The Space Between Us

by Talula

Copyright © 2004

asifyousaw@gmail.com

Rating: PG
Disclaimer: All characters of Buffy the Vampire Slayer are the property of Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy Productions. I do this for fun, not for profit. Dialogue and events borrowed from the episodes Listening to Fear, All the Way and Tabula Rasa. "The Space Between Us" was written by Melanie Doane and can be found on the album Adam's Rib.
Distribution:  The Mystic Muse:  http://mysticmuse.net
The End: http://www.asifyousaw.com/fiction/
Anywhere, but ask first
Feedback: Yes please.
Spoilers: Buffy Seasons 5 and 6.
Pairing: Willow/Tara

"And the Big Pineapple."

Confusion spread across Willow's face as Tara pointed out a constellation that she had never heard of before. Then she listened with amusement as Tara explained. Leave it to Tara to make up her own constellations. Willow was the scientist, the mathematician. Tara was the artist, the creative one. She could make up stories at the drop of a hat. Sometimes they were silly stories, but other times they were beautiful prose. She loved Tara's stories. She often told Tara she should become a writer.

"I'd never get published," Tara would say modestly, shrugging her shoulders in her typical fashion.

"Come on, if J.K. Rowling can do it…" Willow would respond, eliciting a giggle from Tara. They often made fun of the Harry Potter series. They knew it was just a kids' fantasy book, but they weren't entirely fond of the portrayal of magic. Although Willow secretly thought it would be cool if there actually was a magic school out there somewhere.

Now, lying on a blanket on the roof of Stevenson Hall, she didn't care about magic school or J.K. Rowling or anything like that. It had been a rough day at the hospital, visiting Buffy's mom. Lying on the roof with Tara, learning her special constellations, made her feel safe and warm. The bad from earlier in the day went away when she was with Tara. Nothing else really mattered. The bad always went away when she was with Tara.

"What do you want me to do? Just-just sit back and keep my mouth shut?"

"That'd be a good start."

She couldn't believe her ears. Had Willow really said that? She had never been so angry and hurt all at the same time, and the fact that those words had passed over Willow's lips made it worse. She didn't know how Willow could be so blind. Did she not see what was happening to her, to both of them?

Tara had kept her mouth shut when Willow came up with the plan to bring Buffy back. She had kept her mouth shut as a giant snake crawled out of Willow's mouth. She had kept her mouth shut through it all, thinking she could trust Willow's judgment.

Now her trust was faltering. Willow's judgment was skewed by power. She recalled the famous quote. Power corrupts. Absolute power corrupts absolutely. Willow was corrupted, and she didn't know how to change that. She didn't know what else she could say.

"If I didn't love you so damn much, I would."

The words spat out of her mouth like acid. She turned on her heel and walked down the stairs toward the exit of the Bronze, not allowing Willow the chance to stop her. As she made her way out, her throat began to close and she could feel the tears welling in her eyes. But she shook her head and forced the lump in her throat back down to her heart where it had come from. She didn't want to cry. It was safer to be angry. If she cried, she wouldn't be able to stand up to Willow when they inevitably saw each other at home. She wouldn't be able to keep that distance in order to make sure Willow knew she wasn't going to back down on this issue. She couldn't back down. She had to be the firm one this time, the strong one. Willow needed that, whether she knew it or not.

"I don't think this is gonna work."

Willow's heart nearly stopped when she heard the tone in Tara's voice. Then she became frantic inside. She didn't want to believe that Tara was right about the magic. She didn't want to believe anything Tara was saying. But at the moment she was worried about the possibility of losing her.

She looked into those blue eyes and saw the distrust. It hurt to see that. She had violated a trust. She wasn't accepting that fact yet, but it was what Tara was saying. She had violated a trust by erasing the fight from Tara's memory. She had to fix it. She knew she could fix it. She was strong. She was powerful. She could fix anything.

"I don't know. I just…think we both need some, I don't know, space," Tara said. Her next sentence escaped as she exhaled a pained breath. "Oh, I can't believe I'm saying this."

"Are you saying you're gonna leave me?"

Just the day before, things had been perfect, even with the sometimes enjoyable yet creepy musical numbers they were all performing. Too perfect. She knew the bottom would drop out of something eventually. She just assumed the situation with Buffy was the bottom that had dropped. She never thought this would be it. She never thought the bottom would drop out between her and Tara. Her mind was reeling. She didn't know what else to say. But Tara had told her. There was nothing she could say.

The vampire caught them off guard, causing Tara to fall backward onto the cement in the sewer and Willow to fall on top of her. As Xander – currently known as Alex – struggled with the vampire, and Dawn – also known as Umad – threw a broken piece of wood to help, Willow and Tara didn't move.

They didn't have their memories, but as they lay there, a battle going on a few feet away, the two women knew each other. They knew every inch of each other's bodies, every inch of their souls. Blue and green eyes, which had been nervously diverting away from each other during their escape from the vampires, were now locked, seeing into each other. They knew what they wanted, but without knowing their identities that twinge of nervous hesitation remained. Willow moved ever so slightly, knowing that she wanted to kiss Tara, wanted to melt into her, even with mortal danger a few feet away. She knew the bad would go away as long as she was with Tara.

But one green flash and the bad got worse.

The rush of memories threw them all off balance for a moment, and then Tara instantly pushed Willow off of her. She didn't even have to see the broken remains of the crystal that Xander had stepped on. The guilt etched on Willow's face as she felt the small pocket where the crystal had been told Tara everything she needed to know. She stood quickly, feeling so much hurt she thought she wouldn't be able to breathe.

One day. Tara knew Willow couldn't go a month like she had proposed. That's why she had chosen a week. In her state of distrust, she worried that a week would even be too long. She never could've imagined that Willow was this weak. She gave in after one day. It was really less than a day, considering they had agreed to a week just the night before, and Willow had certainly cast the spell before she left the house that morning. Tara thought the feeling of betrayal she had felt when she discovered what Lethe's bramble was really for was the worst feeling she could have ever felt. But this was worse.

Xander's laughter jabbed through her thoughts and the silence like a stake through a vampire's heart. Then he and Dawn started to make their way back to the Magic Box. Tara continued to avoid looking at Willow and the guilt that radiated from her. Willow stood and looked to Tara briefly. She knew there was nothing she could say to correct this. So she turned and followed the others back through the sewers.

Finally the tears fell. Tara couldn't be just angry anymore. This was so much more than a misuse of magic. It was a violation of everything that made Tara who she was. She felt like she had been ripped in half, and part of her wished that Willow had never restored her mind after Glory had fed off of her. It would've been easier to suffer insanity by the hands of a hellgod than to suffer betrayal by the hands of her soulmate.

Slowly she turned to follow them all back to the shop, knowing as the tears fell and the sobs caught in her throat that the decision to leave Willow would be both the hardest and easiest decision of her life.

The End

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