Tears of Remorse

Rating: PG

Disclaimer: I do not own anything relating to Buffy the Vampire Slayer and I do not mean to infringe on any copyrights. I am not making any money from this. Any original ideas however are mine.

Distribution: http://mysticmuse.net

Please ask first.

Feedback: Kind comments are always welcome.

Pairing: Giles/Jenny

Jenny sighed as she pushed the staff-room door open. Another teachers meeting. How she hated them. All she wanted to do was go home for the evening and curl up on the couch. She scanned the already full room, there was no sign of Rupert. Jenny wasn't sure whether that was a good thing or a bad thing! She hadn't seen him since that horrible moment when he had told her to leave, backing up his Slayer's "Get out." She'd been unable to leave it at that, worrying if they had all made it home safely after fighting The Judge, and so she had phoned Rupert's and left a message on his answer-machine, asking him to please call her when he got back and let her know how it had gone with The Judge. She needed to know that no one was hurt. She hadn't been convinced he would return the call, but to his credit, he had. The call and his attitude were terse and to the point, but at least he had understood that she needed to know they were all okay and had called. When she had tried to apologize to him, he had cut her off, saying he was tired and 'now wasn't the time'. They hadn't spoken to each other since. She wanted to see him and talk to him, to have the opportunity to make things right, but at the same time she was nervous as heck about it.

"Calendar, you're late," Snyder rapped. "And where's the librarian?" Jenny shrugged and took one of the last two remaining chairs. "Well, if he thinks the world and this school revolve around him and we'll all wait for him, then he can think again," Snyder huffed.

The door opened, and in walked Rupert. "Ah! You're finally here! About time. We didn't interrupt your card cataloguing did we?" Snyder didn't wait for a response to his attempt at snide wit. "Now that all of you are eventually here, we can start the meeting."

Jenny looked over at Rupert, knowing he would have no choice but to sit in the only vacant chair which was beside her. As it turned out, his gaze swept past her and he elected to lean against the wall on the other side of the room. Once again, Jenny's insides did their sinking feeling at being snubbed by him.

Jenny barely listened to what Snyder had to say during the meeting, until he came to the dance. Her attention had been focused inside herself, equally on her self-pity and guilt. "Now to the last item on the agenda—the Valentine's Day Dance. It's being held at the Bronze this year and it needs chaperoning," Snyder glanced menacingly around the room and all of the staff shifted uneasily, praying he wouldn't pick them. "I believe Ms. Calendar and Mr. Giles kindly volunteered for this duty, seeing as they were both late!"

While both Jenny and Rupert froze in horror, the other staff sighed in relief. Desperate to get out of the assignment, Jenny quickly thought on her feet, "Erm, I urm, gee I wish I'd have known sooner because I've already made plans for that evening. Sorry."

Snyder smiled nastily. "Oh, no need to be sorry Ms. Calendar. Change them."

"I also have a prior engagement that evening," Rupert added.

"That doesn't matter, engagements can be cancelled," Snyder spoke as if he should know, leaving the staff to speculate. "Right, I think we're done here." His tone held no arguing with.

Jenny stood and gathered up her belongings. By the time she made her way through the staff, Rupert was no where to be seen.

Jenny walked out of her classroom and stopped as she came face to face with Rupert. "Rupert!" She smiled nervously at him.

He looked away and replied in a cool voice, "Ms. Calendar!"

Jenny's smile faltered at the use of her last name and the tone in which it was used. Stepping forward she plunged, "I'm glad we ran into each other actually, I was hoping that we could er..." she trailed off briefly to glance at Buffy, Willow and Xander who were stood with Rupert. Buffy wouldn't look at her, and stared intently at the floor, deliberately ignoring her. Speaking with her hands, Jenny indicated to Rupert the classroom she had just come out of, "Do you have a minute?"

"Not just now. I have a matter to discuss with Buffy."

At her name, Buffy looked up from the floor. "Right. Let's go." She breezed past Jenny without looking at her. On the other hand, Rupert looked at Jenny with a hard look in his eyes, before turning and following his Slayer down the corridor. Jenny wasn't sure which was worse...Buffy purposefully not looking at her, or Rupert looking at her with cold disappointed eyes? On deliberation, Jenny decided the latter was worse.

The music was already reverberating through the Bronze when Jenny arrived. She was late—again. It was beginning to become a habit when she had to be in the same vicinity as Rupert. Surveying the dancing throng of happy students, she spotted the reason she was dreading the evening—Rupert. He was across the room, standing off to the side of the dance floor, looking thoroughly uncomfortable. Plucking up her courage, Jenny started to make her way over to him, through the crowd. When she was half-way across the room, his watchful gaze fell on her. She started to smile, but stopped, as he quickly looked away, and moved off further away from her, disappearing behind the dancing students.

Jenny briefly closed her eyes in hurt, before changing course and heading over to the bar, where she ordered coffee with brandy. While she sat on a bar-stool nursing her internal wounds with the drink, someone sat down close beside her. Hoping it was Rupert, she turned in expectation. Her look turned to disappointment when it wasn't him, but some college guy. Jenny started to turn back to her drink as the guy said, "I know I've not got movie-star looks, but I didn't think I was that bad!" He gave her a broad smile and she found herself returning it. "That's better."

"Sorry. It's just I thought you were someone else."

"Well, if you don't mind my saying, he's a fool if he isn't sat here with you right now." Jenny tilted her head to the side and gave him a wry look. "What? You don't think I'm sincere?" His gaze traveled to her short black dress, with the low scoop neck, black tights and black platform shoes and he gave her an approving look. "You're gorgeous. It's his loss if he isn't with you on Valentine's Day."

"Thanks, but believe me, it's my loss."

"Well, I still say his loss my gain. By the way, I'm Greg. You are...?"

Jenny was tempted to reply 'so not interested' but said "Jenny."

"How about a dance Jenny?" Jenny shook her head. "Come on?" he coaxed.

"I'm really not in the mood."

"Want to go for a walk outside and talk about it?"

Jenny looked at him. It was clear that 'talking' wasn't what he would have in mind. She gave him an unamused laugh and shook her head. "Nice try. You almost came across as believable. Might have worked if I were a seventeen year old."

"What d'you mean? I meant it."

"Mmm." Jenny gave him her best, 'yeah, right' face.

"Come on Jenny, how about it? You might enjoy yourself!"

"You're too young."

"I'm nineteen."

"And do you know how old I am?"

"Twenty-five?"

Jenny laughed, this time in amusement. "Try thirty-two."

"No way?"

"Yes way."

"So? You're still gorgeous."

Jenny rolled her eyes at him. "See ya!" She picked up her drink and stood up. He jumped up, briefly touching her elbow.

"Hey, wait! Where you going?"

"To do my chaperoning duty."

"Well, maybe we can hook up later?"

"Goodbye." Jenny turned away.

"What? Goodbye? Is that it? Don't I even get your phone number?"

Shaking her head and with her back to him, Jenny walked away. Finding a space well away from the college guy, Jenny leaned against the wall and watched the students. As her gaze scanned the students for any signs of trouble, she noticed Rupert watching her. They looked at each other for a split second, before he turned away and once again ignored her. In a subconscious attempt for comfort, Jenny wrapped both her hands around her warm mug of coffee and brandy and took a sip. It didn't really help her feel much better. The only thing that would, was Rupert forgiving her.

Pulling her shoulders back, she walked purposefully over to Rupert. As he was intent on looking away from her, he hadn't noticed her approach until she was beside him. "So are you going to ignore me all evening then?"

He briefly looked at her, before directing his gaze at a poster on the wall. "That's the plan."

Hurt, Jenny stared at him for a few moments, before making a noise of disbelief and walking off. She headed quickly for the toilets as tears threatened; slamming her mug down on a table as she passed.

In the toilets, to Jenny's further dismay, Cordelia was there. Trying to retain what was left of her unraveling composure, Jenny fled into the nearest empty cubicle. Behind the closed door, she tried to keep her breathing under control, to not cry, but she was loosing it quickly. The tears streamed down her face as she fought to keep them back. Once she had heard what she thought was Cordelia's retreat out of the toilets, Jenny gave in to her misery and cried her heart out.

Cordelia marched over to Giles, Oz, Willow and Xander. And with her usual lack of tact, told them, "I thought you guys should know, Ms. Calendar's crying in the toilets."

"What?" Xander asked.

"Crying. You should know what that means Xander!" Cordelia gave him a bitchy smile, and Xander gave her one of his own back.

"Very funny. If you think I'd waste my time crying over you..."

"Er, Cordelia, are you sure Ms. Calendar's erm, crying? You could be mistaken!" Rupert interrupted.

"I'm sure okay. She looked really upset when she came in and so I pretended to leave. I can't believe she fell for that slamming the door gig! Anyhow, as soon as she thought I was gone she burst into tears. She was really sobbing. It was terrible."

Willow and Oz snuck a look at Giles and then exchanged glances. Giles had a guilty look on his face. "Well, aren't you going to go and see if she's okay?" Cordelia asked Giles.

He fidgeted with his glasses. "I er, I don't know that that would be such a good idea. She might want to be alone right now. And besides, it's not as if I can go and barge right into the ladies!"

"I'll go see if she's okay," Willow offered. She was already walking off before Giles could protest.

When Willow entered the toilets, Jenny was standing at the mirror, applying her make-up. "Hey Ms. Calendar!"

"Hi Willow!" Jenny tried to sound chirpy.

Swinging her arms nervously, Willow went to stand beside her favorite teacher. "Are you okay?"

Jenny forced a smile. "Yeah, I fine."

"Er, Cordelia said you were crying."

Jenny stopped applying her mascara and looked at Willow in the mirror. She sighed. "I miss him."

"He misses you too."

Jenny turned to face Willow and smiled sadly. "Thanks for trying to make me feel better Willow, but I think we both know he hates my guts. He'll probably be happy if he never saw me again. Maybe you'd all be better off!"

"No, that's not true. Don't say that. And Giles doesn't hate you, he's just hurt. Please, don't give up on him Ms. Calendar, or on Buffy. They just need some time, that's all."

Their heart to heart ended as some students came into the toilets. Willow left Jenny to finish applying her make-up and went to relay the conversation to Giles, in the hope of playing match-maker.

Makeup reapplied, Jenny came out of the refuge of the ladies and went to stand out of the way of everyone, but where she could keep a watchful eye on the students. She hadn't been there long, when a voice spoke behind her. "Hello."

It was Rupert. She slowly turned around to face him. "Hi!"

"Jenny I'm... " he sighed deeply. "I'm sorry." He held her eyes with his. "I came here tonight with the full intent of avoiding you. But the truth is, I can't. I won't deny I'm deeply hurt by you're lying to me. I thought we had something special...I think we have something special, something worth saving. It's just you were the first adult I've trusted with my own secret in such a long time, the first person that I've trusted. It hurt that you didn't feel the same. I thought we were on the verge of a solid relationship."

"Rupert I do feel the same. I wanted to tell you, but I couldn't. I'd given my word to my people, and regardless of what you may think of me, my word means a lot to me. I couldn't break it. Just like I could never break my word to you that I wouldn't tell anyone you're a Watcher. I'm sorry for hurting you. I didn't mean to. I know that doesn't change the fact that I did." She looked down and then back up at him. "Rupert, I miss you so much."

"I miss you too."

"Do you think we could...is there a chance...you said you 'think we have something worth saving' did you mean that?"

"Yes." He smiled and held his arms open to her.

Jenny walked into his arms and rested her head on his shoulder. She sighed contentedly. "You've no idea how good it feels to be back in your arms."

"As good as it feels to have you in them again."

The End

Send Feedback to Author

Back to Riley's Stories...