The Letting Go by the Rainbow Writers

Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: Buffy The Vampire Slayer, Willow, Tara, Faith, Giles, Dawn and all other characters who have appeared in the syndicated series Buffy The Vampire Slayer, together with the names, titles and back story are the sole copyright property of Joss Whedon, Fox and Mutant Enemy. No copyright infringement was intended in the writing of this fan fiction. All other characters, the story idea and the story itself are the sole property of the authors. This story cannot be sold or used for profit in any way. Please contact the authors for permission to reproduce this story on any other fanfiction site.
Distribution: The Rainbow Writer's Homepage: http://www.therainbowwriters.com/
Mystic Muse: http://mysticmuse.net
Feedback: All feedback is welcome.
Author's Note: This story is set a little over eight years from the current time place of the series in season five, (with the premise that Glory has been defeated, without the loss of any of the gang or any severe trauma to them i.e. Tough Love didn't happen in this storyline). It is a severely traumatic story, which has come about in an attempt to deal with the topic of loss and the variety of emotional responses that evolve from these life-changing experiences.
Pairing: Willow/Tara

Summary: Willow needs Tara's and Faith's help in defeating the thing that killed Buffy.

The new and old members of the house had all come to assembly when the melodic chimes of the doorbell had signaled the delivery of the pizza. After thoughtfully going around to everyone, Dawn had finally narrowed down their order to two large pizzas, one vegetarian and one with as much meat and extras as the pizza place could possibly add.

The kitchen was warm, as the sunlight had shone brightly through its large open windows that backed onto the yard since the early hours of the morning. The sheers that lined the windows were decorative instead of practical, as Buffy had wanted to maximize the light exposure.

The mosaic ceramic tile of the floor was cool in comparison, the muted blues and yellows of the Tex-Mex style they had adopted for the room. A traditional kitchen table had been forgone for a tall thick-legged breakfast bar, which was circled by rug cushioned iron stools.

The upper cupboards were open faced with glass paneling that showed off the small cactus stencils painted within, while the lower cupboards were full and marked with various Navaho symbols of health and protection. The walls were geometrically broken into light blues and oranges, with two blue greenish doors. One led to the back room that Faith had taken reign over, while the other led down to back hall of the house.

Willow, after paying for the pizzas, had filled one end of the bar with the steaming boxes while Dawn collected plates and napkins. They'd performed the tasks in silence, with Tara having pushed herself into one of the tall stools and Faith having taken a segregated seat on one of the blue tiled countertops.

With the minimum amount of mess, or at least that's what she was aiming for, Tara separated a piece of vegetarian pizza and hurriedly pulled it over to her plate.

"They don't make these things any easier to eat do they?" She smiled over at Dawn who was just in the process of biting off the end of her chosen meaty slice.

"Well at least it's hot." Faith moved back off to her corner of the room with her slice, slipping up onto the counter her boots knocking into the doors of the cupboard.

"So how was Hong Kong?" Dawn leaned in over the bar, glancing frequently over at the dark Slayer as she brooded away in the corner.

Tara followed Dawn's eyes to Faith before looking over at Willow who put down her pizza and went over to the fridge. Without any real thought she opened the door and reached into the back past a mass of unknown Tupperware. Finding what she thought might be hiding back there, she twisted the top off the brown bottle and handed it towards the Slayer. Faith grunted her thanks as she took the beer.

"It was good, maybe next time I'll take you with me." The blonde witch smiled Dawn "I don't suppose I could hope there's a water in there?" She added looking at Willow.

"Mineral or spring?" Willow looked back from her bent over position though her hand hovered over a bottle of mineral, her mind recalling her old lover's preference long before any reply came.

"With ice?" Willow pulled the small bottle out of the back. "Dawn, what would you like?"

"I'll have a Coke." The young woman replied close to devouring the entire piece of pizza and eyeing another. Her tone somewhat clipped and angry, though this wasn't truly how the young woman felt, it was easier to portray than admit the feelings of guilt and apology that flood her subconscious.

Willow didn't bother to counter Dawns reply, instead silently she went about pouring out the drinks, tipping Tara's water into a ice frosted and filled glass, pulling the slender glass bottle out for Dawn and pouring a small glass of apple juice for herself

"There's more in the basement if you want to put some in the fridge." She made the comment to Faith before going back to the table with the drinks.

"Yeah, I'll get to that after the pizza." Faith took a deep swig of the cool beer and reluctantly nodded her appreciation.

Tara threw an unreadable glance in the dark Slayer's direction before returning to eating her slice of pizza. Faith bit her lip under the slight glance before she went back to silently pulling the toppings off her piece of pizza eating them first, so much between them unsaid and unfinished.

As usual it was Tara who could not stand to be in a place of discomforting silence.

"So do you see much of..." She began brightly but was interrupted by the phone that was on the wall just beside where Faith was sat. The dark Slayer looked at it for a moment, not sure if she should just reach out and stop its high pitched noise. Dawn looked at Willow, tension creeping into her slim body.

"One sec." Willow bounced up and picked up the receiver. "Hello. Oh hi, yes we got in about three hours ago." She turned away from them towards the etched glass door that led to the back porch and garden.

"When did they find the body?" Her questions were broken by small periods of silence as the person on the other end finished. "Where?" She put her hand up to the cold glass in the door.

Tara almost dropped her pizza and flicked her head round to look at Willow knowing that Dawn too had stopped eating.

"Of course Giles, I'll go over right away. Faith..." She looked over her shoulder briefly to the dark Slayer who hearing the word 'body' had slipped off the counter knowing it was action time. "Yes, she'll come with me. We'll meet you there." She listened intently for a moment before hanging up. Her hand slowly slid off the black plastic of the receiver. "There's been another sacrifice."

Tara felt the tension in the room slip a little only to be replaced by something worse, fear. She watched Dawn's face stiffen.

"I'll plot it on the incident map." Dawn pushed up from her chair and moved towards the hall door.

Willow nodded as she walked the short distance back to the table picking up her napkin to wipe her hands, her slice of pizza would lay untouched.

"Tara, will you stay with Dawn while Faith and I..." She didn't finish as she caught sad and curious blue eyes.

Tara shook her head as Willow moved passed her out towards the hall, Faith having slipped into her room to grab her coat followed. Tara stood for a moment alone in the kitchen as something hit her and hit her hard. Willow's arrival, Faith's arrival, the journey back to Sunnydale, Anezka, Buffy's death, all of it was real and she had better at least begin to get her head around it.

The manicured lawns and flowerbeds of the monastery's ornate garden were a contrast of lush green grass and fragrant white and purple flowers. High ancient trees lined the iron fence that encircled the property to give the area a serene privacy from the outside world.

Slightly inside the gated entrance, Giles stood away from the scene of the crime almost looking too shocked to cross the bricked path and enter the patch of garden that held the body.

Faith knew they were at the right place long before she caught sight of the English watcher stood in the open courtyard. The air was full of death, it smelt like it, felt like it, sounded like it, there was no mistaking it and she had known enough of it to know.

At the sight of Giles, the redhead beside her turned her walk into a jog where as Faith remained walking taking in the scene. The old stone work of the building mimicked techniques and styles far older than could possibly exist naturally, while the gardens atoned to many hours of painstaking devotion. She suppressed a slight shiver, this was not a place where evil and death should be and yet in many ways it was the perfect setting, at least tonight it was.

Faith watched as Willow and Giles greeted one another briefly and at that moment the dark Slayer wondered just what on earth she was doing here, why had she agreed to come with Willow to see the corpse of some poor unfortunate who had been worthlessly sacrificed to for nothing. She had walked away from all this 'Scooby' doing good thing so many years ago, indeed she had never really been a part of it, she'd gone along with the meetings and planning for one reason alone, it made B happy. Blinded by a sudden vision of the smiling blonde slayer Faith had to drag her mind back to the here and now. She looked up and saw Willow move forward to look at the body. Only then did she slowly make her final approach to the now older gentleman.

To give him his due, Giles had aged well. His hair was dappled lightly with an almost sophisticated amount of gray, his glasses looked as though they were slightly thicker. His gray and black suit was as neat as always, his tie as straight and his mannerisms exactly as they had been the last time she had seen them over nine years ago. If the hallmark of time was change, then time had barely breathed over the Watcher.

Faith's approach may have seemed confident, but as she drew within communication distance of the Englishman she faltered. The reddish bricks under her feet suddenly feeling sticky as her boots found it hard to rise into a step. What was she going to say? What could she say? Giles made it slightly easier by being the one to make the initial greeting.

"It's not a pleasant way to welcome you back to Sunnydale." He lowered his gaze slightly avoiding her dark eyes as Faith shrugged.

"No big." Faith couldn't stop the phrase but noticed how Giles almost winced as she said it.

A call from Willow, and the dark Slayer excused her from having to carry on the awkward exchange. She moved over to the macabre scene turning her nose up slightly as she peered at the body or more accurately what was left of the body. It was a man, though the only real way Faith could be certain of it was the fact that they were in a monastery. There was too much blood around and not enough flesh to be too sure of much else.

"This is pretty similar to the others." Willow turned to her trying to quell the torment in her stomach as Faith gave the scene a once over.

The monk's almost severed limbs were sprayed out from his body. The skin split apart and shredded in many areas down to expose white shimmering bone. His head was a mass of swollen pulp, with one gray pupil looking up from within towards the heaven.

"Messy." Faith summed up eloquently. "You say they are always like this?" She paused and looked around the scene. "Extensively messy." She decided on the added word when she noticed most of his internal organs were ripped from his body and trailed away as if thrown.

"Yes." Willow took a quick look around again. "She's never very clean, she takes her time and she takes a souvenir." She bent down not moving closer to the body. The lack of another gray eye looking back at them pushed her to conclude what the angel had taken this time.

"This isn't..." Faith stopped suddenly feeling more than nauseous. "The bitch didn't do this to B?" She questioned her voice like steel.

"Not as badly." Willow whispered softly having to turn away as the scene of Buffy's body burnt into her mind again.

"I've seen enough." Faith stopped looking down and moved to turn back to Giles, she couldn't believe how hard this was. She couldn't see anything, think of anything that didn't remind her of the blonde Slayer.

"I'll be there in a second." Willow shuffled forward a bit hugging her knees as she forced herself to clear her mind and look back at the scene.

"Red it's a stiff, there's nothing more to see." Faith chastised, the fact that the redhead was the one who wanted to prolong contact with the grizzly scene, sitting oddly in her psyche.

'There's this.' Willow thought not able to hide a bit of satisfaction as she reached out into the manicured grass and pulled the long strand of pure and shiny blonde hair out from within the blades of green.

"Yeah, you're right." Willow curled the strand of hair up into her palm and stood up. She folded her arms around her body and walked back over to Giles. She was glad now that she had pulled on her thick wool coat, the mock feathers at the collar framing her paled face. "Any other information?"

"There was one interesting thing." Giles glanced between Faith and Willow pulling his waistcoat down in a nervous move.

"I think you'd be better hearing that from the person who told me." Giles met Willow's gaze and then motioned to a small iron door in the old stonewall.

Willow nodded and turned towards the door not hesitating. If the years had done one thing for her, changed one innate part of her personality it was that she no longer hung back afraid, there just wasn't time.

"Do I need to hear this?" Faith lingered in the courtyard it was quite apparent how these two worked these days, with a cohesion that was almost professional, it made her feel more out of place than ever.

"It would be beneficial." Giles replied tactfully. "You see…" He added following Willow. "There was a witness." He watched the redhead for her reaction.

"What?" Willow stopped dead in her tracks and whirled around on him. "How?" She licked her lips suddenly feeling like the breath she had taken was whistling through the dry acres of her insides with an edged shrillness.

"Apparently he was in night mediation." Giles explained. "He shouldn't have been there needless to say, but the private chapel is down there." He pointed to where there was a small grate in the wall just at knee height.

"Meditation might be the key to putting me close enough Giles." She lowered his voice and looked back at him.

"He's in severe shock Willow, he may not be able to tell us anything helpful." Giles lowered his tone also as Faith watched them both slightly suspiciously.

"I have to try." Willow pushed open the gate and began walking down the open corridor. Giles sighed gently and moved to catch up with Willow, Faith slowly followed behind.

Willow pushed open the thick wooden door that loomed before her into the inner sanctuary of the chapel. The tiling beneath her feet changed to an ornate mosaic, battered by shuffling devoted feet over the years but still luscious in its beauty.

Without even really noticing she stepped over the winged figure that dominated the central part of the tableau and went up the central aisle between the small lines of aged wooden pews. The walls were left in simple dark terra cotta stucco, graced with several long embroidered rugs portraying various saints and prophets. The small altar at the front was made of stone, draped in fresh crisp white linens and flowers. Above anything else it was the smell of dying flowers that made her slightly sick to her stomach, the desperation with which they released the last of their sweet perfume into the air.

At the front one man in a dark flowing robe lay prone before the altar, weeping, chanting, calling to God for explanation as another of his brethren tried to offer comfort. The monk standing with him was a young man, early in his teaching and bright with devotion. The older man on the floor on the other hand was caught in a test of faith. After years of sheer belief, the infusion of revelation and miracle into daily life had come to a vivid crescendo. He had come face to face with a real living angel.

'And the experience has left him petrified.' Willow couldn't help but judge him as she walked closer. Her eyes scanned over his body, noticing the slight tinge of red burns on his lower legs and hands.

"Excuse me." Willow stilled her approach a few feet away. The young monk turned to her and bowed slightly a soft gentle expression on his face. "Hi." She bowed back slightly.

"I am Brother Simian and this is Father Thomas." The young monk responded quietly.

"My name is Willow." She spoke back in the same tone of voice. "This is Mr. Giles and Faith." She motioned to the others.

"God's blessings on you all." Simian nodded to the others. "Mr. Giles and I spoke earlier." He gave the Watcher a special recognition.

"I repent, I repent!" The monk introduced as Thomas wailed as he threw himself against the floor.

"Of course. I can tell you all that I can understand, but Father Thomas was the one who saw." He explained glancing first at his brother before looking at Willow.

"I assure you I am not here to judge him, in fact I too have seen the angel." Willow spoke the words slowly hoping to at least have them somewhat permeate the prone man's hysteria. "What do you understand?" She looked deep into the young monk's green eyes. A thick cover of worry and question flashing there that he tried to push down, fearing the corruption of his faith.

"And the judge shall walk with one wing dipped in blood." Willow finished his obvious reference. "This is not that judge Brother Simian, even if she takes on the proper guise."

"Brother Aaron had sinned and our Lord struck him down." The young man kept his gentle smile though it was obviously a strain for him, the old teachings that foretold that his faith would be tested suddenly seemed more than ancient words written on decaying texts.

In the background Faith huffed loudly, as she recounted the times she had heard similar lines for devote religious followers from all religions, how anyone could truly believe that a god who had any form of compassion and love, could have anything to do with the carnage she had just seen was beyond her powers of understanding.

The young monk looked up at Faith briefly, something about the challenge and yet haunted look in her smoldering dark eyes made him turn away once more.

"He was leaving the church?" Willow tried to overrule the dark Slayer's interruption.

"No." Simian shook his head appearing slightly confused and he turned once more to look at the redhead. She was so different from the other one, and yet there was something about her also that challenged the monk, something about the fear and yet anger in her green eyes that made him want to offer her comfort as well as confession. Focusing his mind form the other people in the room Simian thought again of his brother who had been slain. "He must have doubted in his heart, that is why he was struck down like he was."

"Simian." Willow smiled softly at him seeing the young man's pain. "I know my word will seem to mean nothing but please trust in what I tell you." She waited for him to catch her eye and finally somewhat reluctantly he did so. "Brother Aaron was most likely struck down because his faith did not waiver, this is not a messenger of God that has visited this hallowed place."

The young acolyte was about to question Willow as to what abomination could then have down this when the figure beside him shifted a little.

"You too will be damned!" Father Thomas suddenly blinked his eyes open and looked at Willow pointing to her while sticking his other hand on the floor.

"What did she say to you Father Thomas?" Willow bent down slowly putting her on the same level as the distraught man. The monk turned away and returned to thrashing the floor. "Did he tell you anything else?" She pushed up again to stand and looked at Simian.

"Odredeni clan Gospodar volja osvetiti—God will bring vengeance." Thomas grabbed the wooden cross that hung around his neck on a thin leather cord and squeezed it hard just as the young monk was about to reply.

Simian stared down at the other monk, and was about to translate his words for the ensemble when the redhead turned back to his brother.

"Njegov osveta lice od u prezentu istini—His vengeance is true." Willow met his words quickly.

"Odredeni clan andeo volja osvetiti—The angels will bring vengeance." Thomas replied. "Vidjeti odredeni clan svetao pa cist andeo donijeti presuda—See the bright and pure angel brings judgement." Blood began to seep from the monk's hand as he drove the cross into his flesh.

"Pripremiti duša umjesto presuda smrtan covek, umjesto da te biti osnivati odredeni clan staza za presuda ce biti vrpca s bol pa trpiti—Prepare thy soul for judgement mortal man, for if you are found unprepared the path to judgement will be laced with pain and suffering." Willow stepped over locking eyes with the man as the blood from his hand poured down onto the stone of the altar's floor. "Why did she let you live?" She demanded of him seeing the flash in recognition to what she had said.

"That would not save you, why did she let you live?" The hacker questioned again hardly. "Was it the meditation?"

"Ona spasiti mene umjesto I ne cist—She saved me for I was not Pure." With a wailing moan and sob the monk cried the words at Willow before beating his head on the step.

"Šta Anezka ona reci za te Thomas?- What did Anezka say to you Father Thomas?" Willow bent down reaching out to take his bleeding hand in her own.

"Anezka eu I la spre cu art.hot. meu I maestru trec.de la will eu înãuntru." The Monk wailed, though no longer speaking in any recognizable form of Latin.

Willow picked out the only one word from the rant as she looked up at Giles lost. The watcher's headshake told her that he didn't have an idea as to the dialect either. Brother Simian gasped and looked at the older monk, his face turning white.

"He was speaking Romanian, Father Thomas was born in Romania." The young man's voice began to quake.

"He said…" He paused. "The Angel told me I had to live with the knowledge that my lord and master would reject me in death."

"Un trec.de la will a veni curînd ea ei vengance." Thomas passed out as he spoke letting the cross slip out of his hand.

Willow looked to Simon again for the translation as she watched Thomas lower to the floor.

"A death that would come soon as she enacted her vengeance." Simian said slowly as he crouched beside the fallen monk.

Brother Simian did not reply he merely nodded and turned his full attention to his elder. Giles briefly swapped a glance with Willow and then moved out of the room.

Willow didn't even think of the others, as she suddenly needed air. She walked quickly down the hall they had entered in, passing Giles and hitting the outside garden at a fast pace. Her breathing was hard, so hard it hurt her injured lungs as she struggled to keep the burning down. She needed open space, suddenly hit by the furious claustrophobic feeling the fire had left with her. She finally coughed lightly, pulling the white handkerchief from her pocket as she sprayed it with a light sheen of bloody dots.

"Great help that was." Faith watched Willow hurry past. "Some crazy old monk spouting." She paused. "What was all that bullshit?" She queried, once again after expecting answers Faith had been bored by facts she didn't understand, hell she didn't even catch the guys name really. She looked between Giles and Willow who seemed to be somewhat distressed.

"It sounded very much like an ancient Serbian Latin dialect." Giles answered the dark Slayer but kept his eyes on Willow.

"Like I said bullshit, old but still bullshit." Faith shrugged before following the Watcher's gaze. "What's going on Red, you okay?" She quizzed when Giles remained silent.

"I just need air." Willow took a few more steps away almost not wanting to explain her own brush with the fallen one. "It'll pass." She coughed again, shielding her hand over the cloth so that Faith couldn't see the result.

"So what was the mad monk going on about?" Faith asked suspiciously deciding she might as well try to gain some understanding of what in the hell had just gone on.

"He is distraught because of why Anezka spared him." Willow tried to still the torrent inside. "Because he is not pure."

"Has naughty thoughts about nuns does he?" Faith laughed glancing at Giles who did not return her joviality.

"One must commit a sin equal to Anezka's in order to garnish her benevolence Faith." Willow clarified.

"You're beginning to sound like a monk yourself Red." Faith dug her hands into her pockets. "All this spouting Latin and using words like benevolence." Once again Faith was feeling bored of 'information gathering' and was just itching for a real fight.

"Maybe its time Faith and I do a bit of patrolling and you can alert Dawn to cross reference the latest information Giles." Willow ignored the dark Slayer's comment briefly.

"Hold up there Red, I don't patrol with nobody." The dark Slayer shook her head as the Watcher began to nod.

"It gives us time to discuss how you're going to kick her ass Faith." Willow looked at her almost wanting to laugh again at the Slayer's attitude.

"We can talk about that later, after I'd done some staking. I know for sure that Tara is gonna want to hear what's got to be done." She objected, she really didn't want to drag a chattering hacker around a Sunnydale cemetery all night.

"Tara will be no where near Anezka when we face her." Willow's voice went firmer as she shook her head. The truth was that while she was completely prepared to go on patrol, the idea of it made her want to cry.

"No one will be near her when I kick her ass, apart from me, but she's going to want to know what I am going to be doing." Faith looked at Willow frowning softly part of her annoyed that Willow had instantly spouted 'Tara protection' rants, after everything that had happened over the last eight years that Willow had not been able to shield the blonde from. Looking out for Tara was Faith's job, and she didn't like Willow muscling in on it. As if for one second the dark Slayer would let the blonde witch come within spitting distance of something that could do this amount of carnage, something that could effortlessly kill a slayer…

"Faith, I told you this already, you can't kill her. Only I can." Willow's slumped a little sadly. She did not want this discussion with Faith, not now, not here.

"And I told you already I am going to be the one to kick her ass." Faith snarled in reply her voice quick and angry, now the redhead was trying to take her slaying job too.

"You're not listening to me." The redhead was forced to lock her jaw as she stared at the taller brunette. "You can not kill her." She looked away. "We lost Buffy, we don't need to lose you too."

Willow wanted to bite back with so many comments but most of them she realized were just childish and petty.

"Yeah, something like that." She wrapped her arms around herself and began walking towards the front gates and the car, balling the bloody cloth up in her hand.

"I'm not patrolling with you Red." Faith began stalking off in another direction. "For a start you're not fit enough." She added not sure if she meant to harm or console the redhead with the words.

"What?" Willow spun around her anger getting the better of her. "Who the hell are you to judge how fit I am?"

"Go home Red, have a cocoa and rest up on the sofa." Faith said patronizingly ignoring the hacker's first retort.

"Maybe I should shadow you to bail your ass out when things go bad." Willow snarled back at the cocoa comment. To imply, ever dare to imply that she couldn't hold her own made her so angry.

"Things have changed Faith, don't pretend to know who I am now." Willow dropped her hands her stance widening. She'd been through enough lessons with Buffy, enough actual fights with the Slayer to know she could hold her own. No, she didn't have slayer strength, slayer speed but she did have some skill now and her witchy powers to fall back on.

For some unknown reasons, anger blinded Faith's mind and rationale as she growled at the other woman.

"Oh I know who you are, you're the person who let B die, I don't need help like that on my patrol." Faith snarled her eyes flashing.

"You think you hurt me by reminding me of that Faith?" Willow let the tension in her stance drop away.

"No, I say it cause it feels good." Faith snapped back all of the control techniques, the gentle loving and coaxing out of her dark hard shell that had taken place over the years, vanished in that instant. Though Faith knew that really a lot of them had started to fray the instant Tara had told her Buffy was dead. At least Faith's next words were honest. "I say it cause it makes me feel something."

Though she recognized the truth behind Faiths words, Willow was deeply saddened by them, after all she had been trying to convince herself that there must be something about faith that had changed, that had tempered over the last decade.

"Wonderful Faith, you'd rather feel hate towards me then just be a woman and feel sad cause Buffy is dead?" Willow shook her head sadly. "Anezka will love that. When she brags about killing Buffy will you turn on me just to make yourself feel something?"

"No!" Willow wasn't sure what possessed her but she just quick steps to get back and around the Slayer. "Come on, you hate me so much, you want to feel something... hit me!"

Faith brought herself up sharply and stood toe to toe with Willow, her fist raised in anger. How easy it would be to do just that, just to punch her fair and square on the jaw, and walk away? She didn't have to feel guilty about it because she had been asked to do it. She would be able to explain to Tara why it had happened, if indeed the blonde had to know at all.

She held her hand in place for a moment thinking about how much a large part of her wanted to do it, wanted to make Willow hurt, but then she thought of the one thing that had ever brought her and the small redhead together in the first place, Buffy. Dead or alive the blonde Slayer would never forgive her for thumping Willow, no matter what provocation Faith had perceived. Frustrated Faith slapped her hand down against her own thigh.

Willow watched the torment flood over Faiths face, as she stood there, her heart pounding, most of her expecting any moment to feel the heavy hard sting of a fist against her cheek.

"I need you're help Faith." Willow admitted in a slightly soft tone, though adrenaline raced through her body from the nearly violent response.

"Then tell me about it later." She made the request almost gently. "Cause right now I need to kill something, and I ain't fussy what that is."

"Okay." Willow conceded, happy to have least seemingly made some headway with her. "I'll keep some cocoa warm for you." She smiled softly stepping out of the way.

"Great." There was an element of sarcasm to Faith's voice as she moved past the hacker before stopping as an after thought. "If Tara is up when you get home..." She began.

"Tell her I said it was late and she should be in bed." Faith smiled almost softly.

The backyard of the house was an open maze of flowers, shrubs, trees, grass and field stone paths. A little bit bigger than one would expect to accompany a house in the middle of suburban Sunnydale, it was a living retreat from the roads and other houses. Seemingly cut off from the rest of the world by a tall privacy fence hidden behind mature climbing ivy and roses.

The large wooden porch lined the entire back of the house, slightly enclosed so that in the cooler winter months it could be filled in with glass paneling and made into a comfortable outdoor retreat. A path led around one side of the house, emerging through overgrown jasmine bushes to the fence gate and the driveway beyond.

It was on the largest expanse of grass, that Dawn shifted her arm under her head between her hair and the scratchy wool of the chequered red and white blanket beneath them. The night air was cool but not really cold as they lay out in the backyard looking at the stars. The soft silence of the neighborhood was broken by the gentle melody of Willow's chime collection on the porch behind them.

After a long few hours of hacking, formatting and collating, the database hadn't come up with much new information and Tara had finally convinced her to give up and take a break. A short call placed Willow and Giles at the magic shop, apparently doing something important that the redhead hadn't really explained. Faith was apparently still on patrol, but in truth she suspected the dark Slayer had found something a bit more exciting to do then come back to the house and sleep.

Beside the tall student, laid out on her back, dressed in a pale embroidered shirt, and long paneled skirt, lay Tara. The blonde's hair splayed out around her shoulders over the blanket and her eyes, though open seemed almost out of focus as she gazed upwards.

"Do I find what weird?" Tara met the question with one of her own, her voice soft and a little tired. She continued staring up at the bright stars her breathing slow and regular.

"Being back here, being around Willow." Dawn realized she should have been more tactful but things were just too stressed as always and she'd learned long ago that hesitating often made you wait till it was far too late. "Being around Faith." She added softly.

"Yes, yes and yes." Tara replied honestly almost appreciating Dawns forthrightness.

"Do you think Willow's changed a lot?" Dawn asked steering the conversation to a slightly more neutral territory though she realized almost immediately it wasn't really.

"Yes." Tara said again, pausing to think what she could say to extend her answer. "But no as well." She realized her extension sentence wasn't the best she could have used. "Do you think she has?" She asked thoughtfully.

"When she's acting like I'm still thirteen and she's now 'Big Sister Buffy' number two, not so good." Dawn reflected, smiling up at the stars. "But the rest of the time good."

"She's always loved you." Tara briefly looked at the younger woman before looking back at the heavens.

"Yeah." Dawn nodded, she briefly wondered why on earth Willow had ever let Tara go when it was obvious that the blonde truly loved her.

Tara glanced quickly at Dawn, and saw the deep lines of contemplation on the young face, but she couldn't let herself dwell on all that might be going on inside the young Summers' head. There was just some pain that couldn't be shared. Instead she decided to draw the thoughts away from the world and events in it.

"You see the four stars make up the first cracker, and I know there's five stars on the next layer, but that's because one of the crackers is broken." Tara pointed smiling broadly deciding the best way to divert was through humor.

"Did the moose break them on the way into the bathtub?" A whimsical female voice broke into the night's silence from behind them.

"Jack?" Dawn rolled over immediately onto her stomach to look back, a slight amount of surprise and unhidden happiness in her voice. Tara lowered her hand turned round somewhat slower.

"In-the-box at your service." The tall girl nodded and the dark blonde bangs on her forehead bounced slightly.

She stood with her legs about shoulder width apart, thick-soled dark boots planted solidly in the short grass. The navy colored cords and tailored white shirt she wore showed off her six-foot tall and painfully slim frame perfectly. Her dark blonde hair sat just above her shoulder, though she kept it back off her face with a thin metal clip. A series of small ring earrings went up around the edge of her left ear, while her right only held two simple star studs. Her eyes were a light gray color, hanging between green and blue with a stern energy to be neither and both at the same time.

"Jack, this is Tara." Dawn lightly kicked her legs back and forward as she looked up at the new arrival from the blanket. She lightly rested her head on her hands, propped up on her elbows. Tara decided to present herself in a more fitting adult manner and so she sat up, pushing her own hair back.

"Hi." Jack reached one hand around from behind her back and waved briefly. She reached up and tucked her shoulder length hair behind her ear. "I know it's late but..." She pulled out the book she had behind her. "You forgot your book at my place."

"Did I?" Dawn reached out a hand for the offered book as Tara watched the interaction silently.

"Yeah, all the pudding must have made you too sugary to remember it." Jack walked over to drop cross-legged near them on the ground as she handed over the book.

Dawn took it flicked through a couple of pages before resting it on the ground beside her. She tucked her hand to join the other one, back under her chin.

"I figured you might need it with the midterm." The other girl watched Dawn and looking up to catch Tara's eyes looked away again quickly.

"Are you saying I am going to need to study harder than you, I beat you by 7% on the last paper." Dawn objected with a grin.

"You beat me by 7% because you are the chemistry whiz baby, remember I beat you in physics." Jack grinned back at her momentarily forgetting the blonde witch's presence.

"You cheated." Dawn stuck her tongue out. Jack was about to react in an equally cute manner when she remembered Tara.

"I'm sorry, Sunny here won't remember to introduce me properly." Jack stuck her hand out towards Tara. "I'm Jacqui Ashby, but everyone calls me Jack." Tara smiled and took the offered hand.

"Tara Maclay." Tara said sweetly, instantly somewhat impressed by the other woman.

"I've heard a lot about you, especially your unique take on astronomy." Jack smiled and looked back at Dawn.

Dawn went suddenly quiet as both Tara and Jacqui looked at her. Tara instantly felt for the young woman and looked away.

"Perfect." Tara agreed warming to Jack even more. "Not to mention my favorite constellation, that I was about to point out to Dawn." She tried to draw the youngest Summers' attention away from the tall new comer. She was reward with a quick glance upwards. Jack just shifted back on her hands to look upwards waiting. "Random starriness." She laughed softly.

"Now that is the best one I've ever heard." Jack laughed with her, a sweet carefree sound genuine in its origin.

"Yeah funny." Dawn agreed suddenly laughing along. Tara smiled and looked down at the blanket briefly.

"Okay well it's late and I should let you two get back to your stargazing." Jack smiled politely at Tara before looking at Dawn. "Do you want to do lunch tomorrow at Metropolis?"

"Hummm, I'll walk you to the gate." Dawn pushed herself over and up onto her feet.

"Nice to meet you Tara." Jack waved slightly and meandered over to the walkway around the house with Dawn.

Jack put her hand up on the cool brick at the side of the house, her breathing was a bit shallow and she looked down at the lips so close to her own.

"Dawn, Tara is waiting for you." She tried to find some reason as the hands at her back pulled her closer in their little hiding spot at the side of the house.

"But what if Willow..." Jack found her words cut off as Dawn's lips locked over hers again urgently. She gave in for a few moments of heated bliss.

"You taste so good, all sugary." Dawn laughed at her humorous comment. She kept her arms locked around the slender figure her hands splayed even over her back

"Was the book thing lame? I missed you." Jack's voice was soft as she reached down and cupped Dawn's cheek.

"No, it worked great. I missed you too." She leaned into the other woman's hand. "Do you have to go?" She asked her voice low and deep.

"Sunshine you know Willow said the next time she found me in the house she'd incant me into a frog." Jack leaned in and kissed her again quickly before pulling back with a slightly worried look.

"I could just let you in, you could sneak upstairs." She smiled and raised an eyebrow at her. "Willow would never know."

"I think Tara looked tired don't you?" Dawn grinned moving her hands up and down Jacqui's back.

"If Willow turned me into a frog you better kiss me back quick." Jack grinned back.

"If Will turned you into a frog I'd get Tara to turn you back, the kissing thing only works in story books, or if you are a very powerful witch." Dawn could not wipe the silly grin off her face.

"Kinda strange." The dark-haired woman admitted briefly loosing her smile, she hadn't really thought about how everything was, none of it seemed quite real. It was almost as if different things were happening with different people, the Dawn that clashed with Willow being a very different Dawn to the one who watched stars with Tara, again being a different Dawn to the one who spent so much time enjoying sugary puddings and so much more, with Jack. Then there the Dawn that missed Buffy so much that it hurt just to open her eyes in the morning was a different one altogether. She felt fragmented and lost, but somehow sorta okay. "You should meet Faith." She added deciding no to let the confused lost one of her personalities win.

"Is this the one I remind you of?" Jack leaned in running her hand down Dawn's side as she kissed her neck.

"Yeah, though you are so much hotter." Dawn moaned in enjoyment. "Leather is so last decade."

"Hey I do leather, but only when I'm on my bike." Jack pulled back only to kiss her on the lips hot and heavily. Dawn slid her hands lower over the fabric of her skirt pulling Jacqui closer still. "Meet you upstairs in five?" She pushed against the shorter girl's body.

"Sorry, we were just..." Dawn plopped down on the blanket hoping the darkness of the night would hide the blush in her cheeks. "Discussing lunch plans."

"Did you sort yourselves something out?" Tara kept her eyes on the stars though she was smiling broadly.

"Yeah, I told her it depends on the whole thing with the angel." Dawn looked up to the stars and then at Tara seeing the big grin she froze slightly. "She's really cool with that stuff."

"How long?" Tara asked, her voice almost a whisper. She hadn't been sure whether or not to call the young woman on this before now, but she just couldn't resist. It took a lot of self-control to hide deep heart centered love, not to mention a whole lot of effort and Dawn wasn't doing well with either.

"Have you two been together?" Tara explained her question, turning slowly to look at the younger woman her bright blue eyes soft and loving wanting to assure the young woman it had not been a challenge, but rather a gentle question.

Dawn didn't quite know what she should say until she caught sight of Tara's eyes, and just decided to say whatever came to her.

"A couple of months seriously." The youngest Summers' admitted, feeling herself go a bright shade of red. "How did you know?"

"What?" Tara was about to answer Dawn's previous question but the reply she had got to her own surprised her too much.

"It's not Jack's fault, Willow just doesn't understand her." Dawn played with her shoelace as the history of their relationship flashed though her mind with a twinge of guilt.

"Doesn't understand what about her?" Tara pushed carefully seeing the look of thoughtfulness cross the dark haired woman's eyes.

"Well I guess we did a couple of bonehead things and Buffy freaked out and Willow tried to straighten things out and well..." Dawn knew she was paraphrasing a lot of history into very little information. "Then we sorta went missing for a few days and Willow took it all personally like we did it to make her look bad or something." She sighed again. "She thinks Jack is a bad influence on me."

"When you really did it to get some space and sort out your heads?" Tara offered gently completely understanding the youngster's viewpoint, though appreciating Willow's approach too.

"Yeah." Dawn looked up happy to hear someone understood. "I mean things were so crazy with school, working at Dolphin, having all these feeling for her that just blew my mind. I thought Willow would understand but it's like she totally doesn't get it."

This time it was Tara's turn to sigh sadly as she realized that Dawn really didn't understand her guardians stand this time, then again Dawn was young, blindly in love with someone who it seemed the world was against, it wasn't a great place to see the world from. She decided to try and help the younger woman understand.

"Then why does she act like Jack is the anti-Christ?" Dawn bit her lip as she questioned.

"Because." Tara reached up her hand and brushed Dawn's hair back behind her ear. "Because she's been hurt." She whispered sadly.

"But Jack won't hurt me." Dawn didn't really see Tara's point and she shook her head. "If anything I've hurt Jack. I mean I get all mixed up and I push her away, but she's always right there when I get it figured out again."

"She makes you laugh, makes you feel like you are worth loving?" Tara voiced it almost as a statement rather than a question. She couldn't help but think how similar this sounded to her and Willow ten years ago, ready to take on the world and be together no matter what the cost, no matter who they had to persuade along the way.

"Yeah." Dawn nodded smiling softly her thoughts full of the tall dusty haired woman who made her life worth living.

"Willow's been where you are Dawnie, she just wants to protect you from the pain that can come from that kind of devotion." Tara reasoned.

"How did you know?" Dawn questioned again softly and Tara sighed again as she looked to the sky.

"You were probably to young at thirteen, but I remember Buffy saying something to me once." Tara began her voice a little distant. "It was after your mother died just as Xander and Anya got engaged. She said there was something about two people in love. Something you couldn't see, touch, smell or feel. There was just 'something' a sparkle in the eye, an inflection in the voice. Just a something." She tried to explain as she reached out and ran her fingers through Dawn's long hair. "You and Jack having a something." She glanced back at the young woman.

"I think I love her." Dawn whispered softly holding Tara's eye a bit unsure of her words.

"Love is a big word Dawnie, you don't have to be sure just yet." Tara ran her finger back through the dark hair once more.

"You won't tell Willow will you?" The younger woman asked hopefully. "She's got so much going on with Anezka and everything I don't want to make her more angry."

"Willow and I don't 'talk' Dawn." Sadly Tara pulled her hand back. "But even if we did, this is yours to mention, not mine."

Dawn's mind suddenly shifted from her own situation to Willow and Tara's. The two people she firmly believed belonged together in this world, even Buffy had thought they should be, which considering this meant fully embracing the fact that 'Willow was gay' was not a mean statement.

"You know she's still in love with you don't you?" Dawn knew maybe she should keep her tongue in check but she just couldn't bear to see the pain on the blonde's face.

"What?" Tara looked away hoping Dawn didn't see the tear that spilled onto her cheeks the instant she had said the words brought on by a mixture of memories and sudden shock.

"She's still in love with you, she never stopped being in love with you." Dawn repeated ever so softly.

"I broke her heart Dawnie." The blonde replied not having to search that hard for a reason that the young woman's words could not possibly be true.

"She's changed, you told me that." Tara countered part of her desperately wanting to listen to Dawn, believe her, but a bigger part of her not daring to.

"She's lived through a lot Tara yes, but that has never changed who she is, who her heart loves." Dawn didn't know why she was pushing the issue so much, maybe it was cause she knew right now that the person who made her heart jump was waiting patiently for her upstairs and to think of never being with Jack again drove her to a place she never wanted to go. For a moment she understood the pain that Willow must be living with every day.

"I've changed too Dawn." Tara admitted possibly the real reason why she felt she had no future with the redhead.

"But you still have that something with her." Dawn reached out and wiped the tear from the blonde's cheek she knew she wasn't supposed to see.

"Tara, I don't know everything that has gone on in your life." Dawn rubbed the tear between her fingers. "But I know the minute I saw you that no matter how you had changed you are still the same."

"I haven't had much of a choice." Dawn's face fell as her mouth turned into a profound frown.

"Tara, you didn't do any of this to me." Dawn shook her head. "I only wanted..." She smiled softly in her sadness. "It's just I see you two walking on eggshells around each other and I know how much you love each other and it makes me sad."

"I'm going to be really annoying and not let this go you know that right?" The young woman tried a bit of brevity.

"But anyway, you'd better take that book upstairs, it would be terrible to waste all the effort Jack put into bringing it over for you." Tara slipped her hand around Dawn's waist and hugged her back.

"I know you said you and Willow don't talk." Dawn grinned slightly. "But would you please make sure not to mention that I snuck Jack into the house tonight." She hoped the blonde would understand.

"Yes." Tara agreed. "Oh Dawn." She called as the younger woman moved up and away from her.

"Do you know the spell 'Invictus pacirif'?" The blonde witch asked with a slight smirk.

"It's the first spell I ever taught Willow, we lived in school dorms." Tara raised an eyebrow and gave the young woman a lop-sided smile.

Tara reached into her pocket and pulled out a receipt bill she found there, pulling out a pencil she always kept in her jacket pocket, she wrote down the simple phrases and handed it over to Dawn.

"Thanks, you're a life saver." Dawn grinned brightly, tucking the note into her pocket. "I'd hate to have Willow walk in and see..." She didn't finish her sentence.

"Have fun but remember…" Tara grinned back. "I don't have a mend the bed spell up my sleeve."

"I so missed you." Dawn laughed and put her hand to her face before she ran back the short distance and hugged the blonde tightly.

"I thought you'd be in bed by now." Faith hung in the doorway of the living room, watching the blonde who sat in the bay window shelf seat on the other side of the room.

Tara turned as she heard the voice, smiled and shook her head. She'd taken up sanctuary here in the living room a few hours early after her star watching with Dawn had ended. Of all the rooms in the house it had given her the right energy for what she wanted to do, and that was think.

The walls of room had been carefully papered in light floral paper. Though she knew few looked close enough, the patterns of the apple blossoms and orchids within the print held spiritual significance. The carefully interwoven pattern of blooms, buds, leaves and vines spelled out harmony and balance. She could only imagine the challenge finding such intricately perfect wallpaper had been.

The rest of the room's furniture was in a thick gothic style to match the house. A large display cabinet filled the back wall towards the dining room. Its ornate lion's feet standing guard within the thick plush of shaggy burgundy carpet. While a series of velvet padded couches offered resting-places in the center of the room.

The cathedral windows at the front bathed the room in alternating shades of light, while the bay window she had sought refuge in looked out to the setting sun and over the carefully tended garden at the side of the house.

Mirrors, framed pictures and prints finished off the walls, while a thin boxed casing near the top of the walls held hidden track lighting to bath the room, though small lamps placed on various low tables in the room provided complete brightness if necessary. Tara had only turned on two of the small lamps near the entrance from the hall, not wanting to spoil the dim moonlight that cascaded through the cathedral windows.

"You want me to make you a tea or something to help you sleep?" Faith shuffled slightly. She'd stayed out late enough she thought to come back to an empty house, but by the looks of it Tara was still up and Willow wasn't even home yet. So much for wandering the streets aimlessly for what seemed like an eternity.

"Faith, I want to ask something incredibly selfish." Tara stood up and walked a little way a way obviously having an inner conflict with herself.

The fact that it had been Faith who had made it home before Willow had changed things for her, she had planned what she was going to do had it been the hacker. She would have pulled herself together, offered cocoa and biscuits and then slipped quietly to bed, but that it had been the Slayer had pushed Tara to a place she hadn't thought about.

Faith symbolized something to Tara that Willow didn't, she had a rule over a part of the blonde witch's psyche, the part that was the most fragmented, the part that Willow didn't even know existed, the part that Tara had very little control over. The part that turned away from the complex longing instead craving for the basic things, comfort, safety and assurance.

"What?" Faith took a few more steps in and sat down on a small stool by the window seat. "What's the biggie baby?" She watched her walk knowing from her body language something big was on the Wicca's mind.

Faith stood up, wiping her hands on her pants as she walked across and slowly slid her arms around the blonde's body.

"Why is this selfish?" Faith asked softly as she took a deep breath in and the essence of the witch filled her inside.

The usually dominant side of Tara felt things slip away as she buried her head against the dark Slayer, but it needed to have some things said before it let control slide.

"Because of everything, everything that's happened so recently, and everything in the past." Tara berated herself as she leaned heavily against the dark Slayer focusing on the feelings of stability and safety the hold brought her.

"Come on Tara, I know you better than that." Faith rubbed her back, trying to tie down her own rampant feelings and reactions. "Even all this would never make you selfish."

"I hate this pain." Tara said suddenly her voice full of anguish and sorrow as the world fell apart.

"I'm sorry." Faith's voice fell to a low pitch as she felt the blonde shake in her arms.

"And I hate the sorries! I hate the sorries Willow dishes out to everyone…" Tara's breathing came thick and fast as she felt her well controlled emotions begin to unravel. "I hate the sorries that Dawn refuses to accept, the sorries that you feel you have to say just to look people in the eye. I hate the sorries I can't say. I want it all to be better I want to take back all the stuff anyone has to be sorry about." She let tears flood down her cheeks.

"Sssssh." Faith rubbed the witch's back and held her tight. She didn't know what to say, didn't know how to make things better. She did the only thing she could, held on tightly and let Tara cry.

"I hate the fact that I am nearly thirty years old and I can't even look in the mirror because I hate what I see. I hate it that some one took Buffy and didn't let me say good-bye. I hate it all." Tara thumped her fist against Faith's shoulder not hard just frustrated.

"I know baby, I know." Faith reassured her that it was okay to feel as she did as she felt the blonde's fist smack into her lightly.

"Oh God Faith." Tara tilted her head back and blinked her water filled blue eyes up at the dark Slayer. "Everything is such a mess."

"Sssssh." Faith held her tightly, leaning down to kiss her forehead. "Just let it out baby, it's time for a good cry."

"No Faith, I can't do this." Tara made a last ditch attempt to retain her control, she suddenly pulled away wiping at her face with hot sweaty hands pushing the tears back through her long hair as she back off.

"Tara, you have to do this or you're going to lose your mind." Faith pushed her not letting her go despite her slight struggle. "Get mad, get angry, get sad, get something but don't let it eat you up." She looked deep into blue eyes. "Isn't that what you always tried to teach me?"

"Why do I lose everyone I love Faith?" Tara's heart snapped. "My Mom when I was seventeen, my brother, my dad, Willow, you, Buffy." She wrapped her arm around her stomach and held tight. "Oh God it hurts." She sobbed.

"Come here baby." Faith didn't know what to say all of this was far beyond her copping abilities.

Doing the only thing she could she picked the blonde up in her arms, feeling the shaking and crying making Tara unstable. A few short steps took them to the couch and she sat down the smaller woman in her lap holding her tight.

Tara curled into the Slayer's body sobbing hard. Despite herself she had to admit that the familiar body beside her own made everything just a little better.

Willow dropped her beaded over the shoulder purse and laptop in the front hall with a tired thump. Her head ached, her lungs felt like they were on fire and more than that the deep pain in her heart was waking up as her mind shifted from focused mode to exhausted relaxation. She stretched her neck out as she walked through the house, a light in the living room catching her eye on her way to the kitchen.

It was late, very late, and everyone should have been long asleep. She meandered in with the idea of turning it off and then sliding herself up to bed to toss and turn for a few hours. As she leaned over to hit the switch on the light the sight on the couch made her stop short of the actual lamp.

Willow's mind shut down as she focused on the shadowed outline of the dark Slayer and Tara curled into one another on the couch. In a preservation reaction her hand went out unattended to shut off the light but in a miscalculated move the sleeve of her coat hooked into the edge of a crystal vase on the table sending first it to the ground and then lamp as she tried to compensate. The room was pitched into darkness as first one then a second large shattering clash echoed through the house.

"Shit!" Willow cursed as she felt glass fly back into her bare legs and in a pain response she stepped back only to tumble into the small stool behind her. It knocked her backwards, her arm lashing out to take down the large rack of CD's near the stereo.

Faith awoke with a bolt, very harshly removing herself from Tara's arm as her body went into full alert mode. She was off the couch and searching the pitch-dark room for intruders in an instant.

Tara fell a little sideways as she both heard the commotion and felt Faith's reaction. Her befuddled mind just could not catch up with the situation. The barest facts registering in her tired distraught mind, that being that there was someone in the house and Faith was protecting her. She had been in this situation before. Her mind logically deduced and it knew the outcome. Clutching her stomach she slipped of the couch to the floor and literally crawled backwards until she couldn't possibly crawl anymore, her back hitting a wall. She scrunched herself into the smallest ball she could, whimpering almost silently.

"Jack wait!" Dawn's scared voice filled the hall as a thunder of hasty footsteps came banging down the stairs, only to be immediately followed by Dawn's lighter steps. The young Summers' tried to flick the light on as her fearless love just ran into the dark breech but she found that the switch in the living room flipped uselessly.

"Get the hell away from her!" Somewhere in the darkness Jack's voice cut her off as she went after the only figure barely visible in the dim light.

Unfortunately for Jack, it was Faith and as the tall woman threw herself at the Slayer, Faith's reactions kicked in. She snapped off a quick kick and punch combination that put the younger co-ed down.

Jack didn't know what hit her as the whole world erupted in thick bright stars and she felt the floor suddenly land into her back.

Dawn backtracked hastily and flicked on the main hall and external lights, knowing that they at least would shed partial light into the room. She hurried back to the room just in time to see her lover connect heavily with the floor. Dawn gave a short sharp scream at the horrifying scene.

"Who the fuck are you?" Faith snapped off a kick, stopping just short of the tall brunette's throat for effect.

"Faith back off, this is Jack!" Dawn hurried forward over the debris dropping down beside her lover looking up at the dark Slayer through worried eyes.

Jack just looked up at the boot that was inches from her face, unable to believe inside she'd just attached a slayer.

"And who the fuck is Jack?" Faith stepped back, thick adrenaline running trough her Slayer's system.

"Do I even bother to ask her why she's jumping me in the middle of the night?" Faith took a deep breath as Dawn brushed her hand over Jack's body lightly.

"She's a kind of all heart hero." Dawn grinned at her lover. Jack grinned back through her split lip. The young Summers' licked the sleeve of her nightgown and pressed it against the bleeding wound with eyes that were full of pride.

"Tara." Willow was floundering to disentangle herself from the debris when she turned her head up and came face to face with a look of sheer terror. "Tara it's okay." She put her hand out the short distance towards the blonde.

"Tara, Tara there's nothing to worry about." Willow rolled onto her stomach and slid a bit closer slowly. "It was just a lamp."

"Tara, it's okay. Look at my eyes love... its Willow." The hacker kept her voice soft and even as she reached out her hand bringing it to Tara's. "Remember my hand to your hand."

"Willow don't!" Faith's eyes shot up as her vision finally moved out further than the tall woman she'd put to the ground. "Tara..." She stepped over Jack and closer to where Willow and the blonde were. "Tara, baby come back, it was just an accident. See no bad men." She motioned around the room. "I promise."

It was only as Dawn heard and saw the focus of everyone else's attention that she turned her head from her lover to see Tara's huddled form pushed up against the wall between the stereo and a cabinet. She moved closer to Jack almost in need of comfort as the shocking scene registered inside her. Jack sat up, and even though her head swam she put her arm around Dawn protectively.

"Tara, it's okay." Willow held her hand in the air, for some reason heeding Faith's call for her to stop. "Just a lamp and a vase, no one is going to hurt you."

"Faith." Tara blinked and for the first time since the blackout actually saw someone's face, someone in the here and now at any rate.

"It was just a vase Tara." Willow repeated feeling a sick haunting feeling growing inside her. Something had gone on, something very wrong that she didn't know about and it made her ache even more. Tara shifted her gaze slightly and saw as well as heard Willow for the first time.

"Right here." The redhead smiled softly. "Everything is okay." She slowly linked their fingers together, their palms flat against each other.

"Everyone is okay?" Tara checked her words careful and precise as things tried to slot themselves into some resemblance of normality.

"Well I sorta clocked mystery girl over there but Dawn seems to know who she is." Faith sidestepped to show Dawn and Jack together on the floor.

"That is Jack." Willow didn't even notice the flair of betrayal somewhere in her brain as she concentrated on Tara and the hand that she held in her own.

"I think I need to go to bed." The blonde witch announced softly as more of her brain registered that she was highly uncomfortable and deathly tired.

"Yeah maybe that would be good for all of us." Faith stepped back her senses still humming under her skin.

Tara was about to agree as more of her mind caught up with what had actually happened, and then her body did too, and she realized she actually couldn't move.

"Actually Willow." Tara took a slight breath and looked at Faith. "I..." She stopped and looked back at Willow and again at Faith.

"Willow take her up to bed." Faith shifted from foot to foot. "I'm going to do a little neighbor hood check just to put everyone's nerves at ease."

"Faith, before you do." Tara called her voice still shaking slightly realizing that Faith hadn't regained enough control to actually think about Tara's predicament.

The blonde managed, though obviously not easily, to work herself out of her tight ball. She glanced down at her self, and then looked at the dark Slayer.

"You know how they give up on me." She looked at her denim-covered legs feeling completely foolish.

"Yeah I know." Faith smiled softly and bent down. "You ready?" She slipped her arms under the blonde's body. The blonde witch looped her arms around Faith's neck and looked at Willow.

"Of course." Willow disentangled herself from the wreckage and her twisted coat.

Faith picked up the blonde gently and began to make her way out of the room towards the steps.

"And you..." Willow finally felt a sharp stab of betrayal as she stopped in the door and looked at Dawn. Dawn kept herself close to Jack's body and looked up at Willow blinked back frightened sorry tears. "I am so..." She hesitated not sure what to say. "Disappointed."

Dawn hung her head as Willow frowned drastically and turned away to catch up with Faith and Tara.

They'd stayed there in silence for a few moments before Jack pulled the cloth away from her face and frowned.

"Dawn, I'm sorry." She spoke softly, feeling both stupid and useless. It had taken Faith less then a second in the pitch dark to immobilize her. What good was she? What exactly had she planned on doing to keep Dawn safe? But that was the point wasn't it. She'd heard the noise, instantly remembered what had happened so many short days before and went into protect mode. No matter how useless her protect mode was.

"It's okay Jack." Dawn shook her head trying to fight down the well of emotions inside her.

"No." She shook her head. "I got my ass knocked out, Willow's now furious with you, hates me more and just added to the mayhem. I should go."

"What would you leaving achieve?" Dawn shook her head as she moved into a more comfortable position.

"I don't know." Jack shook her head feeling stupider by the minute. "I could go ask Willow to turn me into a toad so I wouldn't have to feel so stupid and guilty?" She smiled softly.

"I think Willow is more than busy right now." Dawn thought briefly about the scene with Tara that had just panned out. "But I could look for a suitable spell in the library if you like." She tried a smile.

"You were great." Dawn feelings of pain and hurt at Willows words paled a little against the pride she felt in her lover.

"Hey you got your ass kicked by Faith, that's someone to get kicked by." Dawn reassured her tracing a fingertip over the swelling injury.

"I sorta realized that after she's put me on the ground." Jack laughed. "Too bad I can't brag to everyone I was in a fight with her."

"She's a Slayer baby, no one brags about being in a fight with them." Dawn reassured her. "Well apart from Spike but he always was kinda wacky."

"Here, here or here." Dawn moved her hand over her body, tapped the side of her head and then rested her hand over her heart correspondingly.

"I'm coping." Dawn replied. "I was doing great before the…" She paused. "Interruption." She added with loving eyes.

"Feels hot and yeah it sorta hurts." The bruised woman admitted. "Not as much as I expected but then again I've always had a hard head."

"Dawn, I don't think you and I crawling into a bath is going to help make this up to Willow." Jack shook her head.

"Jack it might help me." Dawn said adamantly. "Willow is not my mother, or my sister, I know she loves me and I love her dearly, but it's you who helps me right now." She tried to explain but her brain was doing well at feeding her the right thing to say.

"Then why don't we go make some tea and run a hot bath?" Jack gave a lopsided smile unable to disagree with her argument.

"You're sure?" Dawn suddenly worried that she had railroaded the injured woman into something she didn't want.

"Dawn, I just don't want to get you into more trouble because of me." Jack reached up and brushed her hand through her lover's hair. "And yes tea and a hot bath sound perfect, especially if both are shared with you."

"Did I tell you how sexy you looked just before Faith knocked you down?" Dawn grinned teasingly.

"Yep, or in a 'I'm soon going to be on my back AGAIN' way." The young woman leered.

"My only worry is you Sunshine." Her voice was a serious whisper as she caught up the young woman and kissed her again.

Faith pushed the door open and literally threw herself through it. Everything felt heavy and tired. She had run for God knew how far or how fast but she had needed to rid herself of all the built up and subsequently unnecessary adrenaline. Now that she had she was in need of a good long rest.

She was about to just shove the door closed when she remembered to glance at her watch. She had been gone nearly four hours it was fair to assume everyone would be asleep. Carefully closed the door and dropped the latch.

"It's 5:37." Willow put both feet down on the second last step and looked at the tired woman was stood at her backdoor.

"What are you doing up Red?" Faith moved into the room her voice heavy and tired.

"Sitting with Tara and waiting for you." Willow answered honestly as she leaned heavily against the wall. Trying hard not to think about how painful the last few hours had been just watch Tara wrestle with inner demons before sinking into a restless sleep.

She had slipped out quietly when she was positive the blonde was asleep, and had cleaned up the scratches on her legs, and slipped into a pair of joggers and a sloppy sweater, she had returned to watch Tara when this was done until she had heard the Slayer return.

"Yes, she took a sleeping tonic." Willow sat down on the stairs. "She takes a lot of them doesn't she?" She looked up with sad tired eyes at the Slayer.

"She didn't want to take all the pills they gave her." Faith replied leaning on the wall she knew that wherever this conversation was going it was going to be hard.

"And I'm going to guess that no one failed to mention that she has recently been diagnosed with MS or some other similarly disabling disease and it's actually Post-Traumatic Stress paralysis?" Willow put her hands down and rubbed her palms against the smooth wood.

"Yeah, It's part of her PTSD." Faith briefly glanced up at Willow subtly reminded once again how smart the redhead was.

"What happened?" Willow swallowed hard at least something she had pieced together about this mess had been right. "Who is Sophie?"

"Willow, are you sure you want to know?" Faith asked her tone completely different to any she had used with the redhead before.

"Yes." The hacker nodded quickly. "She looked right through me Faith, good or bad she has never done that before."

"The living room is a bit of a mess but..." Willow stood up and made her way down the hall. Faith followed. Slowly she sat down on the couch that had recently been the beginning of the mayhem. Faith sat on a high-backed chair more or less opposite the couch. She looked down at her hands for a long moment.

"This is hard Red, I don't know where to start, what to say." Faith mumbled into her hands.

"Start wherever I don't care, just tell me what hurt her so badly." Willow looked into the wall as a thick darkness crept into the back of her mind, making her skin crawl.

"Okay I'll start with Sophie." Faith took a breath. "Sophie Mialer." The Slayer clarified the name trying not to infuse in it any of the anger and hatred she felt towards the woman. Willow nodded and waited for her to keep going. "Tara met her in 2003, in January, just after her father had died. She was bad news Red." She glanced up.

"Bad news how?" Willow's jaw firmly locked in place as she briefly looked at Faith. None of her anger was towards the dark Slayer, it couldn't be. It was firmly being mirrored back at herself for failing.

"Tara met her through 'New Start'." Faith put forward the name to see if it rang any bells.

"Yep." Faith nodded. "She was an old user but as clean as a whistle." Her voice dripped with sarcasm.

"She and Tara moved in together." Faith kept the details short and clear. "But she was in the shit all the way to her neck Red. She owed more people money than I've staked vampires. And they were the wrong kind of people to owe money to."

"They came to collect didn't they?" Willow tried to fill in the horrifying conclusion that loomed. She fought the urge to stop screaming and never stopping. "What did they do?"

"Red. Willow." She corrected herself as she felt her mind shift a little she had not been prepared for how tell thins would make her feel. "You don't wanna know."

Faith looked away from everything, focusing on the smallest detail of the patterned cover of one of the toppled CDs.

"On the 24th of December 2003 a team of six guys hit Tara's place." Faith began slowly, giving somewhat bland details to try and keep her away from the brutal ones. "They turned it upside down for drugs or money something to collect." Willow felt her heart literally stop as Faith's description finally began. "They found nothing, there was no way they could, Sophie had left without a trace. The only thing they found was Tara." The redhead put her hand over her mouth, a thousand bad snapshots of possibilities flicking off in her brain. "They hurt her Will, they really hurt her. I've done some sick shit in my time Red." She swallowed. "But these guys were professionals." The slightest shake entered Faith's voice.

"I'll make sure no one disturbs you so that you can sleep in late." Willow rubbed at her lip with her thumb her eyes and voice a thousand miles away.

"Willow." Faith looked up at the redhead, her eyes in dark shadow. "I'm sorry I didn't get her out sooner."

"You don't' have to be sorry to me Faith." Willow shook her head. "At least you got there in time to keep her alive." She felt her vision blinded by pain, agony.

Faith shook her head and Willow merely reached down and brushed at the creases in her skirt.

"Maybe it's best if we keep that between us." She made the silky fabric smooth over her thigh. Faith let her head drop but she made a small sound of acknowledgement.

"Faith..." She looked at the Slayer suddenly not even sure why the thought had come to her. The dark Slayer managed to drag her head back up again. "When we face Anezka she cannot be in Sunnydale. Do you understand?"

"You love her don't you Red?" Faith looked at Willow unflinching seeing the pain this information caused the hacker.

"I never stopped." Willow closed her eyes a single tear sliding out and cascading down her cheek.

"Talk to her." Faith implored, her feelings for Tara over taking any negativity she may have felt towards Willow.

"There is too much I can't make up for." Willow spoke after a long pause as her mind tried to figure out what to say.

"She's lost too much Willow." Faith stood up. "Too much for you to give up on her."

"Why push me to go after her? Push me to fix things?" Willow clarified. Faith just shook her head and laughed sadly before she answered.

"I loved Tara with the most love I have ever given anyone, and we made it work for nearly two and a half years." Faith replied she began a slow pace of the room. "And all that time, every day of those two and a half years I had to live with one fact." She stopped just short of Willow. "The fact that I was second best." Deep brown eyes fixed green. "Don't get me wrong Tara loved me she loved me as much as she could, but I wasn't you."

The Slayer stopped for a moment and paced around a little as thoughts and emotions and memories flashed through her mind.

"When I carried her out of her wrecked house, she was this close." Faith spoke again, holding her thumb and finger close together. "This close to dying and do you know what she made me promise?"

"What?" Willow breathed out the word captivated by Faith's admission. She wasn't really sure why she hung on every word as at the same time as it made her infinitely sad and happy at the same time.

"That I would come to Sunnydale and watch over your silly ass, because she couldn't make it home to you." Faith couldn't believe it when a tear splashed onto her cheek. "Cut, beaten, wrecked and dying all she could think of was you. And you stand here and you ask why I am pushing you back together?" She shook her head and turned away. Willow watched the rare tear slide down the Slayer's face and then watched her turn away.

Willow couldn't believe how horrible this whole situation was but she knew at that moment she had to admit something to Faith, something she couldn't tell Tara, couldn't tell anyone.

"Faith..." Willow felt tears sliding down her cheeks freely. The darker slayer stopped and breathed hard not turning. "It's going to kill me." She let the words slid out in a tight voice unable to believe she'd been able to speak them. With infinitely small movements Faith turned round.

"The spell..." Willow looked down leaning sideways into the couch. "Death to death, life to life." She repeated one of the lines from the incantation. "It will kill me to cast it."

"You bastard!" Faith glared at the hacker. "You drag me half way around the world to be part of some elaborate death wish?" She shook her head and lashed out at the nearest wall.

"I do not want to die Faith but there is no choice." Willow stood up as she watched the Slayer take her hand out of the now broken wall.

"Do you see a choice?" Willow picked up a book from the shelf and threw it open for her. "My death to your death, my life to your life." She repeated the line. Despite herself Faith looked down at the book a brief glance at the page told her that Willow was right. "God's wrath, it is the only thing that can defeat a fallen angel."

"We thought it was a biblical reference, not a spell." Willow ran her hands through her hair. "It is the only way and I am the only one powerful enough to cast it."

"You've always had balls Red." Faith reigned in her anger and controlled her breathing looking the hacker up and down.

"Balls has nothing to do with it Faith." Willow shook her head sadly. "I don't want to die, but if I don't do this, we don't do this, she comes after Dawn... Tara... everyone."

"So it looks like we're a team this time huh?" Faith wiped her hot hand on her pants and held it out.

"I still think you should talk to Tara." Faith's voice was soft as she held Willow's hand lightly.

"I'll try." Willow smiled softly, unable to believe the twists and turns this day had taken.

"You too." Willow nodded letting go of her hand. Faith moved away instantly and walked off towards the kitchen.

As the two women walked in opposite directions Faith was suddenly struck with a need to be as honest with the hacker as she had been.

"Red just so you know." She stopped and called back. "I killed Sophie Mialer, she had to pay for what she had done." With that the dark Slayer slipped away to her room leaving the hacker to reel from yet another harsh, but somewhat expected body blow.

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The Letting Go

by The Rainbow Writers

Copyright © 2003

rainbowwriters@hotmail.com