The United House of Scooby by Mike and Tony

Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: We do not own Buffy, the Vampire Slayer nor do I own any other characters. This is a work of fiction written for fun and enjoyment.
Distribution: The Mystic Muse http://mysticmuse.net
The House of Scooby http://home.iprimus.com.au/o163210/
Go for it, just tell us where.
Feedback: Is appreciated
Authors' notes: This is a collaborative effort between Tony and me due to Tony's illness.
Grouping: Willow/Buffy/ Xander

Summary: Parent Teacher Night, the appearance of Spike, and a united House of Scooby ready to kick his ass.

Being at school on a weekend was most students' idea of a sucky weekend. To Buffy, it was just another day in her wacky life. On the up side was that fact that Willow and Xander were there too. On the down side was the fact that they were discussing fighting an especially sick and evil vampire from Xander's past and Buffy's future.

They were discussing the upcoming night of St. Vigeous and Spike's imminent arrival in the library. Xander and Giles were deep in thought; Buffy was trying not to let her worry show; Willow wasn't even bothering to try, she was worried and didn't care who knew it. The only one who wasn't thinking about the upcoming events was Jenny Calendar; she was far more interested in the interplay between the teens.

Xander was pacing around the library lost in thought, trying to remember everything that happened all those years ago. He looked over and saw how worried Willow was. He went over to her and gently kissed her on the top of her head and sat down next to her, holding her hand reassuringly. Buffy took hold of the other one. Jenny noted just how much Buffy and Xander had a calming effect on the red head.

"Don't sweat it Willow. We stopped it in Xander's timeline and we'll stop it here. Plus thanks to Future Boy here we're all clued up on Spike. He ain't walking away from it this time." Buffy reassured her.

"Yes, but be that as it may, we still need a plan. We can't rely on events unfolding exactly the way they did before." Explained Giles.

"Yeah, I'm not keen on letting Deadboy offer me as a snack to Spike again." Xander joked, then his eyes got wide as he realized something.

"Angel. Damn it! He was there that time. He tried to trick Spike into thinking he was on his side. Spike didn't buy it and Angel proceeded to kick undead ass." Xander looked over to Buffy.

"You haven't heard anything from Angel since he left, like when he might be back?"

"Ugh! As much as it kills me to say this, but I wish he was here right now." Xander reluctantly admitted.

"I'm sure we can manage without him." Giles reassured the group. Mentally though he was worried about the loss of a valuable ally for the fight.

"Um… well, Buffy sent me to get Angel, then me and him were busy fighting our own little battle with Spike's minions, so there's a chunk of what happened I only got second hand." Xander gave a little chuckle. "I only wish I got to see your mom hit Spike in the back of the head with that ax. Pity she didn't use the sharp end."

"Yeah, parent teacher night, remember? Your mom actually takes an interest in your schooling, unlike mine who don't care, or Will's who tend to forget they actually have a smart and beautiful daughter."

"What are you looking at me for? Giles is the Watcher and you're still the Slayer! I'm just the exposition fairy around here!"

"Xander, can I talk with you in my office?" asked Giles. The two men went into the office.

"Giles, I'm not really the make-the-plan type guy. I'm the support-o guy, the ideas man, the Scooby clown. I'm not Alexander the Great."

"No, but you are the one with both the knowledge and the experience. A-and like it or not, th-they look to you now not just for support, but… but for guidance, for direction. They're worried about all this and they're sitting out there looking to you, not for support, but for you to behave like the man you are. Not the boy you used to be!"

Xander and Giles stared at each other for a moment, then a chastised Xander turned on his heel and stomped out of the office. He sat down heavily and crossed his arms defensively. There was an awkward silence all round. Everyone had seen the tongue lashing Giles had given Xander, and in Buffy's case heard it, due to her Slayer enhanced hearing.

"OK, how about this for an option? Pre-emptive strike. We attack them before parent teacher night. I know where the Anointed One is holed up. We go there during the day and we hit them hard enough to ruin their plans. All we need to do is time it so that Spike and Drucilla are there too."

"Take on an entire nest of vamps? There would have to be at least a dozen vamps in there!" Buffy exclaimed.

"Closer to two dozen actually. That's why we need to hit them hard and fast then bug out of there. That's why we need to do it during the day, sunlight is our friend."

"Six." Cordelia said from the doorway. She looked at the group nervously. "That's if… if you can use me that is."

Buffy got out of her chair, a look of anger on her face as she started to advance on the cheerleader.

"BUFFY!" Giles yelled at his Slayer. They glared at each other for a second before Buffy sat back in her seat. Giles looked over to Xander.

"Can you use Cordelia for this?" he asked the younger man. Xander looked angrily at Cordelia for a moment. Xander's anger faded a little, and he nodded.

"OK… right… Spike… Mmmm… Oh! His first appearance was one night at the Bronze just before parent teacher night. I can't remember which night though. When Spike makes his appearance there, we'll know he'll be with the rest of them the next morning when we hit the place."

"But what about School? I mean we'll have to cut classes if we're going to do that." Willow chipped in. Buffy looked at Giles and Jenny.

"We've got two teachers here. I'm pretty sure that between them they can work something out."

"We'll think of something, but we still need to figure a way to fight on the wrong side of four to one and come out alive." Jenny said looking to Xander.

"Well, since Willow isn't up on the magic, Ms Calendar you're going to have to be our Sabrina for this. Giles, you can help her. All we need is a way to be able to get in on stealth mode, nothing fancy.

"Yeah, you and Willow are going to be serving the vamps Molotov cocktails from the walkway above the factory floor."

"Leaving me to take on any survivors. Where are you going to be?" Buffy asked Xander.

"Well, you know how much I love researching, but unfortunately I've got a French test I need to study for. You wanna be my study buddy Willow?"

Xander headed to the stacks and sat down in a quiet corner. He held his head in his hands and exhaled heavily. Between Buffy and Giles yelling at him and the pressure of coming up with the plan, Xander wasn't having the best time. He suddenly sensed he wasn't alone and looked up.

"I just want to say that I'm sorry. I'm sorry for what I said, which when you think about it wasn't my fault because you didn't tell me about what was going on so how was I supposed to know about this future crap, and speaking of crap Giles said that in the future you and I were dating and unless my brain fell out I would never have dated geek like you were."

"That almost sounded like an apology." He lent his head against the stack. "And in our own special way, I guess you're right. I should have told you the truth. But I'm not the one you should be apologizing to."

"Are you crazy? I even step foot anywhere near them and Buffy will rip out my lungs and wear them as a cape!"

"You run around attacking the people she loves, that I love, you better expect to get hurt. You said some shitty things that nearly cost me and Buffy our Willow. I'm not going to let you or anyone else screw up our chance to make the future better."

"Because we need all the help we can get. Because I know you. I know you better that any other person alive knows you. Sure, you're an armor-plated bitch nine times out of ten, but underneath you're a good person. I'm giving you a chance to prove it."

"Giles told me that you and I dated. He was just yanking my chain, wasn't he? No offense but I wouldn't date the old Xander if he was the sole heir to Armani."

"No way! I like my lungs where they are. Besides, Giles was just joking, right?"

"All right, I'll prove it. On your recent trip to Tuscany there was a little incident involving a bottle of Tequila and a tattoo. You know the one, a little heart with wings. It looked very cute."

"What? How? Oh God! You SAW that? But to see that you'd have to be down… You mean that you… and I… you know."

"NO! NO! NO! Not… all the way. But enough for me to see that tattoo up close on more than one occasion."

"Funny, that's exactly what you said about two minutes after I first saw that tattoo."

"You're not running around telling everyone about… about… you know, us, are you?"

"You mean am I writing a regular column for the school newspaper on Queen C foreplay? No. What happened is between you and me. And Buffy and Willow, but only if they ask."

"Keeping secrets was a big factor in why things went wrong in my timeline. We kept secrets, we didn't talk, we hid our feelings. We isolated ourselves from each other. Not this time. Honesty can be painful, but in the end less painful than not being open and honest. They know that we had a thing in my timeline. I haven't exactly given them a blow by blow account of it, pardon the pun."

"But of course it doesn't mean that I'm not going to tease you about it if the situation calls for it." He told her with a smirk on his face.

"Xander Harris you had better not tell ANYONE about that tattoo or you're dead meat!"

"Calm down Cordy. You secret is safe with me. Besides, I've got plenty of other stuff to use besides the tattoo."

"How am I going to make it through the rest of high school with you being here?" Cordy asked the heavens.

"Xander, you were weird before, and you're even weirder now. I'm not sure if that's a bad thing or not." She said looking at him contemplatively. Xander shrugged.

"A lot of educators tell students, 'Think of your principal as your pal. I say, 'Think of me as your judge, jury, and executioner.' Tell me, who do you think is the most troublesome student in this school?" Snyder paused, not really expecting an answer.

"Well, it is quite a match between you two. On the one hand, Buffy hasn't stabbed a horticulture teacher with a trowel."

"I didn't stab anyone with a trowel. They were pruning shears." Shelia corrected Snyder.

"The two of you seem to be tied in the class-cutting and fight-starting events. You really are neck and neck here. It's quite exciting."

"Expelled." Buffy looked at Snyder in shock. "Thursday is Parent-Teacher night. Your parents, assuming you have any, will meet your teachers, assuming you have any left. I've decided to put the two of you in charge of this event. You have three days to prepare the refreshments, make the banners and transform the school lounge into a habitable place for adults. This will incur my good will. And may affect what I tell your parents when I meet them. Are we clear?"

"I'm clear." Buffy looked over to Sheila. "Don't you feel clear?" She looked back to Snyder. "We're very clear."

"Good. Because you mess up this time, and your parents will be coming to clean out your lockers."

"Well, it shouldn't be that hard. We can work on the banners at lunch tomorrow and figure out refreshments then?" Buffy suggested.

"Yeah, sure, whatever." Shelia replied. She spied an older blond boy and starts walking off. "Hey, Meatpie!"

"I'm not dragging my mom into my crappy Slayer life. I've told you that before."

"So we're Bronzing it tonight? See if Spike turns up?" Willow asked looping her arms through Buffy and Xander's.

"I'm sure the Watcher's Council would say so, but I'm betting they never took out a demon with a rocket launcher." Mused Xander. Buffy's eyebrows shot up.

"La vache... doit me... touche... de la... jeudi." Buffy looked at Willow. "Was it wrong? Should I use the plural?"

"You're just not focused. It's just this Spike thing." Willow comforted the blonde.

"Well, he didn't turn up last night. We've only got another night before Parent Teacher Night."

Xander had been circulating keeping an eye out for Spike. He headed over to their table.

Buffy casually looked over in the direction of the door. She allowed herself a moment to look Spike over before turning back to the table.

It was early the next morning and the gang had assembled in the library getting their gear together.

"Why do we have to do this so early? " Cordelia moaned as she and Willow put the last of the Molotov Cocktails in the sports bag.

"Great, not only do I have bags under my eyes, I smell like a gas station attendant."

"Then this should take care of the smell." Jenny Calendar said handing out a leather necklace with a pouch attached. Cordelia gave it a sniff.

"It's a Quanteia, the Apache Indians used it to sneak up on their enemies undetected."

"It's far too early in the morning to have to listen to your infernal prattle. So would you put it on and keep quiet about it please!" grumped Giles.

"Willow, Cordy, you guys are up on the walkway. Miss Calendar, you back them up. Giles, you're Robin Hood up in the roof. Buff, you got center stage, I'll be watching your back. When everyone is in place, Cordy and Willow start tossing cocktails. We're going for max damage so keep lightin' 'em and tossin' 'em until there ain't nothing left to toss. Once you've done that, the three of you bug out. Me, Buffy, and Giles will follow when things get too hot, so to speak."

"Miss Edith speaks out of turn. She's a bad example, and will have no cakes today. Shhhh."

"You nearly died in Prague. Idiot mob. This is the place for us. The Hellmouth will restore you, put colour in your cheeks, metaphorically speaking, and in a few week's time...

"The boy doesn't trust you. They follow him." Drusilla runs her fingers through her hair. "I think sometimes that all my hair will fall out and I'll be bald."

"Never happen. Alright. I'll go up and get chanty with the fellas, but you got to do me one favour. Get some rest." He told her as he got up and headed out to the main chamber.

A large number of vamps were gathered before a makeshift alter with a large pentagram painted on it. Spike wasn't one for ritual but he never the less took his place among the gathered. As he did so, the world seemed to explode in flame.

Up on the walkway Cordy and Willow were lighting and throwing Molotov Cocktails as fast as they could. A number of vamps disappeared in the flames and others caught alight as they struggled to escape the fires.

Those that managed to avoid the fires ran smack dab into Buffy and Xander who hacked and staked into them, reducing their numbers further.

From his vantage point up in the rafters Giles was dusting vamps with the help of his crossbow. In the pandemonium he spied a familiar figure. Taking aim, Giles unleashed an arrow and watched as it struck home.

"Gotcha, you little bastard!" Giles muttered as the Anointed one became dust. He was snapped out of his revere by Willow's screams. Looking over to the walkway he saw Willow, Cordelia, and Jenny trapped by two vamps that were advancing on them from either side of the walkway. Jenny and Cordelia were keeping them at bay for the moment with crosses.

With a curse Giles grabbed his last two arrows and fired twice. His aim was true and the three on the walkway escaped through a cloud of vamp dust. Out of arrows, it was time to leave. He took one more look down on the floor and saw Buffy and Xander busy with a couple of vamps.

Buffy ducked under a punch thrown by a large vamp. She kicked it into a pile of broken packing cases and turned to help Xander with his vamp. She grabbed it by the hair and dragged it of him. A quick jab to the heart and it became dust.

"Yeah, thanks Buff. We better get going." Xander said, trying to get his breath back.

The second vamp charged at the two. Xander ducked under its lunge and Buffy tossed it into the flames.

Spike was carrying Drusilla out of their room and to their car for a quick get away.

Buffy looked around and found a piece of wooden railing. With a mighty heave, she sent it spearing at the retreating vamps.

Spike let an animalistic roar of pain and anguish as his love crumbled into dust in his arms.

For an instant, a wild-eyed Spike and a wide-eyed Slayer stared at each other. With a roar Spike jumped into his car and sped off.

Buffy stared in shock as Spike raced out of the factory in his car. Xander tugged at her sleeve.

"Buffy! Time to go!" She didn't move straight away. Xander grabbed her and spun her around.

"Buffy! We'll get him another day! We got to go now!" he yelled as the factory around them started to collapse.

"Giles has us locked up in that library working on *your* weapons. Even slaves get minimum wage."

"You're starting to look a little slagged. What, are you just skipping foundation entirely now?"

"Cordelia, I have at least three lives to contend with, none of which really mesh. It's kind of like oil and water and a... third unmeshable thing."

"Is that your mom? Now that is a woman that knows how to moisturize. Did it, like, skip a generation?"

"Well, I believe that I have seen every classroom on campus, and just as I get there all your teachers miraculously have stepped out." Behind her Willow smiles, proud of herself.

"Oh!" Buffy noticed Snyder coming back into the room. "Oh. Um, but you haven't seen the boiler room yet. And, you know, that's really interesting, what with the boiler being in the room and all."

Joyce followed Snyder to his office. Cordelia watched them go with a huge smile on her face. Buffy on the other hand was worried.

Joyce came out of Snyder's office with an angry look on her face. She was definitely going to have some words with her daughter when they got home. A student came up to her.

"That's nice dear. But I'm afraid that you'll have to do without her for the rest of the night. We've got some serious talking to do about her schooling."

"Yeah, um… Buffy is busy doing something for one of the teachers and she asked me to take you to see her English teacher before you left."

"Oh, OK. Well, lead the way. Hopefully she'll have something to say that won't get my blood pressure even higher."

"So, Buffy's in trouble? Damn, I was kinda hoping the three of us could go out on a date tomorrow night."

"How does that qualify as a date? That isn't any different to an average night out for us."

"Easy, we do it dressed in our finest clothes. Of course they won't be so fine after the Slaying, but that's what you have to put up with when you're a Scooby." Xander said with an exaggerated sigh. Willow laughed. She stopped laughing when they heard the scream. Together they raced down the hall.

Rounding the corner they saw Mrs. Summers backed into a corner by Shelia in full game face. Xander yelled to Willow.

"Get Buffy!" and he charged at Shelia. Willow took off in the direction of the lounge.

Xander crash tackled Shelia to the ground and the two wrestled on the floor for a moment before Shelia kicked out sending Xander crashing into the lockers. Stunned, Xander hardly had time block Shelia's charge as she lunged for his neck. They struggled for a moment before Xander kneed her in the stomach then threw her to the ground.

"SLAYER!" Shelia roared and launched herself at Buffy. The two collided and they briefly struggled.

"Spike said it's an eye for an eye." With a grunt Buffy flipped her over and plunged her stake into Shelia's heart. Buffy knelt in the vamps dust, panting partly because of the exertion, partly in fear because of what Shelia said.

"I'm sorry Buffy. I didn't know about Shelia." He looked to Mrs. Summers. "Are you OK?"

Xander sat on one of the benches in the courtyard of the school. He found it amazing, the difference between the school during the day and now, at night. They had explained everything in the library to Mrs. Summers, who was now with Buffy at home. It would take her a while, but Mrs. Summers would eventually deal.

Mrs. Summers nearly got killed because he didn't know about Shelia. He wondered what else he didn't know, what he might have forgotten, and wondered if he would make a mistake that might get somebody killed. Someone who otherwise might have lived.

"I remember once a boy who fell in love with a beautiful girl. But the girl was in love with another man. A beast, really. Undeterred, he asked the girl out, but she was in love with the beast, and she broke the boy's heart. But the boy discovered that the girl was going to die. And even though she had broken the boy's heart, he was determined to save her even if it meant he would probably die in the attempt. The boy loved her so much that he went to the beast, demanded that the beast help him save the girl that they both loved. They went down to that cold pit where her body lay. And the boy breathed life into her, brought her back into the living world because he loved her enough to lay down his own life.

"I always wondered what would become of that boy. Now I know. That boy became a man." Xander smiled a little at Angel's commentary.

"I heard about that raid you did on the Anointed One's lair. I also heard about Spike getting away."

"You're right. I do know Spike. I also know that he won't stop until he's gotten revenge for Dru. He won't stop until it's over, one way or another. You have any idea how psychotic he would be right now?"

"Any idea? Yeah, you could say that." A cold, hard look appeared in Xander's eye.

"But I don't care. No chip, no soul, no mercy. This time the story will have a dusty ending."

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United House of Scooby

by Mike and Tony

Copyright © 2003

o163210@iprimus.com.au