Introspection by Kirk Baldridge

Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters. If I did, I'd treat them better than...some people.

Author's Note: This story takes place an undetermined amount of time after the last episode, GONE, and is totally unrelated to either BURNOUT or SMALL STEPS, my last two stories. Here, Willow and Tara are have not seen one another since the first part of WRECKED.

Summary: When Willow's life is put in danger, Tara must risk her own in order to save her.

Tara Maclay lay on her stomach across her bed, with her head propped up on her hands.

She was supposed to be watching television, but she wasn't really paying any attention to the documentary she had been waiting for all week. It was supposed to help her with her history report, but she just couldn't seem to concentrate on what was happening on the screen.

Not surprisingly, she was thinking about Willow. The redhead had occupied a great deal of her thoughts since their break-up, and it still made her heart hurt to think about what she'd lost. But Willow's abuse of magick was taking her down a dangerous path, and Tara knew if she didn't get away then sooner or later she was going to get hurt right alongside Willow. And she didn't want that for either of them.

Tara finally slapped at the remote, turning off the set, and sat up. It was a waste of time, and besides, she had a class first thing in the morning. Sighing, she pulled her UC Sunnydale sweatshirt off over her head, and was just undoing her belt buckle when she heard the phone ring.

A sudden chill lanced up and down her spine. The strangest feeling of dread passed through her entire body as she reached for the phone. "H-Hello?"

For one terrible moment the witch could swear her heart stopped beating. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "It's Willow, isn't it?"

Buffy spoke up. "She's, uh, we're not at the hospital, Tara. There's nothing the doctors can do. We need you to come over to my house as soon as you can."

Spike was leaning against the tree in the front yard, smoking a cigarette, when an obviously frantic Tara came stomping up the sidewalk. He saw her coming, their eyes locking for a moment, and it almost appeared as if he was going to try to say something comforting to her. But the expression on her face told him otherwise, and he took a step back, shrugging his shoulders.

Tara went past him without saying a word, and walked into the house. Dawn was sitting on the couch, her eyes swollen and red from having been crying. Anya was standing nearby, her face scrunched up as she tried to decide whether or not to say something. Instead, the ex-demon put her hand on Dawn's shoulder and then she nodded toward the stairs, indicating where Tara should go.

The redhead was laying on the bed the two of them had once shared, half-covered with a thin blanket. She was pale and trembling, her pajamas soaked through with sweat. Tara could see no obvious signs of injury, no blood or bandages, no bruising, but she knew that didn't actually mean anything.

Buffy and Xander were standing on either side of the bed. Neither of them moved, nor would they try to meet her gaze, until the witch finally spoke up.

Xander cleared his throat. "I'm, uh...gonna check on Dawnie and An." He reached down and squeezed Willow's hand, then turned and walked out of the room.

"A demon. This ugly, snake-headed..." Buffy sighed. "I got cocky, Tara. Do you have any idea how many of his kind I've destroyed over the years? I hardly even think about it anymore, it's like riding a bike. Most of the time,

The Slayer sat down on the bed beside Willow, and swept a lock of red hair out of her face. "Why? Why'd you have to do this, huh? I could have handled it. It's what I do." She turned to Tara. "We were patrolling. Spike, Will and I. She said she wanted to try and get back in the swing of things, because she thought she was finally getting the magick under control. You would have been proud of her."

"This demon came after me, out of nowhere, and I knocked him down like I've done a thousand times before. I turned my back on him, so I could get my sword from Spike." She shook her head. "I-I never saw him coming. If I'd just been paying more attention, maybe...anyway, he got back up. Willow got between us. I thought, I know it was stupid, but I think I expected her to do some big mojo thing. I've gotten used to having her there to back me up like that, you know? So I didn't try and stop her. I should have, but I didn't."

"I'm not really sure what happened. I think, maybe, she hesitated. I mean, the last couple of weeks, its been no magick Willow all the way. She's been really good about that. I guess it's understandable that she froze. But the demon took advantage. He grabbed her and spit some disgusting...I don't know, ooze in her face. She screamed, God I'll never forget that sound, and passed out." Buffy paused to wipe her eyes. "I grabbed hold of the demon and got him off her, but it was too late."

The Slayer nodded. "He tried to get away while I was distracted, but Spike stopped him. Turns out the demon's saliva is some kind of a...what did he call it? Parallax venom, I think. It's supposed to be really nasty stuff. Goes right to a victim's brain, and turns their own subconscious against them. They end up suffocating themselves, or stopping their heart or whatever, because their brain doesn't understand it's all in their head. The demon said we would have twenty-four hours before..." She frowned. "I decided to bring her here. Doctors would ask too many questions, and I don't think there's anything they could do anyway."

"We talked about this, a couple of times, and this is the way Will always said she wanted to go. Surrounded by her friends, the people who love her." Tara shook her head. "But not now. Goddess, not so soon! Buffy, we have to find out how to undo this. Where is the demon now?"

"Dead." Buffy saw the hope fade from Tara's face, and it broke her heart. "I'm sorry. Spike and I did our best to bring him in alive. I swear. He was just wild. He knocked us both down and tried to go after Will again. And I just...snapped. I lost it. I went after him with the sword. I was trying to stop him, but I guess I got carried away. I sliced him in half, Tara. I'm sorry."

Now both blonde's were in tears. Buffy stood up, and they fell into each other's arms.

"I thought Parallax was an hallucinogen. If it's also a kind of demon..." She grabbed Buffy's arm. "Come on, we have to talk to Anya." She demonstrated a surprising strength by dragging the Slayer toward the door. Of course that was only because Buffy let her. "She's our resident demon expert."

"It's not fair!" They heard the ex-demon complaining, big surprise, as the two of them came down the stairs. "I don't want to do this again! We've been through the grieving thing twice already. First with Buffy's mother, then with Buffy herself. I don't want to do it with..." She stopped, in mid-sentence, as she saw the equally smoldering looks on Buffy and Tara's faces. "Well, I don't. That's all."

"Sure," said the former mistress of vengeance. "Big, nasty sons of..." Her eyes widened. "Oh no! Buffy, that's what attacked you guys! A Parallax demon. I knew the name sounded familiar."

Xander shook his head. "You couldn't have remembered this a couple of hours ago?"

"It wouldn't have mattered anyway," said Anya, crossing her arms. "I've seen those guys in action. That venom the Parallax spew is so toxic it even effects other demons. From what I understand, it goes right into a person's mind, drawing on their inner darkness, and using it to destroy them from within. Eventually, their subconscious loses the fight, and the rest of their body just...shuts down."

By the time the ex-demon was finished, Dawn was in tears all over again. Buffy and Tara both looked ready to throttle her, and Xander had slid a safe distance down the couch.

Anya, finally, realized what she was saying, and more importantly the context in which she was saying it. "You did ask." She wasn't trying to apologize. It wasn't the first time, and probably wouldn't be the last, that Buffy and the others got upset about something she said, even if she didn't mean any offense.

"Not that I know of." Even Anya knew that wasn't what they wanted to hear but honesty, even to a fault, was her greatest, and most annoying, gift. "After the initial exposure, the Parallax's venom fades. All that remains is the seed of darkness it helped sow within its victim."

Tara turned to Buffy. "You said, the demon said they end up suffocating themselves, or stopping their heart or whatever, because their brain doesn't understand it's all in their head, right?" The Slayer nodded. "So, what we've got to do is stop Willow's mind from going around in circles."

"I think I know a way," said Anya. All eyes were on her now. "What? I do. Tara, while you were...cramming for the Miss Psycho Pep Squad final, thanks to Glory, I saw Willow do a spell where she actually went into Buffy's mind and brought her out of herself."

Tara blinked. "I-I don't know. Maybe. But I don't k-know the spell. I'd n-need..." She stopped herself and took a deep breath. Any time she got scared or upset she had a tendency to start stuttering. Willow had helped her with it, she wasn't nearly as bad as she'd once been, but it still bothered her. "Do you think you can find that text Will used to help Buffy? I n-need to see what's involved."

Tara followed, but wandered into the bedroom where Willow lay. She leaned in the doorway and just stared at the redhead's pale, fragile-looking body.

Sighing, she went over and sat down beside Willow. The redhead's eyelids were a beehive of activity, as if she was having one incredibly powerful dream. Which, if she understood what Anya had told them, pretty much was what was going on inside her. She gently stroked Willow's cheek.

"Hold on," Tara whispered. "Please. I'll find you. I swear, I'll find you." The blonde turned away and cupped her head in her hands. She didn't want to cry anymore.

A lot of tears had been shed since the split. For the first few days she had cried every night, moreso whenever

a certain fragrance or song reminded her of Willow. Of what the two of them had once had together, and how it had been going so well between them not so very long ago.

Tara stood up. This standing around doing nothing was going to drive her crazy. She felt as if she needed to be doing something, anything, to keep her mind occupied, so she went downstairs. This wasn't her house anymore, she knew that, but doing the dishes was as good a mindless task as any.

As she entered the kitchen, though, she discovered Buffy had apparently had the same idea. The Slayer was in the process of filling up one side of the sink with soapy water. But she wasn't concentrating on her chosen task, and was just staring out the window. As a result the sink was on the verge of overflowing.

"Buffy?" Tara moved closer, intent on turning off the faucet. "Are you all right?"

All at once the Slayer seemed to return to her senses. "What?" Tara pointed. "Oh." Buffy reached for the knob, cutting off the water just in the nick of time. She shrugged her shoulders. "Yeah, I'm fine."

Tara nodded. "Me neither." She wrapped her arms around herself. "I don't want to lose her, Buffy."

"You won't. We'll find a way to help her, Tara. I promise. I mean, that's what we do, right?" Buffy rested a hand on the other blonde's shoulder, and smiled. "As soon as Xander and Anya get back with the book, you can do the spell. Willow did it for me. I know you can do it for her."

Tara and Buffy were sitting on the couch, staring at but not really watching the television. They nearly fell out of their seats when the front door burst open.

Xander came in first, holding a leather-bound book which he handed to Tara. She opened it to a page Anya had marked, and began to read.

"Hey!" Anya appeared to be offended by what she must have perceived as an accusation. "What do you take me for? Of course it's the right book. Willow borrowed it from me in the first place, remember? And I was reading through it while she was, you know, taking a trip through your mind Buffy."

A short time later they had everything prepared. Tara settled on to the bed beside Willow, while Buffy and the others gathered and lit candles around them. It was a slightly different arrangement than Willow's, because Tara planned to go deeper and stay longer. It would be much riskier.

"Remember," said Tara. "Once I'm in, make sure you don't touch me. If you break the connection, or wake me, I will have to start the whole process over again. And I'm not sure how much mucking around in her mind Willow can stand right now."

Xander stepped forward. "Hey Tara, I was wondering. You're going inside Will's mind, right? So what happens if she, you know...if something happens to her? What happens to you?"

"I think you already know the answer," Tara replied. "Or else you wouldn't be asking the question. But if you're really wondering, then yes. If Willow...if she..." She sighed. "If Willow's mind goes, and I'm still inside, then I'll go with her." She saw the shocked expression on Xander and Anya's faces, Buffy's was unreadable. "It makes no difference. Willow needs me, and I'm going to be there for her."

"You won't. Trust me." Tara took Willow's hand in her own. "And I won't let anything happen to her. You've got my word. Now, everybody step back." They did just that as she lay her head down on the pillow, closer her eyes, and took a deep breath. "Okay, here we go..."

Tara opened her eyes, to find herself standing in a place that, while familiar, she didn't immediately recognize because it no longer looked this way.

It was the commons area of UC Sunnydale, where she and the other girls used to gather for the weekly Wicca group. The very place she had first met Willow, with whom she eventually discovered a kind of magick none of the wanna-be's could ever match.

It occurred to her this was not just the place where she had met Willow, but the time. The group was there, and Willow was right in the middle of them. She didn't look particularly happy either. None of the Wiccan's in their group actually believed in magick, except Tara, and she remembered that at this particular point in time the two of them had not officially met yet.

Tara had certainly noticed Willow though. The redhead had grabbed her attention the day she joined the group and was rarely out of her thoughts since. If it was really possible to fall in love at first sight, she had done so. It had been the most incredible, wonderful day of her life.

Tara couldn't help but smile. The voice was unmistakably Willow's. She remembered this moment clearly, the redhead had been trying to convince the so-called Wiccan's to try some real magick. They pretty much laughed, and when a still shy Tara tried standing up for her, they shut her down.

It was Willow's voice again, only different. It was louder, and it echoed more than before. Plus the other's did not act as if they could hear her. Tara realized it was because this was Willow's inner voice, her thoughts, which she was able to hear as if she was standing right beside her.

Tara wondered who the redhead was talking about. She walked up behind Willow and followed her gaze, to the other side of the circle. To the floor. Where she was sitting.

The her from several years ago, at least. Hands in her lap, head bowed, hair hanging in front of her face so her eyes were hidden. Every so often she would get up the nerve to raise her eyes, slightly, and gaze at Willow with open admiration. Someone in the Wiccan group, who dared speak out the way she would have liked to. But then she climbed back into her shell, bullied by the group's leader, and she could not bring herself to come out again until the Gentlemen came to Sunnydale. It was strange, but in a way she thanked the creepy demons; because of them she had sought out Willow, and the rest was history.

"I wish she'd stop it,' Willow's inner voice continued. 'She's really starting to creep me out.'

Tara suddenly felt so cold. She couldn't believe what she was hearing. Willow had always told her she felt this connection between them, even the first day they noticed each other. She never knew the crush she'd had on the redhead had actually bothered Willow originally. It didn't entirely surprise her though. At the time, Willow was pretty sure she could not be interested in women that way.

'This is such a waste of time,' said Willow's inner voice. 'I'm gonna go find Buffy.'

Tara abruptly found herself in the dorms, in the room Willow and Buffy used to share.

The redhead was curled up on her bed with a stuffed dog clutched to her chest. She was talking to Buffy as the Slayer sat on the other end.

Willow sighed. Whatever she was preparing to say was obviously difficult for her. "It's complicated...because of Tara."

Tara bit her lip. This was the talk Willow had told her about, when she came out to her best friend. It had been one of the most emotionally draining moments of her life.

Willow nodded. "Tara's got this crush on me, Buffy, and it's really driving me crazy. Whatever I do, I just can't seem to get away from her. She's smothering me. I mean she always wants to go wherever I do, but once we get there she never wants to do anything. I don't know why I keep hanging out with her."

"What?" Tara stepped forward. "This isn't right, this isn't how it happened!" Willow had told her every detail of her discussion with Buffy. Word for word. "Will?" She waved her arms wildly. "Can't you hear me?" Realization struck home. "No, of course you can't." She lowered her arms. "This isn't really you is it? It's just a memory. An imprecise memory, unless there's something you didn't tell me."

A shiver passed through Tara, and she realized everything around her was about to change again.

In fact, she was in the middle of a cultural fair she and Willow had been looking forward to for several weeks. That was also the day of their first big fight, and she ended up going alone.

"Oh no." Tara's eyes widened. "Oh goddess, no! Willow, please, don't show me this." She heard sobbing behind her and turned, afraid of what she already suspected she'd see.

Willow was sitting on a park bench there, and she was holding someone. Tara knew who it was. It was her past self, moments after her mind had been violated by Glory. She didn't remember much about that day, but she had

a very distinct memory of what it felt like when the hell-bitch's fingers penetrated her skull. It warped her mind and left her all but incapacitated, totally dependant on Willow.

'Damn it, why did this have to happen?' Willow's inner voice again, angry this time. 'It was bad enough she was trying to tell me how to do magick. Now I have to take care of her? What kind of a life am I supposed to have if I'm forced to play nursemaid to her from now on?'

Tara shook her head. "Willow could never be so cruel. She doesn't have a mean bone in her body. Something's not right here." She gasped. "Of course! It's not Willow, not consciously, at least. Her mind is at war with itself, and it must perceive me as being in the way. It's trying to scare me off. Or else delay me long enough for Will's darker side to take control. If that happens..."

The blonde closed her eyes. If she was going to save Willow, she'd have to stop allowing herself to be led and find her own path. It would take concentration, focus, and it certainly wouldn't be easy, on either of them. But it was probably Willow's last, best hope for survival.

"I know you can hear me! Willow! I know you're in here somewhere. Help me! I want to help you, but I can't do it by myself! Please, Willow, help me! For both our sakes! Help me!"

Tara opened her eyes. Everything appeared just as it had before, and she felt a sudden coldness as she worried she was too late. Despite all her efforts she had failed the woman she loved.

The next instant everyone and everything around her literally shattered like glass. The witch found herself in a seemingly endless see of blackness, featureless except for one thing.

A door. A strangely out of place, wooden door, standing in the middle of nowhere.

But she didn't recognize her surroundings. This wasn't one of the rooms from UC Sunnydale. It was too small and cramped, and the desks looked terribly uncomfortable.

Tara had never seen the place, while it was still intact at least, but Willow had told her all about it. She'd hated her high school too, and that was without all the vampires and demons and other monsters the Scoobies had had to deal with on an almost daily basis.

The blonde turned to see Willow sitting at one of the desks. It wasn't the Willow she knew, however. Her hair was long, and she was wearing a plaid skirt and a loose-fitting white top with a blue vest over it. She looked like the stereotypical schoolgirl, especially with a pencil tucked behind her ear.

"Will?" Tara kneeled in front of the redhead, and reached for her hand. "You can see me?"

"Of course I can." Willow jerked her hand away. "I'm not blind." She frowned. "Why are you here anyway? You don't belong in this class."

"I most certainly am not! I'm not going to fail this test. I never fail tests. I studied. I'm ready."

Tara shook her head. "Will, no. You're not in high school anymore. Goddess, I have to get you out of here. It's not safe for you to be here, Will. You can't hide forever."

"I know that. She'll find me. She always does." Willow's eyes locked with Tara's, and the blonde found herself gazing into the depths of sadness. "And now she'll find you too. I wish you hadn't come here. She won't like that you were talking to me. She's crazy, you know."

Tara glanced over her shoulder, to find someone standing in the doorway of the classroom.

While it was daytime it was inexplicably dark on the other side of the room, and all she could make out of the feminine figure was a pair of glowing golden eyes.

Snarling, the woman stepped out of the shadows. Not surprisingly, she was a vampire; wearing a low-cut black leather outfit that clung to her every curve. But it was this creature's face, beyond her crinkled forehead and her dripping fangs, that threatened to turn Tara's entire world inside-out.

The vampire moved slowly, fluidly, into the room, her body like a coiled spring. She was prepared to strike at a moments notice, but she was also ignoring Tara. Her golden gaze remained solely on Willow, who seemed to be trying to make herself smaller so she could crawl under the desk.

"Hungry now," said the vampire. "Come out and play. It won't hurt..." She smiled. "...for long."

"It's not your place to interfere." It shocked Tara to hear her father's voice coming out of the vampire's mouth, but the tone was unmistakable. "So step out of the way."

The blond couldn't help trembling. She had heard the very same words more than once when she tried to stand up to her father in order to protect her mother. Hearing them from the very person she was trying to save was a little more than she was prepared to take at the moment. "Shut up!"

Tara didn't want to fight. That wasn't why she was here. "Will, listen to me. She is not really who you think she is. She's not a monster, she's a part of you. You don't have to run from her. You can..." Realizing she was getting no response, the blonde glanced over her shoulder. Her face fell. The other Willow was gone, having obviously used her confrontation with the vampire as a distraction.

"Oh great. Now I'll have to find her all over again." Tara let out a strangled gasp as she was suddenly jerked off her feet by an unnaturally strong hand grabbing her collar.

The vampire turned Tara to face her. "Mmm..." She leaned in and licked the blonde's neck. "If I can't have her, I can always have the next best thing!" She chuckled as Tara clawed at her hand, trying futilely to break free. "You shouldn't be here, lover. And you're wasting your time with her. I'm the strong one. She'd be nothing without me and she knows it too. Poor, pathetic little Willow Rosenberg, everybody's doormat. But not me. Nobody stands in my way, you hear me? NOBODY!"

Tara's eyes rolled back in her head as she felt everything around her starting to change.

Now Tara and the vampire-Willow found themselves in a grand, upscale apartment, presumably somewhere in Sunnydale. Tara had no idea where they were, or why, but she was unfortunately familiar with at least one of the apartment's occupants.

The hell-goddess was speaking to several of her minions when the room started to shake violently. They were clearly scared, while she just looked curious.

With a surge of power the front door suddenly exploded inward, startling even Glory.

Willow entered through the dust and debris, her feet a good foot above the ground. Her eyes were pure black, and when she spoke it was with a strange echoing effect.

Glory's minions scattered, desperate to get out of the way, while the hell-goddess didn't even flinch. She was, apparently, amused by the witch's display of power.

A shimmering wall of force appeared in front of Glory, halting the hell-goddess in her tracks.

Willow sneered. "I...owe you...PAIN!" She raised her hands and blue-white bolts of energy shot out, engulfing Glory before even she knew what was happening.

"See?" The vampire-Willow turned back to Tara, who she was still holding, while the image of the room began to dwindle into nothingness. "Without me she would never have had the strength to hurt that hell-bitch. Without me she would never have been able to bring her precious Buffy back."

"Are you serious? Don't you know?" The vampire smiled. "Of course you do. You're just fooling yourself. She had to tap into some pretty dark magicks to be able to resurrect the Slayer. That had to come from somewhere you know." She shook her head. "Only now, she's trying to give it all up. Give ME up. And I will not allow her to win! I'll kill her before she finds a way to get rid of me!"

"Listen to me," said Tara. "Please. I know who you are, what you are! You're a part of Willow's consciousness, and if you do manage to kill her, you'll just end up killing yourself!"

The vampire snarled. "Shut up!" She threw Tara across the room like a rag doll. When she struck the far wall it shattered, and the blonde ended up in a very different place than she started.

Tara landed in the middle of a busy dance floor, yet the people didn't react to her at all. They just kept dancing and talking and having a good time, while she scrambled back to her feet.

Out of the corner of her eye the blonde noticed what she perceived as strange movement. She turned her head to look across the club, and saw Willow--the schoolgirl version--up on the second floor, waving. She made her way through the crowd and up the stairs to the redhead's side.

The redhead shrugged her shoulders. "I thought we'd be a little safer here for a while. She'll find me sooner or later, she always does. But I can outrun her. She'll never catch me."

"No. You can't. Don't you see? You're both tearing Willow's mind apart. Every memory you hide in is just one more for her to tear apart. And sooner or later, you're both going to run out of time."

Tara shook her head. "I think you underestimate yourself." She put a hand on the redhead's shoulder. "Willow's true strength has always come from her mind, and you are half of her consciousness. Just as your fanged friend is the other half. Dark and light. Yin and yang."

"Yes, but she's still stronger than me. She's got all the power." Willow's eyes narrowed. "Unless..."

Willow rubbed her hands together. "I saw what she showed you, you know. I have access to the same power as she does, I've just always been afraid to use it. What you just said though, about us being equal halves? I can use that!" She smiled. "I CAN do this!"

They were now in the Magic Box, and Willow had taken on the appearance of the redhead Tara had seen in the fight with Glory, down to the black eyes and the floating.

The vampire-Willow was also present. Crouched by the stairs, she was jerking her head from side to side, her hiss like that of an angry viper. "What's going on? Where am I?" When she caught sight of Willow, she stood up and growled. "I should have known it was you!"

"I'm tired of running away from you!" Willow raised her hands. "I'm strong! I'm stronger than you!" Blue-white bolts of energy erupted from her outstretched palms.

Crackling energy engulfed the vampire, yet it was the other redhead who began to scream.

The vampire just smiled as her human doppleganger fell to her knees, her power already expended. She shook her head as the other redhead dropped her hands, her eyes also back to normal.

Tara stepped forward. "It's what I was trying to tell you. The urge to fight, and the power, comes from a darker part of Willow. It's present in every human psyche. In this case..." She nodded toward the vampire. "...her. Every time you cast an offensive spell, or throw a punch, or get mad, it comes from her. So when you attacked her, you were drawing on the very segment of your shared psyche she represents."

"...the stronger I get," the vampire replied. "That's right, sweet cheeks. You need me."

Tara nodded. "You're right. But don't fool yourself. You need her, just as much as she needs you."

"I'll admit she lacks a certain killer instinct," said Tara. "And a stubborn refusal to surrender that is manifest in you. But at the same time you lack her conscience, the humanity that she embodies. Without her you're nothing but a monster, and without you, she is just a frightened little girl." She crossed her arms. "The fact of the matter is, you need eachother. Even if you somehow managed to kill her you'd ultimately lose. You must see that. You are both a part of the greater consciousness that is Willow. She needs to both of you to survive, in order to find her way back to her body, and back to becoming the woman I fell in love with."

"Of course it's me. I..." Tara paused as she realized that, for the first time, Willow had called her by name. The disassociative effects of the parallax venom that was tearing Willow's mind apart would never have allowed her subconscious to recognize her so clearly. It could only mean one thing; the two separate segments of Willow's mind were beginning to reconnect. It was working. "Willow?"

Tara raised her head. The voice had been Willow's, but it wasn't coming from the redhead standing beside her, or from the vampire. It was another facet of her personality all together.

The voices seemed to be coming from everywhere around them. Tara and the vampire were equally confused by the phenomenon.

"What the hell is going on?" the vampire asked. "We're here. How can we be hearing her?"

"Is it you?" Tara asked the other Willow, the one there with them. "Are you doing this? If you are, stop it. You can't do this...you're using up what little time Willow has left."

"I-I remember...I remember you...I remember us...oh goddess, Tara..." Willow began to cry. "Tara, I've been so stupid! How could I lie to you? How could I hurt you like that?" She turned and glared at the vampire. "Now...it's all starting to make sense. It was you! You're so insecure, and afraid your place was being threatened, you made me use my magick more and more, until I couldn't control it anymore! I drove away the only person in my life I swore I would never, ever do anything to hurt, and it's all because of YOU!"

The vampire shook her head. "It's not just me and you know it. It's both of us. Together. I can't force you to do anything you don't want to. And all you can do is temper my decisions with some rational thinking. We're order out of chaos. A delicate balance that's been upset. Listen to us. I'm starting to sound like you, and you're getting to be all hostile and violent. What does that tell you? The walls between us are breaking down. If they fall, we'll both cease to exist. Now, I don't want that." Her eyes narrowed. "Do you?"

"She's right," said Tara. "It'll take the both of you, working together, to save Willow. Now, do you think you've got the courage to face that kind of a challenge?"

Willow smiled. "I would like to have some peace and quiet for a change. But I'm scared Tara. What happens to the two us if, when, we merge? I don't want to die."

"You won't die," the blonde reassured her. "Neither of you. You'll be reborn. A part of something, someone, so indescribably wonderful."

"Then I guess we shouldn't keep you from her any longer," said Willow. "Just do me one favor. Give us...her, a second chance, would you please? It's not entirely her fault, you know. The magick is very seductive. You know that better than anyone. And she really is trying to resist the urges. I swear." She smiled, holding out her hand. "I can show you, if you like. If you don't believe me."

She sounded so much like the Willow Tara knew when she said that. The blonde nodded.

"I want to. I really do. But let's face it, yours can't exactly be the most unbiased testimony in her defense. You see everything through rose-colored glasses, at least where Willow is concerned. And you, naturally, want what is in Willow's best interest." Tara smiled. "So it wouldn't be fair, to either of us."

The vampire growled. "Let me." When Tara turned her way, she shrugged her shoulders. "What? You know she can't play fair where Willow is concerned, but you also know I would never do anything on her..." She nodded at Willow. "...behalf. And while I may be crazy to do this--since if you win you'll get your Willow back and I'll end up lost in oblivion again--I'd rather exist as a part of your lover girl than cease to exist all together. To do that, I think some trust is in order on both sides, don't you?"

Instantly, the blonde was transported out of the Magic Box and back to Buffy's house.

The two Willow's she had been speaking with were gone, but in their place was yet another redhead. She sat at the dining room table with various magick texts spread out around her, although none of them seemed to be the one she was looking for. At last she found it though, on the far end of the table.

Now anyone else would probably have stood up and grabbed the book without a second thought. But Willow's instinct was, as Tara had once told her, to not consider any other options. She simply held out her hand and was concentrating on bringing the book to her.

The book shuddered, and it was on the verge of levitating when, at the last second, Willow came to her senses and jerked her hand back. Without her concentration the book dropped, and the redhead was left light-headed, a familiar tightness in her chest.

"See?" The blonde started as Willow was suddenly just there, at her side. "What did I tell you? She stopped the spell before it even really started. She was all alone in the house, she could just as easily have brought the book to her without anyone ever knowing. But she didn't."

In the time it took Tara to blink, everything changed. Now they were at the Espresso Pump.

Willow was sitting in front of a computer, swigging her water bottle while waiting for something to load. She drummed her fingers, growing evermore impatient. Finally, she glanced from side to side, to make sure no one was watching, and then placed her hand flat on the screen. Her intention was clear, yet she still hesitated, and in that brief moment the download finished on its own. She let her hand drop away, and for the first time in a long while she allowed herself a smile.

"See? That's the second time. No one, including you, would have been any the wiser." Willow put her hands on her hips as the three of them were suddenly back in the Magick Box. "Now, don't you agree she deserves a little credit for that? At least she is trying."

"Okay," said the redhead. "Now we're ready. But don't you wait too long. I know you miss her, I can feel it. We all know you need her, and she needs you. Just as much as she needs us."

Tara mulled over the redhead's words in silence as vampire and human slowly walked toward one another. The two of them took eachother's hands, and then their bodies just seemed to flow together. From the union came a sudden, overwhelming surge of pure white light...

Willow and Tara woke simultaneously, gasping in unison, and without even realizing it they both tightened the grip they had on each other's hands.

"Um...a demon, I think." The redhead sat up too. "It was after..." She gasped. "Buffy! Oh goddess, Tara. Is Buffy all right? This demon, it was so strong."

"She's fine. They're all fine, but they're worried about you. That's why I'm here."

Willow ran her fingers through her hair. "I had the weirdest dream. At least, I think it was a dream." She turned to Tara. "What happened to me?"

"It's kind of a long story," said Tara. "But first, we'd better tell the others you're okay." She slid off the bed and held her hand out to the redhead. "Can you stand?"

"Of course." Willow seemed to be surprised by the question as she too slid off the bed, planted her feet down and proceeded to do just that. She smiled. "See? I told you I..." Upon taking her first step her knees buckled, and the only thing that kept her from falling flat on her face was Tara. "Uh, thanks."

Tara put her arm around the redhead's waist. "Take it easy. You're going to need time to readjust."

"I'll be fine," said Willow. "As long as I've got you here to help me." She smiled. "Okay, I'm feeling better. Can

I try this on my own again?" The blonde released her, hesitantly, and she took an even more hesitant step toward the door. Even though her legs felt weak, they held this time.

"Just take it slow," Tara warned, staying close behind the redhead. "One step at a time."

Willow had a white-knuckled grip on the bannister as they made it to the stairs and started down, Tara keeping close enough behind her to reach out if necessary. It wasn't though, she made it downstairs in one piece and the two of them smiled as they saw the sight waiting for them in the living room.

Xander sat on the couch, obviously asleep, his head lolled back. Anya was laying across the rest of it with her head resting in his lap. Buffy was curled up in a chair, the front of her shirt still moist from where she had been crying. The television was showing a test pattern.

"It's going to be light soon. I wonder how long I was..." Tara glanced at a clock on the wall. "Goddess! I was in your mind for nearly six hours, Will. It didn't feel like that long at all."

"I told you, I'll explain everything later. Guys! Wake up! There's someone here to see you."

One by one they stirred. The Slayer first, followed by Xander and Anya. Their faces lit up as they saw Willow standing beside Tara, her hand in the blonde's.

"Will!" Buffy vaulted out of the chair and got within inches of swallowing Willow up in a tremendous bearhug before she saw the exhausted expression on the redhead's face. "You're okay?"

"I think so." Willow was just glad to be with Tara. It always made her feel so much better. "Though I'm still not real clear on what happened though."

Buffy and Xander took turns carefully and repeatedly hugging Willow. Anya held back, for which Willow was no doubt particularly grateful. The ex-demon was smiling though.

So long, in fact, that Dawn woke up while they were still in the middle of the story. She hugged the redhead in tears, apologizing profusely for ever having been angry with her.

Eventually Buffy pulled her away and dragged her upstairs so she could get ready for school. The Slayer, for a change, decided to walk her sister to school.

Xander and Anya took that as their cue to leave too. He had to get to work, and she was overheard mentioning something about having been away from her money for too long.

That left Willow and Tara all by themselves for once. They got some coffee, and sat down on the couch in the living room to talk. It had been a long time.

"So she was really invisible?" Tara was in the middle of asking. "And this guy Jonathon, he's the one who made everyone in town love him last year?"

Willow nodded. "Same guy. I guess he's come up in the world. Him and Warren and...umm, Tucker's brother. I can't believe they're the ones who've been bugging Buffy lately."

"You know, I once told Xander it wasn't a good week in Sunnydale if I hadn't been held hostage at least once. I may have to amend that." Willow smiled only after Tara did. "Say, I'm sorry about you missing class. I know you were looking forward to this project."

"Why did you..." Willow lowered her eyes for a moment as she collected her thoughts, then looked straight at Tara. "You were right. When you left, I mean. I was screwed up. I realize that now. I had the most wonderful gift in the world, your love, and I stomped it right into the dirt. I can't even begin to imagine how much I hurt you. If

Tara put two fingers on Willow's lips, silencing her, and smiled. "Babble-alert."

"Yeah." The redhead pulled back and chuckled nervously. "Sorry about that. I just...this stuff has been building, you know, for a real long time." She sighed. "Why did you do this, Tara?"

"Why in the world would you risk your life for me, after everything I put you through?"

Tara's eyes widened. "Will! How can you even ask me that? Just because we aren't together anymore, does not mean I've stopped loving you." She cupped the redhead's cheek. "There's not enough magick in this entire world to do that." She pulled her hand away and shook her head. "But even if I was angry, doesn't mean I could stand by and let you die, if I could do anything to stop it."

Tara nodded. "I realize that. And you know what got me through the fear? Knowing that if I did die, at least the two of us would have been together at the end."

"I love you Tara." Willow leaned across the table and embraced the blonde. "And I miss you so much it hurts. I would give anything to be able to undo what I did to you." She frowned. "It's all because of the magick. I wish I'd never started with it in the first place."

"Hey, don't be so quick to give up on it, Will. Remember, we met because of magick."

The redhead smiled. "Oh yes, the Wicca group. I wonder whatever happened to those girls?"

"I heard Diana and a couple of the others left not long after we did. I think Cindy and Heather ran off together, and I'm pretty sure Morgan is...well, still Morgan."

"Not a real witch among them." Willow nudged her ex. "Present company excluded, of course."

"I don't think I ever told you this..." Tara gave one of her little half-smiles Willow always found so adorable. "I kind of had a thing for you before I ever even knew your name. That first day you came to our group, I took one look at you and I though I'd died and gone to heaven." Her cheeks started to flush, but she continued. "I tried not to stare every time afterward, but it was hard. I was just wondering..."

"Yes," said Willow. "I noticed. Maybe not the first day, but it didn't take me long to feel your eyes on me. You cut quite the figure, always sitting on the floor away from everyone. I always figured you were shy, which is the reason I was so surprised when you tried to stand up for me that one day."

"You surprised me too. I never thought I'd hear anyone else say we should try doing some spells." Tara lay her hand on Willow's. "I'm so glad you did. If you hadn't, I might never have had the courage to go searching for you after the Gentlemen stole our voices. And we never would have wound up in..."

"...the laundry room." Willow shook her head and smiled. "You know? One of these days I am going to have to write those floating freaks a thank you card."

Tara sighed. "But my question was, my Willow-gazing...did it, you know, bother you?"

"Back then, you never even thought about being with another woman. I'm just wondering if you realized what I was doing, and why, and whether or not it bothered you?"

"I heard things when I was in your mind. One of them was that day in the Wicca group. You were thinking how much it creeped you out that I was gawking at you."

"Hey. Listen..." Willow took Tara's hand. "I was in a really bad place back then. I mean, Oz had just left, and I'd started to think nobody would ever find me desirable again. Buffy and Xander had their own private heart-beeps to worry about, and I was all by my lonesome. It really sucked." She smiled. "When you spoke up on my behalf I felt something all right, but it wasn't the creeps. Honestly. I was flattered. I felt so happy there was someone on my side, even if it was that cute little shy girl whose name I didn't know."

"Would I lie?" Willow cleared her throat. "And, truth be told, I'm not sure it's one hundred percent accurate to say I'd never even thought about being with another woman back then. Yes, I was in love with Xander once, and I know Oz still holds a place in my heart, but I've had...fantasies. There was the teacher Buffy and I used to have, I don't know if I ever told you about her. Jenny Calendar?"

"Giles' old girlfriend? The one who died? You never told me you had a crush on her."

"Not a crush, exactly. More like feelings I wasn't consciously aware of at the time. Of course I've got twenty-twenty hindsight about it now." Willow shrugged her shoulders. "Well, that's all in the past now. I think it's time I concentrated on the future. I want to go back to school. Get on with my life."

"That was going to be my next suggestion. I can be your teacher. I'll show you all about Wicca. About control, and discipline. I know you can handle it Will. I saw, in your mind, what you've been doing the last few days. The temptation was there, but you resisted. I'm very proud of you."

"You're starting to sound a little punch-drunk," said Tara. "I think you need to get some sleep."

"Your body may have been at rest, Will, but your brain was going a hundred miles a minute. It's going to take a while for you to wind down. I'll be there to help you though, so don't worry."

"I know, maybe I'm jumping the gun here but you did say I was getting better, right? Doesn't that count? I miss you, Tara. I miss having you in my life, in my arms. I want to hold you, and kiss you, and...Goddess! Is there any chance we could ever get back together? Is it at least, you know, possible?"

After a long, agonizing moment of hesitation, Tara shrugged her shoulders. "Anything is possible."

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Introspection

By Kirk Baldridge

Kirk@mysticmuse.net