Holding Her Hand by Jaho

Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: All canonical characters are strict property of Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy and others. I don't own anything, just having a bit of fun.
Distribution: Forever Faith: http://mysticmuse.net/faith
The Mystic Muse: http://mysticmuse.net
All others, please ask first.
Feedback: Yes please.
Pairing: Buffy/Faith

My body is lying in bed, but my mind is elsewhere, running into a thousand different places. I've been tossing and turning for about an hour now, so keyed up that I can't sleep. One of the hazards of the job I guess.

Job? Oh yeah. That's what we do, me and B. This is our thing. Slaying and stuff.

I look over at B. She's totally zonked out. I wish that I could be like her and suppress my natural reactions to the world that we are a part of. I mean the fighting, the adrenaline rush that I… we get, as slayers, sometimes its overpowering.

She's always been better at controlling it than me. Guess maybe that's why I went all wiggy way back when. I couldn't control my natural instincts, and it brought me into that nasty downward spiral that ended me in prison with a lot of nasty blood on my hands.

She forgives me. It still kinda freaks me out, because I'm not used to that. Or I mean to say that I didn't expect that, at least not from B. When Angel used to come and see me, I could see it in his eyes. He forgave me, too. But that was because he knew where I had been, recognized it. He also recognized the fact that I really wanted to make it right. He identified.

B's forgiveness is different. She doesn't know what I've been through or what it is to be me. But she still says its okay. I didn't expect that from her, considering the only memories I had of her were the uptight 17 year old that never stepped outta line. Sometimes the memories that I had of her were the only thing keeping me going when I was in the big house. How strong she was and how strong I wanted to be. I wanted to be like her.

She's changed a lot and so have I. But I still knew that I had to see her. When Willow told me about the big bad that they were facing back in Sunnydale, I knew I had to come. I needed to help. But more than that I needed to see B again. I had to know.

I had to know if what we had once…if there was any chance…even though I screwed it all up with my nasty, dark, evil-me persona.

I look over at her again. Still asleep, and still beautiful. My B. Maybe not now, but she was once. It was only for a few weeks, but I hold to that short time more than any period of my life.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I messed everything up, B. I still remember the first time that we kissed, and I thought I was gonna pass out. But, still I played the tough ass bad girl and told you that it was just after- slay adrenaline. But you knew better, didn't you B? My wise little minx.

It was you that made the next move, sending us into a three-week spiral of kissage and after hours lovin'. God it was such a short period of time. Actually, it was the shortest REAL relationship that I have ever had. But it was the best of my life. I never forgot you, not for one day. The way you opened up to me, and the way that I… never opened up to you.

I'm sorry again, B. I never gave you what you gave me. I know, the tough-ass girl stuff again. God, why couldn't I let it go, most of all around you?

Oh man, I need to do this. If I don't I'll never be able to sleep. I look over at my beautiful bedmate, still sleeping soundly. Ok then, I can do this without waking her. I've got mad slayer skills, remember? I arch slightly sliding my cotton panties down to my knees, and then spread my knees so that they end up at my ankles. Oh yeah, easy access.

I ease my right hand down the surface of my stomach, over my clean- shaven center toward the source of my need. My breath hitches at the first contact with my wetness, oh God I can do this. I can do this. I need it. I begin to stroke lightly along the full length of my slit, hearing the faint click of my wetness around my fingers. Oh God B, why did you have to volunteer your bed for me to sleep in? Why not one of the mini-Slayers that are bunking here at Casa de Summers?

I'm running on instinct now, as I feel my middle and ring fingers slip inside, the pad of my palm putting just the right pressure on the fire's center as I slip all the way inside. Oh man, I don't know where I am anymore. My fingers are working inside me, bringing me toward the peak of my pleasure. What would I give? Oh wow, what wouldn't I give to touch her again?

I don't even consciously realize what I'm doing as my left hand snakes under the covers. What am I searching for?

Contact. Any contact with her. I feel the warmth of flesh. Buffy flesh. My arousal arcs upward at the moment of contact and the first orgasm hits me. I remain silent as my hips buck slightly. It was a small one, which subsided quickly. Oh man I know what this means.

Slowly, I interlace my hand with hers as I massage intently along the length of my opening with my other. Oh wow, I'm hot. My hips are arching again, but still I remain silent using all of my Slayer discipline and strength not to wake my counterpart.

I remember the last time that we held hands, B. It was a long time ago, but it had then the same reaction as it has now. But last time you were willing. You knew the consequences and still you took that proverbial plunge. That was one of the many things that made me so hot for you.

The second orgasm hits me, a little harder than the first and only a few seconds afterward. I know what this means. It's one of those times that I'm so turned on that I have a long series of small climaxes followed by one giant, monster orgasm. Oh man, I hope I can keep myself under control when the Grande' finally hits. What would I say to B if she caught me diddling my stuff while holding her hand? That's just too much to think about right now.

My hips are bucking lightly with every motion of my fingers over my needing sex.

Holding your hand. It's so amazing what reaction you bring from me, after all these years. I remember every kiss, every touch. It's not even like it was yesterday. It's like right now.

I'm coming again, and my body's shaking. God I loved you, B. Why did I have to mess it all up? I needed you, even in my darkest time, but I denied it. Why?

I can feel it coming. The big O, is approaching. I'm working furiously on my dripping wet sex as I slightly squeeze your beautiful soft hand. I've still got it for you, B. As much as it doesn't make sense, I still love being close to you.

I spent many a night in prison wondering what you were doing. Where you were sleeping and with whom. I don't mean to sound jealous. I know that I'm the only woman that you ever had a relationship with, no matter how short. That was always my lifeline.

Here it comes. It's building now, as I look over at you still sleeping peacefully. Oh God, you are so frickin' beautiful, B.

"I love you…" I whisper and then turn my face into the pillow subduing the sound I make as the monster orgasm rocks my body, my gyrations are finally subsiding into a low hum. My fingers are still lingering over my soaked sexuality.

I just lay there, my mind spinning. God I love this girl. I still love her and I don't even know why.

"God, B. You are still so beautiful." I whisper aloud, as I feel myself finally succumbing to sleep. You are still capable of bringing me the best possible feelings. Just by holding your hand.

A sudden movement in the bed jars me out of my dreamy reverie. Buffy rolled over to face me. Is she still asleep?

She's sitting up on her elbow, looking down at me. My heart sinks in my chest, thudding loudly in my ears.

You're doing it again. Second time in less than ten seconds. Wow, my girl's really turned on tonight.

Okay I did not just think that. Did I? My girl? You haven't been my girl for years. I mean, I'm not gonna get all broody or anything. That's Angel's gig, not mine. But still I mean…okay I don't know what I mean.

Alright we had this thing once, you and me. It was short, too short actually, and really intense. With you, Faith everything is intense. Twenty-three days of total fire.

Being in a relationship with you was so different than anything I'd ever experienced. Not just because I'd never been with a girl before, but you were so…hot. I can't think of any other way to describe it.

You were, and still are unlike anyone I have ever been with. In every other relationship that I've ever had it started slow and gradually progressed into something deep. But with you Faithy it was a whirlwind. It was deep and intense right from the start. You threw everything you had into the weirdo psycho moody thing that was `us'.

Speaking of deep and intense, there you go again. I can feel the bed shaking slightly as your hips tremble. It's everything I can do not to smile. But, I can't let you know that I'm awake now can I? So just finish your business Faithy and go to sleep.

I can't resist a little peek. I take a chance and open one eye, just for a moment. There you are, eyes pressed shut and back arched. Oh Faith you're still so pretty. I close my eyes again.

Did I just feel a squeeze? Oh…you're…you're holding my hand? That's something that I didn't know. Suddenly I'm feeling flushed. You're thinking about me, aren't you?

Aww Faith. Do you remember? I never could resist you, even when I thought I hated you. Though, now I know that I never did.

I was so floored when you kissed me the first time. I mean, the concept was so foreign to me. I had never even thought about being with a woman before that night. But when I was surprised with your lips against mine, oh wow suddenly it felt so right. The Chosen Two, that's us.

I'm sorry Faith. I let you down, I think. I was just so confused, that I didn't know how to react. When I saw you start to go down that dark path, I should have done more. But, once again, confused. When Angel first came back, I was taking care of him out of loyalty. I was, after all, the one who killed him. Plus, I was at one time, completely in love with him.

But when we started…whatever it was we had, it was so different. You brought out feelings in me that I never knew I had, and it scared me. So, when the chips were down I chose Angel over you. He was safe. I knew what to expect from him, and I never knew what to expect from you.

Sometimes, I think that if I had devoted more of my time to helping you work through killing the Deputy Mayor, you would have come through it better. But, I was so ready to condemn you. It was easier. Damned sensible me.

Okay, now that's a brow-raiser. You love me? Still? My heart is beating faster now.

Oh God, I'm sorry Faith. I wish things had worked out differently. What can I do to show you how sorry I am?

The bed is vibrating now, as I feel you climax one last time. Your breath is ragged and coming in short bursts and I know from past experience that you're finally calming down off of your physical high. But, now the heat between my own legs is growing more than I can stand.

"God, B. You are still so beautiful." I hear your ragged whisper. My heart skips a beat, maybe a few beats. In fact I think that for a few moments, my heart is totally beat-free.

I take a deep breath and make the right decision about us, for a change. I roll over to face you. Your eyes are almost closed and I can tell that you are so close to falling asleep but are jerked back into wakey- wakey by my sudden movement.

I want it again Faith. I want to be caught up in the whirlwind, especially now. I don't know what is going to happen, what with the possible apocalypse and all. But, if I'm gonna go out, I want it to be with you. No regrets Faith, not any more.

You are so adorable looking up at me with the look of someone caught with her hand in the cookie jar. I smile at the analogy.

"You're not so bad yourself, Faithy." I hear myself say. Then my lips are pressed against yours.

I'm not that good with the whole `letting my emotions control me' thing. Help me, Faith. What should I do now? I took the plunge again, sweetie. I did it for you. Now I don't even know if I can swim. Please let me make it up to you.

"Shh…I know. I've missed you too baby." My hand traces across your stomach and ends on one of your perfect breasts. Instinct, you gotta love it.

You arch into my touch, and moan slightly. Is that a moment of weakness from the tough girl? Oh wow, I didn't think that it was possible but you just made me want you even more. I can't help but grin.

"So you heard?" It's strange but I think you're afraid. I can feel your heart beating faster with my hand on your chest. I'm the one who's supposed to be scared here, Faith. Remember?

"Yeah. I heard everything." I hesitate for a moment. Don't tell me that I have to be the aggressor, Faith. You know that I'm no good at it. Oh God, I don't want to mess everything up again. Why are you so afraid?

I lean down to kiss you again, and I feel your hand on the back of my head pulling me too you. There's my girl. I knew the fire was still in there.

You're kissing me again. For some reason I had the flittering thought that the first kiss was just a dream. But I know I'm awake now.

You have no idea how bad I need you, do you B? I move my hand behind your head and bring your face to my own. The passion is still in me, building to an almost unbearable point. Even though I've gotten myself off pretty good tonight for some reason, it doesn't matter. I'm just as excited now as I was when I first lay down. But that's because of you.

I can't believe that you're holding me, again. I've been dreaming about this for so long. My hands are moving of their own accord now, undressing you with blinding speed. My left hand is between your legs, my mouth wrapped gently around one of your breasts.

Geez, B. Where'd ya get the potty mouth? I guess you've learned a thing or two since the last time we were like this, and I'm anxious to know just how much you've learned.

I slide my middle finger inside you, feeling your body tense against me. Now your hands are on my body again. So smooth, sliding over me and under my nightshirt. My body moves involuntarily against your touch. Oh God, you're still amazing B. My B. Are you mine again? Is that what this is all about? Oh you're driving me crazy.

My finger is working inside you, in and out with a rhythm that only a Slayer could keep up with. I feel your hips bucking lightly to meet each thrust that I give you. I still know your body, B. I know just what it takes to claim you. All I needed was the chance. God, I feel like I could fly if I wanted to. But I don't want to. All I want is to be here with you, doing nothing else other than what we're doing right now. I want to taste you again.

Withdrawing my fingers from your sex and putting both of my hands on your shoulders, I push you back onto the bed and climb on top of you parting your legs with my body. I can see the look of surprise in your eyes, and I am beginning to relish it. Taking one nipple in my mouth, I let my teeth scrape across it. Your muscles buckle at the sensation as I kiss my way lower, pausing briefly at your belly button, flecking across the soft flesh that I find there.

Lower. Lower I go, through the neatly trimmed blonde curls. Kissing along the way until I hover over the center of your desire. I press my mouth to your wet center for the first time in years, your flavor flooding into my mouth. Still the same, B. Yummy Buffy sweetness. I feel both of your hands now, behind my head.

I can't help but smile and let out a little giggle. Again with the potty mouth, baby? I'm seriously going to have to hunt down whoever taught you that and thank the hell outta them.

I explore every inch of your wetness, tasting every bit of the flavor that I can draw from you. Believe me, after almost 3 years in prison I've built up quite a hunger. I suck your cute little nub into my mouth and apply a constant suction to it as I trace swirls over it with my tongue. That's got you going, just like old times sweetie.

Your breath is coming in small hitches now, coinciding with the gyrations of your hips against my mouth. "Oh yeah…baby…I'm almost there."

Oh believe me, I know you are. I feel your body trembling rhythmically in smaller and faster bursts. My own dripping sex is rapidly approaching where you are. I'm not even touching myself, because both hands are on you. I'm greedy for the feel of you, splaying my fingers wide so that I can touch the maximum surface of your body with each stroke along its surface. Still though, I'm close to another orgasm, just from the feel and taste of you. Oh God, I'm catching up with you baby. Just another couple seconds.

"Mmmph…" I moan into you as it rocks through me, feeling your own spasm send you spiraling out of control at almost the same moment.

It's not the fairy tale, `simultaneous O' that so many romance writers like to make believe is true. But it's amazing enough to rip through me and make my body rock back. I lose the contact that I had between my mouth and your beautiful folds as I roll to my back clutching the sheets feeling my climax run its course through me.

My head is spinning. When I finally open my eyes you're perched over me again, running your fingers over my face and brushing away stray hairs with delicate touches. Beautiful B. If I'm dead, please let you be my special angel.

Slipping my arms around you I bring you to me, roughly. Face to face, body to body, we catch our breath together.

"Yeah Buffy ?" Well that much hasn't changed. The only time I ever called you by your full name was after sex. Even the tough-ass girl has a vulnerable side, I guess. But as long as it's limited to you and only you, I think I can handle it.

"I…I love you, too." My heart hitches in my chest. Did I just hear that? You continue. "Can we…I mean everything behind us…could we?"

I smile deeply as I look at your face, so hopeful and sweet. Let me answer that question for you, B. Slipping my hand behind your head and looking directly into your beautiful emerald greens.

"Honey, I'm home." I say. Desperately trying to keep up my tough girl image, but failing miserably. A tear is running down my cheek.

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Holding Her Hand

by Jaho

Copyright © 2003

cpeace1@tampabay.rr.com