Witness by The Rainbow Writers

Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: Buffy The Vampire Slayer, Willow, Tara, Xander, Anya, Giles, Dawn, Spike and all other characters who have appeared in the syndicated series Buffy The Vampire Slayer, together with the names, titles and back story are the sole copyright property of Joss Whedon, Fox and Mutant Enemy. No copyright infringement was intended in the writing of this fan fiction. All other characters, the story idea and the story itself are the sole property of the authors. This story cannot be sold or used for profit in any way. Please contact the authors for permission to reproduce this story on any other fan fiction site.
Distribution: The Rainbow Writer's Homepage: http://www.therainbowwriters.com/
Mystic Muse: http://mysticmuse.net
Spoilers: Season 6.
Feedback: All feedback is welcome.
Pairing: Willow/Other

Summary: Willow struggles with her rehabilitation in England.

Willow fussed a bit more with the blankets, the tea on the sidetable and the books by Ruth's side.

"Are you sure you don't want me to stay?" She questioned again. "I mean I can skip my morning exercises, it's no big deal. Three days missed already right."

"Oh go on, you know you just love your exercises." Ruth gave her an encouraging smile.

"But you promise to stay in bed and rest right?' Willow gave her 'the look' that underlined that the only acceptable answer was yes.

"Just one sugar cookie is supposed to keep me in bed?" Ruth sat up a bit more and moved to pull the comforter back. "When there are so many Christmas Eve things I could be fussing with."

"Okay okay, three cookies and a glass of warm milk." Willow pushed the envelope. "With cinnamon in the milk."

"Great, I won't be more than an hour." Willow tucked the brunette in again carefully.

"Deal one hour." Willow laughed and kissed Ruth on the forehead before darting to the door. "Starting now." She ran out into the hallway.

Willow jogged her way down the long corridor to the back conservatory that had been mostly cleared out and turned into an exercise room for her and the others. As she went through the double doors she staggered to a quick stop.

"Anya?" She looked at the immaculately dressed demon that sat on the long bench against the far wall.

"I thought you would be meditating or having breakfast." Anya looked up briefly.

"I chugged my cleansing brew already." Willow tried to explain. "And I usually do exercise in the morning and meditate in the afternoon. Helps me center my energy."

"They really are taming you aren't they?" Anya asked though there was no malice in her statement.

"I've just got back from granting a wish." The demon looked down at her perfect nails with a sigh.

"Oh." Willow sighed with her. "Did it work out? I mean hopefully you didn't have to do anything too horrible."

"I wanted to say no, you know being Christmas and all." Anya shrugged. "It wasn't too dreadful, no death involved. Not that..." She looked quickly at Willow. "I didn't mean anything by that." She pointed out.

"I know you didn't." Willow smiled a little. "Do you think you'll have to work any more over Christmas?"

"No, we all get religious festivals off." Anya shook her head. "Halfrec mentioned something about coming over to join us but I convinced her not to."

"I'm sorry about yesterday. I didn't want you to think I was mad at you or anything." Willow looked down at her bare feet.

"Well it would be nice, but I'd like to know you're being nicer to me because you want to, not because Xander guilted you into it." The redhead reassured her.

"I wasn't aware I was being un-nice." Anya pointed out honestly. "Well apart from the thing I said about Tara, but that was more to see for myself how far you have come."

"I'm glad you don't really think that it was me." Willow nodded feeling a little worry inside her chest lift.

"Your new witch friend would have cleared that up if you'd asked her." Anya shrugged.

"I'd rather hear it from you." Willow didn't flinch, she knew that Anya would have been able to pick up on everything Ruth could do right away.

"So are you loving the vengeance again?" Willow questioned trying to make conversation.

"Its nice here, I like it." Anya looked out of the window, a heavy frost tinged everything white beyond it.

"It's peaceful, gives you lots of time to think." Willow nodded. "You know since you can teleport you could come to visit more than everyone, if you wanted to I mean."

"When did I say that?" Willow eyes went wide. "I mean I know we haven't always gotten along but I like you Anya, you're my friend."

"I like you too." Unexpectedly Anya moved and hugged Willow. "And not just because you have the power to kill us all."

Willow was caught a little off guard but she then smiled and hugged the demon back.

"Well you could kill us all too Anya." She pointed out showing how they were even. "So it's a draw okay?"

"Just think of the team we could make if we worked together." Anya's eyes gleamed for a second. "That was a joke." She added blinking quickly.

"It was funny in a scary apocalyptic way." Willow laughed lightly. "Though then Buffy would kick both our asses for thinking about taking over the world so I don't think it's worth it."

"I don't think anyone else would think this was funny." Anya laughed with her. "They always fail to see the humor in deathly situations."

"No, but we're friends, we're allowed to share a little mindless harmless morbid humor right?" Willow checked that she hadn't said anything inappropriate.

"Oh yes, we could even bring your new friend into it she could distract Buffy." The demon smiled.

"Naw, then Xander would just try to use his yellow crayon speech again." Willow stood up. "Do you want to do some tai chi with me?" She added before Anya could take the once funny joke any further into the non-funny.

"When I could be eating a big fried breakfast without worrying about the cholesterol? Are you insane?" Anya hopped up to stand and moved off towards the door.

"Have some toast for me." Willow laughed as she shook out her arms and pulled up high onto her toes stretching her muscles out.

Taking a deep breath Willow let her body slip into the first pose. She felt a little hope now that her morning exercises would actually accomplish something. Having anyone think Tara's death had been her fault, even Anya, was a weight she wasn't prepared to have to live with really even if it had been what she had been dreading for the last few months.

"We'd make a scary team if we both went evil Anya." Willow laughed sadly to herself as she began practicing her kicks.

Willow sipped at her cleansing brew and watched the ravenous pace at which the other Scoobies scarfed down each new course of food that Mrs. Lauder happily placed on the table. The only one who seemed to have any table manners was Giles, who was carefully coating a fresh scone in jam only to return to lazily running the silver spoon around in his tea. She shook her head each time as Xander or Buffy stuck yet another plate of something under her chin to see if she wanted to eat. It was a friendly gesture, but if they didn't stop it soon she was going to need an anti nausea pill. After all there was only so much her stomach could take and what looked like two loaves of toast, a pound of bacon at least a dozen eggs, fried mushrooms, pancakes, scones... she gave up counting. Officially there was way too much food in this room.

"Resting, she's still feeling a bit weak." Willow answered pulling her legs up under her as she sipped her brew. "I have to sneak her up cookies in a bit."

"Yeah, she just needs lots of rest before all the Christmas Eve excitement." Willow smiled at him and motioned that he had jam on his chin.

"Don't they keep a better eye on what you eat here?" Dawn spoke up from her place.

"They do, but eating and I don't get along that well." She looked at the teenager. "And I wanted to save up for tea."

"But you're taking cookies up to Ruth, wouldn't toast be better?" Dawn kept up her argument.

"Cookies are like your ice cream to Ruth Dawnie." Willow smiled softly. "She needs to rest and toast isn't going to keep her doing that."

"And we know how you like to get ice cream." Xander nudged the teenager with a smile.

"Yeah, because screaming I'm sick I need ice cream counts as getting it yourself." Buffy teased pointing her fork at the teenager.

"Why isn't it snowing?" Anya put in, attempting to break the tension. "There is no reason it should be this cold anywhere if it's not snowing."

"It might snow, it's unpredictable." Willow answered the demon as best as she could. "I didn't read the paper yet this morning so I don't know what the forecast is." She looked over to Giles hoping he'd say or do anything to help but before the Watcher could answer a new voice entered the conversation.

"Did everyone sleep well?" From the door Ruth's voice queried and the young woman eased herself from the door to the nearest chair.

"I was just about to bring you your cookies." Willow admitted with a soft smile looking down into her drink.

"Thank you, but I thought it wasn't fair to make you fetch and carry for me." Ruth smiled though it was a slightly pained one.

"I..." Willow tried to respond till she saw the nearly minuscule wince that passed over the brunette's face. She looked around at everyone and frowned deeply.

"There's lots of food." Dawn picked up the plate of bacon that was near her and pushed up from her place she moved down the room and put it on the table near Ruth.

"Thank you Dawn." Ruth tilted her head back a little to look up to the teenager her navy eyes dilating slightly.

"We're not doing this." Willow whispered as she put her mug down and pushed out her chair. Trying not to be shaky she walked down and picked up the plate moving it away.

"I know, it was a nice gesture Dawn but you guys should finish up all the bacon while I take Ruth back up to bed." Willow glanced around at them.

"I didn't want to cause a fuss, I'm sorry." Ruth looked over her shoulder at Willow.

"There's no fuss." Willow shook her head. "I just know you're tired and you need to rest, everyone wants you to be bright and ready to sing carols later." She looked up again at everyone.

"Carols, definitely." Buffy smiled her best smile. "Because we all know I can't carry a tune since the singing demon fiasco."

"Yes." Ruth's voice was a little weaker as she pushed her chair back, stumbling slightly.

"Giles, can you ask Mrs. Lauder to bring some brew up to Ruth's room?" Willow asked softly as she slid her arm around the petite girl's body to help her.

"Actually Dawn it would be more help if you could get the doors for us." Willow tried to keep the teenager from actually touching Ruth in any way.

"Buffy should carry her. Buffy." Dawn ignored Willow's advice, closing her hand around Ruth's bare arm. The raven-haired girl physically dipped for the briefest moment.

"Dawn, you can't touch her right now." Willow snapped as she reached out and gently pulled her hand back. "It makes her more tired if you do that."

"Dawn." Buffy said quietly as she motioned with her head for the teenager to move away.

"Me touching her makes her ill?" Dawn hesitated for a moment looking from Ruth to Willow and then backwards to Buffy.

"You don't do it on purpose, I can explain it to you later." Willow tried to soothe as she helped Ruth towards the door.

"I... I'm sorry I didn't mean to make you sick." Dawn looked at Ruth a little sheepishly. Ruth shook her head and smiled gently.

"We know that Dawn, it's just complicated." Willow assured her reaching out to pull the door to the hall open.

Willow had gently gotten the very docile witch back into bed and tucked her in as quickly as she could manage to maneuver them through the halls of the mansion without actually carrying her.

"I'm right here." Willow slipped her hand into Ruth' s and gripped softly. "Just silly old Lo vibes."

"You don't have to be sorry." Willow shook her head. "No one did anything wrong, especially you. How could you know you'd be walking into a smorgasbord of food smells?" She smiled softly.

"You stay put? I would have been really worried then." Willow reassured the pale woman. "And how were you to know that the Scooby gang were on high fried breakfast overload?" She soothed more. "Just not something we're used to. I was about to bail on them anyway."

"I just had the sneaking suspicion that if you were there 'waiting' on me that people might get the wrong idea." Ruth admitted.

"Mmmm well..." Willow frowned a little. "I think they had a whole lot of ideas, none of them very thought out."

"Dawn especially." Ruth opened one eye and looked to the door, from beyond it there came a muffled squeak and then the dull thud of something being knocked over in the hallway beyond.

"I'm sorry, she's not usually like this." Willow apologized. "Dawn, you might as well come in if you're going to eavesdrop." She turned speaking loudly to the door.

There was a long moment of silence before the door eased open and the teenager stood in the light looking guiltily at the floor.

"Dawn, what's going on?" Willow looked at her lost for an explanation she wanted to admit.

"I.... I forgot the way back to the dining room." She glanced over her shoulder and tried the first thing that came to her mouth.

"Please, if you don't tell me what's really bothering you I'm going to start making up all kinds of wild scenarios." Willow warned her softly. "Ask Ru, I can come up with some great ones."

"I..." Dawns eyes flicked up to look at Ruth for a moment and then back at Willow "It's weird here." She replied using the now familiar phrase.

"Because I'm not like I was before I left and I'm not like I was before I went all bad magic on the world?" She tried to clarify.

"Because I'm friends with Ruth." Willow attempted to fill the gap in as she looked back briefly at the other witch. For the first time she felt herself stumble over the word 'friend' in her mind.

"Is that why you're mad at me?" Willow drew in a slow breath. "Because you think I've forgotten about Tara and found someone to replace her?"

"She can't replace Tara!" Dawn squeaked horrified. "Tara was good, kind, loving, she's..." The teenager flustered. "She's a freak!"

"How dare you?" Willow turned fully glaring at the teenager. "I know you are upset Dawn and I know that losing Tara was so hard for you but don't you dare say things like that." She shook her head.

"And she thinks I don't know that." Willow flashed between them angry. "She thinks I forget the number of nights after we lost Buffy that Tara stayed in her room because Dawn couldn't bare to be alone. Does she think I forget all the hours Tara was there with her doing homework, laundry, cooking? I didn't Dawn, and I wouldn't have kept her from you for one minute." She shook her head. "Even when she left me and she still wanted to see you I swallowed down everything about it that hurt me because I knew you needed her in your life despite the screw up that I was."

"And you replace her with someone I can't even touch?" Dawn screwed her small hands up into fists, her young face angry and contorted.

"I'm not replacing her, I could never replace her." Willow shook her head feeling a cold sink into her stomach. "And it's not you Dawnie, when Ruth is weak it's hard for her to block out her powers. Everyone downstairs was making her more tired, not just you." She tried to explain.

"Are you going to come back with us when we go home?" Dawn seemed to put the matter aside for the moment.

"I can't." Willow shook her head. "I'm not ready yet, I have to spend more time getting stronger."

"No, Dawn. Definitely a thousand times no." Willow eased her hand free and moved over to the teenager. "I just don't want to come back until I am sure I'm not a danger to you anymore. I couldn't live with myself if I ever scared you like that again, risking you because of my stupid addiction isn't an option."

"But you're better now." Dawn put forward reaching out she put her hand on Willow's arm.

"I'm better than I was but I'm not strong enough yet Dawn." Willow looked up frowning. "I'm not sure of myself, I get overwhelmed sometimes..."

"I'm going to need lots of help along the way but right now the things they are teaching me here is what I need to know first." Willow tried to make her understand.

"Nothing, not even magic can make that happen." Willow put her hand up to her heart. "And I don't want it to happen Dawn, I don't want to forget anything about her. Sometimes I get so scared I will, so scared that I can't think of how she smelled after a shower or what her laugh sounded like or even think of how her eyes were so sad when she broke up with me. I never want to forget any of her but if I keep letting the magic live my life I will lose her. I will lose everything that I love and I can't bare for that to happen. Dawn, I want to trust you with a secret okay?" She gently pulled Dawn over to sit on the small reading couch at the far end of the room.

"Ru has a lot of power, like me, but a different kind." Willow whispered keeping Dawn's hand in her own. "One of those powers is that she can hear people who aren't with us anymore."

"He saw dead people, he..." Dawn stopped mid sentence her eyes flashing to the bed. "Ruth sees dead people?"

"She doesn't see them but she can hear them if they have something to say." Willow explained in a calm voice.

"I didn't know for a long time, neither did Ruth as she wasn't sure who it was but yes." Willow nodded slowly seeing how in shock Dawn was.

"I talk to her all the time, I just don't hear what she says back. Anytime you talk to her Dawn she can hear you." Willow underlined lovingly.

"No but has Ruth told you what she says?" Dawn looked back over to the apparently sleeping witch.

"Sometimes." The redhead nodded. "That's not why I'm friends with her though Dawn. I don't want you to think it's just to talk to Tara." Willow added in feeling the icy feeling in her stomach coming back.

"I don't understand what you're asking me?" Willow questioned back knowing on face value she couldn't answer the question.

"Ruth, you don't love Ruth, like you loved Tara." The teenager clarified. "She's not your girlfriend."

Willow tried to get something to come out of her mouth but found her tongue tied up in an effective knot.

"Of course I don't love her like I love Tara, I don't love her like I love you either, I love her like I love Ru." She finally managed the rather pathetic attempt to give an answer.

"I get that, you mean like you love me and Buffy and Xander. It's all good." Dawn nodded looking a little more comfortable.

"Yes and it would really make me happy if you and her could at least be friends." Willow tried to focus on Dawn and not the thoughts that were whirling through her mind.

"Oh we can." Dawn nodded. "I mean she's nice." She looked back to the bed. "Small though." She added with a slight grin.

"Don't even ask what size she takes, your sister will be unlivable." Willow squeezed Dawn's hand hoping they had found a happier place in this.

"You'll have to go horseback riding with her. She's a whiz or whatever you call someone who is good with horses." Willow pointed out knowing that the teenager had always wanted to go riding.

"Do you think she'll forgive me for being a spaz?" Dawn looked slightly uncomfortable.

"It's not." Dawn shook her head. "I mean it is, but you look okay. I mean you do, you laugh and you shop, I wish you ate. But apart from that, you look like Willow."

"I am Willow, your Willow." The redhead vowed and moved to hug her. "And I promise I'll have some dinner tonight with everyone, just a little."

"You don't have to, if you really can't." She said softly leaning heavily into the redhead's body.

"How about I promise to try my best?" Willow hugged her and rubbed the teenager's long hair.

"Are you going to stay up here with Ruth?" Dawn pulled back and looked into Willow's eyes.

"Just for a bit to look after her, probably meditate for awhile. Did you want to meditate with me?" Willow offered knowing the most precious gift she could give to Dawn was time.

"No, I mean we'll have lots of time over Christmas. You give Ruth what she needs and then meet us back downstairs. Xander's mending the porch." The teenager pointed out now sure if Willow was aware what he was doing.

"Then I have to come down soon and make sure he doesn't waste the day doing that." Willow smiled at her.

"One thing you have to learn about Ruth is that any cookie is the one she wanted." Willow grinned.

"Don't tell the others but that's her nick name." Willow winked at the brunette. "I'm Elmo because I panic all the time."

"She calls me Elmo." Willow laughed. "But don't tell Anya, she is not allowed to call me that."

"Xander could be big bird." The teenager began laughing. "He's so stuck on yellow."

"I am." Dawn nodded. "Catch you guys later." She waved and eased out of the door.

Willow laughed before she looked over to the bed and let out a soft breath. For a few moments she just sat there feeling all the questions and confusion Dawn had spurred during their conversation come back to her. Standing up she moved over to the bed and without really thinking about it curled down on her side looking at the brunette.

"I don't love you like I love Tara." Willow whispered curling her arms up to her chest and resting her palm under her cheek. "I could never love anyone like that except Tara, she was so many things to me, made me feel so many things that I don't think I could ever be without her." She sighed lightly. "But..." She stopped herself for a moment her voice dropping even softer. "But that doesn't mean I don't love you, it doesn't mean that without even thinking about it I've gotten closer to you than I have to anyone other than well Tara." She laughed lightly at herself. "And not that Tara is some unachievable benchmark or anything, because I told Dawn the truth I don't want anyone to replace her. I don't want another Tara in my life, the only Tara I ever wanted was her." She swallowed down a lump in her throat. "Just like no one could replace my Ru. No one could do the things you do, treat me the way you treat me." She reached out slowly and curled her fingers into the other witch's.

"I'm right here Ru." Willow raised her voice a little comforting the brunette. "Try to sleep. It's almost time for Christmas."

"But Dawn…" She mumbled pressing her head into the pillow as if to try and rouse herself.

"She's fine, we had a long talk." Willow pulled herself across the blankets and with a new awareness spooned her body around Ruth's. The relaxed feeling of comfort and security was instant and made her close her eyes.

Leaving wet footprints on the floors and carpets, Ruth hurried along the hallway to Willow's room, wrapped in just her gray bathrobe, she banged lightly on the redhead's door, the rapping light but almost panicked.

"Come in." The sound of the other witch scurrying around could be heard briefly.

Ruth waited a few seconds before she opened the door to find Willow stood leaning nonchalantly against her dresser.

"Lo..." Ruth looked at Willow her blue eyes wide, the only thing about her that gave away a level of panic.

"I... I can't find my sunshine." Ruth explained as she moved her hand to her throat. "I took a shower and left it in my room and it's not there."

"Oh!" Willow blushed instantly. "No, don't worry. I... I borrowed it." She added quickly holding out her hand to show the dark haired witch she had it safe and sound.

"Sorry, I just have an early Christmas present for you." Willow tried to explain as she dusted off some residue herb from the leather strap.

"Yes, I imbued it. I'm not really totally sure it will work but hopefully it will and if it does then we can keep recharging it so that you don't get so tired." She held it out for the other witch. "I put a very weak filter spell on it, to help you drown out everyone."

"You..." Ruth reached out her hand her face turning into a soft smile. "For me?" She closed her fingers around the leather.

"For you." Willow's smile broadened. "You want to try it out?" She questioned softly.

"Here let me, I'm sorry I scared you." Willow took the necklace back and moved to put it around Ruth's throat. "I just wanted to surprise you."

"Perfect. Though I have to ask, are you coming down for afternoon tea with your bathrobe on?" She teased and tousled the black mop on top of Ruth's head.

"You need styling Ru." Willow pointed out trying to get dark hair to stop standing straight on end.

"Well I would ask you to do the honors." Ruth grinned. "But you've already done so much for me." She fingered her pendant.

"Come on, I don't mind styling your hair." Willow looped her arm into Ruth's. "Unlike you I am already dressed." She smiled down at the long dark chocolate chord skirt she was wearing and tailored pink button down shirt.

"What am I going to wear?" The dark haired witch questioned reaching up to her pendant.

"How about your embroidered jeans." Willow offered thinking of something the brunette looked beautiful in.

"I do." Willow nodded as they made their way down the stairs towards Ruth's room. "Maybe with your rib necked white turtleneck with it." She thought hard. "That way you won't be cold."

"Okay let's get you styled then missy." Willow moved over to the radio on Ruth's desk as they entered the room and turned on the Christmas CD she knew was still in the player. "So no horns..." She mused as she picked up the electric blue hair gel.

"No horns." Ruth nodded crossing over and getting the chosen clothes out of her closet and throwing them on the bed.

"I'm sure we're taking pictures tonight so I agree no horns. I want to get a really nice one of us and the tree." Willow mused with a smile as Ruth sat down and she pressed some of the gooey liquid into her hand.

"Ooh pictures, a great opportunity for me to hone my photography skills." Ruth pulled her legs up under her on the chair.

"You do know there is a rule out against me having pictures taken don't you." Ruth shook her head slightly.

"I revoke any no picture rules." She rubbed the gel in and came around to the front to start styling it.

"Oh I'll be in some, you can have pictures of my feet." Ruth laughed and wiggled her still damp toes.

"Elizabeth Ruth Mann, hear me and hear me good." Willow bent down looking into navy eyes. "You will be in pictures this Christmas, many of them. Got it?" She gave her stern resolved face.

"Good." Willow smiled and messing her gooey hands into Ruth's hair she pulled the brunette forward and kissed her on the forehead. "You so didn't want to see my mock angry face." She grinned as she went back to work.

"Want pictures of me to take back with you eh?" Ruth said softly after a short pause.

"To Sunnydale, Home." She pointed out gently as she looked up at her friend with soft eyes.

"Oh... that take home with me." Willow frowned. "I wasn't thinking about that at all."

"Dawnie mentioned it, she wants me to go home like today but I'm not ready." Willow shook her head. "I still have to convince you that you need to take a trip to America." She added trying not to think about the idea of leaving.

"Oh I'll come to visit, you know I will." Ruth shrugged off the extra reason. "And you're doing brilliantly." She let her pride in the redhead show.

"You think I should leave?" Willow asked quietly not even noticing the praise about her progress.

"Good. I mean part of me wants to go home, of course it does." She whispered. "But it's going to be so hard there and... And…" She found her tongue tying up again as she looked down the short distance into navy eyes.

"And you're not ready yet." Ruth lowered her voice but maintained the eye contact even after the redhead had given her own ending to the sentence.

"More that I'd miss you." She summed up rather lamely with all the words going around in her head.

"I'd miss you too Lo." She whispered moving her hand up to close over Willow's shoulder. "Lots."

"Exactly." Willow breathed out her voice sounding as if the warmth from Ruth's hand went straight through her shirt and immediately into her skin.

"Are you okay Willow?" Ruth asked keeping her hand where it was and her voice low.

"I'm fine." Willow made herself snap out of it and smile. "I'm just doing a horrible job on your hair." She laughed the pitch a bit too high as if she felt a shiver run down into her stomach from the touch.

"You're shaking." Ruth went on her thumb rubbing a soft circle on Willow's shoulder.

"You are." Ruth nodded as she slid her hand effortlessly along the redhead's shoulder to her neck pressing her finger tips to the pulse point there. "Your heart's racing."

"Feels a bit jumpy." Willow nodded and Ruth felt her temperature notch up a few degrees and she even began to feel herself shaking.

"It can wait till you feel better." Ruth encouraged sliding her hand back to Willow's shoulder.

"Good thing you've got your magic Christmas amulet because if not I would have just overwhelmed you with crazy Lo brain for sure." Willow smiled and reached out fingering the sun pendant.

"I can still feel what you feel." Ruth moved her hand to cover the one resting on her pendant.

"The spell said it would block out everyone, I guess I figured me too." Willow bit her lip, her eyes moving to look at the skin of the witch's neck into the cleavage of her bathrobe.

"Hey, no glitch. You don't get that tired with me right?" Willow coughed lightly. "I didn't make it thinking to block me out." She added. "I just know how overwhelming the others are and they are crazy with the thoughts I'm sure and Dawn is like up and down and Buffy is woo slayer super brain."

"I know why you made it Lo, thank you and no, you don't make me tired, not in the slightest, I need your voice up here." Ruth raised her other hand to her temple. "Helps quiet things." She added softly.

"Good, I don't ever want to do anything but help." Willow smiled at the idea of her innately making anything better as she reached up to fix a tuft of drying hair.

"I'm glad, because I want to..." Ruth stopped when she realized she was just staring into Willow's eyes.

"Willow I..." Ruth moved her hand to push through Willow's longer red hair near her ear.

"Do you know what I'm fe-feeling?" Willow breathed out as fingers curled around her ear.

"Yes." Willow answered blushing at the tops of her cheeks. "In a good way though right, you're getting the whole in a good, good way bit?"

"Anything else coming out of my addled brain." She closed her eyes as Ruth's thumb brushed down her neck.

"I had hoped that would be the first thing you picked up on." Willow admitted opening her eyes. "Unless you don't want that to be there?" Her words had a slightly odd cadence as if she could hyperventilate at any moment depending on the answer.

"I want it." Ruth replied leaning in a little close to the redhead. Willow didn't flinch at all, but a slightly high noise escaped her lips as Ruth got closer.

"Love you too." Ruth said smoothly, placing her lips lightly on Willow's cheek before pulling back slightly.

"Oh." She stammered out the small word before she finally breathed again. "I should get water to fix your hair." She pulled away floundering to pull a towel off the side table.

"No, I mean pictures and it's all crazy in that way you hate." Willow turned a little as her arm was tugged.

"My hair takes a second to fix and if it doesn't go right we just wet it again, this we have to get right first time because there's no dipping it in water to set it straight again." Ruth reached out with her other hand and slowly and gently eased the redhead around to face her. Willow's body moved rather easily into place in front of the brunette. "Lo, I have a thousand words and a thousand thoughts all running around this busy brain of mine most of the time, but when I'm with you they all get narrowed down to a mere handful." She blinked navy eyes at the redhead. "I've seen a thousand places, hell I've created most of them. I've seen so many fantastical things, but at night, when I want to sleep, it's this." Ruth cupped Willow's chin. "This face that brings me home."

"Face of a best friend." Willow spelled out the line that seemingly had been drawn with the witch's earlier comment. Ruth nodded rubbing her thumb on Willow's cheek,

"The face of my best friend and the woman that is behind it." She pointed out carefully.

"Oh Lo." Ruth shook her head and continued to rub Willow's cheek. "I've tried so hard." Unbidden she felt her navy eyes fill with tears.

"No, no please Ru. Its okay... best friend is great... I am so lucky." Willow rushed to console her when she saw tears. "I mean I never thought I'd be worthy of anything let alone having someone as wonderful as you as my friend, who trusts me and who I trust."

"It's not okay, because this isn't supposed to happen." Ruth shook her head, feeling the panic begin to rise inside her she pushed hard at the tears that were now on her cheeks.

"Please Ru, it's okay. I'm right here see, I'm not going anywhere." Willow kept trying to reassure her. "Please don't cry, I didn't want to make you cry." She reached up brushing away tears with a frown.

"I've tried not to do this, I've tried so hard." Ruth shook her head, trying not to lean into the comfort that Willow offered but finding herself almost unable.

"Ru, it's okay. No one could expect you to just not say anything when I'm there with my big old heart on my sleeve making you feel pressured. I'm glad you told me." Willow took a brave breath as she brushed away more tears. "I don't want you ever to feel like you have to say or do anything." She shook her head to the idea trying to convince Ruth how true it was.

"Best friends who hold hands? Best friends who sleep in the same bed?" Ruth pushed back a little and frowned at the redhead.

"Not if that makes you uncomfortable." Willow stiffened again as Ruth pulled back.

"I love you too Ru, nothing could change that." Willow replied instantly. "Even if you don't love me the same way, I don't deserve you as a friend..." The redhead was just about hitting full babble steam when she was derailed.

"Am I going to have to kiss you to spell this out?" Ruth made the firm ultimatum.

"Um... Ru... best friends don't kiss... I mean Buffy and I have never..." She stuttered out the words.

"No they don't." Ruth agreed wincing slightly. "But that doesn't stop me from wanting to."

"Ruth..." Willow seemed about to break into another long confusing battle of words when she stepped forward the short distance between them and gripped her hands into the large collar of Ruth's bathroom and closing her eyes, she leaned in and kissed her.

Ruth raised her arm and looped it around Willow's slim body raising her other hand to rest back on the redhead's cheek and she breathed in and kissed her back. She felt Willow tilt her head slightly, placing several kisses along Ruth's lower lip breathing in deeply.

"I got you." Ruth tightened her grip slightly, kissing the other woman back kiss for kiss.

Gently after their lips had met a few more times, Willow shifted her face just a little pressing her cheek against Ruth's as she tried to catch her breath.

The dark haired witch laughed and shook her head ever so slightly against Willow's.

"You talk all British and confuse me." Willow teased softly as she slid her arms up around Ruth's neck.

"No, I like you just the way you are." Willow pulled her face back to look into navy eyes.

"Love you." The redhead breathed out the correction as her eyes welled up with tears.

"I'm... I'm sorry... I'm just so happy..." Willow blinked tears over her cheeks. "And now I'm so afraid I'm going to lose everything again... I'm going to lose you too."

"You're not going to lose me." Ruth shook her head. "Haven't you ever heard of the British bulldog?"

"British bulldog, it's the dog of Britain, supposed to show how determined and stubborn us Brits are." Ruth grinned. "It's my way of telling you I'm not going anywhere."

"Thank you." Ruth gave her a smile "Now I hate to say this, but under this robe, I'm kind of a naked pit-bull." She pointed out. "And there is afternoon tea."

"There is." Willow smiled. "But… Mmmm a naked pit-bull." Soft eyebrows wiggled over green eyes.

"Mmmm Lo…" Ruth moaned lightly as she stepped forward into another kiss. A feeling of warmth pulsed through the dark haired witch, she moaned lightly again and pressed herself forward just as Willow shifted slightly and sent Ruth a little off balance.

The dark haired witch's eyes snapped open, as she jumped in her bed. There came a gentle rapping on her door, followed again by a soft enquiry.

Taking a staggered breath in, Ruth looked around her room, everything was just as it had been when she, Dawn and Willow had come up from breakfast. Trying to even her breathing out Ruth sat herself up in the bed. Raising her hand to her throat she felt the rapid push of her pulse point in her neck and then with a slight frown, she noted that her sun pendant was missing.

"Ru come on sleepyhead you can't still be napping Christmas Eve away." Willow called, knocking on the door again. "And I have a surprise for you."

"A surprise?" Ruth called back slowly regaining composure. She got out of the bed and crossed to the door, for some reason not wanting to actually be in bed when the redhead entered.

"Yes, before you panic…" Willow said smiling as the door opened. "I took your pendant while you were sleeping." She held up the silver sun. "I wanted to imbue it, kind of a filter so that you won't find everyone so tiring."

"Oh wow." Ruth felt her heart jump into her throat as Willow proudly showed off her handiwork.

"No, that is yes of course, but I'm going to have a shower." Ruth tried not to react badly as the dream came back to her. "Why don't we put it on the side and I can put it on when I'm all clean."

"Sounds perfect." Willow nodded happily moving to put the pendant down on the bedside table. "Right, well I'll let you get showered then, Rose said food should be ready in about an hour."

"Have fun splish splashing." Willow dabbed Ruth on the nose before slipping out of the room and down the stairs, leaving the dark haired witch just standing there watching.

By the time Ruth reached the bottom step she knew that Willow's imbuing of the pendant around her neck had worked. The usual background noise of thoughts and emotions was almost none existent, apart from two distinct traces, one was filled with anxiety and anticipation, the other happy contentment. Though both were noticeably different strands they both came from the same source. Willow. The very trace of the other witch made Ruth smile, but at the same time frown gently, the shower had helped rid the dream from her mind, but there were still traces of the feelings and emotions left flowing through her.

She took a light breath and pulled on the bottom of the ribbed red turtleneck she wore. It was new. She had bought it on their Christmas shopping trip. It was tight and short, finishing just above the line of her lace up embroidered jeans. She had styled her black hair down opting for a change using styling wax that made it look wet even though it had long dried. She'd smoothed the short sides round a curl in front of her ear and the back straight down into its cut 'v', the front swept to the right side.

"Snoopy dance, oh yeah!" Xander came bopping out of the room into the foyer still doing his impression. "Happy to get the wine Mrs. L." He turned and stopped his jaw dropping open.

"He-ah... Hi-ah..." He looked Ruth up and down. "Hey." He tried to compose himself. "You must be feeling better."

"I am." Ruth nodded. "And I didn't know anyone knew the snoopy dance. So you're singing and dancing your way to where?" She laughed softly.

"Wine cellar." Xander blushed. "And yes long enjoyer of the snoopy dance, you should see Willow do her Linus impression."

"Yep, anything you prefer?" He made a motion for her to enter the dining room trying to be charming.

"I was aiming for Christmassy." Ruth explained playing with the silver snowflakes that hung from her ears.

"Fantastically Christmassy." He reiterated. "Someone special you dressing up for?" He teased.

"That outfit will get you on the good girl list." Xander gave her the thumbs up.

"Be careful on the third step, it's uneven." Ruth called her word of advice as she moved more purposefully to the door.

"I swear none of you have the table manners of a rancid dung demon." Anya huffed as she went around arranging the napkins into each wineglass to form a pretty spray.

"They're just napkins Anya what does it care what they look like." Dawn grumbled.

"Thankfully the British witch has arrived, I'm sure she went to finishing school. Tell them why we do need all these forks please." She turned to Ruth as she entered.

"They're starter forks." Ruth said lightly. "And you need them because they are great at flicking small vegetables across the table." She smiled brightly easing the door close behind her to cut out the chill.

"Wow Giles you always said food fights were childish not British." Buffy chimed in carrying in a basket with fresh buns in it. "Hi Ruth." She smiled at the witch silently appraising and then being jealous of the fact she looked so good.

"I do believe you have just set my training of this little 'lot' back a good year and a half Ruth." Giles crossed over and kissed Ruth lightly on the cheek "Nice to see you looking better." He said quietly.

"Giles, you're not supposed to do that." Dawn waited until he passed by her and mumbled under her breath.

"Its okay Dawn." Ruth deliberately walked close to the teenager. "I'm much better now." She rested her hand momentarily on Dawn's.

"Willow's in the kitchen Ruth." Buffy pointed out as she lit the candles on the table.

"Better stay in here then, Rose hates too many people in her working space." She turned to look at Dawn again. "Have you chosen a present for everyone from under the tree?"

"Pick me something like clothes!" Buffy called after the teenager as she raced away. "You know how to inspire her." She smiled at Ruth.

"How do you both know what you are getting?" Anya put her hands on her hips scowling.

"I have yam." Willow announced hearing him as she came in with the covered container. "Oh my Goddess." She stopped short and almost dropped the container as she saw Ruth standing near Buffy.

"Definitely." Willow breathed out as she met with navy eyes. "Oh, yes hot yams right out of the oven." She didn't give him the corning ware as she had oven mitts on. "Let me just put this down." She blushed and tried not to catch Giles' eye.

"I thought for a moment I'd gone over board with the wine." Xander grinned as he put the bottles down on the table.

"I'll go and see if Dawn needs help with the gifts." Ruth turned back to look at Willow with a smile before moving to the door.

"Thingie?" She turned towards Xander slowly once she had finished watching Ruth walk out.

"The screw thing… you know… God why does my brain do this to me." Xander pointed to the bottles making a pushing turning motion with his hand.

"All of you on your best behavior for this dinner, I want joy and holiday cheer and no sexual overt comments or screwing pantomimes. Got it?" She glared at them all with her hands on her hips.

"Oh come on Buf, what's a holiday meal without some good old-fashioned screwing pantomime?" Xander bantered but stopped when he caught a full force slayer glare.

"Everything okay?" Willow came back in and she knew Buffy grumpy face in a heartbeat. "I found the wine opener." She held up the metal object.

"I should go gather up the others for dinner." Willow smiled as Giles went to the stereo.

Willow smiled as she fished her dessert spoon around the small amount of sherry trifle that was left in her dish. Dinner had been wonderful, with Mrs. Lauder impressing everyone with so much food that everyone was completely stuffed. The dining room was quieter and less crowed now as the housekeeper and the other resident witches went out on what apparently was an annual pilgrimage around the back garden.

"Did anyone want anything else?" Willow questioned smiling as she turned and her knee bumped into Ruth's.

There was a general consensus of no's from the table and the dark haired witch smiled softly at the redhead, her mood had eased during the dinner, which had been comfortable and relaxed.

Anya, to the redhead's happiness, had interrupted dinner periodically to take pictures so she knew that she'd have at least one memento of Ruth with the adorable silver and white paper hat on her head.

"I should clear the table and then its gift time." Ruth pushed her chair back and slipped out of her place.

"I should help too." Giles stood up having totally forgotten to remove his hat. The watcher was on his fourth glass of wine and had even loosened his tie and unfastened his top button.

"No, Giles it's just some dessert dishes." Willow pushed him down softly on the shoulder. "You guys relax while we clean up, you're guests. It's a British rule or something." She grinned.

"In fact you should all retire to the sitting room and sit around feeling your presents until we come back to open them." Ruth continued "You and Xander should have a cigar or a pipe." She smiled at the watcher.

"Silly Slayer you don't smoke them, you just hold them and let them smell up the room." The demon shook her head and began walking off.

"Everything you might need should be on the main desk in there." Ruth called in explanation as people filed out.

"I can't imagine Buffy with a cigar." Willow giggled when the door swung closed behind them.

"Well it's just like a mini stake really." Ruth offered the image with a smile as she collected up spoons and crystal glasses.

"Oh by the way..." Willow walked around and stopped next to her. "You look beautiful." She blushed lightly.

"Thank you, though I am sure I don't." Ruth replied. "I just wanted to you know, look better than I did earlier." She blushed in return.

"Ru..." Willow put her hand over the witch to stop her from picking up anything else. "You look absolutely gorgeous." She repeated.

"This is a new sweater." Willow appraised looking at the strip of pink tummy peeking out between the wool and Ruth's jeans.

"It is and this is a new smile." Ruth replied looking at the smile on Willow's lips.

"You know the have all my friends and it's nearly Christmas smile." Ruth laughed softly. "We're supposed to be pot clearing."

"Don't be, I like the smile." Ruth leaned up and began moving with her collection to the door. "Dinner went well I thought." She appraised as they walked through into the kitchen. She carefully put the glasses into a glasses holder to clean separately.

"Really well. I think Buffy was a bit tense at first but even she relaxed. It's not easy for her sometimes." Willow began sorting out the cutlery into the basket for the dishwasher.

"I can imagine, you've all had a hard few years." Ruth nodded. "Though I am sorry, Rupert with a party hat!" She sniggered.

"He's so cute when he's tipsy." Willow laughed and leaned against the counter. "He was totally smashed drunk when he found out I was a lesbian." She sniggered and then looked off smiling.

"Buffy, she came around, after awhile." Willow admitted. "I mean she wasn't mean or anything, it just took some adjustment for her." She followed up quickly not wanting Ruth to think Buffy had been homophobic.

"Dawn was hilarious, all I so knew and I'm so cool with it. I will not be a loser like my sister." The redhead laughed. "Xander just got this glazed look." She rolled her eyes.

"I don't want to know, remember I've seen his mind." Ruth shivered but kept her smile.

"Who I'm going to have to remind doesn't have rights to get to ogle you in tight tops." Willow pointed out reaching to close the dishwasher.

"He wasn't ogling, he was…" Ruth paused and reached to draw the blinds on the windows.

"Ogling." Willow shook her head pointing out it was pointless for Ruth to argue. "I've known him since he was four remember."

"How are you feeling?" Willow checked stepping closer as her eyes glanced down at the witch's choker.

"Tired, but better than before, so much better. This works great." Ruth raised her hand to rub over the sun.

"Don't." Ruth shook her head. "It's great, thank you." She dropped her hand back to her side and looked at Willow.

"You ready to see what your pressie is?" Willow asked rubbing her thumb over the back of Ruth's hand.

"Of course you can, the necklace was just a surprise not so much a Christmas present." Willow explained the situation.

"Oh that's okay then." Ruth was easily convinced, after all she did want to get to open something with the others. "We should get back I suppose not keep Dawn waiting." She glanced to the door reluctant to move.

"We should, though I was thinking at dinner and I needed to ask you something." Willow stayed pressed close to Ruth but bit her lip a little.

"Are you still sleeping in my room tonight?" She questioned softly trying to brace herself in case Ruth said no.

"Why wouldn't I?" Ruth tried to sound casual, after all her dream had all been her own creation, the redhead wouldn't have even been aware of it.

"Oh I don't know." Willow seemed flustered for a second. "Maybe an English thing about Santa not coming unless you're in your own bed."

"No, your room is fine." Ruth shook her head. "Though I think I might be going up earlier than you guys, so you might have to rouse me." She put in the only proviso she could think of.

"Of course, if you get tired you just let me know and I'll come tuck you in." Willow smiled and kissing Ruth on the cheek stepped back. "I know the Summers girls are hard to get to bed on Christmas so you're best getting as much sleep as you can."

"Present time." Ruth grinned and wasn't surprised when Willow pulled her towards the door having read that thought already.

"I wonder what you'll get." The redhead teased as they moved back through the dining room.

Dawn smiled happily, almost everyone had gotten their Christmas Eve presents so far. She'd gotten the gorgeous pair of black jeans from Ruth, who had prompted her to pick the parcel from her to open and she was so not disappointed as she had something new to wear Christmas morning now.

Xander had been next, getting a gift certificate from Buffy to the local hardware store that made him laugh. Though he did appreciate the fact she'd written 'To do repairs after demon damage' on the card. Anya had gotten a rare coin from Giles, and was thrilled, as it was both money and money worth more than the normal face value.

Buffy had absolutely loved the very designer pair of boots that Willow had bought for her, insisting on prancing around in them the rest of the night. Giles to his drunken amusement indeed had gotten a pair of very 'British' slippers from Anya but seemed to enjoy slipping off his dress shoes to completely immerse himself in the aura of a British gentleman as he savored his pipe.

"Whose first?" Willow looked at Ruth who was sitting beside her on the small settee.

Willow smiled back as she took the heavy packages from Dawn and flipped over the small tag under the ornate gold bow.

"To Willow, to begin again with strength, courage and most of all temperance... yours Giles." She read the message puzzled as she looked up to the Watcher.

He nodded his encouragement to her with the pipe. The redhead pulled off the bow settling it beside her before she began undoing the carefully placed tape on the thick red paper. As the leather binding of the book came visible she took a quick breath. Trying not to panic she turned it over when she saw the spine had no markings, opening the book she found that every page was empty but the first.

"Book of Shadows." She whispered seeing the calligraphy. "You bought this for me?"

Giles nodded with a smile oblivious to the looks of surprise that the rest of the Scooby gang flashed very briefly in his direction.

"Giles, thank you." She looked at him overwhelmed a little by the gift. After all it wasn't so much the book as the fact he was giving it to her and the purpose it was meant to serve.

"Ruth's turn." Dawn piped up from her place on the floor she presented the gift to the other witch.

"Oh wait Dawn not that one, that one is sorta just a joke one." Buffy pushed up closer trying to snatch it away. "Get her the other bigger one or a different one." She urged.

"No really, it's just a little cute thing, stocking stuffer really." The Slayer argued.

"Just give the witch the present." Anya blurted out. "I want to know if it's something I want."

"Well no guess for knowing it's from Buffy." Ruth chuckled as she looked at the label. A quizzical frown creased her brow for a moment as she ran her hands over the small package. The dark haired witch pulled off the wrapping paper and pulled out the slender glass bottle inside. Ruth smiled broadly as she looked at the sand filled bottle running her finger along the words Sunnydale, California on the side.

"Oh cool." His face lit up. "You got sand from the Hellmouth." He laughed. "Very rare."

"Just remember not to use it in spells." Giles chuckled causing everyone to glance at him again, "What?" He defended.

"It's not from the Hellmouth it's from the beach." Buffy glared at him. "Giles is officially cut off." She laughed lightly.

"Oh please he only drinks occasionally and he's funny when he does." Anya got up and snatched his glass. "Besides brandy never hurt anyone." She moved to the cabinet to refill it.

"It's a good Christmas spirit." Willow piped in hugging her book in her lap as she looked at the tree.

"It must be games time." Dawn suggested moving over to the cabinet where Mrs. Lauder had told her they were kept.

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