L'amour

by Kitness

Copyright © November 2003

k_veritas@yahoo.com

Rating: R
Disclaimer: These characters are, of course not mine, but are owned by Mutant Enemy. However, these stories are original written material by Kitness.
Distribution: The Mystic Muse http://mysticmuse.net
Feedback: I am open to any feedback that anyone might have.
Spoilers: AU, but some Season 4.
Author's Note: I'm kind of new at this, but I love reading fan fiction so I thought I'd try my hand at it. In this fic Tara's personality is more like that of season 6 she's more sure of herself and has come into her own. It's not that I don't like shy Tara, but her later character works better for my stories at this point.
Pairing: Willow/Tara

Chapter 1    Chapter 2

Part 2: Beginnings

Chapter 1

Willow felt new. Two more hours of sleep allowed Willow to clear her head, and she was left feeling refreshed and different. Her mind had quieted, as did her nerves – and she walked contently to Tara's building, mocha in hand.

Tara closed her notebook and walked to open the door, "Willow! Hello!" She exclaimed pulling the slim redhead into a hug, "How did your study date go last night?" Tara asked casually.

"It was kind of a bust actually, same old thing. I would much rather have been chatting with you." Willow said smiling and taking a seat in Tara's room as the door was closed behind her. "So how are you this morning?"

"G-great actually. I slept really well, and I got some good study time in this morning. How are you?" Tara asked taking a good look at the girl across from her. "Hmm…that's weird," Tara thought, "Something seems very different about Willow today…"

"Eh, I'm funko girl today, I had bad dreams and Buffy is inviting her friend over…and well we just don't get along and I'm not really looking forward to it." Willow explained, making a face.

"That's no good," Tara frowned giving Willows arm a squeeze. "I suppose you'll just have to spend more time here then." Tara sighed, and they both giggled.

For the rest of the afternoon the two just talked and studied. Willow was sprawled out on Tara's bed while Tara was seated at her desk. Tara turned to look at Willow to see that her shirt slid up slightly on one of her sides exposing a small triangle of skin above the waistband of her jeans. "Wow, I wish my stomach looked like that," Tara thought envious, at first, but soon she found herself unable to tear her eyes away from Willow's exposed flesh. "Ok, this is not normal…must look at something else…ok I'll mention dinner and she'll move, no more fleshy Willow stomach to see…Why do I keep looking at her? Goddess, envious much…"

"Hey Will you wanna have some dinner? It's getting latish…I'm hungry."

"Ooo, food – good. I like the way you think!" Willow answered scootching off of Tara's bed.

As Willow and Tara walked through the slowly dimming streets of Sunnydale, Willow let her mind wander for the first time that day. "Wow, I wish I had Tara's curves…even with jeans and a sweatshirt she just…looks good. I know I should be happy with my tiny hips and stuff, but I'd give anything to be a bit more…shapely in areas. She's just so feminine, and she walks so gracefully. Jeez Will…envious much."

"What's going on in that brain of yours?" Tara asked noticing that Willow had been acting oddly all day. "You've been kinda…un-normal Willow all day. Not that it's bad, you're just so quiet."

"Oh…I was just thinking about…well you actually. And I guess I'm just very unWillowy today. Today is a good day, things are just…peaceful. I mean, I had this really weird dream but I realized that, I'm over Oz. That's big. I was kind of afraid at first but now, I'm just out on the prowl." Willow finished giggling.

"Wow, that is big. How long ago did he…well did you guys split up?" Tara asked tentatively.

"Hmm, a couple of months, maybe 4…maybe more, wow I don't know! This is so exciting!"

"I see, hah, well…um…do you want to talk about your dream?"

"Well…it was pretty weird, and…very off the wall…and um-" Willow started fumbling but Tara cut her off,

"No, no it's ok, I was just wondering if you needed to, that's all. Dreams are very personal."

"Oh, it's not that, I totally trust you to tell you, I'm just not sure what it means yet and I want to contemplate a bit more, you know? I'm ok with just…contemplating." Willow asked looking straight into Tara's eyes.

"That's perfectly understandable, but I'm a pretty good listener – so if you need or want help with it…or anything, I mean just ask." Tara responded sincerely, then unexpectedly pulled Willow into a hug. "Mmm," Willow thought, "Tara gives good hugs. She's so comfy with her sweatshirt and her yummy curves…and oh god, am I excited?" Willow pulled away nervously, "Oh man…I am excited. First Buffy, now Tara?! Maybe this, 'hoping it'll go away if I don't think about the dream' thing wasn't such a great idea. Wow, but that hug really felt good."

Tara looked at Willow again with some worry. "What is going on with her? I really wonder what she's thinking, she seems upset or something…hmm, but that was a nice hug. I just hope it helped or something, I really want her to feel better." Tara thought.

"Will, are you sure you're ok? I-I mean you just seem a bit…like something is wrong, or upsetting you. I don't mean to pester I just hope you're ok."

"Blah," Willow said, "I don't know. Things are just very up in the air right now. But your company is help enough right now, thank you," Willow said looking into Tara's eyes again. "Ok, something is definitely going on here…something un-normal. I can't tear myself away from her eyes. Buffy really hasn't been around much, I never realized how much I missed just having talks, having someone ask about me and care. And I just feel soooo good around her…I think if I could just sit and talk with her everyday for…well a long time. That would just be…nice. sigh, I must really be missing physical and emotional connections." Willow smiled up at Tara as reassuringly as she could. It was true – the girl's presence did make her feel at ease.

"Tara, I'm really glad I met you, it's been a very long time, it seems, since I've really had someone to talk to. And if there's anything you need, please ask cuz…you're just cool and if something's bothering you I wanna help too, k?"

"Thanks, that really means a lot, and I will – no doubt!"

Chapter 2

That very night Tara went to bed with many old thoughts entering her mind again. "What if I'm Gay? What if I'm really Gay? I keep coming back here. Goddess, I don't want to be Gay. Ok can I see myself kissing another girl? I don't know…I mean it doesn't seem like I could…but not that I couldn't either. Where is this all coming from again anyway? Ahg, this is so frustrating?? Why do I even care anyway!? And that's when it hit Tara, seemingly out of nowhere; envy was not what she felt for Willow. All those times she looked at Willow's slender body, she didn't wish her body looked like that, she liked the way Willow looked. All the time spent staring at Willow's stomach and thighs and ass and back were out of infatuation. She wanted to see more of Willow's body, Willow's skin. It's Willow She thought. It's not about being gay, liking girls or boys. It's about Willow. I feel for Willow. I have feelings for Willow. Well…now what am I going to do? Willow. Damn. These thoughts plagued Tara's mind until she fell into a somewhat fitful sleep.

"Martin, can I talk to you for a sec?" Tara asked a bit tentatively, knocking softly on his slightly opened door.

"Why of course, doll! Come on in." Martin answered smiling, sweeping off a place for her to sit on his bed.

"So…Goddess, I think I have a crush on Willow." Tara blurted out, "And I've been really freaked about it – especially last night. But today, I dunno, when I woke up, I just…it was ok. I don't even care if I'm gay I just, like her – a lot – and today it's fine. I want to hold her and kiss her, pretty much everywhere and it's ok. It's just ok. I don't understand what it means – but I don't even care. And…oh goddess, I feel so good and so confused and so…I don't know what to do but wow I feel good and – " Finally taking a breath Martin cut in,

"Man, girls…ya know, if I were a girl I would still totally be into girls. Ya know what I mean? Oh goodness, Tara, does that mean I'm a lesbian too?? Seriously, you're missing the bigger picture here…Am I a lesbian trapped in a man's body?" Mouth opened, Tara gaped at Martin.

"What?!" She paused, "WHAT?! I mean…Martin, what the – What?" Martin laughed and pulled her into a hug.

"Tara, it's fine. If you're ok about, that's awesome. Take it…slowly, or fast…ly – or whatever you want. Just do what you want and what you feel like doing and don't worry about the rest." He said shrugging, "Whatever you do is fine with me, if that's why you told me, and even if it wasn't…it's all ok and…stuff." Tara grinned into her cousin's shoulder.

"Oh Martin, I love you – thank you."

"Sure thing. Now really, what do you think about MY lesbianism?"

Faith awoke slowly. Softness, this is new. She thought. Then almost immediately tears started to well up behind her eyes. Being awake just hurt, physically, mentally and any other way there was to hurt. There were so many reasons to be angry, so many reasons to be ashamed and sorry and she felt them all. The mayor was gone. Her life was, for all practical purposes, ruined and she had missed it all. She wasn't there to, well, do anything to help, or stop or fix anything. She felt useless and stupid and scared. Everything felt new and strange. I should want revenge, but I don't. Oh god, I killed people. Oh god, I killed people.

"Hey, you're awake," Came Buffy's voice. Faith slowly opened her eyes and looked blurrily towards Buffy's voice.

"Yeah, it's…odd. I-" Faith couldn't get out anymore as she felt herself choke up. She closed her eyes to keep her unrelenting tears from falling, yet they slipped down her cheeks anyway. Seeing this, Buffy pulled her chair closer and rested her hand on Faith's.

"Faith-"

"Don't!" Faith said sharply, "Just, don't." She pulled herself together enough to open her eyes again and looked straight into Buffy's. "I know I fucked up, I know that. B," She stopped, "Buffy, I'm…sorry. God, I'm sorry." Faith felt fatigue start to tug at her mind again as Buffy squeezed her hang more tightly and let her body get closer to the other Slayer's.

"Faith – it's, it's so okay." She said feeling her own tears starting to fall. "I, it's not just you. I mean, we, well me and…oh Faith-" Buffy stopped, not quite sure what the right words were at that moment and looked up to see Faith had fallen back into sleep. She lay her head on Faith's stomach and gently squeezed her arms around Faith's sides. She let her body shake into the other woman's as her tears fell freely into the sheets.

Xander picked the phone up after the third ring and dropped his things on the ground to flop onto his bed.

"Hallo?" He said into the phone.

"Hey Xander, it's Willow."

"Wills! What's up?"

"I, well…Can we talk?"

"Um, are we not now?"

"No, I mean yes, it's…like somewhere…else, not on the phone? In person! That's it, can we get mochas or something?"

"Sure thing. When do ya wanna meet? Is everything alright?" He asked a little worried.

"Um, I think so. It's not demony or anything, I just need to talk to someone, ya know?"

"Course, meet at da pump in 10?"

"huh?"

"The Espresso Pump? 10 minutes? Meet there?"

"Oh," She laughed slightly, "That'd be great, Xander, thanks!"

"Yup, later."

"Bye."

Willow hung up the phone and sighed deeply grabbing her keys and heading down to meet Xander. Here goes nothin' She thought.

Fait felt herself being pulled out of sleep again and consciousness flooded her body roughly as she opened her eyes.

"Buffy?" She spoke groggily into the, now, dark room. Faith brought her hand up to rest in blonde hair. "Buffy?" She asked again gently rubbing her hand over the blonde's shoulders.

"Huh?!" Buffy awoke with a small start. She looked up at Faith, then down again embarrassed to be caught sleeping and wiped at her mouth, not-so stealthily, in case of any remnants of drool. "Um…" Buffy started – but couldn't really think of what else to say as she now tried to wipe away her dried tears from her sore, reddened eyes.

"Thank you." Was the only thing Faith could get out as she looked down at a somewhat broken blonde.

"What?"

"I said, 'Thank you, Buffy.' This is way more than I deserve…I mean, this is nice…of you…to, um, to let me stay and all, and…well, thank you. You're still quite the Buffy." Faith said smiling down at the woman still holding her lightly.

"Faith, look – It's ok-"

"No-"

"Let me finish…please," Buffy cut the other slayer off, "I forgive you. Ok? For everything. All the stupid stuff you did to me and the others – whether they forgive you or not – I do. All the stuff with the Mayor and Allen and…Angel. It's done. It's over. Not to say that we shouldn't talk it all out and all that emotional, dramatic stuff…But, it's – we need to move on before we can go back? Ya know? I really think we need to let it go and really let it be behind us before we can make it better. And holding it all in and blaming ourselves will just…we just have to make it better Faith, that's all. Just make it ok. Yeah?" Buffy paused. "That is, if you can forgive me as well, for…for letting you down, for, for letting you go." She looked right into Faith's eyes at her last words.

"Yeah, yeah. I got ya, B. We're cool." Faith stared back, adding, "I forgive you, Buffy." A heavy sigh was released from both slayers. "How are you?" Faith asked softly, looking away.

"I'm – hey, how are you?" Buffy asked concerned.

"I asked first." Faith challenged slightly.

"Hah, ok." The blonde laughed, "I'm very tired, very confused, but very relieved. How do you feel?"

"Well, I mean, ya know…coma. That's…different. And…killing people, also not fun…sorta…but, um, I'm starting to feel stronger already. Gotta love Slayer Healing, ya know?" She laughed nervously, "I can move my arms and hands pretty well, I'm pretty sure I can walk, to a certain extent. Um…other than that…everything's pretty damn not ok." Faith added feeling herself begin to tear up again.

"Hey," Buffy said pulling the brunette's chin up gently so their eyes could meet again, "I'm gonna get you through this, Ok? It's gonna be alright. Time will heal all this. And I'm going to help you, no matter what. You and Me. Slayers. We're going to make it through this, got it? I know there's more good you can do – it's going to be alright. This is just a bump in the road. You've got me, do you understand, Faith?" Faith couldn't stop her tears now.

"Buffy – why? I don't understand…I don't-"

"No," The blonde cut in quickly, "It's you and me. How it should have been before. We are not alone! Don't you see? I should be dead! You should be the only one…or…I should be the only one…or, God, Faith, the point is – we're not alone because there's you and there's me. Slayers. You and Me." She looked intently into Faith's eyes, "You and Me. We need to stick together or how can either of us make it? I realized something these last…God, this whole year. Our situation is so unique and we almost ruined it. There are TWO of us, Faith! Two Slayers! I didn't realize how amazing this is until…Jesus, even just now. Not the chosen one, the CHOSE TWO. Hunters, fighters, woman, and yes, even sometimes killers. But, we are what we are and we are all we've got. We can't let happen what did before. We have to make it through this for the sake of so many other people, but also for ourselves. Take care of each other. This is important. YOU are important, Faith. I should have said that so long ago. You are important Faith. You and Me."

"Buffy-" Faith sobbed as she was pulled tightly into Buffy's arms.

"It's going to be ok, Faith, I promise you."