Dust

by Nikita

Copyright © 2003

death_by_garagedoor@yahoo.co.uk

Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: The characters belong to the great and powerful Joss.
Distribution: Forever Faith: http://mysticmuse.net/faith
The Mystic Muse: http://mysticmuse.net
All others, please ask first.
Feedback: Yes please.
Spoilers: Season 6
Author's Notes: Set in the beginning of S6 I guess, before Spike and Buffy get together. And Faith's there. Obviously.
Dedication: Sway of course.
Pairing: Faith/Buffy

The quiet knock is shocking only because she had been waiting for it. From the first tap, her heart already beats fast in anticipation. Slowly, she moves, standing up from the neatly made bed and regarding the closed door with an air of uncertainty, despite the fact that she knows who is standing behind it.

Usually, she would call for her to enter without moving from her position, forcing her to make her move first. But she is here, and this time, that play is enough for Faith.

Besides, she knows why she is here.

She opens the door after only a moment's pause to regulate her breathing, and steps back to let her enter. She isn't sure what to say, words seeming too inadequate for what passed that night.

So she says nothing, and stands back to watch Buffy survey the room, looking everywhere but at her. The thudding in her chest is the only sound Faith hears as she waits for the inevitable accusations and search for a reason, that always follows tragedy.

Faith is aware enough of Buffy's desperate need to find logic and place blame. She is also aware that this need usually falls at her feet, that the blonde would rather hate her than ask her for help.

She knows the part well, has played it on both sides for years. It's easy to be the villain, worthy or not. It's always easier than the truth.

"He's dead."

She watches her, still not meeting her eyes, still not allowing herself to put any emotion into her voice as she states what Faith already knew. She was there, saw the splinters mix with dust as he vanished from sight.

She wouldn't kid herself that she really cared about him, past the fact that he was nice to look at and that she saw herself in him in the moments that she bothered to look. But she knows that Buffy feels something. Guilt and regret, mixed with an overpowering sensation of uncertainty.

She wonders if she ever felt the same about her, and if she should be feeling anger right now for the fact that he was allowed a chance. He was never good, and neither was she.

"And he helped." Buffy continues after a moment of silence, her confusion still echoing in the tones of her voice. "Why? He was supposed to be evil, and he helped."

Faith still stands silent, knowing that the answer she could give is not one that Buffy wants to hear. Good, bad, it's never that simple. She knows from experience that events and chance play a part bigger than anyone could expect, and that personal choice is so often ruled by survival. It's only the heroes that put that aside, and do what's right. And Faith knows that neither of them were heroes.

He needed them. She needed them. What they wanted was something else.

Faith moves warily towards her, no words offering themselves up as comfort or reason. She never knows what to say, and opening her mouth usually leads to a far worse situation.

Buffy looks up at her finally as Faith lightly touches her arm, at a loss for what else to do. In that moment, both girls just stand face to face, as Buffy's eyes brim with tears, tears she doesn't understand.

The first time Faith tries to speak, she fails. The words catch in her throat as she looks at the blonde, for the first time seeming as lost as she is. Her voice sounds rusty even to her when she finally manages to get them out, still ready to have them thrown back at her in anger.

"What do you want me to do?"

For a second, she thinks her fears will come true as Buffy moves away from her, her back turned. She stays silent, waiting for her reaction, and unsure of how much she will take this time before allowing her own anger to surface. It was always the way it went.

But turning back to her, Buffy slowly begins to undress. Confused, Faith watches her slide of her jacket and reach for the hem of her top. She hardly dares breathe as she sees her soft white skin reveal itself. It's what she's dreamed of, every free moment she has had since they met. Thick, blonde hair falling freely over her shoulders, barely covering her breasts, and her hands reaching to the button of her pants.

Throwing every item of clothing to the floor, Buffy looks up at her, unashamed and confident in her naked form, and sits down on Faith's bed.

"Make me forget." She says softly.

Faith moves towards her slowly, her eyes taking in the person she has wanted for so long. As she reaches out and brings her lips to Buffy's, she understands that this is not what she dreamed of, that this is just because Faith has one talent above all else.

She can pretend.

Their lips meet softly for the first time, tasting something that has been unspoken for so long, yet known by both. As Buffy moves back under her weight, her arms wrap around the brunette, pulling her closer and deepening their kiss.

Lost in her, Faith's lips touch her skin, her tongue tracing patterns on her neck, her breasts, drinking in every touch and every contact, committing them to memory as Buffy arches up to meet her. Her hand trails down between her legs, resting against her and moaning softly at the intensity of the growing heat she feels against her hand.

She kisses her again, surprised at the feel of Buffy's tongue sliding into her mouth, her teeth on her lip, the growing passion between them blocking out everything but the heat in the room. Her fingers slide inside the blonde easily, stroking her slowly as she begins to moan, moving her hips against Faith's touch.

She watches her, only breaking their kiss when Buffy starts to gasp, sweat on her body making her glisten under the electric light. Faith doesn't take her eyes from her, guiding her gently away from reality to somewhere she has always wished they could be.

Somewhere they are together.

Her climax comes slowly, drawn out by an experienced hand. Faith takes her to the edge and back down, again and again, letting her remain in that place where coherent thought is denied form.

And she never leaves her.

It's only when Buffy opens her eyes for a second, that Faith takes her over the edge, her own eyes gleaming with tears at the sheer beauty of the girl crying out beneath her. But she forces them back, and swallows Buffy's gasps with her mouth, kissing her softly as she lets her finally relax.

Faith pushes down the loss she feels that threatens to overwhelm her, that loss from knowing that she will slip away again. Instead, she wraps her arm around Buffy's waist and holds her as she falls asleep. Softly, she kisses her, unable to tell her the answers she wants to hear, but willing to give the one thing she can.

Escape.

The End

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