Witness by The Rainbow Writers

Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: Buffy The Vampire Slayer, Willow, Tara, Xander, Anya, Giles, Dawn, Spike and all other characters who have appeared in the syndicated series Buffy The Vampire Slayer, together with the names, titles and back story are the sole copyright property of Joss Whedon, Fox and Mutant Enemy. No copyright infringement was intended in the writing of this fan fiction. All other characters, the story idea and the story itself are the sole property of the authors. This story cannot be sold or used for profit in any way. Please contact the authors for permission to reproduce this story on any other fan fiction site.
Distribution: The Rainbow Writer's Homepage: http://www.therainbowwriters.com/
Mystic Muse: http://mysticmuse.net
Spoilers: Season 6.
Feedback: All feedback is welcome.
Pairing: Willow/Other

Summary: Willow struggles with her rehabilitation in England.

Willow tracked back down the stairs with the garbage can and a blood stained towel she had found by the bed.

"We may need to enact the Scooby motto of always have extra towels." She frowned at the ruined object. "It may come out though, depends if I put it into soak soon enough, Buffy's always comes out if you use a combination of spray cleaner and color safe bleach."

Ruth turned from the TV to look at her lover and propelled herself off the couch the next instant.

"Precious where did you get that?" She reached out and took the towel from Willow's grasp holding it lightly by the corner.

"Oh Dawn's curled up with Faith, it's so cute." The redhead grinned. "I went to get the garbage and the dishes, it was by the bed. I guess that puncture you said was still weeping must have dripped some."

"We should just throw this." Ruth frowned softly, "Do we have spare garbage bags?" She moved through into the kitchen.

"Oh course but it's okay I can get it out I think, it hasn't had time to set." Willow followed after her. "And we just bought it so it's a shame to think a little blood has ruined it."

Ruth glanced at the stained towel in her hand and slowly turned to look at her lover.

"It's about this." Ruth lifted the towel slightly. "And about Faith." She bit her lip.

"What about Faith?" Willow reached out for the towel and Ruth moved the cloth backwards slightly.

"She…" Navy eyes flicked up to meet green. "She's HIV positive." The dark haired witch whispered.

"Which is probably why she'll never get ill from it, but it doesn't change the chemistry in her blood." Ruth said sadly.

"Wow…I mean bad wow, but wow." Willow turned and leaned against the counter looking down at the bloody gauze at the bottom of the garbage can. "Is that why she was so adamant that you go to her?"

"I couldn't tell you, not before now." She said her tone apologetic. "I found out when we…well you know when." She shook her head realizing this part of the explanation wasn't necessary for the other witch. "She doesn't want people to know."

"Oh course you couldn't tell me." Willow looked at her lover. "I know you hate feeling like you're prying into people's brains. I just can't believe Buffy didn't tell me, I mean so that we could take better care of her in times like this."

"Lo, Buffy doesn't know." Ruth shook her head. "She's the last person Faith wants to tell."

"Again with the bad wow." Willow frowned more. "Is she okay? I mean you said she wasn't sick but there must be medications and general feelings of crappiness."

"Occasionally I think, and yes she has meds." Ruth nodded. "But yes she's okay." The witch underlined. "She's just worried, worried about the people she cares about."

"Ru, I don't mean this as bitchy as it seems but this is Faith, she's not big on the caring most of the time." Willow put forward actually realizing that she felt bad for what she was saying. "At least she never was, but you keep telling me she's changed." She tried to contemplate. "Wait!" She turned slightly panicked. "Dawn is curled up with her." She pointed backwards.

"Was curled up with her." Dawn appeared behind the redhead yawning loudly. "Do you have any concept of how loud you are when you are trying to be quiet." She scowled at Willow light-heartedly. She pulled open the fridge and took out a milkshake. "Now what did I miss?" She pushed the straw through the foil-covered hole.

"Nothing." Willow shook her head. "We were just discussing how this towel is done. You know having Slayers as friends is hard on the linen." She took the edge from Ruth and stuffed it down into the garbage bag.

"We can buy new towels." Dawn shrugged and glanced at Ruth who was looking at her, a soft smile spread over the dark haired witch's face.

"Did you come down just to steal milkshakes, or did Faith want something too?" Ruth asked tying up the sack and putting it inside another one and repeating the tying process.

"You should make her a real one with the blender." Willow pointed out quickly. "I can go take care of Faith."

"No it's only me with the munchies, Faith's still asleep." Dawn turned and headed back out to the hallway.

"How are we going to keep her away from Faith?" Willow hissed at Ruth glancing at Dawn's retreat.

"I'm drinking milkshake, I'm not deaf." Dawn stopped and turned back around, she looked at Ruth.

For a moment Dawn looked like she would have a classic teenager flare reaction, but then she took a breath and looked at Willow.

"You're not going to be an ass about this, are you Will?" She asked not blinking.

"I'm not…I wasn't going to be an ass. I was just worried about being careful." Willow glanced between Ruth and Dawn. "Why is she talking like she knows?" She questioned her girlfriend.

"I'm guessing Faith told her." Ruth smiled softly and moved closer to the teenager. "Well done Dawn." She smiled wider and rubbed her arm lightly.

"I have no intention of being an ass, just precautious." Willow pouted slightly as she moved to take out ice cream.

Ruth and Dawn turned to look at the redhead smiling, a smile that turned into gentle laughter.

"I'm heading back up." Dawn moved gently away from Ruth's side. "You two enjoy ice cream." She took a few steps and stopped. "But don't you know enjoy it too much." She winked and ran for the stairs.

"I must have dozed off." He said looking at Willow and Ruth "Did I miss anything?"

Buffy leaned on the door frame contemplating whether or not to ring the doorbell. It had been a crazy day with visiting the grave and then Faith's injury and following farce and now it was just after midnight, she should be back at the house checking on Dawn and filling in her final choices on the course form from university, but instead she was here outside Willow's front door, in debating land.

"You usually have to ring the doorbell if you want someone to open the door." Ruth's soft voice said to Buffy as the door opened.

"Ruth." Buffy stepped back from the door surprised. "I wasn't sure…I didn't know if I should…"

"Come in." Ruth pulled the door further open and waited for Buffy to slip inside.

"Everyone else is asleep, Faith's in the room next to ours." Ruth went back to the stairs and crept up them. "Night Buffy." She added smiling softly.

Buffy stood for a long moment in the hall, before slipping off her jacket and climbing up the stairs, pausing at the ajar door to Faith's room. If the dark Slayer was asleep she was just going to turn around and leave. She knocked on the dark wood impossibly lightly.

"Cookie, I'm fine. Go curl up and pay attention to your honey." Faith called to the knock thinking it must still be Ruth up worrying about her.

"B, sorry I thought you were the Cookie Monster." She smiled at the other Slayer. "How was patrol?"

"And just who is the cookie monster?" Buffy frowned more. "Did Giles give you those weird red pills, because they made me see things too."

"Yes but no that's not the cause. Ruth loves cookies, she's the cookie monster." Faith laughed lightly. "I'm not crazy B."

"Good so how…is that Dawn?!" Buffy's sentence stopped mid word as she stared at the small curled up figure of her sister.

"Oh yeah, she came by earlier to check up on me." Faith reached over tucking the blanket over the teenager's shoulder.

"Just when I thought she'd stopped lying to me." Buffy frowned harder and moved closer. "Let me grab her and take her down to the couch at least." She moved to slide her arms under Dawn's sleeping body.

"B, she's fine." Faith shook her head. "And she didn't lie so much as she knew it was safe to come here, especially when you said you'd be coming by here after patrol."

"Got you on her side I see." Buffy stopped and pulled back. "How are you doing?" She asked looking at Faith's bruised face and upper body.

"Not bad considering a land shark tried to bite my leg off." Faith gave her a tired smile. "But even considering that…pretty crap." She admitted softly. "Hurts." She looked down to her swollen and bandaged leg.

"Perhaps the dressing needs changing looks a little tight." Buffy noted the swelling. "Want me to check?" She offered friendlily.

"No, no it's okay. Ruth's been poking at it all night." Faith tried to more gentle this time in her persuasion to just stay away from the wound. "I think I'll be happy to just have someone not come in to poke at me ya know?"

"Sorry." Buffy backed up a bit. "So are you going to be fit enough to get home tomorrow?" She asked keeping her soft tone. "Mrs. Lauder has made chicken soup and Xander built the frame for your mattress in."

"Definitely…though B…" For a moment Faith looked at Dawn and remembering how supportive the teenager had been she had a change of heart for a moment. "If it's easier I'm sure I can crash here with the witches till I heal."

"Yeah of course, whatever is best for everyone." Buffy seemed equally as determined not to make a big deal out of anything. "Well I just wanted to check in on you, I should get back Rose has a tendency to wait up." She glanced at the door behind her.

"B, hold on." The dark Slayer took a deep breath. "There's something I need to tell you, I mean maybe those red pills have done in my brain but I'm hoping this will help you understand today."

"You don't have to do that." Buffy shook her head. "I mean I don't have the right to demand anything from you." She slid her hand across her stomach.

"You're not demanding B and even if you were that's not why I'm telling you." Faith shook her head. "I just…it's not fair if I'm in your house and I don't tell you."

"Yeah, so…" Faith found herself hesitating as Buffy stared at her. "When I went to prison I found out something, something pretty bad."

"That killing people was wrong?" Buffy asked not meaning to sound sarcastic but failing.

"Okay so I found out two something's." She gritted her teeth knowing that this was going to be way harder than she imagined. "You know what Buffy maybe we'd be better talking about this later, I should try to let the pills work and get some sleep."

"Wouldn't it be better just to get this over with, whatever this is?" Buffy glanced at the door and then back at Faith. "Just say it and then I'll leave, we can leave any discussion it brings up until later if you like."

"Fine, just don't say I've never given you your way." Faith took a deep breath and then exhaled. "B, I'm HIV positive." She said bluntly.

"Oh this is great." Buffy pushed off from the doorframe as she stared at the dark haired Slayer. "You're serious aren't you?" She breathed her reaction coming before her brain really got her head around what she'd been told.

"Why the hell would even I lie about something like that?" Faith looked at her incredulously.

"For effect, to get a reaction, any number of reasons." Buffy had no real idea why her whole emotional world had up heaved itself. "The doctors screened you eh?" She shook her head. "Well I don't know what I'm supposed to say."

"Don't say anything." Faith locked her jaw and looked away. "Night B." She added coarsely.

"Well come on, was it like surprise-a-rama?" Buffy bit back as she moved forward. "You were hardly a nun."

"No B, exactly what I deserved wasn't it?" Faith didn't look back at the blonde.

"Like I said, we'll have a discussion about this tomorrow." She moved to the bedside and slid her arms under Dawn and maneuvered her towards her body ready to lift.

"Mmmm, what is it?" Dawn moaned and turned over effectively flipping out of Buffy's arms and landing back on the mattress beside Faith.

"She's fine B." Faith's voice was tight as she tried to dissuade the Slayer from what she was doing.

"Well let's just say I disagree with you on that one." She ignored the dark haired Slayer and moved again to gather Dawn to her.

"Buffy get off." The teenager grumbled recognizing the voice in her semi- sleep, "I'm comfy."

"Leave her, if you're that worried I'll go on the couch." Faith pushed up with her arms and managed with only a groan of pain to swing herself around a bit trying to get out of bed.

"Wooo wait." Dawn's brown eyes flicked open and looked at Faith. "Where are you going? Lay down." She turned and looked at Buffy. "What are you doing here?"

"Get lost!" Dawn turned her attention fully to Faith. "Would you please lie back, you're going to pop stitches."

"It's not important Dawn." Faith shook her head. "Your sister would rather I keep a safe distance from you. Maybe you should get me a plastic suit B."

"Wait up, you told her?" Dawn looked at the dark haired Slayer, still not paying any attention to her sister.

"Yeah, fuck stupid I am for hoping she might at least understand." Faith growled as she tried to push up to stand. "And trust me B, I am not joking." She cast a hard stare at the blonde. "Anything bad you ever wished to happen on me has, in the great game of revenge you got yours better than Anya could ever dream."

"Faith lay down." Dawn put her hand on Faith's shoulder. "Buffy get out." She turned and stared at the blonde. "If you have nothing to say or do that will help, just get out of here."

"I…what?" She stared at Dawn. "How dare you speak to me like that, I am you sister."

"Yeah and right now you're behaving like an ass, now go away, calm down, and come back when you have the balls to be as brave as Faith was by telling you." Dawn growled.

Faith was left somewhat speechless when she heard Dawn's tone and her words directed at Buffy, rather on automatic and because of the insane swirling motion the pain was causing in her head she collapsed back onto the edge of the bed.

"I'm not joking Buffy." Dawn stared at her sister. "If you can't behave then you need to go."

"You don't understand Dawn, you could…it's dangerous to be with her." Buffy looked at her sister frowning, trying to even out her voice.

"Yes if I was stupid and decided to be blood sisters with her or have unprotected sex, but I don't plan on doing either. You just have to be careful about what you're doing, it's just like when Mom was sick and we had to be careful not to infect her with anything, but the opposite." Dawn explained looking down at her sister's ignorance. "And no one deserves to have HIV Buffy, no matter who they've slept with."

"Fine." She snapped, turning on her heel and heading out of the door slamming it hard as she ran down the stairs.

As she came to the bottom she was surprised to see that her way to the door was blocked by the slim figure of the English witch who was in a dark purple pair of jogging pants and a tight gray tank top.

"I have to go." Buffy tried to keep the emotion out of her voice. "I'll check on everyone tomorrow."

"Actually I think you need to sit down." Ruth didn't raise her voice in the slightest, her navy eyes looking towards the couch.

"No, really you need to sit down." Ruth's voice went a little deeper and a little harder.

"I don't think you have any clue what I need." Buffy contradicted in a light growl. "Now go back up and take care of Willow."

"Or you'll what? Knock me out, make me move?" Ruth shook her head slowly. "I don't think so Buffy. Now why don't we just go and sit down, I put the kettle on." Her voice held its consistent almost melodious tone.

"No, I'll just go out the back door." The Slayer shook her head and began walking towards the kitchen and the door beyond.

"Why do you make this so hard Buffy?" Ruth followed her, knowing that the back door was dead bolted and magically sealed.

"I'm not making anything hard; I'm just trying to go home. It's been made very clear I'm not welcome here." The Slayer barked as she put her hand on the door and felt it knocked back. "Undo the mojo." She turned and stared at Ruth.

"No." Ruth shook her head. "You're more than welcome here Buffy, you are loved deeper and completely unconditionally by more people in this house than you can ever comprehend."

"Yeah, so that's why my sister just told me to get out?" Buffy tried to reach the bolt again.

"Yes because she was trying to stop you from saying something else that by the morning you would regret." Ruth informed her calmly.

"Did everyone but me know about Faith?" Buffy narrowed her eyes looking at the witch.

"I knew, I've known for a long while, Dawn and Willow found out today, as did you, no one else knows." Ruth informed her glancing at the kettle as it clicked off. "Coffee?" She enquired taking down a mug for herself.

"I don't want coffee, I want you to unlock the door." Buffy pointed at it. "You can't make me stay here."

"Fine." Ruth waved her hand in the direction of the door muttering a chant under her breath.

"Thank you." Buffy moved and fumbled with the lock. "You don't know Faith." She muttered while she worked. "This is just the beginning; she'll pull shit you won't even believe."

"Yes, she might." Ruth nodded. "She could choose to hide important facts from people who deserve to know the truth."

"Exactly, how long has she been staying at my place? Don't you think maybe I deserve to know she walking around with…" Buffy's voice stuck. "That she's putting us all at risk. Has put us all at risk, oh God I have to make appointments to get everyone tested. Xander slept with her, if she gave him this I'll…" She didn't finish as she pulled at the lock her hands shaking a little too much to successfully disengage it.

"You'll what?" Ruth asked. "When you put her in a coma they tested her then, she was clean, it happened sometime between her leaving here and being arrested." Ruth gave Buffy the information easily. "But then you didn't think to ask for the details did you, after all she lied to you right? She didn't deserve to be heard out."

"I didn't get a chance to get details, Dawn kicked me out." Buffy shook her head. "Not that she would have given me details, she was so off the cuff you'd think she told me she got a new tattoo."

"How would you have liked her to tell you Buffy, as soon as she saw you, you know, important possibly life changing news, you wanted to know at the earliest possibility right?" Ruth continued pushing. "And wasn't she remorseful enough? All with the apologies and the sob story?"

"Faith is never remorseful." Buffy shook her head to the idea. "She does things her way and her way is the only way as far as she's concerned."

"Nothing." Ruth shook her head. "I mean after all this is your time to rant and rave about how terrible Faith is, how much she hurt you, lied to you, kept things from you that you had a right to know, isn't it?" She queried.

"So come on I'm listening, get it all out." Ruth shifted a little in her place. "Horrify me with her dark deeds; forget for the moment that I know them already, that I know everything there is to know about her, about most of you."

"Then why should I waste your time." Buffy finally got the lock to snap out of its place. "Night Ruth." She pulled the door open.

"You know Buffy." Ruth shook her head sadly. "I was really hoping, that just one of you, just one of the really special, truly lovely people I have met recently would be able open their eyes a little and honestly see what they have, instead of bitching about what they don't have. I guess I'm destined always to be disappointed by the people I love, even my mother." She turned and walked towards the kitchen door.

"Ruth…" She felt her mouth trying to say something but she couldn't find much. "I…"

"You what? Weren't lying to me but we're protecting me from the truth, we're ignoring my right to know, merely waiting for the right time? Were thinking about anything other than how I didn't need this right now, how I needed to be settled and more even before I found out? Now doesn't that sound a little familiar to you? Let me think, I could tell B that I have HIV but she has bigger things to think about right now, I'm not lying to her, because she's not asked me if I do have it, and right after she's just got her grieving best friend back to the Hellmouth isn't the 'right time' to share something as devastating as that now is it?" Ruth drew a breath in and stared at Buffy her navy eyes hard.

Buffy gritted her teeth as her anger boiled down and became not so much about Faith anymore but about herself.

"I didn't know how to tell you." She tried some explanation. "You'd just almost been killed by Ethan, and you were petrified that Willow had overdone it. I'm sorry if I failed you, don't worry I'm sure I'll manage to do it again." She pulled the door open.

"She didn't know how to tell you either." Ruth shook her head. "You are all so quick to judge and condemn not only each other but yourselves." Her eyes filled with tears. "I have never before been surrounded by a group of people who are so afraid to just live. You've all been surrounded by so much death, pain and deceit that you can't live without the promise of it. The fact that the woman who I believed in and loved more than anyone until Willow was lying to me my whole life. The fact that she, my mother committed me to the existence I had through my teenager years, the fact that everyone one of these scars, could in some way be labeled her fault, that, that is something to hate, to fear and to what to run away from. The fact that Faith is lying upstairs in a bed, with some virus in her bloodstream that she neither asked for nor deserved is something she should want to run away from, neither is something you have the right to bitch about." Ruth blinked at the Slayer again. "You choose to judge yourself and those who would love you rather than submit to their trust, that isn't something to fear or hide from, it's just pathetic."

"You have no idea what I choose to do, how I feel. I know your life has been shit Ruth and trust me I wanted to put your so called Mother through the wall of her hotel room for what she did to you." Buffy responded when the witch finally silenced her rant. "I know she didn't deserve it or ask for it, none of us have asked for any of the shit things that have happened in our lives."

"Don't you dare." Ruth unexpectedly stalked forward. "Don't you dare stand there and tell me I don't know how you feel!" She put the flat of her hand on the open door beside Buffy's head pushing it hard and fast closed so that it slammed in its frame. "I know every little thought, feeling and emotion tumbling around your brain right now, I hear them so loud you could be screaming them from the roof tops. I know how you feel let down, hurt, cornered and trapped by my words, ashamed by your lies, guilty for treating Dawn badly, cheated by the fact that in your opinion all those dreams, those secret dreams a part of you clung to, have been thrown into the sea of desolation, never to come true. I know exactly what you are feeling, and don't you ever, ever forget that. Lie to Dawn, lie to Faith, hell lie to yourself, but don't ever, ever come to me and say I don't understand."

"Stop abusing your powers." Buffy wasn't ever one to back down even when she should of and she moved toe to toe with the dark haired witch. "You have no right to be poking around in my brain, I didn't invite you and you have ways to stop yourself now."

"Yeah Buffy, at 12:30 in the morning when all hell is breaking loose in the place I call my sanctuary I have the wherewithal to don all the things that make me 'normal' so I can try and stop someone I thought of as a friend fucking up in a major way." Ruth snarled.

"I am your fucking friend." Buffy snarled back. "And what am I supposed to do? Go back up and give her a hug and tell her it's going to be okay? She's going to get fucking sick and she's going to suffer and then she's going to fucking die. Nothing is okay about this, I can't stop it from happening."

"Buffy she's a slayer, no one, including Faith knows what is going to happen with this, it may never be more than a recessive viral faction in her blood." Ruth shook her head. "But at the same time Buffy she's just a woman, who's alone and trying not to be scared by something impossibly frightening." She took a breath.

"I can't stand around watching her die." Buffy shook her head and backed off her body limp. "You see inside my head Ruth then you know I can't make it through that."

"I can." Ruth winced sympathetically. "I can see how scared the very thought makes you and how impossibly helpless you feel, but I might go to sleep tonight and not wake up in the morning Buffy, nothing about our lives is certain, and Faith having HIV does not mean she is going to die."

"Everyone dies when I don't want them too." Buffy leaned against the cupboard and slid down to sit her hands up at her head. "You have every right to hate me, tell me to get out of your house."

"Oh Buffy," Ruth dove lightly forward onto her knees. "I don't hate you." She tried to gather Buffy closer. "I don't I really, really don't. Buffy, listen to me please, I'm not saying anything you've done, any choices you have made are wrong, I'm saying let go a little, stop being the one who is ultimately responsible for everything." She stroked her hand over Buffy's hair. "I know you're so afraid that we're all going to leave you, but none of us, not Willow, Xander, Dawn, Giles, and especially not Faith want to leave you." She stressed. "You need to stop for a while, sit by the stream and rest. Watch the fish swim by and the butterflies fly."

"I don't deserve to rest, I have to keep going, I have to keep everyone safe." Buffy shook her head though she didn't pull away from the witch. "I have to save everyone."

"You are not one, we are many." Ruth whispered stroking her hand over and over Buffy's hair. "Don't be afraid of the future Buffy."

"I…I don't deserve to be happy, to have a future." The Slayer shook her head more. "I hurt everyone, even you."

"We all hurt people Buffy." Ruth shook her head, as she smoothed her hand over Buffy's brow a little and leaned her forehead forward. "See the water is crystal blue." She said softly reaching out her left hand cupping it in the softly babbling brook that ran directly parallel to them. She shook off most of the access water and then ran her lightly damp hand over Buffy's brow. "We all fall short of people's expectations, especially our own."

"No, no you're not." Ruth shook her head. "Welcome to my real gift." She pushed up and reached out her hand easing the Slayer to her feet. "I call this place Eden." She smiled as she motioned to the soft rolling hills around them and the brilliant blue sky above them. All manner of trees and exotic plants littered the vast green plains. "It's okay Buffy, it's not real, but it feels real and it is real to an extent, a bit like a holo-deck program, please tell me you watched at least one episode of Star Trek." She smiled.

"I'm friends with Xander." Buffy reached up wiping her eyes. "How do you make all of this?" She looked around amazed. "We're in the kitchen."

"We are." Ruth nodded. "I make it in here." Ruth rubbed her temple and then Buffy's temple. "If you want to I can take us right back to the kitchen." She added softly.

"I know." Ruth nodded. "But you know the good thing about that?" She smiled as a butterfly with orange white tipped wings landed on the Slayer's shoulder.

"You know where you're going." Ruth smiled more reaching forward so that the butterfly fluttered from Buffy's shirt onto Ruth's finger. "And that's set in stone Buffy. Your forever will be this beautiful." She offered the delicate insect to the slayer.

"The world is so harsh compared to this." Buffy whispered as she lifted her hand and the small creature landed on her fingertip. "So bright."

"Oh believe me Buffy I know, imagine being able to be here whenever you like, why the hell would I go back to the real world?" Ruth couldn't help but chuckle as a small brown rabbit hopped out in front of them.

"Is this where you used to come? When the world was just too much." Buffy questioned softly.

"One of a few places, this was the place I came when I wanted to rest." Ruth admitted. "You have to realize Buffy that not all of my creations are this." She paused as a hawk dived down towards the helpless rodent, its talons outstretched, its bright beady eyes set on dinner. "Innocuous." She blinked and the hawk turned into a bright plume of small song birds that flew off into the sky.

"Why would you go to nasty places?" Buffy stepped closer to Ruth. "You can have paradise."

"But I have to deserve this." Ruth replied honestly. "And most of the time I don't." She shook her head.

"Yes, you do." The Slayer shook her head. "I live in the world that's ugly and full of death Ruth, no one deserves to send themselves there when they could have this." She pointed to a deer eating nearby.

"I'd rather spend an hour in Willow's arms than a lifetime here." Ruth turned and looked at Buffy.

"I thought when Tara died, even after we'd gotten her off the magic…I thought I was going to lose her." Buffy admitted sitting down on the grass. "I couldn't go the airport when Giles took her, I couldn't bear to see her one last time just in case it was the last time." She took a deep breath and looked up at Ruth. "Then she met you, and I know she's not completely better but she's alive again, she's got hope and she's fighting. You gave her that."

"We all gave her that." Ruth shook her head. "You, Dawn, Giles, Rose, Faith, Xander, even Anya in her own special way, not to mention Tara herself."

"What does Tara think to all this Faith stuff?" Buffy asked in a quiet cautious voice as she laid back and looked up at the fluffy clouds.

"She doesn't have much to say about it honestly." Ruth admitted. "She's a little," Ruth paused. "Overwhelmed by Willow and your bravery today. Now your mother, she has plenty to say." The sensitive laughed.

"Yes." Ruth nodded. "If you like I could get her to give you the message personally." She glanced at slayer.

"This isn't real Buffy, I can make anything happen." The witch turned her hand and a pastel pink elephant glided through the sky above them.

"I don't think I could handle an imaginary visit from my mom." Buffy shook her head. "What is she saying to you?"

"She says, stop it and be happy." Ruth delivered the short precise message rolling her hand again and producing a stargazer lily. "From her." She handed it to Buffy.

"But what should I do to be happy?" Buffy questioned taking the bloom and smiling at it.

"You know the answer to that Buffy." Ruth smiled as she moved her hand in a slow circle, revealing a small pink heart with an F and a B carved into the rose quartz crystal.

"That can't be the answer." Buffy shook her head as she took the stone. "I've never…" She blinked at Ruth.

"Never?" Ruth blinked back. "Never let yourself be in love after Angel, I know." She smiled.

"But I wasn't in love with him." Buffy looked down. "How could I be? Losing Angel broke my heart; I was willing to kill Faith to save him."

"She came back and tried to steal my life." Buffy pointed out. "She slept with my boyfriend, alienated my friends and was going to run away to God knows where in my body."

"And you tied your friends up in the basement and set a demon on them." Ruth reminded, "Neither of you were thinking straight."

"You know everything that I'm thinking…do I love her?" Buffy questioned her honestly.

"If someone came to you tomorrow and told you that they could give you a way that you could cure her, only her, they're not offering you a world wide cure for AIDS, just a cure for her, what would your answer be?" Ruth asked picking a daisy and twirling it lightly in her fingers.

"Interesting choice, it just cost you the use of your left hand, didn't you think to check the price before you made the deal?" Ruth arched her eyebrow.

"That wasn't what you said, you didn't say it had a cost." Buffy contradicted her.

"You didn't ask, you heard the words, cure and Faith, and your heart made its choice, it by-passed your brain by a considerable distance wouldn't you say?" Ruth smiled.

"I'd do that for anyone." Buffy tried to argue with the fact Ruth was giving her. "I don't mean this in a negative way Ruth but I've never been with a woman; I'm not gay like you and Willow."

"Willow was my first." Ruth replied with a soft smile. "And I am sure Oz would give you evidence that Willow was more than capable of making him happy. Sexuality is full of labels Buffy, none of them mean a thing."

"Why would she want me?" The Slayer turned the questioning around, part of her was trying to ignore the serenity, ignore the calmness this place brought her and not let herself open like this.

"That is something you would have to ask her." Ruth shook her head, "Having the gift I have comes with responsibilities Buffy, one of which is not letting secrets slip."

"We failed you in that department." The Slayer frowned again. "I swear to you I didn't have a clue until that day in the hotel Ruth, and yes at that moment my only concern was getting you and Willow out of England, together and safely."

"Stop it Buffy." Ruth shook her head. "Tonight wasn't ever about me." She waved her hand and suddenly they were in Buffy's bedroom, though as it had been when Faith had first been around. "It was about you two." She nodded over at a photograph of the two Slayer's dancing at the Bronze that stood in a silver frame on Buffy's beside table.

"Did she keep a memory of the Easter night?" The Slayer moved to pick up the frame and look at the picture.

"Do you honestly expect me to answer that?" Ruth smiled and shook her head. "It's time we were heading back Buffy." She breathed out softly.

"She kissed me that night." The Slayer whispered putting down the frame and moving back to Ruth. "Take us back, I don't want you worn out." She put her hand on the witch's arm.

"On the lips." Ruth replied with a nod as the word shifted back and the pair of them were on the kitchen floor.

"Let's get you to bed." Buffy immediately knew the exhausted look on the witch's features. Without hesitation she gathered Ruth's slim body in her arms and carried her towards the stairs.

"Convinced I'm a freak yet?" Ruth leant herself into Buffy's arms her navy eyes dipping closed.

"No, you're beautiful." Buffy leaned down and kissed Ruth's forehead. "And wow you so know how to dish out shit to the slayer." She grinned a little as they went up the stairs. "Willow better mind her manners."

Faith didn't know why her body had decided that it needed to move, but when it had she'd been yanked out of her somewhat comfortable sleep.

"Fucking hell." She reached down gripping her leg as she swore, only then hoping she hadn't woken Dawn.

"Feels like fire going up my leg." Faith cursed as she tried to pull the blankets back.

"Lay back." The blonde Slayer pushed up from the floor and flicked on the small bedside light.

"B…you can't be poking around." Faith warned squinting when the light came on.

"I may be the dumbest slayer in history but I've not got the shortest memory." Buffy pulled on the pair of gloves she had already fished out of the medical kit beside the bed. "Now lay back." She repeated pulling back the sheet clear of Faith's leg wound.

"Fuck that hurts." Faith did just that gripping the corner of the sheet in her hand.

"Sorry." Buffy frowned. "Your muscle's cramping." She assessed gently rubbing lower on Faith's calf. "Take some muscle relaxants when I'm done." She instructed. "I'm going to need to redress this." She added wincing a little. "You want me to give you something to knock you out first?"

"No, I hate being out." Faith shook her head. "Just do it, please." She added looking at Buffy. "Sorry." She apologized when she registered the distressed look on her face.

"Okay." Buffy nodded and quickly got to work, making the job quick and as painless as possible. Much gauze, cream and surgical tape later Buffy had finished. "Sorry." She whispered, gathering up all the used equipment and tying it up in the garbage sack.

"It's not that bad." Faith breathed out the words in a thick pained voice. "You're good at that; Ruth hesitates a little cause of the feedback it gives her."

"Understandable." Buffy nodded. "Before you wonder where Dawn is, she must have fallen off the bed at some point in the night, when I came back in she was asleep on the floor, I carried her down to the couch."

"I did notice I didn't have her on top of me." Faith smiled slightly. "You okay? You look tired."

"I'm okay, living on coffee." Buffy held up a half filled mug of thick brown liquid. "Let me get you the pills." She moved to go to the door.

"Could I be a total pain and ask for something to drink?" Faith questioned groaning as pain ripped through her.

"Of course, anything in particular?" Buffy asked moving back to the bed and reaching out to brush her hand over Faith's forehead, pushing back some sweat damp black locks.

"Anything cold." Faith looked up into soft hazel eyes. "I'm sorry about before."

"Don't be." Buffy shook her head and brushed her hand over the hot skin again. "You didn't do anything wrong, I was the one who…" She stopped. "Well we all know what I did."

"I would never have put Dawn in danger, you have to believe that. I wouldn't put any of you in danger." Faith vowed.

"Faith, stop." Buffy shook her head. "You don't need to say any of this." She underlined. "And I'm sorry for saying you deserve this, it was a stupid and selfish thing to say."

"Because you slept with someone and didn't think to use protection?" Buffy shook her head. "It doesn't matter if you're a nun or a street hooker, no one deserves this." The blonde held Faith's chin lightly to stop her head from shaking. "Least of all you."

"B, I don't really want pills…can you just stay here?" The dark Slayer admitted as she tensed against another wave of pain.

"Of course." Buffy agreed without thinking. "I've got pillows and a blanket." She smiled looking at her space on the floor.

"You'll be cranky if you sleep there." Faith opened her eyes. "Please, just lay here." She patted the bed next to her. "I promise I won't move or anything."

"You shouldn't move. You could hurt your leg more." Buffy agreed as she pulled back the sheets and slid in beside Faith. "Want to lean?" She asked holding out her arm.

Faith blinked again almost expecting that she was dreaming the offer but in her weakened state she didn't care, giving into the small comfort was just too appealing. Shuffling the short distance she rested her head onto the blonde's shoulder.

"Shush." Buffy urged, gently rubbing Faith's arm though her shirt. "Sleep." She added. "Thank me in the morning by helping me deal with Dawn." She smiled.

"D will be fine." Faith closed her eyes and got comfortable. "She just…she's growing up."

Faith woke up slowly, the numbing pain in her body from the night before had died down considerably but wiggling her toes she knew that she was far from healed. With the damage the long tusks had done she'd be lucky if she didn't walk a bit skewed for a few weeks.

She took a few deep breaths and raised her hand to her face poking lightly at the bruising around her forehead and cheek.

"That's good, I hate waking up looking like complete shit." Faith smiled and opened her eyes turning to look at Buffy. "How you doing?" She questioned seeing the blonde's tired expression.

"I'm okay." Buffy eased her arm out form behind Faith's shoulder and sat up. "Did you want anything?"

"Hurts but it's better than it was yesterday so I guess what I need is some crutches so I can get on the move." Faith tried to be optimistic.

"Tomorrow that will be a great idea." Buffy agreed as she slipped off the side of the bed and stood up. "Just pain killers, anti-inflams and some food then." She made the short list.

"Yeah, the leather saddle bags for my bike." The dark slayer admitted. "Its fine B, they can be a few hours late." She shrugged. "I'd kill for breakfast though."

"I'll get Dawn on it while I head over and pick up your pills." Buffy did a few stretches and crossed to the door just as it swung open to reveal the dark haired teenager.

"I should have known you were the reason I woke up on the couch." She snapped glaring at Buffy.

"D, its okay." Faith spoke up immediately. "B took the second watch in here with me." She tried to diffuse the teenager's anger. "And now she's promised you're going to make me breakfast while she goes to get my pills. Sisterly teamwork, I tell you folks you've got to love it."

"I'm supposed to believe that." Dawn crossed her arms over her chest. "You've been in here giving Faith shit haven't you." She snarled at Buffy. "God you make me sick, hypocrite!" Dawn turned and ran from the room.

Willow was coming out of the bathroom when she was nearly bowled over by Dawn. She could tell by the expression on the younger girl's face and the way she walked that something was very wrong.

"No, how could she be with my sister ruining her self esteem and her life?" Dawn reached up rubbing at the annoying tears that were racing down her cheeks.

"She told Buffy?" Willow was slightly taken off guard by the fact as she reached up coaxing the teenager in to sit on the side of the tub in the bathroom and got her a tissue.

"Yeah and Buffy turned round and basically told her she'd lived like a whore so what did she expect." Dawn pushed the tissue over her cheeks angrily. "I mean how stupid is that? She can be such a bitch."

"I'm sure Buffy didn't mean to be a bitch Dawnie, she was probably just shocked when she found out." Willow grabbed another tissue. "And there's lots of ways that Faith could have gotten it, we can't assume it's from a sexual partner." She tried to be open minded though in her heart she knew for a flashing moment she'd had the same thought as Buffy, how could Faith not have expected to pick up something when to everyone's knowledge she'd bedded hundreds of people both male and female.

"Buffy apparently can assume anything she likes." Dawn snarled. "God I hate her, can I live with you and Ruth? Or maybe Buffy could live here with you, and I could live with Mrs. Lauder and Faith, I'd even take Giles off your hands if you'd just keep Buffy."

"You don't hate her." Willow shook her head. "She's just upsetting you right now." She put down the toilet cover and sat down. "Maybe you should talk to her, explain to her that it's not something people get because they deserve it and help her understand that what Faith needs from us all right now is a lot of understanding."

"Because I don't know why I should waste my time." Dawn growled obviously still very angry.

"Is everyone alright? I felt…I mean I heard voices." Ruth bumbled into the doorway rubbing at half closed navy eyes.

"Dawn's just a little upset honey." Willow looked up at Ruth. "We were just talking, you don't have to get out of bed yet." She offered seeing how tired the dark haired witch was.

"I'm sorry." Dawn glanced over at the other witch. "I didn't mean to wake you." She looked sadly at Ruth's disheveled state. "You look kinda blecky are you okay?" She added.

"Mmmm I have a headache." Ruth admitted rubbing her fingertips against her temple just as the sound of the front door slamming closed echoed up the stairs.

"How about Dawn you tuck her back up and I'll go get some brew and headache pills?" Willow reached out and squeezed the teenager's hand.

"Of course Dawn." Ruth held out her hand to encourage the teenager who hurried closer and slid her arm around Ruth's shoulder guiding her back to the bedroom.

"I'll stop by and see what she needs." Willow agreed as she watched them head back towards the master bedroom. Taking a deep breath she moved into the open door where Faith was. "Dawn said you need something?" She gave a light smile to the sprawled out injured slayer.

"Just wondering what I have to do to get a drink in this place." Faith attempted a smile. "You okay Red? Looking a little, I don't know, worried." She offered.

"Just a little Dawn upsetness and Ruth has a headache." Willow came in and fluffed the blankets. "You must be hungry what can I get you to eat? I'm not a great cook but if you want cereal or pop tarts?" She offered trying to be helpful.

"Oooh pop tarts, I always knew you'd be the one of the gang who just knew how to keep a girl happy." She grinned before wincing slightly. "Is Cookie okay?" She checked trying to shift into a more comfortable position with little success.

"She gets headaches sometimes when she's stressed." Willow nodded though the answer wasn't convincing. "I'm going to get her some tea and pills."

"Will that cut it?" Faith checked. "I mean neither one of you two is exactly battling for miss universe in the strength and physical realm are you? Is it because I'm around?" The dark haired Slayer checked.

"More because she's worried about you." Willow admitted softly. "Ru's not used to seeing her friend bit by large Hellmouth creatures." She smiled. "How about I try to make some waffles for everyone?"

"Hey I don't want to be the reason the kitchen burned down, give B a ring on her cell phone and get her to pick some up on her way back." Faith offered a solution.

"Sounds good." Faith nodded as Willow turned to leave. "Red," She called after her. "Where's Little D?"

"She's tucking Ru back in bed…" Willow stopped and shuffled a bit. "Faith, Ru told me about…" She hesitated. "Is there anything we can do?" She asked softly.

"I really don't know the answer to that." Faith replied. "I mean Buffy came in, bawled at me called me some things, and then left, came back a few hours later, curled up and let me go to sleep on her shoulder." She shrugged. "Call me insane but I think Crack Head is losing it."

"No shit." Faith chuckled, "I was gonna ask Cookie if she could give us an insight to you know what's going on, but if she's not doing so great this morning maybe I'll lay that plan on hold."

"I think that Ru needs an empath free day." The redhead nodded seriously. "Faith, you knew that Buffy was going to stress out when you told her, you had to know that."

"Red, I'm not judging B for anything she said or did last night; I'm just worried about her." Faith was quick to explain. "Hell, I know B's had quite enough shocks to last a few lifetimes, I wish I didn't have to add one to it, but she had a right to know."

"She did." Willow came back and sat on the bed. "Is there anything you need medically? I mean I could research maybe we can get you into a specialized drug program, or the Council can get some doctors working on a slayer version of treatment?" She tried to offer what she could.

"Woo there Red, the Council are sooo not finding out about this." She stated shaking her head.

"Okay." Willow didn't argue with her. "We can still try to find you specialized treatment though."

"Yeah sometime." Faith shrugged. "There are more important things right now, like you and Cookie, and B and Dawn."

"You've changed a lot Faith." Willow appraised her for a long moment before she finally spoke. "You're not the same woman I used to know at all, but then again neither am I."

"I mean it as one." The redhead nodded. "You're not the same girl who tried to kill me, and I really like you a lot more."

"If it helps to know, I'd not try and kill you again, and no, not just cause you could kick my ass." Faith chuckled but it was almost a self-effacing noise.

"If you were even thinking of it, Cookie as you call her would have already kicked yours." Willow smirked back.

"Nah C's a teddy bear." Faith laughed, but stopped as the movement caused her pain.

"She is." Willow nodded as she moved the blankets back a bit grabbing a pair of gloves and checking Faith's bandages. "But you know how she was when she was stitching you up? She can be very focused too."

"I bet, but Red, she's not like you and I." Faith shook her head wincing as Willow examined her leg.

"She's never killed anyone." The redhead whispered as she reached up for the antibacterial cream and treated some of the minor lacerations that she assumed had so far been ignored in lieu of dealing with the gaping holes.

"Bingo." Faith summed up. "I'm not labeling you a killer though Red, you know that right, what you did, well most of the people I know would say he deserved it."

"I killed him." Willow shook her head to the distinction. "My reasons don't matter and it's not what Tara would have wanted me to do." She finished with the salve.

"Sorry." Faith looked down. "I didn't mean to…you know." She apologized softly.

"Will, Ruth's asking for you." Dawn knocked, opened the door and entered in one movement.

"Sorry, I didn't get down to get the pills yet." Willow stood up and pulled off the gloves dumping them in the basket nearby. "I'll be back soon." She looked at Faith with a soft smile. "Try to let that soak in before you wriggle about."

"Hi." Dawn raised her hand in brief greeting remaining at her place near the door.

"Hey Little D." Faith looked up at her. "I got promised pop tarts and painkillers by Red but as you can see I'm coming second to her woman, think you can help me out?"

"Are you asking just because you want to get rid of me?" Dawn paused in the doorway for a long moment, half turned to go to the stairs.

"No." Faith shook her head. "I really want something to eat and something for this throbbing pain D." She said honestly. "Why don't you make pop tarts for two and come eat with me? We can see if we can get some cartoons on that thing." She pointed to the TV in the corner.

"Cool I'll be right back." Dawn brightened immediately and darted down the stairs.

Willow moved straight to the bed and reached out putting her hand on Ruth's forehead. She noted how the other witch was a little warm.

"Hurting." Ruth grimaced but then relaxing as Willow's cool hand laid over her forehead. "I ache too." She shivered slightly.

"Must have been zipping and zapping around with Anya and worrying about Faith." Willow tried to calm her own worries. "I was talking with her and didn't get down to get your pills but Dawn's gone off to do it for me. Sorry, I didn't mean to leave you waiting."

"I did it more for Dawn really she wanted to go to Faith." Ruth explained with a soft smile as another shiver hit her thin body. "Is the window open Lo? I'm freezing."

"No." Willow turned and pulled the thicker comforter up over the small witch. "Ru, are you okay? Did anything happen in the woods you didn't tell me about?"

"No." Ruth shook her head. "Maybe I just got a chill or something, I didn't exactly dress for the occasion."

"I could get you a heat pack, your little polar bear one that you love to snuggle." The redhead offered the tender comfort.

"That would be perfect, if I can't my big old cuddly Elmo to snuggle." Ruth agreed.

"Give me two minutes and I'll be right back." Willow leaned down and kissed her on the forehead before picking up the heat pack from the dresser near the bed and moving quickly downstairs. She wasn't going to be distracted again.

"Are you getting those for Faith?" She questioned seeing Dawn putting frosting on a pop tart.

"Yeah, want me to put one in for Ruth?" Dawn glanced at the box that was still out on the side.

"No, she's got a chill so I was getting her a heat pack." Willow put it into the microwave. "Can you take care of Faith for a bit while I take care of Ruth?" She questioned the teenager. "I think she might have overdone it yesterday." She moved to boil the kettle and took some painkillers from the bottle Dawn had on the counter.

"Yeah no problem." Dawn nodded. "Oh and I don't wanna be a snitch or sound like I'm old or anything like my sister, but the back door was unlocked when I came in to get a glass of milk this morning. Safety first and all that."

"Unlocked?" Willow's eyes went wide. "Dawn can you bring me up the heat pack." She grabbed the pills and a bottle of water and raced up the stairs backtracking to her bedroom. "Okay Cookie Monster, what went on last night?" She asked her voice serious but still loving.

"The magically locked back door is magically unlocked this morning. Now if Rose had been over I might not have realized but since I know I didn't undo it." She looked at her girlfriend offering the pills and water. "Spillage now."

"Buffy and I had a…" Ruth paused as she leaned forward and took the offerings. "Conversation last night."

"Mmmm what kinda conversation? Did it involve the use of magical energy?" Willow helped her drink enough to get the pills down.

"Ru." Willow warned stroking her hand over the witch's head. "If you just tell me the truth then I can stop worrying you've caught the flu or something and know that you've just drained yourself too far and that I have to pamper you all day."

"Buffy was in a state about Faith, and I had to make her face a few things, there wasn't really any way other than magically of doing it." Ruth replied looking up into loving eyes. "Maybe I did a lot of empathic reading, and then the creation of a world or two." She gave a lopsided frown.

"Ru, no wonder you feel cold and are achy. You know how much that drains you, especially on someone as powerful as the Slayer." Willow immediately worried more. "I know you had to do it if you say you did but baby you should have woken me, I could have been taking care of you."

"You were so asleep and looked so beautiful, I didn't want to disturb you." Ruth replied honestly.

"I know baby, but I need to take care of you. Especially when you've been using lots and lots of your powers." Willow picked up the bottle and helped her drink more. "Let me go get brew and your heat pack. Then I'm getting in there to cuddle and make sure you rest."

"Faith said she'd gone to get her medication from the house." Willow filled in. "She should be back soon, Dawn's making her some breakfast and getting her painkillers."

"Yeah, that's part of the reason Dawn was upset. She must have carried her to the couch during the night, Faith said she slept on the bed with her and she used Buffy as a pillow." She raised her eyebrow.

"Wow I'm good." She chuckled to herself before a hard shiver rocked her thin body.

"Hold on love I'll get you the heat pack then you can gloat." Willow rushed downstairs gathering up what she needed and brining up a large cup of brew. She hastily made her way back. "Now you have to drink all of this." She put it next to Ruth's side of the bed. "And keep this here." She tucked the bear in on Ruth's stomach to help warm her up and then she moved around to the other side of the bed. "And rest." She underlined.

"It was worth it if Buffy stayed." Ruth tipped her head and rested it on Willow's shoulder the instant the redhead settled.

"She's got a lot to think about, and a lot to try and move on from." Ruth was honest in her assessment.

"Faith's worried about her, she thinks she's losing it." Willow admitted the content of their earlier conversation.

"That's not surprising." Ruth didn't seem at all shocked, "I'm taking it they've not actually talked at all since last night's fiasco."

"Knowing Buffy and Faith's past history." Willow made a slightly displeasured noise.

"They need to talk." Ruth underlined. "Perhaps we could go shopping, take Dawn, give them time." She came up with options.

"Not today." Willow shook her head adamantly. "You need rest. If they don't talk today then maybe just maybe tomorrow if you're well enough."

"Do you think you at least could send Dawn home? Or get Rose to come and, do something with her." She pushed slightly for a little more opening for the two Slayers.

"I don't know if Dawn will let anyone distract her, she's hell-bent on the fact her sister is an ogre and she has to protect Faith from her." Willow sighed slightly.

"Oh." Ruth frowned and pushed up. "I should talk to her." The dark haired witch put her hand around the small polar bear on her stomach, lifting him safely to a different place before she made a move to get out of the bed.

"Ru, don't even dare." Willow put her arm around the dark haired witch to keep her lying down. "You need rest."

"But Dawn doesn't understand." Ruth objected. "Buffy didn't stay here last night to pick fights, or make things worse."

"Ru, you can't fix all of this for them." Willow shook her head. "If you really, really have to talk to Dawn I'll go get her but you are not to move your very pretty butt out of this bed."

"I don't know." Ruth admitted easing down again. "That is, I don't want to push my nose in or anything, especially not with Dawn."

"Why don't we see how they do? If you really need to intervene then we will?" Willow offered reaching under the blankets to settle the bear back into place. "You need rest Ru, no one wants you getting overtired and poorly."

"Don't argue with the Lo." Willow snuggled her lover closer and kissed Ruth's cheek. "I know best."

Faith put the lid back on the last container of pills having spent the last quarter of an hour explaining what each of them were to Dawn as Buffy hovered in the corner of the room looking pensive.

"Wow." The teenager made an impressed noise. "And they don't have side efforts at all?" she checked as she took the pack from Faith and stowed it in the bedside cabinet.

"Some do, but not much that have effected me. A little nausea if I don't eat enough with them, but this is me eh B, eating like a pig 99% of the time." Faith glanced over at Buffy.

"D and I had a few pop tarts; damn that radical raspberry is good too." Faith shot a smile at the teenager. "But I think I could kill for a big Philly cheese steak sub. Didn't you say you knew a great place to get me one D?" She gave Buffy a quick glance hoping she wouldn't contradict her right away.

"Yeah." Dawn nodded. "Want me to go get you one?" The teenager asked immediately.

"You read my mind." Faith gave her a wink. "Why don't you get some for everyone? B, can you go in my case and get me my wallet, the other side from my meds."

"Here." Buffy just dug her hand into her front pocket and passed her sister a twenty.

"Extra cheese on mine, and no onions for B." Faith spelled out. "You might want to check what Cookie and Red want."

"Okay." Dawn nodded. "I'd ask to take your bike if it wasn't at the house." She grinned hurrying to the door.

"Totally, as soon as you could show me a valid license." Faith grinned back at her.

"No biggie, I really do have a craving for a Philly steak." The dark Slayer shrugged. "How is Rosie doing? She must be bored with all of us over here."

"I have a flask of chicken soup for you downstairs." Buffy arched an eyebrow. "She's talking about re-painting the kitchen."

"I'm surprised she hasn't focused more on getting the roof redone, the shingles are rotting." Faith patted the bed inviting Buffy to come back from the fringe of the room.

"Please, don't even tell her." Buffy took a few steps forward but didn't sit down. "It's quiet here today." She noted.

"Ruth had a headache, I think her and Willow are tucked up." The dark Slayer explained. "Don't know where Giles is, haven't seen heads or tails of him. You know once I'm back on my feet I can do the roof if you want, we just have to buy the stuff."

"Why does everyone suddenly want to remake my house?" Buffy frowned not meaning to sound tetchy.

"I was just trying to be helpful." Faith tilted her head. "Look B if you have somewhere you have to be you don't have to hang around watching me heal."

"No, that's not what I said." Faith pushed herself up a bit. "B, I just don't want this heavy. I mean I know we're always going at each other like big horns but this just needs to be cleared."

"That I have this thing swimming around in my bloodstream." Faith pointed out. "And that makes me an even bigger risk than before."

"Have they said much about it? The doctors and all that?" Buffy moved a little bit closer again.

"They did a whole bunch of tests; apparently my body is doing one hell of a job of fighting it so that it doesn't blow into AIDS." Faith explained. "Which we both know in some bizarre way has something to do with the Slayer thing, but I couldn't tell them that. My T-cell count is really high so they're confident the medication is doing a lot."

"B, this really, really isn't your fault." Faith tried to assure her. "I was stupid, like you said I deserved it."

"Why? It's the truth. I'm reckless and foolish." Faith leaned back into the pillows. "I'm lucky I just got this and haven't woke up dead one morning." She tried to keep some brevity in her voice but her tone was a somber one. "But trust me I would never put anyone else at risk, not since I found out."

"I…" Buffy eased herself down on to the bed. "I know you wouldn't." She ran her hand over the sheet. "I was an ass yesterday, Dawn was right."

"Hey you should have seen me when they told me, I almost tore up the infirmary." Faith gave her a smirk. "Took Sister Morgan to finally make me calm down before they darted me." She shrugged. "No biggie."

"It is a biggie, well big enough for Ruth to jump me and give me the Ruth equivalent of an ass kicking." Buffy explained.

"What?" Faith was genuinely surprised. "Wow I didn't think Cookie had it in her." She gave a smirk. "B, what are you most upset about?"

"I…" Buffy frowned, having not expected the question from the dark haired Slayer. "I don't have the right to be upset at all, I'm worried of course, about you." She tried to at least claim some emotion.

"I know you're worried, you wouldn't have bitched at me if you weren't." The dark slayer switched off the television. "And you can be upset, hell seeing a little B raging against the world does my heart some good."

"Then consider me raging." Buffy admitted. "Is there anything I can do to help, I mean how do you feel about it?" Buffy glanced up the bed at Faith. "Really." She stressed slightly.

"I'm…" Faith had a lot of flippant and strong comments filter through her brain. "I'm scared." She reached down fidgeting with the blankets.

For all of her slayer strength, it would have only taken the slightest breeze to blow Buffy off balance that second.

"Scared." Buffy repeated, wanting to reach out her hand and cover the one of Faith's that toyed with navy cotton.

"Scared." Faith repeated with a slight nod. "I mean what the fuck am I going to do sick and dying? I'm going to end up in some crappy hostel delusional and going on about vampires."

"That won't happen." Buffy shook her head. "I won't…the Council, they wouldn't let that happen."

"I can't tell the Council B, we both know how likely they are to take care of me." Faith shook her head. "I already warned Red, I don't want the stuffy wankers knowing."

"And they don't give a shit about Slayers." Faith argued back. "B, the only thing they'll want is for me to kick the bucket quick so they get a new protégée."

"No, they're not like that anymore." Buffy pushed off the bed, annoyed suddenly, though she didn't quite know why. "That is, they won't be not if we explain, tell them what you need."

"B, I really don't want to have bring this up but remember the whole body swap thing. Remember how shit they treated you when they thought you were me?" Faith traced her movement. "They don't give a shit about what I need."

"That was before…before a lot of things." Buffy shook her head balling up her hands.

"I'm sorry if I don't have any trust in them." Faith shrugged. "Look forget it, don't worry I'll take care of myself."

"Why do you still do this, throw peoples offer of help right back in their faces?" Buffy snapped. "When all they are trying to do is look out for you and do the right thing for you?" The blonde strode to the door.

"No B, you calling the Council to take care of my mess is you getting rid of me." Faith snapped back. "I don't need that kinda help. I don't need your pity."

"Pity! I don't pity you!" Buffy turned angrily in the doorway staring at the other Slayer. "I have never pitied you and I certainly don't now."

"What do you want from me?" Faith stared back at her not flinching. "I'm trying my fucking best here B, trying not to lose my fucking mind while I pump this shit into my body." She pointed to the saddlebag. "I'm trying not to think about any of this shit that's happening to me that no one can stop. I'm trying not to think about how fucking scared I am of dying alone." She all but screamed the words at the blonde.

"Any of us could die, any time, I could walk out of this house and boom wrong place, wrong time and I'm zip-zap back to happy land." Buffy shook her head. "What was it you kept trying to underline to me before I knew this? That I should live, I'm alive I should focus on that…sounding a little hypocritical here Faith."

"I'm not scared of being hit by a bus B, I'm not scared of a vamp taking me out or a demon having my number." Faith shook her head. "I'm living B, if not I would have just taken the bed sheet in my cell and hung myself."

"I'm not staying around here while you talk like that." Buffy shook her head and pulled open the door moving into the doorway.

For a moment Faith couldn't even comprehend if she wanted to call Buffy back or tell her to get out quicker.

Either the slayer didn't hear the dark haired woman's soft word, or she chose to ignore it and pushed herself out of the room and down the stairs.

"Lo." Ruth's eyes snapped open and the raven haired empath jolted upright in bed, her breath catching in her throat.

"Wha…Ru?" Willow's eyes shot open when she felt the body her arms were wrapped around move away.

"Buffy." Ruth reached her hand to her head, rubbing hard against her temple. "She needs you…downstairs."

"Okay…okay." Willow fumbled out of bed and gave Ruth quick kiss before she moved. She made it to the bottom of the stairs when she found the blonde Slayer pacing back and forth a very firm scowl on her face. "Buffy?"

"I can't do it." The blonde stopped pacing and looked at Willow. "I don't care what that empathic girlfriend of yours says, or what she has told you about what's going on in my head, I can't do it." She stated shaking her head tightly. "She doesn't want help, and she most certainly doesn't want me."

"Ru, didn't tell me anything." Willow came down the last few steps. "What's going on?"

"What do you mean she didn't tell you anything?" Buffy stared at Willow in disbelief. "You mean she didn't tell you about the magical mystery ride she forced on me last night, trying to fry my brain or something similar? Actually it was more like an attempt at brainwashing."

"Brainwashing?" Willow looked at her in disbelief. "Buffy I think you need to calm down a bit."

"Why is everyone telling me to calm down?" The Slayer growled. "I was calm, I was calm about everything and what happened? It all went to shit that's what happened, Mom died, I died, Dawn turned in to one of America's most wanted teenagers, Anya turned demon, Tara died, you went ballistic and Faith gets HIV. You think I want to be calm again?"

"Everyone is telling you to calm down because for a girl who says she doesn't feel anything you seem to have an ample supply of hate, rage and animosity." Willow bit back her emotions instantly flared by the Slayer's run down of the horrible events in their lives. "And I was telling you to calm down because you're saying things that I know you're going to regret later and I don't want you to have to feel bad about them."

"Bad about them? What have I said that I'm going to feel bad about? Oh and while I remember and am pissed off about it, have a word with Ruth about keeping out of my head." Buffy stalked away from the redhead.

"She is not my dog Buffy, if you have a problem with something she's done you talk to her." Willow warned. "But let me tell you for a fact that you should feel bad about them because you're acting like a total ass."

"Yeah well maybe that's the new me, Dawn says I am, you say I am, Faith certainly treats me like I am, not to mention Mrs. Lauder, though she does it in that oh so nice English way." Buffy continued her rant moving past the redhead towards the stairs.

"That isn't the new you." Willow followed after her and grabbed Buffy by the arm. "The new you is an ass sometimes just like the old you, the only difference is this you is so busy freaking out all the time about what you can't do and what mysterious way you're letting us down that you don't bother looking past your own warped view. Buffy, I don't want you to be calm, you can fall apart. We can curl up on the couch and cry for hours if you want about your mom, about Tara, about how hard it was to lose you to Glory, about how scary I am…about how Faith's sick and how confusing that is…stop being so damn strong and stop running from everyone."

"Why does everyone think I am running away?" Buffy fought the urge to pull her arm free. "If I was any less running I'd be cast in cement."

"This is me Buffy, I'm the one who ran all the way to a magical drug dealer and I never left Sunnydale." Willow hissed the fact. "I ran away from the woman who was my heart and I never left our bedroom, you're running in your head."

"I…" Buffy seemed to come to stall. "I can't stop." She admitted in a small scared voice as she sunk down onto the step.

"Buffy, you can't keep it up." Willow shook her head sinking down with her friend. "Trust the girl who embraced the dark side and tried to kill the world. You have to stop." She leaned forward and hugged the blonde tightly. "Please Buffy, I lost Tara…I can't lose you too, not again." She whispered her voice thick and shaking.

"Don't…" Buffy tried to pull away." I don't deserve this…you…" She shook her head her jaw locked, her eyes wide.

"You don't have a choice." Willow held on tighter. "You're my best friend in the whole world, I love you." She whispered again. "I need you, not to be okay, not to be calm, I just need you to be you and to let me love you."

"No you need me, the slayer, to protect you, to keep you safe." Buffy attempted a weak argument feeling her body begin to shake a little.

"I don't care about 'the slayer'." Willow used the title with a certain amount of distaste. "I care about Buffy, I care about you." She rocked them slightly as she hugged. "Tara…" Her voice cracked again. "She got mad at me once because she said we weren't fair to you, we treated you too much like some super hero and I never understood. I never understood until I became the 'big gun'." She made the reference softly. "It's hard to be the one, to have everyone looking at you to save the day." She shifted up to sit on the step with Buffy but hugged her tight. "We've both crawled back from Hell Buffy, I'm not leaving you behind ever."

"I shouldn't keep doing this to you." Buffy whimpered curling tighter and leaning a little into Willow's body.

"I have a secret." Willow gathered her closer. "I get scared when you don't, I was afraid for so long that you hated me, I was petrified that Tara had meant nothing to you…oh Goddess I sound selfish."

"Nothing?" Buffy almost choked out the word. "Will, she was…" She stopped. "She was family." She frowned at the bittersweet pain the words brought her. "I never told you but, I never thought you'd be apart, even when you…I always thought she'd forgive you. That you'd be together forever." The Slayer admitted in a rare moment of open honesty. "Not that I don't care for Ruth, it's just…Tara was special." She looked at her best friend. "I know it doesn't help, but a part of me, the part I lock away, agreed with everything you did to avenge her." She paused and then gave a weak teary smile. "Well maybe not the ending the world part, but you know most of it."

"Maybe a little." Buffy held up her thumb and forefinger with an inch gap separating them. "Will, I…I need to talk to you." She felt her chest tighten. "It's about something that I don't know what to do about." She admitted. "It's one of the reasons I'm running so hard and so fast right now."

"What? You can tell me anything." Willow assured her reaching out to tuck a lock of hair behind Buffy's ear.

"She's not hurt Buffy, she just gets exhausted when she reads a lot and does the dream walk." Willow shook her head and rubbed her hand up and down Buffy's arm.

"No, no." Buffy shook her head. "I lied to her, kept something from her." Buffy hung her head.

"Her mother." Buffy looked up, pain filling her eyes, "Anne Tanner, the woman she thought was her aunt. She's her mother." She winced as she whispered the truth.

"I swear Will, until that day, the day before we left I didn't know." Buffy shook her head, "She's a witch, not like Ruth, more like you, she had a sister, with a gift like Ruth's, and she killed herself. She left when Ruth was a child because she couldn't watch what would happen, and then…she…she put Ruth into the Manor because when she started cutting and things she was afraid that she was going to do what her sister had, but she didn't want to commit her, she wanted to 'cure' Ruth from it." She frowned deeply.

"I don't know exactly what she knows." Buffy admitted. "But she knows some of it at least; I didn't do a good enough job to shield my thoughts and feelings about it."

"She didn't tell me." Willow took a deep breath as she tried to order her thoughts and her feelings.

"No…it's not your fault." The redhead blinked finally focusing in on Buffy's face again. "I just…how could a woman do that to her daughter?"

"I don't know…" Buffy shook her head. "Rose had a better reaction than me, I just wanted to you know show her what I thought of her, Rose used clever words and stuff." The Slayer looked down. "I should have told you, both of you…" She looked up again, "I just didn't know how, I didn't know what to say, so I chose nothing."

"No, you chose to wait for a better time." Willow shook her head. "Buffy if you had told me in England I would have just added Anne to the list of people on dark evil me's pain list." She made the sad admission and then took a breath. "I have to focus on what Ru wants, and focus on helping her come to grips with knowing this." She nodded her head to her own suggestion. "I just…I can't believe someone would do that." She frowned more.

"I got food." Dawn's bright voice broke the icy tension in the house as the door swung open and the teenager bumbled through.

"Dawnie." Willow turned immediately almost saying the teenager's name to register that she'd arrived. "Hey, I didn't know you'd gone out." She said stupidly holding one arm still around Buffy's body. "We were just talking." She added glancing at the Slayer.

For a moment it seemed touch and go whether or not Dawn was going to repeat her general hospitality towards her older sibling. But then the teenager backed up a little.

"Are you…Is she crying?" Dawn asked Willow not addressing the Slayer directly.

"Just a little." Willow smiled and reached up rubbing her eyes. "It's okay though, we were just talking about things."

"I think I…I think I need to go back to the house." Dawn backed up to the door, "I don't want Mrs. Lauder to worry about any of us." She backed up more.

"No, Dawnie…come here." Willow held out her hand seeing the panic and confusion cross the teenager's face, she didn't need to be an empath like Ruth to know that seeing Buffy crying always threw Dawn's world for a loop.

"I don't." The Slayer whispered looking up through tear filled hazel eyes; she lifted her own hand out towards Dawn. "I want…" She stopped and blinked. "I need a hug." She breathed.

"You…" The teenager's voice instantly betrayed her as it started to shake and she hesitated for just a second before she rushed over and leapt into Buffy's body hugging her tightly.

"Oh Dawn." Buffy sobbed hard as she closed her arms around her sister. "I'm sorry. I love you so much."

"I love you too." Dawn sobbed back as she tucked herself in closer kneeling on the step. "I'm sorry I've been mad at you."

"I've deserved it." Buffy shook her head. "I've been a horrible friend and an even worse sister." She berated herself.

"But I forgive you." Dawn assured her softly and wasn't surprised when she felt Willow hug the two of them.

"Is everything quite all right out here, I was just listening to some music when I heard the door…" Giles' door opened and the Watcher bumbled out coming to a quick stop in the hall, "Right, yes, I see it's best if I just slip back in here." He back tracked slightly.

"No, Giles no." Buffy wiped her face and looked up, "It's okay, we have food, you brought Giles food right?" She glanced at her sister.

"Yeah I got a whole bunch. There's not any change." She looked up at her sister sheepishly.

"Pass me one would you, I want to take it up for her." Buffy pushed up carefully from her place holding out her hand to the teenager.

"I can bring one up for Ru too." Willow added when Dawn went back to collect the bag and handed two wrapped sandwiches to Buffy.

"I got two types of cheese put on hers." Dawn pulled out one with a sticker on it. "And one without onions for you." She smiled as she handed them over. "I didn't know your preferences Giles." She moved back to the Watcher.

"I'm not sure I have 'sub' preferences." He admitted as he guided the teenager towards the kitchen, in the vague hope that he could at least get her to use a plate.

"Yeah just one more thing." Willow put the two sandwiches down and hugged Buffy. "I love you best friend." She whispered.

"Thank you Will, I needed to hear that." Buffy held her back. "I love you too." She added softly.

"Good, now go feed Faith." Willow pulled back smiling. "And try to get along okay?" She offered softly.

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Witness

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