Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: Buffy The Vampire Slayer, Willow, Tara,
Faith, Giles, Dawn and all other characters who have appeared in the syndicated
series Buffy The Vampire Slayer, together with the names, titles and back story
are the sole copyright property of Joss Whedon, Fox and Mutant Enemy. No
copyright infringement was intended in the writing of this fan fiction. All
other characters, the story idea and the story itself are the sole property of
the authors. This story cannot be sold or used for profit in any way. Please
contact the authors for permission to reproduce this story on any other
fanfiction site.
Distribution: The Rainbow Writer's Homepage:
http://www.therainbowwriters.com/
Mystic Muse: http://mysticmuse.net
Feedback: All feedback is welcome.
Author's Note: This story is set a little over eight
years from the current time place of the series in season five, (with the
premise that Glory has been defeated, without the loss of any of the gang or any
severe trauma to them i.e. Tough Love didn't happen in this storyline). It is a
severely traumatic story, which has come about in an attempt to deal with the
topic of loss and the variety of emotional responses that evolve from these
life-changing experiences.
Pairing: Willow/Tara
Summary: Willow needs Tara's and Faith's help in defeating the thing that killed Buffy.
Part Six
"So what did you say?" Dawn stood framed in the doorway that Willow had recently vacated and stared at Jacqui who was sat on the nearest couch, her head turned slightly downwards. She knew she should have possibly waited for the hacker to leave the area or at least got to the bottom of the stairs but she couldn't wait. She had to know what her lover had said to Willow's offer, and after all she had done so well at not listening to the redhead through the wall.
"What do you think I said Sunny?" Jack looked up out of her lap and let a broad smile cross her face.
"You said… Me live here? No way?" The darker haired girl gave a little frown.
"Not in that order." Jack laughed pushing out of the chair and standing up. "More like... No way? Me? Live here?"
"Just tell me you said yes you galute." Dawn gave a slight stamp of her left foot while grinning at her lover.
"I would never call Willow a galute." Jack laughed loudly at the idea. "And yes Dawn, I said yes."
"Oh God I can't believe this." Dawn hurried over and wrapped her arms around Jack tightly. "This day started of as like the worst in my life." She said as she pressed her head against the older woman's chest. "And now I'm home, your home and Willow and Tara are home." She breathed fast and squeezed extra hard.
"Everyone is safe Dawn." Jack squeezed her back holding her tight.
"Oh, oh and Miss. Kitty will be home too." She squealed.
"Yeah we have to pick up the cat. I was going to make a run home to grab some things." Jack laughed happily at her lover's enthusiasm. "Though did Willow go over the rules with you?" She questioned a little seriously.
It was only as Jack's happy but calm words of organization hit her ears that Dawn forced herself to lock back down on the emotions that had uncharacteristically leaked out.
"Rules?" She looked up giving the dusty blonde a slow blink.
"It's been along time since I've had a curfew Sunny." Jack smiled at the strange idea of someone, let alone a whole group of people caring where the hell she was.
"A curfew?" Dawn's nose scrunched up.
"Something about call if I'm going to be late, leave notes on the fridge, keep in contact. Is that normal?" Jack smiled brighter trying to alleviate Dawn's worry.
"Oh yeah. I thought you meant Will had said 'no being out after nine' or something." Dawn barked a short laugh.
"We have to be in by ten thirty." Jack took a serious face. "Unless we're going to the late show and prearrange to get picked up out front." She waited to see how long she could string Dawn along.
"I'm not falling for it JB." Dawn hugged her lover tight again.
"Hey I had to try." Jack laughed and picked her up twirling her slightly.
"So you want to take Will's Jeep to your place to do some moving?" Dawn said trying to regain her calm as she was placed lightly back on her feet.
"Willow wants us to wait till Faith gets home, a little extra back up in case..." She didn't finish. "Just so that we have slayer strength to move the heavy stuff."
It was as if Jack's words released a large black tide of worry, doubt and fear to wash over the youngest Summers. She stepped away from Jack and hung her head slightly.
"Hey, hey, no glumness." Jack reached out and cupped her chin bringing her face up to look into dark chocolate eyes. "We need to all stick together baby, keep each other safe, that's what it's about and it's a good thing."
"I don't need you to say cheesy lines like 'slayer strength to move heavy stuff'." Dawn's voice had an edge of warning to it. "I know we have to stick together." She added though her voice had chilled considerably.
"One of my insert foot moments eh?" Jack nodded that she knew better. "So Willow would prefer if we wait till Faith gets home so that if any of those tattoo guys are stalking us Faith can kick their ass and take some names. She's going to be at the magic shop, but she'll come do witchy backup if we need it." Her voice went low and serious as she spelled things out as the Wiccan had. "Better?" She questioned in a whisper.
"Not really, but yes, thank you for being honest and truthful about it." Dawn replied as she turned away from the taller woman hating the feeling creeping into her stomach and soul. The intense cold that had resided there since Buffy's death, the emptiness that she feared would never go away
"Sunny what do you want me to say?" Jack asked a bit hurt.
"I want you to say that we have to wait for Faith so that she can hold Buffy back from carrying too much. I want you to say that while she's doing that Tara can reminisce to me about all the good things that have happened to her over the last eight years. I want you to say that while all this is going on Giles and will are decorating 'our' room and thinking about building an annex on the side for you to tinker with that bike of yours. I want you to say everything is going to be okay." At no point in time did Dawn's voice waver or crack in the slightest, there was no emotion in this rant just tired heavy longing.
"Everything is going to be okay Sunny." Jack underlined realizing her argument had no real validity, it was just a feeling, just a faith she held, had to hold.
"I have some reading I need to do in the study." Dawn took a step towards the door. "You want to come with?"
"Why don't you get into hacker mode and I'll bring in you a snack later?" Jack shook her head softly. "I'm going to go check out Phoenix, see what needs to be fixed."
"I'm really the happiest I could be that you're going to be here with me." Dawn paused by the door, her voice tiny.
"There is no where else I want to be." Jack took a few long strides to cross her way over to the door, bringing soft hands up to Dawn's face. "I love you." She spoke softly and a bit nervously if she was honest. Nervous because she didn't use those words and here they were just dripping off her lips like the most natural thing in the world.
"Don't." Dawn whispered squeezing her eyes shut, a tear forced its way out to hang heavy on her long dark lashes.
"What? I'm sorry." Jack felt herself shake a bit momentarily in panic.
"Don't lie to me Jack." Dawn forced her eyes open.
"Lie to you?" Jack's hand dropped away. "I tell you I love you and you think I'm lying?"
"I didn't say that." Dawn shook her head.
"Then what are you saying?" The tall girl locked her jaw.
"I just asked you not to lie to me, ever I mean." Dawn replied hoping the meaning was clearer.
"Oh." Jack felt her momentary trauma drop away. "You'd peg me as fibbing before I finished the sentence Sunny." She let a smile crease onto her face trying to shake the heavy feeling in the room.
"I really have to do some reading, it's important." Dawn hated the way the moment had shifted.
"I'll bring you that snack in a bit, go on." Jack urged her off. "I'll be all covered with grease so make sure you have a towel." She started to back off towards the back hall door.
Not being able to watch her go Dawn hurried towards the hallway towards the sanctuary of the study.
Tara carefully added half a spoon of honey to the steaming cup of lemon and ginger tea that she had prepared, and stirred it lightly. The sounds of slight hammering and the occasional curse, told her that Jack was still checking out her bike, and she's not seen anything of Dawn for a long while. Willow had just left to go to the magic shop, something about a meeting with Giles, and for once the blonde had decided not to ask or interfere. Which left her with not a lot to do except drink tea and worry. Though even the worrying wasn't really a factor, being back in Willow's arms had changed something within her though not even she knew exactly what.
Tapping the spoon lightly on the rim of the cup, Tara dropped it into the sink, her thoughts a million miles way.
Abruptly she was brought back to the moment as the sound of the back door opening and closing echoed through the kitchen. The blonde witch stepped out of the corner where she stood, cup in hand looking to the door. There, pulling off her jacket was Faith.
"Any chance for a coffee?" The dark Slayer asked as she hung up worn creased leather on the rack and turned back dusting off her hands.
"Of course." Tara gave the Slayer a thin smile.
"I can get it, don't worry about it." Faith added tightly seeing the blonde's discomfort. Slowly she turned and picked up the wooden box she had laid down to remove her coat.
"It's okay, I can make coffee." Tara put her cup down on the counter top and moved back to the hot kettle. "I wondered where you were."
"I swung by Giles, then went on patrol." Faith held the box under one arm. "Seems the Bronze is still one of their favorite places."
"You went to the bronze?" She asked slowly, trying not to falter as she made the coffee.
"Yeah, staked two fledglings and a well seasoned long tooth. Just like old times." The words came out of the Slayer thickly.
As she gave the coffee a final stir, and placed Faith's cup on the counter top nearest her. Tara couldn't help but notice the tang of alcohol on the dark Slayer's body and breath as she drew closer to retrieve her drink. The blonde witch sighed and moved back a little propping her back against the worktop.
"Thanks." Faith put the box down again walking over and picking up the cup.
"Old times huh." She said quietly not looking over to Faith.
"Tara, don't do this." Faith shook her head taking a long drink of the hot liquid. "It was a couple of drinks." She didn't know why she was defending herself. She was a grown woman she could have a drink if she wanted too.
"Don't do what Faith?" Tara replied. "Don't care about you, don't worry about what you are doing to yourself?"
"Tara, I'm a slayer. If I die of liver disease it'll be a miracle not a disaster." She snorted holding her hand around the cup.
"Slayers die Faith." Tara snapped back, her voice tight she lowered her cup onto the counter.
"Yeah they die at the hands of mother fucking insane angels, they don't die from having a few beers." Faith bit back.
"Fine do what you like, drink as many beers as you want to." Tara shook her head and picked up her herbal tea.
"What else am I supposed to do?" Faith questioned not really understanding why the blonde was angry. "Giles drops this in my fucking lap and I'm supposed to be all hey its fine… that's cool?" She reached back and picked up the box.
"What is it?" The blonde witch bit back a retort, her eyes on the box that the dark Slayer held.
"Yeah it's all five by five, Buffy is dead and you're with Willow and I'm left with Mr. Pointy." She snapped the case open and for the first time without realizing putting her hands around the wooden stake. "Yeah it's all fucking five by five!"
Tara put her cup down again, biting her lip as she watched her old lover's pain. She moved closer and slid her hand over Faith's.
"It's not five by five baby." She said softly.
"It's not, but I can't afford it not to be." Faith's voice dropped down as she looked at the stake in her hand.
"I'm sorry." Tara whispered.
"It's not your fault." Faith shook her head. "I'm glad you're back with Willow, really." She could barely speak the words but she knew she had too, time was short, and life was short.
"I need to talk to you, about Willow." Tara looked up at the Slayer knowing this may not be the right time but she had to do it.
"What?" Faith moved her hand away replacing the stake and closing up the box.
"When this is over, I want you to try staying here." Tara briefly let her eyes flicker up to the window at the nigh sky before flicking back down to look at the dark box.
"Sunnydale needs a slayer eh?" Faith's insides shook before she clamped any internal response down and put on her game face. A game face that couldn't include telling Tara what her and Giles were cooking up.
"The people I love will need protecting, yes." Tara replied.
"Let's see how the angel thing pans out then I'll see what I can do." Faith moved back a bit picking up her coffee again.
"I know how the angel thing will pan out, and I know you do too, though the rules have changed ever so slightly from what Willow told you." Tara replied letting Faith make the move away, as she went back to reclaim her own drink
"How's that?" Faith turned slowly tying not to show any panic in the move.
"Willow, Dawn, Jack, they're going to need you." Tara moved form the kitchen area over to the breakfast bar. She picked up the old leather bound book that rested on it and glanced in Faith's direction.
"They are going to need you more." Faith had been prepared for this, ready for this line of reasoning since eavesdropping on their conversation. "Which is why you are not doing the spell."
"Don't Faith." Tara replied shaking her head. "This makes sense, you know I does."
"No, this is not going to play this way Tara. You know it, I know it." Faith fought back, gritting her teeth knowing she had to do this and do it fast and hard and angrily.
"This is the ONLY way." Tara underlined.
"We can't trust you to do the spell." Faith swallowed down the urge to rip her own tongue out as she stared coldly into the blonde.
"What?" The wind was pulled out of Tara's sails, her voice shocked and surprised.
"We can't trust you to finish the spell." Faith said the words slowly, hating herself more with every one. "You curled up in a ball while the angel rips out all our hearts isn't going to be a successful mission Tara."
"I'm sorry that saving my life was such a waste of your time." Tara turned away and moved towards the door.
"No, that is not what I said." Faith reached out and but a strong arm on her shoulder keeping her in place.
"Get off me!" Tara snapped round and pulled her arm free. "You think I want this?" She glowered at Faith. "You think I want to be useless? You think this is how I planned my existence? I couldn't even die right could I?" She snapped.
"This isn't about you making the kill... YOU ARE NOT A KILLER!" Faith came back just as angry. "Psycho angel or not you are not a killer." Her voice dropped a little. "You're going to live a happy life with Red and Dawnie and whatever the other little squirts name is. That is why I saved you, that is why I loved you, so you could be better than me." She took a slight breath. "Cause you have always been better than me."
"I may not be a killer Faith, but I could never be better than you. I have always been a great sacrificial lamb you know that, I was one for my father, for Sophie. At least this time…" She took a shallow breath. "I get to do it knowingly, willingly. For people I love."
"You are not dying for that God forsaken skank of an angel Tara Maclay." Faith stood her ground, swallowing down the tears that threatened to well in her eyes.
"Then who the hell is, because I will not let her take Willow." Tara met Faith's wall of objection hard.
"It is my kill." Faith underlined without saying much, but the point was stressed with an icy chill.
"No." Tara took a staggered step back, shaking her head. "No." She whispered under her breath.
"I don't care if I have to knock you all out and tie you all up in the basement..." Faith pointed to the door angry, hurt, scared, a thousand and one emotions at once. "But you and Willow and Dawn and fucking everyone else in the world is going to live a happy fucking life and I'm not having any other ending. And if that means I have to die, so be it." She ended with the calm words.
"You can have any ending you want." Tara let tears slip down her cheeks. "But not that one, you can't do this." She shook her head, as she felt her suddenly stable world as swiftly become jelly once more.
"There's more than one way to skin an angel Tara." Faith saw the blonde beginning to waiver. "And the truth is there ain't nothing on earth like me, so Anezka is in for one shocking hell of a surprise."
"I...." Tara began, but didn't know how to finish.
"I know you would give yourself in an instant Tara." Faith's voice softened considerably as she walked closer to the blonde. "But this is not the time to be the lamb, if anything we need you to be a lion or whatever biblical reference that is." She hesitated. "Willow's dead set on doing this because she feels guilty over Buffy. We both know deep down she'd let Buffy die about as much as I'd wear a pink shirt and die my hair blonde." She smiled slightly trying to bring brevity. "There is only one acceptable way this can play out. One of us has to die, and it will be me."
"My name is Tara, hear me roar." The blonde witch looked up at Faith and smiled an odd smile, that tried to convey everything she felt all the pride, love and admiration, everything.
"That's my girl." Faith nodded and ran a hand down her cheek.
Faith stood silently, looking dumbly at the thin blond who stood in front of her, unable to believe what she had said. Her mind went over the young witch's words and struggled to comprehend exactly what Tara had meant. After what seemed like an eternity the dark Slayer coughed.
"Are you sure?" Were the words that made it out of her sluggish mouth.
Tara took several small steps forward which brought her close to the young woman.
"Faith." She said tenderly, reaching out and taking the other woman's hand. "I love you. I owe you so much that I couldn't even begin to repay you, not even if I started the repayments today and didn't finish them until I was over one hundred." A thin smile broke across her serene features. "But given all of that I know that you know like I do that this." She glanced between the two of them. "Is over." She stated.
"But…" Faith began frowning deeply and shaking her dark brown curls a little in protest.
"Faith, my dearest Fay." The blond reached her hand up and gently cupped the other woman's cheek. "This is right, you know it, I know it. Yes, it feels great sometimes to come home to me, hold me, kiss me, to make love with me…"
"It 'always' feels good to do those things." Faith interrupted and stressed.
"Yes of course it does, but there are those times that me worrying about you, badgering you about what you are doing, what you plan to do, is just too much for you. And it's too much for me too. The worry about whether or not you are okay, are taking care when I'm not around to check on you. What we have Faith is a little too much like domestic bliss for either of us for two simple reasons. The first being that we're not ready for it, the second being we're not meant to be together like this."
" What is that supposed to mean?" The dark Slayer pulled away and stared at the smaller woman. "We work damn it. We feel good together. I'm trying Tara."
"Faith…" Tara's voice was tender to begin with but when the dark Slayer did not lose her angry stare the blond repeated her name with more force and volume. "FAITH. We have both tried and we've succeeded. Look around you Fay, this is our world we created it together out of nothing. We started off as two broken, empty women and now we have achieved all of this and we did it together. I'm not suggesting that either of us is in any way backing out of a deal. What I am saying is that you need to be a free agent and I…" She paused and her voice dropped low. "I don't need looking after."
"You've always been more than some baby sitting job." Faith retaliated.
These words made the blond shake her head with a gentle smile.
"No I haven't but I have become more than one. When you first took me on I was a favor to the one person who could truly own your heart." She observed softly.
"I…" Faith objected but her voice drifted off. "I do love you." She frowned against the inner turmoil. Everything the witch had said was right whether she openly admitted it or not, but as much as the fussing and the worrying grated on her, the warmth, love and comfort she felt once wrapped in Tara's embrace often more than compensated.
"And I lope you." Tara moved her thumb over the skin on Faith's cheek. "I love you enough to let you go." She added.
"What if I don't want you to let you go?" The dark Slayer questioned.
"Hey I only meant partially let you go slayer girl. Let you go enough to let you live the life that suits you; let you go enough to enjoy the pleased look on your face when you tell me about your latest conquest be it of the slaying or the loving kind. You don't get rid of me that easily Fay, but our lives are pulling us in completely different directions. You know it, we both do."
For a long moment Faith stood stock still and then slowly she brought both hands up to hold Tara's face letting one push back through silky blond hair.
"Are you sure this is what you want?" She questioned as she brought her face close to Tara's "I know how you hate to be alone with the nightmares and the…."
"My specialist says I'm doing fine, it's been two and a half years Fay." The blonde's voice was infinitely tender. "And you'll always be only a phone call away. I'm not the same woman that you carried out of that apartment that night and neither are you. We've touched and changed each others lives in so many ways but we were never going OT be a forever thing, were we?" Th blonde blinked heavy lids over tear filled eyes.
"You're one of the strongest bravest most beautiful women I know Tara Maclay." Faith brought her lips down onto the other woman's forehead and kissed it gently "And I will always love you."
"Now speaking of Red, where is she?" Faith shook the memory from her head.
"She's gone to the Magic Shop, something about a meeting with Giles." Tara replied with a slight shrug and shake of blonde hair.
"Shit." Faith cursed and moved away to the phone, looking over the list she hit the speed dial and got the machine at the magic shop.
"What?" Tara looked up alarmed at Faith's sudden departure form her side.
"How long ago did she leave?"
"Half an hour?" Tara tried to judge the elapsed time.
"She was going straight there?"
"She had some crazy buying flowers for me thing she wanted to do first."
"Okay, you got the fort lion girl." Faith smiled at her sudden good luck moving over to kiss Tara on the forehead. "I have to catch Red, we won't be out late."
"Faith what..." Tara stammered as the dark Slayer hurried to the door throwing on her coat.
"We need to keep her away from the shop Tara, that's all I can tell you." Faith underlined as she moved out the door.
Faith knew that there were only two places that sold flowers that were anywhere near the magic shop, and stayed open till… she checked her watch… ten thirty. Taking her chances that the redhead would choose quality over ease of purchase, the dark Slayer opted for the second of the two. She was rewarded in her choice as she rounded the corner, only to see Willow making her way down the road, carefully carrying a collection of brightly colored blooms.
"Hey Red!" She yelled as she jogged across to the other sidewalk trying to still her breathing a bit, so that the hacker wouldn't tell she had been running.
"Hey Faith!" Willow yelled back awkwardly. "What's wrong?" She shifted her mind to trying to figure out why Faith was tracking her down.
"Nothing absolutely, everything is fine." The dark Slayer dramatically threw back her hands and gave a twirl in the road she laughed loudly and then grinned at Willow hiccupping as she did. In her heart she hoped she could carry this off.
"Faith, are you drunk?" Willow's eyes went wide as she looked at the Slayer's slightly mismanaged twirl.
"HA! Oh Red you're funny." Faith slapped Willow on the arm. "Oh flowers." She buried her head in the blooms and breathed in deeply.
"Yeah, for Tara." Willow watched her carefully, a bit shocked by the dark woman's actions. "How much have you had to drink?" She questioned a little worried about how much Jack Daniel's Faith would have to put down to get in such a state.
"Three, four, seven… eight." Faith shrugged.
"Did you go on patrol first?" Willow's concern was obvious.
"Oh yeah all staked." Faith grinned and made stabbing motions with her hand.
"Good." Willow breathed a sigh of relief. She needed to get to the magic shop. The last thing she needed was to have to add patrol to her evening duties.
"So, you got flowers for Tara hey?" Faith moved only too nearly trip over her own foot.
"Yes, I thought she might like them." Willow reached out and helped steady the taller girl. "I'm going to the Magic shop, why don't you come with me. There's a couch you can sleep on."
"Ha! You're so transparent you know." Faith hiccupped again.
"I'm so what?" Willow let go of Faith's arm pulling back.
"Transparrrrrrent." Faith repeated poking at Willow's shoulder only missing pitifully.
"Why am I transparent?" Willow rolled her eyes, a drunken slayer was not what she needed.
"The flowers, the big old 'oh Tara I care about you'…" Faith sneered. "You just want some fun before you sign out. Don't ya?"
"Faith, I really think you should go home now." Willow turned away from her.
"Hey I ain't blaming you Red." Faith dodged round to be back in front of the smaller girl. "Hell, I just never thought I'd see you so, so like me!" She exclaimed
"And how exactly am I like you?" Willow stopped a little edge to her voice, she cradled the flowers in her arms absently.
"Well you know Red." Faith slung her arm around Willow's shoulder. "The big old I'm gonna save the world, so I might as well have a bit of fun along the way. And who better to have it with than Tara?"
"It's not like that Faith." Willow shook her head not quite sure why she was arguing with a drunken woman. "I love her."
"Yeah we all love them Red. Hell I guess you could say I loved Xander. It was brief, but it was good love." She grinned.
"Don't compare the two, you have no idea what you are talking about." Willow hissed angrily. "You had sex with Xander, you used him, and I would never use Tara."
"Hey it's okay, no need for justification here." Faith shook her head. "But does it mean I have to find someone else?" She gave a mock pout and sniffed the flowers again.
"Faith, I think maybe you better go somewhere and sleep whatever poison you drank off." Willow's voice was icy.
"Funny I'm feeling just fine, I was thinking of heading back to the homestead and you know, chatting to Tara." She nudged the redhead.
"No!" Willow shook her head and put her hand on Faith's arm. "You don't need to be anywhere near her when you're like this, she hates it." She ignored the nudge and innuendo. "Giles has a couch at the shop why don't you go there and sleep it off."
"Sleep with Ripper." Faith seemed to ponder the thought for a moment. "But if you're not with Tara, she shouldn't be alone." She needed to know that Willow would be going back there before she gave up this little game.
"Sleep at the shop and I'll go home and look after everyone while you sober up!" Willow shot back.
"You mean like now?" Faith glanced up the road, the sign of the magic shop just visible in the distance.
"Yeah I mean like now, if you're snoring in the shop I'm not going to get a lot of work done." Willow shook her head angry at the way the evening had turned out.
First off Faith was supposed to be sober and keeping everyone safe. She had research to do and a few spells to perform to keep up her casting powers. Though the idea of going home to Tara was a tempting one.
"Okay." Faith hiccupped one last time to seal the act.
"And please...." Willow underlined pushing her off towards the shop. "Don't come home till you're sober."
Faith saluted and staggered off away from the hacker making sure not to end her charade too early.
"Typical." Willow cursed and backtracked away from the magic shop towards home.
Tara rubbed the drying cloth over the last cup and placed it on the side. She glanced out of the window and watched as Willow walked around the path to the back garden. She watched as Jack looked up from her work that was still centered on her bike and nodded to the redhead. Tara let a slight smile spread over her face as she watched Willow stop a few footsteps short.
Slowly the blonde turned away from the window. She didn't want to watch the two of them for fear that the redhead would lose her courage and take the easy option by just coming back into the safety of her arms.
"I'll be right here, remember I love you." Tara kissed Willow's cheek lightly as she leaned over to the passenger seat of the small car.
The redhead looked up at her momentarily, worry creased her young brow as her hand hovered over the car door handle.
"Are we sure this is right?" The hesitancy in the young hacker's voice almost caused her girlfriend pain.
"You wanted them to know, you know I want you to be content. If you think that they need to know, I think you need to tell them in person."
"I could phone them, or email or maybe a telegram. I mean telegrams are highly underrated." The redhead gave her a cheesy grin. Or flowers. Flowers in a nice vase."
"Flowers with a card… 'Dear Mom and Dad, I love Tara. Your loving daughter Willow'." Tara returned the smile but there was a slight edge of sadness in her eyes. "You don't have to do this Willow. I know how hard it is for you to…" Her voice trailed off. "How hard being with me can be."
"No, no, no!" The redhead's repetition of the word held a different inflection every time. Moving through horror to sadness and into firm disbelief. "I love you, I want to shout if to the world. This had nothing to do with loving you being hard, loving you is the easiest thing in the world."
"But this is your parents." Tara quickly underlined that at least part of her understood, even though not all of her did. If she was so easy to love then why was it so hard to admit it.
"Okay, I'm doing it. I love you, they love me, they love me, they'll understand." Willow held her head high and put her hand firmly on the door. "I'll be right back."
"If they need to talk it through with you then there is a coffee shop around the corner I can wait there." The blonde suggested reaching out placing her hand on Willow's knee.
"No, wait here. Then I can come get you and you can meet them as my girl." Willow beamed pushing away every fear.
"Do you want me to come with you to begin with?" Tara suggested, she couldn't help herself smiling back at her lover.
"Yes, good idea." Willow nodded and put her hand over her lover's. "Cause you look extra gorgeous today and I want to show you off."
"I was thinking more of the whole moral support issue personally." Tara grinned. "But I thank you for the compliment." She beamed.
"Well it's true." Willow squeezed her hand before launching herself out of the car and moving around to open the other door for the blonde.
"Thank you my love." Tara slipped out of the car and paused mid action to hugging the redhead.
In an uncharacteristically silent way Willow led Tara up the curving field stone path to the beveled glass front door. Her hand seemed to pause before she reached out and turned the knob breeching the barrier into her parent's home.
"You can leave your shoes on." The redhead commented as she hustled Tara in. "Papa and Mother are probably in the study having tea." She meandered down the long hall to the back of the house.
"Lovely house." Tara noted glancing around at the very 'Martha Stewart' home décor.
"Yeah, it's nice." Willow nodded nervously as she knocked on the door to the study. "Hello, may I come in?" She creaked the door open a bit and spoke to announce that it was her.
"Hello Willow." Her mother's voice called brightly from the room beyond. "Your father said he thought he saw you arrive and that you had someone with you, is it your friend Betty?"
"No Buffy…" Willow stressed the Slayer's name as she opened the double doors fully and stood framed there with Tara whose hand she realized then she still held. "Isn't with me. This is Tara, from my university."
"Oh a university friend." The redhead's mother sounded delighted. "That's so nice dear, come in, come in both of you." She beckoned the two young women in further.
"Yes, come in your mother attempted cookies Elf. Maybe you and your friend…" Her father looked up from the thick hard covered book he was reading and smiled broadly at her. "Would like to live dangerous. Nice to meet you Tara." He gave the blonde a nod.
"Mr. Rosenberg." Tara nodded at him and then at Willow's mother. "Mrs. Rosenberg." She greeted hoping her voice stayed something like even as she addressed her lover's parents.
"Nice to meet you Terra." Willow's mother glanced briefly in the blonde's direction and then turned back to the redhead. "So how is university? How are your studies, finding them any harder than the advanced math class?"
"It's challenging, but not impossible." Willow answered her. "Tara is in a lot of my courses, she's taking a Classic Conditioning course that you would find interesting."
"Please tell me you're taking something more interesting than Pavlov's dogs?" Mr. Rosenberg addressed the blonde with a smile.
"She is, she is." The redhead answered for the blonde. "Lots of arts courses, so inspiring."
"Th-Th-They not so inspiring." Tara felt herself blush slightly.
"Art courses, that's fascinating." Willow's mother took a sip of her drink. "I have another overseas trip coming up you know dear, will you be offering to look after the house again, if you do please no university parties."
"Yeah, we could look after the house." The hacker's voice cracked as she made a calculated moved her arm around the blonde's back. "And we'll make sure we don't have any parties." She guided her lover over to the small high back couch, and they both eased down onto the stiff cushions.
"I say have a big party, in your mother's garden. You can trample those hideous plants she's put in this year." He winked at the blonde and his daughter, happy when Tara caught his look though Willow didn't notice him her focus on her mother who had barely looked up from her laptop.
"How is Betty?" Mrs. Rosenberg started tapping away on the portable computer. "Is she still in school?"
"Buffy, is fine and she's doing great in school." Willow stressed the Slayer's name again.
"You'll have to forgive my wife, she's used to doing twelve things at once and she's not particularly socially astute at times." Mr. Rosenberg picked up the plate of cookies off the table and offered them to Tara. "Have you and Willow been friends long?"
"We've been friends for about…." Tara relaxed a little as she reached out and took one of the rather mis-shaped cookies off the plate.
"I am sure Terra doesn't want to explain all the details about how her and Willow got to know each other, and besides we might find out something we don't want to know. Now Willow have you joined all those groups you wanted to? Have you looked into any environmental activist groups, I hope you've remembered to chose your interests and social groupings wisely."
"I've got a very rounded out resume Mom." Willow shrunk a little under the scrutiny before trying to remember why they'd come in the first place. "Tara and I stopped by because I wanted to talk to you both about something." She cleared her throat nervously.
"Well Elf you know that we are always here if you need us." Her Father looked at her with supporting loving eyes.
"Something to talk about?" Her mother didn't look up but her fingers paused briefly on the keyboard. "Oh how is Xander and that nice young woman he was dating, Anna isn't it?"
"Yes." Willow tried to get started on the main conversation but was sidetracked by the following questions. "He's good, and yes he's still dating Anya." She looked sideways at Tara and suddenly grasped the blonde's hand. "You know how you always told me that university was a time for finding yourself and your interests… well…" She hesitated.
"And Oz? How is he?" Her mother began typing again. "We were so worried about you when he left it's good to see you looking a little brighter now. So Terra, have you got a boyfriend? A fellow art student perhaps?"
"I…I…I.…" Tara heard herself stuttered and cursed inwardly.
"Oh you stutter." For the first time Willow's mother looked up. "Have you done that since childhood?"
"She's not an art student Mother, she just takes some art courses but she's really a business major." Willow visibly tensed on the couch moving forward slightly as if she was about to stand. "And her stutter is lovely, in fact that is one of the reasons that I…"
"Of course it is lovely and it makes perfect sense that you would find yourself relating to someone so obviously shy like yourself, you know perfectly well how surprised I was the first time I met Betty." Mrs. Rosenberg commented. "She was so gregarious compared to you, Terra seems so much more, well suitable, not that I am passing comment on your friendship with Betty, you know your father and I like and support your friendship with her. It's important to support your children, do you feel support by your parents Terra?"
"A-A-A-Actually there's only my father, m-m-my mother died." Tara managed to reply.
"Really?" For the first time the middle-aged woman's head appeared over the rim of the laptop. "When did that happen? When you were young?"
"I…" Tara flashed Willow a panicked look.
"Mother." Willow choked out the horrified word.
"Don't start a Spanish inquisition on the poor girl." Mr. Rosenberg gave both his daughter and Tara an apologetic smile. "Do you two have plans for tonight?" He tried to steer the conversation to a place that wouldn't make the veins in his daughter's neck strain out stressfully.
"You two could stay for supper." Mrs. Rosenberg placed her hand over the side of the small computer and made a vague move to stand up.
"Actually Willow." Tara glanced at her girlfriend. "We have that paper to research."
"Why don't you finish your speech darling and I'll get the girl's some of that lovely chocolate you brought back from Belgium to keep them studying long into the night?" The older gentleman rose and motioned out the hall.
"But I really wanted to talk to you both, I have something really important to tell you." Willow stood up as her father motioned, her hand still in Tara's.
"Darling you can drop any classes you like, but if you want to completely drop out of University we'll have to talk some more about it. Now like your father said go and pick up some chocolate and then hurry back to your studying. It was lovely to see you dear and nice to meet you Terra, you must come again and we can chat more about your childhood." She buried her head back into her work.
"But…" Willow looked between her father who was now in the doorway, her mother who had already dismissed her and the blonde who now stood towering a few inches above her. "But…"
"Come on Elf." Her father urged smiling as he turned down the hallway.
"Come on Will, you know how I love chocolate." Tara whispered giving her hand a gently squeeze.
"Oh… Okay…" Willow looked to her lover and let herself be led down the hall in time to meet her father in the front foyer, his hands filled with a large box of chocolates.
"Here you go Tara, now don't share too many with Elf she's a bit of a chocolate thief if you let her be." Mr. Rosenberg smiled broadly as he handed the box over.
"I'd just give her them she wouldn't have to steal from me." Tara gave the older man a smile. "Thank you Mr Rosenberg." She added tucking it under her arm.
"You're quite welcome." He nodded softly. "And the invite to dinner still stands, maybe the three of us can go out for a lunch sometimes and you can tell me all about wild university life." Slightly awkwardly but with great purpose the slim man moved over to hug Willow, the redhead reacting a bit stiffly until she held him back tightly. "Why don't you two have a nice dinner tonight on me?" As he stepped back he took his daughter's hand and pressed a wad of bills into her palm. "Just to make up for that." He smiled down the hall.
"Are you sure Papa?" Willow smiled tucking the money in the pocket of her overalls. "I really wanted to talk to you, cause some really important stuff has gone on."
"Will…" Tara slid closer to the redhead and pressed her hand gently onto the back of her hip. "It's okay I'm sure your father knows and understands the 'important' stuff that happens at University."
"You got a observant one there Elf." With a slight nod of assurance the older man opened the door for them. "Take special care of her." He made the address directing it at both of them simultaneously.
"Okay Papa." Willow eyes went a bit wide as she felt herself clue into what was going on. "I'll call you later in the week." She felt herself shake a little as the reality of it sunk in.
Mr. Rosenberg watched as his daughter and her girlfriend moved to the door, noticing with a smile as the blonde's hand moved up from Willow's hip to her waist.
"Willow." He called suddenly. "Do you want me to talk to your mother?"
The hacker's body froze for a moment, before her eyes came up to meet the gentle blue of her lover's. Slowly leaning a little heavier into Tara's embrace she turned back to her father.
"Yes, please." Her voice was small and held more than a hint of relief as she finally met eyes with him.
"I'll do what I can Elf." He smiled again and eased the door closed.
The two girls made their way to the car in silence, each getting into their respective sides quickly and efficiently.
"Well done sweetie." Tara breathed as she fastened her safety belt.
"Please just drive." Willow's voice cracked as she reached over and held tightly onto Tara's knee keeping her eyes straight ahead.
"Okay." Tara slipped the key into the ignition and effortlessly moved the car out of neutral. "But I have to tell you how proud you make me." She added as they pulled away.
"Now pull over." Willow held the car in silence until they had rounded the corner at the end of her street and made it half way down the next short road.
With a gentle frown Tara signaled and drew the car to a stop.
"I love you." Willow waited until the second Tara had put the car in park before she pushed her body over the middle console and deposited herself in the blonde's lap. "I really, really love you." She clung tightly onto the blonde and tucked her face into Tara's neck.
Tara wrapped her arms around the smaller woman and held her close.
"I love you too, daddy's little Elf." She cooed as she placed a kiss onto red hair. "My Willow."
Smiling to herself at the warm memory Tara watched the hacker as she bent down to look at a patch of small pretty flowers. It amazed her to think that the words she ha spoken then had remained true to this day, she was still so very proud of 'her' Willow, of everything she was, everything she did, so much so that it almost hurt.
She looked up again and saw that the redhead had moved from her flower examination and was moving swiftly down the path towards where Jack worked on her bike. There was an air of determination about the redhead's movements and demeanor.
"I love you my brave strong Willow." She whispered before wrapping her arm around her own waist and turning away from the window. "I really do."
"Is it damaged much?" Willow folded her arms awkwardly behind herself as she approached the young woman and the bike.
"No, nothing too disastrous." Jack looked up. "Though I think I might have to the suspension looked at."
"Well let me know what parts, I have a friend over at the dealership that owes me a favor." She smiled at the well-polished and carefully tended bike. "Jacqui, I wanted to talk to you about this morning."
"That would be great." Jack's face fell a little as Willow continued. "Have I made you change your mind already?" She looked up worried.
"I wanted to say thank you." Willow smiled softly at the young girl's worry. "So no I haven't changed my mind."
"Oh, thank you? You wanted to thank me?" Jack pushed herself up from the floor, and wiped her hands on her thighs bringing her up to tower over Willow.
"Yes." The redhead nodded adjusting herself to look up at the tall dusty blonde. "And I'm sorry that I snapped at you, I was just worried about Dawn."
"We're all worried about everyone right now." Jack surmised.
"We are." Willow agreed. "I know it's not home here, but I hope that we can make it that for you soon."
"Right now anywhere Sunn… Dawn is feels okay for me." Jack admitted. "I thought I saw Faith earlier." She added absently. "But she left again so I don't know when we're going to get to the apartment."
"Yes, Faith..." Willow tried to hide her discomfort as she remembered her run in with the obviously inebriated Slayer. "She's busy at the Magic shop, so if you wanted to go pick up some things I was thinking you and I could go in the jeep."
"She didn't seem to want to hang around, she just came in and said something to Tara and then left again." Jack nodded at Willow's words.
"Faith is a very..." Willow hesitated.
"Unpredictable." Jack offered.
"Yes." Willow nodded.
"Hey she made Tara yell, I heard her from out here. I'm thinking that takes work." jack admitted.
"What?" Willow's train of thought was derailed by the idea.
"When she flew in she and Tara had words, I didn't listen in not my style, but there was a bit of unhappy shouting." Jack looked worried. "Sorry perhaps I shouldn't have mentioned it."
"Oh no, please." The hacker shook her head. "I'd prefer if you did Jacqui, judging Faith's stability right now is key to defeating Anezka." She tried to help the young woman gauge the severity of the situation already knowing that Jack knew the reality of it. "She has taken Buffy's death particularly hard, we all have." Her voice was quiet and damaged.
"Well stable didn't describe the woman who was here earlier." Jack added.
"The hard part of this is that one of the reason Faith is so good at what she does is because she is unstable and unpredictable." Willow thought out loud, using the young woman as a sounding board.
"The whole slayer thing leaves me a bit you know, stunned." The dusty blonde opened up. "The idea that someone could be like 'chosen' and all that." She shook her head.
"It is odd I know." Willow agreed. "And a hard adjustment for anyone to make. Buffy tried for so long to just not accept it, but the world always made her remember it was her first job."
"You don't think..." Jack suddenly began talking but stopped as doubt suddenly slipped into her head.
"Do I think what?" Willow encouraged her.
"Dawn." Jack whispered the name so quietly then the tall woman laughed a sharp laugh and shook her head. "God I told myself I would never do this. This is one of those 'worry about that on your own Jack' things." She rested a hand on the bike behind her.
"Please Jack." Willow reached out and rested her small hand on Jack's arm briefly. "The last thing any of us need to do right now is worry off on our own."
"Well it's just this crazy notion I have, you don't think that Dawn might be…" Jack glanced skywards trying to decide if she was really about to admit this. "You know the next slayer." She couldn't believe how idiotic the words sounded.
"No Jack, Dawn is not going to be the next slayer for a thousand different reasons." Willow shook her head seeing how the fear had played on Jack's mind. "They don't choose that way."
"I only really entertained the idea vaguely before this morning." Jack revealed. "When those minions chased us, then I worried about everything all over again."
"Dawn is a precious commodity for no other reason than she is the Slayer's sister Jack." Willow tried to clarify.
"I might disagree with you there." Jack actually smiled. "I think she's precious for a whole heap of reasons"
"I'm just saying that of all the precious stones in the world, I think that that's the you know, least precious."
Jack watched from the side of the hall as a tall thin dark haired girl pointed to something in her geology course book. The girl beside her, who was considerably shorter, shook her light blonde curly hair and pointed at the picture again.
"Now you see that, now that is just ugly." She replied.
"It can't be ugly, it's a precious stone." The dark haired one countered, screwing up her nose slightly and shaking her head so that her long deep brown hair moved over her shoulders and back.
"Well it's a better phrase than least precious." Her blonde friend argued.
Jack leaned against the wall and let a broad smile spread over her face. She had seen this tall girl before several times. She had something about her that was just so different, so feisty and strong and yet at the same time so young and scared.
"Hey you, Jacqui isn't it?" The young woman suddenly called in her direction. Jack looked up and almost comically looked around her and then pointed at her own chest.
"ME?" She mouthed.
"Yes, you!" The dark one insisted. "Do you think something that is precious should be called ugly or just least precious?" She asked boldly.
Jack smiled and pushed herself off the wall and strolled over, her heavy boots echoing loudly on the university floor as she walked. She stopped by the young woman's shoulder and looked over it to the book.
The dark haired girl made a small noise that meant something that Jack couldn't be sure of, possibly surprise to find out how much taller Jack turned out to be close up, possibly just annoyance that she'd bothered to come all the way over instead of just answering the question.
Jack looked at the gemstones whose pictures were all over the double page, gazing for a long moment before giving both girls a shrug.
"I think it's easy to label something as precious, but hard to describe what that means." Jack assessed before turning and sauntering away down the corridor.
Behind her she heard slight scuffling and the sound of books being forced hurriedly into a bag before the light squeak of sneakers on tile hastened to her ears.
"Wait, hey, wait!" The unmistakable voice of the long dark haired girl met Jack's ears and she turned slowly, fighting down a smile. "I'm Dawn, Dawn Summers." She extended her hand and flicked her hair back out of her face.
"Jacqui Ashby." Jack introduced before turning back round and continuing to walk down the hall.
"Wait!" Dawn called jogging the short distance between them once more.
Jack turned and looked at Dawn with a raised eyebrow.
"What's the problem Sunny?" She asked her voice held a light almost amused tone.
"I..." Dawn hesitated for a moment she seemed flustered and then in the next moment everything was reigned in again and she was ready with an answer. "You didn't answer my question." She replied. "And my name is Dawn."
"You say least precious, she says ugly, you say Dawn, I say Sunny, what's the difference?" Jack gave a smile broader than any she'd ever had before.
"Dawn is my name." The youngest Summers protested.
"And 'precious' is their title, not seeing any difference yet."
For a moment Dawn just growled and then she stamped her left foot.
"Are you always this…" She paused searching for the right word.
"Smart." Jack offered with an almost goofy grin. "Insightful, intelligent…"
"Obnoxious." Dawn decided upon and Jack laughed loudly.
"You say obnoxious…" She began grinning wildly.
"Oh I give up, you want a coffee?" Dawn smiled and looked up for the first time into amazing eyes that held her quite still for a moment. Jack similarly looked down and was held captive by the most beautiful face she had ever come that close to.
"Coffee would be great." She managed to whisper.
About a minute later when both girls had stopped just staring at each other, they moved off down the hall to the nearest coffee machine.
"I didn't say it was the only reason." Willow smiled back. "I know that you love her Jack." She assessed honestly and softly. "I have never doubted that, no matter what was going on."
"I do." Jack confirmed. "I love her as much as she'll let me."
"She's not always the easiest person to show that you love them." Willow smiled sadly. "She's like her sister that way. Trying to be so strong, even when she's falling apart."
"I don't think any of us are as strong as we like to think." Jack wondered as soon as she had said it whether she should have held her tongue.
"And sometimes we learn that we are a lot stronger then we thought we ever could be." Willow nodded taking a strained breath. "So did you want to pick up your stuff?"
"Only if it fits in with plans, I can live in this T-shirt for another night." Jack shrugged.
"I have nothing really for the next few hours." Willow smiled. "We can bring in take out too, any preferences?" She held up the keys to the jeep.
"Shouldn't we get Dawn and Tara?" Jack looked at the house.
"They both have things to do around the house." Willow shook her head. "I think they don't want to help you and I lift stuff." She smiled trying to ease their heavy conversation.
"Then let's go, I know someone who is going to be so excited when she sees her carry basket." Jack smiled.
"Tara can't wait to see Miss. Kitty." Willow smiled even brighter. "Then again neither can Dawn." She laughed at the young woman's love of the black and white cat.
"You know I have always wanted to ask something about that cat." Jack looked down at her dirty hands but decided that they didn't need washing that badly, not to move her stuff.
"What?" Willow began leading the dusty blonde towards the jeep in the garage.
"Well two things really, first did Tara really ever wear that sweater?" Jack followed quickly.
"The light green one, of course." Willow laughed. "What's wrong with that sweater?" She asked still laughing.
"Second Miss. Kitty Fantastico, what the hell kind of name is that?" Jack just raised her eyebrows.
"It was a temporary name for a sneaky cat." She laughed harder. "Let me tell you the story on the way." She smiled happily at the memory.
"Hey Dawnie, I was going to leave you completely alone as I decided you must be studying or something, but when it got to four hours, I couldn't keep away any longer." Tara stood in the library door and looked over to the long dark haired woman behind the desk.
"What?" Dawn looked up from the book in her lap a bit startled. "Four hours?" She looked at her watch. "Sorry, I was..." She looked to the books around her.
"Yep four hours, I think the university pushes you to hard." Tara stepped into the room. "What they got you looking at now?" She bent down and reached for the nearest book.
"Oh just..." Dawn was about to say something, anything till she saw the blonde pick up the psychology book still open to the pages on PTSD.
Tara's blue eyes quickly scanned the book she held and then flicked up to look at Dawn.
"Just?" She queried trying not to feel of the things that threatened to push into her head.
"Wanted to understand, figure out if there was anything I could do to make it better." She answered lamely in a soft honest voice.
"Wanted to understand?" Tara gave a short self-hating laugh and shook her head.
"I know I can't, not really but..." Dawn head hung down feeling somehow like her quest for knowledge had made things worse.
"What did you find out?" Tara pushed herself away from the desk and went to slip the book onto the small flat table nearby.
"That whoever hurt you must have been the most horrible people on earth." Dawn underlined a sharp stab of hatred and horror in her voice.
"I don't know about that." Tara balled up one hand and placed it in the other flicking her eyes up to look out of the small circular window.
"They hurt you, you never hurt anyone in your life, they had to be monsters." Dawn contradicted closing the book in her lap.
"I've hurt a lot of people Dawn." Tara shook her head. "And what they did, or the effects that remain possibly say more about me than they do about them." She forced her hands to open, instantly she placed them flat on the tabletop so that she couldn't clench them again.
"Tara, this is different." Dawn shook her head standing up. "We all hurt people, most of the time we don't mean it and we make amends. This was just out and out horribleness. This was nothing to do with what you are." She shook her head. "If what you say is true then Buffy was the most horrible person on earth. Cause look at how many people she hurt saving the world?" She felt tears well up in her eyes.
"Buffy was a good person Dawn, never doubt her." Even though Tara knew that Dawn's words hadn't truly meant to doubt her sisters innate goodness she needed to stress it.
"Then don't ask me to doubt you, cause I can't." Dawn turned back shaking her head.
"Dawn you don't know what they did, or why they did it." Tara replied hating the feelings this was stirring up inside her.
"I don't need to know what they did or why they did it, I know that they did it to you and that there could never be a reason good enough." She turned away going to the other bookcase.
"Did Willow tell you?" Tara asked suddenly as she heard the noise of the jeep being started somewhere below them.
"I asked her why you were so scared the other night when the lamp broke." Dawn began picking up books. "She told me someone had hurt you, badly. She never gave me details."
"She doesn't know details." Tara shivered. "At least she better not." She added in a hushed whisper her thoughts momentarily flicking to think what Faith may have told her.
"Why? Do you think she'll love you any less?" Dawn questioned almost a bit angry that the blonde would doubt herself. After all doubting Tara was a concept that Dawn could not comprehend.
"Possibly." Tara admitted shrugging shoulders that seemed heavier and heavier as she continued.
"I may have been just a little girl when you went away..." Dawn bit back, her voice more hurt and distraught than outright angry. "But I remember how you two were with each other, how much you loved each other. And I have lived in a house with Willow and the love she carries for you for all that time." She thought back to a thousand different examples unable to believe that Tara could doubt the hacker's love.
"I don't want her to have this pain." Tara pulled herself round to look towards Dawn having to keep her hands on the table unable to keep the tremor out of her voice.
"She has punished herself for that and more in the last eight years Tara, the only thing you can bring to her now is love." Dawn tried to make the blonde see. How many nights had she woke up to Buffy trying to calm the distraught hacker? How many nights had she awoken to tears?
Dawn untangled herself from the bed sheets that were wrapped around her body and retrieved the stuffed Unicorn she slept with from under her head. The sound that had awoken her was soft but so pained in its expression. Scratching her hand into her matted tangled hair, she made her way through the hall and towards the bathroom and the origin of the sound.
"Buffy?" She questioned suddenly thinking of all the creatures of the Hellmouth that it could be. As she got closer to the partially closed door of the bathroom she heard water running and was almost ran over by her sister.
"Dawn, why are you up?" The Slayer was obviously edgy and agitated as she played with the cold cloth in her hand.
"I heard a noise." She stated yawning and then turning a curious ear towards the Slayer's bedroom. "Is Willow sick?" She questioned walking over before her sister could move and pushing the partially closed door open.
"Yeah, she's..." Buffy, a little too sleep deprived and slow, was about to make up a brilliant excuse but as the door to her room swung open the sight before them make it all useless.
Curled on the rug in the small patch of light from the sheer curtained window was the hacker. She was curled into the tiniest ball, her body straining against the confines of its own skin as it sobbed. Her whimpering was soft and pained as an injured animal, begging for help but too afraid that its attacker was nearby to utter sounds of its true torment.
"Buffy, what's wrong with Willow?" Dawn asked looking at the scene with a slight amount of nausea.
"She just had a bad dream, go back to sleep Dawnie." The Slayer kissed her cheek and physically turned her around urging her back down the hall.
"About what?" Dawn did as she was told but questioned as she moved.
"Tara." Buffy spoke the blonde witch's name sadly.
"Oh." Dawn bit her lip and hurried back to her room closing her door behind her. Slowly she picked up her unicorn and moved over to the window of her room looking out at the dark street in front of the house.
"Please come home soon Tara, she misses you so much." Dawn picked the first star she found and made the wish softly. "I don't know what happened, but whatever it was we can fix it."
"Willow is incapable of loving you less." Dawn underlined.
"Dawn I…" Tara forced herself to look up. "I want to believe that."
"Believe it." Dawn didn't give her time to object.
"I can't." Tara shook her head and pulled her eyes away almost sobbing aloud when they fell on a photograph of Buffy, Dawn and Willow. She dropped her gaze to the floor.
"Then they did something even more horrible than even I thought possible." Dawn felt her eyes well up angrily. "And if I knew who they were, I'd go and kill them myself." She balled her hands up into fists at her sides.
"Dawnie no!" Tara looked up with sad eyes, pulling one hand from off the table. It left a wet impression on the highly polished surface
"Why not?" She questioned back her fingers tightly gripped around her thumbs. "Maybe it's time that someone paid for everything that hurts the people I love. No one could be blamed for Mom's aneurysm, but that didn't make me hate it any less, no one can punish Anezka for killing Buffy, no one can make all the shit that happens to Jack cause her last name is Ashby go away. Now you're telling me I can't make someone pay for hurting you. When does someone pay? When does someone do something about all this pain?"
"Because…" Tara began she moved her hand out slightly, almost reaching for Dawn. "Because they are not worth losing the piece of your soul that it would take to do it." The witch explained softly. "Everything has a price Dawnie even revenge, especially revenge." She tried to keep her voice calm but she felt and heard it tremble a little.
"I know but Willow's love has never been one." She shook her head tears sliding onto her cheeks.
"Dawn I love Willow with everything I have, every ounce of my being is filled with love for her." Tara breathed hard. "But when I look at Willow now, I don't see who I used to see. I see more guilt in her green eyes than I ever dreamed anyone could have." She explained. "It doesn't make me love her any less but it does mean I can't share my past with her." A silent almost unemotional tear slipped down Tara's cheek.
"You didn't put the guilt there." Dawn squeezed her eyes shut and turned away hugging her arms to her body tightly. "I did." She breathed the words feeling them rip through her insides like sharp shards of steel.
Tara was forced to replace her hand on the desktop, as the pain she saw in the younger woman laced into her.
"No, you didn't." Tara gasped shaking her head.
"She thinks Buffy is dead because she wasn't good enough." Dawn's voice was a strained calm. Her eyes were squeezed shut tightly.
"That's her guilt Dawn you didn't put that thought in her head." Tara quickly interjected trying to force back all of the things that were tearing her apart trying desperately to focus on Dawn and her pain.
"I saw it start, I could have stopped it but everything hurt too much. Everything was so mixed up, it was just easier to blame her." Dawn whispered the shameful admission. She hadn't truly realized until Tara had started blaming herself. Hadn't really seen what Jack was trying to show her about blame and forgiveness till she'd tried to show the same facts to Tara.
"There is no should of here Dawn, you were in too much personal pain to be responsible for Willow's." Tara replied. "Someone else should have been here to see that to help her."
"Please don't do that. Don't turn this around and say it was another failure for you." Dawn opened reddened eyes and shook her head. "Not everything is your fault Tara, not anything in this." She clarified. "The only one to blame is Anezka." She cursed the angel's name.
"You're right." Tara confirmed. "And soon we're going to make her pay for everything she has done."
"No revenge will be worth what she had done." Dawn shook her head sadly.
"No, it won't." Tara agreed.
"Which is why we can't let her have Willow." Dawn voiced the worry desperately.
"What do you mean, have Willow?" Tara eyed the young girl suspiciously.
"Hurt her, after the forest fire Buffy swore she didn't care about the rest of the world as long as Willow and I were safe." Dawn lowered herself into one of the high back chairs, pulling her knees up to her body. "Buffy was so tired of the fight, the only reason she kept going was because of Willow and I."
"Dawn, I promise you Anezka will not hurt Willow again, she wont hurt either of you." Tara shook her head her voice stiffening.
"We can't let her hurt any of us." Dawn looked up correcting her.
"She won't." Tara underlined.
"I'm sorry if looking up that stuff upset you." Dawn frowned slightly fearful that she had hurt the blonde.
"What did you learn about me?" Tara asked softly looking at one remaining book on the table. She shook her head to Dawn's statement.
"Nothing, it's all generic." She shrugged lightly. "And just one fact I've always known cause it's like Willow's life rule." She smiled a spark of happiness on her face.
"What's that then?" Tara queried.
"Tara is precious." Dawn smiled brighter.
Tara smiled and briefly looked down she stepped forward and made sure Dawn was looking at her. Her voice took on a calm even tone.
"They were debt collectors of sorts." Tara began fixing her eyes not on Dawn, but on the wall slightly to Dawn's left letting her eyes drew focus on the bland wallpaper. "The person I lived with owed them a lot, not just money." She explained. "Not that I knew that." She paused and shook her head. "As far as I knew, it was Christmas Eve and I was waiting for her to come home from visiting her parents."
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