Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: Buffy the Vampire Slayer belongs to Joss Whedon, 20th Century Fox, Mutant Enemy, Sand
Dollar Television and Kuzui Enterprises. Buffy is distributed by 20th Century Fox and the Warner Brothers Television Network.
The storylines, however, belong to me.
They cannot be used for profit or public distribution in anyway without
permission.
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Pairing: Willow/Buffy
The road to redemption is a rocky path. I remember when I said that to Angel a little over a year ago. Little did I know how true those words would become.
My year in prison changed me. I know everybody says that …but it's true. I could have left at any moment, overpowered any guard or inmate. But instead I choose to pay my dues. We all have to start someday to take responsibility for our own actions. Redemption is a funny concept. It symbolizes the compensation you receive at the end of a journey of repentance. My day of redemption came May 22, 2001. That's when she died. I didn't know she had died until a few days after, but that's the day they came looking for me. The Council. It was ok for me to be in prison so long as Buffy was still around fighting evil. But once she died there was no one to take her place. You see...in the cosmos I'm supposed to be the active Slayer. My death is the one that will trigger a new calling. With Buffy dead and me in prison, there would be no Slayer. So…the Council pulled some strings and I've been here, in England, ever since. They have been re-training me in martial arts, the occult, fencing, etc. You name it …I know it.
Buffy was right about everything she told me that day on the roof top in L.A. She was the only one that ever really gave me a chance and I spat in her face. For months after the Council came to get me I felt the undeniable pain of guilt. Perhaps if I had been fighting by her side, as I should have, she wouldn't have died. You'd never hear me say this out loud but…I admired her. She was truly a selfless person and her death was my redemption…what kind of fucked up shit is that?
The Council's estate in England is huge. These people got money coming out their asses! I have a new Watcher, a real dickhead, his name is Nigel Witherspoon...I just call him "Hey You!" He hates me. And…I even have a personal maid. Her name is Gretchen. She's a sweet heart, though, and the only person here that doesn't deserve a good ass kicking.
The last few weeks I've been having disturbing dreams. Prophetic in nature…you know apocalyptie stuff. But the strangest part is that… Buffy is in all of them. So here I sit at a long conference table in the Council's main library having a meeting with dickhead and his trusty sidekicks.
"Look Jeeves…I know what a prophetic dream is like. This is the real McCoy."
"For the last time…my name is Quinton Travers. Mr. Travers to you and please remove your boots from the table." He says annoyed. He's always annoyed. I think it's his nature. This dude is one of these guys who was born annoyed at the world.
"I'm telling you Mr. Belvedere, she's alive and something huge is about to go down in Sunnydale." I love pushing his buttons.
"Ms. Summers is dead! We took hair and skin samples from her dead corpse. Our secret team witnessed the burial of the body. What you're seeing is that damned robot that looks like her." He finished.
"If you'll allow me to interrupt Mr. Travers." Oh god it's the dickhead.
"Of course Mr. Witherspoon." I roll my eyes at the display of ass kissage.
"Faith…what is the nature of the dreams?"
"Hey You? What are you fucking deaf? P R O P H E T I C! As in will happen soon and in a big way." Now I'm annoyed.
Both guys look over at the other end of the table where Harry Potter was sitting…ok…so he's not Harry Potter but that's what I call him. His name is Methos. He's the Council's spiritual guide. He's tall and dark and mysterious…in an unpleasant way.
"The Slayer might be right. I felt a great rise in mystical energy coming from the Hellmouth yesterday." Blah blah blah blah blah… boy does this guy like the sound of his own voice.
"Evil?" Travers asked.
"Not necessarily…" Methos responded.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Today is the first day of the rest of my life. As I lay here with her mane of red hair flowing over my breast, I can't help but think that I was born to be right here. To kiss her, to hold her, to make love to her…this was my true destiny. This is the life I was chosen for. I am the Willowlayer…wait…that didn't sound very poetic…very descriptive but definitely not poetic. Hmmmm… got to work on that one. Uggghhh I'm getting bored and corny. When is she gonna wake up??? I've tried everything but little miss sleepy head won't budge. Maybe the little witch just needs a little help.
I know… I'll run my fingers through her hair …… she LOVES that!! And, incidentally, so…do… I!!! Oh how I love the feel of her hair. It's soft and silky. Doing this reminds me of better days long past when we used to sit in my room and I'd braid her beautiful long hair. I loved touching her even then, I just never allowed myself to enjoy it. It's funny the things you remember. I remember the first time I saw her in her underwear in the locker room after gym class. My heart skipped a beat when I saw the cute pink panties with the word "Monday" written on the back… and, of course, it was a Monday!! But the best part was the following day when she wore cute little blue panties with the word "Tuesday" written on her butt! Willow always did adorable things like that. Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine she would turn into the strong beautiful woman lying in my arms right now that wears hot red thongs!!!
Ohhh I think she is starting to move. She's awake she's awake she's awake!!!
"I love you!!!"
"Huh…wha?"
"Sorry for the ambush. I just wanted those words to be the first thing you heard this morning. I've been laying here for hours just waiting for you to get up so that I could be the first to say them to you today. So there you go… I love you…and I said it first… yay for me!!" She's been up for three seconds and I already got her smiling… damn I'm good.
"I love you too… but…are you always this peppy in the morning?"
"Mmmmmm… only when I wake up naked with a beautiful red head draped across my boobs!!!!! So…hopefully… from now on it's gonna be Peppy Buffy in the mornings." Ha!! Now she's giggling!!! Fifteen seconds and I have her giggling; there should be a law against this.
"How did you sleep last night?"
"Great. I always sleep great by your side. I'm just starving. I feel like I haven't eaten in days."
"Well we did totally skip dinner yesterday."
"Yeah and went straight to the dessert." I reply with a devilish grin. She's still lying on my chest and I'm tracing my fingers over her back. Her skin is warm and I could feel new goose bumps appear with every stroke. Our chests are tightly pressed against each other and for a minute it felt as if our hearts were beating in unison. Like a finely tuned orchestra. This reminded me of last night's events.
"Hey…you sneaky little devil you…why didn't you warn me that "Lesbian Witch Hot Lovin" came equipped with "Magical Mind Blowing Orgasm Slide Shows"?" Her head popped up like she'd seen a ghost.
"You saw those too?" She asked startled.
"Yes! What? Ummm…you mean that's not part of the show?" I asked confused.
"Not usually… actually…not ever. That's never happened to me before. What was your vision of ?"
"You! All you! You happy, you sad, you smiling, you sleeping. What was your vision of?"
"Same here." She said a little bewildered.
"You had visions of YOU?" I tease.
"NO silly! They were visions of you. It was incredible." The last part she finished a bit in awe. She sounded impressed and confused at the same time.
"So… should we be concerned or overjoyed beyond belief?" I ask jokingly. I felt her body tense in my arms, like I had asked a hard question. I was just kidding, I didn't mean to scare her, but it was too late. She started moving, fixing to get up.
"Where are you going Will?" I groan out.
"I'm gonna to take a shower. Can you make breakfast?"
"Sure." I watched her as she got up out of bed. Her naked body was more beautiful in the morning than it was last night. The fair skin across her stomach had faint indentations from the bed sheets that hugged her body. Her hair was all disheveled and her face had a huge red mark beginning on her forehead and ending on her left cheek, a reminder from where her skin kissed my chest as she slumbered. She looked absolutely amazing.
"You're so beautiful Will." She was standing by the dresser with a pensive expression, but when she heard the words she looked over and smiled at me. Slowly walking towards me, she leaned in at the side of the bed, and gently kissed my lips for the first time today.
"I love you too." She whispered.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Ok. So I know I was supposed to be making breakfast but I couldn't help it. Two minutes after she left the room I missed her already and the evil horny Slayer in me quickly came up with a remedy for the situation. I tiptoed to the bathroom so as not to announce my presence. The element of surprise was crucial. I opened the door slowly as a gust of steam let out. The sound of the running water in the shower was thunderous. I sneaked in quietly, pulling the shower curtains back just a bit, and peaked in on her. Willow's body was turned facing the shower head. This was perfect! She doesn't even know I'm here.
One foot after the other I stealthily joined her. My plan was to sexily start caressing her from behind. Instead….she turned suddenly and threw what looked like a pink dart at my face!!! It turned out to be a toothbrush thrown at full force. It hit me right in the middle of the forehead between my eyes. I was surprised, lost my balance on the soapy water and fell with a thunderous crash on the floor of the tub. Thank God for Super Cushiony Slayer Behinds. I look up to see Willow standing before me foaming toothpaste at the mouth.
"Are you crazy??? We live on a Hellmouth!!! You do not sneak up on people who live on a Hellmouth!!!" She shrieked out frightened.
"You brush your teeth in the shower?" I ask amused.
"Freak! I could have poked your eye out!" The humor of our current state still hadn't hit her.
"I wanted to surprise you." I say trying to mend the situation.
"Well…you scared the shit out of me instead!" I was giggling by now. She looked like a scared rabid dog foaming at the mouth and it was H I L A R I O U S. She stopped, took a deep breath, and whipped the toothpaste from her face. She was holding back a smile and I knew it.
Trying not to laugh she continues, "Are you ok?" Hmmm … concern? Guilt would play off nicely now.
Putting my best pouty face I reply, "Ughhh…I don't know. I hurt all over. I might have to spend the day in bed recuperating after your sudden attack." The giggle finally escaped her lips. She looked fabulous with her body all wet and a smile from ear to ear.
"You're such a liar." She said teasingly while extending her hands out to help me up. Once standing I wrap my arms around her as she softly runs her hands over my behind. Burying my face in her wet hair, I hungrily inhaled the sweet scent of her shampoo.
"I missed you too much when you left and I'm jealous." I whispered as I softly kissed her earlobes.
"Jealous of what?" She let out in a low moan.
"Of the water…" I kiss her neck, "because it does what I can't…" I kiss her lips, "touch your body all over… all at once." She moaned again in response. I pull back to look into her eyes.
"So……did you memorize all of my freckles, curves and birthmarks like you wanted to?" I ask in the sexiest whisper.
"Mmmmm Hmmmm! I even discovered a few new ones." She added, while running her slippery hand over my left breast and pausing there for a minute. "Like…what's this tiny scare on your left boob? I don't remember it!" I smile. That comment amuses me. She doesn't remember it. Ha!
"That's cause you've never been close enough to my tits to notice it Will!!" I say with a giggle. "It's where I used to have the mark of the Slayer."
"The mark of the Slayer??? What happened to it?" I forgot I never told her about that. I had forgotten about it myself.
"THAT BIG HAIRYMOLE?? I had that thing removed!!" Instantly we both break into a fit of laughter. Yes…. it's a confirmed fact! The sound of her laughter is the most beautiful sound in the world!
"So you see Will, now you know ALL my secrets." What ??? Wait a minute!!!! What the hell happened to her smile?
The smile that so predominantly adorned her face has suddenly worn off and I have no idea what I said wrong. She turned and kissed my lips softly.
"Stay here. I'm gonna make us breakfast." She said and before I had a chance to protest she had already stepped out of the shower and was drying herself off. After she left I stood in the shower for a while, letting the hot water wash over me. Why has Willow been acting so strange this morning? Is it me? Does she regret what happened?
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
When I got downstairs a half hour later I realized that it was much worse than I thought. She had made at least 20 pancakes, toasted 7 slices of bread, and brewed 10 cups of coffee. Pity cooking is a sure sign of Willow guilt. I poured myself a cup of coffee and began my search for her. After searching the whole house I find her where I least expected to. She was in my room, sitting on a chair by the window, lazily looking out as she sipped her coffee.
"Hey? What's wrong?" I ask concerned.
"Ohh Buffy, you have a little bruise on your forehead." She said with a sad voice. I had totally forgotten about that.
I run my hand over my forehead and reply "That's nothing. It'll be gone in an hour. It's you I'm worried about. Are you wigged about yesterday?" She looked at me attentively for a few seconds, as if debating in her head whether to speak or not. The tension in the air was palpable and for the first time ever I was conscience of everything around me. I could even hear myself breathe.
"Buffy…. I haven't been completely truthful with you about a couple of things that I should have been completely truthful about from the very beginning. Truthfulness and honesty are the most important things in a relationship and it is unfair that you're truthful and honest with me and that I not do the same. I need to tell you certain things… things about me and Tara and why we broke up…..and things that maybe will scare you a little but that I can't keep secret anymore. Things that…."
"Will. As adorable as your ranting usually is, right now it's killing me. Please!!"
"Ok… right… getting to the point here. I told you that Tara left me because of the magic. That was only partly true and I know that I told you that was why she left but you have to understand that at the time I didn't know if you wanted to hear the real reason and then things got so weird and we were kissing and then…. wow….breast…. and well I sort of got distracted and then….."
"WILL!"
"Ok… ok. The truth of the matter is that I started keeping secrets from Tara. Things that I never thought she'd find out. Secrets in a relationship Buffy are like a cancer. They begin to eat through the bonds that hold the two people together, slowly but surely, until there is nothing left to hold them together any longer. This is what happened between Tara and me."
"Will, is that all???? It's ok!!! This won't happen between us. We have been best friends for too many years already. I've told you all of my secrets and I know all of yours!!"
"No that's not all…" She said softly and turned away from me to look out the window again.
"Last summer when you died, after I decided that I would bring you back, I started researching on several spells. They were many different types of resurrection spells. Some promised to just bring back your soul in spirit form but not your body… these were obviously no good. Others would bring back your body but not your soul…. I remembered how horrible those zombies we fought once were and I discarded those spells as well. After a few weeks of secretly researching in all of Giles' books and surfing the net, I narrowed it down to a list of 4 possible spells. But the most promising of them all, the one that seemed the most probable to work required a specific element, something which I didn't have."
"Was it stinky yak cheese? Cause I think I found a chunk in your bra drawer…"
"BUFFY!!!" She turned looking at me again, "Stop it… I'm trying to be serious."
"Ok Will…I'm sorry! Please continue."
Willow began explaining in detail everything that happened. Her eyes glazed over with sadness as she spoke. I settled in on the bed. This looked like it was going to be a long and important conversation……………
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"Ssso hhhow long will you be gone?"
I look up at her. She's standing by the door of our room watching me as I pack my Scooby Doo duffel bag. She looks concerned and afraid. We haven't slept a night apart from each other since…since the day after it happened. Her eyes are soft…they're always soft, and I can hardly bare to look at her.
"Not that long Baby…I promise." I whisper back.
"Where will you go?"
This is not the first time she asks this question but every time it's harder and harder to answer. I continue busily packing my things. I'm not a good liar.
"I told you Baby. I don't know. I just can't be here. This house…it's full of pain. I feel it everywhere. It's consuming me. I need a break."
She walks towards me and grabs my hands to stop what I'm doing. I look at her and her eyes are teary. "You're just tired. You haven't been sleeping Will. What? Did you think I wouldn't notice? Do you think I can't hear you? It's happening every night now. You wake up crying. You're just exhausted." She runs her hand through my hair. I can feel the familiar tightness in my chest and my eyes are burning with the threat of tears. "I could ask Giles to take Dawn for a few days and go with you."
"No…no … it's ok. You have finals this week. Plus…Dawnie needs you."
"You need me too." Her smile is sad and warm as she says this.
"Always! I will always need you. I won't be gone long…I promise." I look around anxiously looking for something else to pack. Something that might delay my departure a few more minutes. Something that will help me make up my mind. But alas…I was done. My Scooby Doo duffel bag looked pregnant. She looks at me one last time.
"Will you call me?"
"Everyday…before I go to sleep." Satisfied with the response she leans in a kisses my lips. The kiss is warm and tender and heartfelt. It was a goodbye kiss.
"I have to go. I'll be late to class and you have a bus to catch."
"Go right ahead Tara. I'll be at least another half hour."
She turned around hesitantly but left none the less. I stood quietly listening to the sound of her footsteps until they were drowned out by the silence. The door slammed and she was gone. There left the woman that loved me more than anything in the world and I just lied to her…again.
It's too late now anyways. There is no turning back. I'm determined. I kneel by the bed and look under it in search of my journal. I will document everything. I just need one more thing before I go. Grabbing my duffel bag I head out of the bedroom down the hall to her room…to Buffy's old room. I walk in slowly running my finger over the edge of her furniture looking over her things one last time, until I come upon my favorite picture. It's of me and Buffy and Xander. We looked so happy…but that was such a long time ago. I remove the picture from the frame and place it in my journal.
As I begin to head out I notice that her closet door is slightly opened. Upon closer inspection I see the sleeve of her favorite leather jacket caught on the edge. I opened the door to fix it and her scent wraps around me like ribbon. Her closet is full of happy pinks and blues and yellows and greens…but there's no Buffy to wear any of it. I take the leather jacket of the hanger and slide it on. It's a little heavy and the sleeves were too long. They were long on her too …I remember. Having her jacket on somehow feels calming. I close the door of the closet and walk out. Now her scent can accompany me on my journey.
The cab is outside honking. I could have walked to the bus station it's not that far really, it's just that I don't walk anywhere anymore. Every sidewalk, every street, every alley…they all remind me of her. That's all we ever did in highschool, take long walks all through Sunnydale jabbering away.
"Sunnydale bus station please." I say to the cabby. No response in return. These are the people she sacrificed her life for. Rude, ignorant, ungrateful people.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
The bus station is busy with the sound of life. I take a seat in the section furthest away from the mass of people. I want to be alone. I need to think. I need to prepare. It's weird really; I remember how happy I was when I found the resurrection spells. Happy and afraid at the same time of course. Three of them sounded really ify and I wasn't about to throw away my last chance on a "what if". But this one…well…it just sounds intense. So many different items to collect, calling on Osiris himself, and of course the doossie…
"Bus 730 to Los Angeles now boarding." The muffled voice said over the loud speaker. That was me. Los Angeles was my final destination. Need to visit an old friend about a big favor. Part of me is afraid of seeing him. The last time we saw each other I brought with me such bad news. I was heartbroken and so was he.
I sat in the middle section of the bus on the left hand side by the window. Leaning my head against the glass mindlessly staring out at the scenery I catch a glimpse of a sign on the road that says "Now Leaving Sunnydale Come Back Soon". I can't help but wonder if these trees and signs that are flashing before my eyes are the same ones that flashed before Buffy's eyes that time she ran away such a long time ago. This thought comforted me a little, the idea of sharing one last thing with her…even if it's only a long lonely bus ride.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Los Angeles was just as it was a few weeks ago when I last visited, loud and overcrowded. I took a cab from the bus station to Angel's hotel. The ride was long and monotonous…like everything these days.
"You're Willow, right?" The black gentleman sitting behind the counter said when I entered the hotel.
"Yes. And…I'm sorry. I forgot your name." I say a little embarrassed.
"Gunn. My name is Gunn." He responded.
"Hi Gunn. I was sort of looking for Angel." Just as the words exited my lips I heard the sound of the familiar deep voice.
"Willow!" I look up to see Angel coming down the steps. Now…you know how sometimes something bad happens but for a moment you forget, not that you forget actually but that the thought is not present at the time in your mind, and then something triggers your memory and it's as if it just happened all over again? It was like. His initial expression was that of happy surprise but quickly morphed into pain. Seeing me again reminded him of her. I remember Buffy telling me once that Angel cried in front of her. I couldn't believe it. He always looked so strong. I'd never seen him cry. Not even the first time I told him. But now this strong man was kneeling before me, hugging my hips, with tears in his eyes. It took all the strength I had to hold back my own tears. And that's when I remembered.
"Willow…this is the jacket I gave her." The leather jacket that still had her scent that accompanied me on my trip was like a dagger piercing Angel's heart. He was in so much pain. I had no idea that her death had affected him so. I knew then I had made the right choice. He would surely help me bring her back.
"Oh God Angel. I forgot. I forgot that this…umm… wait.. I'll take it off." He looked at me as I scrambled to remove the jacket.
"No…it's ok. You were her best friend. It's fitting that you have it now." He conceded.
"Willow!!!" The familiar happy voice cheered from the other end of the room. Looking over I see Cordelia. She actually looked happy to see me, but when she saw Angel at my feet, she shrugged her shoulders and shook her head. She was at a loss for words.
"I need your help Angel." I said determined not to cry. He stood slowly wiping the tears from his eyes.
"Hey…I'm going to go upstairs to … um…check on Fred. Maybe she needs more…tacos of something." Gun said and quickly exited what I guess appeared to him to be a private matter.
The three of us sat in silence in the lobby of the hotel for a few minutes. None of us knew how to begin, what to say first, how to break the ice…except for Cordelia that is.
"So…how is Xander?" She asked.
"He's ok I guess. As well as can be expected." I replied.
"Is he still with Anyanka?" She asked sarcastically.
"Her name is Anya, Cordy, and yes they are still together."
"You can call her Anya if you want, but once a demon always a demon." Cordy always says what's on her mind and never thinks about it until the words have already trickled out of her mouth. "Except for you Angel … OFCOURSE!" She added in at the end once she realized what she had truly said. I looked at him as she said this. He didn't look insulted. I guess he was used to her already or preoccupied with curiosity over my visit.
"Why are you here Willow?" Angel asked cutting to the chase.
"I dream with her every night, Angel. In my dreams she's calling me, begging me to save her. We have no idea what happened to her exactly but she died closing a hell dimension and I think she's trapped there."
"What do you want to do about it?" Cordy asked.
"Well…I've been researching for several weeks now, ever since it happened, and I've found several resurrection spells. The one I think will work, however, I cannot perform by myself. I need your help." I say looking at Angel.
"Why me?" He asked.
"Because it requires the deceased's soul mate to perform it." There was a hush in the room as we looked at each other. Several minutes went by as we all considered what was just said. All the implications it involved. But alas…what won at the end…was our common love for her.
"When do you want to do it?" He asked. I guess that was his way of saying yes.
"As soon as possible! There are just a couple of things about the spell that I need to figure out first. It's hard. No one has performed this spell for centuries." I explain.
"There is a very powerful Sorceress who lives here in L.A. Actually, I think she's supposed to be the most powerful one to live in these parts. Cordy can take you there tomorrow if you want." Angel offered as assistance.
"Ohhh you'll get to see my new car." Cordy added.
"Thanks. That sounds good. Tomorrow then." I felt relieved and afraid at the same time.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
The sky was dark and gloomy and the air smelled like rain. Do you know the smell I'm referring to? It's moist and soothing and reminds me of lazy rainy afternoons spent in bed reading. I used to love to read when it rained. The trickling sound of the water on the windows was like a sweet lullaby. For years the sound of rain always brought me peace. Now nothing does.
I'm standing in front of the hotel waiting for Cordelia. Angel and Cordelia have been so kind to me. I had forgotten how much I missed them…even Cordy.
"Hey Willow. My car is this way." She said heading across the street.
"You really don't have to take me, I can take a bus you know."
"Don't be silly, now we can have some girl time without Mr. Big and Bruiting hovering around like a perv." I smile a little. Cordelia always did have a way with words. Once we sat in the car the interrogation began. When did "girl time" turn into "cross examination" time?
"So…gay now, huh?" Great… that's all I needed, to have the "gay now" talk with Cordelia.
"Couldn't be gayer." I say in a matter of fact way.
"Well I wish I could say the look agrees with you…but…I've never seen you look so pasty. Jeez Willow, when Buffy comes back she's gonna wonder if you're the one that was dead!"
"Can we change the subject?" I ask irritated. Why it is Cordelia always manages to irritate me even when she's attempting to be nice is beyond me.
"Sure. So…you excited about the spell?"
"I just hope it works."
"You miss her, don't you?" She said softly. My eyes swelled up with tears again.
"Let me guess, another subject change?" She says and I nod in agreement. Realizing that maybe "girl time" was not such a good idea in the first place she reaches over and turns on the radio. We didn't speak again until we had arrived at the Sorceress' house.
"Ok Will. This is it. I'll have my cell phone on, call me whenever you're done." I get off the car and turn to thank her but she doesn't give me the chance. "I'm sorry if it hurt that I brought her up. I can't imagine how it feels to have lost your best friend. I hope that the day I go, someone loves me enough to mourn me the way you mourn her." Those words touched me.
"Thank you Cordy, for everything." She nodded and drove off.
The house was a small ordinary California home. The closer I got the more ordinary it appeared. It seems somehow unreal that the strongest Sorceress of the western hemisphere lives in such a humble home. It's true, I guess, things are not always what they seem.
When I reach the front door I hear a loud holler. "COME AROUND THE BACK!" Cautiously I head back down the front steps and around the corner, down the side of the house until I reach the garden in the back. The garden is filled with large trees, bushes, and exotic flowers. In the center is a small round patio table with four chairs and at the table sat this large grandma looking old woman. She was dressed in a purple sleeping gown and her hair was picked up in a messy bun. The sky was still dark and it was drizzling a little. What kind of person would sit out in the rain?
"I like the rain my child. I find it comforting. The constant sound of rain drops." What? Huh? How did she? Wow!
"Please have a seat. I was expecting you." She said in low voice.
I take a seat directly across from her. My hair is damp from the rain and I'm beginning to feel a little chilly. She is staring at me intently, waiting for me to speak, studying my moves.
"Did…uh…did Angel say I was coming?" I ask confused.
"No. Angelus did not inform me of your impending visit. Hmmmm… so this is the little girl whose grief has spun a dark cloud over the Hellmouth." My eyes widen in shock. What is she talking about?
"What do you mean?"
"You're powerful my child and in touch with the earth the moon and the sun. I felt you. I've been feeling you for weeks. I'm surprised it took you so long to come here. The pain in your soul is overwhelming." "That's why I'm here."
"No it's not. You seek answers to questions I dare not discuss. Be gone before it's too late." She said in an insolent tone. I don't understand. First she asked me to sit down and now she's telling me to leave.
"What? What do you mean? How do you know what I'm gonna ask?"
"The same way I knew you were coming."
"I can't leave yet. I need answers. I need to know if the spell Angel will perform will work."
"Angelus' spell will be unsuccessful." She said with assurance.
"Not Angelus…Angel." Her cryptic conversation is beginning to weigh heavy on my patience.
"Angelus …Angel … Angel … Angelus. It's the same person." She chuckles a little before she continues, "You humans are all the same, always trying to classify things in terms of white or black, right or wrong, good or evil. The truth of the matter, my child, is that nothing is ever only white or only black, no one is ever always right or always wrong, and nobody is all good or all evil, not even demons. It's a mixture of the two, a combination, a balance of powers. The trick of it is…which part you allow to have the most control." She stops again and looks at me closely. "There is evil in you, just beneath the surface, I can see it."
"Evil? In …me?" I ask shocked.
"Yes, but the good in you will never allow it to prevail. Don't look so alarmed my child. There is evil in everyone."
"But I don't understand. The spell won't work because there is evil in Angel."
"No No No! You're not paying attention. The spell requires the deceased soul mate to perform it." Now she's not making any sense. That was the least of my concerns.
"But Angel is Buffy's soul mate." I answer with assurance.
She smiles and shakes her head at me. "Tsk Tsk Tsk…. that he is not."
I felt the weight of the world land on my shoulders. All hope had been sucked out of me all at once. She died all over again.
"If not Angel who then?"
"Be gone now. I've said all that I can say. Go home and grieve. Time will heal all wounds."
"No no no no no no no! I need answers! She's a warrior! She's trapped in hell. She needs my help. I need to help her." The urgency of the matter was evident in my voice. I was pleading with her.
"I cannot help you my child." She said coldly.
"You can't or you won't?"
"Both! Now leave!" She answered sternly, got up from her chair and began walking in the direction of the house. I felt the anger run through me like a train. Like a force I had no control over. In a split second the sky above me became black and the drizzling quickly turned into a storm. The wind was blowing strong and the many trees of her garden were swaying back and forth, almost as if attempting to humbly bow before the wind. The energy pumping through my body was incredible, fueled with pain and anger.
"I WON'T LEAVE! NOW SIT DOWN!" Reaching out with my power I pull her body back and dump her into the chair. The gusts of wind had undone her hair. It was long and red with few streaks of gray in them. Suddenly she turned to me, eyes black.
"Are you pulling rank on me little girl?" She said in an eerie calm voice. Just then I felt a force hit my chest and blow my body across the yard. I would of made it all the way back to Angel's place hadn't it been for the hard walls of her humble little home. When my back hit the concrete I felt all the air escape from my lungs. I was suspended in air for a few seconds from the sheer force of her blow but quickly fell face down into a puddle of dirty water on the ground. My lungs screamed for air and the familiar taste of blood lingered on my lips. The sounds of thunder and heavy rain encased me. In between gasps and pants I look up to see the Sorceress standing tall before me….pissed as hell!
"You are powerful but stupid. Your anger will cause you great pain." I couldn't respond. I couldn't breath. I couldn't even move. My body ached all over. The pouring rain was making it hard to see or hear clearly. I had failed. I had failed her again. The only thing left to do was cry and I cried like I've never cried before in my life.
"Please please… don't hurt me. Please I didn't mean to…I just can't. I can't live like this. She calls to me in my sleep, begging me to save her. She's in pain. She's suffering in Hell!! She doesn't deserve that. She was the Chosen One. She protected us, defended us, and sacrificed herself for us." I pause to gather the strength to scream over the sound of the sky crying. "PLEASE!!!! I need her!! The world needs her!!" I finished in one long breath. My face felt hot and my eyes were nearly swollen shut from my tears.
She swayed past me with a small limp. "Get up. Come inside. I'll make you some tea."
"I …I can't move." I said softly, still sobbing. She waves her hand in the air and instantly the rain stopped. I looked up at her in fear but she was extending her hand to help me get up.
"Such a bad temper for such a little girl." She said as she helped me into her home.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
We sat at the kitchen table for a while observing each other. It was a small kitchen filled with knick knacks and trinkets, so cluttered and disorganized. I am cold and hurt. My hair and clothes are soaking wet. There are a few dried blood stains at the entrance of my nose and by my lip, where it split, but I haven't got the strength to wipe the blood away. She's looking at me with an amused grin. What could possibly be so funny?
"You are, my dear, very amusing indeed." She said finally breaking the silence.
"Stop doing that. Stop listening to my thoughts." I say in a low voice.
"I can't help it. It's all you do. Think think think think think! You would hope that with all the thought you put in to everything you'd make less mistakes."
"Which mistake are you referring to? Coming here or trying to overpower you?" I ask.
She chuckles, "You have spunk. I like that. What is your name child?"
"Willow."
"Pleased to meet you Willow. My name is Hope." How ironic those words were to me. That's exactly what I came in search of…hope.
"Will you help me?" I ask softly.
"What you want to do is not right. You will upset the natural order of things. These sort of spells have consequences, sometimes good and sometimes bad. But more specifically, this spell can change you forever. This will happen. You will change. Are you prepared for such a journey?"
"Yes. I am. I must rescue her…regardless of the cost." My words were forceful and determined. There was no changing my mind and she knew it.
"Ok. Then go on. Your spell will be successful."
"Wait. I need you to tell me who her soul mate is."
"You're not listening again. You must learn to listen… listening will be the key. I said YOUR spell will be successful." I sat in shocked silence for a few minutes as she fully appreciated the expression on my face. She smiled broadly, leaned in really close, and whispered, "Why do you think it hurts so much? Why do you suppose you've endeavored down this path? Why does her death cause you so much pain? I saw it the minute you walked up to me outside. There is a great tear running down the center of you." She explained.
"I'm….her soul mate?" I ask cautiously, my voice barely above a whisper.
"That you are." She finished.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
I nearly fell of my bed. Suddenly everything became clear. A light was shone in a place where only darkness reigned before. Why would she possibly keep this a secret from me? What was she so afraid of? I listened intently as she continued to speak.
"When I arrived back at the hotel I told Angel that the Sorceress advised that the spell would not work. I was afraid of hurting him with the truth. I found out later from Cordy that after I left Angel too disappeared for a few months on a spiritual retreat to work out his grief. I never told Tara the truth. I couldn't believe it myself. I performed the spell… and at first when you didn't rise I thought that Hope was wrong. I felt double the pain. Pain because I couldn't bring you back and pain because I was not your soul mate after all. You could imagine my surprise when we found you wondering in the alleys. A few weeks after the resurrection spell was cast Tara found my journal and learned the truth. I guess I should have been mad at her for reading them…but how could I. She'd just learned that I was meant to be with someone else. She found out that I loved you before you did. We had a huge fight that night and when she went to sleep…. I did a spell that made her forget, but a few weeks ago when all the forgetting spells I had done to her were broken, she remembered the truth." She finished.
"Will…I can't believe you kept this from me for so long." I say in a low tone.
"I was afraid, Buffy, I was afraid of scaring you. You had just told me you loved me…after almost six years. And what?? I was supposed to bust out with "Great…guess what?? We're cosmically married!!" I needed to know that it was real. That we were real." She said all flustered. My head was spinning from all the information.
"Now everything makes sense." I say calmly, "Remember when I met Angel last month? The first thing he asked was not how I was, but, who had performed the spell. I was a little bitter at the time but I told him you did. He looked at me for while and grinned. It was a strange grin. We talked about this and that, nothing of importance. But when he left he kissed me goodbye. I've kissed Angel a thousand times and hundreds of those times they were goodbye kisses. But that kiss… that day… was the only one that truly felt like a goodbye." She was looking at me with a scared expression on her face and it dawned on me how very hard this confession was to her. She was afraid I would reject her. I lay on my bed again and patted the pillow next to me.
"Come here beautiful." I said to her enticing her to come over. Slowly she climbed into bed next to me and curled up into what seems to be our most comfortable position. With her head firmly lying on my chest I stroked her hair softly.
"We are very real Will and if possible I love you more today than ever." She didn't respond verbally, but I felt her warm tears as they soaked my shirt. My brain was on overdrive again. So many questions have arisen from her confession. What will happen to us next? How have we changed? Is this why Spike can hit me? I didn't burden her with any of them. Not now, it was too soon. We laid there for a while in each other's arms and it occurred to me… this moment, this minute, and every second in it, will leave an imprint in my life forever.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
How did this happen? How did the greatest criminal mind of the twenty first century end up huddled in a cheap motel watching old reruns of "I love Lucy"? I'll tell you how… I'll tell you how… traitors, slayers, vampires and witches! That's how! It's their entire fault!
Just then…the phone rang. My heart is pounding. I hate these calls…
"Hhh..Hello?" I croak.
"What is the status of the situation?" The deep voice barked over the phone.
"The Vampire came to me yesterday. He wants me to remove his chip."
He chuckled evilly, "Excellent. Excellent. Everything is occurring exactly as I have foreseen." Hmm… he sounds pleased. This would be a good time to let him down easy.
"I've been in hiding all week from the Slayer. As soon as the heat dies down I'll proceed with the plans for the Witch."
"It's too late. It has already begun. The Witch's death will not be enough. They both must die now."
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