Killer in Me: An Epilogue by Ondine

Disclaimer: Characters belong to BtVS: Joss : Fox : UPN : Mutant Enemy: everybody but me. No copyright infringement intended.

Author's Notes: The action is continuous from the end of the episode The Killer In Me where we see Kennedy helping Willow walk across the backyard into Casa Summers (in case you didn't remember that little detail).

Summary: What happened after The Killer in Me.

Before Willow can answer, Kennedy has already decided. "Screw the tea. Upstairs. Now."

Kennedy gently, firmly puts her arms around Willow and guides her through the dining room and up the stairs. Willow is crying. She isn't making any noise, but silent tears stream steadily down her sweet face and Kennedy immediately feels an acid-like burning in her chest. She isn't sure why, but seeing Willow cry like this affects her deeply. Makes her heart hurt.

"I am so not good at this", thinks Kennedy. "No! Shut up." she tells herself. "You can be supportive-gal if you need to be."

When they reach Willow's room, they walk to the edge of the bed. Willow turns to Kennedy and hugs her. Kennedy feels Willow's hot tears streaming down her neck. She pulls Willow close.

"I hope this is right. I hope this is okay." she silently prays. Kennedy knows how to be strong for other people. She knows how to use her strength, her attitude, to help the people she loves. But this..... this is new. "God, I wish I could go kick somebody's ass and make you feel all better, Willow."

Willow's hands, which had been lightly touching Kennedy's back, suddenly tighten and Kennedy can feel her shirt being pulled taut as the fabric is gathered into Willow's clenched fists. "Oh geez!" thinks Kennedy, "not again!"

Kennedy softly strokes Willow's hair, trying to calm her down and reassure her. Racing through Kennedy's mind is the thought that if she ever sees Amy again, "That bitch is going to wish she'd stayed a rat."

KENNEDY: C'mon Willow, you need to rest. You'll feel better when you've had some sleep. I promise. Okay? ........ Willow?

Slowly Kennedy sits Willow down on the end of the bed. Kennedy then kneels and begins removing Willow's shoes. "This is so *not* how I thought this date would end," muses Kennedy. The irony of it being, that Kennedy had hoped, prayed even, that their date would end with her getting to removing certain articles of Willow's clothing. But not like this. Not under these circumstances.

"Well, watch out for what you wish for," sighs Kennedy inwardly. She helps Willow remove her jacket and then decides Willow can rest comfortably enough with everything else still on. She reaches behind Willow and pulls down the covers.

Kennedy searches Willow's eyes hoping she will see some sign of consent, or at least resignation. Willow looks back at her with an expression that is so completely raw and vulnerable it gives Kennedy goosebumps. It is beyond anything Kennedy has ever experienced. "It is so.....real," thinks Kennedy. "Sorrow. Tangible sorrow."

"Okay, okay, I know how to handle this," she tells herself, "Ignore it. Don't keep looking into her eyes. Stop looking, you idiot. Stop looking NOW. They're so green, and sad. They shouldn't be sad. I don't want her eyes to be sad when they look at me. Damn it."

Kennedy waits for Willow to say what's on her mind. To stop staring at her. But she doesn't. Willow just keeps looking at her. Like she's trying to see inside Kennedy's soul or something. Kennedy goes on a silent rant: "Damn it, don't make me feel this way, Willow, I'm already confused enough, okay? And I don't know what to do with this pain, with your pain. I - I - god, I am so useless!"

Willow starts to turn away, but Kennedy reaches up and takes Willow's face in her hands.

KENNEDY: They're the most beautiful, beautiful green eyes that I have ever seen. They're not dark. You're not evil. You're not Warren. You're Willow. You're Willow.

Kennedy let's her hands fall from Willow's face, "Thank god! Oh, Thank You God." Then she immediately takes both of Willow's hands in her own, and gives her a small smile. "Now if I can just get her to lay down and stop talking. No talking. No more crying. --Whoa -- Wait, does she think I'M evil? Why is she looking at me that way? And, why is she so completely adorable even when she's a crying mess?"

WILLOW: Like..... You always look like, ....like you want to grab me and kiss me?

A big grin spreads across Kennedy's face. "She just never, ever says what I expect she's going to say." she laughs to herself.

"Great Willow, kill the moment. Back to square one. Okay then......well,....well,......shit."

KENNEDY: This is a discussion we should probably save for later, Willow. After you've rested. C'mon, lie down now, sleep.

KENNEDY: I promise, I'll be right here when you wake up and I promise I will *still* want to grab you and kiss you and we can talk about it all you want. Or we can not talk, and you can just let me kiss you.

Kennedy gently puts her hands on Willow's shoulders and guides her slowly down to rest her head upon the pillow. Kennedy pulls the covers up and tenderly wipes away Willow's tears with her sleeve.

"Tissues. She needs tissues. There's gotta be a box of Kleenex round here somewhere."

Willow nods. Kennedy climbs on to the bed behind Willow and wraps her arms around her. She lays there, spooning Willow, but on top of the covers, because, "seriously, if one little kiss can cause such trauma, let's not even imagine what ....... Stop it." Kennedy tells herself. "This is about being supportive. I can do this, I *am* doing this, I am being supportive."

Kennedy can feel Willow relax almost immediately. The crying stops. Her breathing slows to an even, steady pace. Kennedy's body relaxes a little bit too. But her mind is racing.

"Good job, Kennedy. Flirt with her, lie to her, trick her into going out with you. Butter her up. Kiss her. Turn her into the evil sonofabitch that killed her girlfriend. Nice work. I'm sure she finds me irresistible now! Well, I know how to pick them, don't I? Fall fast and fall hard for the ONE woman in this estrogen packed house that is still mourning the loss of the love of her life and doing penance for trying to destroy the world. And let's not forget, she still has the power to destroy the world, if she so chooses. Well done. Extra points for choosing the girl with a *total annihilation factor* built in. This isn't fair. I didn't come here expecting to meet someone, much less fa---. Oh god, don't say it, don't even THINK it. You are NOT falling in love. This isn't love. It's too soon for love. She's hot. That's all. You come here, a total stranger, with no expectations of meeting someone you might be interested in *that* way, and blam. "Miss Gorgeous / I have the World's Sexiest Smile" walks up to you with sheets and a pillow and wants to know where you want to sleep. IS IT MY FAULT I FLIRTED? In what twisted universe is that MY fault? I am a mere mortal and she's this all powerful Wiccan wonderwoman with long red hair and slender fingers and soulful eyes and it is SO not my fault. How was I supposed to NOT flirt? How was I supposed to resist her? Why can't I resist her? Why is she irresistible? Why is my heart pounding? Damn it."

In the midst of Kennedy's reverie Buffy quietly pushes the bedroom door open, and peers in. She wants to make sure Willow is okay, or at the very least, that Willow is Willow again. Kennedy, hearing the door creak as it opens, looks to see who the intruder is. Buffy waves her over and Kennedy gently gets up and off the bed making sure she doesn't cause Willow to wake up. She steps out of the room so that she can talk to Buffy in the hallway, but leaves the door slightly ajar so that she can keep an eye on Willow. Whispering Buffy asks:

KENNEDY: I don't know the specifics of the mojo, but apparently it was a spell designed to punish Willow, with the interesting twist that Willow got to pick the punishment, subconsciously I guess.

KENNEDY: I know she didn't *literally* kill Tara, and Willow knows she didn't, but she felt like she killed Tara because.....

KENNEDY: Earlier tonight, I,....uh....., I kissed her. And, I don't think that was really the problem so much as the fact that......Willow kissed back. And when we kissed, for that brief moment, I guess, she stopped thinking about Tara.

BUFFY: Oh, god.......(Buffy takes a moment to let that sink in. Then--) Wait a minute, aren't you supposed to be sick, like with the flu or something? You're not supposed to be playing kissy face when you're contagious.

KENNEDY: (swallowing hard, starting to feel sick for real) Well, y'see..... I sort of pretended to be sick so that I wouldn't have to go on the camping trip. And after everybody left I kind of....in a sneaky sort of way....made Willow think I needed her help with something. Which, actually I did! I did need her help. Okay, not so much her help, as, I needed to get her alone. Well, not alone, exactly --we weren't alone, we were at the Bronze, which had lots of people in it.

KENNEDY: (tentatively) We had a nice time. It was fun. And when we got back here....that was when I kissed her. And, Willow was okay with it, I mean, it sure seemed like she was liking it, y'know, at the time.

BUFFY: But then, she felt so guilty about liking it, the "Penance Maledictamojo" kicked in?

BUFFY: Because Willow felt like she was no better than Warren, who literally killed Tara.

KENNEDY: Well, we found Amy, but she wasn't exactly interested in helping. And by the way, Amy knows I'm a Potential. Which creeps me out a little bit because she didn't seem to know anything about "me and Willow", but she knew that I'm a Potential?!? Anyway, Amy shazzamed me all the way from the university to the backyard just in time to catch up with Willow who, by this point, was waving a gun around, pretty much just plain old freaking out.

KENNEDY: She was fading in and out. I mean, sometimes she was in total Warren-mode, and then she'd be Willow again, and she'd realize that she'd been talking all crazy. So I figured, y'know, it was a kiss that got us into this mess, maybe it's going to take another kiss to get us out of it.

BUFFY: Or, it could have totally sent Willow over the edge! Did you consider that?

KENNEDY: That crossed my mind too. I don't know.... I just thought, she needed to know that ... being with me, didn't mean she was letting Tara go. Buffy, it was like, Willow wanted to destroy herself for letting someone make her feel good again. And, I wasn't going to let her do that. Tara wouldn't have wanted that, would she?

KENNEDY: The part of herself she shared with Tara -- I think she's been letting that part of herself slowly die away.

KENNEDY: Which got her an All Expenses Paid, One Way, First Class Guilt Trip Ticket to Hell.

KENNEDY: Seems so. She's 100% Willow again. A very tired Willow. I think the magic must have like drained all her energy because after the spell was broken she could barely walk. But, other than that, I think she's fine.

KENNEDY: Oh, I'm okay. ...Well, maybe a little freaked, but no physical harm done. Luckily.

KENNEDY: I'm not sure. I know what I need to know. Before tonight all I knew was that Tara was Willow's girlfriend and she died about a year ago. And that Tara was a witch, too. That she was Willow's soul-mate and she died in Willow's arms, that I didn't know until tonight.

BUFFY: Kennedy, I'm glad you kissed her. I'm glad you didn't know enough about Tara to be scared of trying to get something going with Willow. She needed this. She needs you to remind her to live in the present. Otherwise she'd just stay lost in her grief. And grieving for a person ..... it isn't the same as loving that person. It's not love. It's fear.

BUFFY: Not so much interested in the details. Listen, I know you didn't bargain for any of this. But, ... you're kind of, *involved* in it now, and this isn't a game. Willow's fragile, I mean she's incredibly strong, but--

BUFFY: Just, please be careful with her heart. 'Cause, y'know, if you hurt her, -- I'll rip off your arm and beat you to death with it.

KENNEDY: You don't have to tell me twice! (She starts to leave then remembers--) Oh, hey, how's Spike? Were you able to fix the chip?

Kennedy quietly shuts the door behind her. Relieved not only about the good news regarding Spike, but also that The Slayer isn't mad at her for going AWOL from the camping trip, or about her *date* with Willow.

Kennedy takes a moment to just watch Willow sleeping. Her breathing is slow and even, her lips slightly parted. "She seems relaxed." thinks Kennedy. "Except for the way she is white-knuckling the sheet. Hmmm. Maybe she is still a little tense. Maybe she misses me!" That puts a smile on Kennedy's face and she climbs as gently as possible back on to the bed. Folding her arms around Willow, she pulls her close. "Yeah, I can do this." She takes a deep breath and settles in. "I could do this forever."

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Killer in Me: An Epilogue

By Ondine

ondine44@yahoo.com