What's happened Xander, why did she go, what did they fight about?" She pressed herself into his arms and hugged tight. Xander felt a little awkward at the sudden contact, but softened and squeezed back. He whispered into her hair.

"I don't know Tar, honestly I think it was just ... something happened between her and Buffy, and she got upset and left." Tara sniffed into his shoulder.

"No she didn't, she didn't even tell me either. And ..." he stopped himself short, he felt terribly let down. For all the years they had been friends, she hadn't even told him she was going. He'd know something was up, she was upset and the addiction, and all the issues that had surfaced recently, but she'd left town without even saying good bye to him. After all these years, he felt he deserved at least that much.

"I ... uh I think I need to talk with Buffy, because ... because I want to find out what they said, what happened ... uh ... why she had to go, because ... because ..." Tara's face fell even further. "Oh god Xander, I ... I didn't want ... she ... and I, we ... we ... I uh ... I miss her ... so much!" Xander nodded gently and whispered into her hair.

"I know, I need to know she's all right too, I think ... I think she's heading to Angel's. He'd be all with the caring for her, they were pretty good friends in the end, before he left."

"I know ... a way. I can find her, I can track her ..." Xander softly shook his head.

"She left for a reason, and I think trying to track her down wouldn't be what she wanted right now. She ... she's trying to get her act together, get her head straight. We've kinda taken her for granted, we ..." and then it occurred to him, and his heart sank. "... oh jeeze Tar, she was going through some major heavy stuff and ... and we were all so caught up in our own problems to notice. You left her ..." Xander felt Tara tense up at his stinging words. "... Anya and I were so busy planning this wedding, Buffy was off slaying like there was no tomorrow. We ... we didn't even notice half the time that there was anything wrong." Xander felt Tara nod on his arm. She sniffed and sighed.

"I still want to talk with Buffy. I need to know what they said." Xander held her away and looked into her tear filled eyes.

"If you're ready, I'll drive us over there." Tara nodded and rubbed the heel of her hand over her eyes, and then gathered up some belongings. They filed out of the room and the lock snicked behind them, leaving the lonely room in darkness.

Xander let himself into the Summers' house, and saw Buffy in the living room. She looked up and smiled.

"Hey Xander nice shiner there, I didn't think Warr ..." Buffy's smile faded a little as she noticed Tara sneak in quietly behind Xander, standing in his shadow. "Ah ... h ... hey Tara. Good to see you ..." something warned her if Tara was tagging along, this would be a time of questions and answers. "How's every ... how's things?" Tara wrung her hands together and grimaced.

"Ahm ... I uh ... they could ... they could be, ya know ... better. I ..." her face fell, she took a deep breath and launched into questions "... Xander's told me ... about Willow, uh ... what ha ... happened?" Buffy looked from Xander back to Tara, and sighed, sinking into a chair and steepling her hands in her lap.

"Will um ... Will left. We ... she had, she took Dawn to this guy, this magic guy and she ... they had a car accident. And ... and Dawn was hurt, so I ... I told her off. I tried to make her see she was endangering Dawn. And ... and she snapped ..." The stinging words Willow had uttered had almost cut to the bone. But deep down Buffy realized there was much truth in what the red-head had said. She'd been so preoccupied with her own problems, she had hardly even noticed when Tara had left, she'd barely paid any attention to Willow's magick problems, and finally when it all came down to it and Dawn was put in danger, the shock of that had triggered the final outcome,

But by then Buffy realized, it was all too late. Willow had had enough, she of all the Scoobies had always been the one who was stable, who held the group together through all the terrors and troubles, who provided the stability to them all, and when she was the one who really needed their support, nobody had been around to help. Willow had been alone, and not only that, the one person she loved above all others in the world had abandoned her.

Willow had walked away from all that was dear to her, she had felt lost and alone. Her friends had left her to herself to cope with the horrible withdrawal from the magicks, to deal with the loss of her lover, to realize she would once again be the loser, the loner, the misfit she had always believed herself to be, before Buffy had befriended her. And all they had done ... was nothing.

The room was silent as the emotions of it all seeped into them, Xander hopped from foot to foot, trying to find a comfortable position, because everything told him in his heart, this was all wrong, they should never have let it get to this, Willow needed them and they needed Willow. It was a situation they couldn't allow to happen. But to go after her would be to pull her back from whatever it was she felt she needed to do. He began to speak but all that came out was a croak. He cleared his throat and tried again.

"Wh ... did she ... do you know what she wants to do, in LA I mean ... she IS going to Angel ... right?" Buffy looked up at him with arched brows, the concern apparent.

"I uuh ... I hope so, I ... kinda worded him up, to take care of her when she gets there." She hadn't said to him to tell Willow she needed her back, or that she needed her friend so much, it was way too late for that. It was time Willow was the one to be looked after, and they had to figure out some way they could bring her back, and make her realize they hadn't abandoned her, that they had just got lost along the way, and that they loved her and ... that they would ... make it up to her ... somehow.

Buffy's heart quailed, for the first time since Willow had stepped on the Greyhound bus, it finally sank in, Willow was really gone, and for the life of her she didn't know if they ... she, if she would be able to cope without her good ol' faithful geyser dog.

Tara sat down on the couch, her arms around herself, she had missed feeling Willow's arms around her so much, she longed to feel the warmth of her embrace again. And now she was gone. She knew how she could send her senses after the red-head, but with everything that had happened, chasing Willow with magicks was tantamount to hypocrisy. She had been the one who had chastised Willow for using magick for the wrong reasons, and ... would using her magick to find her lover be wrong, could love be a wrong reason, wasn't love possibly the only really good reason to use magicks?

Love was such a foreign feeling to Tara, that when it had finally happened, when she'd found Willow, the emotion had almost overwhelmed her, it had been like a bolt of lightning from a cloudy sky. Willow had brought out the very best in Tara. She'd been terribly shy and insecure before meeting Willow, and now the only person who had ever really mattered was gone, had left her. Willow had abandoned her, but had she, hadn't Tara abandoned Willow first?

Tara had over time admitted to herself she had probably over-reacted to what had happened between them. Sure she had been mad at Willow for using magicks to control her, to stop the bad feelings she had begun to have about what had happened. But again, Willow had done it out of love, Tara had to acknowledge. She had just gone about it all wrong, and instead of talking about it, she'd used the magick to suppress the bad memories Tara had, and as a response she'd walked out on Willow.

Tara had over their time apart, had many opportunities to question what had happened, and what the outcome had been. She had almost come to the conclusion that she'd handled the entire episode almost as badly as Willow. And the only real solution to it was to confront the problems, and face them, fight them, not run away from them. But ... Willow was gone now, and her heart cried out, chase her, find her, bring her back, make her understand how much she is missed. Tara knew that without Willow in her life, she was diminished. The red-head had made such a difference to her, that she was no longer the same shy insecure girl she had been when they first met, she had made it possible for Tara to grow into a confident powerful woman, just by being there, being her support, her guide and her lover.

And now Willow was gone ... the horrible thought kept repeating itself in her mind over and over, she's gone. She looked at Buffy with tear filled eyes, her arms hugging herself tightly like Willow had done, like she wanted Willow to be doing right now, this very moment.

"Oh Buffy, we have to get her back, she has to come back to me ... to ... to us. Can't ... can't we call Angel, can't we tell him to bring her back ..." Buffy looked sadly at Tara and shook her head.

"Willow has made a choice, it might not be one we agree with but it's something she wants to do. The only one who can bring Willow back to us is Willow, we can beg her and ask her and hope she comes to us, but when all is said and done, Willow has to want to come back ..." Tara closed her eyes and shook her head, refusing to believe.

"No, she left because of us, we didn't ... we ... she ... she needed us, and ... and ..." Buffy broke in on the blonde.

"Willow left because of us, yes. But that doesn't mean we can demand she returns to us, in fact I will almost be surprised if she does come back. At the end of the day, we treated her pretty badly. I just yelled at her, you left her, everyone else almost ignored her, I can understand if she's pissed with us all." Tara looked up and her bottom lip trembled.

"Uhn ... I don't want ... I don't want to live without her Buffy, I want her in my life again." Buffy nodded slowly, her own eyes filling with mist. She whispered softly.

"I know Tara, I feel almost the same way, I want her back so much. When we spoke ... when we fought, she said some things to me that at the time seemed harsh and coming simply out of the rage she was feeling, the emotions taking over. But it finally dawned on me that what she said was absolutely true, we DID take her for granted, and right when she needed us, we were too busy to care, too caught up in our own little troubles and problems." she tried to see a positive side to the whole situation, but couldn't, it all seemed so hopeless right now. "We couldn't see she was falling, that she was in so much trouble she couldn't escape from without our help and understanding." Buffy sighed and held her fingers to her temples, her head filled with sadness and confusion. In spite of her own feelings of remorse, she tried to defend Willow's actions. "If she feels this is what she has to do, then we have no right to stop her. All we can do now is hope and pray that she realizes how much we really do love her, and that we need her and want her and that she comes back to us." Tara looked at Buffy through tear filled blue eyes.

"Buffy you don't understand, I don't ... don't want to live without her, I ... I don't want to be alone. Willow is ... is everything to me, she is my light, and my life. Without her ..." The blonde Wicca sniffed and her breath hitched as she sighed deeply, her voice sinking to a whisper. "... without her, I'm nothing, I was ... nothing before I met her. She made me into what I am. And I have come to terms with that now, I have finally realized after what happened, after I walked ... after I left." She looked deeper into Buffy's eyes, desperation plain in their blue depths. Buffy saw complete resolve and abandonment. "I will get her back, I have to get her back ... or I'll ..." Tara looked away. "... I ... just have to."

Main What's New Fiction by Author Fiction by Pairing eBooks

Subject Index Submissions Gallery Forums Links Awards Contact Us

If you find problems on these pages please email your host.

Rising from the Wreckage

Chapter 4

By Stefan

Nagarek@optusnet.com.au