Trust Your Heart by Elaine

Buffy turned back, her eyes filling with barely concealed hope. 'God, Please let her let me in.' The blonde thought to herself. She didn't know why it was so important to her but it was. "Yeah?"

Buffy turned back around and headed out the door, deflated. She had hoped she was finally getting somewhere with the girl, only to have her hopes dashed in one small word. She really wanted to be more than slaying partners with the brunette. She wanted to be friends. She stopped on the stairs. 'Why are things always so hard with her? Why can't I just let it go? She doesn't want my help. Why the *hell* do I keep trying when she keeps pushing me away?' The Slayer was at a loss.

The door opened behind her and for some reason, not wanting it to seem like she was just hanging around waiting for Faith, which she wasn't, Buffy dived into the bushes next to the stairs not wanting to still be found there by the brunette.

She watched from her position under the bushes, as Faith left the room. The brunette had used the five minutes Buffy had been standing on the steps well. She was dressed in her usual leathers, with the white tank underneath. She done a quick finger run through her hair, the blonde could see that. Buffy thought there was an almost ethereal, haunted quality to her, beneath the leathers. 'But god, does she look hot.' She stilled in shock. 'Whoa, Did I really just think that?' The thought had completely blown Buffy away. Since when did she think girls were hot? She was straight?... Wasn't she?

Deciding it wasn't something she wanted to think about at this point in time, she extricated herself from the bushes. She stood there watching Faith as she strode away. Then by some undeniable urge, she started following her. She didn't know where it had come from, it was almost like she was being pulled after her by some force that was to strong for her to deny.

Buffy followed Faith through a few alleyways heading for the what Buffy thought of as "The Bad Side of Town" where all the sleazy bars were.

Faith was heading for some bar intent on getting herself completely smashed. She didn't want to think right now. Hell, she really didn't want to feel either and she figured the easiest solution all round was going and getting drunk, well as drunk as possible considering her Slayer metabolism. She knew it would probably take most of the night to get in that state. 'Why did I almost do that? I know you can't trust people, you always get hurt in the end. So why do I so badly want to trust her?' But she knew the answer to that. She loved Buffy with all her heart. Had since the minute she'd met her. But she still couldn't bring herself to trust the blonde. She'd been hurt too many times.

She became aware of her Slayer senses tingling. Now that she thought about it, they'd been tingling since the motel. Was some vamp following her wanting a taste of Slayer blood, which Faith knew damn well he wasn't gonna get. She was fired up tonight and wanted a good slay, she also wanted to get trashed. 'Hell, why not both?' she thought. Then she focused a bit more on the sensation and realized it wasn't a warning. It was an almost pleasant tingling. The one she only got whenever Bu... 'What? Why the hell would she be following me? Probably wants to make sure I'm not gonna go after Dead-boy again. Well, screw that and screw her.' She kept walking like she hadn't noticed anything until she turned a corner. As soon as she had, she squished herself against the wall, and waited for the blonde to come around it.

'Why the hell am I still following her? BUFFY, turn around NOW... I don't want to. Just DO it, for god's sake. Great, now I'm arguing with myself. Arrgh. What is that girl doing to me?' She went to turn a corner, hoping that Faith hadn't got too far ahead, and that she hadn't lost her. She'd been trying to keep her distance, not wanting Faith to know she was following. Next thing she knew, Faith was standing right in front of her.

Buffy knew she'd been busted. 'How the hell do I explain this? Faith, I was just following you 'cause I wanted to make sure you were okay... Yeah right. Like she's gonna believe that. Especially 'cause I was supposed to be long gone by the time she left the room. Seems like stalking, even to me.' Faith was looking at her obviously impatient to get wherever she was going, waiting for her to answer. 'Wait, I got it...'

"I uh... I was leaving the motel, seen you leave. It looked uh,... like you were going out for the evening. So I... uh, thought I might join you. If that's okay?" 'God, how lame was that, and... and now she's looking at me like she doesn't believe it either. Hell, I always was a bad liar.'

Faith looked her up and down a few times. She knew the blonde was bullshitting, but then she decided she didn't care. If Buffy wanted to join her, hell, who was she to argue? It just meant a night of pleasure and pain for her as she got an eyeful of what she wanted and knew she could never have. She figured she'd handled pain all her life, what was a bit more. She shrugged.

'How the hell did I manage that? Why'd she let it go? She had to have known I was lying.'

Faith turned and headed down the street, not waiting to see if Buffy was following. Buffy finally took notice of where they were and it sunk in a little at what she might just have gotten herself in to.

Faith was heading towards a bar at the other end of the street. She'd been kind of a regular there since coming to town, so most of the staff knew her and didn't question her right to be there. She knew they knew she was underage but figured if they didn't care she wasn't gonna let it bug her. Faith didn't want to hang around on the corner. She could see Buffy was making a decision on whether to come with her or not. 'God, I hope she does. It'd be nice to spend some time with her away from slaying and the Scoobs... Shit, there I go again... why do I do this to myself?' But still, she sighed with relief as Buffy caught up to her.

"Bar. To do some major drinking, and more than likely major dancing. Might pick up some hot little thing to take home for some unghh. Up for the challenge, B?" She might not have known the blonde long, but she knew that Buffy never could resist a challenge. Still, she glanced sideways at her and could see the hesitation cross Buffy's face before a look of determination settled on it.

"Yeah, why not? I reckon I could keep up. Gonna pass on the hot stud though and the uh... grunting."

Faith smiled. 'If only she knew what sort of bar we are actually going to. She ain't gonna find any studs there. Well, at least no studs that aren't looking for other studs.'

"No worries. Listen," Faith stopped and turned to look at her. "But I'm gonna warn you first, you...uh, might see a few things in here you, ah... wouldn't ordinarily see anywhere else. Just stick by me and you won't have any problems, 'k?"

"Nothin' bad, B. Just it's a nice place to drink and the view ain't bad on the eyes. It's not really your kinda place but you did say you wanted to go out with me, right?" Faith gave her one last chance to back out.

'I'm not sure I like the sound of this, but what the hell? New experiences, right? Plus Faith'll be there if I have any hassles. It's just a bar, it's not like Faith'd take me to a S&M bar, right? Oh god, she wouldn't...'

"Uh, Faith, just one question. This isn't like a.... a, ah S&M bar or anything, is it ?"

Faith chuckled. "God no, B. Do you really think I would try and corrupt your innocent little self like that?"

"I uh... don't know, I guess not. How bad can it be, right? Okay, let's do this."

"So you trust me?" Faith asked, unwittingly asking for the one thing she couldn't give the blonde. Buffy found she didn't even have to think about it.

They got to the door and Buffy looked up at the flashing neon sign above it before they walked in. THE HAPPY ROOM. 'Sounds alright.' The blonde thought to herself.

'Wow, I can feel her arm on mine. She's making my skin tingle. But at least now it looks like we're together and she shouldn't get hassled.' Faith knew that Buffy was straight and that going in on her arm was the best way for the blonde to avoid any unwelcome advances. Suddenly she realized something. 'Oh, god... I'm not gonna get any tonight. Shit... why'd I agree to let her come? Talk about a turn off for anybody else. Well... fuck it. Who needs it anyway? I can always take care of my little problem later by myself.'

As they entered the bar Buffy's jaw just about hit the floor. There were same sex couples everywhere she looked. She was beginning to wonder what she'd really let herself in for. Faith may have been right when she had said it wasn't really Buffy's kind of place. But then she remembered Faith was here and Faith would make sure nothing happened to her. Faith was smirking at the stunned expression on Buffy's features. She looked like she was about to bolt. But then that look of determination flashed in her eyes again and Faith knew Buffy was staying.

Buffy had absolutely no idea when it came to alcohol so she thought she'd hand the reins over to Faith and let her lead the way.

"Well, okay you asked for it." She headed off to the bar to get them some drinks.

While Faith was at the bar Buffy looked around. She really couldn't work out how she'd ended up in a gay bar but she had. '...A gay bar? Okaaay. I can deal. Faith's obviously a regular here. I mean, she knew the guy on the door and all.' A few things started coming together in her head. 'Wait! Faith and a gay bar? Does that mean that she's…? Oh shit. Now how come I'm just finding this out now and why didn't she tell me?' Their previous conversation flashed through her head and the smile she'd had received when she had said she'd pass on the studs. 'Faith knew I wasn't going to pick up... And... and now cause I'm here she's not either... but she was planning to. Oh god, now I feel bad.'

As Faith stood at the bar and waited for her drinks she was wondering if Buffy had worked it out yet. She hadn't had the guts before to come straight out and tell the blonde because that would have meant an end to her flirting and the possibility of losing Buffy completely. And the way she felt, even now, she knew that that wasn't something she could deal with. Plus, now the chance of it happening was even higher. 'God, what was I thinking bringing her here? Now she's gonna know. I should have just taken her to someplace normal. Shit... what am I gonna do?'

Her drinks were placed in front of her and she got a nod from Rory, the bartender. Her way of saying fix me up later, too busy now. Faith smiled at her and headed back over to Buffy.

As she approached she watched Buffy's face closely but she couldn't read her. For once, the blonde seemed to be masking her thoughts. She put the tray on the table and sat down opposite the other Slayer.

"Look... uh, Faith..." Buffy started. Faith realized all too late that Buffy had indeed worked it out.

"Look it's okay B. Now you know. So you leaving is still an open option." She tried to act like she didn't care but in reality she did.

"No... Faith. That's not uh... it. What I'm trying to say here... is I've just realized you were kinda uh... hoping to pick up tonight and well, me being here doesn't help. So I guess, if you ah... want me to go I can, but I'd really like to still hang out with you and drink, here, seeing as we already are, but only if you want me to and I'm not gonna cramp your style. I don't wanna feel guilty cause you didn't get in any ah... grunt work." She smiled slightly at her own choice of words.

Faith just stood there for a second as she let Buffy's word sink in. 'Did she really just say she wanted to stay and drink? Whooo... screw the grunt work. Yay me. At least now she knows.'

"Nah, it's okay. I wouldn't have asked if I didn't want you here. I can leave the grunt work, as you say, 'til another time." She smiled widely at the blonde.

"Yeah, I'm sure." Faith began unloading the tray, sliding half the contents across the table to Buffy.

"What are these?" Buffy asked looking at all the shot glasses in front of her. There were six or seven shotties, all filled with a different color drink.

"Um... let's see. I know that one's a Hard On. That one's a Snake Bite. That one and that one I'm not too sure on. This one's a Cowboy Slammer. And the last two I have no idea either. I asked Rory for two each of seven of her best. The big glass is beer to chase them down with." She smiled at Buffy, happy the blonde had decided to stay.

"Okay. I'm so gonna be gone after these. So who's Rory?" Buffy felt a slight twinge of something stir in her, but ignored it.

"Rory would be the owner. She's working the bar tonight though. She's the redhead. The big dude on the door was George. And the blonde over there behind the bar is Sami. And the brunette with her is Charmaine, or something like that. I can never remember. It's why I just call her Charm. Or C if I'm too drunk. I think it's cause she reminds me of Cordelia. She's a bitch as well, but at least she's nice to those she likes." Faith decided she really hadn't felt this happy in a long while. Buffy knew about her and she was still here. Plus she seemed interested in what Faith had to say.

"Yeah B. I do. But I'm actually bi. I like guys as well. But only for one thing and some of them are no good at that either..." She chuckled. Buffy smiled at her.

Faith heaved a sigh, glad that Buffy had told her it didn't bother her. It had been worrying her 'cause she hadn't known for sure how Buffy felt about it.

"Well, let's start with it." The both picked up the shotty that held the Slammer. "One, two, three." They threw their heads back and swallowed the drink. It burned a trail of fire down Buffy's throat into her stomach. She grabbed the beer and sculled half of it, the coolness a relief after the burning. "My god. That was hot. How do people drink these?" Faith laughed at the expression on Buffy's face.

"It's called practice B. They get easier after the first one. Do you wanna go again or wait a bit?"

Buffy decided to have another go and they each downed two more. By now, Buffy was starting to feel the effects of the alcohol.

"'K. But I dunno how good I'm gonna be on my feet. My head's gone a little spinny."

Faith laughed as they got up and made their way to the dance floor. As soon as Faith started dancing she let herself go allowing the music to wash over her.

Buffy danced along with her, watching her as she moved. Faith had her eyes shut and Buffy could see she had completely let herself go. She found herself thinking how beautiful Faith looked as she danced. The mask she wore everyday had been dropped and she looked innocent and carefree. Buffy wished Faith would let herself go more often. Maybe it was the alcohol, maybe it set something free but Buffy realized she had feelings for this divine beauty in front of her. 'What!!! Okay... I have feelings for Faith. I'm also having not so good lusty feelings for Faith. Oh shit... what do I do?'

Faith could feel the blonde's eyes on her as she danced and wondered for a moment what was running through Buffy's head. After a second or two she decided at that point she really didn't want to bother with thinking and let herself go again, losing herself in the rhythm.

'Okay, now I really gotta work this out.' Buffy was still trying to figure what she was feeling. She decided to move and get off the floor so she could sit and think. She didn't tell Faith. She didn't want to bring her back from wherever it was the brunette had gone to with the music. The alcohol had affected her co-ordination and as she went to move she tripped over her feet and fell. Straight into Faith's arms.

The brunette was immediately snapped out of herself and on instinct caught whoever had fallen against her. She opened her eyes and found herself looking into the emerald green of Buffy's. 'Okay, now how did she end up there?'

Buffy realized her fall had been stopped. She looked up only to find herself caught in Faith's deep chocolate brown eyes. She felt herself falling into them. Without realizing it, she straightened up but didn't move out of Faith's arms. She made a decision then and there that she wanted to kiss Faith and damn it she was going to if only to find out what it was like.

Faith was too stunned to say anything. All she could really think about was that Buffy was in her arms and god, did it feel so right. She didn't move at all as she felt Buffy straighten up, she was too busy drowning in those emerald green gems. She thought the blonde would move away as soon as she righted herself and was surprised to find her still standing there afterwards. Again the wondering of what Buffy was thinking flitted through her head. She didn't get a chance to think much more than that because the next thing she knew Buffy's lips were on hers and she was kissing her.

Both of them ceased thinking right there and then. They lost themselves completely in that kiss.

Finally Faith forced herself to pull away and she looked down at Buffy who was just standing there, still within Faith's arms with her eyes closed. In a second, all her defenses dropped and she realized that she had to tell Buffy how she felt, whether the blonde like it or not. She had been bottling her feelings up for far too long and she needed to get them out. All the love she felt was absolutely screaming inside her wanting release.

After Faith had pulled away Buffy couldn't bring herself to open her eyes because she was scared that if she did all she would see was Faith rejecting her. After that kiss she hadn't needed anyone to tell her what it was she felt for the brunette, it had clarified everything and she knew it was love. All she had to do now was find out how Faith felt about her. When she comprehended the fact that Faith hadn't pulled away she screwed up her courage and finally opened her eyes. She was hit with the full force of the love in Faith's eyes. It stunned her and filled up a place inside her she hadn't realized was empty until right at that moment. She leaned up until her mouth was right next to Faith's ear.

Faith just nodded at her mutely. Taking the initiative Buffy grabbed Faith's hand and led the brunette out of the bar. She headed for Faith's motel room.

They got inside the room and Faith sat down on the bed. She was still dumbfounded over the events that had just taken place and what amazed her even more was exactly how right it all had felt.

"Faith..." She waited for the brunette to look at her. "What happened back there..." She trailed off unsure how to continue.

"Yeah B, I do actually know it." She smiled at the blonde and received one in return. "What happened back there was amazing. I've never felt anything like it."

"Really. Faith, all night since I'd left here odd things kept popping into my head." Buffy decided it was time to be totally honest. "It was kinda why I followed you. I felt this undeniable pull to you. To be honest, I've felt it since you got to town, but I didn't want to examine it too closely. Anyway, things were really confused for me. I didn't know why you had the effect on me you did. All I did know was that you did have an effect on me. Something made me follow you tonight and until I kissed you I had no idea what that something was. In that moment everything cleared in my head."

"B, before you continue I... I gotta say something. Something I should have told you a while ago even if it meant I would have lost you."

"Faith, you wouldn't have lost me and you're not gonna lose me now. Don't you get it? I'm in love with you. That's what the something was that made me follow you."

Faith stared at her. 'Wasn't expecting that. Wow.' "You…you're in love with me?"

"Yeah. I kinda can't help it either." She had a flash back to their conversation that had caused her to go out in the first place. She recalled the hurt look on Buffy's face when she rejected her. She figured she had to clear that up too. "And about what I said earlier. The nothing?"

"Well, the only person I've trusted up 'til now is me, I do trust me and that includes my head *and* my heart. I think what I'm trying to say here is I trust you, I don't got much choice in that even if I wanted to... which I don't by the way, 'cause, well... 'cause you are my heart." Faith was astonished at herself, for the first time in what felt like forever she trusted someone, and more importantly that someone was Buffy. "I think I kinda realized it earlier when you completely handed over trust to me and where I was taking you. I just wanted to let you know."

"Thank you Faith, I'm happy that you do. I realize how hard it is for you to trust someone and I promise you I'll do everything in my power to prove to you that I'm worth your trust."

"B, you don't have to prove it. I already believe." The smile she gave Buffy was absolutely dazzling.

The smile gave Buffy the courage to ask, "Faith, can I stay here... with you, tonight?"

"Yes." Because she trusted in her heart and she knew Buffy would be there in the morning and she wanted Buffy to be there in the morning.

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Trust Your Heart

by Elaine aka CrAzY E

Copyright © 2003

faithluvva25@hotmail.com