Just the Way That You Were Tied Here

by Talula

Copyright © 2004

asifyousaw@gmail.com

Rating: PG
Disclaimer: All characters of Buffy the Vampire Slayer are the property of Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy Productions. I do this for fun, not for profit. The song is "I Grieve" by Peter Gabriel.
Distribution:  The Mystic Muse:  http://mysticmuse.net
The End: http://www.asifyousaw.com/fiction/
Anywhere, but ask first
Feedback: Yes please.
Spoilers: Buffy Season 6.
Pairing: Just Dawn

Summary: Dawn's thoughts when she finds Tara's body.

It was only one hour ago.
It was all so different.
There's nothing that has really sunk in.
Looks like it always did.
This flesh and bone
is just the way that you were tied here.
Now there's no one home.

I grieve for you.
You leave me.
It's so hard to move on.
Still loving what's gone.
They say life carries on.
Carries on and on and on and on.

Time is a weird concept to me right now. It feels like it doesn't exist. How long ago was it? A month? Two? We had that whole movie and shake thing. You were marveling at the gigantic amounts of chocolate shake I was about to consume and making me promise to eat vegetables, with your kinda boring cup of tea in front of you. But that's not the important part. Because I promised to do the whole leafy green thing, and you made a promise, too. Well, you didn't actually say ‘I promise' but it was close enough. You said you would always be here for me. You were all worried that I hated you for leaving. I couldn't hate you. I could never hate you. I can't even hate you now, and this time I know you're not coming back. You've left me…everyone.

The news that truly shocks
is the empty, empty page
while the final rattle rocks
its empty, empty cage.
And I can't handle this.

You don't look all that different. If it weren't for the small red spot on your shirt and the huge red spot on the carpet, I would've thought you were sleeping. Yeah, weirdness for sleeping on the floor, but still. You don't look dead. Maybe you're a little whiter than before. Maybe your lips are kinda starting to match that blue shirt you're wearing. I can't stop looking at you. Because you should be getting up any minute now. Come on, Tara. Get up.

I grieve for you.
You leave me.
Let it out and move on.
Missing what's gone.
They say life carries on.
Life carries on and on and on.

How is this possible? Just yesterday everything was perfect. Well, almost perfect. Buffy was still kind of broody because of the Spike thing, but at least she was trying to get back to her life. She was trying to track down the nerds. Xander wasn't exactly making with the smiles and jokes, but he was even helping after Warren knocked him across the Bronze. You and Willow were together again. My two favorite witches were together and happy, and I remember squealing like those stupid girls on TRL who go nuts over Justin Timberlake or Carson Daly or whoever. You were so embarrassed. Didn't expect ol' Dawnie to catch you walking around the house in nothing but a sheet, huh?

Life carries on
in the people I meet.
In everyone that's out on the street.
In all the dogs and cats.
In the flies and rats.
In the rod and the rust.
In the ashes and the dust.
Life carries on and on and on and on.
Life carries on and on and on.

It's just the car that we ride in.
The home we reside in.
The place that we hide in.
The way we are tied in.
And life carries on and on and on.
Life carries on and on and on.

I just don't understand. Everybody leaves. Dad left, and we haven't heard from him in such a long time. Mom died. Gone forever. Buffy died. She came back, but not really. She's not the same. She'll never be the same. Part of her will always be gone. Giles left. He's still over in England, trying to teach Buffy some kind of lesson by leaving us. Now you're gone. You didn't want to go. I know you didn't. Nobody ever really wants to go. I know Giles didn't really want to go either. Things happen that make people leave. I just don't understand why those things have to happen. Why did dad and mom have to split up? Why did mom have to have that aneurysm? Why did Giles have to desert us? Why did you have to be dead in front of me right now? Why won't you get up?

I don't understand.

Did I dream this belief?
Or did I believe this dream?
Now I can find relief.
I grieve.

The End

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