Children of the Earth by WillowX

Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: Buffy the Vampire Slayer belongs to Joss Whedon, 20th Century Fox, Mutant Enemy, Sand Dollar Television and Kuzui Enterprises. Buffy is distributed by 20th Century Fox and the Warner Brothers Television Network. The storylines, however, belong to me.
They cannot be used for profit or public distribution in anyway without permission.
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Pairing: Willow/Buffy

Summary: Changes the events of Wrecked and sends our heroines into a whirlwind of adventure, love, and destiny..

Here I am….. alone ………in the dark……. sitting on my bed. The bed that used to belong to Joyce, that later belonged to Tara and I, but that now only belongs to me. How? How did things get so wrong? Lately all I've done is bring pain and darkness to the lives of the people I love the most. When did I change from fighting evil to being the cause of it? Oh God… I can't breath.

Tonight I almost got Dawn killed. DAWN!! The person Buffy gave her life to save. Oh God Buffy!! I can't even look at her face anymore. There is so much pain hidden behind her eyes. Those beautiful eyes that would light up in my presence now shift and hide at the mention of my name. What have I done? I've lost my best friend forever. Oh God…oxygen…becoming an issue again!

I can see her standing in the doorway out of the corner of my eye but I can't bring myself to look at her. Her arms are crossed and she's staring me down. She's giving me the "Slayer Stare". ME!! Maybe I deserve it. Maybe I've overstayed my welcome. Maybe what I need is a change of scenery. Maybe I should say something before her stare burns a hole in my head.

"She's sleeping. That ER Doc gave her something for the pain, it knocked her out." Her voice is monotone. I can't tell if she is angry, disappointed, or hurt.

"God… I'm sorry.. I'm so.." She heard the words but I doubt she understood what I truly meant. I was sorry about everything.

"I just don't understand. I don't understand why you'd go see somebody like Rack and I certainly don't understand why you'd drag Dawn into it." Anger… definitely anger. Her voice was cold and unforgiving and her words were like daggers piercing my skin. I couldn't even bring myself to look at her.

"Your damned right you didn't. Willow, what were you thinking? What was going through your head? Can't you see it's hard enough for me as it is? Look at me." She grabbed my shoulders harshly turning my body to face hers, " ANSWER ME!!!" She was screaming at me now. This was about to get ugly. I don't know what's worse, the pounding in my head or the near ballistic slayer shacking me. "WILLOW ANSWER ME!!!" Just then, almost as if all the frustration and anger I'd been bottling up was suddenly uncapped; I let out a scream that could raise the dead.

"STOP SCREAMING AT ME!" She let go of me in frustration or to catch her breath for her next outburst, it really didn't matter which anymore cause things had OFFICIALLY gotten ugly.

"SOMEONE HAS TO SCREAM WILL!!! Maybe if I scream loud enough you'd listen!! WHAT'S GOING ON? What would posses you to cause such harm to yourself…… to me? Is all this because of Tara, because SHE left? " Our eyes met in an old fashion cowboy standoff as she stood before me gripping her hands at her sides panting fiercely.

"What the fuck are you implying?" The words came out of my mouth one syllable at a time sounding more like a threat than a question. My choice in vocabulary visibly shocked her. As soon as she realized I wasn't going down without a fight she paused for a few minutes, mentally searching for the best way to continue. Finally, she let out a deep sigh before she began to speak again.

"Last time… when Oz left, you went crazy Will." My eyes widened in realization. "Don't go acting all innocent on me now, I've known you too long and the innocent look stopped working for you senior year in High school. When Oz left, you let your anger get the best of you and nearly became a vengeance demon in the process. Is any of this ringing a bell? You are too powerful and too important to me Will. I can't afford to lose you to the dark side, I need you too much. If you choose to continue down this path you are going to end up hurting someone, and all the chocolate chip cookies in the world you can bake are not going to be able to make it better. I'm sorry that you are hurt that Tara left, but I don't see how going to Rack fixes that." It dawned on me for the first time, she wasn't angry….she was afraid. What wasn't clear was if she was afraid of me or of losing me.

"I didn't go to Rack because Tara left. This is WHY she left. She said I was using too much magic. She was right." I lied. Well… it's not really a lie. It's a half truth, which would make it a half lie. Uggh… I'm getting another headache. The magic IS part of the reason she left, but not THE main one. But I'm not about to get into THAT now anyways.

"I couldn't help it Buffy! It was my way to get away. The magic helps me feel alive! The power makes me feel useful." She paused for a second digesting what I had just said. She got a twinge of understanding in her eyes and then nodded in vague agreement.

"I get that. But I still don't understand, it seemed like things were going so well for you before." Her voice is softer now almost a whisper.

"They were. But… I mean… if you could be plain old Willow or Super Willow who would you be?"

"Don't I?? Come on Buffy, who was I before magic? Just some girl. Tara doesn't even know that girl."

"Who were you? I can't believe you even asked that!!!! You were more than "just some girl" . You were my favorite girl!! My best friend. And if Tara doesn't know that girl… well… that's her loss."

"It's not worth it. Not if it messes with the people I love." I looked at her as I said this in search of her eyes but she quickly looked away. She hates me. I know it.

"Magic wasn't all that great. I won't miss the headaches and the nosebleeds or the stinky yak cheese in my bra." Buffy looks at me in confusion. "Don't ask… cause it's over"

I can hear her crying through the walls. She is trying to be quiet but I can still hear her. No….. I can feel her. I can feel her pain. I was so angry when I walked in her room today. I can't remember the last time we screamed at each other like that, but I swear I'll never forget how much this time hurt. Right when we had reached the point of no return, two seconds away from saying something that would irreparably damage our friendship forever, I saw it. Her hands, they were shacking. I looked into her eyes and although they were angry….they were also tired and weak. It broke my heart. After a few seconds all I wanted to do was hold her and tell her everything was ok. But things were not ok! When did this happen? When did Willow and I become the source of each other's pain?

Its dark outside and I am disgusted. That's when he comes to me….at night. Every time I close my eyes I feel him… I see him. Why did I let Spike do those things to me?

So now I sit in a room full of garlic, listening to my best friend cry, disgusted with myself. Disgusted because I've been a bad sister, a bad slayer, but, worse of all, a very bad friend. The smell is starting to consume me and I'm beginning to wonder if the garlic is worse than sleeping with Spike. Wait….scratch that… sleeping with Spike is waaaaaaaaaay worse. Oh MY God … I slept with Spike…. TWICE. Just when I thought I had reached the bottom of the barrel I find that there is this whole other barrel of shit to sift through. No one can ever know, not even Willow. Correction…..especially not Willow. I've caused her enough pain as it is. She doesn't need to know that Spike can now hurt me, that he can now touch me, and that I came back terribly wrong.

It's been an hour and she still hasn't stopped crying. It's no use trying to go to sleep. Too many crazy thoughts are running through my head and the sound of Willow's teary gasps are ripping me apart inside. I've been thinking about everything she said to me tonight. There was a lot to digest. First of all…. Fuck? Where did Willow learn a word like that? Wait…. Probably from me!! But… I didn't like it. It's not like her. She's been doing a lot of things lately that are not like her…. and so have I for that matter.

The way Willow has been misusing magic is unacceptable, but I also realize that she has a great gift! She is so very powerful. Plus I love it when she goes all Witch Fu….in a good way of course. It would be a shame to throw that away because she has yet to learn to control her self. It just doesn't make sense to me. That's like if I would have given up the slaying just because at first it was hard for me to control my own strength. That's just not the way things work. We don't quit….ever! I trained and trained until I mastered it. There has to be some sort of Witch training that Willow can undergo, something that will teach her to balance her powers. I'd call Tara to discuss this but I think the wound is still too fresh. Judging from what Willow says, Tara is of the school that believes Willow should give it up completely. Oh ….if only Giles were here.

I miss him so much. Having Giles around always made me feel safe. Not because he was strong or anything of the sort. He just always knew what to do, and even if he didn't, he'd pretend he did for my sake. All those years I spent making fun of him, what I wouldn't give to walk back into the Library at Sunnydale High. I can almost see us there, I'd be sitting at the table as Giles gave us the low down on the latest feature creature while meticulously rubbing his glasses, Xander would be making funny, yet, unintentional insightful remarks, and Willow….she'd just be sitting by my side with her laptop offering support at a moments notice. Willow was always by my side. But then came Tara and with that I lost her. That's when I knew the truth. Seeing her with Tara, the way they walked together, held hands, uggghhh I even caught them making out once!!! That's when I knew the truth. Well… actually I'd known the truth for years….but that's when I allowed myself to admit. I wanted sooo much to be Tara. To wake up in Willow's arms, to taste her lips, to hear her voice whispering sweet nothings in my ear. But, AS ALWAYS, I was too late. The train of opportunity sat at my station for three years and I never gave it a second thought. I assumed it would always be there in case I wanted to ride.

At first I tried to ignore it. Chucked it all up to just a bit of the Slayer wanting what she couldn't have. But….that day…. on the platform….my last battle with Glory… when I jumped, the face I saw was Willow's. As I was hurdling down towards the huge ball of light, the voice I heard in my head was Willow's. And when I finally closed my eyes before hitting the energy, it was Willow's name I murmured. I knew then the truth…..I loved her. But…. it was too late.

Ugggghhhhh…. Willow is still crying. I don't know how much more of this I can take.

The bedroom door creaked open and I froze. I hadn't stopped crying since she left. At first I cried because of what happened with Dawn, then I cried for ruining Buffy's peace in heaven and now I'm crying because it's the only way to deal with the pain. Every molecule in my body is screaming out in pain. Screaming for magic. My body needs it so much it hurts. What did Rack do to me? I had tried my best to be quite. I really don't need to go another round of twenty questions with the Slayer. But I think I woke her up… she must be PISSED.

"Will are you ok?" I asked concerned. She looked worse than I thought. The red head was drenched in sweat, violently gasping for air, and her body couldn't seem to stop shacking. What is wrong with her?

"Buffy.. I'm ….. I'm sorry I woke you. It's just that I….. am in so……much pain. I can hardly breathe."

"That's ok Will. You didn't wake me… I'm the Slayer. I'm a night person. What do you mean you can't breathe?"

"My hands Buffy. Look at my hands. I can't stop shaking and my body aches all over."

"It's Rack! It's like my body needs the magic now….in order to function. It's taking all of my strength to avoid doing a spell. I don't know how much longer I can do this Buffy. I'm in soo much pain. I'm tired and I hurt. I can't….." Willow broke down crying again. This time her sobs were loud and tumultuous. I walked over to the bed and sat next to her, cradling her body close to mine. I've never seen her like this. I don't know what to do.

"Sssshhhh Sssshhhh. It's ok Willow. I'm here. You're strong. You can do this. And I'm here for you." I whisper softly while gently rocking her back and fourth running my fingers through her hair. This is beginning to soothe her.

"Willow. Everything will be ok. I promise. But you have to promise me you'll try your hardest to be strong. For me. I need my Willow back. " After a few more minutes her crying slowed down to a slight whimpering and I began to gently whip the tears from her face. Her eyes are swollen and her nose is red….and still… I can't help thinking how beautiful she looks.

"Who….what…huh? Willow… I … uh ……never … I don't know…." Huh? At this point the extent of my thought process is…... HUH?

"What? Sleep Buffy…like that time we slept together when Angel killed my fish, remember?"

"SLEEP!!!!! OH sure. Ok. Sleep is good. OOhhh I'm tired….exhausted even. Sleeps sounds….Very good. Sure I'll stay. My room sorta kinda stinks now anyways." Duhhhhh. Overworked hormones much!!! Stupid Slayer Stupid Slayer Stupid Slayer…….

"It's a long story…. I'll tell you in the morning." OR NEVER. Never is an acceptable alternative. Nunca, Nada, Zippo…. Yep that's when you'll find out. N E V A!

We lay down comfortably on the bed. I took the side closest to the door….cause …. you know…. Slayer Survival Instincts and all. Willow lay close to me, my hand was still stroking her hair. It felt good to run my fingers through Willow's hair. It only took a few minutes before she was asleep. Her breathing had calmed and her body jerked only ever so often. My brain was on overdrive but I forced myself to relax. This is not the first time Willow and I share a bed. Plus, she needs me, she asked me to stay.

The first thing I felt was the warm body laying next to me. I thought "Mmmmm Tara." Then I remembered. This shocked my senses. I smelled the faint fragrance of raspberries…..BUFFY SMELL. When I opened my eyes Buffy was laying facing me… looking at me….LOOKING AT ME. What the hell?

"Was I snoring or something?" I ask concerned, she looked like she hadn't fallen asleep since she laid here with me. It's almost time for the sun to rise and the room is still dark but I can make out Buffy's face from the street lights outside. She looks just like I feel….. exhausted.

"What did you do with all of my mom's stuff? I mean, I never got the chance to move it and I notice that her closet is full of your stuff. I just… was curious." Wow deep thoughts indeed.

"All of Joyce's things are in the attic. I couldn't bring myself to get rid of anything. I didn't think it was my place and I didn't want to bother Dawn with it. So I just put it away."

"Oh." She looked pleased with the response but then got that far off look again on her face.

"Why didn't you put my stuff in the attic too… you know….when I died?" I flinch when I hear the question coming out of her mouth. Jeez… I should have known….when Buffy gets deep thoughts they are usually profound bottomless caverns of despair. I take a few minutes to collect my thoughts before I begin.

"When you …" I pause for a moment to gather my strength and let out a long deep sigh…. haven't we had enough deep conversations for one night? I really don't want to talk about this, but it is beginning to be abundantly clear that we will not be able to continue our friendship until we do. I'm sick and tired of the huge pink elephant that has been sitting in on me and Buffy since she came back.

"When you died, Buffy, we didn't know what to do. At first, I couldn't accept it. It was such a horrible feeling. I rode with your body in the ambulance to the hospital. I didn't cry. I just sat there staring at your covered body waiting for you to move. Waiting for you to sit up and say "Gotcha!" or "Did we win?" or "Let's go for pizza". But you didn't. I stayed in the hospital the whole night, sitting outside the door to the morgue, I just couldn't …. I couldn't bring myself to leave you there all alone. It wasn't until Tara found me there the next morning and forced me to go home that I left." I paused a minute to breath. I hadn't told anyone about my night in the hospital only Tara knew where I had been.

"The following day, when it all sunk in, Giles fell apart. But I mean really fell apart, in a totally un-British sort of way. He kept blaming his poor Watcher skills for your death. I didn't know at the time, but months later he broke down and told me about the talk you both had before that last battle with Glory. He never forgave himself for the things he said to you. Dawn was inconsolable and with reason, Joyce had died only a few months before and now she had lost you. She blamed herself for your death as well, saying that it should have been her that jumped off the scaffold. Xander was in a haze. I hadn't seen Xander cry since his sixth birthday with that freaky clown. But he cried for you Buffy. He cried for you. Even Spike cried. Everybody blamed themselves for your death."

"Remember how you got when Joyce died? Automatic-Pilot-Buffy? Well… I sort of did the same thing. With everyone else in their own personal dimensions of hell it was up to me to make the arrangements. In order to avoid loosing Dawn I decided only to tell those closest to you that knew of your Slayer status. I told Angel and Cordelia. They were devastated. I planned your funeral. No wake… just like Joyce's, I thought that was what you would have liked. It was the hardest thing I ever had to do. I picked out your outfit, your coffin, your headstone, and the writing on it as well." I hadn't noticed but somewhere in the middle of my story tears started streaming down my face, one after the other, all taking the same wet path.

"I thought planning everything was hard… but burying you was the hardest. I felt like part of me, the best part, had died with you. Tara and I moved in right away to take care of Dawn. That's when the nightmares began. Every day I dreamt that you were being tortured by all the demons you had killed. Every night was different and every night was the same. The Master, The Mayor, Adam…. all of them Buffy… they were all there….torturing you. That's when I decided I couldn't leave you there. I should of known Buffy…. I'm sorry! I am soooo sorry! If anyone deserved to be in heaven it was you…. But to be quite honest the thought never occurred to me. I would only hear your voice in my dreams…..begging for me to save you." At this point tears were streaming down her face as well. Her eyes were full of compassion and understanding. As if she understood for the first time why I did what I did, as if she imagined if the roles had been reversed she probably would have done the same thing.

"I could never bring myself to pack up your room. Everything still smelled like you, reminded me of you. Sometimes being in your room was the only thing that brought me peace. To see your things, your pictures, it brought me peace. What I did… it was selfish….but I did it wholeheartedly, with the best intentions, believing I was saving you."

And then, as if she was only waiting for me to stop talking, she moved in really close. The distance between us was such that I could feel the warmth of her breath on my lips. Her tear filled eyes wouldn't drop my gaze. She cupped my face with her hands brushing away random tears with her thumbs. We stayed like this for a few seconds speaking volumes with our eyes. The longer we looked at each other the harder it was becoming to look away, and just when I thought that was all we were going to do, she leaned in closer and kissed my lips. The explosion of emotions that followed next was nerve deafening. The first thing I tasted was her warm salty tears mingled with the soft texture of her mouth. God she tasted good. I let out a small whimper as I parted my lips a little wider. Her tongue slowly and sexily danced its way into my mouth, licking and nipping at my lips along the way. When it finally found my tongue the second burst of mind blowing emotions hit. Almost simultaneously, her hand began traveling down my neck on a path between my breasts, leaving a hot trail of goose bumps behind until it reached my belly button. It was there where it made its ninety degree turn and headed up the side of my hip and behind me until it reached its intended destination…..my ass. She squeezed my cheek gently and with one swift move pulled our bodies closer together meshing our hips. My body was on pins and needles, nothing had ever felt this great and for a minute I thought that all these years I'd been doing it ALL wrong. That's when I felt it, Buffy shuddered in my arms. She was having the same responses that I was and her shudder was that of surprise. This was new to her too.

When we finally parted breathlessly, I looked into her eyes again, they were still teary but no longer sad. I stayed looking at her for a few seconds until I figured out the emotion being conveyed…. I understood for the first time and just before I had a chance to say anything she whispered to me, "I know! I've always known…" she grabbed my hand and placed it on her heart "here. I've always known here…. in my heart…. and so have you."

I move closer to her forcing her to lay on her back. Then I positioned my body half on top of hers and lay my head right on her chest, above her heart, where my hand had just been. I could hear her heart beat, the heart that has "always known". I wrap my arm around her waist and squeeze her ever so slightly. She feels like home to me…. I am finally home. I can't believe this is really happening and before my brain has a chance to catch up, she said it… "I love you Willow."

I closed my eyes as fresh warm tears squeezed out. The sound of her heart beat was like a beautiful melody. Like a song that my soul so desperately needed to hear and learn the words too. By the time I open my eyes to reply to her confession it was too late. The mighty Slayer had finally fallen asleep beneath me. Day break was perhaps a few hours away, we had just enough time to enjoy a nap. Tomorrow I will tell her the truth…all of it.

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Children of the Earth

by WillowX

Copyright © 2003

Willowxbvsb@hotmail.com