Safe In Her Arms by The Rainbow Writers

Buffy pushed open the door to her room. They'd managed a steady pace down the hall and as she closed the door behind them she noticed Tara breathe a small sigh of relief.

"Music?" Buffy questioned softly as she turned on only the small shaded bedside lamp.

"Would be nice." Tara encouraged as she sat down lightly on the side of the bed her eyes glancing around the bedroom. She deliberately shut out the memories of times that she had sat in her with Dawn or Willow holding them as they had wept for their dead sister and friend. They had Buffy back now and that was what mattered.

Buffy flicked on the stereo and turned the volume down as she shuffled through CD's for a moment before deciding and putting something soft on.

"I don't think we've ever been in here together." Buffy whispered as she stood in front of the blonde. She could see the memories and the emotions clouding Tara's blue eyes and it made her so sad.

"We haven't." Tara confirmed as she reached out her hands to Buffy and the Slayer filled them immediately with her own.

"I was thinking of redecorating." The Slayer commented absently. "You know, fresh paint... fresh start."

"Maybe once we talk to everyone, and things settle a bit... we can all do it." Buffy's words breathed life into a hidden wish.

"If it's too hard, we don't have to do this here, tonight." Buffy whispered leaning down to rest on her knees, she didn't want to hover over Tara. She also didn't let go of the hands she held.

"Kiss me." She answered pulling Buffy's hands a little, and opening her legs to allow the Slayer to get closer to her.

Buffy shifted the distance to be surrounded by the blonde as she pushed up and filled Tara's request instantly.

Tara closed her eyes and opened her mouth as Buffy kissed her, her hands squeezing the Slayer's fingers as she focused on the reality of the moment rather than the pain of the past. Buffy's body pressed closer as the kiss went deeper, wet mouths opening secrets to one another.

As the kiss continued Tara eased the muscles of her back, lowering herself backwards onto the mattress. The Slayer's obvious strength allowed her to shift and follow the move without strain as her body moved up and then down over the blonde's.

Tara released Buffy's hands and moved her own to the Slayer's sides, as their kissing became more a series of light pecks and then slow deep exploration. Gently Tara pushed up the Slayer's top a few centimeters.

Buffy braced her arms on the bed holding her petite body aloft slightly as they began to shy away from words. She kept kissing Tara as she felt the material being moved up her torso.

After moving the top back and forth the small distance several times, Tara pulled the cotton further up indicating clearly to the Slayer that she wanted it gone.

Buffy shifted her weight onto her knees more, making it easier for Tara to pull the shirt off of her and drop it onto the carpet near the bed.

With it gone Tara ran her hands up along Buffy's naked arms, over her shoulders, tracing over the cream straps there before tracing the line they took down her back all the while kissing and exploring her mouth and unconsciously moving her own hips up a little off the bed.

Buffy moaned slightly into the kiss, the warm hands that explored her body making her skin tingle with pleasure. The slight movement underneath her urged her to rest the light weight of her body a little more as she moved up further to straddle Tara's hips.

"You really are beautiful." She stressed moving her hand smoothly over Buffy's back and shoulders.

"Nothing compared to you." Buffy shook her head softly as her body arched into the blonde's hands.

"You bring out the lost poet in me." Buffy smiled back at her and then kissed her again.

"Lost poet?" The Wicca puzzled as she drew her hands over the front of Buffy's shoulders and traced light fingertips over the front of Buffy's satin bra.

"My English professor..." Buffy laughed slightly as her body arched again. "Did this big presentation on how so many poets were gay, bad Buffy metaphor." She felt her body press a little stronger against Tara.

"Oh many were, are." Tara agreed. "But I'll settle for you jut being my Buffy, you don't have to be my poet." She rubbed in a more focused way on Buffy's breasts.

"I don't..." Buffy moaned softly. "Think I could be much of a poet, but..." She leaned down nuzzling into Tara's neck. "I can be your Buffy." She kissed the soft flesh and slowly moved her mouth up to suck on the earlobe she'd be playing with earlier.

"Do you know how sensitive my ears are?" Tara asked as she played with the now obvious peaks beneath the satin. "Or was it just a lucky guess?"

"You try to hide them with your hair, calculated guess." Buffy breathed into her ear and licked slowly over the soft patch of flesh behind it.

"Now you see why!" She gasped when an unexpected bolt of pleasure hit the Wicca as Buffy's breath and tongue touched her making her arch off the bed. The sheer electricity of the blonde's reaction made Buffy moan and she continued to greedily lavish more attention on the sensitive flesh. "Oh Buffy." Tara gasped in pleasure, her hand cupping and massaging the Slayer's breasts a little harder as she lifted her hips off the bed and moved them around in a slow circle.

Shifting her weight onto one arm, Buffy dropped the other, as her mouth stayed fixed to Tara's neck. Slowly she placed her hand over lace again, massaging softly, enjoying the feel of Tara's quickening heartbeat and rising temperature.

"Take it off." Tara hoped the Slayer would realize she was referring to the lace bra that kept Buffy from touching her skin.

Buffy pushed her body back a bit, reluctantly easing away from the blonde's hands as she caught Tara's arms softly and pulled her up to stand at the side of the bed.

"Can we just..." Buffy breathed deeply, suddenly unsure of her own wants. "Get rid of it all and lie down?"

"Of course." Tara smiled reassuringly. She moved her hands to the fastening on the side of her calf length skirt. Buffy unfastened her pants and pushed them down kicking them back softly.

"Let me help." She stopped stood there in only her bra and matching panties as she reached around Tara to undo the second button and then slid the skirt down. She trailed her hands up Tara's back and began working on the closure to the blonde's bra.

Tara let Buffy remove her bra and then brought the Slayer's hands to rest against the strap of elastic bridging across her hips. Buffy swallowed slightly, her throat a bit dry as she curled her fingers into the material and pulled it down off the blonde. She followed it down until it slipped useless past Tara's knees and she turned her head placing a small kiss on the blonde's stomach before she stood back up.

Tara did her best not to try and cover herself up, as she stood there naked before the Slayer.

"You are so gorgeous." Buffy appraised leaning forward to kiss the blonde lightly.

"As are you." Tara slid her hands round Buffy's back and unhooked her satin bra effortlessly guiding the straps down Buffy's arms as she moved her hands back in front.

"You're good at that." Buffy gave a mischievous grin as the material slipped off her body.

"Just another poor girl whose fallen victim to the seductive power of Tara Maclay." Buffy whispered thickly as she leaned against Tara, sliding one leg up the outside of the blonde's hip.

"These have to go." Tara stroked her finger along the waistband of Buffy's panties.

"I hope you have a technique." Buffy rested both feet on the floor again. Her body felt alive, alive and on fire.

For a brief moment Tara had to fight the desire to drop to her knees and show Buffy that she could indeed remove them without the use of her hands, but she had enough restraint to think that perhaps Buffy wasn't ready for that.

Instead she slipped her hands inside the straps of Buffy's panties where they rested low on her hips and urged the material down. She never let her hands leave the heat of Buffy's skin, all the way over her hips and down the sides of her thighs, still touching over her calves until the material dropped to the floor.

Gracefully then Tara stood back up dragging her hands back along the path they had taken on the way down, though this time she brought Buffy's left leg with her running her fingers openly along the expanse of Buffy's thigh.

The Slayer didn't even try to suppress the moan that shivered through her as Tara's hands moved over her body.

"You wanted to lay down..." Tara whispered breathing into Buffy's ear as she caressed the underside of Buffy's thigh.

"I want you to make love to me." Buffy admitted in a whisper her voice sure, though she felt butterflies of anticipation in her stomach.

"Oh yes Buffy." Tara's voice was filled with passion as she kissed the Slayer's neck and throat while she eased Buffy's leg down again. "Lay down." She directed gently.

Buffy breathed out hotly as her head tilted to one side. Her eyes closed as Tara directed her and she soon felt the cool comforter at her back as she reached the bed.

In a moment Tara took her place above the Slayer, her long legs resting between Buffy's, her body floating just above the naked one below her, her arms bracing her weight steadily. Buffy opened her eyes to the inspiring sight of Tara filling her vision.

"Buffy." Tara said lovingly as she kissed a path down the Slayer's throat and between her breasts.

"Tara." The Slayer repeated back her lover's name instantly to show she was completely attentive to all that Tara was doing.

"I love you." Tara whispered as she gently brought her hips down to press her center against Buffy's at the exact same moment that her lips closed around the flesh of Buffy's breast for the first time.

Buffy gasped from the overwhelming pleasurable shocks that shattered through her empty body and filled her head to toe.

"Oh God, I love you too." She whispered back squeezing her eyes shut as she moaned and a warm happy tear slid back over her temple into her hair.

Tara kissed in a light circle around Buffy's puckered nipple, gently dancing her hips against Buffy's center as she did so. Tipping her head slightly she let her pretty princess braids fall across Buffy's body, grazing over the heated skin as she kissed around and around, before closing her lips over the excited harden flesh.

Buffy moaned again, her hands softly coming down to cup Tara's head. Her hips pushed back against the blonde's, rocking their bodies together slightly harder.

Aware of the hands on the back of her head Tara moved her head gently against the breast she suckled, slowly increasing the pressure of her mouth and letting her tongue flick against the excited flesh. At the same time she was consciously building up more pressure between them by rotating and flexing her hips against Buffy's.

A jump or shiver in the Slayer's body met each movement of her tongue and Tara could help but whimper slightly in pleasure. On automatic Buffy's hips shifted more open and she linked one leg around Tara's thighs pulling her closer. As she felt the Slayer capture her Tara had to fight the urge to release her lover's capture breast and cry out in pleasure.

Buffy felt as if she was in a dream, her body was alive with pleasure and feeling. Every inch of her was completely aroused and her mind swelled with the feelings she had for Tara. All of them solidified by this act of love between them.

Tara couldn't help but release a low groan as she felt her center brush firmly against Buffy's, a fiery wave of arousal filling her lower body as she focused on pressing against that specific area.

The Slayer's hips rocked faster and harder against the blonde's body as the wetness between her legs grew.

"Tara." Buffy moaned out her name as she reacted to the blonde's discovery of how to contact the most aroused and sensitive part of her body.

Lifting one hand off the mattress Tara answered the Slayer's moan not with words but by sliding her hand between their bodies as she made a long sensual rotation of her hips. By the time her center pressed against Buffy's again Tara's hand was lightly cupped the Slayer's hot flesh. Her long thin fingers eased through damp hair and entered swollen heated lips, as she began to brush over and over in time with her hip movements.

"Tara." Buffy moaned again, opening her eyes blinking at the overwhelming pleasure that slid over her skin with the blonde's touch. Buffy's body rocked, pressing into each movement greedily.

Releasing Buffy's nipple the Wicca looked up at the Slayer so that Buffy could see the desire that filled her blue eyes.

"Warm." Tara whispered putting more pressure into the rub of her fingers, which she eased further down and around within Buffy's wetness.

Letting her middle finger graze between the outer lips of Buffy's body, Tara swore if she had not been laying down she would have fallen as she felt Buffy's heat and wetness fully for the first time. She just let her fingers press back and forth through it, over and over, her hips moving stronger, a low impassioned noise escaping from her throat as she made each loving stroke.

The Slayer's hips flattened out as her body arched into the touch. Sliding her hands down over Tara's shoulders, she pressed her palms full into the blonde's breasts wanting to feel her all of her lover that she could.

"Oh Buffy, Buffy!" Tara moaned as she let her fingers explore more in their slick environment, opening and exploring the blood rich skin. She placed the pad of her finger lightly on the tight bundle of nerves inside the Slayer's body.

"Oh Tara." Buffy whispered as the touch made her body jump and she realized as her eyes closed again that she was racing towards release quicker than she'd ever imagined. She tightened her fingertips around the blonde's nipples, squeezing softly in rhythm to the movement of Tara's finger over her center.

Moving in a fast controlled vibrating motion, Tara focused on making Buffy feeling everything she possibly could. Her fingers never left Buffy's excited flesh as in a seamless move she replaced her finger with her thumb and she let her finger press deeper discovering the font of Buffy's arousal.

The blonde almost found her breath taken away as she felt Buffy's tight contractions on her middle finger and she pressed carefully but firmly.

"Yes, baby yes." Tara breathed as her finger flicked against flexing muscles urging Buffy closer to release.

It had only taken Tara entering her, just the knowledge of knowing she was Tara's, that everything was Tara's now. She wasn't really sure if she screamed, or just moaned. She did focus on pushing out words as she told Tara over and over again that she loved her. She focused on the love cause that was what she felt, coursing through her muscles and nerves with a vivid intensity.

Tara couldn't believe the beauty that was Buffy as she let herself be engulfed by her feelings and climax. The flood around her fingers that spilled over down her hand nearly was enough to tip her over the edge, but she carefully concentrated on bringing Buffy down to a place of comfort.

"I love you too." She purred, letting her fingers leave the Slayer's body to stroke through her wetness as she leaned down and kissed Buffy on the lips.

Buffy opened her eyes again as Tara's lips left hers. She blinked slowly as her body slowed just a little bit, and small tears squeezed out of her eyes.

"Hey, hey." Tara changed her lean, shifting her weight from her hand to her elbow, freeing one hand so that she could reach her fingers to wipe away a stray tear.

"It's okay." Buffy whispered with a slow luscious smile. "I love you too." She added softly.

"Here let me stop this." Tara gradually slowed the movements of her fingers below.

"No, it's not that." Buffy reached up brushing fingers down Tara's cheek. "Just... wow." She managed feeling speechless.

"The first time should be good." Tara blushed a little but her smile was stunning.

Tara had to fight not to begin her hand and hip movements again as the taste and heat of Buffy's mouth reminded her of her own barely restrained passion. Buffy kissed the blonde deeper encircling her with her arms as she pulled her lover into a tight embrace.

"Mmmmm." Tara moaned into the kiss, her elbow slipping sideways making her more or less topple onto the Slayer for the first time pressing her weight down on Buffy's body.

"Mmmmm better." Buff moaned into the kiss, her flushed slightly sweaty skin loving the feel of the bare skin now against her.

"I-I-I don't want to be to heavy..." Tara began as she pulled back her mouth momentarily.

"You're not." Buffy ran her hands down the blonde's back, so very pleased when it made Tara arch into her harder.

"Mmmm, I have this back thing too." Tara tried to explain as she moaned and shivered at Buffy's touch.

"So if I do this..." Buffy questioned mischievously as she let her manicured nails ever so softly run down to the swell of Tara's backside then back up to the dip of her lower back.

"Mmmm." Buffy moaned as the move caused Tara to press their hips together again.

The Wicca slipped her hand out from between their hot bodies and pressed it flat on the mattress as Buffy repeated the motion. Tara's back arched harder than before this time sending center back against center causing her to moan louder and catch the edge of her lip as she did so.

Buffy kissed her again as she ran her hands down over Tara's behind, palming the warm rounded flesh and pulling the blonde closer. Tara moved under Buffy's directions, control becoming a commodity she was fast loosing.

Slowly Buffy released the grip she had still been holding on Tara's lower legs, and curled one hand down between their bodies. She pulled back out of the kiss, wanting to see exactly how this made Tara feel as she let out a little moan when her fingers reached the edge of moist blonde curls.

Tara's blue eyes flared wide open, flooding with desire and need. Again her teeth gripped the corner of her lip as she groaned in pleasure. Slowly, only because Buffy couldn't believe the heat that flared out of the blonde's body, she brought her hand down further and ran a fingertip over the wetness that dripped out to meet her.

"I'm a little…" Tara began not sure if she was apologizing, explaining or just stating the obvious.

"For me?" Buffy questioned in disbelief as she took a staggered breath, she ran her finger along the blonde's outer lips again.

Tara leaned down and answered Buffy with a kiss of consent. As the blonde's tongue pressed warmly into her mouth, Buffy let her fingers slip inside Tara.

The pool of hot wet that met her made her whimper, and she doubted she could have ever prepared herself for the rush of sensation the discovery caused. For a moment her fingers moved slowly to discover the hidden folds of Tara's body, almost as if the physicality of it was new to her in every sense and not just that it was Tara.

Tara sucked and toyed with Buffy's tongue as she moved her hips a little encouraging Buffy's fingers to explore.

Soon it all became about Tara as Buffy ran her fingertip over a harder area of flesh and felt the blonde's hips jump into her. She focused her fingers there, rubbing in a tight circle over Tara's center.

"Mmmm." Tara's moan was passionate as her hips rocked above Buffy's body. She closed her eyes as colors danced brightly in her head and flames of desire licked up inside her.

Easily able to shift Tara's body weight, Buffy moved one leg between Tara's so that Tara could open her legs more. Her fingers danced over the blonde's center, shifting between movements and pressure as she watched the pleasured changes on Tara's face.

Tara let herself enjoy the newfound space and movement, before feeling her position shift slightly. Her legs closed around Buffy's thigh, almost claiming it as hers as she changed her hip movements into a forward and back motion.

Buffy quickly followed the set pattern with her fingers and she slid her hand up and down, Tara's center caught slightly between two fingers.

"Oh..." Tara's breath caught in her throat and turned into a rather ragged pant. "Buffy." Her hips moved faster.

"Yes?" Buffy questioned thickly feeling desire building in her stomach again as the blonde's knee pressed up into her.

"This is..." She gasped pushing hard onto Buffy's thigh. "You are…" She pushed her hands flat down on the mattress pushing her upper body off the Slayer, but her lower body down closer. "Amazing." She managed to finish as she moved in her new position.

"And you are beautiful." Buffy whispered speeding up her push and pull slightly. She could hardly believe how beautiful the blonde above her did look.

Tara: Consumed by passion and desire, free of all feeling of insecurity that often cruelly plagued her, and free to feel and be as beautiful as she really was.

"I don't want to stop." Tara admitted her face flushed and her body damp with sweat and heat.

"Don't... please." Buffy added in a whisper leaning her head up to kiss the blonde's body, her lips trailing over her collarbone and the tops of her breasts.

Tara closed her eyes and arched her back hard letting her breasts move freely as she rocked against Buffy's leg and hand, tipping her head to the side her breathing changed to harder fast pants.

Buffy slowly brought her free hand up, cupping it around the blonde's ample breast as she dipped her head further. She was easily able to remember how good this had felt when Tara was touching her, and without hesitation she closed her warm lips over the rosy pink nipple and sucked gently.

"Buffy!" Tara called out as without warning she toppled over the edge of her climax the instant the Slayer latched lightly to her breast. A warm flood rolled out of her onto Buffy's heated skin.

The Slayer would wonder to herself in later moments why it all had seemed such a surprise, the flood of liquid, the feel of spasming muscles and the hoarse luscious way that Tara called her name. Moved on by it all she sucked harder, her fingers moving faster. She wanted more of this amazing reaction.

Tara had more to give, hardly pausing the Wicca met Buffy's new faster harder rhythm. Her breath sounded out louder in the hot room, her body's movements bigger and more exaggerated.

Buffy was edged on even further, what she knew she lacked in experience she tried to make up for in desire as she slid her fingers quicker over Tara's center. She licked her tongue in circles around the nipple she'd captured, deciding now she completely understood the whole breast fetish.

In some part of her brain Tara thought she should be touching Buffy, letting her know just how much of an effect she was having on her and returning the favor but she couldn't move. She just kept her back arched hard and her whole body moving.

Using a little slayer strength, Buffy bent the leg that Tara had captured up, effectively raising her up and bounced the blonde to increase the movement.

"Yesss!" Tara managed a coherent word to let the Slayer know that the move was both appreciated and needed.

Buffy smiled against the flesh she devoured as Tara confirmed she'd done something good. Deciding quickly to continue with instinct, she pressed her hand down further taking a deep breath as she pressed one finger inside the blonde.

"Is that okay?" Buffy checked a little thrown by the blonde's reaction. She felt ribs of muscles flinch and flex around her.

"Oh yes." Tara purred, controlling her inner muscles to stretch and grip around Buffy. "See." She added deliberately lock and releasing Buffy's finger.

"T-T-Try a-a-another." Tara's stutter so obviously wasn't from nervousness this time as she made the suggestion, she also opened her blue eyes and gave Buffy a lop-sided grin.

"I don't want to hurt you." Buffy admitted stupidly, their bodies still rocking as she held the blonde aloft.

Buffy nodded softly and shifted her hand a bit more to slip a second finger inside Tara's tight body.

"Sweet Goddess!" Tara's teeth caught her lip again as she opened for Buffy ensuring her body remained tight around Buffy but relaxed enough for the Slayer to feel how good it felt.

"You are." Buffy groaned as the closed her eyes briefly feeling the way the blonde's body accepted and was excited by her.

"Take me Buffy." Tara breathed knowing she was far to close to orgasm to continue talking much longer.

Buffy felt frozen for a moment before she pulled her fingers back and began moving quickly in and out of the blonde, her leg kept Tara off the bed and let them rock in a hard long motion. She breathed hotly onto the wet skin before her before again sucking hard flesh into her mouth. Pushing deeper, Buffy worked her palm in flat and pressed up against the blonde's center as they moved.

"That's it, so good." Tara whispered the hoarse words of encouragement while she still could before giving into the explosion of her release.

Tara bucked and writhed with Buffy, a light sheen of sweat covering her body. It soaked out into her hair as she rode wave after wave of release. Her heart hammered in her ears and her breath rushed out of her lungs in hot uneven pants. The Wicca feared for a moment that she might pass out.

As Tara's breathing became more erratic, Buffy slowed down their movement. Within a few rocks she had the blonde again resting heavy on top of her on the bed. She stilled her hand and leaned back from the blonde's breast. Buffy felt the press of Tara's body against her heaving in each hard breath. Every so slowly Buffy pulled her hand back, and hugged Tara close to her, softly stroking the length of her lover's back.

Tara let herself rest against Buffy as everything slowly adjusted itself back to normal.

"Sleepy?" Tara asked after a long moment, knowing that sleeping had been hard for the Slayer since her return from the grave. She drew small circles on Buffy's stomach.

"Yes." Buffy whispered realizing it was true as she held onto the blonde, both of their bodies pushed past the point of frenzied excitement to a calmer steady bliss.

"Buffy…" Tara whispered her voice serious as she sat up a little and looked at her new lover.

"Yes?" Buffy opened her eyes again. A moment of panic threatened to hit her with the tone in Tara's voice.

"How did that make you feel?" Tara's tone dropped to a soothing query. She wanted Buffy to know she was not about to change the world or the rules on her.

"You know how it made me feel." Buffy felt a slow smile spread on her face as the threat vanished. "I love you." She added in a whisper.

"I'm sorry about the..." Buffy put a hand up to her face wiping at long dried tears as her mind caught up.

"Yes." The Slayer nodded. "I don't, well I never used to, and I certain haven't really since..." She realized she was babbling and laughed a little relaxing.

"You bring out the best in me." Buffy admitted rubbing her hand softly over the blonde's arm.

Very, very gradually the need to use the bathroom drew Tara from her restful slumber, and even when it had gotten to the point that it couldn't really be ignored any longer, she still remained lying in the soft sheets. The reason, of course, was Buffy. The sleepy Slayer was sprawled over most of Tara's body, her head resting on Tara's left breast, her arm flung over the rest of her stomach, while her leg was thrown over Tara's thighs. Though there was no pressure and no restraint involved in the position, Tara simply didn't want to move. Buffy was as beautiful asleep as she was awake.

The blonde Wicca had come to the decision a while ago, during the hours she had spent resting on a sleeping Willow: A sleeping woman was a thing of extra special beauty. Buffy sealed the thought firmly in her head. All the gently creases of worry, pain and confusion were gone while the Slayer slept, her young face perfect in its serenity and poise.

"I love you Buffy Summers." Tara whispered tracing her fingertips around Buffy's ear and threading them through into her hair.

"This world hasn't treated either of us right, but at least now we've found each other." Tara mused. "I just hope I can be what you need." She added drawing her fingers over and over through the silky locks. "And I hope Willow will understand." She added her voice dropping a notch as she though of the redhead.

Tara found her thoughts spiraling away from her a little and made a conscious effort to rein them in. This wasn't the time or the place to be thinking about anything other than Buffy and the love that they shared. The rest would be dealt with in time, and dealt with the right way, together.

Buffy's body shifted a little as she began to wake up, emerging slowly and peacefully into consciousness.

"Hey limpet." Tara said lovingly She leaned down and kissed the Slayer lightly on the forehead.

Tara moved her hand to lift Buffy's from her waist and kicked up her legs to show her that she was effectively pinning Tara down.

"Hey, hey no." Tara rubbed Buffy's arms gently. "It's lovely, there's just this teeny weenie bladder issue."

"I'm just a selfish sleeper." Buffy smiled as she fully disentangled herself now for the purpose of letting Tara go to the bathroom.

"Thank you." Tara slipped out of the bed, and bent down to pick up her skirt from the floor, looking around for her blouse.

"Thank you." Tara chuckled softly and dropped her skirt picking up the robe. She wrapped it round her body and slipped out of the room.

Though Buffy wished the Wicca would walk across the room naked so she could enjoy the stunning morning view, she knew she couldn't deny the blonde the robe.

Buffy shifted over onto her back and doubled one of the pillows under her head. Finding her pajamas under there, she pulled the small short T-shirt on, laughing to herself at the little sleepy sheep that were printed on it. Not the sexiest thing she owned but it was closer than getting out of the warm bed and going to the closet. She didn't even think to put on the shorts.

"Now I can say good morning." Tara announced softly as she padded back into the bedroom. The robe fastened around her body was very short and it ended prematurely on her mid-thigh.

"Its that a plea for the Tara heater to get back into bed?" Tara asked as she crossed over to the bed, her smile warm and broad.

"Yes." Buffy nodded and held the bedclothes up for her to slip in and Tara moved quickly to retake her place. "Good morning." She waited until Tara was settled before leaning in to softly kiss her lover.

"Good morning." Tara received the kiss with a smile. "What do you want for breakfast?" She added putting her arm around Buffy's back and offering the Slayer her previous spot on her chest.

"My first cheeky answer, which surprised even me." Buffy admitted leaning over on Tara slightly.

"I woke up this morning..." Buffy's smiled softened. "And for the first time the first thing I felt wasn't how bright and cold the world was because it was warm." She kissed the blonde's lips softly. "It was soft." She kissed her again. "And the first thing I remembered wasn't waking up in a coffin." Her voice dropped a little though she didn't let them darken her. "It was remembering what it felt like to make love to you." She held blue eyes. "And I realized what I wanted for breakfast was to make love to you again." She admitted.

"Oh Buffy." Tara squeezed her gently. "I am sure I am not the first lover to tell you this but…" She paused and traced her fingers over Buffy's face. "You say the nicest things."

"I'm not trying to be nice." Buffy said honestly needing the blonde to know that it wasn't some line. "And everything in the universe isn't perfect, it probably never will be but..." She stopped trying to order her thoughts. "I can look past it all."

"And how does it look, when you look past it all?" Tara asked gently. "What do you see?"

"A reason to fight again, a reason to face things." Buffy admitted. "A reason to put away all the pain, not ignore it, but not focus on it. It'll always be there, but it always doesn't have to be the first thing."

"I'm doing introspective Buffy again aren't I?" The Slayer smiled and received her kiss.

"Yes, and its not a bad thing, only a slightly worrying thing to do on an empty stomach." Tara winked at her.

"We could eat out for breakfast." Tara could hardly believe she had made the suggestion: going out, being in a public place when she didn't have to be.

"I would love that." Buffy kissed her again. "Show you off." Tara blurted out a laugh.

"Though someone has convinced you to the contrary Tara Maclay." Buffy leaned up over her. "You are a beautiful stunningly attractive woman."

"I'm famished." Buffy laughed as she finished the last mouthful of waffle from the 'mile high' stack she'd ordered. "I can't remember ever being that hungry." She laughed again as she surveyed the empty plate that had one held a lumberjack breakfast. The restaurant they had chosen was one of those large all night places, which meant good food, inattentive company and the chance to watch the light Saturday morning traffic through the window. "Did you want something else?"

"No I think two sunny side up eggs, whole wheat toast and then a following of maple syrup pancakes is enough for this little Wicca." Tara shook her head and picked up her glass of chilled apple juice taking a sip.

"Good." Buffy nodded happy that the blonde was full. "Did you want to go shopping or something?" She reached across the small table and laced her fingers into Tara's.

"We could, I've been meaning to buy myself a new skirt." Tara mused playing with Buffy's fingers.

"Sounds perfect." Buffy didn't know what possessed her but she brought the blonde's hand up and kissed it.

Unfortunately it was at the same time that Xander banged on the glass next to them to get their attention. His good morning smile turning into one of slightly startled shock. Tara didn't mean too, but she couldn't stop the instant pull of her hand to reclaim it tightly to her body.

"Xander." Buffy breathed out his name as her eyes registered who it was and her brain confirmed he was the only Scooby left in Sunnydale.

The young man seemed to look at them for a moment not believing his eyes before he waved and scampered around and entered the restaurant quickly coming over to the table.

"Hey guys, fancy seeing you here." His voice was tight and nervous as he obviously attempted to banish what he was thinking from his mind. "All with the eating and the chatting." He added looking between the two young woman and the plates surrounding them.

Buffy watched Tara crawling back into her shell quickly and she just couldn't stand it.

"Look Xander, it's okay. We were going to tell everyone this week." She looked at him and spoke point blank.

"Tell everyone about your secret breakfast eating obsession?" Xander deliberately played the joker.

"Xander." Buffy shook her head slowly, it would be so easy at this moment to retreat and play dumb as well. He was giving her every opportunity but as she looked at the blonde again, who seemed to be trying to hide back into the chair, she couldn't. "More the hand kissage and the fact I love Tara."

"Hey it's okay, we all love Tara." He spontaneously put his arm around Tara and squeezed the unsuspecting Wicca into his side. "She's a great gal. Yep we love our Tara."

"Xander." Buffy looked at Tara who seemed startled by the move. "For Christ sake Xander." She looked at him. "I'm not joking here, I'm trying to talk to you."

"Talk, Talk." Xander's voice dropped a notch and he released Tara. "Sorry Buffy." He said putting his hands together on the tabletop.

"I'm in love with Tara." Buffy shifted for a minute uncomfortably before speaking again. "And for the first time since the resurrection, I'm happy."

"You and Tara. Swinging with the Wicca lifestyle?" He asked in his own way for confirmation on what he was hearing.

"Watch your mind little man." Buffy gave him a short glare. "But yes, Tara and I."

"Wow Buff." Xander flexed his shoulders a bit and looked at his friend. "I'm with the wow here, but I'm kinda thinking Willow." He felt he had to admit where his mind had instantly gone.

Tara's head dropped even lower as the Wicca began believing that having eaten breakfast was a bad idea.

"We didn't mean this to happen Xander, but it did." Buffy frowned slightly at the mention of her best friend's name. "Neither of us wants to hurt her."

"Hey if you're happy Buffy then I'm not against this, you too Tara." Xander added. "It's just you know…" He rubbed his brow. "Kinda mind blowing. How long have you two been you know?" He wiggled his hand a bit.

"Not long." Buffy gave him a tiny glare to watch himself. "And before you start thinking it this had nothing to do with..." She glanced at Tara again cursing herself for not dragging him aside and getting most of this out of the way.

"No, no Tara." Buffy reached out again taking her hand as it dropped the napkin off her lap onto the table.

"No Tara." Xander echoed. "Like the Buffster said none of this has been done to hurt anyone, we don't get to choose who we…" He swallowed before added. "Fall in love with. Hey hands up who thinks I would have chosen a vengeance demon?" He tried to interject some brevity again.

"And if you met Cordelia you'd see how that was a step up for him." Buffy added anxiously. Tara did actually raise her head a little at the line of jokes.

"Hey Buff, why don't you go and see if you can get me a coffee to go?" He motioned with his head towards the counter. Buffy looked between him and Tara for a minute, before dejectedly doing what he asked. Xander waited till the Slayer was out of earshot before he spoke again. "Are you in love with her?" He asked quietly. "I'm asking Tara cause I don't think you're capable of the obvious angry revenge thing, so this isn't about getting back at Willow." He added when she didn't answer.

"Are you still in love with Willow?" Xander questioned keeping his voice gentle as well. Tara's bottom lip trembled and her brow furrowed as Xander asked the hard questions.

"She broke my heart." The Wicca replied simply but with great volume of emotion.

"Tara, I moved the boxes remember? I know leaving Willow was the hardest thing you ever did." Xander tried to show he understood. "But you still love her don't you?"

"W-W-W-W…" Tara had to give up her first attempt at saying the redhead's name drawing in a distressed breath. She glanced off to the ceiling before looking back at Xander. "I won't hurt Buffy." She stated her voice trembling.

"She's not done great in the whole love department Tara, I know you know that." He pointed out feeling every part the loyal best friend. "And I'm not sure exactly how Wills is going to take this but..." He rubbed his hand through his hair. "I'll do my best to help smooth it all out."

"Xander…" Tara began wishing that she had more strength and more control but she knew that for something things she never would have. "I love Willow, she is the most precious thing, but…" She had to stop to prevent herself from crying. "But I can't be with someone who would use me and not even think twice. I let my f-f-father beat me black and b-b-blue for thirteen years b-b-because he could, b-b-because I didn't have the strength to stop him. I left Willow because she gave me the strength too. She loved me enough to l-l-let me love myself. How could I not love her? B-B-But I can't b-b-be with her."

"I don't know how you could be Tara." Xander admitted a little introspectively. "I've never been betrayed like that... like ever." He frowned. "At first I didn't understand why you left her." He continued playing with his hands. "Then when the whole invisible Buffy thing happened." He didn't even stop to realize that might not be a tale Tara knew. "And I jumped to the conclusion that it was one of her spells gone awry things, I know I was wrong for assuming it was her. But the way she reacted to the question, as if it was still such a mystery to her why anyone would doubt her, as if she hadn't done anything wrong. I understood then." He looked at the blonde. "I think she believes we're telling her the truth when we tell her the magic is wrong, but I'm not sure she believes it herself yet."

"Xander." For the first time the blonde Wicca actually looked at the young man. "It's not just about the magic. You must swear Xander, you won't tell anyone this." Tara's eye flickered nervously over to where Buffy stood chatting to the assistant who fussed with the coffee machine. "Especially not Buffy, not now."

"When my mother died." Tara picked up her discarded serviette and pulled it back towards her body. "My father…" She looked down and subconsciously began shredding the small paper square. "My father was scared and angry and lost, and he..." Tara took a breath and Xander listened patiently for her to continue. "He decided I w-w-was the reason it had h-h-happened, and that I sh-sh-should be punished." Her sad haunted blue eyes flickered briefly up to look at him.

Nothing but anger and disbelief flooded back from Xander who just couldn't understand how another man would hit his own daughter.

"It wasn't, that would be like blaming Dawn." He reasoned. "It was just a horrible tragedy."

"But I decided that even if it was, I wasn't ever going to let him do that to me again. So when he came to pick me up I told him that and he swore, he promised on my Mother's life that he'd not do it again." Tara didn't comment further on the issue of blame. "I gave him a month. A month where he could not hit me, not abuse me for a month, he or Donny, and if they made a month then I'd stay." Her voice dropped to a tiny whisper.

Her phrasing made a sick feeling enter Xander's stomach as an overheard fight at his apartment sounded in his ears again.

"He managed three days." Tara's blue eyes leaked precious tears down her cheeks. Xander frowned and swallowed back down the bile that pushed up in the back of his throat. "Three days before he bruised and nearly broke one of my barely healed ribs. Willow swore Xander. She promised me." Tears flowed down her face as something inside her broke a little. "I h-h-h-have to go." She dropped the shredded remains of her paper tissue on the table and more or less ran.

"What the hell did you do?" Buffy got back to the table just in time to slam the coffee down and bark at him.

"I didn't do anything." Xander jumped back as hot coffee spilled out of the lidded container onto his lap.

"I have to go." Buffy looked at the door Tara had ran out of. She pulled money out of her pocket and hastily threw it on the table.

"Buffy…" Xander called as he watched the Slayer's movements noting how she had that fire, that intensity about her that had been lacking for some time.

"I'm sorry, I don't want to hurt Willow." She turned slightly backing away. "But I... I can't be dead inside anymore." She admitted to him.

Xander had no words he just dropped his head and looked down at the shredded paper tissue and the scattered coins. He wished that he'd had the chance to make things better instead of worse.

Buffy hit the outside and did a three sixty trying to spot where Tara had gone. Taking off in one direction she hoped her instincts were right. She was rewarded when she soon saw the blonde's figure cutting through the sidewalk crowd by a fruit market.

Tara didn't want to continue running, she wanted to stop and fall into Buffy's arms, but she couldn't, it was all too public and to open. The feelings inside were too raw for a public display. She cut off quickly down a side street, not even sure where it took her.

"Tara, wait." She found the blonde slowing as they emerged in a back alley behind the shops.

Tara's feet came to a gradual stop as she wrapped her arms low around her waist in a classic withdrawn Tara pose.

"Please, whatever he said, I'm sorry." Buffy breathed hard, not from the running but from the pain that she felt seeing Tara so withdrawn. "He's Xander, he has a big mouth sometimes but he knows we would never purposely hurt Willow. He knows you wouldn't hurt her on purpose."

"It wasn't Xander." Tara shook her head knowing that she couldn't lay the blame on the dark haired young man she liked so much.

"I'm sorry, I thought you wanted everyone to know." Buffy stepped back realizing horrified it might of been her words.

"I do, oh Buffy it wasn't you." Tara caught sight of the Slayer's small retreat.

"Then what?" Buffy questioned her needing something else to blame. Needing something to blame, something she could fix and make go away so everything was okay again.

"You don't want this?" Buffy felt the question whistle out of her suddenly dry mouth.

"No, no, I want this. Buffy I want this so much." Tara shook her head and looked up. "I want you." She added reaching out her hand to Buffy.

Buffy's tension relaxed a little as her biggest fear was wiped away momentarily and she reached out taking the hand offered. The connection of their clasped hands instantly made her feel a bit better, though the tears on her lover's cheeks still distressed her.

"I th-th-think there might be th-th-things, things I need to tell you." Tara made the attempt to explain.

"I can listen." Buffy soothed her coming closer and reaching up to brush tears away.

"Can we go h-h-home, this isn't going to be easy." Tara made the shy sad request.

Buffy held Tara tightly from behind, her legs and arms hugged around the blonde's shaking body. She barely noticed that it was starting to get dim out as the dusk approached. The day had gone by in a horrible blur of stories that made the Slayer's heart bleed with anger and sorrow.

Tara had cried herself out long before the Slayer had, but Buffy had held onto her the whole time urging her to tell it all, whatever she needed to, whatever she wanted too. The abuse at the hands of her father for so many years, melted seamlessly into the mental abuse Willow had forced upon her and for the first time Buffy truly understood the ramifications of what the hacker had done.

It wasn't just a spell, it wasn't just a mistake, it had been a calculated and carefully executed move to make it so Willow was in control. A spell to make it so Willow didn't have to feel bad about her actions, didn't have to atone for her mistakes. In short it was abuse, and Buffy could hardly believe now how Tara had found the strength to leave her.

"I'm sorry I didn't stop her." Buffy whispered knowing it wouldn't be something the blonde wanted to hear, but it was something she needed to say.

"You couldn't have, by then it wasn't Willow in control, it was magic, just like with Pa, it wasn't him, it was the anger." Tara answered sadly her heart and body aching.

"It's still her responsibility." Buffy ran her hand over Tara's hair, tucking it behind her hair.

"But perhaps it was partially my fault." Tara whispered she curled up a little tighter seeking comfort, warmth and solace in Buffy's arms.

"Glory is to blame for what Glory did Tara." Buffy held her and rocked slightly. "And Willow did what she had to do to save you, but it could have ended there, she didn't have to let it become all consuming."

"Sometimes it hurts even to look at her Buffy." Tara whispered her voice tiny and child like. Buffy kissed into blonde hair and kept rocking Tara softly. "I'm sorry I have all this past." Tara apologized for what must have been the tenth time.

"Tara, please." Buffy shook her head. "I'm the slayer, I was just resurrected. I understand past." She kissed the blonde's hair again.

"I know." Buffy acknowledged knowing despite her desire to she couldn't take it away. She held on tighter, resuming the rocking motion.

It had taken some coaxing, but Buffy had finally figured out something that might make Tara feel better. With careful precision she'd filled the bathtub up with steaming water and bubbles. Finding some stubby white emergency candles, the only ones left in the house, she'd managed to create a more relaxing atmosphere. She'd carefully helped the blonde undress and had guided her into the tub. Rolling up her sleeves she'd gotten a clean milk jug from downstairs and went about the slow soothing task of washing Tara's hair, taking a long while to massage her head and shoulders.

"Now sit back and relax." Buffy instructed soothingly as she wound Tara's wet hair up in a loose bunch at her shoulder and guided the blonde back.

"That was perfect thank you." Tara's heartfelt words were almost nothing more than a whisper.

"You want a drink or anything?" Buffy questioned moving off her knees and leaning sideways against the outside of the tub.

"Mmmm you could tempt me with Co-Co." Tara smiled for the first time in hours. The warmth from Buffy's careful ministrations and the lovingly prepared bath had all gone a long way to calm Tara's inner soul.

"Co-Co coming up." Buffy smiled. "Do you want me to pick up food when I go out to patrol?" She slid the reality of her urgently needed nightly activity into the light.

"It's okay, it's just patrol." Buffy reached out and rubbed her cheek trying to calm her again.

"Sshhh." Buffy shook her head. "If you want to come, finish your bath, then we'll go out together okay?" She tried to find a compromise.

"I have to come." Tara stressed as her shaking hand released the bath side but reached out and caressed Buffy's bare wrist. "Have to." She repeated again.

"All right, but I do the fighting remember. No kung fu Wicca." Buffy gave her a smirk.

Bringing Buffy's hand back with her Tara relaxed back into the tub. She laid the Slayer's hand across her wet chest slowly stroking the back of it over and over. Buffy leaned down her chin on a folded arm that rested on the side, watching the Wicca relax and breathing a little easier herself.

Buffy pulled her stake back as the vampire she'd been fighting with turned to ash. She smiled at Tara as she twirled it and slipped it back flawlessly into her coat.

"Sorry, you were saying?" Buffy tried to get back to their conversation before the badly dressed, slightly skilled menace of the night had jumped them. The surprise on his face when neither of them flinched was priceless. She held out her hand for the blonde to retake it. Tara did so immediately.

"I was asking you about how you wanted to approach Dawn." Tara reminded. She had suspected that Buffy hadn't actually been listening before the vampire had attacked.

"Mmmm I don't know." Buffy admitted rubbing her thumb over the back of Tara's hand.

"No, no of course I do." Buffy pulled them gently to a stop. "I just, I have no idea what to tell her. I'm not her favorite person and you are. I think she's going to be mad at me." She admitted.

"Mad." Buffy repeated her head dropping a little. "She'll think I'm trying to ruin her life, as usual."

"Ruin her life?" Tara didn't really understand. "I th-th-thought it might make her happy."

"By taking you away from her." Buffy tried to explain then stopped. The Wicca finally understood as Buffy replied. "Happy?" She questioned.

"Happy for Dawn would be if you moved back in and she got you around 24/7." Buffy pointed out the fact.

"Sorry didn't mean to interrupt the shooting of the remake of love story, where's the cameras?" Spike dug his hands into his pocket.

"Because Buffy asked you to." Tara put in and the Slayer squeezed her lover's hand.

"Buffy's asked me to do a lot of things little bird." Spike winked slowly at the blonde. "You think I gave into all of her demands right away?"

"Stay the hell away from us Spike!" Buffy sneered at him, flinching at the memories he pushed back into her head.

"Oh come on Slayer." Spike shook his head. "I could do both of you." He gave them a slow appraisal. "I bet little bird is a real mover."

"I'm going to kill him now okay?" Buffy asked the question of Tara as her nerves frayed completely.

"Go away Spike." Buffy summoned up every bit of control she could find as she urged Tara to start walking away with her.

"Refrecto." Tara whispered and threw her hand out towards the vampire as she moved to walk beside Buffy again. Spike staggered back a little as the magic force pressed on him.

Buffy was too focused on putting one foot in front of the other and getting away from him without killing him to notice Tara's spell.

"You're so not going to get away with that little bird." Spike whispered as he morphed into his vampire form and ran headlong for the pair, catching Buffy mid leg to bring her crashing to the floor and wrenching her hand from Tara's.

"You son of a bitch!" Buffy caught herself on her arms before she went face first into the grass. In a quick move she twirled her lower body and hit him with a double kick.

The vampire flew back slamming into a tree. He growled and got up shaking himself quickly as he readied himself for return attack on the Slayer. Tara moved quickly, running over to stand in-between the two, her eyes bright and angry.

"Stop this, and leave." She hissed in warning to him as Spike suddenly let his breath go and shrugged.

"Just for you. I'll walk away. I mean who can stand in the way of true love" He looked at Buffy with a grin as the Slayer scrambled up off the ground and arrived next to her lover.

"That hurts Buffy." Spike put his hand to his chest, giving her a doe eyed look. "I mean here I am giving you the chance to walk away and you repay me by getting all pious." He shook his head and sighed dramatically. "Yeah really hurts that does."

"True, where as I am pretty sure this is gonna." With lightening speed he pulled his hand back and flashed out with a low rib level punch, not aimed at the Slayer, but at Tara. It hit home with a resounding sick thud as the Wicca doubled up and dropped to the floor. "God that felt good." He jumped back a little with a grin.

Buffy growled as she launched herself at him, hitting him with her whole body just as the grin spread on his face. She didn't even stop to question how it had been that he hadn't doubled in pain himself.

"I'm going to kill you." She pinned him down and reigned down punch after punch into her face.

Once the level of pain Buffy was inflicting on him moved from a point of pleasure to a point true discomfort he pushed up and threw Buffy off.

Buffy altered the motion mid air, moving into a quick roll and landing on her feet. As she stood up fully her shorter hair bounced around her angry features.

Dragging himself up and shaking himself hard he spat a mouthful of blood onto the grass.

"It always..." Buffy strode the short distance to him and snapped off a hard kick into his side as she hit him again with a punch to the face making his head snap. "Gets my attention..." She did a slight shuffle kick as she bounced back down and up again kicking him in the opposite side. "When you hurt someone I love." She reeled back double fisted and made him spin away.

Not giving up Spike crawled to his knees but stayed on them as he began to crawl to the still fallen Tara.

"You think I'd let you touch her again?" Buffy clawed her hands into his hair and dragged him back away from the blonde. "YOU ACTUALLY THINK I'D LET YOU TOUCH HER!" She punched her hand down into the side of his throat with three quick strikes, the skin their instantly welting up. "I'd die again before I'd do that." She dragged him up and hissed in his ear. Effortlessly she tossed him sideways to smack again into a tree.

"Tara, are you okay?" She went to the fallen blonde who had stayed curled up nursing her side.

"H-h-he h-h-hit me." Tara whimpered stay curled on the floor. Buffy finally felt the world crash to a stop.

"How did you..." She stammered looking up again to the vampire as he pulled himself up.

The angry growl that came out of the Slayer was almost inaudible as she leapt up again and grabbed him by the throat before pushing him up against the tree.

"Undo it!" She barked at him. "Or I swear to God Spike, I won't stake you, I'm going to cut you up into little pieces and scatter you all over Sunnydale."

"Ok, but I'm gonna have to get near to her to do it." He coughed harder as the force of her hand didn't choke him so much as crush his throat. "And you're gonna have to let me go."

"If you so much as breath funny on her..." Buffy pinched the fingers at his throat. She knew she couldn't choke him to death, but she also knew by the look on his contorted face how much it hurt. He gave her his best innocent look as she pushed him harder into the tree before backing up towards Tara.

Shaking himself to rid himself of some of the almost blinding pain that the Slayer's attack had caused. Spike lumbered over to the two women dropping to his knees on the other side of Tara. Buffy watched his every move, the tension in her ready to snap at anything. He looked up and met Buffy's eyes over the drop of the Wicca's head.

"You could let me have a little taste Buffy, call it a gift for a good old lover?" He drawled.

"Undo it..." Buffy growled. "Or I'm going to castrate you in more than one way. " She alluded to the two parts of Spike's anatomy he prized most.

Buffy pulled back and punched him sharply just below the eye. She hit him just hard enough to bring his attention back to the task at hand.

Spike sighed and made another move towards the whimpering Wicca, but he got to within touching distance and Tara pushed back from him with a louder whimper.

"Ssshhh." Buffy tried to sooth her long enough to get things fixed. "I won't let him do anything other than undo the spell."

The vampire actually frowned when he looked down at Tara and saw how much she was shaking.

"I didn't mean to really hurt her." He said rather lamely. "She doesn't look that frail you know."

"You never really mean to do anything do you?" Buffy shook her head at him. "Just go on doing things to get your own selfish gains and don't expect a damn thing unwanted to happen in the process. You might not be able to bite anyone but you still have the consideration of a mindless hungry vampire."

"It might be better if you do it, there's a pin, on her shoulder." Spike eased back and pointed to Tara's coat.

Buffy moved a little in front of the blonde and ran her hand over the fabric till the small sharp object poked it. She held it in her hand looking at the seemingly harmless object before she dropped it on the ground and dug the toe of her boot to break it into a hundred pieces.

"You didn't what?" Buffy snapped at him and then felt her anger boil down to something much worse. "You didn't think I could love her? You didn't think I could actually feel that again?" She shook her head. "You couldn't face that the one thing you could never ever even have a hope of getting from me was hers when she didn't even ask for it?"

"I knew you could never love me." Spike's voice was low. "But what's so wrong with what we had?"

"We did." She acknowledged feeling sick by her own honesty. "But if you really loved me you would never have let yourself." She added softly.

"Don't give me shit Buffy, you cant pull the moral card on me, I'm a vampire." He snarled.

Spike pushed up from the ground and took two steps back watching Buffy and Tara carefully.

Buffy leaned in close whispering words of comfort that Spike couldn't hear, as she managed to get Tara to uncurl enough to quickly check where she'd been struck.

"Do you want me to carry you?" She questioned the blonde quietly, kissing her bent forehead slightly. "It's only a few blocks to the hospital, we'll get the Doctor's to check."

"I-I-It's okay." Tara breathed her whole body still shaking. If she was honest it wasn't so much the fact that her whole rib cage blazed with pain, it was the fact that it was such a familiar feeling and pain.

"I'm here, I won't let anything else happen." Buffy soothed holding Tara to her.

"Don't you think you've done enough?" Buffy snapped at him. "Do you even remember what it was like to be alive William?" She purposely called him that. "What it was like to be in pain and afraid? What it was like to hurt and feel lost?"

"I didn't mean to hurt her, I swear I didn't hit her that hard." Spike insisted.

"She's not me Spike." Buffy shook her head feeling her eyes get hot suddenly and burn. "You can hit her and expect her to get back up, you can't break her and think she can be put back together to serve whatever sick plan you had going here."

"Yeah but when you weren't here, I saw her take the knocks, she was a fighter like the rest of us." Spike defended himself against Buffy's harsh cold words.

"Did you bother to look for the bruises afterwards?" Buffy bit again. "Have you ever bothered to see how we all look after a fight? How many bruises the Scoobies have totaled up without so much as a whine about it."

"She could have stopped it, you could all give it up, no one makes you." He snarled.

"I-I-If we stop, then what happens next?" Tara small pained voice asked as she lifted her pale dirt streaked face.

"But hundreds do?" Tara frowned. "You know why we fought when Buffy was gone." She held Spike's eyes. "You were with us, fought with us." He didn't move as her words sounded in the night air.

"I made a promise to Buffy to keep the little bit safe." Spike pointed at the Slayer who was silent.

"We all made promises to Buffy. To each other. To ourselves." Tara's voice was soft but solid.

"Yeah, well I'm done with bleeding promises." Spike pushed up onto his feet spitting the words down at them. "You wanna hang out with a rag-tag bunch of do gooders and try to get your head knocked off every night, you do that, but I got better things to do." Despite the pain flaring through his body he tried to make a big show of lighting up a smoke, but the blood pouring out of his lip made the procedure fail.

"Bollocks." He cursed throwing the cigarette down. He tried another one only to have the same thing happen. "Oh bugger this." He threw it off into the trees angrily. Before he righted himself and took the vampire equivalent of a long deep breath.

"Damn Slayer, you did me in good." He brought one hand up to cradle his side. "We haven't had a fight like that..." He grinned slightly pleased by the idea. "Hell since before your ex-boyfriend put this bleeding chip in my head." He spat another mouthful of blood on the ground.

Buffy didn't bother with his display, she had fumbled in her coat to find a tissue and was trying to wipe the dirt off the Wicca's cheek from where she had fallen. He didn't matter anymore, she'd realized. As she'd fought with him, out maneuvered him so easily, she realized molecular sunburn or not, it wasn't the same anymore; he couldn't hurt her, not unless she let him.

"I'll be moving on then." Spike shuffled his feet a little. "Want me to finish up the patrol for you?" He offered.

Tara quietly lay back on the large white bed as she had been asked to, deliberately keeping her eyes open as Buffy made the gentle request to inspect her side. She needed to keep everything clear and ordered in her head. This was here and now, she was twenty-one and Spike had just thumped her rather hard in the ribs. It was nothing more sinister than that. She tilted her head a little and looked at Buffy.

"I'm sorry." Buffy apologized in a soft sincere voice. "I should have been quicker." She ran her hand lightly over the area checking for breaks.

"I know but..." The Slayer looked up into blue eyes, her hands still on Tara's side lightly. "No, I can't have that. He hit you and..." She floundered trying to find the right words. "I wanted to kill him, I mean more than my usual 'want to kill Spike' threats. I mean really tear him into little bits and scatter him all over the place so I could occasionally step on him and make him squish." She reached one hand up cupping Tara's chin.

"I know this might be the last thing you want to hear, but it made me wish I'd popped your Dad when I had the chance in the shop." She frowned a little ashamed of herself.

"You did enough for me that day." Tara underlined softly. "In some ways my Dad's a lot like Spike, it's like h-he knows what is missing, w-what he wants, but doesn't know how to get it." She explained. "And tries the wrong w-way."

Buffy nodded moving her hand to the side table to get the ice pack and gently applying it to the bruise that was threatening to form on the witch's side.

"Do we need to go finish patrol?" Tara asked wincing slightly as Buffy placed the pack over her aching side.

"We did enough." Buffy shook her head. "Can I ask you something?" She held it in place her voice dropping slightly quieter.

"When you told him you'd all made promises, promises to me." She clarified before going on. "What were you talking about?"

"Losing you was so hard, so hard for us all." Tara lifted her hand and twirled her fingers into the tips of Buffy's hair. "We all promised you things, when..." Tara stopped.

"I think perhaps this is something we should all talk about together." Tara answered gently.

"But so you know." Tara gently took Buffy's chin in her hand. "I promised to be there for Dawn, and to make sure we never forgot anything you taught us about family."

"I love you." Tara confirmed leaning upward causing their lips to brush together.

Buffy kissed her back urgently, almost needing to convince herself for a second that all of this was real. Tara really was here, kissing her, in love with her. And then as the warmth settled into her again, she knew it was true.

"You need to rest." She pulled back slightly and ran her hand over the blonde's arm.

"That kiss didn't call out rest to me." Tara looked up through her long eyelashes.

"No..." Buffy took a slow breath amazed as ever how Tara knew exactly what she was feeling. "But we have to take care of you."

"Cheeky girl." Buffy couldn't help but grin with her as she leaned in for another kiss.

Tara met Buffy's kiss with a slightly open mouth and closed eyes. She let her body ease back onto the pillow as they kissed. Tara felt Buffy move with her. Buffy eased into the kiss, tasting and exploring the mouth opened to her like it was their first kiss again.

"We have to be careful of your side." Buffy reminded herself as she felt a growing need erupt in her body for Tara's touch. It seemed like hours since they'd made love the night before and Buffy decided instantly it was too long. She kept herself braced over the Wiccan as they continued to kiss.

"You will be." Tara urged Buffy to move over her and moved her own hands free to slide them around Buffy's waist, immediately moving round to the fastening on the side of the Slayer's skirt slipping open the button and pushing down the short zipper.

"Tara, I know you didn't get to really meet Faith." Buffy groaned as she felt the clothes quickly leaving her body. "But she had this whole post slayage theory thing..." She pressed her face into the blonde's neck kissing the skin lightly in several places before sucking harder.

"Mmmmm theory." Tara groaned gently feeling her body flush with passion. "Tell me." She requested her hands now working on the buttons of Buffy's blouse.

"This theory..." Buffy moaned lightly as in their movement Tara's hands brushed over her already hard nipples. "That after getting all worked up slaying, you'd crave certain things."

"Let me guess its not marshmallows, or donuts." Tara finished her work on he blouse and then unhooked Buffy's front fastening bra sliding her hands inside to rest directly over both of Buffy's breasts.

"No." Buffy's voice shot up a little as she dragged out the short word. She nuzzled in closer kissing and then sucked lightly on the blonde's earlobe. "Though food in general was one." She eased her body closer, settling herself over one of Tara's leg on the side away from her injury.

"The others?" Tara ran her hands up over rounded skin, until her thumb grazed over puckered hard flesh and she rubbed on it lightly in small circles first one way and then the other.

"Which probably makes me the luckiest girlfriend Sunnydale." Tara lightly pinched Buffy's nipples between her thumb and forefinger on each hand.

"Or the most tired." Buffy growled lightly at the move as she leaned in to suck harder on Tara's throat.

When Tara first moved to return the kiss she had aimed for it to be a brief but expressive response but as their lips met she felt somewhat unable to hold back kissing the Slayer harder and deeper than she had previously.

Buffy felt herself being kissed with a passion and a love she hadn't known. She felt herself give into the blonde completely, trusting and knowing she was safe and loved.

The kiss lasted for a few long minutes as their mouths and tongues explored one another thoroughly, teeth lightly grazing on full and hot flesh occasionally making one or the other moan heavily. Tara eventually broke their union.

"Buffy…" Tara paused making sure through her daze that the Slayer was looking into her blue eyes. "Make love to me." She purred.

Buffy heard the sweet words and dipped her head down again. She kissed the blonde trying to show every flare of pleasure and amazement her request had brought. Tara gave a low impassioned moan and eased her hands off Buffy's breasts sliding them round to caress her back. Buffy kept a thoughtful worry over the blonde's injured side as their kisses ran headlong one into the other. She was thankful that they had already eased Tara out of her shirt and bra to check her ribs, and with a careful hand she eased the towel the Wicca had shyly kept loosely over her away. With heavy breaths, Buffy broke away from their kiss and worked down the blonde's neck covering every inch of skin she passed in worship.

"Mmmmm Buffy." Tara purred again. "I love you." Moving one of her hands of the Slayer's back, she stroked soft blonde hair

"I know you do." Buffy responded softly and kissed over swelled flesh pressing her kisses into the skin slightly. "I love you too." She kissed over Tara's heart letting her lips linger for a moment as the beat reverberated softly into her head.

Tara moved her other hand back round Buffy's body, missing the soft feel of the Slayer's breast and the contrast of her excited nipple beneath her caressing thumb.

The Slayer released a soft moan as her lips closed around Tara's nipple just as the Wiccan's thumb touched hers. Unlike the night before she didn't hesitate and quickly eased up the pressure from her lips, her hands stroking down the outside of the blonde's hips.

Tara's hips flared up as they were touched a purely innate reaction driven by the passion coursing through her.

"Why don't we get you laid down so you won't hurt your side?" Buffy suggested softly, though the want was thick in her voice. She kissed the blonde on the lips softly and then moved away just that little bit more in order to help move the extra pillows and such off the bed. When the blonde seemed in a more comfortable position, Buffy moved back close to her.

"How's that?" She questioned running her hand over Tara's stomach not realizing how brightly she was smiling as she did so.

"Much better." Tara admitted as her eyes transfixed on Buffy's beautiful smile. "You like what you see, what you touch?" She questioned lovingly.

"You're so..." Buffy watched her fingers run over the swell of her breast and then down around between them. "Soft." She whispered.

"Is it very different?" Tara asked softly. It was a question that she had never thought to ask Willow, she knew Oz had been her only other but with Buffy it seemed like subject she could open

"Oh." Buffy blushed with her and bent her head down resting it on the blonde's shoulder as she continued to play her fingers over Tara's skin. "Very." She admitted as she ran through the list in her head.

"Everything with Angel was always so..." Buffy wasn't sure if Tara wanted the long answer as she played her hand under the covers that she'd tucked the blonde into as they'd checked her side. She ran her fingers down over Tara's hip and curved over her thigh before coming up again. "Intensely rushed." She settled on the probably lacking words. "And the guy from the night we don't mention..." Buffy cringed internally but she stayed more focused on the play of her hand over the wide band of peach cotton that ran between Tara's hips. "Was.... unmemorable." She slid her fingers back up circling the Wiccan's belly button. "And Riley... he was close..." She leaned up her head to look into blue eyes. "But as always not quite on the mark." She kissed Tara softly.

"I should have known I had tendencies when Riley admitted he was a lesbian." Buffy grinned suddenly as the funny memory struck her. Tara's smile turned into a soft chuckle.

"So I-I-I'm not a disappointment?" She whispered her hand stroking up along Buffy's back.

"Can you really ask me that question and not know the answer?" Buffy searched the face before her for the truth.

"Listen to me." Buffy stopped her with a soft finger to her lips. "You have never disappointed me, not in anything you do, ever. So there is no way on earth last night was disappointing. It was amazing. I know I keep saying that word but I'm a slayer, not great with the vocabulary."

"Was I a disappointment?" Buffy asked quietly as she realized maybe that had been the focus of Tara's question. Sort of a 'yeah it's different Buffy, and I hate to point it out but you do it wrong whichever way'.

"You were wonderful." Tara smiled. "I'm waiting to see if it was beginners luck." She said cheekily, it would have been impressive if she hadn't blushed intensely at her own comment.

"TDT I like it." Buffy kissed her again lightly before her lips moved down possessed again as they licked and kissed across the blonde's body.

"Tara..." Buffy licked over her breast and over her nipple. "Dirty..." She licked again. "Talk." She grinned and closed her lips sucking slightly.

"Oh Goddess. Oh Goddesssssssssssss." Her second exclamation was a groan as Buffy sucked lightly.

Carefully the Slayer moved her body over the blonde's, she kept herself positioned low. Her lips enjoying the amble flesh for along time before boldly she started to kiss lower. She placed enamored kisses on a fluttering stomach, as her hands worked the bedclothes down.

"Am I allowed to try this?" Buffy looked up to ask the honest innocent question as it struck her maybe this wasn't something Tara liked, even though it was something that had been haunting her dreams.

"Oh yes." Tara encouraged. Buffy breathed out as she kissed over the peach cotton where her fingers had been tracing. "Looking, touching and tasting are all more than acceptable." Tara added in a whisper.

The world shifted suddenly as Buffy's senses focused in. It was with an almost guilty pleasure that she recognized the position of her own body in relation to the blonde's. Pressing her lips again to the cotton, she felt her head filled with an intoxicating hormonal scent that seemed to flare off the blonde, making her want more of it from the first breath. She hadn't even noticed Tara repositioning as she leaned in and kissed lower, her lips happily surprised when damp cotton pressed back to her.

Buffy pressed in again kissing and was pleased when the increased pressure made the blonde's hips arc up to her. She stopped for a second turning to kiss the white silky thighs at either side of her face, before turning back and placing another kiss on the cotton barrier between her and Tara's most intimate areas.

"Buffy please!" Tara's hips flared up, and her voice was a ragged groan as she brought her hips round in a high arc.

"Nice cotton needs to go." Buffy felt truly possessed by the smell and taste of the luscious body before her as she reached up and slid the material off Tara's body. Taking a deep breath as she moved closer, she kissed again letting her tongue lick out deeply into the Wicca's wetness. As the hot liquid flooded her mouth and her senses she moaned so loud she almost missed Tara's reaction.

"Ahhh." Tara called pushing her hips high off the mattress, her usually calm voice replaced by once consumed by desire and arousal.

Buffy felt her mind clear out, there was no pain, no harshness, there was only heat and pleasure and love as she stroked her tongue into the blonde's body exploring as she had with her fingers the night before.

Tara closed her eyes as she felt the gentle stroking of Buffy's tongue over and over her heated wet center. Everything became about how Buffy loved her, the intensity she felt not quite like anything she had felt before. It was so much more focused more attuned. She knew from what she knew to be obvious broadcast signs that the build up was becoming too much for her and where as often this was something she could enjoy for a long time, the reality was that Tara was seconds away from climax.

"MMMM Mmmmm." Buffy moaned again as she pushed in a bit further, sucking down softly on excited folds of flesh till she found the particular area she was looking for.

"B-B-Buffy be...Mmmmm" Tara tried to warn as the Slayer's tongue found its mark.

'Yes, you so love this girl.' Buffy's mind clarified as she licked and sucked the hard flesh before her. She wanted nothing more than to bring Tara pleasure, make her feel as amazing as she tasted. The thought of it made Buffy blush for a moment inside but she didn't hesitate; it was all just too delicious.

"BUFFY!" Tara's whole body stiffened for a spilt second and then relaxed as the Wicca broke without warning through her orgasm, her hips suddenly jumping quickly as inside the waves of release crashed over her.

Buffy found herself a bit in a catch up position as she hadn't really read the changes in the body beneath her and found the sudden erratic movements of the Wicca's hips both exciting and a bit hard to keep up with.

She tried to keep her mouth in place as she lapped at the sweet nectar the unexpected surprise delivered just for her, and with her continuous licking and sucking she drew out Tara's release.

"Not so much beginners luck as much as innate skill." The Wicca panted her hips still moving, her breathing ragged and hot.

Buffy slowed her movements, placing one last kiss on the blonde's body before moving back up.

"Definitely." Tara looked at Buffy lovingly. "I'm sorry." Tara said when she had managed to make the satisfied smile dim slightly. "I usually, that is…" She took a breath. "Buffy that was amazing." She settled on saying just that. She stretched her arm up and around her lover, happy when Buffy scooted in even closer and rested her hand over Tara's chest.

"You usually?" Buffy grinned her chin lightly resting on the blonde's shoulder as her hand gently massaged over Tara's left breast.

"I know I'm a bit new at this..." Buffy grin slowly went down to a genuine smile. "I mean..." She blushed. "Well you know what I mean." She played her fingers over Tara's skin drawing out letters. "But how long it takes isn't important is it?" She questioned genuinely.

"No, no it doesn't matter how long, as long as it feels right." Tara quickly assured her lover slowly dragging her fingers over Buffy's upper arm. "It felt good for you too didn't it?" She added it a hushed tone.

Buffy gave an exaggerated nod before kissing Tara's shoulder. Her body shivered slightly as the blonde's fingers edged over her skin.

"It felt great." Buffy added after a few moments enjoyment from Tara's movements.

"Perhaps you'd like to …" It was obvious as Tara's voice drifted a little that her confidence was ebbing with it, but then as if from somewhere deep inside she found a second reserve and she continued. "Let me make it feel better than great." She posed it as a question so that Buffy had to respond to before she would make another move.

"You need to rest." Buffy pointed out though the words made the Slayer's body even more flush with want. "We have to be careful of your side."

"But if I turn like this." Tara turned onto her uninjured side facing Buffy. "And you turn to, and maybe move your leg a little." She reached down and slowly brushed her fingertips over Buffy's inner thigh to encourage her to move her leg.

"Danger doesn't bother me when I'm with you." Tara whispered as she slid her hand around further onto Buffy's thigh. Having already rid the Slayer of her clothing, it only took a small effort and she was able to reach up with one finger through wetness to brush against Buffy's sensitive center.

"Your side." Buffy moaned as her eyes fluttered closed and her body shifted closer to the blonde's.

"Sshhh." Tara eased away her lover's worry softly, she repeated the soothing phrase and she shifted her whole hand up and made the strokes more direct and pressured.

The Slayer's leg shifted up fully over Tara's hip to give the Wicca's hand more room. Her eyes still tightly closed she eased further into Tara's shoulder, her hips rocking with the growing rhythm set below.

"Buffy you are..." Tara slowly brushed her long fingers up through Buffy's wet folds. "So beautiful." She moved her fingers slightly faster as she hugged the Slayer tighter to her.

"You make me feel beautiful, even when I don't deserve it." The Slayer whispered her soft voice thick with pleasure.

"You deserve to, you deserve so much." Tara lovingly spoke as she let one finger concentrate on flicking lightly against Buffy's hidden center, the others still pressed through the hot folds rubbing. "Just feel Buffy, just feel." She encouraged.

"I feel so much when I'm with you." The Slayer managed to timidly get the words out as her body moved slowly against the friction offered. Sporadically she would arch and gasp as the level of excitement surpassed another small plateau on her rise to release. "So much I've never felt before." She added softly her hand coming up to the blonde's shoulder gripping lightly.

"Good." Tara whispered leaning in to kiss Buffy's face as she eased a finger inside her lover's needy body, working in the rhythm that Buffy had already set. "Let me show you more." She urged moving faster and pressing in slightly deeper.

"Tara..." Buffy tried to say something, tried to form a sentence but the words melted away again as she felt the Wicca taking control of her, taking control of her not out of manipulation or greed, but out of a desire to please. She moaned louder as her body shifted more to let the blonde press deeper.

Tara moved to fill the Slayer's need keeping her movements gentle but fulfilling, caressing the skin beneath the fingers on her other hand as she brought her lips to Buffy's.

"How..." Buffy caught blue eyes, her own gaze smoldering as her body rocked and arched. "Do you know..." She closed her eyes again enjoying a long kiss. "Exactly where..." She abandoned the question kissing Tara again.

Tara replied with all of her senses, letting them tell her how to touch Buffy in the ways that the Slayer needed. Her mouth didn't release the Slayer's mouth; their tongues were as entwined as their bodies. Curling her fingers a little inside, Tara rubbed directly against the strong muscles that worked around her fingers as her own body reacted to Buffy's arousal.

Buffy's internal muscles were taunt as was the rest of her body, but the soft massage of Tara's fingers tamed her as the Slayer's body rocked harder against Tara's hand and lower body.

"That's it darling." Tara cooed loving Buffy's attentive body, she wasn't sure when she had started to address Buffy with such an intimate title but it felt right.

Buffy didn't even register the new title; every thought she could hang onto for more than a millisecond turned into amazement at how the blonde made her feel. This was desire, it was pleasure, and ultimately she knew it would be satisfaction, but there was something so much more in it. Something that through it all reminded her with every touch that it wasn't just sex, it wasn't just pleasure, it wasn't just anything. It was something amazing; it was as if Tara was opening up every barrier she'd placed between the harsh world and herself.

Tara closed her desire filled blue eyes centering on just how right this felt. Nothing had felt right for some time now. She had just been existing, not living. Just getting through the day to spend another lonely night on her own with just thoughts of the family that she had walked away from. Not that for a second she'd thought that leaving Willow had been wrong but what she hadn't been prepared for was the whole sense of losing everyone. Being with Buffy didn't take away the pain of what had happened, what it did was make it faceable. The beautiful Slayer had mended something deep in Tara's soul, and it might only be with Band-Aids right now, but Tara knew that there was a good chance it would heal properly.

Buffy didn't feel a sudden crash or flare, it was a slow steady build within her, just like a roller coaster clicking its way up the step incline to silently slide over the top edge. She buried her face into Tara's neck as her insides released a flood of fluid and her movements became slow long hard exaggerations. Her breathing was deep and labored as she held Tara tightly, wave after wave of the constant aching climax shivering through her body from top to bottom.

Tara's breath was taken away by the uninhibited way Buffy let herself experience her pleasure holding her tightly in return as she moved through the waves and gradually slowed things down.

"So post slayage love making is something I can look forward to is it?" Tara whispered as she kissed close to Buffy's ear.

"Love making." Buffy whispered back with a long slow breath out as she tried to clear the sparks that danced behind her closed eyes. She wasn't sure why it surprised her just how easily Tara was able to use the words, how easily Tara found it to understand what she felt and how to best express it.

"You prefer a different term?" Tara checked and Buffy shook her head against Tara's neck slightly.

"Yes much post slayage love making." Buffy pulled back finally to look into blue eyes again. "That's if you want much post slayage love making?"

"Oh yes." Tara underlined moving her hands to hold Buffy more fully. "I can get you a key cut for dorm, it's against the rules but." Her blue eyes twinkled.

"Makes total sense." The Slayer smiled more confidently and kissed her. "And means I can surprise you." She softened the loving kiss to show how pleased the idea made her.

"You don't like surprises?" Buffy checked her eyes lulling closed a bit more as she snuggled closer to the blonde's body.

"Good." Buffy yawned slightly and tucked her head into Tara's neck again. "I want to make you happy." She whispered.

"I feel more whole every minute we spend together." Buffy rubbed her hand softly over Tara's hip as she closed her eyes.

"Good night my darling, sleep well." Tara pressed her lips onto Buffy's head before snuggling down.

Buffy's sleepy mumble could vaguely be translated to something like 'night love', but it was a hard call.

Buffy swallowed slowly as she turned her head a little, realizing as she did so that it wasn't pillow that was beneath her but Tara.

Taking stock of her body she realized she was basically holding the blonde prisoner again. Her leg was looped over and around the Wicca's thigh, and her hand was draped across her stomach. As she registered the feel of bandages just near her fingertips she froze.

'Bad Buffy, bad!' She growled at herself as she tried to untangle her body from the blonde's without further aggravating her side.

"No, bad sleepy slayer." Buffy admonished herself. "You're going to have to learn to fend me off." She leaned back on her own fairly unused pillow.

"You sure?" Buffy slid a bit closer resting her head on the outside curve of the blonde's shoulder.

"How else do you explain us sleeping in till…" She paused and looked at Buffy's alarm clock. "Ten fifty three?"

"Well that could be explained by..." Buffy was about to enter into a long suggestive explanation when she stopped and her head bobbed up. "Ten fifty three?" She questioned looking at the clock in disbelief. "Anya said they'd be back by twelve at the latest."

"I don't mean this is a bad way at all, cause I know we're going to tell them and I'm very much for that but..." Buffy reached for Tara's hand under the blanket. "I don't think this is quite the way to tell everyone."

"No, no of course not." Tara closed her fingers around Buffy's momentarily and then pulled back. "We have to move."

"I'll throw on something and check downstairs while you get dressed." Buffy pushed out of bed to go directly to the closet, she pulled on a loose pair of pants and a turtleneck.

"Okay." Tara struggled to sit up smoothly ignoring the pain lacing through her side.

"No, wait." Buffy saw her wince and moved back to the bed. "First we get you ready and then worry." She helped move the heavy covers away and crouched down to do a morning after check of the wound.

"It's alright Buffy, go tidy, they're just angry, fragile after, well you know why." Tara soothed though to be honest her ribs were hurting far more than she'd expected them to.

"First concern is you." Buffy bobbed up to softly press her lips to the blonde's forehead. "The various unmentionables strewn around the house can be explained." She joked moving her hands softly over the now very angry black and red bruise.

"It looks sore. I think we should go to the Doctors, it might start to seize up a bit." Buffy appraised honestly. "I have some painkillers, did you need some?"

"No, of course not." Buffy shook her head. "Giles left them for me, sometimes even slayer's need a little help." She admitted. "Do you want one now?"

"You're hurt." Buffy shook her head. "There is no reason for you not to be here, as long as we aren't..." She blushed and grinned. "Naked in bed together that was the having to explain bit."

"Then stay." Buffy tried not to plead too much. "I don't want you by yourself if you're injured."

"Well I don't think I'm going to be better by this evening and you don't have enough beds for me to stay here." Tara pointed out the obvious flaw.

"Okay." Buffy finally conceded moving back and offering a hand to help Tara up. "But your tidying should more include icing that and watching me do the work, okay?"

Dawn bounded in the door partially just so she could confirm she was home and didn't have to spend anymore time listening to Anya talk about the validity of eggshell versus swan white or how much lace was too much lace.

"Dawn, she could be at work or asleep." Willow came in lugging the teenager's suitcase with much difficulty.

"Dawn, I'm right here." Buffy appeared at the top of the stairs and slowly made her way down. "How was your weekend?"

"So cool, but I've done my wedding bit for now." Dawn grinned at her sister as she came down the stairs.

"I didn't kill her." Willow admitted and left the suitcase. "I need a drink." She moved off to the kitchen

"She's been a it tetchy all weekend." Dawn whispered as soon as the redhead was out of earshot.

"Anya does that to her sometimes." Buffy arrived in the hallway. "Magic free?" She checked.

"Yep 100%." Dawn confirmed with a happy nod, the teenager had a very happy and content air about her. "How was your weekend?" She added with a chirp as she began wandering through into the living room looking around for something to snack on.

"Fire away, unless it's like REALLY bad, then before you do bribe me." Dawn sniggered as she dropped onto the couch.

"Tara's upstairs." Buffy came over closer to the teenager, her voice soft. "And before you freak out... it's only a small bruise."

"What?" Dawn jumped up and was on the bottom step before Buffy could say anything else. "TARA! TARA!" She called at the top of her voice.

Dawn stopped on the step obviously torn between running up the stairs to Tara or coming back down to Buffy.

"We had a run in with Spike, he punched her, once. I just wanted her here so we could take care of her." Buff tried to get all the important information out quickly before Dawn's head blew off her shoulders or Willow passed out.

"You let Spike hurt Tara!" Dawn hurried down the stairs right up to Buffy's feet pointing an angry finger in her face.

"I did not LET him do anything. I beat the crap out of him after that." Buffy tried to explain.

"What was it a free shot at Tara as some part of your sick thing with him?" Dawn snarled her eyes blazing.

Buffy felt herself get very angry, very quickly before she forced herself to back away.

"Is she hurt?" Willow's softer petrified question accompanied her leaning against the stair railing for support.

"I'm okay." Tara's calm voice answered from the top of the stairs and Dawn's head snapped round and looked up.

"Tara?" Willow turned and looked up at her relieved to hear Tara's voice. The blonde Wicca stood on the landing, her arm lightly around her side.

"What happened, where are you hurt, did you see a doctor?" Dawn reeled off her questions turning fully away from Buffy.

Willow hung onto the railing for dear life, unable to believe after all this time that Tara was not only around, but she was in the house, and injured and it had to have been her fault somehow.

"Buffy was just waiting for you guys to get back before we saw a doctor." Tara soothed as she shuffled forward bracing herself for the task of tackling the stairs.

"We can take you, the clinic is open all Sunday." Dawn moved up quickly to meet her. "Willow flag Anya before she leaves." Her voice was high as she directed the redhead.

"It's just my ribs Dawnie." Tara turned her attention to the teenager taking a light hold on her hand.

Tara shut down her initial reaction of 'Buffy already has that covered' and instead called her thanks to the redhead.

Buffy sat down on the couch with her head in her hands trying to get a reign on the moment. She hadn't really thought it could turn out quite this bad.

"It really is okay Dawnie." The blonde reassured as very slowly Dawn and her made it down the stairs.

"It'll be okay, we'll keep Spike away from you." Dawn helped her onto the couch and ran to get a blanket to drape over her.

"I should have gone home, sorry." Tara whispered to Buffy the instant they were alone.

"It's not your fault that she thinks I'm evil." Buffy whispered back looking up to see Dawn glaring at her as she came back with the blanket.

"Now how about you tell me all about wedding dresses and things?" Tara also looked at the teenager as she patted the couch beside her.

"Will, did you find the ice?" Buffy questioned coming into the kitchen to see the hacker standing stark still in front of the sink.

"Oh yeah." Willow followed Buffy's eyes down to what was in her hands. "Just getting it." She put the tray on the sink.

"How did it happen? I mean how did Spike manage to hit her?" Willow's voice shook as she knocked out the small circles of frozen water.

"He had a glamour charm made so that it gave his chip the impression she was not human." Buffy explained as best as they'd been able to figure out. "I beat the shit out him and destroyed the charm." She felt her head hang slightly.

"A glamour charm, but they're high magic. How did he make one of those? How did he even think of it?" Willow turned to look as Buffy's frown lines creased deeply across her face.

"I don't think he made it, he had it made." Buffy moved back towards the wall. "He's pissed off cause I won't see him anymore."

"Well maybe I can understand that, but why chose Tara?" Willow pushed frowning more.

"She was with me, we were walking." Buffy tried to keep her explanation simple. "I guess he figured first human he could take a shot at to try and hurt me."

"Where did he hit her?" Willow pushed for details even though every word seemed to be causing her pain.

"Nothing broken that I can tell, I checked her out. But we'll take her to the clinic to be sure." Buffy relayed the obvious. "She's taken some painkillers which really helped."

"Oh I was going to offer some." Willow noted. "I guess I should get the ice then." She turned back to the sink picking up a cloth to wrap the semi-melted ice in.

"Sorry?" Willow kept her back to the Slayer. "She's not my girlfriend any more Buffy you don't have to be sorry to me." She added dropping all the ice for a second time.

"I'll get her something to drink." Buffy felt slapped by the words as she shuffled to the fridge to get a bottle of water.

"She likes the water with the blue...." Willow began as she turned to watch the Slayer pull out the very bottle she had spoken of. Without finishing her sentence she looked back and finished her work with the ice.

"And that's when Anya made everyone look at us and it was embarrassing, and unimportant." Dawn glanced to see that indeed Buffy wasn't coming right back. "I'll go home with you if you don't want to be here around her." She whispered.

"Thank you Dawnie." Tara replied genuinely moved by the teenager's offer. "But I can cope with Willow if she can cope with me." She gave Dawn her best brave face.

"Not Willow." Dawn frowned. "Buffy." She hissed her sister's name in disappointment. "I can't believe she let Spike hit you, she's crazy."

"She wasn't expecting it Dawn." Tara replied her vice gently. "We all kinda underestimate Spike with the chip and everything." She reasoned. "Buffy had no reason to think he'd hurt me, and she really, really did hurt him for it."

"Why is she doing this?" Dawn questioned trying not to let herself cry as she listened to Tara make excuses.

"Doing what?" Tara asked for clarification watching the teenager fight against her tears.

"Doing this to herself, letting you get hurt... it's like... I don't understand it." Dawn shook her head the spiral of her thoughts too raw and too hurtful for her still slightly naive mind.

"Dawnie, Dawnie, shush." Tara gently pulled the teenager into an embrace, rubbing her hand up and down her back as she held her. "You remember when Buffy told you that the hardest thing in this life, is to live it?"

"And you reminded her of that, after we found out where she had been?" Tara continued her soothing actions while talking. "I think what Buffy forgot in-between telling you and now, is that living isn't all hard work. She forgot about the good things. Forgot about the way you heart warms up when you walk into a room and smell apple pie cooking, the way your soul smiles when you see a rainbow, or the first flower of the spring. Buffy forgot that to feel you don't have to force things to an extreme. To feel a fire you don't have to thrust your hand into it." Tara hoped she was explaining at least a little. "Just a tiny touch will tell you it's hot."

"You're not mad at her?" Dawn questioned looking back into understanding blue eyes.

"No, I'm not mad at her." She said honestly shaking her head. "I'm sad maybe." She added honestly. "Sad that she didn't think she was worth more than Spike, sad that she looked for that kind of feeling, but I'm not mad Dawnie."

"I hate him." Dawn hissed through her sobs though it sounded more like the whine of a child.

"So do I." Tara admitted in a rare moment of severity her voice anything but childlike.

"You need another blanket." Dawn could feel her mind overloading. Overloading with thoughts and realities that even though she longed to be seen as an adult, longed to be 'responsible', she just didn't want to accept this portion of it all.

"Do you need to be away from here?" Tara asked softly before she released Dawn to scoot off.

"I need... to get you a blanket." Dawn assessed trying to make her mind go blank as she ran up the stairs.

It had taken Willow almost three quarters of an hour to go from the kitchen to the door to Buffy's bedroom with the cup of tea. She'd already thrown five cups down the sink and remade them as she realized they'd gone cold during her contemplation. Finally though she'd reached the door and knocked softly.

"Come in, no one has to knock." Tara's voice drifted through the partially open door.

"I thought maybe you'd like tea." Willow moved slowly through the door and held the mug out towards the blonde who was reading on the bed.

"Your welcome." Willow nodded catching blue eyes for a moment before she looked away. "Do you need anything else?"

"Perhaps a little company?" Tara suggested. No matter what had happened, or how much had changed, Tara still couldn't bear to see that hesitant worried look in Willow's green eyes.

"I could get Dawn." Willow glanced to the hall. "Or I'm sure... Buffy... will be back soon." She blurted out the sentence in her usual style, a style that denoted where in anyone else voice the long pauses would be.

"No, no of course not." Willow shook her head frowning. "I just... I ... I'm sorry."

"It's okay I can't imagine what a shock it must have been to come home and f-f-find me h-h-here." Tara shook her head to the apology.

"More disappointment cause you're not here to see me." Willow admitted sitting down on the very edge of the bed.

"D-D-Dawn was telling me you made it through the weekend without magic, th-th-that can't have been easy with Anya on such close q-quarters." Tara couldn't face any discussion on her and Willow, not right now. So instead she went with the light hearted comment.

"When she suggested that I needed to change my hair I was tempted but I went and had a slushy till I calmed down." Willow swallowed and pushed her mind through the door of easier conversation the blonde directed them too. "How was your weekend? Other than evil Spike run in."

"Oh, the usual, watched a movie ate unhealthy stuff." Tara chuckled gently but somewhat uncomfortably especially as her subconscious added 'made love to Buffy'.

"If wasn't for the dead already thing, I think he'd be in real trouble." Tara replied thoughtfully.

"How was she with him?" Willow continued trying to understand what was going on between the Slayer and the vampire.

"Good, I mean that's really good." Willow nodded finding a smile. "Cause he's bad, really bad and Buffy doesn't need him in her life."

"And Spike's such an evil lying manipulative bastard." Willow stood up holding her arms around her body. "You can't believe a word that comes out of his mouth, it's like saying he loves her, total garbage."

Tara's eyes went a little wider when she heard the twist in Willow's tone and body language, not to mention her choice of words.

Willow underlined. "And keep everyone safe cause Goddess only knows what he'll try to do after this."

"I'm s-s-sure we're safe Willow." Tara wanted to reach out and touch her ex-lover, if only briefly to influence a little comfort into Willow's anger. She leaned a little forward on the bed, before a warning twitch from her side pulled her back.

"You need more ice, and pills?" Willow moved over quickly to her but stopped shy of touching her.

"It's nearly time for pills." Tara conceded. "And this time I think I'll give into the whole 'you feel sleepy' thing that hits after I take them. I have no tolerance for pain tablets." She assessed.

"Why don't I get you some toast and a big glass of juice and then you can take them?" Willow offered for the first time finding a small genuine smile. "Then off to sleepy land."

"Thank you." Tara rewarded the redhead with a smile that was as genuine as the one she had been offered.

Tara turned over slightly, remembering a little too late not to lie on her right side. Lifting up from it she moved back onto her back and opened her sleepy eyes fully noticing immediately the small beside light was still on and that on the floor beside the bed laying prone on a blue and white chequered blanket was Buffy. Blinking her slightly bleary eyes Tara focused on the glowing clock face, the numerals 4:38 shone back at her in the gloom.

"Buffy." Tara whispered almost silently testing to see if the Slayer was asleep.

"Hi." Buffy whispered moving out of her semi-meditational pose and leaning her head on her arms on the edge of the bed. "You need anything?"

"I'm right here." Buffy smiled and reached for the hand that Tara had over the covers.

"You're on the floor." The Wicca pointed out. "The aim of having me here isn't so that by morning you're in as much discomfort as I am."

"I didn't know if you'd want to share with everyone home." Buffy admitted softly.

"Oh of course I'm sorry, that was s-s-stupid of me." Tara flicked back into shy Wicca mode almost instantaneously. "A-A-At least have a pillow." Rather heavy handedly Tara pulled a pillow from behind her own body, wrenching her side a little in the process.

"Tara, shush." Buffy moved quickly when she saw the erratic scared movements. "It's okay, I'm right here." She put one hand to the blonde's cheek and the other to stop her reaching for the pillow. "Turn in." She tried to talk herself out of it but she couldn't stop the gentle instruction.

"A-Are you sure?" Tara whispered, trying to erase the broad happy smile the Slayer's words caused as she shifted a little in the bed

"Yes." Buffy held the blankets up enough to get into them and settled her body close up behind Tara after the blonde had gotten comfortable. "No one will just barge in here." She soothed reaching one arm up under her head and running her fingers through Tara's hair.

"You're cold." Tara noted as gently put her hand back and rested it on Buffy's bare thigh.

"You're warm and snuggly." Buffy whispered softly as she spooned her body into Tara's feeling as always the slight difference in height and build between them. It made her feel small and almost somewhat fragile, it was a feeling that mirrored how she felt inside at times and it made her mind rest easier. "Do you need more painkillers?" She kissed the cotton over Tara's shoulder.

"No, I don't notice it so much when you're holding me." Tara replied honestly. "I'm sorry today was so horrible for you."

"It just came out all wrong." Buffy shook her head softly knowing Tara would feel the movement, she reached down and laced her fingers into the warm one on her leg.

"I hope so." Buffy closed her eyes and curled more into Tara's body. "She looked like she wanted to strangle me, well the Dawn non-violent equivalent."

"She doesn't know what she wants to do." Tara outlined. "She's basically just a child who's had to grown up to fast." She squeezed Buffy's fingers. "None of which is your fault." She added quickly. "You're just easiest to blame."

"Cause I'm the one who should have been here to make it better." Buffy's words were almost too quiet to hear even in the silent house.

"Yes." Tara nodded and tried to explain. "You're the one on the pedestal. You might not think so Buffy, but you're her world, she's only as fragile as she is right now, because you are. Which is why I plan on strengthening up your foundations a little." She added with another squeeze.

Despite the pain and the discomfort she knew it would cause, Tara turned over and leaned on her injured side momentarily.

"Oh, that foundation creating wonder of my universe." Buffy smiled in the dim light. "Do you think once she gets her head around us she'll be happier?" She questioned still worried, after all Dawn's reaction today had only underlined her worry that her sister was not going to take this well.

"We'll need to be careful, but I think we'll get there with her." Tara replied honestly.

"When do we tell her?" Buffy wasn't sure if five am was the time for this conversation but she couldn't keep herself from asking.

"Talk to her first?" Buffy filled in the idea and the Wicca nodded. "Maybe." She nodded brushing her hand gently down Tara's cheek. "But I'd be close by so that in a flash I could be there, just not there, there."

"I need to turn." Tara pointed out, after withstanding the discomfort as long as she could.

"Oh God I'm sorry." Buffy moved that little bit to let the Wicca turn on her side again and Tara did so slowly. "Sometimes I don't think... I get caught up..." She cursed herself softly as Tara slightly painfully readjusted herself.

"Buffy, Buffy stop it." Tara had made herself more comfortable but couldn't lie there as Buffy berated herself. She sat up pushing the though of pain from her mind. "Buffy my ribs, are not your fault, the fact that they hurt is not your fault, Dawn's instability and fragility is not your fault. The fact that you might just get so caught up in looking at me, holding me, touching me is not something to apologize for. If we start apologizing for this, for the love we have, if we start now, we won't ever stop, and I'm not ashamed of it, so I don't want too. No I won't start apologizing now. Buffy I love you, let yourself love me."

"I walked around tonight." Buffy's front teeth caught her lip for a moment, she wasn't sure why she started what she was saying this way. "I walked around and I just kept wanting to run back here. Make sure you were okay, make sure Dawn was okay and make sure Wills was okay. Hell, I even went by Xander and Anya's just to check nothing evil was lurking outside." She took a short breath and she smoothed her hand over the Wicca's over as if trying to order her disjointed thoughts. "I walked around worried and I thought about you. I patrolled the cemeteries three times, I killed seven vamps, three demons and a bat creature thing and I thought about you." She felt her hand shake a little as she kept rubbing. "And all I could think about was how much I love you. I don't know exactly when it started, I don't know why it happened, but it's there, it's real and I feel it." She stressed the last three words.

"I know, it is real, it's as real as this." Tara leaned forward and kissed the Slayer gently but solidly. Buffy kissed her back with just as much conviction.

Anya pushed her way through the slightly open door into Buffy's room and towards the bed that held Tara propped up looking much like a pampered Princess.

"As Buffy is out earning money, Dawn is getting an education and Willow is also attempting to gain higher enlightenment in the laws of physics..." She moved over to drop the fruit basket she carried on the side table. "I have decided to keep you company and bring fruit. The florist advised me that fruit is not as suggestively sexual as flowers but conveys a regret for your injury."

"Anya thank you though really there's no need." Tara smiled at her friend. Yes, she truly liked Anya, especially at times like this when the ex-demon was trying so hard to do the right and proper thing. "The doctor says that I should be up and about soon."

"So the weekend sounds like it was wonderful, Dawn couldn't stop talking about it." Tara looked up and gave her full attention to the other woman.

"I was completely unaware the variety of outfits available, it completes makes me rethink my choices of sleeve length and overall visual effect." Anya was glad to have someone focused on her plans. "I have over fifty catalogues to go over with Xander."

"Well logically with Dawn and Willow's pale skin tones, I am leaning towards a soft color. Possibly a light blue or orange." Anya filled in her stepping-stones towards a choice. "Though orange may clash with Willow's hair, so I am somewhat limited unless I convince her to dye it." Tara chuckled softly and shook her head.

"I can't imagine Willow with anything other than those red locks." She admitted.

"So how are you?" Anya smiled and did a quick look around the room. "How is Buffy?" She looked back attentively into blue eyes again.

"I'm fine, and Buffy is… I think Buffy is fine." Tara returned the look but added an amount of curiosity to hers.

"Xander said she was..." The ex-demon hesitated to get the right word. "Fiery when he met you both in the coffee shop on Saturday."

"What else did he say about it?" Tara's brow creased a little slightly concerned.

"Well he seemed convinced that you and Buffy are having sex." Anya's words weren't malicious just factual. "I informed him you'd never just have sex with her." She shook her head lightly.

For a moment Tara wasn't sure if she was going to pass out, blush so much that she exploded or just simply demand that Anya leave the room. As it transpired she didn't do any of them, though her cheeks colored a little.

"We're…" She took a small breath trying to decide upon a suitable phrasing and Anya waited patiently for the answer. "You were right we're not just having sex." She decided upon those words having ruled out all the terms like 'dating' and 'going steady' as trite or just not appropriate.

"That's good, Xander has taught me that love is a very important emotion and can make physical intimacy much more pleasurable." Anya nodded with a soft smile. "Though I have to admit he is a bit confused about you and Buffy."

"I thought he would be." Tara let her head drop a little as she made the admission. "I think everyone will be." She added.

"I think mostly it's because he feels impotent after all these years. The two girls he has been in love with since high school have both chosen to sleep with you instead of him." Anya appraised thoughtfully and the words made Tara look up in surprise. "I assured him that while you are beautiful and obviously sexually competent, I am in love with him and we're only friends." She patted the blonde's leg.

"Anya I'm s-s-sure Xander doesn't feel threatened especially n-not be me." Tara's voice showed her shock at the revelation.

"To be honest Anya, I thought Xander was more confused that Buffy and I are together because of W-W-Willow." Tara put forward her understanding.

"Because it would be totally understandable, I mean I've been called to eviscerate people who did much less than Willow did." The ex-demon appraised.

"No, I mean I think that Xander thinks that we should be... well not eviscerated but I think he thinks we're wrong to share what we do, because of the pain it will cause Willow." Tara straightened out what she meant.

"Oh that." Anya nodded understanding. "Well he's always very protective over her, but he also wants Buffy to be happy and you." She smiled. "Xander just really wants everyone to be happy and no one to feel sad or lonely anymore."

"We're not doing this to make Willow feel worse." Tara felt she had to make that point clear.

"I know that." Anya smiled at her and patted her foot again. "I've been around vengeance long enough to know you're not like that." She looked around the bedroom for a moment. "Are you in love with Buffy?"

"Good, that will make it much more worth it if Willow goes crazy and tries to kill us all." Anya noted honestly. "Not that I think she will, she's done really well without the magic." She reassured quickly when the color in Tara's cheeks blanched out.

"She won't, I know Willow." She whispered but her voice didn't hold the conviction that it once might have.

Dawn pushed open the front door. She tried to be quiet cause she knew Tara was upstairs and the pills the doctor had given her were pretty powerful. She hung up her coat and her knapsack, not quite wanting to tackle her English homework yet. She looped through the kitchen grabbing a granola bar that was coated in chocolate and went back into the living room. She picked up the white movie box off the top of the TV.

"Gia." She read the thick lettering of the title and shrugged not recognizing the film. Buffy must have rented it on the weekend and well they'd get their money's worth if more than one person watched it. Hitting play on the VCR she walked over to the couch picking up the T.V controller and turning the set on.

"Oh my God!" Dawn squeaked loudly as the picture faded in slowly with the VCR already running. The tape began in the middle of the sex scene that Tara had paused it on many nights ago and for a moment Dawn just stared horrified.

Fumbling with the remote, the teenager tried to turn it off and in her own panic only made the volume increase. Abandoning the TV's remote, she fumbled through the cushions for the VCR remote. When she finally managed to find it, she hit stop and sat on the couch flustered for a moment.

Yes, she had lived for many months in a house with two lesbians in love. But no, she had never seen a video like that before, her mom just wouldn't have that in the house.

Dawn ran her hand through her hair, and looking out the front window to make sure no one was coming up the walk. She turned back to put the television on mute as she hit play on the VCR again. The silent images of two women making love filled the screen and the teenager sat on the edge of the couch wide eyed as some of her curiosities were answered in vivid color.

As things between the characters on screen moved further, Dawn blushed and hit stop again giggling.

"Who would rent that?" She questioned herself still giggling when suddenly she stopped.

'Willow was with me all weekend at the wedding show and…' Dawn hurried to pick up the video case and fumbled inside to pull out the receipt. Her mind began reeling as she tried to figure out what was going on. Almost forgetting that Tara could be asleep she darted up the stairs.

"You and Buffy went out for dinner Friday night right?" Dawnie asked quickly waking to the end of the bed and putting her hands on the footboard.

"I was hoping that was you and not some TV watching burglar." She answered with a smirk. "Yes, we did."

"Did you watch a video?" Dawn's voice was smaller. Tara's mind froze as Dawn mentioned the small word video.

'Gia, good Goddess, we didn't take it out of the player.' Tara realized she had to think quickly how to play this.

"Yes, Gia, its an Angelina Jolie film, Buffy didn't know what to hire, and the clerk knew she was in it so suggested it." Tara made sure she didn't lie.

"See cause I turned on the video, and then there..." Dawn went red as her mind tried to explain what was going on to itself. 'Buffy had rented the video by mistake, and they'd turned it off when it got to that scene.' She tried to reassure herself.

"And I just couldn't figure out why Buffy would rent that movie." The teenager flustered somewhat ignoring Tara. "I mean if it was you and Willow, then it would make sense, cause you know that's cool but Buffy..." She stopped finally looking at Tara.

"Dawnie, please." Tara spoke calmly. "Sit down." She patted the bed. Dawn moved around very stiffly and did as she was asked.

"Dawn, you know how very much I care about you don't you?" Tara began desperately trying to think ahead of herself and to do this the right way.

"Buffy hired the video, because she knew I liked Angelina Jolie." Tara explained.

"It does." Tara agreed. "It especially does because Buffy wanted me to enjoy the evening." Tara knew that Dawn hadn't truly grasped the line of the conversation, more she suspected because the teenager didn't want to.

"Dawn, if I told you I'd found a new girlfriend." Tara suddenly said looking up trying to find brown eyes. "What would you think?" She suddenly felt about fifteen again talking to her best friend about boys. Not that she ever had but she imagined this is how it would feel.

"I mean you deserve to be happy, I want you to be happy and not lonely and..." She swallowed. "I want you to be happy."

"Dawn." Tara took a slightly breath and reached out for Dawn's hand, which was cold and shaky. "It's B-B-Buffy." She whispered and the teenager's jaw locked as the words settled in her ears.

"How long? Buffy and I?" Tara asked gently for clarification, though it pained her that the young woman pulled away.

"Just a few days, Dawn I swear we weren't keeping this from you. We haven't been running around in secret behind your back."

"We're going to tell her, soon." Tara watched the emotional turmoil in the teenager's eyes.

"Why does Buffy have to ruin everything?" Dawn sniffled and then pushed off to run to her room.

"Dawn." Tara called as the teenager ran. "DAWN!" Pulling back the light comforter Tara swung her legs out of the bed and painfully got up walking the short distance from Buffy's room to Dawn's.

"Dawnie, Dawnie." Tara stayed on the threshold of the room for a long moment looking at the sprawled teenager as she lay on her bed sobbing. "Dawnie." Tara painful made her way in and eased herself onto her knees by the bed. "What does this ruin?" She whispered.

"She's gonna make you go away, she's gonna make you leave." Dawn choked out the words. "She makes everyone leave."

"Dawn, I will never leave you." Tara's voice was firm. "If Buffy and I broke up tomorrow I would still not leave you." The blonde reached over and gently touched Dawn's shoulder.

"You will, you will..." Dawn pushed her head harder into the pillow. "She'll take you away."

"Dawn I WILL NOT." Tara's voice was almost sharp. "Look at me." She demanded but her voice was back to its soothing self. Dawn's streaked blotchy face emerged from the pillow.

"Walking out on Willow was the hardest thing I have ever done. For a while, I really thought that one time when I went to sleep, maybe I'd just stop breathing or my heart would stop beating because it just hurt so much." Tara said looking directly at Dawn. "But who Dawn, who did I call, every other evening, who did I buy too large milkshakes? And sneak into strange movies?"

Dawn didn't even concern the blonde's fragile state as she pushed herself over and literally fell against Tara's body hugging her. Tara closed her arms around Dawn tightly also not caring about her side.

"I love you Dawnie." She whispered stroking her hand over and over soft brown locks.

"I do." Tara answered. "But I swear Dawn, this isn't a you or her thing. You need me, I'll be there. There will still be time for big shakes and movies if you want there to be."

"Dawn, I know you won't believe me but if I thought this would have any effect on how much Tara loves you then I'd pretend I didn't love her." Buffy leaned against the door her voice soft. She'd gotten home from work to find the house empty, accept for the sound of crying which had led her here.

Dawn sniffled for a moment and then looked up at Buffy over Tara's shoulder. The Wicca hadn't moved though she longed to at least glance at Buffy to pass on her love and support.

"Yeah and you leave videos in the VCR." Dawn didn't want to give in but she felt a smile pull at her lips as she thought about everything. She relaxed a little into Tara's arms loving the soothing action of Tara's comforting strokes.

"Well I can't say we'd thought about a rogue video scenario." Buffy moved over and dropped down to sit near them.

'Okay, so this wasn't ever a scenario she'd thought about but…' She considered. 'Here she had Tara, and Buffy. A Buffy that was making jokes and that had voluntarily moved closed to them.' It was only as she moved to snuggle back into Tara's shoulder that attentive brown eyes caught sight of one of Willow's clogs that lay on the floor close to the closet. It made her heart freeze again.

"There's still Willow." She whispered and suddenly Tara's hand stopped mid stroke.

"We don't want to hurt her Dawn." Buffy spoke softly and slowly reached out to put her hand over Tara's and then rubbed over Dawn's hair. "This isn't about hurting anyone."

"But she still loves Tara." Dawn was quite willing to believe her sister's words but she also knew the facts. Tara just couldn't make her hand move she felt her heart begin to beat faster with Dawn's words, but out of almost panic.

"I know she does and Tara still loves her." Buffy filled in. "But Willow hurt her Dawn." She smoothed her hand back down to cover Tara's seeing the panic inside the blonde. Tara eased her fingers up to interlock with Buffy's desperately needing the contact.

"I know." Dawn conceded. "We could not tell her." She suddenly sat up, pushing back from Tara and Buffy as if her idea was the greatest thing she had ever thought of.

"Dawn, we can't lie to her." Buffy shook her head. "I know it's going to be horrible, and trust me there is nothing I would rather do than run away from it... but I can't. I'm tried of running Dawn." She spoke honestly with her sister, her eyes sad.

"Perhaps we could send Willow on a trip." Dawn came up with idea number two. "A 'well done for no magic' trip?"

"Dawn, you don't have to tell her." Buffy shook her head to all the far-fetched schemes. "But we do need to get Tara back in bed." She squeezed the hand in her own.

"Oh Tara." Dawn instantly felt bad she turned to the pale Wicca. "You can carry her." She looked back at her sister.

"Why don't you run downstairs and get some juice and a snack for us all and I'll get her settled?" Buffy nodded to the carrying idea.

"Yeah, I'll be like two seconds." Dawn nodded and scooted to the door. "You can put her in my bed if you like." She called as she began bounding down the stairs.

"Take three, we'll be here." Buffy reassured waiting till her sister was out of sit before she curled her arms around the blonde. "Come on darling." She shifted and gently picked Tara up. Tara whimpered and began sobbing as she leaned into Buffy's shoulder.

Buffy didn't really expect a response. She just carried Tara back and sat on the edge of the bed holding her. Though the sharp display of sadness broke her heart, and scared her at the same time, Buffy made herself hold on.

"No, no you didn't." Buffy rocked her softly. "Listen to me." She shook her head moving Tara's face slightly out of her shoulder so that she could see cloudy blue eyes. "Nothing he told you about yourself was ever right, you are not a demon, you are not evil, you are filled with so much love, so much caring."

"Don't let me hurt you." She sobbed trying to listen to Buffy's words but a part of her refused too.

"Tara, you can't hurt me." Buffy shook her head. "Faith tried to kill me, Angelus tried to kill everyone I loved, I've died twice... you can't hurt me." She leaned down and kissed her softly. "Even if you leave me, it'll be because you love me."

"Oh Buffy." Tara drew it a staggered breath and then pressed her lips desperately to the Slayer's. "I do love you." She said as she kissed over and over.

"Dawn! Tara! Buffy! I got chicken." Willow let the door close heavily behind her. She shrugged off her coat and let it drop in a small heap near the coat rack.

"Hey Wills." Buffy came out of the kitchen wiping a cup dry. "The great chicken hunter." She grinned.

"I had to bribe it with promises of beautiful women eating it." Willow met the smile with one of her own. It had taken some getting used to but Willow was finally adjusting to the odd set up. The best part was that Tara was being so much more open and relaxed with her.

"Unfortunately we're down two beauties, Dawn is at school late working on the play and Tara decided she needed to go back to the dorm." Buffy tried not to show her disappointment at the last part.

"Oh." Willow felt her good mood evaporate. "But I thought..." She put the bucket of chicken on the table. "I mean I know with you on the floor it wasn't the best situation…" She babbled. "But I could have given up my bed for her for a while."

"She's coming by tomorrow for dinner." Buffy pulled out plates and forks for them to eat.

"So how was your day?" Buffy tried to steer away from the topic as she pulled out a piece of chicken.

Willow suddenly realized she'd been caught somewhat as her day had been fine and had only suddenly turned out wrong.

"Amy isn't hassling you again is she?" Buffy raised an eyebrow. "Cause I can pay her a leave my Willow alone visit."

"No... That is yeah, yeah a bit, that is no, no you don't have to do that." Willow fluffed badly.

"I just didn't expect things to have changed by the time I got home." Willow said quietly.

"Oh that." Buffy stopped eating, swallowing the mouthful of chicken she had she instantly lost her appetite.

"Is she well enough to be alone?" Willow pushed as the logical part of her mind nagged her to let this drop but she found she couldn't.

"The Doctor said everything was healing well, and she's moving around lots better and she hardly needs the pills..." Buffy tried not remember having asked this same question of the blonde earlier in the day.

"She knows she can come back if she needs too." Buffy was a bit shocked by her friend's quick derogatory remark.

"She looked tired this morning, after you'd gone when she finally came downstairs." Willow pushed her tone tight.

"She… I…" Buffy stammered and felt as cornered as a deer in headlights. "You always rest better in your own bed." She filled in lamely.

"Tara has a bed here, she has our bed." Willow had no idea where the comment had came form even as it left her mouth. "That is I mean…" She looked down her face flushed though the cause wasn't easy to pin point.

"I understand Willow." Buffy pushed out of her seat and went over to the sink beginning to put away the dishes.

"UNDERSTAND?" Willow's hand flashed out catching her cutlery and tossing it to the floor, it clattered loudly on the tile. "How could you possibly understand?" She snapped at the Slayer.

Buffy jumped at the noise and turned, the clatter of the metal reverberating over and over in her chest.

"I'm waiting to hear how you understand." Willow crossed her arms over her chest. "I want to hear how you know how it feels not to hold her. How it feels to be in the same room as her and not have her look at you after every breath. I want you to tell me how it feels in here." She pointed to her heart. "How empty it feels not to crawl in bed beside her. How it feels to lie in bed knowing that she's just in the next room. Come on Buffy I am so ready to hear this." The hacker's voice was rough with anger, fear and built up tension.

"Look at you, you aren't ready to hear this." Buffy slipped down and picked up the thrown cutlery turning to drop them into the dishwater that was still in the sink.

"Oh but I already do Buffy. I already do." Willow's voice dropped into an almost silent livid snarl.

"And what do you know?" Buffy challenged again her voice rougher in reaction to the snarl that came at her. She had wanted this to be calm, they had planned for this to be calm and slow. But what was going on here was nothing of the sort.

"It's true isn't it?" For the first time all the power left Willow's voice, in fact every thing left it. The redhead went pale and staggered back slightly, reaching out to hold the back of a chair. "Oh God Buffy no." Willow shook her head as she backed up a little more.

"Willow..." Buffy felt the hair on the back of her neck rise up as she heard the fear in her best friend's voice. "We didn't plan on this."

"I th-thought he was lying..." Willow backed up more her green eyes wide and horrified. "Just trying to cause trouble." She shook her head a little.

"I'm going to kill him." Buffy put her hands in her head as she realized what Willow was saying. "How long have you known?" She put her hand back onto the counter to steady herself.

"Why didn't you say something?" Buffy questioned looking at Willow in disbelief.

"What was I supposed to say?" Willow's anger caught briefly again. "Hey Buffy I hear you're dating my girlfriend."

"Oh and you're just making sure she stays my ex, by taking her yourself." Willow bit back.

"You did that all on your own Willow." Buffy sneered. "Or did you think that she'd just let you abuse her? Just let you get away with hurting her over and over without even caring?"

"Willow, you stole her memories, reached into her brain and took her right to be mad at you, that is just a stupid little spell?" Buffy was shocked.

"It didn't hurt her. She didn't get three bruised ribs from me did she?" Willow pointed out righteously.

"It didn't hurt her?" Buffy ignored the stab at her own failure momentarily. "Willow, you took the only place on earth she had built safety away from her. You took her mind away from her, the only place that was hers that no one could ever hurt her in."

"Have you even thought about this Willow? Thought about what you did to her?" Buffy's words were pointed.

"Of course I have I've said I was sorry, I've told her I was wrong." Willow went on the defensive.

"But you don't believe you were Willow, that's the problem, you don't know what you did." Buffy poked her own temple. "You don't know what she's been through and how you doing that to her made her feel again." She moved closer to the redhead. "If I do a spell on you and make you forget every moment you ever had with her and then it falls apart, are you going to forgive me for doing it?" She snarled. "Are you going to blow it off as just something small and take my apology? Fuck Willow, you think you have the right to be mad at me now. When all I'm trying to do is love her, and let her love me."

"You can't love her, I love her!" Willow pushed the chair she leaned on heavily forward. "I only did the spell to stop us arguing."

"Earth to super Willow! Talking an effective way to smooth over relationship woes." Buffy's voice was thick with judgment. "You brought me back from the dead, that doesn't give you the right to start playing God with everyone's freewill."

"All this from the girl who's having sex with a vampire?" Willow bit into her best friend again. "Does Tara even know what you've been doing with him?"

"She knows everything." Buffy's voice dropped a bit as the question hit her like a hard shot in the stomach. "She knew before anyone else."

"Oh, oh I see. What was this, let's see what we can do behind Willow's back?" Willow huffed loudly.

"Don't play martyr on me Willow." Buffy shook her head. "You could have known what was going on, but you didn't want to. I tried to tell you so many times, tried to ask you for help but you just put me back up on my pedestal How many bruises did you see? How many cuts did you just ignore?"

"I… I…" Willow stammered as she looked around as if trying to find an answer or at least a clue to one.

"She loves you Willow." Buffy's voice dropped even farther. "But you hurt her, hurt her in a way that she can't find a way to forgive you, and that scares her more than anything in the universe."

For a long moment Willow said nothing, then she turned slowly and moved towards the stairs.

Buffy drew her hand up into a fist and knocked on the door before her. She smiled politely at another student who went down the hall behind her.

"Hey." Buffy tried to smile but she knew as she stepped into the room that Tara would know something was going on, the blonde always could read her.

"A fight?" Tara questioned she moved swiftly to her lover's side kneeling on the floor

"She's known since last Friday. Spike told her." Buffy snarled the vampire's name.

"Goddess no." Tara shook her head. She felt a quake enter her hand as she reached for Buffy's knee.

"She sorta freaked when she found out you had come back to the dorm... and it escalated from there." Buffy admitted putting her hand over Tara's. "I think she was thinking that if you were in the house she could get you back somehow."

"I didn't have to, once she started yelling about how I didn't understand what it felt like to want you her own mind sorta undeluded itself." Buffy admitted with a frown. "I tried to make her understand how much she hurt you, but she doesn't see, she can't accept that she did something wrong."

"Are you alright?" Tara tried to catch up with herself as she looked at Buffy with soft eyes.

"I don't know." Buffy frowned and shook her head. "I've never seen Willow that..." She tried to pinpoint what. "Freaked out I guess."

"Maybe." Buffy nodded. "She's got herself so deluded." She squeezed Tara's hand.

"Do you really think she th-though she could get me back, just by me being there?" Tara asked trying to understand.

"I think she thought it was a first step towards it or something." Buffy summed off sadly. "Then she blamed me for it not happening cause I'd stolen you."

"Dawnie out at Melissa's tonight isn't she? Perhaps it would be best to address this as soon as we can." Tara made an attempt to concentrate her energies and focus. Buffy nodded. "Lets go then." Tara encouraged.

Tara squeezed Buffy's hand a little tight as the Slayer pushed open the front door moving through it slowly. Letting their union slip Tara moved through into the living room looking around for Willow on the first floor as Buffy started up the stairs.

Everything looked completely normal to the Wicca. The living room was tidy and organized. She'd stopped in the kitchen to put the open bucket of chicken she'd found on the counter in the fridge as her trouble mind tried to order what was going on. A quick look out the back door showed that no one was on the back porch.

"She's gone." Buffy's voice announced her return to the top landing after a few moments. "Stuff's thrown all over her room."

"Like she's picked through stuff and packed a bag or something." Buffy tried to figure it out and figure out where Willow could have gone.

"She's probably gone to Xander's." Buffy bounded down the stairs and went straight to the phone on the desk in the living room. She punched in the familiar numbers and waited impatiently.

"No answer." She summed up when it just kept ringing. "We should head over there, she can't have much lead on us."

Buffy pushed roughly through the front door and entered the dark house. She listened to the silence for a moment, confirming to her troubled mind that no one was home.

"WILLOW!" She called out in the hope that she was wrong. The silence of the house came back in greeting.

After hours of combing Sunnydale for the redhead they'd found nothing and decided to check the house again. They'd been everywhere conceivable, only to discover that Willow had vanished it seemed. A fact Buffy had to admit to herself made her even more worried. This was Sunnydale after all, and vanishing could mean very bad things were afoot.

She went straight to the answering machine and checked, disappointed beyond belief when there were no messages.

"No, Tara." Buffy shook her head and moved over hugging the blonde. "It's not your fault. She's probably just..." She closed her eyes. "Just off somewhere thinking, getting her head around all this."

"What is?" Buffy questioned feeling sick all of a sudden as the blonde retreated.

"I should go." Tara suddenly got up. "I should never have come, I... I should have left when Willow and I…" She shook her head. "No, I should never have come at all, then you'd still have Willow."

"Tara this is not your fault." Buffy looked at her in disbelief. "You didn't do all of this, the last two years did not happen because you came to Sunnydale."

"H-H-Hold me." She requested softly. Buffy pushed up and moved over, slowly gathering Tara in her arms.

"I love you, I don't care if it's wrong or right." Buffy whispered holding her tightly.

"I don't know how love can be wrong." Tara admitted. Buffy pulled her head back out of the hug enough to kiss her.

"We have to find her." Tara pulled back from their kisses. "There must be somewhere else we haven't thought of."

Tara was racking her brains trying to think of university people that she might have missed off the already contacted list, when the doorbell sounded. She jumped a little in Buffy's arms.

"Stay here." Buffy let go of her reluctantly and opened the door. The sight of the peroxide vampire made her roll her eyes.

"Spike you are so not what I need right now." She stood staring at him through the invisible barrier.

"Haven't seen you around, just wanted to check you were all right. You and the little bit." He struck his best pose.

"Oh yeah you're such a worrier, that's why you had to tell Willow what was going on?" Buffy snarled at him.

"Oh bugger yeah I told Red, but that was before, we, you know worked things out a bit. How is the little bird?" The peroxide vampire looked apologetic.

"You almost broke three of her ribs." Buffy growled. "So unless you can tell me where Willow is, I don't need you in my way right now."

"Red gone missing has she? Have you checked at the demons and the wet boy?" He put forward.

"Hey hey, I'm trying you know." He objected. "How about her folks? A little home girl like Red, gonna run home to Mommy when her knees are scraped ain't she?

Buffy looked back at Tara as the thought hit her, they hadn't even thought of her parents.

"Hey you didn't think of that one did you, point for the vampire." Spike grinned smugly. "Hey for that can I be allowed in? It's kinda cold out here."

"I could drive you." He put up as Tara inched forward and slipped her hand into Buffy's.

"Spike, you've been helpful. I am resisting the urge to beat you to death, go away now." Buffy pushed him out of the way as she moved with Tara out of the house.

"Oh let me guess, Blondie the wonder witch is gonna drive you?" He shouted as the couple moved to the car.

"Yep, only one of us other than Xander who actually has her license." Buffy helped her in and then moved around to the passenger seat.

"Hey Slayer!" He called when Tara was stowed and was happy to see her look up. "When you get tired of tame and you know, boring, I'll be waiting. Or the offer for the pair of you still stands! Toughen her up a bit I could." He pulled out a cigarette and put it into his mouth lighting up immediately.

As the terrible night dragged on, Tara realized just how dark and cold the witching hour could be. From her place in the warm car she watched her lover in the dim porch light. She frowned when Mrs. Rosenberg closed the front door of the large red brick house and effectively barred Buffy out.

Buffy stared at the door for a moment and then turned, she stomped her way back angrily.

"Willow doesn't want to see us." Buffy's words held every ounce of her pouting frown as she fell into the passenger's seat.

"She needs to think around how she should be, when we see her. She'll want to know her own mind before she risks having it over turned again." Tara explained. "We know she's safe Buffy, that's enough." She added sadly.

"For once in my life I want to skip all the hard stuff, I want to skim right by the worry and the waiting and get to the happy stuff." She looked at Tara frowning. "And yeah thank God she's safe."

"Let's get you home at least." Tara reached forward and turned the engine into life.

"Not the house." Buffy panicked for a minute. "Please anywhere but the house." Tara leaned lightly on the steering wheel and turned to look at Buffy.

"I just feel like I failed again. I was trying so hard to find a way for this all to be happy, no one hurt, no one hating me and all Willow and I did was have the yelling match of the century." She continued opening her eyes to look at Tara. "And a part of me just wanted to let go of it, forget about it, not care... but I can't... I can't cause then I lose you."

"Wakey, wakey best friend. It's four p.m. and the sun is a shining." Xander walked into the room and went straight to pull the heavy curtains back flooding the room in light.

"It'll soon be going down again." Willow's empty voice replied from her small single bed.

"Yeah and hopefully we'll at least have you showered and in a new pair of depression pajamas." He moved back over to her and lifted the covers off her head. "Come on Willow, four days straight, enough wallowing for anyone."

"What would you know Mr. Oh I'm getting married my life is happy?" Willow pouted at him.

"Cause I'm marrying a former vengeance demon." Xander smiled at her and leaned down near the bed. "And cause you're my best friend and how can I be happy when you're miserable?"

"Willow, Buffy isn't happy because you're miserable." Xander frowned. "And there hasn't been much of the 'woo hoo' since you've been doing your hermit impression."

"They've noticed?" Willow huffed but there wasn't any real anger in her voice just sadness and pain.

"Yes, they've noticed." Xander nodded. "I know it would be easier if they didn't Wills, but they have, and they care about you and they're worried." He reached out and moved a curl off her forehead. "And I had to convince Anya it was better I did this, cause even she's worried about you. She wanted to bring fruit." Willow let out a sound that could possibly have been called a laugh at the mention of Anya and fruit.

"You are not a horrible person." Xander shook his head. "You're just upset and a bit shocked. I mean this is Buffy and Tara, shock is a given."

"Why didn't you tell me, why didn't you stress to me what I'd done?" Willow looked up sadly to her old friend.

"Why didn't anyone take me down about it?" She curled her body tighter into a ball.

"Cause you were Willow, super moral infallible Willow. " He frowned a little. "I don't think any of us wanted to admit you had a problem."

"A problem?" Willow choked. "I mind raped my girlfriend, twice." She balled up her small fists. "That's not a problem Xander. That's… that's… Goddess…" She pushed her hand into her forehead.

"None us of really knew what it was till after you guys were long over Will." Xander tried to defend himself a little. "You were all with the Tara thinks I'm out of control, but you never said why. We just all figured it was the magic."

"You're not a monster, you had an addiction." He looked at her. "You have an addiction."

"Oh like you knew, like you cared." She slipped her hand palm down onto the mattress.

"Don't you dare!" He snapped at her suddenly, he pushed himself up and paced away a bit. "This is not my fault okay. Yes, I played my part in bringing Buffy back and I won't deny that. Oh yeah I rode the yummy Willow power train of survival, but I never once told you to go all power trip." He stared at her. "You don't get it do you? You messed up Willow, welcome to the land of the human people." He held up his arms. "You're not perfect, you're not all seeing, all knowing and damn well not all powerful."

"If you just came here to rub salt into my wounds you shouldn't have bothered because they are hurting fine by themselves." Willow turned away from him.

"Willow, I'm here because you're my best friend." Xander deflated his anger. "I'm here because I don't want to see you throw your life away over this. Not when the people who you think hate you are the ones out there worrying about you."

"What am I supposed to do Xander?" Willow looked up all trace of anger gone, her green eyes just sad and longing

"I don't know the future Will, but I know one thing." He sat on the bed beside her. "Buffy and Tara are together, but… and I'm talking big but here… neither one of them want to lose you in their lives. Ya now I know things between you and the Wicca are strained, but come on Willow you know she doesn't want to hurt you. So you got a choice." He made sure she was listening before continuing. She blinked slowly but held his eyes desperate for any advice.

"You stay curled up here in the land of big blankets and take out, or you accept responsibility for what you did and realize that the price of your mistake is now you're gonna have to work your ass off to get Tara's friendship." He reached down and lightly tapped his finger on her nose. "Cause for now her hearts got to heal somewhere else."

"I never ever meant to hurt her." Willow's voice trembled as she found herself on the verge of tears yet again.

"She knows that Willow." Xander frowned. "Hell I know that, cause if I thought for one moment you meant it I'd kick your little magical butt all around the yard." He reached down and kissed her on the forehead.

Buffy put away the last dish. She'd realized as she'd come to focus more on living and not just existing that chores like this actually offered her time for contemplation and on top of that she got something done so she didn't have to worry about it anymore. Putting away the cloth she looked up to see Tara enter the kitchen. The blonde looked slightly unbalanced and that look instantly made the Slayer worry.

"Did the Dawn volcano finally erupt?" She questioned moving over to Tara and tucking blonde hair behind her lover's ear. The teenager had been edgy since Willow's exit from the house and anything they did seemed to push and pull her away from total meltdown.

"Well at least knowing Xander managed to get her out of the house for coffee is great news." Buffy moved up and kissed Tara lightly.

"Buffy I need to ask you something." Tara glanced over her shoulder to make sure that Dawn hadn't followed her.

"What?" Buffy couldn't help but let the shocked word slip from her lips. "Why would you ask me that? Of course I don't." She shook her head, her hair dancing around her shoulders.

"I'm asking." Tara took a breath. "Because I don't want this ever to come up again, not for a long time and not while all this is going on. I want to be able to face anything, with my hand in your hand."

"Well that's exactly where it's going to be." Buffy reached down and interlaced their fingers just for effect. "Only if I'm fighting something bad and I have to let go for a minute to punch it, but right back to you." She added trying to make the Wicca smile.

"Buffy." Tara took a breath again and did smile. "I have to tell you something. There's been one thing that everyone has been asking me, since they found out about this, about us." Buffy moved her fingers against Tara's waiting for her to continue. "Dawnie, Xander, even Anya wanted an answer. They all wanted to know if I was in love with you."

Buffy swallowed trying not to just jump, to speak or make any conclusions in her head. Tara moved her other hand and traced along Buffy's high cheekbone slightly.

"When they asked…" She took another quick breath. "I loved you, I knew that, but…" She paused finding Buffy's eyes. "I have their answer now."

Buffy smiled broadly her eyes sparkling again with the confirmation of how Tara felt.

"I wanted you to be the first to know." Tara breathed leaning forward offering Buffy her lips.

"Thank you." Buffy leaned in and kissed her, letting their lips linger before she pulled back. "How come no one asked me that?" She questioned softly.

"Oh I was hoping it was the obviously devoted loving look I get on my face when I talk about you." Buffy smirked.

"What you wanna too till the volcano sleeps?" Buffy put her arms around Tara's shoulders and hugged her close.

"She seemed to enjoy the Tara and Dawn take on Buffy in scrabble championships from last night." The Wicca snuggled in.

"Cause you two beat me three billion to like twenty six." Buffy laughed. "I spell out cat and you two make catastrophe."

"No, no." Buffy laughed. "You go get the volcano and the board, I'll make popcorn."

Willow had watched the scene in the living room through the front bay window for more moments then she wanted to count before she reached up and hit the doorbell. The casual ease that existed between Buffy and Tara made her eyes sting with tears. A simple game of scrabble from her point of view looked now like an unobtainable heaven. She had almost agreed to let Xander just come over and get the books she needed for her but two weeks had gone by since she'd been at the house. Two weeks of agony even worse than her first two weeks without magic. Then at least she'd had the shakes and the nausea and the physical pain. Now all she was left with was the dirty footprints she'd trounced across her own mind.

"No you can't come in you know that so go away you undead creep… Willow!" Dawn's voice changed as she looked at the redhead.

"That was just my rehearsed Spike line." The teenager floundered. "Come in, come in." She moved backwards waving her hand.

"Thanks." Willow moved in slowly, feeling ever bit the awkward and tentative ex-junkie. "Hi guys." She smiled through the archway at Buffy and Tara in the living room.

"Willow." Tara looked up and leaned back against the sofa, she smiled softly in the redhead's direction.

"Hey." Buffy was a bit shocked to see the redhead but she smiled, feeling genuinely glad to see her.

"We're playing scrabble you can help Buffy we're trouncing her." Dawn skipped back through into the living room and slid down onto her knees next to Tara.

"I came to get some books for school..." Willow motioned to the stairs but walked slowly into the living room. "I can see that." She looked at the board.

"No, thank you." She smiled at the teenager. "I'll just get my books and leave you to your game." She nodded to confirm her own words.

"But Buffy needs your help, we're beating her by…" She glanced at the score pad in Tara's lap. "134 points."

"Come on Will, you can do something with this can't you?" Buffy held up her range of tiles.

"Well you could put...." She reached down without thinking and rearranged the tiles. "That would give you quince, getting rid of both the q and u that you have and get you a triple word score."

"The owl and the pussy cat." Tara said quietly she looked up first meeting Buffy's eyes and then Willow's. "They dined on mince and slices of quince, that they ate with a runciple spoon."

"Who cares... triple word score... we're coming to get you brat!" Buffy stuck her tongue out at Dawn playfully.

"I'll get more popcorn." Tara shook her head pointing to some tiles on hers and Dawn's rack before pushing up to stand picking up the nearly empty bowl. "Anyone want more sodas?"

"Here I'll help." Willow moved when neither of the Summers' girls did. They were bickering over the score. "You need can carrying?" She entered the kitchen standing shy of the island as if not to crowd the blonde.

"I'll let you get back to your game then, I really did come to get my trig books. I have an exam I have to make up for." Willow moved over and took them in her arms.

"It would be nice to stay, but I don't want to..." Willow bit her lip. "Overstay my welcome."

"Are you sure Buffy still wants me here?" The redhead asked softly, not maliciously at all just honest.

"Of course, I know for a fact she put fresh flowers in your room yesterday." Tara wasn't sure why that particular detail was important it just seemed it.

"How's she doing?" Willow asked concerned. For some reason talk about the Slayer seemed easier and friendlier than dropping to her knees and begging for forgiveness.

"She's good, she's got a promotion." Tara closed the microwave and programmed it quickly.

"That's got to be good." Willow laughed. "How is history going? Martin told me the midterm was a brain buster." She tried to take even breaths and not freeze up.

"There's a show?" Willow enquired. "Is it still on? I could go over and see it." She hoped she didn't sound like she was trying too hard.

"Oh yes, silly me two seconds." Tara darted over to the side and pulled out a pink card from the letter rack. "This is an official invite." She bent over one corner that looked a little crooked. "You have till next Friday."

"This gets you a free cookie baked by a junior." She pointed to the card as Willow tucked it away.

"Why should I mind?" Tara shook her head. "I don't sleep here Will." She added quietly.

"I didn't say you did, I just wanted to make the point." Tara responded her voice also quiet.

"I meant more in a... I'm so sorry, I don't know how to start showing it... and maybe staying to play scrabble isn't the way to start." She added softly.

"Maybe it isn't." Tara agreed softly. "But this is your home will. You belong here."

"It's yours too." Willow glanced towards the living room where Buffy's head was just visible. "Again."

"Why don't I slip out and you settle in for the night, I don't want to make this hard." Tara pulled out the bowl of popcorn.

"No, Tara no." Willow shook her head. "I came her to get books, get books and say hi. It's okay." She stepped back. "Little steps." She commented to herself as she began to move back with the pop.

"Willow, Dawn hasn't seen you for a long time." Tara called after her. "This isn't just about us." She reminded.

Willow turned briefly for a moment and nodded. She couldn't trust herself to say anything else.

"So she looked skinny." Buffy finally broke the ice that had sealed over the topic after Willow had left hugging her trig books. She folded up the blanket Dawn had brought down and slung it over the back of the couch.

"She did, but those jeans make her look small, being loose and everything." Tara busied herself collecting up empty cans.

"Sorry. No more Willow mention." Buffy frowned and went to put the game back in the desk.

"No mention, she's your best friend, mention away." Tara picked up the earrings she'd discarded at some point in time and put them on the side.

"You're upset." Buffy leaned against the desk and both poised the question and stated the fact. Her voice wasn't emotional just intuitive.

"Tara..." Buffy moved over to her lover slowly. "She talked with you for ten minutes, she said five words to me." She pointed out softly. "I'm thinking it's more of a me thing."

"Can you blame her?" Buffy gave a half smile. "I'd be in fits if I had to watch you smiling and laughing with some other girl." She winked.

"You'd just do you little pouting slayer thing." Tara gave Buffy a weak but honest smile.

"That someone's playing with my witch look." Tara chuckled softly as she leaned back in Buffy's arms.

"Oh about three hours ago when Dawnie fell asleep on my lap, playing with these." Tara fiddled with the cords on the edge of her sweater.

"Mmmmm but I wanted to fall asleep there." Buffy kissed the blonde's neck. "And it's not as lovely as the pouty Wicca look." She added kissing again.

"What pouty Wicca look? I do not pout." Tara objected softly as she turned and rested her hands on Buffy's hips.

"Oh you do so. It's the 'get your hands off my slayer or I'll witchy curse your butt' look." Buffy grinned. "Very all butch sexy." She whispered into the blonde's ear.

"You're going the right way to see a little of that butchy Wicca." Tara lowered her voice into a purr her face a broad grin.

"Mmmmm I thought we said I was going home." Tara massaged her hands lightly against Buffy's butt.

"I think I said I hoped you weren't." Buffy pressed into her more and licked slightly before kissing again.

"After this mornings love fest haven't you had enough Wicca fun?" Tara purred running her hands up and down over the slight firm curves.

"I so want you." Tara shocked herself as she leaned forward and growled in Buffy's ear.

"Then why don't you take me upstairs and have me." Buffy smiled and gave her a quick kiss.

"Upstairs is a long, long way." Tara growled her hands lifting off and then sliding down the back of Buffy's loose pants.

"I see." Buffy felt warm hands press into her skin and in turn she pressed her hips closer to Tara. She tucked her head into Tara's neck and sucked in the shallow, just in that spot she'd quickly discovered drove the blonde crazy.

"You mean you want to stumble up the stairs, make it into your room, only to have to be ravaged silently so as not to disturb Dawnie." Tara outlined as she moaned.

"Being taken on the sofa, or the dining room table." Tara suddenly blushed and pulled back slightly. "I-I'm sorry." She blushed more. "I'm not sure where that came from."

"Well find it again." Buffy kissed her softly. "It was very..." She grinned. "Sexy."

"But I don't want to sound like one of those bad movies you know, big butch lesbian blunders in and takes little helpless femme in the first place she can. Okay so I haven't seen any movies like that." The Wicca went on to clarify. "But you know what I mean."

"Damn, here I thought you had research." Buffy teased and played her fingers through Tara's hair. "Though I have to say... can you imagine anyone else hearing you call me femme?" She grinned more.

"Buffy Summers are you teasing me?" Tara chuckled. It was indeed a little strange, calling the slayer, the chosen one, the kick ass girl with attitude her 'femme'.

"And you like it when I tease you." Buffy clarified looking between the couch and the table. "Which do you think first?"

"Have I told you how much you turn me on Buffy?" Tara asked softly as she eased Buffy down onto the couch and leaned back unfastening the buttons on the Slayer's top one by one.

"When?" Buffy questioned in one of those unfair broad ways as she moved to undo the zipper on the back of the Wicca's shirt.

"Well sometimes, its just a little, you know when we're chatting, or playing scrabble, I glance up and think, Mmmmm Buffy I could just kiss your finger tips over and over." Tara pushed Buffy's now open top back off her body.

"I know what you mean." Buffy's voice was thicker as the blonde removed her clothing.

"And then other times like when we're curled up watching TV or having video club meetings over and Xander's." Tara moved her fingers to loosen Buffy's pants. "Its more, Mmmmm if Buffy moved just a few millimeters this way, I could accidentally brush against her…" Tara paused lowering her voice to whispered. "Breast, and then at other times, when there's just you and me awake and up I think good Goddess Buffy Summers, I want you. I want to slowly undress you…" Buffy gave a soft moan as Tara's words shivered through her. "And kiss every inch of that soft." Tara kissed Buffy's neck. "Delicately scented…" She kissed a little lower. "Skin." She placed a kiss lightly over the Slayer's newly exposed navel.

"You are so..." Buffy swallowed as her body arched slightly into the kisses. "Amazing." She settled on the severely lacking appraisal after Tara's verbal assault and pulled her lips to the blonde's for a long deep kiss.

"You make me feel as good..." Buffy giggled. "Okay that made no sense... feel good." She kissed her again.

"I know I love you." Buffy pulled back to look deep into blue eyes. "That makes total sense."

"It does." Buffy pulled her close and kissed her, snaking her hands over Tara's bare back.

"It's not wrong for us to be happy is it?" Tara asked as she drew small circles around Buffy's navel.

"No." Buffy looked at Tara seriously, well as seriously as she could with her body swelling with passion. "We have every right to be happy Tara."

"None." Buffy shook her head and reach a hand up to cup the blonde's cheek. "Ever."

"I want to make this slow and exquisite." Tara purred lovingly as she traced her hand over Buffy's body. "No hurrying, no rushing, just full emersion in pleasure."

"Even if I beg you to go faster." Buffy moaned her skin tingling from Tara's touch.

"Buffy you know I'd do anything for you if you beg." Tara gave her a left sided grin.

"God that smile melts me." Buffy ran her fingers over Tara's body down to cup her hands over the blonde's full breasts.

"Taraaa." Buffy drew out the blonde's name as her body stiffen and opened to Tara's touch.

"Steady now, slowly remember." Tara moved her finger back and forth gently barely touching the skin.

"Slow." Buffy whispered the word a little labored as her body twitched with every gentle move.

"Is slow okay darling?" Tara asked sensing Buffy's reaction to her feather like touches.

"It's mmmmm nice." Buffy heard every word drawl out of her mouth as she pressed her head a little harder back into the pillow.

"Is that mmmmm nice but Tara first time round can you just be quick and then savor the second, or is that mmmmm Tara that's niccccce?" The blonde questioned playfully.

"It's mmmmm Tara, you're in charge, I'm yours." Buffy groaned as for a moment she arched and the pressure from Tara's fingers increased.

"Oh Goddess Buffy." Tara leaned down and pressed her lips onto the flesh of Buffy's stomach. "Who's are you?" She whispered lovingly drawing a circle with her tongue around Buffy's small belly button.

"I'm..." Buffy took a slow breath in enjoying the slow building feeling of pleasure in her body. "Yours." She loved this feeling, this way that somehow Tara overpowered her.

Oh course it was not a physical strength it was more than that. It was that inner calm, inner clarity that Giles had always tried to train her to find. But Tara had it, innately Buffy assessed, and it was like she held it up all shiny with love for the Slayer to see and Buffy was helpless to resist.

Meanwhile Tara continued her oral exploration of Buffy's lower stomach kissing and licking the flat toned muscles as her one finger graced back and forth within growing wetness.

"All yourrss." Buffy growled as Tara kissed lower, her breathing a little more ragged.

"I swear darling…" Tara stopped her kissing ever so briefly as she looked up at Buffy not stilling her hand in the slightest.

"What?" Buffy looked down for a moment her eyes a little glazed, her hips rocked in a slow motion against Tara's hands.

"I know how lucky I am." Tara bent her head down again and kissed lightly over the skin on Buffy's hip. Buffy moaned again lightly as Tara's lips traced into her skin slowly moving lower.

"Not as lucky as I am." Buffy whispered as she shifted one leg up further on the couch. She groaned again and her fingers laced lightly into Tara's hair.

"Mmmmm I think that's debatable." Seamlessly Tara switched hips and began her gently oral assault on the other. She slipped a second finger inside and pressed up a little while continuing a front to back stroking rhythm.

"Yessss… all yours." Buffy's slowing brain focused in on the former question. "The lighthouse to my little lost poet."

"You weren't lost Buffy, just in the dark." Tara stopped her kissing briefly letting her fingers work on their own as she brought her other hand to draw round and round the Slayer's navel.

"Big dark space... nice bright Tara." Buffy moaned as the blonde's hands stroked all the sensitive places of her lower body.

"Soft, warm, loving, alive Buffy." Tara whispered bringing her mouth lower again this time closing it over damp blonde curls. The Slayer whimpered and her hips rose up to meet Tara's mouth as it closed on her needy flesh. Tara kissed and licked her way down until her stroking fingers connected lightly with her lower lip then she let her tongue take over the stroking.

"Tara." Buffy moaned not even noticing how loud she was getting; her fingers ran over and over through the blonde's hair.

"Mmmmm." Tara moaned back in response nuzzling closer into warm wet flesh, her tongue flicking a little in its return stroke.

"Love you." Buffy groaned as her hips shifted even further open, her wetness growing in response to the direct kisses on her shivering center.

Tara nodded slowly and deliberately letting Buffy feel every millimeter of the move. She purred her agreement also letting her lips vibrate a little with the sound to stimulate the Slayer's body more.

Buffy moaned again as she felt her hips flaring more. It always surprised her just how quickly Tara managed to do this too her. At first she'd figured it was cause their relationship was new, that Tara was a girl was new. But if anything the desire, the ultimate fulfillment and need for more was growing.

Tara timed the instant she began to suck lightly to perfection, using her tongue to tease Buffy's lips open as her finger slipped inside as she latched lightly onto the swollen excited nerve center hidden within Buffy's quivering flesh.

"Tara." Buffy sorta announced the Wicca's name as her upper body arched off the couch, her lower body completely attuned and entranced by Tara's attention.

For the first time since their love making session that evening began Tara was aware that perhaps Buffy was being just a little bit loud.

'You wanna stop and do something about it Wicca girl?' She asked herself with a grin and a low rumbling noise of disagreement came from her as Tara sucked a little harder pressing her long fingers deeper inside.

Buffy felt her upper body arch up again and she almost held herself aloft on strong arms as everything else in her responded to Tara's command. Her internal muscles were tight, as if she was caught on the brink of release but not quite able to fall over. It was a wonderful place Tara often brought her too, the vague panic of it catching all of her Slayer senses off guard and making her feel just that little bit safer with the blonde as only she could make things right again.

Sensing Buffy's state Tara eased her grip on Buffy's center and curled her fingers within tense muscles rubbing them directly over and over as she breathed lightly into Buffy's heat.

Buffy felt her upper body go a bit tenser as Tara moved her over the edge and then suddenly everything was the blindly light of climax.

"Love... you..." Buffy panted as in reward for the stuck moments she fell from one orgasm into another.

"Mmmmm Buffy." Tara nestled straight back with her lips and tongue nuzzling and tasting her other hand resting lightly over her lover's stomach giving the Slayer some resistance to push up against with her bucking hips.

Buffy's body found the new tension and worked against it, the flesh under Tara's lips going from erratic spasms to constant flickered tension.

Tara did her best to move and react to Buffy's body, realizing with sudden clarity that the reason it was beginning to get harder to do so was that she was racing towards climax herself. The intense passion taking her by surprise as it flared across her stomach and between her legs releasing Buffy's hot flesh for a moment Tara groaned

"Mmmmm Tara..." Buffy's fingers soft trail over Tara's neck and ear, just into her hairline was in sharp contrast to the Slayer's bucking lower body.

"Darling...." Moving her body up against the Slayer's, the Wicca placed her own hips where her other hand had been weighting down on the Slayer's still moving body, her other hand she kept in place moving fluidly.

Being now able to reach more of her lover, Buffy's hands snacked down caressing over the blonde's body. Not really able to care about the logistics, Buffy pushed the lose skirt off Tara's hips. Her fingers curling easily around the small navy panties Tara had put on that morning to find a waiting flood of wetness.

"No slow." Buffy punctuated the words by moving her fingers downwards, sliding easily through the blonde's wetness and up to press two fingers into her needy body. Buffy quickly matched the rhythm that Tara was setting inside her with her own hand.

"So beautiful." Buffy moved up and captured Tara's mouth kissing her deeply, her tongue tracing out patterns against her lover's as her fingers traced inside lower.

The clarity of who was making love to who and how merged in an almost surreal way in the Wicca's mind. They were making love to each other, their inner beings as entwined as their bodies. Tara pressed into the kiss matching Buffy's need and desire, her hips made full almost hard movements as her insides exploded in a wave of pleasure.

"Tara!" Buffy whispered almost as a warning as she pulled out of the kiss and pulled the blonde tight to her as she spilled over into another climax.

Spent by their hard satisfying release, Tara untangled their bodies long enough to pull the blanket down over them as they snuggled together.

"Just a few minutes to catch our breaths." She gave the gentle instruction to Buffy who seemed quite content to go to sleep where and as she was.

Dawn slowly opened the door to her sister's bedroom, her hand firmly clamped over her eyes.

"Okay so I'm so not looking but I need help." She announced walking closer to the end of the bed and stubbing her toe, a move that caused her to yelp slightly.

"I'm being courteous." Dawn turned though she didn't take her hand down. "Buffy said I can't just barge in, cause you know, you two are dating."

"Courteous." Tara's voice was soft. "And here I was thinking you hated my sweater."

"Where's Buffy?" Dawn finally lowered her hand. "And I love that sweater." She grinned.

"Usually she's so loud in the morning it's like elephants heading for the oasis." Dawn laughed.

"Yeah she didn't want to wake us. I think she's working on her stealth or something." Tara grinned.

"Buffy only has stealth mode in a cemetery." Dawn laughed more before she got very serious. "Anyway we're doing our community spirit school picture and I don't know what to wear. The whole schools going to spell out Sunnydale so that they can take a picture from the roof." Tara raised her eyes to the ceiling briefly. "Yeah I know CHEESE, but in case like if you can get a magnifying glass and see me I want to look good."

"You should wear that lovely two tone blue top. I could do your hair for you too. Oh and your hipsters, we could pick you out by the tiny strip of pink Dawnie tummy." The Wicca chuckled.

"See, knew you'd understand." Dawn grinned. "And the cute football guys said yesterday they want to put some of us on their shoulders. Way cool eh?"

"Completely, definitely need flat sneakers then." Tara noted as she stood up form the small chair. "Need to make you as short as possible, so you'll be one of the carried ones." She winked.

"Buffy would never think of that." Dawn ran over and hugged her. "You are so cool."

"Oh I'm not sure I'm cool Dawnie." Tara reached out and flicked the ends of long brown hair.

"You are super cool." Dawn gushed. "I mean well except for that flaw that makes you like my sister." She gave a fake grimace and made Tara laughed gently.

"It's okay though, I mean you're allowed. It's cute sometimes, well it's really cute especially since Buffy's so..." Dawn shrugged slightly. "More normal now."

"I don't mind it but I sorta missed a few classes." Dawn admitted sheepishly. "But only before Buffy started checking, then it's like nazi school regime and I've been to every one." She leaned against the bed. "She's so going to ground me when she finds out."

"Dawnie, she only came down on you so hard because she didn't want to loose you, and she's eased off hasn't she. Perhaps we could get you a tutor." Tara shook her head. "She won't ground you."

"A tutor would be okay I guess." Dawn shrugged. "It's just I'm behind and it's so hard to catch back up."

"Math? Oh yes." Tara nodded. "Breakfast?" She added as she moved passed Dawn out into the hall intending on going downstairs.

"Funny shapes." Dawn released a breath as she let Tara successfully avoid the question.

"I know you were asking about Willow Dawnie." Tara rested her hand over Dawn's and squeezed it lightly.

"It's so hard." Tara took a slight breath. "I want it to be alright, you know." She said but then suddenly remembered she was talking to Dawn, what right had she, an adult, to burden a child with her worries.

"I know." Dawn nodded. "I'm the selfish teenager that wants you all here and happy remember?" She rubbed Tara's hand.

"Why don't you invite her for dinner tonight, when I'm not here?" Tara suggested as they rounded down around the hallway to the kitchen.

"Cause to be honest, it's not really you who has the big tension with Willow." Dawn appraised as she casually let go and pulled into her seat at the island to watch Tara cook.

"You know how crummy Buffy is when it comes to talking about stuff like this." Dawn added. "They had that huge fight and then nothing."

"Well perhaps she needs a little gentle persuasion to sort it out. Have you ever been to a study buddy pizza evening Dawnie?" Tara asked glancing at the teenager.

"You'll love it, lots of pizza, cool music, usually computer games and free sodas." Tara smiled "You call Will and invite her over. I'll make sure Buffy is home on time."

"Do you think they can make up?" Dawn checked, after all Tara was one of her soundest watermarks.

"I know they can." Tara confirmed. "They're not really mad at each other Dawn, they just don't know how to get back to each other. They've lost their way a little."

"I don't think it's over you, I mean I might be just a kid but it's like that is so not the issue in a good way." Dawn added the end bit quickly. "Well maybe a bit of the issue, but not the big one."

"What's causing it isn't important." Tara didn't want to have this particular conversation right now. "Getting them back in touch with each other is."

"Okay so step one call Willow?" Dawn checked going to get orange juice from the fridge.

Buffy opened the back door with a much-relived sigh as she put her coat and bag on the hook. The day had been long, lots of training, lots of manuals and even more warnings that her promotion to inventory supervisor could be temporary if she screwed up. Moving to the fridge, she instantly noticed the lilac paper stuck there with a magnet. She smiled knowing it was from Tara as she took it off and unfolded it.

"Darling, it's Wednesday evening and I'm not there. I miss you. I made you a casserole, just pop it in the oven, twenty minutes, just enough time for your shower."

"You are scary miss efficient girl sometimes Tara." Buffy grinned as she opened the fridge to see the Corning ware dish there.

"Get lots of rest and remember that I love you. Oh and remember, your Wicca loves surprises."

"Surprises eh?" Buffy grinned and tucked the note in her pocket as she put the casserole in the oven and moved up exactly as Tara had outlined to have her shower.

Fresh and still warm from the shower Buffy had pulled on a light pair of pants and flowing button down in an attempt to keep the relaxed feeling it had provided around her. She hoped that after dinner she could grab a quick nap and then after patrol still be awake enough to surprise Tara.

A quick check on the casserole told her it probably needed a few more minutes so she turned the stove off just in time for the chiming of the front door bell.

"Please don't be a salesmen or Spike." Buffy called to the heavens as she opened the door. "Willow!" She spoke the hacker's name a little surprised when she saw the petite redhead standing there.

"I'm late I know I am." Willow looked up at her flustered. "But Dawn didn't mention which math it was she wanted to focus on so I found all my high school books." The redhead held up a knapsack crammed full of textbooks.

"Okay did I walk into a different universe where Glory didn't happen? You do have a kid sister called Dawn?" Willow looked seriously worried.

"Oh yeah." Buffy nodded smiling. "Sorry, just you said meet Dawn here and I had a message from Dawn saying she was at school working on her play."

"Come in Will." Buffy laughed lightly and stepped out of the way and without really thinking Willow slipped inside.

"I'm just going to beep little Miss. Missing." Buffy closed the door and went through to the kitchen. Though the pager did eat up a small chunk of their tiny budget, it had been the easiest solution to both give Dawn some freedom and still being able to keep tabs on her. They even had made up there own 'crisis' code. 666 meant the teenager had to get home ASAP, cause it was likely the world was ending.

"I suppose I could leave the books for her." Willow dropped the bag near the small table in the lounge and wandered into the kitchen after Buffy.

"I think she really does need the help actually." Buffy walked back a bit with the phone cord pulled taunt as she punched in the phone home code and opened the stove not wanting her dinner to burn.

"She sounded serious about it all." Willow commented as she leaned against the island. "Looks like Dawnie is turning back into a book buster."

"Well either that or she was going to end up in summer school and we all know how uncool that is." Buffy hung the phone up again. "Oh I got casserole, you hungry?" She motioned to the yummy concoction.

"It smells good." Willow admitted feeling her stomach rumble in appreciation of the smell.

"Way too much for one slayer." Buffy put on oven mitts and felt her own stomach growl. After all she worked in a burger joint, and she quickly learned that even if you had liked the food you quickly grew to hate it.

Buffy silently went about dishing out heaping plates for both of them and getting cans of pop from the fridge as they skipped the formal dining at the table and settled around the island.

"So how are you?" Willow asked it came out sounding far more formal than she had meant it too.

"Mmmm not bad." Buffy munched on some of her dinner. "You?" She realized it sounded like she was being avoidy but she didn't mean too. She was just hungry and eating.

"Well 70 days magic free, if it was AA they'd give you your own recently magic free minion to guide." Buffy smiled. "Do they have MA?" She questioned curious.

"Too bad." Buffy took another mouthful of casserole. "Oh we got mail for you." She put her fork down and went to the small pile on the top of the fridge.

"Anything look worth opening?" The redhead glanced up as she took a small amount of casserole onto her fork.

"Well you almost won, you almost won and you could have already won." Buffy put down three envelopes. "And something from the 'your best friend is sorry she yelled at you and wasn't more understanding' club." The Slayer moved over and sat down again. "But you can just tell me to return that if you want." She played with her fork.

"Yeah but Willow yelling is rare and must be warranted." Buffy appraised. "Do you hate me?" She asked quietly.

"Never." Buffy shook her head. "I haven't been mad at you Will, more like the whole world in general."

"For not being as great as the world I pulled you from?" Willow questioned sounding completely miserable, suddenly she pushed her plate away.

"I don't know." Buffy shook her head. "It's not really a comparison thing Willow, in one I'm dead the other I'm alive. Confusing and a bit raw is more what I've realized." She watched Willow give up eating.

"I was so selfish." The redhead shook her head and wrapped her arm around her tiny waist.

"Come on, you thought you were doing what needed to be done." Buffy stood up for her.

"Willow, you so have to know this wasn't planned." Buffy twirled her fork in her food looking down at it.

"I should be happy for you, I know I should. I mean you're my best firmed, and I know that you'll look after her and not let anything bad to happen to her." Willow said quickly. "And I know its my fault that she left me, I know all of that, but..." She stopped again.

"But you love her." Buffy filled in the simple words and Willow nodded sadly. "I don't know how to fix this." The Slayer conceded softly.

The hacker stopped longing to hear something from the Slayer anything that might help.

"You're room is upstairs you know." She filled in trying to get out so much but finding herself choking on the words.

"I never said that." Buffy shook her head feeling a little attacked by the words.

"I didn't have to cause it's not true." The Slayer paced back to the sink. "Why would I ever say that?" She questioned not able to believe that was what Willow thought.

"Because I dragged you out of heaven, I threw you back into your body, into your coffin and just walked away. I raped the mind of the girl you now love, not once, but twice and then whined when she walked away from me. Because I am a horrible, horrible person." Willow burst into tears.

"Sit!" Buffy snapped flustered as she pointed to the stool again pacing the kitchen in three long strides. Without thinking Willow followed the direct order landing heavily on the stool.

"Now..." The Slayer's arm were crossed tightly over her chest as if to hold back her thumping heart. "I have been back for awhile now, and I've done some really stupid things. I've tried to pretend being dead didn't matter, I tried to pretend that coming back wasn't a horrible shock. I've tried to pretend that nothing changed. But is has." She summed up making another lap of her side of the kitchen. "It changed long before I died, you know that better than anyone Willow." She stopped and looked at the Hacker. "Why did you risk so much to bring me back?" She asked the question point blank.

"Because it was hell without you." Willow admitted. "We were trying but we weren't winning. People were being hurt, and we were being hurt. We missed you so much, Dawnie missed you, everyone did. It was like this huge wound had with opened up in us all and we knew we couldn't close it, and because…" She stopped. "Because I thought you were suffering. I thought you were in hell."

"Do you know that is the first time your explanation hasn't begun with... I'm sorry I did it." Buffy frowned as the hacker laid out the play-by-play suffering that had occurred while she was dead for her.

"Sorry I brought you back?" Willow looked up slightly. "Buffy I'm not sorry you're here." She frowned. "I'm just sorry I took you from a place that was better than here." She underlined the difference.

"You're not?" Buffy questioned. "Yeah but Willow if I had of been suffering in some hell dimension, or if it had of been you or Xander... hell even Anya... I would have been one of the first people on the 'get them back now' bandwagon." She moved over and leaned on the island. "I know why you did it Willow, but it is really hard to see the difference between I'm sorry your back and I'm sorry I pulled you from heaven. Sorta spills into that whole... I'm sorry cause you came back wrong... I'm sorry cause your coming back didn't help anything... I'm sorry cause you didn't fix the magic stuff." She finally looked up at the hacker her hazel eyes sad.

"No." Willow shook her head. "Tara said that there are a million different dimensions, some good some bad, we automatically went for bad, just because, well Glory wasn't exactly a good guy." Willow explained their choice a little.

"Logical leap Will." Buffy nodded playing her fingertip into the groove of the tile top. "I just... it was hard..." She stopped and restarted. "It was so hard to know if you were sorry because it wasn't a hell dimension or if you were just sorry you'd bothered."

"No Buffy. I'd do it again, just different." Willow stressed she looked at her friend sadly.

"I know how complicated all of this is..." Buffy turned and looked at her. "But I never meant for you to feel like this wasn't your home, never wanted you to think I wanted you to move out."

"That would be nice." The Slayer nodded. "Dawn misses you." She added. "I miss you." Her voice was softer.

"Hey you beeped me?" Dawn came in through the back door smiling and went straight to the fridge for a drink. "Hey Willow." She smiled broadly at the hacker.

"Books... not the best presents I've ever got but cool." Dawn moved over closer to her. "So you gonna help me study?"

"Here or somewhere not here... the here where you should be?" Dawn looked at her sister briefly.

"Here is great." Buffy smiled. "You can stay longer and do your share of the chores." She winked at the hacker.

Dawn rolled the dice and moved her counter around the board. She hadn't felt this happy in ages she realized. Even if she was wasting a night staying home instead of being at the mall with her friends, she was spending it with two of her favorite people and Buffy was due home any moment from patrol.

"I can't believe we still hand snakes and ladders in the attic." She smiled as she jumped up a ladder gaining ground on Tara's little red piece that was in the lead.

"Well Scrabble would be boring without Buffy here to humiliate." Willow winked at the youngster from her place beside Dawn on the floor as she tossed the dice and moved her little piece only to again find herself sliding down a snake to put her way behind.

"Well I certainly vote that we play it again." Tara agreed shaking the dice and continuing her advancement on the brightly colored board.

"She should be back soon right?" Dawn glanced at the clock, seeing how late it was getting. Buffy had been reluctant to go out with everyone gathered having good family fun, but vampires waited for no Slayer.

"One would think Dawnie you are only agitated because she said she would pick up popcorn chicken on the off chance that you'd be hungry." Tara shook her head wearing a broad smile.

"Dawn, I'm sure she's just having slayeresque fun killing harmless vampires who she could out fight with her hands tied behind her back." Willow rubbed Dawn's arm trying to reassure the teenager. "Right Tara?" Her voice went down a bit as she looked at her ex.

As she waited the short moments for the answer she felt each tight breath pushed around her tense body. She'd been trying so very hard to be cool about all this. She had her twice-weekly study meeting with Dawn, and she'd even ended up sleeping over a few nights though the emptiness of 'their' room took on a whole new meaning now.

After the Slayer's Magic's Anonymous jokes, she'd actually looked into it and found out that a comparative group did exist. She'd been to one meeting so far, and it seemed okay. No one there, that she could assess, had experienced anything close to her situation but hearing other people describe something like her struggle was slightly comforting. It had been a non-intrusive meeting and she's sat well away from the group just taking everything in.

But here and now basically all she wanted to do was to lean up and kiss Tara. Responsibly she held herself in check and repeated a few simple mantras to control the growing urge.

She'd lost Tara's love, she didn't have to lose her friendship and she definitely didn't want to lose Buffy and Dawn. Everything in her world had boiled down to preservation. It was an edgy way of living but it had to be better than being an evil skanky mind-melting witch.

"Oh yes." Tara agreed as she glanced briefly at Willow with a smile. She had to admit how proud she was of the redhead, in every way.

Tara had noted over the last few weeks how the lines of worry and care had eased slightly on Willow's face. Brightness had crept back into her green eyes especially on moments when she was caught off guard and actually enjoying herself.

It was fair to say that the times when her staying over had considered with the hacker's sleepovers were strained, but the general day-by-day passing of time was so much easier. Tara could actually look on Willow with pride and honest affection again now as she had watched the hacker's determined approach to improving her life, not for anyone else but for herself. Willow improving for her own sake, made Tara's heart glad.

Then unbidden Tara's mind slipped from Willow to Buffy, like it so often did recently…

History lecture - Boudica's reign of power, a role model for modern day feminists.

'Not a patch on my girlfriend.' Tara's mind would sneak the response into her thoughts as she listened to the droning professor. Or in Art history, while examining the composition of Michael Angeles David, in far too great a detail for Tara's liking, the thought that she should taken up sculpting would creep into her mind with Buffy being her sole model.

'Oh Tara.' She thought and without thinking she shook her head a little. 'What would your mother say?'

"But what about that mini gooey blue demon that she killed the other night? Anya said sometimes there are more than one together." Dawn broke them both out of their thoughts.

"Gay Demon Dawnie, its the name of it not a description." Tara said gently quickly packing up the thoughts she had of Buffy. Again she was used to doing that in a hurry recently as lecturers asked her for input or further questions and she'd found herself lost as to what was going on.

"Yeah but what if it..." Dawn was about to explore the obvious dangerous variables in a Slayer's life when the sound of a key in the door was obvious and it pushed open.

"Hey everybody." Buffy closed the door slowly behind her as she saw them all in the living room. "I have chicken." She held the small bag up and moved over to give it to Dawn.

"Cool." Dawn perked up instantly thoughts of demon hazards disappearing as she embraced the smell of special coated chicken pieces.

"How goes the quest for snakes and ladders supremacy?" Buffy relinquished the bag.

"I'm in the lead." Tara said somewhat proudly. "But what's wrong?" She added her smile lasting only moments when she looked properly at her girlfriend.

"Wrong? Nothings wrong." Buffy gave her best 'fib' smile. She slowly dropped her hand from its strange position into her coat as Tara pushed up from the floor.

"I'll get the kit." Willow moved up and towards the kitchen not bothering to wait for an explanation.

"Is this a new part of the game?" Buffy questioned Dawn who was busy eating the little bits of chicken.

"What, eating chicken?" Dawn replied she was doing her best not to react to the fact that Buffy was obviously somewhat injured.

"Everyone panicking." Buffy appraised as she heard Willow pulling out the large metal first aid kit.

"No, they've been doing it all night, Tara panicked when she hit her first ladder." The teenager tried to keep up the bright atmosphere.

"Darling let me see." Tara didn't even bother to check her words as she moved over to Buffy, her interest in the game long gone.

"The good news is the thing that did it is dead." Buffy let the blonde help her take her coat off. She knew that the bloody side of her shirt made everything look worse.

"Well that's good, I was going to ask if research was necessary." Willow came back and opened the case on the chair with precision. She'd studied under the best Slayer doctor after all she realized as she thought of Giles. "Dawnie close the drapes please, Tara can you cut her top off." She laid out materials on the table beside the game and handed her the scissors from the kit.

"And good, else I'd have to do all BWT on it." Tara whispered as she gathered Buffy's hair lightly in her hands, before nodding to Willow's instructions. She quickly cut the side of the material to ease it off Buffy, trying to disturb the wound as little as possible.

"BWT?" Buffy questioned back softly so only the blonde could here as Dawn closed the drapes.

"Now I wish I'd let him live just to see that." Buffy laughed lightly but stopped at pain laced in her side.

"No laughing you." Willow wiped over the area with a handful of gauze to see what she was working on.

"Incorrigible." Tara dotted the end of Buffy's nose and moved back to let Willow see properly. She gathered and released Buffy's hair lightly as the redhead worked.

"The it or the it that it used to do that?" Buffy questioned grimacing when the cold dry sting hit her.

"The it that it used to do this." Willow explained as she pinched the area near the slice to see if stitches would help keep it more settled.

Tara reached down one hand and interlaced her fingers with Buffy's as the Slayer visibly reacted to the pain, her other still twirling in her lover's blonde locks.

"You're lucky then cause you don't need stitches." Willow reached over and ripped open a large pressure bandage. Slowly she worked a wrap of bandage around the Slayer's stomach to hold it in place.

"Apple juice?" Dawn pushed up and bit her lip as she tried to act grown up about the energy. After all it wasn't Buffy's first, and it wasn't likely to be her last injury. Rewarding her with a classic Tara nod and smile as she made the perfect suggestion Dawn moved quickly to get the juice.

"So do we need to research this dead scarecrow?" Willow finished up purposely turning away from the pair as she gathered the used gauze and refitted the pieces of the kit together. She hoped no one noticed the shake in her hand when it took a few attempts for her to put the top back on the rubbing alcohol.

"Maybe a little post mortem research, just in case he has friends or was some sorta pre-empt to apocalypse." Buffy shrugged shifting slightly to get accustomed to the bandages. "But I don't think he's a big worry. He didn't spout off any prophetic things while he died like they usual do if they are important."

"I'll start research in the morning then." Willow clicked the case closed. "It's late so..." She looked at Buffy. "You rest your side and I'll check in on it tomorrow." She fumbled a little putting the case down to lean against the side of the chair.

"Right lets get you covered up." Tara pulled off her cardigan and wrapped it round the Slayer.

"No problem, you know me, wound girl extraordinary." Willow's eyes held the same darting quality as her voice as she tried to look anywhere but at the couple in front of her.

"I thought you were staying." Dawn appeared back in the room with the juice she passed it over to her sister. "I put ice in it."

"Why don't I stay tomorrow night Dawn?" She caught the teenager's question after a moment.

"But there's that show on tomorrow morning, you said we could watch it together." Dawn pouted as tension crept into her voice.

"Oh yeah the Dolphin show." Willow slapped her forehead lightly to remind herself. "I'm so silly, it's like post wound maintenance amnesia." The last syllable inflected up as she watched Tara worry over Buffy a little oblivious to them.

"Will, it's late, and I'm not in top shape to walk you home. Stay?" Buffy nodded to Tara as she let herself be led towards the stairs.

"Do you need pain killers darling?" Tara whispered, tracing her fingers across Buffy's forehead and brushing back any stray hairs. Her attention solely focused on her injured lover

"Yeah sure." Willow forced a smile onto her face though she wanted to throw herself out the window. "It's safe and easy and then Dawnie and I get to watch our show." Willow put her arm around Dawn, mostly for support cause the world seemed off in its balance.

"Dawnie, make sure everything's secure." Tara called to the teenager as she led Buffy carefully to the stairs.

"That was unfair." Dawn rested against the hacker's arm as Buffy and Tara disappeared upstairs.

"What was?" Willow's voice was fairly distant as she tried to reign everything in again.

"Will, they might be sorta blind and I know I'm only a kid but..." Dawn frowned. "Acting all like that wouldn't bother you."

"It's not their fault." Willow shook her head, attempting to be 'okay' in front of Dawn at least. "Think about it Dawn, remember when Buffy was gone and Tara was hurt that time." She shivered at the memory of Xander carrying the blonde Wicca through the door of the magic shop, she'd almost fainted on the spot, and had it not been for the fact that Tara had called out for her she would have.

"I know but..." Dawn moved away feeling very tall and lanky next to the redhead. "I don't like it when they make it hard for you to be around, cause I hate it when you're not here."

Willow looked at the teenager for a moment trying to decide whether that was a 'I hate it here because they are together' statement or rather just a 'I miss you ' one.

"I'm here more often." Willow pointed out looking away, as she was unable to figure out the meaning of Dawn's first statement.

"Yes, several times." Willow smiled for the first time since Buffy had arrived home. "Dawn are you finding it hard being here with Buffy and Tara…" She couldn't finish her sentence. She wasn't even sure she'd managed to ask her but she had to know that Dawn was okay at home.

"W-W-Weird?" Completely unexpectedly it was Tara's voice that whispered the question from the bottom of the stairs. Willow looked up in complete shocked and surprised they hadn't heard her come back down.

"Weird, you know us wacky kids." Dawn stood up nervously when she saw the blonde. "Weird in a good way." She qualified quickly.

"I know w-w-weird Dawnie." The blonde took the last step off the stairs and picked up her jacket that was hung over the end of it.

"No, no, not what I meant." Dawnie panicked and ran over putting her hand on top of the coat. "I meant just cause when Buffy was dead it was you and Willow, now Buffy's alive and it's you and her and that's cool... but I can't help think of when you and Willow were together and it's just... all sorta hard to take in sometimes."

"W-W-Willow, Buffy's p-p-pain killers are in the kitchen, w-w-would you get them to her?" The Wicca pulled on the camel-colored coat despite the teenager hanging onto it.

"It's okay Dawnie." Tara looked at the teenager with warm, but sad eyes. "Please Willow." She added glancing up at the hacker.

"Tara don't..." Willow snapped herself out of the dumb paralysis that the Wicca's appearance had put her in and moved forward.

"It's right, this is right." Tara pulled the door open and stepped out onto the porch mat.

"Dawn, get Buffy's pills." Willow put on her resolve face as she walked out after the blonde onto the cold surface of the porch in only her socks. "She didn't mean anything bad Tara." She started softly.

"No w-w-w-weird is one of those w-w-words we use all the t-t-time to mean great." Tara replied fastening up the buttons on her coat.

"No, but weird is one of those words Dawn uses when she doesn't quite know how to describe what's going on." Willow put her arms around herself in the night air. "Mostly cause she feels stuck between being 14 and being an adult."

"Go in Will, you're cold." Tara took a few steps towards the car glancing up at the close to shivering redhead.

"It's not Dawn's fault." Willow didn't move. "I had a freak, a mini freak cause Buffy was hurt and you were being the very nice caring girlfriend, and you used to be my girlfriend and I was thinking of when you got hurt that time and almost fainted cause I was so worried." She blocked the blonde's escape off the porch. "And you know Dawnie, her heart is like ten times bigger than anything, and she doesn't like to see any of us upset."

"No she doesn't." Tara agreed. "But her comment wasn't about any of 'us'." She pointed out. "It was about her." She dug in her pocket and pulled out the car keys.

"Tara, please." Willow pleaded slightly. "Go back inside." She added looking down. "I won't stay over, you stay with Buffy." She could hardly believe that the words were coming out of her mouth.

"Willow, this is your home." Tara shook her head, she reached out, and for the first time since they had broken up she placed her hand over Willow's arm. "Dawnie needs you right now. Tell Buffy I'll see her at lunch."

"I don't want to make this hard, I'm trying so hard to not make this hard." Willow looked at the hand on her arm almost in disbelief and then looked up.

"I know and I am so proud of you." Tara felt her eyes flood with hot tears her voice breaking a little.

"Some days I want to make it hard, I want to shout and scream and beg and challenge Buffy to a duel or something." Willow knew she should have just shut up with the well-received first line but she couldn't. "But then I remind myself this isn't just her choice, it's yours... and I have to respect that even if I don't like it."

"Go inside." Tara managed to make audible as she pulled her hand back. "M-m-my choice is that right now you g-g-go inside." She stuttered. "I'm sorry Willow." Tara stepped off the porch and moved around Willow's obstruction getting straight into the car.

Willow watched her fumble to get into the car and start it before it was carefully pulled back onto the road and down the street.

"It's so hard." She whispered to the red taillights that paused at the end of the street before turning, her cold cheeks streaked with hot tears.

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Safe In Her Arms

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