Shattered Trust by mike

Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: Buffy the Vampire Slayer and all characters belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, and Fox.
Distribution: The Mystic Muse http://mysticmuse.net
Anywhere else, please ask me first.
Feedback: Constructive comments are encouraged but I reserve the right to debate. Debating doesn't mean I think you're wrong, it just means convince me.
Author's Notes: Thanks to an idea from Beth and Kath (The Rainbow writers) I came up with this for post season 7
Pairing: Buffy/Tara

Soft lips like rose petals were caressing my skin, claiming all they touched as my flesh turned to molten passion in their wake. My hands moved with desperate need as I urged her closer. But she knew my impatience for what it was just as she knew her pace was what I needed.

She flamed my need as my flesh caught fire. A tsunami of need carried me helplessly towards distant shores as she plied my writhing body with knowing fingers and insightful tongue. In passions grasp her eyes caught mine. In their green depths she asked the eternal question and held me at infinity's reach waiting for my answer.

I felt it rising fast and I rode it like a jockey racing for the finish line. She urged me on with lips that caused my flesh to tingle and a tongue that bespoke of carnal pleasures that surpassed all comprehension.

I was lost in deep green eyes, cresting on blinding white waves of expectancy as I awoke.

Stupid alarm clock, why do they always go off just before the end of the dream? That's the second time in a week. Something is seriously wrong with me. First the dreams and then I think about the dreams while I'm awake and that leads to thinking about her.

Dear Goddess, why can't I get her out of my mind? I haven't seen her in nearly two years. Right after Willow made us all lose our memories and made it impossible to ever trust her again.

"Enough!" The word echoed in my small bedroom. I threw off the covers and stretched my arms over my head as I made my way towards the window to check on the day's likely weather. Parting the curtains I looked up at a cloudless blue sky. Looking down on the street activity below I noted lightly dressed people making their way amid the early morning traffic.

"Another beautiful day in Florence." I mumbled as I began getting ready for work.

As I walked the five blocks to the institute memory of the dream kept me very occupied. So occupied that I nearly passed the employees only entrance. Shaking my head to clear my wayward thoughts I entered and walked down the long hallway to the main archives where I had been spending the past couple of weeks ever since arriving in Florence.

"Good morning Tara." Kristy's voice brought me to a stop as I returned the salutation.

"Guido was telling me about this great café not far from here and I thought maybe we could try it for lunch today. What do you say?" Kristy's pleading tone made me smile 'because she knew I wouldn't refuse. Being the only two native English speakers in the museum had naturally drawn us together. She didn't have a problem with me being gay and I didn't criticize her choices in men so we had become fast friends.

"Sure, one ok with you?" I responded hoping I would be hungry by then. I didn't have the appetite I used to have, kind of lost it with the memories Willow stole from me.

"One would be perfect." She responded with a gleeful bounce. My eyes inadvertently glanced at her nicely developed breasts as they moved in response to her body's sudden movement.

Kristy caught my look and broke out in a big grin. "So I look good today?" I blushed terribly as she thwacked my arm playfully. "Thanks for the compliment." She said sincerely noticing how embarrassed I had become.

"Uh, sorry and you're welcome, I guess." I hadn't stuttered in over a year but anytime I became embarrassed I could always feel myself on the verge of doing so. I breathed a sigh of relief as I began to turn so I could get to work.

"Oh, how's the translating coming along?" Kristy asked before I could make a complete getaway.

"I still can't believe that someone your age is so good at translating ancient Sumerian." Kristy's compliment came with a disbelieving shake of her head.

"Some kid's grow up on Dr. Seuss and some of us on dead languages. What can I say? I was one of the unlucky ones." I offered with a shrug.

"Unlucky? You beat out twelve other noted scholars for this job. How can you call that unlucky?" Her eyes were wide open, as was her mouth in a look of total incredulity.

"Let's just say the learning came with some hard lessons and leave it at that, OK?" I replied as I turned to leave and her small 'OKin reply was made to my retreating back.

"Guido says they have a tiramisu to die for." Kristy loved to talk about food, probably because she never really ate much of it. She would have a couple of bites of whatever she ordered relishing each one. Then she would push her plate away claiming she was stuffed and how rich it was. I envied her; food had no pleasure for me. I would take a few bites in between moving stuff around my plate until the meal was ended leaving my plate nearly as full as it was before my first taste.

As we arrived at the café I felt something very familiar. A powerful presence that made my heart quicken uncontrollably. I glanced around looking for the source, my whole body freezing as my eyes locked onto the penetrating green ones similarly gazing back into mine. I couldn't move as the face in my dreams approached until she stood inches from me, almost touching. Emotions swam across her face like storm clouds over a restless sea.

Her lips, like a beautiful flower parted slightly. "Tara?" She said so softly, caressing my name in a way that sent shivers down my spine and raised goose bumps on my arms. She spoke my name the way she made love to me in my dreams.

"Is it really you?" She asked as her arms wrapped about my neck. "I thought I was the only one that comes back from the dead." Her words rocked me as my own arms automatically pulled her closer.

Pulling my head back to look in her face I asked her for an explanation. "Buffy, I know I left town without leaving word but why would you think I was dead?"

"Uh, because of the bullet and the dying in Willow's arms, and burying you, that's usually a pretty good sign of being dead." Buffy looks at me very concerned now.

She doesn't know I left, how could that be? "I left in November, nearly two years ago. How could you not know I left?"

We haven't let go of each other and I'm pretty sure the confusion I saw on her face was mirrored by me.

"You left the house but you didn't leave town. We became close friends. You helped me with Spike. Don't you remember?" Her expression became pained with her eyes looking at me closer, almost unsure that it was really me.

"Three days after I left the house I left Sunnydale. I transferred to Columbia University in New York. I never returned to Sunnydale, I graduated last May and was there until three weeks ago when I came here for a job." I spoke quickly and as I finished I saw her expression harden as she contemplated my revelation.

"That's why it couldn't appear as you. You never died." Her words and expression were devoid of anything I could understand. "But if it wasn't you, who was it?"

"Who are you talking about Buffy; you've got me completely confused right now." I shook her slightly as I could tell she was thinking too hard to be listening.

Buffy looked over my shoulder and I turned my head to see Kristy watching us studiously. I had completely forgotten about her. "Buffy, this is my friend Kristy; we work together at the Institute and Museum of History and Science." I said to explain Kristy's presence.

"Oh." Buffy then looked back at me, her expression still all business but somewhat softened from her previous one that had freaked me a bit.

"Look, I've got to check out some things. I'll meet you in front of the museum at six." Buffy was telling me, not asking. People think she's just being a bitch when she does it but the people who know her understand she only does it when its slayer related. It's expedient and there's nothing personal about it. Those who know her understand this and don't take it personally.

"Sure Buffy, six will be fine." As she pulls away to leave a sudden thought panics me.

"Buffy," I hold her hand before she can leave. "Please don't tell Willow where I am."

She looks at me curiously. Her eyes sadden as she sees the concern that must be on my face.

"No, only Giles, and I'll swear him to secrecy." She says in a way that lets me know she understands, even a little bit.

"Thank you." I reply and lean forward to kiss her softly on the corner of her mouth. As my lips touched her a warm tingle spread through my body. Buffy gasped apparently feeling it also.

"I'll see you at six." I say softly trying not to blush form the feelings stirred by the quick contact.

Buffy touched her fingertips to where I had kissed her. She smiled shyly looking adorable doing so. "Six it is."

As I watched Buffy disappear into the crowd I saw Kristy from the corner of my eye as she walked to stand in front of me. She had one eyebrow raised and her arms crossed, her whole body asking the question.

"That was Buffy, an old friend." I answered the unvoiced question hoping it would suffice.

Shaking her head slightly Kristy let it pass. "Ready to eat?" She asked changing the subject.

"I can see you're hungry, but I'm not so certain it's for food." Kristy teased me.

Sudden embarrassment rushed through me as I felt she had been reading my mind. My thoughts while watching Buffy leave were definitely private ones, very private. I looked away and didn't reply as I felt a full fledged stutter ready to escape.

I was in the middle of a difficult passage, almost prophetic in it's style when I glanced up at the clock on the wall. Five minutes to six. "Oh crap." I muttered remembering my meeting with Buffy. I made record time cleaning up my desk and after grabbing my purse nearly flew down the hallway. As I made it outside I glanced at my watch, three minutes after. I scanned the plaza trying to catch sight of her and after several minutes of fruitless searching I began to panic. I forced myself to stand still and remembered that Buffy was never the most punctual of people. 'She's just running late.I told myself.

Then I felt her like a hot breeze warming chilled skin after a dip in the ocean. I turned slowly and stopped as I caught sight of her walking towards me. Her hips swayed gently while her shoulders stayed level. Even in broad daylight she walked like a predator. I was certain that if the plaza was devoid of any noise I would not hear her. I returned her smile and waited patiently enjoying the sight of the slayer's approach.

"Sorry I'm late, hope you haven't been waiting long." She apologized while placing her hand on my arm. The feel of her hand spread through my body like a migration of Monarch butterfly's that finally settled in my stomach.

"No, just a few minutes." I paused to inhale. "I was afraid that I had missed you." I replied softly as I slowly placed my own hand over hers.

"Yea, I was reminding myself of that just before I felt you arrive." I added my own little chuckle.

"Wait a sec, you felt me arrive?" Buffy picked up on my little slip rather quickly.

I hesitated not knowing how to explain then decided to just tell her how it feels when she's around.

"Yea, I can feel when you're around. You have an incredible energy that's quite unique." I explained while trying to keep any betraying emotion out of my voice.

"Really? Have you felt this from anyone else, like other slayers?" She asked her curiosity definitely peaked.

Very carefully I replied. "Well I didn't feel it from Faith that one time I met her but she was in your body and you were in hers so I don't know if that counts."

"What about her?" Buffy asked as she turned me slightly to look at a young girl about sixteen who was standing about ten feet away. "Do you feel her presence?"

"No, should I?" I asked her confused as to why I should feel the presence of some girl I've never seen before.

"It's ok Tara, Faith is fine." She studied my face carefully then said softly. "You really don't know what happened, do you?"

Shaking my head I told her the only thing I did know. "All I know is that Sunnydale got sucked into a giant sink hole last May. I was hoping that you'd finally closed the hell mouth. I wanted to find out if you were ok but I… I was afraid I'd run into Willow."

"Why are you so afraid of Willow?" Her voice was heavy with concern. Her eyes searching mine for some clue.

"It's probably silly, but I'm afraid she'll force me to go back to her, like the way my family tried to do." I hung my head waiting to hear Willow's best friend defend her.

Instead I felt strong caring arms pull me into a tender hug. "I had no idea how much she hurt you. I'm so sorry Tara." Buffy whispered compassionately.

Buffy pulled back and brushed some hair off my brow. "I don't understand fully, but maybe you can help me understand if you tell me everything." She released me and took my hand.

"I made dinner reservations someplace where we can talk privately. I'll fill you in on everything that's happened and what I discovered this afternoon. Then you can tell me why you had to leave Sunnydale."

The walk to the restaurant was pleasant. I don't know why but Buffy never let go of my hand, maybe she doesn't want me running away from her, as if I could. She's told me that Dawn is with her and a few the a few other miscellaneous facts. I miss Dawnie, she was mine and Willow's biggest supporter but that could be a real problem right now. Getting Dawn to understand that I don't love Willow anymore will be hard, really hard.

The restaurant has private verandas on the second floor and we're taken to a very private one that overlooks the Fiume Arno. I actually managed to look at the breath taking view instead of Buffy for a whole minute.

"So, Xander is in Africa, Giles in England, Dawn is with you and Willow, where's Willow?" I asked as I turned from the view of the river managing to keep my voice calm.

"Will is in Brazil, mostly Rio." Buffy's reply was hesitant and I could tell she had something more to add by the way her lips kept moving slightly without anything coming out.

"Kenny?" I squeaked out. "She's back to guys?" My shock at hearing this overcame any other feeling I might have been harboring.

"No, no, Kennedy is a slayer. Very not male." Buffy quickly corrected my misunderstanding with a reassuring touch to my hand that now lay on the table between us being gently caressed by hers. That touch was everything I needed to continue asking about Willow's well being.

"Oh, ok… That's a relief. For a minute there I thought there was something else she had been hiding from me, something else she had been lying about." As relief flooded through me and my self confidence returned I rotated my hand so that I was now holding hers while I softly caressed the back of her hand with gentle strokes of my thumb.

Buffy's eyebrows scrunched up in that certain way she has when she wants to ask a question but is unsure if she should. I instinctively know her question and decide to help her.

"You want to know what I thought Willow had been hiding or possibly lying about, don't you?" I said softly being sure to add a reassuring smile.

I was hesitant to explain but wanted to very much, I just wasn't sure if it was my place to do so.

"This is something that Willow wanted to talk to you about personally. But she was always afraid of discussing her sexual orientation with you. She didn't want to do anything that might distance you even further." I explained my hesitation but as I saw the hurt that appeared in her eyes I decided to throw caution to the four winds.

"No, you don't have to; I don't want to do anything to embarrass Willow." Buffy replied dejectedly.

"The only thing Willow should be embarrassed about is not telling you sooner. I swear, the way you two danced around your feelings for each other for so many years is ridiculous. So just sit back and listen because it's way past time that you knew." Confidence filled my voice as her eyes met mine with hopeful expectation.

"When our relationship became intimate, it was tender, sweet and awkward at first. But after just a few weeks Willow found her confidence and became, hmm… how should I put this?" Buffy's eyes widened in expectation as I paused, so I purposely let her anticipation grow by waiting a few more moments.

I lowered my voice as I softly continued. "Willow became aggressive. Aggressive in a completely wonderful, mind blowing way. She couldn't get enough, to the point that we were both losing sleep trying to keep up with school." I paused again as Buffy's mouth opened forming a silent wow.

Enjoying Buffy's reactions I couldn't help but smile mischievously as I revealed more. "I finally told her that we either needed to cut back on school or the loving because I couldn't do without sleep. She pouted a bit so I asked her if she had been like this with Oz. Well she turned bright red and went into full babble. The gist of it was that while she loved Oz and the sex was good, it wasn't something she craved from him, not like she did from me."

"After much effort on slowing her down and finally asking the right questions what we figured out was that Willow had sex with Oz to maintain the intimacy of their relationship but it wasn't until she had been with a woman that she figured out that she could never achieve that with Oz or any other guy for that matter." Buffy stopped me here.

"Yea, that explains that part but the more important part is coming up." I paused again as Buffy quietly stated a personal revelation.

I chuckled at the very idea of my passionate ex-lover being anything but totally into women.

"There was no kinda, half way or any part thereof about it. Willow is a complete lesbian. And she wanted to talk to her best friend about it so much." I finished sadly as I remembered how Willow would castigate herself because she couldn't overcome her fear of alienating Buffy.

Sadness shrouded Buffy's face as if the death's hand had passed before her eyes.

"Willow was afraid a conversation like that would freak you out, like you did when she told you about me." I told her softly but continued quickly before full fledged guilt could set in.

"Willow thought you reacted the way you did because you were homophobic. Frankly, she was unable to contemplate any other reason for your reaction. At first I took her assumptions at face value but as I got to know you better I began to suspect there was another reason." I paused here to see if she would fill in the gaps for me. Indecision kept her quite though so I decided to do it for her.

"I watched and listened. After a while I became convinced that Willow falling in love with a girl isn't what bothered you." I paused for a silent prayer to the goddess to guide my words from here on.

"On my birthday when my family came to take me back is when I figured it out. You needed Willow to be happy and she was happy with me, even after my stupid spell nearly got you all killed. It was then that I understood how much you loved her, loved her so much that her happiness was more important than your own. That day she told you about me, you didn't freak that she had told you that she was in love with a girl. You freaked because the girl she was in love with wasn't you." Instinctive denial's rose to Buffy's lips as she looked into my eyes. As I gazed into the depths of her tragically beautiful green orbs I had my confirmation. I felt at peace as her expression changed from one of frightened exposure to trust and acceptance.

"How could I be angry Buffy? You gave me my freedom that day while giving up your own chance of happiness. You gave me a new family and kept me with my lover rather than keep her to yourself. I was ecstatic and I think I…" I had to stop here before I revealed too much as memories of recent dreams threatened to lay my heart open before her.

"It wouldn't have mattered; she could never have seen me like that anyway." Buffy sighed with resignation.

"Are you kidding?" I exclaimed, not really surprised that she thought this, just that she never understood the depth of Willow's feelings for her.

I decided to have a little fun. I could bolster her ego and possibly titillate her at the same time.

"Hmm, where do I start? I know, Willow loved to watch you workout and that summer after Adam and the initiative she would take me with her. I quickly came to realize why she enjoyed it so much and began to tease her about it. I shouldn't have because she started to feel guilty when I got her to tell me what she would think about as she watched you. Even while sitting next to me she would have very hot fantasies about you. She only told me two of them but I can tell you, they were hot and led to some really incredible loving. Well anyway she started feeling that she was being unfaithful to me and stopped attending your training sessions. Even when I told her that I had a few fantasies of my own, it didn't make her feel any better. I'm afraid in my efforts to show her that it was perfectly natural and healthy to fantasize about a beautiful powerful woman I only made her feel insecure." I paused for several sips of wine while watching her face flush slightly at my candid revelation.

"Willow had thoughts about me, naked thoughts?" Buffy couldn't help asking for further confirmation. Her curiosity fully aroused and hopefully more than her curiosity.

"And you, about me?" The timid tone of her voice was endearing but also steered me cautiously to my reply.

"I'm a red blooded lesbian Buffy, and you are a very beautiful, sexy woman even without factoring in the whole slayer dynamic. I dare you to deny you haven't seen a beautiful woman and haven't had a few fantasies of your own."

Buffy started to speak, but upon catching the knowing glint in my eye thought better of a complete denial.

"Maybe another time, but getting back to the original topic of Willow having those type of feelings for you, I'm curious why she didn't do anything about it after I left?" I had some suspicions but wanted Buffy to confirm them.

Buffy took a moment to refill our wine glasses. "That's not something I can quite answer, but if I tell you what happened after you left you might help provide a few clues."

Buffy's face was like a stone mask as she prepared to tell me what had been going on since my hasty departure. The only hints of trouble I got were the worried set of her eyes.

I squeezed her hand gently. "You know you can tell me anything, don't you?" I asked her gently for confirmation.

She looked down at our joined hands then looked into my eyes, searching and I'm hoping finding what she was looking for. "You're probably the only one I can tell anything to. You never judge me or tell me what I should be doing or how I should think. You're the only one that ever truly listens so I'll do my best to tell you everything."

Our chairs were touching and as I caressed her hand in comfort Buffy told me her story as the sun began to set.

She told me about Amy, Rack and Willow's fall. I somehow maintained my composure as I heard about the accident with Dawn. The problems with the three nerds and then she back tracked a bit to the beginning, the beginning where Willow brought her back from the dead, from her justly earned reward of a peaceful afterlife.

Tears silently appeared in both our eyes as she related the emptiness and despair that pervaded her existence. The final capitulation to Spike's manipulative tactics and the violent relationship that ensued. She told me how my double had helped her understand why Spike could hurt her but was surprised to find out she had asked Buffy if she loved Spike. Such a thought would never have occurred to me. The cause of her obsession was obvious and was decidedly not founded in love.

I listened on as Buffy learned to live again. To regain her self respect. My heart ached that I hadn't truly been there for her. Somehow thinking I could have made things better but deep down knowing I couldn't. It wasn't the right time but maybe now was I told myself.

I had been forewarned about my doubles death but was completely unprepared for Willow's reaction. My fear of my former lover warred with the pain I knew she must have felt. My heart broke a bit as Buffy told me of Willow's eventual collapse and her sojourn in England.

Willow had related all of Buffy's adventures in the first several months of our relationship. So I already had some idea of what the First was, but completely taken aback at the ambitiousness of its plans to destroy the entire slayer line.

Buffy's voice grew stronger as she regaled me with her first victory over the uber vamp, and saddened at her family thrusting her from her own home, no longer trusting her judgment. The sadness and pride she felt at Spike's final sacrifice was bitter sweet. When she had told me of the violent sex he instigated and the attempted rape after she rejected him the anger I felt towards the vampire nearly made me interrupt her. But his ending confirmed her belief that he could redeem himself and I felt pride and wonderment at her ability to bring out the best in anyone.

Buffy took some time to explain how she put aside all her doubts and fears and residual anger towards Willow to give her the confidence and support to use the scythe to activate all the slayers. My heart swelled in awe as she related the events of their final battle, then broke upon hearing of Anya's death.

Buffy had paused in her telling only as the waiter appeared to attend to our dining needs. When Buffy finally finished with a loud sigh our meals sat virtually untouched, the only thing empty were our wine glasses and two bottles of Chianti.

Taking pity on her I decided that we had covered enough for the evening. "It's getting late Buffy, maybe we can finish tomorrow?"

"Yea, probably a good idea. I should get home to Dawn. But I'll walk you home first."

Buffy insisted on paying for dinner and I thanked her. Once back on the street, I pointed in the direction of my apartment. As we began our walk almost shoulder to shoulder I felt her hand grasp mine and welcomed her fingers as they intertwined with mine. When her hand was securely joined with mine I dared a gentle squeeze and my heart fluttered when she answered with one of her own.

"How long have you and Dawn been in Florence?" I asked her to break the silence.

"Since August, the council had a nice house in town not being used so we just moved in." She answered while her eyes continued to scan ahead.

"Willow had always talked about coming here. Something about it being a spot of strong positive energy, kinda like the opposite of a hell mouth. I figured it would be a safe place for Dawn and somewhere that I could figure things out for myself." This time she did glance quickly at me as she spoke.

"It is, a place of positive energy that is. So I guess you haven't had much on the slaying front since you got here." I said hoping it to be true. After seven years of battling hell she really needed a break.

"You got that right, not a vamp, imp or even so much as an evil mouse." She confirmed with mixed emotions.

"Yet you can't seem to stop watching for something evil to pop out at anytime." I called her on my observation of her constant scans.

She chuckled. "I think it's instinctive. I've been doing it so long I don't even know I'm doing it."

"Well the lack of slaying hasn't hurt your appearance one bit, you look incredible." I watched her to see how she took the compliment.

Her cheeks reddened slightly. "I still train and workout every day." She explained while dropping her head to cover her blush.

"Is that why you haven't allowed your nails to grow?" I asked quickly to give her something distracting and set her up for my next exploration.

"Oh yea, you ever try to make a fist with nails? Instant hamburger palm." She laughed at her own comment.

"I can definitely appreciate the problems with long nails." I said while adding my own chuckle of amusement.

Buffy raised our joined hands and examined my fingers. "You keep yours short also, nicely manicured, but short. Why, if you don't have to?" She asked innocently. Buffy was definitely a challenge.

"Think about it Buffy. Think about what I do with theses hands." Buffy's face became only more confused as she undoubtedly imagined different things I do at work.

I stopped walking bring her to a stop with me. I leaned close to her ear and softly I said. "Imagine what I do with these hands to… a… lover." I caressed the word lover in the same way I wanted to caress her.

Pulling my head back I caught Buffy in full red faced embarrassment. I smiled warmly at her hoping my own calmness would relax her. Her mouth quirked in amusement as she realized that I had set her up.

Impetuously I voiced a sudden thought. "You must have a great imagination." I laughed delightedly as her face turned bright pink.

"Stop it you, I'm going to look like I'm sunburned if you keep this up." She joined in with my laughter in spite of her self.

With an amused shake of her head she started us walking again towards my apartment. We completed the final block quietly with quick glances at each other occasionally that elicited amused smiles on both our faces.

"This is it." I said as we came to the front door of the building I lived in. Turning to her I looked into her beautiful eyes which became questioning as I continued to stare.

"Buffy" I began "this has been the best day I've had in a very long time." I then leaned forward and kissed her softly but briefly. "Thank you."

"Uh, me too, as in a best day." She nearly stuttered as the words left her mouth almost too quickly to understand.

I smiled as I said "Good night" and turned to enter my building. As I opened the door and entered half way, I turned on last time to see Buffy watching me with her fingertips touching her lips where mine had been just moments before.

My reserves of boldness faltered as I blushed at the sight and felt my face break into a shyly embarrassed smile.

My expression must have had a positive effect on her because she smiled warmly and gave me a slow wink before turning and walking away. That simple wink made my knees weak as I gratefully held onto the door while I watched her lithe figure disappear from site.

'Goddess please me finish my dreams tonight.I made the silent pleading as I willed my way to my second floor apartment.

I woke before my alarm went off feeling warm, satisfied and happy. I gave a silent thanks to the goddess for granting my request and practically flew out of bed ready to start my day. Thoughts of seeing Buffy again filled my mind as I went through my routines automatically.

As I thought about when I'd see her again I remembered that we had only made plans to pick things up the next day, but nothing about when or where. I began to panic as I realized I didn't know where she lived or her phone number.

The morning at work dragged as I tried to focus on translating ancient gibberish, but frequent glances at the time made it impossible to focus. I had already made up my mind to see if I could find her at the café where we met yesterday and I was counting the minutes until lunch.

When twelve thirty rolled around finally, I couldn't wait any longer. I had put Kris off on going to lunch today so I silently made my out of the building and hurried towards where I hoped Buffy would be having lunch.

When I arrived I looked around in spite of not feeling her presence nearby. Not finding her I took a small table with a good view of the area and ordered a small antipasto.

My lunch break was nearly over and my nerves were frayed in spite of several sessions of silent breathing exercises. I had just placed my money down for the check and about to stand when calming warmth flowed over me. My body turned to warm wax as I slowly turned towards the source.

Buffy's face was aglow as our eyes met making my insides tingle and flutter at the same time. She stopped in front of me and glanced at the table I was about to vacate.

"I'm sorry" I replied quickly "but I only get an hour for lunch." I explained feeling disappointed also.

"But can we see each other tonight?" I tried to keep my voice from sounding desperate but failed miserably.

I don't know if it was the tone of my voice or the thought of seeing each other tonight that did it, maybe both, but her face lit up into a magnificent smile.

I closed my eyes and breathed a sigh of relief. Opening them I returned her smile and couldn't help myself as I affirmed our meeting.

Buffy seemed pleased as she simply nodded and placed her hand on my arm, her fingers tentatively touching my bare skin. Warmth flowed up my arm and caused my heart to race even with such a small touch. Without thought I closed the distance between us and put my arms around her waist oblivious to anyone around us. Her arms went around my neck as we drew our bodies close. I felt her heart beat against my breast as I held her close. Then her warm lips caressed my neck and I bit my lip to prevent myself from moaning.

My heart leaped like a race horse out of the gate. "I missed you also." I replied.

Slowly disentangling ourselves I could feel the shy smile I presented to her as I regretfully let her go.

"I have to get back to work, but I'll be waiting for you." I said savoring the feel of her fingers as the glided across the palms of my hand.

She nodded with a smile. "Until then…" She left the rest unsaid as I gave a little wave goodbye and made my way with a much lighter heart.

The rest of the day flew by as I my focus returned and I made good progress completing the scroll I had been working on for the last three days. It was five thirty and I was deciding on if I should start working on the next piece of ancient text or spend some time organizing when Kris entered my office.

"Hey, a bunch of us are going to this club tonight. It should be a lot of fun, you should join us." Kris looked at me hopefully thinking I needed a distraction.

She looked at me surprised for a moment then the light bulb went on. "The hot blond at the café."

I laughed at her typical misconception. "Buffy has been mistaken for a lot of things but dainty has never been one of them." I caught my breath between laughter "The name Buffy takes on a whole new meaning once you know her."

Kris's eyes widened as she contemplated the dichotomy of name and person. I interrupted her thoughts before she could ask anything else.

"You too." Kris responded and with a slight wave and flick of her hair left my office.

I finished straightening my desk, gathered my things and left for my much anticipated rendezvous.

I wasn't even out of the building yet when I felt her. Warmth suffused my being as I exited and intuitively found my way to where she waited as if she knew I was approaching.

"You feel it also, don't you?" I asked her softly as I stopped in front of her allowing people to flow around us like we were an island in a river.

"What does it feel like to you?" I asked as I brushed a stray hair from her brow.

I caught myself before I gave into my impulse to kiss her right there in the plaza.

She grinned secretively. "It's a surprise. But I told Dawn I would probably be late tonight. And no, she doesn't know yet but that's something else we need to talk about."

"Mmmmm… I love surprises." I replied ignoring for the time being the problems with letting Dawn know I was here.

She guided along the river side, our hands had linked without thought as we made our way without speaking until she pulled to a stop it was in front of the Ritz Hotel.

I gave her what I hoped was a quizzical look. "And just what kind of surprise do you have planned." I asked hopefully.

She blushed slightly as she caught the implication. "We have a suite reserved for important visitors. It's private and has its own dining area. Everything should already be waiting so no interruptions tonight." She explained in her defense.

"Oh" She groaned "we still have lots to discuss and you're not making this easy."

"Sorry," I apologized quickly "guess I was picking the wrong thing to make easy."

The suite was breath taking; a large sitting area with several comfortable sofas,

chairs and tables. An open dining area was off to the left and large glass paned doors lead to a veranda with a magnificent view of the river. Several closed doors hid what I assumed were bedrooms and toilet.

On the table was spread an eclectic display of foods with an open bottle of wine and two chairs placed close together on the same side of the table looking towards the veranda.

"Oh yea, I like very much." I replied grinning like an idiot as she held a chair for me at the dining table.

"Thank you." I said as I took my offered seat. She slid me forward effortlessly.

Taking the chair next to mine she reached for the bottle of wine and filled both our glasses. As she raised her glass I lightly touched mine to hers.

We both sipped and put our glasses down. Buffy then took my hand and I became concerned as a worried expression crossed her face.

"There's one thing I need to get out of the way." She paused looking down then apologetically captured my eyes with her own.

"I've talked with Giles and he agrees with my evaluation that the Tara that died was a duplicate but… he wants to make sure." She hesitated.

"It's ok Buffy, I understand." I said to alleviate her worry. "Confirmation is really a good thing, this way we can put this behind us and concentrate on the future."

Buffy smiled at me thankfully. "I knew you would understand but I didn't want you to think that I doubted you, 'because I haven't."

"Not even a teensy weensy bit?" I said smiling to let her know it was ok to have some doubt.

Pleased at her reply yet curious I prompted her for an explanation. "Is it because of the feeling we get when we feel each other nearby?"

"Partly that and uh… partly some hmm… other things." I noted the blush she tried to hide by dipping her head as she said other things. Suddenly I knew what the other things were.

Her eyes flew wide as she lifted her face. "How…?" The rest of her question unnecessary I answered.

"I've had them also. "I said understandingly. "Do you recall the first one you had and when?"

She thought a moment before replying. "It was a little over a year ago. Willow was in England with Giles and it was summer." She saw my encouraging look to continue. "I was walking along side a steam, through this meadow filled with beautiful flowers." Her eyes became distant as her memory unfolded. "I came around a bend in the stream and saw you. You were wearing a white summer dress with little blue flowers, the same color as your eyes."

Excitedly I interrupted. "I had my bare feet dangling in the stream and I was petting a fawn."

Buffy gasped in surprise as I completed the scene for her. My own face virtually exploded in sudden comprehension and happiness.

"Buffy" I replied carefully "we haven't been having dreams of each other," Couldn't help it as I paused for dramatic effect, "we've been having dreams with each other, shared dreams." I elaborated.

Buffy's hand flew to her mouth in sudden comprehension. Mumbling behind her hand she asked fearfully. "You know what I've been dreaming."

I gently took her hand from her mouth and brought the fingers to my lips. I kissed them softly, the same way I had the first time I had dreamed it. "And you know what I've been dreaming."

"I remember." She whispered as she looked at her hand like as if it belonged to someone else.

"Giles is going to freak. I told him that I had been dreaming of you, no details given of course."

"But when I tell him that we actually shared the same dreams well… he… he's going to rub a hole in his glasses." She finally exclaimed.

"It's going to be ok Buffy. At least I know why the dreams seemed so real now." Picking up my glass I motioned her to do the same.

As we touched glasses I captured her eyes with my own pouring into her all the intensity and emotion I was feeling.

"You are so bad." Buffy gasped as she practically slammed her glass on the table.

"Sorry." I apologized contritely. "Would you like me to stop? No touching, flirting… innuendoes?"

"No," She said hurriedly then caught herself, "Well maybe you could cut back on the innuendoes." She blushed shyly, "They sorta put these images in my head and those are the hardest to deal with but the other things like touching and umm… the flirting," Her voice dropped along with her eyes, "those are ok."

Smiling in understanding I lifted her chin so she was looking at me again. "Have I told you how beautiful you are when you blush?" I asked her in the sexiest voice I could manage.

I leaned forward and slowly placed my lips gently on hers giving her a kiss of tenderness and promise. "Then it's high time I did. You are so beautiful when you blush; it must be why I take every opportunity I can to embarrass you." I said as I slowly withdrew my lips.

"Yea and you're really good at it. And when did you get so good? You used to be so shy and timid." She said to keep herself from following my lips as they moved away.

I paused to consider how to reply, finally deciding on the simple blunt approach. "In general, my confidence picked up during my time with Willow. We would flirt and tease each other constantly. It's the kind of thing you can do when you're intimate with someone."

I smiled broadly. "Because in my dreams you've been my lover for over a year now. When I look at you I feel like I know you more intimately than I could anyone."

"Oh, that makes sense. So you don't do this with other girls you're attracted to?" Her double edged question revealed for the first time the underlying insecurity she took into any relationship.

"Since Willow, I haven't been attracted to any other girls but you." Relief washed across her face like a wave on a beach.

"But I can't seem to… you know, do the same with you even though I've had the same dreams." Buffy's lip protruded slightly as she began to pout.

Steeling myself from grasping that delicious offering with my mouth I gave her a possible explanation. "Probably because of all the bad relationship baggage you're carrying around that I don't have."

Buffy leaned back looking to the ceiling. "Bad baggage, a whole train load of nasty, rotting won't leave me the hell alone baggage." She exclaimed to the heavens.

Then she looked back at me. "But you have some baggage too. Why are you so afraid of Willow?" Buffy asked slowly while refilling our glasses.

The memory made me uncomfortable but I couldn't hold back, not from Buffy. "You know a little about what my family did to me, right? Seeing her nod slightly I began to elaborate.

"Well convincing me I was a demon was only part of what they did. My father and brother verbally and physically abused me on a regular basis. They told me it was necessary to keep the demon in check. They kept me away from other people as much as possible, ostensibly because they didn't want other's to discover that I was demon. But the truth I finally figured out after I discovered that I wasn't a demon was that they felt they owned me and didn't want to share me with anyone." I paused taking a sip of wine.

"When Willow cast the first spell to take my memory away of our quarrel over her abuse of magic she was doing the same thing my family did. She exerted her greater power over me to keep me docile and in control. I nearly left her then and there but she pleaded with me to forgive her and I loved her so much that I gave her another chance." I glanced at Buffy before continuing to judge her reaction. The sadness mixed with compassion I saw as she patiently waited for me to continue was sufficient.

"Memories of my family were still fresh in my mind. I didn't trust her completely but agreed that if she could go without doing magic for a month that I wouldn't leave. She made it a week before trying to fix it so that you wouldn't remember your death and time in heaven. Well you know how that worked out." I said disgustedly.

"I packed my things and left. I moved into any empty dorm and the next day my counselor told me that Columbia University had a special scholarship for a student with the highest aptitude in ancient languages. He said that he had submitted my name for it at the beginning of the semester. Then he told me that he was notified that I had won the scholarship the previous day. Well I jumped at the opportunity. A full scholarship, all living expenses paid and I could start classes the following Monday. I was scared to death that Willow would come after me and force me back with her. I told my counselor of my concern and he said not to worry. They wouldn't even enter my transfer into the computer. Everything would be handled by mail. After a physical to make sure I didn't have any diseases, I was all packed and flying to New York." I had run through this final part quickly and without pause for fear I wouldn't be able to finish.

I felt Buffy's arms slide around my shoulders as she pulled me to her. I buried my face in her neck as the first tears began to fall.

After several minutes of Buffy caressing my hair with slow tender strokes of her hand I calmed enough to pull back and look for something to dry my tears. Buffy handed me a cloth napkin and as I dried my tear streaked face she began to apologize.

"I'm so sorry Tara. I was so blind. I didn't know and I should have. When it comes to Willow I've always been blind. Like when she went after Glory. I thought she would be with you, helping you. Instead she went to punish Glory. And she didn't do it because Glory had hurt you; she did it because by hurting you she had hurt her." She kissed me on the forehead then continued in this soft insightful voice.

"When your double died she was hurt so bad. So bad that she almost ended the world to make her pain go away. It all makes sense now. All the years Willow spent helping others, giving of her time and risking her life she wanted something that was only hers and you were that thing. I am so sorry I didn't see it, didn't protect you. Can you ever forgive me?" She asked softly her own eyes clouding in remorse.

Shaking my head I grasped her face with my hands and spoke quickly. "You never hurt me Buffy, there is nothing to forgive. You were in so much pain yourself, pain you suffered because I wasn't the only one Willow felt that way towards. Don't you realize that she couldn't live without you? Don't you see that she saw you as hers? And just like she pulled you from heaven I was afraid she would pull me back from where ever I went. And I'm still afraid." I confessed.

"It's not going to happen. I promise you, on my mother's grave I promise you." Buffy nearly cried the words so overcome with emotion.

My heart warmed. My fears drifted away like a leaf in the wind. I felt truly safe for the first time since leaving Sunnydale. I felt so loved I responded with my heart.

She looked into my face and deep into my eyes searching the depths of my soul. I knew she found my truth there when she smiled.

"I love you too." She said caressing the words like they were the most precious thing in the world.

Realization flooded her face. "Oh yea, I remember. This is so weird. I think I've got all these private thoughts that only I know, 'cause that's what private means but I don't." Shaking her head in wonder she chuckled.

"They're still private Buffy, just private between you and me, the way it is between lovers." I put special emphasis on the last word.

Buffy blushed then boldly leaned forward and initiated a kiss. Soft lips caressed mine as she conveyed promises of her own.

"How's your baggage car? Feeling any lighter?" She asked me with a questioning tilt of her head.

"Much lighter, think I'm down to just a modestly heavy back pack. How about you?" I asked hopefully for a positive answer.

"A little lighter, got rid of the caboose I think." She chuckled as I saw her face light up with a recollection.

"Just before the final battle with the First I told Angel that I was cookie dough." She told me with a smirk.

Visions of the metaphor flashed through my head. I knew exactly what she had meant and started to giggle uncontrollably at the implications. The more I considered them, the more I laughed to the point that I nearly fell out of my chair.

Gasping for breath I forced myself to reply. "Cookie dough… gasp…gasp…great metaphor… gasp… oh Buffy… gasp… what happens to cookie dough… gasp… when it finally… gasp… comes out of the oven as warm, delicious cookies…gasp."

Her brow furrows as she thinks of possible answers. "They get eaten?" She finally offers as the most logical answer but unsure.

"Oh yes Buffy, and I can hardly wait 'till you finish baking." I grinned at her lasciviously then burst into more laughter as her face turned bright pink as she caught on.

As she watched me reeling in mirth she began to giggle, then laugh as she had a thought of her own. "Why do you have to wait till there baked, don't you like cookie dough?" She teased me with her first innuendo.

My eyes flew open at the thought. Gasping desperately for words I finally exclaimed. "I love cookie dough and if that's an offer lets skip dinner and go directly to dessert."

Losing all restraint I pulled her lips to mine and began to release a years worth of passion. At the first touch her lips parted and our tongues caressed. While passionate, the kiss was unhurried, gentle yet firm. Liquid heat traversed my body with the speed of thought. Moans mixed with rapid breathing and pounding hearts. Our fingers searched for bare flesh to caress and incite. My hand slid under her bra and caressed her breast as my mouth opened wide to her plundering tongue.

"Are we really ready for this right now?" She asked as one of her hands caressed my breast, with delicate passes across my hardening nipple while her other was half way up my thigh, teasing hot flesh the whole way.

"Oh goddess, you want me to think responsibly now!" I exclaimed in a mixture of passion and frustration as I worked the button loose on her slacks.

"No, I don't want you to, but I need you to. I don't trust my own judgment, but I do trust yours." She gasped as her finger tips brushed my silk covered center.

I nearly lost it right there but my love for her made me take pause. My hands stilled as I considered the possible ramifications of consummating our relationship before certain things were resolved. I groaned in frustration as I slowly realized we weren't ready.

Buffy's hands had stopped when she felt me pause but her lips still quivered against mine. I opened my eyes to see her eyes heavily dilated with arousal questioning me. I moaned in frustration and slowly pulled back. Buffy let go a little whimper that nearly broke my resolve.

"How about you fill our glasses and see if we can gat back to talking." The deep husky voice almost didn't sound like mine.

She put her now freed hand on my cheek and stared intensely into my eyes. "Yes I should. I know even if we hadn't stopped that it still would have worked out because I trust your love."

It was the most wonderful thing anyone had ever told me so of course I started crying immediately. "I make you blush and you make me so happy I can't stop crying." I blubber out as she wipes my tears with gentle swipes of her fingers.

The sun was fully set and the darkness of the night was held at bay with the soft lighting in the suite. We had moved to the sofa to be more comfortable, our bodies angled towards each other with our knees gently touching.

I took a sip from my glass as I watched Buffy's face, especially the worried look in her eyes as she contemplated where to begin. Taking mercy I decided to help her out.

"Would you like to start at the beginning or the end and work your way back?" I asked her softly as I caressed her inner thigh just above the knee.

She looked where my fingers touched and the worry disappeared from her face. "Let's start with the end and work backwards."

"OK, you told me a bit about Spike last night. And from what I gathered and reading between the lines, maybe you should start with after we resurrected you." I kept my voice even with my tone soft and encouraging while watching for any adverse reaction.

Buffy slowly inhaled and when she could not expand her lungs any further slowly let her breath out in a long sigh.

"What can I say about that? I felt empty, like a walking corpse. I didn't want to be alive and was in big denial that I actually was." She shrugged her shoulders not knowing how else to explain.

"Why did you hide it from us? Why did you tell Spike the truth and us a lie?" My tone was not accusing, just curious. I so wanted to encourage her to see this seeming betrayal for what it really was.

"Everyone seemed so happy to have me back and Willow was all like didn't I do good, practically begging to be told how wonderful she was that I just couldn't burst her bubble." Buffy spoke so quietly, her head down not looking me in the eyes. This was the explanation that she held onto but not the truth and I could tell that deep down she didn't believe it either, otherwise she would have looked me in the eyes when she said it.

"Did it help not telling the truth right away?" I asked gently easing her towards the deeper waters.

She gave an amused harrumph with a callous smirk. "Oh yea, helped me right into bed with Spike." Disgust dripped like sour milk from her lips.

"No, I didn't want it to help. It merely eased the lie as long as I told the truth to someone." She glanced at me when she said this unaware that by doing so she was telling me a partial truth.

"So after telling Spike it eased your guilt a little bit? Tiny steps I reminded myself.

"Yea, maybe a little." Again her head dropped, her face hidden to cover the falsehood.

"The guilt about lying to Willow maybe, but what about the other guilt you were feeling?" I prodded a little deeper sensing it was time for her to confront what really bothered her.

Her head jerked up quickly, her face surprised and slightly panicked. I could see a denial start to form so I raised my hand gently holding her chin so she couldn't look away. Buffy might be able to lie to herself but I knew she couldn't lie to my face.

"I…I'm not sure what you're talking about." She said her eyes unable to move from the steady gaze we held.

"There was something you were feeling Buffy, especially towards Willow. Tell me, you know I'll understand." I said encouragingly raising my eyebrows for emphasis.

She just stared into my eyes for a time as memory charged emotion swirled across her face like shadows cast across the ground by fast moving clouds.

"It's human to want to hurt someone we're angry with; didn't you want to hurt Willow?" I put this undeniable truth before her and waited for her reply.

Her eyes cast downward and I place my fingertips gently over her lips to forestall a reply until she returned her eyes to mine. Slowly I moved my hand to her cheek caressing it softly as her eyes found mine once more.

"Yes." She finally admitted. "I wanted to hurt Willow for what she did to me. I wanted to wipe that pleased look right off her face. I wanted her to feel some of the pain I felt." Her words were filled with regret not anger as I knew they would be.

"Telling Willow the truth would have hurt her terribly. So why didn't you do it?" Again I eased her along as I gently stroked down the side of her neck.

"I didn't tell her because I was afraid." Then more softly and slowly as the memories found their way. "I was afraid it would make me feel better, afraid I would enjoy seeing her in pain and…" She paused as she blinked her emotion filled eyes several times. "Afraid of what she might do if she knew the truth."

I closed my eyes and took in a great breath in relief. She was almost there but needed a little more encouragement. I opened my eyes and smiled proudly at her.

"I am so proud of you Buffy. You're the only one who can understand my own fears, the only one I can share them without being thought crazy. Just as I can understand what you were afraid of. Tell me Buffy." I pleaded softly. "Tell me your fears."

Buffy chocked back a sob as her eyes filled with tears. "I was afraid she would try to fix me to rid herself of her own guilt. As much as I hated being alive again I was more afraid of what would happen to me if Willow made up her mind to make things better." Tears began to run freely as the words began to pour out.

"As awful as I felt it was still me. I could still make my own decisions. I was afraid Willow would try and make me happy, happy the way she thought I should be but it would have been a lie, it wouldn't have been me." She reached up to wipe her tears with the back of her hands then finished her revelations.

I smiled at her and nodded slowly as I conveyed to her that we shared the same fear. Then I leaned forward and kissed her softly, slowly enticing her lips with mine. She responded just as slowly letting me ease her fear with loving caresses.

When Buffy began sucking on my lower lip sending waves of heated passion through my limbs I pulled back reluctantly. Grasping her face tenderly between my hands I rested my forehead against hers as I struggled to catch my breath.

"How'd I get from Spike to Willow?" She asked as she tried to get her own breathing under control.

"Couldn't talk about him without understanding why you felt he was your only option. Talk to me, tell me what happened next." I slowly pulled Buffy to me until her head rested on my shoulder knowing that she wouldn't hide anything from me anymore.

"I needed to talk but couldn't trust that Willow wouldn't find out." Buffy started again as she snuggled comfortably against me. "I knew Spike wouldn't say anything to them. Knew he'd enjoy knowing things about me that the rest of the gang didn't. So I used him to vent. Not my fears, that I didn't trust him with so I just stuck to the anger and the self pity and basically wallowed." She sighed briefly as I leaned back so we could be more comfortable. She rubbed her cheek against my breast as we reclined fully on the sofa.

"I didn't notice or just ignored that he became moodier over the next couple of weeks. Then the singing thing happened and he revealed what he was feeling for me." Her voice became distant but was still clear enough for me to hear.

"After the demon left I had to get out of the Bronze before Willow confronted me. I was scared and confused. Spike was in the alley and I was feeling desperate. I needed to do something to hide my fear so I did something bold and stupid, I kissed Spike. Afterwards I was disgusted with myself. I wanted to kill myself but instead I took my self-loathing out on Spike. But then something happened that changed everything. Spike discovered that he could hurt me without his chip going off." I felt her squeeze me desperately and I began to stroke her hair in comfort.

"He played me as we fought. The passion I put into beating the crap out of him turned into something else, something darker. He must have known what the fighting would do to me because he used it like foreplay. Before I knew it we were tearing each others clothes off. The violence didn't end; it just turned into sex, raw violent sex." She drew out the last words slowly.

"Well I was more disgusted with myself than ever and even more confused. And Spike played on that confusion telling me that I wasn't human anymore, that I came back wrong. Spike could only hurt demons so I must be a demon. I avoided all of you and tried to avoid Spike but he always found me. I didn't really think about it that much, it was too disturbing. So I just let myself slip away like sinking into quicksand. It was easier and I didn't have the energy to fight it so I just gave in." She paused as the last words came out sad and resigned.

"Then Riley came back, with a wife no less. They needed help tracking down a demon that had come to Sunnydale. I killed the demon but not before it had laid its eggs. Riley found out someone evil was trying to sell the eggs. I went to Spike to see if he could find out who it was." Her words were coming faster as I felt her body tense.

"After talking to Spike we had sex. Riley walked in just as we finished. Turns out he was there because he found out Spikes crypt was where he could find the bad guy selling the eggs. Lo and behold it was Spike, he had lied to me and just explained it away that he was evil like I would just accept it. Well I couldn't accept it because I'd been trying to ignore it just like I was ignoring everything." I let my fingers gently stroke her neck, reminding her that I was ok.

"This was after you left. Willow had finally de-ratted Amy and they were off playing witchy games together. Amy brought Willow to a dark magic dealer and Willow was on a constant magic high, ignoring her pain just like I was ignoring mine. Willow went too far one night and nearly got Dawn killed. Afterwards she was in terrible shape as she stopped doing magic. Well getting back to the original story, after Riley left I decided to find out the real reason Spike could hurt me because I was realizing that I was alive and not a demon. But Willow was staying away from magic so I called your double. After researching she figured that I didn't come back wrong, it was just a side effect of my body being brought back to life. She called it a cosmic sunburn and it was enough so that Spike's chip was confused enough to not recognize me as human. I broke down and confessed everything to her. Now I feel like crap for not knowing it wasn't you." Her self-recrimination prompted me to finally say something.

"Buffy, you couldn't have know because I don't believe even she knew she was fake. She had all my memories, a perfect duplicate except that certain personality traits were altered slightly so she would go back to Willow eventually. It's ok sweetheart." I said soothingly while stroking her face tenderly.

I felt her kiss my breast briefly in appreciation. Once her head was again comfortably resting on my chest she picked up her story once more.

"Well I finally decided to start taking some responsibility. I told Spike it was over. He kept insisting that he loved me and that I loved him but I told him I didn't. Then one night after a tough slay I was going to take a bath. I wasn't in top shape because my back was stiff and sore; smashing into tombstones will do that. Just before getting into the bath Spike came in. "I felt her shiver as she recalled the incident. Sensing something very traumatic I pushed myself up and pulled her into a fierce hug.

She barely whispered the next part. "He tried to force me but I found the strength to push him off. It had been close. I told myself later that our encounters had always been so rough that he couldn't tell the difference. But it was the first time I had told him no after things had started. But he didn't want to listen, didn't want to believe that I didn't want him. Kicking him up against the wall wasn't enough to convince him but I think the crying and the tears did." I rocked her gently as she relived the fear of nearly being raped.

"He left after that and we didn't see him again for nearly six months. He was crazed, talking to himself while hiding in the basement of the new high school. Found out later that he'd gone to Africa and went through some trials to get his soul back. I felt sorry for him and I knew I held some responsibility so I tried to help him. I think I was a little blown away that he went to get his soul back so that he could be someone I could love. But I couldn't and he finally understood in the end." Her story ended here but something was still unresolved.

"Why do you think you hold some responsibility for what happened between you?" I asked while the memory was still fresh.

"I gave into him. I made the choice to keep going back. If I had never kissed him in the first place nothing else may have ever happened." While she believed in what she said I sensed she was afraid I would agree with her.

"This all happened before Spike got his soul. After he got his soul, you forgave him, didn't you?" I asked her gently then placed gentle kisses on her head.

"Yea, of course I did. Before he was just a soulless demon and couldn't understand his actions." She replied in a little girl voice.

"And you, what were you then? Were you a fully sane responsible human being or were you empty and lost? Did you understand your actions or were you so desperate to have heaven back you couldn't comprehend your own actions? If I slipped you a bunch of drugs against your will and these drugs made you give into any suggestion, no matter what it was would you feel responsible for anything you did after they wore off?" I continued to caress her as she contemplated my questions.

"Are you saying I wasn't responsible because of temporary insanity?" She finally asked lifting her head so she could look into my eyes.

I smiled knowingly. "Buffy, if you had gone to a psychiatrist instead of Spike what do you think would have happened?"

Her eyes widened slowly as the scenario played out in her mind. "He would have locked me up in a straight jacket" She finally admitted.

"And as you said, it was temporary insanity. After time you became better and once you did you ended it with Spike. But he was still a soulless demon unable to understand anything but satisfying his own selfish needs." I kissed her softly before summing things up.

"Buffy, humans have long recognized that severe emotional traumas leave people in a state where they don't understand what they are doing. It's called insane, meaning not sane or not having the ability to understand ones actions. You were not responsible for your condition so hold no responsibility for your actions during that time. Some people would call this a cop out but it's not. It's a cold, hard fact of life. And you took responsibility once you started getting better, which you did all on your own by the way. It was at that point that you could again be held responsible for your actions. Is it so hard to accept that you were just not sane enough to know what you were doing that you need to burden yourself with unwarranted guilt? The truth of the matter is that Spike raped you from the very beginning because he took advantage of your deficient state of mind just as if he had slipped you a handful of roofies." I had tried to keep my voice soft and compassionate but couldn't suppress my own anger completely as I related my feelings of how Spike had knowingly taken advantage of her.

Buffy's eyes pierced mine delving deep into my soul. I could almost feel her moving within me as she searched for the veracity of what I had just told her. Finally her face relaxed, tilting slightly as a relieved smile graced her lips.

"And not just because I believe it either." I paused for effect. "I believe it because it's true. I know it and if you allow yourself you'll know it too."

"Of course it is. I love you just the way you are and would never ask you to change or do anything you aren't ready for; I just want to help rid you of the things that are keeping you from being happy. But until you're ready I am so grateful that you trust me to help you, to be here for you." I told her sincerely just before capturing her lips and pulling her down on top of me.

I woke feeling warm and content stretching slowly luxuriating in the after glow of a wonderful dream. I spent several minutes fondly remembering said dream and then the make out session I had with Buffy before she walked me home. Glancing at the clock I realized that I was going to be a little late for work but I didn't care as I slowly climbed from bed to get ready for a new day. It was a day of work and the promise of seeing Buffy again that night. That thought put a great big smile on my face.

"TGIF" I yelled out gleefully to no one in particular as I exited my apartment en route to work.

My day went by quickly as I lost myself in translating a particularly old and cryptic scroll. As I made progress I slowly became convinced it was a prophecy, one that was beginning to trouble me. Finishing a rough translation of the second stanza I felt my blood chill as I read my notes one more time.

I checked the wording several times considering possible alternatives but finally admitted that no other translation made any sense. My hands shook as I examined the ancient writing on animal hide realizing that it was a prophecy of Buffy. I then reexamined the photo enhancements to be sure I had used the most accurate one.

I glanced up at the clock and realized that it was almost six. Buffy was going to pick me up at my apartment at nine so I still had some more time to work on the third stanza. Before starting on the next stanza I realized that my translation of the first didn't make sense, deciding to redo it I started from the beginning carefully considering the more likely alternatives.

"It rhymes better in Sumerian." I muttered aloud then glanced at the clock one more time.

"Seven forty! Oh crap, I've gotta go." I screeched in panic remembering that Buffy said she wanted to take me dancing tonight.

Hurriedly putting my things away I gathered my purse and rushed home to get ready for my date.

I had just finished checking myself in the mirror one last time. My hair was combed back with just enough mousse to keep it in place, makeup all done and I was showing lots of cleavage. I was really hoping Buffy would like how I looked when I felt her enter the building. I grabbed my evening purse and opened the door just as she came to a stop.

Buffy was in a silky sky blue dress that clung to her like a glove, covering and revealing all at the same time. I just stood and drank her in, my eyes traversing every line, every curve upwards until our eyes met.

I blushed at the complement and nearly stammered my reply. "I really like your dress; it uh… clings in all the right places." I winked at her seductively and was rewarded with a blush in return.

"Did you have dinner yet?" She asked as I closed and locked the door behind me. Turning around I must have blanked out as I tried to remember if I had taken time to eat.

Concerned she took my hands in hers as she looked with caring eyes into mine. "You need to eat something; I don't want you getting sick."

"And what kept you so busy all day that you forgot to eat?" She asked quickly before I could reply to her concern.

"The prophecy!" I exclaimed, so focused on getting ready for Buffy on time that I had completely forgotten.

Buffy was crestfallen at hearing the dreaded word. I immediately lifted her fallen face and smiled at her reassuringly.

"It's ok Buffy. I've translated the first two stanzas and they've already happened. It will take me several days to complete the rest and that's not going to happen 'till Monday." I then captured her lips, kissing her softly yet passionately doing my best to distract her.

Pulling back I could tell by the heated look in her eyes that I had succeeded. Pleased with myself I decided a follow-up was in order.

"And there's much better things we can be doing and thinking about until then." I followed my seductive words with a knowing wink.

The smile returned to her face. "So this prophecy is no biggie?" She asked hopefully.

"As I said, I've only got the first two stanzas." I then slowly recited them for her. Her eyes grew large as I completed the first and her mouth hung open by the time I completed the second.

"See, those have already happened. And we can discuss it with Giles tomorrow if you like." I tried to reassure her.

Her brow scrunched in thought. "No, I don't want to discuss this with Giles until you complete the entire translation. You mention prophecy to him and everything else has to stop. He lives for this crap." She said distastefully.

I chuckled as I put my hands around her waist and pulled her close. Our thighs touched and I could feel the heat from her legs through the sheer material of our dresses. She placed her arms around my neck and pulled herself close. I'm only an inch or two taller than her so our bodies meshed perfectly.

"You're absolutely right." I said softly, her lips only inches from mine. "We're not giving up our weekend together to involve Giles in his first love."

"Not when I can spend it with my true love." Buffy replied tenderly just before she kissed me passionately. The first contact of her lips flamed my already warming body. I moaned as her tongue sought mine, caressing it with warm, tantalizing strokes.

"Me too, wanna skip the dancing?" She asked between placing little kisses on my neck.

"Yes, but we're not ready yet. As much as it feels like we are, there are still things to work through before it can be right." I don't know where the words came from but they felt right and from Buffy's little nod she felt the truth in them also.

"Then dancing it is, but first we need to get you something to eat. Wouldn't want you collapsing from hunger, now would we? She said suggestively.

"Uh uh, couldn't have that." I replied just before I kissed her once more as I let her feel my true hunger.

After sharing some delicious zucchini lasagna Buffy took me to a wonderful night club. Looking around at the tasteful mix of modern décor with the comfort of traditional Italian design I noticed that the clientele was almost entirely feminine. I turned to Buffy who had an innocent look plastered on her face.

"Thanks, I didn't want any complications." She said shyly with a trace of guilt.

"You're right Buffy; we don't want anything killing the mood." I said while nodding towards the dance area that was already packed with mostly women moving seductively with each other. "If anything, this will be a mood enhancer."

Buffy chuckled. "If my mood gets anymore enhanced they're going to be dousing us with a fire hose."

Imagining Buffy in that dress dripping wet froze me in place as I dreamily imagined the scene.

I was pulled from my vision with the touch of Buffy's fingers caressing my cheek. "You ok in there?" She teased.

"Oh yea, just picturing you in that dress dripping wet." I said leaning into her hand and was rewarded with a delightful blush.

Buffy's then smiled wickedly. "Speaking of dripping wet…" Her voice dropped to a whisper as she leaned towards my ear. "I should have worn panties."

I inhaled sharply as I felt my entire body flush. Not to be outdone I whispered back. "You could always borrow mine."

Buffy's moan nearly had me undone. I couldn't speak as my mind imagined better ways of eliciting moans from her. I was pulled from my reverie as I heard Buffy speaking with someone else.

Buffy had apparently made some kind of reservation because the hostess was leading us to a semi private booth with a good view of the club.

"Nice spot." I said as we settled ourselves into the back of the booth, behind the table that was covered with a cloth that hung nearly to the floor in front.

I turned to her once we were situated and placed my hand on her bare knee just below the hem of her dress. While the material draped so that it clung to her legs, it flowed loosely enough to allow freedom of movement, not to mention my hand.

"I'm really curious about the no panties comment." I said teasingly as my fingers teased her warm thigh moving slowly upwards.

Her eyes darkened and her eyelids drooped with passion as she raised her right leg slightly to allow me free access.

She leaned her head on my shoulder as my fingers touched her outer lips. Her breathing quickened as with two fingers I delicately parted them and slowly slid my middle finger within the already moist folds. Using all three fingers I slowly traversed her from bottom to top several time before cupping them slightly to capture as much of her juices as possible. Reclaiming my hand she moaned in protest and watched me questioningly as I slowly brought my dripping fingers to my lips.

Parting my lips slowly, I slid my fingers in one at a time as I licked each clean moaning slightly with each taste of her delicious nectar.

Buffy nearly whimpered as she watched my enjoyment. I felt her hand creeping up my thigh and I raised my eyebrows.

"I need to taste you now." She replied huskily as her fingers touched the satin of my panties. I smiled in understanding and parted my legs slightly to allow her the access she required. Her fingers gently eased their way underneath pulling them aside to uncover her goal. I felt my entire body shudder as she entered me, caressing me inside while wonderment and passion blended beautifully across her face.

Nearly duplicating my own previous pattern she withdrew her hand and brought her fingers to her lips. She paused before inserting them; instead she examined the glistening fluid as it slowly moved like honey towards her palm. With a look of absolute pleasure she extended her tongue and licked upwards slowly. After catching the wayward fluid she inserted all three fingers into her mouth with a moan of complete desire.

I watched transfixed as she savored my juices and when she finally removed her fingers having licked them clean I took her hand and suckled each finger in turn. I felt her body shiver as I watched her head lean back as an unrestrained moan escaped from deep within. Satisfied for the moment I released her fingers as I caught the approach of the waitress with our drinks from the corner of my eye.

Buffy was blinking trying to regain focus as the waitress placed our order on the table before us. When I glanced at the waitress to thank her she gave me a big smile and winked. I felt myself blush as I turned back to Buffy to see her pouting slightly.

"Nothing to feel sorry about." I told her softly followed with a tender kiss. "It's natural for you to have some insecurity with the past you're still carrying around with you. But in time you'll come to trust in yourself and us so that you'll never feel jealousy again, because you're the only one I'll ever want."

"Won't you feel like I don't want you if I don't get jealous now and again?" She asked me seriously.

Shaking my head slowly I replied. "Nope, because jealousy means your insecure and don't trust yourself or me. How could I ever want you not to trust me?"

Her face lit up in sudden revelation. "Wow, I've got some really screwed up ideas about love." She said emphatically then her face softened adorably. "Glad I've got you here to straighten me out."

I giggled at Buffy's choice of words and replied teasingly. "Making you straight is not what I had planned. Showing you how to handle the curves is more what I had in mind."

Buffy chuckled appreciatively. "Let's dance, you can show me your curves in motion."

Taking a sip from our drinks we then walked hand in hand to the crowded dance floor. Something techno was filling the air with an almost slow, sensuous rhythm. We found some space and began to move our bodies in time with the music. In moments we were sliding and caressing against each other. We moved around each other as we familiarized ourselves with the feel of each other, pelvis to ass, thighs sliding against each other, enticing heat, hands constantly caressing raising our passion. All the while our eyes rarely parted as we drank in each others desire.

Time became inconsequential as one song blended into the next. Our bodies adapted to the varying beats without ever losing contact. Our skin glowed with heat and perspiration as our flesh melded like warm wax. Passion and perspiration mixed as the damp of my panties could no longer restrain all the moisture they held. We took turns blending our moisture laden thighs against each other. Buffy's were so slick that they glided effortlessly against mine. Past and future did not exist, only the now and the incredible woman dancing with me. I felt on the edge of passions release with a distant horizon, tantalizing yet too far away. I saw the same mounting passion within Buffy's eyes. Her barely controlled breathing matching mine, beads of moisture covered her brow and upper lip which I occasionally sucked dry as she did mine.

Not having slayers stamina my legs finally betrayed me as they turned to rubber. Buffy noticed my slipping posture and wrapped a supporting arm about my waist and nearly carried me back to our table.

Once we were seated she plied me with cool water, encouraging me to drink slowly until my breathing returned to normal.

"Oh wow, that was incredible. I feel like I'm in post coital bliss right now." I sighed deliciously as I closed my eyes and tilted my head back.

I heard Buffy's laughter over the pounding music that filled the air. The sound was like a beautiful wind chime tinkling over the sound of the sea. I tilted my head up displaying a serene and very happy expression to my lovers caring gaze.

"It's very late and even though Giles said the spell isn't taxing I'm pretty sure tomorrow will be on the whole so it's time to get you home and tucked into bed." Her voice was caring and full of love causing warmth to spread from the center of my chest as if I had just had a profound mystical experience.

"I love you so much; I wish you could stay with me." I couldn't keep the pleading tone from my voice and I immediately felt guilty for doing so.

But it was washed away as she bestowed me with and understanding smile. "Giles is staying with Dawn tonight and there are two slayers there also. I was hoping I could stay with you too."

The thought of being curled up in bed with Buffy made my spirit soar. All signs of exhaustion fled my body as I grabbed her hand and nearly pulled her from the booth.

"Wow, I am so tired." I fake yawned. "Better get me home before I pass out on you."

Buffy laughed from deep within her chest as she happily let me lead her out to the street.

Our dream was different, more passionate emotionally than any previous but less physically. It was a simple dream of walking quietly, hand in hand as we traversed worlds of wondrous beauty. Though we walked side by side it felt as if we were one being in two bodies. No words were necessary as we traversed lands so peaceful it felt like we were in heaven.

I woke slowly, feeling the warmth of Buffy's naked body wrapped around mine. Sighing contentedly I opened my eyes to see the beautiful deep green pools of Buffy's watching me.

She brought her lips to mine in the most tender, loving kiss I could ever imagine. "Being with you is better than heaven." She told me as our lips parted.

"Speaking of heaven, do you think that's where we were in the dream?" I sounded like I was a little girl asking her parents if she could go to Disneyland.

"It was definitely someplace heavenly, but mostly because you were there." She replied with mushy sincerity.

"I think heaven is anywhere with you." I replied with equal sincerity and returned her kiss.

We had slept nude somehow understanding that as much as we desired each other, the desire wasn't centered physically. Our initial passion for each other was not lessened, if anything it was greater than ever but our emotional connection was so satisfying that the physical was not immediately imperative.

And after more than a year of knowing each other in our dreams we felt completely comfortable with each others bodies, not to say that we didn't appreciate the sight of each other, quite the contrary I thought as I watched Buffy stretch her toned body, watching her muscles ripple under her deceptively soft skin.

Catching my eyes as they glazed over she smiled impishly. "Hey, I'll wash your back if you wash mine."

"Deal." I cried out immediately and leaped towards the bathroom to get the shower warmed up.

Buffy had arranged to meet Giles at the suite in the Ritz Hotel at one. He was going to get there early to set everything up so it would be ready for when we arrived. Even though I trusted Buffy implicitly, I was still a bit nervous. My trust of Giles was different. I trusted him to do what he considered best for Buffy and like Willow what he considered best could be contrary to the wishes of others.

Buffy sensed my apprehension and squeezed my hand reassuringly as we rode the elevator up.

"I won't let him harm you in any way." She told me in her slayer voice as she locked her eyes with mine to let me know how deadly serious she was.

She nodded slightly. "Don't worry, I'm fully aware that while Giles means well his watcher training can make him do some really stupid things." She grimaced slightly as I sensed bad memories rear their ugly heads.

"I trust you completely, that's what is important." I reassured her and then gave her a soft kiss just as the elevator door opened.

We entered the suite with Buffy's passkey. Giles was standing with his back to us as we entered looking over the area he had set up for the spell.

"Good afternoon Buffy." He said while turning. I watched his face carefully as he looked at me, no, not looked at me, he was examining me. Trying to detect anything false as if I was a puzzle with a find Waldo hidden somewhere.

He glanced down at our joined hands and his expressionless face slipped as a slight frown appeared. Shaking his head slightly he looked at me again and plastered on a phony smile.

"Hello Tara. It's wonderful to see you again. Buffy has filled me in on all the details so why don't we get this over with." He said with icy calmness.

Buffy held up her hand. "In just a moment. There is something that I need to make perfectly clear to you first Giles. While I know this is the real Tara, no one else is going to believe it without proof." Glancing at me quickly she continued. "And Tara agrees with me. That's why we're here, so that everyone else can be doubt free since they can't know the truth the way I do."

Her voice took on a chilling quality as she captured Giles attention with her eyes. "I know you Giles, you mean well but sometimes your thinking you know what's best gets people hurt and I'm just giving you fair warning, if any harm befalls Tara you will regret it like you've never regretted anything else in you life. Do we understand each other?"

Giles was visibly shaken at Buffy's declaration and attitude. Nervously, he took out a handkerchief and began cleaning his glasses. "Uh, yes, I understand you perfectly." He nearly stammered his reply.

Buffy led me towards the area Giles had set up. In the middle of a circle surrounded by candles was a small stool. Giles motioned to the stool.

"If you'll just sit on the stool and relax this will all be over soon." The nervousness he was now exhibiting did nothing to calm me and as I looked at Buffy I saw she was picking up on it also.

I seated myself so that I could watch Buffy without turning my head. She smiled at me reassuringly but I detected a nervous twitch to her eye as she glanced at Giles.

Giles went about the circle lighting the candles one by one invoking the guardians in Sumerian. Finally returning to his original position I listened carefully to his incantation.

With the final word he threw something he held in his hand onto a burning brazier. Nothing happened except for the appearance of a dumbfounded expression on Giles face.

"What the hell is going on?" Buffy asked confused as she came over and bent down to make sure I was ok.

"It's ok Buffy. He didn't hurt me." I gasped out trying to get my laughter under control. Somewhat succeeding I explained further. "He thought I had you under some kind of spell and was trying to break it." The sheer audacity that Giles had just displayed sent me again into a fit of laughter.

Buffy was not so amused. I watched her stalk towards Giles with deadly purpose. Becoming alarmed I called out. "Please Buffy, he didn't hurt me. He only made himself look foolish."

Glancing back at me I saw her face soften as she nodded slightly at me letting me know she was ok. Turning back to Giles she spoke scathingly.

"You are a fool. When the hell are you going to learn to trust me? You've countered me and betrayed me time and again yet I continue to trust you? I'm just as big a fool for doing so."

Giles looked nervous but conviction still held as he replied. "When you spoke to me about Tara I detected a passion in your words that was unlike anything I ever heard from you. It was so unlike you that I was convinced you had been placed under some kind of spell."

"Well you've blown it now Giles. I don't think I can ever trust you again, not without losing my mind first. And I'm not looking forward to experiencing that again." Buffy's back was to me but I saw the pained expression on Giles's face.

Moving next to Buffy I place my arm around her waist. I looked up at Giles questioningly, catching his eye.

"Did you have a back up plan in case you were wrong or did you not even consider the possibility?" I did nothing to hide the incredible disdain I was feeling.

His face lit up immediately. "No, I did consider it. That's why I brought this." He said excitedly as we went to retrieve a small wooden box.

Returning with the box he opened the lid revealing a clear crystal in the shape of a slightly flattened egg, and with child like eagerness to please he explained.

"It's Sonja's heart. It remains clear and lifeless until touched by a living being. It glows different colors depending on what type of being is touching it. A normal human will cause it to turn a medium blue. A slayer will turn it to emerald green. A witch will cause it to become pink to deep violet depending on how much dark magic is within them. "He finished by extending the box towards me. Buffy stopped my hand before I could grasp it.

"Me first." She said looking at Giles for any hint of duplicity as she reached for the stone.

Giles only smiled as Buffy grasped the stone which turned a deep forest green at her touch. Examining it closely she raised a questioning eye towards Giles.

"It gets darker the greater the slayer's power. Emerald would be for a newly called slayer. Darker green is appropriate for a slayer with your years and uh… experiences." He answered her question.

"Your turn Giles lets see how it reacts to you." She said holding the stone out to him.

Holding his hand out immediately Buffy placed the stone in his palm. As soon as it touched his hand it turned pitch black. Buffy still had not released the stone.

"If two beings are touching it at the same time they cancel each others influence causing it to turn black. As soon as you release it should turn to a reddish color for me." Giles quickly explained.

Buffy released the stone and it did indeed turn to a red hue, almost like blood.

Giles extended his hand towards me and I gingerly placed my fingers upon its surface. It immediately turned black until I lifted it from his palm. The stone then turned a beautiful rosy pink.

I heard a great sigh of relief and quickly looked at Giles. For the first time today his face was open as he smiled warmly.

"Hey Giles, what would happen if two soul mates touched it at the same time?" I heard Buffy ask the watcher. Knowing exactly where what she was thinking I just looked at her with a big confident smile on my face and saw hers with the same one I had as she looked at me and winked.

"Well it's interesting that you should ask. Sonja's heart was originally created for just that purpose. Instead of turning black it turns gold with the colors of the two soul mates woven into a ring." He had explained in his normal lecture tone but gasped when he saw me hold the stone between my two fingers.

As Buffy's fingers made contact the stone flashed with a nearly blinding light and settled into a rich golden color. As one we looked down into the jointly held stone to see a ring of green enter twined with one of brilliant pink.

Buffy and I were totally captivated by the sight leaning forward until our foreheads touched. Nothing needed to be said. There hadn't been any doubt in either of our minds but it was still awesome to see the stone confirm it.

We finally placed the stone back in the box and grinned at each other like idiots until Buffy threw her arms around my neck impulsively and kissed me with such passion my knees buckled.

"Easy there lover." Buffy said softly while supporting me until I could get my legs to cooperate.

We settled ourselves onto the sofa and Giles took one of the chairs across from us.

"But now I can Buffy." He continued earnestly. Glancing towards me he continued. "With a soul mate you can't be influenced by any outside force, ever. You balance each other to the point that you can only have a conviction if you both believe in it. If one is unsure of something so will the other. What I'm trying to say is that I trust your judgment, the both of you more than I trust myself."

But I saw the truth in his face and understood the implications. Reaching up and turning Buffy's face towards mine I opened myself to her completely.

"He's telling the truth." I said simply. I felt Buffy flow into me as I shared my conviction with her.

Turning back to Giles she addressed him sweetly. "Well I guess this means that if you ever betray me again I get to slay you 'cause the only way you'd do that again is you've turned evil." The smile on her face would cause fire to freeze.

I felt Buffy stiffen in panic and I immediately leaned over and whispered in her ear. "The PG version Buffy, it'll be ok, I promise."

"G it is, I seriously doubt he wants anything to give him any visuals. He's not Xander after all." I smirked as Buffy's eyes flew open at the mention of Xander.

"Xander gets visuals all on his own, he doesn't need any encouragement." Buffy replied with a mortified tone.

"Let me tell Giles and you can squeeze my hand if you feel I'm telling too much, 'kay? I asked her softly enough for Giles not to hear as he patiently waited for us.

She nodded in agreement and only squeezed my hand twice as I related our shared dreams from the beginning.

Giles had listened patiently with only an occasional question for clarification. After two hours of relating dreams and their affect on our personal lives with Buffy filling in with some of her experiences we finally drew to a close.

Giles wanted to do some research before he made any comment which was probably wise. Bidding him goodbye he actually hugged me.

Turning to Buffy in the elevator I drew close. "What would you like to do tonight?"

Buffy looked indecisive for a moment. "It's not what I want to do, but I think we should have dinner with Dawn." She finally said watching my face to gauge my reaction.

As much as I wanted to see Dawn again thoughts of her reminded me of Willow. Buffy picked up on my concern right away.

"We'll need to tell her enough so that she doesn't contact Willow. Not until we're ready to confront her. Ok?" She asked me softly, not pushing and I knew if I had said no she would be completely fine with it. But as I looked into her eyes I knew she was right, it was time.

If it wasn't for Buffy's firm grasp on my hand I may have turned and run as we approached the front of the elegant residence on a quiet tree lined street only a few blocks from the café where I first met Buffy. Before entering Buffy pulled me into a hug and gave me a tender kiss which went a long way towards calming my nerves.

Opening the door Buffy guided me to a comfortable room that opened onto a private patio with a fountain.

"Dawn should be home from school any minute now." Buffy sat next to me never letting go of my hand.

"Hey Buffy." I heard an unfamiliar voice call out. At the entrance of the room was a young girl in dark jeans and tight tee shirt with the words 'I'm with herwith an arrow underneath.

"Hi Tracy. I want you to meet Tara. She has full access to anything she wants anytime she wants." Buffy added after the introduction.

Tracy raised her eyebrows as she gave me the once over then looked back at Buffy. "Sure Buffy, you're the boss." Returning to me she said warmly. "Nice to meet you Tara."

"Nice to meet you Tracy." I replied politely trying to control the stutter I felt ready to break my speech pattern due to being overwhelmed by Buffy's orders to give me such full access. It was like when she'd told me I was family on that night she stood up to my father.

I heard a door close just down the hall and I grasped Buffy's hand tighter. Buffy squeezed back as Tracy left to see who came in.

"Ok, just glad the week is over." Dawn's voice sounded deeper, more mature than I remembered.

"Be right there." I felt like my stomach was going to revolt as I heard her approaching steps.

"What do you w…" She started to say as she came around the corner. Her question halted as she caught sight of me. She stood frozen as if she had just confronted Medusa. I stood slowly and put on a brave smile.

"Hi Dawnie, I missed you." I didn't move, not wanting to lose contact with Buffy.

"Tara?" Dawn finally squeaked then timidly as if afraid I'd disappear if she even blinked walked towards me.

"Is it really you?" She asked after stopping a mere foot away. She glanced at Buffy for confirmation.

Glancing to me and then back to Buffy she asked the expected question. "Did Willow?"

"No, Willow had nothing to do with this." Buffy answered her quickly. "The reason being is that Tara never died."

"Huh?" Dawn asked confused. "But she… the blood, and she was cold and not breathing." Dawn's panicked voice was heart wrenching as she relived the terrible memory.

"That wasn't Tara, it was a fake, a duplicate probably created by the first." Buffy said softly as she pulled Dawn into a hug. Seeing the young girl's pain I joined her as we wrapped our arms around the trembling girl.

"But if it wasn't you, who was it and where were you?" Dawn's mumbled question was barely audible.

"It's a long story Dawn. Come sit with me and Buffy and I'll tell you all about it." I said gently and after a confirming nod from Buffy we eased her down on the sofa between us as I began my story once more.

After more than an hour and the revealing of more information than I had intended Dawn was out of questions and no longer saying 'But what about Willow' which had started out with 'We have to let Willow know'. Thus the reason for sharing more with Dawn than I had originally intended. Buffy had even shared her own fears with Dawn to help her understand.

"Willow can't know, ever." Dawn said sadly after several minutes of quiet contemplation.

"We can't and don't intend to keep it from her forever Dawnie, just until we're ready to tell her." I spoke with a lot more confidence than I felt.

Smiling and shaking my head slowly I corrected her. "No, not the three of us, I mean when Buffy and I are ready to tell her."

I could almost see her mind working as she considered what was said and not said. "Why do I get the feeling that there's more to tell her than you're alive?"

"Because there is." Buffy answered her question then looked across to me for permission to continue. I reached across Dawn and took Buffy's hand in mine and with a smile, nodded my agreement.

Buffy and I then gave Dawn the G rated story that we'd given Giles. Unfortunately, Dawn pressed for more details. Buffy was too embarrassed to reveal much else to her sister so I took on the task.

"In our shared dreams Buffy and I have been lovers for over a year now." I squeezed Buffy's hand to reassure her as Dawn jumped straight up then turned around to look at us both.

"Holy crap Buffy, since when are you gay?" Dawn demanded to know her eyes wide and panicked. Why would Dawn panic about Buffy being gay? I started to consider possibilities but needed to come to Buffy's rescue.

Buffy began to stammer a reply until I scooted over and pulled her snugly into my arms. Buffy then looked Dawn calmly in the eyes.

"But Angel, and Riley. What about them, what were you then?" She again pressed her question but I was extremely grateful she had left out mention of Spike.

Buffy grimaced before answering. "I was afraid and lying to myself. How else can you explain my disastrous relationships with men?" Buffy answered and stopped Dawn's assault with a question of her own.

"Poor taste is actually appropriate if you think about it. No man could ever taste good to me." Glancing over at me I gasped as I saw the devil may care look on her face. "Especially after I know what tastes good now." She said pointedly while still looking at me.

We then both looked at Dawn for her reaction. She was standing there with her mouth open which she immediately closed when she caught us looking at her.

Buffy stood pulling me with her. "No she won't Dawn, as long as we tell her the right way. Willow has grown a lot. I don't doubt this will hurt her but I know she's strong enough to handle this now."

Buffy smiled confidently. "When Tara and I both know the time is right we'll tell Willow and everything will work out."

That night we wound up staying in with Dawn. Dawn wanted to know everything I had been doing since leaving Sunnydale. As we talked I would often glance at Buffy. Every time I did Buffy had this sad, wistful smile as she listened that troubled me. It was midnight before Dawn finally relented and I was exhausted. Fortunately Buffy insisted I stay the night which Dawn immediately seconded.

Right now I'm lying in bed with Buffy's head on my shoulder. Everything seems calm and peaceful but I could tell Buffy was troubled.

"What's wrong sweetheart?" I asked her softly. "And please don't tell me it's nothing. I saw the look on your face as Dawn and I talked."

I felt her sigh then she spoke to me as if she was far away. "Dawn was asking you everything you'd been doing since leaving Sunnydale. She was so interested in everything. I just realized that I had asked you very little about your life and I feel guilty for not showing more of an interest."

"Oh Buffy, don't you understand that we know each other so well that asking about the little incidentals isn't important right now." I said softly so as not to disturb the quiet.

"Yea, I do know that but I'm worried that you'll think I'm not interested in you, that you'll think I'm being all selfish." Her small worried voice nearly broke my heart.

"I know you too well to ever think that." I told her honestly. "But it sounds like we still have a lot of issues to get through which means finding time to finish working through the relationships in your life." I continued to stroke her head tenderly.

She lifted her head up so that she could look into my face. "I want to do that, get it all behind me so that we can make love." Desperation filled her voice as she continued. "But I don't want to wait anymore. I want you so much I can barely think of anything else. I want you for real, not just in my dreams."

Sudden heat expanded through my body, exploding outward like a star going nova. I knew with every fiber of my being that the time had arrived. There was no more need to wait.

"Then its time to make dreams come true." I said softly just before I leaned forward and captured her lips with mine.

I felt Buffy's hands shaking slightly as we began to explore each other but they quickly became more confident as our passions heightened. I felt the reverberation of Buffy's moan of desire as our tongues caressed warmly, penetrating deep within. A wave of heat was flowing through me washing away all barriers like sand castles on the shore.

Buffy's mouth moved from mine as she kissed along my jaw line following that path until she reached my neck. With just her lips and tongue she suckled and licked from ear to collar sending gentle waves like tiny shocks of electricity. My body stretched to open itself more no longer under my control but completely at the mercy of Buffy's ministrations.

I gave myself up completely to Buffy's desires, surrendering myself. Her fingertips swirled gently over my breast sending my senses reeling. When her fingers finally caressed my eager nipple I moaned in ecstasy as she stroked it lovingly, slowly increasing pressure until she grasped it firmly enough to pull it upwards with a slight twist then letting it slide from her fingers sending a jolt right to my core.

Then I felt her tongue on my breasts, first one then the other. Long slow licks that traversed my heated flesh like a feather blown on a gentle breeze. As she reached the underside of my left breast her hungry lips took over as she suckled first a small area then expanding as her mouth opened greedily to capture more of my ripe breast. My back arched off the bed with pleasure and increased desire. My mind floated above an endless abyss, adrift to passions current.

I alternated to being carried along by gentle comforting breezes to raging winds of heated desire. The soft touch of her lips eased me gently along while her voracious suckling would send me careening through heart pounding rapids.

When her tongue finally wend its way to my overly aroused nipples my head rocked back, my mouth hung open as I screamed.

She alternated regularly, not allowing one nipple to get more attention than the other. Her tongue licked with long swirling strokes then she inhaled my nipple into her mouth, flicking the tip as she did so ending in a slow suckling caress with her moist hot lips. Just before my overly sensitized breast could handle another touch I felt her cool breath blowing on each in turn as if they were candles she was blowing out for the night sending my body into quacking shivers.

Gasping for breath I released my death grip on the sheets and tangled my fingers in her hair, caressing and encouraging her to continue as she began to kiss and nibble her way across the rippling pond that was my stomach.

She had finally reached the apex of my thighs and as her hands gently parted my trembling legs she placed slow tender kisses all around my heated center. Then starting with one long lick of my outer lips she began her final assault. I felt my insides quake in anticipation and finally boil over as her tongue penetrated my heavens gate. I felt the tip first at the bottom of my moist heated center then felt it flatten out as she slowly dragged it up my entire length, only pausing to delve deeply into my now gaping well of need.

Reaching the end of its journey her tongue slid across my clit in a long flat stroke pulling it out of its hiding place, drawing it erect with its need. She completed her pass with several swirls of her tongue tip around my now fully exposed bundle.

My body felt on fire, every nerve ending sensitized beyond belief as she repeated the process, each time a little more quickly. My throat was raw from my cries of passion and pleas for release. When she finally entered me with her fingers I lost all control, bucking my hips with need and unaware of Buffy's arm gently holding me in place as her lips and tongue began to focus entirely on my clit as her fingers stroked me deep inside. I was unable to discern one sensation from another, I felt as if every inch of my body was connected to a power socket that was overloading me with pure euphoria.

My eyes flew open as all my attention was brought to focus on where Buffy's mouth sucked hard on my clit which became the epicenter of the explosion that finally ripped through my body.

"Buuuuuffffffffyyyyyyy." I screamed as lightning streaked across my vision and my body heaved in a release so hard my heart and breathing must have stopped. But she didn't stop, she kept going until my permanently orgasmic body finally collapsed and I think I passed out.

I drifted up slowly encouraged by gentle caresses on my face and the feel of Buffy's lips on mine. I blinked my eyes several times as rainbow sparkles slowly dissipated.

"I think you did, but it was worth it, definitely worth it." I said feeling my cheeks tighten as my lips spread out in a huge grin.

"I can't believe you didn't stop. I never came so hard in my life." I found the strength to raise my hand and grasp Buffy's head so I could look her in the eyes.

She smirked before replying. "I couldn't stop; when you came I felt it. It flew through me like I'd stuck my finger in an electrical outlet. I came also, not like you but it was still the best orgasm I've ever had. I didn't want it to stop." She finished shyly.

"Well it doesn't have to." I said with a growl as I grasped her firm breast in my hand while grabbing the back of her head to bring her lips to mine.

Her moan of pleasure fluttered over my tongue in tiny waves of enticing desire. Her nipple hardened in my palm as I teased it with slow circular motions. Gently guiding her onto her back I covered her body with mine bringing my thigh against her dripping wet core. Buffy already had one orgasm and didn't need the slow build up she had given me but that didn't mean I was going to be quick either as I began to suckle on her pulse point while applying gentle teasing pressure with my thigh.

I maintained a gentle steady pressure with my leg in spite of her thrusting hips that yearned for more pressure while I continued to excite her with long hard strokes of my tongue on her neck.

Sensing her increasing heart rhythm and breathing I slowly moved my head downwards to taste her firm ripe breasts. The feel of smooth skin against my hot moist tongue made me quiver with hunger for more. Unable to restrain myself I captured one of her eager nipples between my lips. Her increasing moans of passion only added to my own as I threw caution to the winds and began to voraciously devour her eager morsels.

Her moans were like a symphony conductor that quickened me to play faster as I sucked so hard her whole body arched off the bed with her keening wail of my name.

"Taaarrrrraaaa." Like the sound of a trumpet to charge I responded. Sudden inspiration and desire made me abandon her breasts as I bypassed her center completely and quickly rolled my body backwards.

With her slender feet now before me I grasped one and raised it to my eager mouth. The moment I began to suck hard on her big toe her body jerked and went momentarily rigid. I gently scrapped my teeth across the bottom of her toe as I felt my mouth tingle in response to the humming vibration of her body.

I began to alternate sucking toes and sliding my moist tongue between them which caused her body to shiver. I finally abandoned her toes to bring the arch of her foot to my hungry mouth which I then sucked on like a wedge of watermelon. I had to hold on for dear life as she nearly yanked her foot away. Her bucking body was becoming frantic as I slowly worked my mouth up her inner leg. As I left her sensitive foot behind her body stilled slightly until I reached her knee. Lifting her leg slightly, I turned onto my back and brought the tender underside of her knee to my mouth.

"Oh my goooooooodddddddd." Buffy screamed as I slowly devoured her tender flesh moaning myself as I enjoyed the feel of her soft flesh against my lips and heated tongue.

The smell of her overly aroused sex suddenly hit me like the aroma of freshly baked bread in the morning air. I felt a growling rumble deep in my chest as my hunger moved me to literally attack her dripping wet sex. Thoughts of hot sourdough bread drenched with melted sweetened butter flashed briefly across my mind as my tongue delved deep within her. Then my mind went blank, replaced only with need and sensations as taste and touch went into sensory overload.

I moved my mouth to her yearning clit and could practically feel it vibrate as I whipped it with my tongue. Her wide spread legs and extremely lubricated tunnel provided easy access for my fingers which slid into her like she was warm honey. Waves of energy were rippling through my body as I frantically reached deep within her, stroking the smooth tender protrusion I found within her. My fingers and mouth were moving at a phenomenal pace as rising heat coursed through my body until I was hit with an explosion of pleasure that filled every cell of my being. I was immediately addicted and couldn't get enough as I even more frantically urged my mouth and hand to even greater exertion to keep this flow of ecstasy from coming to an end.

So overcome with my own pleasure I lost track of Buffy's reaction. But in spite of my continued urgings, the flow of pleasure slowly eased until I relaxed my body, giving into the incredible after glow that made my whole body tingle.

I rested my cheek on Buffy's thigh and allowed my hand to slip from her absently noticing that it had been buried within her nearly to my wrist. I lost track of time but at some point my brain returned from its sojourn to where ever it had been.

Moving carefully up beside my still lover I placed my hand on her cheek and tilted her face so that I could see her clearly. Her half lidded eyes stared at me unseeing as if they were disconnected from her brain. I began to slowly stroke her cheek and began placing gentle kisses on her eyes and face. After several minutes I felt her eyelashes flutter like the gentle stroke of a feather.

After a few more minutes of gentle prodding her eyes were once again focused and held this look of such awe and wonder as she looked into mine.

"Thank you." She finally said in a voice so raspy I barely recognized it as hers.

I kissed her lovingly and after brushing her matted hair from her sweaty brow I gave her a welcome command. "Sleep my love. Go to sleep."

I placed my head on her shoulder, draping one arm across her middle. I felt her arm curl around my shoulder as we both immediately feel into dreamless slumber.

Have you ever taken time to remember all the best times of your life? You find yourself someplace comfortable and safe with no where else to be and your thoughts just begin to drift. The way your mother sang to you when you were little or you recall your first taste of ice cream on hot apple pie. Do you close your eyes and sigh as you experience again your first kiss. Wrap your arms about yourself while reliving each touch and caress from your most memorable love making. They're really great and those memories help get us through the dark moments of our lives.

But right here and now they don't compare and I'm so far from a dark moment that those memories are on a shelf somewhere gathering dust. I'm lying here being held tenderly by the strongest person in the world, not to mention the most beautiful and sexiest. Alright, I admit it, I'm biased but who wouldn't be in my position. I'm warm, safe and loved and after last night I do mean loved. I used to imagine every once in a while what the ultimate sexual experience would feel like. All I can say is that I must not have had much of an imagination or I just had the greatest sex of all time. I'm definitely siding with the latter.

Her head is lying in my left breast and her left arm is draped across my body. Her other arm is underneath my pillow and her left leg is between mine with her pelvis centered on my thigh. I'm completely wrapped up in her soft embrace and I love it, I absolutely love it.

I begin to idly run my fingers down her back in slow ever varying patterns. My fingertips barely touch her smooth skin as I imagine that I'm a butterfly weaving a dance of love.

I lose myself in the delicate sensation floating like a feather caught in the winds of eternity. I'm so far away that I don't notice she's awake until exquisite heat shoots through my body as she suckles my breast. She's making love to my nipple with her mouth and tongue, caressing and stroking my aroused teat as if it's the most precious thing in the world. I distantly notice flashes of heat pass over my body as my mind focuses on the exquisite sensation emanating from the center of my breast.

Heat and aching yearning fill me as I feel moisture begin so seep from between my legs. I open them in invitation, desperate to feel her touch when we're both startled by a tentative knock on the door.

"Buffy, Tara, are you guys up yet?" Dawn's voice muffled by the heavy solid door reaches us like cold bucket of water. I blink my eyes rapidly as my brain tries desperately to comprehend the sudden change.

Buffy buries her face in my breast and lets out a frustrated groan that tickles. I giggle in reaction which has a positive effect on my cognitive processes. I then reluctantly answer Dawn's call.

"We're awake, but not up. Did you need something?" I said loudly enough for her to hear as I threw my head back in frustration wanting to just tell her to go away.

There was no answer for a few seconds and I was hoping that she had gone away when she spoke again, louder this time.

The challenge was answered by a jiggling of the locked door followed by a little bit of the Dawn I remembered.

"Don't do this Buffy, Please!" The please was stretched out and sounded like a piano wire snapping. "I haven't seen Tara in so long; I just want to spend some time with her. Don't be selfish."

Buffy looked at me with frustration creasing her brow. I smirked at her adorable expression and caressed her face until it relaxed.

"It's ok sweetie. We're kind of aromatic anyway. A shower is probably a good idea." Her eyes lit up at the mention of a shower.

Looking back at the door Buffy finally replied to her uncharacteristically patient sister. "Alright Dawn, we're getting up. We'll be down after we shower and dress."

The shower took awhile but we were both very clean and practically rosy skinned from the heat and I'm not talking just about the water. Buffy loaned me some of her clothes and while I'm not as svelte as she is due to my slightly wider pelvis, my current figure was close enough so that her more comfortable clothing fit just fine. A pair of faded low cut Levis and a light blue three quarter sleeve button blouse with a plunging neck line fit perfectly. The only thing I couldn't fit into was one of Buffy's bras. I considered putting on my slightly soiled one but Buffy talked me into going without by agreeing to go braless also. Once she modeled a short sleeved, low cut peasant blouse sans bra I was sold.

"About time." Dawn grumbled as we came down the stairs. She had stopped her pacing when she heard us coming down and looked up at as while tapping her foot, arms folded across her body.

"It took awhile to find something for Tara to wear." Buffy answered her casually, smiling as I could see her remembering our time getting ready.

"Yea, well…" Dawn hesitated. I could see a flippant remark ready to come out but it never did.

She looked at Buffy. "Would you mind doing something while I talk to Tara alone for a few minutes?" Dawn was trying to look calm but she was practically shaking from nervousness.

I looked over at Buffy. I could see she was picking up on it also. Her face became worried as she reached out and put her hand on her sister's upper arm.

The compassion in Buffy's voice must have eased some of her apprehension because she stopped twitching her leg and shaking her arms impatiently. She looked at Buffy and smiled wanly.

"Nothing wrong, just something that I'd like to ask Tara about." She hesitated again before continuing as she considered whether or not to say any more. "It's just something that I would be more comfortable discussing with her, something that I want to ask her about, ok?"

Buffy pursed her lips for a moment then looked at me while answering. "As long as Tara doesn't mind it's ok by me." She said while raising a questioning brow.

"Sure, not a problem." I replied while trying to guess what Dawn wanted to ask me that she couldn't ask her sister. The topic of sex seemed the most likely. I was just hoping she didn't want to talk to me about Willow.

While contemplating this I felt Buffy's lips on mine and I immediately forgot about Dawn. Then they were gone and I felt a pout coming on.

"I'll just check on a few things while you and Dawn have your talk. I love you."

My pout disappeared just as quickly as it formed upon hearing her soft declaration. My mind temporarily hazed over as I lost myself in a feeling of warmth and safety.

'Let's go into the library, its private." Dawn said with a slight smirk while studying my face intently. She turned and led me to a room with a ceiling two stories high and lined on nearly every wall with books. Chairs and sofas were placed strategically around the room.

Dawn closed the door behind me then led me to a comfy sofa. Sitting down next to her I waited for her to start while watching her wring her hands. While a little concerned, I was also slightly amused at the display but was mindful to not let any show on my face.

After about a minute of watching her staring at the floor and not saying anything I determined that she needed some prodding. I placed my hand gently over hers.

"Dawn, what did you want to talk about?" I asked her gently while squeezing her hand reassuringly.

She finally raised her head and looked at me. I didn't see fear on her face, only worry. She closed her eyes for a moment then slowly opened them.

"I've been thinking, all night thinking. I could barely sleep at all." She started then halted her indecision readily apparent.

"When Buffy… Well after we all went to bed, I started thinking about what Buffy had said about always being gay." She tilted her head back sharply to toss her hair back off her face.

"So I tried to remember anything that would have indicated that she liked girls. The only thing I could come up with was how she'd constantly be touching Willow." She stopped here while looking at me nervously. I wasn't threatened like she thought I might be so I smiled and nodded for her to continue.

"As I got into remembering more recent things, there were even fewer indications. In fact after you came into the picture, she hardly touched Willow at all. Then it suddenly occurred to me that the early memories really weren't real ones. They were the memories placed there by the monks." Her face looked momentarily pained at this admission. She took a big breath before continuing.

"The later memories were my real ones, the ones I had actually been here to experience. So I started trying to figure out where the memories the monks gave me came from. I know that they somehow made me from Buffy, that we're so close physically she was able to take my place in closing that portal that we're more like twins. This made me think that the memories also came from Buffy. That Buffy had a thing for Willow and it got included in my memories in a sort of G rated way." She smirked at her own comment and shrugged her shoulders slightly.

"The part about me and Buffy being more like twins and how much am I really like her is what I'm really trying to figure out. When she said that she was always gay but afraid and all denial girl really startled me." She looked at me cautiously as she then said very quietly.

Sudden understanding flooded my mind. I know knew where this was going and this was something that I could help with.

"You're confused and starting to look at things differently now. You're doing great Dawn, talking will only help." I gave her my best friendly smile as I reached up and pushed back a stray hair from her cheek.

"Yea, about the looking at things differently, I started with the memories the monks gave me and realized they were pretty much bland when it came to sex and stuff. I had memories of liking boys but as time went by and I formed my own the attraction didn't seem as great as I remembered. Like I always had this crush on Xander, but it became less and less as my real experiences started to take over. But I never thought much about it. I just figured that what with worrying about Glory and mom and Buffy dying that I had more important things on my mind." She chuckled nervously at this last part as the sadness of the memories contorted her face into a frown.

"Well last night I decided that the monks pretty much gave me memories that they thought I would have. I came to this conclusion when I recalled all my real experiences about relationships that were positive and negative. On the negative side, I really hated Buffy being with Riley. At the time I thought it was because he treated my like a little kid but now I know it was because I couldn't stand to see Buffy with him. Every time they hugged or kissed it made my skin crawl." She shivered at the memory as if she just stepped onto a fresh cow patty. The image it brought to my own mind wasn't very pleasant either.

"My own experiences were just as bad. That vampire on Halloween, bewitched by a guy wearing a magical jacket, I was doing the same things Buffy was. Then I went over my positive experiences. You and Willow together always made me tingle." She smiled shyly at her admission, throwing me a quick look to gauge my reaction.

"Tingle huh? Are you telling me you're a closet voyeur?" I teased her to put her at ease.

"Dawn." I interjected deciding to remove the barrier that was making full disclosure so difficult for her. "It's pretty obvious that you're wondering if you're gay also. I'm not here to judge you or make you decide in either way. All I'll do is help you sort things out for yourself. Isn't that why you wanted to talk to me about this rather than your sister?"

She threw her arms about suddenly hugging me tight. "Oh god Tara, I missed you so much."

I held her close while she allowed the relief of unburdening herself to calm her frayed nerves. She released me slowly and as she sat back I saw her expression become more confident.

"I think my memories were causing me to follow the same path Buffy did, getting into situations with guys just like she did." She looked at me sadly. "I don't want to make the same mistakes, it's hurt her so terribly and I know how lonely she's been."

"Last night while laying in bed trying to sort all these things out I felt something incredible run through me." Her face broke into a huge delicious smile like she just finished eating a hot fudge sundae.

"It was amazing, the love, the passion, all together not mixed up but complete and whole. I know it was you and Buffy making love and it made me so happy I began crying." She paused as she looked into my eyes. I was unable to keep my consternation hidden at the realization that the amazing experience I had shared with my lover had somehow been shared by her sister. I felt my own body begin to shutter nervously as I felt suddenly exposed and naked.

Calming myself and deciding to put off figuring this out until I could talk with Buffy I patted Dawn's hand. "I'm ok Dawn, just took me by surprise is all and it is a little embarrassing."

"Don't be, it was a wonderful experience, not bad in any way. And a while later when it happened again I knew that whatever was happening between you and Buffy was special, very special." She was so sincere it warmed my heart and I while I still felt naked and exposed, it no longer bothered me.

"It is Dawn and I hope so much that you can find that one special person in your life that will make you feel like Buffy and I do." I smiled warmly as I basked in the knowledge of how special and rare our relationship really was. Gentle warmth radiated from the center of my chest warming my body like the sun after coming out from behind a cloud.

"Buffy once told me that if I couldn't learn anything else from her to at least learn from her mistakes. She was a bit frustrated with me at the time but I think it may have been one of the best pieces of advice she ever gave me. I spent the rest of the night thinking how I didn't want to repeat Buffy's mistakes, especially when I could clearly see her finally getting it right." She paused as her face contorted in apprehension.

"Go ahead Dawn, say whatever you like." I said while putting one arm around her shoulder and pulled her close.

"I want to be able to date girls, but even with Buffy and you being together, I'm afraid she'll still freak from habit." Dawn's voice was small and timid as she laid her head on my shoulder.

I kissed the top of her head. "How about I warm Buffy up to the idea and then all three of us sit down to discuss the matter?"

"Thanks Tara, I knew you'd make everything better." She said as she slipped her arms around my waist and hugged me.

I wondered idly if she had anyone particular in mind but decided now was not the time to satisfy that curiosity.

Dawn and I went looking for Buffy after our talk and found her talking to Tracy in the kitchen. Buffy's face lit up the moment I entered and I wondered if my own face was glowing as much as hers. The moment was broken by Dawn's voice.

"Good morning Tracy." There was a slightly shy quality to the greeting that made me look at Dawn. After catching her eye I raised my eyebrow. Her answer was to tilt her head slightly as her cheeks became slightly rosy.

"So, what are we doing today?" Buffy's question interrupted my thought stream abruptly as it triggered a memory.

"There's a festival in Montopoli today, a renaissance recreation." I shared my recollection from reading the poster at work and how I had originally planned on going alone.

As I looked at Buffy hopefully Dawn excitedly chimed in. "They were talking about it in school. It's supposed to be great and I can get extra credit if I go and write a report."

"Then it's settled, all we have to do is figure out where it is." Buffy said with that tone she gets when she feels something is right.

"It's a little over 43 kilometers from here on the s67 just outside San Miniato." Tracy explained clearing up the last detail, or so I thought.

"Hey, Tracy could drive, uh that's if you don't mind spending the day with us Tracy." Dawn's voice was so hopeful that Buffy looked at her.

I leaned forward and whispered in her ear. "I'll tell you later, just go with it for now." Buffy looked at me and the concern in her eyes faded as she saw the confident one in my own.

Buffy turned to Tracy. "Would you mind driving and hanging with us for the day?"

The self assured appearance I had first noted from the strong young girl faded as her eyes flitted from glancing at Dawn to Buffy. "Sure, it uh, sounds like fun."

In my previous encounter with Tracy I hadn't done more than give her a casual once over what with my priorities at the time. But now, I saw a young woman who was about Dawn's age acting as if she'd just been asked out on a date by her secret crush. Her cheeks were slightly pink; her short hair was unable to cover her face as she tilted her head down shyly.

"That's great; we'll have two slayers to keep Dawn out of trouble." Buffy joked with a big grin as she noted the huge smile plastered on Dawn's face. Dawn was so pleased that Buffy's comment didn't even faze her. I'm pretty sure Buffy was figuring things out on her own as I noted a slight twinkle in her eyes.

My fingers were gently caressing Buffy's denim clad thigh as I watched Dawn's efforts to engage Tracy on our way back to Florence. Dawn would ramble on about something at the festival, her eyes lighting up while her hands moved in tempo.

I turned my head slowly, curious to see if Buffy was watching her sister's display. Her lips were pulled back in a lazy smile and her eyes had a half lidded dreamy quality but not from watching her sister, she was watching me.

My whole body melted under that gaze causing everything else to slip away. Her face got closer as I fell into her as if I was sinking into a warm bath. Our eyes remained open and fixated on each other even as my lips pressed gently into hers with soft warm caresses. Our eyes maintained silent intercourse as our mouths caressed in spite of heavy lids. Warm air caressed my mouth as her rapid breathing spilled from her parted lips.

My body shivered as her fingers brushed my neck causing me to lose control as I finally lost the fight to keep my eyes open and entered her warm mouth, moaning as my tongue caressed hers.

"You guys are so not doing that while I'm in here." Dawn was flushed and wide eyed, her fingers gripping the back of her seat.

"I thought you were ok with us." Buffy's trembling words made me whip my head to look at her. Her lower lip quivered slightly.

I put my arm around Buffy and pulled her tightly to me as I turned my gaze towards Dawn.

"No, that's not it Buffy, Tara. It's just that what you were doing was uh… well uh…"

"It was hot, really hot." Tracy filled in while glancing at us in the rear view mirror.

Dawn's cheeks regained some color as she dipped her head in obvious embarrassment. "Uh, yea, what Tracy said." Her mumbled words were barely audible.

She lifter her head and took a deep breath. I felt Buffy lift her head slightly from my shoulder.

"It's not you and Tara, Buffy. It's you, my sister and seeing something that is so what Tracy just said. I don't really want those kinds of thoughts going around in my head about my sister." Dawn eyes looked imploring.

I felt a tremor against my body and the tremor grew as Buffy began to giggle. In moments Buffy was laughing so hard I had to release her. I watched her in amazement, my mind not able to grasp the humor. Then her laughter had an echo. Dawn was snickering trying to hold in her own laughter until her mouth opened wide as full laughter erupted.

"So you're not into sexy images of your sister." I teased Dawn as I felt my face contort into a mischievous grin.

Dawn's eyes nearly distended out of her face and her jaw dropped as her laughter vanished. Then her face scrunched up as she emitted through a face contorted in disgust, "eewwwwwwwww".

Buffy's own laughter hiccupped to a halt as she gathered her breath. "What about last night when you uh… felt that feeling thing." Buffy finished lamely with a shrug and raised eyebrow.

"Oh." Dawn paused after the quiet exclamation, her face now serious and thoughtful. "There were no visuals and it wasn't sex, it was love that I felt, all warm and beautiful. It's not the same." Dawn's face relaxed into an almost dreamy state as the memory formed her words.

"What feeling?" Tracy interjected as she maneuvered the car through traffic as we neared home.

"You didn't feel anything unusual last night after we all went to bed?" I asked Tracy. Having Dawn able to sense our lovemaking was one person too many but I knew my tone was hopeful that no one else could.

"Uh, nope, should I have?" Tracy asked looking quickly at Dawn then in the rear view mirror for our reaction.

Dawn broke into a big grin. "Nope, I think it was just a family thing." Dawn reached over and patted Tracy's shoulder at the same time winking at me.

I relaxed back into my seat returning Buffy's squeeze and let my eyes close in relief. As long as Dawn didn't bring it up in the future, I was pretty sure Buffy and I could get past the fact that she would know every time we made love, 'eventually' I thought and chuckled softly.

I felt Buffy lean towards me and then heard her whispered question. "Something funny?"

I rolled my head and opened my eyes to look at her smiling face. "A little, just mostly relieved tension, or just the relief of not needing to be worried about relieving tension." I wiggled my eyebrows.

"Nope, are you?" I replied only slightly aware of Dawn's returning to her conversation with Tracy.

Buffy shook her head slowly. "Not after hearing what she felt. If we can allow her to feel the essence of our love I think it's actually a good thing."

She looked serene as she spoke telling me she was really ok. I felt suddenly very proud of her because previously she would have felt it to be an invasion. Now she was willing to give something of herself to her loved ones.

"Had to make room for all new things, room for everything you give me." She responded sincerely as her fingers caressed the back of my hand.

"You're getting mushy, I think I like it." I said as my cheeks started to feel warm and flushed.

Buffy's face lit up beautifully but her response was cut off as Tracy pulled the car into the drive and stopped. We both blinked and I felt a giggle start but choked it off quickly.

Buffy took my hand as we followed Dawn and Tracy into the house. As we entered the foyer Buffy stopped and turned to me.

"Are you ready for bed?" She had a sly smile on her face conveying intentions that caused my body to shiver. Unfortunately I remembered that it was Sunday and I had to go to work the next day. My body and mind cooled rapidly and I hated that I had to turn her down.

"I have work tomorrow and I don't have any clean clothes here." I tried to look as sorrowful as possible to let her know it's not what I wanted.

Buffy lip started to pout then immediately stopped as her eyes flashed. "Well I can't let you go home all alone. Would it be ok if I stayed with you tonight?"

"That would be wonderful but I really do need to get some sleep tonight. I've a prophesy to finish translating." I agreed enthusiastically but warned her not to expect the marathon we had last night.

"I understand, I just don't want to be apart from you." Her head tilted down as she spoke.

I felt her lungs and body expand as she sucked in air in relief. "I'll just pack an overnight bag. Can you let Dawn and Tracy know what's going on?

Buffy leaned back in my arms and graced me with a very happy, smiling face. "Great idea." She whispered.

Sunlight caressed my body and not just on one side. I felt completely surrounded by the suns comforting warmth. I am complete and happy until the buzzing of the alarm reminds me that life requires us to make a living so that we may enjoy our brief moments such as this.

"Grrrrrrrrrrr." I hear and feel vibrate against my neck. Buffy's displeasure tickles and sends a tingle up my neck and down my spine causing me to sigh and giggle in response.

"I so agree sweetie, but I have to get up and go to work." I tell her while nuzzling her cheek with mine and finish of with a kiss to her ear.

"Hmm, ear kissies get me hot." Buffy moaned out and made a half-hearted attempt to grab me before I could escape.

"Argh," was all I heard as I closed the door behind me. Leaning my back against the door I contemplated the repercussions of missing a day of work but with a shake of my head as if that would magically remove the thoughts of spending the day in bed with Buffy I moved to the shower and turned on the water.

As I waited for the water to reach temperature I brushed my teeth. I spread the toothpaste all over my teeth with a slow brushing motion, concentrating on each and every tooth and molar. After rinsing I gave my teeth the tongue test and satisfied nothing was missed I entered the shower.

The hot water massaged my face as I tilted my head into the spray and pulled my hair back. The warm water coursed down my neck and back warming my body. Just as I was about to reach for the soap, I felt one small soapy hand on my tummy and another holding a bar of soap glide over my hip.

"Since you seemed so anxious to get to work, I thought I'd help." Buffy said softly from over my shoulder.

"With your kind of help I may never to get to work." I sighed and then moaned as her lather covered hands glided over my breasts in a more sensuous motion than cleansing. It would take much longer to get clean this way I thought while leaning into her touch. Goodie.

"I want to do this just for you, so that you go to work with a smile on your face. And maybe you'll think of how you got that smile on your face and remember me." She said all this slowly while her slick hands massaged my breasts with a definite focus on my nipples.

My body jerked to each tweak, tug and pull of her soapy fingers. Tiny jolts of electricity traveled in random paths until they all arrived at my now aching and needing pussy, hmm pussy, I always like that word, I find it to be nicely descriptive. I am a cat lover after all.

Hot flashes flowed over my body with each lick and swipe of her tongue on my neck and shoulders.

My body jerked and shook, no longer in control of itself but at the mercy of my loving puppeteer.

Hot water hitting my aroused flesh sets every nerve on edge. I was about to scream from the overload of sensations when I felt a jolt that nearly cut me in half as her fingers slid slowly over my clit.

"Ahh, Buffy. Please." I gasped or panted, probably both. "I can't take much more."

I felt her move our bodies slightly so she could reach my front better. My eyes were opened wide as she grasped my nipple between her lips and began sucking.

"Oh goddess, oh goddess." Prismatic beams of light cross my vision as every nerve ending on my body is exposed and comes to life.

Hot waves of passion set my body trembling as her fingers stroke inside me which I can feel has opened in gaping, wanton need of her.

I jerk spasmodically, my throat constricts and I gasp for air. My whole body focuses on the pleasure radiating from my center. All my muscles constrict then relax as one, over and over again until I have no energy left and I melt into a boneless heap.

I'm distantly aware that the only muscles working are the ones in my face that have pulled my lips into a lazy but definitely feel good smile. I relax as I feel gentle hands wash my body. As I feel strong thin fingers massage shampoo into my scalp I kind of wonder how I'm still standing. 'Must be magic.' I think and feel myself giggle.

"I love this." I say with as much emphasis as my weakened condition allows and then I giggle some more. "Happy, happy, joy, joy."

Buffy laughs as she rinses the lather from my hair. "Ok Stimpy, let's see if we can get you dressed for work."

She completes rinsing me off and shuts off the water. Then I feel myself floating and good thing, 'cause I doubt my legs would hold me up right now.

I'm wrapped in a soft fluffy towel and she carries me to the bed where she sets me down and begins drying me slowly, placing soft little kisses on each patch of skin as she finishes.

By the time she is done, life has returned to my limbs and I put my arms around her neck. Cupping the back of her head I look warmly into her eyes.

Our lips meet softly, without resistance. They part slightly as we gently caress.

I run my eyes over her still nude body that's still glistening with water droplets. Sighing wistfully I respond. "Yea, I think I can manage."

"Good, then I can walk you to work and make sure you keep that goofy smile on your face." She teases me then gives me a quick peck before she turns to go to the bathroom.

She stopped and turned. She had this incredible smile that bespoke humor and understanding at the same time.

Goosebumps tingled all over my arms. A tear began to form in my eye. "Yes, definitely a 'just been loved smile'." I confirmed with a very happy face.

She winked and I sat for a moment watching her firm, round cheeks as she walked towards the shower.

With a final sigh I stood slowly, testing my very relaxed muscles to make sure they were ready for activity. Deciding that they were just barely active, I moved carefully as I slowly prepared myself for work.

The extra time I took gave Buffy time to not only shower but dress so that by the time I was ready, so was she. After locking my front door, she took my hand and we walked to work like that, not saying a word, but communicating through the touch of our fingers, the brushing of shoulders and the gentle bumping of hips.

When we reached the employee entrance for the institute, we turned mindless of the casual glances we were attracting.

"I'll pick you up right here at 6." She said and then kissed me warmly causing my eyelids to flutter.

I turned towards the door to see a smirking Kristy waiting for me. I rolled my eyes as she smiled wickedly knowing at the very least I was in for some teasing today and thinking how to edit what she was going to persist in getting me to tell her.

Begging that I needed to get to work, I forestalled Kristy with a brief but truthful tale of knowing Buffy from California before I transferred to Columbia. I even revealed that she was the best friend of my ex which was a big mistake that instigated a flurry of questions. This is where I pulled out the work card. With a threat to not let this go, she relented and went off to her own duties.

I had what I believed to be a pretty good interpretation of the next part of the prophecy, or at least half of it when Kristy came in and asked me about going to lunch. I looked at the clock and saw it was one o'clock. Sighing, I hesitated momentarily before responding.

"I'm just going to grab a sandwich and eat here. I'm right in the middle of this and don't want to break away." I finally explained. "Maybe tomorrow." I offered in consolation.

"You just don't want to answer my questions about Buffy." Kristy teased me. "Come on Tara, you've got me imagining she's some kind of mysterious woman of intrigue. You really don't want me to start imagining what Buffy is, now do you?" She asked with a little sing song lift to her voice.

Quickly deciding that anything she could imagine wouldn't come close to the truth I replied with a smirk. "Imagine anything you like Kristy, but I'll tell you what, if you can guess correctly, I'll tell you all." I said confident that it would never happen.

I laughed and with a shake of my head replied negatively. "You're going to have to do better than that. Now off to lunch with you and let me get back to work."

I was shaking a little as I came to realize that the prophecy now included me. Deciding that the time to go and pick up some food was needed right now I grabbed my purse and headed for the deli.

Several hours later with many careful checks and double checks I had completed the stanza. My stomach soured as I glanced at the remains of my panini that I had been nervously picking at over time.

Suspicions and theories abounded in my mind but I was missing some vital information.

"I need to talk to Buffy." I said aloud. I then looked at my watch. Five-forty, twenty minutes until Buffy arrived. I copied my translation onto another piece of note paper and placed it in my purse. I then spent the remaining time putting things away and contemplating what Buffy might be able to reveal. All I knew was that Willow had made all the potentials slayers, there was a big battle and Spike somehow sacrificed himself. I didn't have any answers but ashes and Spike were giving me major wiggins.

I didn't realize how tense and nervous I was until I felt her presence. The warmth and comfort flowed over me and I let out a breath I didn't know I had been holding. Her smile slowly disappeared as she came closer until she wrapped her arms around me and whispered in my ear.

"What's wrong baby?" The concern in her voice comforted me and as I enjoyed the feel of her body pressed against mine, I felt my self once again able to smile.

"It's better now that you're here but we need to talk." I said after pulling back enough so that she could see the improvement in my smile.

"Ok, where would you like to go?" She asked letting me know that it was my show and she trusted me.

"Giles is still there, will that be a problem?" Her eyebrows rose to punctuate her question.

"Yea, it would be." I hesitated momentarily. "My apartment is closest and this is too important to delay." When she nodded her assent, I grabbed her hand and we quickly walked the few blocks to my apartment.

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Shattered Trust

by mike

Copyright © 2004

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