Demons and Souls by Sibling

Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: Buffy & Co. belong to Hellgod Joss Whedon and his minions, Mutant Enemy, Fox Television, etc.
Distribution: The Mystic Muse http://mysticmuse.net
You can use it, but please let me know first.
Feedback: Much welcomed.
Spoilers: Season 6, up through Dead Things and Older and Far Away.
Author's Note: This is Porn-With-Plot (at least, a little bit).
Pairing: Buffy/Spike

Summary: After Buffy's confession to Tara at the end of Dead Things, Tara goes to confront Spike.

Spike was in a terrible mood, and his head and face still ached from the beating the Slayer had given him the night before. He felt like Hell. And although he didn't have a mirror, and couldn't have seen himself in it if he did have one, he was pretty sure he looked like Hell, too.

He was sitting in front of the telly, watching something but not really paying attention to it, when he heard something.

He froze a moment, not quite believing his ears, then turned the sound down and listened.

He was so surprised that he forgot to growl in pain as he got up to answer the door. For as long as he'd used the crypt as his home, everyone who'd ever come to see him had just opened the door and barged right in, usually as a prelude to beating him up or trying to bribe the latest demon gossip out of him. Even his Li'l Bit, who treated him more like a human being than anyone else he knew, never bothered to knock on his door before coming in.

When he opened the door, he was greeted by the back of someone's head, covered in blond hair, whose owner was nervously scanning the surrounding cemetery before turning back to the door. As he saw her face he gasped, "Tara?" The shy witch was the last person on Earth he expected to pay him a visit.

Tara took one look at the vampire she had come to visit, and blurted out "Good God, Spike, what happened to you?"

Too bemused to think up a grandiose tale of a loose Kampanak demon or a mob of rampaging vampires, he found himself shouting, "The bloody Slayer happened to me, that's what!" As Tara stared blankly at him, he waved his hand dismissively and muttered, "Never mind. Just tell me the stupid bird isn't in the clink over that soddin' accident."

Tara's eyes widened as she figured out what Spike was talking about. "Oh, no! It wasn't an accident! Um..." She faltered for a moment, then visibly tried to pull herself together and asked, "M-may I c-come in, please?"

Struck again by the non sequitur and her (un)common courtesy, he stood frozen in the doorway for a moment before stepping aside and gesturing for her to enter. "Come on in."

Tara walked through the door, peering about her in dazed horror and fascination. She still didn't believe she was really here, in Spike's crypt, and she hoped she would have the nerve to say what she had come here to say. As she looked around for a place to sit down that wasn't covered in dust, dirt, and God knows what else, Spike asked her, "Well? So what's with this 'not an accident' business?"

Still feeling nervous, she tried to answer, cursing inwardly as her old stutter came back to bedevil her. "Sh-she said that wh-when she heard that the d-dead g-g-girl had been identified as Warren's ex-g-girlfriend-"

"Warren? The geek who built the 'bots?" Spike interrupted, looking surprised and angry.

Tara nodded. "A-anyway, she figured that there had to be a co-connection, and that she'd been set up."

Spike cocked his head to the side. "When did all this happen? Sorry, luv, but nobody's been keeping me in the loop lately, since..." he broke off.

Tara could guess what he'd been about to say, and figuring this was as good an opening as any, she screwed up her nerve and finished his thought ". . . since B-buffy has been coming to you for s-s-s-sex, not help or advice."

Spike managed to turn even paler than usual, and she wondered idly if vampires could faint. She had to bite back hysterical laughter at the thought, then continued, not thinking about what she was saying in order to keep from stuttering again. "She told me. About you, and her. Not just the sex, but about the chip, too. She asked me to look into the spell that brought her back, and how she might have come back wrong. When I told her she wasn't wrong, she broke down and confessed everything...and then begged me not to forgive her," she quietly added, silently praying to every god and goddess she knew.

Spike just continued to look at her dumbly for a moment. Then he spoke slowly. "She begged you...not to forgive her?"

Tara sighed. She'd been hoping and praying that Spike would be more concerned about Buffy than curious about the state of her humanity. She could fill him in on the details of her magical research later, but if he was really concerned about Buffy, if he really loved her enough to do the right thing for her. . .

Everything she'd been waiting to say came pouring out at once. "Spike, she's falling apart. She's using the sex like a drug, trying to make the pain go away, but she's only feeling it more afterwards." She took a deep breath. "She's wasting away. Not physically, but emotionally, spiritually. If she doesn't get help soon, there won't be anything left of her:"

At this point, Spike's mind was reeling. None of what he'd heard made any sense. Buffy, falling apart? His Slayer, wasting away? Then, all the pieces began to fit together in his head, and he squeezed his eyes shut in grief as he realized what he'd done to his lover. He'd thought Buffy was stronger than this. It was her strength that he'd been attracted to in the first place, and he'd assumed that she'd managed to put herself back together in the past few months since her resurrection.

Yeah, he'd taken a few verbal jabs at her, but he was just waiting for her to start returning in kind; to him, bantering with the blonde Slayer was almost as fun as fighting her – or shagging her. But if what Tara was saying was correct, Buffy had probably been taking all his jibes to heart. She was on a downward spiral...and he'd been greasing the wheels for her.

All at once, a voice came to him from out of the past. To kill this girl, you've gotta love her. "Goddamn you, Angelus," he whispered. "Why did you have to be right for once?"

When he looked back up at Tara, his eyes were shining with tears. "Whatever you need, luv, you've got it. Just tell me what I can do."

Spike quickly found out, however, that Tara hadn't had time to think out her plans clearly, beyond getting him involved.

"But I thought you cared about her! If you aren't willing to give up having sex with her-"

"It's not like that, ducks. I may be an evil, lustful demon, but I'd wear a soddin' chastity belt if I thought it would help. Well, maybe for a little while, at least," he added hastily. "But you're not thinking about Buffy's history. If I don't mean anything to her, if I'm nothing but her sex toy," he couldn't help but grimace at the thought, "then fine, I could cut her off with no problems. But if she has any feelings for me at all, pulling away from her would be the worst thing I could do. She's got real problems with the people she loves leavin' her, especially men."

Spike snorted. "Don't forget ol' Tall, Dark, and Stupid." At Tara's blank look, he clarified. "Angel."

Tara frowned. "Oh. Willow told me a bit about Angel before she went to L.A last summer, but I never got the whole story. We were all kind of...out of it at the time," she added ruefully.

Spike cocked his head in amazement at her. "So no one ever told you the whole bleedin' soap opera? Well, I'm not exactly the best one to tell this tale, 'cause I wasn't here for the whole thing, and between adoring Buffy and hatin' Angel's guts I'm not really neutral here, but I suppose I can give you the highlights. I gather it started almost as soon as Buffy arrived here in Sunnyhell..."

Tara listened in amazement as Spike laid out the whole tragic tale. Angel. The Master. Darla. The gypsies' curse. When she heard how the curse had been broken, and what Angelus had done to Buffy in the following weeks, she felt her eyes begin to tear. She knew what it was like to have someone she loved hurt her, but what Spike was describing to her was appalling. The things her family and Willow had done to her had hurt her deeply, but they were just stupid, ignorant, shortsighted, human things. The deliberate, systematic torture that Angelus had put Buffy through made her feel nauseous.

Spike seemed to notice the green look on her face, and stopped his narrative for the moment. "I know what you're thinking, luv, and believe it or not, I felt the same way even then."

"Of course I hated her. She was the bane of my bloody existence at the time! Still is, in some ways..." he muttered.

He pulled out a cigarette and lit it, occasionally puffing on it or gesturing with it as he continued. "But even under all the hate I respected her. Remember that I'd fought two Slayers before, and they were real good, but I still managed to kill 'em both. And no one else I'd ever fought had even came close to those two.

"But Buffy..." A smile came to Spike's face as he broke off a moment, then continued, "Buffy was the best damn fighter I'd ever met. Quick, resourceful, willing to banter a bit between fisticuffs...It was glorious. It was a goddamn dream come true." He seemed to shake himself a bit, and took another puff of tobacco smoke. "Sure, I wanted to kill her, but what I really wanted to do was beat her, hopefully in an all-out brawl that would last a whole night."

"Of course it was about competition! It was about bein' the best. About beatin' the best! Angelus could have his mind-games and his torture, he always considered himself the Soddin' Great Artist of Pain and Death. What a crock!" He laughed. "Angelus never took any risks, never got into a fight he didn't know he could win. At least, not until Buffy got under his skin..." He chuckled a moment before continuing his story.

Tara didn't think it could've gotten any worse but it did. Acathla. The restoration of Angel's soul. And then...

"God," she whispered. "How did she do it? How could she...?" She couldn't even say the words. She looked up and Spike and simply asked, "How did she survive it?"

"She damn near didn't, from what I hear. She completely fell apart, ran away from home, and tried to give up bein' the Slayer. You'd have to ask Red or the Bit about that, I was too busy getting my own butt out of town at the time, with Drusilla on my back both literally and figuratively. I only know about the end of the fight because Dru had a vision about it, and I managed to piece it together from her crazy ramblings and the fact that the whole world hadn't gone to Hell."

Spike sped up his narrative a bit, explaining, "I only came back when Dru started carryin' on with other demons behind my back, or rather, in front of my face. I don't know how Angel got back from Hell, or what went on between the two of them for most of that year. All I know is that after this huge fight where they fought a giant snake-demon and blew up the high school – God, I wish I coulda seen that one! – the Great Pouf proved once and for all what a bloody flamin' stupid git he is, by breaking up with Buffy and shufflin' off to L.A. Threw away the best thing he ever had, and broke her heart at the same time."

Tara digested this for a moment, then slowly sighed. "I see what you mean about Buffy's problem. If she thinks you're going to leave her, she'll probably go into a panic. But you two can't go on like this. She's got sex and guilt and self-punishment all mixed up in her head, and it's only going to get worse. If you ever want to..." she couldn't believe she was saying this to Spike, of all people, "If you ever want to have a real relationship with her, you have to start fixing things now."

Spike took one last puff on his cigarette, then threw it on the floor and stamped it out. "I can try...doin' other things with 'er, but it'll be hard, in more ways than one. Ever since our little musical adventure, whenever she sees me, she beats me up and tells me how disgusting I am," here he pointed to his black-and-blue face, "or she throws me up against the wall and tries to climb down my throat. Or both."

Tara couldn't help blushing at the image Spike's words brought to mind, but her thoughts were interrupted as Spike continued. "But it's more than just her. I'm just as out of control as she is, these days. I've loved her – well, I've admitted to myself that I've loved her – for over a year now. That was bad enough, when she just hated my guts. But ever since we've been together...when I'm around her...when I'm with her.... I feel alive again. But she drives me so crazy, I don't know sometimes whether I want to bite her or shag her senseless! We're like..." he picked up his lighter, ". . . like flint and steel. When we rub together," he says as he flicks the lighter, "sparks fly."

Tara thought about this a moment, then said, "Maybe I need to see the two of you get together."

Tara suddenly blushed and giggled as she realized how that had sounded. "No, not like that! I mean I need to see your auras, what happens to them when you touch one another. Maybe that will give me a clue as to what's going on." She muttered half to herself, "I wish I'd thought of this before, when I was with her. Now she's cried herself to sleep, and I'm going to be busy with classes for a couple of days...Maybe at Buffy's birthday party, I can check her aura out, both when she's alone and when she's with you."

Spike looked doubtful. "I don't know about all this aura stuff. How reliable is it anyway?"

Tara brightened. "Oh, if you can see someone's aura, you can tell all kinds of things about them! That's how I knew that Faith had switched places with Buffy when I first 'met' her."

Spike stared at Tara, not quite believing his ears. "When did this happen?" Then he remembered a certain night when Xander and Giles had warned him about a rogue Slayer, and a certain bizarre encounter with Buffy at the Bronze, and he laughed. "No, wait, let me guess. It was right after Buffy's first dust-up with Adam, when he tried to turn Soldier Boy into shish kabob."

Spike chuckled. "So that's what was goin' on that night! I just figured she was drunk – Buffy could never hold her liquor – and feelin' all frustrated since she couldn't see her little tin soldier." He nodded to himself. So that had been Faith. Idly wishing for a moment that he'd had the opportunity to show her what happens to bad little Slayers who tease vampires, he continued, "And you were able to tell that from Buffy's aura?"

Tara nodded, and filled him in on a few of the details. "Naturally, we weren't telling you what was going on, since you were evil then."

"I still am, luv, I still am," Spike chuckled. "But there's evil, and then there's evil. Truth be told, even with all the hell I've had over the past couple years, I've had as much fun fightin' alongside Buffy as fightin' with Buffy. As for the rest of you Scoobies, Droopy and I will never get along, and I know Demongirl can't stand me, but you an' Red treat me like a person instead of a thing...and you know I adore the Li'l Bit."

That last comment made Tara frown, and think some more. "Until lately, I would've said that the best way to make things better with Buffy would be to get Dawn on your side, but the two of them don't seem to be getting along very well."

Spike waved that off. "Of course they're not getting along, they're sisters. As much as they love each other, they've always gotten on each others' nerves."

Tara shook her head. "No, it's more than that. I can't put my finger on it, but something's up with them." She suddenly found herself yawning.

Spike stood up. "Let me walk you back to your place. You don't look very alert right now, and I can't afford to let one of my few friends get eaten right now."

Tara smiled. Ever since he'd done her the strange favor of hitting her in the nose, she'd gone out of her way to pay more attention to the blond vampire and the things he did. She'd been surprised to find that underneath the rough-and-tough "I'm an evil demon" exterior was a complex, intelligent, even compassionate person. He didn't seem to have much regard for humanity as a whole, but he was a loyal friend and a powerful ally. Spike wasn't exactly a shining example of humanity...but she'd known human beings who were less human than he was.

And she found that she really liked it when he called her his friend. "Thanks Spike. I'd like that."

The two walked to Tara's apartment, and agreed that they would think things over, and try to brainstorm a bit at Buffy's birthday party.

Willow had slipped up by mentioning Buffy's birthday party to Spike. Of course, she had made one of her patented "Oops, is that my foot in my mouth?" faces, and tried to pretend that nothing had happened. They both knew that Buffy didn't want him showing up at her house under any circumstances, much less on a happy occasion. Still, now he could honestly tell Buffy that he'd heard about the party from someone other than Tara.

He still wasn't completely sure that going to Buffy's party was the best idea in the world. All the things that went bump in the night seemed to get extra frisky right around January 19th, and he was somehow sure that this year would be no exception. Still, it might be good for a laugh. He could still cadge free beers by telling the story of Rupert Giles, the tweed-clad, nose-glued-to-a-book Watcher, being turned into a grunting, muscle-bound Fyarl demon by Ethan Rayne. By the time he ended that story, a whole pub full of demons and vampires was usually rolling on the floor with laughter...which often made it easier to make off with certain small valuables.

Bringing Clem with him, though...that had been a stroke of genius. The wrinkly-skinned Nablith was one of Spike's few demon acquaintances who didn't resent his current alliance with the Slayer. Nabliths were a relatively quiet species who kept to themselves and didn't usually attract the attention of human do-gooders like Buffy. Their inhuman appearance (and their dietary requirements) kept them restricted pretty much to demon society, but given a chance, they could act more like a human than some vampires...or Anya, for that matter, he thought with a grin.

And Buffy still had that Watchers' Council-instilled mindset, "demons = evil". If he could get her to accept that a demon could be a decent person – well, being, at any rate – maybe he could convince her a demon could love, too.

And then all his fine plans went right out of his head, as soon as he walked into the kitchen.

It figured. The Scoobies were trying to set Buffy up with a nice, normal guy. From the general aura of loser-ness around him, he was probably one of Xander's friends. Granted, he didn't seem to have a stick up his arse like Captain Cardboard, but please! This wanker was dumber than Angel and Riley put together! And he looked like a puppy dog, sniffing around the Slayer like he didn't know whether to shake her hand, lick her face, or pee on her leg.

But she was paying attention to him, like he was a man and not a walking meatball sandwich!

Then Tara had to stick her two cents in, pretending to ask him and Clem about Dick – er, Richard – being "cute." Spike wanted to puke. When Clem said, "I thought he was cute," it was all Spike could do to keep from kicking his elephantiatic butt out the door. Instead, he glared over at Tara.

Then he smiled wickedly. "He's not the only cute one, ducks. You're looking very fetching this evening. And is that a new frock I see?" He looked the young witch up and down appreciatively, grinning at her embarrassed blush, and picked up a paper cup from the table. "I'll bet you anything Little Red's all dolled up as well, and just waiting for you to bring her some punch." He handed her the cup, and snorted when she almost dropped it. Then he made a deliberate effort to make his smile more friendly and less predatory. "I was playing this game a century before you were even born, Glinda. Don't even go there."

But although Tara beat a hasty retreat into the next room, Spike was sure he'd seen a glimmer of challenge in the witch's eyes before she left. Oh well, he thought, if she wants to play with the nasty fire, she can't complain if her fingers get a little toasted. Then he put his arm around Clem and led him into the Summers' living room. He couldn't wait to see the Whelp's face when Clem asked for anchovies and inchworms on his pizza.

Tara was enjoying the party immensely. She still got that nervous, fluttery feeling in her stomach whenever she found herself face-to-face with Willow, but it felt surprisingly comfortable being back together with the rest of the Scoobies, and she realized that she'd missed all of them terribly. And then, of all things, Anya had made a perfunctory compliment about Tara's necklace, and then calmly stated that everyone thought that the Scooby meetings at the Magic Box weren't the same without her. For Anya, that probably counts as CIA-class subtlety, Tara thought, but it was nice to know that she'd been missed.

Then Spike caught her eye, and nodded his head toward the hallway where Buffy was standing. She got the message immediately: he was going to make contact with Buffy, and she was supposed to check out Buffy's aura. She took a deep breath, and opened herself to the Sight.

It was a bit dizzying, seeing all the energy dancing around the room. Auras flowed and curled around each other, their owners' emotions driving them into ever-changing patterns. Dawn's bright, happy emerald green flickered along the edges of Xander's warm brown as they talked about some movie they had seen. Willow's strawberry red, somewhat dimmer than Tara remembered it, glowed like embers in a fireplace as she engaged Spike's friend in a conversation about his people. Clem's aura, surprisingly, was not the blood red or night-black of most demons, but olive-green, with swirls of the same earthy tones as Xander's. She made a mental note to ask Spike about him later.

Spike, she thought. Gotta keep my mind on business. She followed the vampire, whose aura was bright red with tinges of violet, toward the entrance to the hallway. There she tried to remain unobserved while Spike approached his reluctant lover.

When Willow had told Tara about Buffy two years ago, she been very frightened at the prospect of meeting her. She had still thought she was part-demon at the time, and her books had described Slayers as focused, fanatical demon killers. But trusting Willow's glowing descriptions over dusty tomes, she had resolved to meet the current Slayer, and to her surprise she had found herself instantly drawn to Buffy's bravery and compassion. Her aura had matched her personality, enveloping the petite blonde like a bright gold corona.

As she peered into the hallway, Tara could see, to her dismay, that the energy surrounding Buffy had faded to a sullen orange, barely flickering above the surface of her skin. As Spike approached, though, it began growing bigger and brighter as it stretched toward the vampire, like a furnace being stoked. And when they touched-

She had been expecting something to happen, but nothing had prepared her for the sudden bright flare that filled the hallway. Buffy's and Spike's auras merged, swelled to several times their size, and then flashed through several rainbow hues before settling into a rosy gold that surrounded the couple in a warm glow, reminding Tara of postcards with romantic couples walking along a beach at sunset.

Unfortunately, Spike was ruining the picture by guiding Buffy's trembling hand along his denim pant leg. Having seen more than enough, Tara cleared her throat, and the two hastily pulled apart.

Their auras began sputtering their way back towards their normal configurations as soon as they broke contact. Buffy hurried off, but to Tara's surprise, Spike just stood there, looking like a little boy caught with his hand in the cookie jar. And then he made some lame excuse about Buffy helping him with a cramp!

"It's a thing!" Spike snapped. Tara had to smother a chuckle as she headed for the empty dining room to digest what she had seen. She was not going to let him forget that anytime soon.

I don't believe I let that crystal-gazer get the better of me earlier, Spike thought. Plays a pretty good game of poker, though.

As it got towards what some of his human friends called "oh-late-hundred," those party guests who remained awake had settled into two groups playing games: Buffy, Dawn, Anya, and the Git – Spike refused to even think his name – played Monopoly while Clem, Xander, Tara, and himself played poker. He'd expected to be splitting all the money with his demon companion in no time, but Tara proved to be pretty good at keeping a poker face, and even Xander had managed to bluff him a couple of times.

But in the long run, no one does deadpan better than the dead. Spike began collecting pots slowly but steadily, and his mood began improving. This night's take would keep him in blood and smokes for a week or two.

His good mood didn't last long, though. When the Puppy suggested calling it a night, and Dawn brightly suggested a sleepover, he let himself make a naughty comment to Buffy, just to see her beautiful face flush...only to be tagged again by Tara about that stupid cramp remark!

Even worse, he was pretty much unable to return fire at the time, since Willow had done her usual early face-down crash. The recovering witch was many things, but a night owl was not one of them. So he pushed a bill over to Tara's pile, silently adding One point for you, girl. But the game's not over yet.

By the time the vengeance demon that Anya called Halfrek showed up, Buffy's mind was reeling from everything that had been going on at her party.

Just for once, can't I have a birthday that isn't a red-letter day on the Hellmouth calendar? she said to herself. And do you want some cheese to go with that whine? another part of her brain answered. It had all happened before, and she was sure it would happen again. She should just get used to associating major trauma with getting older.

But even so, she was really wigged when, as Halfrek seemed to recognize Spike, she had had a vision. As she called him "William," she could have sworn she saw another face appear over the demonic visage. A human woman's face, with the dark, curly hair gathered up on top of her head.

Then she blinked, and the vision – Hallucination? Maybe brought on by stress and lack of sleep? – was gone.

As Spike walked out the Summers' door into the night air, he breathed a sigh of relief. Then he snuck a peek back at the Slayer and her sister, and felt a smile appear as Buffy shut herself in, obviously ready to work things out with Dawn. He was happy for the Slayer and the Niblet, who had impressed even him with the amount of stuff she had nicked.

Then he had an idea. Maybe he could convince Buffy to put all that youthful energy and dexterity to work on self-defense training. Buffy knew better than to think a teenage girl was going to stay in all the time – she herself had been ample proof of that. Dawn was going to get out by herself sooner or later, so she might as well be able to take care of herself. And nothing settled Buffy down like a good sparring session. Maybe...

Then he saw the two witches in front of him, walking side-by-side and obliviously looking up at the stars, and he smiled wickedly. Pretending not to see them, he strolled past them and elbowed Willow just hard enough to send her careening into Tara.

Tara automatically caught Willow as she stumbled, and before she knew it she was lost in her sea-green gaze.

They stood there, staring into each other's eyes, for a long minute. Then they found themselves embracing, and Tara felt Willow weeping into her shoulder.

"I miss you so much," the redhead babbled. "I know that I hurt you, and I can't make it up to you, but without you I feel like I'm half-dead inside. I feel like I know what Buffy lost, when we pulled her out of Heaven, like this wonderful, beautiful thing was ripped away from me, only it's worse, 'cause I know it's my own fault that I lost it, and I don't know what I'm going to do without you..."

Tara bit her lip as her own eyes filled with tears. She wasn't ready to resume a full-time relationship with Willow, and vice-versa, and they both knew it. But still...She had seen that Willow was trying desperately to turn herself around. And, as angry and hurt as she had been at Willow – as she still was, sometimes – it hurt her just as much to see her in pain and to not do something to help her. And so she had stood up for Willow when Anya and Xander were trying to make her use her magic again. She had stood up for Willow...the way that Willow had stood up for her, last year, when Tara had cast a spell that went dreadfully wrong.

Tara realized that she had an opportunity now. If she let it go, she didn't know when, or if, another one would come along.

She stroked Willow's hair, and murmured to her softly until she stopped crying, and then she said, "Will? W-w-would you l-like to g-g-go somewhere and.... talk?"

And she felt herself break out in a huge smile as Willow looked up at her and said, "I'd love to."

Spike, having watched all this from a distance, grinned to himself as he went off to see what other mischief he could get into on this fine night.

When Buffy left the Sunnydale Doublemeat Palace she was worn-out, both physically and mentally. She'd had to do a lot of fast talking to explain why she hadn't shown up for work the previous day, without even a phone call to explain her absence. (Sophie hadn't needed to do the same kind of fancy footwork, since the day she'd been stuck in Buffy's house was her day off. Which was bad for her stress level, but good for her employment level.) Luckily, her boss still seemed more worried about Buffy spilling the beans about the Doublemeat Medley than about a single absence. Especially when Buffy had promised to make up the time, not only to the restaurant, but also to the person who'd had to cover her shift.

But that was not going to be tonight. She'd promised Dawn couple nights' worth of quality sisterhood time. Dawn had also made her pinkie-swear – she couldn't believe her sister had fallen back on that old little-girl ritual – to work out a patrolling schedule with the Scoobies where they would cover for her a couple nights a week. She wasn't quite sure how that would work out yet, but she was sure that she needed that time as much as Dawn did.

She walked up the sidewalk to her home, and put on her "Dawnie, I'm home!" smile as she climbed the steps to the front porch...and then she noticed two things.

One: there was a package on the porch next to the front door; probably left there by the mailman when it wouldn't fit in the box.

Two: there were no lights on in the house, and Dawn hadn't taken the package into the house...so she wasn't home yet.

Biting her lip, Buffy hastily grabbed the package, unlocked the door and ran to the kitchen. There was a message waiting on the answering machine. She pressed the button, and was relieved to hear her sister's voice.

"Hi Buffy, it's Dawn. I'm sorry, but gonna be late tonight, 'cause I forgot that I missed some tests yesterday, while I was sick, and they say I have to make 'em up today, or else they can't hand the corrected tests back on Monday. And I need to stop at the Library to pick out a book for a report that's due next week. But I promise that I'll be home by five-thirty, even if I end up having to borrow one of your boring books for the report! Bye!"

Buffy couldn't help smiling as the message ended. Dawn must've made that call in front of teachers, or else she wouldn't have mentioned the "being sick" cover story they'd come up with for her absence the previous day. They'd agreed that in exchange for Buffy writing an excuse for Dawn today, there'd be no more problems at school. She wasn't sure how long it would last – only about half of her own skipped classes in high school could be written off to Slayer duties – but she knew that Dawn would at least try to do better. She'd made Dawn pinkie-swear to that!

She looked up at the clock. 4:40 or so. That gave her plenty of time to change out of what she'd started to call her "Palace Guard Uniform," and see what the package was. She looked down, and froze.

The package had no return address, but it didn't need one. She could recognize the way Angel wrote her name instantly.

She grit her teeth, took a deep breath, and then carried the package into the living room, where she set it on the coffee table before settling onto the couch. She stared at it for a full minute before resolving to open it before Dawn got home. Although her younger sister had disliked Riley as much as Xander had liked him – and vice versa when it came to Spike, she found herself thinking – they both agreed completely when it came to her first boyfriend: Deadboy was Bad News.

She carefully opened the box, and found, surprisingly, two separate wrapped packages inside it. They were long tubes, one wrapped in blue, the other in green. There was also a card, which she opened first.

It was a typical Angel card, one of those lovely artsy cards that left you torn between wanting to frame it and wanting to tuck it safely away in an album of mementos. Angel never got her funny cards, like Xander and Willow did, but she had kept every single one she'd ever gotten from him.

Inside the card there was a folded letter, and she opened it nervously. If Angel had more to say than would fit on the inside of a card...

She frowned a bit, then shrugged and opened the blue-wrapped tube. Inside was a rolled piece of paper. Beginning to guess what she would find, she gently tapped it out of the tube, and gasped in wonder as she spread it out on the coffee table.

She couldn't tell whether he'd done it from memory or from an old picture, but she could tell the era instantly. Junior Year at Sunnydale High, pre-Angelus. She looked happy, hopeful...She hated to sound vain, but she looked beautiful, in a naïve, innocent kind of way. She looked back at the letter.

This was starting to worry her. When Angel did his Cryptic Guy routine, she always knew she wouldn't like what he had to say. But her curiosity was now piqued. She opened the green-wrapped tube, and, just like before, found a rolled paper inside.

The portrait on this paper was shockingly different. The style was coarse, even harsh. The first picture had been delicately colored, but this was in stark black-and-white. And the girl in the picture? She was tired, thin, and frail-looking. Drained of life and hope and courage. There were tears streaming down her pale cheeks, and her mouth was half-open, as if she needed to say something but couldn't find the words to say it.

As Buffy gazed at the picture before her, she tried to summon up the will to feel anger and hatred at the sight of the rogue Slayer. But this was a Faith she'd never seen before. A Faith with every guard torn away, every wall broken down. Even when she was lying in a coma, Faith had never looked this...broken.

Tearing her eyes away from the portrait, she caught her breath and returned to the letter.

Buffy nearly dropped the letter in confusion. Faith had tried to kill her on more than one occasion. Was it even possible that she had reacted like this to her longtime rival's death? She made herself read on.

Buffy tried to read the rest of Angel's letter, but her eyes were too blurred by tears to make out the rest of the words. She was still weeping when Dawn – and Spike, who'd walked his Niblet home from the Library – came home.

Tara lay on her bed in her dorm room, looking through every bit of information on auras – and what could change them – that she could find. But the more she looked, the more frustrated she got. There was just no explanation for all the things she had seen at Buffy's party.

Auras could wax and wane somewhat, when affected by strong emotions, or when the person went though major life changes, as Willow's apparently had when she gave up magic. But the degree of change was usually pretty small. Likewise, strong emotions would cause flashes of different colors to appear, but a fundamental color change was extremely rare, since the dominant color of an aura was a reflection of someone's basic personality, not just their feelings of the moment.

The plain fact that Buffy's aura had changed so much confused her, and – she had to admit to herself – it frightened her. After all her research on the resurrection spell, after she had promised Buffy that she was fine...could she have been wrong? Had something terrible happened to Buffy when they brought her back, something that had somehow changed her fundamental nature?

As for what she had seen when Spike and Buffy touched...two people's auras might intertwine and even mingle a little, but it should have been completely impossible for two auras to merge into one. Not even identical twins were so much alike that-

"Luv, I haven't got the slightest. Dawn and I got here a little bit ago, and found her crying herself sick. She hasn't said what 's wrong, she's just been crying, or babbling to Dawn that she forgives her for the wish, for stealing all that stuff from the stores...for every bleedin' thing she's ever done!

"Anyway, I went to get her a drink – to calm her down, of course – and all I could get her was a glass of water! After that marathon party, Buffy hasn't got a thing to drink or eat in the entire house – I think Clem even ate the pancake mix, right out of the box!

"So Old Mother Hubbard's cupboard is bare, neither one of the girls is up to going out, and I don't want to leave them alone..."

"All right, Spike, I get the picture. You just stay right there. I'll get some take-out and come right over." Then she thought of something, and wished she hadn't. "Umm, wh-what about you? D-do you n-need anything?"

She heard Spike chuckle wickedly. "Well, you could pick me up a bag of O positive from my crypt--" Tara's stomach started to tie itself in knots as she thought of going there, by herself, at night, "--but I don't think that little detour's necessary. I can eat regular food. Can't live on it, but it'll take the edge off. And since coming to the States I've developed a real taste for Buffalo wings. The spicier, the better."

Tara grinned briefly. Spike eating regular food? Buffalo wings? That was just so weird, she had to see it for herself. "Okay. I know a place where I can get wings for you, and other stuff for the rest of us."

"You can get what you like for yourself, witchy woman, and for the Slayer – just don't get her a hamburger, or she'll brain you for sure – but the Bit likes wings, and she likes 'em just like I do, extra spicy. 'Course, she has to have extra blue cheese sauce too, havin' human taste buds..."

Tara could adjust to all kinds of things if she tried – vampires with chips in their heads who ate chicken wings, girls who magically appeared at the age of 14 and hung out with vampires with chips in their heads who...etc. The idea of eating blue cheese, however, was still totally alien to her. "If she'll eat it, fine, Spike. But she'd better eat some salad, too. Just hold on, and I'll be there as quick as I can."

She was about to hang up when she thought of one more thing. It was a bit risky, and it was based on pure guesswork, but if what she had seen last night was real, and not just her Sight gone haywire..."One more thing, Spike...?"

"Go be with Buffy. Touch her. Don't pester her to talk about what's happened...and for God's sake keep your hormones under control! Just be there for her. I think...I think it'll be good for her."

There was a long silence at the other end. Then a long sigh. "All right, luv, I'll do my best. I just hope you're right. When the Slayer's upset, she can be real nasty, and I won't be able to enjoy those wings if she decides to feed me a nice thick stake first."

Tara said goodbye and hung up, then grabbed her purse and jacket and rushed out the door.

Spike took a swig from his flask. He still remembered the night, almost a year ago, when he'd come to the Slayer's house to kill her, and wound up trying to comfort her instead, as she sat weeping on her back porch. He'd known that she hadn't really wanted his comfort, and he'd felt stupid just sitting there with her, or patting her on the back, but he'd found it impossible to just walk away.

Eventually Buffy had simply gotten up and gone in the house, without saying a word to him. And she'd never mentioned that night since then. He wondered if she even remembered that he'd been there. He also wondered if he was going to be able to help her this time around.

Tucking his flask back into his pocket, he made his way to the living room. The scene on the couch was pretty much as he had left it. Buffy was still caught between sobbing and babbling to Dawn, who was trying to comfort Buffy, but also getting confused and frightened by her older sister's behavior.

Finally, Spike noticed the boxes and papers lying discarded on the coffee table. He was sure they hadn't been there last night when the party had finally broken up. Being careful not to disturb the Summers sisters, he glanced through them. It took him only moments to scan the letter and take in the two portraits.

Goddamn my bloody stinkin' Sire! Shoulda figured he'd be involved in this!

He took a deep breath – he didn't need to breathe, but the age-old human instinct was still there, and it did help him focus his thoughts – and forced his anger down. He'd deal with the Guilt Fairy another time.

Then he crept up behind Dawn, and whispered to her, "Niblet, please? Let me in? Maybe I can help." And he silently prayed – to anything that would listen to a vampire – that Tara was right.

Dawn bit her lip, and looked back at her sometime protector. She wanted to be the one to help her sister, who'd been there so many times for her...but she felt so frustrated. Why wouldn't Buffy stop crying?

As she looked helplessly at Spike, she thought ruefully that maybe it would be a relief to let one of the "grownups" take over...as long as he didn't try to shut her out.

She nodded, and whispered, "Okay." She gently shifted Buffy's shoulder a little to let Spike slide in behind her. And soon it was Spike who was gently embracing the petite blonde and murmuring in her ear. Dawn had moved over to Buffy's other side, and was stroking her hair.

She couldn't hear what Spike was saying to her sister – or even if he was saying anything at all – but it seemed to be working. Buffy finally stopped crying, and after a minute or two, she accepted the glass of water from Dawn and took a sip. Then, as she looked at Dawn, she seemed to realize that someone else was holding her. She turned suddenly, and came face-to-face with the vampire. "S-s-s-spike?" she hiccuped. "What are you doing here?"

Dawn saw Spike start to get that...wounded look that only Buffy could inspire in him. And she knew that in a moment, he would say something nasty and defensive that would ruin all the good he'd just done. So she answered for him.

"He walked me home from the Library." And as Buffy opened her mouth, she added, "And he was going to leave us to our happy little sisterhood-bonding night until he saw what a mess you were. He got you that glass of water you're holding, I think I heard him calling someone about food, and he was able to calm you down, when I couldn't even get you to talk to me straight! So don't go all Slayerful on him and thank him, for Pete's sake!"

To describe Buffy's emotional state at this time as "confused" would have been the understatement of the century. She was still trying to deal with the thought of Faith wanting her forgiveness, Faith being sorry that Buffy had died...and herself being sorry that Faith had died. It was all too much for her to handle.

And now she was being comforted by Spike, who was the closest thing she had to an archenemy. (At that thought, she added a brief mental Ppffft! to Warren, who was only her arch-hemorrhoid.) She was being comforted by Spike, who had tried to kill her so many times...

She mentally gritted her teeth and reminded herself of all the times Spike had taunted her, and humiliated her, and hurt her.

But he was here now, as he had been so many times since she had been brought back, comforting her, caring for her...loving her? Was it really possible?

Dawn watched in alarm as Buffy looked up at Spike. She had that look in her eyes, the one that said she was having one of her Moments. Dawn didn't think she was going to like this, and she was sure that Spike wouldn't.

"Spike?" Buffy asked, in a surprisingly calm voice. "I'm going to ask you a question. And for once, just for once, I want a straight answer from you. No jokes, no put-offs, no sarcasm.

Dawn blinked. This was the last thing she expected to hear from Buffy. Buffy always saying, "Vampires don't have souls, they don't feel anything real." And that always went double for Spike, even after all he'd done.

But she began to feel a little gleam of hope, down at the bottom of her heart. She'd talked to Spike more than anyone else had during that horrible summer when Buffy was...not there. And she'd really listened to him. She knew what she hoped he'd say...what he'd probably been aching to say to Buffy since she'd been back.

"I'm sorry...that I failed you, and the Bit, that night on the tower. You asked me to do something for you, and I let you down. I might've done a lot of awful things to you, in the past...but that was the worst."

He stopped speaking, but Buffy just stared at him, clearly expecting more. Spike sighed, then looked over Buffy's shoulder at Dawn "Bit, I'm sorry that when I helped you break into the Magic Box, I didn't follow you back to the house. I heard about what you did afterwards," he glanced at Buffy, "and even if I couldn't have made you finding out about being the Key any easier, I could've made sure you didn't hurt yourself, or run into any crazy Hellgods while you were still upset."

And..." he was clearly trying to think now. He looked back at Buffy. "I'm sorry about the night I chained you up and threatened to sic Dru on you. Although," he added pointedly, "I think you should remember that I didn't do it, even when you practically spat in my face!"

He stopped, and Dawn thought she heard him growl, deep in his chest, but then he continued.

"I can come up with a whole list if you like, pet, but basically I'm sorry for every rotten thing I've ever done to you, or Dawn."

Buffy stared at him, and then cocked her head to one side, a gesture – Dawn realized with a shock – that she had taken from Spike. "Anything else? What about what you've done to my friends, to Xander, and Willow...and Tara?"

Dawn blinked at the mention of Tara's name – she liked Tara a whole lot, and she knew Buffy considered her a friend, but when had Buffy added her to the "short list" that had just been "Xander and Willow" for so long?

Spike pressed his lips together into a thin line. Then he answered, slowly, "Xander and I have a nice, comfortable, mutual hatred. I haven't done or said anything to him that he hasn't returned, or at least tried to, with interest.

"Red...well, she's another story. I don't think she likes me...but she doesn't hate me. She's the only one I know who never bears a grudge. And she convinced you all to keep me from staking myself, when all I wanted to do was give up. So yeah, I guess I'm sorry for the time I kidnapped her...and for the couple of times I tried to bite her.

"As for Tara, I've never done anything to her. Except for that time that I punched her in the nose, and as I recall, that was a good thing."

Spike waited for Buffy to reply. He was holding onto his temper, but just barely. He hoped Buffy would just let this go.

She didn't. "You talk about regret like it's something you owe only to the people you know, and like," she said. "What about all the people you've killed over the years? Do they mean nothing to you?"

Now Spike got angry. "Is it really all that different for you? What about all the vampires you've slain over the years?"

"Evil? Ha! Your average minion is too stupid to be evil! They don't know anything except hunger. They're not even smart enough to run away when they see you stake a couple of their pals.

"But if you want to make evil the issue, fine! Forget about all those nameless, faceless dust piles. What about old Spike, the Big Bad himself? I've been evil, sure, but not everything I've done has been evil! And have I ever gotten an apology or an ounce of credit from you?"

He was losing his temper, and he knew it. And he didn't care. "What about the time you left me tied up in the middle of a fight, starving, without a chance to defend myself or even dive for cover? I couldn't have hurt you, and I was offering you information about the Initiative, but I wasn't even worth trying to protect!

"What about all the times you've come over to my crypt to beat information out of me? Or just to beat me up for the fun of it? What about the other night, when you beat me almost senseless because I tried to keep you from throwing your bloody life away!

"Maybe it's too much to ask, but once, just once, I'd like you to consider apologizing to me!"

Spike stared at her a moment, his face just inches from hers, and tightly replied, "It would mean everything, luv. To me, at least."

Dawn held her breath. The two of them had obviously forgotten that she was even in the room. And they were...staring at each other, like they were going to start fighting or start...

The moment was broken, but the tension was still there. After a long silence, the bell rang again, and Spike said, "That's probably Tara, with dinner."

Buffy just nodded and said, "I'll go let her in." She got up and started for the front door.

Dawn felt her heart sink into her shoes. Was Buffy really going to leave things like this? Sometimes she could be such a-

Buffy suddenly turned around. "S-spike?" she choked. Dawn could see there were tears in her eyes again.

Then she ran for the door to greet Tara, as Spike and Dawn stared after her in wonder.

Dismissal. "Please, not now. We can talk later. Much later." Sniff, sniff. "Buffalo wings? Please tell me you got something besides Buffalo wings."

"Wings for Spike, wings, sides, and salad for Dawn, and fried chicken, sides, and salad for the two of us."

Smile. "I remembered. It's the kind you like, with egg in it. God, how can you eat like that and still look like...that?"

Shrug. "Slayer metabolism. All that strength has to come from somewhere. C'mon, I hear that potato salad calling my name."

Dawn and Spike wanted to just crash-and-munch in front of the television. Buffy insisted on the dining room table. "That couch has been through years of zombie, vampire, and demon abuse, and somehow survived pretty much intact. I am not going to let you get wing sauce stains all over it."

So they all sat and ate at the dinner table. Dawn and Tara talked, and ate, and talked some more. Spike just sat and ate, and occasionally looked at her. And she sat, and ate a little, and looked back at him. And felt terrible.

God, how could she have been so...awful? She remembered her Queen Bitch of the Universe phase at the beginning of her junior year of high school, and what she'd put Xander and Willow through back then. But that was nothing compared to what she'd done to Spike.

What she'd done to him – what they'd done to each other – when they actually were enemies was one thing. She had realized afterward that Spike hadn't brought up that stuff at all when asking for an apology.

But all the things she'd done when he was helpless. The things she'd done when he'd said he loved her. The things she'd done when he'd proved that he loved her.

Spike had real, human feelings. He loved her. Really, deep down, whole-hearted, give-his-life-for-her loved her. He loved – in a big-brotherly, protective kinda way – Dawn. He liked Willow, and apparently liked Tara well enough to trust her with – she thought wryly – the care and feeding of the ones he loved. He hated Xander, sure, but it seemed like a human-y hate, no worse than what she felt for, say, the dork who'd tried to come on to her at work today. Spike and Xander still managed to work together – just like she'd managed to give the dork his order without pouring his drink on his head.

She'd demanded that Spike prove his humanity by being sorry for what he'd done. But what was more human than wanting to be treated...well, like a human being?

When he'd looked right in her eyes, and not only asked for an apology, but also told her how much it would mean to him, it hit her. For once, she hadn't seen him as Spike, the Master Vampire. She'd seen him as Spike, the Man in Pain. And she had caused that pain.

Spike had feelings. And she had stomped all over those feelings. Tried to pretend they didn't even exist. Even Angelus had never done that to her.

"Well, have some more! And have some more carrots in it, they're good for your eyesight."

"If I eat another carrot, I'm going to turn into a bunny! Hey, you think I could scare Anya into getting off my case about the Magic Box stuff if I was a giant bunny?"

The vision of Faith's portrait swam in front of her. Not from thoughts of Faith herself – she had walled those feelings away for another time, when she could talk them over with someone who'd been there, like Willow or Xander. But she was suddenly aware that when you've done something wrong, you never knew when you would run out of opportunities to correct it. Life was short...especially for Slayers. She wanted...no, she needed to say something or do something more.

But she didn't know what to say, or do. After her hasty, whispered apology, all the fire had run out of her, as it always did these days when she was apart from him. The inspiration, the spark that would've told her what to do next, just wasn't there. She didn't really feel empty, but she felt...gray. Faded. Incomplete.

But it looked as though she needed him. And she wanted to need him in a good way. Not as a dirty little secret. Not as something to be ashamed of.

Tara tried to be inconspicuous as she watched Buffy and Spike look at each other all through dinner. She didn't know what had gone on between Buffy and Spike before she had arrived, but she could make some guesses. Dawn was acting like a little kid – Tara almost expected her to start dancing around, singing, "I know something you don't know!"

She couldn't quite tell if Spike was happy – he just looked stunned. He kept glancing across the table at Buffy as if he didn't quite believe that they were just sitting down together, at dinner, like normal people. And as she'd blurted out when she'd arrived, Buffy looked awful. White-faced and red-eyed. Sad. And the looks she kept throwing Spike could only be described as guilty. And needy.

Tara was sorely tempted to take Dawn somewhere and let Buffy and Spike finish whatever it was they'd started, but Buffy didn't look like she was ready to finish it. And she didn't think Dawn would be particularly happy about being shuffled off somewhere; Tara actually found herself glancing over her shoulder, afraid she'd see that demon – Halfrek? – standing there.

The bottom line was, Buffy just looked too drained to do anything more. And following that metaphor, what she needed was a recharge. Some nice, simple, undemanding fun. And then she remembered a conversation she'd had with Dawn early in the summer when she and Willow were moving into her mother's old room...

"Let me see." Dawn came over and looked in the box. "Oh. That 's our old 'Extra Special Pick-Me-Up Night' box. When Mom and Dad split up, we were all...going through some bad times. Every now and then, it would get really bad. At that point, Mom would declare an Extra Special Pick-Me-Up Night. We'd get together, pick out one of the things in that box, and do it. There are a few of our favorite games, a couple of fun movies...and an emergency supply of hot chocolate. I don't think there's been a Pick-Me-Up Night since Buffy went to college, but look, it's still in there. Mom swore that she would never raid the hot chocolate from that box unless it was a Pick-Me-Up Night, because you never knew when you would really need it."

The young brunette looked up, and bit her lip. "I...I don't want this to sound wrong, but I couldn't do that right now. Without Mom...without Buffy...it just wouldn't be the same. I don't want to get rid of this box – it got us through some really hard times – but for right now, I think we need to put it away." Then she brightened. "But we wouldn't need to raid this box to just have some hot chocolate – there's some in the cupboard downstairs!"

Dawn saw Tara suddenly stop eating. Then she smiled, and leaned over and whispered, "Hey Dawnie? Remember that box in your mother's closet?"

Dawn just looked at her blankly for a moment. "What? Oh!" Her eyes brightened, and a huge smile appeared on her face as she realized what the witch had in mind. "Tara, you're a genius!" Then she looked over at Buffy. "Buffy?" she called out.

Dawn pretended to study Buffy a moment, tapped her nose with her index finger, and then said in her best Know-it-All Doctor Voice, "You look like you need a Pick-Me-Up. An Extra Special Pick-Me-Up!"

Buffy's eyes widened. Then a small smile came to her face. "You think we could? But what about-" she waved her hand, indicating Tara and Spike.

"Well, Tara just has to be included, since she was the one who suggested it!" She turned to look at Tara, and smiled at her. "And I would like to officially invite Spike to this Pick-Me-Up Night..." her voice trailed off as she looked over at the vampire, "as long as he wants to stay."

"But there isn't any hot chocolate – or much of anything else, for that matter – in the house. Why do you think I had Tara bring dinner over? You're cleaned out, girls."

Spike pursed his lips. "Well, I guess I could stay. But I think we've all had enough of games, " and Dawn looked sheepish at his glare, "for quite a while. And I hope these movies aren't all sappy girlie flicks." Spike made a face.

Dawn tried to think. Some of them were "sappy girlie flicks," although not many of them were romantic-sappy. When Mom had been the one to really need a Pick-Me-Up, the last thing she had needed was a reminder of her own broken marriage.

Of course, at first Dawn just thought she had gone crazy. Her sister suddenly made this goofy face, and started singing a nonsense song over and over: "Da da-da da-da da, da da-da da-da, da da-da da-da da da, hello folks! Da da-da da-da da, da da-da da-da, da da-da da-da da da, hello folks!"

Everyone in the room just stared at her. Then Dawn got it, and almost laughed herself silly. "Buffy! Wow! I almost forgot about that one! And maybe Spike can even explain some of the British stuff we never got!"

Spike looked at the two of them like they were both crazy. "What the hell are you two birds going on about?"

Dawn explained. "It's one of the movies in that box. One of Mom's favorites, but both of us liked it too. It's a Scottish movie called Comfort and Joy." She glanced at Buffy. "Appropriate, much?"

Dawn went on. "Well, it takes place at the holiday season...but I can't say too much. The first time she put it on for us, Mom said you can't try to explain this movie ahead of time, or you'll ruin it."

Spike seemed to squirm as three pairs of feminine eyes gazed pleadingly at him. Dawn was sure it was the hazel pair across the table from him that made him squirm the most. "All right, all right. But I reserve the right to split if this flick gets too sappy...after I finish my hot chocolate, of course," he added in a mutter.

Spike stayed through the whole film. And he was the one who said, as they turned off the TV, "God! You think it's really possible to do that?"

Buffy said smugly, "It can be done. You can find it in some Mexican restaurants."

Spike looked disgustedly at Dawn and Buffy. "You knew about something amazing like this, and never told me?"

Dawn protested, "I never knew you'd be interested! I thought you didn't like sweet stuff like that!"

Spike gave her a wicked grin. "Not usually. But I'm always up for new experiences." He held off on winking at Buffy, though. She looked like she was finally feeling better, and he didn't want to ruin things again.

Then he looked at the time. "Bugger! Everything'll be closed by now. If I'm going to try this out, I'll have to wait 'till tomorrow night!"

Tara looked up at him. "I'm free tomorrow night. How about you guys?" She looked at Buffy and Dawn.

Spike hadn't been planning on another get-together...he'd just figured on a blood entrée and stopping by the restaurant for a little take-out dessert. But he held his tongue. He didn't want to hurt Tara's feelings...and maybe he'd get to see Buffy again.

The two sisters just looked at each other. Buffy was the first to reply, "Well, Dawn and I had originally planned the next couple nights to be just for the two of us – like tonight was supposed to be – but I wouldn't mind if she wouldn't."

Dawn smiled impishly. "And miss out on the dessert you guys are planning? Uh-uh! Count me in!"

Tara said, "I think Xander and Anya were planning to stay in for a while. She kinda had a bad reaction to being shut up in here, and I think she said something about having Xander make her forget all about it." She made a face – they all knew what that meant. She looked over at Buffy and Dawn. "I believe...Willow's plans are open for tomorrow."

Spike grinned to himself when he saw Tara's say Willow's name. He was glad the two witches were starting to patch things up. And a night out with a group might help them, too. "I wouldn't mind if Red came along."

Buffy brightened. "Then it looks like we'll be meeting again tomorrow? Here, at seven o'clock?"

Spike couldn't hold back on that opening. He looked straight at her and said, "It's a date, luv."

After Tara and Spike left, Dawn ran up to her room, claiming she was tired and wanted to get ready for bed. Actually, she was so wired she didn't think she'd sleep at all that night. She just wanted to get to her room so she could write down everything she'd seen in her diary.

As she sat at her desk and opened the book, she sighed as she remembered the old diaries that she had destroyed when she was going through her "I'm Not Real" crisis. She had even asked Willow at one point if there was any way to get them back. Willow had smiled sadly, and said that there were whole libraries of books that she'd like to un-burn, but that it just wasn't possible.

Now, as Dawn started to write, she figured it was all for the best. It was actually kinda...therapeutic, to have burned those diaries. She had sounded like such a dweeb sometimes.

Buffy. Now...what could she possibly want? Dawn thought wickedly. She was pretty sure she knew what Buffy wanted to talk about. She just wasn't sure whether she wanted to tease her mercilessly or just tell her to go find Spike and kiss him till his hair curled. "Sure. C'mon in."

Buffy came in and sat on the bed, and gave her a half-smile. "I figured you'd go right to the diary. But after we talk, I'd like you to try to get some sleep. We've all had a rotten couple of weeks, and I can't believe you're not ready to collapse. I know that I want to crawl under the covers and not come out until summertime, at least."

Dawn gave her a mischievous look and said, "Oh? And miss your date with Spike tomorrow night?"

Buffy blushed furiously and squeaked, "Dawn! I do not have a date with Spike! I have a date with you and Tara and Willow...and Spike." The last came out with a bit of a sigh.

Dawn grinned again as she heard that sigh. "C'mon, sis, admit it. You like him. Even if the other Scoobies would have a problem dealin' with that, I know what Spike is really like. You can be honest with me."

Buffy looked down at her shoes, and Dawn saw her lip quiver. "I've been so terrible to him. And I don't know what to do." Suddenly she looked up at Dawn, and there was that weird gleam in her eye again. "Dawn? You know what Spike is really like? How 'bout you tell me all about it?"

"Dawnie, I only know about him in a kicked-his-ass, stomped-on-his-heart kinda way. Look, I know how much you were with Spike while I was...away. You were the reason he stuck around. And I don't think he'd believe me if I said, 'Pour out your heart to me for, like, the zillionth time, 'cause I promise this time I'll listen to you.'

Buffy waited, and watched Dawn think about her request. She had that funny wrinkly thing between her eyes that meant she was really thinking hard about something. Then she said, "Buffy? I've got a bit of a problem. I kinda swore to Spike that I'd never tell any of the Scoobies about something that I think you need to know.

"As it was, I think he only told me 'cause he was really, really drunk, 'cause the next day, he made me swear never to tell again. And told me that if I ever broke that promise, he'd tie me up and leave me in the cemetery. At night. Naked."

Forcing down the automatic, furious response at Spike even thinking about a naked Dawn, Buffy thought for a moment. "I really don't like the idea of helping you break a promise...but I think I can get you off on a technicality. Willow told me one time, 'You're the Slayer, and we're the Slayerettes.' I guess if you assume that 'the Scoobies' is just another name for 'the Slayerettes,' then, as the Slayer, I'm not really a Scooby!" she finished brightly, proud of herself for having thought of it.

Dawn gave her an impish look. "No, you're Scooby Doo himself. 'Ruh-roh! It's a monster!'" She laughed.

Buffy grabbed a pillow and whacked her sister with it. "Jerk!" A brief pillow fight ensued. As soon as things calmed down, Buffy said, "So spill."

Dawn sighed. "Okay. How much has Spike told you about what he was like before he was a vampire?"

"Not much. He's implied, once or twice, that he's always been 'the Big Bad,' but he's never really given me any details." She wrinkled her nose. "I'm not sure I really wanna know, if he was, like, Jack the Ripper or Mack the Knife or something like that."

Dawn fidgeted a bit. "Well, it was nothing like that. He was just, well, William the Bloody."

Buffy felt her mouth tighten. "So, since you're obviously dying to tell me, what disgusting thing did he do to get that nickname?"

Dawn was mortified. She should've known she couldn't trust Buffy with this! "Buffy! Stop it!"

Buffy was still slapping the bed and giggling helplessly. "Spike! Poetry! Spike! Hahahaha!"

Dawn glared at her and said, "Remember when Missy Davenport laughed at you when you were in your Dorothy Hamill outfit?"

Buffy's giggling suddenly turned into coughing and choking. Then she looked up at Dawn, and managed to look gratifyingly mortified. "Um. Oh. Ooops. I...I did it again, didn't I?"

Dawn only glared at her some more and said, "Now you know why Spike never told you. If he'd seen you laughing at him like that, he'd have staked himself."

Buffy shook her head. "It's just so...weird. I mean, Spike, who calls Angel 'the Poof' and uses English cursewords like punctuation...a poet? This is maximum wig-time. It's a nuclear wig-bomb!"

Dawn nodded sympathetically. "I know, I couldn't believe it myself – though I did manage not to laugh at him, butthead – and he ended up telling me the whole story."

"That he was completely, totally in love with this girl, and he wrote her poetry and did everything he could to prove he loved her...and she totally dissed him. She broke his heart, and he took off and ran right into Drusilla! And before he knew it, he woke up without a pulse."

Dawn went on. "Yeah, from what he told me, this Cecily girl would've made Cordelia look pleasant. The last thing she said to him was, 'You're beneath me.' How totally bitchy is that?"

"Before...before he told me he loved me. He was going on about this theory he had, that all Slayers have a death wish, and he was saying he'd be sure to be there the day that mine caught up with me. And he was acting all cocky, and...leaning towards me, like he wanted to bite me – I guess he might've been trying to work himself up to kiss me.

"Anyway, I just got so mad I hit him. Knocked him on his butt. And I said that even if this death wish ever did catch up with me, he wouldn't be the one who got me. And then I said it. 'You're beneath me.' When I walked away, I was actually kinda happy 'cause it looked like I had really gotten to him with that one. And I guess I did, didn't I?" she added mournfully.

"I guess I've earned it. But please, Dawnie. I've got to make this up to him, somehow. This is just...too much! I don't know how I can make things right with him if I don't even know how he can put up with me in the first place!"

Buffy thought Dawn 's glare softened...just a little. "He loves you, Buffy. It's that simple. You forgave Angel for what he did when he was bad, didn't you?"

Buffy sighed. "That was different. Angel and Angelus are like, two different people." At least, that was what she had always told herself. It was the only way she could deal with her conflicting feelings regarding Angel. "I'm still the same Buffy who said all those things to Spike."

Dawn shot back, "Is he the same Spike that called out the Order of Taraka on you? People change, Buffy. That's what this is all about. Spike wants you – wants all of us – to believe that he's changed, that he's not the same person he used to be.

"I believe him. I guess that's why I like Spike more than I ever liked Angel. Angel always seemed the same to me...at least, when he was Angel."

Buffy took a moment to digest all this. Then she made a face at her younger sister. "When did you get to be so smart?"

They both laughed a little, and then Buffy sighed. "What am I gonna do, Dawnie?"

The question caught Buffy off-guard. "Maybe. I dunno. I care about him. I don't want to hurt him anymore.

"But he just gets so...Spike-ish all the time! It's like he knows exactly what to say to push my buttons! He acts like it's fun to get me mad at him."

Dawn laughed. "It is! I've had loads of fun playing the same game!" She demonstrated by whacking Buffy with a pillow. That led to another pillow fight.

Dawn continued, afterward, "See, Buffy? Fighting doesn't have to be fighting, when it's with someone you care about. Try playing with Spike in the same way. Push a few of his buttons, and get him all 'grrr,' and even have a fight with him. He likes fighting.

"Just make sure you use your fists instead of a stake. And I mean with the words, as well as the physical stuff. Rag on him about his hair, or his coat, or something like that. Leave the feelings stuff out of it. And if you ever tell him I told you about the poetry..."

"I get it, I get it." She took a deep breath, and let it out. "All right. I think that's about as much as I cane take. Any more and my head's gonna turn inside out."

Dawn snorted. "Like that would make a difference. I always said you used too much hair color – it must've soaked into your brain."

"Shrimp." Dawn laughed as Buffy sputtered over that one. "I've been waiting to use that one ever since I noticed I'm taller than you."

Buffy rolled her eyes. "Now I know I've had enough! I give! Just go to bed and get some sleep." Then she smiled wickedly, and Dawn suddenly knew her sister had one more shot to throw. "We've got lots of stores to visit tomorrow, and things to return. And if they won't take 'em back, we're gonna figure out how you can work off the cost."

Buffy didn't sleep well that night. She kept having this dream where a woman with dark, curly hair kept saying to her, "You're nothing to me, William. You're beneath me.

As Dawn had suspected, the store owner that made the most fuss about the shoplifted items was Anya. She went on for several minutes about how angry and hurt she was, and how many sales Dawn had cost her.

Anya held up one of the items. "This is an Amulet of Rathcar. It's only used for certain rituals on the blue moon – the second full moon in a month. We just had a blue moon a few months ago, and there won't be another for almost three years! And this item...this is a cloaking amulet, which protects the wearer from detection spells and such. But you see the gem? It's blue. It's already bonded to you, so I can't sell it to someone else! And this...wait," she paused as she held up a gold medallion. "This doesn't belong in the shop. It's D'Hoffryn's talisman! Where did you get this?"

Anya frowned. "I'll have to put this away somewhere safe. It's no wonder Halfrek paid a visit – having this around was like lighting a beacon for her.

"Now, I'd really like to charge you for all of this stuff...but Xander pointed out to me that you don't have enough money to pay for it, and reminded me that you're just an immature person-"

"-who hasn't learned how hard it is to work for a living and have to make money so you can have pretty things instead of just having someone buy them for you. So I'm going to teach you a valuable lesson, and let you work off what you owe me at the same time."

"You're going to come in to the shop every Saturday for the next month, learning how to handle customers, use the cash register, take orders for delivery, the whole shebang. Then you're really going to go to work."

"For weeks now, I've been trying to figure out how Xander and I could get away for a honeymoon. Giles isn't here to look after the shop, Buffy has a job of her own, and Willow and Tara have college. You have school, but as I understand it, you have a week off for Spring Break just a week after our wedding-"

"-so you can run the shop for that week while Xander and I go off somewhere and have lots of fun. Then, when I come back, if I find you've done a good job, made an appropriate amount of money for the Vernal Equinox ritual season, and kept the receipts and the books straight, I will consider the matter closed. If I don't think you've done a good job...well, there's always summer vacation."

"Don't look at me, Dawn, I think it's a pretty good idea myself. Although I do have one condition, Anya."

"This store isn't exactly the safest place in Sunnydale for a-" she cut herself off before she said something that Dawn would take as belittling, "young lady like my sister. Remember how Giles got the store in the first place? I think that there should be someone here...Tara, or maybe Spike...to make sure she doesn't get attacked, or sell anything dangerous to a bad guy."

Anya pouted. "Aw, you're no fun. I was going to have one of my old Gorgon friends stop by on the last day and turn her to stone."

Dawn thought her heart stopped beating for a moment, and Buffy seemed equally horrified. "Anya! Working off what she owes is one thing! Turning her into statuary is out of the question."

Anya smiled sweetly. "Just kidding." She glared at Dawn. "That's for the freaking-out you gave me at the party. Now please go do whatever else you need to do, you're blocking the register. I'll see you next Saturday at nine sharp, Dawn!"

Once seven o' clock came, however, and the "double-date-plus-one" – as Dawn thought of it – got together, she was in heaven. As she looked around at the other four in the group, she couldn't help grinning this huge, silly grin that she was sure made her look like a little kid again.

Buffy was alive – really alive. She was happy, smiling...and teasing Spike about his clothes. Dawn smugly reminded herself to really let Buffy have it but good, about having to come to her for relationship advice.

Tara was looking happy again, and Dawn thought she might be making up with Willow. Maybe she'd even come back to live with them again. She really missed the quiet blonde. Somehow, she felt comfortable letting Tara "mother" her in ways that just felt oogy with anyone else, even Buffy.

Then there was Willow. Now that she was over the whole magical power-tripping thing, Dawn had to admit that she had been pretty hard on the former witch. After all, Willow was the one who'd helped her through algebra, taught her to play chess, and taken Dawn's side whenever Buffy was on her case about being a klutz.

This was the happiest Dawn had been in...well, unless you counted the memories the monks had built, it was the happiest she'd ever been. Then Dawn remembered that she was the fifth wheel here. Okay, Smartypants, next item on the to-do list is to find me someone to get gooey with!

By the end of the evening, Tara and Willow were slowly and steadilly on the road back to becoming "Tara-and-Willow" again. Buffy and Spike, however, weren't quite so open yet about becoming a couple. Even so, everyone – including Willow, the only one there with no previous knowledge or suspicions about the two of them – sensed that something had changed between them.

By unspoken agreement, the group spread out a bit on the walk back to Buffy's house. Spike and Buffy were in front, Dawn a few yards behind them, and Tara and Willow brought up the rear. That protected Dawn, the most vulnerable, but also gave the couples a chance to talk privately.

"If you were to come back to me, which I'm not saying you will, but I'm hoping that you will want to someday...grrrr!" She growled as she tried to rein in her babbling tongue. "What I mean is, how would we we handle the magic thing?"

"The magic thing where I can't be trusted around magic-y stuff like crystals and candles and statuettes, but without them you can't do your own magic."

"Oh, I guess we would have to keep my stuff at the Magic Box, or someplace safe like that, while you work on your self-control."

"That's good." There was a pause. "Um...I don't want to jump to any conclusions or anything, but you came up with that answer awful quick."

He nodded. "There was something I wasn't able to say yesterday...in front of the Niblet. Something that I really need to say." He sighed.

"I'd been doing my best to try to convince you I'd changed, that I wasn't a monster anymore. But the past few weeks, when we've been...together," he said quietly, the simple fact of his tactfulness bringing a smile of relief to Buffy's face, "I've been doing my best to make you feel guilty for wanting to be with me. That...was not only cruel, it was stupid.

"I meant what I said when you were invisible, Buffy. I want you, all of you. Not just your body. Not that there's anything wrong with it," Buffy blushed as he gave her an appreciative look, from head to toe and back, "but now that I've had a taste...I want it all. And I don't want you to feel like you have to keep me in some dark corner – the dirty little secret that you can't tell anyone about."

Buffy made a point of looking back at Tara, Willow, and Dawn. And then, almost shyly, she took his hand, and continued to walk with him. "No more dirty little secrets," she said.

"Well, the only time I've ever seen them acting like this was when I cast that spell I told you about, the 'my will be done' spell, and I accidentally made them get engaged. So I'm just wondering if someone cast a spell again, or if the world is just naturally turning upside down on its own."

Tara laughed. "Well, Willow, people do change." She took a deep breath, then she decided she might as well go for broke. "Willow?"

"Hmm? I thought that was settled. I can't do magic anymore. Power corrupting, the taint of the dark arts, and all that."

"But the power is a part of you. Ignoring it would be like...Buffy trying to pretend she's not the Slayer. Or...Xander trying to pretend he's not a guy," she said with a grin. Then she concluded seriously, "And if you get in trouble, someday...

"What if something happened, something even worse than our problem at Buffy's party? Your instincts might cause you to reach for the magic again."

"What if you saw someone hurting...killing...Dawn, or Buffy, or Xander...or me?"

Willow started, and turned to her. "If anyone hurt you, Tara..." She blinked as tears started to come to her eyes. "I hurt you, and Dawn. Terribly. And I'll never ever forgive myself for it. And I never want to see you hurt like that again, ever!"

Tara watched glumly as Willow started to lose her self-control. Then the redhead's eyes opened wide, and she reached out. "Oh my God, Tara! You're right! Just thinking about something like that...What can I do?"

Tara sighed. "Maybe you can't use witchcraft and the dark arts and such...but I want to look into other ways you might be able to tap into your gifts."

Tara replied simply, "Some things happen for a reason, Willow. I don't believe that gifts like yours just appear randomly; they're meant for something. Although it was a mistake for you to get into witchcraft. No, please, let me finish, Willow," she said as the redhead tried to respond.

"From what you've told me, you've had problems with a lot of your major workings – like that 'my will be done' spell, or the spell that summoned your vampire double. Lots of unexpected backlashes, or Murphy's Law running amok.

"Some things you've done have been really amazing, like when you restored my mind," she smiled then at Willow, to remind her of how much Tara owed her for that, "or when you did the teleportation spell. But both of them were still hell on you – the backlash on the restoration you did on me broke your leg. And the teleportation spell gave you those terrible headaches and nosebleeds – I was terrified you'd have a full-blown cerebral hemorrage.

"So I think your power was never really meant to be used in witchcraft. But there are...other kinds of power, other kinds of magic. I should know – you changed me, without ever casting a spell."

"I was never...comfortable with magic, or with myself, until I met you, Willow. Do I look, or sound, like the same shy, stammering girl in baggy sweats that you met in that Wicca group two years ago?" she said with a smile. "Every word of that song, that day in the park, was true. You changed my life. Brought out the very best in me, things I didn't even know were there. And you made me feel good about myself, as a person...and as a witch.

"Now, maybe I can help you through the same kind of change. You said, the other night, that you'd told Buffy that you wanted to be SuperWillow instead of ordinary Willow. Well, first of all, I fell in love with Willow, not SuperWillow. Willow is a very good person to be, and you've got to learn to be comfortable with that.

"And you also need to find something else to work with, something that will let you use your natural abilities. Something that can be a part of you, without taking over your whole life, the way magic did."

Willow stared at her a long time. Then she asked, "When did you come up with all this?"

Suddenly Tara found herself in a fierce embrace. She just hugged back. No more words were needed.

Spike glanced backwards. "Looks like the two of them won't be walking for a bit. Better stop here a moment, Slayer."

Buffy looked back, then blushed a little, and looked away. "I'm glad for them. They were the happiest couple I've ever known, and it was so awful to see them apart.

"It's so weird. I remember when Willow first told me about her relationship with Tara. She was so afraid that I would wig out on her. And I guess I did – not so much at the relationship, but that my best friend had gone through this huge change, and I'd never even noticed. I was so caught up in the Initiative, and Riley-" She glanced over at Spike. "Sorry. I shouldn't bring him up, should I?"

Buffy smiled at him. Then she set her mouth, and Spike got nervous. "Spike, I've put this off long enough."

Spike took a deep breath. He didn't think Buffy was going to deliver bad news, not when things were going so well...but things were going so well, he almost had to wonder when the other shoe was going to drop. "All right, pet. Lay it on me."

Buffy rolled her eyes at him. "Stop trying to look so noble, Spike. It doesn't suit you." She grinned at him. "Roguish, wicked, and even mysterious suit you. Not noble."

"That's better." Then she put her "serious" face back on. "Spike...before everything got out of hand, with the...you know," she blushed, "I was really starting to like just being with you. You were right about me being afraid to talk to my friends about how I felt. But there was more than that.

"Even when we were enemies, there was...a connection between us. You were smarter and faster and more dangerous than any other vampire I'd faced. And even if I beat you a couple times, you always managed to get away and come back bigger and badder than ever.

"And then I remember what it was like, when Willow put that spell on us." She grinned up at him, and her heart warmed as he smiled, remembering that day. "It was weird, and we both swore we hated it afterwards, but...it felt so right at the time. And I can't help looking back at that time, and wanting to be that happy, with you, again."

She took a deep breath. "Spike, I like this. Being with you. No pressure, no throwing each other up against the wall – for one reason or another," she muttered. "But this is all so new to me – to both of us. It'll take time for me to get used to this. And I need you to understand that. Because I don't want to hurt you anymore.

"I like you, Spike. I'm comfortable with you, I trust you...a little," she blushed as she remembered the last time the issue of trust had come up between them, "I think I'm beginning to understand you a bit – I know you understand me a hell of a lot more than I understand myself sometimes. And yes, I even lust after your skinny white body.

"But does that all add up to love?" She pressed her lips together as she considered the question again. "I don't know." Then, to soften the whole speech a little, she raised her free hand, and pressed it against his face. She caressed his strong, sculpted cheek...Down, girl! she thought, as she added, "Not yet.

"But there's something else. It's not just figuring out what I feel for you, I'm just having problems with my feelings in general. Ever since I came back, I've felt...different, inside. Half-alive. It's not just the memories of...where I was. Those are actually starting to fade away into the background.

"But the only time I've felt whole, and alive, is when I've been with you. It started the first night I was back. You took my hands..." she shuddered at the memory of her scratched and bloody hands, and how she'd hurt them, "and I felt all this fire running through me. I felt like me again. And then the others came in, and you let go of me...and it all went away. I felt so lost, and alone, and they were babbling at me, asking me how I was, and if I was hungry...I just wanted to scream, but I didn't have the energy."

She sighed. "After that, I felt...afraid, every time I was around you. Because all that fire might come rushing back into me. And I didn't know what to do about it...whether to want it – want you – or not. And then, that night, with the singing demon, when you saved my life...You got through to me, not only because of your words, but because you were holding me. And it felt so wonderful. I couldn't take it anymore. I couldn't take being that cold, lonely person anymore. And so I kissed you.

"And I immediately regretted it. Because it didn't seem real, it didn't seem right. I was just using you to shut away the pain, and I didn't want to admit, even to myself, that you were somehow the key to my feelings." She sighed.

"You know...what came after that. Guilt, and pain, then running back to you, then running away from you...pretty soon I didn't know where to turn.

"Then I thought of I asking Tara about the spell that brought me back. I wanted her to figure out what was wrong with me, and how to fix it. But she couldn't find anything-"

"Ask her again." Spike interrupted her. She looked up at him. He looked...strange. "Ask her about it again. She missed something the first time, but she knows better now."

"Tara..." It came to her. "She went to you, didn't she? She confronted you, about us."

Spike actually managed to look shamefaced. "Don't blame her, luv. She was just afraid for you, and decided to let me know exactly how much I was hurting you." He reached into a pocket, and pulled out a pack of cigarettes. He looked at her a moment, and she realized he was waiting for her permission before lighting one up. She nodded. They were in the open air, and it wasn't like Spike had to worry about lung cancer.

Spike went on in between puffs. He told her about Tara's visit, and her investigation into auras. "That matches up with what you just told me." He frowned. "So you can't feel...right, unless you're carrying me around with you, like a lucky charm or something? You really got buggered but good, didn't you?"

Buffy nodded back. "It sucks, big time." Then she concluded. "I just wanted you to know why I was acting so crazy there, for a while. And why...I may still need to grab hold of you, every now and then. Although you don't seem to mind that too much," she said with a smirk.

"You know why I let you speak first? I figured you were going to say something nice, and I wanted an excuse to be able to hold your hand before I went, because until I did that, I wasn't even sure what I was going to say. This," she waved her hand expressively, "all just came to me, right now, while we were walking."

Buffy smiled. "Just one more thing, Spike. Emotional support...isn't the only reason I would want to grab hold of you." Then she leaned forward and kissed him.

This wasn't like the hot, passionate kisses of the previous weeks. This was warm, and friendly...and maybe a little teasing. Buffy felt like it was a promise of things to come. She really, really hoped it was.

When she came up for air, she glanced back and saw Tara, Willow, and Dawn all gaping at her. Tara smiled. Willow just looked stunned. Dawn gave her a big thumbs-up.

She grinned mischievously at them, and at Spike, and said, very loudly, "Spike lips! Lips of Spike!" Then she laughed and kissed him again.

Standing on the porch with Spike, Buffy ached inside as she admitted to herself that it was finally time to let go of his hand. As the fire within her fizzled and died, she almost moaned in despair. She wanted to grab right onto him again, and keep holding – all night long, if possible. But she knew she couldn't just, well, jump into bed with him, like she had been doing for the past month and a half or so.

She had the sudden realization that that she didn't want to just "have sex" with Spike anymore. If – or was it when? – she went to bed with Spike again she wanted it to be...making love. Either before, or after – or maybe during, she thought with a blush – those three little words were gonna be involved. She actually did grab onto his hand at that point, so she could savor the vision that flashed before her. Sweaty bodies. Hot kisses. Soft cries and growls. And the light in his eyes as she said the words to him.

Aaaarrrgh! she thought, overwhelmed with lust, embarrassment, and frustration. Bad Buffy!

She just stared back at him a moment. God, it's true. It's not about using him to make the emptiness go away. It's not about sex for the sake of feeling something, anything. I want Spike. I want Spike! I don't know if I love him, but God do I want him!

Buffy decided she just had to do something with all that fire rolling around inside her. So she jumped into his arms, and poured it all right back into Spike with a goodnight kiss that should've ignited his hair.

It took a long time to get Spike to leave after that, and to get herself to let him leave. But eventually she did, with a promise to see him the next day, in regards to a little project Spike had suggested.

Dawn's gonna be thrilled, she thought, as she waited on the porch to speak with Tara, who was looking nearly as reluctant to leave as Spike had.

But although Tara and Willow had become very warm with each other again, it looked like they weren't quite ready to get...hot...with each other yet. Buffy was sure it was just a matter of time, though – the two of them were giving each other such ooey-gooey looks that she started feeling all gooey herself...as well as a little jealous. Spike could be passionate, but she doubted he could ever let himself be gooey.

Then she thought about Dawn's story about him having been a poet. There's possibilities there...what's more gooey than writing poetry for your lady love? Then she remembered that he'd been a bad poet. Ugh! Gimme flowers and candlelight, or just wild nights with houses falling down around us, but please don't send me bad poetry, Spike!

She shook her head with a chuckle. Wild sexual fantasies, and syrupy-sweet romantic musings, within five minutes of each other. And all about Spike. Things certainly had changed up there in her head. And down there in her heart. And...She blushed and left the thought unfinished.

That brought her back to her reason for speaking to Tara. After the witch had detached herself from Willow, Buffy followed her down the stairs to the sidewalk and called to her, "Tara?" As she caught up to the older blonde, Buffy continued, "Spike told me...everything. And he said that you have some more information for me."

Tara gulped and looked down at her shoes. "I h-h-hope you're n-not mad at me, B-buffy," she stammered.

Buffy reassured the blonde with a quick hug. "It's okay, Tara. It worked out just fine. I wouldn't be this happy if it wasn't for you! I owe you, big-time!"

Tara smiled. "Spike's already paid back the favor...in much the same way, Buffy." She proceeded to tell Buffy that Spike had bumped into Willow the other night, causing her to fall into Tara's arms. "I was pretty Willow-struck at the time, but that peroxide hair of his stood out like a beacon in the moonlight. I saw him smirking at us as we walked away." She explained how the "accident" had precipitated their reconciliation. "So much has happened between us in the past couple days, but it never would've if Spike hadn't forced us into that first step."

Buffy shook her head. "First he punches you, then he shoves Willow. Spike sure has a weird way of doing you two favors."

Tara gave her a sweet smile. "Maybe, but they're still the two nicest things that anyone's ever done for me."

Buffy realized they were getting way off-track. "All right, enough mushy Spike talk. What was it that you saw at my party that has you so wigged?"

Tara described what she had seen in Buffy's aura, and what had happened as she and Spike touched. "I still can't explain it. And I don't know where to go from here, Buffy. Nothing about that spell would explain anything like this, and I've read everything that's ever been written about the spell, including descriptions of every time it's known to have been cast."

Buffy's mind was reeling. Finally, she had some confirmation that there was a reason for all this. This...deadness inside her. It wasn't just her. It was something that had been done to her.

Why me? she thought to herself. Why did all this stuff happen to me, out of all the other girls in the world? Even all the other Slayers didn't have to put up with this crap, 'cause they were never...Then her eyes widened as she made the connection. "Tara, maybe you've read everything about that spell, but I know something else you need to research."

"Me. Or rather, Slayers. I'm sure that spell was never cast on a Slayer before, because Giles told me when Kendra was Called that it was the first time in history that there was ever more than one Slayer. If any Slayers before me had been resurrected, the Council would've known."

Tara's eyes opened wide. "Oh. So I need to check Giles' books for any descriptions of how Slayers...differ from regular human beings."

Buffy nodded. "And there's something else I just thought of. With Faith gone..." She paused a moment at the grief she felt at the thought. Why is it that I can feel all the painful emotions at full blast without Spike? she thought bitterly.

"With her gone, there'll be a new Slayer. She may already have been Called; I was never clear on just how quickly it happens. I bet the Council's going to try to make her a single-minded, can't-have-a-life, always-take-orders-from-your-Watcher Slaying machine, like most Slayers have been – like Kendra was when I first met her." The mention of the other lost Slayer also brought tears to her eyes. Both of them dead, and me twice, but I'm still here. Once more, God, why me?

She sighed, and continued. "Those bastards shouldn't get away with that any more. I'll call Giles, see what he knows about the new Slayer, and make sure he gets involved. I don't know if the Council trusts him completely...and I'm still mad at him for leaving me when I really needed him. But he's the only decent one on the whole Council. If anyone can make sure the new Slayer is allowed to have something resembling a normal life, he can."

Tara nodded. Then she gave Buffy a big hug. "I'll find the answer, Buffy. I swear I'll find it."

Buffy could only answer, "Thank you. For everything." She stepped back and gave Tara a smile. "Give Miss Kitty Fantastico a tummy rub, and a big bag of catnip, for me."

Tara laughed. "She'll appreciate both." Then she added wistfully, "Who knows, Buffy. You may get to see Miss Kitty scampering around your house again very soon..."

Willow watched as her lover and her best friend spoke, and hugged, and spoke some more, and then hugged some more. When did Buffy and Tara get so close? she wondered. Tara had been accepted as a Scooby, and the whole crisis with the Maclay family had actually strengthened her bond with Buffy and Xander and the others, but as far as she knew, they had never really spent time with Tara alone, as opposed to Tara-and-Willow.

When Buffy came back to the house, Willow gave her a half-smile. "Trying to move in on my girl, Buff?" she said in mock jealousy.

Buffy grinned and seemed to consider it. "Nah. As if I'd have a chance. Tara doesn't seem to go for blondes. She's into redheads, all the way."

Willow couldn't help but smile. "Oh, God, Buffy, I missed her. I don't know how I made it through all those weeks without her."

Buffy smiled back. "It's good to see you happy again, Will. Happiness has been pretty scarce around this house lately."

Willow decided to go for broke. "Speaking of happiness and relationships, Buffy...Spike? When? How? And..." she broke off. There were too many questions.

Buffy looked at her, and Willow could feel her old friend...measuring her. Then she sighed and said, "I guess I should tell you the whole story, Will. You deserve to know what's been going on. And you're not freaking, the way that I'm sure Xander will...Oh, God, you can't ever tell Xander. He'd wig out big time if he knew what was really going on when...Wait." She stopped talking a moment, then said, "I'm getting ahead of myself. Let's go inside, and talk."

What neither Buffy nor Willow knew was that Dawn had had a...feeling that there was an important conversation going on. So she crept out of her bedroom, over to her usual hiding place at the top of the stairs, and listened. And got herself an earful.

Willow was, in turn, dismayed, appalled, and embarrassed as Buffy spun her tale. She tried not to interrupt, but couldn't help it at times.

"Yeah. He wasn't really going at me full-strength, like he was trying to kill me. But he wanted to get my attention...and he got it." She went on. Willow blushed. Then she gasped. The she blushed some more.

Buffy blushed herself. "Yeah. And if that wasn't bad enough, I...teased Spike. Nibbled on his earlobe. While Xander was there."

Willow laughed until she cried. "Oh my God! Poor Xander! He would have a fit if he knew that!"

Buffy glared at her. "Which is why he's never gonna know, Will. I mean, he's gotta know that Spike and I are...together...eventually. But don't tell him any of this stuff. I'd never hear the end of it. And besides, he doesn't like Spike as it is. If he hears all this, he'll assume it's Spike's doing and not mine."

Willow shook her head. "It's not your fault, Buffy, it's mine! I cast the spell that brought you back this way, I did all this to you!" she wailed.

Buffy waited till she had calmed down, then said softly to her, "Willow, this is not your fault. I don't know if there's any way that you could've known about this. Tara didn't even think to check the Slayer connection until I told her. I won't even know if Giles would've known anything, until Tara checks his books. Slayers are fast and strong, and have some extra-sensory stuff, but we're still supposed to be human.

"Remember the enjoining spell? You and Giles didn't blame yourselves for what happened afterward, with the First Slayer. It just happened. Same with this. Tara will do the research, and figure out what we have to do to fix me."

Willow bit her quivering lip. "So can I do anything? In my non-magical capacity as Friend-of-Buffy?"

Buffy smiled and hugged her. "Of course you can, Will. Just be there for me, when I need you."

Will smiled sadly. "Buffy...I can't believe you were going through all this, and never told me about it."

Buffy rolled her eyes. "Déjà vu, much? I seem to remember having a similar conversation, about two years ago in an elevator shaft."

Willow frowned. "I seem to remember that we promised each other then that we'd never not talk again. Guess we need to re-promise, huh?"

Buffy laughed suddenly. "I know, we'll pinkie-swear! Dawn made me do that when I said I wouldn't leave her alone any more."

Willow laughed, and pinkie-swore with her old friend that there'd be no more secrets. And, for a while, they could pretend they were still teenagers, without a care in the world...except saving it occasionally.

Dawn slept fitfully that night. Her dreams were unusually vivid, and strange images flashed through them:

Buffy and Spike...doing things...in a house that came crashing down around them.

And a woman, a vampire...Dawn had only seen her once or twice, but she recognized her.

The next morning, when she woke up, she went to ask Buffy about her dreams. She was not going to mention the things she'd seen her sister doing with Spike – she'd heard all she needed to the night before.

But the bits about the fighting, and especially her fighting. And about Drusilla. She didn't know if being the Key, or the Slayer's magically-created sister, meant getting prophetic dreams like Buffy did, but those hadn't felt like ordinary dreams.

When she opened her sister's bedroom door, Buffy was sitting up in bed with a strange look on her face. And she was sure she heard her sister say something.

Dawn asked her what she was talking about, but Buffy ignored her. And then, as they were going down to breakfast, Buffy explained to Dawn what they were going to be doing at the Magic Box that day, and all thoughts of dreams, prophetic and otherwise, went right out of her head.

Spike had had the idea of starting Dawn on some martial arts training, and he had insisted to Buffy that they get started as soon as possible. She'd wanted to be involved, but although today was a Sunday, which meant that Dawn was off from school, Buffy had to go off to the Palace for a shift at the counter.

Besides, Spike had also insisted that since he had a hundred years' experience on Buffy, he was better qualified to teach.

Which was why, this morning, Buffy was relegated to unlocking the Magic Box to let Dawn in. She had a key, to get to the training room, but Anya had made her swear never to let it out of her sight. And she had the feeling Anya would be extremely unhappy if she gave Dawn her key without asking permission first.

I may be only key-girl this morning, Buffy thought. But that doesn't mean I can't say good morning to my...What is Spike, anyway? After a minute, she figured "boyfriend" was a safe term. My boyfriend. I gotta see him. Gotta...touch him, just to know he's still there. And that I'm still here. Buffy knew she wouldn't be able to leave without at least giving him a good morning...hug? Smooch? She just knew that she needed some contact with him, or she'd never be able to get through the day.

The day. I'll be working, and Spike and Dawn will be...The idea of Dawn in training made her nervous, because she knew what would happen. Dawn had already wormed her way into the research end of being a Scooby. Once she thought she could take care of herself, she'd probably try to join in on patrolling and actual Slayage. Just the thought of Dawn facing off against a vampire or a demon again gave Buffy chills.

But Spike had reminded Buffy that Dawn was growing up – she was the same age that Xander and Willow had been when they had formed the Slayerettes. And then he had the nerve to point out just how useless it was to try to keep a teenage girl from getting out at night – especially in the Summers house. Wouldn't she rather see Dawn become a junior Scooby – a Scrappy? she thought with a grin – instead of seeing her be caught alone with a vampire without the proper training to defend herself?

Then Spike had upped the ante again. "Even if the time for Glory's ritual has gone by, Dawn's still got the Key energy running through her. And crazy folks, or the ones with visions – same soddin' thing, if you ask me, just look at Dru – will spot her a mile away." Then he shuddered. "Bloody Hell, now there's an awful thought – Dru would probably be after Dawn in two seconds! 'Look at the lovely glowing girl, Miss Edith. Wouldn't she make a lovely playmate for you?' Bugger!"

Buffy shuddered herself. Drusilla wasn't nearly as powerful as, say, the Master or Dracula. Even Spike was a more dangerous fighter. But the psychotic, psychic vampire was in a class of wiggy all by herself.

When Buffy opened the door to the Magic Box, towing Dawn, Spike was waiting for them. "Slayer, you're late."

Buffy ran up and hugged him. It amazed him how wonderful it felt for her to just do that, without even thinking about who was watching them. "I know," she murmured into his shoulder, "and I wish I could stay and help out, but I gotta get going. I have to be at the Palace in five minutes, or it'll be back to the Help Wanted ads for Buffy Summers."

Spike growled a little. "I keep telling you, Buffy, that place isn't good for you. You're gonna end up...what's the term they use these days? Going postal? And a postal Slayer is not somethin' I wanna consider."

Buffy sighed. "I tried to explain this to you, Spike. I need the money-" she held up her hand as Spike tried to interrupt. "-from a job, from 'visible means of support.' Those social workers are still on my case, and if I don't have a job, they're gonna wonder where the money's coming from. They'll take Dawn away from me if I don't have the money to take care of her, or if they think I'm doing something like dealing drugs to get it."

Spike hadn't thought of that angle. Vampires made it a point to stay out of official scrutiny. The idea that Buffy had to maintain a "normal" persona in order to keep custody of Dawn had just never occurred to him.

She sighed. "I just wish I could somehow get back to classes at UC Sunnydale. But my salary will only just pay the bills we have now. If I dip into my savings to pay for classes, even at California residents' tuition, I won't have anything if the basement floods again, or another demon comes crashing through the front door."

That made him realize how tough Buffy's situation really was, not as the Slayer, but as a young woman. Willow's parents were pretty well off, and paid all her tuition bills without question...although they didn't seem to have any concern for her well being. He didn't think they even knew she was living at Buffy's house nowadays. Kinda like my own dear Mum and Pop, aren't they? he thought with a snarl.

Xander wasn't going to college, he was working full-time, as was Anya. And Tara-- "Wait a minute, Buffy." He thought. And grinned. "I have an idea. I don't want to get your hopes up just yet, but I may just have a way to kill two birds with one stone."

Buffy pulled back a bit and gave him a look. "What are you up to, Spike? If you get me involved in anything illegal or just plain stupid-"

He held up his hands, trying to look innocent. "I promise, luv, I'll tell you before I do anything. I just need to ask around a bit."

"All right," she muttered suspiciously. Then she looked at the clock, and yelped. "Oh my gosh! I have to go! Bye Spike! Bye Dawn! Seeya at five!"

As Buffy ran out the door and locked it behind her, Spike turned to Dawn and said. "Well, Niblet, let's get you started." He led her to the training room. Let's see what the Slayer's sister's got in 'er!

Sunday at the Palace was pretty quiet, which gave Buffy lots of time to brood. She hated to admit it, but Spike was right. This place was weird, even without wormy, shark-toothed demons...or Manny, she thought ruefully. The old manager had been a Grade-A flake, but he hadn't deserved to be eaten.

Still, it was all she had. She didn't think Spike was really going to be able to do anything to change her situation – after all, his contacts were all in the demon world. No one he knew would hire the Slayer for a job...

Her musings were interrupted by a familiar face. "Xander! What're you doing here on a Sunday?"

"I came to eat lunch with my bestest friend, of course. I'll even pay for my own this time – I'm too old to let my women take care of me."

Five minutes later, they were munching on Medley Meals at the employee table out back. Xander was saying, "Ever since Willow did her analysis of the Doubleveggie Medley," Xander said with a grin, "Anya's been encouraging me to keep coming here, instead of the other places I used to go to for lunch. 'If you're going to eat junk food, Xander, you should at least eat some that's not all fatty and artery-clogging! I don't want you to have a heart attack at forty-five and leave me alone with two kids and a mortgage!'"

Buffy started to laugh at Xander's imitation of his fiancée, so she didn't realize at first that his face had gone very serious as he continued, "Buffy, there's another reason why I came here. I need to talk to you about something."

He put down the sandwich, and looked down at the table a long minute before he answered. "I don't know how to say this, but...Buff, do you think I'm doing the right thing?"

"Oh." Her mouth fell open in shock. "Oh! " Oh God, no. I thought everything was going right in our lives, now! "Are you...having second thoughts?"

"More like third, fourth, and fifth, by now. It's not that I don't love Ahn, I do. I'm pretty sure that I wanna spend the rest of my life with her. But that 'pretty sure' has been getting to me, especially when she brings up the other stuff."

"You mean the two kids and the mortgage deal. God, I know how you feel." She shook her head in sympathy. "The bills, the collection agencies, the paperwork-"

"It's not that, Buff." She looked at him. "I hate to brag, but between my salary and Anya's, we're doing pretty amazingly well. We've looked at two houses we like already, and the mortgage payments would actually be less than the rent I pay on the apartment. Anya's learned how to invest, and has put together a portfolio that – she claims – will allow us to retire by age 50."

"The problem is, Buffy..." He broke off. And bit his lip. He looked like he was on the verge of tears. "Buff, you know what my family was like. Do you think I'm up to being a dad?"

Buffy was shocked. This was the last thing she had expected. "Xander, you're more than up to-" she interrupted.

"No, this is serious, Buffy. Think about it. I may be 'Joe Normal' as far as Sunnydale goes, but that still rates as seriously screwed up. I'm an only child. My parents hate each other – probably only got married 'cause Mom got pregnant – and my aunts and uncles are all so dysfunctional and scary they make Anya's demon friends look normal.

"Of course, that brings up Anya's side. Her human family's been gone for a thousand years. And her demon friends – you think we could ask 'Hallie' to baby-sit while we go out for the evening?

"It's just us! And before you say it, I'm not forgetting you guys. You and Willow are like family. But...I just can't help feeling scared."

Buffy really wished she had Spike with her. Not because of what he'd say or do, but she was sure she'd be able to handle this better as full-range-of-human-emotions Buffy. But this was all she had, and Xander looked so lost...She'd never seen him look this bad, not even when...Wait.

"Xander, think about where you were a little over two years ago. Your car was gone, you had no job, you were living in your parents' basement-"

"-and look where you are now. You've got a good job that earns you good money, and which you seem to really like. You've got your own place – a really great place, I still have to say – and looking at buying a house, for God's sake. And last, but certainly not least, you're engaged to a girl who's as in love with you as you are with her.

"Did all these things just happen, Xander? Don't sell yourself short. You made them happen. You did the whole minimum-wage thing, worked long hours, and just dug your way out of that hole, all by yourself.

"You remember when we fought Adam? The enjoining spell? Remember what part you took in the SuperBuffy we made? The Heart. Well, 'heart' means more than love and compassion, Xander. It means courage and dedication and loyalty and patience. And your heart is right up there with Willow's Spirit, Giles' Mind, and my Hand. There's no one I know with more heart than you, Xander.

"Being a parent is all about heart. My mom taught me that. And you're gonna be a great dad, Xander."

Buffy thought about it, and said, "I guess I really do think of you as a big brother, Xander. Someone I could always rely on. Someone...dependable."

Xander gave her one of those looks that spoke volumes: Uh huh, that's real great, Buff, thanks loads. Sounds real sexy: "dependable."

"I'm serious, Xander. How many times have you been there for me? Not in a saved-my-life kinda way – which is still very important, and for which I'm forever grateful." She gave him a big smile. "But in an 'I'll stand by you' kinda way. Like when I was feeling all lost and afraid at the beginning of college. You gave me that 'you're my hero' speech at the Bronze, and suddenly I could face the world again.

"Well, you know what, Xander? You're my hero. Because as strong and fast as a Slayer is, I haven't got any idea how to get out of this crummy job and find something I really wanna do with my life. But I've got you to look up to, because you were here, in this same situation, and you beat it. I just hope I can follow your lead, Xan-man."

Xander got up, walked around the table, and gave her a big hug. "Thanks, Buff. You don't know how much that means to me."

She gave him a small smile. "Anytime. Now finish your lunch, and go home to your fiancée and tell her all about the wonderful kids you're gonna have."

Xander looked at her. "I think I will. And I think I'll tell her she'd better like the name 'Buffy' for our first daughter."

The day was actually over pretty quickly after that. The compliment Xander had paid her just left her...floating...for the whole afternoon. It wasn't just happiness, it was...rightness. Like she'd finally fit a round peg into a round hole.

She punched out, and headed back to the Magic Box. When she opened the door, she could hear the sounds coming from the training room.

"-will do that! Oooh! Soddin' chip!" Buffy winced. She hoped Spike didn't have a permanent migraine from doing this.

"Ow!...You didn't have to hit me that hard!" Dawn sounded more insulted than hurt.

"Yes I did, Niblet. Bruises teach lessons better than any books. You'll never forget to watch out for your legs after a throw like that, will you?"

"See what I mean? Now, up on your feet. I heard the bell on the door, and that means your sister's here." Then Spike's voice grew louder "Why don't you come back, Slayer, and see what your sister's learned so far?

She headed back to the room, and looked at the two. They were both getting up off the floor. Dawn was sweating and tired, and to her surprise, so was Spike. She didn't think many normal humans would be able to make a vamp sweat like that, and she said so.

Spike nodded to Dawn. "Maybe she got something from bein' the Key, or your sister, or something. She doesn't seem as strong as a Slayer, but she's pretty strong, and she moves like bloody cat when she keeps her mind on what she's doing!" he finished with a glare at the younger Summers girl. He turned back to Buffy. "She's quick, agile, and she doesn't make the same mistake twice. Give her some time, and I think she'll do you proud."

Without turning away from Buffy, Spike hooked a leg backward around Dawn's ankle and swept her off her feet. "Damn that chip!" he swore as he clutched his head. He turned to Dawn, and said with a snarl, "I didn't say we were done yet, Bit. Did I?"

"Never let your guard down, because you never know when someone will turn on you."

"Good! Now we're done, at least with fighting." He helped her up. "We'll show your sister some moves, and then we're gonna go eat! Nothing like a little fightin' to work up an appetite!"

Buffy was stunned. Spike was a harder teacher than her own Watchers, Merrick and Giles, had been. But he was obviously experienced at this kind of thing. And very good at it, too. Now I know why he's a Master Vampire, and how he got so dangerous so fast. Guess I should be glad he's on our side now! Don't want him training any more vampires like this, do I?

Dawn showed her some moves, and Buffy saw that Spike was right. Dawn didn't seem to be Slayer-strong, but she was strong enough to fight. And very quick. She moved like a dancer, which she was; she had taken dance classes for several years, and only given it up after Mom got sick. Now those classes seemed to be paying off in unexpected ways.

And suddenly Buffy wondered if she had started a family business. Girls Who Kick Ass, Inc. She laughed. Maybe things really were going right.

On the other side of the Atlantic, Rupert Giles was perusing the copy of the Pergamum Codex that Angel had retrieved for him several years ago. There was a passage that had eluded him for several weeks, but he thought he was getting a handle on it.

If this word means "born," then how can this negative accent mark be part of it? Unless it means...that the person isn't born? I hope this isn't like Macbeth...caesarian births are all too common, these days.

But then some other things began to make sense, if he assumed the accent marks were Sumerian-style instead of Etruscan, and then...he was done.

As he looked upon the translated passage, he felt a chill. And those three words that the Scooby Gang had always dreaded slipped out. "Oh, dear Lord."

Heading away from the Magic Box that evening, Dawn was so happy she wanted to skip like a little girl. The training session had been exhausting, and she ached in places she hadn't even known existed before, but it had been wonderful all the same. And she knew that she had impressed Spike – he'd tried to hide his surprise when she picked things up quickly. And the shock on his face the first time she threw him to the floor? Priceless.

The sun had gone down, so Spike had been able to join them on the street instead of using the store's trapdoor to the sewer system. Dawn wrinkled her nose at the thought. I thought vamps all had supersensitive eyes, ears, and noses? Why would they want to hang around in ugly stinkholes all the time?

They made a side trip to Spike's crypt, to pick up his dinner. "Sorry to disappoint you, pet," he'd said to Buffy, "but I'm still a vampire. That human food I've been eating the past couple nights, it's like...junk food to me. Tastes good, and keeps me from gettin' hungry, but it can't keep me going. After the workout that one gave me," he said with a jerk of his thumb toward Dawn, "I need the real thing."

Spike rolled his eyes. "It's pig, you daft bird. Fresh from the butcher shop. 'S what all the vamps in Sunnyhell have to eat these days – if they don't want to hunt, that is. Some bloke at the hospital finally got wise and started having the blood bank deliveries treated like bank deliveries. Armored car, guards, the works. Eventually, the smart vampires learned to stay away. Being shot can't kill us...but it hurts like Hell." He fingered his leather duster. "Hard on the wardrobe, too."

Buffy nodded. "I'd noticed the change in security. I still watch the hospital on delivery day, but it's a lot less intense than it used to be."

Spike looked at her. "Well, Niblet, even after a workout like that, I'm not about to make a pig of myself. Oh, sod off!" he exclaimed at Buffy and Dawn as they giggled at his unintentional pun.

Dawn continued, "What I mean is...shouldn't you take some extra? So you could, well...stay at our place now and then? Like you used to, during...the summer?"

Buffy looked back and forth at Dawn and Spike. Dawn could feel the smile growing on her face. C'mon, Buffy, you know you want him to!

Buffy finally held up her hands in defeat. "All right, all right." Then she added, "But I have conditions, Spike."

Buffy held up a finger. "One. When you're in the house, no more tough-punk vamp look. Normal clothes, with colors."

"Spike, you saw what happened when Mrs. Kroeger saw you at my house. I managed to stop her report from going in," she grinned at that, and Dawn wondered just what had happened on the day Buffy had turned invisible. "But there'll be others. And no matter how important you become, Spike, Dawn is the most important person in my life."

Spike still frowned, but he nodded. "All right. I'll bring my red shirt for now, and I promise I'll try to find something else...civilized. But don't you go buying anything without me, luv! Your taste in clothes is too...pink!"

Dawn snorted. Buffy grinned briefly, but then she held up a second finger. "Two. No smoking in the house. You wanna smoke, go out on the porch."

Spike gave her a disgusted look. "Yeah, and what if I get the craving during the daytime? I go out on the porch, I'll really start smoking."

Buffy shrugged. "As you said, my house. My furniture, with no cigarette burns. My lungs, with no cancer. And I want to keep it that way."

Spike gave Buffy a heavy-lidded look. Then he...strolled? Swaggered? Sashayed? Dawn couldn't figure out the right word to describe the cat-like walk he employed to move closer to Buffy, and then he whispered something in her ear. Dawn couldn't tell what it was, but Buffy turned bright red and her eyes looked like they were going to pop out. Then she gave Spike a quick nod.

"Then you've got yourself a deal, luv." Spike said out loud. Buffy blushed even harder.

On the way home, Buffy could tell her face was still beet-red. It wasn't that Spike had been overly suggestive with his counter-proposal. But somehow, the vampire she'd once thought of as the Perpetual Peroxide Pest had used that uncanny ability he had to see right through her. He'd simply whispered to her that he'd only stay on the couch until the day he and Buffy made love. "After that, luv, you'll know where I belong. In your bed. With you."

Then they got home, and all thoughts of Spike went right out of Buffy's head. Willow was waiting at the door, and she said immediately. "Buffy, Giles called. You need to speak with him, right away."

Dawn watched as Buffy dialed the zillion digits that it took to call Giles' home in Bath. Idly she thought, I hope we get to visit him there, sometime. In school they said it's so lovely, with the old Roman ruins and the teashops and everything, it's where English people all go on vacation.

"Yes, I know about Faith; I was planning to call you and see what you knew about the new Slayer."

"Those bastards! I figured they'd try to leave you out in the cold! So what did they find?"

Dawn got scared, as Buffy seemed to sway on her feet. Spike grabbed a chair for her before she collapsed. And then she got even more scared, as Buffy started looking at her while she continued saying softly, "Giles, please tell me you're joking! It can't be, she's not-"

Then she set her mouth, and she barked at the phone. "Then get your English butt back here to Sunnydale, right now!"

"I don't care what Watcher tradition says, I don't trust anyone on the Council except you...and even you're gonna have to convince me that I can trust you with her, after leaving me like that."

"All right, Giles. If you have to. But remember, you're the only Council member welcome in Sunnydale. You tell them that if anyone besides you shows up here, they go back to England with things tied in knots. Goodbye."

Buffy dropped the handset tiredly, and looked around. "Guys, we gotta call a Scooby meeting, now."

Dawn ran up to her. "What's going on, Buffy? I know you were talking about me, so what's happening? Who's after me this time?"

Buffy only said, "Please wait till everyone gets here, Dawn. If I have to say it more than once..."

Buffy saw the effect her words had had, and said, "No! Dawn, it's not like that. It's just that...I'd hoped that, with Glory gone, you'd be able to have...a normal life. Get out of Sunnydale, find yourself a normal guy, and settle down."

Dawn gave her a look. "Right, sis. Like anyone who's been baby-sat by witches, werewolves, and vampires can just go out and have a normal life."

Buffy sighed. "It's just that...I know that you have ambitions. And now...let's just say, Dawn, that I may have to get used to you being a part of the team."

Dawn was still mystified, but she nodded. "Okay. I guess I can wait till Xander, Anya, and Tara get here-"

Buffy suddenly interrupted, "Tara! Oh my gosh! Giles said I should have Tara look something up!" And she turned back to the phone and started dialing.

After Buffy's phone call, Tara said she'd take five minutes to look up the Spell of Recall and then burn bunions all the way to the Summers house.

Buffy waited impatiently for Tara to arrive. Xander and Anya had arrived several minutes ago, despite the fact that Buffy was sure her phone call had interrupted yet another lovemaking session.

When Tara came in, Dawn immediately turned to Buffy and said, "All right, Buffy, I've waited long enough! Everyone's here. Now what did Giles tell you?"

Buffy looked around. "Guys, you'd better sit down for this one. I know I sure needed to."

Xander, Anya, and Tara all looked worried. "Is it bad?" said the former vengeance demon as everybody seated themselves in the living room.

"Well, it's not...happy. At least not for me." She turned to Dawn. "Dawn, we don't talk much anymore about the fact that...you weren't born the way everyone else was."

Dawn shrugged. "I know. I don't usually like to think about it. And ever since that night in the hospital," she held up her hand to show the faint scar there, "I've understood what you meant. Where I came from doesn't matter. Here and now, I'm your sister, even if the monks did work their own version of the Immaculate Conception."

Dawn looked scared. "What's wrong? The spell isn't...temporary, is it?" She looked like she was about to panic. "Is that it? Am I gonna disappear?"

Buffy threw her arms around Dawn. She hated the way she was scaring Dawn like this, but it was so hard to make herself say the words. "No, Dawn. You're not going to disappear. But you're gonna have to be brave."

She pulled back and looked right in Dawn's face. "Dawn, Giles thinks you've been Called. You're the new Slayer."

There were gasps and curses – of various levels of profanity – from everyone in the room. No one was surprised when Spike was the first to come over and put his arms around the stunned teenager. And as Tara, and then Willow and Xander joined him, it became a massive group hug.

Dawn looked up at him and tried to smile. "I don't know. Maybe. I guess...I guess I knew something was going on. I had these weird dreams last night...and I gave Spike a real workout today."

Buffy said to her, later, "It's weird. I was just thinking earlier, when I saw you in there with Spike, that it seemed like you'd joined a family business. Guess I didn't know the half of it," she finished glumly.

This time it was Dawn's turn to hug Buffy. "It's okay. I've got one thing no Slayer has ever had before. A big sister to show me the ropes."

Buffy smiled weakly at that. "Not to mention the swords, stakes, and crossbows..."

"And I'm guessing from your conversation with Giles that he's coming back? To be...our Watcher?" It felt so weird to say it. But it felt completely natural, too. Giles was the closest thing she'd had to a father for the last two years. It had almost felt selfish at the time, since she knew Giles was leaving Buffy when he went back to England – but Dawn had also felt like he was abandoning her. And she knew what it would mean to both of them to have him back.

Buffy looked a little grim as she said, "I don't know about him being 'our' Watcher, Dawnie. I'm still angry with him...like when he put me through that awful test back in high school. It'll take time before I can completely trust him again. But..." She paused and made a face. "He's the only Watcher I'd let within a thousand miles of you."

Xander nodded. "The only good thing about them sending another English stiff-upper-buttcheek type like that Nigel, or – bleah! – Wesley," he said with a shudder, "would've been watching you send him back to England without a plane." He swung his foot in a kick to demonstrate.

Everyone laughed at that. Dawn thought they all needed to laugh, for more reasons than just hers. This was the first 'full' Scooby Gang meeting – to her mind – since Tara had moved out. She knew she had missed the feel of the whole group being together, and she was sure the others felt the same way.

Spike looked surprised. "I thought the Tweed Avenger was coming to take care of that."

"He said he's going to be a few days. He has to try to get the Council to agree to him being assigned to the new Slayer. They don't even know it's Dawn yet; he said something about their detection spells not working-"

"The cloaking amulet!" Anya cried. "The one Dawn took from the store! It kept the Council from finding her!" She turned to Dawn. "I hereby forgive you for half the price of the amulet, Dawn! It's worth it to have kept those snooty store-closing Watchers out of town!"

Everyone chuckled, then Buffy continued, "Anyway, he said he got the clue from a prophecy he read...he said it was pretty bad, but he didn't want to go over it on the phone. He said he'd fax the text and his best guesses on its meaning over to the Magic Box, just in case we see any signs over the next couple of days."

Dawn grinned at her sister. "Only now there's two Summers girls to kick the bad guys' butts out of town!"

While everyone took turns talking to Dawn about the news, Tara got Spike and Buffy's attention and led them into the next room.

"I found the spell Giles was talking about, and I understand now why Dawn was a potential Slayer." She explained what the Spell of Recall did. "So when the monks cast their spell, they had to take a soul from the Ether to make Dawn complete – only Gods can make souls. To do that, they needed to do the Spell of Recall, or something like it. And so, voila! Instant Slayer material."

Buffy nodded. "Yeah. I'm just glad the Council doesn't know about this. They'd be able to have their Slayers without all the unnecessary bother of raising them," she said bitterly.

Tara took a deep breath. "But this also tells us what's wrong with you, Buffy." Buffy and Spike both looked startled at that. Tara supposed that with the news about Dawn, the implications of the spell hadn't had time to penetrate. She continued, "Your soul is human, but it's been 'brought back' once already. So the spell got confused."

Buffy frowned. "Yeah, great, I'm Recycled Buffy. Wonderful. Just tell me what's wrong and how to fix it."

Tara looked at her. She still hadn't gotten it? It was so obvious! "I know what's wrong, Buffy, but I don't what to do about it yet.

"You see, when Willow cast that spell, your soul was supposed to be pulled back to your body. The problem is, since you're a Slayer, there were two bodies to which your soul had a connection. Yours...and the one it originally inhabited."

Buffy just looked blankly at her. Spike, however, looked like he got it. "Bloody hell! You mean-" He stared at Buffy.

Buffy just stared at Tara. She had heard every word the young witch had said, but they just made no sense to her. She could almost hear the sound of screeching tires in her brain as her thoughts just...came to a halt. The past couple of weeks – her breakdown in front of Tara, her birthday, the news about Faith, her confrontation with Spike, and now Dawn being Called, and this...

Without even realizing she was doing it, Buffy leaned over and put her arms around Spike. There was no conscious thought in the action; it was as automatic as breathing. The only thought in her head was that she needed something, someone to hold onto, or she would lose her mind.

Spike looked down at Buffy as she held him tightly. It's a good thing I don't need to breathe, he thought idly. She's holding on so tight she'd probably suffocate a human.

He looked up at Tara. "I need to take her up to bed. For rest," he added, as she gave him a look. "She's...I hope this wasn't the straw that broke the Slayer's back."

Spike gave her a wry look. "Not with this little lady. Strong as as a lion, but she doesn't weigh more than a feather. But I'm gonna need your help with them," as he motioned toward the other room. "I think they're gonna need to know about this. All of this."

Tara's face fell, and she said, "But she made me swear not to tell them. I think she might've told Willow, but...Dawn? And Xander? She's afraid of what they'll think of her."

"I know. After...the first time, she said she'd kill me if I told her friends about it, and I think she really meant it." Spike gazed down at the tiny blonde. He was so used to thinking of her as Buffy-the-Vampire-Slayer, the strong-willed, powerful young woman who had confronted him so many times – usually with her fists. It was still astonishing every time he saw the frightened, vulnerable girl that lay beneath the fearless heroine. He put his arms around her, and picked her up. She never let go of him, but buried her face in his chest. He felt wetness, and realized she was crying.

"Tell her to blame me if she gets angry at you later. I hope she doesn't stake me for it, but she thinks being a bloody 'superhero' means she isn't allowed to be human. Right now, she needs her friends to know what she's going through more than she needs 'em to look up to her as the Almighty Slayer."

Tara looked at him silently for a long moment. Two pairs of eyes met, pale gray and intense cerulean blue. Then finally Tara said, "T-that's...um, very p-perceptive, Spike. I think...Buffy isn't the only one who changes when you touch each other...is she?"

Spike gazed down at Buffy again. My soul. Buffy has my soul. The implications were still too much for him to absorb. "Maybe," he murmured.

As he carried Buffy out of the room, just two things were clear to him. Buffy needed him right now. She needed support, comfort, and strength. And right now, with the quietly weeping blonde in his arms, he felt like he could put aside the lust and hunger of the demon inside him, and just be what she needed.

He vaguely heard Xander's voice coming from the living room as he carried Buffy to the stairs. "Hey! Dead Man Stalking! What are you doing with Buffy?"

He heard three female voices – Tara's, Dawn's, and...Willow's? – telling Xander to back off.

He ignored it all. He just carried the woman he loved more than his own life up to her own bed, where he laid her down gently, and let her pull him down next to her. And for a long time, they just lay there, not moving, not thinking, not talking.

As the whole story of Buffy's involvement with Spike was unfurled, with various parts being narrated by Tara and Willow – and occasional commentary from Dawn – something else began to happen. For the first time in recent memory, the Scoobies started to put their differences aside. Confronted by the extraordinary revelations of the day, and the impending threat of the prophecy of which Giles had warned them, none of them had time to think about the problems that had driven them apart since Buffy had come back.

Xander summed it up best. "Buffy may have been inviso-girl for only a day, but I feel like I've been missing what was right in front of me for months."

Willow shrugged. "I went through the same thing when I was getting involved with Tara." She half-smiled sadly at the blonde, who was curled up on the couch with Dawn. "I wasn't sure what was happening between us, and I felt like I couldn't talk to my friends about it, because I was afraid what you'd think of me. And it ended up hurting Tara, and Oz. And me."

Tara added, "It was even worse for Buffy. She knew there was something wrong with the way she was feeling. But she couldn't explain it, and she was so disgusted and ashamed for turning to Spike that she was afraid to ask for anyone's help. And I...I made things worse, by telling her that the spell hadn't changed her. I was so sure everything was okay. And then she had a complete hysterical breakdown right there on the floor.

"When I went to Spike...I never told him, or Buffy, but I had a backup plan. I had a pencil in my pocket." She gave Willow a significant look.

Willow's eyes widened suddenly. "My levitating pencil trick?" Tara nodded. Willow's face crumpled a little as she asked, "You were going to...kill him?"

Tara's mouth firmed. "What Buffy was doing to herself...it was killing her, a piece at a time. And Spike wasn't helping at all. If I'd thought he was doing it all on purpose...if he had been willing to turn Buffy's heart inside out for his own gratification...yeah. I would've killed him. And prayed that Buffy could heal herself without him." She sighed, and laid her head back on the couch. "I'm just so glad I didn't have to do it. Especially now – I think Spike is the only one who can make her whole, now."

Xander snorted, and said, "Okay, we have now reached Infinite Improbability Drive." Then he looked up towards Buffy's room, and softly said, "Just don't let her fall this time, Spike."

Coincidentally, a similar metaphor was going through Buffy's mind, as she recovered herself enough to turn and face her vampire lover.

"You caught me," she said, almost in wonder. "I was falling, I couldn't take it anymore...and you caught me."

"No, Spike. Don't...belittle what you did for me. What you've been doing for me, all this time.

"I never...When Mom got sick, I tried so hard to be strong, hold myself together for her sake, and Dawn's, I never let myself rely on anyone else. Especially Riley. I never let him...comfort me. Be there for me. So he left me. Just like An-" She stopped abruptly, and looked gultily at Spike.

"Angel. He left me, too. But the worst was Giles. He left me right when I needed him the most. He was like a father to me. And just like my real dad, he left me." She laid her hand on Spike's cheek. "You were the only one left, the only one I felt like I could turn to...who didn't want me to be anything but me. Buffy Summers. And you took whatever I gave you, meaningless sex or verbal abuse or even a couple of black eyes...and you still stood by me."

Spike stopped her a moment. "Don't make me out to be better than I am, Buff. I may have wanted to be there for you, but it was a dream come true for you to be with me, in my bed...or wherever we happened to be," he said with a slight chuckle. Then his face went serious again. "If it hadn't been for Tara, I'd've never known how much you were really hurting inside."

He looked stunned. "She saw me? Bugger me! I've got to work on my sneakiness, if a lovestruck junior witch can spot me."

Buffy squeezed his hand, hard. "The point is, Spike, that I let myself fall, and you caught me. Then, and now. Just now, I lost it, completely. And inside, somehow I knew that you would take care of me.

"And you're willing to help my friends. And help take care of Dawn." She fell silent a moment. "Spike?"

Spike smiled at her. "You know I'd never leave you, Slayer. Even when you were trying to push me away, I couldn't-"

"Please, Spike." Buffy said desperately. "No jokes. No evasions. I know you'd never break your word to me. So promise me you'll never leave me."

Spike stared at her for a long time. For a second, she thought he might not actually do it. Then he said, "Buffy Summers, Slayer, I give you my word, on my unbeating heart and on my soul which you apparently carry within you, that I will never leave you."

Buffy had to blink away tears as she felt the final walls between them dropping away. It felt like a weight she'd been carrying for years had suddenly been lifted off her chest. And she said, "Catch me, Spike."

Since that musical, magical night in the alley behind the Bronze, there had been kisses between them that were more passionate, more fiery. But this kiss was special, because it was the first one to have what the others lacked.

Some time later, Buffy and Spike came down to rejoin the Scooby Gang. Both of them were surprised when it was Xander who came up to them and said, "Thank you, Spike. For taking care of her."

They looked at each other in surprise, and then Buffy said to her old friend, "You're okay with this, Xander?"

He shrugged. "I don't like Spike. He doesn't like me. I think we're both happy with that state of affairs. It's a very comfortable dislike." He gave the vampire an impudent grin, then turned back to Buffy. "But he loves you. And so do I...in that big-brother best-friend-in-the-whole-world way we were talking about earlier today," he added as he glanced at Spike and Anya, to make sure they weren't about to gang up on him.

"Plus, I just found out Spike did this incredible good thing for my other best friend in the whole world," he said, glancing at Willow and Tara. "So, yeah, I'm cool with this." Then he turned to Spike and added, "The day you hurt her, though, I reach for a stake."

"And if you ever hurt her, I'll come after you, chip or no chip," Spike said with a glare.

Later, when everyone was settled in, Buffy insisted to Tara that she had to move back into the Summers house. "If there's something big enough brewing to warrant a prophecy and a transatlantic Giles call, then there's gotta be a big bad demon out there somewhere," she said. "I don't want anyone isolated. So please, we'll go with you tonight to collect Miss Kitty and some clothes, and we'll get everything else in the morning."

Tara looked over at Willow. They stared at each other in silence. Then Willow smiled slightly, and said hesitantly, "I've missed...Miss Kitty. I would love to have her around again."

Tara nodded. "Sh-she's missed you t-too." She turned back to Buffy. "Okay. Miss Kitty, some clothes...and one or two books. I need to figure out how to complete the spell."

Xander said, "That's the one thing I don't understand about all this. I kinda get the whole soul-recall business: Spike lost his soul when he was made into a vampire, it floated around in this Ether thing for a century or so, and the Watchers cast this Recall spell, and the soul came back to be reborn as Buffy. Weird, but I got it. But why did that screw up the resurrection spell?"

Tara answered, "We were calling Buffy's soul back to her body. But even though we were at Buffy's grave, the soul had two bodies to which it had...a connection. An attraction."

She looked thoughtful. "I think Buffy got the whole soul, or else she wouldn't have come back to life. She would've been a zombie, or something like that." She shuddered, and so did most of the others. "But it's like the spell is only half-finished. Unless she's actually touching Spike, she's not whole. Complete." She glanced sadly at her friend. "I guess we were lucky that out of all the vampires in the world, Buffy had the soul of one who felt something for her."

Buffy said, "I don't think it was just...luck. Spike and I have always had this strange connection – even when we were enemies, there was always something between us. He could always...understand me. And we were so evenly matched. Fighting him was like shadow boxing."

Spike nodded to her. "That's exactly it. Like I was facin' a soddin' mirror image. Only prettier and usually wearing peach-colored lipstick." He smirked, and most of the gang chuckled.

Anya said brightly, "I bet each of you knows exactly what the other likes in bed, too!"

Xander closed his eyes briefly. "Okay, Ahn. I'm doing my best to be civil about this. I didn't need that image right now."

Buffy said dryly, "Neither did I. But even while I'm trying to forget it...I have to wonder. What does all this mean for...our relationship?" She turned to Tara. "Does this mean that after all the problems I've had with guys, I've fallen in love with myself?" Then she squeezed her eyes shut, and dropped her face into her hands. "Did I really just say that?"

She didn't hear anything. So she peeked through her fingers. Tara was grinning at her. So were Dawn, and Willow. And then Anya joined in, and, after one slight roll of the eyes, Xander. And he was the one who said, "Yep. You said it. L for Lordy, O for OMyGod, V for Vavavavoom, and E for 'Everybody...loves somebody sometime.'" The end was delivered in a very bad Dean Martin imitation.

Buffy shut her eyes again. "Guys, you can make fun of Buffy the love-struck Slayer later. Right now I need an answer."

Tara shook her head. "I don't know as much about this as...Willow?" She turned to the redhead. "Can you help us out, here?"

Tara smiled reassuringly at her. "Come on, Willow. I know you can do this. After all, you cast the spell on Angel. And you're the only other person I've ever heard of who's been in a situation like this."

Willow brightened. "Oh! Yeah! And ewww, for reminding me," she said with a shudder. Then she looked thoughtful. "Actually, that does help. I remember that I got all hung up about how vamp-me behaved and being kinda gay, and so forth, and you, Buffy," she looked at her old friend, "started reassuring me that the personality of a vampire isn't anything like the personality of the human who was turned. And Angel started to say something, and you stopped him." She gave her a mock angry look and a pout.

Buffy blushed. "Sorry. I didn't know what he was going to say, but I didn't think you needed to hear it at the time."

Willow said, "Well, I did go back to Angel, not long afterward. He said...hmmmm." She looked up at the ceiling as she searched for the right words. "A person is kind of like a balloon, filled up by their soul. When the person becomes a vampire, the soul is taken away and the balloon is filled by the demon, but the balloon tends to hold the same shape. So the demon becomes, like Buffy and Spike were saying, a mirror image or shadow of the original soul."

Spike chimed in, "But that's only what happens with certain vampires. Angelus explained it to me when I was first turned. Some personalities are too weak to handle the change. The demon just takes over completely, with no intelligence or vestiges of humanity. Breaking the balloon, to use your image, Willow. They become minions – no more than animals."

Willow nodded. "Master vampires are the ones that have intelligence and some remnants of their old personality. But that personality is twisted, with subconscious desires brought out into the open, and no conscience or morality."

Spike said, "Not quite. I think a soul is what gives you...sympathy. The ability to put yourself in a stranger's shoes. I feel something for Buffy, because I know her. But some bloke that I meet on the street? He's nothing to me. Not a person." He looked over at Buffy, who was looking strangely at him. "At least, that's the way it was. I don't know anymore."

Buffy asked hesitantly, "What about...Angel himself? I mean, Angel and Angelus seem so different. "

Spike said, "I don't know why, but I know now that Angelus is a special case. Remember the Judge?" The old-time Scoobies shuddered at the memory of the demon Spike and Drusilla had reassembled. "I know, I didn't like him much, either. And believe it or not, he hated Dru and me. Said we stank of humanity, because we cared for one another. But he liked Angelus, once he lost his soul. He said Angelus was 'clean.'"

Willow's eyes widened. "You mean even when you were completely evil, you had some real human feelings? But Angelus was pretty much pure demon? I'd love to do some research on that-" she started to say in an eager voice. Then she stopped herself. "Um...maybe I'd better save that question for another time."

Anya yawned. Then so did Dawn. Xander said at that point, "I think we've all wrung our minds out as much as we can for one evening. I think I'd better take Anya home, and table this discussion until opening time at the Magic Box. Donuts on me, since I don't have to be in 'til noon."

Willow said, "I can come along...but I think Spike should stay with Dawn. As you said, Buffy, there's a bug-ugly out there somewhere. We should try to keep one good fighter around at all times."

Spike glared at her. "Don't get too big for your knickers, Niblet. You've just started your training. You're fast, but you're not up to full Slayer strength yet; it must take time for it to build up. Even a couple of minions could probably take you down, and something that rates a prophecy would look on you as little more than an appetizer."

Buffy was discreet enough to give Willow and Tara time to talk if they wanted it. She was waiting just outside the door, "watching for baddies." So it was up to the witch and the hacker ex-witch to find Miss Kitty Fantastico and gather the other essentials from Tara's room.

The hardest part – other than the emotional issues – was actually finding Miss Kitty. As Willow had warned when Tara first suggested getting a cat, pets were not allowed in dorms, and there were occasional inspections. So Willow and Tara had devised a spell to make Miss Kitty...sneaky. She couldn't become invisible; it was more like she was hard to notice. But if she didn't want to be seen, she wouldn't be seen. And hide-and-seek with Willow and Tara was one of her favorite games.

In the midst of searching the bed for the elusive cat, Willow suddenly said to Tara, "I didn't want it like this."

Willow bit her lip, then continued. "I didn't want to push you into coming back until you were ready. If you were ever ready. I didn't want you to feel like I had just...forgotten what had happened. What I'd done to you."

Tara looked down at her feet. "Oh." She was silent for a moment. Then she said, "I didn't want it like this either. I had it all planned."

"What I would do. When I was ready." She looked up at Willow with a small smile. "I was going to find the biggest, most 'extra flamey' candle in Sunnydale. I was going to show up at your door. And I was going to explain that even though I had to get away for a while to deal with what happened between us..." And she walked over to Willow and put her hands on the redhead's arms, and continued, "I would've said I wished I could've been there for you when you were going through the withdrawl. And how proud I am of you that you made it.

Later, after they had retrieved a playful Miss Kitty from under the bed and were heading out of the room, Willow said, "You know, you could still show up at my door with a candle, if you like..."

On the other hand, "slept" was pretty much the operative word in the house that night. The events of the day had left everyone emotionally and physically exhausted.

As he lay curled up beside Buffy, a nasty voice inside Spike mocked him for becoming as Slayer- (and possibly soul-) whipped as the Poofter. But Spike had once described himself as "love's bitch," and no truer words had ever come out of his mouth. For the sake of unrequited love, as human or vampire, Spike had been willing to endure ridicule, scorn, and isolation. For the sake of being respected by the one he loved, he'd been willing to risk his (un)life.

Which was a perfect way of describing his current situation: lying next to Buffy as she slept in his arms, burning with desire for her, but not daring to wake her up. He wanted to make love to her until she swore she'd never leave him. He wanted to shag her until she screamed his name at the top of her lungs.

What Spike didn't realize, until about six in the morning, was that Buffy had never needed much sleep – being a Slayer had forced her to adjust to getting along on about 6 hours a night. And that, despite keeping a night owl's hours, she could be very pleasant in the morning, especially when she woke up in the arms of the man she loved.

The other thing he realized, at about seven, was that the walls in the Summers house were a lot thinner than he'd thought.

"Can't I have a day off? To recover from the mental trauma of finding out I'm a Slayer?"

"Like I had a day off for that? Plus, you've missed too much school already; three more days and you're going to be held back even if you can pass all your classes."

Dawn grumbled. Then she gave her sister a sly look. "And what about the mental trauma of being woken up early in the morning by the sounds of my sister being boinked by a creature of the night? Even if he is a total hunk."

"Okay, okay. Just learn to stifle a little, okay? I don't know how you expect me to do well in school if I don't get enough sleep..."

The teenager gave her sister one last wink and drank the last of her orange juice. Then Xander's car's horn sounded from out front and she dashed out of the kitchen. "See ya at the Magic Box, Buffy! You promised!"

Buffy groaned. She had promised Dawn that either she or Spike would meet her each evening at the Magic Box for training, until Giles showed up and set up a schedule of his own. That kid is just too eager to start bustin' heads, she thought.

She said as much to Willow as they both headed out the door, her to work and Willow to the Magic Box.

"I don't think you're seeing things from her perspective, Buffy," her friend protested. "Dawn's been as frustrated as you that she's the one that always gets in trouble. Even leaving out Glory, there've still been too many vampires and demons that have tried to munch her or marry her, or both. I think she just wants to get a little of her own back."

Buffy nodded. "Maybe. But I'm still glad that she wants to skip over hand-to-hand weapons for a bit and learn how to throw a stake and use a crossbow. I'll feel much better if she keeps the big-and-uglies at a distance for a while, and lets big sis handle the down-and-dirty work."

Spike caught Tara as she was heading out the door. "Tara, could you help me with something?"

"Maybe, Spike...if you promise to let us sleep in 'til at least seven tomorrow morning," she said with an impudent grin.

"Oh, sod off! And I suppose that was just bed-hair I saw when you were heading into the bathroom this morning? Looked more like you and Red decided to celebrate your reunion with a little slap-and-tickle."

Spike smirked at her. "I told you, Glinda, I'm much better at this game than you. And I notice everything I see."

"All right, all right. I just need to ask you a couple questions, and maybe have you stop somewhere for me..."

The atmosphere at the Magic Box for most of the day was frustrated and tense. Willow and Anya couldn't find anything that seemed like it would help Buffy. Just as bad, there was no fax from Giles about the prophecy, and no answer at his flat in Bath.

"I knew we weren't actually going to get anything," Willow grumbled. "Giles never got over his phobia about 'infernal machines' after Moloch invaded the Internet."

Anya frowned. "I never liked Moloch. He was big and stupid and green and had horns – kinda reminded me of Olaf. And I sometimes thought that since Moloch always got people to love him and then killed them, I should be going after him. But he was a demon, after all, and besides, it's hard for a person to make a vengeance wish with a broken neck." She shrugged, not noticing Willow's shudder.

Then Anya remarked, "We'd better get back to the soul research. I'm doing my best to make sure my wedding will be beautiful, touching, and fun-fun-fun for everyone involved, and I'd hate for Buffy to not have the full emotional impact of the experience."

Willow muttered, "Yeah, right," under her breath. Then she sat up suddenly. "Hey...that could work, couldn't it?" And she grabbed a couple of books off the shelves and started reading.

After work, Buffy made a stop at the house to change out of her uniform and into exercise clothes. She was about to dash upstairs when Spike called out from the living room. "Hold on, pet! I've got news!"

Spike ran over and handed her a few sheets of paper. Buffy scanned them quickly; they were job listings. And not very good job listings, at first glance. "What the heck are these?"

"Those, luv, are this week's postings for the UC Sunnydale Employment Office. They don't post want ads in the Sunnydale paper – I suppose they kept getting night watchmen who were more interested in eating the students than protecting them. So they only post the jobs in the office. Tara picked them up on her lunch hour, and dropped them off before heading off to meet Red at the Magic Box."

Buffy read off the job descriptions: "Security Guard, Administrative Assistant, Receptionist...oh, look, Sanitation Engineer. Such fascinating career choices you're offering me. And some of them pay almost as much as my job at the Palace." She looked at Spike with a disbelieving look on her face. "And this is supposed to help me how?"

Spike explained. "After her family cut her off, Tara didn't know how she was going to be able to finish her degree. Then, over the summer, a friend told her about one of the benefits the University has: if you work for 'em, you can take a class or two per semester for free."

Spike grinned. "Not a brass farthing. So she got a job with their museum – she's real good at pointing out interesting artifacts to visitors, and she also makes sure that anything magical is sealed up nice and tight. And she'll graduate with money in the bank instead of bein' in debt." He shuddered. "From the way she talked about the student loan officers she's encountered, the loan sharks in the demon world could learn a thing or two from them."

I could go back to school. Considering this, Buffy looked down at the jobs in her hand in a new light. True, they sounded just as boring as flipping burgers at the DMP, and the pay wasn't any better...but security guards at least got to wear uniforms in dark blue, not Day-Glo orange. And after all the Psych papers Maggie Walsh assigned in Buffy's freshman year, her typing skills were...well, better than average.

She smiled at Spike. "This could work." She gave him a sideways look. "So when did you get so smart?"

Spike smirked at her. "I'm not so smart, luv. But like I was telling Tara earlier today, I notice everything. You never know when you're going to need it later. Which reminds me. Now that the sun's down, I'm headin' back to my crypt to pick up a few things I need to put in your basement."

"Now hold on, Spike. Just because of last night...and this morning," she said with a blush, "I'm not asking you to move in with us yet!"

"I'm not moving in here. Yet. But some of these things would be a lot safer in a place where vampires can't get in without an invitation."

Buffy found herself staring at him. She'd figured Spike probably had a large collection of weapons – not only for his fights with demons, but for the day he got rid of the chip in his head. The fact that he was now planning to turn all of it over to her emphasized that he really was making a commitment. Not only to her, but also to her cause.

He startled her out of her reverie by saying, "Luv, you'd better get going. A certain pint-sized brunette is waiting, right now, for her big sister to teach her how to fire a crossbow. I'd love to help out, but you know me, I prefer the hand-to-hand stuff myself."

Buffy laughed. "That's okay. I saw what it was like for you training her yesterday. 'Oooh, my head!'" she cried, as she clutched her head in mock pain. "And tonight, when I thank you again for these," she waved the sheaf of job listings, and gave Spike a wicked look, "I don't want you to be complaining that you have a headache."

Buffy was prepared for many things when she walked through the door of the Magic Box. Dawn nagging her for being late. Willow and Anya saying they'd found something. Willow and Anya saying they'd found nothing.

What she was not prepared for was Willow running up to her and saying, "Buffy! You need to marry Spike!"

Buffy gave her friend a tired look. "Ha-ha, Willow. You don't need to remind me about that little episode-"

"No, Buffy, you don't understand." the redhead chirped eagerly. "That's your cure!"

Buffy stared at her. Then she looked around at the other Scoobies gathered in the store. Tara nodded at her. "I think it really could work, Buffy."

Willow piped up, "I thought of it when Anya mentioned her wedding. Certain ceremonies talk about 'making two people one flesh,' 'joining two souls,' and so forth. Well, maybe that last one wouldn't work," she said with a frown. "But you get the idea. Get someone with real magical potential to perform the ceremony, and you just might be back to your old Buffy self!"

Buffy could only reply, "My trip into Bizarro World is now complete. A couple of days ago, Will, you almost freaked out when you saw me kiss Spike. Now you want me to marry him?"

Xander said, "Buffy does have a point there." Everyone stared at him. He held up his hands. "I'm not saying anything bad about the relationship, or Buffy. Or even Spike. But hey, we're talking marriage here. Commitment with a capital L for Lifetime. I know how important that is. How special it is." He smiled at Anya, then at Buffy. "If Buffy wants to marry Spike, she can go ahead and do it. But she deserves better than a wedding ceremony that won't mean as much to her...and Spike," he said reluctantly, "if it's not what they're ready for, and not what they really want to do.

"Besides, if...um...usingSpikeforsex" he coughed, "was bad, then how much worse is using him for marriage?"

Willow's face fell. "Oh." Her brow wrinkled. She said sadly, "I guess I hadn't really thought of it that way. He's right, Buffy. If you were ready to marry Spike, this would be perfect. But you shouldn't cheapen your relationship by doing anything too soon."

Buffy hugged her friend. "That's okay, Will. I lay what might be the biggest meta, meta-"

"-problem in history on you, and you have a possible answer in a day. That's pretty incredible. And if you can't come up with another answer," and here she winked at Willow, "I just do my best to get Spike to pop the question. He sure did a good job of it last time. Though I hope I get a better ring," she added absently.

Anya piped up, "I'm glad you're not getting married right away. It's important to wait until you know you've found the right guy. Besides, you're my maid of honor, and I'd have to change all the announcements to say 'matron of honor' if you were married."

"Anything to help out," Buffy said wryly. "Now, where's Dawn? I thought she'd be here waiting for me."

"She's in the training room warming up," Tara said. "I think she had a hard day at school, and she's taking it out on your punching bag."

Buffy smiled. "Yeah, been there, done that." And with that she headed back to the training room.

When Spike entered his crypt, he knew right away that something was wrong. Most of his weapons were stored down below, in his sewer access. But he'd kept one or two items up above ground, within reach in case something really nasty barged in on him. And the lid on the sarcophagus where he kept them had been moved.

He had just enough time to realize he was walking into a perfect ambush when a powerful electrical jolt hit him from behind and to the left. His body jerked and shook, and he fell to the ground, stunned.

If he'd been conscious, Spike would have heard a familiar voice say, "You've been a very bad dog, Spike. You've gone and made some other girl fall in love with you. I should have you fixed."

Drusilla smiled down at her childe. "But first, I've got to fix the little girl who's trying to take my lovely poet away from me..."

As the training session wound down, Buffy had to admit that Dawn was good. Really good. Her aim was as good – maybe even a bit better – as Buffy's had been when Giles had introduced her to the crossbow. Her reflexes were also good, and her speed was something that just had to be seen to be believed. She almost made Buffy feel old.

Dawn still didn't seem to be as strong as her older sister always remembered being, but neither sister was concerned about that just yet. It had taken several months for Merrick and the Council to track Buffy down after the death of the previous Slayer, and she was probably up to full Slayer strength by the time her first Watcher had shown up at her school.

"Okay, Dawn, last one, then we go home. On my signal, I want you to come through the door and fire at both targets as quickly as you see them. Let's see if you can be fast and accurate."

"All right. Just make sure you're in a safe place; I don't want to have any accidents with this thing." Dawn said as she went just outside the room.

"Oooh, yeah. I remember the time I was doing this same exercise with thrown stakes and almost nailed Giles. Lucky thing he was wearing armor at the time. But a crossbow bolt will go right through armor, so I'm gonna get in that little corner behind the door." She pointed at the little nook.

Then she closed the door, and set up the target dummies, about thirty-five feet apart, one thirty feet from the door, the other at nearly fifty feet. Then she went back to the door, cracked it, and peeked through to make sure Dawn wasn't cheating. Satisfied, she got into her hiding place, waited a little while to make sure Dawn couldn't predict when the signal would come, and shouted, "Now!" as she hit the button on her stopwatch.

Buffy hit the button again, and looked at the watch. "One-point-six seconds. Whoa!" Then she went over to check out the targets. The first shot, at the closer target, was dead in the center of the heart-shaped target on the dummy. The second one wasn't quite as centered, but still well in the paint. "Two good shots, Dawnie. I'm impressed."

"Yeah." Then she walked over to Dawn. "And to prove it, that crossbow is now yours to keep."

"You need a weapon you can use in an emergency. Something you can reach for automatically, without having to look around for it. Until Spike and Giles say you're up to the up-close-and-personal work, I want you to keep this thing," she tapped the crossbow significantly, "within reach at all times. Except for school, of course. They kinda freak out when they see students carrying weapons around."

Dawn grinned. "Thanks. I'll remember that." Then she gave her sister a roguish look, and said, "So when do I get to take this out on a patrol?"

Buffy glared at her. "Don't push your luck, Slayer Junior. You can only load two shots at a time in that thing, and it takes a long time to re-load. Too long, if you're in a real fight with a bunch of baddies. So no patrolling until you've had more hand-to-hand practice." She frowned. "Then we'll see."

As the two sisters, Willow, and Tara headed for Buffy's house for dinner, Buffy warned everyone, "Now, no telling Spike about this marriage thing. He'll either be on his knees or out the door in a flash, and neither one would make me happy right now."

Tara added, "But if we can't find another solution to your problem, you might want to consider...cutting Spike off. After all, why buy the cow..." She winked at the petite Slayer, who almost choked as everyone laughed.

"I'm not," said Willow. "You guys just haven't seen Tara in one of her mischievous moods. She usually only lets this side of her out in private. Like this one time, she cast a spell on my notebook computer. Whenever I sat down with it, it would say to me, 'Oooh, Willow, your lap is so nice and warm.' And when I started typing, it kept giggling and saying 'That tickles!'" She glared in mock anger at her lover. "I can't even repeat what it said when I plugged in the power cord."

The four young women ate dinner together, trading jokes and stories. But as it got later and later, Buffy began to get worried. "I don't like this. Spike should've been back a long time ago."

Willow shrugged. "He's probably just taking one last look around the old crypt. You know, for old times' sake?"

Buffy glared at her. "Spike is not moving in with us...yet." she finished hesitantly.

The other three girls just gave her knowing looks. "Right, Buffy," Tara said with a wink. "Tell us another one. I'll bet that for the next two months, Spike doesn't spend the night anywhere except your room."

Buffy turned to her. "What? You had the Slayer dreams? All confused and warning-like?"

"Yeah, Saturday night. I meant to ask you about it, but you told me about starting training with Spike, and I completely forgot about it! There were a couple of things I didn't understand at the time," she explained, "like seeing myself fighting with Spike. Now I know what that meant. But there was something else. I saw Drusilla."

Buffy whispered, "Oh, no! I've got to check on Spike! She'll be after him!" And she raced for the door, calling out, "Grab some weapons, call Xander, and we'll meet up at the old mansion; that's the last place Drusilla used as a base here in Sunnydale! I'm heading over to Spike's crypt to see if he's okay."

Buffy shouted, "No, Dawn! Stay with Willow and Tara! Keep each other safe! I'll see you at the mansion!" And then she was gone.

When Buffy got to Spike's crypt, the door was ajar and there was no sign of the vampire. And then her heart nearly stopped beating when she saw the note – a black rose laid on top of it – on the sarcophagus Spike sometimes used as a bed.

"The mouth?" Buffy said to herself. She must mean the Hellmouth. What's she doing there? She frowned. No "little friend" of Spike's was missing. That crazy bitch sent him off on a wild goose chase! Then she thought of something. If Spike came here right after I went to the Magic Box...she looked at her watch. That was four hours ago! He'd've gotten back to me by now! She must've laid a trap for him! He could be hurt, or...

"Spike! Don't leave me! You promised!" And with that cry, Buffy was out the door and running toward her old high school as fast as her legs would carry her.

The first thing Spike noticed was the smell. A flat, stale smell of smoke and ashes.

And the third thing was Drusilla, standing next to Buffy with a knife in her hand.

The Slayer was also chained, to a post that had been driven into the floor. He looked at the chains that held him; they were anchored by rings driven into the wall. The post was about ten feet straight in front of him. She must've spent a long time setting this up. How long has the crazy bird been in town, hiding right under our noses? And where are we, anyway?

He looked around. They were in a burned-out wreck of a building. He had his suspicions almost immediately, and the crack in the floor about twenty feet away from the post confirmed them.

"Oh look, my Spike has finally woken up!" Drusilla stepped closer to Spike, running a finger along his jawline, but never taking her eyes off Buffy.

Buffy looked sadly at Spike. "Sorry Spike, I blew it. She left a note at your crypt, addressed to you. Made me think she'd lured you into a trap, and I came running to the rescue."

Drusilla laughed and clapped her hands. "Oh, yes you did, you did very well indeed! You ran right over to rescue Spike from the awful trap! But the trap was for you, wasn't it dearie? And all the wonderful things that Spike had hidden away made it possible!" She pointed, and Spike noticed a pile of his stolen Initiative equipment, including tazer and tranquilizer guns.

He groaned. Drusilla was mad, but she had never been stupid. She had played them both perfectly. "What are you doing back in Sunnyhell, Dru?"

She walked away from Spike, and circled around Buffy, never once taking her eyes off the Slayer. "I was reading the cards, and they told me I was in danger. A little girl who loved my Spike was going to kill me, unless I got to her first. I thought she," and she pointed with the knife at Buffy, "might be the one, but I wasn't sure." She giggled madly. "After all, she spurned your charms last year. I couldn't understand it at all. I would have fallen for you in an instant if you had done for me what you did for her."

Buffy growled, "Stop looking at me like that, you psycho bitch! Why do you keep staring at me?"

Drusilla gave her an intense look, and said, "The mouth told me all about you, girl. It said the Slayer who loved my Spike couldn't kill me as long as I saw you first. I always listen to what the mouth tells me to do."

"That." She gestured toward the crack in the floor. "It's been telling me things all week. Wonderful things." Her smile got even bigger. "It said the Day is coming!"

"The Last Day!" she said happily. She bit her lip in excitement "It told me how it was all going to happen, and how the humans would try to stop it. Although," and she made a quizzical face and scratched her head with her index finger, "I wonder how twenty-eight duckies could stop the end of the world? Or was it doxies?" She giggled. "Oh well, it doesn't matter. I don't want to stop it, after all. What I want to do right now is show you the new game I invented!" She smiled gleefully at Spike.

"What kind of game?" the vampire asked fearfully. He was sure he knew the kind of thing Dru had in mind; after all, she had learned torture from the best.

She giggled. "Oooo, it's going to be so much fun! I'm going to play with your little girl," she said as she stroked Buffy's cheek with the flat of her knife, "and you're going to watch. And watch. And watch!" She smiled happily, like a little child. "You see, I'm not going to let her die, not until you tell me to. And so the last thing she sees and hears will be my darling Spike telling me to kill her!

"And when she's finally gone, I'll start playing with you, for as long as you let me play with her. And then I'll decide whether you're ready to be a good boy again or not." She smiled, and her smile encompassed total innocence and pure evil at the same time. "Doesn't that sound like a wonderful game?"

Drusilla turned at the sudden voice...and there was a twang-thunk! as a crossbow bolt buried itself in the middle of her chest.

The last thing Drusilla saw before she collapsed into dust was the hard blue gaze of Dawn Summers as she stepped out of the shadows.

Dawn lowered the crossbow she was holding and sighed. "God, I thought I was never going to get a clear shot." She looked over at Buffy, who was staring at her in disbelief. "I know the Slayer's supposed to have this colossal struggle with the villain when she comes to the rescue like this, but I figured I'd skip the fight and just save your butts."

"After we all went to the mansion and realized it was a dead end, I told the others to go back to our place and wait to hear from me," Dawn explained while she unlocked the chains around her still-stunned sister. Luckily, metal objects like keys could survive the dusting of the vampire that held them. "I told them I was going to do a recon at Spike's crypt and meet them at home."

"So why didn't you? Meet them, I mean," asked Buffy in a daze. She couldn't believe this.

"I found the letter at Spike's and guessed what had happened." She glanced over at Spike. "I don't think Spike would have fallen for that 'little friend' line, not without checking in to see just who was missing first, and calling on the rest of us for backup." She looked at him.

Spike nodded. "She's right, luv. Last year I might've gone haring off by myself, but since then I've learned how much easier it is to fight with someone watching my back. Even Xander is better than no backup at all." He grimaced.

Dawn continued. "So I figured Drusilla's trap had to be for you. I called the others from a pay phone," she said as she gave Buffy an aggravated glare, "and then came here. They should get here any minute now."

Buffy rubbed her wrists as the chains came off, to get the circulation going again. She sighed, "I'm sorry, okay? I panicked. When I realized how long Spike had been missing, I thought..." She looked up at Spike, and there were tears glistening in her eyes. "I was afraid she'd killed you," she whispered.

Spike half-smiled at her as Dawn started to work on his chains. "Silly girl. Can't get rid of me that easily." Then he asked Dawn, "But why'd you wait so long to kill the crazy bird? You cut that one too damn close, Niblet!"

Dawn frowned. "I was checking things out from around the corner over there." She pointed. "The way she was circling around Buffy, always keeping her eyes on her, the only time I had a good view of her was when Buffy was in between us. I figured I would only get one shot at her, so I waited until I could surprise her into turning towards me." She grinned. "With that white lace thing in the middle of her blouse, it was just like target practice."

It was at that point that the Scoobies arrived, and Buffy and Spike had the embarrassing experience of telling the others how Dawn had saved them.

Xander grinned and high-fived her. "Way to go, Dawnmeister! Your first official Slayage!"

Dawn added happily, "And my first rescue-of-my-sister-and-her-boyfriend-from-certain-doom, too!"

Buffy rolled her eyes. "I'm never gonna hear the end of this, am I?" she groaned.

Dawn gave her an insufferably smug grin. "Not for a long, long time, sis." Then she paused. "Do you hear something? A voice?"

"And all I hear is my voice saying it's time to get out of this place," growled Buffy.

Xander pouted at her. "Awww, is the poor Jedi Master embarrassed at being rescued by the lowly Apprentice?"

"Hmmm?" The vampire had been unusually silent as they made their way out of the ruins of her old school. He hadn't let go of her hand since they'd been freed by Dawn, but he hadn't said a word to her since then either. If Buffy didn't know better, she'd have said Spike was brooding. "What's that?"

"Are you all right? I mean, you and Dru-" She broke off, not knowing what to say.

"Oh, that." They stopped walking, and Spike let go of her hand long enough to pull out a cigarette and light it. "What I said to you last year, when I was gonna stake her...it was true. We spent over a century together, Slayer. She was the first woman who ever showed me any...affection. It does mean somethin' to me...knowin' she's dead."

He paused a moment, and took a long drag on the cigarette. "But maybe Tara was right about this whole soul-sharin' business changing me as much as it's changed you. 'Cause right now, being with you, I look back on Dru and me and it all seems...lacking. Empty." Then out of nowhere, a small, ironic smile came to his face.

Buffy stopped him by pulling on his arm, and glared at him. "Spill it, blondie. If there's one thing I've learned in the past week, it's the importance of talking about stuff." Then she softened her glare, and continued, "Besides, if it made you smile, I'd like to hear it. I could use some good news."

"Whether it's good or not depends on your point of view, Slayer." He took another big puff, and shook his head. "I can't help rememberin' how the Pouf got his soul back. The gypsies put a curse on him, to make him suffer forever. Worst thing that could happen to a bloke, right? At least if you're a vampire," he added after a pause. "Even when he became a soddin' hero, the curse forced him to hurt everyone around him. Especially you. That's what makes it a curse."

He threw the cigarette down and stomped it out. Then he turned to Buffy and took hold of her other hand. "I still don't know what it means, this whole business of you having my soul. I don't believe it's why I love you. Or why your death was the worst thing that ever happened to me.

"But it's beginning to do the same thing to me that the curse did for Angel. And it scares the Hell out of me. But when I look into your eyes, and see love for a man, instead of disgust for a monster...I know that it's not a curse. It's a blessing."

Buffy just stared at her lover. An introspective Spike was something that would take a Hell of a lot of getting used to. Like I keep saying, things were a lot simpler when we were just fighting.

Then, what he said suddenly meshed with some things that had been rattling around in her head for the past year. And she felt her whole world turn upside down once more. "Death is my gift," she whispered.

She shook herself out of her reverie. "Last year, when I went away into the desert? You know, when you had the robot made?" she said with a glare. Maybe she loved him now, but she still wouldn't give him any slack about that little faux pas. "I was visiting a spirit guide, to ask some questions about...what it meant to be the Slayer. I was afraid that being the Slayer meant that I couldn't love the way I should. But my guide told me...that I was full of love. That I loved with all of my soul. That I needed to love, even if it brought me pain. That love would bring me to my gift. And then she said," and here she imitated the haunting voice of the guide, "'Death is your gift.'"

Spike stared at her. "Bloody hell. What a soddin' awful thing to say to someone."

She nodded and looked up into his eyes. "That was just about my reaction. I couldn't understand it. After all that talk about how full of love I was...was I nothing but a killer?

"Then, on the tower, when Dawn was saying she had to jump into the portal to close it, everything seemed to make sense. This was why I was born. This was my gift. Not anyone else's death, but mine. I had to give my life to save the people I loved. And so I jumped. And I died. And for a while, I was at peace, because I'd done what I was supposed to do. I was finished...complete."

She took a deep breath, and let it all come out. "Only I was brought back. And I've had to wonder: if that was my gift, then what am I still doing here? Is there any reason at all for me to be alive?

"No, Spike. It's far more than that. Remember? I love with all my soul, which is also your soul, 'love's bitch?' Love will lead me to my gift, which is death?" She shook her head; this was all so bewildering, yet it seemed so right, so fitting.

"You loved Cecily with all your soul, and she rejected you, and so you let Drusilla bite you. I love Dawn, and I would do anything for her, and so I died so she could live.

"And now, because of the spell Willow used to bring me back, the soul we share, which has loved so much and hurt so much, binds us together." She gripped his hands tightly as she said the last part. "That bond didn't make us love each other, but that soul is what makes us feel the kind of love that's so powerful that you'll die without it, or die for it.

"I don't know if this is all making sense, Spike. This is like what happened on the tower, everything in my life suddenly being given new meaning. It scares me, too. And you heard Drusilla back there. There's something big coming, and I don't know if we'll be able to stop it. But I think that we're meant to be together, to fight it.

Spike just gazed at her for a long time. Then he said, "Hold that thought a moment, luv." Then he turned, and bellowed, "DAWN! I want a word with you, now!"

About an hour later, the four women who lived in the Summers house collapsed into various couches and chairs in their living room. Spike had volunteered to see Xander and Anya home, then do a sweep of the school and his crypt to make sure his weapons stash didn't fall into anyone else's hands.

Buffy thought privately that he wanted a little time to himself, to think about what she'd said to him...including the possible cure for her condition. She sure needed to think about it.

Willow and Tara were asleep almost as soon as they were off their feet. The blonde Slayer watched them lying in each other's arms for a while, enjoying the warm glow she felt from seeing her two friends together again.

Yawning, she turned to her younger sister. "I should probably go to bed, and haul you up there, too," she yawned, "but I don't think I can even make it up the stairs right now."

Then, in that rare moment of privacy in their crowded home, she figured it would be a good time to bring up something that had been on her mind since they had left the school. "Umm...Dawn? I guess this means you love Spike too?"

"Drusilla said she came back to Sunnydale because she read in her cards that a girl who loved Spike was going to kill her. Since I'm not the one who put a crossbow bolt through her heart, that leaves you."

Dawn just peered at Buffy through tired eyes for a moment. Then she put her hand up to her forehead dramatically, and cried, "Yes, yes, Buffy, it's true! I love Spike! Oh, the tragedy of unrequited passion!" Then she laughed and made a forget-about-it gesture with one hand. "Of course I love Spike, Buffy! He's saved my life a gazillion times, he's been there for me when you couldn't...he even forgave me for spilling the beans about Cecily, when I was sure that was the one thing that would earn me a butt-kicking, chip or no chip.

"Buffy, if I didn't love him, I wouldn't trust him with your poor mistreated heart."

Buffy gave her a weak smile. "Thanks. Nice to know I can rely on my younger sister to look out for me. In more ways than one."

The next morning, Dawn protested once again about having to go to school. "I think catching up on sleep I lost while saving your life should be a valid excuse!"

Life stabilized for the Slayers and the Scoobies for the next few days. Buffy had Tara take some job applications to UC Sunnydale for her. She figured that the security guard job was the only one she had a real shot at. But the thought of being able to go back to school again soon got her through the tedious workdays at the Palace.

The Scoobies started looking through books for any reference to twenty-eight duckies or doxies and how they might avert the end of the world. They found nothing.

Spike proposed to Buffy, on bended knee, in front of the whole Scooby Gang. He even had a real engagement ring this time: a diamond surrounded by blood red garnets – her birthstone. All the girls sobbed in happiness. Xander applauded and cracked a joke about "the second time around."

Buffy happily accepted, and didn't even ask Spike where he'd gotten the ring. She also promised Anya that she would wait until the ex-demon's own wedding before tying the knot, to keep her "maid" status intact.

Dawn continued to train after school with either her sister or her sister's fiancé. She decided that she preferred working with Buffy, even though she knew that Spike was better at getting her to do her best. It wasn't because he was harder on her than Buffy – although he was harder. He was patient when patience was required...and he kicked her butt when she needed to get working on something. Buffy was kinda hesitant about that aspect of training.

But Spike was such a grouch after training when he had chip-induced headaches!

On the Thursday after Spike and Buffy's abduction, Tara asked Dawn if she would take Miss Kitty Fantastico into her room for the night.

"Sure thing, Tara," Dawn had answered. Then she winked at the older blonde. "She's only a year old. There are some things an innocent kitty shouldn't be exposed to, right?" To that, Tara only blushed.

A half-hour later, the blonde witch was at Willow's door with a huge lit candle.

The redhead beamed at her from the bed. There were tears glistening in her sea-green eyes, but there was warmth in her gaze – and heat. She rose to greet her lover, then said, "I know it's breaking with tradition, but...could we not blow this one out? I never get tired of seeing your hair by candlelight." She slowly reached out and ran her fingers through Tara's long blonde hair to illustrate. The witch leaned into her caress and...purred in pleasure.

In the next room, Spike was using his extra-sensitive vampire hearing. He wasn't being a voyeur – not really. He was just making sure things went as he had planned. In his opinion, those two women were too...delicate about sex. Sex, even making love, should be fire and ice, pleasure so great it was painful, passion so explosive you screamed your lover's name until the Gods ran for cover. Tara and Willow were too sweet and delicate and ethereal with each other all the time.

He'd been watching them over the past few days, and seen that they were still...hesitant around each other. All that angelic lovemaking wasn't going to be enough to erase the last barriers between them. They needed to get together and shag each other senseless. And he decided to make sure they did.

He had slipped some Berber Weed into the girls' dinner that night – making sure not to get any in Dawn's, of course. Mixing it into the blood he drank made it all hot and spicy...and it did the same thing to humans who ate it. Make them all hot and spicy, that is. He grinned. Not only would Willow and Tara have a truly mind-blowing experience tonight, they would be too distracted to give him a hard time about any noise he and Buffy made...

Speak of the devil, he thought. He had only a brief glimpse of the petite blonde before she attacked him. They only made it to the bed much, much later.

The next morning, everyone was looking very tired, and very happy. Except for Dawn, who was just very tired.

"I had to put a pillow over my head to get any sleep! What with all the things that went 'bump-bump-bump' in the night. Not to mention 'Oh my God,' 'Oh, yes' and 'Aaaaaaah!!'"

Finally, that evening, Giles showed up at the Magic Box, looking very much like he had the last time he had returned to Sunnydale. This time, however, it was Dawn who was the first to greet him. And to give him a Slayer's bone-crushing hug.

"Ooops. Sorry," said an embarrassed Dawn, as she loosened her embrace and pulled back. "Buffy and Spike keep saying I'm as fast as she ever was, but not as strong."

Panting, Giles could only reply, "I assure you, Dawn, that you'll be at full strength in no time, especially with the right training." He let go of her slowly, to greet the young woman waiting behind Dawn.

When Dawn had run up to greet Giles, Buffy had still been sitting at the table, trying to decide whether she was still mad at Giles for leaving, or happy enough that he'd come back to give him a hug too. Happiness won out. But as she hugged him, she whispered, "Don't you ever do that to me again, Giles."

Giles nodded. "I understand. I'm not coming back to be your Watcher, Buffy. You've proven time and time again that you don't need one. But...I will be your friend, if you let me?"

She smiled. "Yeah. Even if I don't need a Watcher, I need all the friends I can get."

After Giles greeted the other Scoobies – except for Spike, who only got a flat glare – he got down to business. "Did you get my text of the prophecy?" he asked.

"I'm positive." He reached for one of his bags, and brought out a small sheaf of paper. "Here are the pages that I sent."

The redhead took it from him, and the others leaned over her shoulder to read it too. "Oh. I see." She looked worried. "This doesn't look good. But, Dawn's Slayer-ness aside, are you really sure these two 'twice sisters' are Buffy and Dawn?"

Buffy chimed in. "Yeah. I mean, I understand that Dawn's the 'Neverborn'-" Dawn made a face and a rude noise at that, which her sister ignored. "-but how am I the 'Thriceborn?'"

"Well, it is a bit of a stretch, but you were born once, and then re-born twice...after each time that you died. Now, the 'shadowselves' the prophecy refers to must be-"

"-the vampires that originally had the souls that Buffy and Dawn have now," Willow finished.

Giles nodded. "I think I can guess who Buffy's shadowself is, it's Spike. He's the one who will love. But Dawn's shadowself, the one who will kill?" He looked up, his face lined with concern. "We've encountered prophecies in the Codex like this before, Dawn, and I'm sure we'll find a way to prevent-"

"Um, Giles?" Dawn interrupted. "I don't think you have to worry about me. At least, not from this prophecy. Buffy and I have already stood together at the Hellmouth, so it's already happened." Giles muttered something rude and British at this point, and began frantically cleaning his glasses. "It's not the shadowselves who will love and kill...it's Buffy and me. Buffy loves Spike-" A choked noise came from Giles. "-and the only vampire I've killed since becoming a Slayer is...Drusilla."

Giles sat down heavily and said, "Could someone please find that bottle of single-malt Scotch? I think I'm going to need it."

"You? You didn't just find out you've got the soul of a lunatic vampire who heard voices, Giles." Dawn retorted. Then her eyebrows shot up, and she said to the others, "I told you guys I heard a voice in that library!"

It took everyone a long time to bring Giles up to speed. At times, Buffy was sure that he was going to faint. And his attitude toward Buffy's relationship with Spike was less than pleased. But Drusilla's ramblings about the end of the world, and her description of what might stop it brought him up short.

"Twenty-eight duckies?" he asked in amazement. "Even for Drusilla, that sounds...insane."

"Or doxies," Spike pointed out. "Though that makes even less sense, unless we're about to be flooded with new Slayers." Buffy and Dawn each gave him a hard look.

Giles sighed. "I'm going to have to go back to the Codex and see if there are any more relevant passages."

Willow added, "I'll check the other books of prophecy. If it's the end of the world we're talking about, it should be mentioned in other places."

Dawn added, "I can go back to the Hellmouth, and see if I can understand what it's saying. Maybe I could find out what the twenty-eight duckies are."

Giles shook his head. "No, Dawn. We have no idea of the extent or nature of this...gift that you seem to have. It might leave you vulnerable to the Hellmouth's influence, and I won't let you be exposed to that unless we know that it is safe. Speaking of which, I have to find a trained psychic to help you learn to control your talents." He frowned. "The Council won't be able to help much – there's never been a Slayer with psychic powers before."

Dawn sighed, and looked up at the ceiling. "Key, Slayer, psychic. Is there anything else you guys wanna pile on while you're at it?"

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Demons and Souls

by Sibling

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