Dreams by Leafsdude

Rating: PG
Disclaimer: I don't think Joss et al. is dumb enough to waste his time on some lowly creature having fun with his world that he so obviously messed up, so I'm not going to say anything to save me from that. However, because I respect the owners of the site, I'd just like to mention that I got a lot of the information for this chapter from www.buffyworld.com/. Thank you guys for your wonderful transcripts, even if the fight descriptions suck! :) As mentioned, 3 Doors Down made, and owns, "Here Without You." By writing this, I do not say I own your song, so don't even think of suing.
Distribution: The Mystic Muse http://mysticmuse.net
Anywhere, really. Just as long as I know where it is…
Feedback: Don't care if you review or not (hell, I know I only review the very best stories, and even then I might not), just as long as you enjoy the story.
Spoilers: Mostly for season 6, the last 4 episodes, and a little from episode 3 from season 7 ("Same Time, Same Place") and the series finale.
Pairing: Willow/Tara

Summary: After Xander stops Willow from blowing up the whole world, she spends the next few months dreaming about only one thing.

"Dear diary," she wrote for the 80^th time in her purple, small book that was given to her by the coven in England. How lame is that? Dear diary? Need something more original.

After thinking for a few minutes, Willow couldn't come up with something better, so she continued her writings.

"It's been one hundred days. I can help but keep counting them. It's the only thing I can do to keep from going insane. Well, from going insane again. How have I made it this far? Without that face beside me? That oh so pretty face that always made me melt? How have I forced myself to not go insane? How did I pull back from that mountain, let Xander pull me into his arms, and try to believe those were the arms I so long for now?" Despite ignoring them, the tears were flowing down Willow's face once again.

It was a daily occurrence, one that no matter what she did always happened. She could try cooking to keep her mind off things, and somehow see her fancy pancakes in a piece of meat she was frying, and found herself breaking down again.

"I've traveled through a thousand lights, now. It's dumb, I know, but I can't help but keep counting them every time Giles takes me to and from that strange place where those women teach. They're not bad. Well, I guess I can say that about almost anyone now. But they're not her. They'll never be her," Willow continued to write after she got control of herself again.

"How could I be so blind? I should have listened to her. She would have helped me. Been able to teach me what these women here are teaching me. Get me to understand everything. Instead, here I am, trying to get through the day without losing my mind. Trying to see a horse when I see a horse. Trying to forget what I've done, why I can't see the horse as a horse," Taking a breath, Willow couldn't take it anymore, and took the book, and hurled it across the room.

Lying back against her pillow, Willow closed her eyes, and drifted off into the only land that she still loved. The only place that she still felt sane in.

Waking with a start, Willow couldn't help but wonder what caused her to get up. Even if she wasn't in Sunnydale anymore, she still knew that there was evil lurking everywhere. She felt a hand on her shoulder, and spun around.

There, she saw a face she never expected…No, never believed she'd see again…

"Tara?" Willow squeaked out. Without even thinking, she lunged at the one she had missed so much.

"B-but how?" She managed to stutter out through her tears. Suddenly growing nervous, she pulled back. "W-who are you? What do you want?"

Finally looking down at herself, Willow realized she was wearing the same clothing from the night after they brought Buffy back from the dead. She'd thrown that out a long time ago, though, and besides, she hadn't worn anything beyond her jeans and sweaters to bed since she got to England. She wanted to feel like the Willow she had been, all happy-go-lucky, fuzzy shirt girl.

Looking at Tara, she realized she was also wearing the same thing from that night so long ago. Back when things were happy. The last time everything was completely and truly happy.

Forcing her eyes off the beautiful sight she had missed so much, she surveyed the room. Instead of the old, musty cavern she had called home the past three-and-a-half months, she found herself in her old room at Buffy's house, furnished the exact way it had been almost a year ago.

Looking once again at Tara, she stared for a moment, trying to figure out what to make of the situation. Was she dreaming again? But if that were the case, why did it all seem so real? Why did everything feel so right again?

"I-it's weird. I-I was dreaming, and, oh, God, Tara, you died, and I killed someone, and I was a wreak, and I don't know how I made it, and…Oh, God, Tara, I missed you so much," Willow broke down, once again running to the only arms that could give her true comfort.

"It's ok. I'm here. I'll always be here," Tara soothed, not sure how to comprehend Willow's reactions.

As Willow continued to hold the love of her life near, she closed her eyes, and unwittingly drifted back into sleep.

Waking up again, Willow reached over, only to find nothing there. Opening her eyes, she noticed she was back in the beat-up cavern. Despite the sudden feeling of loneliness she got, she smiled.

She knew. It was a dream, yes, but she knew. Tara was really there. That it wasn't just her mind that made that up. It was just too real not to be. "She's here. She'll always be here," Willow repeated.

She was without the one she needed here, but she knew, Tara would be here, even if she never truly acknowledged it.

It wasn't the first time this had occurred, and though it gave her comfort, Willow still couldn't help but feel as she did. It was, however, the only reason she could think of as to why she went on. She knew…Well, believed, anyway, that she would never really see Tara again, so she decided she'd live, just because, in that case, she would still dream about her.

Lying back into her pillow, Willow drifted off into sleep again, finding herself in the arms of the one she so desperately needed once again.

"Well, that's it. 4 months. Giles said he'll get the plane tickets tomorrow, and I'll be off to Sunnydale in two days. I can't say I'll miss this place, but I'm not looking forward to Sunnydale. I'm not sure I could deal with Buffy or Xander, if they decided that I'm a lost case, not worthy of their attention anymore. I'm not worried about Dawn. I almost killed her before, but she forgave me. She's the only one who I think is going through anything near what I am. The only one who misses her close to the same intensity as me. Intensity. There's a word I haven't used in such a long time."

Closing the book, she looked out the window of the car, watching the early morning clouds roll by as they made their way to the old building where the women in the Coven worked.

As Giles pulled the car to a stop, she got out; ready for her final day in the only place she could stand at all anymore in the real world. Even here, though, she could barely resist the temptation to just run.

Walking in, she was greeted by an old lady with white hair. She'd obviously rushed over, as her heavy breathing gave away.

"Hey. Don't you have work to do?" Willow replied, grinning. Despite everything that had happened in Sunnydale, she was instantly accepted with open arms by the women in this place. It made her feel a little better, but also a little guilty.

Now standing in the middle of Sunnydale's rather confining airport, Willow saw nothing around that was familiar. She wanted to believe something was up, believe that she had, in fact, heard Xander say something to the effect of 'yellow crayon poster', but she couldn't help but believe they didn't care anymore.

She didn't mind, really. She'd told herself for the past few months that her life was nothing now. That whatever anyone told her, how important her life was, she couldn't believe it.

Now, sitting in the room that she believed she could not stand, and still didn't know if she was able to stand it, she was wondering how much better it could get. It still felt as bad as it did back in Xander's arms. Perhaps worse, but she couldn't tell the difference between 'very bad' and 'very, very bad'.

Knowing she needed her rest, she laid back on the bed she'd missed so much, and put her arm on the pillow next to her, trying to feel the cheek she loved so much in the palm of her hand.

Once again waking up with a start, Willow could feel that cool cheek under her hand. Opening her eyes, she found herself looking into open space. Sighing, she still managed to smile. Another long night filled with the only face she could truly love now.

It was weird, actually. She hadn't dreamt about anything but her favourite times with Tara. The night she first met Tara, the time she first introduced her to Buffy and Giles, the night after Oz left for good, the night they moved into their new dorm room, Tara's 20^th birthday party…Never the bad stuff. Never the fights they had. Never the time when Tara was insane. Never…well, the other stuff was obvious.

Lying back onto her pillow, Willow closed her eyes once more, leaving her hand on the cool place in front of her. This time, as opposed to all the previous nights, she fell asleep quickly, not having a chance to think about everything that had gone bad.

It was weird, but she always had this one dream every night. It was always exactly the same, and it was the only one she felt she was really there, spirit, mind, soul.

It always started the same. She saw Buffy, Xander, Giles, and then she saw Mayor Wilkins, Faith, Glory, and finally, Warren. They were always fleeting pictures, but she could always see each one of them clearly.

Then, she would find herself in the middle of the Bronze, back in her favourite spot, dancing with Tara, wearing the most beautiful dresses she'd ever seen. They were floating. Though appearing ignorant to it, they both knew this fact. The conversation there was brief, but it was what confirmed Willow's deepest belief. She was loved.

"W-why didn't you just let me leave?" Tara asked, almost appearing afraid of the answer. Willow couldn't understand that, though. Wasn't it obvious?

"You could be the ugliest vampire in the land, even worse than the Master, and I'd still love you. You're beautiful, but it's not why I love you," Willow replied, matter-of-factly.

"But-but I didn't want you to stay with me if it meant you would be hurt. Willow, I'd leave before I let you get hurt. You mean too much to me, I'd rather walk away than see you hurt," Tara said quietly.

Perhaps if it were someone else, this revelation could have been harmful, but not with Willow. She was almost reduced to tears. Someone would care enough about her to rather give up her greatest want, no, need, to see her alive. And Willow knew, all too well, that it went both ways.

"Tara, even if we're separated, we'll be together. I love you. Nothing will ever take that away," Willow responded. "I'd walk away in an instant if it kept you alive, but I know as well as you do that you would never let me go without a fight, and a damn well good one, too."

Suddenly, the scene shifted, though. It was right at the best part. Their first kiss in public. The one that everyone had teased them about for the better part of the month, up until Tara ran into Glory.

Willow didn't feel angered, though. Somehow, she felt some amount of hope, something that she didn't recognize right away, as she hadn't felt it for a while, but although she still failed to understand why, she felt it, and it was so strong it hurt.

Suddenly, in a blinding flash of light, there was Tara again, but there was something unmistakably different. She was dressed all in white, but the glow around her was something that was infinite times greater than Willow had ever seen.

"Hi, Willow. Sorry it took so long, but those guys in the big chair are rather strict about this kind of thing. I had to take an average cottage instead of the mansion I was supposed to get," Tara said, smiling. Willow had no doubts. This was actually her. Tara had come to her, in a dream. It was so cliché, but Willow had no thoughts about that.

"W-well, I g-guess that's expected. After all, this can't be cheep," Willow replied, unsure about herself.

Deciding to make the first move, Tara moved up, and surprised Willow with her touch, as she engulfed her in a large hug. Willow didn't know what to find more surprising, the fact that Tara could actually touch her, or the actual fact that she was hugging her.

"Willow, I've come with news. The Powers That Be, they told me that if I didn't, bad things would happen, and I can't let that happen," Tara began.

"You are going to run into a power no one had faced before. Things will seem hopeless with them, but never doubt yourself," Tara said. Taking a deep breath, then continued, tears in her eyes, "You have to promise me you'll never give up. You're strong. You've shown that in these past few months."

"B-but I killed someone, Tara. I-I shouldn't even be able to see you. I don't deserve it," Willow replied, breaking down.

"Everyone can do something bad in an instant, but that instant doesn't ruin your whole life. You can redeem yourself. Just promise me you will," Tara replied firmly, holding Willow with a grip that she'd only felt from Buffy beforehand.

"Of course I will. I'd do anything to be with you again," Willow replied through her tears.

"Good, because I've got even better news. It's something the Power That Be said would happen. They said there's no avoiding it, and I'm not sure why. When you've defeated these people. When everything is done. That would be the ultimate. If you can do it, you will get your greatest wish. They say it's only fair," Tara said, not completely spelling it out to Willow.

"Huh?" Willow said, dumbly. She had barely comprehended the words Tara had spoken, and her mind refused to contemplate what it meant. Tara, however, thwarted that plan.

"Me, Willow. They said they'd let me come back. They thought I wouldn't accept, the right arrogant…Oh, uh, sorry, guys…Just remember that I believe in you, and nothing can go wrong," Tara finished. "Damn, they're calling me. I'm sorry, Willow. I'll see you again, though. Don't forget any of this. For us."

Reaching out, Willow's hand passed through space, as she felt herself slipping out of the dream.

Waking up, Willow took a couple seconds before regaining her bearings. Getting up, she rushed into Buffy's room.

It was three months later. Well, actually, two months, twenty days and seven hours later, Willow told herself, and the group was sitting at the edge of what had been Sunnydale for God-knows how long.

Standing around the bus, they all were busy basking in the glory of victory, trying to take in exactly what they had just done. Well, almost all of them were…

She'd done everything she could. She'd resisted the First's callings to her and changed the slayer circle forever, but she still didn't get what she had bargained for.

Feeling a tap on her shoulder, she spun around to come face to face with Buffy. Softening the glare she had instinctively given, she stared questioning at her. Looking over Buffy's shoulder, she noticed no one was there. The bus was gone, as were Xander, and everyone else. Had she really been standing there that long?

"Come with me. I've got something to show you," Buffy said. When she took a determined step towards the large crater that was Sunnydale, Willow couldn't help but stare for a second before deciding to hell with it, and followed her down into the mess.

"She came to me, too. She said that she couldn't tell you directly, but the guys up there never counted on someone finding a loophole," Buffy continued over her shoulder. Willow, in her depression, couldn't make head or tails for what she was hearing.

"Damn, now was it left, or right? Damn, I knew I should have told Xander to put a searchlight over it," Buffy cursed herself.

Deciding on going left, Buffy appeared to recall everything now, as she lead the way towards what appeared to be what was left of one of the many cemeteries in Sunnydale. There was something extremely special about this place, and this moment, but Willow still couldn't figure out exactly what either was. Well, until she spotted something standing within the debris.

In the middle of the scorched crater that was Sunnydale, one thing had survived, and there was no explanation why. It was made of stone, standing clumsily, slightly damaged, but there it was. Tara's tombstone.

"She said, it would survive the blast. She only told me last night. She said she had to wait until we'd figured out everything on our own, but she said if I didn't bring you here, she could never come back," Buffy said, barely above a whisper. Turning to Willow, she grabbed her hand. "Close your eyes."

As Buffy touched the stone, she did the same as Willow, and started to say a couple of words, ones that she only vaguely recalled, but rolled off her tongue like she'd been saying it every morning after breakfast.

Suddenly, a large blast came from under Buffy's hand, and both girls were thrown back onto the ground. Gaining her bearings first, Buffy looked up, and smiled.

Willow, not sure where she was, and why, opened her eyes slightly, and caught a glimpse of a figure she hadn't seen in those last 3 months. "I'm dreaming," she said, groggily.

Getting up, Buffy walked over to the figure that was still lying on her back. She was sleeping, though, as the steady rise and fall of her chest proved.

"T-Tara?" She whispered gently in her ear. She wasn't sure what to expect. Would she remember the past year? Would she even remember who she was?

As she began to stir, Buffy let those thoughts drop for the moment. As the eyes that brought all of them such comfort opened for the first time in what seemed like forever, Buffy could see within them the spark that she always held, but there was also something new. Something more powerful about those two blue orbs that were such a mystery to everyone.

Suddenly, Buffy felt extremely out of place, and she decided she'd be best to leave this place before she became too much of a distraction. This was a miracle, here, and she didn't want to ruin any of it.

As Tara closed her eyes for a second, she took a deep breath, and forced herself up. She was surprised at her strength, considering everything she had been through. She didn't dwell on it, though.

Searching the area, she caught sight of the only person who could cause her to catch her breath. Willow was still lying; eyes closed, a slight grin on her face, a few feet away.

Slowly shaking her away, she caught sight of the green eyes she always longed for. "Hey. I love these dreams," she said drowsily.

"It's not a dream, Willow. I'm here. Forever and a day," Tara said, as both of them let the tears begin to fall.

"I-I know, but it's still a dream, you know?" Willow let out. Tara could only nod, and felt the figure below her leap up and grasp her with strength that no one should be able to possess.

"It's our dream," Tara whispered, and closed her eyes. Everything was perfect again, and that would never change.

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Dreams

by Leafsdude

Copyright © 2003

leafsfan99@rogers.com