My Poems by Elaine

Title: Haunted.
Spoilers: Anything up to S-7's final five. Faith returns and starts anew with Buffy, relationship and all. But Faith feels haunted... by both Angel and Spike.

Not me she feels
Beneath her hands
I know she thinks of 'him'
Can sense it in her strong

Am I always to be haunted
By first one ghost...
Then the other
My body arches beneath her touch

My defenses crumbling
In the blink of an eye
I know that I love her
I know that I need her

And I'll give her what she wants
Whatever she needs
Right then and there
And each time I do

A part of me crumbles
Cuz I know
No matter what I do
That she'll never now
Be fully mine

She gives me hope
Hope for the day
That I can prove I've changed
That I'm no longer
That dark, angry child
That betrayed her so badly

Hope that one day maybe
Just maybe
We can be friends again
To regain what we lost
And should never have been at all

What is it that I'm lacking
That you so badly need?
Am I not enough for you
That you should turn to him?

What is it that you want from me?
Cause I so badly want you back
He returned and stole you
From within my arms

And now
I feel I'm losing it all
I've already lost my heart
And now I just can't breathe

You walk here now beside me
Yet you're not here with me
I can't deal with this much longer
I'm gonna go insane

For years this was a far off event
One I couldn't imagine possible
For many long years to come
These past few months
I've watched you fading
And knew your time was near
The thing I feared the most
Has finally arrived
I lost you and now I can't get you back
I know you're happy
So don't worry for me
I need to grieve but I'm still unsure how
The pain is near ripping at my heart
And I'm scared that once I start
I may never stop
For nigh on two weeks now
You've been gone from my mortal life
Death and disease stole you from me
And now I'm not sure if I'm worth much
In this world, without you
My jigsaw piece no longer fits
The piece I was connected to is gone
What I wouldn't give
To hear your voice, just one more time
For you to tell me you love me
And call me by your special name
Things I can never have again
So many years I took you for granted
I didn't realize death was so close
I find myself forcing the numbness back
Because the pain almost feels like it's killing me

Title: Not Mine, Never Mine
Spoilers: Remember that ep. where Angel and Buffy go to the movies and Faith catches up to them to go patrolling. This is what I think ran through Faith's head. Just expressed it seems in the best way I know how... poetry.

I see her look at him
And my heart threatens to crumble
I can see it in her eyes
Just exactly what he does to her

My heart feels like it's shattering
But what can I do?
I'm in love with her
And I cannot walk away

My heart shatters more
As I realize
He has what I need,
What my heart claimed as mine

I don't know how
Much more of this I can take
Before my heart decides
To shatter one last time

It would be so easy to quit
Each day in this place gets harder and harder
The mornings are getting tougher to face
I feel like a time bomb that's ticking away
Silently, quietly... oh it's gonna be deadly
I'm scared of me, of what I could be capable of
My emotions are a pit of turmoil
Feelings seeking dominance over all
Too many to feel all at once
Maybe my numbness will save me
Working through pain only brings more pain
Regrets and should-haves
I think I'm going nuts
And there's not a thing I can do to stop it,
I need help and I know it
But it's gotten to the point of do or die
And dying seems almost like a valid life choice
Why do we put ourselves through so much shit?
Time is supposed to heal all wounds
Time is supposed to do alot of things
But it'll never stop
Marching into the distance
To all unknown futures
And to it's own beat
Do we even have control over our lives?
Or is it all meant to shatter and crumble
Til there's nothing left but you,
One person
Left raw and exposed
For the whole world to see and laugh at
Only because they're too busy
Hiding their own battle scars
Scared and afraid

Title: Reminder to Breathe
Spoilers: None. AU is my friend. Our fave pair are in a relationship. Put it where you want lols

When I look at you
I have to remind myself to breathe
The light within you
Simply takes my breathe away
I wonder simply
If you fell from heaven just for me
Every day I fall
I fall a little further in love with you
Want to hold you close and dear
Let your love surround me
You drive me crazy
In all the good ways
And each and every day
I thank my lucky stars
That you found me
And I found you
I have a well inside me
That's so completely full
It runs so deep and strong
And its running just for you
Yep, when I look at you
I remind myself to breathe

Title: Shared History (yeah I know... it sucks. But for one weird ass poem that didna wanna gel was the best I could do)
Spoilers: S-7. Faith's back in Sunny-D to fight the first. Just a lil review in poetry over past events, and how she feels about Buffy.

I think of you
Wanna be stuck like glue
Wanna hold you close
But it'll never happen I suppose

We seem to do nothing but fight
And all I wanna do is stand with you in the light
An instant of happiness
Followed by months of pain

One simple mistake
Stole all I ever wanted
Do we call it fate
Or simply just fatal?

Then came the day that I chose
A chapter in our history closed
We've come full circle again
And we're back to square one

Can you forgive me?
Can we move on?
Cause I aint got much left
But it's worth it for you.

I saw her and that was it
That was the end of 'me'
My heart was stolen then and there
And in my mind we became an 'us'
Then I found she was 'The One'
The other half of who I am

I did not hand it over
She took it anyway
Now to get her to notice me
And hope I get my way

Title: The Dream
Spoilers: Faith's in jail. A lil mood piece as to how she might feel.

Silken skin on satin sheets
Her breath on my ear
Pleading me for release
The touch of her fingers against my skin
The feel of her against me moving in rhythm
The glistening of sweat on her naked body

Intense heat
Rushings of desire
To touch, to taste, to see, hear and feel
Awakening from a dream...
It's just her
She is the dream,
The one I will never achieve.

Title: The One
Spoilers: Up to 'Dirty Girls' Faith's POV, as per usual. I can't seem to find Buffy's for long. lol

I dreamt of the day
I would see her again
The day that I believed
I would fall on my knees
And beg for her forgiveness

But I see that she has changed
The woman I knew
Is no longer the same
She is still 'The One'
And even still
'The One' of my heart

I need her forgiveness
And I need her love
I have nothing to offer
Yet the fact still remains
I need 'My One'
I need her

One light, one dark
Both the same
Yet both different
Hope, lust, murder, then betrayal

Yet the question needs to be asked
Who betrayed who?
Did the dark betray the light?
Or did the light betray the dark?

Title: To Be Or Not To Be?
Spoilers: S-3 Just before Angel's return in 'Revelations'.

To be or not to be?
As they say
That is the question
Are we meant to be?
Or are we not?

And if we're not
Why do I feel like this?
And I see it in your eyes
That you feel it too,
And yet you refuse to admit it

I've tried so hard
I'm at a loss
Where do we go from here,
If anywhere at all
To be or not to be?

Title: To Know
Spoilers: Buffy and Faith are in a relationship. This is just a piece of poetry I plugged out with 3 others in about 20 minutes.

To just see her
Is to know the first stirrings,
To watch her dance
Is to know heat,
To watch her fight
Is to know desire,
To have her kiss you
Is to know passion,
To have her hold you
Is to know Love.

Title: Who Won?
Spoilers: S-5. Faith's in jail. Let's just assume some-one kept her up to date on the happening's in Sunny-D with Glory n all.

You still stand in the sunshine
I still look at cell walls
I'm getting better
But you're falling deeper

You're losing your humanity
I'm gaining mine
You're walking a dark, lonely path
But then again, so am I

But you're heading deeper
I'm crawling my way out
So tell me, my friend
If you finally understand

We fought and we fought
Over one fatal mistake
I learned my lesson
Gotta ask if you did

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My Poems

by Elaine aka CrAzY E

Copyright © 2005

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