A Fluke Between Two Wiccans by SpikeMe4Now4200

Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: This Story is mine. However, I don't own the Buffyverse or any of the characters created by Joss Whedon et al; you all know who they are. I don't wish to harm them; I simply want to play with them a little :-)
Distribution: http://au.geocities.com/spikeme4now4200/index.html http://mysticmuse.net
Everywhere and anywhere, just let me know where.
Feedback: Yes Please!!!! I would really appreciate feedback on this story; I'll reply to anyone who emails me. Constructive criticisms are very welcomed; outright flames will be ignored.
Spoilers: It would help if you've seen season 3.
Author's Notes: We know Tara was born in 1980; and since Willow graduated in the class of '99; that would mean our blonde Wiccan was 18 going on 19 during that year. Theoretically that would make her old enough to be at college. Furthermore, since it was never established exactly when Tara started college, my storyline could technically have taken place... in my own mind anyway... <lol>
Special thanks goes to Chris Cook of Through the Looking Glass and Artemis for creating the title graphic at the top of the page. Thanks, Chris!
Pairing: Willow/Tara

Summary: What would have happened if Willow and Tara had met at the start of Tara's freshman year at UCSD?

"What's going on Will?" he asked his girlfriend, becoming more and more confused by her behavior.

"I…" she hesitated, but then the memory of Tara pulling away from their kiss…and the image of Faith kissing Tara invaded her senses, and she made up her mind.

"I thought we could spend some time together," she smiled at him warmly, taking a seat on the bed, "maybe, um…you know…snuggle. It's been ages since we've spent some alone-time together and…well, my um…my parents aren't home so…"

Oz looked down at his girlfriend, took in her warm smile, the flush of her cheeks, and couldn't help but think her words made sense. It had been a while since they'd spent some time alone, what with him being out of town with the Dingoes, and she'd been spending all that her time with Tara…

"You're right," he agreed, moving towards the bed. "I've missed you Will," he took a seat next to her, placing his hands on her shoulders. "It'll be good to um—"

Willow silenced him with a kiss, her mind was made up, and she wanted to start this while she still had her momentum. She'd prove to herself that she wasn't gay—prove she only wanted Tara as a friend…that's all Tara wanted…Tara had Faith, and she…well, she had Oz.

She lifted her hands to Oz's face, running her thumbs against his cheeks as she thrust her tongue forcefully into his mouth. She met his tongue with her own as she began to move her hands from his face, down to his shoulders, and around to his back. Gripping him tightly, she continued to work her tongue against his, determined to lose herself in the moment.

Oz moaned into the kiss as his tongue played with Willow's, and he moved his hands from her shoulders, up to her face. He cupped her cheeks gently for a moment, and then moved his hands further up so that they tangled in her hair.

Willow leaned back then, allowing herself to gently fall back against the bed, bringing Oz down with her. She pressed her thighs against his hips, thrusting her lower body against his hardness as she moved her hands from his back down to his ass.

They stayed that way for a while, simply allowing their kiss to continue, enjoying the closeness. After a few minutes though, Willow began to purposefully thrust herself against Oz in a rhythmical fashion. She could feel his hardness between her legs, could feel how much he wanted her and she was determined to prove she wanted him too. Although, while it did feel good to be rubbing up against him, as of late, just looking at Tara tended to make her feel ten times wetter...

Oz pulled away from the kiss when he became aware of Willow's actions. It felt so good to feel her pressing up against him and if he wasn't careful, he'd end up doing something Willow wasn't ready for. "Oh God, Will," he sighed, lifting himself up onto his forearms, "If you keep doing that, I don't think I'm gonna want to stop you soon."

"Then don't stop me," Willow said huskily, reaching her hands up to his face and pulling him down towards her. "Make love to me Oz," she whispered against his lips, doing her best to sound sexy.

"What?" Oz pulled away in surprise. Those were the last words he'd expected to hear from his girlfriend.

"Touch me," she whispered, grasping his right hand and pressing it to her left breast. "Make love to me…"

Oz closed his eyes when he felt the fullness of his girlfriend's breast beneath his hand, felt the hardness of her nipple straining through the material of her shirt. He forced himself to pull his hand away though—something was going on here and much as he wanted to take what Willow was offering, he could sense it wasn't really what she wanted. There was a disturbing air of desperation surrounding her request, and he was only now beginning to realize this.

"What's going on here Will?" he asked her gently, sitting up to kneel between his girlfriend's legs.

"Don't you want me Oz?" Willow pouted, upset by his refusal. Weren't guys always supposed to want sex? Why was he rejecting her? Was she not sexy enough? God, that's probably why Tara had rejected her as well, why she just wanted to be friends. Why would she want her when she could have a sex-bomb like Faith? "I'm not sexy enough, am I?" she sighed, sitting up as she forced her tears away.

Oz looked into his girlfriend's eyes and smiled gently. "You really think I don't want you?" he asked her huskily, glancing down at the throbbing hardness between his legs, and then back up to meet Willow's eyes.

Willow followed his gaze, and then smiled shyly. "Then what is it?" she asked him softly. "Why don't you want to—?"

"Because you don't," he explained. "You're not ready for this Will," he pressed his fingertips against her lips to silence her protest. "I love you Willow," he admitted, saying the words for the first time, "and I want this to be about love—because you love me too…and I don't know why it's so important to you that we make love now, but I can tell it's not about me. Something's bothering you…talk to me…tell me what's wrong."

This was the first time he'd actually said those words to her, and she suddenly felt extremely guilty for her actions…for her feelings about Tara…for the way she'd just tried to use him, to prove to herself she wasn't gay…but what if she was? It wouldn't be fair to stay with Oz if she were gay…although, she did love him, but was she in love with him? Things were terribly confusing for her right now.

Oz lifted his hands and tenderly wiped the tears from his girlfriend's cheeks. "In my whole life," he began, gently guiding her forehead to his lips, pressing a soft kiss against her skin. "I've never loved anything or anyone more than I love you," he whispered the words, locking his eyes meaningfully with Willow's.

"Oh Oz," Willow sighed, wrapping her arms around Oz's back as she dropped her head to his shoulder.

Oz moved his own arms around Willow, pulling her closer to him as she began to cry softly. "It's okay Will," he whispered, pressing a soft kiss against her hair, "whatever it is, it's okay. You can tell me…I'll understand…"

Willow didn't think he would, but she was already too far gone to pay attention to her thoughts. The events of the past few days came crashing all around her, and she simply couldn't hold it back anymore. "I love you too, Oz," she sobbed, "but I…I don't think I love you how you want me to love you."

"I'm so confused," she cried, her sobs still wracking her body. "I…I don't know who I am anymore Oz…what I want, I…I…I…"

It took Oz only a second to realize what was going on here. He'd known that the relationship between Willow and Tara was complex, that they shared a deep connection, one that he would never be a part of. He'd seen them get closer, and closer to one another, seen them develop a really strong friendship…He should've known it was more than that. Well, actually…he had known, he'd just hoped he'd been wrong—preferred to remain in denial.

"It's Tara, isn't it?" he asked her softly, grasping her cheeks in his hands and lifting her head up to meet his gaze.

Willow was shocked by her boyfriend's words. How did he know about that? "How—?"

"So I'm right?" he sighed, his final hope dashed by the confirmation he saw in her eyes.

"Not that something had happened," he shook his head. "But I could tell there was something between you…something more than just friendship."

"You're wrong," she sighed. "All Tara wants is friendship—she's not interested in me that way…she's got Faith…"

"But something happened between you?" Oz asked again, needing to know the truth.

Willow nodded, as the tears returned to her eyes. "But it was a mistake…and now she just wants to be friends, and…and I don't know who I am anymore. Why would I have these feelings for her…she's a girl? Am I gay Oz? Is that why I feel like I do…? I don't wanna be gay…I wanna be with you, but…but I just can't stop thinking about her…thinking about her kisses…the way her lips felt against mine…how she smells…the softness of her skin, and…and she just wants to be friends…but I can't stop thinking about her, fantasizing about her…I want her…" Willow trailed off as she began to sob again, wrapping her arms around her own legs as she dropped her head to her knees.

Oz didn't want to hear this, didn't want to believe it was happening, and he could feel a rage burning inside him as he took in his girlfriend's words. She'd kissed Tara—more than once. She fantasized about this girl…how could he compete with that? He loved her, and he didn't want to lose her, and the anger inside him was making him feel like…like he was completely at one with his primal side. The only time he ever felt like this was before a full moon, and…suddenly, he realized what he was doing.

Closing his eyes, he willed himself to relax, reminding himself to keep calm. Here was his girlfriend, crying her eyes out, confused about who she was…about her sexuality. It wasn't her fault she felt like she did…and she didn't need him to wolf out on her now—she needed his support. She'd obviously wanted to confide in him, wanted his help. Why else would she have brought him here? She would've known he'd see through her charade, called her up on why she was so desperate to make love to him. His poor Willow, she must be feeling so confused, so terrified…

"Oh Will," he sighed, putting his arms around her back and dropping his head to her shoulder. This just made her cry even harder, so he tightened his hold on her and simply allowed her to release her pain.

After a moment, he began to cry too, he needed another avenue, besides wolfing out, to release his own pain. He cried silently though, allowing the tears to fall gently down his cheeks, not making a sound as he mourned the loss of their relationship. He knew things would never be the same between them again, that Willow would need to figure out who she really was, and even though a part of him hoped that she would come to realize that it was him she loved—that she wasn't gay…the logical part of him knew otherwise.

He'd seen the way she looked at Tara, the way they interacted with one another, and he knew that despite what Willow said, the two of them would never be 'just friends.'. A person would have to be blind to think otherwise. Although, even if she and Tara never became anything more than friends, the seeds had been sown. Willow obviously had the ability to be attracted to women, and if Tara wasn't 'the one,', then she might inevitably seek another woman to fill that position.

As they continued to cry in each other's arms, Oz began to slowly realize what had to be done. He had to let her Willow go, give her the chance to find out who she really was. Who knew, maybe if he was lucky, she'd decide it was him she wanted…but he wouldn't hold his breath—and he wouldn't hold her to him just because he was afraid she'd never come back. If Tara made her happy, if another woman made her happy, then that was all that mattered.

He meant what he said about loving her, and as such he just wanted her to be happy. Besides, a part of him had always been afraid his Wolf would hurt her one day…that it would inevitably drive a wedge between them…that his dark- side would cause her pain. His selfishness had ignored this fear, but maybe this was just Fate's way of telling him it was time to stop ignoring it. Maybe it was time for him to finally do the right thing…?

"I love you Will," he whispered softly to her, "and I…I want you to be happy."

Willow lifted her tear-filled eyes at Oz's words, and tentatively met his gaze. "That's the problem," she sighed, her tears streaming down her cheeks, "I…I don't know what I want anymore…what'll make me happy…"

Oz lifted his hands and lovingly cupped her face, gently wiping the tears from her cheeks. "I know that Will…that's why I'm giving you time…time to decide what you want…who you want. You're free to be with whoever you want to be—even Tara."

"But Tara doesn't want me…" she sobbed, a new wave of tears reaching her cheeks.

"Maybe…" Oz sighed, "but…maybe she does…and even if she doesn't…if you want her…then you don't want me, and…and I don't want to be your second choice Willow, you either want me or you don't. You need to figure out who you are…where your feelings lie, and…if they don't lie with me…then I refuse to be your substitute. I deserve more, you deserve more, and…this is not just about Tara. If Tara doesn't want you…and you really are gay…well, you'll only be happy with another girl, and…as much as I love you…I don't think I'm willing to change that much for you," he chuckled.

Willow couldn't help but smile at Oz's words—his wry humor always reared its head in tense situations. It was just one of the things she loved about him. He was right though, this wasn't just about Tara. She needed to figure out who she was, and…and she had a sneaking suspicion that she really was gay. It would definitely explain why she'd always felt something was missing in her relationship with Oz…explain why she felt so attracted to Tara…why a single kiss from Tara had moved her almost to the point of tears.

This scared her though, complicated her life terribly. As if her life wasn't complicated enough as it were. It wasn't enough to be best friends with the Slayer and to live on a Hellmouth…but she had to be gay as well…and want a girl she could never have. Oh no…her life was definitely not complicated…

She sighed at her sarcastic thoughts, causing Oz to raise an eyebrow in question.

"Things are so complicated," she stated. "I mean I…I really think I could be gay Oz, and…and what's everyone gonna say…how am I gonna tell 'em…? I don't wanna be gay…and…and the girl I want doesn't even want me back and…and how can I be just friends with her…what am I gonna do…what am I gonna do…?" she trailed off as she started sobbing again.

"Shh Will," Oz whispered gently, pulling her back into his arms. "It's gonna be okay…I'm here…I'll be here for you Will…everything's gonna be fine…shh…shh…"

He let her cry for a while, and when her sobs eventually started to ease up, he pulled away and smiled warmly at her. He couldn't help noticing the circles under her eyes…the sheer exhaustion displayed on her face.

"You're tired," he told her softly, getting up off the bed. "I'll get you a nightshirt," he continued, walking to her dresser.

Willow watched him in silence, too worn out to argue. In fact, she was so worn out emotionally, that she didn't even protest when he unbuttoned her blouse and slipped it from her shoulders, before pulling the nightshirt over her head. She just silently allowed him to dress her…to take her jeans off…slip her shoes off her feet…tuck her in under the covers, before taking off his own clothes.

Dressed only in his boxers, Oz slipped under the covers and pressed himself against Willow's back, spooning her to him. He knew she wouldn't want to be alone tonight…and he just wanted to hold her…comfort her…make sure she at least got some sleep.

When Tara woke up the next morning, she still didn't know what to do. She knew Willow had misunderstood her when she'd pulled away from their kiss, the girl had just assumed that it meant she didn't want to kiss her again…that she regretted her actions.

She'd done nothing to dissuade her though, allowed her to leave the room…not gone after her…terrified she'd ruined their friendship. That was the most important thing to Tara—Willow's friendship…she didn't want to lose the girl…besides, she'd never figured they'd ever be anything other than friends.

Although, for a brief moment after their kisses, she'd allowed herself to hope that maybe…just maybe Willow would see her as more than just a friend. Their kisses had been so hot, so sensual, so spiritual…How could she not think that Willow might want more? She knew differently now though…But what if she was mistaken—what if Willow actually did want more, and because she'd pulled away…

Whatever Willow thought, Tara realized she'd have to put herself on the line and tell her the truth. Too much had happened between them, and she could never be 'just friends' with Willow—not if Willow didn't know how she really felt. If she told Willow she wanted more than friendship…then at least Willow would be aware of how she felt. She didn't know how much longer she could successfully temper the effect of seeing Willow and Oz together romantically. She would certainly slip up soon and then her secret crush would be out. Better to be honest and up front about it.

She couldn't be Willow's friend if she lied to her…and it would be a lie not to tell her how she felt. Even if Willow didn't feel the same way about her, at least she'd know…and then she'd be free to be herself, she wouldn't have to hide her feelings. She'd tell Willow that she understood if all she wanted was friendship…she wouldn't push her into anything else…but would let her know she wanted more.

Yeah, Tara thought to herself as she got dressed. I'll tell her how I feel…let her know the truth, and then put the ball in her court. I have to be honest with her…she deserves the truth…

With that thought, she quickly finished buttoning her jeans and lacing up her boots, before heading out the door. It didn't take her long to reach Willow's, especially since she practically ran most of the way there. When she arrived at Willow's house, she moved to knock on the front door, and then realized that Willow most likely wouldn't hear her knocking, especially if she was still asleep. It was early after all, just after 6am.

With that, she made her way to the back of the house, and up the grassy hill that led to Willow's bedroom. The French doors were closed so she couldn't tell if Willow was asleep or not. Taking a deep breath, Tara tapped on the door a couple of times with her knuckles, warning Willow of her presence, before unlocking the latch with a muttered spell. As she entered Willow's room, she couldn't help but wish she'd waited for an answer…or better yet not come here at all.

She couldn't move…she was rooted to the floor, shocked by the sight of Willow and Oz curled up together, with Oz naked from the waist up—or so she assumed. She couldn't really tell if he had any boxers on underneath the covers…and she didn't really want to know. It was obvious to her what had happened…obvious Willow had slept with him. What other explanation could there be? Sure, Willow had her nightshirt on, but that didn't mean sex hadn't taken place. She could've just gotten cold during the night. If they hadn't had sex…then why was Oz practically naked…and why were they asleep together?

Willow stirred as the light tapping on her French Doors broke her slumber. It took her a moment to fully wake up though, and when she did, the first thing she noticed was Oz's arm wrapped around her waist. She immediately remembered what had happened last night, and smiled at his thoughtfulness.

"Mmm," she sighed, placing her own arm against Oz's, tightening his hold on her. She was very grateful for the comfort he'd given her…for the love and friendship he'd shown her. True friends were very hard to come by…and she was lucky to have someone like Oz…lucky to have someone so understanding.

"Oh God," Tara choked on her own tears, witnessing Willow's reaction. The girl seemed so happy…pleased with herself…

The last miniscule remaining doubt as to what had happened, now left Tara's mind completely. The smile on Willow's face as she'd woken up, realized she was with Oz…well…that told her exactly how the girl felt. Willow loved him…she'd made love with him…and she didn't regret it…he made her happy. Any hope of something other than friendship with Willow was now gone…the girl had made her choice—and it wasn't her.

Willow sat up in surprise when she heard Tara's voice, her sudden movement causing Oz to stir. "Tara?" she said her name in shock. "W-w-what are…" she trailed off as she suddenly noticed the pain in the girl's eyes…saw her tears. Why was she upset…? Oh…

Willow looked over to where Oz was now sitting up next to her, and then back at Tara.

"D-d-d-don't," Tara cut her off, not wanting to hear any explanation—she'd seen enough. "I g-g-get it," she said through her tears, "and I…I'm hap-hap-happy for you Will…really…"

Willow felt tears come to her own eyes as she witnessed the utter anguish in Tara's. "You don't understand," she insisted, desperate to let her know the truth. She pulled the covers from her body and took a step towards Tara, torn up by the pain she saw in her eyes, instinctively wanting to comfort her.

Tara just shook her head as she took a step back, not wanting Willow to touch her. She didn't think she'd be able to hold herself together if Willow tried to comfort her. "P-p-p-please," she pleaded with her, holding her hands up to keep her at bay. "I…I n-n-n-n-need to-to g-g-g-go," she stammered, taking another step backwards.

"But…" Willow cried, ignoring Tara's plea as she continued to move towards her and reached her arms out.

Tara just shook her head as she took another step backwards, before turning around and breaking into a sprint. She ran as fast as she could…running away from her pain…from Willow…from Oz…from the sight of them…hoping that the faster she ran, the quicker she'd get the image of them out of her head. It didn't work though, the image stayed with her, despite the tears that blinded her regular sight. The image of Willow and Oz curled up in bed would forever haunt her…

She was so blinded by her tears, and her pain, and her desperate need to get home, that she didn't notice anything or anyone around her. Which is why she was suddenly shocked to feel two strong hands against her shoulders, stopping her movements.

Lifting her head up, she was surprised to find herself looking into the eyes of her newest friend. "F-F-F-Faith?" she stammered her name, tears streaming down her cheeks. "W-w-what are you doing?"

"I could ask you the same thing Blondie," Faith replied, keeping her hold on the girl's shoulders. "I was just coming home from a night of slayage—and then the next thing I know you come heading straight for me. You would've knocked me clear to the ground if I weren't a Slayer."

"Oh," Tara replied, only half taking in her words. The pain in her chest was just too great to ignore…and the tears simply would not stop falling.

Faith noticed this, noticed the pain in her eyes, and suddenly felt very protective. "Are you okay?" she growled. "Did someone hurt you…try to…Oh God Tara, just point me to the bastard who did this to you, and I'll make sure they're kissing daisies in no time…"

Tara shook her head, realizing what Faith was thinking. "It's n-n-not like that," she sighed. "I j-j-just…I…I don't w-w-wanna talk about it. I just wanna get home."

Faith relaxed a little at Tara's words, her fears relieved somewhat. However, she could see that something had definitely upset her…and she wasn't gonna leave her alone until she found out. "Fine," she told her, letting go of her shoulders, only to take her hand instead. "We won't talk here…but you're gonna tell me when we get home," she demanded, dragging Tara along as she began to walk.

Tara knew it would do no good to protest, so she allowed Faith to walk her the rest of the way to her dorm. She didn't say a word to her during the trip though, her pain still too great to talk about. What's more, she felt like she was in a daze…as if what she'd seen wasn't real…like she'd just imagined it, as if it were only a bad dream.

Willow watched helplessly as Tara ran from her room, wanting desperately to go after her, but knowing her company would be unwelcomed. It hurt her to see Tara in so much pain…hurt her almost as much as if the pain were her own.

"Oh God, Oz," she sighed, taking a seat back on the bed. "She thinks we…" she trailed off, tears streaming down her cheeks.

Oz smiled at his ex-girlfriend and placed a hand gently on her knee. "Bright side…" he ventured.

Willow looked at him in confusion. "What bright side?' she demanded with frustration. "How can you see a bright side in all this?"

Oz merely chuckled in response. "You really think she'd be this upset if she just wanted to be you your friend?" he explained.

It took Willow a moment to realize what he was implying, but when she did, a huge smile lit her face and she flung her arms around her ex-boyfriend.

"You're right," she exclaimed, pulling away from the hug. "I…I have to go after her…"

"You sure you wanna go out like that?" he asked, pointing to her nightshirt, which only reached halfway down her thighs.

Willow looked down at what she was wearing, and then back up at Oz. "Oh," she smiled sheepishly, moving towards her dresser. "I guess I forgot…"

"Understandable," Oz smiled, watching in silence as Willow quickly located a pair of jeans and a t-shirt, before disappearing behind her change screen.

He took the time to put his own pants on, and slip his shirt over his head. "I'm gonna let myself out," he told her as he put on his shoes.

"Okay," Willow replied, stepping out from behind the screen. "I, uh…" she moved to where he was crouching.

Oz stood up and smiled at his ex-girlfriend. "I know," he whispered, acknowledging her wordless thanks. "Like I told you last year, I don't need thanks," he grinned, referring to the time he'd stepped in front of a bullet for her. "So no thanks…okay?"

"I'll see ya, Will," Oz whispered, lifting a hand up to wipe her tears. "Good luck."

With that, he turned around and walked out of her bedroom, choosing to exit by the front door. As he headed outside, he couldn't stop the sudden tears that reached his own eyes. He knew that letting Willow go was the right thing to do…but he was sure gonna miss her…and even though he'd still be around, still be her friend…things were never going to be the same.

It would be difficult being just her friend, and under normal circumstances he would probably break all contact with her for a while. However, she was gonna need him. If she really were gay…she'd need all the support she could get.

Although, even if Tara didn't want her, he knew she'd still be there for Willow when she came out…she'd have someone…but she'd still need his friendship. He knew his Will, she was very sensitive, always seeking approval…and coming out was going to be one of the hardest things she'd ever had to do.

As he reached his van, Oz made a pact with himself that no matter how hard this was for him, he'd make sure to remain by Willow's side, to be her friend for as long as she needed him. How could he not when he loved her so much? With that thought, he started the engine and headed off home—eager to get to his guitar. Music was the only thing that could offer him any kind of peace…and boy did he need some right now.

"So tell me what happened," Faith demanded as she closed the door of Tara's room. "What made you get so upset this morning? It's barely 6am…"

"Let me guess," Faith quipped, taking a seat next to the blonde. "This have something to do with Red?"

Tara opened her mouth to respond, but the image of Willow and Oz returned to her, and she burst into tears. She dropped her head in anguish, and lifted her hands to cover her face.

Suddenly, Faith found herself in the position of having to offer Tara comfort. Without hesitation, she reached for the girl and put her arms around her, holding her close as she continued to cry. She wasn't used to playing the nursemaid, but there was just something about Tara that brought out her protective side.

"Sh-sh-sh-she s-s-s-s-slept w-w-w-with h-h-h-him," Tara stammered through her tears. "Sh-sh-sh-she slept w-w-w-with him…"

This surprised Faith a little, she'd never figured Red would do something so drastic…she'd been certain that Red was simply in denial. She'd seen the way she'd looked at her, noticed the obvious jealousy in her gaze.

"Are you sure?" she asked gently. "I mean…Red doesn't seem like the type who'd—"

"I s-s-s-saw them," Tara sobbed, burying her head even further into Faith's shoulder. "I w-w-w-went to t-t-t-talk to W-W-W-Willow this m-m-m-morning, and I-I-I-I…ohhhh…" she trailed off, unable to speak anymore—her pain was just too great.

As Faith held her close, allowed her to let loose with the tears, she found herself wanting to physically hurt Red. This wasn't a new feeling for her, wanting to do violence came like second nature to her…but compassion…concern…protectiveness…those were new. Hearing the pain in Tara's voice…witnessing her distress…Faith couldn't help feeling as if it were her job to look after Tara…as if she were like the little sister she'd never had.

This threw her a little…desire…attraction…that she could understand—but what she felt right now had nothing to do with that. She'd never really had much of a family growing up…wasn't used to caring about anyone other than herself…so these familial-type feelings she had for Tara were very unsettling.

Suddenly, she had the urge to pull away, to deny the compassion she felt…the tenderness. However, Tara's pain was just so great…and the part of her that felt this compassion just wouldn't let her pull away. This is why she simply continued to hold Tara in her arms…allowed her to cry softly…not offering her any empty platitudes, just being there for her.

Willow stood outside Tara's door, contemplating her next move. She knew the girl was upset…that she thought she and Oz had slept together…and as a result, she also knew that Tara probably didn't feel like seeing her right now. However, she simply couldn't let Tara go on believing a lie, especially since it was hurting her. Seeing the pain in her eyes…the anguish…well, that had cut straight through to Willow's core. She hated the idea that she was the cause of Tara's pain…but like Oz had pointed out, there was a bright side.

Tara would not have been so upset if all she'd wanted was friendship…would she? What other reason could there be…? Willow knew she had to find out the truth, knew they had to sort this mess out once and for all. They should've had this talk the other day—when they'd first kissed. She should have just gone to Tara's and told her the truth. If she had, then she never would have caused Tara so much pain. What's more, she knew that regardless of how Tara felt, she deserved to know how she really felt…deserved to know that her feelings ran deeper than just friendship.

She still wasn't a hundred percent sure that her feelings meant she was in love, but there were definite feelings…and they were most assuredly of the non-friendship type variety. Kissing Tara had opened her eyes…had helped her to understand all the confusion she'd felt since she'd first met the girl. From the moment their hands had clasped…the electricity that had passed between them …the way they seemed to connect…right up until their fluke-y kiss. Willow now knew she'd been a fool to blame it all on magick—sure, magick was involved…but not necessarily of the mystical kind. Magick had just been her way of explaining what was happening…explaining away the sexual tension…the connection…the heat…

If her feelings for Tara meant that she was gay…well that was another thing she couldn't ignore…another thing Oz had been right about. If she was gay…then she had to come to terms with that fact…accept who she was…and figure out how her life was gonna change as a result. She also knew that she couldn't do this without Tara. Regardless of how the girl felt about her…she was gay…she'd been through this all before…and Willow could really use her advice right about now. Tara was already her mystical teacher…would she agree to teach her about being gay as well?

Maybe she should put aside her romantic feelings for Tara, at least for the moment. She was already so confused…scared…and if Tara did have feelings for her…was she ready to have her as a girlfriend? She hadn't even come out yet…wasn't even used to the idea that she was gay…having a girlfriend might make the whole process more difficult…or adversely—much easier.

What was she to do? What was she to say? Did she want to ask Tara to be her girlfriend…or just ask her to be there for her when she came out…teach her about being gay? What's more…she didn't think she could handle it if Tara didn't feel the same way. Realizing you're gay was difficult enough…but asking the girl you'd been fantasizing about to be your girlfriend—and then hearing her refusal…well, that was just a little bit more than she thought she could handle. Tara had already rejected her kisses…what made her think she wouldn't reject her again?

The look of pain on her face…her reaction to seeing her with Oz…that's what made her think Tara might not reject her. Although, even if Tara was interested in her…if she did think of her as more than a friend…she still had Faith…didn't she? What role did Faith play in all this? What if Tara had come by to tell her that she had feelings for her…but that she cared about Faith more, that would explain her reaction…?

Willow didn't know how long she stood outside of Tara's door…all she knew was that she simply couldn't decide what to do, what she wanted. However, she also knew that she couldn't just stand out here all day, she'd have to face the music eventually. She decided to just tell Tara the truth…to tell her that she had feelings for her…to tell her that she didn't know what to do…and then she'd ask for her advice. Tara was already her teacher…experienced with the magicks…but Tara also had more experience when it came to being gay…and right now Willow trusted her judgment better than her own. Tara would know what to do…how to handle this—she always knew things.

With that thought in mind, Willow opened the door to Tara's room. She didn't bother with knocking, figuring the girl would most likely not let her in anyway. She'd been terribly upset when she'd rushed off…hadn't even wanted her touch…and she most likely still felt that way. It would be easier for her if she didn't announce her presence—or so she'd thought. She couldn't have been more wrong…

The instant Willow stepped into Tara's room, she closed the door behind her and almost fainted from the shock of finding Tara in Faith's arms—with her head buried deep against the Slayer's shoulder. What's more, the look in Faith's eye was one of utter compassion…a look she'd never thought she'd see originate from the angry Slayer. Faith cared about Tara…there was affection between them…their relationship wasn't just about sex…?

That wasn't the worst part though, because the next instant, Faith looked up and met Willow's eyes and before Willow could even take another breath, the Slayer unlinked her arms from around Tara, leapt off the bed…and then the world suddenly turned black for Willow.

Faith looked up as she heard the sound of a door closing, her Slayer senses allowing her to pick up on sounds that others might not have heard. When her eyes met Red's however, she felt a sudden rage burning inside her. How dare she just show up like that? Didn't she know how much she'd hurt Blondie…how much pain the poor girl was in? How could she have hurt Tara…? The girl was in so much pain here…and Red had the nerve to just barge in through the door…not even announce her presence…She need's to be taught a lesson…

Those were the last thoughts in Faith's head as she let go of Tara. Her anger was now so intense that she instinctively lunged for the person behind her friend's pain. Using all of her Slayer strength, she landed a hard right hook to Willow's jaw, thrusting the girl's head roughly against the door. Pleased with herself, Faith smiled in satisfaction as she watched Red slide limply down to the floor, glad to have knocked the girl out cold. That'd teach her to hurt Blondie.

Tara watched Faith's attack in horror…saw her sweet Willow slip into unconsciousness. She instantly went to Willow's side, pushing the misguided Slayer out of the way as she knelt down next to the woman she loved.

"Oh God," she sobbed, placing a tender hand on Willow's cheek. "What have you done?" she demanded of Faith, turning her head up towards the Slayer.

Faith looked down at Tara in surprise, wondering why she was so upset. "I just knocked her out for you," she said nonchalantly, grinning at her accomplishment. "No need to thank me…she should only be out for a few hours."

Tara blinked away the tears in her eyes, her mouth opening in shock at the Slayer's words. Willow would be unconscious for a few hours…what if she had a concussion…what if she never woke up…what if she had brain damage…? Tara had never been the violent type…didn't believe in hurting other people in any way…but as she looked up at Faith, saw her utter disregard for Willow's condition…saw the way she seemed to be almost happy to have hurt her …well, she suddenly felt like doing a bit of violence herself.

"How could you hurt her?" she practically yelled at Faith, lifting herself up off the floor. Her anger at seeing Willow so hurt was affecting her in a way she'd never thought possible. Tara had never felt this much anger in her whole life…not even at her dad…and it was now taking all of her willpower not to magickally lift the Slayer into the air and fling her hard against the wall…hurt her in the same way as she'd hurt Willow.

"I was doing you a favor," Faith continued, becoming confused by the blonde's reaction.

Faith merely shook her head in bewilderment. "I thought we were friends…anyone hurts my friends, I hurt 'em back. That's just the way it goes…"

"That's not the way it goes," Tara continued, her anger allowing her to speak without stuttering. "By hurting someone I love…you hurt me. Don't you get it, her pain is my pain. It hurts me more to see her in pain than…than…well, than seeing her with Oz."

Faith didn't understand this though…couldn't get why Tara was so angry with her. Hadn't Red hurt her…wouldn't it be natural to wanna hurt her back? That's what she'd want. If anyone had hurt her as much as Willow had hurt Tara…well…they'd be more than just knocked unconscious now, they'd probably be in traction. An eye for an eye, that was her motto, well, one of them anyway. She just couldn't believe how easily Blondie had turned on her. She knew she shouldn't have trusted her…

"Fine then," she growled at the ungrateful witch, "I'm outta here…knew the friend thing was a waste of time."

Tara sighed as she watched Faith step over Willow's unconscious form and head for the door. Much as she hated what Faith had done…she didn't actually hate Faith herself. She knew the Slayer had only acted out of a form of misguided justice…acted out of instinct…out of friendship.

Faith opened the door and turned around to face Tara. "I know," she snapped, "don't bother coming back…"

Tara shook her head in response. "That's not what I was gonna say," she insisted firmly.

"Can you help me get Willow to the bed?" she asked her softly. "I…I don't think I can lift her myself and…and I…I don't wanna leave her on the floor…and also, um…could you get the campus nurse to have a look at her? I don't wanna leave her alone, but I wanna make sure she's okay…"

"You want me to help you?" Faith asked in surprise. "I'd have thought you'd want me as far away as possible…seeing as I've just hurt your precious Willow," she spat the girl's name out, frowning at the blonde.

"I can't do this alone Faith," Tara explained, moving to kneel back down next to Willow, "and I…I don't hate you…I just hate what you've done."

Faith couldn't have been more confused if she'd tried. Blondie always surprised her…she never said what she expected her to say. How could the girl be so angry with her…and yet not hate her…? Was she saying she still wanted her as a friend?

Tara looked up at Faith and sighed, knowing she needed to explain things further to her. The girl was more messed up than she'd thought…

"I love Willow," Tara began, "and…and I know you have no idea what that means…I know you only did what you thought was right…out of friendship. That's the only reason why I'm able to forgive you…why I don't hate you…but if you ever hurt Willow again…" she trailed off, not wanting to finish her threat. She knew the Slayer understood what she meant.

Faith looked at Tara for a moment…really looked at her…noticed the pain in her eyes…the concern…and she also noticed her sudden lack of anger. Tara didn't hate her…she still wanted her friendship…she understood her. It was then that Faith began to realize, at least partly, the ramifications of what she'd done. Maybe it hadn't been such a good idea to hurt Red—not if it hurt Blondie in the process…?

Without a word, Faith moved towards Willow and deftly scooped the girl up into her arms. She placed her gently on the bed and then headed for the door. "I'll get a nurse to drop by," she said over her shoulder, "and I'll…see ya 'round. Probably not at the dance though…figure you'd wanna give it a miss now…take care of Red or something…"

At Tara's nod of confirmation, Faith went straight to the campus medical centre—after asking a kid how to get there. She gave Tara's dorm number to the receptionist and told her a girl had been knocked out and needed to be checked over by a nurse. When she was happy that one would be sent over, Faith left the building and headed off towards her motel room.

On her way there, she cursed the fact that it was daylight—her encounter with Tara had left her utterly confused…and slayage was her favorite way to get her mind off things. Half way to her room though, Faith got an idea, she decided to head towards the high school instead. It was early, still not even 7am and she figured what better way to relieve some tension than by hitting it up with Buffy in the library, get a bit of training done before the gang showed up…? She'd call the girl from the library…ask her to come 'round so they could get good and sweaty.

However, when she reached the library that morning, another opportunity presented itself. Xander had come into school early so as to get away from another one of his parents arguments. As usual, he headed off to the library, wondering if any of the Scoobies were around.

Seeing as the library was deserted and feeling totally adventurous, Faith decided that a bit of layage would be a better way to spend her morning…to forget her confusion. It didn't take her long to convince Xander of that either. Oh sure, he'd he protested at first…said they were in the library…anyone could walk in…and what about Cordelia…he did have a girlfriend…But when she'd ripped off his shirt, pressed herself against him…touched his hardness…well…needless to say those excuses soon went out the window.

She had to admit though, doing it on the top floor of the library behind one of the bookshelves was definitely a fun way to spend her morning. It had even helped her to momentarily forget about Tara and the whole friendship thing. Give her a roll in the hay any day…nothing confusing about sex…like she always said, 'love was for suckers.'

Tara smiled gratefully at the nurse as she left her room, pleased that Willow didn't have a concussion. The nurse had said that Willow would be fine—there didn't seem to be any lasting damage, and the girl would probably wake up in an hour or two. She'd advised Tara to make sure Willow got plenty of rest though, and had left a bottle of aspirin to help with the inevitable headache the girl would have.

Closing the door behind the nurse, Tara placed the bottle of aspirin on her bedside table and unlaced her boots. She then crawled onto the bed next to Willow and lay down on her side facing the girl, determined to be there for her when she woke up. Looking at the peacefulness of her expression…Tara couldn't help but lean over and place a soft kiss against her cheek.

"My poor Willow," she whispered as she pulled away, "what has Faith done to you?" She sighed as she rested her head back down on the pillow and returned to simply gazing at Willow. She hoped the girl would be okay, hoped the nurse had been right about her not sustaining any lasting damage. Although, she was just a nurse, what did she know? Should she take Willow to a hospital…get a doctor to check her out? She wanted to be totally sure that Willow would be okay.

What if the nurse had been wrong, what if Willow didn't wake up in a few hours, what if she never woke up? Tara had no idea what she'd do if Willow was seriously hurt, if she left her. Seeing her in pain…unconscious…well, it was tearing her up inside. She cared about her so much…and up until the moment she'd seen Faith punch her, she hadn't known exactly how deep her emotions ran. However, the instant Willow had collapsed—Tara had known without a doubt that she was in love with the girl.

The realization had dawned on her immediately, and as she'd reached her side, she'd felt as if her heart had been ripped out of her chest. She hadn't cared anymore about what she'd seen that morning…hadn't cared that Willow just wanted to be her friend. At that moment, her love for the girl had washed over her so intensely, that all she'd cared about was her safety. She just wanted Willow to be alive and well and happy, nothing else mattered. So what if Willow was in love with Oz, he obviously made her happy…and that made Tara happy.

As she continued to look at Willow's unconscious state, Tara began to feel more and more love for the girl. She also began to feel more and more anguish as well. Even though Willow seemed so peaceful, Tara knew she would wake up in pain, if she ever woke up at all. As the minutes continued to tick by, her fear for Willow's safety continued to grow, and she began to let loose with a few stray tears. Her stray tears soon turned into a torrent of tears, until eventually, she was sobbing so deeply that she had unwittingly buried her head against Willow's shoulder and wrapped her arm around the girl's waist. The thought of losing her…of her being in pain…well, it just broke her.

As the world slowly began to return to her…as she tentatively crawled out of the blackness that had surrounded her, the first thing Willow noticed was the throbbing pain in the back of her head and the dull ache in her jaw. The second thing she noticed was the arm around her waist and the head buried in her shoulder. Who was holding her…crying on her shoulder…why were they sobbing…and why was she lying down on her back…in bed…what the hell has happened?

Opening her eyes gingerly, Willow had to blink a few times to get used to the brightness. She then attempted to turn her head to the right, but the slightest movement had caused her to feel a little nauseous, so she decided to stay where she was for the moment. She still needed to know who was holding onto her though…and why they were crying.

"Will?" Tara replied, lifting her head from Willow's shoulder, tears streaming down her cheeks. "You're awake…?" she tightened her grip on Willow's waist and used her other arm to lean against as she lifted herself up.

"Hey Tara," Willow smiled, "I'm awake…but I kinda feel like a Mack truck hit me or something," she chuckled.

"Oh my God Will," Tara sighed, still unable to quite believe her eyes. Willow was awake, she was lucid, and she was even cracking jokes…she was okay. "You're okay," she continued, leaning over to kiss her forehead, "you're okay," she repeated, kissing her cheek this time. She then kissed her other cheek, and then the tip of her nose, her left eye, her right eye, her cheek again, her other cheek, her forehead, her cheek, her jaw…and eventually pressed her lips firmly against Willow's.

As soon as Tara's lips touched hers, Willow instinctively reached for Tara, and now had both arms wrapped tightly around her back. She didn't know why Tara was kissing her, why she'd been so upset, but Willow didn't know a lot of things at that moment.

As she showered kisses all over Willow's face, Tara wasn't really thinking straight. She wasn't really aware that her actions might be deemed inappropriate…that Willow wasn't her girlfriend, and that she technically had no right to be doing this. All she knew was that Willow was awake, she was okay, and Tara just had to express her elation of the fact.

Willow was a little surprised by the sudden bombardment of kisses, however, she did nothing to stop them. In fact, she actually welcomed them…enjoying the feel of Tara's lips against her skin…her cheeks…her face…and now her lips. Whatever had caused Tara to react this way was quite okay in Willow's book. Feeling Tara's lips against hers was like heaven…absolutely invigorating.

She did nothing to deepen the kiss though, and neither did Tara. The two were simply glad to just lie there and press their lips together, opening and closing them ever so slowly. The kiss had started out as a simple peck, but had now escalated into a very sensuous, very slow, merging of lips. They took their time to enjoy the kiss…to open and close their mouths at a very leisurely pace.

After a while, Tara eventually began to realize what she was doing and immediately pulled away from the kiss. "Oh Will," she sighed, fresh tears in her eyes, "I-I-I-I…I'm s-s-s-so s-s-s-s-sorry, I…"

Willow smiled as she looked up at the stricken face of her friend. "It's okay Tara," she said softly, reaching a hand to her cheek and gently wiping away a tear. "I could definitely get used to this," she continued huskily, doing her best to sound sexy. Whatever the reason Tara had for kissing her…whether or not it was appropriate, Willow couldn't help but enjoy the experience. She'd only just come to terms with her attraction for Tara, and the girl's sudden rain of kisses gave her hope…

Tara was a little surprised by Willow's reaction, surprised that the girl hadn't been more affronted. Wasn't Willow in love with Oz…why would she respond so favorably to my kisses? Did it have something to do with her 'knock out'?' Was it a form of amnesia…?

"Are you sure you're okay Will?" Tara insisted, moving up to a sitting position. "You do remember what happened last night…this morning…?"

"Oh," Willow's eyes widened in understanding. "You think…oh…Tara, it's…it's not what you think. What you saw this morning wasn't—"

"It's okay Will," Tara interrupted, placing a gentle finger against her lips. "I understand," she smiled, emphasizing her point. "You f-f-finally realized you're in l-l-love with Oz…I get it and…it's only n-n-natural that you'd w-w-wanna m-m-make love…"

Willow's smile widened, Tara couldn't have been more wrong. "It's not what you think," she insisted, lifting her hand away from her lips and lacing their fingers together. She rested their hands by her side as she continued her explanation. "I'm not in love with Oz…"

Tara didn't know what to think of this, what to make of Willow's revelation. "He's not?"

"Well…" Willow began, her smile widening, "you can't have a boyfriend when…when you're, you know…kinda gay…"

This confused Tara even more. What did she mean by 'kinda gay'? And if she wasn't with Oz anymore, then why had they both been in bed together?

"Uh huh," Willow whispered, "and…and if there's anyone I wanna make love to…well…I'd take you over Oz any day," she quipped.

"You would?" Tara choked out. The sudden image of her and Willow making love caused her to feel a burning warmth in her cheeks and she couldn't help but imagine the experience. She could practically see the two of them, naked, in bed, lips on skin, on breasts, on thighs, between the legs…

"Oh," Willow interjected, realizing how her words had sounded. "I'm not saying I w-w-wanna make love to you I…I…oh wait, I'm not saying I don't wanna make love to you either, coz I…I think you're…what I mean is I…I…I'm just saying that…that you know…you're a girl…I'm a girl…and with the whole gay thing, you know…you do know…right…?

Tara brought herself out of her fantasy and chuckled at Willow's nervous babbling. However, she still couldn't get over her surprise. Willow was gay…when had she realized this? What was going on? If Willow thought she was gay…then what had she been doing with Oz…why had they been in bed together…? And what did it mean for their relationship? Was Willow interested in becoming her girlfriend…or had their kiss merely helped her to realize who she really was…awakened her sexuality? Just because Willow thought she could be gay, didn't mean she wanted to be in a gay relationship.

Tara could remember when she first came out…when she first realized she was gay. An actual relationship had been the last thing she'd wanted—it had been hard enough coming to terms with who she was—and having a girlfriend at that time would have done more harm than good…would have confused her more. Sure, she'd always known in some way that she was different…that she wasn't interested in guys, but she hadn't quite realized the implications of it until she'd reached puberty…had her first real girl on girl kiss.

She could still remember that day…would always remember it—how could she not? That day had changed her life forever…and now…now Willow was going through the same thing. Willow had experienced her first girl on girl kiss…and it must have awakened her…must have had the same effect as her own first kiss had all those years ago.

It was then that Tara realized that whatever emotions Willow might be feeling for her, they weren't necessarily the same ones that she was experiencing. When she'd had her first kiss, the feelings she'd had for the girl hadn't been those of love…they'd been more of realization…of gratefulness. She'd felt affection for the girl because they'd been friends…and being 13, and hormonal…well…it had been hormones talking and…that's all it had been.

Was that all it was for Willow…did she feel affection for her merely because she'd helped her to realize she was gay? Although…they did share a connection…a deep friendship…but was Willow really sure of her own feelings right now? Tara knew that whatever Willow was going through right now…it wouldn't be right for them to get involved. Willow needed time to figure out the whole 'gay thing'…figure out what it meant…decide how she felt about it. However, when she did finally come to terms with who she was, maybe then she'd be ready for a relationship…and if she were lucky, maybe she'd choose her.

Tara could only hope…but she wouldn't push. She'd be Willow's friend through all this, and if Willow was really serious in thinking that she was gay…well…she'd have someone there who'd been through it all before…someone who could offer her advice. She was Willow's teacher after all and being gay was just another thing she could teach her about. She knew how hard this was gonna be for her, knew how much Willow cared about what other's thought. Willow was one of the most sensitive people she'd ever met, and she sought approval of others like a fish sought out water. Coming out was going to be one of the hardest things she'd ever had to do…

"Will," Tara smiled at her, moving back down to lie on her side. "I…I'm kinda c-c-confused here. You…you s-s-say you're gay, but…but you and Oz were…and…w-w-what I'm t-t-trying to say is, um…w-w-what's going on…what happened…are you sure you're g-g-gay?"

Willow slowly turned her head to face Tara, wincing slightly as a wave of pain washed over her. "I'm pretty sure," she told her softly.

Willow looked at the confusion in her friend's face, and realized she'd have to start from the beginning, tell her everything…full honesty.

"You see, I was confused after our kiss…well, all our kisses," she blushed. "What I mean is, I, well, after I kissed you and you pulled away…I didn't know if you were rejecting me, if you hated me…or even if I knew what I was doing myself."

Tara nodded in understanding, it was kinda what she'd been thinking herself. "I know what you mean," she admitted. "I was feeling a little confused too…"

Willow smiled in response before continuing. "I was scared to be gay you know, scared about what I was feeling for you and…and so I thought of Oz. I gave him a call…asked him over and then I…I kinda tried to seduce him."

"You what?" Tara chuckled, feeling a mixture of confusion, amusement and surprise.

"Yeah…" Willow smiled sheepishly. "You see, I wanted to prove to myself that I wasn't gay…that I wanted Oz and that…"

Willow nodded, pleased to see Tara understood. She felt bad about how she'd tried to use Oz, but Tara's reaction of mild amusement and apparent understanding soothed her. She now felt more confident about telling her the rest of the story.

"Luckily he sensed there was something wrong," she explained. "He stopped things before anything happened and asked me what was going on. I told him that we kissed…that I was confused and…"

"Yeah…and he said he would give me all the time I needed to figure out what I want."

Tara smiled at this, her respect for Oz increasing dramatically. No wonder Willow cared about him so much, the young man was definitely a kind hearted, understanding person. But what else could she expect from someone Willow chose to be her boyfriend?

"We are," Willow confirmed. "Oz just held me last night. I was scared and confused and I didn't want to be alone…" Willow smiled in remembrance.

"That's why you looked so happy this morning," Tara grinned. Willow's elation at waking up in Oz's arms had been bothering her all morning and she now felt totally relieved to realize it had nothing to do with sex.

Willow nodded and lifted her hand up to gently caress Tara's cheek. "I'm sorry you had to see that," she said huskily.

Tara felt her breath catch at Willow's caress. "It's okay Will. I get it," she replied breathlessly.

On impulse, Willow lifted her head a little and pressed a quick kiss against Tara's lips, pulling away before the girl could protest. "I'm still sorry," she grinned as she removed her hand and returned to her previous position on the bed.

Tara could feel her lips buzzing and her heart pounding as she looked down at her friend. Willow had caught her entirely off guard.

Willow could sense this, so decided to continue with her confessions, rather than drag out the moment. "I'm still a bit confused," she admitted, "but…but kissing you, well…it kinda opened my eyes. I've, um…always been interested in guys, or so I thought. You see, I…well, I've had this huge crush on Xander for most of my life, and then Oz shows up…pays attention to me…cares for me…makes me feel special…but…"

"It never felt quite right," Tara surmised. It was then that an idea came to her. If Willow was gay, then maybe she'd had signs along the way that she'd ignored…just like she herself had…?

"Will…" Tara ventured, hesitating for a moment, but realizing the question had to be asked, "have you ever found yourself having, um, thoughts?"

"Yeah," Tara replied. "Coz, um…that's what it was like with me, before I came out…to myself that is."

"Not always," Tara admitted. "I…I never had crushes on guys like other girls my age, but…I just thought it was because I hadn't met anyone I liked yet. See, I didn't have crushes on girls either, but sometimes I'd look at some of the older girls…wish I could be more like them…wish I could 'be' them…find myself fantasizing about them—not in a sexual way though," she was quick to point out.

Willow was surprised…it was as if Tara had read her mind…known how she thought. "You mean you'd look at an older girl and think, 'oh she's pretty,' or 'I like her hair,' or 'her eyes are so blue'…'her skin is so soft'…'I wish I had skin like that'…'I wonder what it would be like to hold her hand'…'to talk to her'…?"

"Yeah," Tara smiled, realizing the she and Willow were more alike than she'd thought. "That's exactly what I felt…"

"It doesn't have to," Tara replied. "Just because you think a woman is pretty…doesn't mean you're gay."

Tara sighed, she'd never told this story to anyone before…it was just so personal…so private. However, Willow was confused here…she needed her…needed the benefit of her experiences. How could she not tell her, especially when it would help her? Besides, she did feel like she could tell Willow anything.

"I was thirteen," she began, pausing a moment to decide how to continue. "I'd just started junior high and…I met this girl there. Her dad owned some stables nearby and we both got talking about how much we loved horses…loved riding…"

"Yeah," Tara chuckled. "Riding buddies. We started riding together on weekends…became friends…it was good."

"So what happened?" Willow interjected. "Were you like attracted to her or something…? Is that how you knew?"

"Not exactly…" Tara hesitated, "I mean, yeah…she was very pretty…but I was still in denial. I just looked at her as a friend—or that's what I told myself."

Tara blushed and smiled shyly, before answering. "Well…maybe sometimes…late at night…in bed…"

Willow chuckled in response, finding Tara's shyness adorable. "So you wanted to jump her?" she teased.

Tara smiled at her friend's good-natured quip. "It wasn't like that…I was only thirteen, and…well…I just wondered sometimes what it would be like, you know…to kiss her. I'd never kissed anyone before and I was just curious, you know…?"

"I know," Willow admitted, deciding it was confession time. "I…I sometimes thought about stuff like that…kissing girls I mean. Only I quickly put the thought out of my mind…reminded myself of my Xander-crush…and then later…when I met Oz…it was like, 'hey, I have a boyfriend now—so there…' you know what I mean?"

"You know," Willow continued, deciding that she might as well be totally honest while she was at it. "I…I thought about kissing you a lot," she admitted softly.

"I couldn't help myself," Willow explained, her face turning crimson. "It's just…I…you have the sexiest lips…and your bottom lip was like…I just can't stop thinking about it Tara…and…" she trailed off as her eyes dropped to Tara's lips, and she unwittingly began to inch her face closer towards her. "…and I…I just wanna kiss you again…" With that, she softly pressed her lips to Tara's, unable to resist their call…their sweetness…their lusciousness.

Tara herself had been unable to resist Willow's lips…her words…the way her breath had played against her lips as she'd told her how much she wanted to kiss her. It was all too much for her, and as her lips met Willows, all she could do was close her eyes, lift her free hand to Willow's cheek, and enjoy the sensation of kissing the girl she loved.

Tara pulled away after a few seconds though, knowing now wasn't really the right time for this. There was obviously a mutual attraction here, but things still needed to get sorted out…and she still wasn't entirely sure Willow was ready for this…that she knew what she was doing. Maybe if she continued with her story, Willow would understand why she felt like that…why it would be best for her to wait before she jumped into a relationship.

"Oh God Will," Tara sighed, keeping her hand against Willow's cheek as she pulled away. She didn't want to give her the wrong impression again. "I wanna kiss you too," she admitted, her eyes still half closed with sensation, "but…"

Tara smiled warmly and tenderly brushed her thumb against Willow's cheek. "You're still confused," Tara explained, running her thumb against Willow's cheek, "about who you are…about the 'gay thing'…and…and why don't you let me finish my story?" she suggested. "It might help you realize what I'm thinking…coz…I…I've been here before Will and…and things aren't always easy to understand…"

"Okay," Willow sighed, closing her eyes at the continued movement of Tara's thumb. The girl's gentle caress felt so good against her skin…and maybe she was right. She was confused at the moment, and what's more…she would love to hear the end of this story…love to hear how Tara realized she was gay. "Go on," she whispered, "tell me what happened next."

Tara smiled and pressed a soft kiss against Willow's forehead before she returned to her story. "Well," she began as she pulled away, "like I was saying, we became friends…'riding buddies'…and that went on for about a month…"

"What happened after a month?" Willow opened her eyes, giving Tara a soft smile.

"That's when my life kinda changed," Tara confessed. "It was a Saturday after noon, and we had just gotten back from our ride. As usual, we took the horses straight to the stables…and as we were patting them down…I couldn't help noticing that my friend was glancing over at me more than usual. She'd been giving me these looks all day…well, she always looked at me…but today she did so more than usual, and it was starting to unnerve me a little."

"I called her up on it," Tara smiled. "I asked her what was wrong…and she asked me if we could take a walk…somewhere private. I said sure, why not, and we headed off into the woods nearby. When we got to a bit of a clearing, she asked me if we could stop for a moment—those were the first words she'd spoken to me during our whole walk…I hadn't wanted to push her so I'd kept quiet, waiting for her to say something…"

Tara smiled as she recalled the moment…remembered how shocked she'd been. "She asked me if I ever thought about what it would be like to kiss a girl."

"Yeah," Tara chuckled, "it did a bit. I…I had no idea what to say, so I asked her if she had…and she said yes…all the time. She then told me she thought about kissing me a lot, and asked me if I thought about kissing her…"

"Did you tell her?" Willow inquired, suddenly very curious to know what had happened.

"I did," Tara admitted. "I…I couldn't lie to her…not after what she'd just told me. And that's when she asked me…"

"Yeah," Tara confirmed. "She really wanted to know what it was like…and so did I…and…"

"What was it like?" Willow asked, unable to stop herself from asking the question.

"It was soft," Tara smiled, "and…and sweet …and it…well, it only lasted a few seconds, but it was enough…"

"You mean that's how you knew?" Willow interjected. "You knew you were gay for sure because of that kiss?"

"That's why you think I should wait," Willow interrupted, not letting Tara finish. She suddenly understood what Tara had meant. "You think the same thing happened to me…that kissing you made me realize I was gay, so…so you think I can't really be sure about how I feel about you…"

"I do," Tara nodded, unable to lie to the girl. "I…I don't know what you feel for me Will, and…and I know how hard it's gonna be for you, coming out I mean. I also know that if you really do feel something for me, that you might just be projecting coz of the kiss…coz it was your first gay kiss. I know I felt like that…felt I had feelings for this girl, but…but I soon realized I didn't. We never told anyone about the kiss…it was like our secret. But we did kiss some more…experiment a little, and after a while we both realized it wasn't love we were feeling. We were just two kids—experimenting…trying to deal with our sexuality. That's all it was, and funnily enough…we even managed to remain friends all through junior high. We went to separate high schools though, so we kinda lost touch after that…but what I'm trying to say is that…whatever you feel…what you need right now is a—"

"Friend…" Willow finished, realizing that Tara's words made a lot of sense. Tara was right, coming out was definitely gonna be hard for her…and even though she felt certain her feelings for Tara were more than just friendship, that it wasn't just coz of their kiss…she also knew that maybe right now wasn't the best time to actualize them.

"Yeah," Tara whispered. "You need a friend Will…" she trailed off as she realized that she still hadn't told Willow the whole truth. The girl needed to know exactly what she felt. "But…"

"Will," Tara smiled, "I…I can't lie to you…I…I have feelings for you…I care about you a lot and what I feel isn't just friendship. I also know you think there's something going on between me and Faith, but I wanna let you know that there isn't. She's not the one I want to be with…you are…but right now I can't be with you in that way. It would hurt me too much if I was just an experiment for you—"

"But you wouldn't be—" Willow interjected, her whole body shaking suddenly. The realization that Tara had feelings for her caused her to instantly forget what they'd just said. She took it all back—she didn't want a friend…she was ready for a relationship…she wanted Tara…

Tara knew better though and moved her thumb to Willow's lips to silence her protest. "I know you think that now Will," she said gently. "But will you still think that a month from now…two months from now…a year form now…? You see, it would hurt me too much if you left me…changed your mind. I'm not into the short-term thing and I just couldn't…"

She paused for a moment to regain her composure. The thought of losing Willow had brought a sudden tear to her eye. "Would it really be so bad if we were just friends…?" she continued, deciding to take another avenue, "coz I think you need that more…at least for a little while…"

Willow had to admit that Tara had a point, and she honestly didn't want to inadvertently hurt the girl. "So you have feelings for me?" she asked her gently.

"I do," Tara admitted, her eyes locked meaningfully with Willow's. "I care about you a great deal Will…"

"I care about you too Tara," Willow replied, lifting her own hand up to Tara's cheek. She rubbed her thumb gently against Tara's cheekbone as she spoke. "And I don't wanna do anything to hurt you—ever. So you're right…we should be friends…'just friends'…at least for now."

Tara smiled at that, amused by the way Willow had said 'for now'…she would definitely hold her to that. "I'll hold you to that," Tara whispered seductively.

Willow chuckled, and lifted both her arms up, pulling Tara down for a warm hug. "I never wanna lose you Tara," she whispered into her ear, "I don't know what I'd do if you ever left me…"

The girls held each other close for a long time, just enjoying the sensation of being in each other's arms. The last few days had been a real heartache for both of them…a total roller coaster ride of emotions. It had all been worth it though, because it had only served to bring them closer together. Whatever lay ahead for them…for their relationship…they now knew that they weren't alone…that they'd never be alone.

Willow didn't end up going to school that day, Tara refused to let her go on account of her head injury. She also didn't go to the dance that night either, instead, she spent the whole night in Tara's bed. She was more than happy just being close to Tara, allowing the girl to hold her in her arms, to comfort her and to talk with her. She was scared about coming out, about what everyone would say, about how she would handle it…and Tara was the best listener and comforter in the world.

Willow went to sleep that night, wrapped in Tara's arms, certain that everything would be okay. How could it not be when she had Tara by her side?

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A Fluke Between Two Wiccans

By SpikeMe4Now4200

Copyright © 2003

Spikeme4now4200@yahoo.com.au