Changes

It's been a month since the Big Battle. Eventually the world was prevented from apocalypse yet again, although there were times when it seemed hopeless. The warriors of 'good' finally came through in the end, although lives were lost during the battle. After a few weeks of mourning, the survivors tried to bounce back to the daily routine of living. It was the least they could do to honor those who died fighting the good fight, continue living in the world they died protecting.

The dark Slayer spotted the redhead Wiccan in another aisle, looking at some magazines. The younger girl grinned, tossed the items she was carrying into the cart, made a gesture to Buffy to keep silent and began to stalk her unsuspecting prey. When she was close enough, the huntress pounced, earning a squeal and a few slaps on the arm from the redhead. Buffy felt a pang of jealousy in her chest. Displayed in front of her was a scene in which she could've been a participant, if only she wasn't a self-righteous fool. If only she acted upon her feelings in time. If only.

Buffy took a deep breath and swallowed her unshed tear, and glanced at the happy couple in front of her. The two girls in front of her seemed to be lost in their own world, oblivious to everything else, oblivious to her. Buffy began wheeling the cart away to another aisle.

Buffy went around aisle after aisle, trying to stay away from the couple. She didn't want to dampen their cheeriness with her sorrow. And although she was genuinely happy for them, she wasn't a masochist either. She also couldn't stand their joy. What they had was a bitter reminder of what she could've had.

The blonde leant on the full cart, resting her weight on them. She looked at her side and sighed. Unconsciously she wandered to the dairy product section. Yogurt and ice cream, another reminder of Faith.

"Hey, Buffy."

Willow gave her friend a little wave. Somehow the redhead managed to snuck up behind Buffy, unheard by the blonde Slayer. Buffy cursed inwardly. Damn, she must be getting rusty.

"Are you okay?"

Of course, Willow was being the concerned best friend as usual. And of course, Buffy replied with the same forced cheery smile that has been her repertoire for a month.

"Yeah, Will, I'm... five by five."

Willow frowned. She empathized with what Buffy was going through. She felt guilty that while she finally found some happiness, her best friend was miserable at the sidelines.

"Buffy, I'm sorry, I didn't, we didn't mean to flaunt or-"

"No, Wills. Really, I'm fine."

Buffy gave another weak smile. The routine is tired, but what else could she do? She's already blown her chances.

"Where is she?"

"She's somewhere along the meat area, getting some ribs for the barbecue later."

Buffy nodded.

"Yeah, about that barbecue, Wills, I don't think I could make it."

"But Buff-"

"You guys have fun. I just don't feel up to it yet. Sorry, Wills. Besides, you don't want a dark cloud looming over the festivities."

Buffy smiled depreciatively. Willow regarded her friend sadly. She then enveloped the blonde in a hug.

"I understand, Buffy. But, where would you be?"

"The usual place. In fact, if you don't mind, I'd like to have a head start. Do you think you guys can manage by yourselves?"

"Sure, Buff. Although it would be more fun if the Chosen Two-"

"No, please, Wills, don't use that term. There is no Chosen Two. At least not anymore."

With that, Buffy walked away. Willow sighed. She hated seeing her best friend like this, but there was nothing that she could really do. She knows first hand how it was losing someone who was very dear to her. All she could do right now was just be there whenever Buffy needed her support.

Suddenly a pair of strong arms snaked around her waist and she was held from behind. Willow looked behind and saw the Slayer smiled at her. Seeing the melancholy masking her lover's face, the younger girl sighed.

"How is she holding up?"

"Not well. She tries to be strong, but a person could only take so much."

"I'm sorry, Willow."

"It's not your fault, hun. She knows that, too. She just needs time to heal."

***

Buffy held the bottle of JD, wrapped in a brown paperbag, in one hand, while the other clutched wildflowers she gathered along the way. She then knelt at her sanctuary for the last 4 weeks. She placed the flowers in front of her and the bottle of liquor at her side. She played with the ring on her finger, the last reminiscence of what could have been. Buffy caressed the tombstone in front of her.

"I miss you, Faith."

The End

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