Safe In Her Arms by The Rainbow Writers

Buffy opened her eyes sluggishly as a shrill alarm woke her from a dreamless, deep sleep. She looked at the blaring illuminated object almost like it was an alien. She barely remembered the sound of the alarm; her sleeping had been so poor lately she'd been up far before it even needed to go off.

"Another day at the Palace." She finally reached out and switched it off, remembering she had work in an hour. Flipping over onto her back she pulled all the covers off her, exposing her warm sleepy body to the cool air. "Note to Buffy, reset the furnace for chillier season." She shivered and contemplated pulling the covers back before she pushed herself up to sit, trying to start the day.

Taking a deep breath her mind went back to the previous day. It had all been very traumatic and difficult, but as she let the air out of her body slowly she felt a new sense of relaxation. Not that anything in her life was solved by any means. No, there was still bills downstairs pilling up higher than her meager paycheck could afford. Still Dawn doing her best impression of a juvenile delinquent, and Willow going through self imposed magic rehab. There was still the dark looming shadow of her own moments in paradise. But in it all she realized she felt 'something'.

She felt warm from sleeping. She felt greasy already from her impending time in front of the grill. She felt like she had something to do, somewhere to be... she felt like she had a life. She had work like everyone else, then patrol and then a promise to meet Tara late again for coffee.

"And now I have a date with a shower." She laughed as she pushed herself and walked out into the hallway.

"Morning Dawn!" She smiled at her sister in the hall as she made a last minute decision to get a glass of orange juice first instead.

"I'm going to work." Buffy for some reason felt the need to exaggerate the words with a snap of her fingers as if she was singing some back jazz tune. She laughed at herself for a moment and looked back at Dawn. "You want pancakes?"

"Yeah pancakes, funny shaped pieces of fried dough that you drizzle syrup on." Buffy keep smiling. "I feel like pancakes."

"I bet you I can do total misshaped blobs too." Buffy put her hands on her hips playfully. "And I will even occasionally burn them."

"You're gonna make someone a wonderful wife." Dawn linked her arm through one of Buffy's laughing softly.

"You're funny." Buffy laughed softly with her. "Should we wake Willow?" She looked at the closed barrier to the hacker's sanctuary.

"Though?" Buffy felt the corners of her mouth start to strain down as her sister stopped.

"Pancakes could go in tummies." Dawn made an attempt to mimic Willow's tone, and rubbed her stomach. "You won't get that cause you weren't well you know back then, but it's a Willow T...." The teenager seemed reluctant to finish her sentence.

"Oh." Buffy nodded catching up to what her sister was saying. "Well then more for you and me. I'll bring her home a burger." She pulled on Dawn's arm to go down the stairs.

"A better plan." Dawn moved with her easily. "I was thinking of bringing Tara by the burger place on Saturday on our Burgerfest date." She commented as they took the stairs together.

"Yeah my shift is done at eight, we could all go to the movies." Buffy held onto the sudden lightness in her being, afraid it was going to dissipate any moment.

"I thought she'd get a kick out of see you... You'd come to the movies?" Dawn stopped when her sister made the offer.

"Yeah, unless you don't want me crowding your Tara time." Buffy stopped with her.

"It's not like Tara's mine or anything, geez Buffy." The teenager shook her head laughing.

"No, I know that just..." Buffy felt the tightness in her chest come back a bit as she felt herself screwing up again. "I just know she helps you. I don't want to mess that up."

"You can't." Dawn said quickly shaking her head. "That is you won't. Tara's just really you know, cool and she lets me talk about stuff. She's great at just listening and well being there." Buffy's sister explained. "And even though Willow and her aren't you know together Tara is still Tara." She continued to point out.

"She is isn't she?" Buffy nodded again and with another slight nod almost explained to herself maybe why she was feeling a little less depressed this morning. "So come on pancakes wait for no cook!" She marched towards the kitchen.

Buffy floundered her way into the coffee shop. She'd been late leaving work cause everyone and their brother had decided they needed a burger all at the same time. That fact had made her late for patrol and she hadn't been able to get home and shower until afterwards. Glancing around she scratched at her neck; hopefully she didn't smell to greasy as she felt. Finally spotting Tara back in a booth by the front window, she quickly made her way over.

"Lateitude, sorry." Buffy apologized. "The grease makes rinse and repeat take on a whole new meaning."

"No, no I mean that's quite okay." Typically Tara made her own reply sound like an apology as she closed the textbook she had been glancing through.

"How late would I have to be before you'd get pissed at me?" Buffy asked curiously.

"Oh!" The blonde glanced at her watch. "Maybe tomorrow morning and only then because they would run out of bagels." She said with a side smile and a little shrug.

"Well no bagels would be the straw I'm sure." Buffy smiled back and quickly rambled off her order as the waitress came by.

"Well for Dawn it would be milkshakes but you know." Again the other woman shrugged and smiled.

"Oh speaking of milkshakes, do you mind if I do movie with you and her on Saturday?" Buffy felt like her mind and her mouth were going a million miles a minute. It had been that way all day. Like suddenly everything was on fast-forward, this possibly fleeting moment where she wanted to make up for everything.

"No, of course not, unless you'd rather take Dawnie on your own, am I crowding sister time?" Tara frowned instantly.

"God no." It was Buffy's turn to shake her head and frown. "I don't want to crowd Tara and Dawn time either."

"I don't want to do that you know, take time that is, that isn't mine." Tara stressed playing with her placemat a little.

"Tara, you booked her first." Buffy reached across and smoothed her hand over the blonde's reassuringly. For a moment she looked at the contact with a slight amount of amusement. It struck her how little she reached out to touch anyone anymore; it was like she had this five-foot barrier around her that only Spike forcibly invaded.

"Well…" She sniggered lightly. "Dawn kinda books me really." She dipped her blonde head her hair falling forward covering the fact that her eyes were also on the Slayer's fingers.

"Sorry." Buffy pulled her hand back. "Its just today has been so weird." She offered trying to explain.

"Here I am molesting your hand just cause I forgot how warm people's skin is." Buffy laughed nervously.

"Oh it's okay my hand doesn't mind, that is y-y-you weren't molesting it, I-I-I don't feel molested." As if the nervousness was contagious Tara stuttered horrible. "How is Spike?" She tacked on to her horribly worded sentence.

"I sorta got caught up in pancakes and work and getting here somewhat on time." Buffy tried to answer. "It feels okay." She shrugged. "I haven't really thought about it."

"Good." The Slayer's companion looked down into her teacup for a moment and fell silent.

"Do you think it's good in a 'you're getting over this sick weird thing with him'?" Buffy questioned softly when she saw Tara's head go down.

"No, that's not what I meant, I just meant it was good that you are finding a focus in other things, like the pancakes." Tara explained her choice of words.

"They were evil pancakes?" Tara looked perplexed her face relaxed as Buffy answered her.

"Thankfully no." Buffy laughed. "I just… I felt lighter. I mean not that everything is fixed or anything, but not like it was quite so broken." She admitted. "I didn't feel so fake."

"I didn't do anything." Tara, notable for her inability to keep eye contact, let her eyes drop.

"I meant what I said yesterday Buffy." She looked up suddenly and spoke quietly. "I will always listen, it's something I can do."

"Well you could at least let me start with buying you a coffee, I am a working stiff now remember." Buffy smiled.

"A working girl." She corrected then realizing what she had said the shy Wicca blushed. Buffy took a sip of her recently arrived coffee only to nearly spit it at the wall as she heard Tara's words. "I meant a working human."

"It a hole, but I'm my hole." The Slayer's laughed dimmed only slightly into a smile. "And it was sorta nice just being Buffy Summers, grill girl."

"Is that a put down?" Buffy held her coffee in mid air. "Cause I have decided I will not stand for any Tara putting down, even from you."

"I'm very normal Buffy. I even make lesbianism seem normal." She gave a halfhearted laugh as she looked back into her cup.

"N-No I didn't mean that, it is normal, very normal, I meant more that I m-m-make it look b-b-b-boring." She offered as an alternative to her original statement.

"No, you make it look..." Buffy paused. "Like the most natural and comfortable thing in the world." She stopped. "Okay that could sound wrong, but I really meant it in a good way." She finally sipped her coffee.

"At least you don't do the stutter thing." Tara took another slight shot at herself.

"It shows you're not afraid to be yourself, to be vulnerable." Buffy continued momentarily ignoring Tara's reason. "And you never sound stupid, your one of the smartest women I know."

"Willow is way smarter than me." Tara spoke her ex-lover's name without thought; until unbidden her mind was bombarded with images and memories of the red haired hacker. She fell silent again.

"Dawn was saying she better now, less miserable, more focused." Tara made a valiant attempt to keep a brave face and to not hide away from talk of the hacker.

"I really don't know." Buffy admitted fitting together bits of awkward conversations. "She's always trying to act like nothing has changed, with me that is. Like I understand everything that she's going through, that's gone on, all that she expects me to be able to do."

"She loves you very much." Tara said very softly glancing up at the Slayer with her blue eyes.

"I know." Buffy caught her eye. "I just don't know if I forgive her yet." She added softly.

"You will, in time." Tara encouraged. "But until it happens you don't have to force it." She soothed.

"Suddenly I'm like introspective Buffy." The Slayer shook her head finding the idea a bit ridiculous.

"So what movie are we going to see on Saturday?" Buffy smiled back. "Cause if we don't talk Dawn out of it we'll be seeing talking sled dogs taking a trip to Jamaica."

Buffy felt her mind clear as she stared at the crack in the cave ceiling. Her body responded almost on automatic to each of Spike's thrusts as the bed rocked with them from his effort. As she traced the split in the rock to her left, the vampire's grunts and groans drowned out of her mind as a softer voice came back to her.

'And what does it make you feel?' The question hadn't been in judgment or malice, but probably more to make her question herself as Buffy now understood a little more.

"Spike, get off me please." Her voice was soft as she moved her hands to his shoulder pushing up gently.

"Oh come on we've barely started." Spike kept the lower half of his body firmly pinning the Slayer down as he straightened out his arms and looked down at Buffy.

"Please, get off me." Buffy looked up at him and reached back to brush her hair off her forehead.

"You wanna change positions?" Spike didn't particularly release the tension in his body.

"No, I want you to get off me. Christ how many times do I have to ask you." Buffy switched her arm position and tossed him off. She quickly sat up taking the sheet with her as she moved over to collect her clothes.

"Hey tetchy." Spike growled as his back hit the bed beside the moving Slayer. "Wrong time of the month due is it?" He sat up quickly gaining his composure.

"Yeah, something like that." Buffy barely answered him as she pulled on her pants. Her mind kept asking Tara's question over and over. But all she was getting from herself as answers was the things that it did not make her feel.

"Then come back here, I got something to ease the cramping." He reached out towards her arm.

"Thanks Spike, but I'm not in the mood. I'm going home." Buffy shook her head buttoning up her shirt.

"Going home? Going home? Buffy come on we don't have to do it again just now, we can just you know, cuddle a bit." He shrugged as he made the somewhat alien suggestion.

"Dawn said something about needing groceries, I should take her out shopping." Buffy pulled on her boots. "She likes cookies in her lunch." Her voice was bland as her mind went a mile a minute. She didn't love him, even if he probably did love her. But what did that mean exactly?

"We could take her shopping together, you me and the little bit." Spike stood up and moved to pick up his black jeans.

"I'll expect you later then." The vampire eventually understood her was getting the brush off.

"I don't know." Buffy said honestly as she shrugged on her jacket. She took one last look at him as she balled up the sheet and tossed it back onto the mattress.

"Oh you'll be back alright." The peroxide vamp called as she began taking steps away. "Cause I got what you need."

"I might." Buffy conceded as she reached the ladder to the upper level and the outside.

"Good afternoon Buffy and have you come here on the fine Friday lunchtime to spend some of your hard earned cash on some choice magical item? Or candles maybe? We have an offer on the sandalwood incense." Anya's unnaturally bright and cheerful voice greeted the Slayer before she had even closed the door.

"Oh yes, she left a note for you. Something about not coming has a study buddy meeting she forgot about. Not that I read it or anything." Anya moved out from behind the counter and tottered over to the table passing the white folded sheet to Buffy.

"Oh." Buffy took the note feeling slightly deflated. She unfolded it and read over it. "Well studying is good, keeps her mind focused on something I guess."

"Xander and I are very impressed that she is keeping herself so together and so busy." Anya checked that there were no customers that needed her attention before she sat down close to the Slayer.

"I'm even thinking of asking her to be my matron of honor again, Xander would like so very much." The former demon confessed.

"That would be great." Buffy looked at Anya clearing her mind and trying to honestly concentrate on what she was saying. "I'm sure Willow would be very excited about it."

"The only thing with having Willow so evident is Tara." The former demon had obviously given a lot of thought to her wedding plans and how altered they needed to be to fit every possible eventuality.

"Tara wouldn't want you to alter your plans just for her." Buffy put in thinking of how conscientious the blonde was about things like that. "She'd just be proud that Willow was together enough to be up there with you.'

"I know but I don't want to make her feel awkward, I like Tara." Anya stated firmly. "I miss our thumb wrestles. She has strong thumbs but very soft fingers." She added as she thought about it more.

"She's not gone Anya, she's only over in the dorm." Buffy appraised suddenly feeling like she'd been shown just how much the Wiccan's break up had affected all of them.

"Well that's true I suppose, she's not run off to Never-Never land to meet with the monks like the werewolf did." Anya pondered in her usual tactless way.

"No." Buffy shook her head a little as Anya spoke in her typical way. "You should talk to her."

"You're right. We should have a meal, a wedding planning meal, you should come." She pointed at Buffy.

"Yes, so Tara doesn't feel so, you know obvious." The former demon's eyes shone as plans flicked through her mind.

"Well obviously it would be after you have got home and showered the smell from your hair." Anya glanced at Buffy aghast.

"Thanks like I wasn't already self conscious about it." Buffy glared slightly at her.

"How about you plan and I go to go pick Dawn up?" Buffy stood up and slung her purse over her shoulder.

"Yes, yes you can go now." Anya ushered her to the door. Buffy looked at her a bit incredulously as she was pushed out.

"I'm not saying it was a bad movie Dawn, and neither was Buffy, its just that talking huskies in Jamaica?" Tara leaned on the kitchen wall watching as the teenager busied herself opening cupboards pulling out utensils and ingredients.

"Oh come on they were so cute." Dawn carefully found the necessary items. "That scene in the sunglasses by the pool was hilarious."

"Disturbing was more the word that came to my mind." Tara admitted very quietly as she tipped her head lightly to lean it on the wallpaper.

"It's Disney, it has to ride that line between disturbing and amusing." Dawn grinned as she measured chocolate chips. "Did you notice anything different about Buffy?" The teenager tacked the question on carefully.

"What? Oh you mean the hair, I noticed a while ago Dawnie." Tara chuckled watching the young teenager working away.

"No, not that." Dawn stirred the flour and sugar together. "Does she seem..." She hesitated. "A bit better?"

"She is better." Tara removed the girl's doubtful phrase and tone by emphasizing her short sentence. "She even made up pet names for the sled and the kayak in the movie because Disney had failed too." She noted.

"Good, cause she needs to be happy." Dawn began making her cookies with more fever.

"She does, and she will be, she's already happy at times Dawn, especially when she's with you." Tara reassured the teenager.

"I know it's hard for her, I wish I could do more." Dawn frowned slightly. "It's just if I try to talk with her about it, it seems to make it worse."

"And just what more could you do little miss shake and bake?" Tara tried to rally Dawn around. "She doesn't need you to try any harder Dawn, trust me, all she needs from you is your honesty and your love."

"So go keep her company while I work my cookie magic." She pointed out of the kitchen with a spoon.

"I'm going I'm going, I hope I didn't teach you your bad mood kitchen look." The blonde smiled warmly as she pushed off from the wall and began walking away. Dawn grinned as she began stirring again.

"I knew if I left my Martha Stewart Cookie book lying around someone would use it." Tara crossed to a chair and sat down in it looking over to Buffy.

"Well I think you could narrow that down to Dawn and not me." Buffy smiled at her from her spot on the couch.

"You know you have a wicked sense of humor." Buffy laughed with her. The very tops of Tara's cheeks blushed as she smiled almost shyly. "Sorta your second secret weapon." She appraised.

"Please Buffy!" Tara laughed. "Laughing this hard actually hurts after a while." The blonde wrapped an arm around her waist as she continued to chuckle.

"No matter how much you laugh it's still true." Buffy leaned back relaxing on the couch.

"Are you forgetting the Scooby order of prettiness?" Tara managed to stop laughing but kept her award-winning smile.

"You know the one that has you on the top, then Anya, then Dawn, who's only that low because she's a minor, and then me. Willow of course was joint top for obvious reasons." Tara appraised.

"Right up there as part of the prophecy as far as I can tell Slayer equals stunningly attractive female." The Wicca related the facts.

"Oh such a hard question." Tara answered without even questioning where her usual reserve had gone. "Now are you asking as a woman, as a lesbian or something else?"

"All of the above." Buffy studied her contemplation and impending answer with a firm curiosity.

"All of the above." Buffy repeated sitting up a little impatient for the answer.

"Faith was butcher, you're, you're more attractive, more feminine, more..." Tara paused actually making a conscious effort to stop her explanation. "You." She concluded looking down somewhat.

"Which appraisal was that?" Buffy smiled broadly. "The woman, the lesbian or just the Tara?"

"And you prefer?" Buffy questioned before she caught herself. "In general, not necessarily in a Faith or me way."

"Are you asking if I prefer butch or feminine?" Tara looked up somewhat shocked.

"Disney insanity." Buffy shook her short hair and gave a slight grin. "Ignore the weirdo on the couch."

"I sorta figured that would be your answer." Buffy smiled softly at her loosening the death grip she had on the couch pillow in worry.

"So who's more handsome Xander or Mr. Giles?" Tara asked with a giggle which turned back into full fledge laughter at the Slayer's reaction.

"Ewwww." Buffy giggled at the question, then stopped a little shocked herself by both the happy sound and the reverberation through her chest.

"By the way I forgot to tell you earlier, our coffee tomorrow night..." Tara didn't like to break the mood but she had suddenly remembered and before she forgot she decided to mention it. Buffy waited for her to continue. "Is it okay if I cancel, I've been invited to this 'thing' at the bronze, its not my scene but I thought well you know, if I'm going to have to start again out in the big wide world I have to start some where right. You could always come. I think it's a bit of a free for all." Tara continued when Buffy remained silent. "Just a usual Sunday night bronze thing."

"I can blow them out if you really w-w-want coffee" Tara had no idea why she stuttered.

"No, go have fun." Buffy jumped in quickly. "Have to get back out there right, having fun, making memories." She swallowed hard.

"Why don you come over early, help me choose what to wear. Or is that too teenager girls in Highschool-ish?" Tara came up with alternatives not wanting the Slayer's mood to dim.

"Does anyone know how to set the alarm on the stove?" Dawn came out suddenly covered slightly in flour, her hands in floral oven mitts.

"Just turn the central dial..." Both the Slayer and the Wicca spoke in unison before looking at each other with a smile.

Buffy paid her cover to the disinterested woman in the coat check area and slowly made her way in. She slowly took in the surroundings, a bit happy as she looked around that Spike was not one of the patrons this evening. She had successfully avoided him since his claim that he had what she needed. She needed to sort her head, and that was a hard thing to do when she was too busy ignoring everything but sex.

The familiar music and drunken happy crowd was a soothing anonymity. She moved over and leaned against one of the tall structure pillars looking from person to person. She felt something inside her run a little faster as her eyes came to rest on a tall curvy blonde stood near the bar carefully sipping on a orange colored drink.

"That outfit so suits you." She whispered to herself under the music as she watched Tara watching the crowd oblivious to her arrival. She wasn't sure why she didn't go over right away, but for a moment she just wanted to step back and watch. A feeling that was slightly edged on by her inner state of detachment. But it seemed day by day even that was sealing up a bit, though she found herself still prone to long moments of dark longing.

Tara set down her drink on the nearest table and turned in the direction of a small group of students. A small sigh escaped her lips as she uncrossed her legs and picked at some non-existent fluff on her skirt.

Buffy watched as the seeming group of people that Tara seemed to be with went on with the night without out. The blonde Wicca was part of it, just not an active participant. Occasionally someone addressed her directly, and Tara of course gave the words the proper attention and response before she was able to slide into the background again. Buffy just stayed memorizing from her place across the bar.

"Hey Terra." A tall wiry blonde guy moved close to the Wicca and leaned a hand on the back of her stool.

Tara's head twisted fairly sharply a sure sign that she hadn't noticed his approach.

"Yeah, you need a drink?" He smiled at her looking down at her top before looking back up.

"I have an orange pop." Tara pointed to her glass that suddenly seemed a mile away.

"So do you like the music?" He leaned closer obviously trying to make conversation.

"Its nice yes." Tara pleasantly replied. "I don't get in here much it's nice for a change."

Buffy watched carefully, not even noticing how she went up on the balls of her feet as they probably harmless young man ogled the blonde Wicca. Tara's hand more self consciously to play with the neckline of her shirt.

"Shame I bet she would have loved this." It was painfully obvious that Tara was having about as much difficulty with this situation as she would with public speaking to the UN.

"Probably." Wayne nodded looking around. "Do you want to dance?" He asked suddenly rubbing his hands on his pants.

"I… I don't really…" Tara began but her voice drifted off as she felt Wayne's hand close around hers.

A loud happy group of students suddenly arrived through the front doors. In amongst their pack was a slight redhead, who was engaged in an animated story that involved much hand gestures and an end result of the whole group laughing.

The entire group of them moved together to a smaller group at a large table, much enthusiast greetings and jokes ensued. But neither Willow nor her companions seemed to notice the rest of the bar.

Trails of the familiar voice and laughter reached the shy Wicca the instant she caught sight of classic red hair wanting desperately to turn away Tara found she couldn't. Instead she traced the group's movements as they joined and joked with the rest of the party.

'Odd, I thought she said she was going to meet a study group.' She scanned around Willow and breathed a slight sigh of relief when she was that Amy wasn't among them. In fact none of them looked particularly witchy, the Slayer deduced and she turned back to look at Tara.

She felt herself go up on her toes again when the stool the Blonde had been sitting on was empty. Her nearly full orange pop abandoned, and the slightly awkward mouse haired boy in the checked shirt was left standing there stupidly. Quickly she scanned the bar, even looking up to the scaffolding above but it was obvious that Tara was gone. Scanning back she saw a flash as checked shirt boy also disappeared into the crowd.

"I'll walk you, it's no big deal." Wayne walked quickly to keep up with Tara's retreat down the alley away from the club. "It was so lame in there, I mean people like you and me are so above that trite."

"No r-r-really I can manage. I know that a lot of your friends are still there." Tara moved fast her legs stretching the long skirt as far as it could go with each stride.

"Tara!" His voice spiked up a little as he put a hand on her arm and slightly wretched her to a stop. "Why are you running? I'm not going to bite you." He laughed slightly.

"I w-w-wasn't running." Tara stared down at the hand that closed round her upper arm. "Its a lovely offer…" She continued no looking up, but rather keeping her head down shielding her face.

"Tara..." He dropped his voice. "I know you and that girl Willow broke up... and well Clara and I aren't doing that great... is two adults offering each other comfort without any debt really wrong?" He reached up to hold her other arm with his free hand.

"You know you're probably a really nice chequered fella..." Buffy stepped out of the dark seemingly like she appeared. She had her hands on her hips as she stared at him. "But she really doesn't like it when you do that, and I really, really don't like it when she's unhappy." She gave him a curt smile.

"Oh..." Wayne dropped his hands and stepped back as the leather clad Slayer arrived. "I'm sorry, I didn't know, I thought..." He looked between them and let out a tight laugh. "Sorry Tara, I'll let your girlfriend walk you home." He looked back at Buffy as he moved further away. "Sorry, didn't know." He made a slight 'thumbs up' at her as if to say he'd gotten her hidden message as he retreated away.

"I'm going to assume I'm looking butch tonight." Buffy laughed as he retreated timidly and she dropped her stance as she walked over to the Wicca. "Are you okay?"

"I think he was pretty harmless." Buffy smiled softly as she stood close but didn't touch her. "Just a bit overzealous."

"So can I walk you home?" Buffy didn't bother to look at the route of his retreat.

"I-I-I must have led him on." Tara cursed herself as she vaguely nodded in response to Buffy's question she turned and began to trudge sadly down the street.

"Tara, boys don't need encouragement." Buffy fell in beside her. "Especially not with someone as beautiful as you are." She added hoping she was helping.

"And I'm sorry that he thought you were my girlfriend." Tara either didn't hear or wasn't listening to Buffy's words as she continued. "I guess the penalty of being out with me is that you automatically get lumbered with me."

"Hey hold on." Buffy stepped in front of Tara's path to stop her. "First off do I come off that bad in the whole lesbian thing? Cause why would I even think it was bad that he though we were going out?" Flashes of her first year dorm room when Willow had revealed her secret came back to her and, as always, she felt guilty for her initial reaction.

"I-I-I-I know how shocked you were when you found out about me Buffy." Tara's voice was soft and non judgmental.

"No…" Buffy stopped ordering her thoughts. "I was shocked to find out Willow was in love with a girl. Mostly cause it was my little Willow, my little geek hacker girl who wouldn't say boo to her shadow. And her she was all big and brave against the world." She looked down. "And cause I'd been so self absorbed I'd missed it all."

"More like Riley absorbed." Tara soothed with a gentle 'Tara smile'. "And if you think Willow was a geek, Goddess you would have thought I w-w-w-was..." The blonde stopped.

"Shy." Buffy summed up smiling again. "I meant Willow was a geek in a total good way."

"You know Buffy…" Tara suddenly stopped. "It's totally okay if you blame me you know." She said her face lined in a deep frown.

"For Willow, for the magic, for e-e-everything." She added with a slight exhale.

Buffy laughed tightly for a minute and did a slight circular circuit of steps as she thought of what to say.

"It's just another one of the reasons it's so hard here." She didn't listen to Tara's words. "Willow, the magic, even you and her... it all comes down to me."

"No, no." Tara's voice dropped further as she drew closer to the Slayer, her hand reaching out and resting on Buffy's lower arm. "None of this is your fault." She stressed fixing Buffy with warm blue eyes.

"It's sorta pathetic that I finally start feeling something and it's guilty." Buffy gave a defeated laugh.

"I take it that Spike isn't helping..." Tara's hand gently moved on Buffy's arm in a soothing stroke.

"He just goes on and on about how I'm better than this, and I should leave it all behind and just enjoy life. How the hell do I do that? How the hell do I turn my back on everything when I'm not dead?" She questioned slightly angry at the predicament.

"I think before you can turn your back on anything." Tara said gently. "You have to accept that you're not dead, and work out what that means for you, I mean I don't want to sound like miss psyche major." The blonde gave a left sided smile.

"I know, thank you." Buffy smiled back. "I guess it doesn't help that his chip says I'm a demon cause he can hit me." She admitted.

"You're not a demon Buffy." Tara stressed the point subtly. "No more than I am." The blonde suddenly lost all track of her smile and pulled her hand back.

"We already established that you're not." Buffy reached out catching her hand lightly in mid air. "You're not." She underlined and then let go gently. Suddenly Tara's face crumpled in tears.

"I'm s-s-sorry Buffy, I-I have to go." The quick words sliced the air and with that the Wicca ran away.

"Okay, okay explanation time." She finally caught the fleeing blonde and guided her to a halt.

"It's nothing." Tara made a sudden effort to control herself, straightening her back forcing herself to drop one of the arms that gripped her stomach in comfort.

"Mmmmm so I'm not dead, I'm not a demon but I'm blind and heartless?" Buffy gave her a soft smile to tell the blonde she wasn't giving up.

"N-N-No you're not either, it's just, I can't talk about this, not with you, it would be fair." The blonde shook her head her lip trembling again as the effort she put into control began to waiver.

"You're not really my girlfriend?" Buffy tried a hint of humor to break the blonde's resolve; quickly feeling her insides tighten up as the blonde evaded spillage. "I don't think anyone has ever broke up with me that quickly."

"I wouldn't do that." Tara shook her head. "It broke my heart to leave Willow, I could never break up with someone so lovely again."

"So just tell me what's going on." Buffy smiled and reached out again taking in a slight breath at the warmth that came into her hand from Tara's arm.

"It's an anniversary." Tara whispered not wanting to move the support that flowed from Buffy to her in the simple gesture of her hand on her arm had stilled some of Tara's inner turmoil.

"Four years." Tara evasively replied her body beginning to shake. She had known it would as soon as she opened this wound, as soon as she faced the reality of the day. So far she had avoided it but now it refused to be ignored.

"Why don't we get you home?" Buffy didn't explain she just put her arm around the blonde and began guiding her along. Her own mind instantly became cluttered with the memory of her own mother's death, and the idea of having to face the first anniversary let alone the fourth made her chilled insides frost over completely in fear.

Tara merely concentrated on getting one foot in front of the other as Buffy led her along; at some point she tilted her head so that it rested lightly on Buffy's shoulder as they walked.

Buffy shifted her feet so that her right foot was not crossed over her left ankle. Tara had fussed for a bit then finally settled down on her bed. The Slayer had simply taken the plastic pre-molded desk chair and was now leaning back slightly on two legs with her feet up on the edge of the bed.

The blonde hadn't said much; most of her words had been to apologize. Buffy hadn't really said anything, nothing more than headshakes that told Tara it was okay to be whatever she was and a settled body language that solidified her unknowing decision to not leave. She'd glanced around briefly at the somewhat unpacked room, noting the same boxes that Tara had so reluctantly moved out of the house that faithful day.

She frowned to herself as she realized selfishly at this point she'd rather Tara was back in the Summer's commune, cause at least then she'd have someone around who didn't expect so much from her. Didn't expect anything really, not like everyone else. Then again she realized if Tara was still living with them, she'd be with Willow, and well maybe this newfound communication between them wouldn't exist.

"You want anything?" Buffy finally broke the imposed silence as she watched the small end ash on the incense Tara had lit hours ago when they first arrived burn out sending the last plume of smoke into the air.

"I don't think so, I'm sorry." She apologized again. "I'm not normally like this, I-I-I mean its just this year was going to be s-s-so different." The blonde on the bed curled her legs up and hugged them tightly.

Buffy nodded that Tara didn't have to explain, though the small gesture also hoped to imply that the Slayer was listening very closely.

"We were going to go you see." Tara looked up blinking fresh tears from her eyes. "Will and I." She dropped her head again trying hard not to sniff and let her crying begin again. "Its just…" Tara bit her lip. "Seeing her there tonight..."

"You're not, I think I brought it up." Buffy put her feet down softly on the carpet leaning forward. "I know I'm no Willow."

"Do you think she even remembered?" Suddenly Tara's resolve shattered and the blonde burst into hard fast tears and she began rocking her balled up body.

"I'm sure a part of her did Tara." Buffy put her hand out resting it on the bedspread. "She's just all over the place." It was obvious from her breathing that Tara was trying to calm herself down but it wasn't really working. "Do you want me to call her?" Buffy tried to find someway to make Tara feel better as the sight of her rocking body made the Slayer frown.

"No." Tara whispered and managed to shake her head. "No, she hurt me Buffy, she used me and violated my mind, I -I can't forgive her yet." The Wicca admitted.

"I'm not being a good poster girl for g-g-g-getting over loss am I?" Tara's rocking slightly abated as she blinked watery blue eyes at the Slayer.

"I think we all spend a little too much time trying to be something we think we're supposed to be rather than just being." Buffy answered softly as she contemplated the discrepancy between the honest emotion Tara was feeling and this imposition of 'get over it' that hung over them all.

"Buffy." Tara said suddenly she kept her head up and her eyes on the Slayer. Buffy caught blue eyes. "Since we found out, where you were, what we took you from." Her voice shook a little from her crying but she continued. "Everyone has been apologizing." She noted. "I just wanted to say…" She tried a slight smile. "I'm not sorry, it's selfish of me maybe, but I'm happy you're here. I missed you."

Buffy just sat there for a moment as the words ran through her skin and seemed to swim through her veins before settling somewhere.

"A-A-A-And maybe we were wrong, doing what we did but we love you and I can't wish that we'd not done it. Not when I see you, spend time with you." Tara continued.

"Thank you for not apologizing." The Slayer finally whispered as she nodded softly to all the honest words. She didn't understand why the rest of the Scooby's did, over and over, to the point where she was left questioning why they'd ever felt so drawn to bring her back if all it was for was to apologize.

"I don't want to go see Mom." Tara took a breath. "But you think you could manage a trip though a childhood photo album?" The blonde wiped her wet cheek as she asked.

Buffy nodded again slipping off her jacket and resting it around the back of the chair.

Buffy slowly slipped the photo album off her lap and out from under Tara's hand. She closed it and gently slid it onto the side table, not the easiest maneuver with the blonde Wicca leaning against her asleep.

She couldn't blame Tara's poor exhausted body for finally giving up and drifting off though.

Tara had cried and sobbed her way through almost forty pages of grainy memory squares before finally reaching her limit. Still running her fingers over a black and white photo of her Mom at a community fair, she'd leaned a little harder into the Slayer's side and fallen asleep.

Buffy hadn't really realized it for some time, just assuming it was one of the quiet silent lulls they seemed able to fall into so easily. It had only been the slight damp patch of sleepy drool that seeped through to her skin that had alerted her to the Wicca's slumber. She would have laughed but she was afraid of waking Tara and so for a while longer she had just stayed very still.

Careful maneuvering with her foot had gotten her the quilt at the bottom of the bed and she managed to haphazardly get it over Tara's body with her free hand. It was both a concerned and selfish move as the blonde's unconscious body cooled in the night air.

As the days had gone by she realized that it was something she enjoyed. It was nothing special really, just body heat, that little biological reminder of life, of existence. Whether it was a brief brush of hands as she accepted change from a customer at work, or the brush of someone in a crowd as you walked. It was life.

And if she was honest with herself, she particularly enjoyed touching Tara, just her hand or her arm of course and she found herself doing it more and more as they talked. It was as if the blonde was slowly melting the hard wall of isolation that clung around her, reconnecting her to something alive. Not at all like Spike she realized, no matter how much friction they built up in their violent wild sex. He was always cold and it always left her chilled. Stolen of life, robbed of living.

"Daddy, Daddy no." What had been an indistinct mumble for the sleeping Wicca suddenly formed into words, chilled scared words that came from a now slightly moving Tara. "Mom, Mom!"

Buffy's body went stiff for a moment Tara's frightened words broke the silence and her thoughts.

"Mommy?" Tara's tone turned to one of question and her movements calmed a little under Buffy's touch.

The Wicca's eyes fluttering slightly opening slowly though it was obvious the blonde wasn't completely awake.

"Buffy?" Her voice questioned as her body settled this time closer still to the Slayer.

"Yeah, I'm here. It's okay, you're safe." Buffy assured her glad that Tara seemed to at least recognize who she was.

"I promise Buffy, I'll always keep Dawn safe for you, always." The sleeping Wicca rocked herself in a slow comfort motion until she fully seemed to again sense the body beside her, which she then curled herself round.

"I know you will." Buffy admitted. It was one fact she didn't doubt. Tara had more than proved that with her continued and concrete existence in her sister's life, often when Buffy herself was completely lacking.

"And we won't ever forget you." She mumbled in her dream before going back to making the occasional noise as her dream took her to a safer calmer state.

Buffy didn't know where exactly the sudden rush came from as the sleeping woman's words rang in her eyes. She barely recognized the feel of the sharp frown that they elicited, and the single tear that slid down her cheek was a complete mystery to her.

Buffy walked up the basement stairs carefully balancing the large overflowing basket of freshly dried clothes. She'd had the morning breakfast shift at work, so she decided to relax after her de-grease shower and was only wearing a pair of loose cotton drawstring pants and a tight white strap top. Her choice was also brought on by the fact that it had probably been two weeks since anyone in the house had thought to do laundry. Since Willow wasn't doing it with magic anymore well she'd finally bit the bullet and taken on the chore.

"Dawn! I found your red shirt." She yelled up to her sister who had been frantically running around looking for the article. "Surprise, surprise it was in the laundry."

"Oh cool, I can wear it instead of stealing your blue." The teenager bounced down the stairs pulling off the blue shirt she had on, dropping it on the third step holding out her hand for the clean one.

"Dawn?" Buffy turned the basket over on the couch preparing to fold the clothes. She looked back at the stairs.

"Could you at least drop that on the floor in your room and not in the middle of the stairs?" Buffy smiled as she pointed out the request.

"You mean I can keep it?" She grinned. "Cool." She scooped down and picked up the shirt grinning.

"I meant you could hang it up." Buffy rolled her eyes as she folded a pair of jeans.

"But you said hang it in my room, I only hang my clothes in my room." Dawn pointed out Buffy's error still smiling broadly.

"Okay, you can borrow it." Buffy laughed at her sister's haggling over one worn t-shirt

"I do, sometimes." Buffy turned back to her laundry. "So you going to the movies or shopping with her?" She clued into the teenager's body language and lack of can I borrow some money pitch.

"Christmas fair already?" Buffy queried though the idea of Christmas made her feel tense.

"Well remember when you give him your list of wishes, I only make minimum wage." She smiled at her sister.

"I think the point of it Buffy is that you can get things to make for Christmas, that's why its early." Dawn pointed out.

"Oh make for Christmas." The Slayer stopped with a towel half folded. "That sounds cool."

"And its okay, I know what I want for Christmas." The adolescent smiled and pulled on the clean red shirt.

"More Christmassy right." She checked as she flicked her hair out of the collar. "What, what?"

"Very seasonal." Buffy nodded finishing with the towel. "What do you want for Christmas?" She clarified.

"I didn't say back with Willow, I just said home." Dawn shrugged and moved through to the room with Buffy picking up an apple from the fruit bowl and taking a bite out of it.

Buffy stayed quiet, she wasn't quite sure what to say. After all how could she admit to her sister she wanted the same thing?

"She belongs here with us, we're family." Dawn underlined. "You told her that. You told her Dad that."

"I know I did, it's still true." Buffy nodded remembering her words well. "She's always welcome here Dawn, she knows that." Dawn's arguments sat perfectly in her head.

"I am." Buffy nodded again as she began matching up socks. It was funny but the mundane work actually seemed useful as it gave her something to do with her hands as they talked, somewhere else to split her shattered focus. Dawn made a contemplative noise against her apple.

"I was thinking, perhaps if we converted the basement into a bedroom…" Dawn suddenly put forward as she continued to think.

"Have you asked Tara about this?" Buffy questioned thoroughly focusing her eyes and hands on the laundry.

"She said she didn't want to get in the way." Dawn made a series of small bites around the top of her apple.

"Dawn, it's very complicated when something has happened like it has between her and Willow." Buffy tried to explain though it struck her that Dawn probably understood better than anyone.

"I know, really I do, but its not like she can be alone for ever." Dawn reasoned.

"You think she should find someone new?" Buffy looked up finally from the laundry.

"I mean think about it, it's been months. Haven't you noticed?" Dawn sat up from her perch looking at Buffy quizzically.

"And when was the last time you saw her with her hair up?" She presented the second piece of evidence.

"Dawn, all that just points to the fact..." Buffy stopped her own excuse. "It's hard to find someone." She changed tracks with a slight sigh.

"I know but it's not fair, I mean I'm not mad at Willow or anything, anymore. In fact we're totally cool, but I don't see her wandering round in dark glasses and hiding away from the world, she's not turned back into geek girl has she?" Dawn argued.

"No." Buffy couldn't shake the feeling that her sister was cornering her somehow as she began piling the sorted laundry back in the basket. "Do you want me to talk to her or something?"

"Just don't suggest she tries boys." Dawn put in quickly before going through to the kitchen to dispose of her apple core.

"Dawnie, I am not completely retarded!" Buffy looked at her sister with a dropped jaw. Then shook her head picking up the blue shirt as she took the basket upstairs.

Buffy jogged down the stairs, still able to hear Dawn giggling on the phone with some friend from school as she went to get the door.

"Tara, hey." She ran a hand absently through her tussled hair as she opened the door for the blonde.

"You know you don't have to knock." Buffy let her come in. "Dawn's just trading gossip on the phone." She filled in the lack of teenager.

"I'm early, s-s-so I had to knock." Tara pointed behind her to the door as Buffy closed it.

"Oh well then consider it rejected." Buffy smiled as trotted over energetically to grab the small key ring and trotted back to hold it out. "I officially give you free reign."

"I'm sure." Buffy smiled as Tara took them. "After all selfishly you're number one on my phone in a crisis list, if I need someone to get here to Dawn."

"Well it's your spot." Buffy nodded Dawn's checklist of worries flagging in her head as she heard the blonde stutter and noted that her long hair was down so she could easily cause it to fall forward and cover her face.

"So is Dawnie ready to get glitter and all things sparkly for Christmas?" Tara looked up briefly but then looked down again.

"She's very excited." Buffy agreed and stepped closer slowly. "How you feeling?"

"Oh I'm s-s-sorry." Tara took a slight step back from the Slayer. "Is the neurolia oil too strong?" She reached into her faded blue jeans pocket and pulled out a small handkerchief. She opened up her side purse and put it quickly in there, zipping it away hurriedly.

"Neurolia oil, I have a c-c-cold c-c-coming I think." Tara pointed somewhat lamely to her bag.

"Oh no, I meant..." Buffy felt stupid all of a sudden, maybe the Wicca had wanted to ignore the other night completely. "Was that the nice scent that came in with you?" She questioned looking to the bag the handkerchief had been tucked into.

"No, I know what you m-m-meant." Tara had the sudden urge to encourage the Slayer. "In fact, I haven't used neurolia since…" She paused. "Since Mom died. She used to use it when I was younger."

"It smells good." Buffy smiled and nodded and a very light smile played on the Wicca's face. "I mean I put on expensive perfume to go kill demons, but you put on two dabs of some magical secret oil and swoosh you smell like a million bucks." The Slayer babbled still smiling as she looked down at her feet and shuffled for a minute.

"I think I prefer you in Harmony." Tara said softly "Though neurolia for sure if you have a sniffle." She patted her purse.

Buffy looked up and realized that despite her own belief she'd been smiling for a while and her face hadn't broken.

"Mom liked the Harmony too." Buffy fidgeted her foot under the long flowing pant leg.

"W-W-Well she would, Mrs. Summers liked things to smell good. Moms do." The Wicca looked up at Buffy. "Thank you for p-p-putting up with the Tara mess by the way." She said her voice heartfelt.

"Sshhh." Buffy put her fingers up o her lips silencing the blonde softly. "No mess words, it's okay."

"Just the thank you ones then?" Tara offered, her smile this time reaching her powder blue eyes.

In a sudden and impulsive move for the Wicca, Tara stepped forward and put her arms around Buffy, hugging her loosely.

Buffy stood there for a second, thought it was probably four or five before she felt herself relax and raise her arms loosely around the Wicca in return. Through her light clothing she felt the press of warmth against her skin, and closed her eyes as focused on the feeling.

Tara had meant the hug to be fleeting at the most, as she was still highly unsure that Buffy was feeling huggable, and of course she wasn't feeling that touchable either, but as she felt Buffy hold her lightly back she actually relaxed a little and let herself linger.

"Oh I'm missing a group hug?" Dawn's voice called from the top of the stairs. Seconds later sneaker covered feet bounded down towards them.

"Finally off the phone?" Buffy dropped her arms, as the luxury of the comfort seemed sucked away with her sister's arrival.

"Yeah, oh Tara." Dawn turned to the blonde. "Did Buffy remember to tell you that we want you to come to dinner tomorrow?"

"No, sorry, do you want to come to dinner tomorrow?" Buffy looked back at her. "I promise no burgers." She tacked on.

"Yeah busy." Tara's head dropped her head, hair falling forward as if on cue to cover her face. Dawn looked pointedly at Buffy with her 'do something' look.

"What about the night after that?" Buffy looked where Dawn pointed and then back at her sister.

"We're relentless." Buffy tried to smile at the blonde but the expression was lost. "Dawn you should get a coat, it could get chilly later." She made a head motion for the teenager to retreat upstairs for a minute.

"Whatever." Buffy's eyes widened briefly as she stared upstairs and with a grin Dawn bolted up them. "Tara?" Buffy moved over a bit trying to get a view through the blonde's long hair.

"Actually that was just a stunningly lame excuse for me to get her out of the room so I could make sure you were okay." Buffy didn't exactly know what possessed her as she reached up and carefully tucked back one side of the blonde veil so that she could partially see the Wicca's face.

"Its so hard." Tara's face crumpled at Buffy's gently gesture for an instant. She looked as if she might either burst into tears or bolt form the house but she did neither, instead stealing extra strength from some unknown well she evened out her expression. "I'm okay." She stated softly.

"I'm sorry, that was stupid of us." Buffy cursed herself for forgetting how difficult just being in the house must be after all the time she's spent here with Willow.

"No." Tara shook her head. "I understand that Dawnie wants me to forgive Willow, get us back together, but, it's not that simple."

"Actually Dawn just wants you to move home, she doesn't mind who you're dating as long as you're happy." Buffy answered softly. "And you're right, it's not that simple."

"I don't know where home is anymore." Tara admitted in a whisper her blue eyes flicking up to glance at Buffy.

"Meet me for coffee later." Buffy added in a hurry as she heard Dawnie beginning to come back.

"No, the shop." Buffy smiled. "Neutral territory." She added trying to make the blonde relax.

Tara had just enough time to nod before Dawn jumped down the stairs and looped her arm through the Wicca's.

Buffy sat on her side of the booth and tapped her spoon softly on her napkin. It was an odd state of affairs, as she was here first. Usually she was late, running in at the last moment from something and Tara was waiting patiently, but tonight here she was already half way through a coffee and the Wicca was still nowhere to be found. For more than a few moments now she'd been left to contemplate the idea that she was being stood up. Of course then her mind went into 'worse case scenario mode', and she promised that if by the end of her beverage Tara was still MIA she'd go looking for her. If only so she could know the blonde was safe, be it not wanting to meet her, but safe.

Meanwhile on a park bench, just a block or two away the blonde Wicca sat with her hands resting lightly in her lap. Staring down at her hands watching as even in this apparent state of non-movement, she rolled her thumbs over one another absently. She wanted to just get up and walk the few blocks to the coffee shop where she knew that though she might have to wait a short while Buffy would most definitely show and they would chat like the had for some time now but as much as part of her wanted that another part wanted to get up and run away far away and never ever stop running.

She felt lost and helpless in a large, confusing world. Before they had resurrected Buffy, Tara had been reluctant to do it, adamant that it was the wrong thing to do that it was fundamentally wrong in magic terms. A part of her almost believed that her loosing Willow was her punishment somehow for her part in it and yet in her life at the present moment it was Buffy who was keeping her together. The irony of that stung Tara like a slap in the face.

'The person you were reluctant to bring back is one of the things dearest to you now.' Fate whispered almost cruelly in her head.

"I'm really not sorry we did it Buffy, not even if it cost me my world." Tara whispered to the night.

At the coffee shop, Buffy shook her head to a second cup of coffee and looked down at the paper napkin that was shredded into a small pile in her empty cup. She pushed herself up and out into the chilly night, turning up the collar on her high turtleneck sweater.

She crossed over the main street tracing the route they usually took when she walked Tara home after coffee. Sheltering herself against the wind, she folded her arms over her body as she walked through the stone arch into the park and made her way down the bicycle path. As she crested a small hill she wasn't sure if the obvious form of the Wicca on a park bench made her feel better or worse.

She walked the rest of the way silently, knowing from a slight look up that Tara realized she was coming. Not knowing what else to say or do she planted herself down on the other side of the bench.

"I'm not pulling a stalking Spike on you, I just was worried." Buffy finally broke the night's wind with her voice.

"I got lost." Just say the words caused the Wicca's voice to choke around them, as she remembered with sad clarity the last time she had said them.

"At least we're lost together now." Buffy reached down plucking a piece of grass as she answered the line unaware of its history.

Buffy let the grass slip out of her grasp into the wind as she swallowed. She looked out of the corner of her eye at the milky colored comfort being offered to her, and watched her own hand as if it was a foreign extension of her body move over into Tara's.

Tara felt her eyes close as she interlaced her fingers with Buffy's. She raised their hands off the cold wood of the bench beneath and pressed their palms flat together to block the penetrating cold from the surface below.

Buffy's mind went into hibernation as everything focused down to the one point of contact between them. She knew the cold dark night still swirled around them but it seemed far away somehow.

"I know." Tara whispered not wanting to break the bubble of serenity that seemed to surround the two of them as they sat there. "I know this isn't h-h-heaven Buffy, b-b-but, it's not h-h-hell." She rubbed her thumb lightly across the back of the Slayer's hand her eyes still closed.

"I know, it's just hard, but that doesn't make it hell." Buffy acknowledged that she was right in a soft voice her eyes closing as well as she let her shorter hair fall forward.

"Not everything is hard either." Tara's head turned slowly as she opened her blue eyes to look at Buffy.

"You keep proving that." Buffy tilted her head already somehow knowing that Tara was watching her.

"Can I make anything easier?" Buffy felt the words slip out as a part of her solidified on the fact that above anything right now she wanted to make things livable for Tara, it was if now some part of her own salvation hung in the balance with it.

Buffy nodded and stood up not letting go of the hand she held as she urged Tara to follow. The blonde rose gracefully to her feet and stepped close beside the Slayer.

As they walked up to Tara's door, the Wicca slipped her free hand into her pocket to retrieve her key. She knew that she was going to have to release the Slayer's hand to open the door though she wished she didn't.

Buffy lingered with the blonde; they had kept as close together the entire walk as their clasped hands. Reluctantly Tara eased the grip of her fingers through Buffy's and eased the heel of their palms apart. Buffy let the Wicca's hand slip away her mind figuring out from the moment of hesitation before the barrier that it was a logistical necessity.

Tara pushed the key into the lock and closed her hand around the handle turning and pressing down in unison as she unlocked the door.

"Sure." Buffy nodded with the small word having been horribly lurking in the hallway not sure if this was the end of the line or not. Tara actually smiled as she pushed the door open.

"Come in." She encouraged and Buffy followed behind entering the sweet smelling room slowly.

The Wicca pulled off her long coat and hung it on the door as she moved to fill the kettle. Buffy moved over to hover near the desk.

"Do you mind putting the lamp on?" Tara asked pointing to the small lap on the desk beside Buffy, she moved to the matching on the bedside table and flicked it on.

Buffy answered silently by turning and fumbling for a moment to reach the mechanism under the shade before the light flickered on.

The Wicca then turned on a pale blue light on the bookshelf near the door and flicked out the main light.

"Buffy." Tara turned causing the Slayer's face and eyes immediately to give the blonde her attention. "I'm sorry for not getting to the coffee shop." She apologized her eyes getting lost momentarily in the ones that looked back at her.

"It's okay." Buffy shook her head to dismiss it. "I'm just glad you were safe." The Slayer felt the pitch and strength in her voice soften as they looked at each other.

"I..." Tara began but she stopped as she heard the kettle click off behind her. "I don't have any milk." She suddenly announced. "Shall I nip down to get some?" She pointed at the door.

"No, it's okay however." Buffy shook her head. She wasn't completely convinced she wanted coffee, she just wanted any excuse to stay.

"You should take your jacket off." Tara said softly. "You won't benefit from the warmth in here when you got out again if you don't." Buffy nodded and slipped off the three quarter length suede.

"This is one of the few places it is warm." The Slayer admitted as she hung her coat on the back of the chair as she had the other night.

"There's warmth everywhere, you just have to let yourself feel it." Tara's voice was harmonious.

"I guess there is." Buffy tucked the belt ends of the coat into her pockets. "It's just hard to find sometimes."

"I'm s-s-sorry, I sh-sh-shouldn't have said that." Tara apologized hating the vague possibility that Buffy might have taken it that Tara meant that Buffy simply wasn't trying to find it.

"You should say anything you want too." Buffy contradicted walking the short distance across the room to where she was making the coffees.

"Right now I say things and most times I just end up hurting people." Buffy admitted. "So no, I guess I don't." She stopped her approach less than two strides away.

"I don't think most of the gang are ready for the 'hey I was getting beat and banging the undead' speech." Buffy moved back a bit more slumping down on the edge of the bed.

"Stop it." Tara chided tenderly, she moved after the Slayer dropping to her knee beside her, the cups abandoned. "You needed something. Something none of us could begin to comprehend. What you did with Spike…" Tara frowned and then stopped her sentence she reached out and placed her hand on Buffy's knee. "He should never have beaten you." She whispered. "I could hurt him for that."

"You are." Tara turned her hand beneath the Slayer's and interlocked their fingers once more.

It was only a short distance to travel, shorter then the Slayer realized as the leaned down and pressed her lips over Tara's. She hung there for a second; her eyes squeezed shut as the hand within her own flinched before she pulled back.

"Buffy." Tara looked at the Slayer her voice low and soft but controlled. "I'm not Spike." She said, there was almost a warning in her tone.

Her mind settled on a simple plan of action, coat, retreat, throw self off bridge. Well the last bit was negotiable but the beginning was sound.

"You're warm." She whispered as her hand began pulling her jacket off the chair.

"Buffy what I meant…" Tara pushed up from the floor and moved over to Buffy. In a swift fluid move she took the Slayer's jacket and held it down onto the chair. "Is that I can't do this to hurt you, I won't hurt you."

"It didn't hurt." Buffy frowned and her head dropped a little almost in a move picked up from the shy Wicca. "Did I hurt you?" She questioned frowning harder.

"A lot of things have hurt me in the past but no Buffy, that didn't." Tara admitted.

"You're not freaking out?" Buffy summed up rather surprised, both by herself and Tara's so far calm and calculated reaction.

Tara didn't dare ask Buffy's question of herself because there wasn't one answer, only several none of which were the 100% truth.

"No, then I would just feel horrible and go back to the jumping off a bridge option." Buffy admitted realizing that particular thought had been in her own head not out in the open.

"I mean..." Buffy quickly tried to correct the error. "Your lips looked warm, the words looked warm... and I wanted you to know I believed you... and it seemed the best way." She added in a whisper.

"It's always warmer when you're around." Buffy admitted holding blue eyes softly.

Tara moved closer till she was almost touching the Slayer and for the first time really the height difference between them in Tara's favor was noticeable. Very slowly she reached out a hand and brought it to the side of Buffy's face millimeters from cupping her fingers around the Slayer's cheek.

"You're alive Buffy." She whispered her blue eyes never flinching as she pressed her hand onto Buffy's face. Buffy's hazel eyes held the blue ones before her. She almost instantly pressed her cheek into the hand on her skin.

Very slowly Tara leaned down and brushed her lips against Buffy's, her other hand moving slightly to rest on Buffy's arm. After brushing their lips together three maybe four times Tara pulled her head back brushing her thumb lightly on Buffy's cheek.

"Am I cold?" Buffy questioned her eyes a little glazed from the unexpected heady feeling the light kisses had caused. She couldn't remember feeling this. No, wait, maybe once there had been some dim feeling like this when she was young and trying so hard to make things work with Angel. But nothing even close to this since she'd been brought back... nothing close to this in the year before she'd died when everything inside her had started to go dead.

Buffy's words nearly broke Tara's heart; the Wicca bit her bottom lip a little and shook her head.

"Can I stay for awhile?" Buffy asked her voice timid and unsure. Tara nodded, as it was just what she wanted too.

Buffy hadn't really woken up. It was more one of those half-asleep automatic pilot readjustments when your body realizes it needs to shift a bit more than sleepy movement will allow. She'd almost started to move off her back when she realized there was weight on her. The warm comfortable weight of the blonde Wicca whose head was resting on her shoulder and whose hand she still held.

As she woke up opening her eyes she smiled, though honestly a little at a loss for when they'd fallen asleep. They'd been lying on the bed, talking, sharing that innate feeling of intimacy as they lay close together and held hands.

That was all it had been after Tara's fluttery kisses, that and the now sleepy cuddles but it was enough. It was more than enough Buffy realized as she closed her eyes for a second, her scratchy thoughts roaming around in her raw brain and finding comfort. Comfort was something that didn't seem natural to her anymore. Even the softest of clothes were itchy and she'd sometimes changed three or four times in a day. But Tara was comfort, Tara was warmth and nothing on earth could make Buffy want to move.

That was until she looked at the orange glowing numbers on the witch's alarm clock.

'Shit, Dawn.' Buffy's mind reminded her that the teenager was at home, and though at two am Willow should be there, it wasn't something she could rely on with uncertainty. She'd been making a very conscious effort to be home for her sister during the nights.

"Tara." She whispered gently trying to judge how deeply the other woman was sleeping. She really hated the idea of just easing Tara off her and going, after all it could leave her with totally wrong idea.

"I have to go, Dawn might be at home by herself." The Slayer kept her voice at a whisper. "You don't have to wake up, I just didn't want to leave without telling you."

"Let me get you a taxi." The Wicca opened her blue eyes seeming to throw off all traces of sleepiness.

"It will be quicker." Tara moved away from Buffy and picked up the phone receiver on the bedside table.

"It's sorta cheaper if I walk." Buffy straightened out her sweater and sat up, stretching out her arms.

"I'll pay." She whispered before being connected. Buffy smiled as Tara ordered the taxi. The conversation was brief and by the time it was over the Slayer looked ready to leave

"Don't be sorry." Buffy stopped her reaching out to take Tara's hand again. "Please... be anything tomorrow... but don't be sorry right now." She desperately wanted nothing to ruin this little encapsulated moment of time.

"I'm not sorry for…" Tara shook her head. "We shouldn't have dozed off, I know you like to be there for Dawn. That's the apology."

"Oh." Buffy smiled again. "It's not that late, she's probably fallen asleep watching T.V."

"Probably there's that show on she likes this evening." Tara smiled warmly and Buffy nodded.

"I guess I should..." She reluctantly looked at her coat. "I'm sure the taxi won't take long."

"Can we meet up later?" Buffy jumped on the option when the blonde's disappointment for her departure became very clear. Unable to stop herself Tara gave a slight chuckle.

"I think we have a coffee maker at home." Buffy offered thinking maybe being able to be away from the crowded shop would be a good thing.

"Buffy before you go…" Tara got off the bed and crossed over to her closet, she pulled open the door. She took out a muted rainbow striped scarf and crossed back to the Slayer. Buffy waited as she was being asked but stood up to pull on her coat. "It's cold outside." She wanted the confidence to loop the scarf around the Slayer's neck but instead she just held it out as an offering.

"Thank you." Buffy took it and ran it through her hands for a moment before looping it over her head.

"It's late, try to get back to sleep." Buffy felt a sharp stab of concern as she stepped forward and as she had at the house brushed the hair away from Tara's face.

"Here's the fare." Tara felt her cheeks color a little as Buffy brushed her hair back, she pulled out some money form her pocket and reached out to Buffy's other hand, pressing the notes into her palm as she squeezed it.

"Sweet dreams." Buffy felt their hands linger together for a long moment before she tucked the money away. "I'll see you tonight." She almost didn't make the reminder afraid the blonde would back out of their arrangement as she slowly moved to the door.

Tara waved and nodded wrapping her arm around her stomach as the Slayer moved away.

Buffy eased the front door open and tried to shut it without making any large amount of noise. She carefully took off her coat and hung it up and moved into the living room as she undid the scarf.

"Hey Will." Buffy snapped on the desk lamp a bit startled to see the redhead sitting on the couch when she did. "You're up late." She commented stupidly.

"Oh yeah..." Buffy looked at the clock on the mantle. "Busy night, then I went for coffee and lost track of time."

"With Spike?" There was an edge to Willow's voice that was slightly untraceable.

"No, I was not with Spike." Buffy stood for a minute trying to assess if the hint of anger in Willow's voice had really been there or if it was only her own sadness of not just getting to crawl back into bed as she wanted. "Why would you think I was with Spike?"

"Whatever he said Willow it's just Spike being Spike." Buffy turned away from the semi-aggressive hacker stance.

"I'm not telling you because this has anything to do with me." Willow said shaking her head slightly. "Dawn heard." She explained.

"He was drunk, or at least that's what I told her." Willow said as she stood up and walked in a tight circle round the chair.

"He told her that everything would be alright soon because with you and him being together, you could be like a proper family." Willow looked up slowly at the Slayer.

"I'm going to kill him." Buffy seethed as she wrapped the scarf around her again moving with purpose towards the door.

"What? That Spike and I are starting a family? Even you have to see how ridiculous that sounds Willow." Buffy pulled her coat back on.

"Not that part." Willow crossed quickly over to the door and stood in front of it. "Are you having a relationship with Spike?" She challenged.

"No, I am not having a relationship with Spike." Buffy answered honestly a bit surprised when Willow planted herself in her way.

"Are you…" Willow took a tight breath in. "Sleeping with him?" She didn't move.

"Willow, don't be ridiculous." Buffy stared past her at the door. "I have to go."

"No Buffy, if he's just being Spike, leave him, it's not worth rising to this." Willow shook her head.

"It can't say that kind of garbage to Dawn." Buffy snapped. "He is not a family, he could never a be a family. I don't know what kind of deluded little scenario he's worked up, but that is never going to happen."

"He had your shirt Buffy." Willow whispered flicking her eyes up to catch a glimpse of her best friend's face.

"So, he probably stole it. It wouldn't be the first time I found him sneaking around stealing stuff." Buffy backed up a little.

"Buffy, I know how hard coming back has been, and you know how guilty I feel, you can tell me if you and Spike have, you know, I can understand." Willow changed her tack a little.

"You have absolutely no concept because you are too busy waiting for me to tell you that what you did was okay and that I'm going to snap my fingers and every magical problem in your world is going to be fixed." Buffy breathed fast and shallow with her words. "You're too damn busy being sorry for bringing me back, when the truth is I know you're not sorry. I know if we turned back time you'd do the same thing again, you'd do it every time because it was what you thought was the right thing to do."

"This isn't what we're talking about." Willow shook her head as panic and pain filling her eyes.

"No, you want to know about me and Spike." Buffy locked her jaw. "It's not so much a relationship as I smack him around, he smacks me around, we have sex, break some furniture, take digs at one another and then I walk off in a huff." She watched the shock fill out her best friend's expression. "Though hey he claims to love me, so I'm sure he thought he was making some grand gesture by coming here and fucking up my life." She sat down on the stairs and sighed.

"But extreme reactions are ok." Willow felt herself click into babble mode. "You've been through something that no one can even think about and who knows what we would have done, I mean think about it if we'd have brought Anya back who knows what she would have done." Willow realized as she was speaking that her words were probably the last thing she should have been saying.

"I sleep with Spike, you get off on magic." Buffy summed up the hacker's bad attempt at consolation. "Who knows why any of us do what we do."

"I know, and we're all really proud of you." Buffy looked up at the redhead her voice softer. "And Spike probably came over cause I haven't been to see him in about a week."

"So you've given up sex with Spike?" Willow couldn't actually believe she'd managed to say the words.

"I'm trying to." Buffy took a deep breath and really thought about the question. "I have."

"So he's not worth going after then is he?" Willow turned to the matter in hand.

"Leave it to me, one step forward, forty steps back." Buffy shook her head sadly.

"New scarf?" Willow commented as Buffy pulled off her coat and turned to hang it on the stair pole. She turned and walked from her place at the door through to the kitchen.

The steady rain tipped down from the dark thunderous sky as students hurried across the university campus, desperate to get to their classes vaguely dry. One figure though made for an unusual sight, leaned against the brick wall of the dorm; perfectly still, content it seemed to stand in the pouring rain.

Spike waited until the blonde Wicca was a slight distance from the dorm entrance before he fell into step beside her and lit up a smoke.

"Fancy meeting you here." He gave the lame introduction as he lowered the now lit cigarette from his lips.

Tara looked up at the vampire and had to fight a wave of anger that built up within her from nothing.

"So nice day for a stroll." He commented when she didn't speak right away. "Wouldn't happen to know where Buffy is would you?"

"It's cold." Tara couldn't think of anything else to say as she switched the hand she held her umbrella in. "She's probably at home somewhere warm." She said choosing her words carefully deciding to win this battle with her wits and not her fists, though she knew it would be lost on the vampire.

"Bloody right, you should be dead love, you never quite get warm then." He puffed on his smoke oblivious to her meaning. "I checked at home, Red is home with little bit and she wasn't much help."

"I k-k-know about your business Spike." Tara suddenly looked up at Spike with her eyes set.

"Well surprise surprise, of all the people in the gang Buffy admitted her little secret to you." He smiled back at her. "Can't say I blame her, you always did strike me as the trustworthy one. So do you know where she is?"

"You're a vampire, how can you love without a soul?" Tara asked genuinely interested.

"I don't bloody know, I'm not the witchy mojo user here." He pointed at her obviously disturbed by the question.

"She's the slayer, I couldn't hurt her when I was at full strength how could I hurt her with this." He tapped the side of his head. "I'm the one in all of this making it easier for her Tara. I'm the one whose letting her talk about it, and get angry about it and get over it." He defended what was going on. "I'm the one giving her something to live for."

Tara opened her mouth to reply but knew that she couldn't give voice to her thoughts and feelings, because she did not trust herself to not act on her feelings. Even if the clearly deluded vampire actually believed anything that he had just said Tara would never and could never accept it Buffy needed something to live for maybe, but that thing was not a lifeless soulless vampire.

"Just do me a favor, if you see her tell her I'm looking for her." Spike backed away the look on Tara's face unreadable.

Tara decided that she'd be early for the meeting with Buffy, the muffins she had picked up from the bakery were still warm and she nursed them lightly on her lap as she shivered slightly against the chill in the night air. Thankfully it had stopped raining a few hours before, though it left the air damp.

"Good thing me and the coffee are early too." Buffy appeared from around the backside of the bench and held up a thermos. Tara's face broke into a smile.

"When we did the planning we forgot that it's winter." The blonde rubbed a hand over the sleeve of her camel coat.

"Did you want to retreat inside?" Buffy moved to sit on the frozen wood of the bench.

"No, I have thermal socks on." Tara said without thinking. She blushed but actually managed to giggle when Buffy smiled.

"How are you?" The Wicca asked turning towards the Slayer as she rustled the bag on her lap.

"It's been a hard day." Buffy admitted sure she couldn't hide much from the witch.

"Spike did a little drive by information shooting before I got home last night."

"Are you okay?" Buffy was instantly worried, she knew he couldn't bite the blonde but she didn't doubt he could do other damage.

"I'm sorry." Buffy concentrated for a moment on opening the thermos and pouring out two cups of coffee.

"Cause he bothered you, and he wouldn't have if it wasn't for me." Buffy tried to explain.

"Have you seen him?" She wasn't at all concerned that the vampire had been to see her; she was more worried about the Slayer and what this meant for her.

"It's been a week." Buffy closed up the body of the thermos as she held out the small fat plastic cup for the Wicca. "I was going to go and kill him this morning but Willow convinced me it wasn't worth it."

"Oh." Tara took the cup hating the small sound that she involuntarily made at the mention of the redhead's name.

"Dawn isn't talking to me." Buffy tried to swerve away from the Willow topic realizing what a stupid mistake it had been.

"What does this have to do with Dawnie?" The new-worried tone in Tara's voice was unmistakable.

"She overheard Spike's big rant to Willow." Buffy leaned back against the bench and looked out across the frosted ground.

"Have you tried talking to her, what did she say?" Tara realized she was bombarding the Slayer with questions but she was worried for the teenager as well.

"I believe her words were that I'm a big giant faking liar, and that I'm disgusting." Buffy released a slow cold breath out over her cup.

"How can it not be? If I hadn't of been sleeping with him, he could have never blabbed and she wouldn't think I was a whore." Buffy looked briefly at Tara before turning to look back into the night. "I should have known he couldn't keep his big mouth shut."

"I don't think I could blame her if she does." Buffy admitted the icy wind slicing through her coat and into her body.

"You were never anything that could be described using that word." Tara shook her head.

"Blueberry and double chocolate chip." Tara looked down at her lap and let her eyes stay lowered unsure suddenly that Buffy wanted to be here with her at all.

"I didn't mean for all this to intrude on our picnic." Buffy's voice was soft as she saw the blonde look down.

"If you need to go home, to talk to Dawn, I understand." Tara offered almost as if she hadn't heard Buffy's words moments before.

"Do you want me to go?" Buffy questioned worried that the blonde wanted just that.

"Knowing I was meeting you was the only thing that made today livable." Buffy admitted sipping at her coffee finally as she turned a bit to face Tara.

"Why does that surprise you?" Buffy immediately noted her reaction. Tara raised one shoulder in a half shrug. "Really." Buffy answered the question and tore off a piece of the muffin.

"Buffy, I need to ask you something." Tara put the paper bag she nursed on the bench between them and fully cupped both hands around her drink.

Buffy waited for her to continue not wanting to say anything till the witch had explained.

"I…" Tara began. "I j-j-just wanted you to know, th-th-that is…" Tara stammered and stopped taking a control breath in

"What Tara? Please." Buffy whispered almost convinced she was about to be told to please leave the park and leave the Wicca alone.

"Buffy." Tara started again taking a deep breath and looking up at the Slayer trying to find some hidden resource inside herself that would let her ask the question that had be circling her mind since she had seen Spike.

Buffy waited on as the silence lingered, her heart beginning to beat harder in her ears.

"Was it okay, l-l-last night, when I..." Tara knew when she started her sentence that she wouldn't reach the end of it.

"Kissed you." Tara breathed her head dropping down instantly after she had uttered the words.

"It was..." Buffy whispered and licked her lips slowly as she thought about that moment. "Amazing." She settled on the word her voice soft and a little scared.

"Is there… are we?" Tara shook her head as if that would help clear her clouded mind.

"I don't know..." Buffy hesitated but it wasn't because she didn't want the answer to be yes she realized it was just she couldn't imagine Tara wanting anything to do with her. "I think..." She reached out slowly and took Tara's hand in her, their fingers seeming to naturally slide to interlock. "Yes." She whispered suddenly as the growing familiar heat passed between them.

"I wanted to hurt him." Tara whispered as she moved her thumb in the now familiar pattern over Buffy's hand.

"Why?" The Slayer asked both shocked and curious that the shy woman had even thought of violence of any kind.

"Because he thinks that by letting you use him, by letting him use you, you can find meaning in life, he thinks that he can make your world by becoming your world. He thinks that what he offers you is love, and I thought, no, after last night, I knew that he was wrong. And because, he has no right to make you feel like he does." Tara explained her voice almost lost in the wind.

"I know..." Buffy nodded knowing suddenly how lame and easy that sounded. "I mean you've taught me."

"I am so proud of you." Tara suddenly announced by the look on her face her words were almost as much of a shock to her as they were to Buffy.

"You are?" Buffy questioned not sure exactly why Tara had leapt to that particular place.

"Buffy a month ago, you would have been with Spike right now, and thinking and feeling would be the last thing on your mind." Tara pointed out gently "One look at you now. Who wouldn't be proud?"

"I know." Without thinking Tara raised their joined hands to her lips and kissed Buffy's lightly.

"Do you think?' Buffy looked at there hands then at Tara's face realizing the witch had never answered her own question. "There is..."

"Do you want..." Buffy questioned next her voice very quiet as a sudden fear struck her that all of this was going to be too much for Tara to handle so soon after Willow. "There to be this?" She finished.

Buffy was about to say something else. About to explain that she knew it would be hard, for the both of them, for different reasons but that she wanted to try, she wanted to do her best. But in a sudden opening of the heavens a sharp cold rain pelted down on them.

"Okay bad timing Mother Nature." Buffy cursed as she did her best to start packing up their stuff.

"We could go to the coffee shop." Tara had no idea why she suggested that as she put the already wet muffin back into the now soggy paper bag.

"We'll be drenched by the time we get there." Buffy admitted as she thought. "The university is closer." She admitted.

"We could go to the student union." Buffy shrugged off her coat holding it up as a makeshift umbrella. "If you don't want to go to your place." She whispered.

"Here try to stay sorta dry." Buffy moved over putting the coat up above both of them as they started to walk.

Buffy followed Tara in, shaking her dripping hair. It hadn't taken long in the downpour for her cotton coat to become soaked and basically manage to do nothing more than save them from the initial shock of the hard droplets.

"Good god that was a lot of rain." Tara was laughing by the time the door swung closed behind them. She immediately shrugged off her sodden coat and hurried over to the small wall heater turning the heat up. She pulled an odd metal contraption from beside the wardrobe and fitted it close to the heater, it turned out to be a clothes-drying rack.

"Pass me your sweater." The Wicca turned to Buffy after draping her coat over it.

Buffy was about to pull the sweater up when the cool damp air hit her bare stomach and she remembered an important fact.

"Don't be silly, you'll catch your death, even Slayer's get chills." Tara smiled. "Let me have your coat too." She completely missed Buffy's reason as the Slayer handed over her coat.

Thinking she had realized, Buffy tried to pretend it wasn't a big deal as she slipped off the sweater to leave her there in only a satin white bra.

As soon as Tara had Buffy's coat she turned to the rack placing the coat out over it making sure it had an even chance of drying. Then she turned back for the sweater flicking her head back as she turned, her laugh stopped mid breath as she caught sight of the Slayer.

"Oh God Buffy I'm sorry." Tara suddenly realized what had been the Slayer's previous objection. "Here…" Tara hurried to her closet and pulled out a gray sweatshirt. She held it out towards Buffy.

"It'll be big but..." Tara apologized as she took Buffy's sweater and draped it closer to the heater.

"I was worried you were going to ask for the bra too." She smiled as she reached tactfully up under to unsnap it out of view. "It's sorta soaked too, angora does nothing to protect you from rain." She draped the bra over the rack.

"I have pants to match." Tara glanced down at Buffy's legs which seemed as soaked as hers.

"Only if you get out of that wet stuff too, witches get chills also." Buffy looked at Tara's dripping cuffs.

"Here." Tara pulled out the gray pants that matched Buffy's top and an identical set but in navy blue. She bundled them all in one hand as she closed the closet door and then grabbed a pair of pants holding them out to Buffy.

"No, no its ok." Tara pulled open the door, it was only when she reached the hallway that she realized that she had given Buffy the navy blue pants and not the gray. For a moment she stood in the hall wondering if she should go back in eventually deciding against it hurrying down to the wash room to dry off and change.

Buffy had quickly shed the remainder of her wet clothing and she'd even placed her boots over by the menagerie of gear. Slowly she sat down on the bed, rolling up the pant cuffs on the navy jogging pants. It felt good to be out of the icy wet clothes. She closed her eyes and inhaled for a moment, feeling calmed by the scent of the witch's room.

"All done." Buffy opened her eyes and called to tell Tara she was changed and decent.

"Sorry about the pants." Tara slipped into the room, her wet hair pinned up off her shoulders, the long gray pants falling straight down her legs to her small bare feet. The navy top looked warm and comfortable on her.

"No worries, very fluffy." Buffy smiled at how comfortable and content Tara looked.

"They were a comfort buy the other week." Tara admitted as she placed her collection of clothes near the rack.

"Unfortunately your great muffins got ruined, did you want to order something in?" Buffy watched Tara's carefully laying out her clothes.

"Mmmmm could do, that good Chinese place just off campus is still open." The blonde worked her back to the Slayer. "The menu is on the notice board, by the phone."

"I'm going to take it the circled ones are your favorite?" She noted the various vegetarian dishes marked. The sound of Tara chuckling floated across the room.

"Busted." Her voice could have been Dawn's for the tone and inflection she put on the word.

"So what are you in the mood?" Buffy looked over the menu. "Seems we got your spicy or your saucy." She looked up grinning.

Tara blushed and looked away suddenly realizing she couldn't shelter behind her long hair as she had without thinking put it up.

"Come on you have to help me." Buffy called her over. "Or I might order something that'll have some big hunk of beef in it and you won't like it." The slayer's head went slightly to one side and grinned. Tara left was she was doing and moved over beside the Slayer.

"The mushroom fu yung is delicious." Tara pointed to it on the menu, it had three sparkling pink stars drawn beside it.

"Dawnie, blue stars mean Dawn." Tara smiled thinking of the bright young teenager who loved to sit on the bed crossed legged pawing over the menu only to choose the two dishes she always did.

Buffy smiled with her, it always amazed her just how much Tara thought of and loved her younger sister.

"So this four pink star dish would be the ultimate Tara dish?" Buffy pointed to a small item in the bottom corner.

"Those funny spirally noodles." Buffy looked over the menu not sure she saw them. It didn't help that she could never remember the name of them.

"Well how about I leave you to order, and I'll go get drinks from down the hall. You can ask for spirally noodles they'll know." She added with a smile.

"Okay." Buffy nodded as Tara reaching out briefly and rested her and on Buffy's leg.

"Well it almost sounds like 'fill you'." Tara attempted a Chinese accent. "That wasn't funny was it?" She checked as she looked at the Slayer laying her chopsticks down in the nearby bowl.

"It was as funny as me spending twenty minutes trying to explain the spiral noodles." She smiled and sipped the last of her drink.

"Certainly more filling than muffins." Tara appraised as she too sipped her drink.

"Let me clean up." Buffy pushed up and collected up the garbage, before putting the lids back on the little containers and tucking them into the mini fridge in one corner of the room. "Do you keep the chopsticks?" She held them up as she stood by the garbage.

"Great thanks, its turn the clothes time as well." Tara got up and moved to the wire rack taking off few items that were dry she folded them neatly. "Please." She nodded to the question.

The Slayer grabbed a tissue and carefully wiped them off before wrapping them up to be washed.

"My Mom always used to keep them too, we had a drawer full of chopsticks that no one in the house could use." She smiled as she deposited them on the desk.

On the side near the heater Tara made two small piles of clothes and after making sure the ones that were still damp she turned back to the room.

"I'm not wanting you to leave Buffy, but is Dawn on her own this evening?" Tara nodded and knelt on the mattress.

"No, she's over at a friends." Buffy shook her head. Tara didn't know what to say for a moment. "I can still go, if you're tired or have to study." She filled in the silence.

"Tired then?" Buffy questioned trying to not push but knowing she wasn't just going to get up and leave.

"So you really wanted to beat Spike up?" Buffy's query was gentle as she played her fingers over the creases in the bedspread.

"I wanted to kick him in the shins at least." Tara stated feeling a little foolish.

"Are you planning on seeing him? I-I-I mean seeing him to end it." She stressed thinking her first statement could easily be misread.

"That would be great." Buffy nodded. "I would feel better knowing he can't go in and out as he wants, who knows what he might do." Her eyes shadowed a bit.

"I have class but I could be over say about four? If you want Buffy we can go over and do it now?" She offered seriously.

"I get off work around then so the timing should be perfect." The Slayer underlined gently that it was.

"How you feeling?" Tara asked softly, she moved her fingers over the comforter and lightly rubbed one finger tip along the side of Buffy's hand and over her little finger.

"Good." Buffy smiled glancing down at the motion on her hand and giving a softer more permanent smile. "How are you feeling?"

"This is really nice." Buffy answered the only way that didn't sound stupid in her mind. She slipped her hand fully under Tara's. She knew the pre-risen Buffy would have probably been freaking out right about now. After all this was another woman, worse than that it was Willow's ex, and here they were on the threshold of something that she could see in Tara's eyes had the potential to be very big. But if anything dying had simplified life down. This felt good, it felt warm and it wasn't going to leave her nursing bruises and self-hatred in the morning.

"It is." Tara agreed she leaned a little closer to the Slayer, and picked up the long toggle that trailed from the bottom of the jogging top, she twisted the gray cord around her fingers.

"Do I make you nervous?" Buffy asked softly trying to understand as she too shifted a bit closer.

"Something makes me nervous." Tara replied honestly. "But I don't think its you."

"I th-th-think it's…" Tara's voice also dropped. "Us." She admitted her eyes looking up to meet Buffy's.

"Is it something you ever thought about?" Buffy held the nervous flickering blue.

"No, at least not until recently, I mean before then of course I was…" Tara voice dried up as she thought of the past and flairs of very real pain flashed through her.

"I know." Buffy reached up and tucked Tara's hair behind her ear. It was only a small strand but it was a comforting movement to the Slayer. "You don't have to hide any of that from me Tara. I know it's there, with you all the time."

"I still love her Buffy, you deserve to know that, I just, I just can't forgive her, can't be with her." Tara tried to explain.

"I know you do." Buffy's hand stayed at Tara's cheek. "And I also know that if you ever can forgive her, ever could be with her..." She smiled softly. "I wouldn't stand in your way."

"So much would have to change for that." Tara shook her head softly not moving out of Buffy's hand at any point in time though. "And right now, it's not what I want." She added her hand abandoning its game with the cord and moving up to cup Buffy's cheek as the Slayer did hers, millimeter by millimeter Tara moved her face closer to Buffy's, her regular breathing speeding up slightly as she did so.

"Me either." Buffy rested into her hand. Each of those small increments was matched as Buffy's hand stayed on her cheek and urged her closer. It seemed to take forever, with more than enough time for either of them to back out. But in a sudden rush of warmth and feeling their lips met.

Their short but honest talk of the past and the possible future let them both ease into the contact feeling more even.

Tara closed her eyes the second her lips pressed against Buffy's. Her intake of breath staggered a little as unlike the night before she let her lips linger there.

Buffy's hand slipped around the blonde's head cupping more near her ear as she softly urged Tara to linger even longer.

Tara leaned her head onto the side that Buffy held and changed the angle of the lip-to-lip kiss. Her eyes still lightly closed as she dropped her hand from the Slayer's cheek running it down over her shoulder onto her arm.

As the angle changed Buffy's mind focused on one thing, slowly she began to taste the lips on hers.

Tara let herself become lost in the kiss, her body mind and soul remembering what it was to be kissed with such tenderness and awe, and yet everything about this kiss was new and different.

Buffy remembered a feeling something like this. But this was so much different. The fleeting promises of their other kisses were fulfilled as they relaxed further into one another. As the play between their mouths increased, Buffy sucked gently on Tara's lower lip.

Tara let a tiny moan of surprise and pleasure escape her mouth as she let Buffy take their kiss further. She felt some what bowled over by the Slayer and everything that was happening especially as far as Tara was aware Buffy had never even contemplated kissing a girl before, least of all kissing one with such, tenderness and promise.

"Is this when I ask something silly like am I doing this right? Cause it feels right." Buffy whispered the words hot on both their faces.

"Its right." Tara breathed back opening her blue eyes as she took some deep breathes.

"Are you okay?" Buffy asked concerned by the witch's breathing, a little unaware that it was her causing the difference in it.

"I'm the best I have been for a while." Tara smiled and rubbed the Slayer's arm lightly through the gray top.

"Me too." Buffy whispered before she pressed their lips together again. As if in one final confirmation her head summed up that this wasn't like Spike. Yes, it was heady with foggy feelings and luscious, but it wasn't harsh and quick and selfish.

Tara's lips lingered again on Buffy's, before she pulled back and kissed the Slayer several times once catching Buffy's top lip between her own, then her bottom lip, and then meshing both together again, this time taking Buffy's lower lips lightly to suck on it.

Buffy didn't even recognize the small whimper like noise that came as Tara kissed her, it was a submission she wasn't used to but quickly enjoyed.

Eventually Tara's mind caught up a little and suddenly questioned exactly what she was doing, pulling back a little, Tara looked at Buffy.

"I'm sorry." She whispered raising her hand from Buffy's arm to her heat filled lips.

"Kiss me so that the whole universe curled in and just melted away?" Buffy questioned with a soft smirk. "Cause it was so not a bad thing."

"How do you feel now?" Tara checked moving her hand back onto Buffy's shoulder. She reached her fingers up and lightly played with the ends of Buffy's shorter hair twisting it lightly in her fingers.

"Like I'm going to kiss you again." Buffy admitted rubbing her fingertips on Tara's neck.

Buffy's fingers grazed lightly over a sensitive spot on Tara's throat and the blonde Wicca thought for a moment she was going to just melt on the spot.

Buffy didn't need much more invitation as she pushed up further and kissed the blonde. As the blonde had done the kiss before, she moved them that little bit further as she parted her lips slightly, the very tip of her tongue tracing out the curve in the Wicca's generous ruby lips.

Tara relaxed completely into Buffy's kiss, her hand slipping down the Slayer's arm again this time moving off to the sheet briefly before closing on the Slayer's waist.

Buffy felt Tara's hand close over her skin and the sweet contact made her press into the kiss deeper.

Tara's fingertips pressed in slightly and Tara moaned into the kiss and opened her mouth. As she did so her fingers splayed out slightly on Buffy's side the others tightening their grip on Buffy's hand.

The obvious invitation was quickly filled as Buffy slowly and gently explored the mouth matched with her own. Her muscles flexed under Tara's hand, the shivers running down her stomach.

Tara wasn't sure what she was expecting as Buffy's tongue slipped between her lips into her mouth. The first kiss she had shared with Willow like this had come after some time of unofficially dating and even then the two of them often preferred light tantalizing kissing to this kind of exploration, but with Buffy the story was very different. There was a level of instant heat and passion that was almost unbelievable in its intensity. Being kissed strongly, with surprising confidence and a sense of adventure felt right from the amazing woman Tara held lightly to her.

Buffy couldn't deny the bolt of feeling that went through her. It was like everything she had searched for, life, warmth, love, and desire... existence came to her in this one kiss. She didn't even stop to worry what she was doing was too quick or unwanted. It seemed every motion she made, was instantly accepted and reciprocated by the Wicca. The kiss moved not as if it was their first, but as two lovers who had spent more time locked together this way then they could count. But there was still that essence of awe that captured Buffy's soul; a feeling she doubted would never leave if it were their first or their millionth kiss.

Eventually, more because she needed to breath a little better and deeper than she had been during the kiss, Tara pulled back her hand slipping off Buffy's side and moving to pull the zipper on her navy blue sweat top down a little.

"I'll get the heater." Tara moved to get off the bed, and it was only when she went to push up to stand that she remembered the fingers of her left hand were still entwined with Buffy's. Smiling broadly she released the Slayer's hand and moved off the bed flicking the heater off, Tara paused briefly to open the small vent on the window.

Buffy pushed up to sit and slid closer to the Wicca. She realized she liked being close to the blonde.

"No." Buffy shook her head softly. "This feels like the most natural thing in the world." She reached over running her hand down the blonde's arm.

"How long?" Tara whispered as she made a similar move with her hand on Buffy's arm, though inevitably her trail led up the Slayer's arm to her hairline and the Wicca weaved Buffy's short blonde locks through her fingers.

"The night we came back here and you feel asleep on me." Buffy whispered back. Yes, it had been then Buffy realized.

"Am I to believe that maybe your sleepy cuddling wasn't all sleepy?" Buffy hand slowly played as she ran her fingertips down the back of Tara's hand.

"Doubting a witches motivation is a bad thing." Tara chuckled. "I've been feeling more and more, I don't know what, protective over you, since our talk." She went on trying to explain. "And then today, when I saw Spike, I knew." She took a light breath.

"You wanted to kick shins?" Buffy smiled and softly leaned in for a kiss. Tara kissed her briefly but shook her head.

"No, I knew I was angry because I knew I could treat you better, more than that I wanted to treat you better." She explained.

Tara nodded and leaned forward, claiming Buffy's mouth with her own. Tara's long fingers pushing up through Buffy's hair to lightly hold the back of her head.

The Slayer melted easily into the kiss, enjoying the feel of Tara's insistence as they pressed tightly together. Her free hand slipped around Tara's body, holding open palmed against the fleece over her back.

Tara pulled back from her initiated kiss and looked Buffy deeply in the eye before moving her position on the bed so that they were the closest they had been together. Freeing both hands from their earlier position the Wicca then closed them around Buffy in an offered close embrace. She didn't pull to hard, or gather Buffy too close in case the Slayer didn't want it.

Buffy melted into the offered arms. It felt so easy, so much like coming home. She closed her arms around the blonde's curvy body.

"Lowest Scooby." Tara reminded but unlike a put down, Tara's voice held a hint of humor.

"We rank according to years of service, not beauty." Buffy smiled against the Wicca's cheek having caught the mischief in her voice. "How else do you think Xander got so high?"

"I though he just bribed his way there." Tara laughed out loud and gave Buffy a light squeeze.

"That and once upon a time..." Buffy pulled back only slightly so she could see Tara's face. "He was really good at insulting Cordelia."

"Is that genuine humor I hear?" Tara moved one hand up and pressed it through Buffy's hair.

"I could start telling you off color limericks of Xander's to prove it." Buffy smiled even brighter, the hands she held around the blonde rubbing over the fleece softly.

"No, no, I over heard one once about a young woman from Venus who's body was shaped like, well I'm not going to finish." Tara said blushing slightly.

With the joking banter between them Buffy had somewhat expected the kiss to be short, but it was as if instantly the heat rose between them again. Tara closed her eyes again as the Slayer's hands traced down her back and rested against the skin of her lower back that peaked out from under the sweatshirt. She felt the body against her jump closer at the added contact and in a seamless move she pulled Tara back down to the bed, the blonde hovering comfortably above her.

Tara breathed in through her nose though her heart was beating at what seemed like a hundred beats per minute.

"Buffy this is, you are..." Tara breathed rapid in a briefly moment when their lips parted. "Amazing." She concluded claiming Buffy's mouth again with her lips and tongue.

Buffy had almost had the chance to say something but again Tara's mouth locked with hers and she didn't want to waste time talking. One weapon roughened hand curved around Tara's body, tracing over her warm side and fluttering stomach.

Tara's body arched a little towards Buffy, a purely innate reaction to the sensations and feeling flooding her system. Buffy's hand disentangled itself from the inside of the fleece and as their kiss rode the heights of enjoyment she reached the zip at the front and pulled it down almost open.

"Buffy." Tara's voice was hesitant and her hand moved to the cover the hand that pulled down the zipper, almost as a warning.

"No sorries." She whispered and shook her head. "It's just, I'm not the amazing bodied woman you are." She explained gently.

"I could question when you have been appraising my body, but I will focus on the..." Buffy didn't move her hand. "Yes, yes you are." She smiled.

Tara gave Buffy a one sided smile and she slowly uncurled her fingers from around Buffy's hand releasing it.

Buffy held the blue eyes before her as the zipper let go and she pushed back the side of the sweater. Even with her own sweater still on, just the knowledge of how close the blonde's body was made her breath a little faster. Still holding blue eyes her fingertips trailed upwards gently exploring as she leaned up to capture Tara's mouth again.

Her fingers had just traced far enough up past the ridges of ribs so they began to rise with the swell of soft flesh when a loud knock came at the door.

"Dawn." Tara's back went straight upright as she whispered the teenager's name her wide blue eyes staring at Buffy.

The Wicca's hand moved hurriedly to the zipper on her top fumbling a little as she tried to fit the ends together.

Buffy slid out and away to stand up as Tara fumbled with her sweater. She looked around lost for a moment realizing that the door Dawn stood at was her only escape, well that or the fifth story window to nowhere.

Managing to get the zipper to bite Tara looked at the Slayer as she whispered and pointed to the white painted door. Unable to think of anything else Tara nodded glancing over to the small pile of dry clothes on the side. Buffy was about to dart towards it when it struck her.

"Clothes." Tara hurried over and picked them up smiling as she had though of the same thing as the Slayer. Pulling the two still damp items off the dryer Tara carried them over to the Buffy.

Buffy picked up her coat and boots, finding her arms filled with the other things Tara shoved at her. Quickly she went to the closet wedging in amongst the clothes and other objects. It was a tight fit.

Taking a staggered breath Tara stood still in the middle of the room for a moment before crossing to the door. She flicked up the latch thanking the Goddess that she'd remembered to lock it.

"Dawnie it's late, of course you can." Tara reached out for Dawn's hand to bring her inside.

"I know it's late, I'm supposed to be at Karen's." Dawn let the witch lead her inside. "But I lied, well I lied to Buffy." Dawn just looked down. "Not that she cares anyway."

"You're soaking sweetie." Tara ran her hand over Dawn's sodden hair. "Come here." She pulled a chair out from its place at the desk and led Dawn to it. Reaching back to pull a small pale green towel off the side as Dawn sat down. The Wicca gently smoothed the towel over Dawn's hair as she squatted in front of the teenager.

"It's really wet out." Dawn whispered as she slumped in her spot letting Tara ring out her hair.

"Let's get that jacket off." Tara encouraged as she gently rubbed the long brown hair between her hands and the towel. Dawn silently obeyed her instructions.

"I was at the arcade but they closed, then I went to the Taco Shack but everyone went home so I had no where to go." Dawn sniffled.

"You always have somewhere to go Dawnie, always, you'll always have me." Tara underlined as she took the teenager's jacket and put it on the drying rack.

"You're not mad?" Dawn looked up at her blinking big brown doe eyes. Tara turned to look at Dawn and shook her head.

"I'm not mad you're here no, but maybe just a little mad you didn't call me, Dawn I could have come and got you." Tara suddenly realized that she needed something warm and dry to wrap the teenager in and the only things she had were in her closet.

"I was going too... then I didn't." Dawn looked down playing with the long sleeves of her sweater.

"Let me just get you something dry from the CLOSET." Tara hoped she hadn't made the word sound too obvious as she made her way over to the white painted door. She closed her hand around it making she her body was between it and Dawn's eye line. Dawn nodded still playing with her sweater.

Buffy in the meantime had done her best to quietly get changed back into her mostly damp clothes. So when the door opened she was able to have the jogging set held out for Tara. Tara closed her hands around the pile, her fingers resting briefly over the Slayer's. She bit her lip as she felt Buffy's warm fingertips on her skin.

"They're gonna be big on you." She warned not wanting to move from her place but slowly she let her fingers pull the soft fleecy set back. She grabbed a t-shirt as she locked eyes with the Slayer.

Buffy felt her stomach flip flop as the blonde tried to relay so much with the brief contact. She gave a short silent nod to tell her it was okay, the main thing was taking care of Dawn. Tara moved back from the door and closed it gently

"Here we go." She said tenderly. "Off with wet sweater, on with large fluffy Tara thing." Tara pulled the zipper of the gray fleece right down turning it into more of a cardigan to go over the 'Sunnydale University' t-shirt.

Dawn followed her instructions silently and they soon had her in the dry warm clothes.

"These long on you?" Dawn reached down to undo the rolls in the blue pant legs so that her ankles weren't hanging out.

"I like to roll them up when I get out of the shower, so I don't get the cuffs wet." Tara thought of the first thing in her head. "And I like to mix and match." She added trying to explain why she obviously was wearing the matching bottoms to top and visa-versa. "What's happened Dawn?"

"I don't know if I can tell you, it's so horrible." Dawn curled up with her legs to her chest in the chair.

"Dawn there's nothing you can't tell me." Tara knelt back down on the floor beside the chair. "Nothing at all." She stressed.

"Buffy is sleeping with Spike." Dawn spat the words out in a disgusted whisper. Tara took a breath in through her nose slowly. "She'd rather spend time with a dead vampire cause she hates it at home, she hates everybody, she hates me." She ended with another sniffle.

"Who told you this?" Tara asked reaching up to stroke Dawn's arm comfortingly. "And I am sure Buffy doesn't hate you." She added quietly.

"Spike told Willow, then I heard Willow make Buffy tell her the truth." Dawn filled in the details missing the point.

"What did Buffy say?" Tara pushed carefully not for one moment stopping her comforting moves.

"She said I was too young and it wasn't really my business who she slept with." Dawn's breathing was erratic and showed she was on the brink of a huge wave of tears.

"Did she?" For the first time Tara was truly surprised. "Dawnie come here." Tara opened her arms and leaned up, Dawn moved into the hug offered heavily. "Let it go sweetie." She encouraged rubbing the teenager's back over and over as she held her tightly.

"Then she started going on about how it didn't matter, that it was the past and she was trying to focus on us now. But its all lies, it's all cause she just didn't want anyone to know how disgusting she is." Dawn finally started sobbing as she rambled on.

"That's it…" Tara soothed rubbing her hand in a large circle on the fleece top.

"I hate her, I hate her." Dawn squeaked not really meaning the words but so devastated she relied on the usual teenager over reaction.

"No, no you don't." Tara disagreed gently. "You're confused, angry, and hurt, but you don't hate her Dawnie."

"She hates me." Dawn went to the other extreme. "You're the only one who loves me."

"I do love you." Tara confirmed. "I love you very much, but I know that Buffy loves you too."

"She doesn't, she hates everything, and she hates that she's alive." Dawn clung tighter to the blonde.

"Dawnie…" Tara gently moved the teenager back so she could look into water filled brown eyes. "Why do you think Buffy didn't tell you about Spike?" She asked making sure she never broke their eye contact not even for an instant.

"Don't you think it might have been because she cares for you so much she did want you to think less of her? That perhaps she did not like what she was doing with him? Perhaps she was ashamed of what was going on?" Tara suggested keeping firm but loving eye contact.

"Why would she do it if she was ashamed of it?" Dawn didn't understand as she reached up and wiped her cheeks.

"Well." Tara shifted herself a little to actually sit on the floor holding Dawn's hands in her lap. "Think for a moment…" Tara began. "What if there was something you did that you didn't really like doing, but you cant seem to stop. Something that you know is wrong." Tara pointed out. "But that makes you feel something, when you do it."

"But Buffy doesn't do that stuff." Dawn stuck up for the ideal of her sister she held in her head. "She always does what's right."

"Everyone does it Dawnie. Even the best people in the world do it." Tara squeezed the teenager's hands.

"She could have told us, talked to us." Dawn bit her lip. "She never tells us anything, she just mopes around like the world has ended."

"That's so good Dawnie." Impulsively Tara held the young girl tightly again. "I hoped you would tell me. But think, why would you tell me?" The Wicca pushed softly.

"Cause, cause I'd know you'd listen." Dawn stopped now really wanted to think about this. She was mad, mad at Buffy and it felt right to be mad at her. "I don't understand why she's not happy." Dawn spoke in a whisper. "She's alive, she's home."

"She never talks to me, she just tells me she'll figure everything out and go do my homework." Dawn sniffled again softly. "It's like she doesn't feel anything."

"Dawn what I want you to do for me now won't be easy but I want you to try ok." Tara said softly making sure the teenager could at all times see her face. Dawn nodded. "What was the worst thing that has ever happened to you?"

"Now what stops you feel like that?" Tara's voice was soft and warm like hot chocolate with marshmallow.

"So why does being with Spike make her feel better? There are a million other things we could do." Dawn questioned.

"Did she say it made her feel better, or just that it made her feel something?" Tara asked gently.

"I don't know." Dawn shook her head. "Spike said it was because they were in love."

"Dawn, I would never ever say to you that you are too young to understand something." Tara began taking a slight breath in. "But honestly…" She took another breath her pale cheeks blushing slightly. "I think some of this is just about." She paused again. "Well let's just say some of it isn't about feeling anything at all, at least not emotional." Tara tried to talk herself out of having to clarify further.

"It's just about sex?" Dawn tried to understand, not really catching the blonde's discomfort and caused Tara to look up.

"Dawnie, shouldn't you be asking Buffy this?" Tara replied though she did desperately want to have all the answers for the teenager.

"Okay." Dawn nodded and yawned slightly. Her emotional evening had taken its toll on her.

Tara was about to suggest taking her home but stopped when faced with those eyes.

"I don't take up much room." Dawn hugged her and moved over as instructed. "There's room for both of us." She suggested not liking the idea of Tara being on the floor.

"Is that a way of trying to get a head rub?" Tara gave another of her characteristic smiles. Dawnie just gave her a very big smile as she got under the covers. "Dawn…" Tara said as she crossed over and just sat on the bed. "Thank you for coming to me." The Wicca encouraged. "Now you settle down I have some studying to do."

"Sleep tight" Tara leaned over and kissed her head crossing over to the desk taking her classics book from the top of the pile.

Tara became aware of the swift change in the teenager's breathing and glanced over to her getting up off the chair she crossed to the bed making sure that Dawn was deeply asleep.

The teenager didn't move or even flinch, her breathing stayed deep and steady even when Tara leaned over and again kissed the crown of her head.

Buffy had stuffed herself down into one side corner, half sitting on a pile of sweaters and books. She tried to get as far away as she could when she'd realized in the closet she could hear everything that was being said. She had her hands up over her ears trying to block it out, and she hadn't even realized that everything had gone silent.

"I'm sorry." Tara apologized as she let a thin stream of light from the room flood the closet.

Buffy shook off the apology as the light made her turn her head towards the door.

"She's asleep." Tara whispered as she held her and out towards Buffy beckoning with it.

The Slayer took it, not using it really to lift herself out of her position as she was extracted from the closet. Quietly not wanting to risk any more words they moved over to the door.

The Slayer stealthy opened the door and retreated out into the safety of the hallway. Everything that the Slayer had been forced to listen too had put her in full retreat mode. Tara slipped out of the room with her, making sure the latch was off. Buffy barely managed to hang there in the hall as the Wicca sorted the door.

"Buffy?" Tara said tenderly, her hand automatically reaching out to cup Buffy's cheek. Buffy's eyes fluttered closed briefly as the Wicca touched her face. "Are you okay?"

"She hates me." Buffy frowned. "I keep trying and trying, and she still hates me."

"Then you didn't hear enough." Tara stated hating the empty sad look in Buffy's eyes.

"Don't you?" Tara questioned her voice trembling slightly as suddenly her world wavered.

"Yes." Buffy's eyes flicked back meeting blue. "I didn't think I'd have to leave tonight." She admitted softly.

"I didn't want you to." Tara gave the Slayer the truth as her reward for her own honesty. "I don't want you to." She underlined.

"Tara?" A sleepy eyed Dawn poked her head out of the doorway and went wide-eyed when she saw her sister. "Buffy." She spoke the name with an unrecognizable emotion.

"Dawn?" Tara turned round and looked at the sleepy eyed girl. "Buffy…" She opened her mouth to explain.

"No, Dawn." Buffy shook her head. "It doesn't take a genius to figure out you're not at Karen's when I went by with the homework you forgot." She made the small white lie to get the Wicca out of any trouble.

"You were checking up on me!" Dawn instantly challenged unsure quite why she went on the defensive.

"You forgot your homework, I thought you might need it since you were over at Karen's studying." Buffy felt herself instantly rise to meet the younger girl's anger and she tried to soften her words.

"I might not have needed that bit of work? Do you think I'm stupid or something?" Dawn didn't let her aggression stopped.

"How can I trust you when you lie about where your going, skip school whenever you feel like it and steal whatever isn't nailed down?" Buffy challenged back.

"And you set me such a good example don't you?" Dawn snapped back her hands planted firmly on her hips. "Have you been out banging Spike and decided to snoop in on me on your way home? You could have at least got your shirt on the right way round."

All of Tara's soothing words vanished form the teenager's brain as she was faced with her sister.

"Fine, don't! Don't expect me home ether!" Dawn yelled down the corridor. "I'm staying here with Tara!"

"P-P-Perhaps you should go back inside." She suggested to the teenager trying to find a way to diffuse the situation.

Buffy felt like the world was shifting underneath her. The contentment and safety within Tara's arms was so sharply contrasted to the bright hard world again. It hurt her eyes and it seared her skin as she tried to walk away from the center of the torrent.

All of it could easily explain how she missed the little yellow plastic cone that warned the floor was wet after being recently mopped by the janitor. None of her usual reflexes kicked in as her footing slipped away and she fell backwards, the back of her head striking into the tiling with a sick thud.

"Goddess, no!" Tara's scream was loud and high pitched as she watched the Slayer slip and hit the ground, the pool of red that instantly began to well around the blonde halo of hair mocking the Wicca blanch white before she started her own run down the hall.

Dawn, who had barely made it back to the bed, turned and raced back into the hall when she heard the Wicca scream. She skidded down to a halt when she saw Tara coming down on her knees beside Buffy and the pool of blood.

"Buffy?" Her voice squeaked in fear as her mind registered two things: her sister was lying prone on her back and blood.

"Dawnie, 911." Tara's voice trembled as she traced a shaking finger across Buffy's forehead her other hand slipping round Buffy's head.

"Dawnie." Tara took a breath reigning in her initial fear. "Come here sweetie." She lifted her hand from Buffy's forehead and reached up and out towards the teenager.

"No." Tara said instantly the first thing the Wicca had noted was the steady rise and fall of the Slayer's chest. "She's banged her head." Tara kept her voice even though her heart was truly in her throat as there was a lot of blood. Tara wasn't good with blood. Dawn finally moved again coming over next to Tara.

"Buffy?" Tara whispered turning back to look at the Slayer when Dawn approached.

"Is everyone okay?" She managed the worried question not able to remember what hit her.

"We're fine." Tara underlined. "You've hurt your head." She turned to Dawn. "Take her hand Dawn I need to go and get towels."

"That would explain the pain." Buffy closed her eyes again. The teenager did as she was told. "It's alright Dawn." Buffy held tighter when she felt her sister's hand.

"It's only a little." Buffy soothed without thinking about it or even knowing how bad it was. "And I heal quick remember."

Tara pushed herself to her feet and was about to move back down the hall when the door to her left opened. A young student stood there holding a towel out.

"I heard the crash." She explained as Tara smiled thankfully and took it. "I called the R.A. too, she's on her way." The young woman explained.

Tara hung in the entrance lobby of the accident department walking round in a small circle biting her lip and humming nervously. Dawn had gone through with Buffy to have her head x-rayed and stitched which left her on waiting for transport duty that was coming in the form of Xander at least that's what she thought. No decision had been made as to whether or not Buffy would be staying in, but which ever it was, they still needed someone there with a car, if only to get Dawnie home.

"Hi." Willow hovered near the line of waiting room chairs. She'd arrived a few moments before and it had taken her all this time to get her nerve up.

"They're x-raying." Tara replied. "Dawn's with her." Tara didn't think she could feel worse but the look of worry on her former lover's face made her heart sink to a new low.

"Xander's parking the car." Willow made a slight gesture out to the doors. She couldn't believe how strained things were as she wrapped her arms around her slim frame, her curls coming down over her face slightly.

"Dawn's fine." Tara added she wasn't sure the hacker had been told what had happened. "Buffy just fell."

"No demons? Or those three idiots?" Willow questioned breathing a sigh of relief.

"Mmmmm." Tara couldn't keep up the smile she dropped her head and wished her hair wasn't pinned up.

An awkward silence swept in and engulfed them. Willow knew she could say anything, should say something, but she couldn't. What could she say?

"They've been going through a hard time." Willow tried to explain. "We all have." She added looking back down.

"I suppose I should go." Tara inched a little towards the door. "If she's coming home you can sign the form, you're her next of kin." The Wicca pointed to the busy nurses station.

"It's okay, it's just stitches. The nurse is just finishing them." Dawn looked relieved. "Buffy says she needs to talk to you before you go." The teenager looked over at Willow.

"She's behind the curtain with the four on it." Dawn moved over to the hacker. She sat down in the chair next to her.

Pulling back the curtain as she slipped beyond it, Tara didn't look up as she moved forward. Everything inside her aching with the mixture of emotions that battled inside her

Buffy's head turned as the Wicca entered the curtained off area. Sitting on the side of the stretcher, she knew that she was not the prettiest sight. As though the nurse had tried, a lot of her hair was still covered in dried blood.

Buffy didn't say anything; she just leaned up and forward to the woman before her and pressed their lips together.

Tara felt herself literally nearly topple forward, she reached out and had to hold onto the edge of the stretcher pulling her head back from the unexpected kiss.

"Steady, you shouldn't move too much." She whispered her blue eyes actually flickered up to look at Buffy.

"I wanted you to know I was sorry." Buffy whispered putting her hand down over the one Tara was using to steady herself.

"Sorry?" Tara shook her head confused her heart melting at the sight of the wounded Slayer.

"For worrying you, and not doing so well with Dawn." Buffy didn't know what possessed her, maybe it was the pounding jackhammer of a headache, maybe it was the numb feeling from the anesthetic they'd given her for the stitches, maybe it was just she was tired. But she sat back down fully and just leaned forward resting her head on the blonde's shoulder.

Tara wanted to give in to this to just close her arms around the Slayer and hold her lightly whispering words of calm and encouragement, but she hesitated. Tara dropped a kiss carefully on Buffy's head.

"I can't Buffy." She whispered in tears as she pulled away. "Willow's here." She whispered her lips trembling as her heart broke.

"Oh." Buffy felt the blonde and the little stability she had been feeling slip away. "Did you talk to her?" She asked her voice even.

Tara shook her head. Buffy slipped up to stand, finding the world a lot less shaky then the last time she had tried.

"Make sure you take a taxi home, don't walk." Buffy whispered as she dug money out of her pocket and reached over tucking it into Tara's coat.

"Buffy for what its worth…" Tara took a tight sad breath. "I don't want to go home without you."

"I don't want to either." Buffy stopped her hand on the curtain that would put them out into the world again. "Can I see you tomorrow?" She questioned her voice getting softer.

"I'd doing the guard." Tara reminded the Slayer of the vague plan to put up the vampire guard around the house.

"Yes." Tara stepped closer to Buffy and closed her arms around the Slayer. "It's a yes." She breathed tears onto soft cotton.

As Buffy pulled back and stepped away, from outside the curtain in the shadows a figure similarly moved away.

"Remember take a taxi home." Buffy reminded the Wicca before she went through the doors to face agony again.

The Slayer's words reached the ears of the peroxide vampire who drew his face up into a tight snarl and slinked away with an angry swish of his long leather duster.

Tara couldn't face going back through the main waiting area so she carefully moved through the building to a different exit pushing open the large swing door with hard effort not expecting the bitter icy wind that hit her as she stepped outside.

"You should listen to the Slayer when she tells you to go home the safe way little bird." Spike stepped out of the shadow seemingly unaffected by the cold.

"S-S-S-Spike." Tara was completely unprepared for seeing the vampire. "Why are you..." She frowned and stopped herself.

"You know you're a funny little bird." He looked her up and down. "I wouldn't have taken you for being such a goer, but apparently I was wrong."

"A goer?" Tara queried not liking the way the conversation was heading. She began walking away from the vampire.

"Look little bird, you and Red just had a tiff. No need to go ruining everything. Leave Buffy to me and everything will work out fine." He didn't heed her words.

"Yeah." He laced his thumb into his belt his fingers sprayed out purposely indicating to a specific area of his anatomy. "You don't got what makes our Slayer happy little bird."

"Leave Buffy alone." Tara didn't even bother looking at Spike's body language, she just delivered her ultimatum quietly.

"You and you're witchy mojo don't scare me little girl. Red's the only one with real power and she ain't doing much of anything anymore." Spike stepped closer. "So be a good girl and leave the Slayer to me, I'll take good care of her." He winked at Tara.

In an uncharacteristic move, Tara folded her arms across her chest and met Spike's eyes.

"Spike you may have that." Tara glanced downwards very briefly. "But you don't have anything else Buffy could ever need. Including the power to stop any human being getting to her." She underlined.

"You think you're so smart don't you?" He sneered at her. "I might not be able to do anything to you or the others, but I can bloody well hurt her. I saw how much a couple of stitches broke you up, how you gonna feel when I really lay a beating on her?"

"I do love her, I just gotta contend with the rest of you living breathing goody two shoes thinking you can do better by her than me." He snapped back.

Tara so wanted to turn and challenge the vampire again, but she couldn't she just didn't have the strength. With tears staining her chilled cheeks she just continued her walk home.

Buffy watched with her sister as Tara finished the last of the spell to reseal the house. She'd known that Tara would show up, she'd even known that the blonde would take the spell very seriously. But something in the air seemed tense for a reason Buffy couldn't pinpoint. It had been awkward when she'd told Willow what was going on, and the hacker had slipped out earlier. Whether it was because of the magic or Tara or both, Buffy didn't know.

"It's not the hardest of spells." Tara smiled warmly. "But its effective." She underlined for Buffy's sake.

"We don't have ice cream." The teenager looked at her sister and held out her hand.

Tara watched the interactions softly, things seemed slightly easier between the sisters but there was obviously much unresolved.

"I'll get whipped cream too." Dawn took the money and slipped on her jean jacket as she went to the door.

"I want change!" Buffy called as the tall brunette darted outside pretending not to hear.

Tara didn't reply in words she just tried a convincing smile and shrug. Buffy leaned on the wall near the blonde deciding on another approach she'd figured out in a short time.

"I'm sorry about the whole dramatic exit." She reached up running her fingers through her hair.

"Its alright." Tara was quite pleased that Buffy had mentioned the previous night. It let her mention what she had wanted to since arriving. She hadn't gotten a wink of sleep when she got back to her dorm. Her sleepless a mixture of emotion from her run in with Willow and then Spike, her feelings for Buffy and her worry for Dawn. Tara had channeled her efforts into fashioning a ward charm for the Slayer, which would give her at least some protection from anything she encountered on patrol, well especially, Spike.

"I m-m-made this for you." Tara whispered quietly as she looked at Buffy. She slid her hand into the pocket of her pink jeans and pulled out a short leather cord with an intricate central design that looked as if it had been weaved or knotted.

"It goes around your wrist." Tara went on to add. "Yes." She reached to drop the band in Buffy's hand.

"It's nice." Buffy held it for a moment. "Can you tie it on for me?" She offered it back.

"Wh-What? Oh yes." Tara took the leather and placed it carefully around Buffy's wrist, she secured it and then pulling her hands back. "There you go."

Buffy looked down at it, following the blonde's hands back to her body. Slowly her eyes made their way up to meet blue.

Buffy smiled back as she gapped the distance between them and kissed her urgently. The weight and pressure of Buffy's lips on her own almost made Tara weak at the knees, as she remembered the difference between such a kiss and others she had experienced. Without thinking Tara slipped her arms around Buffy's waist, an unusual position for the Wicca who was used to looping her arms around her partner's neck but she didn't for a second question it. It felt right. It was right, right for her and Buffy.

Buffy slid her arms up, holding them loosely around Tara's neck as the kiss didn't end, but meshed from one to another in a long wet line.

Tara couldn't believe how good it felt to hold the Slayer closer. She knew that physically she had missed being with someone, Willow had been the most tactile lover she had ever had, and it was impossible not to miss that, of course it wasn't the only thing she missed. She missed Willow in her entirety but she did know that she couldn't yet even think about being with her again.

'And Buffy was, Buffy was...' The Slayer's voice interrupted her thoughts as well as their kiss.

"We should..." Buffy pulled back after a long while so their lips were apart. "With Dawn..." Her breathing was quicker than its normal steady pace as her eyes traced over Tara's lips. Buffy didn't heed her own words as she pressed their lips together again.

The break wasn't long enough to break Tara's mindset though, especially as the Slayer's lips returned to her own seconds later, this time a little open and a little more insistent. Tara closed her eyes and put a little pressure on the hold she had around Buffy.

Before last night Tara had been vaguely attracted to the Slayer and of course she'd loved Buffy to a level that was as close and deep as it could be in friendship. But with the events of last night, Tara realized that out of everyone it was Buffy that brought out something else within her. She brought out the lioness, the protector. Tara needed to be there for Buffy, it was the only thing that made sense to her, the only thing she wanted to do. On top of that, she had to admit to herself that amongst the feelings of commitment her heart had made to the Slayer in friendship, something much bigger was demanding recognition.

The Slayer's body melted easily against the blonde's as it was urged, giving in that subtle way that showed she felt safe. Tara broke their kiss as some small part of her mind actually listened to Buffy's earlier point

"You're right." Buffy nodded a slightly silly smile on her face as Tara pulled her hands back.

"I'll make sure we have milk." She moved to the kitchen. "You have milk." She reassessed quickly and wasn't surprised when Buffy followed her.

"Do I get to see you later?" Buffy questioned knowing that if she waited till later she might not be able to ask.

"Yes." Buffy nodded moving over and placing her hand over the one that Tara still had on the door to the fridge.

"Goddess you are beautiful." Tara's voice breathed as she moved forward pressing her lips to Buffy's in a sudden impulse. Buffy's arms slipped back around Tara's shoulders automatically as she soon found the fridge pressed to her back.

"I should be thinking about your head." Tara pulled her lips away quickly and managed to get the words out before pressing them back against the Slayer's. This time with her lips open her tongue grazing Buffy's lip. Buffy's mouth opened to her fully letting the kiss go much deeper. Tara moaned softly before giving in to explore the depth Buffy offered her. Her brain was heady and fuzzy with warmth and feeling as she kissed slightly harder. Buffy's fingers played over the sensitive skin of Tara's neck as they kissed deep and slow.

"We should." Tara pulled back breathing fast. "Stop." She added her fiery blue eyes staring into Buffy's.

"You didn't answer my question." Buffy held the blue unable to believe the depth of passion she saw ignited there for her. "Can I see you later?"

If almost on cue, the front door opened with a whoosh as Dawn returned from the corner store.

Buffy laughed and squeezed the hand in her own tighter as they made their way back towards Tara's dorm. They had met at the coffee shop, sort of a tradition now, but had quickly decided to head to Tara's, especially knowing that Buffy had to be home at a decent time for Dawn which didn't leave them much actual time together.

"You have a very cheeky sense of humor." Buffy grinned as they lights of the dorm began looming ahead at the end of the path.

"It's a very good cheeky sense of humor." Buffy noted and was about to say more when the serenity of their evening was broken.

"Well, well, well." Spike dropped his cigarette and rubbed it out with the toe of his boot. "I might have known I'd find you with her."

"Leave." Tara whispered staring at the vampire, closing her fingers tight around Buffy's hand.

Buffy looked at him and felt a sharp wave of nausea hit her as she remembered everything they had done.

"Little Bird I got something to discuss with the Slayer, why don't you run along and tuck up for the night." Spike waved her off focusing on Buffy.

"Are you sure." Tara ignored Spike's presence looking only at Buffy. She gently rubbed her thumb over Buffy's wrist, unnoticed she rubbed directly over the leather band round the Slayer's wrist.

Tara just had to pull back and walk away, her heart aching as she put some distance between them.

"Spike, it's over." Buffy stated firmly. "Whatever sick depraved thing was going on between us is over."

"Just cause you're getting a bit of the girl on girl hot stuff with her doesn't mean this is over." He shook his head knowingly.

"First off, what Tara and I do or don't do is none of your business." Buffy stood her ground angered by his comment. "And secondly it doesn't matter, this is over."

"So, Red really did the wrong thing ditching Blondie?" Spike looked vaguely impressed. "It's always the quiet ones eh?" He pushed. "Does she make you scream like I do?" He asked in a low voice.

"I'm not having this conversation with you." Buffy shook her head refusing to rise to his taunts. "It's over."

"Oh you are having this discussion with me." Spike growled. "You think you can use me and walk away Buffy?"

"Considering you used me too, yep." Buffy nodded and began doing just that as she walked towards the dorms to follow Tara.

"Buffy!" Spike called jogging after her, he ran in front and forced Buffy to stop.

"I-I told you I love you. We could be happy Buffy." He filled his voice with pain.

"Spike, you don't love. You spent how many years trying to kill me and that chip in your head..." She poked him hard in the temple. "Does not make you capable of love, it only means that you can't be your usual depraves self so you are finding other ways. Mostly by figuring if you can't kill me sleeping with me is the next best thing."

"Bet you'd rather me kill you, come on Buffy I know what's going on in your head, I know the emptiness, you don't belong here any more." He baited her. "I understand that."

"You understand one thing Spike, and this is how to manipulate a moment to your advantage." Buffy shook her head. "But that moment is over."

"Come on Buffy hurt me!" Spike urged her to do something. "You know you want to." He beckoned the Slayer forward to engage him.

Buffy looked at him for a moment, she looked long and hard. She tried to see in him what she had previously but found that the feelings that rose up weren't unbeatable and most importantly, they weren't the only thing she had in her life.

"I want to go have coffee with Tara and then go home to make sure Dawn gets to sleep at a decent time." She summed up what was truly the agenda in her heart and mind.

"What is this Buffy?" Spike through his hands up. "One minute your shagging me till you can't walk straight and now I'm not worth punching?" He scoffed. "Has witchy mouse cast some spell on you, you know if she's messing with your mind, I can fix her, I have friends." Spike offered. "You never can trust a witch."

"No, she just helped me remember I'm alive." Buffy ignored his pathetic attempt at reasoning.

"Alive? You're not alive slayer? You're wrong, remember you should be dead." He stuck his face close to Buffy's.

"I'm not like you Spike. I don't drink blood to survive, I can go out in the sunlight. I sleep and I breathe and I cry and I laugh." She met his aggression with a calm voice.

"Give it up Spike, I am alive." She shook her head and sidestepped away from him.

"I won't let this happen." Spike launched himself at Buffy grabbing her legs and pulling her hard and fast to the floor. The Slayer hit the ground with a dull thud but as she did a wall of pain hit Spike as if he had been the one hitting the path. "What the…" He growled vamping instantly.

Buffy put her hand up to stop her hard meeting with the ground, her head jolting from the movement and her eyes welling with pain induced tears as the stitches in her head pulled. She turned just in time to see him morph with the pain. Seeing teeth bared she pushed herself up and bobbed into a fighting stance.

"Me being stupid? I'm not the one shagging some half measure witch who can't even talk." He fell into a similar fighting stance.

"Take that back!" She spun and hit him with a kick to the face that made him fly down to the ground.

"There's my slayer." He laughed. "Just had to wake you up and get your furnace burning."

"I AM NOT YOUR SLAYER!" Buffy screamed at him poised for a second to hit him again when she stopped herself. With a deep breath she dropped her arms. "It's over." She repeated again.

"You know don't yeah, if I get this chip out the first one I gonna drain will be your little bird." He watched her fight her anger. "I'm gonna find out just how sweet she tastes." He growled watching Buffy's face as he spoke.

"The night you get that chip out is the same night you die." She growled back at him the image making her heart miss a beat with fear.

"You wouldn't do it, if you were gonna stake me you'd have done it years ago. Face it slayer there's something between us, something Red's cast off could never touch." He made one last dig trying to get a rise out of her.

"Or maybe it'd be worth the pain to drain her now." He called after Buffy. "Wanna watch?"

She ignored him as she walked away. She knew in her heart she would never let his words come true, even if at the moment she didn't believe them to be anything more than an idle threat. She'd die before she let him hurt Tara.

Tara sat by the window, the sheer curtain pulled back as se scanned the campus below. Of course there was only a slim chance Buffy would return to the dorm this way, but she irrationally wanted to take any chance she could at seeing the Slayer coming. Just to know she was safe.

"Anything good down there?" Buffy whispered over the blonde's right shoulder as she looked out the window with her.

"Buffy?" Tara's voice stuck in her throat as she turned quickly to look into hazel eyes.

"Right here." Buffy nodded at the frightened blue eyes. "You okay?" She reached up and gently moved the hair back off Tara's face.

"No." Tara shook her head as she answered honestly; she studied Buffy face and body for signs of injury.

"He tripped me, sorta pathetic for him." Buffy admitted with a smile as she reached out and brush her thumb over Tara's cheek. "But it's okay."

"It's okay, Spike's chip is even working again." Buffy grinned and then leaned in to kiss her tenderly.

"When he tripped me he totally got brain pain and vamped out." Buffy smiled and kissed her again. "So no worries."

"For what?" The Wicca quizzed, she turned lightly on her chair and encouraged Buffy to ease down onto her lap.

"Well first for..." Buffy hesitated for a moment afraid she was too heavy before she finally let go of the idea and settled down. "Trusting that I could face him..." She kissed Tara lightly. "Secondly for being ready to kick his shins." She gave the Wicca a knowing smile.

Tara giggled softly and secured the Slayer on her lap by putting her arms around Buffy's waist.

It was becoming a very comfortable pose for them she realized. It made her feel safe, made that falling feeling she had in her chest most of the time stop as she had someone very stable to hold onto.

"If you see Spike lurking around or if he comes to see you anything tell me right away, okay?" Buffy let one hand slip into silky blonde tresses.

"Because he might have that chip in his head but he's dangerous." Buffy explained. "And I don't want him anywhere near you, or anyone else I love."

"You can trust me to watch over Dawn, I wouldn't let him hurt her." Tara said, not quite picking up on the right point.

"Tara..." Buffy shifted slightly so that she could look the blonde directly in the eye. "I know you would do anything to protect Dawn but this isn't just about protection Dawn."

"I need you to be safe." Buffy clarified softly running her fingers back through the hair at the blonde's temple.

"I promise to do that if you promise to always keep this." Tara ran her fingers over the leather band.

"Then so do I." Tara vowed. "Buffy I..." She began looking deep onto the Slayer's hazel eyes. "I wish you could stay." She whispered.

"So do I." Buffy nodded. "Oh I almost forgot. How free is your schedule this weekend?" She smiled again.

"It's free, just a study buddy meeting that is begging to be cancelled." Tara laughed softly.

"I know but it means..." Buffy shifted a bit closer. "No one expecting me at home."

"Does that mean you'll stay Friday night?" Tara's face turned into a beam as she realized what it did indeed mean.

"I want to, if you want me too." Buffy answered slightly nervous as she licked her lips. They had seemed to get so close to this so many times only to have something interrupt.

"Then it's a date." Buffy said the phrase without thinking and then smiled brighter.

"A date." Some things didn't change Tara thought as she found herself blushing at the thought.

Buffy came into Dawn's room, she made quick work of tucking the small folded pile of clothes away. The teenager was contemplating the age-old dilemma of the size of a suitcase versus the amount of stuff you wanted to pack.

"I'm not sure, I mean what do I wear?" Dawn huffed lightly and flopped on the bed dramatically.

"Something easy to get in and out of, knowing Anya you'll have to try on a lot of different dresses." Buffy added the laundry to the pile on the chair.

"Oh yeah. Lots of great stuff." Buffy nodded sitting on the bed. "If I wasn't strangely one of the groomsmen I'd be going in a heartbeat."

"I don't know how Willow is going to manage with the itty-bitty bag that she took to classes this morning. I didn't think she had classes today." Dawn added as an after thought.

"They're probably revision classes or something they have exams coming up." Buffy suggested. "You know how serious Willow is about school."

"Whatever they were they must be important I mean Willow was out of here like a shot this morning. Then again we ran into Spike last night coming back from the magic shop, while you went on patrol, I thought for a minute she was gonna blow her no magic thing, he got her pretty fired up somehow." Dawn stopped and shrugged. "She didn't though, she just backed down and walked away, which is great right?"

"It's great." Buffy agreed she was indeed pleased at the progress her best friend was making, she made a mental note to book herself some best friend time to tell her just that. She also noted how important it was to stress with Willow that Spike was to be avoided at all costs.

"Did you hear what Anya asked Tara to do in the wedding?" Dawn asked suddenly as she pulled her legs round to sit crossed legged on the bed.

Buffy racked her brain but couldn't remember the blonde mentioning it. No wait, she did, they'd been a little preoccupied at the time.

"She hasn't said yes." Dawn thought about it. "Perhaps you could talk her into it?" The teenager suggested.

"I have magical convince Tara power eh?" Buffy smiled and began helping fit Dawn's stuff into the suitcase.

"What are talking about? I don't see her that often, you see her more." Buffy tried not to stiffen as she tucked socks into a pair of sneakers.

"Oh so it was a different Buffy she was meeting for coffee yesterday when she picked me up to take me sneaker shopping?" Dawn asked. "It's okay Buffy, it's nice that you're keeping an eye on her like I asked you to." The teenager said smiling. "Its great that you, you know listened to me."

"It's not just that." Buffy admitted sitting back down on bed looking at her sister.

"I mean I'd look after her anyway, even if you hadn't of mentioned it." Buffy rolled up a pair of blue jeans.

"No, she's fine." The Slayer shook her head adamantly. "Dawnie, I didn't have a look." Buffy took a deep breath.

"I just wanted you to know I know you were worried about me but..." She finally looked at her sister. "Tara's helped me sort out a lot of things... like Spike." She admitted.

"I'm sorry I told her about that, it's just I can talk to her you know?" Dawn dropped her head a little looking a little guilty.

"It's okay." Buffy reached out and ran her hand over shiny long hair. "You were worried, it's allowed and Tara is the most trustworthy girl in the world. You can tell her anything Dawn."

"This is the first time I've been away from you for the weekend since..." Dawn didn't finish.

"If it makes you feel any better I'm meeting Tara later for dinner, since we're the only ones left in town." She smiled. "I want you to have fun this weekend, okay?" Dawn nodded softly. "And call if you need me." She underlined. "Or if Willow gets too fed up and begins to think throttling Anya with a dress is a good idea."

"Could I borrow this?" Dawn's hand went to Buffy's wrist, her fingertips lightly touching the leather strap across it. "You know a good luck memory thing?"

"I want it back on Sunday." Buffy smiled and shimmed the tight cord off her wrist. She slipped it onto Dawn's arm.

"Cool, wow, it's really warm." Dawn's finger traced over the leather now on around her wrist.

"Not sure, maybe that Thai place." Buffy stuffed in another shirt wondering to herself how Dawn planned on wearing six outfits in two days.

"But true." Buffy kept grinning as she pushed the cover down and forcibly zipped the suitcase up. "You sound like your trying to set me and Tara up." She didn't really know why she even made the joke. It was one of those half nervous half discovery ones, but whatever had been the reason she regretted it.

"You and Tara?" Dawn looked at her sister. "Tara would be crazy to date you." She shook her head laughing.

"Oh come on, am I that bad a choice?" She felt herself going down a bad road but she couldn't help it.

"I guess, if you were you know gay, then Tara could do worse." Dawn stayed sat on the bed watching her sister.

"You know I don't mean anything that I said in a bad way don't you?" Dawn checked her vice young and childlike as she saw Buffy's frown.

"Dawn it's okay." Buffy reached out and gently flicked her hair over her shoulder. "I know Tara is important to you."

"Come on before Anya has an aneurysm." Buffy picked up the suitcase and carried it downstairs.

Tara leaned back into the couch and looked off out into the kitchen where the Slayer had already packed away the cartons and dishes from their take out and was just clearing up the rotting banana skin she had discovered in the fridge when she had opened it. Buffy had blamed its appearance there on Dawn before hurriedly tidying it away.

Tara took the opportunity to look around the lounge. She was glad that everything looked just that little bit different in the Summers' house. Buffy, Dawn and presumably Willow had had a rearrange and there were new lamps and even a couple of side tables in the lounge now that made it feel very different. Though fundamentally it still felt like a good place to be.

"Do you want anything else? I think there is still ice cream from the shake fest." Buffy came back in and sat down next to her pulling one leg up under her.

"No, really I couldn't eat anything else." Tara shook her head and gave Buffy a bright smile. She was glad she had chosen to wear a simple but pretty button through blouse and a long almost matching skirt, as Buffy to had chosen to go with a neat but casual pair of dark jeans and short sleeve top.

"You're hair looks really nice like that." Buffy reached up to play with the small braid that went around the Wicca's ear.

"Momma used to do it for me like this, when we went to see people." Tara explained. "She said it made me look like a princess." She laughed somewhat nervously at the pleasure she gained from telling Buffy such little anecdotes.

"I think we're all princess' to our mothers and girl..." Tara stopped as she realized what she was about to say.

"It doesn't matter." Tara blushed red and shook her head, playing with one of the pretty braids self-consciously.

"You can tell me." Buffy shifted closer smiling at her blush as she rubbed her finger down the outside of Tara's ear.

"I was going to say mothers and g-g-g-girlfriends." Tara picked at a spot on her long skirt.

"Wow." Buffy whispered back a huge smile on her face. "And she's a princess." She traced her finger over Tara's ear again. "How lucky am I?" Tara laughed and shook her head.

'Buffy knows just what to say.' She though to herself. "Second in lucky only to me." She pointed out moving her hand from her skirt onto Buffy's leg.

"I don't want to ruin the mood..." Buffy smiled softly as she kept rubbing, leaning over to rest her head slightly on her arm and bring her closer to the blonde.

"But Dawn made an odd comment today about the amount of time we're spending together. Just in case she mentions it to you." Buffy's fingers never stopped.

"She'd just notice that we were spending a lot of time together and she thought it was a good thing. Keep her special Tara protected." Buffy summed up.

"That was probably my fault. Sorry Buffy I shouldn't have told her that we were having coffee, I should have know you'd want to keep it, us, quiet." Tara tried hard not to react but she couldn't help it.

"Tara...." Buffy stopped. "I thought you wanted to keep us quiet." She corrected softly.

"Why would I want that?" Tara asked gently she looked at the Slayer with loving blue eyes.

"Cause of Willow." Buffy answered with a soft honestly. She really didn't mean anything negative by the fact, just that it was there.

"I think possibly we should tell her before anyone else does, Dawnie too." Tara had given a lot of thought to this and had come to the only conclusion she could. Honest was always best, Willow deserved that at the very least.

"When?" Buffy agreed immediately. She hated keeping secrets from Dawn now, not happy ones at any rate.

"You are so amazing." Buffy leaned in again rubbing her thumb lightly down the Wicca's neck.

"We're not running anymore." Buffy whispered to her leaning in kissing her cheek.

"I'm not sure." Tara thought for a moment. "It'll be strange for her, but we shouldn't underestimate her either."

"Well she made a joke today that you could do worse than me." Buffy smiled a little. "She'll probably be more worried I'm going to hurt you." She frowned with her words.

"Well it's a good job I know you never would, never could." Tara smiled lovingly and moved her hand to stroke up and down Buffy's bare lower arm, when suddenly her hand stopped moving and her expression dropped.

"Oh." Buffy bit her lip. "Dawn was all worried before she left that I was going... well that something bad would happen cause this is the first time she's left me since..." She tried to find the right way to say this. "She asked me if she could have it for safety good luck. I told her only till she gets back on Sunday."

Tara picked up the Slayer's vague distress and forced herself to swallow her concern, instead she smiled and nodded knowingly.

"Typical Dawnie." She said finally. "Didn't happen to notice if a pair of my striped socks snuck in he luggage too did you?" The Wicca managed to chuckle.

"I did." Buffy smiled. "You're not happy." She noted seeing the hidden shadow in Tara's eyes. "I promise Sunday it'll be right back on my arm, I feel sorta naked without it."

"It s okay Buffy, its f-f-fine." Tara stressed. "You'll just have to wear me till you get it back." She stated without thinking about what she said.

"Either you just made the most cheeky comment I've ever heard from you or something else is up here." Buffy rubbed the blonde's leg. "Why is the bracelet so important?"

"Its just my way of keeping an eye on my girlfriend." Tara smiled blushing slightly as she realized the risqué level of her previous comment.

"Tara, what does that bracelet do?" Buffy kept rubbing her leg softly, not angry or anything like that just curious.

"It's what made his chip work isn't it?" The Slayer's mind snapped things together.

Tara's eyes filled with tears the instant Buffy worked out her spell, she nodded sadly looking exactly like she had the day almost two years before when her father had hunted her down to Sunnydale and she had cast a blindness spell on them all, which had nearly turned out so horribly for all of them.

"My secret protector." Buffy smiled. Part of her mind, that cold angry part that still lurked but was getting dimmer every day screamed, but the rest of her saw the truth in the Wicca's act. Tara hadn't done it to hurt her or deceive her; she'd done it to protect her. The bracelet didn't make it so that if she had wanted to she couldn't be with Spike; it had only made it so Spike couldn't hit her.

"I'm not mad." Buffy shook her head. "No matter what I chose you couldn't stand to know he was hitting me."

Tara blinked the tears from her eyes, her face lighting up with sudden love and adoration.

"You're too precious for that." The Wicca explained. "I couldn't let him do it to you, not even once more."

"I'll get it back from Dawn on Sunday." Buffy leaned closer. "Until then I think you better stay close by."

Buffy knew maybe she gave up on the little banter to quickly but she didn't care as she leaned forward and captured Tara's lips with her own.

Tara immediately closed her arms around Buffy's body, pulling her the short distance closer, until their bodies touched as they kissed. The feelings that flowed through her body were almost new to her, no, they were new to her, because this was Buffy, and this was new.

Buffy didn't really need the encouragement. She pressed forward as they became lost in the kiss. One hand played over the material of the skirt that covered Tara's knee, while the other lingered on her neck. For a moment the back of her mind went through a list as she counted off all the things that usually interrupted them, but for the first time she was able to cross them all off. Well except for one, she realized, the one that depended on whether Tara was ready to go further.

"Mmmm Buffy." Tara spoke, her voice light and melodious as she pulled back from the kiss but held the Slayer close. "I can't believe this." The trace of wonder was obvious in the Wicca's choice of words.

"This." Tara underlined stroking her hand along Buffy's leg a little. "Us." She clarified.

"Sshhh." Tara placed her finger on Buffy's lips. "We're not going to do this, ever, promise me." Tara found Buffy's eyes and held them. "We deserve this, we're both worthy of this." It took a lot for the witch to say the words but she managed to, and she meant them.

Leaving Willow had been the hardest thing she had ever had to do, but in the end she had had to make the right decision for her, she had had to value herself more than anything else. Doubting that worth now, would lead to all kinds of problems. Tara knew that and she wasn't about to spoil things with Buffy before they had even started.

For not the first time since this had started between them she questioned and tried to understand how it was that Willow had done such horrible things to the blonde. The idea of the Tara, who she was so closely pressed too and the Tara who had been with Willow, seemed two worlds apart. Though now she did understand a little more how this 'addiction' Willow was fighting must be so hard, it had ruined her everything and Willow would have to live with just having let that happen.

"I'm so glad you came over." Buffy whispered with a slow blink as she looked over the blonde's soft features.

Buffy leaned in and kissed her again, slowly, drawing out every movement and contact between them.

"So…" Tara took a slight breath after their kiss and played with the short cut ends of Buffy's long bob. "Am I staying?"

"I brought my pj's." Tara pointed to her shoulder bag, which was leaned against the stairs.

"Are you tired?" Buffy questioned her fingers again finding the soft flesh of Tara's earlobe as she outlined it softly.

"Not if it means you disappear and leave me to the sofa." Tara whispered. The last thing Tara wanted to do was sleep on the sofa but she felt she had to let Buffy decide exactly how fast and how far this was going.

"Who said anything about the sofa?" Buffy glanced at the object underneath them and shook her head.

"Just checking." Tara smiled the trademark smile that had been somewhat lacking in her life for the last few months.

"I mean we don't have too..." Buffy paused and licked her lips self-consciously remembering the heat of their most recent kiss. "I just want to be close to you." She boiled down to her most basic need.

"Same thoughts." Buffy nodded and leaned in kissing her again lightly. "Did you want to go up now?" Buffy questioned a little nervous. It was a strange yet not completely unenjoyable feeling. She guessed it was what everyone called butterflies, being the Slayer nervous anticipation wasn't something she could often afford. She'd thought about this, laid awake in her bed at night linking together little images of the Wicca in her mind. She'd even started a grease fire at work cause she gotten too distracted.

"There's no rush." Tara said gently but then she opened her mouth again to say something as she wound a blonde lock around her finger. "Well there might be some rush." She whispered as she leaned in and kissed Buffy's cheek lightly. "But we can watch the movie first." Tara offered.

"Well what movie did we get?" Tara asked as she glanced over to the video box on the table.

"Actually I had a bit of trouble at the store." Buffy admitted. "I know how much you like Angelina Jolie and Tomb Raider just came out on video so I tried to get that but they were all rented." She thought of the giant wall of covers and her own shock that they were all out. "So the little clerk helped me out and said she'd won a Golden Globe for this one so you might have seen it but it has to be good right?" She tried to move away as naturally as possible and quickly bought the tape back. "She's a super model or something, a real stretch for Angelina Jolie I suppose." She laughed softly.

"It's an amazing film." Tara smiled. "Buffy I could watch it over and over." She assured.

"The clerk guy kept raving about it. Something about the director's cut was the best, I guess it's like all those DVD's it has extra scenes or something." She smiled happy the blonde really liked the film and went over to pop it into the machine hitting play.

"Sofa or floor with cushions?" Tara asked watching Buffy move with a warm smile.

"Floor?" Buffy stopped short of sitting back down. "Let me get a blanket." The Slayer smiled and moved quickly upstairs to retrieve it.

"Perfect." Tara nodded and moved to make a comfy pile of cushions ready for the Slayer's return.

As she was gone the warnings standard and movie rating scrolled by harmlessly warning them of the films content. As the opening credits started they spread out the blanket and settled down for the film.

Tara smiled as Angelina Jolie purred the familiar line while gazing through the wire mesh towards the blonde make-up artist. With a smile to herself the blonde Wicca turned slightly more onto her side, her eyes flicking between the screen and the beautiful Slayer. Buffy's eyes hadn't really left the screen all the time the movie had been on but as the beautiful model had removed her clothing and was playing around on the set of the photo shoot the Slayer's attention had been almost unbreakable.

"Now I know why the clerk was grinning." Buffy swallowed as they women on screen began more boldly to touch each other, to say she was riveted was an understatement.

"I really didn't know this when I rented it." Buffy turned her head towards Tara her eyes taking a second to catch up. She blushed slightly as a moan growled from the screen.

"We don't have to watch it if you're not comfortable with it." Tara reached for the remote and pressed the pause button without looking up at the screen.

"No, it's not that." Buffy shook her head her attention on the Wicca now. "I just don't want you to think this was a big conspiracy." She blushed a little more.

"A conspiracy to what? Turn the lesbian to lesbianism? Turn your girlfriend on?" Tara turned her voice to a whisper.

"Is it really hot in here or is it just me?" Buffy smiled at Tara feeling the breath that came with the blonde's words settling on her flushed face.

"It's a little warm." Tara unfastened one of the buttons on her shirt. "So do you want to watch the rest of the movie?" She nodded to the screen for the first time glancing at it to see that she had managed to frame Angelina Jolie and Elizabeth Mitchell in a perfect mouth to mouth, naked body embrace. She quickly looked away, blushing almost as much as the Slayer was.

"Someday you can show me the ending." Buffy reached her hand out softly trailing her fingers down the Wicca's bare forearm, she couldn't remember when Tara had pushed the cuffs up to her elbows.

"You could be a model you know." Tara dropped the remote and turned to gaze at Buffy.

"You don't have to charm me I'm already yours." Buffy smiled and turned inwards putting their bodies closer together.

"Mine?" Tara's eyes misted, flooded with love and emotion suddenly as something once again underlined another difference between this and the relationship she had had with Willow. She had always been Willow's, she wasn't sure if Willow had ever been hers. Not that in any way the relationship had been imbalanced, just that that level of possession wasn't something that Tara had looked for, asked for. The fact that Buffy had just offered it without prompting took her breath away.

"Tara, you had a million and one reasons to run as fast and as far as you could get from all of this." Buffy reached up and cupped her cheek. Tara leaned her head into Buffy's hand as she spoke blinking for the Slayer to continue. "And in all of that, out of all of us..." She paused. "I'm the one who out of everyone you should have just thrown away." She didn't break eye contact with the blonde. She didn't mean the words against herself so much as she wanted to honestly frame the world. "But you didn't." She took a soft breath. "In all this wreckage, the debris of post Glory explosion... out of all of it you dug down and pulled me out." In an odd sensation Buffy felt her eyes get hot and heavy. "Willow might have brought my body back, but you gave me back my soul."

"I'm saving myself as much as I'm saving you." Tara breathed in softly and leaned forward placing kisses lightly on Buffy's eyelids, as they closed briefly. "I don't want to get heavy her and ruin this." She continued pulling back a little, her hand stroking gently up and down Buffy's thigh. "But…"

Buffy shook her head a little, nothing could get ruined, or at least she prayed it couldn't.

"I know what its like to feel hollow, raw. I lived all of my teenage life, believing, really believing that I was a demon." Tara's voice began to tremble a little. "And you…" She stopped and breathed again. "You are the only one, who can understand that, even to the smallest degree."

Buffy let her continue as she slid her hand down to her shoulder as if to steady Tara while she spoke.

"This might sound silly..." Buffy whispered. "But even if you'd grown horns or a tail on your birthday, you still would have been you." She placed her palm flat on the open triangle of skin below Tara's throat.

"Just like the person Willow brought back is you, but like I had to, you have to find yourself Buffy. Find out who you are. What you want." Tara added leaning forward so that her movement pushed Buffy's hand a little, tempting it to either let her get closer or hold her away.

"I want this." Buffy whispered the strength in her arm melting away so that Tara could come as close as she wanted. "I just don't know how to start." She admitted feeling shockingly stupid all of a sudden.

"Here let me help," Tara said smiling she moved her hands and unbuttoned the remaining five buttons on the blouse. "Help me take it off?" She asked gently shrugging the material towards her shoulders.

Buffy nodded as she slid her hand over warm skin pushing the material ahead of her down over Tara's shoulder and her arm.

"There you go. You're scoring a perfect ten so far." Tara said gently surprised a little as she sat with the Slayer seemingly at ease in only her white lacy bra and skirt.

Buffy breathed slowly out of her nose as she let her eyes drift over the blonde's body without trying to hide any of what the view was making her feel.

Buffy held the blue eyes before her as her hand slipped back over Tara's shoulder and gently followed the curve of her collarbone before sliding down between perfect breasts. She couldn't hold back as she leaned in to kiss Tara quickly as her fingers traced out the slopped upper edge of the bra's cup.

Buffy felt her body internally release a tight breath as she heard Tara speak. All of her fears and apprehensions began to melt away. It wasn't that she felt inexperienced, even though she'd never been with another women, she wasn't naive enough to not understand what to do.

She brushed her palm more fully over the blonde's breast amazed at the full hard heartbeat she felt echoing into her hand. As she felt flesh stiffen beneath her fingers she flinched a bit feeling the echo of it in her own body. She realized what an amazing feeling it was knowing in a personal way just how the reactions felt. It was also amazing to see the subtle changes in this gorgeous woman's body that told her she was wanted and desired.

"May I?" Tara asked bringing her own hand up to rest on Buffy's arm close to the Slayer's chest.

"Thank you." Tara breathed her heart-felt gratitude as she close her hand lightly over Buffy's top, her hand covering the perfect swell of cloth and flesh. Tara let her hand tense around the swell in her hand and arched her back a little capturing Buffy's lips again as she did.

Buffy heard a small noise escape her and she blushed a little at her own reaction though she didn't know why. Her own hand kept up its movement, the pad of her thumb spreading out to sweep over aroused flesh in a slow back and forth motion. The Slayer felt some imaginary line of tension get crossed, and her own body arched to meet Tara's. Each seemed to be trying to tell the other how good they felt with the urgency and appreciation they poured into the kiss.

"I don't want to do this in the living room like we're teenager or something equally awkward and rushed." Buffy admitted reaching up to hold Tara's head softly.

Buffy smiled, knowing the Wicca would understand. She kissed her softly before pushing up to stand and then offering her hand to help. Tara took it and gracefully rose to her feet. Buffy kissed the blonde's hand as she urged her towards the stairs.

Buffy didn't bother answering in words. She leaned up a little on her toes pressing close to the blonde as she kissed her again.

"Do you want to?" Buffy questioned softly to check as they began the stairs at a slow pace.

Tara hadn't realized it but her pace had gotten gradually slower as she had trodden the familiar stairs. No matter how much she wanted this, and she did, she wanted it so much but it was so hard.

"Tara?" Buffy questioned as they all but stopped and the blonde seemed to be staring up a bit blankly.

Tara had to focus hard on the sound of Buffy's voice as her sub consciousness picked out the essence of Willow that simply oozed from the redhead's room upstairs.

"I can't imagine how hard it is." Buffy tried not to give into the thirty or so options she could have given the blonde all that entailed retreating and hiding from this. She realized if she was truly was going to give Tara the space she wanted to be big enough to provide, she was going to have to not shy away from 'Willow' talk. It all seemed a bit absurd really, after all Willow lived in her house, was still her best friend. It's just, Willow was very different now, as was Tara, and Buffy had a hard time remembering the two of them together.

"It's okay Buffy." Tara drew in a steadying breath. "I can do this. We can do this." She squeezed the Slayer's hand in her own.

"About how the very smell of her perfume makes me remember things? No, I don't, because I can't yet remember the beauty of it without the pain, and there is no place for pain in what we're about to do Buffy." Tara replied lovingly. "The first time we make love needs to be about nothing other than you and I." She outlined gently.

Buffy smiled and slipped her arm around the blonde's back for subconscious support as she looked back up the stairs. Bravely Tara put her foot up on the next step and once more began their ascent.

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Safe In Her Arms

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