Witness by The Rainbow Writers

Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: Buffy The Vampire Slayer, Willow, Tara, Xander, Anya, Giles, Dawn, Spike and all other characters who have appeared in the syndicated series Buffy The Vampire Slayer, together with the names, titles and back story are the sole copyright property of Joss Whedon, Fox and Mutant Enemy. No copyright infringement was intended in the writing of this fan fiction. All other characters, the story idea and the story itself are the sole property of the authors. This story cannot be sold or used for profit in any way. Please contact the authors for permission to reproduce this story on any other fan fiction site.
Distribution: The Rainbow Writer's Homepage: http://www.therainbowwriters.com/
Mystic Muse: http://mysticmuse.net
Spoilers: Season 6.
Feedback: All feedback is welcome.
Pairing: Willow/Other

Summary: Willow struggles with her rehabilitation in England.

"Make me a witness
take me out
out of darkness
out of doubt.
I won't weigh you down
with good intention.
Won't make fire out of clay
or other inventions.
Will we burn in heaven
like we do down here?
Will the change come
while we're waiting?
Everyone is waiting
and when we're done
soul searching
as we carried the weight
and died for the cause.
Is misery
made beautiful
right before our eyes.
Will mercy be revealed
or blind us where we stand."
Sarah Maclachlan

Willow looked out the window to the rolling green hills and small fieldstone walls that cut the horizon into odd shapes. The fields looked somewhat like a crazy multicolored jigsaw, whose pieces didn't really fight with each other. In a distant square of green some animals could be seen grazing. From this distance Willow couldn't tell if they were sheep, cattle or maybe even horses but whichever they were starting to huddle together in small pockets, as the evening drew closer.

Reaching up the redhead curled the dark green corduroy jacket she was wearing around her body as a cool draft ran over her skin. It seemed to creep up the thin gap between her jacket and her dark navy jeans, bringing with it a shiver of emptiness that lingered long after the draft had passed.

Slowly Willow turned toward the source of the draft, which she knew, had to be someone opening the study door behind her. After all she was expecting him wasn't she but it was with surprise then that green eyes fell on a slim young woman with long mousy brown hair.

"Oh I thought you were Fred." Willow admitted as she turned to see the other witch carrying in a tray with two cups of steaming tea.

"Not unless I've shrunk some, oh and grown my hair." The other woman laughed nervously as she brought the tray closer. "He did say he was on his way up though."

"You say it like its a chore, I thought you enjoyed it?" A slightly troubled frown creased the other woman's brow as she brought the tray over to rest on a small round mosaic topped table.

"Oh I do, I guess..." Willow glanced back out the window, noting how everything outside had take another step toward dusk even in the short time she had been turned away. "I just have been thinking about a lot."

"Then Meditation will be good, help get rid of the clutter." The textbook answer was quick in coming and the smile that accompanied it was less comforting than it was nervous.

"Do you find it helps?" Willow moved her thin body almost painfully over and sat down in one of the wooden high back chairs, its thinly padded seat providing little if any comfort.

"Oh I've not had anywhere near the problems you had, I do it for different reasons." She shook her head and backed off slightly, a trace of something clouding her smoky gray colored eyes.

"You could sit." Willow looked to the other chair that was positioned almost opposite hers hopefully. "You've been through a lot too, everyone here has, I know that."

"I shouldn't." The young woman backed up to the door shaking her head, her troubled eyes never quite looking up to meet Willow's. "Fred will be here in a moment." She added as a reason.

"But there's two cups." Willow motioned to the neatly set out tray, it's two white bone china cups and saucers sent wisps of steam into the room. "And Fred hates tea."

"It's not tea, it's your cleansing brew. Fred suggested you might be retiring to bed early tonight." The girl explained as her hand took the brass door handle and the shake in it rattled into the fixture.

"Thanks Rebecca." Willow gave up, seeing her anxiousness to get away. With a quick bob of her head the dark haired girl slipped out.

Willow gave a heavy sigh as she contemplated that Rebecca's anxiety was purely to be able to get away from her. After all everyone here was leery of her and her legendary power.

"She's scared of you." A low yet feminine voice pointed out as the 'secret' door in one of the bookshelves to Willow's right opened with a creak.

"Everyone's afraid of me." Willow sighed out loud as the muffled sounds of hurried footsteps went down the wooden hall beyond.

Willow's new visitor a short girl with jet-black hair stepped into the room leaving the door just slightly ajar, her sneakers squeaked slightly on the highly polished parquet flooring.

"And so they should be." The woman continued, she walked over to the small round table and sniffed the cups lightly. Unnecessarily she tucked a very short black curl round her ear as she did so, though her tightly cropped raven locks didn't shift with her lean forward.

"No, I'm not afraid of you." She admitted straightening up and moving to perch on the narrow window ledge her back against the aged glass.

"Maybe you should be." Willow fidgeted with one of the small golden buttons on her jacket.

What could only be described as a soft, almost amused smile graced the woman's full but pale lips.

"For the same reason the rest of them are." Willow looked across to her. "Because I could go insane and destroy all of you."

"The rest of them have listened to the facts but have ignored the details." She pointed out, her hand sliding into her pocket to pull out a packet of chewing gum. Casually she eased a piece of the fruit flavored candy out of the packet and into her mouth.

"And what details are those?" Willow reached out without thinking for a cup taking a sip of the hot liquid, grimacing at the bitter but familiar taste.

"The woman you love, the person who gave you a reason for living, who offered you security and comfort and hope was pointlessly killed by an unthinking, uncaring moron." Willow's visitor replied without blinking or hesitating in the slightest as she spoke and slowly chewed on her gum.

"Yes, she was." Willow didn't bother protesting as she closed her eyes briefly seeing the smiling face of her heart, holding the dear memory still before her eyes for a moment to comfort her until the sadness welled up again. "I thought you were going to the movies tonight for good behavior." She looked up at the slim dark haired woman.

A short hard laugh broke from the other woman as she glanced at the antique clock that ticked almost too loudly on the mantle over the large open fireplace.

"We leave in twenty minutes." She pushed up from the sill, and began the walk over to the empty grate.

"What I always see, the inside of a popcorn bucket. Fred says its because I spoiled myself with the magic, that nothing now is 'fantasy' for me." The woman's voice held a hint of regret.

"There is no fantasy. Not when you've seen the things we have." Willow agreed softly.

"I guess if I'm lucky there'll be an attractive lead to take my mind off the flat coke and the loud background music." Crossing from the fire to the wicker bin that stood by the door, the small woman took her gum out of her mouth and dropped it in. It landed with a soft thud on the plastic liner of the empty garbage can.

"You seem agitated tonight." The redhead watched her and made the reluctant appraisal.

"I thought the analysis was down to Fred or your tall quiet friend who comes to visit you." The reply was quick.

"Mine comes without all the suggestions and humming in thought." Willow gave her a slim smile. "Can you bring me back some gummy bears?"

"Sure." With a smile that was slightly wider than Willow's the other woman agreed easily to the request. For a moment she stayed still looking down at the bin, her eyes focused on the small round lump of pink gum at the bottom of it. "I got a letter from home this morning." She offered Willow a reason for her mood.

"Oh before you ask I just want to smell them not eat them." Willow put in as the other woman explained, so she let her comment sit for a moment before asking softly, "What did it say?"

"You can eat the whole packet as far as I am concerned." A shrug rolled over the woman's shoulders as she elected to answer this and not Willow's personal question.

"She's moving." The raven-haired girl replied as she tapped the edge of the bin with her toe.

The smaller girl straightened up and cleared her throat, putting on her 'aunts' accent.

"Not sure where I'll end up, you know how it is Ru dear. Of course I'll let you know when I've found some where suitable for the both of us, but I was rattling around in that old house you know dear, blah blah blah." Her accent slipped as she finished.

"She's gone." Ruth pushed her hand into her pocket, she pulled out a fairly crumpled page of pink paper. "It was backdated."

"Ruth, I'm sorry." Willow frowned. "I know how much you were looking forward to going home."

"But everyone knew it wasn't going to happen, well, not everyone." She pushed the note back into her tight fitting black jeans.

"Do you want to skip the movie and go for a walk?" Willow glanced out to the sunset over the meadows.

"You have meditation." Ruth's whole tone and body language had softened slightly during the last section of their conversation.

"I'm not in the mood." Willow moved over to the small desk and scribbled out a note dropping it to rest over her cup. "Let's go." She looked to the still open bookcase. "I need air too."

"We're going to get into trouble for this." Ruth moved towards the ajar book camouflaged door.

"You don't really care if you get to go to the movies and well what can they do to me? Take away my tea privileges?" Willow shrugged. "We're going for a walk not a bender." She added feeling slightly angry at the situation she was in.

Ruth chuckled as she slipped into the darkened privacy corridor, the one positive feature about this old period British house. Ruth had taken the time to find out exactly where the rabbit warren like secret corridors went. They were the servant's hallways and offered alternative routes for getting into and out of most of the main rooms of the large house. One of the only down sides to them was that they were lit by irregular lights on timer based switches. Which meant you couldn't linger in them too long, unless you brought a flashlight with you that was.

"Meet you near the back door in ten?" Ruth asked as she flicked on a torch from her pocket, just until she found the timer for the light switches in the corridor. The long wooden hallway lit with a warm yellow glow as she pressed the next set of switches.

"Going somewhere Willow?" The soft light voice came from a rather well rounded woman who came shuffling out of the overly large kitchen. She made her way through the slate hallway towards the utility room next to the large back door of the house. Her brown curly hair was graying a little at the sides but her rosy complexion and broad smile made it almost impossible to really place an age on her.

"Just for a walk with Ruth." Willow answered gently still looking into the wind that blew in through the small round window in the ancient door.

"I could make you two a flask of something warm to take with you, it can get chilly out on the hills at this time." She offered kindly, the information not seeming to make her worry in any way.

"Now let me think, you've had some cleansing brew this evening haven't you?" She asked.

"Oh that's enough for anyone." The older woman replied with a smile. "And I know how Ruth hates it, so I think…" She paused for a moment her brown eyes sparkling. "How does hot chocolate sound?" She offered in a hushed tone.

"Lovely actually." Willow actually felt a smile pull at her lips. "Feels like ages since I've had any."

"You have a pretty smile Willow, it's a shame we don't get to see much of it." Pulling open a cupboard in the utility room the woman took a stainless steel flask from a shelf.

The redhead tried to keep her smile as long as she could before she turned her face back into the wind.

"I understand why we don't mind you…" Rose Lauder said softly reaching out to touch but not quite reaching Willow's arm in silent support. "So do you like it made with milk or water?"

"Let's see what Mrs. Lauder can do." With another smile she shuffled off back into the kitchen.

"Thank you." Willow added looking back out the window. She reached up to fix the broad wool scarf she'd grabbed from the coat hook on the wall beside her, around her throat waiting patiently for Ruth to arrive.

"I didn't know if you would remember to bring any with you." Before Willow knew it Ruth was stood behind her in the corridor, somehow her thick-soled black boots had made no sound on the slate tiles as she approached. She held out a pale of dark fleece gloves towards the redhead.

"Forgot." Willow admitted taking them. "Mrs. Lauder is making us hot chocolate." She informed the other witch.

"Rose Lauder care about things like that?" Ruth laughed out loud shaking her head.

"I once watched her take an hour long lecture from Fred about how she shouldn't treat us to things that were not on our allow list and ten minutes later she brought me up some batter mix from a cake she was making. I was sick as a dog for a day, but I so didn't care." Ruth related laughing softly.

"She makes me stacks of pancakes even though I never eat them." Willow made the soft admission. Ruth pulled on a pair of leather gloves and clapped her hands together stretching the leather between her fingers.

"That's because you're American." Ruth pointed out. "Rose learned all she knows about Americans from watching TV."

"That isn't very accurate then." Willow looked around the historic house. "Then again I think I'm pretty much a caricature of myself now more or less so maybe it is right."

"Either Fred's not start his self esteem thing with you yet or else you're picking up worse than I did." Ruth pulled her knee length gray duffle coat around her and checked the toggles were fastened.

"I don't need self esteem remember. I tried to end the world." Willow looked back out the window.

"Yeah and some days, and only some days…" Ruth turned to look to outside with her. "You're going to wish you had stopped voluntarily." She reached up and tied her short black scarf round her neck before tucking it down into her coat.

"Right." Ruth's voice was heavy with sarcasm a dark eyebrow arched high up her forehead as the kitchen door swung open.

"I thought I heard your voice." Mrs. Lauder smiled as she held out the insulated flask to Willow. Willow didn't answer as she turned back towards the voice.

"Thank you." Willow took it and hugged it to her body as she turned the open door and stepped out into the night her mind filled with memories of that morning on the cliff side.

"Don't stay out too long girls, the nights are drawing in." She smiled at them both and then crossed to catch the back door ready to close it up behind them. "You know where the key will be Ruthie." Rose said in a low voice as Ruth too slipped out.

The smaller girl nodded and took a slight breath in her lungs filling with cold damp air that made her cough slightly, she stepped off towards the direction Willow had set. Willow began following the garden wall knowing that Ruth was close to her as she opened the rusty gate and moved out into the field.

"You sure you want a walk?" Ruth eased the gate closed behind them, her hand absently tapping her coat pocket to check her flashlight was in it.

"Yes." Willow finally turned and moved into a pace beside the other woman. "So you sometimes wished that you stopped yourself?" She questioned in a whisper.

"If I'd have been able to stop myself I would have." Ruth pointed out as they walked over uneven thick grass.

"It's not as hard as you think." Willow leaned down to pick up a leaf off the nearby hedge, she twirled it between her fingers.

"Depends why you do it." Ruth pointed out watching the green leaves spin for a moment.

"I guess so... sorry." Willow looked up into dark almost navy eyes and let to short stalk drop from her fingers. "And I'm sorry your Aunt ran away on you."

"I don't blame her." Ruth shrugged she bent down quickly, coming back up with a long fallen tree branch that she used to poke at the ground ahead of them. "If she'd have done it and not told me I wouldn't have blamed her."

"People get afraid and ashamed of themselves. Buffy didn't even come to the airport." Willow tried to relate.

"You want to go home yet?" Ruth asked flicking her eyes up to the darkening sky. "And I mean America home, not back to the house."

"I don't know what I want." Willow shook her head. "I don't know where is home anymore."

The pair walked on for a moment in silence over the expanse of the first field, slipping sideways through a tree created hedge into the next field beyond.

"They didn't make me give it up. I know they like to think that." Willow whispered looking to the ever-darkening horizon.

"Then why are you here?" Ruth asked the logical question digging her free hand into her duffle coat pocket still poking at the ground with the leafless dead branch.

"Because I scared myself, I was going to kill everyone, everything... and I wasn't even sure why." Willow admitted the simple fact. "Then all I could remember was Tara telling me that you can't do things like that with magic, I stopped for her."

"No." Ruth shook her head. "Not really." She swung the branch a little higher off the ground.

"It hurts." Willow summed up reaching up to pull a red lock off hair off her cheek that the wind stubbornly kept blowing there.

"Life hurts." Ruth contradicted subtly. "Loves just a part of the ball game." In a short swift move she flicked a small lump of turf into the air with her stick. It came to rest a few meters away.

"Oh you know, been doing it a while longer than you, so better than you." She smiled, though it was not the friendliest of looks.

"As you told me I don't think this is a comparison point, our addictions are different." Willow didn't flinch at the look. "I was looking for power you were looking for distraction."

"Yeah, so how come we both ended up here?" Ruth chuckled flicking her scarf higher up her neck to meet with her extremely short hair in an attempt to cut out the draft that seemed to find its way beneath her duffle coat.

"I wonder sometimes how the council and the coven thinks it's smart to stick witches like us together." Willow laughed lightly. "Almost like inviting trouble isn't it?'

"I think its so they can all pat each other on the back and say jolly good show, when we all make full recoveries." She laughed again more sarcastically.

"So when's your watcher friend coming to see you again." Ruth made a vague tea link.

"In a few days, he had some research to do in London." Willow filled in the information.

"There's a stile between the field over here, we could sit." Ruth pointed to the wooden structure.

"I don't think the woods had time to get damp yet." Ruth glanced at the narrow planks as they approached.

"You know a lot about nature and weather." Willow appraised slightly impressed as she sat down on the dry seat.

"I was brought up around it." Ruth offered her reason as she climbed to the higher level.

"You're mother was a witch?" Willow took the lid off and unclipped the inner lid that made the second cup pouring them both a drink of the steamy liquid.

"Maybe, I guess I'll never know." She shrugged. "My dad was a farmer." She explained without giving much information.

"My mom's a child psychologist, she doesn't believe in hocus pocus." Willow laughed sadly. "Funny since her daughter is me."

"My mum left when I was one and a half." Ruth took her cup and sat with her knees up on the wooden slats, she rested her hands and her cup on her knees.

"I think sometimes about how all of it started. Wonder how it came so far, knowing that it must have been some twisted fate, some karmic circle." Willow mused watching the leaves pushed around by the slight wind.

"Tara, she was a witch too right?" Ruth asked blowing over the rim of her cup and then breathing in the warm rich chocolate aroma.

"Her whole life, she had a lot of power but she had this natural temperance. She knew the boundaries and she was never tempted to cross them." Willow explained sadly as she cupped the hot cup and breathed in as well. "She could have so easily, but she always knew when to step back."

"Didn't you feel cheated, by witchcraft I mean, when you couldn't bring her back?" Ruth asked the honest question carefully making sure she didn't challenge Willow to look her in the eye.

"I was so insane, I put Osiris in a temporary binding." Willow looked down as she kicked her feet against the wooden post. "I mean I'd raised the dead before, I should have been able to do it so easily."

"I do... but she would have hated me." Willow shook her head sadly. "She didn't agree with it, using so much power changing the order of the world."

"Is it her picture you keep on your dresser, I don't mean I've looked or anything. I just noticed it that first day when I came to see if you wanted food." Ruth gently pursued the issue.

"Yes, it was the only thing Giles let me bring. The rest is in storage apparently." Willow looked back at the other witch. "And it's okay if you look, I mean it's not like there's much to do in the house."

"That was the first thing I feel in love with, she was really shy so she wouldn't look you in the eye very often but when she did... whamo." Willow gave a sad smile.

"We don't have to talk about her if you don't want to." Ruth made it clear as she drank more of her hot chocolate.

"You know it's nicer to talk about it with you rather than Giles who just keeps nodding and Fred who just circles back around to the cheesy how does it make you feel in terms of magic?" Willow admitted softly.

"Does it bother you that most of the rest of the crew are frighten of you?" Ruth changed tack slightly, her eyes shifting to track a small wren as it hopped in and out of the hedgerow nearby.

"I find it almost funny, I was the girl people were least afraid of the entire rest of my life. Now I walk into a room and everyone holds their breath." Willow frowned. "But then I know I have that rage inside me and maybe they should be afraid."

"Everyone has that rage." Ruth pointed out. "What they are really afraid of, is that you have touched yours, harnessed it, you've let it take you places that they have only dreamed about and even when they dreamed them, they were terrified."

"Do you feel like you've touched it, your rage?" Willow turned to study the brunette in a non-threatening way as she asked, almost hoping to find some consolation.

"Oh yes." Ruth felt Willow's glance turn to her and so she turned to look out over the distant trees.

"Because I..." Ruth stopped to take a breath, and with it her resolve seemed to fade. "We should be getting you back." She frowned at the darkening sky and the bright pinpricks of starlight beginning to break through the gray streaked navy.

"Someday maybe." A trace of nonchalance entered Ruth's tone as she tipped the rest of her hot chocolate into the grass and climbed off her perch. "Fred'll have a fit it I let you catch a chill or anything."

"Whatever it is..." Willow stood up collecting the canister as she tipped her untouched cup into the grass as well. "You're stronger than it now." She didn't cast her eyes up high as she began walking and therefore missed Ruth shaking her head as they began their return journey.

Willow looked up as Ruth closed the gate easily able to see the outline of Fred standing in the kitchen door waiting for them. She knew she wouldn't have to warn Ruth who had already pulled out a piece of gum, her safety net when she felt nervous or anxious Willow had realized. Opening the door she walked in not saying anything.

"Yes very." Willow nodded as she undid her scarf and hung it up. "Thank you Mrs. Lauder." She placed the canister on the table. "It smelled gorgeous." She admitted pulling her gloves off slowly.

"You're very welcome." The older woman smiled as she watched Ruth cross though into the room with her.

"One of these days we'll get to drink it won't we Rose?" Ruth looked up and beamed at the housekeeper.

"I'm not tired." Ruth held her ground in the kitchen as she unwound the scarf from her neck balling it up and pushing into her coat pocket.

"In that case you could remain here with Mrs. Lauder, perhaps she has things for you to do." Fred looked up and met storm dark eyes with flat gray ones as he gave Ruth her options

"We were thinking about watching a movie." Willow interjected for some reason she wasn't even sure of. "Maybe even have popcorn."

"Maybe after our meditation you and Rebecca can." Fred turned and smiled at Willow.

"I'm making a choice, I don't want to meditate and I want to watch a movie with Ruth." Willow looked up to meet his eyes, she felt agitated and she wasn't even sure why. For a silent moment Fred looked down at her patiently.

"You're agitated Willow." He pointed out his eyes locking on flickering green ones. "Meditation would be a positive thing to do right now." He kept his tone even and calm.

"So I can crawl in a ball and sob myself to sleep with the clarity? I want to watch TV." Willow shook her head shaking out her hair. "You can put the parental locks on, I don't care."

"Look why don't I make this easy." Ruth stalked over to the large steel sink and dropped the flask she took off the table into it. It clattered horribly loudly around the empty basin as the short dark hair girl marched out towards the main hall.

"Why does this always have to be such a struggle?" Willow turned on him. "We had a walk, we had some hot chocolate. We didn't do any magic."

"You misunderstand my concern Willow." Fred's voice was still a painfully monotone. "The fact that you wanted to walk this evening and not meditate does not worry me." He explained as he made a slow walk to the back door, locking it and sliding both the heavy bolts in place.

"Then what is making you get that look?" Willow leaned against the thick wooden counter as she watched him.

"Perhaps that I would have wished to have been your walking partner or maybe Rebecca." He pointed out moving back into the kitchen, drawing the annex door shut behind him.

"Rebecca is so afraid I'm going to filet her she shakes whenever we're in the same wing of the house and what is the different between meditating with you and walking with you?" Willow questioned. "Ruth and I wanted to talk, alone. That was all."

"Ruth is..." Fred seemed to take a moment to think as he reached into the sink and carefully took out the flask that Ruth had thrown there. He unscrewed it slowly and emptied the contents sniffing lightly as the thick brown liquid seeped into the drain.

"Ruth is a lot further along then I am, she has a lot she can help me with." Willow stuck up for the other witch.

"That may be true Willow and it is why we have the group sessions." Fred didn't want to disagree and so worded his answer carefully as he placed the now empty flask under the running tap.

"Willow, everything we do here, we do with your best interests at heart." Fred called after her turning off the tap and placing the flask to drain.

"No!" Willow turned on him screeching the word. For a fraction of a second Fred's gray eyes widened but almost immediately any such reaction was quashed. "Everything you do is because you are afraid I will find my rage again, because you are afraid that I will kill you all. Don't think I don't know the difference between concern and fear." She made her voice come to a normal pitch. "At least Giles has the guts to call me on things, you just contemplate and watch your words like I might spit them back at you and burn your skin."

"I understand your pain Willow." Fred said quietly, wiping his hands dry on a towel.

"You're lonely, hurting and empty inside." Monotone words drifted from Fred's mouth into the pressured air as he began a slow steady walk towards the redhead.

Fred watched her leave and then slowly crossed to the old fashioned telephone mounted on the wall near the door. Punching in a series of numbers he waited momentarily for a response, when it arrived it was obviously an answer phone.

"We need to re think a few things." He left the brief message. "I expect your call." With that he hung up.

Willow had pushed herself blindly down the long hall and then up the first flight of stairs that took her towards her room. She hurried down the thickly carpeted landing, not really seeing or feeling anything that was until the sound of muffled tears caught her ears.

The redhead stopped in her tracks and glanced briefly around, she was near the end of the first landing, the stairs that led up to her room and another four rooms were just a few meters away. She just stood for a long moment, listening hard to pinpoint the sound before she moved to a door and knocked lightly.

"I told you Rose go away!" Ruth's usually strong voice was broken and fragmented.

"Like I can stop you only THEY can lock the frigging doors." There was a hard edge of anger in Ruth's voice.

"But I won't come in unless you want me too." Willow pushed the door open a bit noticing the room beyond was in pitch-blackness save for the light from a small burning candle. Willow held fast in the doorway, not crossing the threshold as she added. "I'm not like them."

"Hold up." The reply came after a moment. Willow could hear and vaguely see a figure on the bed shifting a little and then seeming to settle. "Okay."

"Are you okay?" Willow moved slowly into the dark room trying to get her bearings. She swung the door closed behind her.

"I'm sorry Fred was mean to you, it was my fault." Willow moved over and leaned against the bedpost.

"It's not your fault that Fred is a Council paid drone, who has no clue about how real people's minds work." Ruth seethed.

"I'm glad you came in and I'm glad we went for a walk. I felt better until we came back." Willow admitted. "I think he was really afraid of me for a minute or two when I was screeching at him."

"I wonder sometimes how he got his voice that monotone all the time." The redhead mused shaking her head.

"Paralyzed vocal cords, left over from his time as a wart ridden toad I think." A very slight edge of humor crept into Ruth's tone, all be it dark humor.

"Mmmm wart ridden toad is too good for him." Willow reached into her coat and held out a handkerchief for the sniffle of tears she still heard. "Maybe a tail-less salamander."

"It's ok, it's hardly bleeding." In the dark Ruth's eyes looked down at the white handkerchief being offered as she slowly uncurled her fingers from where they were wrapped around her lower left arm. She didn't even realize that Willow had offered it not having seen her arm.

"What's hardly bleeding?" Willow felt her voice squeak as she immediately went worried to the bedside table and snapped on the tiffany light. "Oh Ru, how did you cut yourself?" She questioned naively as she took the handkerchief and held it to the wound. Ruth winced slightly at the direct contact but didn't answer.

"Ru please, how?" Willow's voice shook as the pulled the cloth back to check the bleeding the sight of it making her head spin a little.

Ruth shifted a little on the bed, slipping her hand under her pillow. Slowly she pulled out a small black penknife.

"Never leave home without it." She held it out in the palm of her hand briefly. Willow's eyes widen for a moment as she slowly shook her head.

"You don't need this." She leaned in and closed her hand over the other girl's palm.

"Hey, hey they took my magic away, they can't take everything." Ruth made a slight move to pull her hand back her fingers trying to curl in over the short black handle.

"No." Willow's voice was firmer but still gentle. "This isn't about magic, this isn't about them." She kept her hand there.

"Willow please, you don't understand." Ruth looked up, her blue eyes shifting slightly. For the first time in all of the time she had known her, Willow noted, Ruth looked scared. "I need it." She whispered.

"I do understand.... I mean I have a friend who used to ... she used to get let herself hurt all the time in horrible ways because her body healed but it was the pain she needed..." Willow's lip shivered. "You don't need this, you're better than this."

"I know you are, somehow I know." Willow whispered. "I feel you walk into a room and I know there is something so much bigger than this in you. Something so bright." She curled her hand around the knife. "Don't take that from me too."

"I've not slept without that knife for four years Willow." Ruth said slowly trying to make the redhead see the pressure involved in her action.

"It's not going to be far." Willow made a sudden decision. "Just with me in the chair."

"But when the others come back, Fred will do the checks. He won't let you stay." Ruth argued feeling an odd wave of panic well inside her.

"He won't have a choice." Willow shook her head. "I'm sick of games this week. I'm sick of being told what to do right now. I want choices and my choice is to sit in that chair and watch you sleep. Okay?" She took a breath. "I used to be helpful Ru, I used to be so helpful and not just with the magic. I need to do something to help you."

"I..." Ruth was going to argue until she met green eyes. "I should dress this before I go to sleep." She relinquished the knife slowly.

"I can do that too, another thing I used to be good at." Willow let Ruth see what pocket she slipped the knife into before she moved to the side table knowing a medicine kit would be there. As she did, Ruth tucked her short legs, now clad in nothing more than a pair of gray boxer shorts, underneath the light blue sheet on her bed.

"Just try to relax." Willow urged gently as she came back to the bed and eased off the now bloody handkerchief. "I'll try to be quick."

The world had slowed down for Willow as she sat upright in the high backed Victoria chair and watched the flickering candlelight. She wasn't even remotely sure how long she'd been just sitting there watching the dim light as it danced within the dark. For a while she had listened to Ruth's breathing but she'd stopped focusing on even that as it became steady and even signaling that the black haired girl was asleep. She flexed her fingers around the small penknife in her hand over and over not really thinking about it, not really thinking about anything. For the first time in as long as she could remember, Willow felt still.

Ironically it was laughter that brought an end to Willow's brief respite. This time had slipped by and it was now past ten thirty. The nine other resident rehab witches had returned from their movie trip and it was their excitement that she heard. The old corridors and halls of the house rang with their light laughter and their footsteps, each of which forced its way into Willow's consciousness, shattering her stillness instantly.

With a jolt she sat up in her chair, her eyes flicking instantly over to the bed. She was surprised to see the small candle on the bedside table had burned down and left a large circle of wax on the frosty plate around it.

"I'll give you ten minutes ladies and then come in for night checks." Fred's voice called down the corridor over the slight noise creating another round of giggles and chatter.

Willow looked around in the dark. She didn't know what exactly was under her skin this evening but she was sick of feeling helpless. She wished she could just go over and lock the door, but as Ruth had said that wasn't a privilege they were allowed. Not really thinking about the consequences she walked over to the small desk and took the matching chair from its place. Carrying it over to the door, with some effort, Willow lodged it under the door handle so that it couldn't be opened.

'She needs to sleep.' Willow conceded with herself as she checked the angle of the chair before she returned to her spot by the bed.

Ten minutes later as promised, three pairs of footsteps sounded along the corridor accompanied by the sound of opening doors, brief goodnights and then closing doors. The sound of the door of the room next-door opening made Willow sit up higher in her chair.

"Sleep well Lucy." A soft voice floated through the large grated vent in the wall.

"I will, thank you Sue, for the movies, for everything." Lucy's young voice replied.

"You deserved it." Sue encouraged a second before there was the soft click of the door being closed and the footsteps continuing to come to a rest outside Ruth's door. The brass handle pressed down as far as it could, before it hit the wooden blockade. The action was repeated three times.

"Fred. Ruth's wedged her door." Sue obviously disturbed voice made her discovery known to the other therapists.

Quickly Willow moved over to the barricade looking out through the slight gap in the frame to the shadows moving in the hall.

Outside more footsteps approached before the others seemed to back away just leaving one person outside. Willow knew who it was and had her theory confirmed the next moment.

"Willow?" Fred's voice called bit quiet through the door, his tone as always monotonous but the volume louder than normal.

"Shush she's asleep." Willow felt herself scowl and then whisper in an attempt to get him to lower his. "She just needs rest and I'm watching her."

"Jayne or Sue can watch her, move the chair and come out." Fred kept his voice loud.

"No." Willow shook her head though she knew he couldn't see her. Her mind racing she moved over to the bookcase and reaching far into the back hit the latch to lock the secret door as well.

"Willow please, no one is upset or angry with either you or Ruth." Fred lowered his voice a little.

"I know that. This isn't about that." Willow came back to the door. "She just wants to sleep and I'm just going to sit. That's all."

"She can sleep on her own, you need to sleep too." Fred reasoned with the redhead.

At that moment she heard soft footfalls moving along the inner corridor and then could be traced back once the discovery that the door had been locked had been made.

"I don't want to sleep. Aren't you listening to me?" Willow looked at the bookcase knowing she'd outsmarted them. "I am making a simple request, I don't think it's unreasonable."

"You know policy Willow, we can't let you stay in there together unsupervised." Fred's patience was wearing just a little thin as he got the news that all ways into the room was locked and the sound of him leaning on the door was subtle but obvious.

"Fine then shimmy out on the ledge and you can watch us from there." Willow shook her head moving over to the window. She locked the upper one in an open position so that it was secure as well. "Oh and remember." She moved back to the main door. "If you open it with magic you could send my balance off." She smirked to herself.

"We could get Rose to sit with her if you feel she needs somebody Willow, I understand you are just worried about Ruth." Fred tried a different track.

"I told her I would stay." Willow explained the reality to him. "Why is this such a big deal?"

"Its house policy that no two girls should be in dorm rooms together after lights out Willow, you know that. This isn't about anything other than that." He gave her the standard answer.

"Rules are made to be stretched." Willow countered reaching up to rub her temple. "You know I won't sleep Fred, I pace here or I pace upstairs. What is the difference?"

"Then perhaps tonight is a night for a pill. Having two a week has worked recently." Fred offered.

"I don't want one. I have a headache." Willow leaned her back against the door. "Look just go to bed we're fine."

"Then grab a chair." The redhead sighed as she slid down to sit against the door next to the wedged chair.

"Willow, please, I'm asking you as the sensible reasonable human being that I know you are." Fred actually changed his tone slightly "Ruth doesn't need you to watch her, she'd rather you were getting some much needed rest for yourself."

"I need to watch her. I need something to do." Willow admitted through the door her voice soft.

"We can find something for you to do." Fred responded quickly thinking he might have a way in.

"Do you know what I used to do every night? Every night since high school?" The redhead leaned her head down into her hands.

"What?" Fred asked somehow knowing she wasn't really expecting him to be a participant in the conversation.

"I used to help Buffy save the world, yeah I was a sidekick but I still had lots to do. Now I'm so powerful and all I do is shake and cry and listen to you telling me I'm not safe enough to stay in a room by myself." Willow laughed sadly. "You can't find anything for me to do that is more important than this."

"Maybe, maybe tonight could be a night that we try calling your friends." Fred tried a last attempt at negotiations.

It was probably the worst thing that Fred could have said as a silence engulfed what had once been a fluid conversation and Willow just leaned her head against her pulled up knees. The fact was she would have loved to hear their voices, but she couldn't face what she had done to them. She couldn't face that they hated her as much as they did.

"Willow?" Fred challenged when the redhead went silent and his fears were confirmed as not a single sound came back at him. "WILLOW!" Fred's heavy fists fell loudly on the solid wood of the door over and over as he called for the redhead's attention.

"What's...." Dark blue eyes snapped awake and before Fred could call Willow's name again the small witch leapt out of the bed, her body shaking slightly. Her heart was racing and her eyes darted around unprepared for the near blackness that greeted them.

"Willow?" Ruth's voice dropped she looked around the room not initially seeing the redhead. When she did see her curled up at the foot of the door she crossed over to her quickly. "Willow?" She asked again dropping to her knees beside Willow. As she did another volley of hammering and shouting came from the corridor beyond.

"I'm sorry, I asked him to be quiet. Apparently I asked for too much." Willow looked up her eyes wet.

"That doesn't matter are you all right?" Ruth shook her head fighting to ignore the annoying calling and resounding pounding.

"I just wanted you to get some sleep." Willow frowned as she flinched against the rattling door.

"So you barricaded the door?" Ruth glanced up and appraised what the redhead had done.

"That's Ruth to you." Ruth snapped at him. "And shut up for a minute." She cut the conversation short and turned her attention back to Willow. "I think in Fred's opinion a speck of dust in the wrong place could be a conspiracy."

"That'll piss him off for sure." Ruth actually grinned as she realized just how smart Willow was.

"Sorry. I was just trying to..." Willow stopped looking at the other witch. "I don't even know."

"You were trying to watch me." Ruth pointed out raising her arm slightly so that Willow could see the fresh white dressing. "You could just give me back my property and slip back to your room through the back corridors. I can face Fred."

"I can deal with him." Willow shook her head. "Do you want me to go so you can sleep again?"

"She needs you to leave her alone right now Fred." Ruth called back. "She's fine, and she'll go back to her room when she's ready."

"Ruth I'm not sure you are qualified to tell me what Willow wants or needs." The therapist replied almost curtly.

"Fred just piss off." Ruth slammed her hand flat on the door trying to startle him.

"Enough." Willow groaned and clutched her hands to her head. As she made the pained noise a threshold seemed to break inside her and with that crest a waved of bluish light split out of her head and seeped in to make the walls of the room glow.

There came a small sound from the man on the other side of the door as the light registered in the hallway and the magic settled into place.

"That was unnecessary Willow." Fred said with a sigh. "Very well you got what you want, we'll talk about this tomorrow." He could be heard moving back down the hall.

"Get your friend Giles to get you out." Ruth urged her startled by the spontaneous spell. "You've learnt a lot, and if you can convince him."

"They hate me... I tried to kill them all." Willow's voice was soft but the emotion began to drain out. "You can leave if you want, the barrier won't stop you."

"Why would I want to leave? And I bet you're wrong about your friends?" Ruth questioned back softly.

"Because everywhere I go I bring pain. You just wanted to sleep and looked at all the mess I've caused." Willow wiped at her cheeks.

"Willow please, you know as well as I do that this mess was going to happen, maybe not like this, but it was going to." Ruth challenged the fact. "Fred doesn't like the rules bent, especially not when I'm involved. We smashed two of the golden ones this evening in short succession."

"I used to be good at following the rules." Willow gave her a sad smile. "Now I don't really care about most of them."

"They have to be rules that actually make the world better to be adhered to in my opinion." Ruth shrugged as she leaned back so she could sit down cross-legged. "Fred was probably right about one thing though, you need to rest."

"I could do something about those." She slowly wiggled the fingers of her left hand.

"You can't." Willow shook her head. "I don't want you hurt because of me." She didn't discount the witch's ability at all, she'd heard enough whispers to know that before her arrival Ruth had been the biggest witch on campus by leaps and bounds.

"Screw em, I don't care and its not exactly high magic, fantasy is my forte." Ruth shrugged off the redhead's worry.

"I wish I could say yes." Willow whispered not wanting Ruth to think it was her offer, it was much bigger than that.

"Can we just... play cards or something." Willow couldn't say yes, something inside her told her if she gave into this then it would be along time before she came back.

"Sure." Ruth pushed up from their place on the floor, crossing over without comment to find a pack of cards.

Willow wasn't sure exactly how many hands of cards they had played but she could tell it was early in the morning thought it was still a tiny bit before dawn. The large windows showed the horizon was just starting to break with a shimmer of gray as they got closer and closer to the morning.

She looked across at Ruth as the witch studied her cards, she felt a calmness now as most of her internal magical struggle was tapped by the constant barrier she was keeping erected around the room.

"How many of them do you think it would take to break it?" She asked the question not turning her eyes from her own cards.

"The only one who could is Rose." Ruth didn't take a breath or look up from her cards as she answered.

"She wouldn't." Willow shook her head lightly. "Do you want to make demands for anything? New boots, food?" She smiled when she heard Ruth laugh at her offer.

"Do you think they've gone to bed?" Willow questioned folding her cards and putting the hand down on the comforter. "I don't want a dramatic rush in to drag me to my room."

"Good, I hated the banging." Willow admitted as she waved her hand and the barrier on the room fell away.

"You and me both." Ruth agreed pushing her back up straight in her crossed-legged position.

"I should probably let you get some sleep." The redhead offered knowing it was late and Ruth did often manage to sleep these days unlike herself.

"You don't have to go if you want to stay." Ruth pointed out as she turned her body and eased her legs out of their crossed position putting her feet on the floor over the side of the bed.

"Do you want to still play cards?" She questioned as the comment actually made Willow smile a little.

"I'm more or less carded out, I meant you can rest here. The bed is like huge." Ruth patted the over large mattress causing the neat pile of cards to tip and scatter over the blue cotton comforter.

Willow watch them spill and then watched as in one fluid move Ruth gathered the cards back together and slipped them into the box. Putting the small box on the chest of drawers on her side of the bed Ruth then shifted and scrambled beneath the bedclothes. Willow waited until the other witch was still before easing down on her side of the mattress on top of the covers.

"At least take your sneakers off." Ruth shook her head as Willow hung her feet off the side of the bed.

"Sorry." Willow quickly pushed them off so that they landed on the wooden floor with soft thuds.

"God you're useless." Ruth laughed softly. She threw the sheets back and swung around out of the bed again. Pulling open the top draw beside her she rummaged around in the selection of clothes for a long moment, finally pulling out a gray pair of sleep shorts and a matching T-shirt, the ensemble was identical to her own attire.

With a grin she turned and tossed them over the bed at the redhead. "I have a blanket at the bottom of my closet. I promise I won't look." She added as she padded across and pulled open the old oak closet door. She rummaged through to find the other blue checked comforter.

"I'm not useless." Willow countered as she sat back up and began to get undress and slipped into the pajamas. Her skin felt a little like it was crawling after the long night at it was a relief to get into something fresher.

"You look cute." Ruth turned around and tossed the blanket to the bed as she regarded the pajama-clad redhead.

"We look like witch clones." Willow managed to laugh a little as she looked at their identical outfits.

Ruth reached over and slapped their palms together briefly. The move made Willow smile again.

"Are you tired?" She questioned as they moved to lie down, this time both of them were under their own blue comforter.

"A little bit." Ruth admitted as she wiggled in the bed and punch puffed her pillow. "You?"

"It's an honest one." Willow shrugged looking into navy eyes. "I don't sleep a lot Ru, you know that."

"What would turn it into a definite?" Ruth asked turning her head to fully face the redhead, the corner of her mouth turning up as Willow called her Ru.

Willow shrugged but smiled warmly at the fact that Ruth wanted to make things better.

"Oh I know." With that Ruth turned and flicked on the torch that she pulled from off the side table and held it behind her hand. She shone it up and made a rabbit head with her fingers.

"Oh God yeah." Ruth flipped her hand and snapped towards Willow's chomping before morphing it into a bird with a flapping wing.

"You're good at those." Willow watched her do a few more and then was barely able to stifle the yawn that pulled at her mouth. "Oh sorry." She tried to cover up.

"Don't be sorry." Ruth shook her head morphing her hand into a different rodent like creature who waved at the redhead.

"You know using props is cheating, just give in and let the master continue." Ruth chuckled as Willow dropped her hand and nestled down a little more.

With just the slightest of shakes the small wooden chair slid out from under the door handle and floated silently off to come to rest near the window. It was only then that the dull brass door handle eased down and the heavy wooden door to Ruth's room slid open.

Mrs. Lauder shuffled in carrying a carefully set breakfast tray. She wished it could have contained something more inspiring than cups of cleansing brew and toast but Fred had been watching her with a sharp eye in the kitchen. Her small victory was the small snack sized packet of cookies she hand managed to stash away in her apron pocket, knowing the smile they would bring to at least one face that morning.

With silent steps Mrs. Lauder cleared the threshold and sent the door gently swinging back into its frame. She glanced up and over to the bed, the scene of the two thin girls curled up at opposite ends of the bed asleep brought with it a bittersweet feeling. After all both of the brilliant young women should never have been driven to such a place where seeing them sleep would invoke a desperately happy feeling in the caretaker.

Sliding the tray down on the draw unit near Ruth she waited to see if the dark haired witch would stir.

"Morning Rose." Ruth's blue eyes stayed closed but the witch turned towards the housekeeper.

"Morning ducky, how are you two doing?" She asked quietly not wanting to wake the redhead. "You gave us quiet the fright last night."

"Is she still asleep?" Ruth's eyes opened slowly though she didn't address either comment.

"Last night was all Fred's fault." Ruth almost spat the man's name out as she eased her legs around and sat up in bed.

"I've tried to ease what I could but he's on the warpath already." Rose frowned as she pulled over a chair and sat down.

"What a surprise, I'll throw some jeans on and go and face it. Could you stay here with Willow?" Ruth took a look at the toast on the tray and sniffed the brew with a wrinkled nose.

"Eat first." Rose tried to encourage her. "I have those biscuits you like." She pulled out the small package.

"Go on gobble them up." Rose smiled finally though as she glanced at Willow it dimmed a bit. "Ruthie, I know you would never do anything to hurt her but there's much you don't know about the wee American."

Ruth ripped open the packet containing the two biscuits, glancing over her shoulder at the still sleeping Willow.

"I know she killed people, but I know why, what else is there to know?" Ruth shrugged and bit the end off one of the cookies.

"Elizabeth how do you know that?" Rose's eyes went wide as the black haired spoke, she'd barely heard Willow talk about it and she hadn't figured it would come up in conversation.

"Oh I got an Elizabeth." Ruth munched down the cookie. "I listened in when the old man was filling Fred in on her details." She explained nodding to the secret door in the bookcase.

"Fundamentally what she did was wrong, but I won't be the one to condemn her for her actions. I've sinned enough in my life to know remorse." Rose shook her head to Ruth's explanation, the less she knew about the brunette's covert spying the better.

"Some idiot shot her girlfriend Rose." Ruth pointed out her voice low and angry.

"No Ruthie, not just her girlfriend." Rose's frown pulled at her usually bright eyes.

"Not just her girlfriend? They killed someone else too? I'd have…" Ruth turned to look at the older woman her own face a harder frown but her voice drifted as she watched Rose sadly shake her head.

"One day you'll know true love sweet girl." Rose reached out and gently cupped her chin. "And I pray you never know what it is like to have it stripped away." She slowly pulled back her hand. "Now go temper Fred, tell him that Willow's asleep it might calm him down some."

"Look after her." Ruth glanced at Willow as she pushed off the bed picking up the dark jeans that were thrown on the floor from the day before. "Here she might want my other cookie." She handed over the prized possession, before seeming to remember something else. She pulled her closet door open and pushed her arm into a long sleeved cardigan. "I won't be long." She hurried out.

"I'll give it to her if she wakes up before you get back." Rose was about to object when she took the wrapped treat and smiled.

Fred prided himself that his study was tidy. 'A place for everything and everything in its place' the little motto on a wall plaque stated, just above an alphabetized filing system. Everything about the room was neat, the curtains had tiebacks, the chairs had upholstery that matched the drapes and even the rug centralized on the floor was co-ordinated. His large antique desk was the picture of order as well, with a large centralized desk tidy that held all his pens, pencils and other such stationery equipment. In front of that was a small name plaque with the words 'Fred Waltham, I'm here for you' engraved on it. Yes, everything about the small room was neat, tidy and prepared. Everything thing that was apart from the young dark haired witch who slunk down low in the chair opposite Fred, separated from him by the oversized desk.

The therapist looked down at the sheet of paper in front of him. Its title 'Tashel's Room and Association Guidelines' stood out in bold black lettering. Fred glanced up again at blue eyes trying to formulate his words.

Ruth simply sat there across from him looking indignant and completely lacking in remorse.

"So you're telling me all you did was play cards and then you both went to sleep?"

"Well we might have planned to over take the world, but I don't remember the details to pass on." Ruth sighed at his question. "Yes, Fred we played cards and I made shadow puppets until she got so bored she had no choice but to drop off."

"This is a very serious transgression, I would appreciate you not making apocalyptic jokes." Fred glared at her. "You have no idea how detrimental last night could have been to Willow's recovery."

"She only wanted to stay in my room, I was asleep Fred." Ruth frowned and leaned back in the chair hard.

"We have rules." He reminded her tapping his finger on the piece of paper. "And I expected you to help me enforce them."

"It was an odd situation." Ruth tried not to snap angrily. "She just wanted to be useful."

"I understand that but I'm not sure that throwing a level five barrier spell was generally useful." Fred tried not to scowl.

"You made her do that." Ruth snapped angrily pushing her body forward in her chair.

"This is a serious hospital, we will not have our guests cavorting with one another at all hours of the night." He leaned back. "Do you understand me?"

"Cavorting?" Ruth stared at Fred angry and horrified. "What the hell do you mean by that?" She demanded her body tensing in the chair.

"Both Willow and yourself need to focus on recovering your balance and gaining a permanent control over your powers, sexual activities though perfectly natural..." He adjusted his tie. "Are not conductive to achieving your prescribed goals."

"Sexu…" Ruth couldn't even bring herself to finish the word. "Who the hell do you think I am?" She pushed up and out of her chair in a fluid motion, bringing her hand to slam down on Fred's desk.

"Ruth, please..." He looked up at her not rising to her outburst. "We are having a civil conversation."

"Ruth please what? Willow's here because she was driven half crazed because the love of her life was murdered and you suggest I am out to seduce her? There is nothing civil about what you are suggesting." She snarled again at him.

"I had not assumed you were the one doing the seduction nor that anything between you wasn't consensual." Fred adjusted his tie again trying to back peddle a bit.

"You talk such shit." Ruth leaned forward and deliberately upset Fred's neatly ordered desk tidy. "She doesn't eat or sleep, yet you think she's got the energy and the inclination drive to seduce me? Hell I don't even think the girl knows I'm a lesbian."

"Elizabeth." He watched his desk overturned with a slight amount of detachment. "Perhaps I'm merely suggesting that contact of any kind between you both is not advisable."

"She needs someone Fred, God even weird little me can see that." Ruth backed off a bit, but remained standing.

"Okay." Ruth took a breath and eased herself back down into the chair. "What's it going to take for you to go easy on her?"

"I can't go easy on her Ruth, if I go easy on her she will wither away and die. I am not prepared to let that happen." Fred leaned forward folding his hands together.

"She's doing that any way." Ruth pointed out trying to reign in her anger and frustration.

"We are attempting to correct that." Fred didn't feel at liberty to discuss the finer points of Willow's recovery.

"Are we going to have any more outbursts like last night?" Fred for some reason gave an inch.

"No." Ruth said quickly jumping on the inch and trying to stretch it. "Last night was just one of those things." She added giving what she hoped was an apologetic look.

"If we have any more last nights then the offer is revoked." He nodded. "We'll see you both at group."

Ruth nodded and pushed up from her chair and crossed to the door. She stopped before opening it.

"Honestly Fred." She turned to look at him again. "I'm different this time, I don't want trouble, not with Willow. What happened last night, it was just, just a thing." She stated her eyes down cast before she slipped out.

Willow awoke with a start as she sat up in bed her breaths coming in hard pants. A slight sheen of sweat coated her skin and for a moment she blinked trying to figure out where she was.

"Easy, easy there." Mrs. Lauder's soft voice drifted over to the bed from where the older woman was folding some of Ruth's scattered clothes. "You're all safe, in Ruthie's room." She added the details she thought might be useful.

"Where... I... Tara?" Willow looked around her eyes unfocused as she finally began to get her bearings. "Oh." She closed her eyes and took a few breaths. "Is everything okay?"

"She has a morning meeting." Rose smiled warmly. "You've managed to sleep right through till ten o'clock." She explained shuffling over to the heavy curtains, easing them open slightly to let the early October sun bleed into the room.

"Ten o'clock?" Willow was surprised as she looked at the sunlight. She couldn't remember the last time she'd slept in that late, even if she hadn't actually gone to sleep till dawn.

"Yes." Rose moved back and eased onto the side of the bed. She was smiling brightly. "How are you feeling?" She looked into Willow's face soft brown eyes tracing green for a hint of revelation.

"I... disoriented." Willow reached up to her head. "I have a headache." She admitted the simple fact.

"Ruthie has pills." Rose toddled over to the cabinet where Willow had got the medical box from the night before. It was then that the housekeeper noticed it was out of place. Looking a little nervous she pushed up and looked around the room.

"It's on the floor there by the bed." Willow offered knowing that was where she'd left it after fixing Ruth's arm.

"Oh so it is." Mrs. Lauder crossed to it. "It's not like Ruthie to leave it out." She commented as she picked it up and pulled it open. Knowing the case, she pulled out the slim packet of pills. The housekeeper seemed to take a moment to look in the box as if assessing what if anything was missing.

"Is that my brew?" Willow looked at one of the cups on the tray. She knew the bitter drink would almost be a welcome addition to her dehydrated body.

"It'll be a little cool, but I'm not sure it makes a deal of difference with the taste." Rose nodded and pressed two of the small pills from their bubble pack. "Here we go me duck." She put the pills on the small bedside table near Willow.

"Thank you." Willow took them and gratefully swallowed them down with a few sips of the bitter liquid.

"Best put this away." Mrs. Lauder then crossed and stowed the first aid box away, picking up two more articles of clothing as she moved back to sit on the bed. The last one she picked up, Willow's shirt revealed the redhead's blood stained handkerchief as it was lifted. Stopping in her place, the housekeeper stooped down to pick up the small stained cotton square. "Is this yours Willow?" She asked trying to sound casual as she put it aside on the bed and worked on folding up Willow's top.

"Yes, yes." Willow jumped nervously as she saw what she was asking about. "I... I had a nose bleed."

"Um yeah... I used to get them when I first started doing magic. Guess with all the rehab I'm out of practice." Willow tried to cover hoping it was working.

"The headache, no it's fine I probably just need some fresh air." Willow looked out the window.

"Willow, I've looked after Ruthie now three different times in the last four years."

"No, not deep." Willow whispered feeling like she was betraying the black haired. "I cleaned and dressed it."

"I've tried my hardest to get that knife off her over the years." Mrs. Lauder shook her head as she held the handkerchief lightly in her hands, her old weathered face sad. "I managed one or twice, but she always found some other way."

"This knife?" Willow picked up her jeans and pulled it out of the pocket. Rose's voice tapered as she looked at the small black penknife.

"You'd better put that back lass." Rose warned her. "Ruthie will go spare if she finds it missing. Believe me I understand why you took it, but it doesn't work like that." Her tone wasn't at all judgmental merely soft and understanding.

"That's why I had to stay, she said she couldn't sleep without it. So I told her it would be here, just with me." Willow explained trying to bring some color back into the older woman's cheeks.

"It's such a tiny thing." Rose stared at the small knife. "You wouldn't believe the damage she can do with it." She shook her head sadly.

"Since she was about fourteen." Rose replied softly. "That I know of. That she's told me about."

"I guess we all find ways to feel pain when we need too." Willow curled her legs up as she reluctantly sipped her tea.

"It's her father's you know." Rose nodded to the knife. Willow shook her head that she didn't. The housekeeper nodded and reached to turn the slim object over, tapping the small silver disc on the center of the black cover lightly. "His initials." She explained pointing out the calligraphic engraved 'E.R.M.'

"E.R?" Willow questioned confused. She'd assumed it was for Elizabeth Ruth, that she knew to be Ruth's true name, even though the small witch didn't use it.

"I'll make sure she gets it back." Willow nodded holding the knife tighter knowing how important it must be to the young witch.

"Enough of me going on." Rose suddenly got up taking the handkerchief with her, "I'd best take this and sort it out, best if Fred doesn't find out." She added glancing quickly at Willow.

"Oh before I forget, Ruthie saved you this." Rose hurried back and handed Willow the packed cookie.

"Thank you." Willow said again, holding the cellophane wrapper lightly in her hand. Her mind was still elsewhere on thoughts of her new friend and all she didn't know. Willow raised the cookie to her lips, nibbling the corner absently as she tried to get her thoughts in order.

Main What's New Fiction by Author Fiction by Pairing eBooks

Subject Index Submissions Gallery Forums Links Awards Contact Us

If you find problems on these pages please email your host.

Witness

By The Rainbow Writers

Copyright © 2003

rainbowwriters@hotmail.com