Undeniable by Pixie Dust

Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: Sadly I own nothing but the idea of the story, other than that, it belongs to Joss (God) and Mutant Enemy (His kingdom).
Distribution: Forever Faith: http://mysticmuse.net/faith
The Mystic Muse: http://mysticmuse.net
All others, please ask first.
Feedback: Yes, please.
Spoilers: None.
Author's Note: This is actually the first story I've finished. All the other ones I attempted to write were hurled against the wall in a little ball while I sobbed dramatically on my bedroom floor.
Pairing: Faith/Buffy

Summary: Faith contemplates the past, present, and future with the aid of Buffy.

Sweat and blood are leaking into my eyes, clouding my vision and making it hard to keep dealing out the blows I have been for the last 10 minutes. But I keep going, throwing punch after punch into their goddamn faces, hearing their cries of pain and loving every minute of it. I can hear Buffy…she's somewhere near me, doing the same, one leg bleeding from the knee. I can smell the pang of it, can hear her grunt each time she moves, but that's what being the Slayer is all about. Pain, and blood, and sweat.

But I'm losing focus now, my arms feel like rubber, my knees are buckling. And the only thought that's running through my head is repeating itself over and over…*for Buffy, do it for her…* And it confuses me as well as thrills me, sending a chill down my back along with the pain. Why Buffy? Why that one girl? She's the one person I hated for so long, the one I loathed with all my heart, my soul, my being. But my body is telling me different, has been telling me all week. Instead of feeling that bile in the pit of my stomach, there's something else there. A kind of burning…I know that it has to be lust, because I've felt it so many times around so many men…Even around some women before as well. But what else are you going to do when you're living in a women's state penitentiary for 3 years? I had always known there were women who were together there…they were usually the ones that were softer than the rest of us, the ones that shouldn't have been there. The rest of us were rough, just trying to get by. We were the ones that were in for the one time thing.

But Buffy? It could make sense, I mean, she's a Slayer like me…she's the only other one on the face of the planet that gets it. The only one that will ever get it, at least in our lifetimes, until the next one comes. God, I hope I die first.

And now she's calling my name, sobbing it through a haze of pain as I drop the last demon. It had been a rough batch of 'em tonight, strong ones. Not as strong as her. I want to change that to an us, but there will be no us, not ever, and with that realization my heart sinks. Better to focus on the problem at hand.

I'm suddenly running to her, dashing the ten meters until I'm beside her, and there's so much blood, everywhere. Her pants are stained with it, and it's dripping off of her with soft little plops as they hit the grass. And her eyes are screwed up tight, and she's saying my name over and over, silently chanting "Faith, oh god, Faith…"

And I'm crying for the first time in my life, at least since that time my mother nearly killed me on one of her more severely angered states, but this is so much worse. Then it had been me that had been me who was rolled in a ball in the corner of the room, with blood dripping from my head, and sobbing. This time it was Buffy, and I cry even harder when I realize just how much she means to me. I love her, and I've never loved anyone in my life, not ever. And I'm cradling her against my chest as I sob, and as she chants my name.

That's when I feel her little hands, hands as strong as mine, touching my face, and she's still saying my name, but her voice is softer now, more…what's the word? Reverent. And then, before I know what's happening she's kissing away my tears, stroking my hair and murmuring sweet words of comfort.

I quiet my sobs enough to listen to her sweet voice. "Shh, Faith. My beautiful Faith, I'm alright, really, I just need to get home, need to get home…Shh, hush your tears."

No one has ever said anything like that to me in my life, not just that I'm beautiful, but no one has ever spoken with so much kindness. And I realize I'm holding her tighter, and I release my grip, terrified that I've hurt her. But she makes a little mewling sound, and I feel her tugging me back, trying to hold me closer. It's the best feeling in the world, but I know that we have to go, that I have to get her out of this fucking graveyard before more come. So I lift her and carry her home.

Faith is still there when I finally open my eyes. She's been there all night I'm sure, Her face is blurry, and I cant tell if its my vision that's foggy or just her. Her hair is matted, and stuck to her face, coated with dried blood. Her eyes are closed, and she's swaying slightly back and forth as she tries to remain upright. My hand reaches out to touch her cheek, trailing softly along the smooth skin for a moment before tentatively touching her lips. Her eyes are still closed and I wonder if she's asleep, or maybe catatonic. She's so beautiful in that moment, her mouth full and beautiful, her soft dark lashes touching the pale of her skin, an enchanting contrast. Her makeup is smeared, her hair is filthy, her face dirty, and yet she's the most beautiful creature in the world to me. I slowly sit up, and a groan of pain escapes me as my wounded and bandaged leg shifts.

In an instant her hand flies up to capture the one I still have on her mouth, her dark eyes wild, searching for the threat. When they reach mine, our gaze locks, and her features soften, as much as they can soften for Faith. She's even more beautiful now, her face soft and filled with love and concern. I smile tentatively, feeling instantly what she is, and tamping it down firmly. Now isn't the time, though I want her so bad my heart aches.

I wonder briefly what her lips and tongue and warmth would feel like against mine. Or against other places…

Trying to focus on what matters at the moment, I look down at my hands. "Are you hungry? We should probably get something to eat…"

But Faith looks so damned exhausted that I don't think the thought processes through her head properly. Ever so slowly I reach out a shaking hand to stroke her face. "Faith?"

She jumps a little then, and leans into my hand, closing her eyes. The poor thing can't even hold up her head anymore. Soon I'm folding her into my arms and rocking her back and forth, crooning softly against her ear, placing little kisses all down her face and neck while silent tears stream down her beautiful face. "Faith…tell me what's wrong, alainn…"

She looks up at that, the tears still making silent tracks down her face, her eyes confusion and sleep clouded. "Alainn?"

I smile for the first time in a long time. It feels good to smile…there hasn't been much to express happiness about lately though…"It means beautiful…it's Gaelic…"

My body tightens as she speaks his name, and I'm not sure if it's because she had the nerve to speak of him, or if it's because she decided to talk about him when I'm the one that's cradling her in my arms. But I see the truth in her words…I had always wondered how I'd learned the words…but then I think that maybe it was some distant memory of him holding me against his chest while I slept and whispering to me in his beautiful ancient language. Yes, that must have been it.

Faith is still looking up at me, her eyes concerned at my sudden stiffness. "Buffy? I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said anything…I can imagine how much you miss him…"

I can't look at her anymore, my eyes are blurry, so I look at the door, the wall, anywhere but her dirty face. "Has anyone ever told you that they missed you Faith?"

She's taken aback, but I had expected that. I can almost see her brown eyes widen, even though I'm not looking at her. Her fingers tighten on the hold she has on my camisole, gripping it as if it provided her all the strength, or maybe as if the person wearing it is a solid wall of protection from all her fears, a barrier to shield her feelings. She knows she can talk about them on this side of the wall, just as long as they don't get out. And then I'm wondering when she suddenly felt this way…

That small statement makes my heart break. I want to reassure her, tell her she was missed…but it would be a lie, and she would know it. I didn't want anything to do with her then, the wounds she had inflicted on me were to fresh then. But now…I see her in a different light. It scares me so much though, because I'm so terrified that it's wrong. Why would I suddenly be in love with the one person I'd always promised myself I would hate?

It's just…she's so different now, so much more like a scared child underneath her rough exterior…all I want now is to hold her, to keep her safe from everything that threatens her. Not just the demons that we fight together nightly, but all the things that people throw at her, all the horrible comments, the way we all treat her like an outcast…

I look down at her, her eyes are as wide as I predicted, large and dark, and the most beautiful eyes I've ever seen…and for a split second they remind me of Angel's.

It scares me, how much she seems like the female replica of him. They're both so dark and filled with their own hidden secrets. Suddenly I wanted to know all her dark secrets, each and every one of them, so I can kiss them away along with the tears I know she would cry as she told them to me. But I know that will have to come later…

So instead of answering, I sit there and hold her tighter against me, trying to brush the tangles from her hair with my fingers. Failing miserably, I move to reach for the brush on the nightstand and she whimpers, yelping my name, the terror in her voice making me stop abruptly. "Shh Faith, it's ok, I was just reaching for the brush…"

But she's holding me so close now that she's hurting my ribs. Her fingers are digging into my sides, and I gasp as the air is nearly knocked from me. "Faith! I'm not going anywhere!"

Like a scolded dog, she slowly lets go of me, backing away against the chair she's still sitting in. I moan at the loss of her hands on me, and the sound startles us both so much that we stiffen.

And then we're both at such a loss of words, that we just sit and stare at one another for a very long time.

When I finally stop crying, Buffy's hobbling towards the bathroom, wincing every time her left leg touches the floor. I watch her as she reaches the bedroom door, closing her eyes for a moment as she rests, her breath coming in short quick pants. And I think in that moment, seeing her in pain hurts me more than her.

After a moment, a realize I'm moving towards her, silently accepting and nodding at her thanks as I open the door. She's leaning on me now, and I can feel her heartbeat shudder as we move across the hall to the bathroom. The girls must be outside training, preparing for a death they can't put off much longer. I can hear Kennedy's forceful grunts and commands as they move through their kata, teaching them something in my minds eye I see as worthless.

We step into the bathroom and I flick the light on. She squints as the bright light hits her sore eyes, and just like that the light is flicked off again. She smiles gratefully as she moves farther into the room. We'll make do with the sunlight filtering through the little window.

I stop and filter through my thoughts. When I think of her, I use that word…"we." I like it, it's reassuring, even if it is false.

Buffy's leaning against the counter now and slowly stripping off her light blue camisole. I've seen her naked before, hell I was the one that put the damn thing on her the night before. But still, my breath is drawn sharply into my lungs as it clears her head, freeing her unbound breasts. I know I should look away, but I can't seem to now. I remember changing with her in the locker room at Sunnydale High, so long ago now. Then it had been harmless, changing after a long workout or patrol, laughing and talking about how good Xander would be in bed. WE had been friends then, or as close as two people could be to being friends. Now…now her stripping in front of me was the most beautiful thing I've ever seen in my life.

Her body has changed a bit since the last time I've seen it. Not as rounded as before. The curves are different, angling sharply instead of rounding softly around the curves of her breasts. We've both changed so much.

The camisole is quickly tossed to the floor, and then she's standing there watching me watching her. Her mouth is making that sweet/sexy pout thing that I love, her eyes hazel orbs boring into my dark ones.

There's teasing in her voice, and fear too, that I won't take the challenge. But hey, have a I ever backed down from one before?

Now her mouth is doing this sweet little innocent smile thing, turning up around the edges and reaching her eyes. I've never gotten that thing that people say, where eyes twinkle? It always makes me smile and think of Santa and that year I went to live with my new watcher. She had put out presents, and candy, even though the council told her not to Something about instilling mindless fairytales in my head or crap like that. But, she had done it, and it was the first time I had ever celebrated anything, I surprised her by telling her that I had only had candy twice before in my life, both times by stealing it. Hey, even eleven year olds can be real bad asses.

But anyways, Buffy's eyes are tinkling. Maybe it's the sunlight streaming in through the window, or maybe it's me. I'm not sure what, and right now, I really couldn't care less. Because her eyes are twinkling and shining and directed right at me, and there's this deep hot weight settling in the pit of my stomach. And all I can do is stare at her eyes and the way her hair is shining in the sunlight and her breasts are slowly rising and falling with her deep breaths. And I've never wanted anything so bad in my life. Not even when there was that giant pile of presents and candy and Christmas breakfast all laid out before my eleven-year-old eyes. Not even when I had the chance for redemption. Not even when I had Buffy, by my side, the only friend I had ever had besides my dead watcher. Because this, this is more than that friendship. This is love, and it's finally at my fingertips. After 23 years of being a worthless nobody, I've finally had the chance to stare love in the face. She is my salvation. I know that now.

I know it from the way her eyes are twinkling at me like all the stars I've ever wished on since I was 6. I see myself in her eyes, lying on my back in the grass, staring at the sky, looking to each star in turn and whispering the same words over and over and over.

Then it had been my mother I was wishing for. But now I see, Buffy was my wish all along.

The air in the bathroom is cold on my bare chest as we stand there. I've made the first move, and now Faith looks like a deer caught in headlights. Her eyes are wide, the pain of the past reflecting harshly in their dark depths. Every time I look at those achingly beautiful eyes my heart breaks just a little bit more.

My earlier question still hangs in the air, but she's frozen in time, it seems, her entire body rigid. I wonder if maybe she's forgotten my proposal. "Faith?"

It's as if all she needed was that little nudge, because in the next instant my left breast is in her mouth. I gasp in shock as she suckles it gently between her red lips. Her tongue and teeth are rasping the nipple to a pleasurable hardness. My hands are tangled in her thick, still dirty hair, small moans escaping me as she gently pulls my sweats down over my injured leg.

She pulls away long enough to nearly shred her clothes into pieces as she yanks them off, and then she's as naked as me. And we're pressed against each other, and she's so warm and soft, and her mouth tastes so good as it finally reaches mine…And then her mouth pries itself away from mine, her face splitting into a huge grin. But the only thing I'm focusing on is the way her fingers are making hard little circles against me, inside me. And then it hits me, the reason why she has that big goofy grin on her face…I'm screaming. Really letting it all go, and it's a high-pitched keening noise that's getting louder and louder as the pressure in my lower body builds and builds. And oh gawd, I'm coming, shrieking and coming and gripping the head that's level with mine, and the only thing that's running through my head is ohgawdohgawdohgawdohfaithsoooogoood…

I can barely breathe or stand or even think by the time I'm done. All of my body is leaning against hers, and I've never been so content. Not since Angel anyways.

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Undeniable

by Pixie Dust

Copyright © 2004

Monkey_8119@hotmail.com