Witness by The Rainbow Writers

Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: Buffy The Vampire Slayer, Willow, Tara, Xander, Anya, Giles, Dawn, Spike and all other characters who have appeared in the syndicated series Buffy The Vampire Slayer, together with the names, titles and back story are the sole copyright property of Joss Whedon, Fox and Mutant Enemy. No copyright infringement was intended in the writing of this fan fiction. All other characters, the story idea and the story itself are the sole property of the authors. This story cannot be sold or used for profit in any way. Please contact the authors for permission to reproduce this story on any other fan fiction site.
Distribution: The Rainbow Writer's Homepage: http://www.therainbowwriters.com/
Mystic Muse: http://mysticmuse.net
Spoilers: Season 6.
Feedback: All feedback is welcome.
Pairing: Willow/Other

Summary: Willow struggles with her rehabilitation in England.

"Hello Miss. Summers." Mrs. Lauder opened the door and ushered the small group into the hall. "Miss. Emerson, Mr. Giles, Mr. Harris, Dawn." She nodded to them all collecting coats to hang up on the coat stand. "I expect the big strong men will be carrying the bags upstairs for you." She glanced at Xander and Giles.

"Of course, that's what I do." Xander smiled at her as he picked up three of the larger suitcases. "Just a little direction?"

"This way, you're in the staff quarters, top floor, you'll be sharing with Mr. Giles, The lovely sisters will be together, which leaves the delightful Miss. Emerson with a room to herself. If you'd just follow me, Ruthie and Willow are in the lounge." Mrs. Lauder moved back through the large hallway towards the front staircase.

They all followed obediently as she led them along. Dawn awed repeatedly at the huge house, though the idea of having to room with her sister put her off a bit.

"I want to see my room." Anya announced moving to follow Xander and Giles upstairs under the guidance of the housekeeper.

"The big double cherry doors there go into the lounge if you want to say hello to Willow." Mrs. Lauder pointed the two Summers girls in the right direction.

"I guess that leaves us dropping off presents Buffy." Dawn held the two huge Christmas bags while Buffy carried another two.

"Looks like it. I'm wondering why we've not been bowled over yet but you know..." Buffy's voice drifted off as she eased the lounge door open and glanced inside.

In the far corner a large spruce tree twinkled and shone from the multitude of clear white lights that were strung up its body, highlighting the layers of white and blue decorations. Looking down to the fire she instantly saw that the reason she hadn't been bowled over by Willow yet was that the witch was asleep, curled up around Ruth on the large rug in front of the fire sleeping soundly.

"Willow's probably running around trying to..." Dawn broke in when Buffy didn't finish but found herself stuck behind the Slayer. "What's going on?" She questioned not able to see inside.

"Dawn shush." Buffy turned putting down the bags she carried and raised her finger to her lips.

"Let me see." Dawn used her height to look over her sister. "She can't be napping, Mrs. Lauder said Ruth was in there and..." Her voice squeaked a little. "What are they doing?"

"They're napping." Buffy restated coughing slightly in the hope that one of the sleeping witches would stir.

"Maybe, yeah go see our room." Dawn darted backwards heading towards the stairs that everyone else had gone up.

Within the room, Ruth's eyes flickered open as Dawn's sneakers squeaked on the wood floor restraining the jump in her body for fear of disturbing Willow. She looked behind her towards the door her navy eyes flashing up to meet with Buffy's hazel ones.

"Buffy." Ruth mouthed and shook her head gracefully as she eased out of Willow's embrace managing not to disturb her more than making her squirm and grumble slightly. Silently she crossed over to the Slayer. "Did an hour go by already?" She whispered as she motioned for them to move out into the hall.

"God sorry, we were going to get everything ready and then we got caught up looking at the tree and everything." Ruth apologized. "Did Mrs. Lauder let you in?" A frown played over the dark haired witch's face.

"Yeah, she's showing everyone their rooms." Buffy tried not to react, she tried to act like all of this was the most natural thing in the world in fact. Hey she was used to Willow being snuggled up in a woman's arms... just she was used to it being Tara. Who was dead... the thought spiraled and made her frown. "Look we'll keep ourselves amused unpacking, you and Will can finish your nap."

Ruth frowned more as Buffy did, she picked up on the slight vibe and wanting to know more reached out lightly to touch the Slayer's arm.

"Nothing, it's Christmas. Nothing can go wrong at Christmas, it's like a rule." Buffy tried to cover the rant inside her head. Maybe Willow had been crying? Yes, that was it Willow had been crying cause it was Christmas and... Buffy's mind stopped. That image didn't make her feel any better, in fact now she was praying that crying had nothing to do with it. She knew it was going to be hard enough to be having Christmas half way around the world without her mom and Tara, thinking of Willow sobbing away missing the blonde Wicca wasn't going to be helpful.

"No Buffy no, it was nothing like that." Ruth suddenly forgot the Slayer hadn't said anything out loud.

"I didn't mean to imply... I..." Buffy stopped herself and looked at the dark haired witch suspiciously as she realized that she hadn't said anything vaguely to suggest that. "You read auras." The fact hit the Slayer rather squarely in the face as she felt Ruth's hand slip off her arm not even really realizing it was there.

"No, you can't help it. Power thing I get that." Buffy shook her head. "I'm sorry... I didn't mean to think it was something." She saw the girl's body language shrink away and felt bad for startling her.

"No, I mean for everything, I'm sorry. Willow and I, we were just watching the fire and its best to let her settle when she settles. Sleep isn't something that is too easy for her." Ruth backed off more.

"Thank you." Buffy didn't quite know where the words came from but as she took everything she'd been seeing and slowly did the math in her head she found she really didn't care what the answer was. All she knew was that since she'd arrived in England it seemed Willow was happier and more content than she'd been in ages. The very fact that the usually insomnia ridden redhead was curled up asleep pointed to unprecedented improvement.

"If you can read then you know how much she means to me." Buffy pointed out wanting to make her understand. "So yeah I think you do. Didn't Willow warn you not to argue with a Slayer?"

"Common sense warns me not to argue with a Slayer." Ruth admitted flicking her eyes up.

"I'm really not that much to worry about. Well unless you hurt Willow." Buffy didn't say the words as a warning just more as a stated fact.

"I understand that." Ruth backed away some more towards the kitchen. "I... I should go change." She turned quickly and pointed over her shoulder. "You could go in with Willow, she shouldn't be alone when she wakes up."

Buffy nodded and headed for the study. She couldn't shake the feeling she'd screwed something up but she doubted there was anything she could do about it just yet. She needed more information and that was going to take some time.

Waiting was something that Buffy was used to. She spent night after night patrolling in the dark waiting for something to happen, waiting for the big bad to show its face. She spent all her time waiting for the world to end but this was different.

She was sitting her on the floor waiting for Willow to wake up, waiting for something she strangely hoped would be delayed for another half hour or so. She could tell by the redhead's relaxed face that she was in a deep comfortable sleep and with all that had gone on in their lives she knew it was something she wouldn't dare disturb.

For awhile she had tried to stare at the tree, thinking her eyes would wake Willow but the twinkling lights and tinsel could only hold her attention for short periods of time before she would look back.

With a smile she remembered the first time she'd met the redhead, coming up to introduce herself only to be met with a flood of Willow babble and careful apology. She remembered all the times they had fought side by side, laughed and even stitched each other up when necessary.

"You're my best friend Willow Rosenberg." Buffy whispered pulling up her legs and resting her chin on her knees. "And once upon a time I used to know everything, but I don't anymore do I. There's things going on inside you that I have no clue about, things going on in me that I'm too scared to tell you." She admitted to the sleeping figure.

Her words stopped when she saw Willow's small arm flail out, her hand searching before it found nothing.

"Ru?" Willow questioned as she woke up and then with a start sat bolt upright. "Ru… oh Buffy." She blinked at the blonde looking around like a caged animal.

"Will its okay." Buffy assured her instantly. "We got here a little while ago, Ruth went to help get dinner ready. She didn't want to wake you."

Willow seemed to let the information filter into her brain as she mapped out the carpet around her with her small hands, taking a few long deep breaths centering her turbulent emotions.

"I had a nightmare… I didn't get much sleep. Ru tried but, there was this sea serpent in it." The redhead frowned remembering the image again clearly.

"I should have left her to watch you." The Slayer admitted not knowing what to do to ease Willow's discomfort.

"No it's fine, everyone is here time for Christmas fun." Willow pushed up onto her knees. "I shouldn't have fallen asleep, but we were watching the tree and Ruth was telling me a Christmas story."

"She helps you a lot doesn't she?" Buffy asked the question pushing up to stand.

"I don't know what I would have done without her." Willow admitted coming up to shaky feet. "I should go see everyone and say hello." She moved over and gave Buffy a quick hug.

Buffy walked into the stoic finely decorated stateroom to see Giles standing by the tall window with a brandy glass in his hand. The Watcher had been settling in to the mansion's antique environment, just as everyone had and she wasn't surprised to find him in probably the most ornate room of the house. It looked like something out of a masterpiece theatre set.

"Giles in his element." She smirked as she came in and sat down. "England seems to like you."

"To risk sounding like the 'old man' everyone views me, I rather like England." He doffed his brandy glass and took a gentle swig.

"It's a nice place." Buffy looked up at the texture of the plaster ceiling. "Giles, can I talk to you?" She started quietly.

"I would hope so." Giles replied he turned round and moved to sit on one of the chairs close to the fire that burned brightly against the winter's chill. "What is it?"

"It's about Willow." Buffy stood up as he settled and quite uncharacteristically moved to the liquor cabinet. She poured herself a small crystal glass of Baileys, somehow being inspired by the atmosphere of the room to enjoy the small indulgence. "Just something I noticed and I was curious about."

"Have you noticed something, I mean anything, going on with her and Ruth?" Buffy managed to stammer the question out as she took a big sip of her drink.

"They have a very strong bond yes, I suppose it was somewhat inevitable between two powerful magic users such as they are but I don't think they pose a threat to each other or anyone else. It has done Willow a lot of good to have a friend in here." Giles replied wondering what Buffy's point was.

"No, no I didn't mean it in a bad way at all." Buffy shook her head anxiously. "And I meant." She stopped and sighed. "Forget it maybe I'm just reading into things."

"Buffy what is it?" Giles put down his glass with a frown. "There is obviously something about Ruth and Willow that is bothering you that I am apparently unaware of. What worries you?" He pushed her to explain.

"Not worried, just..." She hesitated again. "Curious sounds like such a nasty word. It's just I think something is going on between them."

"Giles, am I talking a foreign language. In the snugly lovey sense. You know that thing none of the rest of us is getting?" Buffy glared at him for being so difficult.

"Oh." He looked down briefly. "Oh!" He said a little stronger as he tilted his face back up. "You think Ruth and Willow are having a love affair?" His eyes widened.

"A love affair? Giles they aren't married or anything." Buffy laughed nervously. "It's just have you ever seen Willow hold hands and link arms and hug?"

"Many times with someone other than Tara?" Buffy's voice dropped lower. "Is that a very Willow thing?"

"Oh." Giles gulped the small word again. "But surely, it's too soon. Willow is still grieving desperately over losing her."

"I know, I mean I don't want to suggest Wills is out pulling a me with the get some attitude." Buffy put forward honestly. "But if its what's helping her get so much better." She left the idea open.

"No." Buffy shook her head. "I wanted to see if I was crazy first by talking with you."

"Well I can't say it's something I have been aware of, but if you are worried about talking to Willow perhaps talking to Ruth is the best way to handle this." The Watcher offered.

"Giles, she touched my arm and then..." The Slayer was about to go into a big explanation when she stopped, she knew better when she recognized the tone of voice and waited for him to continue.

"She's a dreamworker." Giles explained as Buffy stopped. "An Empath and a Seer." The Watcher continued to explain.

"A who-what-er?" Buffy raised an eyebrow. "English Giles of the dumb Slayer variety please." She prompted him.

"Ruth has the gift, if that is the right phrase, to read emotions and feelings from others. She possesses the power to create from that a fantasy that may appear as real to her and whoever she chooses to focus her spell on as reality itself. This also means she can read and interpret dreams, as well as interact within them." He tried to give Buffy the most understandable basics of her powers.

"She doesn't actively choose to do it Buffy. In fact she has to work very hard not to, it's the reason she avoids physical contact." The Watcher spoke up for the young witch not wanting Buffy to think she had been actively attempting to deceive them all.

"Now my theory has a whole new dimension." Buffy stood up and crossed to the window looking out to watch the wind blow leaves around the front walk.

"Though now that you mention it, she does touch Willow more than most." Giles added thoughtfully.

"They were cuddled up asleep in front of the fire when we got here." She turned to look at him. "Willow... asleep... middle of the day." She spelled out the odd factions that were adding up to one conclusion.

"Are you suggesting that Ruth is in someway controlling Willow?" He was horrified at the thought.

"WHOA!" Buffy put up her hands. "No way! I meant more cuddles, lovey dovey cuddles. Nothing evil, God I hope it's nothing evil. Can she control people?" She asked getting worried.

"I don't think so, there has been no record of her ever even trying it." Giles shook his head.

"Maybe I'm just looking for happy endings." Buffy kicked at the edge of the carpet.

"I see what you mean though maybe Ruth is relieving Willow's mourning." Giles offered the nicer solution. "Helping her sleep for example."

"I should talk to Ruth." Buffy nodded feeling slightly on a mission. "Thanks Giles." She walked across the room.

"I just want to know what's going on Giles." Buffy assured him as she slipped into the hallway. "And trust me no one wants the happy ending in this more than I do."

Buffy hadn't directly gone to find Ruth, she'd side tracked for a bit. Exploring through the labyrinth of hallways trying to get her head on right and figure out the best way to approach this. After all a few letters and one phone call didn't exactly forge a deep trust between her and Ruth. Giles' warning to go easy on her also made it crucial that she didn't go into this fact-finding mission too headstrong. The last thing she needed was to cause a rift between her and the dark haired witch that would enviably be picked up on by Willow and result in even more unneeded tension.

After all the only thing she wanted to find out here basically was if her best friend was happy, and if that was so how much of that happiness stemmed on her possible relationship with Ruth?

Once she had a plan of action it didn't take long for the Slayer to track down the room she was looking for. The small brass numbers engraved into the plating around each door handle let her find the witch's room fairly easily. Steadying herself she tried to look as relaxed as possible and with a slight knock she waited for permission to enter.

"Hi." Buffy opened the door and stuck her head inside. "Can I come in?" She consciously wanted to make the most unthreatening approach she could.

The dark haired witch was sat in the middle of her bed, pillows wedged up behind her so that she could recline slightly against the headboard with a large red bound book across her lap.

"Of course." Ruth smiled as she put her bookmark into the pages to keep her place and closed the book putting it aside.

"God this house is huge you know, it's taken me about ten minutes to figure out everywhere you weren't." The Slayer laughed lightly as she walked in giving the room a friendly appraisal.

"Thanks." Buffy moved over to the padded high-backed chair and sunk into it. "Nice room." She looked around badly making small talk.

"Thank you, I don't really have that much control but I do what I can. " Ruth pointed to the Christmas decorations she had strung around.

"You definitely have that artistic thing." Buffy smiled as she looked at the paper chains and homemade ornaments. "I saw the tapestry you made for Willow, it's gorgeous. Tara would have loved it." She appraised softly smiling. It was the truth, the first thing she had thought when Willow had proudly showed her the framed work was that Tara would have insisted that it be hung up in the hallway at the house to show it off to everyone.

"Yes, thank you." Ruth nodded with a smile back. "Buffy is there something I can do for you?" She asked feeling slightly uncomfortable.

"Guess I'm not good at subtle." Buffy lifted up her feet and leaned them on the bottom edge of the bed frame. "I wanted to talk to you about Willow."

"What's going on between you and Willow?" Buffy asked the straightforward question. "Giles told me about your powers so I figure I might as well just get to the point." Ruth took a tight breath as Buffy spoke. "And I don't mean that in a big bad Slayer way." Buffy put her hand up. "I just want to know in a best friend way."

"Nothing is going on Buffy." Ruth replied sensing the hidden agenda in her question after their encounter earlier. "Not in anyway other than friendship."

"Thank you, but really, losing Tara was so hard for Lo and I know that I'm no Tara." Ruth glanced down briefly as she spoke the words.

"I'm not going to lie to you, no one could ever replace Tara." Buffy's voice was soft. "I think that's why I know that if there is something going on more than friendship it's not about that. Tara was... I wish I could quantify it but I've never had anything in my life like that." She frowned sadly. "And seeing Willow's pain when she was taken away. I've had a lot of time to realize how much I didn't see."

"What?" The words and their tense caused Buffy to stop mid thought as she looked at the witch.

"Lo...Willow, she knew that you that you cared about her and Tara." Ruth bluffed badly realizing that Giles hadn't told the Slayer about all of her powers.

"No. You said she knew, past tense." Buffy stood up and moved over to sit on the corner of the bed. "Please, what am I missing?"

"Tara." Ruth looked up at Buffy. "She knew how much you cared and she knows how much you miss her and she doesn't think that you should blame yourself." The witch let her eyes drop as she finished.

"Is s-s-she here?" An unknown hint of fear entered Buffy's voice as she looked around.

"People we love, who we loose are always with us." Ruth answered the question broadly. "I'm lucky enough to be able to talk to them."

"Y-You talk to Tara?" Buffy's voice was barely a whisper as she tried to fathom what Ruth was telling her.

"Listen usually, when she has something to say. Like right now she's saying that it's okay to be wiggy." The witch's nose scrunched up as she tried to pronounce the odd word. "Whatever that is, she was when you told her about Spike once she figured out what you were telling her apparently."

"Oh okay how did you know that?" Buffy backed off the bed. "Tara?" She looked into the air.

"Sorry, look I'm handling this all wrong." Ruth frowned as she watched the Slayer retreat.

"Wow." Buffy moved over and sat down again. "How is she?" She asked not sure how to really do this, just for the first time she could feel something activating her slayer senses in a way that they never had before. "Tell her I'm so sorry... about the shooting... I didn't... and then Willow..." She turned away as her eyes got teary.

"She asks you not to cry, that there has been too many tears for someone who preferred laughter." Ruth encouraged gently.

"Oh wow." Buffy turned back to the witch and wiped at her cheeks. "Okay, so if you talk to Tara or if Tara talks to you then you know Tara doesn't think anyone could replace her but she has to know Willow can't spend the rest of her life alone."

"By the way is she impressed I'm not losing my mind this time about the gay thing?" Buffy couldn't help asking the question.

"She has a great laugh, all from the stomach and self confident in this strange un-Tara way." Buffy filled in with a smile. "And hey you ghost girl I didn't do that bad." She looked at the air.

"She says that you didn't but then apparently Willow didn't give you much of a choice." Ruth filled in for the Slayer. "Over laundry during another apocalypse wasn't a good choice."

"She smiled and said there is nothing, but maybe there should be." Ruth replied confused. "Am I allowed to know what I am asking her about?"

"Ruth, I'm not sure if you know this but our Willow well she isn't the biggest or easiest get to know you girl." Buffy tried to explain. "But the way you two are around each other, so comfortable and happy, especially after all you've both been through."

"I'm just thankful that I can be a friend to her, that she let me in." Ruth smiled.

"So you don't want more than friendship?" Buffy tilted her head as she asked the hard question.

"Buffy!" Ruth took a breath and looked at the Slayer. "I already love Willow. I couldn't love her any more than I already do." She admitted softly.

"Giles said you're empathic, right?" Buffy checked the facts she knew and she wasn't surprised to see Ruth nod. "Here." She held out her hand to the young witch. "I just want her to be happy." Buffy whispered consciously letting all of her blocks fall when she felt warm fingers touch hers.

"So do I." Ruth let herself feel for a long moment before filtering the Slayer out.

"I hope we can be friends." Buffy changed tracks slightly. "I've had a lot of time to think, a lot of time to realize what I became when she brought me back. The things I let happen, the anguish that I caused."

"You needed that Buffy, everything we go through we go through for a reason." The witch tried to give her some comfort.

"That's really hard to accept Ruth." Buffy shook her head. "I don't know why I needed the things I went through. I don't know what I'm supposed to have learnt."

"We're not supposed to know everything Buffy, that much I do know." Ruth said uncrossing her legs slightly suddenly looking very exhausted.

"I guess not." Buffy smiled sadly. "I'm sorry, you must be tired. Can I bring you anything?"

"I get a little tired when talking and reading." Ruth explained trying not to appear too pathetic.

"I didn't mean to overwhelm you." Buffy stood up genuinely apologetic. "I just... I'm sorry if before you thought I was upset or angry. I wasn't, I was just trying to understand."

"No, it's okay, I understand." Ruth shook off the worry. "You care about her deeply, best friends."

"So did you want anything? I could wrangle Lo and send her in here." Buffy smiled as she used the nickname.

"I think maybe I should minimize time with Willow, I have a feeling you'll be the understanding one." The witch admitted sadly.

"I'll take care of my gang, they say one word to you sideways then you let me know okay?" Buffy gave the warning. "They mean well but sometimes they get a little close-minded."

"Thank you." Ruth said genuinely knowing the Slayer would do what she could to help.

"I know this is unfair." Buffy moved closer to the door and turned back. "But Tara hasn't mentioned seeing my mom has she?" The question came in a soft oddly vulnerable voice.

"She watches over you all the time Buffy, you make her very proud." Ruth whispered back.

"I made so many mistakes, especially with Dawn." Buffy's voice held a huge amount of remorse.

"Everyone makes them, she said remember something about being a cow and almost trying to burn you and Willow at the stake." Ruth frowned unsure she had the message right it didn't make any sense to her at all.

"Mom." Buffy smiled softly through her pain, as the memory became clear. "Tell her I love her, please." She put her hand over her heart as she pulled the door open.

Willow couldn't help but smile as she sat watching Anya fussing with the tree as Xander systemically went through the presents and gave everyone a section at the bottom for their little parcels to be divided up into. There was a soft fire burning in the hearth nearby and she laughed as Dawn sprayed fake snow onto the window. She was a little tired, after all this was all so exciting. It was almost Christmas and she had all the people she loved.

The thought made Willow stop. No, that wasn't right, she didn't have everyone she loved here. There was one very important person missing, one very important person who wouldn't be arriving at the door with cold cheeks and an arm full of presents. That indisputable fact made her sad but she tried not to focus on it. She couldn't focus on it right now with everyone around.

"Hey, hey what's that I see?" Xander's bright cheery voice called close to her ear. "No glum faces Wills."

"Oh sorry." Xander looked down embarrassed that he'd tried to cut off her thoughts.

"No, Xander it's okay." Willow shook her head and reached up to ruffle his hair. "It's okay to think about her and it's okay to talk about her. I mean she loved Christmas almost as much as you."

"Remember how her and Anya argued about the decorations because Tara wanted a color scheme and Anya wanted an array of homemade stuff." Willow smiled softly looking over to the demon.

"She was right though it did look nicer with a theme." Anya turned from her place and sat on the nearest chair.

"Though that she wanted everyone to have their own theme wrapping paper in case the tags were lost didn't fly with anyone." The redhead laughed lightly.

"I don't want to talk about it." Dawn said suddenly as she turned from the window. "Why do we have to talk about it?" The teenager suddenly dropped her can of fake snow to the carpet with an odd rattle and ran to the door.

"Dawn?" Willow questioned trying to get her to stop but Dawn paid no attention to her. "What do we do?" She looked to the others a bit confused, as the door slammed closed.

"She does that." Anya spoke up running her hand somewhat nervously over the arm of the chair. "Buffy usually just leaves her."

"She does that? Like she does that a lot?" Willow's voice was soft. She wasn't sure exactly how to take this discovery.

"She does it a lot less now that we have redecorated." The demon spoke honestly.

"Redecorated?" The redhead looked at her confused. "Oh redecorated." She nodded as what Anya was telling her cleared in her mind. The bedroom that she had once shared with Tara now probably held nothing of either of them, as individuals or as a couple. "How long is she usually gone?" She looked at the door again.

"It depends." Xander admitted softly. "Sometimes we have to go after her… I go after her." He corrected softly.

"Why do you have to go after her?" Willow turned to him knowing just by his phrasing that something was very, very wrong here.

"It won't be the same here." Anya looked at the young man. "She can't go there here."

"Can someone explain to me what's going on with Dawn please." Willow pushed to the end of her chair and tried to interrupt the circular conversation.

"She's not dealing with everything so great Will." Xander gave the vague summation trying to lessen the blow it would have on her. "Sometimes she's great then other times she's not so great."

"Yes." Anya nodded earning herself a glare from the carpenter. "But it's true." She objected. "She hates all of us some of the time."

"Not as much as me." Willow looked at the fire feeling angrier with herself by the moment.

"I think you are only the focus because you're not there right now." Xander tried to make things better.

"Maybe." Willow answered not really thinking there was any doubt at all, Dawn hated her. It didn't matter where she was in the world the emotion was still the same.

"Yes and it doesn't really have anything to do with the fact that you were responsible for Tara being killed, broke her heart, said horrible things to her, tried to end the world..." Anya's voice dripped with sarcasm.

"I'm not responsible for getting Tara killed." Willow pushed up not really looking at Anya as she moved to the door. "The rest yes, but I didn't get her killed." She opened it up and headed out.

"Because I refuse to tip toe around her like we've all magically forgotten what happened in Sunnydale Xander. Doing that isn't going to help her." Anya looked back at him with her face firm. "If she's going to get better she has to grow a thicker skin, I mean she did try to end the world. Most people like that don't get upset by a little taunting."

"She didn't really want to end the world, she's just Willow and she doesn't have a thick skin." Xander contradicted. "And your line about…" He paused. "Well that didn't help."

"Don't you see the point?" She scowled at him. "Remember when she just used to scream over and over that she killed Tara, that it was her fault. To me that's progress, this overpriced motel must be doing something." She reached up and picked at her nails.

"Where's Buffy when you need her?" The carpenter scowled as he turned back looking at Anya with the empty question.

"I'm right here what's going on?" Buffy came in with a tray full of h'ordoerves that Mrs. Lauder had prepared as a snack for them all before dinner. She wondered why her name had immediately been in the conversation as she opened the door.

"Willow and Xander broke Dawn and then Willow broke herself." Anya gave the synopsis to the Slayer without much prompting. "Oh food." She added perking up on her chair.

"What the hell is she talking about?" Buffy shoved the tray at the demon and turned to Xander.

"Dawn did one of her 'Tara things' and Willow kinda had a mini meltdown." Xander looked uncomfortable. "I was about to go after them, but I didn't know which one to go after. Though I'm thinking Willow, you know yellow crayon and all."

"For the love of all that is yellow Xander would you lay off the world saving crayon references." Buffy snapped at him. "You saved the world, great. We're all very happy for you, now we have other things to deal with." She stalked towards the door and slammed it as she left.

"Hey there Dawn where are you off to?" Ruth opened her door with a slight yawn, intending to go and fetch herself a glass of water.

"I'm going home. I'm going to hell, I don't care but I'm getting away from here."

"Okay." Ruth frowned and eased her door closed. "You want some company?" She took off lightly after the youngest American.

"What in hell?" Dawn stopped and turned looking at the brunette like she had six heads.

"I really wouldn't advise you go there, not even for a visit." Ruth tried softly.

"What's the difference? We'll probably all end up there anywhere, all of us will end up dead. If it wasn't for Xander and his mighty freakin crayon we'd all be there already." Dawn frowned balling her hands into fists at her side trying to hold onto her anger and not give into the tears. It was easier with the anger she'd discovered.

"Funny he doesn't look the hero type." Ruth glanced backwards to the stairs briefly remembering the flashes of information she had gotten from Xander when they had touched that first day.

"He's not. He thinks because he managed to talk to evil Willow and get her to cry he saved everyone. But he didn't." Dawn stomped her foot. "If Tara had been alive she could have just snapped her fingers and Willow wouldn't have done anything."

"I'm sure that's true." Ruth nodded gently. "The bond between her and Willow was truly unique."

"What would you know about it?" Dawn turned on her slightly. "You didn't know her, you know nothing about her. Tara was better than anyone in this place."

"I'm sure she was." Ruth backed down and physically away from Dawn. "And I am sure everyone wishes she were here."

"No, no one else cares. They're all talking about her like it's okay she's dead and as long as we mention her it makes it okay." Dawn felt her hands go limp as she leaned against the wall. "But it doesn't, it just reminds me that she's not coming back and I miss her."

"I miss her so much." Dawn slid down finally feeling her body break with sobs. "I never got to say goodbye to her, I never got to tell her that I loved her, I never got to say how cool I thought she was, how happy I was she forgave Willow, how much better everything was going to be with her home. She was there and then she was gone."

Ruth watched the young woman sink to the floor, the sorrow and pain in her heart and mind, literally pressing upon the sensitive witch. She wanted to go and support and comfort her, but was still very tired from her interaction with Buffy and the almost constant block she had to put up around everyone.

"I'm sure she knew all those things." The dark haired woman soothed inching closer still.

"But I didn't get to tell her. I was at school and he shot her, I was at school and she died, just like Mom. Just like everyone, they all die, they all leave me." Dawn felt tears streaming down his face.

"Dawn sometimes its not how long we spend on this earth with people that matters, it's the way they touch our lives when they are here." Ruth whispered to her trying to make her understand.

"Did Willow tell you about me? How I'm not really even a person?" Dawn looked up trying to be angry again but her words just came out ashamed. "I'm just a big ball of energy that doesn't even matter."

"How and why you were created doesn't effect your humanity." Ruth shook her head. "Believe me, you've already shown more humanity in the time I've known you, than some people do in a lifetime." She offered softly as she pulled her jumper over her sleeve subtly and rested it on Dawn's arm.

"I just want everything to be like they were, I just want her to be alive, Mom to be alive, Buffy to be okay, Willow and her to be happy." Dawn frowned as she looked down at Ruth's hand.

"Things have to change some times Dawnie." Ruth replied in a voice that was almost not the dark haired witch's.

"I know and I try, I try to understand but it just gets so hard." Dawnie closed her eyes reaching up with her other hand to wipe her cheeks.

"How hard it gets isn't the point, its getting through the journey that is." Ruth continued. "Just think, think really hard, about how you want to feel, about how the good times felt and your heart will remember what it needs to get you through." Ruth took her hand away for a moment pushing up her sleeve before putting it back.

"But I don't want to be happy without Tara." Dawn admitted. "Being happy without her seems so mean."

"Dawn the people we love, don't leave us when they die, they just move spirit side." Ruth replied.

"Different people have different names for it Dawn." Ruth attempted to explain. "Some people would say that Tara can be closer to you now, because she can be with you all the time."

"Can she? But I can't talk to her, she can't talk to me." She objected to the idea.

"Hey, here's the sister I was looking for." Buffy came down the hall and bent down immediately. "And Ruth, thank you." She looked at the witch.

"No, no really." Buffy tried to hold navy eyes. "You have no idea how much this'll mean."

"Tell Buffy what you said." Dawn looked at the witch. "About her being with us."

"Dawn and I were talking about Tara." Ruth tried to do as the teenager asked. "And I was saying that a lot of people believe that people who leave their physical life stay with us in their spirit."

"They do Dawn, everyone is still right here with you." Buffy nodded and looked at her sister falling gracefully down to sit next to her. "I talk to Tara all the time and Mom. They can hear you when you talk to them."

"But I don't want them to hear me all the times, sometimes I'm angry and I say things and I don't mean them." Dawn hung her head ashamed.

"What did Tara used to say when you'd say things you perhaps shouldn't have?" Ruth queried.

"She... she told me that I should think of five other things that I do mean to make up for it." Dawn looked up slowly blinking.

"I yelled at Willow." She admitted scrunching up her nose as she looked at Buffy.

"Dawn, you're allowed to yell at Willow, well I mean in a totally healthy constructive way." Buffy tried to figure out what to say, she didn't want to discourage Dawn from showing her emotions, she knew how destructive that was but she couldn't encourage her to keep up these tirades she was becoming famous for. "Mostly I mean you're allowed to tell her how you're feeling, but if you can do that without yelling it would be even better."

"Um Ruth..." Buffy looked up at the witch. "I know you're tired but apparently Willow went off to get a cleansing tea or something." She quirked an eyebrow wondering if it would tell Ruth more than her.

"I was on my way to get a glass of water anyway." Ruth smiled and trying to hide her exhaustion moved down the hall.

"It's too cold to be out here without a coat." Ruth walked up behind Willow quietly.

"I deserve to freeze." Willow had her hands gripped around the banister looking out into the dark.

"Why?" Ruth asked moving behind her and draping her gray duffel coat over Willow's shoulders.

"Dawn hates me." Willow whispered putting her hand up to the warmth even though she had been trying to deny herself it.

"Does she?" Ruth reached round the red head pulling the coat with her till it was around her completely.

"Anya told me, and Anya won't lie. She'd rather run you through with the truth."

Willow nodded as she felt the wind cut away from her body by the coat and for the first time she shivered.

"Did Anya also tell you that Dawn hates everyone some of the time and that Anya hates herself for exactly the same reason as you think Dawn hates you?" Ruth asked as she pulled her arms back and moved to the side of Willow leaving the redhead with the coat.

"She's a vengeance demon, she lives every day with the feeling inside herself and in all of her closest friends that Tara's death is something that needs vengeance, and yet she is powerless to help any of them." Ruth explained the reason.

"No." Ruth shook her head. "She wants what everyone in that house wants right now."

"For all of this to be a nightmare they can wake up from." Willow walked closer.

"Maybe having everyone come wasn't such a good idea. If they were in Sunnydale they could have had a happy Christmas without me." She reached up to hold the coat over her shoulders.

"Willow." Ruth stepped down off the porch and moved around to look up at the redhead. "Most of the joy coming from the people in that house is coming from the fact they are here with you."

"I guess I never thought it would be so hard." Willow made the soft admission. "Because if they hated me it would be simple."

"But they don't." Ruth shook her head. "They all love you, and want you home with them." She underlined softly.

"Ru, I know they are my friends and I know I love them like family but I don't know where my home is anymore." Willow shook her head back. "They redecorated our room, they took everything that I was away. The world is moving on and I'm not sure where my place is in it."

"Your place is where you want it to be, your home, where you let your heart be happy." Ruth moved up to the rail from the other side, moving her hands up to hold the iron near Willow's. "They redecorated so they could go on functioning. Sometimes things have to change sweetie." She said for the second time that evening again with a voice softer than her own.

"I know Ru. I know they had to do it, I don't blame them or anything." Willow reached her hand over and put it on the other witch's. "I just... I know I need to change too but I can't figure out how yet."

"Lo please don't..." Ruth tried to avoid the contact but failed, seconds after their hands touched the dark haired witch's knees buckled as she slipped to the grass.

Willow felt her senses snap as Ruth started to slump towards the ground. Not even thinking about what she was doing, she leapt over the railing dropping to catch her and make sure the landing was a soft one.

Navy eyes flickered open and closed a little as Ruth tried to fight the onslaught of emotions and feelings images and shadows that pressed upon her.

"Hang on Ru." Willow looked around for a moment and quickly pulled the coat off herself slipping it around Ru. "Tell me if this hurts?" She concentrated and as her eyes darkened out and a barrier slipped over the girl's skin highlighting it with a slight glow.

"I'm going to carry you up to your room." Willow slipped her arms around her and lifted her up. All of her recent training both physical and mental made the task more than easy. When she reached the closed back door things became a little more difficult and in a flare of desperation she concentrated on the door flinging it back in the frame with her magic to ricochet the counter behind it.

Carefully she turned sideways, carrying Ruth through the opening before she kicked it closed behind her to keep out the cold night air.

"I heard a noise." Xander was running through the house towards the back door when he met the redhead.

"I need to get her upstairs she's in pain." Willow looked at him trying to explain as he stopped in his tracks.

"Hey there Willow." Xander held his hands up a little. "I understand pain is bad, but not apocalyptic level." His eyes darting nervously up to look at the black ones before him.

"I'm not apocalyptic, I'm casting a protection barrier around her to keep her safe while we get her upstairs." Willow huffed and walked past him.

"But with the eyes and the carrying." Xander explained blinking out of his reverie and following her.

"She's not heavy and I work out lots now." Willow explained as they moved. "And the eyes, they mean I'm casting it's just a thing that my body does. No black veins Xander and I'm not trying to gut you, don't worry I don't want to destroy anything I just want to get her to bed."

"Can I help?" Xander asked feeling a little ashamed that he had been so frightened.

"You can get the door." Willow looked at the internal door that was closed and blocked her way.

"Right on it." Xander hopped forward and pulled it open. "Anything else I can do?" He asked as he eased back to let them pass.

"Can you get me some water and a cloth?" Willow moved immediately to the bed and with a blink the covers flew back so that she could ease Ruth down.

"Ru, just rest Ru." Willow pulled the coat off her and then pulled the covers back up after removing the witch's boots. "It's going to be okay."

"No, no honey, you have nothing to be sorry for." Willow leaned up and kissed her forehead. "Too much mince for you."

"I met Xander on the stairs, God he moves like a snail at times." Buffy was in the doorway the next second a cloth in one hand and a glass half full of water in the other, large drips fell from the bottom of it onto the rug. The Slayer obviously hadn't been mindful of spillage as she raced up.

"It's… oh God Will." Buffy jumped back nearly causing the remaining water to spill.

"I know I know, Xander already gave me that look." Willow flexed her hands for the items. "I'm casting a protection around her to block her powers, which are draining her. I'm not apocalyptic Willow, I'm just Willow using magic."

"Well you know I'm seeing black and thinking crater." Buffy admitted relaxing slightly handing over the two items.

"I'm sorry, I know." Willow frowned as she took them and rested the glass on the side before ringing out the cloth and blotting it over Ruth's forehead.

"No, no I'm sorry too, I mean Ruth has told me that you are still casting and that you have learned a lot here." Buffy apologized but she gave both witches a wide birth by walking around the bed.

"I'm really sorry," Buffy looked down slightly as she realized how stupid her reaction had been.

"Buffy, it's okay." She tucked the blankets around Ruth and turned to the Slayer. "Come here, feel, I'm not like I was." She held out her hand and Buffy initially moved forward but stopped just looking at Willow's outstretched hand. "The eyes, they are like a reflex. Like your pupils dilating in a lot of light. Mine dilate when I use magic." Willow tried to explain though the Slayer's hesitation only underlined her lacking self worth.

"It's not that Will." Buffy shook her head as she moved to the bed, kneeling by it she took Willow's hand. "I didn't need to do this." She glanced down. "If you say you're better I believe your better. It's what best friends do." She underlined softly.

"Thank you." Willow whispered as she gave a slow blink and her eyes went back to normal. "She finds it hard with everyone around, she gets overwhelmed so I had to put a protection around her."

"Buffy, it's not your fault." Willow shook her head as she reached back to turn the cloth over.

"Yeah it is, I mean I had this talk with her and she showed me a lot, worked a few things out with me. Then she calmed Dawn down and then I sent her out to you, but she'd told me she was tired when I went in to talk to her, let alone after it all." Buffy frowned slightly self deprecatingly.

"She's been really excited about Christmas too." Willow put her arm around Buffy's shoulder. "We just need to look after her. She's like you, she thinks she's a super woman."

"She told me," Buffy glanced at Ruth and then turned to look at Willow properly her voice dipping down to a whisper. "About mom, about Tara."

"Oh." Willow was taken back for a moment. "She usually keeps it a secret, now I know why she's so tired though." She smiled at the Slayer. "Did you talk to them?"

"No, like that it's not like anything I've ever seen before. Is she going to be okay?" Buffy laughed and shook her head.

"She just needs rest." Willow nodded looking back at her. "She'll sleep now probably till the morning. Running her hand over Ruth's again she took a deep breath.

"Do you need someone to watch over her, I'm up for watch duty if you need to get off to bed." Buffy offered watching Willow carefully.

"Umm actually I usually sneak in and sleep here, I have lots of nightmares and she helps me with them." Willow made the soft admission not wanting to lie to the Slayer.

"So I wasn't imagining it earlier when I thought they looked like Willow socks." Buffy smiled and nodded to a neatly folded pile of clothes on a chair on top of the pile was a pair of striped socks.

"No." Willow looked over and smiled at the neat pile that Mrs. Lauder had created.

"We're never alone Buffy, they're always with us." Willow reminded her leaning down a bit against the bed as they talked.

"So I've recently learned." Buffy nodded thoughtfully. "Were you freaked when she told you?"

"I was surprised but then she started telling me stuff and it just seemed so right. Like it should be." Willow admitted.

"She told me about things that no one but Tara could know." Willow confirmed shyly that she had believed.

"It's made getting my head together so much easier, just to know she doesn't hate me or blame me. Well she's not overly proud of the things I've done, but she thinks I can make up for it." Willow felt her voice go to a whisper again.

"How is Dawn?" Willow's voice went even quieter as she asked the question that was playing on her lips.

"I'm fine." The teenager's voice came from the door. "Xander and Anya are downstairs bickering so I came to see how things were. I heard from the yelling that Ruth wasn't well." She explained. "And I wanted to apologize." She added a little quieter as she stood in the doorway not actually entering the room. "I didn't mean to upset you or to storm out like that." She looked down at her slippers.

"It's okay Dawnie." Willow poked her head up looking at the teenager. "You want to come sit with us?"

"No, I was just going to bed." Dawn pointed out and to the other staircase. "I just wanted to you know, check and stuff. Christmas Eve tomorrow, big day, well not as big as the day after but you know."

"Want me to come and tuck you in?" Buffy asked, it was a soft warm-hearted offer from the Slayer.

Willow offered trying not to show how likely she thought Dawn's refusal was going to be.

"Buffy's already offered to watch for a bit." Willow looked at the Slayer who nodded. "She'd want me to show you where the cookies are hidden."

Willow hadn't pushed to tear away at the silence that had erupted when she'd come back to Dawn's room. She'd been really happy the teenager had even considered her offer, so that she was here and Dawn was just finishing brushing her teeth was a total bonus. Absently she hung up some of Buffy's yet unpacked clothes trying to keep busy.

"I think mostly to finish unpacking, maybe you guys can go for a quick horse ride. Then lots of Christmas Eve stuff." Willow finished up with the clothes.

Willow answered sitting down on Buffy's bed. "And you don't have to worry about any demons crashing through the window."

"Are you sure, Anya was telling us on the flight over about the true story behind the American werewolf in London." Dawn frowned briefly.

"In London yes, but the house, the whole estate has a magical protection on it. Nothing comes to bother us here." She tried to make the young woman feel better.

"No." Dawn shook her head. "Being in high school helps. You know new friends, new things to do."

"Yeah it's ok." Dawn nodded but didn't manage to smile. "I bet Buffy didn't tell you, but Spike's back."

"Dawn, I'm sorry about earlier. I didn't mean to upset you." Willow tried to breach the silence and clipped responses.

"Did you want anything before bed? " Willow stood up taking this as her cue to leave.

"In the kitchen under the skin in a plastic lidded container." Willow smiled softly. "All kinds of cookies and chocolates."

"Most of us are on very strict diets. We're not supposed to eat them." The redhead admitted. "Too much sugar makes me really ill."

"It's okay, Mrs. Lauder has great cookies. You'll love them, you can eat lots for me." She tried to cover up.

"Do you like it here?" Dawn asked looking from Willow to the large gothic style window.

"It's become more livable over time." Willow answered the only way she knew how.

"No, I mean seeing you is nice, I just wish you could have come home then there wouldn't be other people to think about." Dawn shrugged again.

"Oh... I'm sorry Dawn." Willow frowned. "I just... I'm not well enough… yet." She tried to be hopeful as she tacked on the small word.

"I still am weak and I have a regiment to go through every day." Willow tried to list the reasons.

"You could do that at home." Dawn argued. "We could help you. Not a group of strangers."

"I know Dawn and one day hopefully soon that's just the help I'll need. But right now I need the security of this place, knowing there are people here to help me control my powers." Willow's voice stayed soft and ashamed.

"That weird guy Fred? He actually helps?" Dawn screwed up her nose. "Everyone here is weird."

"He does, in a sorta stricter than Giles way." Willow explained a little. "And most everyone here is sick Dawn, not weird."

"You mean are they as powerful as me?' Willow tried to get the right question before she answered.

"None of them tried to end the world." Dawn pointed out exactly what she meant. Willow shook her head. "So how can they look after you any better than someone we could get you at home would? If they've never had anyone like you before then how can they be the best." Dawn argued knowing that she would never had said this if Buffy had been there.

"Because there is no one in Sunnydale who deals with this Dawn." Willow stood up again, she could feel the room closing in on her a bit and she was trying to focus on her breathing. In slowly, out slowly.

"Giles could have someone shipped over." Dawn had a reply for everything unaware of Willow's discomfort. "I mean how much sense does it make just putting you in a prison with a bunch of weirdo's."

"I should probably go check on Ru and your sister." Willow motioned to the door.

"She exhausted herself out reading all day." Willow made a slight whirly motion with her hand as she inched closer to the door.

'Yes, walls definitely closing in.' She thought looking around and trying to identify her panic so she didn't get worse.

"Reading?" Dawn screwed up her nose. "See what I mean, no one gets exhausted reading. I fall asleep reading."

"Her powers, they let her read people, emotions, aura's stuff like that." Willow tried to explain.

"What?" Dawn's eyes flared wide. "That's freaky." She scrunched up her nose. "Knew there was a reason I didn't like her." She said softer more to herself as she slipped under the bedclothes.

"Good night Dawn." Willow's voice was flat as the last words cleared in her ears. "Sweet dreams." She mumbled heading for the door.

"I love you too Dawnie." Willow turned in the doorway and reaching up hit the button to turn the main light off.

Willow had taken more than a few moments to calm down and center before she moved back into Ruth's room. She doubted that she had been able to completely wash the panic and emotion from her face but she knew if she delayed any longer that Buffy would be suspicious.

"How is sleeping beauty?" She asked quietly seeing that Buffy was now sitting by the desk.

"She made a few odd noises and shivered a bit. I took the damp cloth off and put another blanket on the bed. How's Dawn?" Buffy was playing with a sand filled paperweight off Ruth's desk.

"She's..." Willow thought back briefly to the conversation. "She's fine, just jet lagged I think." She moved over to the bed resting the back of her hand on Ruth's forehead to check her temperature.

"Are you sure she's not just normal Dawn, you might have forgotten what she was like, you know all the mental and teenagerish." Buffy laughed softly as she watched Willow check on the dark haired witch.

"She's fine and she's allowed to be temperamental." Willow neatly ran her fingers through short black strands to put some order to them.

"You okay Will?" Buffy asked quietly. She knew that she sometimes wasn't the most attentive of friends but something felt slightly 'wrong'.

"Do you think it's weird here?" Willow turned to her asking the question softly.

"It's British." Buffy smiled but then realizing that humor wasn't appropriate she asked. "Weird how?"

"What's to hate? Big old house, a housekeeper, like how cool is that, quaint English customs." Buffy shrugged. "And my vampire sense hasn't wigged once."

"Dawn thinks its weird and that I shouldn't be here." Willow looked back at Ruth.

"That's just because she misses you." Buffy watched carefully. "Do I need to have a word with her about things she shouldn't say?" The Slayer asked seriously.

"No, no it's fine. She needs to express herself." Willow shook her head. "It's just... you know... hard."

"Everything's been about putting things in order. I mean the magic, missing Tara, the physical withdrawal, and the mental stuff. Even missing you guys, it's had an order and an outline. But now you're here and that's great I am so happy and excited and feel so special but..." Willow bit her lip. "It's all chaos and I'm trying to keep it all together up here but it's hard." She pointed to her head. "You want to talk about Tara and things here, Dawn wants to pretend its all the same. Anya keeps wanting to test I won't incant her head off and Xander's getting his yellow crayon version two ready thinking its his job to be in charge of this." She laughed lightly. "And oh in case you wondered I babble even worse now and it makes much less sense."

"That made sense." Buffy smiled gently. "We can back off if you like. You know have a quiet day. So you can get all your routine stuff done and focus."

"No, no that's not what I want. I mean I want you guys here, I want all the happy noisy joy of Christmas." Willow shook her head. "I want to be normal enough that all this is normal. I want everything I worked at to be worth something."

"And you know feel free to take time out whenever, and I will tell Dawn to curb the comments." Buffy pointed out.

"She needs to get her feelings out Buffy, she's been through a lot." Willow tried to say it was okay.

"She has, but she has to understand that sometimes you have to think about other people first." Buffy shook her head.

"I know, that's why I'm trying to think of her first." Willow smiled again. "I want her to be okay, to not let all of this screw up her life."

"How are you doing?' Willow not so subtly changed the subject. "You bored yet with no tingly Slayer senses?"

"No, its quite refreshing actually, I might actually relax by Boxing Day." Buffy chuckled letting the conversation turn.

"Hey no picking on the Slayer's soft spot." Buffy grinned. "What did you get me?"

"Clues, hints, freebies? Come on Will." Buffy put a slight whine into her voice.

"It's a great hint, when you see it you'll know that it was the best hint in the universe." Willow smiled. "Now what did you get me?"

"Get you? Will we're your present." Buffy grinned knowing the redhead had seen the myriad of presents for her under the tree.

"NO! PLEASE, PLEASE GO AWAY." Ruth's clear and distressed voice called from the bed making Willow and Buffy jump.

"Ru, Ru it's okay." Willow forced herself to turn as she landed in her skin again. She put her hands up to the brunette's face. "It's okay, you're safe."

"Do I need to go get someone?" Buffy pushed up from her place as she watched Ruth whimper wordlessly, her body shaking.

"Will, you're not here to take care of someone else, you're here to get better."

"This is me getting better." Willow looked at the Slayer. "I'm used to being useful, to taking care of people." She pointed out hoping the Slayer would understand.

"But Will, she has magic issues. How can that be good for you?" Buffy asked looking at the door and weighing her options

"Because... the whole world is magic. It's everywhere, it's in everything. I have to learn to live with it. I have to learn to resist it." She admitted. "And because she's my friend and she needs my help."

"I could just get the housekeeper." Buffy edged a little closer to the door glancing at the still shaking witch.

"I need to do this." Willow turned back to Ruth fussing with the blankets and moving over to the fire to light it.

"Dawn might need you." Willow answered seeing how the Slayer had retreated to the doorway.

"Ru, Ru we need to get you into your sleepy shorts." Willow spoke softly trying to see if the witch was semi-conscious.

"Right here Ru, right here." Willow reached up brushing her hand over the witch's forehead.

"I'm right here." Willow leaned down closer so those navy eyes could open and see only her. "I'm right here with you." She rubbed her fingers over the witch's eyebrows as her breath slipped over Ruth's face

"I'm right here. Just come a little more to my voice." Willow encouraged her not moving. Slowly dark eyes eased open and the trembling tension in the woman's body eased. "See right here, there you are and here I am." Willow breathed out relieved. "All safe and sound."

"God, I'm really not sure what just happened." Ruth admitted as she blinked up at Willow the redhead's soft features filling her vision.

"You overtaxed your abilities all day and they came back to bite you in the butt."

Willow explained still stroking her cheek. "I put a block around you for awhile but I think when you gained enough strength back it was even weirder with there not being anything."

"It was like being in a cage or a dark, dark box without any light." The dark witch shivered.

"I'm sorry, I won't ever do it again." Willow shook her head feeling guilty. "I just didn't know what else to do, but I won't ever do it again."

"No, Lo no, its ok. I mean its better than before then, before then it was just all noise and unfiltered emotion." Ruth stressed. "I guess I'm just used to a little noise."

"You are." Willow smiled. "Do you feel strong enough to slip into your sleep shorts?"

"Nothing to worry about." Willow reassured her. "I freaked everyone out way more."

"I could go get you a cleanser while you get changed if you want?" Willow offered reaching into the side dresser to pull out a pair of long flannel pants and a long sleeved sleep shirt. Judging by the temperature of Ruth's skin she didn't think that shorts would be a good idea.

"I don't think I could force myself to drink one right now." Ruth shook her head and pulled off her sweater and T-shirt.

"Okay, no forcing." Willow closed her eyes as she held the shirt up waiting for Ruth to take it.

Ruth leaned forward and took the sleep shirt pulling off her bra top quickly and slipping the shirt in place.

"Okay you can open your eyes now." There was a soft smile on the young witch's face.

"Oh sorry right here." Willow held them out for her. "I covet them you know that, they are so soft and fluffy." She laughed lightly.

Ruth shook her head and performed an odd little maneuver that got her jeans off and the pajamas on without revealing anything.

"Do you want anything?" Willow checked looking over to make sure the fire was okay.

"Ru, you didn't do anything foolish. You passed out. The fact that I turned into black eyed girl and carried you up here scaring everyone to death because they thought I was channeling another apocalypse was more foolish." Willow tried to explain.

"Oh Lo, was everyone okay, I mean did you explain?" Ruth frowned worried for the redhead.

"Yeah, it's okay. Just a crazy day, hopefully tomorrow will be calmer." Willow nodded. "Most important thing is looking after you."

"No, most important is you, and then is your friends, they have come a long way."

"I think so. I tucked Dawn up while Buffy watched you for a bit then Buffy went to bed." Willow shrugged.

"No." Willow couldn't hide the truth, she knew she couldn't and she couldn't be unfair and make Ruth read off her to get any hint. "But really Ru, right now I just want to make sure you're warm and comfy and get rest."

"Okay." Ruth gave in remarkably quickly sliding under the blankets as she looked across at the fire.

"I'm warm and comfortable and promise to sleep." Ruth shook her head as she summed up her status.

"No, no I don't want to leave." Willow shook her head adamantly. "I just... I don't want you worrying about my friends and what they are feeling and the stuff they are saying and not focus on you. I was worried, you were cold and shivering and I was scared." She whispered.

"I'm sorry." Ruth admitted her voice soft. "Come here." She patted the comforter beside her.

"I don't want you to feel bad, I just wanted you to understand without having to wear out your powers." Willow moved over immediately almost seeming as if some invisible force had held her back until then but now it had melted away.

"The more they're with me, the more I will get used to them and time with them will be better, its just because their fears, worries and thoughts are all new to me."

"Are you asking if I know that she hates this place, dislikes and distrusts me, and wants you to go back to Sunnydale with them?" Ruth replied. "Then yes."

"Then you also know that she doesn't mean to be so angry and judgmental. It's just she's sixteen and has lived through so much she's not always the most controlled person?" Willow tried to soothe things.

"Actually she's about three." Ruth couldn't help but laugh as she corrected Willow on that fact. "And that considered, I think she's doing pretty well, don't you?"

"I knew you'd understand." Willow impulsively leaned up and kissed Ruth on the cheek.

"She's just worried that you'll want to stay." Ruth backed out of revealing the full truth.

"She keeps talking about Sunnydale like it's the solution to everything but it's not like that." Willow snuggled around Ruth's arm as she looked at the fire.

"She wants it to be." Ruth glanced at Willow watching her snuggle and closing her eyes for a moment, the contact this time soothing her inside.

"I wish it was but it's not. Sunnydale has so many bad memories, so many people dying..." Willow closed her eyes. "So many mistakes."

"I can't think about there yet, about going back, I just can't." Willow shook her head pressing her cheek to Ruth's upper arm.

"Easy, easy." Ruth pulled her arm free softly and slid it round Willow offering her more comfort.

"I'm sorry, I want to be all taking care of you not turning into a big ball of messy fluff." Willow shuffled closer across the comforter and snuggled into Ruth's body.

"No sorries." Ruth shook her head. "Dawn is young and like you said she's seen too much and been through so much but in all that has happened she has had to deal with a very different view than you."

"Who is so very different from Willow the adorable, who used to co-rule her world." Ruth nodded. "She's unsure of which you are."

"You're doing great." Ruth hugged Willow tighter briefly wishing that she could make all of this better but knowing that at the moment Dawn's decision was far from being made.

Main What's New Fiction by Author Fiction by Pairing eBooks

Subject Index Submissions Gallery Forums Links Awards Contact Us

If you find problems on these pages please email your host.

Witness

By The Rainbow Writers

Copyright © 2003

rainbowwriters@hotmail.com