Coming Back by GayNow

Rating: NC-17
Uber Setting: Contemporary
Disclaimer: BtVS characters, concepts and dialog belong to Mutant Enemy, Fox, The WB, UPN and others. The story, however, came out of my delusional little brain.
Distribution: The Mystic Muse http://mysticmuse.net
If you want to archive this, please let me know first.
Feedback: Pretty please?
Spoilers: None.
Author's Note: I have to give special, super-dee-duper thanks to the lovely WATSON for so many things – for putting up with me…for painstakingly reading chapters and sections and paragraphs and sentences…for dealing with me obsessing over j-u-u-u-u-u-u-st the right word…for serving as co-writer in many many many instances (if it's a REALLY good sentence or phrase…it's probably hers)…for simply being a friend and encouraging me (Okay…encouraging? She was kicking me in the ass is what she was doing!)
Thoughts in italics
Webhost's Note: Special thanks goes to Chris Cook of Through the Looking Glass, MKF and Artemis for the graphics, wallpapers and source coding. Thanks, Chris!
This story uses two fonts to represent Willow and Tara's handwriting in sections. These fonts are available for download here: CatholicSchoolGirls BB and Hybi 4. If these fonts are not installed on your PC, sections of this story will be rendered in large text. Fonts sourced from dafont.com.
Pairing: Willow/Tara

Tara looked down at the freckled hand lightly clasped in her own. She smiled as she lifted the hand to her lips and placed a gentle kiss on the knuckles. The entwined hands dropped to her side and continued to swing as she walked along the shore with her love. Again, she smiled as she turned to look into the green eyes that had captured her heart so many years earlier.

Tara's heart leapt as she saw Willow return an affectionate gaze. Pulling gently on Tara's arm, Willow brought them to a halt and guided the other woman into her arms. The two stood, wrapped in each other's embrace, looking lovingly at each other. Tara felt weightless, as if she were floating, suspended above the rest of the world. Willow placed a light kiss on the tip of Tara's nose and took a breath before speaking.

Suddenly, Tara was plucked from her spot above the clouds and unceremoniously slammed back into her seat. She blinked her eyes a few times before opening them fully and focusing on her surroundings.

"Ladies and gentleman, this is the captain. We're going to be experiencing a bit of turbulence as we approach California."

"I've turned on the seatbelt sign and we ask that you return to your seats and buckle up at this time." The captain finished droning his obviously memorized speech just as the "ding" of the fasten seatbelt sign was heard.

Not being one for flitting about the cabin of a plane while in flight, Tara was already securely "buckled up." She removed the blanket she'd had over her legs and readjusted her paper-covered airline pillow to use as an armrest. Spotting a passing flight attendant, Tara waved her hand hoping for a little attention.

"Would you like me to take care of that blanket for you?" The flight attendant – Brigette, according to her wing-shaped nameplate – was particularly cheerful, causing Tara to internally grimace. She tried to not take out her fatigue on the unsuspecting woman and mustered a little of her own energy.

As she waited for her beverage, Tara looked out the window at the earth below. She could make out patches of farmland through the clouds and guessed they were over Kansas. Shouldn't be much longer.

"Here you go, ma'am. I brought you a full bottle rather than a little glass." Brigette winked at Tara and smiled.

Huh! Is she flirting with me? Tara took the bottle and gave the woman a small smile. "Thank you. How much longer until we land? I've lost track of time zones."

Brigette looked at her watch then casually leaned on the empty seat a row in front of Tara before answering. "Well, we're scheduled to land in about 2 hours, but this bumpy ride may slow us down a bit. So my guess is 2 ½ hours."

"Well, after 19 hours on planes and in airports, 2 ½ more doesn't seem like much. Thank you." Deciding to avoid giving Brigette more encouragement, Tara took a drink from her water and turned back to the window. Brigette seemed to get the hint – shrugging as if to say "can't blame me for trying" – and moved on to help other passengers.

Tara stared out the window, watching as the farms below gradually gave way to mountain ranges. Close…I'm so close. She'd been anticipating this trip for 8 years…8 long, lonely years. But now that she was just a few hours from her destination she felt anxious. Who am I kidding? I'm scared…just plain scared.

There were so many "what ifs" Tara kept playing over and over in her head – what if Willow wasn't there? What if she'd misread Willow's letters all these years? What if Willow wasn't the same person? Well, of course she's not the same person, stupid. She's an adult now. I'm not the same person either. We've gone to school in different countries, had different experiences. Of course she's changed. I wouldn't expect any different from Willow.

Tara reached into the carry-on bag at her feet and pulled out a well-wrapped bundle. Setting the item in her lap, she gently removed the protective covering to reveal a beautifully hand-painted picture frame. She looked at the picture under the glass and smiled. Since neither of them was fond of having her picture taken, they had exchanged only one picture in all of the 8 years they were apart. Willow sent Tara a picture of herself and Buffy on the day they graduated from high school-each with one arm wrapped around the other, diplomas held in their free hands, mortarboards askew, each looking as though they were ready to conquer the world. What am I going on about? No matter what, she'll still be my Willow. Tara traced the outline of Willow's features lightly with her finger. She didn't need to look at the picture to see Willow's image in her mind. It had been set in her memory for the last 4 years, happily mingling with images of Willow from a time years earlier. Tara's gaze returned to the window at her side as she remembered.

Tara walked slowly through the field as she made her way to their special place. On any other day, she would have been running through the tall grass. But this day was not any other day. This was a day she'd never thought would come. Her brow furrowed as she considered how she would say all that needed to be said. A familiar voice brought her out of her thoughts as she approached the large, stately oak in the center of the field.

Tara looked over to see Willow sitting on the makeshift swing hanging from the tree's strongest branch. The redhead grasped the ropes tightly and pushed off the ground, setting the swing in motion.

Willow immediately stopped pumping her legs and dragged her feet along the ground. She hopped off the swing and turned to her friend with a concerned expression.

Tara hesitated and looked down at her hands, which were currently fidgeting with the hem of her shirt.

The girls moved to the base of the large oak and sat. Tara patted her lap and Willow happily put her head down and looked up at her friend. Tara was looking rather blankly at the swing her father had helped the girls hang years earlier. It still swung slightly from the gentle breeze and seemed to have a hypnotic effect on Tara. Willow finally broke the silence that hung heavily over the two friends.

Tara blinked a few times and then looked down at her friend. I've never been able to keep anything from her. She knows me too well. She smiled at the concern…and fear?…she saw in the redhead's deep green eyes. The prettiest eyes in the world…and they see right through to my soul. Tara's eyes glistened with the tears she fought so hard to keep back.

Her suspicions confirmed, Willow sat up quickly and reached for Tara's hands – she needed to comfort the blonde, but also needed the contact to calm her own rapidly beating heart.

Understanding Willow's intention as soon as the redhead began to move, Tara quickly pulled her knees to her chest and wrapped her arms around her legs; she bowed her head so that her blonde hair covered her face – she drew into herself, feeling undeserving of the comfort her friend offered. This did not go unnoticed by Willow.

"Tara, please, tell me what it is. You know you can tell me anything." Willow spoke softly. She pushed aside her own bruised feelings when Tara pulled away and offered support to her friend.

Tara continued to fight back the tears as she raised her head to look at Willow. She tried to speak, but stopped before any words came out – her throat clenched and she held back a sob. This is so hard. Finally, she took a deep breath and tried again.

"Tara…that…that's great! Good for your dad!" Willow noticed that Tara didn't seem to mirror her own excitement. "I'm all with the 'whoo hoo' here…and you're…well…not. Aren't you happy for him?"

"Oh yes! I am. I really am. He worked hard to get this promotion. It's been his dream." But it's not my dream.

Willow could hear the pride in Tara's tone, but missed the undercurrent of sadness.

"So…what does that make him now? An admiral?" Still bubbling with excitement for Tara's father, Willow flounced back down and placed her head on Tara's lap again.

Tara let a small giggle escape as she marveled at her friend's innocence and poked her playfully in the ribs. "No, silly. Admirals are in the Navy, not the Air Force. He…He's been promoted to Colonel."

Willow smiled as she looked into Tara's sapphire blue eyes. "Well," she bubbled, "this must be a really great opportunity for him."

"Yes…it is." Tara sounded less enthusiastic, but this went unnoticed by the redhead.

"So, what's he gonna be doing now? Something secretive and mysterious? All cloak and dagger like in the novels?" Willow asked as she waggled her eyebrows.

"Will! You're such a goof!" Tara couldn't help but chuckle slightly at her friend's behavior. Her grin soon faded as she once again remembered the task that lay before her.

"Yes, but I'm a lovable goof, " Willow stated with a quick nod and a self-satisfied smirk.

Tara glanced at the field of wildflowers gently swaying in the breeze, absentmindedly playing with Willow's red locks. After a few moments – and a gentle tap on her knee from Willow – she gathered enough courage to speak.

"Command Surgeon at Ramstein Air Force Base." Again, Tara struggled to hold back her tears.

Willow jumped up from her place on Tara's lap and knelt in front of the blonde, bouncing with enthusiasm. "Wow, Tare! That's GREAT! Go, Mr. Maclay…actually, that should be Go, Colonel Maclay! Ramstein…that's in Germany, isn't it? I remember it from that Iron Eagles movie we watched…which was okay…but I don't think it was very realistic, do you? I mean…pfft…a 17-year-old flying a jet to the Middle East and blowing things up? Right! But…Germany! Wow! When does he leave? How long will he be there? Will he be gone as long as he was when he had to go to Iraq? I bet you and Donnie are really gonna miss him. Will you get to visit?"

The redhead finally ended her torrent of questions as she began to feel herself getting dizzy from lack of oxygen. She sat back on her heels and took a few deep breaths while looking at Tara expectantly, waiting for the blonde to answer her questions.

Tara was dumbstruck. For a few moments she just stared at her effervescent friend. Did she really say all that without taking a breath? That had to be the longest case of Willow-babble ever…and the cutest. Finally tuning into the fact that Willow was awaiting answers – answers that she did not want to give – Tara pulled herself out of her stupor and took a deep breath; she prepared herself for what was to come. Her eyes were firmly fixed on her hands, which were fidgeting in her lap.

"Um, yes, Ramstein is in Germany. And, uh, I didn't think Iron Eagles was realistic either. Daddy leaves in a month and he's going to be gone a long time." Tara took another breath and then looked directly into Willow's sparkling green eyes. Oh, God. This hurts. "And I won't have to visit him…because…well…I'm going too…all of us…the whole family." Tara couldn't hold back the tears any longer. "Oh, Will, we're moving away…to Germany…in a month…and I don't know when I'll be back!"

Tara's eyes shimmered with unshed tears as she continued to gaze out the window. The mountains were slowly giving way to desert; she knew they would be landing soon.

Buffy heard the sudden exclamation from her best friend. She looked up from her spot on the front porch, quickly put down her coffee and bolted into the house, taking the stairs leading to the second floor two at a time.

Buffy burst through the door of the guest room and quickly found herself sprawled on the floor. She tried to stand but realized this was difficult since she was tangled in skirts…and jeans…and shirts…and…Oh.My.God…bras.

"Uh…yeah…I think so." Buffy grimaced as she removed the red lace bra from her head. "Will? Why does it look like the day after the 'Day After Thanksgiving Sale' at Bloomingdale's in here?"

Willow reached down to offer Buffy some help standing and swiftly began to help her friend get untangled.

"I'm sorry, Buff. I'll clean it up, I promise. It's just…I mean…I've just…Buffy, I've been through all of the clothes I brought with me and I don't have a thing to wear!" Willow huffed heartily and pouted at her blonde friend, crossing her arms defiantly over her chest.

The blonde looked around at the 4 suitcases and 2 garment bags worth of clothing strewn about the room. Every surface was covered. Ohmygod! Where did she hide the bed? Buffy scooped up an armful of various items from the fully covered bed and tossed them into a pile. She sat in the empty space she created.

"What do you mean you have nothing to wear?" Buffy looked at her friend and spoke calmly. "Willow, you brought enough of your wardrobe to clothe a small third world country. There are girls in the valley who would give their right arm for what you have thrown about here."

Willow looked at the small blonde – guilt clearly showing on her face – and quickly began to pick up the clothes and toss them into empty suitcases.

"But, Buffy, I have to look just right! This isn't just any other day…this is the day…this is T-day…Tara Day. I can't just throw on any old thing and look as droolworthy as you! I need help!" Willow was getting desperate, and she decided she was not too proud to beg.

Buffy glared at Willow in mock indignation and shook her finger at the redhead. "Hey! It takes a lot of work to look this effortlessly fabulous!" Her expression then changed to a friendly pout. "Don't hate me cuz I have stylish yet affordable boots." Buffy batted her eyelashes playfully at Willow.

Willow could never resist "Buffy flirty face" and the blonde knew it. She laughed along as her redheaded friend burst into a fit of giggles.

"Okay, Buffy, okay! You got me. Now help me figure out what to wear. You know how important this day is for me. Please!" Willow gave Buffy her own pouty face and silently pleaded with her friend. Pouty face always works. Pouty face always works. Please. Please. Please.

"First of all, Will, of course I'm going to help you." Willow squealed and pounced on Buffy, giving her a tight hug. Buffy then held her friend at arm's length and looked directly in the redhead's green eyes. "Second, you have got to calm down! You aren't supposed to meet her for another 6 hours!"

"Six hours? I gotta hurry! Buffy, why didn't you tell me it was so late?" Buffy didn't say anything. She couldn't. All she could do was stand in awe of the redheaded tornado as Willow whipped through the room; she would pick up a skirt or blouse, look at it, and then throw it down again. And as she ransacked the room…again…Willow never stopped talking. "I've got to find something to wear and then I have to shower and do my hair and then get dressed and…Ohmygod!" Willow stopped and turned to look at Buffy. "What am I going to say to her? What if we have nothing to talk about and we just stand there looking at each other? Or worse! What am I supposed to do when I see her? Do I give her a handshake or a hug…or…or…a hearty slap on the back?" Buffy remained silent as the redheaded tornado continued her path of destruction. "What if she expects bunches of European air kisses on the cheeks? What if she's different? What if she hates me? Oh God, Buffy! She's gonna hate me!"

Tornado Willow finally downgraded to a light breeze as she sank into a pile of clothes on the floor. She held her head in her hands as she tried to keep from hyperventilating. Please don't hate me. Please don't hate me. I'll die if you hate me.

"Will. Willow." Buffy could tell that her friend was nearing the breaking point and decided it was time for some tough love. She moved in front of Willow and looked down at the redhead, trying once again to get her attention. "Willow!" Willow still held her head in her hands and began to rock back and forth. Realizing that saying her name wasn't helping, Buffy knelt in front of her friend, grabbed her shoulders and gave a quick shake just to get her attention. "Hey! Look at me!"

It worked. Willow raised her head and looked at the blonde in front of her; her eyes were wide and she was breathing heavily. "Buffy…she's…gonna…hate…me." Willow spoke between gasping breaths.

"Will, listen to me…she's not going to hate you! How could she possibly hate you, Willow?" Buffy pulled her friend into a reassuring hug and held her. "It's just not possible to hate you, Willow Rosenberg. There's even a law against it…with a long term sentence for breaking the law…in a cell…with Snyder."

"Well, then there should be." Buffy released the redhead and looked deeply into her friend's green eyes. She brushed Willow's hair away from her face and then gently placed a hand on either side of Willow's face, ensuring eye contact. "Willow, believe me, she could never hate you. And you'll know what to say and do. I have faith in you. But, if you spend the next 6 hours obsessing over this, you will never make it to see her. You don't want that to happen, do you?"

"Okay, then here's what you're going to do." Buffy took Willow's hands and pulled the girl up so that they were both standing in the middle of the room. "You're going to take deep breaths and calm down. Then you're going to go through this room – which now looks like a bargain basement, by the way – and you're going to find your favorite outfit. When you do, you're going to shower, do your hair, do your make up and then you're going to get dressed. Understand?"

Willow giggled for a moment and then gave Buffy a serious look. "Buffy? Do you really think she won't hate me?"

"Promise. Cross my heart and hope to…well…I'll just cross my heart." Buffy gave Willow a quick wink.

"Yeah, Buff. I'll be fine. Get going. You don't want to be late." Willow gave her friend a quick hug then watched Buffy walk out the bedroom door. She heaved a sigh as she looked at the mess she'd made and began picking up clothes.

Willow let out a hearty laugh and threw a t-shirt at her friend. "Get out of here, you dork!"

Willow returned to straightening the room and thought over what Buffy had said to her. She's not gonna hate me. She's gonna love me. Buffy said so. God, I hope you're right, Buffy. It's been such a long time. The redhead lost herself in memories as she continued her task.

Willow spent every free moment for the next month at Tara's side. In fact, they were inseparable nearly 24 hours a day. On the day Tara told the redhead about the move to Germany, they made a promise to be with each other until the very last minute. If Willow wasn't spending the night at Tara's house, Tara was at Willow's. Many days were spent helping Tara pack. Fortunately, the Air Force provided a moving service for the Maclays, so there wasn't a lot for them to do. The majority of the girls' time was spent at their tree. They would bring picnic lunches and books and games and spend the days talking about the future. Before the girls knew it, they had less than a week before Tara was to leave.

Willow was lying on the ground with her hands locked behind her head. She watched the clouds as they floated by. She would usually call out the funny shapes she saw in the billowy forms and roll her eyes dramatically when Tara was unable to see the same shape. But today, she just watched them float. What am I going to do without her? She's my best friend…my only real friend. She's the only one who understands me. What am I gonna do? Willow let out a sigh.

"Willow?" Tara heard the redhead sigh and knew there was something going through her friend's busy head. "What is it?"

Willow turned and looked at Tara. Her eyes are so blue. Is there a word for that shade of blue? Yeah…there is…beautiful. How am I going to get through a day without seeing those eyes? "I was just thinking."

Tara gave Willow a crooked grin. "Well, there's something new. Never would have pegged you for a thinker, Will." She winked good-naturedly at the redhead.

Willow shared a few moments of laughter with the blonde, then sat up and faced her friend. The laughter was gone and she struggled to hold back tears.

"I'm going to miss you, Tare. I already do and you're not even gone yet." Willow looked down and began to play with the laces on Tara's shoes. "I'm going to be so lonely without you."

"Oh, Will." Tara choked back a sob and held out her hand to Willow. She took her friend's hand and gave a gentle tug, indicating that she wanted Willow to sit next to her.

Willow shifted so that she was next to the blonde, snuggling in close and laying her he head on Tara's shoulder. She didn't relinquish her hold on Tara's hand and looked down at their entwined fingers. A perfect fit. Willow closed her eyes and reveled in the feeling of being close to Tara.

Tara glanced at her friend and smiled – Willow had always been a cuddler. She leaned her head over so that it rested on the redhead's and the two girls sat in silence. After a few minutes, Tara began to speak.

"You know, Will, high school starts in the fall. You're going to be so busy keeping the teachers on their toes, you won't have time to miss me."

Willow quickly pulled away from the blonde and looked at her – her shock evident. What?! Tears were falling freely down Willow's face.

"How can you say that? How can you even think that?" Willow raised her voice at Tara for the first time, surprising the blonde.

"No, Tara! You don't get to talk right now. You need to listen." The redhead had calmed down a bit, but her tone made it clear that she had something to say.

Tara nodded and waited for Willow to continue. Like Willow, she wasn't holding back the tears any longer.

"Tara Maclay, you are the best friend I've ever had…probably the best friend I ever will have." Willow paused to take a gasping breath. This isn't the time to babble. You have to tell her. Wiping away tears with the back of her hand, the redhead continued. "How dare you think I could ever be too busy to miss you? I will miss you every second of every day. I love you, Tara…and I don't know when I'm going to see you again. So even though it will hurt, I will miss you, because at least I'll have thoughts of you close to me, and then maybe you won't seem so far away. And I told myself that I wasn't going to babble, but I did anyway…and…well…do you get it at all?"

Tara laughed through her tears. She reached out and pulled the redhead into a tight hug. "I love it when you babble, Willow. Never keep yourself from babbling. And, yes, I do get it. I'm sorry…I didn't mean it, really. I'm going to miss you too…every second of every day."

Willow held on to the blonde as if her life depended on it. And in some ways, it did. She would always remember this feeling of being in Tara's arms and being surrounded by love. This is the memory she would hold on to; this is the memory that would keep Tara near, even when she was so very far away. Forever. I'm going to keep her forever. Suddenly, Willow pulled away from the embrace and looked at Tara with wide eyes. She just stared at her friend for a minute. Finally, Tara couldn't take the silence anymore.

"Will you make me a promise? If you say you'll promise I'll believe you, because you've never lied to me before and I really want you to keep this promise."

"Okay…so here is the promise you need to make…eight years from right now we will both be finished with college. Promise me that eight years from right now…from this very minute…you will be back under this tree."

"But, Will, what if I'm back before then? Or what if you're living somewhere else? What then?"

Willow took the blonde's hands in her own and looked deeply into Tara's eyes. "It doesn't matter, Tara. What matters is the promise. No matter what happens…no matter where we are…no matter what we're doing…promise me that in 8 years we will be back under this tree together. Please?"

"I promise. No matter what happens…no matter where I am…no matter what I'm dong…in 8 years I will be back under this tree." There was no hesitation in Tara's answer. She'd made her promise and Willow knew she's stick to it.

Willow leaned against the window of the room – clutching an armful of clothes to her chest – and looked out over Revello Drive.

"It's a date," Willow said in a dream-like, wistful tone. Suddenly, she jerked away from the window, standing up straight. "Ohmygod! It's a date! I have to get moving!"

The redhead rushed across the room to grab her robe and toiletries and quickly made her way to the bathroom.

No matter what, Tara, no matter what. I just hope you remembered your promise. Please come back to me.

Tara walked through LAX trying to locate the car rental desks. She awkwardly pushed the large luggage cart through the crowds and sighed when she saw the sign for the rental company. The blonde said a quick prayer of thanks when she saw there was no one in line. Finally I get a break.

The experience at baggage claim had been painful. For some reason, one of her bags got put on a later flight out of Charlotte and hadn't arrived yet. Because a 3 hour layover isn't enough time for the baggage people to find the right plane. After spending 30 minutes describing the suitcase and filling in a long, incomprehensible "alternate baggage delivery" form so the airline representative could locate it, she was finally assured that the bag would be delivered to her hotel that evening.

The 10 minutes needed to sign the necessary papers for her rental car were few in comparison to the previous 22 hours of flights and layovers and lines. Before long, Tara had made her way to her car and loaded the bags into the trunk. As she walked to the driver's side door of the car, a thought scampered through her head – a thought that made her freeze in place and gasp. Oh please, God, no! Tara returned to the back of the car and hastily popped open the trunk. She frantically began opening bags and rifling through the contents. She sighed in relief as she felt the stack of envelopes buried at the bottom of the third bag. She removed the bundle and cradled it to her chest, as though it were the most precious and valuable thing in the universe. They are. Tara closed the trunk and resumed her trek to get behind the wheel. Once inside the car, she ran her hand along the ribbon binding the envelopes and smiled. If these had been lost, I don't know what I would have done. She gently placed the letters on the passenger's seat, secured her seatbelt, and began her drive to Sunnydale.

Dear Tara,

I don't know when you'll read this. I guess it depends on when you find it. I'm going to put it in your backpack, so you may find it on the plane. Or maybe you won't find it until you unpack. I just hope you find it. I'll be sure not to hide it too well.

You're sleeping right now. I snuck away and I'm writing this in the bathroom so I don't wake you up. I really wish you were awake though. I want to talk to you and I know there won't be time in the morning. So, I'm writing this letter...in the bathroom...in the middle of the night.

There's so much I want to tell you, Tare. But, I don't know how. I mean, I know how to tell youen my mouth and let the words come out. The problem is I don't know what words to use. I don't know how to turn what I'm feeling into words. There are so many words swirling around in my brain, but I don't know which words are the right ones to use. **sigh** I even babble when I write.

I know I've already told you this a zillion times, but I'm going to miss you so much. I don't know how I'm going to handle not having you around. I mean, you're my only friend. Okay, maybe not my only friend, but you're the only friend that matters. No one else understands me like you do. You know what I'm thinking even before I do. It's like...well...it's like, together, we're the same person. Together we're whole. Does that make sense?

So, I'm afraid I'm only going to be half a person without you here. That scares me, Tara. It really does. Cuz...what happens if I change? Okay, I know I'm going to change...and so are you...but what if I change so much, my half person doesn't fit with your half person anymore? Then we'll never be a whole person anymore and we'll spend the rest of our lives dealing with our half selves.

I just looked back at what I wrote. I'm not sure if it makes any sense. See what I mean? Everything is so jumbled up in my head. Maybe it's a good thing I'm writing this instead of talking to you. I can just picture the 'huh?' look on your face. And I don't know if I could say all of this if we were face to face.

The last month has been so hard. Every time I looked at you, I wanted to cry. And since I was looking at you almost all the time, I wanted to cry almost all the time. Oh! Not that looking at you causes crying for everyone! Cuz, you know, you're beautiful and all. So beautiful it makes me smile when I look at you...but also cry. UGH! I'm not saying this right!

Okay...when I look at you my first thought is "she's beautiful"...and that makes me smile. Cuz your eyes are so blue...like the sky or the ocean. But then I think "she's leaving me" and that makes me want to cry...the thought of you going away from me makes my chest hurt. Tara, does that mean my heart is breaking? Cuz I don't like that feeling.

I like the way I feel when you smile at me, though. My favorite smile is when only one side of your mouth goes up and you kinda half smile. I feel all warm inside when you smile like that. My chest hurts too, but it's not a bad kind of hurt. It's like, instead of my heart breaking in pieces, it's being filled up so much it's going to pop...like a water balloon. Okay, that wasn't a happy visual place, but...do you get it? I hope so, cuz I don't know if I could explain that again.

I just peeked in the bedroom. You're still asleep. There's enough moonlight coming in the window for me to see you. I sat on the floor next to your sleeping bag for a few minutes and watched you sleep. You were smiling my favorite smile. You must have been dreaming. What were you dreaming about, Tare? Do you remember? It must have been a nice dream.

I'm back in the bathroom because I thought about you leaving again...and I started to cry. I guess it's better that I cry in here instead of in front of you. I know you'd cry too. I hope I don't cry a lot tomorrow. I don't want all those people at the airport to see me crying. Plus, if my mom and dad see me crying, they'll baby me the rest of the day. I don't want them to baby me. You know how they can be.

Wow. I sure have written a lot. I read the whole thing and I still don't know if I said everything right. Heck, I don't know if I said anything right. But I know I wrote what was in my head. Maybe that's the problem. The stuff in my head almost never makes sense. But, somehow, you always seem to understand me. (How do you do that?) I just hope you understand me now.

Gosh darnit! I'm crying again. I can't seem to stop tonight. Usually I can hold it in, but not tonight. I think it's because it's all so real now. You're really leaving and I can't pretend that you're staying. It was so easy to pretend during the last month cuz we were always together. My mom called us hippies because she said we were “chronically joined at the hip.” I think she just likes the word hippy because it reminds her of when she was younger. I still can't get her to take down that bead curtain she has over the door of the laundry room. It's too weird.

I'm babbling again. I'm sorry.

I think I am going to finish this letter now. I've been in this bathroom for almost 2 hours. (I'm glad no one needed to...you know...go.) Plus, I don't want to be away from you anymore. I've only got you for a few more hours, so I'm going to stay glued to you until you get on the plane.

I already miss you, Tare. Remember, I'm going to miss you every second of every day. I hope you'll miss me too. Write to me as soon as you can, okay?

Love and friends forever,

Willow Rosenberg (duh! You know that!)

Willow was perched at the edge of the bed, her right leg bouncing rapidly and her hands fidgeting in her lap. She looked around the guest room, making sure everything was back in order. Yep…all clean…Cleany McClean Clean even. She looked at her watch for the 5th time in as many minutes. Three hours…thre-e-e-e-e-e-e-e more hours. Her left leg began to bounce in counterpoint with her right. After a few minutes of bouncing and fidgeting – and an occasional twitch – the redhead made a decision and jumped to her feet.

Willow grabbed her wallet and made her way to the door. At the last second, she turned around and ran to the bed. She reached under the pillow and pulled out a laminated photo. After taking a moment to smile at the photo she held in front of her, Willow quickly placed a kiss on the image, returned it to its place under the pillow, and skipped out of the room.

Dear Willow,

I found your letter when I got on the plane. As soon as the seatbelt sign was turned off, I went into my backpack for a pen and some paper so I could write to you. That’s when I saw your letter…folded up neatly and sticking out of my notebook. So, no, you didn’t hide it very well. Though I do wish I had found it when I was unpacking, because I would have been alone when I found it. But on the plane, Donnie kept trying to read over my shoulder and grab the letter from me. He’s such a pain! Mom finally made him stop and he fell asleep. Dork. So now that he’s sleeping, and Mom and Daddy are reading their books, I have time to write to you.

Your letter made sense, Will. I understand every word. And I know what you mean about finding the right words. I had the same trouble. I actually tried writing a letter to you before I left. I worked on it for a week. But I had to keep writing it over and over because I wasn’t saying what I really wanted to say. Everything I wrote was so stupid. I still have them…I was gonna throw them away, but I changed my mind. Maybe I’ll show them to you one day and we can laugh at how stupid they are.

I miss you too, Will, so much. I started missing you as soon as Daddy told us we were moving. Remember the day I told you? When we sat under the tree? I never told you this…I was late that day because of 2 things. I begged Daddy to let me stay. I asked him to talk to your parents and see if they would let me stay with you. But he kept saying no. We had a fight. I’ve never had a fight with Daddy before. The other thing that made me late was that I was crying so much. I ran to my room and just cried and cried. It took me a while to stop crying and wipe my face clean so my eyes weren’t puffy when you saw me. So I understand about the crying too, Willow.

I pretended I wasn’t leaving too. I pretended a lot! Even with all of the packing, I just kept pretending that I was going to stay there…with you…forever. I tried to imagine that instead of packing to move away that I was packing to move into a different house that was nearer to where you live. That way I could make believe all sorts of fun things that we would do. I tried to act as if it would all just go away if I didn’t think about it. But it didn’t go away…and I’m on this plane…moving further and further away from you. I think my heart is breaking too, Will. I don’t like the feeling either.

We’ve been flying for over 3 hours now. Donnie is still asleep. I wish I had my camera with me. He’s drooling. It would be fun to show a picture of him sleeping with his mouth all wide open and drooling to the girls he dates. Serves him right for being such a dork. Daddy fell asleep too. But Mom is still reading. She came over to me a little while ago to see what I was doing. I told her that I’m writing to you and that I already miss you so much. Mom smiled at me, but she looked a little sad…like there is something she’s remembering that makes her feel bad…or like she’s thinking about something she lost. It was weird. When I asked her if she was okay she just kissed me on top of the head and said continue with writing my letter. Then she went back to her seat. I’m not really sure what that was all about.

We start high school in a few weeks. Oh! I was so upset, Will. Donnie told me that the 9th graders are still at the junior high out there! So on top of me being upset that you and I can’t go to high school together, I’m gonna have to spend another year in junior high! Luckily Daddy told me that Donnie was just teasing me. It used to be that way, but they changed it a few years ago. So I am going to the high school. Daddy smacked Donnie on the back of his head but Donnie still stuck his tongue out at me. I couldn’t stop laughing.

Remember how we talked about going to high school together? I was really looking forward to taking classes together and stuff. But now I’m so scared. I’m not sure I’ll know how to make friends without you, Willow. You’ve always been the outgoing one. I’m too shy. I mean, you were the one to stick up to Cordelia! I never could. Don’t let her bug you this year, Will. Okay? Promise?

Ahh! I’m going to be starting at a brand new school in a brand new country. Now I’m really scared! I’ve never gone to school with other military kids before…Michael doesn’t count cuz his family lives off the base too. And on top of it all, I’m going to be "the new kid." Donnie will be the only other person there I know…and he’s going to be a senior. He’ll probably pretend that he doesn’t even know me. That would be so like him.

I’ve already talked to Mom and Daddy about finding me a math tutor. I don’t know if it will help though. You’re the only one who has ever been able to explain math to me so that I can understand it. What am I going to do without you? * sigh * I’ll probably fail…or get a D. The only classes I’m not worried about are Art and English…oh…and history. I guess I’ll just spend all my time studying…and missing you.

I’ve already said it so many times, but I really am going to miss you too, Willow. I do right now…miss you. And I’m going to miss you every second of every day, too. Just like we said that day under our tree. Will you still go to our tree? Will you take someone else there? Will you build little villages out of rocks and sticks like you used to do for me…so that I could draw them? I want to be under our tree right now instead of on this plane. I want to be anywhere you are right now.

I feel like I’m going to cry, Will. So I’m going to finish up this letter. Cuz I know Donnie will wake up if I start crying…and he’ll just tease me…and Mom might get sad again. I’ll cry when I get to my own room and can close the door.

I’ve decided that I’m going to keep a diary…I will write in it every day until I see you again. That way I can show it to you and you can read about what I did every day. Will you do that too, Willow? Then when we are back under our tree we can read each other’s diaries…and it will be as if we didn’t miss out on stuff because we were apart. Will you do that, Will? For me?

I will write to you again as soon as I can. I’ll tell you about our new house and my new school. Be sure to let me know what school is like for you too, okay? I’ll think about you all the time.

Oh…you wanted to know what I was dreaming last night. I wasn’t dreaming, Will. Actually, I wasn’t even asleep. I heard you get up and go to the bathroom. I thought you would be right back so I waited. I did fall asleep again for a few minutes, but then I knew you were back. I didn’t hear you come in or anything, I just sort of felt you…and I just knew you were there. I kept my eyes closed though. I was going to wait until you got into your sleeping bag and then tickle you. But you didn’t go back to bed…you just sat down and watched me. I guess I was smiling because I liked you looking at me like that. When you left, I knew you were crying…and I cried too. I did hear you come back the second time and get in your sleeping bag and I stayed awake until I knew you were sleeping. You have this cute little snore…that’s how I knew you weren’t awake anymore. I couldn’t fall back asleep so I watched you for a little while. You’re so peaceful when you sleep, Will. I’m not sure if you know this or not, but…you reached out and grabbed my hand in your sleep. You held it next to your cheek. I was able to sleep again.

Write to me soon.

Forever,

Tara

Buffy sat at her desk looking over the latest advertising mock-ups. Her drive to work that morning was blessedly uneventful – an achievement for which she was supremely grateful. Buffy was familiar with nearly every fire hydrant and light pole within the city limits…at least, the bumper of her car was. Being on a first name basis with half of the SDPD comes in handy sometimes though. Buffy internally snickered. Especially the cute ones.

It wasn't hard to get to know the members of the SDPD. Sunnydale was a decent sized town, but small enough for neighbors to still know each other. Granted, it was no L.A., but the city had all the major conveniences, a large university, a healthy economy, and was growing quickly.

She'd been working for Sunnydale Advertising, Inc. for about two months and was determined to prove herself as a competent employee. But today, her focus was less on being competent and more on being done. Her gaze shifted from the mock-ups to the picture of herself and Willow at the side of her monitor. Buffy couldn't hold in a loud giggle as she thought about her friend's whirlwind activities earlier that morning. Typical Willow – completely wigged when the wiggins aren't needed.

"Hey, Buffy, did you bring enough chuckles for the rest of the class?" The voice brought Buffy out of her brief moment of amusement. She looked up to see Xander Harris propped on the edge of her desk.

"Hey! I resemble that remark," he joked. "Actually, we're all caught up for a change. Just waiting on the finals for the arcade campaign from Denise. Then we'll be all ready for the Espresso Pump stuff next week."

"That's great, Xander!" Buffy was genuinely pleased for her friend. Though she teased him about avoiding work, she knew that Xander took his job seriously…too many people were counting on him and his department getting the work done right.

"So, Buff, what's with the giggles and the 'I'm remembering stuff' face? Anything you want to share?"

"Oh! I was just thinking about Willow. She was a bit on the nervy side this morning and I can't help laughing when I think about it." The smile on Buffy's face told of her affection for her oldest and dearest friend.

"No, not exactly," Buffy said as she noticed the time on her desk clock. "Tell ya what, Mr. Assistant-Manager-with-too-much-time-on-his-hands, take me to lunch and I'll tell ya all about it."

"It's not even 11am, Summers…and you want to leave your desk?" Xander teased the blonde by placing the back of his hand on Buffy's forehead, pretending to check for fever. "You feeling okay?"

Buffy playfully swatted his hand away and giggled. "Give it up, Harris. You've always wanted to take me on a date, so here's your chance."

Xander bounced quickly to his feet and bowed at the waist. Standing upright again, he offered his arm to his friend.

"Let us make haste, fair maiden and…um…make like a tree and leave…or something like that."

"Wow!" Xander pondered as he chewed his food slowly. "So they haven't seen or talked to each other in EIGHT years? That's unreal."

"Yeah, it's a long time. I mean, they wrote to each other constantly – up until about a year ago – and Willow has written in her 'Tara Diary' every single day since Tara left. But that's it – no phone calls, no visits. They emailed for a little while, but that didn't work out."

"Unreal. I said it before, but it bears repeating." Xander shook his head and looked thoughtfully at the half-eaten pickle on his plate. "No phone calls? I can understand the lack of visits, but no phone?"

Buffy chuckled ruefully. "I know. I totally couldn't imagine not being able to pick up the phone to call my best friend. But, I guess Tara's family didn't have a lot of money and already had a lot of expenses. Willow's parents could afford it, but they said they'd rather buy Willow a computer so they could email each other. Plus, Willow could do her homework on it, maintain her diary and loads of other stuff. They called it 'an investment in her future.'"

"Oh, Will's parents were really nice, actually. They love Willow a lot. And even though her mom kept forgetting my name, they always welcomed me into their home. They were just busy all the time and Willow got lonely. That just made her miss Tara even more."

"Sure, Xan…of course I was there for Will, but those two were BEST friends. Willow is the best friend I've ever had, and we'll be friends until we're old and gray; but even I knew I could never hope to have the status that Tara had in that department."

Xander looked compassionately at his friend and reached over to cover her hand with his. "I'm sorry, Buffy. That must be tough for you."

"What?" Buffy furrowed her brow in confusion, wondering what Xander was talking about. The realization suddenly dawned on her. "Oh! No, no! I don't feel neglected in any way! I know Willow loves me; she's never treated me as a 'lesser friend' in all the years I've known her. It's just, the bond she's had with Tara…well, was amazing…still is, I hope. No, Xander, being friends with Willow has never been tough." Buffy placed her free hand over Xander's and gave it a gentle squeeze to let him know she was grateful for his concern.

"Thanks, Xander. You're one of them, you know," Buffy looked pointedly at her friend to make sure he knew she meant what she said.

"Yeah, Buffy, I know." Xander smiled at the blonde and gave her a wink. "Now, tell me, how did you meet Willow, anyway?"

"C'mon, let's do the walk-n-talk thing again. We need to start back toward the office," Buffy said as she stood up.

"Yeah, work awaits," Xander mock-sighed as he stood up and placed $20 on the table.

"We were pretty much inseparable after that." Buffy said with a smile as she and Xander continued their walk back to the office. "Thanks to Willow, I studied more than I ever did before. Not because she forced me to or had to tutor me, but because it was just fun hanging out with her. So, I didn't mind studying. It was nice to have her around when I was stuck on a math problem though." Buffy shuddered slightly at the thought.

"Well, eventually, Will told me all about Tara…about them being best friends for so long, about their letters, about the diary they were each keeping – that was what she was writing in when I went up to her that day. I heard so much about Tara; it felt like I knew her. Sometimes Willow would read Tara's letters to me. And other times she would let me read her letters to Tara."

When Buffy started to giggle, Xander raised one eyebrow and looked at her. "What's so funny?"

"Well, a few times, Willow would let me write stuff in the margins of the letters she wrote to Tara – just for fun. I guess it was her way of introducing me to Tara – letting one best friend say hello to the other."

"Definitely. We still do. You see? Tara was already a force in her life when I showed up. There was no way for me to compete with that and I didn't want to…I didn't need to. There's enough room in Willow's life for me AND Tara." Buffy smiled as she thought about the size of her friend's heart and Willow's capacity to love.

Xander smiled, too, knowing that Buffy had a friend she could rely on. "That's great, Buff. I can't wait to meet her."

"Oh you will, Xan…you will," Buffy chuckled as the two entered their office building.

Xander walked Buffy back to her desk. "Thanks for the chat, Buffy. I had a good time. I'll catch up with you tomorrow, okay? You've gotta let me know how their meeting went." Xander grinned widely and bounced on his toes in excitement.

"You got it, Harris. Thanks for lunch. Now get going and go try to do some work." Buffy gave her friend a good-natured wink as he walked through the door, heading back to his office. Buffy settled down to work, glancing at her watch.

Dear Tara,

Hey, babe, what’s going on? You doing okay? I was so happy when I got your last letter ‐ I was having such a bad day, but getting a letter from you made it all better.

School still going well? Seems like your classes are more fun this year ‐ though I’m sure you don’t consider geometry 'fun’. Thanks for sending the syllabi for your classes ‐ I love knowing what you’re taking each year. I put together some shortcuts and study guides for you, like I did last year with algebra. I sent you my syllabi too. Of course, you already know that since you’ve obviously opened the envelope this letter and the study guide were in. Hi, my name is Ms. States-the-obvious. Fair warning, I may be asking you for help with that Art Appreciation class they’re making me take. I don’t think I have a single arty cell in me.

OH! Guess what?! I made a new friend! Her name is Buffy Summers. I’ve heard a few people laugh at her name, but I think it suits her. Besides, who am I to say anything about "strange" names? Hello! Darned hippy parents, naming me after a tree.

Anyway, back to Buffy. She’s really cool, Tare. I think you’d like her. She’s new at school ‐ started 4 weeks in. She and her Mom moved from LA. I’m going to be studying with her to help her get caught up since I took all of the same classes over the summer. We’re in History together first period, so we can quiz each other. But you know what the best part is? She didn’t ask me to help her! Buffy came to talk to me just to talk and get to know me. I offered to help her. She tried to refuse, but I insisted. I like her, Tare. She makes me laugh; I even babbled again! Not the way I used to, but it was still babble. It was the first time since you left, so she has to be pretty special, ya know? I think she’s going to be a good friend. She’ll be my only friend, besides you, of course. You’ll always be my best friend. But I have a feeling about Buffy. I can’t wait for you to meet her. I think she’ll make the time until I see you again go by faster...and seem less painful.

Okay! Enough! We promised no more sad stuff. So, moving on...

How is your family? Tell them all hi for me...yeah, even Donnie. Does he like college? You know, Tare, Donnie was always such a pain, but I’m glad he decided to go to college there. I’m happy you’ll have him there with you. He doesn’t show it, but I know he loves his baby sister. How could he not? You’re so lovable.

I loved the pressed flowers, by the way. Those were from your mom’s rose garden, huh? I had them laminated and then framed...I made it. The frame, I mean, I designed and built it. It’s 2 inches deep, so it looks like the flowers are floating. You can’t even tell that they’re laminated. Oh, and there’s glass on both sides...so it doesn’t matter which way it’s facing...and the light shows through it...it’s cool. Guess I do have a few arty cells in me after all. I keep it on my nightstand by my bed. Every time I look at it, I think of you. Of course, I think of you without looking at it too. But it’s the last thing I see before I close my eyes at night ‐ I say, "goodnight, Tara" and then I go to sleep. And when I wake up in the morning, I see the flowers and say, "good morning, Tara" before I get out of bed. I wonder if you can hear me when I say that? I hope so, even though it isn’t morning or night when I say it. Oh! My morning is your afternoon, so it may be strange for you to hear me say "good morning" in the middle of the afternoon.

Oh wow! It’s getting late. I still need to finish some homework that’s due next week, so I should go. Buffy and I are meeting in the library before school tomorrow, so I need to get up a little early too.

Can’t wait to get your next letter. Try to write soon.

Love and miss you bunches,

Will

Dear Will,

Thank you so much for the care package! And how cute of you to come up with a theme – "Sunnydale in Your Heart." I love it! But you really didn't have to, Will. I don't need a box of stuff from you for me to know that Sunnydale is in my heart. After all, Sweetie, you're in Sunnydale, so it's always in my heart.

Did you go to all of these dances and plays, Will? The posters and programs make them seem interesting. I wish I could have been there for Brigadoon – I've always thought the Highlands of Scotland would be wonderful to paint. Maybe I'll get a chance one day. I think it would be fun to play Fiona, too. But I'd be too scared to get in front of all those people. Maybe you and I could do a scene or song one day. I think I could do it if it were just you and me, but hundreds of people? No way.

Hey! I got a B in geometry last term! Leave it to you to find a way to tutor me from a completely different continent. My tutor was so confused when I told him that I didn't need his help anymore. Then he saw your study guides. He even asked to make copies of them! I just smiled and thought, ''That's my Willow!'' He'll still be available if I need him at any point, but I don't think I will. Not when I have you…and your brilliantly organized notes.

Some of my drawings were included in a show at school. I submitted two and my art teacher submitted two of my class projects, without telling me. They all got accepted. I was told I'm the first student to have more than 2 drawings in the show. It was very exciting. The newspaper clipping is at the end of this letter. My name is in print, Will! How cool is that?

Donnie took a trip to Switzerland with some friends for spring break. One of his friends has a van, so they all piled in and drove there – I guess they even slept in it to save money. I wish I could have been there. The sight of Donnie trying to stay upright HAD to be hilarious! He came home with bruises and was walking funny for a couple of days, but at least he didn't break anything. He got me a present too, Will. Can you believe it? Donald Maclay, Jr. was being NICE to me! Anyway, he brought back this little snow globe for me…it has a little Swiss chalet sitting on top of a mountain inside the globe part. It's very cute. Never thought I would be using ''cute'' in a paragraph about Donnie.

Mom and I have been working on my dress for the ''Spring Fling'' this year. I don’t really want to go, but since Mom and Daddy are going to be chaperones, they’re kinda making me go. I guess if I put up a fight, they would give in and let me stay home, but I know it would make them happy for me to go. So I’ll go. Who knows…maybe I’ll convince Daddy to dance with me. I just hope he doesn’t try to do the ''Funky Chicken'' again. I have to admit, though, I was laughing really hard when Donnie told me about Daddy doing that when he and Mom chaperoned the senior prom last year. I just don’t think I want to see it.

I can’t believe there are only 4 more weeks left of school. We’ll be juniors next year, Will. I’m guessing you will be taking summer school classes again this summer. Have you signed up yet? What are you going to take? Make me a promise, Will…promise me you’ll take something just for fun. And, I know you think math and computer classes are fun. But, take something just because….just because you think it will be interesting, and not because it will look good on your college applications. Okay? Promise me?

I need to go, Willow. I’m in study hall right now, and I really should be studying for the history test I have to take this afternoon. I look forward to your next letter. Write soon.

Love always,

Tara

Tara-babe,

Hi! Hi! Hi!

Can you believe it? We’re seniors!! Okay, maybe not officially ‐ but junior year is over. I had my last final exam today and tomorrow Buffy and I are going to L.A. for a week. Buffy’s mom is taking us with her on her business trip. So while Joyce is at her meetings and such, Buffy is going to show me around L.A. and take me to the beach.

Oh! And Mom and Dad were so cool! Mom gave me two $100 bills and Dad gave me a credit card with my own name on it! He said, "Be responsible, but have a good time." When I asked him if a round trip ticket to Germany could be considered responsible, yet fun, he just raised an eyebrow at me and held out his hand like he wanted the credit card back. I took that as my cue to say, "just kidding" and get my tushy out of the room. I get credit for trying, right? Oh! And, hey! Just because I can’t buy a plane ticket doesn’t mean I can’t spend a little money. So Buffy and I are gonna pick out some neat "you can only get it in L.A." stuff for you. It’s going to be a fun week. The only way it would be better is if you were coming with us.

Remember that crabby calculus teacher I told you about? Well, I heard that he’s "on probation" next year. Seems like the principal got tired of hearing complaints from so many students about him ‐ including yours truly ‐ so he decided to bring in a "panel of experts" to observe his class and look at students’ notes and exams. They came to the same conclusion I did (two weeks into the class...Hello!): his teaching methods are too rigid and don’t leave room for creativity. He and the experts had to regrade ALL of the exams for the ENTIRE year! Everyone’s grades got adjusted accordingly ‐ which means I got 120% (I did lots of extra credit to make up for the points he was wrongfully taking away). Go me!

BUT, GUESS WHAT’S EVEN COOLER?!

I, Willow Rosenberg, will be teaching 11th grade pre-calculus AND serving as a teacher’s aide in 12th grade calculus! The regular pre-calc teacher quit after this year ‐ I guess he’s getting married and is moving to wherever his fiancee’s job is ‐ and they don’t have the budget to replace him since there are so few students taking pre-calc next year. So, rather than cancel the class all together, they are going to let me teach it (under supervision, of course) and I’ll get elective credits. Isn’t that cool?! I think they only reason they are having me T.A. calc is because they want me to spy on Mr. "Probation". I don’t mind though. It will be fun. And even though he was too rigid about grading and techniques, he’s confident speaking in front of people. So I can still try to learn from him. I can’t wait for fall ‐ SENIORS!

What are you doing over summer break, Tare? I wish you could make a trip home...but I understand that your mom needs you there. How is she? Knowing you, you’ll be drawing and painting, which is fine by me! I love the drawings you send me. I get everything laminated as soon as I get it out of the envelope. (I should buy my own laminating machine.) I used to keep everything in my diary ‐ I’d put it all in the on the date I received it. But it got too big. So, I’ve made a separate scrapbook for all of your drawings and clippings and class schedules ‐ everything you send me ‐ and I went back through my diary and put a catalogue number in the corresponding daily entry. Then I marked the scrapbook page with the same number. That way I can easily reference them. I use a different color for each type of item you send me ‐ blue for drawings, green for clippings, and so on. It will make it easier for you to follow along when you read it. We’re almost 3 years closer to our date, Tare.

Well, I need to finish packing. Buffy and Joyce are picking me up really early in the morning. Actually, I’ve been packed for a couple of days, but I need to go over my list again and make sure I have everything. I know, I know…I’m "quirky".

I miss you, Tara…so much. I think about you all the time. Can’t wait to hear from you. Write soon.

Lots of love,

Will

P.S. I decided to take "Movie Musicals" this summer. I figured that's a class you would take if you were here. I'll tell you all about it...maybe you can watch the same movies and it will be as if we're taking it together.

Hi, Sweetie!

I got the last of the ''L.A.'' gifts yesterday. I wonder if your parents realize it would have been cheaper for them to buy you that ticket to come visit me (heehee). I love everything – all four packages worth. Hey! THAT’S how your parents didn’t figure it out! You split it up and didn’t send everything at once…so it didn’t seem like you spent as much money as you really did. You’re so sneaky! My room should have a title…I think I’ll call it ''Sunnydale Scenarios.'' Okay, so it’s not all from Sunnydale…there are things from L.A. and San Diego, too. But whenever I look at any of it, I think of Sunnydale…and you…home. I can’t help but look at the stuff either. My walls and shelves are covered with the things you’ve sent me. They’re so great. Thank you, Will.

So, I think I’m going to enjoy this ''being a senior'' business. I really like my classes this year. I’m taking an extra art class since I was able to test out of math. I know I’ve said it many times before, but THANK YOU! The study program you put together for me was so wonderful. You’re all the rage around here, Will. All the math teachers use your notes and study guides in class now. And I can’t tell you how many students – from all grades – seek me out to ask me to thank you. You’ve made me quite popular.

Anyway, my classes are fun this year (my schedule is the last page of the letter). They are geared toward getting me into the universities that combine Art History and technique. I’ve made it clear to my teachers that I don’t want to choose between scholarship and practice, and they’ve been very careful to keep that in mind when we choose my classes. Mrs. Schultz is even letting me do an independent study with her, which is pretty rare from what I’ve been told. It’s called ''Early Feminism: Pre-Greek Women in Art.'' We are going to focus on religious art that predates Judaism and Christianity – so, mostly pagan and pantheistic religions.

Mom was very excited when I told her about it. Lilith and the Greek pantheon have always fascinated her. Daddy was a little worried when I mentioned ''paganism'', but once Mom and I explained that pagans do not worship the devil and sacrifice virgins to the ''goat gods,'' he was okay. He even seemed interested when I mentioned witchcraft and Wicca as religions. He has images of ugly women on brooms. I think he’s seen The Wizard of Oz a few too many times.

The family is doing well. Daddy is always busy at the hospital and works long hours. But he makes sure we all have family time on the weekends. This is what he tells his staff: ''From 2100 hours on Friday until 0600 hours on Monday, I’m just Don Maclay – husband, father, and all around good guy. Between those hours I am not an Air Force Colonel or Command Surgeon. So, ladies and gentlemen, unless there is a situation that involves world security, do not disturb me during family time.'' Daddy’s kinda cute when he gets all command-y with his staff. But don’t ever let him know I said that.

Mom is okay – she has really great days most of the time. The bad days, however, have us concerned. So far, the tests haven’t shown anything, but she’s scheduled for more next week. She does her best to not let it slow her down, but we can see that some days are just too hard. I’m glad Donnie stayed home again this year rather than moving in with his friends. He’s been a big help.

It’s weird, Will. Donnie doesn’t seem like my brother these days. It feels more like he’s my friend. I guess that means we’re growing up. It feels good. I think there will always be a part of him that is still my dorky brother though (thank goodness). Donnie finally decided on a major. He’s going to get his degree in International Commerce with minors in finance and German. He’s really taken to the language out here. He’s not fluent yet, but he can usually hold his own in a conversation. I’m much better at Latin, but who speaks Latin anymore? I can speak a little French, but not enough to hold a conversation. I can pretty much say ''The monkey is under the table'' – how often do you think I can work that into a discussion?

Lunch hour is almost over, so I should go. I’ll mail this right after school. I miss you, Willow. We’re nearly halfway there. Write soon.

Yours,

Tara

Dear Tara,

I know we said we wouldn't write to each other on bad days, but I really just need to feel close to you right now. Writing in my diary isn't doing the trick today. So, I came out to our tree and swayed on the swing for a while. Now I'm sitting against our tree pretending you're here with me...and that I'm talking to you rather than writing.

Prom is coming up in 3 months. The "prom date frenzy" has started. Buffy has already turned down 3 boys. I expect her to get many more offers. She’s not being deliberately coy, but she said she won't say yes to anyone until I agree to go to prom. She says if I don't go, she won't go and the two of us will stay home and watch bad teen movies while gorging ourselves on chocolate and ice cream.

Here's the thing...I think that would be a blast. Movie night is preferable to prom in my book. **sigh** But I know how much Buffy wants to go...and I don't want to be the reason her night is ruined and for her to end up blaming me for missing SENIOR PROM for the rest of her life. I mean, I know she went last year when Steve asked her, so it's not like she's never been to prom, but we're seniors this year ‐ this is our prom ‐ she should go if she wants to so badly. And I know she would have turned down those 3 boys anyway since Steve said he'd come in for the weekend. But I also know she'll be true to her word ‐ Buffy will tell Steve to stay at school and then she'll go to the store for a gallon of Ben and Jerry's.

I just really don't want to go, Tare. It's just one more reminder of something you and I can't experience together. I can't help thinking about how much fun we would have if you were here. Just think about it, Tare. We could double date...well, triple date with Buffy...or say "to hell with dates" and go together. Actually, I think that would be the most fun. We could go dress shopping together and get corsages and I’d come pick you up at your house. And it would be cool because we'd be together and we know each other so well. We wouldn't have to worry about "does my date like me" or "my date isn't very fun" because we'd already know. We wouldn't have to be all Nervy McNerves with each other. We could just be Tara and Willow. That's my idea of a perfect prom.

Nope! I’ve decided. I'm not going. I'll make Buffy go, but I'm not going. I'm not going to waste time and energy on a night that is bound to be less than perfect, especially when I keep thinking of how perfect it could have been. When you get home, we'll have our own prom ‐ a perfect prom. But I'm not going to this one! (I know you can't see it, but I have my resolve face on.) I.Am.Not.Going.

I feel better now. Thank you, Tara. Just being able to tell you all of this makes me feel better. It's kinda hard to explain to Buffy. I mean, she understands about you and me. She knows you're my bestest best friend and she's always told me "that's how it should be, Will." But she's my best friend, too, Tare. And she's always been so good to me. Sometimes I feel like I might hurt her feelings by talking about you so much. I mean, I know Buffy, and I know she wouldn't really be hurt; at least that's what logic says. But I'm still afraid of hurting her. I can't wait for you to meet Buffy. You're gonna love her, Tare.

Okay, it's getting dark so I should head home. I have some studying to do anyway. I'll try to write you a happier letter tomorrow.

Love and miss you, babe!

Will

My dear willowy Willow,

We did it! High school is over! Yay!

I’m sorry it’s taken me longer than usual to write back to you. The end of the term was more hectic than I expected. Between exams and my senior gallery project, I’ve barely had time to breathe. But I got it all done – with straight As to boot. I know that’s a normal occurrence for you, but it’s the first time with no minuses for me. So it was a good way to end my high school years. I can’t begin to tell you how happy I am.

Graduation was a lot of fun. The ceremony itself was typical – all pomp and circumstance – very much like yours, I’m sure. Afterwards, we all spent about an hour milling around…talking to other graduates and their families, exchanging contact information with promises to keep in contact during college, and generally reveling in being done with school.

But the best part of the day? I could see Mom, Daddy and Donnie from where I was sitting. I’ve never seen the three of them with bigger smiles on their faces (yeah, even Donnie). When my name was called, Mom – in a rather uncharacteristic move – jumped out of her seat and yelled, ''I love you, baby-girl!'' And then she got applause! She’s made so many friends on base and at the hospital. So I wasn’t the only one happy to see her doing so well. She still has bad days now and then, but that day wasn’t one of them. At that moment – hearing Mom yell and seeing her bouncing up and down with excitement – that’s when I knew in my heart that Mom’s going to be okay. The only thing that could have made the day better is if I had shared it with you.

I love the picture you sent from your graduation. So that’s Buffy, huh? You’re right…she is pretty. But you know what? You’re beautiful. I like the way you cut your hair. But, then, I’ve always loved your hair. I found a frame to put it in at this little art store I go to. Once I finish painting it, I’m going to put the picture in the frame and keep it next to my bed. I’m going to use my special paints for the frame – I mixed the colors myself. I only use these paints on very special projects. This certainly qualifies.

Oh! I haven’t told you about prom. We had a blast. I told you that I went with a big group, right? Well, it got even bigger. By the time prom night got here, there were 10 of us – Kathy, Christy, Helen, Robert, Keith, Matthew, Becky, Kim, me, and…**drum roll**…Donnie! I couldn’t believe it. Donnie came to my room a few days before prom asking if I "needed help" studying for exams. Of course, Donnie never studies, so I knew something was up. Plus, he wouldn’t look at me…he kept looking at the stuff on the walls or picking up stuff from the shelves. I finally just asked him what was on his mind. It took him a few minutes, but he finally asked if he could escort me to prom. To say I was shocked would be an understatement. I had to laugh after a few minutes though. He suddenly reminded me of you, Will. Donnie BABBLED! It was so cute to hear him go on about how proud he is of me and that he feels bad for being such a jerk when we were younger. I couldn’t stop myself from jumping up and hugging the stuffing out of him. But when I heard him sniff and say, ''I love you, Tare'' I just squeezed him tighter and we cried together.

Obviously, after that breakthrough in our relationship, I couldn’t say no to him. But I did make sure he knew that there would be a group of us…and he seemed to like that idea. Needless-to-say, I had the best escort at prom this year. Mom and Daddy chaperoned again, so it was like a big family outing. I’m sure you’ve seen the picture I included with this letter. Clearly, that’s the four of us at prom. Mom looked so beautiful…and Daddy and Donnie were the most handsome men there. Donnie, Mom and I convinced Daddy that the ''Funky Chicken'' was much too outdated. Instead, he tried to do the ''Running Man''…I think we should have left well enough alone.

I would now like to take this moment to say, ''I told you so!'' I knew you would have a good time at prom, Will. I’m so glad you decided to go. I’m also happy to hear that Michael was a perfect gentleman. It would be a shame if I had to hurt him. Though, I’m sure Buffy and Steve were suitable substitutes in my absence and would have clobbered Michael if he’d gotten out of line. Actually, I’m glad you took my advice and invited Michael. He was always nice to us in junior high and I always considered him a friend. I hope you wrote all of the details of the night in your diary, Will. I did in mine. I can’t wait until we can read them together. We’re half way there.

College, Sweetie! We’re going to college! I can hardly wait. But, for now, I’m just going to enjoy my last carefree summer and spend a lot of time with my family. Mom is doing really well, but she has a few more tests in a couple of weeks. After that, we are all going on a short vacation. We’re not sure exactly where we’re going yet, but we are going. Daddy deserves a break and I know Mom will enjoy the time away from hospitals and home. I’ll be sure to send you something from our trip.

Okay, wow…it’s 2am. I really should get some sleep. I can’t wait to hear from you, Will. Write soon. I want to hear all about your summer plans. And if you say you’re taking summer school again, I’m going to be mad at you. Fair warning.

Missing you more and more,

Your Tara

Coming Back

by GayNow

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