Unforgiven by Frau Hunter Ash

Disclaimers: The characters and show all belong to Joss Whedon, Fox, Mutant Enemy, Kuzui, and God only knows who else. The storyline, however, is the sole property of the author. This story cannot be sold or used for profit in any way. Copies of this story may be made for private use only and must include all disclaimers and copyright notices.

Summary: Willow decides to leave Sunnydale after the disasters with Rack and black magic.

"Hey, Buffy!" Xander's voice caught the Slayer off guard as she opened the door to walk Dawn to school; instinctively her hand went inside her jacket for her trusty stake.

"Easy, Buff!" the Slayer's best male friend smiled a quirky smile as he trotted up the sidewalk.

"You haven't seen the paper this morning, have you?" he asked, thrusting one in Buffy's direction and went on to explain his presence before she could even unfold it.

"Rack? The black magick guy Willow was messed up with last week?" Buffy asked with a frown, opening the paper quickly and scanning the inside page for the sketchy report.

"Says here that he was killed, no suspects," Buffy muttered. "Let's walk Dawn to school and you can tell me what Willy said."

"Good idea but one question first," Xander said. "Have you seen Willow this morning?"

"No, why?" Buffy asked. "We haven't talked since last week. I know she had a rough time coming down off that magick thing she did with Rack and she's been keeping a low profile."

"Yeah, especially after almost getting me killed!" Dawn added, her voice bitter. Xander could tell she still hadn't forgiven Willow for that incident. Demons, cars driving themselves and Willow breaking her arm was a little over the top.

"Well, Willie said that someone in a cloak showed up at Rack's last night, they went in the back room," Xander explained. "Apparently, whatever they were doing went wrong or Rack got rough. The witches at the party said that they heard screams of a woman telling him 'no' and then the sounds of breaking furniture. Fight sounds, more screams and then nothing."

"Yeah, but the door was sealed with magic and they couldn't get in until they heard Rack yelling and then crashing glass," Xander continued. "When they broke in, Rack had several knife wounds in his back, a girl's shirt in his hands and the window was broken. No sign of the girl in the cloak."

"So why ask about Willow?" Buffy continued frowning, not liking where her own thoughts were going and where she suspected Xander's had already been.

Buffy shook her head. "No, Willow gave up magick, she wouldn't go back to Rack and she would not kill anyone!"

"If she went there to break his hold on her or something and he got out of line?" Xander suggested.

"Buffy, if someone were raping you or Dawn, you'd kill them," Xander said softly.

Dawn's eyes went wide with confusion and surprise as they all considered the possibilities.

"Okay, let's ask if she was out last night," Buffy snapped, turning back towards the house. "Xander, call the school and tell them Dawn is going to be late, she has a dentist appointment or something."

Buffy pounded up the stairs with Dawn right behind her while Xander headed for the phone.

"Will?" the Slayer called, knocking on the witch's door. She wasn't surprised she hadn't run into Willow. Buffy had been correct, Willow had been keeping a low profile around the Scooby Gang ever since the demon incident and Dawn's broken arm.

Buffy had yelled at her, Willow had apologized and promised no more magick, and then spent three days in her room. Buffy had gone in occasionally to check on her wayward friend and was distressed to find Willow suffering physically and mentally from purging the black magick from her system but after the third day Willow had been more like herself. The witch looked like she had been through a major case of a bad flu but promised she was better and no more magick.

The Slayer had also been distracted by her insane relationship with Spike. She was either fighting or having sex with him, sometimes both in the same hour. Buffy was more than confused by her behavior. She liked Spike, sort of. Buffy definitely knew that she didn't love him but the only time she seemed alive was when she was fighting or shagging him.

Tara had also been keeping her distance from the Summers' house. She would meet Dawn for movies or sodas or something but she had made it clear after Willow's last mess that she didn't want to see her former lover anytime soon.

Buffy pounded on the door again. "Everyone is keeping vampire hours around here," she grumbled and tried the door. It opened easily.

The young blonde knew instantly something was wrong and what it was when she walked in the room and felt her mind trying to shut down.

"What is it, Buffy?" Dawn questioned, pushing past her older sister into Willow's room. She looked around, confused and trying to figure out what was wrong with the room.

Dawn wasn't surprised to find Willow's magick stuff missing, she had heard Willow throwing all of it out immediately after returning from the hospital where they had set Dawn's broken arm. The room seemed different though.

Buffy moved past Dawn as she heard Xander tromping up the stairs. The Slayer went to the bed, reaching for the paper waiting patiently on the pillow. She sat down slowly to read, knowing already what she'd find already.

Xander looked around, his eyes widening as he took in missing pictures, laptop, a few books and open drawers and closet door.

The young man snapped his jaw shut as he watched Buffy read the note and then hand it to him.

"What?" Dawn demanded, she hated when someone knew something she didn't and she could tell by Xander and Buffy's faces they knew what was going on.

"Buffy and Gang; I'm very sorry about the magick thing. I know I messed everything up and you'll never trust me again. I can't stay here knowing how bad I screwed up my relationship with all of you. I'm leaving so Tara can come back and help take care of Dawn, it's not fair for me to stay in the house," Xander read.

"Buffy has Spike to fight with and whatever, Dawn prefers Tara to me right now and I can't blame her for that, I prefer Tara to me right now. Xander is happy with Anya and Giles left us. I don't fit in anymore and you'll always think of me as a danger to everyone," Xander continued.

"I love you all very much and I never meant to hurt anyone. I don't know where I'm going and don't care right now. Tell Tara, I never stopped loving her. Love, Willow."

Xander handed the letter to Dawn and glanced around the room. "She took a couple of books, her laptop and very few clothes," he said, quickly making a mental inventory. The young man frowned and went to the end of the dresser and picked up a pair of discarded jeans.

Buffy, catching his energy, looked up with a puzzled look as he frowned and threw the jeans at her. The Slayer stretched them out and felt her eyes widen. One thing the Vampire Slayer knew was blood stains on clothing. Ripped and bloody clothing was common in her profession. It wasn't common for Willow since she hadn't been out Slaying with Buffy since the "incident."

"Dawn, go call Tara and ask her to come over, she needs to know what happened and we need to decide what to do?" Buffy said softly, bundling the jeans back as Dawn looked up.

"She's a friend and she's in trouble," Buffy said firmly. "Willow risked her life and sanity for all of us many times; I'm not going to let her go without a fight."

"You didn't fight all that hard these last two weeks when she needed a friend," Dawn countered.

Buffy was on her feet and in Dawn's face in an instant, both sisters squaring off. Then the Slayer's face softened.

"You're right, sometimes I'm the worst friend in the world," Buffy acknowledged. "I take my friends for granted and I'm not there when they're hurting sometimes. Maybe it's time I grew up. Xander, call Tara and have Anya come over."

"Dawn, I know you were hurt by Willow and Tara breaking up and what Willow did, but she didn't mean to hurt any of us," Buffy tried reasoning with the stubborn fifteen year old.

"Yeah, sometimes we have to remember our friends are human and make mistakes," Buffy commented. "If we don't find her in a couple of days, I'll let it go."

"Maybe," Buffy agreed. "I'll admit I'm still angry at her and things haven't been the same since I came back but we were friends for a long time and she cared for you after I died."

Tara was stunned and Anya was irritated that Willow was causing even more problems.

"I say let her go," Anya volunteered. "She's been useless around the shop and we have a wedding to plan. We shouldn't be chasing after her after all she did."

"Do you want to be around her?' Anya countered. "You're scared to death that she's done another spell that's going to go wrong."

"I say we look for a couple of days and if she doesn't turn up, then we move on," Buffy suggested.

"I've got to find a decent job, help Dawn keep her grades up, pay the bills and all sorts of things," Buffy complained. "I don't have time to chase Willow around town because she's feeling sorry for herself."

"And she'll be sorry the next time she screws up," Buffy said bitterly, as if forgetting her earlier words about improving on her friendship skills.

"Buffy, she risked her life and soul to bring you back," Tara protested. "She never meant to hurt anyone with what she's done. I know I've made mistakes in the past."

"That wasn't Angel, it was Angelus," Buffy corrected. "We'll look for her but I'm not going to spend the next two weeks chasing her. She'll come back. Where else could she go?"

"What if she's really lost, emotionally and mentally?" Tara asked, still frowning along with Xander.

"She'll show up," Buffy said confidently. "Willow doesn't have anywhere else to go. We're her life."

"Then it's a sorry-assed life," Xander muttered, pulling away from Anya's hand on his arm.

"I'm sorry, I think the only friend I've had since I was five years old is in trouble and no one seems to care except Tara!" he shouted.

"Xander, Willow is just feeling sorry for herself," Anya added. "Let her cool off, she'll come crawling back in a week."

"I think I need a walk, wanna come Tara?" he asked, standing up from the sofa, leaving a stunned Anya glaring at him as he offered his hand to Tara.

"I need to think and I think Tara needs to get out of here and think as well," he muttered.

Tara stood up, accepting his hand as Buffy shrugged and Dawn glared at them. Tara looked at the young teenager, clearly puzzled.

"Because you're doing exactly what she planned!" Dawn shouted. "Separating all of us, making her the center of attention again!"

"Dawn, I'm sorry you think that," Tara said slowly. "I don't think Willow did this for attention. I think she's serious about leaving."

"Not intentionally, I know that," Tara shook her head. "I still love you, Dawnie, but I love Willow and I think she's in trouble."

"Anya and I will check the bus station, you guys check her house and see if she took her parent's car," Buffy instructed.

"Never mind," Xander snapped, stopping Buffy from getting up from her chair. "You're not interested. We'll do it ourselves."

"Xander, that's not fair!" Buffy yelled, jumping to her feet. "Of course I want to know she's alright and I want to find her."

"No, you haven't wanted to be around here since she brought you back and we've all known it," Xander said sadly. "She loved you, Buff, more than life itself. Come on, Tara."

Buffy frowned as the two Scooby Gang members walked out of her house. Anya looked angry enough to break something apart and Dawn was sulking.

"How did this day turn out so bad and it's not even 10 o'clock in the morning?" Buffy complained.

Buffy grabbed the phone before Dawn could get her hands on it, her sister giving the Slayer a fine glare. The phone had become a source of irritation for both sisters, Buffy discovering something mothers had discovered decades before: popular teenage girls lived on the telephone.

"Hello?" Buffy answered, hoping it wasn't one of Dawn's friends but knowing it probably was.

For the last two weeks, the phone had only been for Dawn. Xander and Tara refused to talk to Buffy, Dawn or Anya.

In a weird twist of fate, Anya had agreed to move in to help Buffy care for and keep an eye on Dawn while Tara moved into Xander's apartment from the dorm. It had been two weeks since Willow had disappeared and Buffy was even angrier. Because of Willow leaving, Anya was ranting constantly about the broken engagement and threatening revenge on Xander, Tara wasn't talking to her, and Dawn was acting like a jerk about all of it.

Spike yelled at Buffy when he found out Willow was gone and Buffy wasn't tearing up the town searching for the redhead. That had led to a fight, which led to blows and that had ended up in sex again for the rest of the night.

"Terrific," she mumbled. What she did not need right now was Angel with everything screwed up with Spike and life. "Hey, Angel. What's up?"

Angel frowned, waiting as Cordelia and Wesley shifted impatiently on their feet inside his door.

"Well, I've got a magick question and Cordy has a computer question, we were wondering if Willow was around," Angel asked slowly.

"Well," Buffy hesitated, hating dragging the most recent Scooby Gang mess out in the open with anyone else. "Willow isn't here right now, Angel."

"Cordy, Buffy says Willow isn't there right now," Angel repeated on the other end. "Well, we can call back, do you know when she'll be in?"

"Not really," Buffy hedged. "Listen, Willow moved out two weeks ago and I haven't seen her. You'll have to try Tara for your questions."

"What do you mean moved out and you haven't seen her? Isn't she your best friend?" Angel demanded, his voice reflecting his disbelief.

"Things changed a little bit around here in the last couple of months and I don't want to go into it," Buffy snapped, watching Dawn's eyes widened at Buffy's irritation. "I don't know where Willow is. Tara might. Got a pencil?" Buffy rattled off Xander's number from memory. "Anything else?"

"Is Willow still in Sunnydale?" Angel asked. "You aren't worried? Did you guys have a fight or something?"

"I said I didn't want to go into it," Buffy snarled. "Willow's not in Sunnydale and we don't know where she is. Worried, a little bit but not going crazy over it."

"Thanks for Tara's number," Angel said calmly. "If Willow turns up here, do you care?"

"Not really," Buffy snapped and slammed the phone down. "Goddamn, self-righteous vampire!"

"She doesn't know where Willow is, hasn't seen her in two weeks and really doesn't care if she never sees Willow," Angel repeated.

"I know," Angel muttered. "Buffy gave me Tara's number. I'll try and get some answers there."

The vampire dialed the number he had been given and waited patiently as Wesley glanced at his watch.

"Xander, please don't call me that," Angel growled. "Is Tara there? Buffy gave me this number to reach her. What's going on?"

"Yeah, well, things are kinda messed up around here," Xander answered, unaware that he was answering Cordelia's question as well. "I broke up with Anya, Tara and I fought with Buffy and Dawn, and Tara's staying here."

Angel shook his head. "Okay, go slowly, I know Willow is missing and Buffy doesn't seem to care. What happened?"

"Well, hey, Tara just walked in," Xander's voice said. "Angel's on the line, asking for you. Here."

"Well, Buffy says that Willow's been gone for two weeks and no one there cares," Angel said slowly.

"That's not true," Tara protested and Angel could hear the tears in her voice. "That's why Xander broke up with Anya and I moved in with him instead of in with Buffy and Dawn. They don't care and got mad at us because we wanted to find Willow."

"I don't think I should go into that without Willow around, Angel," Tara said reluctantly.

"Then you both had better get here as fast as you can," Angel said slowly. "Cordelia had one of her visions and we found Willow in a run down hotel."

"She was barely alive, Tara," Angel answered. "Malnutrition, dehydration and severe anemia from too many bloody noses."

"She's in Cedar Sinai, the ICU unit in a coma," Angel explained. "The doctors aren't sure if she did too much damage ignoring her body for quite awhile."

"Coma?" Tara repeated and they could hear Xander demanding answers in the background.

"They aren't sure she's going to make it, Tara," Angel said. "I don't think she wants to live, she's not fighting back. If you do care for her, get here."

"Why didn't they call us and tell us she was missing?" she demanded. "I had to have one of those damned visions and a migraine headache to find Willow!"

"I don't know," Angel said thoughtfully, leaning back in his chair. "Something happened that turned most of them against Willow and broke the gang up."

"Well, if you ask me, Willow couldn't have done anything that terrible!" Cordy snapped.

"If the gang is fighting, maybe it's not a good idea to bring any of them here," Wesley suggested. "They might upset Willow and send her spirit further down."

"Possibly," Angel conceded. "But I think Tara really still cares for her. It was enough to break up Xander's engagement to Anya."

"Let's get back to the hospital, shall we?" Wesley suggested. "We only have a couple of hours before they run us off again."

"No, they're still somewhere in the middle of one of the deserts in Israel and I don't speak Hebrew," Angel complained. "I've left word at the Embassy but that could take forever and they've never really shown much interest in Willow's hospital visits."

"Too true, Sunnydale parents, absentee at its best," Cordelia complained as she and Wesley headed out of the office, leaving Angel to brood.

Angel had no idea how Xander and Tara made it to Los Angeles so quickly and really didn't want to ask as they dashed out of the elevator onto the floor containing the ICU Ward.

The three of them stopped in front of each other awkwardly. Angel had barely met Tara and had never really been Xander's friend. The young man had tolerated Angel being around because of Buffy and Willow.

"Yes," Angel said softly, watching Tara's face crumble and Xander place his arm around her shoulders. "Let's sit down for a minute and I'll explain."

"Look, we all want some answers and Willow isn't going anywhere anytime soon," Angel looked relieved when Wesley and Cordy stepped into the waiting area. Xander hugged Cordy for a quick moment.

Xander and Tara looked at each other and nodded. Angel motioned for everyone to sit down.

"How about from the beginning?" Angel suggested. "What drove Willow from Sunnydale?"

Xander and Tara looked at each other again, both with unhappy expressions. Tara nodded for Xander to begin.

"Things were different after Buffy came back," Xander said slowly. "Willow used some major magic stuff to get Buffy back and it scared all of us. Buffy was also different."

"We found out that she wasn't suffering in some hellish dimension but she was actually at peace," Xander explained.

"Oh God," Wesley muttered. "No wonder Giles was worried." He looked around at the questioning looks and began blushing. "Giles called me, he was worried that Buffy had lost the Slayer spark, her edge since her death. He didn't know what to do."

"Yeah, everyone was freaked and didn't know what to do," Xander continued. "Willow retreated into her magic, Anya and I were stressing over announcing our engagement, and Buffy wouldn't open up."

Angel jerked in surprise at the mention of his childe. "What's he got to do with this?"

"Seems that Buffy can't resist you dead guys," Xander snapped. "She turned to Spike instead of any of us."

"Willow got too easy with the magic stuff and went out of control," Xander continued, glancing at Tara's unhappy face as they talked about her lover. "Things went wrong, everyone got pissed, Tara moved out and broke up with Willow."

"Wow, you two were like so cute in the pictures Willow sent us," Cordy muttered.

"Something happened and Willow had some kind of melt down with the magic," Xander added.

"Yeah, looks like the black magic stuff was like a drug and Willow went tripping," Xander growled. "Dawn almost got killed because of Willow and got her arm broken."

"She swore off magic after that but it was almost like it was too late," Tara said softly. "After she detoxed off the black magic, she disappeared."

Xander pulled out the note Willow had left behind and handed it to Angel who scanned it and handed it to Cordy and Wesley read over her shoulder.

"No, she was going to look for a couple of days out of a sense of Slayer duty but that was it," Xander nodded. "We argued about it. Dawn, Anya and Buffy wanted to cut Willow out. Tara and I didn't agree and we've been looking for her ever since."

"We knew Willow wouldn't want anyone else to know how badly she messed up," Xander explained.

"Cordy had one of her visions and we were able to track Willow down from the bus station to a run down wino hotel," Angel explained their end of the saga. "The manager was getting worried, he said she had checked in three days before and he hadn't seen her since. We went in and…" Angel hesitated, his eyes dropping.

"Willow was almost dead when we found her," Wesley continued. "She was unconscious, had been bleeding steadily from the nose and was far too thin and pale. We called 911, gathered her things and followed her to the hospital."

"She was transferred here after County discovered she wasn't a homeless type and had good insurance through her parents," Cordy supplied.

"Well, we found numerous used bus tickets in her backpack," Wesley began explaining. "Willow apparently got on a bus two weeks ago and didn't stop until she crashed four days ago at that run down hotel."

"She was traveling aimlessly throughout the Western States on the bus," Wesley clarified. "Willow apparently just changed busses at times and didn't stop for long in any one place."

"Listen, whatever happened has destroyed Willow. If you're going to make her feel guilty, I suggest you wait until she wakes up and is stronger," Angel growled.

"I left my fiancé to find my friend," he snapped. "I know that Tara and Willow love each other."

"I love Willow, Angel," Tara added. "I never stopped; I just couldn't help or trust her when I left. I was never far away."

"What do the doctor's say about Willow," Xander asked, bringing their focus back.

"Malnutrition from lack of food," Angel repeated. "Dehydration from throwing up and blood loss. Severe anemia from blood loss."

"Willow might not," Angel nodded as Tara began to cry silently again. "They think her major organs have been damaged from the malnutrition and all of that and she might not fight her way out of the coma."

"I need to talk to the doctors and see her," Tara said firmly. "Is she on a ventilator?"

"Willow and I have Power of Attorney and all the other legal paperwork a gay couple needs," Tara explained. "I know what her wishes are."

"Alright, let's figure all of this out, I'll take Tara and Xander to the nurse's station so they can see Willow," Angel suggested.

Xander broke into tears and Tara went into something of an emotional and physical shock at the sight of Willow Rosenberg as she lay in the hospital.

They could barely tell it was their beloved Willow, her eyes were taped closed, a breathing tube was taped to her mouth and going down her throat. Her body looked much too small to be Willow under the plain sheet with tubes and monitor wires seemingly everywhere under the sheet and in the witch's arms.

"Willow? Oh sweet Goddess!" Tara whimpered, moving to sit down on a small rolling stool next to the bed. She gently placed her hand in Willow's. "Don't do this to us! Please come back to us!"

Angel tapped Xander on the shoulder and motioned the young man to follow him out of the cubicle.

"Willow, it's Tara," Tara said softly, tears streaming down her face. "I'm here and I love you! I will never leave you again! Please come back to me!"

Xander leaned against the wall, staring at the row of telephones. He glanced up as Cordelia walked up and joined him.

"I don't know," he admitted. "Buffy was different when she came back. I don't think any of us really recovered from her death and her return."

"You left someone who wants to have sex several times a day with you because of friendship?" Cordy asked.

Xander picked up the receiver and dropped two coins into the nearest pay phone. He dialed the number from memory.

"Buffy? It's Xander," he said, holding the receiver out so Cordelia could hear as well.

"Xander, where the hell are you? Your job has been calling and driving us crazy and Anya is still screaming every five minutes about you dumping her," Buffy's voice carried.

"You including yourself in that?' Xander countered and Cordelia surprised him by nodding. "Buffy!" Xander snapped. "Tara and I are in LA."

"Why are you there? Did you find Willow? She show up on Angel's doorstep?" Buffy asked.

"No, not quite," Xander frowned. "Cordy had a vision and they found Willow almost dead."

"Just that, she's still in a coma. It looks like she didn't eat for a week and just traveled aimlessly on the bus," Xander explained.

"Try it on this end!" he suddenly shouted. "Willow is dying, Buffy! She may not come out of it. It's a miracle that her kidneys haven't shut down yet."

"Xander, I…I'm starting a new job tomorrow, I don't know if we can come to LA," Buffy said slowly.

"I really didn't think you would," Xander said calmly. "Don't worry about my job, I'll be fine here for awhile."

"You're not coming back?" It sounded like Buffy couldn't believe what she was hearing.

"If she dies, I'm not sure I'm coming back to Sunnydale," Xander said, making an instant decision for his future. "I have a job here for awhile, Tara and I will be okay until Willow is better."

"To hell with you, Buffy," Xander growled with no sense of humor in the words. "Should I call if anything changes with Willow or do any of you care?"

"Yes, I care, damnit!" Buffy shouted. "But she got herself in this mess and I can't leave right now. Anya either wants to kill you or have sex with you until you die and Dawn is still upset about Tara and you leaving."

"Tell Dawn we're sorry and we'll call or write or something," Xander said and hung up. He leaned his head against the wall.

"Yeah, I'm experienced at slaying like Gunn and Tara is pretty good at the magic and research stuff. Once Willow's on her feet, we'll decide what to do from there."

The days turned into weeks as Willow began to show signs of slight improvement. She was moved into a semi-private room and the breathing tube was removed.

After some slight legal hassles were settled, the hospital set up a bed next to Willow's for Tara, it was difficult for anyone to get her away from Willow's side. She took over most of the nursing duties and gave Willow her undivided attention and care. Tara moved Willow's legs and arms, keeping muscles flexible and nerves from shrinking. The witch talked with Willow constantly, reading to her, singing, chanting and just holding her hand.

Cordelia peeked in the door one day and shook her head at Wesley as he glanced over his shoulder.

"Xander told me that during that mess with Glory, Tara was hurt. Glory took most of her mind and she was left worse than a child," Wesley said softly, pulling Cordelia back into the hallway. "Willow refused to place her in hospital even though everyone urged her to do so. She took care of Tara and never lost hope."

"How did they save her?" Cordelia asked, wishing she had gotten to know Tara before this latest disaster.

"Willow worked a spell and did exactly what Glory did to Tara, she took Tara's mind back from Glory and transferred it back to her lover," Wesley explained.

"What if she doesn't wake up, Tara can't keep this up," Cordy asked, her face reflecting her worry.

Another month passed and Xander decided to make a trip back to Sunnydale to retrieve some of his and Tara's belongings.

They had agreed to move into Angels' hotel along with the rest of the Los Angeles group. Xander was quite pleased when he seemed to fit right in with the Angel and the others.

For having hated Angel for a number of years, Xander was surprised when they settled into an easy truce. Xander joked that after dealing with Spike for so long, dealing with a vampire with a soul was easy. He and Gunn also got along surprisingly well; helping with the physical stuff and spending time at the nearby bar afterwards.

Tara watched as Xander placed a small ice chest in the front seat of the small used Dodge Colt and turned to her.

"I want to get some of my things and some of the stuff you and Willow left behind," he explained again.

"That means you'll have to run into at least one of them," she complained. "They know you're coming."

"I know, they still are pissed off that we left and that Willow's actually sick," Xander growled, frowning deeply. "I think Buffy would have preferred Willow to come crawling back after a week of feeling sorry for herself."

"How did things get so wrong this year?" Xander muttered, leaning on the car door.

"I don't know," Tara said thoughtfully, leaning on the car roof with her arms. "I don't think Buffy dealt with coming back from the peaceful realm. Has to change a person."

"Yeah, too bad she didn't reach out to her friends instead of getting horizontal with Spike," Xander complained.

"Don't let them push your buttons, especially Anya," Tara smiled gently, hugging him tightly for a moment.

"I won't," Xander smiled and then looked thoughtful. "You know, I thought it would hurt more."

Tara watched as he drove off. Xander was becoming more and more confident in his driving and in life overall the longer they stayed in Los Angeles, she reflected.

"Yes to both," Tara managed to smile a tired smile. "She's starting to open her eyes occasionally and almost wake up. The doctors said to expect this and not to get my hopes up but I can't help it."

"Damned doctors," Cordy complained, reaching for her purse behind the main desk. "Always hedging their bets so they can't be wrong."

"I know, they say she'll either wake up or she won't," Tara agreed. "Duh!"
"You think Buffy will give Xander a hard time?" Cordy asked as they moved towards the garage.

Once they stepped out of the elevator, both Cordy and Tara knew something was different. The nurses were chattering excitedly and were hovering near the desk, as if waiting for something.

Tara felt her heart sinking with the fear that Willow had finally given up until one of the nurses spotted them and grinned at the young women. She hurried around the desk, excitement gushing from her.

"Willow is awake and aware!" the nurse repeated as the other two nurses applauded. They had watched Tara spending nearly 16 hours a day with her lover and her tireless devotion. The women were clearly overjoyed.

"Now, she can't speak yet," one of them warned. "Her vocal cords are a little rough, but she's awake and knows who all has been here for her."

"Willow!" Tara's eyes brightened as the news sank in and she dashed for the room.

"Doctor's on his way to examine her and explain her recovery," the first nurse informed Cordelia.

The nurse and Cordy moved to the door and glanced inside, both grinning from ear to ear as they watched Tara hugging Willow, both women crying with joy.

"Damn, must have the cell phone off," he complained to himself. He had just pulled up in front of the Summers' house. Xander debated whether to call Tara first or get his visit over with.

He saw someone watching him from the front window and decided to get it over with. Maybe the phone call to Tara afterwards would help.

The last few months hadn't changed the shattered friendship. Buffy was still angry Willow had left and blamed the witch for everything going wrong. Anya alternated between begging Xander to return and screaming at him for leaving and threatening parts of his body if she ever saw him again. Dawn was the only one who had kept up decent contact through letters and phone calls. After her initial anger, she actually sounded concerned over Willow's illness.

Xander approached the familiar house slowly, wondering who had been at the window. He couldn't help but grin when Dawn opened the door and dashed into his arms. Xander hugged her with a laugh.

"Shut up, Billy!" Dawn snapped. "He hates it when I call him Billy," Dawn giggled to Xander. "I saw old videos on MTV and I told him he looks like Billy Idol."

"I'm with Xander!" Dawn screamed back. "At least he can go out in the sunlight!"

Xander heard boots hitting the floor and braced himself as Spike pulled the door the rest of the way open, glaring at the former Scooby member.

"Right at home, huh, Spike?" Xander smirked back. "Isn't Buffy's bedroom a little too bright for you?"

Xander felt a pang of grief sweep over him as he watched the Slayer walk up and readily accepted Spike's arm around her shoulder. The young man could see the challenge in Buffy's eyes, daring him to judge her relationship with Spike.

"Yes, Willow is showing some signs of improvement and Tara won't leave her," Xander answered as Dawn glared at her sister and vampire boyfriend.

"I train with her daily, I'm 16 and they still won't let me out after dark," Dawn complained. "You know how hard that is on a social life?"

Xander grinned. It felt really weird to have Dawn suddenly confiding and being friendly with him after the fight but it also felt nice.

"You know how dangerous it is, every damned undead thing out there knows who I am and who you are," Buffy growled.

"Yeah, I managed to keep Anya out of yours," Buffy said, pointing to boxes next to the door. "You're not staying?"

"Imagine that," Spike smirked as they moved into the house. "Don't feel like a fifth wheel anymore, even with Gunn being the brawn and Wesley the brains? Where the hell does that leave you?"

"No, I'm sorry about that," Buffy said gently. "Spike's just being Spike. Let's have some coffee or something and tell me about Willow and Tara."

"Look, this is really awkward for me, Buff," Xander admitted and then seemed to hesitate. "Alright, one quick soda."

"Spike, go help Dawn with her homework," Buffy ordered, heading to the kitchen with Xander following.

Xander sat down at the familiar kitchen table and popped open the Classic Coke Buffy handed him. Buffy sat down across from him.

"Not much to tell," Xander frowned, he was reluctant to talk about the cause of his collapsed engagement and friendships in Sunnydale.

"Why?" he demanded. "Out of guilt that Will was actually in trouble or do you care?"

"I care, Xan," Buffy said softly, her eyes filling with tears. "We were wrong. I've been wrong."

"If we had found her sooner, we might have been able to stop her suicidal crash," he snarled. "The doctors say that if she wakes up it'll be months of physical therapy, even if there's no brain damage. So far her internal organs seem okay but they're not sure."

"Xander, I'm sorry," Buffy said quietly, a few tears starting to fall from her eyes. "I don't know what happened to me when I came back. Everything seemed off and I was different and I blamed Will for bringing me back."

"We all made mistakes, your worst one was turning to Spike and not the rest of us," Xander commented.

"Tara watches over Willow night and day, helping with her therapy to keep her muscles flexible and reads to her and stuff," Xander answered. "I work for Angel and it's good. I'm starting community college next semester."

"She's showing signs of improving but the doctors don't agree if she'll come out of it or not or in one piece mentally or physically."

"Okay, I'll help with the boxes. I went to Willow's home and got some stuff I thought she might want," Buffy tried to smile.

"No, I'm not even sure if they're aware that I left town months ago," Xander said ruefully.

Together the two of them managed to get all the boxes and a duffle bag into the small car.

Xander hesitated, sensing Buffy's reluctance. He opened his arms and accepted a warm hug.

They turned at the sound of a window opening and Spike yelling at Dawn. The teenager leaned out the window.

The young man turned back to his car and jumped when he felt his pager go off again. He quickly glanced at the number with a frown.

"Something wrong?" Buffy asked, surprised to see Xander with a pager and then to see him reaching into the car for a cell phone.

"I don't know," he muttered. "I got a buzz from Tara earlier and now Cordy's typing in 911."

"I'm at Buffy's just about to leave, what's the dire?" he asked, a feeling of dread sweeping over him. "Willow's not…"

Buffy noticed his expression and moved a little closer, wanting to know what was wrong and to possibly comfort her old friend.

The Slayer heard Dawn and Spike arguing upstairs through the open window and wondered again if she had done the right thing, or things, since returning from the dead. Was it worth the cost to lose Xander, Tara and Willow? Buffy was beginning to regret a lot of things.

"She's awake!" Cordy shouted. "Willow's awake and talking with Tara! Her mind seems somewhat okay."

"Oh my God," Xander muttered and leaned back against his car as his knees weakened.

"Oh," Buffy said softly and then began to smile as the news sank in and saw the same reaction from Xander.

"Willow's awake and talking!" Buffy shouted back and laughed as Xander turned and grabbed her into a hug.

"Yes!" Xander repeated. "Wow! Cordy that's fantastic! I'm on my way back!"
"Drive safe, Harris," Cordy laughed in response. "Willow and Tara will hunt your soul down if you get killed in a traffic stitch."

Xander laughed, still grinning from ear to ear. "I will, tell them I'll be there in a few hours."

"Let us know how she's doing," Buffy asked and Xander nodded as he got in his car.

Cordy grinned as she walked back into the hospital room and saw Tara practically on the bed, holding Willow in her arms.

"As soon as they can, now that it's sunset," Cordy smiled and sat down in a chair, watching Willow closely as the witch's green eyes watched her and Tara. "How you doing?"

"That's so not true!" Cordy protested. "But later we'll get into how Tara has barely left your side to eat and sleep for months. Do you remember roaming around the entire Western territories?"

Willow's face became puzzled as she tried to process Cordy's words and question.

"You got on a bus and it looks like you just kept switching buses and kept moving," Tara explained. "Do you remember that?"

"Some," Willow again nodded and whimpered as she tried to raise her arm. "Hurts."

"It's going to for awhile," Tara said. "It'll take time to get you up and moving again. We've exercised your muscles but not enough for you to jump out of this bed."

"Do you remember hitting LA and checking into a hotel?" Cordy asked gently watching Willow's eyes.

"I'm not surprised, really," Cordy said thoughtfully. "You were pretty far gone by then. Why someone didn't stop you on one of those buses is beyond me. You looked horrible and were just about dead when we found you."

"I had a vision and we found you," Cordy said impatiently. "You almost killed yourself, Willow Rosenberg, and I am so pissed off at you for that."

"That's not true, Willow," Angel said as he and Wesley walked in the door. "We love you and would have helped."

"Yes, and I'm sorry," Tara nodded. "I couldn't take where you were headed and I didn't know how to help. And we have a lot to talk about, I admit I'm pissed about you losing control and then leaving like that."

"Giles should have stayed and helped with that and with Buffy," Angel commented, somewhat bitterly.

"Yes," Angel agreed. "From the sounds of it, all of you were in crisis and no one reached out for help."

"I know, so am I," Tara whispered. "I love you, Willow, and I'm not leaving you again. Next time, I'll strangle you."

"That doesn't make sense," Wesley complained. "She's been asleep for two months."

"It's apparently a different kind of sleep," Cordy explained. "Now her body will try healing itself instead of slipping away."

"I'm staying with her," Tara said, wiping a tear of regret and joy from her cheek.

"Yeah, I got a hold of him and he's on his way back now," Cordy grinned. "He nearly broke my eardrum when I told him the news. He started pounding on something and shouting."

"He'd better," Cordy grumbled as they walked to the door of the room. "She's going to need all of us, especially Xander and Tara to forgive her."

"She'd didn't do that badly," Wesley protested. "Giles did a hell of a lot more damage in his day."

"I know, but she feels she let everyone down," Angel countered. "When she found out that Buffy was at peace and not happy to be alive again, it shattered Willow's confidence and she started downhill from there."

"Well, I think Buffy is an ungrateful, spoiled brat," Cordy commented. "And I should know! I've been one most of my life!"

Willow drifted in an out of sleep for several days before finally settling on a more regular sleep schedule. Then began the torturous weeks of physical therapy to regain the use of her shattered and lethargic body and muscles.

Willow had cried herself to sleep when she saw and heard how devoted Xander and Tara had been in finding her and then in caring for her. It had taken a lot of reassurances and gentle touches from Tara to convince Willow that her ex lover wasn't doing it out of a sense of duty or obligation but actually out of love. Willow also accepted Tara and Xander working out some of their emotional pain from her actions. She had cried softly and promised not to run away again, physically or emotionally.

Xander and Tara rushed to Willow's bedside one afternoon when they opened the door and realized she was crying softly. They each took a side of the bed and held the red-head as she cried.

"No, not physical stuff," Willow sobbed. "Well, I'm always hurting physically but that's not what's wrong this time. I do feel like crying over the physical though, I'm so tired of being tired and hurting all the time…."

"I called Buffy, I wanted to apologize to Dawn again for the mess," Willow said softly, laying her head on Tara's shoulders.

It pained Xander to see the braces on Willow's wrists and legs. He had no idea how painful it was nor how long it would take for her to regain her strength. The doctors warned them that it could take up to a full year to totally regain her bone mass and full muscle strength. As it was, she was almost helpless as she struggled to strengthen her body again.

"Anya answered and asked why I was calling," Willow explained, her sobs lessening as she told her friends what happened. "She said Dawn was fine, Buffy was fine, Spike was fine, she was angry and I was too much of a bother to worry about and hung up."

"Yeah, I guess," he smiled back. "Don't mind her. I know Dawn and Buffy want to know how you're doing."

"Well, you guys can call," Willow said in a somewhat sullen voice. She snuggled closer to Tara.

Even though they had talked about feelings especially the guilt causing ones, Willow had slowly accepted Tara's closeness and seemed to rely on it. It hurt Xander to see how weak his friend was, mentally, physically and emotionally and knew the others felt the same. Cordelia had cornered both Tara and Xander and threatened them with physical harm if they had any doubts about their feelings for Willow. Cordy made it clear that she did not want them suddenly diving out of Willow's life again and hurting her.

"They're arranging to move Willow to the hotel tomorrow," Tara said with a smile. "An In-Home Care nurse will come by everyday for several hours and help out until Will is on her feet again."

"Hey! That's great!" Xander grinned widely. "Angel said the insurance company are being bastards but his lawyers have put them in their place and you'll have a very nice, lightweight Quickie™ wheelchair. Neon green spokes and detailing to accent your beautiful green eyes."

"Yup! It'll be good to have you at the new place," he grinned. "The elevators are working so the chair will be no problem, not that you'll be in one for long."

"We're living at Angel's hotel," Tara explained. Even though she had spent an untold number of hours with Willow, especially since the young woman had come out of her coma, they really hadn't talked about serious stuff.

"I kinda figured that," Willow said softly. "Maybe I was trying to reach there and couldn't make it."

"What happened? Cordy says you've both been here ever since they found me," Willow asked finally, her voice and manner hesitant, as if afraid of answers and further rejection.

"I was on Buffy's doorstep that very morning," Xander began explaining. "I saw…uh, there was an article that Rack had been killed and…and I wanted to let you know so you wouldn't worry about him bugging you with the black magic stuff."

Tara's eyes widened, remembering their suspicions why Willow had fled Sunnydale. It seemed like a life time ago to all of them and now Xander was dancing around it, wondering how to bring up Rack's death and not wanting Willow to know they had suspected her of killing the sorcerer.

Xander glanced up and saw Angel and Wesley hesitating by the door. Fortunately, Willow's roommate had checked out earlier that day and they hadn't assigned a new patient to the room. The AIS gang had the room to themselves.

"I went to him that night," Willow said softly. "Come on in, Wesley, Angel, I know you're there."

Angel jumped and Wesley looked confused. From her angle, Willow shouldn't have been able to see them.

"How did you know?" Angel asked as they walked in, shutting the door behind them.

"It's not all gone, the magick," she admitted, glancing up before ducking her head again. "I could sense you, Angel, and I heard Wesley's heartbeat."

"Willow detoxed from the black magic but…it…a lot of the properties remained in her system," Wesley tried to explain.

"If she wanted to, she could heal her body and walk out of here," Wesley commented.

"Then we take it the natural route," Willow said firmly, raising her head. "I'll let my body heal naturally then."

"It'll be tempting," Angel frowned. "A lot of pain and a very long road before you feel decent again."

"I know but I can't go back to that," she said softly, a tear escaping down her cheek.

"I went to see him, I could feel him calling me," Willow said thoughtfully. "I wanted to snap whatever hold he had on me. And I wanted to know what happened that night with Dawn."

"No," Willow grumbled and pulled slightly out of Tara's arms. "I remember coming out of it somewhat in the other room with Rack grinning and leaving with Dawn. Everything was so damned fuzzy and backwards. It was like someone describing an acid trip."

"What did you need to know?" Xander asked, also frowning. "You know you guys summoned some kind of demon that chased you and Dawn around the city."

"I…I think…" she stammered. "I can't!" she snapped and pulled out of Tara's arms and curled up around her pillow, crying softly.

"Willow Rosenberg, we got into this mess because everyone kept their feelings and secrets to themselves," Tara said firmly, wrapping her arms around Willow's body. "I love you, no matter what happened."

"I think something happened with Rack," Willow whispered and began to cry even harder.

Tara resisted pulling back from Willow in surprise and shock as Xander sat down heavily in a chair. He started to say something but a signal from Angel caused him to snap his jaw closed.

"Willow, from what everyone has told me, you were out of your head with the magic stuff," Angel said softly. "It was like being drugged."

"I know," she sniffled. "And I keep telling myself it was like someone taking advantage at a frat party or something but I still have to live with the fact it wasn't a party. I was with a major sorcerer and I put myself there, willingly."

"Yes," Angel nodded, glad that Willow was accepting some of the responsibility and not running but he was also determined she wasn't going to take all the blame either. "And Rack does that with young witches. I knew of him when I was Sunnydale."

"Will," Tara began, her voice soft. "It hurts but I'm not going to let a 'drunk magic' night come between us."

"Okay, you suspected something happened with the creep, why go back for him to gloat about it?" Xander asked, finally unable to keep quiet.

Willow couldn't answer for several moments and she still wouldn't look at anyone.

Angel's eyes widened and he sat back against the wall. Willow turned and glanced at him, seeing realization in his eyes, she nodded and broke into tears again.

"The anemia wasn't from losing blood because of nosebleeds, was it?" he asked softly.

"Willow was pregnant," Tara answered. "She lost the child and lost too much blood."

Willow curled around her pillow as Tara tried to get her to unbend her body and accept her touch but Willow kept crying and wouldn't accept it.

"Willow, damnit! Don't you dare go back to that space!" Angel snapped, sitting up.

"Willow, I love you, I still love you!" Tara said firmly. "This hurts like hell, yeah, but I almost lost you! I'm not going through that again!"

"What happened that night?" Angel asked, pulling Willow's hand out so he could hold it and Tara could hold her lover from behind.

"I went to him and we went in the bedroom," Willow said, her eyes closed. "We argued. He wanted me back in every kind of way…it…he said it happened….I told him I wanted out and to leave me alone."

"Rack suddenly got rough and…tried…he tried to…." Willow's tears started again. "He was so strong! I felt so weak!"

"Shhhh, it'll be okay, Will," Tara said gently. "I know what it's like. It's not your fault."

"Yeah, my older brother," Tara said calmly. "One reason they wanted me back, to keep the family secrets."

Xander felt his face turning red with anger. One thing he could never understand was how someone could hurt a woman sexually. Just the thought of someone hurting either Tara or Willow made him sick and then very mad.

"He laughed at me," she whispered. "Then he screamed and kept screaming. He fell off of me and I saw Amy with a knife standing over the bed. Her eyes were black and she had this blank look on her face. She turned to me with the knife raised and I dived out the window."

"Yeah, when I told Buffy about Rack's death, we went upstairs to tell you and you had already split. I found your bloody jeans," Xander explained. "We then called everyone to decide what to do. Dawn was being a brat and was still pissed at you for that night. Buffy and Anya said you'd crawl back after a week."

"That's when me and Xander left," Tara added. "We couldn't take not knowing where you were. We both knew you were in trouble."

"Yeah, we lost you after two days on the bus," Xander said. "We went back to Sunnydale. Anya was pissed at me for choosing my friendship with you over her wishes and Buffy was hung up with Spike."

"I moved in with Xander while Anya moved in with Buffy so Social Services would think there was a responsible adult around for Dawn," Tara explained.

"Then we got word from Angel that you had been found and we jammed over here," Xander added.

"They've been devoted ever since," Wesley threw in. "We couldn't get Tara to leave your side and the hospital gave up after the first day and moved a bed next to yours."

Willow turned to look at her blushing girlfriend. "Really? It's not just cause I wouldn't leave you after Glory, is it?"

"No, Will," Tara said softly, gently stroking Willow's cheek. "I'm here because I love you."

"Xander works with us in the field and you and Tara could be invaluable with computer research," Angel offered. "And the magickal, when you're comfortable with working that again."

"Willow," Angel said seriously. "It's part of you. It's neither good nor bad; it's how you use it. You took the short cuts, now you go back from the beginning and learn the hard way and the ethics."

"He's right, Will," Tara urged. "We'll take it slow and find some other witches to work with."

"Just no 'Power Women' altars, okay?" Willow teased, leaning her head against Tara's shoulder.

"Or you could go back to Sunnydale," Angel mentioned. "The gang there is in tatters and they could use all of you back."

"I agree," Tara nodded. "We need some space and time apart. If we go back now they'll act like nothing has changed."

"Has it?" Angel asked with a smile, already knowing that three of the Gang had changed beyond belief. They had each grown individually and as friends and lovers. Willow still had a lot of emotional damage to repair, he figured, but the three of them would be very different adults than the scared kids that had left Sunnydale and the Slayer.

"Yeah," Xander finally nodded. "I can't go back to the way they treated me at times. Especially Anya."

"Yeah, you should have seen her fighting with the doctors and nurses about being your Power of Attorney thingy," Xander grinned.

"No, not until I've got the magic thing under control," she said firmly. "What would I do in Sunnydale? I can go to school here just as easily. I would end up being the house keeper, kinda like a wife without the benefits of sleeping with Buffy."

"Oh, you are so in trouble for that thought!" Tara teased, holding Willow tightly.

"Yeah?" Willow smirked back. "Tell me you never thought of her that way, I know Xander has."

"Hey! Old stuff!" Xander protested as Angel began to blush, suddenly hoping no one would bring up his own past with the Slayer.

Tara moaned as Willow's lips danced across her neck and teeth lightly nibbled on an earlobe.

"Okay, that's hot enough for my fantasies for the night!" Xander declared, jumping to his feet.

"Okay, then it's settled," Angel said, still smiling. "You move in with us and you can even do the research stuff from bed or chair. We'll have you up and running in no time."

"From demons, naturally," Willow grinned as everyone smiled or laughed in agreement.

Willow blushed as Xander lifted her into his arms out of the car and Wesley wrestled with the wheelchair from the hatchback. Tara grinned and held the hotel door open as Xander moved inside and Wesley followed them.

He sat his friend in the wheelchair as gently as possible. Cordy moved forward and hugged Willow.

"Welcome home, Willow," she said easily. "We put the two of you on the second floor, Xander is a couple of doors down, so just yell loudly if you want something."

"I'm on the third floor and Angel is on the top floor near the roof access," Wesley added. "Gunn has a room down here so he can tackle whatever comes through the door."

"I forced Angel to upgrade the electricity around the place," Cordy grinned as Xander began wheeling his friend towards the elevator and Gunn got her backpack out of the car. "You've got plenty of outlets and surge protectors and all that goofy computer geek stuff."

"I think we can take it from here, Xan," Tara said, moving behind the wheelchair as it reached the elevator.

"You sure?" he asked, overly helpful as Gunn handed Willow her backpack and Tara her laptop case.

"Oh, okay," he shrugged and leaned down to kiss Willow's cheek. "Love you, Wills."

"Well, we haven't talked about us much and I wasn't sure if you wanted to share a room with me," Tara said truthfully as the elevator door slid open.

Tara moved around to the front of the wheelchair and knelt so she was at eye level with the red-head.

"I love you, Willow Rosenberg," Tara said firmly. "I want us back. I know that'll take some work, just like your physical recovery. If you want me."

"Tara," Willow felt tears filling her eyes again. "I never stopped wanting you and I never intended to sleep with that creep!"

"I know you didn't want to or mean to," Tara nodded. "We can't change it or forget it but we can move on."

"I want to try, please," Willow said, letting the tears flow and letting Tara see the love in her eyes.

"Do you need your own room? It'd be easier to help if I was in the same room," Tara asked. "If you don't want to share a bed yet we could move in a single."

"Yeah," Willow agreed. "Okay, here goes. I love you Tara, I want you, I need you. However long it takes. I know I really messed up and you'll never trust me again but I'd really like to try."

"I love you, Willow. I want you, I need you and I hope it doesn't take long. We all messed up and we'll work on the trust thing."

Tara leaned down to let Willow wrap her arms around Tara's neck and the witch helped her lover out of the wheelchair and swung her onto the bed.

Willow was regaining more and more of her strength and mobility but she still couldn't stand on her own yet.

The red-haired witch moved over on the bed as Tara lay down beside her. Willow whimpered as Tara drew Willow into her arms and began kissing her passionately and possessively.

"Touch me, please!" Willow begged, frustrated at the braces on her wrists, making it difficult to touch the woman holding her.

Tara moaned and moved her lips down to Willow's neck and felt her lover's body jerk in response. Tara's hands roamed down under Willow's t-shirt, touching nipples that were already half roused. Willow whimpered as they hardened.

"Oh Goddess, Willow," Tara whispered, her voice husky. "Been so long, I…I need you now!"

Tara gladly obeyed and pulled her own t-shirt off as Willow pulled at it ineffectively. She helped Willow sit up slightly and removed Willow's t-shirt and then her sweat pants. Tara moaned when skin touched skin as she melded against Willow.

"Tara, please don't leave me again, I'm so sorry!" Willow pleaded, wiping clumsily at her tears.

"Shhhh, I'm not leaving you again," Tara whispered, pulling the sheet up over them. "I once told you that I'm yours, I mean it."

"I'll never do anything like I did after bringing Buffy back," Willow promised, still sobbing.

"We'll work on the trust and rebuilding your magic skills, Will," Tara promised and then asked seriously. "Do you love me?" Tara asked seriously.

"I love Buffy and there might have been a chance once," Willow admitted. "But not like you, not what I feel for you."

"I'm not sure, I think things were different when Buffy came back and no one was willing to talk about it or face it," Tara said thoughtfully. "Xander says Buffy and Dawn have loosened up and want to know how we're dong."

"I'm not ready to see them yet," Willow grumbled. "I was so lost, Tara. Everything was so dark and I couldn't see a way out."

"So you tried to kill yourself through neglect?" Tara asked. This was the first real time they had actually talked in depth.

"I guess. I wasn't thinking," Willow said slowly. "I remember riding and riding forever from one bus to another. I really had no idea of where to go. I just kept going, letting the darkness overtake me."

"No, none," Willow said softly. "I knew I was pregnant, might even be blamed for Rack's death, and none of you wanted me around. All I could think to do was keep moving."

"Yeah, maybe Xander was right," Willow mumbled. "Maybe I was trying to get to Angel for help."

"Xander's okay about leaving Sunnydale," Tara said, reassuring her lover. "We're here until you're on your feet and then we can decide where to go from there."

Cordelia looked in on the pair later and smiled, noticing the bare shoulders that the sheet wasn't covering and that Willow was curled in Tara's arms.

Angel sat back and watched everyone interacting in the main lobby of the hotel six weeks later.

Xander was working with Willow doing some of her exercises; Gunn was working with a set of weights, teasing the shy red-head; Cordelia was struggling with the office computer under Tara's tutelage while Wesley watched Cordelia.

Angel knew that Willow was quickly regaining her strength, she could get around on crutches most of the time. He also knew that she hadn't attempted any magic since waking up from the coma. It was going to take longer for her confidence to heal than those injuries, he figured.

Buffy walked out of the kitchen area and handed Angel a soda. She popped her own open and sat down beside him.

"You learning to appreciate human tastes again?" she teased as she watched Willow struggling.

"Yeah, Spike has been ranting that Dawn's cocoa is nothing like your mother's," Angel smiled.

"They're doing well," he agreed. "They're all fitting in. Xander's been a surprise."

"He's getting as buff as Gunn," Buffy commented. "Xan seems more confident too."

"Yeah, no offense intended but I think Anya kept him…." Angel hesitated, looking for the words.

"I know that, sometimes you can't see what's happening around you and your friends suffer," Angel said calmly.

"I've been here three days and you're finally asking about him?" Buffy laughed softly. The smile turned into a frown and she started to move when Willow stumbled, almost falling. Instead of catching her, Xander waited patiently for his friend to regain her balance. Willow got her crutches under her again with a determined look and resumed her leg lifts.

"Yes, and she won't listen either," Angel agreed. "Sometimes I think stubbornness is a Sunnydale trait."

"Yes, Tara says they plan to soon start working slowly on the magic stuff. Her physical recovery is getting there."

"Spike is fine, arrogant as usual and I think I made a mistake," Buffy said in one quick sentence.

"He and Dawn are going to be pissed when they find out you've been here and not with your father," Angel pointed out.

"Slowly retire out of the Slaying business, somehow. I'm working with Anya in the Magic Box, doing the ordering, stocking and stuff," Buffy said. "I'm thinking of working as a self defense instructor at the University."

"They're not coming back, are they?" Buffy asked, a little sadness creeping into her voice.

"Probably not," Angel said slowly, watching as Tara moved from the computer to help Xander get Willow in her wheelchair. The blonde witch knelt in front of her lover, gently touching Willow's cheek as Willow reached out to hug Tara. "They're thinking of San Francisco or Seattle actually."

"Yeah, every major city needs services like we do and the four of them are thinking about moving," Angel said easily.

"Xander and Fred have struck up a friendship that might develop into something more," Angel said with a grin.

"Leave it to Xander to find someone with a confusing past," Buffy joined in his grin and then frowned. "Why won't they come back?"

"You need to ask them for specifics, Buffy," Angel cautioned. "I do know that they've changed, you changed and Spike never changes."

Buffy frowned in thought as Tara wheeled Willow over. The Slayer looked up with a shy smile. She still felt awkward around the three former Scooby Gang. Seeing how badly Willow was physically made the Slayer almost sick with guilt. Tara had been polite and Willow looked like Buffy was going to strike her for a while.

"I'm going to take her up to our room, you staying another night?" Tara asked with a smile. After three days with Buffy around, the tension had slowly eased up among everyone and now it felt okay seeing the Slayer.

"Yeah, I'm going to head out tomorrow sometime," Buffy said thoughtfully. "I hate to leave the house in Anya, Spike and Dawn's hands for too long."

"Wow, a house owning, working Slayer," Willow teased lightly, her head almost dropping.

"Mind if I take her up, Tara?" Buffy asked suddenly. Her sharp blue eyes saw Tara's hand on Willow's shoulder squeeze in question and Willow slightly nod against Tara's arm.

"Nope, don't let her try and walk when she's this tired," Tara scolded slightly.

The Slayer and witch were quiet on the ride up to the second floor. Once inside the witch's room, Buffy moved around and gently took Willow into her arms and laid her on the bed.

"Wills, I…" Buffy stammered as she loosened Willow's laces and removed the tennis shoes. She grinned at the bright purple socks and Willow shrugged, grinning as well. "That's my, Wills."

"Come here, Buff," she said softly and Buffy reluctantly sat down. "I'm sorry I left the way I did. I panicked and I was trapped in some pretty heavy darkness."

"We both did the only thing we thought we could and we were both wrong or maybe we weren't," Willow shrugged, reaching out to hold Buffy's hand. "If I hadn't left like that, Tara might have stayed away and I would have just killed myself in an easier way. Xander would still be with Anya and vaguely unhappy."

"I'm glad you didn't kill yourself, I would be so pissed if you did," Buffy said softly, her eyes filling with tears. "I love you, Willow, even if I haven't shown it since I got back."

"It could have been," Willow said calmly. "If I had a knife on me or could have thought clear enough to levitate the knife on the altar, I would have killed him, Buffy. That's something I have to live with."

"Willow, anyone would kill him in those circumstances," Buffy countered. "I would have killed him, I would have killed him if I caught him hurting you or anyone."

"You had Dawn to think about instead of coming after me, stop beating yourself up because I crashed so badly," Willow countered.

"Willow, I thought you were feeling sorry for yourself, that's why we didn't come after you," Buffy admitted, a tear falling down her cheek.

"They said something like that after I woke up, I guess I just ignored it or something," Willow said softly.

Buffy let her think, keeping quiet as her former best friend pondered each of their behaviors.

"I was feeling sorry for myself," Willow said after a few moments. "It does hurt though."

"I know and I'm sorry," Buffy whispered. "I don't know how to change what happened. I don't even know how to fix whatever the hell is wrong with me. I know I'm different since you brought me back and all I've done is hurt my friends."

"Well, dying for several months and waking up in your own coffin had to wig you out a little," Willow pointed out with a rueful smile. "We didn't know how to handle it either."

"Xander was right, I should have reached out to you guys instead of blaming you and turning to Spike," Buffy said thoughtfully.

"Stake a bleach blonde vampire when I get home?" Buffy quipped. "I'm going to throw Spike out and get on with my life with Dawn. I'm going to try and define my life around my life and not who the heck I'm dating at the moment."

Buffy hesitated and then snuggled into Willow's arms with a sigh of contentment.

"Taking it slow," Willow said slowly. "Almost like dating again. We sleep together and work together but we haven't…haven't…you know."

"We are, sorta," Willow frowned. "We both have to regain each other's trust. She left me and I was wrong with the magic and the relationship. We both screwed up. I also need to know she's not here just because I didn't abandon her when Glory messed with her."

"Maybe," Willow shrugged. "Not really but I gotta know for sure. I know she loves me and I love her but the trust was badly damaged. Among all of us."

"Yeah, we're thinking San Francisco or Seattle," Willow muttered. "Something like Angel does here in LA."

Tara gently closed the door and smiled at Xander, raising her finger to her lips. He managed to hold his questions until they reached the stairs.

"They made up, I think," she smiled. "They're both asleep on the bed with Willow holding Buffy."

"Good," Xander grinned. "Angel said he has some contacts in San Francisco that would help us settle in and start our own business in a few months."

"Good, let's get Will back on her feet physically and magickally and we'll plan lots of road trips," Tara suggested. "I like the thought of SF, still close enough to reach everyone. I don't want to totally let go of Buffy and them."

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Unforgiven

By Frau Hunter Ash

Carrkjar@yahoo.com