Dark Core by Washi

Willow sat unmoving by her window, sitting in a plush armchair. The moonlight was dancing on her face, making her already-pale skin seem deathly-white. Her face was upturned, watching the Tara-constellations twinkling merrily in the sky, mocking her misery. Her gaze was unfocused as she thought of Buffy's birthday party. Of her revealed lie. Of the hurt look on Tara's face when she mentioned the spell ingredients she hadn't thrown out. Images jumbled in her mind, images full of Tara, of how she had defended her against Anya, the smile she had given her after she had explained about her secret magical stash.

That smile. It had melted her, made her heart flutter. And her heart fluttered again right then.

"Tara, I miss you soo much baby." she told the darkness, a tear escaping her eyes.

It rolled down her face. The upturned palm that was waiting to feel soft fingers entwine with hers caught the tear as it fell off her chin. Willow looked at it, shining on her skin.

She felt her self-disgust resurface again. Her guilt. How could she have hurt Tara like that? She violated her mind, had violated their trust, one of the things their whole relationship was based on. She made her remember Glory and the dark days that followed her brain-suckage. She had belittled her, like her family had. She had done everything that would make Tara hate her. She had lost her, lost the one thing she loved more than anything in the world, more than her own life. She lost her light, the person who made life on the Hellmouth worth living, who made waking up after Buffy's death bearable, who made her whole life have a meaning. She had chased away her goal in life, her yesterday, today and tomorrow, her always, her forever. Her everything. She had made her soul, her heart and all the other organs in her body flee from her, flee from the darkness in her being. She was a monster, a ruthless monster that played with her everything's mind. She was no better than Glory. Her vision blurred as tears broke the dam holding them back and trickled down her face. She saw again in her mind's eye all the hurt and pain she had caused, especially to Tara and Dawn.

She would do anything to erase the pain in Tara's eyes by proving herself, to help heal that deep scar she had left in her lover's heart by loving her more than life. She would do anything, but she had lost the right to do all that. Because she was the one who put those marks on her lover, not with her fists, but with her magicks.

<Ex-lover. You blew it Rosenberg. You had it all, and now what? You're crying alone in your room. Is this pain not worse than the one you felt when you didn't use magic? Is it? God, you're pathetic.> she told herself.

When she rose from her bed in the morning, Willow knew it was going to be a bad day. She had tossed and turned all night, and when she finally fell asleep, the muscles cramps started. The pain still lingered in her legs, especially in her calves and back thighs. She finally stayed up all night, massaging her legs, thinking and looking at the sky, watching the clouds moving while listening to sad love songs. Some songs kept playing in an endless loop on the radio station she had settled on. The lyrics kept pounding over and over into her heart, turning the knife in the bruised organ, making even more guilt seep into her conscious mind. The regret she felt filtered into her blood, making each and every one of her heartbeats a living hell of pain.

It's been raining since you left me,
Now I'm drowning in the flood.
You see, I've always been a fighter,
But without you I give up.

You don't need to bother,
I don't need to be,
I'll keep standing farther,
But once I'll hold on,
I'll never live down my deceit...

It's been a while,
Since I could say
That I wasn't addicted.
And it's been a while,
Since I could say I love myself as well.
And it's been a while,
Since I've gone and fucked things up
Just like I always do.
It's been a while
But all that shit seems to disappear when I'm with you.

What I'd give to run my fingers
Through your hair,
Touch your lips,
To hold you near.

Sorry,
Is all that you can say,
Years gone by and still,
Words don't come easily,
Like I love you,
I love you...

No I can't forget this evening,
Or your face as you were leaving.
But I guess that's just the way the story goes
You always smile but in your eyes, your sorrow shows.

And I...
Will love you...
Baby...
Always...
And I'll be there...
Forever and a day...
Always...

Willow listened to them, the pieces of the songs that spoke to her or about her (or so it seemed) starting a cacophony into her head, the lyrics and the various rhythms blending together in her head. But she deserved to be reminded she told herself, reminded of the stupidity of her actions and of the hurt she caused.

Her headache wasn't helping things, and when she got up from her bed, it became a full-blown migraine. Of course, she wouldn't let Buffy and Dawn see how bad she felt. Instead of receding, the pain and withdrawal symptoms were increasing.

Her palms had itched to cast a soothing spell, something that would relieve the pain using white magic, but immediately, she dismissed the thought.

And she had stayed true to her promise. But, now, night fell, and all the loneliness and fatigue came back three-folds.

She felt it weird that her physical pain was increasing and that her spirits weren't beginning to lift. She didn't want to tell the others because she didn't want to bother them more. They were after all helping her, and she didn't deserve more. She was a junkie, and she had to endure the withdrawals. Telling them would only make her feel worse because she was helpless to get herself better, and even thought they would fuss, they'd still look at her in pity and disappointment. She brought it on herself, and she had to get herself out of it.

Her internal conversation and self-analysis was interrupted when she felt a harsh light on her face coming from the door. She turned her head and saw Dawn standing there, looking at her.

She sat down on the window sill facing Willow and looked at her. Really looked at her. In the pale moonlight, her face was incredibly pale, except the rings under her eyes which were black in contrast to the smooth milky-ness of her skin. Her eyes were haunted and red-rimmed.

"Oh, so, she told you to come check on the junkie and see what being irresponsible is. That's nice." Willow said, a mirthless smile on her face. The smile faded a second later to be replaced with a sad, empty look. The look of a person who's giving up, of a person who lost all hope. Willow's eyes glistened with unshed tears, tears that seemed permanently residing in her eyes ever since Tara had left.

"That's so not what I meant. You and Tara took care of me, and now I should take care of you. It's simple. So, what can I do to help?" Dawn replied, looking around.

Willow looked at the teenager and allowed a small smile to graze her face when she saw only compassion in her blue eyes. Buffy, Xander and Anya had disgust, pity and disappointment in their furtive glances at her. They couldn't even look at her in the eye, they always seemed to look around, as if fearing that they may get infected by her disgusting 'disease' if they looked into her green depths. Eyes now showing nothing more than apology and pain, not for herself but for the people she hurt.

"It's kinda obvious by the way you look. No offense." she said as an after thought.

"None taken." Willow replied. They both sat in silence until Willow's curiosity got the best of her.

"Why did you forgive me? I hurt you, but you're here now talking with me. I know you said you forgave me, but I don't understand why. I can't understand why. You should hate me. Heck, I hate me. I mean myself, I hate myself."

Dawn looked at her for a moment before starting. "Willow, look. It's pretty easy. I know that when Buffy died, everything fell on your shoulders. It was obvious. You took care of everyone. Right after Buffy died, I mean at the funeral, I remember you not wanting to break down, I mean, I could see it, but I didn't say anything. I guess I was too involved in my pain or too self-centered. Willow, I know you, I know that you were keeping everything inside so the group wouldn't break down. I remember you soothing me when I had nightmares. I remember you doing the same for Tara. Heck, I remember that sometimes, I would wake up and find myself sleeping with Tara in that bed while you sat in this armchair and watched over us." she pointed at the furniture in question. Willow started to deny it, but Dawn held up a hand. "Willow, you don't even need to deny it. I saw you. Did you even sleep back then?"

Willow looked at her hands and shook her head. She closed her eyes and remembered those long terrifying nights.

Suddenly, in the quiet night, she heard a low plaintiff wail and she slowly disentangled herself from Tara's sleeping form, trying her best not to wake her and succeeding.

She wiped her tears on her sleeve and walked to Dawn's room. She opened the door and found Dawn awake yet dazed, crying and uttering one word that broke Willow's heart again.

Willow opened her eyes but kept them on the ground. "No. I couldn't. I kept thinking that if I was stronger, if I was quicker, if I was wiser, I would have been able to save Buffy before she jumped. She said I was her big gun, but I let her down. I should have been able to save her."

Salty tears of guilt fell on her open hands, trickling down her palms in unknown patterns. Dawn felt her own eyes fill with tears as her vision blurred and she saw again her sister falling down the tower, giving up her life to save hers. She blinked and the vision faded, her eyes still bleeding tears of an past sorrow.

"Willow, that's why you tried to do everything after she died. She said you were her big gun, and you did everything to not disappoint her in death. Right?"

Willow nodded, her throat constricting as she heard Dawn, a teenager understand the reasons of her addiction to dark magic better than her and her friends.

"Will, you did so much, I mean, you rebuilt the Buffy-bot and you repaired it daily. You organized the Patrols, and don't tell me that wasn't tiring, I saw you Willow when you came back. It took a lot out of you, right? The whole mind-talking thingy."

"I remember Giles being totally weird during that time. And Xander and Anya were in their own world, with Xander taking care of her. They didn't help out much, did they?"

"You took care of everything. Tara was like my mom, she gave me comfort and made breakfast and all that, but you did everything else. You helped me in my homework and I bet you gave computer classes for money."

"Janice's cousin told me the redhead I lived with gave him computer classes." Dawn paused. "Heck, Spike told me you even bought him blood."

Dawn looked at Willow for a while before speaking again, her voice uncertain, scared of the redhead's reaction to what she was going to say. She took a deep breath.

"I remember one night, I was going downstairs to get a glass of water when I heard you and Tara talking in the kitchen. I'm sorry for eavesdropping, but I couldn't help it." Dawn continued, reliving the conversation she heard in her head.

"Tara offered to help, but you didn't want her to help you. You were trying to protect her, right?"

Willow nodded, more tears falling down. "But it doesn't make what I did right. Nothing can make what I did to you and Tara right. Nothing."

"I never said it did. But…" Dawn stopped to look at Willow's crying form. "After the accident, I started thinking. At first, I was mad at you, I was so angry that you made Tara go away. It was like the divorce again. But then, I started thinking more and more every night. And, one afternoon, just a few days ago, I saw this movie. It was about a girl who had to take care of her family after her dad died, and she did everything, and she started working to get money, but then, she couldn't do it all, and she started mobbing people to get the money, cause it's easier that way. That's kinda what happened, right?"

Willow nodded again. "Buffy made you watch the movie to see the consequences of your actions." It was a statement.

"When did you get this much insight on people? How can you understand me so well?" Willow asked, in awe of this young girl who was actually only two years old and who, yet, understood her more than her older friends.

"I'm the one who made a W-I-S-H to a vengeance demon… um, justice demon because I didn't want people to leave me. So, I kinda understand what happened."

"Sure. I wouldn't have acted like that if I were you, but I kinda understand. Let's review, first of all, your parents were never there for you. Jesse died, Ms. Calendar died, Buffy left then came back, you had this huge crush on Xander, but he started dating Cordelia and then, he slept with Faith, Oz left then comes back, then leaves again, Mom… mom died, Buffy died then came back, Tara left, Giles left. All the people you love keep leaving you. We're more alike than you thought, huh?" Dawn asked, ticking off the people on her fingers.

Willow nodded. Tears sprung to her eyes again as she started thinking about all the people who left her.

"But there is a big difference between you and me Dawnie. Everybody leaves to go to classes or to a job or something. But they come back to you Dawnie, they do. Nobody comes back to me. In general, when they leave, they leave for good. I don't even get to see them for a few minutes a day. My parents, Buffy the first time, Xander, Oz, Tara, Giles. They left because they wanted to. Not because they had to. Maybe, maybe I'm not good enough for people to love me. Or maybe, I just chase people away." Willow babbled in between tears.

"No Willow. Most people who leave you just don't realize how special you are. Your parents, Xander, Oz, they all didn't realize how much you need them or how much you love them. Especially your parents. And, since you've been left so many times, you put all your fears in your relationship with Tara. You thought with your heart and not your mind. That's what's wrong Willow, that's what you gotta work on. You need to think with your head. I mean, you're so intelligent when you think with your brain. You just need to control your emotions."

Willow nodded and yawned. "Thanks for the talk Dawnie, it really means a lot, especially since all the others do is to tell me I have to stop, and they don't even try to understand why I fell in it in the first place." Willow said, getting up and hugging the teenager.

"Thank you." she repeated as she pulled the teen even closer. Suddenly, she felt a deep pain in her calf and she stiffened, but not before yelping.

The pain intensified and both of her legs were tensed into painful knots. Willow clenched her jaw and said, shakily:

The pain just intensified and before Willow could swallow her tears of agony, they leaked out and rolled down her smooth skin. Dawn, who had been holding her up, dragged her with surprising strength and laid her down on the bed before starting to wordlessly massage Willow's calves. Willow put her open mouth against her pillow and screamed into it, muffling her cries of pain. Dawn continued massaging until Willow's muffled screams stopped and she cried wordlessly into her pillow, drenching the material.

"Willow, do you get these often?" Dawn said, wiping her own tears, tears she hadn't known she'd shed.

"Yes, but don't tell anyone Dawnie, I don't want more pity or disappointment. Please, don't tell them." Willow said, wiping her own face.

She slowly got into a sitting position and asked Dawn to get her pajamas. She complied.

"Sure, but Willow, if they get worse, I'm gonna tell Buffy. Are you sure this is a withdrawal thing?"

"Yep, pretty sure. Dawnie, thanks again. I'm kinda sleepy, so I should sleep before sleeping becomes impossible."

Dawn left, and the room was bathed in darkness again. Willow slowly put on her pajamas and got under the covers, alone.

<I can fight this. I can prove that I'm still Willow. Tomorrow, no wallowing! Tomorrow, I get back to being me. I get back my life tomorrow, and I start over. Tomorrow morning.> Willow told herself before sleep took her over.

Tara was laying down on her back in her narrow bed, looking up at the ceiling. A history book was sitting next to her, but she couldn't keep up the pretense of studying anymore. Her thoughts were drifting, as usual, to Willow.

Tara's thoughts went back to Buffy's birthday party. She had been so nervous she had actually thought of not going to the party, but finally, she had decided to be brave and to go. She had picked her clothes almost a week prior and she had practiced a speech for when she was face to face with Willow, but the whole speech collapsed when she saw her ex-lover, her eyes pained and yet hopeful. She had only managed to get out a simple: 'hey' before they both started tripping all over each other, overlapping each other's compliments and sentences, as if once out in the open, their words would disappear forever or they'd find themselves dreaming. She remembered how awful their seeing each other was. It was awkward, she didn't know how to act or what to say. She had never thought in her past that seeing Willow would be so awkward. But of course, things changed.

The night kept getting worse and worse. They were stuck in the house, Willow had some spell ingredients that she didn't throw out and Tara felt betrayed again. She had a maelstrom of emotions in her, betrayal, confusion and mostly hurt. Hurt that Willow hadn't kept her promise, that everything she did to get rid of magic was just another lie. But, when Anya had suggested that Willow would do a spell, she had refused, and some hope came back to Tara. So much in fact that she had defended her when Anya had lashed out at Willow. Tara had never seen Willow so defenseless. It looked like she was going to let Anya shout at her without answering, without defending herself, as if she had lost hope. Even her eyes were defeated, the normal Willow-spark but a sweet memory.

The sole word was enough to trigger back all of Tara's hurt and betrayal. But for once, she shoved her pain aside to focus on what her heart wanted.

Tara was so confused. She wanted to go back to Willow, but yet, she couldn't. Not until she was sure that Willow wouldn't hurt her again. That she wouldn't take away her right to choose or to be an individual.

Her fears were slowly dissipating though as she saw Willow's fight to not use magic. Dawn and Buffy had told her of Willow's progresses, of her fight with Amy, of how she had told the dark-haired witch to basically take a hike. Of her nightly fight, of the urges, of the cravings and how she so bravely fought against the physical withdrawals.

Suddenly, she jerked and sat up as she felt a furry paw on her arm. She looked at Miss Kitty who was rubbing herself on her hand, wanting to be petted. Tara sighed and ran her hand on the silky fur, the cat purring happily.

"Oh Miss Kitty, what should I do?" Tara asked the cat who looked at her and meowed.

Miss Kitty just purred some more before curling up in a ball and falling asleep. Tara laid back down and pondered some more until sleep claimed her, the final thought she had as she drifted being:

"Hey Will!" Buffy said, coming into the kitchen. Willow turned round to greet her and Buffy looked at her, shocked. Willow's face was drawn and pale, the rings beneath her eyes contrasting sharply with the pasty whiteness of her skin.

<God, I've been soo blind! How could I not see how bad Willow was doing before now?>

"It's okay Buffy, I'm ok. Coffee?" she said, holding out a mug to her friend. Her hand was shaking lightly.

"Sure." Buffy said, happy at seeing her best friend seem chipper, not noticing the light tremors. "What's with the mood swing?" the Slayer asked, remembering vaguely in the last days Willow's sad and gloomy mood. Days when she barely saw the redhead, who stayed in her room most of the day.

Willow smiled. "I've decided to get my life back. I'm gonna start living again today. A magic-free life. Once and for all."

And Willow's smile turned into a small grin, her eyes showing a light spark, a sign of the old Willow, one that had never been touched by darkness. Buffy couldn't remember the last time she had seen Willow smile like that.

Buffy's frown turned into a smile, a real genuine smile. "Great. I'm happy for ya Will."

The two friends sat down for breakfast, and Buffy told Willow of the nerds' evil schemes and of the Scoobies' plan to catch them.

"Everyone will be there tonight. Team work and all. I hope we're going to end the Nerds' Empire once and for all. I mean, how lame is that? After all the vampires, demons, monsters and Hell-Gods, what do the Powers That Be send us? Three nerds wanting to take over the world. I think they watched way too much "The Pinky and The Brain"… Wait, the two mice never took over the world, right?"

"Right, well, anyway, we'll hopefully stop them tonight if all goes well." Buffy winced inwardly at the lack of emotion in that sentence.

"I know you can take them Buffy. By the way, since you mentioned a big Patrol tonight, I was thinking that maybe… I could join you guys." Willow said, her green eyes showing hope.

Buffy stood quiet for a while, thinking before she smiled. "Ok, but no magic and you get a nice crossbow."

"Sure. It's just that I need to start living normally again. Magic-free Willow, that's me now." she replied, smiling.

Buffy grinned at her. Dawn came downstairs, already dressed in full-teenager pout.

"Morning. Buffy, can I go to Janice's tonight? To sleep over?" the young girl asked, trying to shake away the whine from her voice.

"Um, good morning and sure, but you know the rules. No going out, no parties and a big no to stealing anything. Have fun."

"Riight, fun." Dawn said sarcastically. She went over to Willow and gave her a peck on the cheek. Willow looked at her, a slow smile spreading on her face.

Buffy felt jealous for a second. She could see the affection between Willow and Dawn, and she suddenly wished she could be the sister Dawn wanted. One that could feel, that could be there for her.

"Guys, I have to go. School. I'll see you later." she said, grabbing some toast and going out.

They finished their breakfast in silence then they headed out, each in her own direction, each lost in her own thoughts.

Night fell on Sunnydale, unlike on any other town. Before darkness reigned, the streets were mostly empty, people rushing into their homes, afraid of an unnamed danger that always seemed to be lurking. It was an uncomfortable feeling, like feeling a stranger's breath on your neck. Darkness came, and horrifying images danced in glee, their demonic faces revealed in the gloom. Pale faces, unnaturally defiled with bumpy ridges and curves, yellowish eyes that bear no deepness for they don't hold a soul, predatorily eyes, monstrously long fangs that glint in the darkness. These creatures danced in the darkness of Sunnydale, stalking unaware victims, unaware innocents. But no one talked about them, no one spoke of the group that seemed to always be around at night, who always seemed to find their way into the hospital, who seemed to push away the creatures and the darkness, making the streets safer. Everyone saw these heroes, but no one talked about them, and they didn't mind, because they didn't do this for money or fame or celebrity. They did this nightly duty because they had to and wanted to.

Xander, Anya and Tara were waiting for Buffy to join them in the big patrol they had planned to stop the Nerd Trio, once and for all. They saw two figures cut through the darkness and for a second, they didn't seem to believe who they were seeing. Disbelief gave way to concern and a muted happiness. Happiness that one of theirs had fought back from the darkness and had resurfaced after so many trials.

"Hi." Buffy said quietly, stopping in front of the three others under a street lamp.

The other three gasped silently at Willow's appearance. It seemed like her eyes were foggy, as if she hadn't slept in a long while. But they were alert, looking from left to right. The familiar Willow-spark was back, but it was muted. The lack of sleep she was suffering from was evident on her whole face. But her smile was genuine and they were both concerned and happy at seeing Willow struggle back from the overpowering darkness.

"Hi." Tara said quietly, her voice a mere whisper. Willow turned to face her, a small sad smile touching her lips.

Willow chuckled at Anya's frankness. It had been a while since she spoke to her like that, like she was the old Willow again and not like she was going to turn all black-eyed witch of the West on them. She ran a hand through her hair before replying.

"Yeah, I know, I look like shit. But, I feel better, and hey, if vampires jump us, they'll probably think I'm dead, so they won't bother me." She grinned.

Buffy, Xander and Anya grinned too, happy to have their Willow back, while Tara was silent, looking at her ex-lover in shock. No one told her she was coming along, and by Willow's physical shape, she shouldn't be out of her bed. She thought about reading her aura but dismissed it.

Without further conversation, the gang started on their way. Willow held her crossbow tightly in her arms, her knuckles white while she scanned the horizons with anxious eyes. The fact that Tara was walking a few steps in front of her did nothing to soothe her nerves. But she kept her mind on the Patrol and not on how that dark red leather coat hugged her curves like her hands used to, or how the shirt she was wearing highlighted her breasts or how kissable that little stripe of skin between her pants and her shirt looked. She shook her head and tried to think about Patrol. Tara slowed her steps and walked alongside her, looking at her from the corner of her eyes.

Willow looked at the full moving lips and drowned in visions of those lips, that tongue and all of their mischievous doings to her body. Tara waved a hand in front of her.

"Um, what? Sorry, it's kinda noisy up here tonight." Willow said, touching her temple.

"Okay, I'm kinda nervous. This is my first patrol without magic, and I hope this crossbow will be enough. But, besides that, I'm ok. Really." she babbled.

She wanted to add that she was proud of her, but she couldn't do it and she didn't.

<Oh my god! She smiled at me!> she thought, her heart doing a little dance, and suddenly, she felt her nervousness return. <Oh My God! She smiled at me! What should I do? I should smile at her? Maybe, I mean no. I mean I don't know. Someone help me.>

She finally let out a crooked smile of her own. They kept walking until they saw a someone, clad only in black, leaning against a crypt door, smoking a cigarette. The blue smoke danced as it drifted up towards the sky, the lit cigarette glowing bright red as the bleached blonde sucked on it.

"Hello Slayer." he drawled, some smoke drifting from his mouth and nose as he spoke.

"Hey Red, got over the whole magical thing, did you? I'm glad to see you here." Spike said, smiling at Willow, who just smiled back.

"Spike…" Buffy said, menacingly, trying not to think about how sexy he looked. "What do you have for us?" she asked again, gritting her teeth together, trying to put as much venom as she could in her voice.

"Right-o. The nerds. They're digging up a body in there. Just figured you'd like to know." he said, leering at Buffy and pointing towards a south lot in the cemetery.

"Okay, everybody ready? Let's try to deal with them once and for all." Buffy said, and the rest nodded.

"Warren, why do we have to do this?" Andrew said, wiping his hands on his jeans.

"I don't like this Warren, we never said anything about digging up dead people." Jonathan replied, sneezing.

"Aww, poor nerds afraid to get their hands dirty, huh?" Buffy said, coming in view.

The Trio turned around fast, and Warren tried to get his hands on one of his weapons. When he didn't find it, he turned around to see Spike holding it.

"Naughty naughty naughty. You didn't think that we'd be here with the Slayer, now did you?" Spike drawled out.

While Warren's attention was on Spike, Buffy came closer and the two other nerds fled, Andrew finding his face on Xander's fist.

"Buffy, you think it'd be that easy to destroy me, don't you? You got another thing…"

He never finished and he threw a punch at her, which she quickly diverted. She spun around and kicked at him, her foot connecting with the side of his face and sending him down, unconscious.

"Oh, poor little nerd. You couldn't do anything without your toys, huh?" Buffy taunted before reaching into her pocket for her cell phone. She quickly dialed the police and told them to get there fast and to bring an ambulance. Turning around, she saw Tara and Anya cornering Jonathan and an unconscious Andrew sprawled on the ground. She ran over to help the girls while Willow went to Xander's side.

Jonathan seeing almost no means of escape did the first thing he thought of. He pointed a hand towards Willow.

"I'm not going down for something he did. I'm sorry!" he said before chanting a quick spell and sending Willow a blast of dark magicks.

Willow didn't have time to move and the power ball hit her fully, sending her flying backwards.

"You son of a bitch! I'm gonna kill you!" she yelled, her voice cold and hard, turning the melodic voice to ice shards. She was about to utter a spell to make his head explode when she felt herself come back to her senses.

"Encase!" she yelled instead, pointing her finger towards Jonathan, who was trying to run away.

He stopped mid run, falling on the ground. He twitched, trying to find a way to escape the magical confines.

Spike having seen the whole scene, took a shovel and ran over to him, just as Jonathan was about to release himself. He hit him on the head and screamed. When the daze of his chip stopped, he glanced down and saw that the short man was unconscious. With his Vampire hearing, he heard the sirens of the ambulance approaching.

She felt the magicks in her veins, pumping in her blood with an infinite sweetness. She could taste it in her mouth, and with the sweetness came bitterness. It was too sweet, nauseous even. Too sweet to be pure. It was tainted, and it left a bitter taste in her mouth, the taste of bile.

She felt her muscles tighten, and she knew that her whole body was about to cramp up. She resisted.

The magical lure changed, and it now beckoned her to join it, seducing her to use it, to cast a spell. She suddenly knew what it felt like for Ulysses when the Sirens called to him. The magic in her body was like a sweet song, whispered after making love.

"Use me, take me. Relieve the pain, feel the release." It told her over and over.

But that voice was overlapped by anther one, a sensual voice that made her skin tingle in a sweeter and truer way.

I'm under your spell,
Surging like the sea,
Pulled to you so helplessly.
I break with every swell,
Lost in ecstasy,
Spread beneath my Willow tree,
You make me complete…

Her resolve to not use magic increased and she felt her back arch, her whole body rising off, standing only on her shoulders and heels.

The pain was too strong, her jaw was locked tight. She wanted to express her agony, but was unable to. Tears ran down her face as she struggled for air. She saw Xander looming over her, his lips moving, forming words she couldn't hear. She could only hear the husky sensual voice that made her refuse the magic.

<I won't use it. I won't!> she screamed inwardly as pain filled her blood, it's strength running through her whole being, igniting fire in all her stiff body. Yet, her body felt cold, so cold.

Suddenly, she felt her leg muscles start to relax, starting a chain reaction as the rest of her muscles followed until her body lowered itself to the ground. The pain in her muscles was quickly replaced by a sharp pain in her chest. The pain was similar to the cramps and Willow's mind knew instinctively what was happening.

<My heart. My heart is cramping up! I'm gonna die! I'm going to die without telling Tara how sorry I am and how much I love her.> The realization hit her like a train and she slowly unlocked her jaw and whispered to Xander.

"My heart. Cramping up. Heart attack. Tell... tell Tara… I… love her… I'm sorry… Tell her. Please... I... love.. you… all." she choked out, tears of helplessness falling down her face and settling themselves in her ears.

Her eyes were bombarded with visions of her past. Images swirling around and becoming a twister of emotions.

Her parents, leaving her for another conference, leaving her alone in the house, unresponsive to her good grades and off-the-charts IQ.

Xander getting beaten up to defend her. Her, Jesse and Xander, playing, laughing.

Buffy's meeting. Jesse dying. The master. Spike and Drusilla coming to town. Ms Calendar dying. Oz becoming a werewolf.

The soul-restoration spell on Angelus, Buffy leaving, then coming back, Faith, Oz giving her the witch Pez, the Fluke, Buffy revealing that Angel's back, Spike holding her hostage while he talked about Drusilla dumping him. Faith bonding with Buffy. Her, feeling left out. Her doppelganger coming into town. Getting kidnapped by the Mayor. Faith in a coma, her first time. The big fight on Graduation day.

College, seeing Oz and Veruca in the cage together, Oz leaving, her loneliness, the Wicca Group, The Gentlemen, meeting Tara, the soda machine spell, the rose spell, the doll's eye crystal, looking for Faith with Tara, Tara sensing the body-swap, the nether realm spell, Tara being hurt by a demon, the Lowell House, Oz coming back, the Initiative catching him, making her choice and telling Buffy about her relationship with Tara, coming out to the whole gang.

Killing Adam, the first Slayer coming in their dreams. Dawn, Dracula, Harmony, two Xanders, the Magic Shop, Riley being sick, Joyce being sick, Tara's family and her secret revealed, Joyce being diagnosed with a brain tumor.

The success of Joyce's operation, Riley leaving, Anya and the Troll, the Watcher's council, Glory being an actual Hell God, and Dawn being the actual Key. The teleportation spell, Spike's love for Buffy, Warren Mears and his sex-bot. Joyce's death, the funeral, Dawn almost resurrecting Joyce. The Buffy-bot and Glory beating Spike almost to actual death.

The fight with Tara that made her love vulnerable for Glory to suck her brain, her inability to cast a spell on time. The hospital, her running out and with dark magicks making Glory scream with pain. Buffy rescuing her. Glory finding them again, them fleeing, the small run-down place they stayed in, the knights, Giles and his injury, Ben coming along, turning into Glory and taking Dawn. Buffy, catatonic and she in her mind, coaxing her out.

Her pulling Tara's sanity back from Glory, the relief of Tara's well-being and the grief of Buffy's death.

The resurrection, the hitchhiker, Anya and Xander's engagement. Dawn and the vampires, the first forget-spell. Tara's love song and the revelation that Buffy was in Heaven.

Another forget spell that goes wrong. Tara packing and leaving. Giles leaving. Amy and Rack.

The pain became too much, pounding at every fiber in her being, like the visions were blasting in her synapses, making her light-headed, squeezing her chest, eating away at the oxygen in her blood.

She fell into darkness, the last image in her mind that of Tara's smile earlier that night.

"Willow! Wake up Wills! Oh God! Oh God! Willow!" Xander bellowed, tapping gently on her cheek. Tears sprang to his eyes as he looked at her unfocused orbs, filled with tears of agony.

Her body relaxed and her jaw unlocked. She turned to him and locked her pained green eyes on his.

"My heart. Cramping up. Heart attack. Tell.. tell Tara… I… love her… I'm sorry… Tell her. Love.. you… all." she gasped out before her eyes became unfocused again, glassy, her widening gaze traveling somewhere upwards, unseeing.

<No, this isn't happening, this is just a nightmare. I'm gonna wake up, and she's gonna be sleeping in her room. This isn't real, no, I can't believe this. Last time it was Buffy, and now Willow? No! Please God, No!>

She drew in a shuddering breath and her eyes drifted shut. Her chest trembled slightly as she tried to gasp in an extra breath. Her breathing rattled and her chest shook before stopping, all movement gone.

Tara ran to her ex-lover, tears already streaming down her face at Xander's keening.

She looked helplessly at Xander who was crying, bitter tears of mourning already falling down his face. He suddenly looked up and tore Willow from her grip.

She tilted Willow's head back and pinched her nose before she lowered her face to hers, pushing in a mouthful of air. She looked for signs of responsiveness, but didn't find any. She blew into her again. Not seeing any results, Xander placed his hands on Willow's chest and pushed down. Again, and again. Her heart just wasn't responding.

"She said something about a cramp. In her heart. Can you do something?" he said as panic took him over once more at his friend's lack of response.

Tara pushed down the bile that was building in the back of her throat and nodded. She felt the other Scoobies fall on their knees beside her, but she didn't take notice of them. All she could see was Willow. Willow's body, unmoving. The body she loved, the body she made love to, the body she had held at night, the body that held her and that was now motionless.

She focused her healing energy on Willow and chanted. Her hand became almost transparent and completely covered in light. She pushed her hand into Willow's body, focusing her mind on an image of a beating heart. She reached it and began massaging it, trying to make it relax. Sweat formed on her brow, but she didn't stop.

Suddenly, as if the deity heard her plea, the heart relaxed and took one shuddering compression. Tara quickly took her hand out of Willow's body as she felt a second one. Her heart beats were irregular, but it beat, her chest moving with each cycle. Tara felt herself being pushed out of the way as two paramedics took over. They checked on Willow's pulse and loaded her quickly into the ambulance. Tara got in next to her, even though the words the paramedics were saying didn't enter through her daze. She watched as they cut Willow's clothing and stuck monitor leads on either sides of her collarbones. They inserted a tube down Willow's throat and started pushing air in her lungs. The paramedics were still talking, but her foggy mind couldn't understand. A joyous cry from them made her lift her head for a moment, watching them as they taped the IV tube into Willow's left wrist. She lowered her head and prayed as the ambulance rushed forward and her tears fell.

Buffy turned to Spike after he struck Jonathan with the shovel, and he understood that he needed to stay and watch the nerds. The police was almost there, the ambulance right behind them. He nodded even as Buffy started running towards her fallen friend. She heard Xander's screams and ran as fast as she could, her heart pounding with a feeling she hadn't experienced since the night she came back: fear.

<No! Willow, fight it, please, you're strong, fight it! Not her, please god, let her live!>

She saw Tara falling on her knees in front of Willow, her face stricken as she tried to make Willow wake up. She saw Xander and Tara start CPR and then, she too fell down on her knees, just in time to see Tara's translucid hand sink into Willow's chest. She felt the shadow that was clouding her feelings lift, and she felt something, deep inside, as the feelings of fear and plain terror found their way into her sheltered heart. The emotions that she hadn't been feeling fell into her at once as she watched Tara work. She felt alive and raw, and so afraid that she was almost paralyzed by fear.

Turning her head, she saw the ambulance stop and she jumped to her feet as her tears fell. She swiped at them angrily and she ran to the paramedics and pointed towards Willow's fallen body, not trusting her voice.

Anya ran to Willow's body as Xander cried out his disbelief. She couldn't believe what was happening and didn't know what to do. She needed someone to explain. To explain to her why Willow was on he ground, not moving and why a blast of dark magic did that to her. So, she ran.

<God, this can't be happening. Why is Willow unconscious? Why is Xander shouting and panicking instead of helping her? Is this a normal human thing to do? Someone explain this to me please! I hope Willow is alright. Dear Gods, please let her be alright.>

<God! I hope Willow doesn't die, Joyce dying was predictable in a way, she was older and sick, but Willow is young and healthy! She can't die!>

She saw Buffy get up and run towards the ambulance that had just pulled up and she pondered at whether or not she should call on D'Hoffryn for vengeance. She watched as the paramedics literally pushed Tara out of the way and loaded Willow into the ambulance, Tara going in the rig with them before the doors closed and the ambulance left, it's lights flashing in the night.

The Sunnydale Memorial Hospital was always busy after nightfall. People came in through the doors, crying over family members who suffered from 'neck wounds' or 'neck trauma' and some victims died after those injuries of 'acute pernicious anemia' or plain 'blood loss'. No one spoke of the cause of those events, and no one asked.

The main Hospital doors swung open with brutal force and four people rushed in, all wearing expressions of either horror or grief. They didn't stop in the normal waiting room, but they kept moving, until they arrived at a small waiting room in the back. The Scooby lounge as they called it. They found Tara's slumped form on one of the small couches there. Her sobs gave a new meaning to heart-wrenching. When she heard them come in, she turned to face them, her eyes blood-shot and puffy from the tears she'd shed. Her whole face was twisted in a Greek mask of terror. Buffy looked at her and she felt a maelstrom of pain and anxiety. Images swirled in her mind, images of her crying in Tara's lap, repeating over and over:

while Tara had just let her cry, stroking her hair slowly in soothing motions. She rushed to Tara's side and wrapped her arms around her, gently rocking her while Tara shed tears of fear and pain.

"Shh, it's gonna be okay Tara, Willow's gonna be fine. She's a fighter, she's gonna be fine…."

She kept repeating that mantra over and over, as if saying it would help Willow and her grieving ex-lover. Suddenly, Buffy felt the grief hit her in the guts and she started weeping too, quietly at the realization that Willow might not be fine after all. She looked at the other through tear-filled eyes and she saw Xander teetering on the edge of despair. He walked slowly until he reached them, then fell on his knees and wrapped his arms around both crying women before the dam broke and he started sobbing. Anya wobbled slowly to Tara's side and sat down next to her, wrapping an arm around her and trying to soothe her own mind by the contact. None of them noticed Spike sitting down on another couch before putting his hands over his face, trying to hide, as if ashamed of his own silent tears. The only sounds in the room were those of weeping and of Buffy's heart-broken voice, murmuring over and over her mantra.

"It's gonna be okay, Willow's going to be fine. She's a fighter, she's gotta be fine…"

Half an hour later, Buffy slowly disengaged herself from her friends' grip and got up slowly. All heads turned to her.

"I need to call… Dawn and Giles and Willow's parents." she said, her eyes haggard, as if she was in a nightmare, which in a way, she was. She motioned to Spike to follow her, and he did, wiping his eyes on his sleeve. Xander sat down next to Tara and enfolded her in a warm embrace, the weeping girl's tears soaking his shirt.

Buffy and Spike called Dawn first. It was about midnight and she explained the situation to Janice's mother, telling her to wake up Dawn. While she fetched her, she told Spike to go get Dawn.

He nodded and left, running towards his beaten-up car, in which they rode from the cemetery.

"Dawnie, I'm at the hospital. Spike's coming over to get you. Just get yourself ready and wait for him. I'll explain later."

"Tell me Buffy!" Dawn practically shrieked. "Please, tell me!" she added quietly.

Dawn ran to the waiting room, Spike right behind her. She had cried throughout the whole ride as he told her what had happened. She was washed in guilt.

<I should've told Buffy. This is all my fault. If only I had told Buffy.> she chanted in her head to the frantic rhythm of the tears running down her face.

She reached the Scooby lounge and was rewarded to see that no one was crying anymore. But their expression of grief and pain were more heart-breaking.

"How? Willow's twenty. She's only twenty!" she shouted, getting back on her feet.

"We don't know. All we know is that Jonathan sent her a power ball of dark magic and she collapsed." Buffy said.

"Not really Buffy. She didn't collapse right away. I was with her, I saw her. She fought the magic, she did and then, her whole body cramped up, and her back arched, and her body was like a tight arch. She was actually standing on her heels and on her shoulders, with her legs stiff and… oh god!" Xander choked out, images of Willow's twisted body haunting his pupils. "She couldn't open her mouth to yell or scream or anything. Her eyes, oh god! They held so much pain, she was in so much pain! I could see her crying, but she couldn't do anything else. Then, her body relaxed a bit and she locked eyes on me and told me that her heart was cramping up and to tell you all that she loves us." He faced Tara, seeking her blue eyes. "She told me to tell you that she's sorry and she loves you." He looked at them through his tear-filled eyes. "That's what she said before her heart stopped beating. Oh my god, Willow." he sobbed, putting his hands over his face.

Dawn put a hand over her heart and covered her mouth with the other as she wept. She swayed lightly and Spike moved to her to steady her. She shook him away and she shook her head, her eyes open wide in shock.

<My fault. My fault! I should have told Buffy about the cramps. I should have.> she thought as tears of guilt streamed down her cheeks.

As she backed up, she collided with a doctor that was just coming in. His kind green eyes looked at them and finally rested on Tara's weeping form.

Tara looked up and her eyes locked on his and for an instant, she looked like she didn't recognize him. Suddenly, realization dawned on her and she sprang to her feet, holding the doctor tightly by the arms.

"Tell me she's okay, please, tell me she's okay." she pleaded, her voice cracking as tears threatened to fall again.

"Miss Maclay, Tara, is it okay for me to talk in front of them?" he asked quietly.

"Okay, Miss Rosenberg, Willow has some minor ST changes on her EKG, and her cardiac enzymes are positive. This means she had a heart attack*. She's stabilized now."

"Her potassium level is very low, which is most likely the cause of the heart attack. Has she been complaining of cramps, or stomach problems, difficulty breathing or irregular heartbeat? Or has she lost a lot of fluids lately?"

"Just last night, she had cramps in her calves, I helped her get rid of them. But… she said she was used to them." Dawn continued, her voice trembling.

"That's probably it then. Well, she's started breathing on her own, so we've taken her off the ventilator, and removed the tube from her lungs. She's still very groggy. We're giving her medicine to thin her blood, so it doesn't clot and cause another heart attack. And we're giving her IV potassium to fix that. She'll be in the Cardiac ICU for the next three days at least, and then we'll see about moving her to a monitored care bed for a few more days. If all goes well, she could be out of here in a week. But she's going to need to change her diet, and figure out how to make sure she doesn't ever get such a low potassium level again, because it can and usually is fatal."

"Can I see her, I mean, can we see her?" Tara asked, her eyes sparkling with unshed tears of relief.

He looked at the group and asked: "Are you family? I mean relatives." he detailed.

"I'm really sorry, but if you're not relatives, you can't see her yet. You'll be able to tomorrow, but please, not more than two people at the same time and please tell a nurse before. Sorry." he said gently, seeing their crestfallen expressions.

"Thanks anyway Doctor…" Buffy trailed off, remembering that they didn't let him even say his name.

He looked at Tara who was still clutching at his arms, and he slowly untangled himself. She looked embarrassed for a moment. He reached into his pocket and gave her a card.

"Here, if you need anything call me. Goodnight and I'll see you tomorrow. Try to rest all of you." he said squeezing her arm before he started to walk away.

"I just remembered, Willow and I, we have Power of Attorney. It's in our files. Can I please see her?" she told him, her eyes beseeching.

"Don't worry, we're not going anywhere." The Slayer replied, as a hint of a smile crossed her lips.

Buffy looked back at her friends before getting up. "I'm gonna try to get in touch with Willow's parents again." She stalked out.

Eric Williams ushered Tara to room 502. Slowly, he opened the door and paused before letting her in.

"This is a private room. You won't be disturbed. Do you want the nurse to set up another bed for you?" he asked her, his kind green eyes showing a great deal of compassion.

"No, n-no thank you. I'm just gonna use a chair." she replied, her eyes troubled, showing amounts of pain the doctor had almost never seen before.

"I'm assuming you're going to stay the night." he more stated than asked. Tara nodded.

"The hospital chairs are uncomfortable. I'll get you an armchair. Wait for me here." he said before going to the doctor's lounge, a few rooms away.

The urge to rush into Willow's room, to stay at her side was incredible, but Tara complied with the doctor's wishes, wringing her fingers in anticipation. She shivered, uncomfortable to be in the Hospital that held so many dreadful memories. The treatments she received when she 'fell down the stairs' when she was younger, her own mother's long hospital stay before she died, Joyce's operation and her death, her own night in the psych ward that she didn't quite remember, but that she felt, Giles being treated after Buffy's death, as well as Anya, and her own recurrent checkups. A door closing brought her back from the past visits to the now, to Willow. She looked up and saw the doctor coming back carrying a plush-looking armchair. He smiled at her as he got closer, a smile of reassurance.

"Not that I don't appreciate it, but, why are you being so nice? Doctors usually aren't this nice to us here."

"Oh, well, my sister's gay, and her girlfriend had an accident. The doctor that was treating her didn't let my sister see her girlfriend, and it almost broke her heart. I saw how she was treated, and I didn't like it. So, I do what I can to make people never have to go through her pain."

"I see what you mean. Thanks a lot." Tara replied as he motioned to her to stand there for him to set the chair and check on Willow's stats. Once again, she complied. She couldn't understand why she listened to this man, besides the fact that he was Willow's doctor. There was something in his eyes, a rare kindness, and also a hint of pain. She knew on instinct that she could trust him. He came out a minute or so later, and he waved her in, saying one last goodbye as he made his way to check on his other patients.

Tara took one shuddering breath and walked into the room. The smell of antiseptic hit her first, as well as the regular beeping sounds the machines hooked to Willow made. The sight of her injured ex-lover, lying on the bed on her back, her face pale and drawn, seemingly having aged five years in the hours she hadn't seen her. She moved slowly into the room and sank down in her chair, her legs numb. She reached over and took her ex-lover's hand in hers, careful to not disturb the IV that was taped to her hand, giving her the potassium and the other drugs she needed from what the doctor told her.
She gently traced unknown patterns on the back of her hand before lifting her gaze up Willow's body to her face. The pale green hospital gown did nothing to improve her appearance, for it made her face seem even more washed off. The shock of deep red hair only accentuated the effect. For a second, Tara panicked at the whiteness of Willow's face, and she looked at her chest for signs of breathing. Willow's chest rose and fell with a clock's rhythm's. Tara allowed herself to breathe again.

"Oh Willow." she said quietly as the tears she was suppressing sprung back to her eyes, tightening her throat instantly.

<I almost lost you tonight. God Willow, you don't know what that would have done to me. You're half of my heart, and if, if you died tonight, my heart would have been shattered beyond repair. I'm never letting you go again. God, I love you soo much!> she thought as she tried to send all her love through the simple touch of her hand, tears streaming down her face.

Tara let her thoughts drift as she settled down more comfortably in her comfortable chair. She knew that she had forgiven Willow for her actions, but also that she hadn't been ready to get back to her. Her mind had been shrouded in doubt, doubt that she could trust Willow entirely, that she could face her life if the redhead did anything that could hurt her, even if unintentionally. Yet, tonight made everything clear. The doubt faded when she saw Willow so bravely fight the magic. It would have been so easy to give in to the pain, to cast a spell to relieve it, but yet, Willow hadn't faltered. Tara knew she could trust the redhead with the magic, and by seeing her almost die, she understood that life was too short on the Hellmouth to take time rebuilding something she longed for, time to rebuild their relationship. She truly understood the irony of her situation. She wanted to get back together with Willow, but her doubts made her wait, and by waiting, she had almost lost what meant more to her than anything. She had lost Willow once to the darkness, but she wasn't going to lose her again, this time permanently. That wasn't even an option.

When she saw Willow fall back after the blast, all she could think of was to melt Jonathan alive. She almost did, but she chose in extremis to make him simply immobile for a while. Sure, she had used white magic, but she had thought about killing him, about making him feel torture. She truly understood the wrath Willow had felt when Glory sucked her brain. She understood the want for revenge, as cruel as it may be, when Willow fought the Hell-God with dark magic. She understood that to make Willow safe, she would do anything, face anything. And she couldn't expect Willow to do less. It was that instinct of protection that drove Willow into dark magicks, too deep into them. She got lost, and Tara swore to herself then that she'd find her, like Willow had found her almost a year ago.

"I'll find you Willow, I swear I will." she told the sleeping redhead. The only reply was the sound of Willow's breathing and the beeping of the machines in the small dark hospital room.

Mornings come over Sunnydale as a welcomed relief. The first signs are unmistakable. The night slowly recedes, leaving trails of inky darkness in it's wake as the sun's rays start piercing through the horizon. The creatures of the night usually creep back to their lairs for the day, escaping the sun's blazing beams. The sun continues to rise, tinting the sky in an orange-pinkish glow as it is about to peek out from the horizon, a scorching orange ball of molten fire. It continues to rise up as the night's remaining signs of darkness are erased from the sky, being replaced by a soft warm glow.

For the citizens, morning means safety, security, life. They bustle around in groups of differently attired people, each heading off in their own direction, but all having a thing in common: they lived through the night.

For the Scooby gang, day meant another thing altogether. Most of the tragedies that had befallen them had happened in day light, such as the death of Joyce Summers, Glory's torture on Spike, her mental torture on Tara, Buffy's death just as the sun arose. The gang had grown accustomed to darkness, seeking it in times of despair. Yet, Hope surged with the light, the knowledge that for another day Sunnydale and the rest of the World was safe being no doubt the symbol of that faith in the day-time.

In Willow Rosenberg's hospital room, Tara was still awake. She was deathly afraid of closing her eyes for a minute and losing Willow. Her eyes were blood-shot and itchy because of the tiredness and her crying. Her mind felt numb, and she knew it was her brain requesting sleep.

"Oh, Willow. I love you so much. Sweetie, everything's gonna be fine." she whispered before resting her head lightly near her lover's hand.

She sat there for a few minutes until she heard a ragged, sleep-filled voice whisper in the stillness of the morning.

She jerked her head upward to see Willow's eyelids flutter softly before opening, revealing bleak green eyes.

"Willow! Oh my goddess, you're awake!" she said before placing a soft butterfly-light kiss on the back of her lover's hand.

Willow tried to reply, running her tongue on her parched lips. Tara understood the movement, having seen her mother do the same when she had awaken from a drug-enhanced sleep. She reached beside her, taking the bottle of water from the nightstand before pouring a glass of it and moving to help the redhead drink. After a few gulps of the cool beverage, Willow slowly removed her wet lips from the glass's edge.

"Tara. Are, are you okay?" she asked, concern for her ex-lover showing on her face.

"I'm… I'm okay I guess. Wait, am I dead?" she asked, her face becoming a frown.

"No! No sweetie, you're not. But… your heart st-st-stopped b-b-b-beating l-l-last…" Tara stuttered, images of her lover's unresponsive body popping up in her mind. She shook her head, her eyes tearing up again as she tried to tell Willow what happened.

"It's ok. I'm okay now. I remember. Or I saw it. You made my heart beat again. It's kind of ironic though." Willow said before licking her lips again. Tara offered Willow the glass again, and Willow took in a few mouthfuls.

"I broke your heart, I made you leave, and now my physical heart is breaking down. Poetic Justice much?" Willow said, her voice heavy with regret and guilt.

"Willow, I don't care what happened before. Not anymore." Tara said, offering her a small smile.

"Tara, I have to… I have to tell you…" Willow started, her weakness lashing out at her, beckoning her back to sleep. She yawned.

"Willow, sweetie, you should rest, we'll talk later. I'll be waiting for you to wake up again. I won't leave you. I love you." she added softly, gazing into Willow's tired eyes. Willow blinked.

"Rest too. You look like you could need it. I just need to tell you…" her voice trailed off again as she fought against sleep.

"Even my last heart beat was for you." Willow whispered before sinking back into a dreamless sleep.

Tara smiled before leaning over and placing a lingering kiss on Willow's forehead. She put her head near Willow's hand again and closed her eyes, knowing that she'd need all the strength she could muster in the next few weeks.

Buffy took a deep breath before opening the door and entering Willow's room. It was early morning and visiting hours just started. Doctor Williams hadn't visited Willow yet on his rounds. So Buffy looked on, shivering from the sight of her best friend in a hospital bed. Willow had more color to her than the night before, but she was still pale. She was breathing normally and Buffy was relieved. Beside the hospital bed, Tara was fitfully sleeping in an armchair, her head resting on the bed near Willow's hand. Their hands were clasped together, Willow's hand in Tara's.

<If this wasn't such a horrible situation, I'd say they were cute.> Buffy thought as she remembered the night before.

Buffy had always known that her life, her destiny would put people she loved in danger, but she always thought that demons or vampires would be their enemies as the Scooby Gang fought for humans. But now, her best friend was lying in a hospital bed in the CICU, having suffered a heart attack while fighting people. How could a human being with a soul act so irresponsibly?
Buffy knew Jonathan knew of Willow's problem with dark magics, since she found their lair the night before, after making sure the rest of the Gang was asleep. She found the Nerd's files on them, and their file on Willow, with every detail of her addiction. Yet, Jonathan had shot her a blast of the stuff she was fighting so badly. She couldn't understand how someone could act so irresponsibly. He had a soul after all.

Yet, she knew the answer. People, human beings, are worse than vampires or demons, because they have souls, and they act horribly anyway. The real monsters were those who could kill people with the simple push of a button. Not because they had to feed or because they had to kill, but because they could. How could Buffy fight for the same kind that put her best friend in a hospital bed? And yet, she knew the answer as she looked at Willow and Tara. To save people like her friends.

Tears started streaming down her face as she looked at the two women. It seemed as thought they were always the ones to get hurt, whether physically or emotionally. These women, along with Xander and Anya were the strongest people she knew. They didn't fight because of their destiny, but because they wanted to fight the good fight. And that made them idols in Buffy's eyes. When she had died, they took over patrol, even without her Slayer skills and they kept it up for three months. They were truly heroes.

Buffy felt moisture on her cheeks and touched them lightly with her fingers. She looked almost surprise to see that she was crying, something she hadn't been able to do since coming back. The night before had awakened her emotions, and the pain and fear she felt at seeing her best friend in the hospital, along with the memories of the night before, made her almost wish to return to her unfeeling state. Almost.

Wiping her tears, Buffy came closer to Willow's bed and looked at her. She took her hand and Willow's eyelids fluttered. Their green eyes locked together and they smiled.

"Hey. Do you want some water?" Buffy asked, seeing her friend repeatedly lick her lips.

Willow nodded and looked at Tara. Buffy poured a cup of water and helped Willow drink.

"No, let her sleep. She didn't sleep last night." Willow said, slowly and tenderly running her hand in Tara's hair. She knew she didn't have the right to do it, but the feel of her love's hair between her fingers comforted her. A smile bloomed on the sleeping girl's lips, but she didn't wake up.

"Well, I'm… I guess I'm okay, besides the whole heart attack thingy. I always thought I'd end up here because of a vampire or a demon, but not a regular heart attack. It's weird, kinda like I'm not a real Scooby or something." Willow licked her lips and Buffy offered her the glass of water again.

"Where are the others? Are they okay?" Willow continued after drinking some of the offered water.

"They're downstairs. Xander and Anya are eating breakfast with Dawn, who's completely freaked out. She says it's all her fault and that she should've told me about the cramps. Which makes me wonder why you didn't tell us about it. So? Spill." Buffy said.

Willow sighed. "They were just cramps, and I thought they were withdrawal symptoms. I already bothered you guys enough without needing to add the cramps."

"Willow, stop. You could never bother us. We are a family, and we stick together in good times or bad. Especially bad. You're here because we needed you, if it's anyone's fault, it should be ours. Got that?"

"Good. Now, Giles is already on his way. I tried to call your parents, but I couldn't reach them. I'm sorry."

"No talk of dying! You're not dying! Got that?" Buffy started, feeling the redhead's words cut into her heart.

Willow nodded and looked at Tara who was waking up. She was moaning quietly and her eyelids were fluttering, as if she was fighting against fatigue to wake up. Finally, her blue eyes opened and she looked around the room once, her eyes lost. Suddenly, she remembered the night before and looked up to Willow, who was looking at her with a small smile.

Tara nodded and leant down, tenderly kissing the redhead. She pulled back and Willow's lips curved into a full-blown smile.

Tara smiled. "Of course, we need to talk things through, but I know that you kicked magic for good, and it makes me proud. I'm gonna take care of you now."

Willow's eyebrows furrowed. <Is she doing this because I took care of her after Glory? What if she doesn't mean it? I'm so tired.>

"Good morning. I'm doctor Williams, but you can call me Eric. How do you feel Willow?" he asked, checking her stats and the clipboard at the foot of the bed.

"That's normal. You're gonna be drowsy today and maybe tomorrow. Are you feeling any chest pains? Cramps? Difficulty in breathing?"

"Okay then. Well, I'll be back later to check on you. Get lots of rest. And you two," he said turning to Tara and Buffy. "don't wear her out."

Another knock was heard and Buffy left to let Dawn come in after she literally begged to see Willow.

"Willow! Are you okay? It's all my fault, I should have told Buffy." she said before starting to cry again.

"Yes, really. Don't cry. I'll be out of here in a few days." Willow said before yawning.

"Is Xander outside?" Willow asked, fighting her fatigue to reassure her friends.

"Yes, he's out there with Anya. Oh, Spike had to leave, 'cause you know, daylight, but he says he hopes you're okay." Dawn said.

Willow smiled. "That's nice of him. Can you send Xander in? He must be worrying. I know him."

Dawn nodded and gave Willow a peck on the cheek. "I love you." she said before going out and calling Xander.

"Willow! How are you? Sorry, stupid question. You gave us one hell of a scare. I really thought that…" he stopped, his eyes starting to glisten with tears. He stood up tall and tried to swallow them back, but a few tears escaped.

"Aww, Xander, I'm okay. Really. I'm tired but I'm fine. Now, go home and get some rest."

Xander wiped his eyes and looked at Willow, taking in her drooping eyes and her general weariness.

"Oh God! Willow you should rest. What kind of a friend am I? You're tired and you wanna sleep, and all I do is come here and bug you. I'm sorry Will." Xander said.

Willow smiled. "Stop it Xander! Now, come give me a hug." she said, wanting to reassure her best friend.

"Now, you rest. I'll come back later. I love you." Off Tara's glance he added "In a brotherly way of course." before kissing her on the forehead.

Xander left, waving to the two women in the hospital room. The two women sat in silence for a few minutes, thinking about their relationship. Finally Willow broke the uncomfortable silence.

"Tara, you should go and rest too. You look exhausted." she said, her voice tender and loving.

Tara looked heartbroken for a second, and Willow regretted what she said. "Do you want me to leave?" Tara asked, her voice a mere whisper.

"No! I didn't mean it that way. God, I barely get to see you anymore, so, seeing you is good. All with the goodness here. But I don't want you to tire yourself out. Because a Tired-Tara isn't a happy Tara, unless of course, the tiredness is from getting a happy. Did I just say that out loud?" Willow stopped her babble, blushing at the innuendoes flying all over.

Tara smiled and reached out for Willow's hand, entwining their fingers. "I missed Willow-babble. A lot."

"Stop worrying and sleep. This armchair is really comfy. I won't have a sore back."

Willow yawned and closed her eyes. "Okay. I'll see you later." she mumbled as she let sleep fall over her.

Willow woke up to the sound of cutlery and of people bustling around. She opened one eye and looked around furtively, thinking of maybe finding a demon standing beside her, making all the noise. She opened both eyes and looked at the nurse who was setting up Willow's lunch.

"Hi." she said, flicking her chestnut hair back over her shoulders. "I hope you're well rested." she continued, smiling.

"Willow." she replied, trying subtly to make Kathy understand she wasn't interested by replying shortly.

"Willow, that's a beautiful name. It suits you." Kathy replied, continuing to bustle around.

Willow noticed that her food platter was ready but that Kathy didn't seem like going away anytime soon. She looked around, trying to find an escape route. Her eyes finally rested on Tara, who was starting to wake up.

Two voices were starting to rouse Tara from her slumber. One she recognized immediately as Willow's, but the other was unknown, feminine and flirtatious.

"Do you want me to help you with that?" the woman was asking Willow flirtatiously.

Tara opened her eyes and saw the intense relief wash in her lover's green depths. She turned around and saw the shapely brunette nurse.

"I'm good sweetie." Tara replied, staking her claim by moving up and kissing Willow firmly on the mouth. After a second, she opened her mouth and urged Willow's tongue inside in a tender, loving kiss. She pulled away and looked at Willow's green eyes, dancing merrily.

Tara settled back in her seat, a self-satisfied smirk on her face as she looked at the nurse's disappointed eyes. She saw the lunch platter by Willow's table and eyed the nurse.

Willow nodded and pushed a button on her bed, raising herself to a half-sitting position. Tara moved and sat down near Willow's legs before taking the lunch tray and putting it on the little shelf-like table that was attached to the bed. She sent the nurse a dirty look and Kathy took the look for what it was. A warning.

Tara nodded wordlessly and forked up some of the food for Willow before offering it to her. Willow took it gratefully, her arms feeling heavy.

Tara put on her resolve-face. "Willow, you need to eat this. It's a balanced meal and you need the proteins and vitamins and the potassium."

Willow pouted. Tara stuck out her chin even more. Willow sighed. "Fine, but I want some good food in a few days. I will not eat this kind of stuff for more than it's necessary. I know my rights." she continued, grinning.

Tara smiled and started feeding Willow again. "Sweetie, you're gonna have to eat balanced meals for a long while, and I'll make sure of that. I'll make some non-yucky stuff."

The simple sentence made Willow's smile falter and she had to ask Tara the question that had been playing around in her mind.

"Are… are you doing this because I took care of you after Glory?" Willow asked, biting her lower lip.

Tara looked into Willow's eyes and put down the fork. "No, I'm doing this because I love you. And as your girlfriend, I'm gonna take care of you. That's what girlfriends do."

"Girlfriend? You wanna get back with me after all I did?" Willow asked, secretly wanting Tara to say yes, but at the same time wanting to be punished somehow for her wrong doings.

"Willow, what you did was wrong, we both know that. But, I can see how hard you're trying to get rid of the magic, and I'm really proud of you. Sweetie, I almost lost you last night, and that made me realize that here, on the Hellmouth, time is too precious to wait and do things slowly. I love you Willow, I… I never stopped. Even when we were apart I loved you."

<See what you caused? That pain is your betrayal! You swore to protect her, and you put the pain in her eyes! Rosenberg, you don't deserve her.> a part of her told her.

Another part of Willow however, told her to take this chance to make everything right again.

Willow took a deep breath and started in a serious voice. "Tara, I'm gonna be perfectly honest with you. I've changed…"

"I so want you! Hey, if I wasn't in this hospital bed, I'd get up and ravish you! Please baby, let me talk."

"I've changed, we both have. I know how much I screwed up, and sorry doesn't cut it at all. I won't ask for your forgiveness, because what I did is too horrible to be forgiven, I don't deserve it. You… you should hate me for what I did. I hate myself for what I did. I would totally understand if you just walk away now, I mean, you don't need this. And I don't deserve you if you do want to take me back. But, what I can do is promise you to never treat you like the junior member in our relationship, to try to make it up to you daily for the rest of our lives, no matter how short they may be, and to never take the easy way out. I can't promise you to never hurt you because in a relationship, even if it's unintentional, people hurt each other. I promise you to always talk things out before getting mad or upset. And, last thing I promise to ask for help when I need it. That's all I can give you. My heart, body and soul are already yours. That's all I can give you." Willow repeated, knowing her words were true.

Tara listened to Willow's speech, and was somewhat comforted by it. Her heart soared, and she knew that she and Willow could work through everything like mature people. She knew she could trust her.

"Willow, that's all I ask. I'm not going to start a speech by telling you how much what you did hurt me. You know what that did to me. I'm willing to trust you again, but I have to tell you that this is your last chance, our last chance to be an 'us'. Do you understand me?"

"I so do. I'll never ever do anything like that ever again. I understand why I did it now, why I acted like such a monster. Dawnie made me realize the exact reason."

"How about we talk about that some other day? For now, you should eat and rest and focus on getting better. Okay?" Tara asked, forking up some more food.

Willow took the offered bite and chewed it before swallowing. She nodded, and then pouted.

Tara smiled and leant up to kiss Willow lightly. Their lips brushed against each other slowly, reinstating their connection. Tara sat back, a smile gracing her face and Willow smiled back happily.

"So, are you planning on telling me on why that nurse was flirting with you?" Tara asked.

"Aww, is my Tara jealous? Don't worry baby, I only have eyes for you. Even in my fantasies, it's only you. And please, she was tacky. I'm in a hospital bed for God's sake. So not the usual social flirting place." Willow said, scrunching up her nose.

"Good. Because I better be the only one in your fantasies." Tara replied, kissing Willow's nose.

"Ohh! Well, not just you you." Willow said. Tara raised an eyebrow. "There's also Take-charge Tara, Leather-clad Tara, Possessive butch Tara, Honey-sweet Tara, Vixeny Tara, Slutty Tara, Submissive Tara, Dominatrix Tara and a whole lotta other Taras." Willow continued, grinning.

Tara grinned. "I have some similar ones. My own little Willow-filled porn land."

"I'd rather not have heard that last bit of information." An English voice said from the doorway.

He walked into the room, smiling softly at Tara, who was blushing to the roots of her hair.

"Hello Tara." he replied, smiling fondly at her. He turned to Willow. "How are you doing?"

Willow glanced at Tara and back at Giles. "Well, I, I'm better now. It's weird for me to be in a hospital for a heart attack at twenty though. That thing about seeing your life pass before your eyes? That's true." she replied, trying to smile to reassure Tara.

"Now, the big question is how are you feeling?" he asked, his dark eyes boring into hers. He knew that she understood the question.

"I… I don't know. I… um, I almost died Giles. When my heart was stopping, and all I could feel was pain. Not only physical, but also emotional. I was going to die without seeing Xander and Anya get married, without graduating or seeing Dawn graduate from high school, without having Tara back in my life, without us getting married… . I died for a few seconds and I came back and… and… I'm afraid, because I don't wanna die, I wanna stay here. I'm so afraid Giles." Willow said, tears running down her face.

Tara immediately engulfed Willow in the safety of her arms, rocking her and cooing in her ear. She looked at Giles and he saw her own tear-streaked face. He stood there, not really knowing what to say or do. His stoic shell was crumbling at seeing two of his girls suffering. He felt himself taking one step towards them and suddenly, he engulfed them both into a hug. He understood that Willow hadn't entirely realized the seriousness of her 'accident' and that now, it had finally sunk in. The whole Scooby circle, except Spike of course, were the children he had never had, and it broke his heart to see one of his daughters suffer from a heart attack so young.

He did not know how long he held them as they poured forth the tears, and he didn't care. When he left for England, he didn't know how much he'd miss them. They had become, after all his family, and he chastised himself inwardly for leaving them to fend off alone. They were too young to face the world's darkness on their own, and they had seen so much of it already. He decided right then to move back to Sunnydale to look after his children, to make sure they had everything they needed and all the help they could get from him.

The crying finally came to an end, and Giles stepped back, slightly ashamed of the tears that were now staining his face. He pulled out a crisp white cotton hanker-chief and dabbed his tears discreetly while the two girls were composing themselves.

"Thanks Giles. I think that I was trying to be all stiff upper-lip-y. Dawn would've freaked out if she'd seen me crying my eyes out." Willow said lightly as she finished wiping her eyes.

"Willow, you must start to think about yourself. If you feel like breaking down, revealing your pain, you should. During the harsh times we leant on you Willow and you never let us down. You can't keep trying to be strong for us. You should take it easy. Let us be strong for you." Giles said, his voice soothing, caring and kind.

Tara nodded, excitement clearly written all over her face. Willow looked at her and chuckled before yawning. "Oops, sorry, I guess I'm more tired than I thought. I'm sleepy."

"Good, I'll be going then Willow. I will come back later. Just rest for now." Giles said before making a quick exit.

Two days later, Willow was brought out of the CICU and into a private resting room. Tara had barely left her side, leaving only for an hour or so every day to shower and rest for a few minutes. The emotional strain of seeing her lover in a hospital bed was beginning to settle in and she finally took Willow's advice to go home and sleep for a whole night. She had tried sleeping in her dorm room, but had found herself in front of Buffy's home at eleven P.M. . She slept the night in Willow's bed, their bed, the lingering scent of her lover soothing her during the night. That was her true home, in their bed, in their room, in Buffy's house.

Early the next morning, she entered Willow's new room to find her pale and worse than she had looked the few days before. Willow smiled at her and assured her that everything was fine and that she had just missed her. Tara had firmly said that she wouldn't be going back to sleep at home that night.

The whole Scooby gang was finally allowed to visit her together and Anya, who hadn't visited her before, having to keep the shop open and to discuss the benefits she was making at the Magic Box with Giles, jumped on her, hugging her tightly and screaming.

"You scared us so much! How could you? Everyone was crying and Xander wouldn't even give me orgasms that night! The wedding is in two weeks and if you died, Xander would be sad and the wedding would be cancelled! And I thought you were about to die, and I don't want to see you die!" Anya said before starting to cry.

"Thanks for your concern Anya, sorry to have scared you, but I'm fine now, I'm okay."

Anya squeezed her once again before she pulled back and smiled. Suddenly, Willow's smile faded and she clutched her leg.

"Oww! Cramp! Muscle cramp in my calf!" she exclaimed as she felt her left calf tensing up.

The meeting was shattered as Tara immediately started to massage the muscle and Dawn rushed out to call a nurse. Willow started crying softly, her tears flowing down her distorted pain-filled face. The others panicked, asking how she was over and over. They looked at each other, fear in their eyes. After a minute or so, the muscle relaxed and Willow wiped at her tears.

She glanced at Tara's tear-filled eyes and tenderly brushed a few stray tears that had fallen down her lover's cheeks away. "I'm okay baby, really." she repeated.

Tara excused herself to go take a drink. Once outside the room, she walked to the nurse's station and asked if Doctor Williams could check in on Willow later in the day. The nurse nodded and called his pager. Tara went back to Willow's room.

Later that morning, Eric Wiliams entered Willow Rosenberg's room looking somewhat frustrated.

"I hope you didn't m-mind me asking for you." Tara said as she took in his frown. He was quick to reassure her.

"Willow, there seems to be something draining your body of it's potassium. The level won't stay stable. With the dose we're giving you, your potassium levels should be in the higher normals, but it's in the lower ones, sometimes dipping slightly below average. The more we give you, the more disappears. We're trying to figure out what exactly is eating away your potassium, but we can't seem to find what's the cause. Is there any other disease you have, or are you a heavy drinker or is there anything that you forgot to tell us about your medical state?" he asked, his face showing his concern.

Tara's face paled and she fought the urge to faint, she could feel everything become fuzzy and dark. Quickly seeing her face turn ashen Eric made her sit down with her head between her knees on a nearby chair.

Willow looked about to protest but then nodded. She turned to look at the doctor.

"Okay, let's see, I don't drink, I don't smoke and everything else is in my file. What could be causing this?" she asked, trying to be brave, even thought she felt scared. Scared that they couldn't find what was wrong with her, why all this was happening.

"We don't know Willow, we have no idea. We'll try to figure out what's causing this. I'll send a nurse to take another blood sample. For now, don't panic, we'll just up the dose of potassium. It won't hurt you, and your body will reject the excess safely."

"Okay, no panicking, nothing of the panic-y nature here." Willow said, trying to smile.

"Sure." he replied. He smiled at them and left to call a nurse for the blood sample.

Tara made her way slowly to Willow and sat down before silent tears made their way down her cheeks. Willow held her and slowly reclined, the blonde laying down in her warm embrace as she cried her fears. Buffy looked at them and left the room. She called Giles and explained the situation.

When Buffy came back, she found that Tara had calmed down and that Willow was still cradling her.

"Buffy, do you know when my parents are coming back?" Willow asked. The night before, Buffy had finally reached them in France.

They had had some bad luck and both their phones, along with some random things had been stolen. Ira Rosenberg had finally left a message on the Summers' answering machine leaving his phone number in case his daughter needed him. Buffy had called him back and told him of Willow. He had assured her that they'd be in the first plane back to Sunnydale.

"They should be around soon Willow. The plane lands in an hour or so." she replied, her voice soft. "I called Giles and told him of the situation, he said it might be something magical and he, Xander, Anya and Dawn are in full research mode. Everything's gonna be fine Willow." she continued, smiling what she hoped to be a convincing smile.

Tara looked up at her and smiled back weakly. She leant up and placed a soft kiss on Willow's lips, comforting both of them with the simple gesture. She rested her head back on Willow's shoulder and Willow looked up at Buffy, her eyes filled with tears as she smiled weakly at the Slayer.

"There isn't a bloody thing in this book!" Giles exclaimed loudly as he slammed the book down.

Giles was lost and didn't know what to do. They had been searching for hours and they were still in the dark. He took off his glasses and polished them thoroughly before he raked a hand through his hair. He couldn't even think of not being able to rescue Willow and letting her die. He had seen too many people in his life die and he wouldn't let her down. He vowed that to himself and opened another book.

Anya and Xander were in a heated discussion in their corner of the research table.

"I'm just saying Xander, that we should postpone the wedding. I mean, I would like to see Willow on her feet again and out of danger for the wedding." Anya replied.

Her idea in her head had sounded sensible, and yet Xander was now telling her it was stupid. She was really fearing for Willow's life, but she wouldn't let it show for some reason unknown even to her.

"You know what Anya? Postpone it! You're right, we'll get back to the wedding talk after Willow's okay." he said, trying to soothe his nerves.

Anya had the urge to ask him of what would happen if Willow wouldn't be okay, but she pushed it down for once. She got up from her seat and squeezed his arm before she excused herself to go to the bathroom, where she cried, something she didn't do often. She came back after a while and sat back down as Giles grew more and more exasperated.

"You talked of a Coven in Devon a few times. Don't you think that now is a good time to call them? They might know something we don't. And we should try everything. This is Willow we're talking about. I won't let her die because we didn't try everything!" she said loudly, her tears starting to rain.

"You're right Dawn! Good Lord, why didn't I think about it before? I'll make the call right now!" he said, his resolve steeling itself as he got up and dialed the number he knew by heart, hoping with everything he was that he'd get some answers.

Sheila and Ira Rosenberg walked into Willow's hospital room an hour and a half or so later to find Willow and Tara reclining on the narrow hospital bed, still in the position Buffy left them in. When Tara heard them walk in, she sat up and took Willow's hand in hers, smiling softly at her lover's parents.

"Willow dear, we came as soon as we heard." Sheila said, hugging her daughter lightly. Her concern was written on her face and she nodded to acknowledge Tara.

"Sweetheart, how are you?" Ira greeted before engulfing his daughter in a big hug. He pulled away and gently ran his hand on his daughter's face. He turned to Tara and hugged her.

"Tara, didn't we discuss this the last time we saw each other? Ira is fine." he told her, smiling. She nodded shyly and ducked her head.

"Well Mother, I never thought I'd have a heart attack at twenty, that's for sure. But, I'm better now. I'm well rested and Tara's been taking care of me." she said, squeezing her lover's hand.

"Honey, what are the causes of this?" Ira asked, putting on a brave front even though he was terrified of losing his daughter.

"I have a very big potassium loss. My levels are very low." Willow said shortly, sneaking a look at Tara who looked like she was about to collapse again. "Tara, baby, can you leave me alone with my parents for a few minutes?"

Tara looked as if she was going to argue when Willow's pale eyes fixed on hers, beseeching. "Please." Willow said.

Tara nodded and got up, giving Willow a chaste kiss on the lips before walking out of the room. Willow's eyes never left her. Once she was out of her sight, Willow turned her eyes to her parents.

"But they can fix that, right? You'll have to change your diet and everything will be alright." Sheila said as Ira just looked at his daughter heartbrokenly.

"See, that's kind of the problem. The doctors can't seem to get my levels to stay stable. If the levels won't stay stable, I could have another heart attack. And this time, I'll probably die." Willow said, her throat tightening as she spoke the words she feared.

Ira got up and started pacing, raking a shaky hand in his hair as tears started falling down his face. Sheila looked at Willow in shock. Her face paled and she slumped across the seat, fainting.

"Mom!" Willow exclaimed and Ira ran to his wife's side, slapping her lightly on the face and then sparkling her with some water that sat in the bottle near Willow.

She started regaining consciousness and turned to her husband, whispering: "Ira, I had the most dreadful nightmare. Willow was sick and said she might die."
Ira just looked at her, his eyes filled with tears. Sheila woke up more and looked around the room, finally resting her eyes on her daughter. She burst out crying. His husband rested his hand on her shoulder before speaking again.

"Are you sure of this Willow? We'll take you to a friend of ours, a fine doctor. Maybe they did a mistake or something." Ira said, his own eyes beseeching, pleading with her.

Willow shook her head. "I saw the blood results. If you want me to see another doctor, that's ok with me. You just need to talk to doctor Williams before." She paused. "Daddy, sit down please, I wanna talk to you both about something."

Willow took a deep breath and sighed deeply, remembering the look of sheer terror on her lover's face.

"Yes Daddy, she knows. She's been crying for hours. Actually, that's what I want to talk to you about. I want you to call your lawyer."

Sheila got up, shaking her head. "Willow Danielle Rosenberg! Nothing is going to happen to you! Everything's going to be fine!" she said as she started crying again.

Ira got up and hugged his wife as Willow looked at them sadly, her own tears falling silently.

A while after, both of Willow's parents regained their composure enough for her to continue to explain what she wanted.

"Mom, Dad, if anything should happen to me, I want you to take care of Tara. She's the love of my life, and I don't want her to end up alone. Promise me." she pleaded, her eyes shinning brightly at her parents, begging them to do her will.

"Willow, I promise, even though I know nothing will happen. You're going to be fine." Sheila replied, her eyes looking at Willow absently.

"Well, it's just in case. So, daddy, will you call your lawyer and have him come over tomorrow?"

Ira leant down and kissed his daughter on the cheek, unable to talk past the lump in his throat, while Sheila just nodded.

"Of course we do Willow. You're my little princess." he said, finally able to hold back his tears, swallowing almost convulsively.

Willow smiled, looking at the love she aw in her father's eyes and then yawned. Seeing her parents and their reaction had fatigued her emotionally.

"Sweetheart, you should rest. Do you want me to tell Tara to come back in?" Ira asked, caressing her hair.

Willow nodded and smiled before looking at her mother who had been silent for a couple of minutes, staring at her daughter.

"What? Oh, yes, I'm fine. Everything's gonna be fine." she repeated again, her voice strangely monotone and this time it infuriated Willow.

"No mother, everything may not be fine! I may die next week, or even tonight! I already dealt with the fact that I may die, so get it in your head!" Willow nearly shouted.

Sheila looked at her for a minute before she started crying and hugged her daughter close. Willow was shocked by the tight embrace, but it gave her comfort and she cried too as she thought again of the limited time she may have on earth.

Sheila pulled back as Ira and Tara came back in the room. She threw herself into her husband's arms and cried on his chest as Tara just stood rooted in place, looking at Willow's teary eyes. Willow offered her hand and Tara moved to sit on the bed, near her legs. They looked at each other, smiling sadly, their faces showing the signs of the tears they had shed.

Ira and Sheila both hugged Willow again and left. Willow looked at Tara and leaned in for a kiss.

"Baby, I'm so sorry for what I did. I still can't believe that I hurt you like that. God, I made us lose so much time." Willow said, looking into pained blue eyes.

"I know you're sorry Willow. And we'll make up for the lost time. We have forever, right?" Tara asked, looking hopefully into Willow's pale green eyes, begging her to not contradict her.

Willow lowered her head and stared at their clasped hands for a minute. When she raised her head, fresh tears were trickling down her face.

Willow moved forward and pressed her lips to Tara's in a desperate kiss, her eyes still bleeding tears. They clung to each other and laid down on the bed, Willow thinking of what she should do before she died, and Tara thinking that it was just a nightmare. Finally, their exhausted minds drifted into a dreamless slumber.

Willow woke up three hours later to find herself alone in her room. She rubbed the sleep from her eyes and looked out of the small window that looked onto the hall. She saw Giles pacing nervously in front of the room. As if sensing her, he looked through the small window and smiled, motioning to the others that she was awake. They all got up and entered the room, greeting her softly. Tara walked to Willow's side and sat down, lacing the fingers of her right hand with Willow's left before leaning in to place a soft kiss on her lover's lips.

"Yep, except for the whole waking up alone in bed thing. But you're here now, so everything's ok again." Willow replied, smiling as she gave Tara a peck on the lips.

Anya glared at Xander before smacking him on the arm. Everyone turned their heads to see what new thing was making the ex-demon pissed off at her fiancé.

"You never say sweet things like that to me Xander! And I often wake up to find myself in bed alone. I'm going to have to chain you to the bed." Anya said before sitting down at a vacant chair.

"Willow, I called the Coven in Devon and I explained the situation to an old friend of mine, Ruth. She said that there may be something she can do. She's coming over tomorrow." Giles said, smiling at her.

Willow couldn't believe what she was hearing. She didn't know whether to cry or smile. She finally settled on a compromise: a watery smile. Once she reigned in on her emotions, she smiled at Tara.

"Giles, what are the chances of her finding something? I mean, should I hope or should I just let go?" Looking at Tara's stricken face, she quickly started talking again. "I didn't mean let go as in... dying." She forced the last word out. "I mean, my father wants me to see a doctor friend of his, and what I meant was should I stop giving hope on the magical side and focus more on..." Willow trailed off, her eyebrows furrowing as she felt her heartbeat become erratic.

Time seemed to freeze. She turned her eyes to Tara, locking her pained green eyes on concerned blue orbs as Willow raised a hand to her heart, trying to steady her breath. Her breath was coming in gasps as she felt herself become dizzy. She could feel the irregular heartbeat in her ears, feel the blood flow rapidly against her eardrums.

Time returned to normal as Buffy rushed out to call a nurse. Willow laid back down and she focused on breathing in and out. Her eyes were still locked on Tara's as she took in mouthfuls of air.

She could see Tara mouth to her something that looked like: 'Willow, baby, breathe'. Or was she actually talking? Willow couldn't hear anything over the din of her heart beating rapidly in her ears. Willow's mouth was open as she tried to get in more and more oxygen.

As fast as it started, Willow felt the pulses become more regular. Her breathing became easier as she started hearing the sounds of the room again. A nurse came in and quickly she injected Willow with something that Willow dimly suspected as being some kind of mixture of drugs and potassium. After a few minutes, Willow blinked and tried to get up, only finding herself pushed back down by Tara's hand on her sternum. Willow looked into her eyes again and saw the tears starting to pool there.

The drug the nurse had injected her made her drowsy and Willow fell asleep shortly after. Tara looked at her lover, and thought of this nightmare she was living. She couldn't believe that this was happening, that she may lose Willow forever.

<Goddess, why do I always lose the people I love? Please, not Willow, I can't lose her. She's my everything!>

Tara had always followed Wicca in her everyday decisions, except when her mother had died. She was seventeen at the time, and she had thought of raising her mother, of bringing her back, but her father had found her practicing the magics and before she had finished the ritual, and, not unlike the other times he had found her using her power, he beat her up, his fists and belt mixing with the sound of his voice to tell her, over and over again that she was a demon, that she was nothing but a whore, prostituting herself to her demon side by using magic.
Bloodied and bruised, she had thought of her decision and soon, she had discarded it and thought of the stupidity of her act. Raising the dead was something that was against the natural laws of nature and the consequences of that act could be disastrous. Raising Buffy from the dead was something kind of different, because it was not a natural death. Still, it had nagged at her after they had done it, eaten away at her conscience. She knew that if Willow died, there would be a part of her that would demand for her to raise her, but the larger part of her would know that it would be wrong and she wouldn't do it.

<Willow will not die, I'll do anything for her not to die. Dear Goddess give me strength.> she pleaded in her mind.

The thing was that no one knew was if this illness was something of the magical kind or if it was really just a normal mortal illness. If it was magical, then things could be done, Willow could be saved, but if it's a disease, like cancer, then Tara couldn't do anything against it. She had tried to save her mother from her cancer, she had tried so many things, so many spells, but nothing helped. Her mother had died.

But now, she had more resources to help. She had Giles, who knew a lot of magic, as well as Anya, who was also well versed in the occult arts.

She had thought of it already. Of using black magics to heal her lover. But, if she did that, she would go against all that she had learned. And she would make a big mistake. Dark magics had already separated Willow and her once, and she wouldn't let it do it a second time. But if the last solution was using dark magics or losing Willow, would there even be a choice to make? Tara knew that at her last straw she would use dark magic, consequences be damned. But she was afraid that it would come to that.

She hoped with all her being that Giles' friend Ruth would find something magical for Willow. She prayed for it as she watched her lover sleep.

Buffy didn't know what to do. The Slayer was used to action. When a member of her weird Scooby-family was in danger, she usually kicked the ass of the thing that was toying with their lives. But Willow was in danger now, and she couldn't do anything to help her. It was out of her reach. So she did what she did best: slay. She went around Sunnydale pounding on demons and vampires. As she strolled down the cemetery, she felt something approach her and turned around, ready to kick ass.

"I heard that the Slayer was going around and beating the hell out of every demon she encountered. So I thought that maybe you wanted to take out your frustration on me. If you know what I'm saying." Spike said, leering at her and touching the crotch of his black leather pants.

Buffy actually thought about it for a second before taking out her stake and fixing him with a deadly glare.

"Right-o. How's Red?" Spike asked her, knowing that she was frustrated enough to actually hurt him badly.

Buffy's whole Slayer stance deflated and she looked down at her shoes. "I don't know. No one knows really. The doctors say they never saw something like that. If she can't keep the potassium in her body, she'll die. We're just lost."

The blonde vampire nodded. "Did anyone check on her magics? Dark magic has consequences, for each person they're different."

Buffy sighed, toying with her stake. " A friend of Giles' from a coven is coming over tomorrow to check it out. I really hope that's what's wrong."

"I hope so too Slayer. When you were gone, Willow did everything, and I really don't want her to die. Tell her I say hello."

The next morning, Ira and Sheila came back, looking more composed than when they had left the night before. With them were two men, a doctor and a lawyer. Doctor Davidson left after introducing himself to talk to Eric Williams. Willow and Joseph Collins were left alone at Willow's request. They talked for about an hour and a half before he left. Doctor Davidson came back shortly after and told Willow and her parents that he's look into it, but that he'd never seen anything like it. Willow was alone once more.

She had sent Tara out when her parents had entered the room, telling her to come back when she called her, Willow needing some time to think. Tara had, of course, protested it, but Willow had insisted on it. She needed to think, and well, when Tara was around, the thinking process wasn't present. Willow smirked inwardly, but then, her dark mood returned. She had to think of the possibility that she may die and of the things she needed to do before she left the world.

Willow didn't know how long she had in front of her if the magic help she was going to get later that day wouldn't work, wouldn't be successful. She could have a month, a year even, or maybe just a week. She had already drawn her will and told the lawyer of the burial she wanted in case, even the coffin she would be buried in if she did die. But Willow knew one thing. She didn't want to go leaving her heart full of regrets and unspoken apologies. If she was going to die, she'd die in peace, the only regret that of leaving Tara alone, without her, but that was something she couldn't control.

And so Willow began making a mental list about the things she wanted to ask forgiveness for from each Scoobie, not even daring to think about asking Tara to forgive her for her actions. She had to talk to the blonde though. After going over what she needed to say, she yelled loudly Buffy's name, who came running into the room and asked her to fetch Tara.

Tara walked into the room fearfully. She hated leaving Willow even for one second, fearing that in that precise moment, Willow might suffer from some kind of attack and die.

She shook her head as she saw her lover mumbling quietly to herself on the bed. She smiled.

"Hello my love." Tara greeted her as she sat down, taking Willow's offered hand.

"Hey baby." Willow greeted back, squeezing Tara's hand and leaning over to kiss her. Tara accepted the kiss, the contact comforting her. She sighed softly as they parted.

"Baby, we have to talk." Willow said, her voice serious, as she leaned back against her pillows. Tara nodded, sensing the somber mood her lover was in. She felt fear start to eat away at her being, fear of what Willow wanted to talk about.

"This is gonna be hard." Willow muttered to herself as she collected her thoughts. "Baby, you know I love you, right? You know that you are my life, even though I totally messed up this year and I couldn't show it to you properly. So, I apologize once more for all that I put you through. Baby, I know that Ruth is coming over later today and that everyone thinks what's happening to me is magical. Well, I hope they're right, because, well, I don't want to die." Willow stopped to take a breath and continued. "I don't want to die now that you're back into my life. I want to grow old with you, and show you everyday how much I love you, but baby, if, if Ruth doesn't find anything magical, I may not be able to do that." Willow said, trying to be as gentle as possible.

"I don't want to say that, but I have to. We have to face the possibility that I may die. We don't know when, but if it's not the magic, it's gonna be quick. It may be a month, or even maybe a year. I don't know, but I'm gonna make the most of this time, okay baby? I don't want to spend it here, in a hospital. I wanna spend it at home, with you. Always with you baby, until I die." Willow finished, wiping away some of her tears.

"We'll find something! You will not die Willow Rosenberg! I'll find a way! There has to be a way!" Tara choked out.

"Maybe, maybe not. I so hope there's a solution, but what if there isn't? Tara, I want you to promise me something now. If it's not magical, and the only way to save me is dark magics, then I want you to promise me that you won't use it. It's too risky and the consequences are too devastating."

"Willow, when Glory hurt me, did you even think of not using dark magics to hurt her? What would you have used? What would you have risked?" Tara asked.

"Exactly, so don't tell me not to risk it. I love you more than anything, get that? I'll risk it all if it means that you can be safe!" Tara replied, her eyes burning.

Willow sighed again. "Tara Maclay, you have grown so much since I met you. Do you even know how much I love you?"

Tara nodded, her throat too tight to speak. She leaned over and pressed her lips to Willow's in a desperate kiss that conveyed everything the blonde couldn't express. Their lips parted and their tongues sought each other out, entwining and not wanting to let go. Willow felt Tara's love for her as her tongue grazed her own, as their liquid ambrosia merged in their locked mouths, as their hands found each other. They tried to prolong the kiss to a maximum, parting only when they needed oxygen. They pressed their foreheads together, not wanting to break their physical contact. Three words hung suspended over them, but they didn't need to be spoken. They both knew them and felt them as they gazed into each other's eyes.

After about ten minutes, Willow asked Tara to call Anya to her. Tara did so, then left the redhead and the ex-demon to talk.

"Hello Willow. I hope you are feeling better and I hope that Giles' friend can help so that you do not die." Anya said as soon as Tara left.

Willow smiled at Anya's honesty. "I'm feeling okay, and I also hope that she can help. Look Anya, I'm gonna make this short and concise. I know that we've had our differences in the past." Willow started, stopping to find her words.

"Oh, you mean basically us hating each other, or at least fighting all the time."

"Well, yeah, kind of. Anya, I don't hate you and I'm happy for you and Xander..."

"You still can't have him, even if you are in your death bed." Anya cut her off.

"I don't want Xander and eww." Willow said, making a disgusted face. "Anya, please let me finish before you interrupt me. I just wanted to say that I'm sorry for treating you like that in the past and that, even though I didn't show it, I consider you a good friend. Now, if I... if I die, I want you to take care of Tara, ok? I want you to be there for her. To be her friend. Can you promise me that?" Willow asked, looking into the blonde's brown eyes.

Anya felt herself tear up as she listened to Willow. "Yes, I promise Willow. I'm sorry too if I have ever been rude and inappropriate to you in the past."

Willow smiled. "Well, if you weren't rude and made inappropriate comments, you wouldn't be Anya. That's why we love ya."

"I really hope you don't die Willow. Really. It would be a shame for us to lose you."

"Thanks Anya, it means a lot to me. It really does. Now, if you break Xander's heart and I'm dead, I will come back to you in the shape of a bunny to haunt you." Willow said, grinning.

"Ahhh! We were having a bonding moment, an emotional one even, and you brought those cunning, evil creatures into the conversation! You are evil!" Anya shrieked before leaving the room running.

Willow looked at her go chuckling. Tara came back into the room, her face showing her concern.

"Oh, I just brought up those revolting furry animals she despises so." Willow replied, still chuckling. Tara grinned back. It felt so good to smile or laugh, but the smiles faded, leaving nothing but anxiety in their eyes.

As time ticked by, everyone in Willow's hospital room was starting to get anxious. Ruth was supposed to come by sometime that day and each person looked at the clock every few seconds. The room was silent and the clock's tick-tock was doing nothing to soothe their frazzled nerves.

Dawn looked at Tara and saw that the blonde witch looked positively panicked. Tara was sitting on the bed next to Willow with the redhead caressing the back of her lover's hand. But Tara looked like she was on the verge of tears. She kept looking at the clock as if it held all the answers. And Willow looked at her, her face showing her concern. Finally, Dawn couldn't take it anymore and went to Tara's side.

Tara smiled slightly. She could never say no to the young woman who she considered a sister or maybe even a daughter. She nodded and got up, telling her lover that she would be right back.

Once outside, she took a seat and motioned for Dawn to sit near her. The teenager didn't comply.

"Tara, look, I know this is eating you inside, but you have to be strong." Dawn said bluntly.

"You have to be strong, because it's not good for Willow to see you this way. You can't break down, at least not in front of Willow." Dawn continued. "I mean, Ruth isn't here yet, and you look as if there is no more hope. You told me once that there is always hope." Dawn finished before sitting down and putting her hand on Tara's shoulder.

The instant they touched, Tara felt a spark of energy. Dawn jerked her hand away and looked at it, amazed. Tara looked at her, equally bewildered. For an instant, Dawn thought that it was just a bit of static electricity, but then, it was as if she was drawn to do it again. She put her hand on Tara's shoulder and tried sending her all the positive thoughts she could think of.

Dawn thought about it for a second before she smiled and then, she tried to unlock Tara's positive feelings and that's when time seemed to stop. Tara saw in her mind all the dangers they had faced and how they had always won. But the thing she felt the most was the feeling of hope surging into her. Not a false hope, or a hope put there by someone, but the hope that was buried in herself, the hope that she thought had left her. The strength she thought she had run out of.

Tara looked up at Dawn and smiled, a real smile, not the fake ones she had tried before.

"Okay, that was really weird, and we'll have to see Giles about this, but thanks Dawnie." Tara said as she hugged the teenager before they both made their way back to the room.

Tara smiled brightly at her lover and took her seat. Willow smiled back, glad to see a real smile on her lover's face. She had felt concerned about her lover's brooding for it wasn't in the blonde witches' habits. Willow felt a great weight lift from her shoulders. Willow put her hand over the back of Tara's and then laced their fingers together and felt it, felt the strength, felt the hope surge through their connection.

"Stronger." Willow said softly, raising their hands and placing a kiss on Tara's palm.

"This is Ruth." Giles explained. He turned to the woman. "These are Buffy, her sister Dawn, Xander, Anya and on the bed are..."

"Willow and Tara. I've heard much about you." she said, smiling and shaking their hands warmly.

"Good things I hope." Willow said nervously, looking at the woman's ice-blue eyes.

"Well, let's say there are divided opinions about the two of you. The whole coven knows of the bravery the White witch has shown when she refused to tell Glory about the key." she said, pointing to Tara, who blushed and ducked her head. "And we have heard of the wrath the Black witch has shown when battling Glorificus and how she has made the Hell God scream in pain." she finished, turning towards Willow, who looked down at her lap.

"We're kn-known as the Black witch and the White witch?" Tara said, amazed that the coven knew about them and that they had titles.

Ruth smiled, her blue eyes warming. "Yes, you are. Now, let's focus on the matter at hand before we have a little chit-chat later, shall we?"

The group nodded. Ruth stepped closer to the bed and looked at Willow, flicking her long black hair back. She drew out a clear crystal and put one of her hands over Willow's head. Tara let go of Willow's hand and backed away. Willow closed her eyes as she felt the probing of Ruth's magic into her being. Ruth closed her eyes, to open them a few seconds later.

"Can the rest of you leave me alone with Willow and Tara? I need to ask them some questions." Ruth asked, her eyebrows furrowing in thought.

"Well, it was about the beginning of December, so about 3 months ago." Willow replied, counting on her fingers.

"And during these three months, you didn't cast anything? You didn't do any meditation or spell in light magic?"

"Well, no. I... um... I l-l-left?" Tara replied, cursing herself inwardly for sounding like the scared girl Willow had met all those years ago.

"Yeah, we d-did, but we're back together now." Tara replied, looking at Willow and smiling.

"Good, good." Ruth said. "I just need to check something out with the Coven, do a little bit of research."

"Yes, of course it is, and now we need to see what we need to do to make things right again." Ruth said, noticing the relieved way the couple was looking at each other.

She chuckled and left the couple alone for a few minutes to tell the rest of the Gang about the news. Tara went back to Willow's side and took her hand, leaning over her to kiss her.

Tara nodded and kissed Willow again. She was about to pull away when Willow's hand crept into her hair and pulled her back into her, kissing her deeper, longer. They tilted their heads and their tongues danced against each other. A loud cough made them draw apart.

"Randy little pair, aren't you?" Ruth asked, smiling. Tara blushed and Ruth chuckled.

"Nothing to be embarrassed about, I was just teasing you. Now, I told the others about what I think, so I think I'm going to borrow some books from Giles and research it before I call the Coven tomorrow. For now, Willow, rest." Ruth said before leaving the room, winking at Tara.

"Giles, you old fool!" Ruth stated as they got in his car. "How could you just make her stop practicing? I thought you knew better."

"Ruth, believe me, but I knew almost nothing about it. So, what do you think?" he asked.

"I have always said that dark magic has a consequence, and for Willow, it's physical from what I could see. I will tell you more about it after I contact the Coven." Ruth replied.

"But do you think you can do something to help her? Ruth, I love her like a daughter." Giles said, his dark gray eyes boring into hers.

"Of course you do. Who could not love that dear child? Her heart is full of affection and love." He nodded and she continued. "I don't know what we can do yet, as I said I need to contact the Coven and to research for a few things. I really hope I can find something, but I must warn you, I may be too late." Ruth said truthfully.

Giles nodded, his jaw tightening as he ground his molars together. He nodded stiffly.

"Would you like me to show you the Magic Box and let you start on the research?" Giles asked after a minute.

"Actually I would like to rest for a while. Jet lag." she explained as she yawned.

"I just need a couple of hours to rejuvenate my self as well as my magics. I feel the dark magics of the Hellmouth and I need to cleanse myself."

"Surely. Should I pick you up tomorrow?" Giles asked as he parked in front of Sunnydale's Holiday Inn.

She looked at her watch, it was eight and a half in the evening. "In Devon, it's now seven thirty in the morning. How about you pick me up tomorrow morning at eight or so?"

Giles woke up to the loud beeping of his alarm clock. He rubbed his eyes and stared blankly at the ceiling of his room before turning his head to look at the old alarm clock by his bed.

He rubbed his sweaty face with both hands, Ruth's words haunting him as they had haunted him all night, seeping into his dreams.

He had had nightmares all night, visions of Willow in her coffin, of the young people he considered his family grieving. He thought of his last dream, the one that had shaken him the most.

Giles shook his head to clear his mind. In his dream, his whole family fell apart. He wouldn't let that happen, never. He went to the bathroom and showered, the water shaking away some of his visions. He got ready with a new sense of purpose and left to pick Ruth up so that they could start on the research. He just hoped that they weren't too late.

Giles was ten minutes late when he arrived at the hotel. He found Ruth waiting for him in the lobby.

"Good morning Rupert… and I thought Englishmen were always perfectly on time." she greeted him, grinning cheekily.

"Good morning. I am dreadfully sorry for my being late." he replied apologetically, his dark eyes scanning the lobby, an old habit that came to him from the patrolling.

She nodded as he led her outside to his car. He opened her door and she slid in the seat before he went to his own side and got in.

"You look rather cheery this morning despite the task we have at hand and the person who's at risk." Giles paused, his eyes on the road. "You do remember what's happening?"

Ruth looked at him. "Yes, thank you for reminding me." she said, her voice dripping with sarcasm. "I know what's happening and I thought a lot about it last night. And I have a theory." she finished in a sing-song voice.

"That it's a demon." Giles automatically said. He looked at her sideways and she raised an eyebrow at him. "Sorry, just had a bit of flashback." he said sheepishly. "Do go on."

"Well, I think that Willow's darkness has been locked inside of her when she stopped casting. That darkness is feeding off on the potassium in Willow's body. We must unleash it." Ruth said darkly.

Giles turned his head and looked at her in disbelief. "I beg your pardon? I really do hope that you don't mean that literally. You haven't seen the power she wields."

"I assure you that in no way was I talking of making Willow cast again. I haven't gone raving mad! Unleashing Willow's darkness into magics would be a disaster. I was talking of other ways to unleash her darkness, to unlock it and get it all out."

"Such as?" Giles said, his eyebrows furrowing in thought, his eyes focused on the road.

"That, my old friend, I do not know. That's why I need to call the Coven and research in your fine establishment."

"Would you like a cup of tea? I could brew some excellent Earl Grey." Giles offered as he and Ruth walked into the magic shop. "I entirely forgot to ask you if you had any breakfast."

"I did have breakfast but sweet pastries and some tea would be lovely." she replied, sitting down at the heavy mahogany research table.

"Very well, I do believe you mentioned you had a call to make to the Coven." At her nod, he continued. "Well, there is the phone. I will be back in a few minutes." he said, walking out.

Ruth took a few minutes to browse the store before walking to the counter and sitting on a stool. She picked up the phone and dialed a number. Her voice was the only sound in the shop.

"Hello Sarah… Yes… Yes… quite well, thank you… Yes… It seems like the darkness is trapped inside the Black witch… Yes, we must unleash it… Well, it seems to be feeding of her blood's potassium… Yes, she has… Yes, her core is black and that darkness has almost reached her brain… Yes, it's seeping into her veins…" Ruth paused, listening to the person on the other side talking.

Her cold blue eyes widened and her voice became full of disbelief. "A week? Are you bloody mad? That's not enough!"

She listened intently again, and her voice became hard. "Yes, I know, but she's just a child! Of course no one taught her! She was busy saving the world! She has been doing it for six years!"

Her voice softened up. "I'm sorry, but you haven't seen her Sarah. She's at most twenty-one and yet, she has seen more than most of us… Please do tell me how… Yes, the White witch is her consort… I do not know if they have consummated their reunion yet."

Her voice suddenly became sarcastic. "Yes, of course, I will ask them if they have shagged lately… or should I ask them for details too?"

She rolled her eyes and listened to Sarah. Her voice returned to normal as she nodded. "Yes… but they're both incredibly shy, they'll die of embarrassment if I ask them… Well, I agree there, dying of embarrassment is better than the literal sense of that word… Yes, I will be subtle…"

Again, her expression changed as her brows furrowed. "Mystical Energy?… You mean that literally I take it… I hadn't thought about it that way… Yes… Yes I will… A tattoo? With two swans… Yes, I will look for it… Yes… You too… Goodbye and I'll call you again later." With that, she hung up.

She returned to the table and sat down, thinking about what Sarah had said, her gaze unfocused. A few minutes later, Giles walked back into the shop carrying two boxes with the Expresso Pump's logo. He put both boxes on the table and excused himself to make tea, returning ten minutes later with a tray. He poured two cups and gave one to Ruth, who took it gratefully, smiling.

"I know you must be dying to know what Sarah told me." she said, sipping her tea.

Giles nodded, opening a box and revealing muffins, cupcake, jam tarts and other treats. Ruth picked a banana-nut muffin and took a bite, taking another sip of tea. Giles waited patiently, wiping his glasses.

"Mmm! This muffin is wonderful. What's in the other box?" she asked, her eyes sparkling with curiosity.

Giles closed the box and sipped his tea, waiting for Ruth to begin. She raised her head and their eyes locked, his darker eyes boring into hers, asking her for information.

Ruth looked at his pointed gaze and sighed. "Alright, there seems to be a ritual that can unlock the darkness within Willow's being. I need to research it to tell you more."

"A ritual? There are thousands of rituals! Could you be more explicit?" Giles responded, his eyebrows furrowing.

"Oh, yes of course. It speaks of the balance between Black magic and White magic and if Sarah's not mistaken, there should be a design of a tattoo." She explained, sipping from her cup occasionally.

"Good Morning!" Anya and Xander greeted them. Anya took off her thick beige suede coat and hung it up while Xander draped his black jacket on a chair.

"Giles, did I hear something about a tattoo? You could get one that resembles that of Ozzy Osbourne's. The one on his arm. It would certainly liven up your appearance." Anya continued before walking to the counter and starting to count the money.

Giles and Ruth turned their attention to Xander who just smiled sheepishly, rubbing his eyes. He had tossed and turned all night and his eyes were itching.

"Yes, Ozzy Osbourne is an icon in Rock music and contemporaneous pop-culture. But I don't understand how come you're both English and yet so different. He's sexy and famous and a legend, and you're stuffy and boring and all Watcher-like. Can you tell me why you two are so different?" Anya asked, walking back to the table and grabbing a donut.

"Because while I was studying at the Council, he was busy chewing on bats." Giles replied tightly.

"Anya, every person is unique and special in his own way." Xander replied, interrupting before the ex-demon started round two.

"Thank you Xander. As fascinating as British rock-stars are, let's focus our attention on Willow and the ritual." Giles said, not wanting to talk of his wilder days.

"Ritual? There is a ritual?! You found a cure?" Xander exclaimed, his face lighting up.

"We heard talk of a ritual. When we find it and it's effective, then, it'll be called a cure Xander." Giles said gently.

"But you found something, right? I mean we have hope, right?" Xander said, pointing to Giles.

Giles smiled at the young man. "Yes Xander, all we need to do is to find the ritual."

"Am I the only one who feels bad vibes in that statement?" Xander asked, looking at his fiancé.

"I feel it too Honey. There is more to that statement, isn't there? Please, tell us what gruesome information is hiding under your previous sentence."

The room greeted the news with a stunned silence. Their faces contorting into masks of anger, pain and disbelief. Space seemed to thicken and time seemed to freeze. Giles, Xander and Anya looked at each other, seeing the same shocked look on each of their faces.

Ruth cleared her throat. "Sarah said that Willow has about a week left, judging by what I saw in her. We need to find this ritual fast, quite fast." Ruth said, her voice a pained murmur.

Xander nodded and walked to the counter. He picked up the receiver and dialed, his hands shaking.

"Buffy, yeah, it's me. We need you at the Magic Box… Okay." he said tightly before hanging up, his eyes wide.

"She'll be here in twenty minutes." Xander said, walking back to the table. He pulled out a chair and sat down before looking at Ruth, his dark brown eyes boring into hers.

Xander nodded and lent forward putting his hands on his knees while Giles raised his glasses on the bridge of his nose. Anya stood near Xander, her brows knit in concentration and thought.

"I'll tell you more when Buffy gets here." Ruth said, looking at the faces around her.

"Oh, come on! You just told me that my best friend has a week to live and you want us to wait?!" Xander bellowed, disbelief clear in his voice.

"Yes, that was exactly what I have said. We need to be calm and be able to act wisely Xander, and right now, I think you're anything but calm. Just settle down for a few minutes, drink some tea and when Buffy gets here, I'll tell you everything."

"Hey! You just told me my best friend has seven days to live and you want me to be calm? Are you kidding me?"

"Xander, I know you're concerned, scared even, I can feel it, but being panicked will do nothing to help Willow." Ruth said slowly.

Xander threw his hands up. "Yeah, 'cause staying here doing nothing will do heaps to save Willow!" he yelled.

He locked eyes with Ruth and something passed between them. His eyes grew wide. "Willow. Willow has seven days." he whispered, feeling all of his anger melt. He blinked, his eyes looking downwards and blinked again as he felt the warm surge of tears in his eyes. He put his hands in front of his face as the tears slowly trickled down his face. Anya moved to stand between his legs. He looked up to see her watery eyes and she slowly ran her fingers in his hair. She pulled him closer to her and he pressed his face to her stomach, his tears soaking through the thin material of her blouse.

"Oh God. Oh God!" Xander whispered over and over, his voice echoing in the silent shop.

Giles had a flash of his dream, of when Xander arrived too late. And of how he cried over his dead best friend. Giles' dark eyes misted over, and he shook his head to clear his head of those images. He discreetly wiped his moist eyes as he watched Xander crying and Anya offering him comfort.

Xander stayed in that position for a few long minutes before he eventually stopped crying. Slowly, he edged back from Anya's embrace, and she wiped his tears with her thumbs. He smiled somewhat sadly at her and turned to face the others, pulling Anya to sit on his lap.

"Sorry about that." he said quickly, as if he was ashamed for breaking down. He regretted the way he had let his anger take over, and even if Ruth was cryptic, he knew she meant well, and that she wanted to help Willow. It was clear in her eyes, the sad look that crept in them as she told them of their 'deadline'.

"Don't worry about it, I'd be rather distressed if I had been told that sort of news." Deep pain entered her gaze for a second, darkening her eyes, but as sudden as it came, it left, her eyes going back to their icy state.

Xander blinked and nodded, ignoring the pain out of respect for Ruth's past. Anya's finer points though didn't include subtlety, and she pierced the woman with her gaze.

Ruth nodded and looked away from Anya's gaze. The moment was broken as Buffy walked into the shop, her hair still wet, her face grim and set in resolve. She smiled tightly.

"Hey, what's the what?" she greeted them. She looked as if she hadn't been sleeping. There were rings under her eyes, and her face was pale.

"Good morning Buffy. We seem to have some news about Willow's illness. The Coven gave us some information and a lead to follow." Giles said, his eyes on his Slayer's worn face, seeing the resemblance to the Buffy he had seen in his nightmare.

All eyes turned to the raven-haired witch. Buffy took a seat and leaned forward, her eyes boring into the older woman's. Ruth cleared her throat and began.

"Dark Magic, or Black Magic always has consequences. These consequences aren't seen until either the person stops using it or when they let the darkness take over. In Willow's case, these consequences are physical. For as long as she cast and practiced the arts, the Black Magic relieved the pain, that's why it is like an addiction to pain killers. Willow wasn't addicted to the magic itself. While she denied the magic, it hurt her inside, and when she cast, the magic acted as a pain-killer does, it stopped the pain for a while. As she stopped casting, the pain has shown itself, along with the 'illness' because the darkness is now locked within and it's feeding off the elements in the person's blood. Usually, this happens until the person stops fighting and looses himself in the magic. Frankly, I am quite surprised she has resisted this long. What we must do is unlock the darkness and get it out."

"That's where the problem arises. There are different ways of unlocking or unleashing the darkness, and some of them are really dangerous, both for Willow and the whole world." Giles said, his voice sad.

"Indeed. But that's where the spell Sarah told me about comes in. It's a ritual that was first used in ancient Rome. But over time, few people have used it for they didn't usually use it in the right circumstance and they lacked some 'ingredients'. The ritual's name is akin to "Diluculo penumbra consisto ex" translated as "The dawn of penumbrae". It speaks of the balance between the darkness and the light."

"So, what are the circumstances to do this culo ritual." Buffy said, eager to find a way to help her best friend.

"Anya, could you tell me what you find so amusing?" Giles asked, his brows furrowing.

Anya looked at Ruth, who smiled back to her. "If you must know, 'culo' means 'ass' in Italian."

"Ah, yes, well, I'd expect you to know that. Now, in favor of more important topics, shall we stop talking of body parts in Italian?"

"For the spell to work, the person must have found his or her soul mate, who must be a person of Light. Also, they must have not… mated in one month and for the ritual to work, they must find a source of strong mystical energy. And Sarah mentioned a tattoo they must both have on their bodies. The design is included in the book that bears the ritual."

"Well, it seems that Willow and Tara are mated souls and that Tara is the Light one." Giles said.

"The Key of course!" Giles said, taking off his glasses and pointing them at Ruth who nodded.

"Okay, so for now, we have everything we need. Let's research!" Xander finally said, eager to start.

"I never thought I'd hear Xander say that with such enthusiasm." Giles muttered dryly to himself as he walked upstairs to his own book collection.

Half an hour later, everyone at the Magic Box was in full research mode. Books were piled and scattered on the heavy mahogany table, the dusk that had been collecting on them now littering the table top. Each person was reading through a book, their eyes scanning every word. But the biggest surprise wasn't the fact that Xander hadn't whined about it, it was the fact that Anya closed the shop to help them.

"What?" she had said when they had all looked at her, their eyebrows raised. "Even though Willow and I are not best friends, I do care about her, and I do not want her to die. And my advice and help are priceless in the midst of you." she continued as she sat down and grabbed a book.

Now, Xander's thoughts drifted from the book in front of him to Willow again. Of course, his thought were never far from his redheaded best friend as he read, but now, they took the upper hand.

Buffy's eyes widened and she just stared at him. "I don't know! I mean who should tell them? How should we break it up to them? How will they react?"

"Yes Buffy, you should tell them. Xander is very cowardly at the notion of telling people bad news." Anya piped up.

"Okay, so I'll go and tell them. Ruth, wanna come with?" Buffy said, leaving the couple to their bickering.

Both women left the Magic Box, Buffy trying to find in her mind the way to make this announcement easier on both women.

Buffy and Ruth walked into Willow's hospital room in silence, even thought Buffy's head was buzzing. She had no idea how to tell her best friend about the situation, and all she wanted to do was crawl into her mother's arms and cry. But her mother was gone and she needed to be strong, strong for Willow, strong for Tara, and strong for her whole family. Somewhere in her mind though, she knew that she couldn't be strong for all of them, but her protectiveness wished she could.

They found both girls awake and finishing breakfast. Buffy smiled at her friends, but her smile seemed to fade when she looked at Willow. The redhead's face was drawn and had a pinched air about it, as if she was in pain. She was still pale and her red hair seemed to be paling as well.

Tara held a mocha in her hands, drinking it slowly as she looked at Willow over the rim of the cup. Her eyes were tired and red-rimmed from exhaustion and the tears she indulged in at night when Willow was asleep.

"Hey Buffy, hi Ruth. Buff can you please tell Tara to give me some of the mocha? She won't give it to me." Willow said, shifting her gaze from her lover to the newly arrived women.

Buffy noticed the shaking of Willow's hands and smiled, thinking it was her lack of caffeine that was giving Willow the tremors. "Tara, give the woman her caffeine dose. Look at her, her hands are shaking."

Willow glared at Buffy for her comment about her hands' shakiness. Buffy frowned.

"Your hands are shaking? Why didn't you tell me?" Tara said, frowning at Willow.

"Oh, it's a sign that her potassium isn't balanced and that it's dropping again." Tara replied almost absently as she fussed over Willow, fluffing the pillows she was resting on.

Tara nodded and sat down near Willow, taking her hand and lacing their fingers together, taking and offering comfort in the simple gesture.

Buffy looked at her friends and wondered where to begin. Her mind was buzzing with different details, and they all wanted to come out at the same time, but yet, she knew she should try to order them in her head before starting. All the speeches she had prepared on her way to the hospital faded into nothingness, as if it was a vampire going poof.

"Well… Ruth, why don't you start?" Buffy finally muttered, her eyes pleading the raven-haired witch to begin.

Ruth cleared her throat and walked closer to the hospital bed, taking out her crystal and then putting her hand on Willow's head like the night before. Closing her eyes, she saw the darkness in Willow's body heading slowly spreading. She removed her hand and nodded to herself.

"Ok, this silence is making me all panick-y, what's up?" Willow finally spoke, squeezing her lover's hand.

"Willow, I'll make this concise. The Dark magicks inside you is eating the elements in your blood because you have stopped casting and the darkness is locked into your being. It's the consequence of your use of it. Sarah, a friend in the Coven told me about a ritual we can do to unlock the darkness and get it out without you casting."

Willow nodded, her face showing her self-disgust. Tara, on the other hand was deep in thought.

"If Willow hadn't stopped c-casting, would this be h-happening?" she said quietly, her stutter betraying her.

Willow turned to her lover fully, taking both her hands in hers. "Baby, this is my fault and no one else's."

"Well, eventually, the dark magics would have done this to Willow." Ruth confimed.

"Willow." Buffy stepped closer. "It's not your fault. I mean, yeah, you used the dark mojo, but it was because we had no other way of doing things at first. You did it because we needed you to. It's my fault, I'm the one who put you in this situation. And we'll get you out of it." she said comfortingly.

"Thanks Buffy." the redhead replied, playing with Tara's fingers. She looked up and fixed her eyes on Ruth's. "So, what about this ritual? Is there anything we need to do?"

"We must find the ritual and check a few things first. Don't worry, the others are already researching it."

"Okay, I know there's something you're not telling me here." she said, looking at the Slayer.

Buffy and Ruth exchanged looks and the Slayer sighed. "Yes, there is. Willow, we need to find this ritual soon, the dark magic is spreading fast."

"We're talking a week." Buffy managed to whisper despite the lump forming in her throat.

Buffy nodded, looking at Willow. In a flash, a multitude of expressions changed the redhead's expression, from fear to pain to resolve.

"Tell me more about this ritual. What are the things you need to check?" she asked, her voice calm.

"Well, I have to ask you a very personal question. Buffy, perhaps you could leave us for a few minutes." Ruth said, looking at the Slayer.

"Very well, I need to know if the two of you have been… intimate in the last month." Ruth said quickly, her face blushing.

"No. We kissed, but n-nothing more." Tara answered, blushing lightly at giving out personal information about their sex life to a stranger.

"Um… I've never cast a spell, but I've helped Willow for Buffy's resurrection spell and…" Tara stopped, looking at her lover and back at Ruth. She took a deep breath and continued. "I almost performed a resurrection spell when my mother died." She whispered, hiding her face behind her hair, her face scrunching up as she fought to keep the pain inside. She was used to the pain she felt every time she talked about her mother, but with Willow in danger now, she couldn't restrain herself as well as she could usually do.

"Oh honey..." Willow said and took her lover's hand in her own, lacing their fingers together and squeezing gently.

Ruth looked at the two girls and sighed. She could feel all the pain and hurt emanating from them, and she could feel her eyes watering. They were very young, and yet, they had so much pain and hurt inside them. It made her heart ache. She watched them as they offered comfort and strength to each other and had to smile. It was obvious they were one, two halves of the same person.

After having taken a minute to compose herself, Tara looked up at Ruth. "That's all I ever did in Dark magic."

"Good, good. May I check something Tara? Could you and Willow unclasp hands?" Ruth asked, getting out her crystal.

Tara nodded once more and dropped Willow's hand as Ruth approached her and put her hand on Tara's head, like she did with Willow. A smile lit her face as she opened her eyes and stepped back. Tara immediately took Willow's hand in her own once more.

"Alright, I can see that the dark magic you may have encountered hasn't touched you. You're pure." Ruth said, smiling at the blonde.

Willow frowned and looked at their clasped hands. "Am I impure? I'm tainted, aren't I? I'm soiled, she shouldn't touch me." Willow said, panicking as she pulled her hand from Tara's. Tara looked up at Willow, her eyes showing her hurt and her confusion. "I'm impure, I'll make her unclean, we shouldn't touch, Tara, you shouldn't be near me, I'll taint you. Oh God! Are you sure I haven't poisoned her? Check again!" Willow babbled, turning pleading eyes towards Ruth.

"Willow, Willow! Calm down." The raven-haired witch said forcefully. "You won't taint her or make her 'unclean'."

Willow looked close to tears. "Are you sure? I mean, who knows, I might poison the person I love most in the world with my darkness. And that'd be bad, very very bad, I don't want her to end up like me. I'm bad, very bad, don't touch me, I'll poison you all. God, maybe I already poisoned some people. Oh God, Dawnie might be…"

The noise of the slap rang in the room. Willow stopped babbling and looked up at Ruth, confusion written on her face.

"Yes I did. And if you don't calm down, I'll put you over my knee. I promise you, you can't poison or soil, or taint anyone or anything. Dawn is alright, Buffy's alright, everyone is alright, they're just worried sick over you. Now, take deep breaths and calm down."

Willow stared at the woman and took a few deep breaths, feeling calmer. Tara looked at both women, not knowing what to say.

"Now, I've heard that the two of you lived with Dawn while Buffy was… um… in the Land of Eternal Dreams." Ruth said.

"Eternal Dreams? Ooh! Yeah, we lived with Dawn while Buffy was, well, up there." Willow said, feeling the pain of what she did once more. The pain of tearing her best friend out of heaven was certainly something that would never leave her, and she felt sick to the stomach.

<Or is this an actual stomach ache?> Willow thought as she felt the pain increase. She frowned, putting a hand on her tummy.

"My tummy's all ache-y." Willow grumbled. She saw Tara's hand glide to her stomach and stopped her, looking at it warily.

"Willow, really, it won't hurt me." Tara said as she started rubbing Willow's tummy through the soft cotton.

"Right, so, have either of you ever noticed something bizarre going on with Dawn?" Ruth asked, watching the tender and loving exchange.

"Wait, she did something amazing last night." Tara said, remembering that she had to speak to Giles about it.

"Well, I was… feeling kinda desperate, you know, and when she touched me, she made me feel hopeful again. It was weird, we were just talking and she touched me, and all the hope I thought had left me came back." Tara tried to explain.

"Oh, so her Key powers have been activated. Good." Ruth said, thanking the Goddess inwardly.

"Key powers? But Giles said that she wasn't the Key anymore." Willow said, looking at the raven-haired witch confusedly.

"Indeed, she can't open portals, but she can unlock feelings, inner-darkness and such."

"Wait, so Dawnie's gonna unlock the darkness?" Willow asked, going into thinking-mode.

"You're very perspective Willow, Rupert was right. Indeed, she will be a part of the ritual." Ruth said, smiling affectionately at the redhead.

Tara's hands stopped rubbing and she turned to Willow, her eyebrows scrunched up in confusion. Ruth raised an eyebrow at the redhead.

"I mean that I won't let Dawnie be a part of this." Willow explained, her lips set in a tight line of resolve.

Both Tara and Willow raised an eyebrow, not understanding what Ruth had just said.

"I mean, are you off your rocker? Insane? Raving mad? Willow, your life's in danger, it is not the time to be noble." Ruth said, throwing her hands in the air in exasperation.

"It's anytime you don't have only seven days to live!" Tara spoke, her voice unusually forceful. "Willow, I'm sure the ritual won't hurt Dawnie, right?" she asked, turning her face to Ruth.

"It won't hurt her at all. I promise." Ruth said, looking into Willow's frightened eyes.

"Yes Willow, I am." Ruth said, her voice soft and warm, looking into the redhead's wide green eyes.

"Ok." Willow whispered. She put her hand over Tara's lacing their fingers together. "Okay." She repeated.

Tara and Ruth just stared at her for a moment, their eyes wide. Willow bashfully lowered her eyes and began picking on her blanket.

"I mean, it's not like me staying here will do anything, and I'm so tired of being here. I wanna be back at home, in my bed. I'm so tired of the sterile smell of everything here, it's so cold, and I wanna be in a warm place. A-and, here, we won't be able to do anything, I mean, it's not like the hospital will allow us to do the ritual here. Of course, we can always put a masking spell, well, not we, more like you guys. And, a week's a pretty short time, and we need all the reading eyes we can have, right? So, we could help, I mean, Tara and me, we could help instead of being here, doing nothing. And if, I mean, you know, I wanna be back home. Please, I just…I wanna go home." She pleaded raising her eyes shyly to Tara's.

Tara and Ruth looked at each other and tried to decipher the message in Willow's babble. The blonde being more accustomed to Willow's long monologues, quickly put everything together.

"Sweetie, I know you want to help, and you…you do have some good points, but do you think it'd be okay? I mean, you're still sick. And you need your medication, and to have nurses around you in case something goes wrong. Because if something goes wr-wrong while we're b- back h-home, then who kn-knows what m-might happen? I know we've t-talked ab-about this, b- but we-we sh-sh-shouldn't temp-temp-tempt the f-f-fates." Tara said, cursing her stuttering. She lowered her head, glad to have her long hair shadow her face to hide her trembling lower lip.

Willow kept looking at her girlfriend's down-turned head while trying to soothe her by softly caressing her hand. She hadn't seen Tara stutter this badly in a long while, and it scared her. It scared her because of the fact she might die, and it also frightened her because if she died, she'd leave Tara alone. And that was one of her worse nightmares.

Ruth looked at both of them silently, and she could feel the strain that staying in the hospital was putting on them. She wished she could say something to relieve the tension and to make their choice easier to make, but she knew it wasn't her place to talk. And once again, she remained silent while she looked at the couple, thinking of her past, and of the what-could-have- beens.

If only she had listened to me, if only I hadn't let her use all that magic. she thought to herself as images engraved in her mind took life again.

Ruth was snapped back to reality when the door opened. A tall brown-haired man walked in, holding a clipboard. He stopped in front of Willow's bed, smiling warmly.

"Good morning." He greeted while flipping through his notes. "How do you feel Willow?"

"Um, good. Super even. Good enough to go out, smell the cappuccino." She replied with a wide grin on her face, hoping to fool the doctor even though she knew it was a lost cause. She saw Tara scowling from the corner of her eye but didn't say anything. Her hand caressing Tara's was all the communication they needed.

"Well, smelling the coffee is the only thing you're going to be doing, because you know caffeine is off-limits, right?" he countered, smiling at her. She scowled lightly and then nodded dutifully.

"Good. Now, as you already know, the potassium just won't stay stable, and once again, I have to up the dose again. Do you agree Tara?" he asked, turning to the blonde. He had noticed her frown earlier and knew something was up between the lovers.

"I d-do. I mean, I agree." She stuttered, looking into the doctor's green eyes. He smiled and his eyes crinkled.

While they talked, Ruth had been silently studying the doctor. She usually couldn't see people's auras without her focusing crystal, but this doctor's aura was blinding. It was as if someone had switched on a flashlight in the darkness, his core was golden and became deep blue as it expanded. He wasn't a mage or a warlock, but he was just a good person, one who doesn't know selfishness and who doesn't let pain rule his life. She knew she could trust him.

Willow suddenly had an idea, and she couldn't suppress the grin that emerged on her face. "Doctor Williams?"

"Ok Eric. I was wondering if there was anyway I could go home, maybe get a nurse or something? I'm so tired of being here. I wanna go home with my snuggle-bunny." She quickly said before she started to blush at the realization of what she just told the doctor. She turned her head and looked at her lover, whose face was also beet red.

Eric and Ruth chuckled and looked at each other. But Eric quickly went into thinking mode.

"Well, I don't know Willow. I mean, sure, we could do that, and I myself could come over and check on you, and I know a couple of very reliable private nurses. But, do you think you'd have the money for that? It's not cheap. And it's not exactly what I'd prescribe for you." He explained, running his hand in his hair.

"I don't think money's a problem. And, I mean, here or there, there's no difference, right? I mean, as long as the dose it up, everything's good, right?" She replied. She knew that if she asked her parents, they wouldn't refuse that to her, and her bank account wasn't lacking in any way. She turned to Tara and noticed the blonde's eyes were scrunched up in thought.

"Would it b-be safe?" the blonde finally asked, her eyes never leaving the doctor's. She was incredibly frightened, and if she finally agreed to let Willow come back home, she'd have to be one hundred percent sure that nothing would happen to her.

"Well, as long as we keep the dose up, and that we test her blood everyday to check on that, I don't see what could happen. Besides, you have my number, you could call me anytime of the day. But still, I wouldn't recommend it, but I can't make you stay."

"Great! Now, how would we set this up?" Willow asked giddily. She was glad that she was going to go home. She was tired of spending all her time, awake or asleep, between those four washed-out walls. Also, she missed feeling Tara sleeping beside her. It was something that she hadn't felt in a long time, and if her time on earth was short, she wanted to make the most of it. And waking up and falling asleep next to Tara was high on her "to-do-things-before-you-die" list.

"Well, my sister's girlfriend is a private nurse, so I can call her. And you'd just need to sign the discharging papers, but once again, this is against my opinion Willow." He stressed.

"Yes, I'm going to tell you now, but I'll also give you this in writing. No efforts, no caffeine, no licorice root, no alcohol, basically a low carb diet, which means no starchy products such as potatoes or pasta, very limited dairy, eat lots of vegetable and fruits, like bananas, dried prunes, raisins, all sorts of salads, nothing too salty."

"Very limited whole grain bread. And I mean it, only whole grain and very limited. Got it?" Eric asked, taking a very serious expression.

Willow pouted and nodded. "No coffee…" she mumbled under her breath. Tara smiled at her lover's antics.

"Don't worry about it. I'll make her eat extra-healthy." She said, and he knew that she meant it. He nodded and smiled slightly.

"Alright, well, I'll call Linda and ask her. I'll also ask for a bunch of other tests just to make sure of everything." He told them, taking notes. "I'll see you later." He finished before exiting the room.

"I should get back to research. I'll call in some of the other covens to research for the ritual. Be Safe." Ruth said before leaving the two women alone.

Ruth walked out of the room and found Buffy sitting on a hard plastic chair in the hall. Her whole body was slumped forwards, her elbows on her knees, and her hands around her neck, holding her hair as she cried. Ruth walked slowly to her and laid a hand gently on her quivering shoulder. Buffy raised her head immediately and hastily wiped her eyes with her hands, sweeping her hair back. She sniffled and tried to control her tears, swallowing them down repeatedly.

"Quite so. It seems that all the requirements for the ritual to take effect are fulfilled. Willow wants to go home though." Ruth said, looking down at the fragile Slayer. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah, I'm good." Buffy replied, wiping her eyes again. In a moment, her usual "hear-me- slay" face was back. "I'm good." She repeated, nodding lightly.

"If you say so." Ruth replied gently. It was obvious the Slayer was anything but alright, but she wouldn't force the girl to talk about her feelings. "Willow wants to go home." She said after a long silence.

"She is?" Buffy replied, both happy and frightened simultaneously. Her mother had requested going home before her operation and she finally died back home. It was somewhat comforting, but at the same time, it had been a deeply traumatizing experience.

Ruth nodded and watched as fear once again took over Buffy's face before it faded away and she smiled. "I'm glad, we miss her."

That same night, Willow was comfortably set in her room in the Summers' household. Everything had been set up, and Linda, Eric's sister's girlfriend had accepted their offer to be the private nurse. Willow's parents had argued at first that Willow should go back to their house, but she had disagreed, telling them they had no choice in the matter, and that she just needed to be with Tara right now.

She felt in much higher spirits than she did when she was still in that hospital room, and that itself made her smile. But the thing that made her deliriously happy was the fact that her lover was there, with her, by her side, like things should be. She knew that they still had a lot to work through, but still, she was happy.

Everyone was fussing over her, and though she felt like they were doing too much, she felt safe, and secure. It was as if she was a little child whom everyone wanted to coddle. She had to admit she liked that, a lot. Her parents hadn't fussed over her when she was a child, and it was as if life was giving her a second chance at feeling what she hadn't felt in her too-short childhood.

Right now though, only Tara and Dawn were in the house with her. The rest of the gang was back at the Magic Box, researching. Giles had called the Council and asked them for help. They had refused at first, but after talking with Buffy, they finally agreed to look into it.

Ruth had called all the Covens she knew and asked them to research for the ritual. And she knew many many Covens. Anya had even tried to summon D'Hoffryn, but Hallfrek had appeared and told her that the head Vengeance Demon ("Justice Demon , FYI." she had repeated) had told all of his charges to not listen to the Slayer band's calls. She had disappeared just before Anya could start cursing her with Bunny dreams. Not that they would work, but "it's the thought that counts, except if it's monetary transactions" as Anya had later said, nodding to herself with wisdom.

So, for now, everyone except Tara and Dawn were researching for the now-famous ritual. And Willow wanted to help, she wanted to be able to research with them, to feel the fine grain of the old books' pages under her fingers, to hear the soft rustling of those same pages turning. But, she was in her bed, all of the medical equipment she needed was set up, and her girl was downstairs making her dinner.

"Ok, can someone explain to me why we haven't found this sodding text yet?" Spike asked as he turned yet another page in the old book he was looking through. He had come by earlier that night to ask if Buffy wanted to patrol, and maybe vent some of her frustration on him, in the good way, when he found them all silent in the Magic Box.

He had asked what was going on and Buffy had answered, her face blank. "Willow's dying. If we don't find the ritual, she has less than seven days."

Spike didn't know what to say. He was too shocked for words. He pulled out a smoke and lit it, before taking a long puff. He had barely noticed the raven-haired woman who was looking at him curiously.

"Yes, seven bloody days Spike! Now, can't you see we're quite busy here? We don't have time for your acts at the moment. If you'd like though, you can leave a message. Leave us."

"Yeah, get outta here Fangless. We don't need your help. And, if you think that your help's gonna help ya get Buffy in the sack, forget it. She's too smart for that." Xander quickly said, his anger obvious in his tone. He didn't notice the look that passed between the slayer and the vampire.

Spike looked at the raven-haired witch through his eyelashes and then turned to look at Giles. "Look mate, I know I'm not wanted here. But, I'm staying, whether you like it or not Watcher-boy and Demon-Magnet." He continued even after Xander and Anya's "hey!" of indignation. "Red saved me when I was about to shove a stake through my un-beating heart, so I owe her quite a bit. So, sod off and give me a book. This here undead is going to find the bloody ritual." Spike lashed out before throwing his cigarette on the ground and crushing it under his boot. He walked to the research table and sat down, being careful to throw back his coat so as to not sit on it.

The raven-haired witch regarded him closely, and he didn't like it. "You want my picture mate? Sorry, but vampires can't have their portraits taken. Shame, cause I'm bloody photogenic."

Ruth continued looking at him, not saying a word. "Mojo girl, you want my autograph?"

"You're William the Bloody." She slowly said, looking back down at the book she was looking through.

"That'd be me luv. Got a crush on me, do you?" he asked cockily, taking a break from his reading to look at her and to raise an eyebrow at her and to leer at Buffy.

"Sorry luv, I don't like neutered animals." Ruth replied, getting fed up of his attitude. Something in his aura though made her think twice about her remark. Something good was inside him, shinning through the darkness of the demon inside him.

"I'd have you know that I'm not neutered, still got some inside of me. Shame you can't handle it." He replied, glancing at Buffy, who once again looked down at her text, blushing lightly.

The watcher nodded and they all started reading again. It was going to be a long night.

"So, what exactly are we looking for? I need information on this you know." Spike asked.

"Ok. Basically, we're looking for a ritual that's called something culo." Buffy stopped talking and glared at Anya, who once again snickered. "There's… a drawing next to it, right Ruth?" she asked, turning to look at her.

"Yes, it's a drawing of a tattoo that Willow and Tara need to have made. It's a drawing of two swans, one black, and the other one white. It's really quite romantic, for swans are said to mate for life…" Ruth almost babbled out, getting interrupted by Spike's sigh.

"Oh bloody hell, I got it. No need for the touchy-feely crap. So, Red and her Bird are going to get tattoos. Never thought they had it in them. But after all, they do say that it's always the shy ones. Shame I can't eat them, I bet those would be a tasty treat." Spike said, leering. He knew that what he said would infuriate the Watcher, and he lived for that.

"Hey! Careful! There's a chip in there you know." The vampire said, slowly rubbing his head.

Buffy and Xander were still looking at Ruth. Hearing the slap, Buffy snapped out of her trance. "Oh my God Giles. Do they all make you like that in England? All Watcher like?"

"Hey now Pet, that's an insult to me. Don't want to be compared to Rupert and his Mojo girl. Bad for the reputation."

Surprisingly, Anya's voice rang through. "I'm sorry to disturb all your bickering, but aren't we supposed to be looking for the ritual? After all, Willow only has a week. A week, as in seven days. Which is a short period of time."

<To think I was having doubts about us getting married. I wanna spend my life with that girl.> he thought as he got back to his reading.

Tara walked into the bedroom, carrying a tray. She set it on Willow's lap and got on the other side of the bed with her.

"Soup. Chicken broth with vegetables. I thought we agreed on yummy things." Willow said, frowning slightly.

"I know honey, but you heard what Eric said. Low carb, and this is low carb." She motioned to the food on the tray, consisting on a bowl of said soup and a small piece of whole grain bread.

"Fine." Willow replied, pout still in place. She didn't know why she was acting like that, but she just felt like being childish.

"If you finish all of your food, I have a surprise for you." Tara quickly told her, her lips curving into a half smile.

"Ooh! Is it like a kinky surprise, or like a yummy food goodness-y surprise?" the redhead quickly asked. She loved surprises, and loved even more Tara-surprises. <Gotta make the most of the time I have.>

The redhead eagerly nodded and started eating. These moments were the ones that hurt her the most. She was once again experiencing what it felt like to be loved by Tara, what it felt like to be with her, what it felt like to be on the receiving end of her smiles. She had missed that. She had missed so many things, but the simple things were the ones that hit her the hardest. All those little stolen glances, touches and moments that made life so sweet with Tara were what made her fear death all the more. She quickly finished her soup and bread, and waited for her surprise, closing her eyes and holding out her hands.

Tara smiled and motioned for Dawn to come in. The tall brunette walked over to Willow and placed a small plate in her hands. Opening her eyes, Willow looked at her dessert.

"Green Jell-o." she said before her tears started to fall. She clutched at the plate and cried, her small frame shaking from her sobs.

"Willow, honey, wh-what's wrong? Are you h-h-hurt? What h-h-hurts? T-t-t-tell me." Tara quickly asked, stuttering all the way. She quickly took the plate of Jell-o and placed it on the night-table near her before taking Willow in her arms.

Dawn just looked at them both, not knowing what to do. She moved and made her way to the two lovers, needing the comfort of their embrace. Tara moved slightly, her hold on Willow never faltering, and Dawn joined them in the group hug.

"I don't want to die!" Willow wailed, and the two girls' hearts broke with the statement.

Main What's New Fiction by Author Fiction by Pairing eBooks

Subject Index Submissions Gallery Forums Links Awards Contact Us

If you find problems on these pages please email your host.

Dark Core

by Washi

Copyright © 2003

washi@dark-bliss.net