Champions: Changes

by Dan Joslyn

Copyright © 2006

ferociouswalrus@yahoo.com

Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: All non-original characters herein belong to persons such as Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, UPN, WB, FOX, and so forth, and not me. No compensation is received either by me or by the wonderful proprietors of this site for this story.
Distribution: The Mystic Muse: http://mysticmuse.net
Feedback: Greatly appreciated.
Spoilers: Through "Chosen" and "Not Fade Away."
Author's Notes: This was the first episode of a Spike/Illyria series I worked on with some other writers a few years ago. Unfortunately, the series, which I thought had great promise, died after five episodes, and the website is now defunct. Several people have since asked me if the episodes can still be found somewhere on the net, and I have had to tell them no. The other episode I wrote was episode five, and I may post that at some point if this is accepted. Like all the other episodes of the series, this one is written in script format.
Pairing: Spike/Illyria

TEASER

1. EXT. DARK ALLEY - NIGHT

The screen is filled by a downpour. The same downpour from the end of Angel 5x22, in fact. Gradually, we begin to make out the outline of a person through the raindrops. It is ILLYRIA. She walks directly toward the camera in slow motion, her face emotionless.

ILLYRIA (V.O., emotionless as usual)
Angel and the other one are dead. I watched them fall amidst the battle, warriors befitting an earlier time. My time. Wesley is dead as well. I held him in my arms as he breathed his last. No, not my arms... But I feel grief. A human emotion, unknown in the primordium. It smells of myrrh and tastes of sulfur. I vanquished my opponents in a rage, but it did not ebb the tide of the emotions. And so I left that city of buildings and smoke, until I came to another shore, new like everything else in this world. For I am one of the Old Ones, and I am more eternal than any creature that walks the Earth, more than demon or vampire.

ZOOM IN:
On Illyria's eye. We pass through and come...

FADE IN:
2. EXT. LAKE ERIE SHORE - DAY
To Lake Erie on a clear evening, mildly lapping against the hulls of a few distant sail boats. The sun has just set in the background.

ILLYRIA (Cont.)
I can remember the glacier that was here before, slow-moving but glorious. My armies fought battles upon it. And now humans sail their tiny vessels upon it. For pleasure. It reminds me of...

SPIKE
You?

ANGLE: Spike and Illyria stand at the end of a pier, the Rock n' Roll Hall of Fame in the background with the Cleveland skyline even farther back. She turns her head and looks at him.

SPIKE (cont.)
Y'know, because it seemed eternal and powerful but now it's just some bleeding human's plaything?

ILLYRIA
I am not a plaything.

A Beat. Some tension.

SPIKE
Right. 'Course not.

He thinks for a moment.

SPIKE (Cont.)
Plus, you're both blue.

If Illyria was a human she would sigh. Instead she turns to him, exasperated.

ILLYRIA
Perhaps you should remind me why I followed a white-haired, insolent vampire with exceedingly strange taste in minstrels to this... Land of Cleve.

SPIKE
Cleveland. The city's called Cleveland. And AFI is one of the most bitchin' bands runnin' today.

ILLYRIA
They screamed like the dying. I think my hearing has been damaged. Yet you seemed to enjoy their concert...

She looks genuinely perplexed. He ignores her.

SPIKE
We came here because... what happened in Los Angeles, we can't bloody well just let that slide. I came here to the Hellmouth because I need to keep fighting... some place Wolfram & Hart isn't likely to find me. And you came because you have nowhere else to go. At least that's what you said at the drive-in outside of Flagstaff.

There is a moment. Illyria looks slightly pained. Then she turns to him again.

ILLYRIA
Cleveland is on the mouth of Hell?

SPIKE
Well, sort of. It's like a... mystical convergence of... energies.

Illyria cocks her head, bird-like, trying to understand.

SPIKE (Cont.)
It's a portal where... [he gives up] Yeah, I never really got that either.

ILLYRIA
When I was a God-King, there was a similar place, not far from your Los Angeles.

SPIKE (smiling)
Yeah, well, things change.

CUT TO:
3. EXT. - GRAVEYARD - NIGHT
DANA sits on a tombstone, obviously bored. She looks saner now than she did when we last saw her, and she is certainly neater. Her hair is actually styled.

ANDREW (O.S.)
Until recently there was only one Slayer of the Vampyres. One girl in all the world with the strength and skill to hold back the tide of darkness... [Dana yawns] Are you even paying attention?

DANA
Yo soy muy cansada y tú hables para un tiempo largo.

ANGLE:
ANDREW, who has been pacing excitedly, stops and looks at her. He's still got the haircut like he wishes he was James Bond, but it hasn't been combed for a while. And his t-shirt says "USE THE FORCE, LUKE". This is obviously not the first time Dana has answered in some other language, and he's tired of putting up with it.

ANDREW
Look, I told you, you can't fool me by talking in your... Mexicoan! I hid there for months back when I was a fugitive... haunted by a dark past... tormented by a message I did not understand... kind of like right now. What did you just say?

She just looks at him... it's a little reminiscent of talking to Illyria. After a few moments he decides to continue with the lesson.

ANDREW (Cont.)
Anyway, that was before Buffy, the greatest Slayer of them all. She fought a great battle against the First Evil, and, in the course of that battle, she had her extremely powerful lesbian sorceress best friend activate all the Potential Slayers in the world. That means you, Dana. Now there's hundreds of girls all over the world with Slayer powers. And a new generation of Watchers has been called in to guide them, each given a Slayer of the Vampyres to teach and...

DANA
Vampires.

ANDREW
What?

DANA
Not vampyres, vampires. They're here, somewhere.

ANDREW
What? Where? Jeanine was supposed to patrol the perimeter...

Dana leaps off of the tombstone she was sitting on and stands stock still for a moment. Andrew is caught off guard. She whips her head around and begins stalking her prey, cat-like, every movement calculated.

ANDREW
Dana, stop that! I'm supposed to keep you out of "combat situations" [he makes air quotes with his hands]. I'm sure that Jeanine has everything under control.

At that moment, a college-aged, athletic-looking, petite blond girl, JEANINE PERKINS, zooms past him at top speed. She has an Australian accent, though we don't get to hear much of it at the moment because all she says is...

JEANINE
They're coming! Run! RUN!

She never lets up. Andrew watches her disappear out the cemetery gate, then turns back to see what she was running from. About 10 vampires appear from various locations around him .

ANGLE:
An overhead shot shows Andrew and Dana backing into each other. They are surrounded.

DANA
Do not worry. I will protect the Watcher.

ANDREW (weakly)
But... combat situations...

The vampires charge.

ANDREW (Cont.) (Screaming like a woman)
I'm too young to die!

BLACK OUT

END OF TEASER

OPENING CREDITS:

JAMES MARSTERS as SPIKE
AMY ACKER as ILLYRIA
TOM LENK as ANDREW WELLS
NAVI RAWAT as DANA
GIGI EDGLEY as JEANINE PERKINS
TYRON LEITSO as CARSON ROSS

GUEST STAR:

BRIAN van HOLT as CRONUS

CREATED by:

FEROCIOUSWALRUS,
LIZ,
&
BLACKFIRE

BASED on CHARACTERS CREATED by:
JOSS WHEDON

ACT I

4. EXT. – GRAVEYARD – NIGHT (Cont. from Teaser)
The vampires just charged. Dana knocks one back with a massive kick and proceeds to stake another with a swift jab, but there's just too many of them. She gets blindsided by a punch and goes down. Andrew is pushed over by another of the vampires, who pins him down.

VAMPIRE #1
Hey, I like your shirt.

He goes in for the kill. Andrew screams again. Very dramatic. Then the vamp stops, a startled look on his face. He GOES TO DUST revealing… Spike standing there with a smug look on his face and a stake in his hand.

ANDREW (This may quite possibly be the happiest moment of his life)
Spike?! What are you doing here?

SPIKE
Oh. It's you. Lovely.

Andrew goes to hug Spike, but Spike pushes him out of the way as yet another vampire attacks. They trade blows.

ANGLE:
Meanwhile, Dana's on the ground trying to fend off 4 vampires, and not having a very good time. Suddenly, all 4 go flying off in opposite directions, revealing Illyria. Dana has no time for complacency, however, as another vamp appears behind her and growls. She leaps to her feet, accepting for the moment that this new arrival is an ally.

ANGLE:
Spike takes out two vampires at once with the famous retractable wrist stakes.

ANGLE:
Andrew, still on the ground, trips up a vampire trying to flee. He watches as Illyria dusts the vamp. She eyes Andrew curiously.

SPIKE (dusting himself off)
That's it? Where the hell'd the rest of 'em run off to?

ILLYRIA
They fled like dogs. Cowards. In ancient times we called vampires…

SPIKE
The ooze that eats itself. I know. You said that in Oklahoma… and Missouri… and Indiana. Andy, what the bloody hell did you think you were doing out here without a Slayer? This is the bleeding Hellmouth!

ANDREW
I had my Slayer with me, but she ran off. I'm an official Watcher now!

He puffs up with his own importance. Spike is unimpressed.

ANDREW
Anyway, Dana was still here, and even though I'm not supposed to put her in any "combat situations" [he does the air quotes again], I think they'll understand that we made an exception…

SPIKE (realizing for the first time that Dana is standing right there)
Whoa! What the…

He points at Dana, incredulous.

SPIKE (cont.)
But… she's insane!

ANDREW
I know. Kinda gives her an edge, doesn't it?

SPIKE (still pointing)
What?! Are you completely sack of hammers? She cut my bloody hands off!

DANA
If you keep pointing them at me I'll do it again.

He quickly lowers his hand.

SPIKE
Right then. No need to thank us. Me and Blue will just be on our way…

ANDREW (just making the connection)
Fred! Wow! Those were some amazing moves! I didn't recognize you with the… did you dye your hair?

ILLYRIA (maybe a little sadly)
I am not the Winifred Burkle you remember.

ANDREW
No kidding. Nobody told me you were rocking it Mystique-style on your nights off…

SPIKE
Fred's dead.

There's a moment. Andrew doesn't get it.

ANDREW
But she's standing right here…

SPIKE
Her body was taking over by an ancient, super-strong demon God. She looks like Fred, but paler and with some blue highlights in the forehead area. But she's good now. Or at least not, y'know, evil. She's pretty stuck up, though.

ILLYRIA
I am above your species' petty morality.

SPIKE
See?

ANDREW
Oh. Um. (Not sure if it's the right thing to say) I'm sorry to hear that?

SPIKE (sadly)
You don't know the half of it.

CUT TO:

6. INT. - APARTMENT MAIN ROOM - NIGHT

Jeanine opens the door and lets Andrew, Spike, Illyria, and Dana into a pretty upscale apartment, a lot of brick. The furniture's kinda sparse, Andrew and Co. seem to have moved in very recently.

JEANINE (in quite a state)
Oh my God, I was so worried! I thought you guys were right behind me, I swear. Oh Andy, I'm so glad you're ok!

She hugs Andrew tightly. Spike's eyebrows go up. Jeanine sees him standing there and pulls herself together.

JEANINE (Cont.)
And you brought guests... with Technicolor hair.

ANDREW
Jeanine, this is Spike, the vampire with a soul and compatriot of the great Buffy Summers. And this is...

He waves his hand at Illyria, searching for some hyperbole to spout... or possibly her name.

ILLYRIA
I am Illyria, God-King of the Primordium.

ANDREW
Exactly. Spike, Leerya, this is Jeanine, my faithful Slayer from Down Under.

JEANINE (obviously impressed)
Brilliant!

Illyria looks like she's ready to bask in the admiration.

JEANINE (Cont.) (To Spike)
So, you really knew Buffy Summers?

Illyria's expression fades.

SPIKE (ignoring the fan club)
Nice place.

ANDREW
Yeah, Giles paid for it with old Watcher's Council funds. We just moved in last week.

He walks through a doorway into another part of the apartment, hidden from view.

ANDREW (Cont.) (O.S.)
If you guys want a drink, there's a six-pack of Zima in the fridge

Illyria cocks her head and looks at Spike.

ILLYRIA
Zima?

CUT TO:
6. INT. - "THE SLAYER ROOM" - NIGHT
Jeanine holds a punching bag while Dana practices on it at one end of a large, open room. The camera pans around the walls, showing various swords, stakes, and crossbows hung with care, along with a couple of model replicas of the Enterprise. It's reminiscent of the old back room of the Magic Box, but bigger. Eventually we come to a long table at the other end of the room. Andrew sits at one end, in front a huge white board labeled "THE BIG BOARD" in large letters at the top. Also seated at the table are Spike and Illyria.

ANDREW (quietly)
So Angel's... dead.

SPIKE
Yeah. There was hundreds of 'em. I wouldn't have survived myself except for ol' Blue here.

ILLYRIA
They angered me.

ANDREW (a little misty)
A heroic last stand, fighting the good fight to the last... Does Buffy know?

SPIKE
Bloody hell! I didn't even think... She doesn't even know about me being back, does she?

ANDREW
I never told her. And believe me, it was hard. I was nervous all the time. I had to watch a lot of Voyager episodes in Italian to relax.

SPIKE
I could never... Now it's even worse! [picks up an imaginary phone] "Hello, Buffy, this is Spike. Yeah, I'm alive, ain't life bleeding starkers? Oh, by the way, your true love is dead."

Illyria gives Spike a very strange look. He runs his fingers through his white hair, anxiety getting the better of him for a beat. Then he suddenly points at Andrew.

SPIKE
You!

ANDREW (suddenly panicked)
I didn't do it, I swear!

SPIKE
You should tell her! Hell, you lived with her.

ANDREW (emphatically)
No way. One time I used all the hot water in the shower and it was like the Blake's 7 finale all over again. Do you have any idea what she'd do to me if she found out I kept you a secret from her?

SPIKE
Fine... let's just... I dunno. [changing the subject] So, you still haven't explained to me why Miss Happy Saw isn't chained up in the Tower of London.

ANDREW
Well, she's a lot better now than she used to be. There was one time on the plane over here... but she's been great. I think having another Slayer or two around really calms her down.

ILLYRIA
That girl is... mentally unstable?

ANGLE:
Dana is really going after the punching bag.

ANDREW (O.S.)
When she was a little girl, a criminal attacked her family.

Dana punctuates that with a massive punch.

ANDREW (Cont.)
Dana's mother and father were killed.

CLOSE-UP:
Dana lands another one.

ANDREW (Cont.)
He kidnapped her and tortured her for weeks.

CLOSE-UP:
Another punch.

ANDREW (Cont.)
She was found, bleeding and, well, crazy, in the streets. She spent the next 10 years in a mental institution.

Dana kicks the bag this time.

ANDREW (Cont.)
Like all Potential Slayers, she had dreams of the glories of other Slayers, throughout the ages. But for Dana, they were more than dreams. She lived them.

Dana's working into a frenzy, throwing multiple punches.

ANDREW (Cont.)
So when she was Called and we first noticed her, her memories were mixed up with those of hundreds of other Slayers, any one of them ready to take over at any time. I never know what language she's gonna speak in next. She's lost herself in the Slayer Line. And that hasn't gone away.

Dana delivers one last massive kick to the bag, sending both it and Jeanine flying across the room. Jeanine hits the wall and lands in a heap on the floor, and, though groggy, immediately bounces back up.

JEANINE
Crikey!

ILLYRIA (interested)
She can take on personalities other than her own.

ANDREW
It's not something she controls. It just happens. The other day, she made us rice for dinner and spoke in Japanese the entire time. It was like living in an anime DVD.

SPIKE
I don't care if she speaks bloody Swahili...

ANDREW
That was Thursday.

SPIKE (Cont.)
...the girl is not stable. She's sodding dangerous, and I would feel a helluva lot better if she were tied up.

DANA
And I would feel a lot better if Zhao had staked you when she had the chance.

Spike turns, a little shocked.

ANDREW (a little apologetic)
Slayer memories, remember? She remembers you killing her, Spike. Twice. Anyway, Giles said she should be out in the field. It's all she knows how to do. We're taking it slow at first, though. Hey, you guys are welcome to stay here as long as you want. We've got an extra bed, but one of you's gonna have to sleep on the floor. Unless...

Dana continues to glare at Spike. He's obviously unnerved.

CUT TO:
7. INT. - THE BEANERY - DAY
Andy, Dana, Jeanine, and Illyria (looking like Fred) are waiting in line in a coffee shop. It's a nice place, with lots of big windows that let in enough light to make it obvious why Spike decided to stay at the apartment. There's a stage for bands to set up, and someone's doing an acoustic set there right now. It's obvious that the Slayers don't really know what to make of Illyria. There's uncomfortable silence for a moment.

JEANINE
So... you're not blue anymore.

The former Goddess uses her hand to remove a large tea bag from her mouth before answering.

ILLYRIA
It is a simple modulation of my form. I find I attract less attention in this way. When I wish I can assume the Burkle persona. It makes moving about in the human world less cumbersome. However, recently I assume this form as infrequently as possible, since it causes me to think of...

She trails off. Jeanine waits expectantly, but gets impatient.

JEANINE
Think of who?

ILLYRIA (snapping at her)
That is none of your business, insolent child.

JEANINE (upset, raising her voice)
Child? Hey, I'll have you know, I am 24 years old, and I have been killing... [she looks around at the people starting to stare] cockroaches since I was 11!

ILLYRIA (calmly)
And I am older than the bedrock upon which you stand, and commanded armies that slaughtered thousands upon thousands.

Jeanine is a little dumbfounded. She doesn't have a good comeback.

CARSON
Who's next?

Illyria bounces up to the counter, suddenly in full-on Fred mode. Behind the cash register is CARSON ROSS, a cute guy with a goatee and an earnest face.

CARSON (Cont.)
So, what'll it be?

ILLYRIA (as Fred)
Well, gosh, there's just so many choices. I mean, wow, this place is... wow. [she giggles] I'll have a half-caf tall cappuccino with those yummy brown chocolate sprinkles on top. Those were always my favorite. [she giggles again]

Carson seems taken with her. Jeanine and Andrew are frozen in shock.

CUT TO:
Moments later, Carson hands "Fred" her coffee.

ILLYRIA
Thanks a bunch.

CARSON
Hey, um, I know this is probably pretty awkward, but I think you seem really nice and interesting and I was wondering if, um, maybe I could call you sometime?

Illyria instantly drops the Fred mode and fixes him with a trademark stare. There is a very long beat.

CARSON
Yeah. OK. Some other time.

Dana starts urgently pulling at Andrew's sleeve.

DANA
It's coming, it's coming!

ANDREW
Yep, I think the coffee's almost ready. Though I'm not sure you need any with that Slayer metabolism.

At that moment a decent portion of the big windows shatters into tiny pieces as several figures wearing heavy robes leap right through them. One stands taller than the rest. A closer look at him tells us that he (and, by extension, the whole crew) is a vampire, cloaked to guard against the daylight. We will call the leader CRONUS.

CRONUS
Where is she?

The coffee shop is silent: nobody has any clue what's going on.

CRONUS (angrily bellowing)
WHERE IS SHE?

As he says this he picks up a stool and flings it against the wall. He turns around and sees Carson standing in front of him.

CARSON
Dude, I don't know what your problem is, but you and your posse here are gonna have to pay for those windows.

CRONUS
Oh, I'm sorry, did we make a mess? What ya gonna do about it?

CARSON (intimidated)
Umm...

Dana suddenly flies in from O.S. and takes down the lead vampire. A table breaks under them.

JEANINE
Dana, NO!

She grabs Dana's fist, which was poised to pummel the vamp, and hauls her off of him.

JEANINE (Cont.)
What did Andy say? No fighting yet for you.

She turns back to the vamp and whips out a stake.

JEANINE (Cont.)
For me, on the other hand...

She gets taken off guard when the lead vampire does a sort of flippy thing and kicks her in the face. She falls, and in the process smacks her jaw on a counter. She hits the ground out cold.

CRONUS
Stupid girl.

A couple of vamps stand ready to finish her off. One leans in to bite her, but suddenly gets smashed with a fist in the back of his head. It is Illyria (still looking like Fred), who kneels by Jeanine and checks her pulse. Andrew kneels down next to her.

ANDREW (concerned)
Is she...

ILLYRIA
She is not dead.

ANGLE: One of the vampires is reporting to the leader.

VAMP #2
We've checked out the whole place. She's not here. They're all humans.

CRONUS
Do you want to go back there having failed?

VAMP #2
She's not here, it must have been bad information.

CRONUS (mulling it over)
She must be somewhere nearby...

He grabs Carson, who's still standing there dumbfounded, by the neck, holding him off the ground. The leader signals to the rest of the pack, and they all exit towards a blacked-out van we see parked outside. The leader takes Carson with him. As he reaches the broken windows, he turns and announces...

CRONUS
Illyria will be delivered to us at Pier 46 by tomorrow evening, or this human will die.

He gets into the van and it drives off. Dana sprints after them, but she's left standing in the middle of the street, looking in both directions for the now-disappeared van.

ANGLE:
Illyria takes this in, her face expressionless.

BLACK OUT

END OF ACT I

ACT II

9. INT. - APARTMENT MAIN ROOM - DAY
Spike is absorbed watching Andrew's TV

SPIKE
God, Timmy, you're such an bleeding idiot. You're gonna get trapped again!

There's a knock at the door, and Spike gets up and opens it. The other four walk in, in a general state of disarray. Illyria, now looking like herself again, carries a still-out Jeanine in her arms.

SPIKE
Bloody Hell! What happened?

ANDREW
A whole lot of vampires crashed the Beanery, demanded we give them Illyria, and left with one of the employees as a hostage.

SPIKE
Oh. (RE: Jeanine) I meant what happened to her.

ILLYRIA (setting Jeanine down on the couch)
She angered me.

SPIKE (angry)
Blue, we talked about this! You can't bloody well go around cleaning people's clocks just because...

ILLYRIA (without a hint of a smile)
I spoke in jest. She struck her head upon the counter.

SPIKE (this is a first)
So... you just made a joke?

ILLYRIA
Your panic amuses me.

Jeanine starts to wake up. She's obviously groggy.

JEANINE
Did somebody get the number of that lorry?

DANA
JNG - 218

Everybody looks at her.

DANA
Oh... I get it.

CUT TO:
10. INT. - A CAVE-LIKE ROOM
The room starts out of focus, then gradually the image resolves to show us a room with uneven stone walls, possibly a cave. A metal door is set into the wall at the far end.

ANGLE:
Carson is chained to one of the walls, and he's just starting to come to. He blinks his eyes and tries to move his hands, testing his chains.

CARSON
Wow. This is sort of... kinky. And bizarre.

ANGLE:
The door creaks open. Cronus enters, flanked by two others.

CRONUS
You're awake, I see.

CARSON
Yeah. You know, as much as I'm loving the four-star accomodations, I have to ask... what the hell is going on? Who are you dudes? What's up with your face? And do you really expect to get away with this?

CRONUS
So many questions. Humans are always so... curious. But you know what they say.

He punches Carson hard in the face.

CRONUS (Cont.)
Curiosity killed the cat. My name is Cronus. And it is I who will be asking the questions here, my friend.

Carson spits. Blood runs from his nose.

CARSON
Shoot.

CRONUS
Where is the demon known as Illyria?

CARSON
In a house on 14^th Street.

The vampires stop for a moment, surprised he would talk so easily.

CARSON
Stockholm. Timbuctoo. Narnia.

Cronus punches him again.

CRONUS
SILENCE!

CARSON
How the hell should I know? You don't see demons walking down the street most places.

He eyes the three vamps standing in front of him. They growl in anger.

CARSON
But... this isn't most places, is it?

CUT TO:
11. INT. - THE SLAYER ROOM - NIGHT
Our five heroes sit around the long table, discussing matters. Andrew stands by the Big Board, erasable marker at the ready.

JEANINE
So those vamps want us to give them Illyria?

ANDREW
Well, I think they meant the whole place rather than us specifically.

Spike shoots him a glare.

ANDREW (Cont.)
That doesn't really matter, does it?

SPIKE
But... how do they even know you're here, Blue? I mean, we just bleeding got here, and there's already vendetta-sworn vampire packs hunting you down. I was hoping it would take a little longer.

JEANINE
And why do they want you?

ILLYRIA
I do not know. Perhaps they wish to fight for me.

ANGLE:
Spike scoffs and rolls his eyes.

ILLYRIA
You scoff at me, vampire? My name spread terror throughout the ancient world. That some would still keep the flame of my worship alive is to be expected.

ANGLE:
Andrew writes on the board. Under the word "POSSIBILITIES" he writes "WORSHIPPERS", then crosses it out and writes "WORSHIPERS".

JEANINE
They didn't sound like they wanted to worship Illyria when they got her. It seemed more like they wanted her delivered so they could squash 'er into vegamite and spread her on biscuits.

DANA
They came there to kill you.

ANGLE:
Andrew writes "ASSASSINS" on the board.

ILLYRIA
They would have failed.

JEANINE
You sure? I mean, I was out, Andy ain't much help, no offense, and Dana here's kind of a loose cannon.

DANA
My job is to kill vampires.

JEANINE
No, your job is to watch me kill vampires until Mr. Giles in England decides it's OK for you to fight again. We've been over this. [To Illyria] Anyway, I'm not so sure your confidence isn't misplaced.

ILLYRIA
I can take care of myself.

SPIKE
Can you? I mean, yeah, you're pretty bad-ass, but Andy says there had to be 15 vamps there...

DANA
Seventeen.

SPIKE
Whatever. The point is, there's probably more where that came from, and they all want you dead.

ANDREW
And they took that guy from the Beanery hostage.

SPIKE
You should know all about that.

ANDREW
Yeah, well, I think he will be less of a "guestage" than I was at Buffy's.

SPIKE
I know. We're gonna have to go and get him.

JEANINE
What? We told you how many there were. It's freakin' suicide.

ILLYRIA
He is merely one human.

SPIKE (fed up)
Yeah. But I hate to tell ya Blue, each of them is worth just as sodding much as you are. You may have been the big swingy long long ago and far far away, but this is the new millennium, and you're just the same as all the rest of us.

ILLYRIA (a little too evenly)
You are not a human.

SPIKE
Working on it. And I say we have to go and get him.

DANA
There will be too many. You will die. We all will.

SPIKE (standing)
Well then, stay here if you want, but I can't bloody well stay here and sit on my arse while another person dies because of all the sodding evil that's running around out there. [He's yelling now] You all may be able to accept that, but I can't. Not anymore.

There's a tension-filled beat where nobody says anything. Spike is seething.

ANDREW
Maybe we should all just calm down and think about this for a while. Things will seem brighter in the morning, and then we can decide what to do, OK?

SPIKE (through his teeth)
Fine.

He slams his chair into the table and storms out of the room.

ANDREW
I should go to bed. I need to get up early to tape DS9.

He leaves, too. Dana gets up and walks to the other end of the room. She picks up a sword and starts shadow-fencing with it, Jeanine follows her and picks up a sword with a distinctive red pattern on the handle, but she stops and walks back to the table where Illyria still sits.

JEANINE
So... I hear you kind of... saved my life.

ILLYRIA
This is true.

JEANINE
Not to sound ungrateful or anything, but why? I mean, I sassed you in line. I thought one human life didn't matter to you.

ILLYRIA
I did not wish... to feel another human die in Winifred Burkle's arms.

The two regard each other for a moment. Jeanine sits down, laying her sword on the table.

JEANINE
Did you love him?

ILLYRIA
I do not understand your question.

JEANINE
The man who died in your arms, did you love him?

Illyria examines this strange girl for a beat.

ILLYRIA
I am unsure. I remembered loving him... but it was not I who inhabited those memories. In the ancient days we had no love, or hate, or revenge. There was only power, pure and unadulterated. It was far simpler. Perhaps... if I were better able to comprehend the new emotions of this period I would know whether I had loved him.

Jeanine gazes at the demon God sadly and compassionately. She decides to try and open up to her. She picks up her sword again and displays it.

JEANINE
This was my first sword. I saw it on display in the store and I told Mr. Desmond I just had to have it. He bought it for me, even though I was much too small to use it. I lived with him in this old Victorian house and every day I would take this out in the back garden and try to train with it. No matter how many times I broke the window or how many plants I destroyed, he never took it away from me. Later, I killed my first vampire with it. When I got too old to be Called, he didn't turn me out like he was supposed to. He let me keep patrolling. One day I came home from patrol and found him bleeding to death. He was stabbed by the Bringers. He died in my arms. Some of the Bringers' blood is still on this sword.

ILLYRIA
And did you love your Mr. Desmond?

JEANINE
Of course.

ILLYRIA
And you wished to avenge his death with great violence?

JEANINE
Yes.

ILLYRIA
Then perhaps I did love Wesley.

JEANINE (smiling)
Perhaps.

She gets up and takes her sword over to spar with Dana.

ANGLE:
Illyria contemplates what she just said.

WHITE OUT

FADE IN:
12. EXT. - ALLEY - NIGHT
It's raining. Hard. Spike stands before a huge winged dragon, fire licking from its nostrils.

SPIKE
Sorry luv, not in the mood for barbecue.

He raises his sword and charges. He leaps towards one of the alley's side walls and kicks one foot against it to shift his momentum. He flies toward the dragon and in one incredibly cool move slices off its head. Fire spews from the open wound for a moment, then the dragon falls over, dead.

ANGLE:
Spike, looking pleased with himself. Then a clapping noise begins in the silence. He turns to look for its source.

ANGLE:
Out of the dark end of the alley Dana slowly walks into view, applauding slowly.

SPIKE
What are you doing here?

DANA
Just watching you work. Impressive, I must say. I see now how you deserve to become human.

SPIKE
Hey, slaying dragons usually calls for a little more than sarcasm.

DANA
Really? I wouldn't know.

SPIKE
I saved us.

DANA
Like you saved Fred? Or Gunn? Like you saved Wesley... or Angel? You never save anybody Spike. You got your soul back, but it's still all about you. You used to fight to impress Buffy, and now you fight for the Shanshu Prophecy. The vampire with a soul will become human? Any of this ringing a bell? Of course, that could be about Angel... oh wait, that's not a problem anymore, is it?

SPIKE
You don't know what you're talking about.

DANA
You sure about that? I know this. You don't deserve anything. Well, except maybe for one thing.

SPIKE
And what's that, luv?

DANA
To die.

She whips out a stake and plunges it into his heart. Spike screams.

CUT TO:
13. INT. - APARTMENT MAIN ROOM - NIGHT
Spike sits up with a start.

ANGLE:
Spike's been sleeping on the couch. He glances around the room, slightly freaked, breathing heavy.

14. INT. - CAVE-LIKE ROOM
Carson, looking even worse than before, is still hanging from the wall. He is alone again.

CARSON (singing raggedly)
Fifty-Five bottles of beer on the wall/
Fifty-Five bottles of beer/
Take one down, pass it around/
Fifty-Four bottles of beer on the wall/
Fifty-Four bottles of beer on the wall/
Fifty-Four bottles of beer...

The door opens with a loud bang, revealing one of the vamp guards from before.

VAMPIRE #3
SHUT UP!

CARSON
I would, y'know, but it's not like I could read a magazine or anything. I seem to be kind of tied up, eh?

VAMPIRE #3
Eh? What are you, Canadian?

CARSON
Well, yeah. Or I was, anyway. Was born in ol' B.C.

VAMPIRE #3
I love Canadians. They taste like maple syrup.

CARSON (panicked)
Whoa! Wait a second! What about the bossman? I'm pretty sure he said "no eating the prisoner". In fact, I'm fairly certain that's exactly what he said. Besides, you don't want to drink me this late in the day, you'll get all caffeinated. It'll keep you up!

VAMPIRE #3
It's not late for me. Just a taste...

He goes for Carson's neck, but stops, startled. He TURNS TO DUST.

ANGLE:
Cronus flips his stake over his shoulder and brushes the dust off his cloak.

CRONUS
Sorry buddy, but an order's an order. If only he could have waited one more day, I would have let him. [looks at Carson] Guess it's your lucky day, Sparky.

He walks towards the door, turning when he reaches it.

CRONUS (Cont.)
And no singing!

He slams the door shut, leaving Carson alone again.

CARSON (sarcastic)
This is my lucky day. Oh, yeah.

CUT TO:
15. EXT. - APARTMENT BUILDING - MORNING
An ESTABLISHING SHOT of the building. It's fairly upscale. There's a definite brick theme but the place also seems fairly new.

CUT TO:
16. INT. - APARTMENT MAIN ROOM - MORNING
Andrew sits in front of the television, loudly munching on a bowl of Count Chocula. Spike appears behind him, somewhat menacing. Spike leaps over the couch and... grabs the remote from Andrew's hand, landing next to him.

ANDREW (squealing in protest)
Hey! I was taping!

SPIKE
You were taping Deep Space Nine? You have no taste, my friend. Bajorans are a bunch of bloody pansies. You don't mess with Knight Rider.

ANDREW
But...

SPIKE
We're bloody well watching what I want, or I'm gonna be having some breakfast, too.

Andrew is properly intimidated. There is a moment with only the sounds from the television.

ANDREW
That car is pretty cool.

SPIKE (wistfully)
Yeah, I had a car like that once.

ANDREW
Did it talk?

SPIKE
No. Actually, it was Angel's car. We had to leave it in a hell dimension.

ANDREW
Oh.

SPIKE (After a moment)
I wish now that I'd told her, y'know?

ANDREW
What?

SPIKE
Told Buffy. That I wasn't dead like she thought I was. It was bloody stupid of me.

ANDREW
Plus, it caused some anxiety issues on my part.

SPIKE
I know I didn't have a shot with her, y'know? I just... want to see her. See her laugh, see her... see her try. Just one more time.

ANDREW
You still could.

SPIKE
No... I could never be the one to tell her about Angel. She would think it was my fault. That somehow, I let him get himself killed. And I did, in a way. I raised my bloody hand before the rest of 'em. Let's go, charge! For all the sodding good it did us...

ANDREW
Well, if you want, you and Illyria can stay here with me and the girls. Y'know, if you don't mind the couch. And if we don't all die by tomorrow.

SPIKE (smiling a little)
Yeah... ok.

ANDREW
But remember who pays the rent around here. [He snatches the remote back] And we will be watching DS9.

Spike's a little shocked by this, but doesn't do anything.

SPIKE (to himself)
Well, whaddaya know, nerd's got a spine after all. All ya have to do is threaten his bloody Star Trek.

CUT TO:
17. INT. - DARKENED ROOM
One light source produces a circle of light on the floor of an otherwise completely dark room. Cronus steps into the circle.

CRONUS
Master, Illyria was not at the Beanery. She was spotted entering but when we stormed the building, she was no longer there.

DEEP VOICE (from somewhere in the darkness, seemingly everywhere)
Cronus, you failed me. That makes me very disappointed. I dislike being disappointed.

CRONUS
But master, we did not fail. We captured one of the shop's employees and we are holding him hostage so that Illyria will be delivered to us. She is to be delivered to us at the pier by tomorrow night, or he dies.

DEEP VOICE
FOOL! Illyria cannot be coerced by putting humans in danger. She does not care about such petty things!

CRONUS
No Master, the others will force her to. They will bring her to us.

DEEP VOICE
Illyria is a very important piece of my plan, Cronus. You must bring her to me. It should not be hard to find her. She will leave a trail of destruction in her wake.

CRONUS
Please, Master, just give me a chance! I will have her for you. I swear!

DEEP VOICE (thoughtfully)
I suppose they must find her... tiresome. She is very difficult to deal with. Very well, proceed with your plan. But remember Cronus, if it does not succeed, I will be incredibly disappointed.

CRONUS
Thank you Master. May the fields and flowers praise your name! You are the wind and we are the reeds that bend in submission!

DEEP VOICE
Enough! Leave me now. But do not return without Illyria.

CRONUS
Of course, your belovedness.

He hurriedly steps out of the circle.

DEEP VOICE
I'm waiting, Illyria.

BLACK OUT

END OF ACT II

ACT III

18. INT. - GUEST ROOM - DAY
Spike opens the door of the room where Illyria has been sleeping. Pretty much the only furniture in the room is the bed. From now on, we can call this "Illyria's Room".

SPIKE
Wake up, sleepyhead! It's almost noon. God-King my ass, it's like living with a bloody college student...

He looks towards the bed, then quickly and violently attempts to divert his eyes.

SPIKE (Cont.)
Bloody hell! Ohhh, bollocks. What the hell, Blue? Are you trying to give me a sodding heart attack?

ANGLE:
Illyria stands by the bed. We see her only from the shoulders up but it's pretty obvious that she's not wearing any clothes.

ILLYRIA
You believed I slept in garments, vampire?

SPIKE (at a loss for words)
Just... common decency... all I ask...

ANGLE:
Spike has his hands over his eyes. He slowly moves his fingers so that one of his eyes can see out.

ANGLE:
Illyria raises an eyebrow.

Spike sighs and turns to face the wall. Illyria opens the closet and takes out some fairly normal looking clothes, a t-shirt and sweats.

ILLYRIA (pulling the shirt over her head)
I have been needing more sleep in recent days. It is this human shell. It requires more exertion than I am used to. Do you still intend to attempt to rescue the human from the raid yesterday?

SPIKE (still facing the wall)
Yep. You all may be ready to stick your heads in the bloody sand, but I sure as hell am not.

ILLYRIA (stepping into the pants)
Then I shall accompany you.

SPIKE
Really? Never figured you as the suicide mission type, Blue. Except for that time with...

ILLYRIA
Wesley. Yes. I have thought about it. Wesley was a human. I experienced strong emotions because of his death. This man who is being held, he is also a human. It stands to reason that his life should hold value, as Wesley's did. And therefore, he is worth rescuing.

SPIKE
That's pretty good, Blue. We may make a human out of you, yet.

ILLYRIA
Besides, they will not free him unless I am present. You no longer need divert your eyes. I have dressed myself.

SPIKE (turning to face her)
Wow. Don't think I've seen Her All-Powerful Highness in sweats before.

ILLYRIA
My singlet was... sweaty. And it had an unpleasant odor. I think... there is a first time for all things.

SPIKE
Even you?

ILLYRIA
Even me.

SPIKE
Where did you even get those?

ILLYRIA
I borrowed them from the yellow-haired one.

JEANINE (O.S.)
Hey! Who took my sweatpants!

ANGLE:
Spike smirks at Illyria

CUT TO:

19. INT. - THE SLAYER ROOM - DAY
Spike is gathering weapons. He takes down a couple of stakes, stashes them in pockets of his duster, which he has folded over one arm. Then he takes down another. We see a figure appear behind him.

DANA
That's my favorite stake.

Spike is startled, but tries his best not to show it. His best is not very good.

SPIKE
Oh... um, sorry. I'll put it back, then.

DANA
No.

She walks up to Spike and takes the stake out of his hands.

DANA (Cont.)
I'm going to be needing it.

She holds the stake in such a way that she could use it on Spike if she wanted to. He tries not to look afraid. There is a long beat.

DANA
For when I go with you.

She relaxes and walks back towards the door.

SPIKE
Whoa, wait a bleeding second, girl. I thought you wanted me dead... er. What happened to "We'll all die"?

DANA [turning to face him again, she sighs]
I did want you dead... then. I felt you kill me, and I was upset. But I don't want you dead now.

SPIKE
Sorry, luv, but I'm not sure I understand...

DANA (like she's talking to a really stupid person)
I wanted you to die then because you were evil and your death would have saved lives. But I don't want to kill you now because today you've got a soul and you're trying to help people. You feel love. And right now I'm living in today, so I don't want you to die.

SPIKE
I always felt love.

DANA
Not like this.

Spike stands there, gaping at her. She grabs a sword from the wall and tests its weight.

DANA
Yo soy la caza, y el trabajo de la caza es ayudar personas. Yo voy a ver contigo.
(SUBTITLE:
I'm the Slayer, and the Slayer's job is to help people. I'm going to come with you.)

She thrusts the sword into a dummy standing in the corner of the room.

CUT TO:
20. INT. - APARTMENT MAIN ROOM - DAY
A flustered Andrew stands in the middle of the room, facing Spike and Dana, who are sitting on the couch. Illyria leans against one wall.

ANDREW
But... you guys! Remember what we talked about last night? There's gonna be at least 17 vampires there, probably more. It's like attacking the Death Star with just a couple of B-Wings!

SPIKE
We know all that... except maybe for the part about B-Wings. But we're going anyway.

ANDREW
And you, Dana. You're not supposed to be fighting anybody yet. Mr. Giles gave me explicit instructions.

DANA
How are you going to stop me?

ANDREW
Um... Oh! Remember that episode of Sliders where the alien guy from B5 shot Kari Wuhrer and Roosevelt Brown with that ray gun that imprisoned them in some sort of vortex thing?

ILLYRIA
You possess such a weapon?

ANDREW
Well... no.

SPIKE
So what was the point of the story?

ANDREW (as if this explains everything)
It was a metaphor.

SPIKE
Look, Andrew, we understand that we're taking a hell of a risk. But I followed both Buffy and Angel into situations with much longer odds than this, I'll tell you that. And they taught me one thing. You won't always live through it. But it's always worth it, because you tried, and that's what heroes do.

ANGLE:
Jeanine emerges from the Slayer Room carrying her favorite sword, the one with the red markings on the handle.

JEANINE
When do we leave?

CUT TO:
21. INT. - APARTMENT MAIN ROOM - DUSK
Spike, Illyria, Dana, and Jeanine stride purposefully out of the Slayer Room, loaded up with weapons.

SPIKE
So you all understand the plan?

JEANINE (brandishing her sword)
I think I got it, yeah.

ILLYRIA
I will allow you to bind my hands, since it is only a ruse.

SPIKE
Thanks ever so.

Andrew pops up in front of the group, a stake and cross in his hands.

ANDREW
Ready!

SPIKE
Wait, I thought you weren't coming.

ANDREW
What, and let you all die? Let's face it, you guys are gonna need my help.

There's a moment of silence. Andrew is now officially too absurd for words.

JEANINE
Andy, I don't want you to get hurt.

DANA
There is no need for the Watcher to come with us.

ANDREW
Come on, you guys! I've seen this episode. The noble champions of justice leave the brains of the operation behind because they don't want them to get hurt, and then the forces of evil swoop in and kidnap the brains and use him for their own nefarious purposes.

SPIKE
You're not the brains.

ANDREW (whiny)
Spike!

SPIKE
Bugger. You can come Andrew. We need somebody to drive the getaway car. But you stay in the bloody car, understand?

ANDREW (brightly)
Great! We can take my car.

He hurries out the door.

SPIKE (donning his duster to appropriately dramatic music)
Time for some thrilling heroics.

The gang exits. Power shot of the five of them walking down the hallway outside the apartment.

CUT TO:
22. EXT. - STREET - DUSK
There's a bright yellow VW New Beetle parallel parked on the street outside the apartment complex.

SPIKE (in disbelief)
That's your car?

ANDREW
I bought it with Watcher's Council money. I can write it off on my taxes as a job expense. You know we're technically a non-profit organization?

JEANINE
I just love these new Beetles. Isn't Andy the coolest?

ILLYRIA
That... is a vehicle?

ANDREW (getting into the driver's seat)
I even tricked it out with a few personal touches.

He honks the horn. The Star Wars theme plays.

SPIKE
Right. Bloody priceless, innit?

ANDREW
Come on, we'll squeeze in.

CUT TO:
23. INT. - CAVE-LIKE ROOM
Carson is still chained to the wall, but he's asleep now. At least he is until the door slams open and Cronus walks in, followed by the still remaining guard.

CRONUS
Guess what, Starbuck? Illyria's been spotted and it looks like she's on her way here. So that means, you get to leave. Doesn't that make you feel all warm inside? Not that I would know.

CARSON
Seriously?

CRONUS
Yeah. I may be one evil son of a bitch, but I'm of an honorable sort.

The guard unlocks one of Carson's manacles.

CRONUS
I said you'd get to go free, that means you get to go free.

The guard unlocks the other manacle.

CARSON (feeling his wrist)
This has got to be the weirdest couple of days of my life.

CRONUS
I feel for you, buddy.

Suddenly, the guard violently grabs Carson's arm and twists it behind his back.

CRONUS (Cont.)
To the Pier!

He marches out of the room. The guard painfully forces Carson to follow him.

FADE IN:
24. EXT. - LAKE ERIE SHORE - EVENING
The moon is just starting to rise over the dark water into a navy blue sky. The camera pans past an old block-lettered sign reading "CLEVELAND HARBOR AUTHORITY, PIER 46", and comes to rest on Spike, Illyria, Jeanine, and Dana, standing at the end of a long, empty pier. Spike holds Illyria as if she is his prisoner. Her hands are tied.

SPIKE (To Illyria)
You really do smell. When was the last time you showered, Blue?

ILLYRIA
Showered?

SPIKE
Right. Of course.

ANGLE:
Cronus leads about 25 vampires from the opposite direction towards the pier. Two of them push Carson along. They stop opposite our heroes. We have a bit of an old-west style stand-off.

CRONUS
You have brought us Illyria?

SPIKE
Yeah. Here's your bloody demon.

ILLYRIA (acting a little too well)
You will pay for this, scum. I will grind you into shards so tiny that not even the termite shall notice them.

CARSON
Hey, that's that girl from the Beanery the other day.

VAMP GUARD (To Cronus)
She doesn't look like the Master said she would. She's not wearing the leather thing.

CRONUS
That's her, all right. He said she was difficult to deal with. And look, she's blue. She must have been in disguise. [to Spike] All right, hand her over.

SPIKE
Not till you hand over your prisoner.

CRONUS
No, we get Illyria first.

SPIKE
At the same time.

CRONUS (reluctantly)
Fine. Do it.

They make the exchange. Carson slips behind the Slayers, wide-eyed.

CARSON
Thanks so much, guys. I mean, really, thanks a lot.

Cronus leans to the guard next to him.

CRONUS
See? I told you it was gonna work.

At that moment, Illyria breaks free of the not very well-tied ropes that were binding her wrists.

ILLYRIA
It was merely a ruse.

She grabs the heads of the two vamps holding her and smashes them together. As they both reel, she stakes them both with a stake in each hand.

CRONUS
It's a trick! Stop them!

The battle is joined. Spike fights three vamps at once with some sweet karatay, as we go into slow motion for a few moments.

ANGLE:
Dana and Jeanine both charge, swords raised. Right away, Dana beheads a vamp. Another slices her arm with a sword. She looks at the wound, which was merely grazing.

DANA (in a Jamaican accent)
Dat's me favrit shirt!

She clashes swords with the vamp.

ANGLE:
Illyria punches out one vamp in slow motion, then kicks another. They both go flying. She picks up the remaining guard and throws him into the lake.

ANGLE:
Jeanine comes to help with the vampire Dana's sword-fighting with. They raise their swords simultaneously and cut off both of the vamp's arms.

JEANINE (triumphant)
It's just a flesh wound!

She slices off his head and he GOES TO DUST

ANGLE:
Spike punches a vamp, then stakes him.

ANGLE:
Dana is about to stake one vamp when another punches her blind-side, sending her to the ground. She tries to gather herself, but the vamps stand over her ready to pounce... until they both get smashed into by the Andrew-mobile and go flying. The horn plays the Star Wars theme once again, seeming to herald the arrival of the cavalry. Andrew proudly steps out of the car.

ANDREW
I could start to like Knight Rider.

He helps Dana up, but afterwards a vampire hits him with one punch and he goes down. Dana goes back to work.

ANGLE:
Carson, his eyes as big as saucers.

CARSON
Weirdest. Day. Ever.

ANGLE:
Jeanine spots Cronus watching the battle a little ways away, and works her way over to him, absent-mindedly staking a vamp on the way. She reaches him.

JEANINE
Y'know, I never properly thanked you for knocking me out at the Beanery.

CRONUS
The pleasure was all mine.

JEANINE
Not anymore.

She thrusts her sword at him, but he side-steps and grabs her wrists. She struggles to break free, but can't.

CRONUS (smiling evilly)
Are you sure about that?

Cronus suddenly twists Jeanine's arms around and buries the sword in her stomach. She gasps.

CRONUS
Bye, sweetie.

He drops her and runs off to join the battle. Jeanine collapses to the ground, impaled on her own sword, a look of shock on her face.

CLOSE-UP:
The red engravings on the sword handle are slowly covered with blood.

BLACK OUT

END OF ACT III

ACT IV

25. EXT. - LAKE ERIE SHORE - EVENING (Cont. from Act III)
The battle continues to rage. Illyria punches a vampire, then she stops and looks at something, allowing the vamp to get a good whack in.

ANGLE:
Jeanine lies on the ground in the distance, the point of the sword sticking out of her back.

Illyria stakes the vamp almost nonchalantly, and we hear him dust. She walks towards Jeanine.

ANGLE:
Illyria kneels on the ground next to Jeanine, unsure of what to do.

JEANINE (weakly, shaking, a trickle of blood coming from her mouth)
Hey, bluebird.

Illyria cradles Jeanine's head with her hands.

JEANINE
Sorry that you had to have someone else die in your arms.

ILLYRIA
Wesley died in Winifred Burkle's arms. You will be the first to die in mine.

Jeanine's fading. She gives Illyria a ghost of a smile.

JEANINE
I will consider it an honor.

She stops shaking, her features stop changing. The smile is still on her face. Jeanine is dead.

ILLYRIA (quietly)
May your soul find more peace than mine has.

A figure appears, standing behind Illyria.

CRONUS
So sad, your pet Slayer went and got herself slain. Well, that's what happens when you mess with the big boys.

ANGLE:
Illyria's face is expressionless. She's pissed off now.

ANGLE:
Spike is completely surrounded by 5 vamps. He's holding his own, but he won't last forever.

SPIKE
Blue! Little help here?

CRONUS (Cont.)
You know, I almost feel sorry for the girl. When humans get mixed up in the affairs of the Old Ones they almost always end up dead.

ANGLE:
In one smooth motion, Illyria pulls the bloody sword out of Jeanine's body, turns, and decapitates Cronus with it. She glares at the battle going on around her.

ILLYRIA
I wish to do more violence.

And she's off.

ANGLE:
Dana stands over the prone Andrew, who's just coming to. She's methodically fighting off a series of vamps.

ANDREW (groggily)
Tucker, can't you muzzle those things...

Two vamps grab Dana by her two arms and she's trapped. She struggles, but it's no use. Then one of the vamp's heads flies off and he GOES TO DUST.

ANGLE:
It's Illyria, holding Jeanine's sword. The other vamp just stands there, stunned, until Dana elbows him in the face, then pulls out a stake and does him in. She looks up, but Illyria is gone.

ANGLE:
Carson is out on the pier, cornered by a vampire.

CARSON
Is there really any need to resort to violence?

He looks around at the battle. It's pretty violent.

CARSON
I guess that argument doesn't really hold much weight with you guys, eh?

The vamp attacks. Carson, in desperation, punches the vamp right in the nose. The vamp loses his balance, trips, and falls into the water.

CARSON (trying to celebrate and act like his hand is hurt at the same time)
Yes! Ow. Yes!

ANGLE:
Spike is still fighting holding off a big group.

SPIKE (executing a punch-kick combo)
Uh... Blue? Where the bloody hell are you?

One vamp trips Spike up, and he falls. Another kicks him right in the face.

SPIKE
I liked this better when Buffy was the one doing to the kicking.

Illyria arrives just in the nick of time, taking off the heads of two vamps with Jeanine's sword. This gives Spike a chance to get up.

SPIKE
All right! Little better odds now. Here we are now, entertain us.

ANGLE:
Andrew has taken refuge from an attacking vampire in the driver's seat of his car. The vamp pulls his arm back to punch the window, but he stops, listening. He hears... nothing. Turning around, the vamp sees Spike, Illyria, and Dana standing there looking menacing. All of his buddies are dust. After a brief growl, the vamp turns and bolts, heading back the way the pack came. A tired Spike, Illyria, and Dana glance at each other. Andrew gingerly gets out of the car. Carson walks up to the group.

CARSON
OK, what's going on here? One day I'm working at the Beanery, minding my own business. Then the next day I'm stuck in the middle of some... supernatural gang war. Who are you people?

SPIKE
We...

He looks around as his rag-tag unit, dirty and bloodied. As tired smile forms on his face.

SPIKE
We are the champions.

There is a moment. They all start to walk towards the car.

CARSON (To Illyria)
So did you dye your hair? Like, since yesterday? 'Cause I gotta say, lovin' the look.

CUT TO:
26. INT. - SLAYER ROOM - NIGHT
Andrew sits at the table, staring blankly into space. Jeanine's sword lies on the table in front of him. Illyria walks in and stands next to him. There is silence for a moment.

ILLYRIA
Jeanine died with honor.

ANDREW (numbly)
That doesn't make her any less dead. She... she was my Slayer, we'd been together 3 weeks, and now she's dead. I failed her.

ILLYRIA
Jeanine did her duty. All mortals must die in time. But Jeanine was able to make her death matter.

She kneels down next to Andrew.

ILLYRIA (Cont.)
No Watcher can be any less of a failure. And you still have a Slayer in your charge who requires your assistance.

ANDREW (a tear falling down his face)
But... she was here when we left, and when we came back, she wasn't.

ILLYRIA
We all must take journeys. Some of us merely have farther to travel.

She reaches up and wipes a tear from Andrew's face. He smiles bravely. Illyria stands up and goes to walk out of the room. As she reaches the doorway, she stops.

ILLYRIA (to herself)
I once killed thousands of mortals without another thought. Now I wipe the tears from the face of a mortal boy with my own hand. [she shakes her head in disbelief] This is indeed a changed world.

She walks out the door. Andrew picks up Jeanine's sword and walks over to the wall with the weapons. He places it carefully on its mountings and stands back and looks at it for a second.

27. INT. - APARTMENT MAIN ROOM - NIGHT (cont.)
Carson sits next to Spike on the couch. He watches Illyria walk across the room and go through the door that leads to her room. Spike watches this. Carson's interest is not lost on him.

SPIKE
You're wasting your time. I don't think she even knows what bloody slot things go in.

CARSON (turning his head)
What?

SPIKE
Demon God in the body of a human woman. That you have absolutely no shot would be a sodding understatement.

CARSON (taking this in)
Oh.

There is a beat.

CARSON
Still, you gotta admit, she is pretty hot.

SPIKE
Oh, God yes. You wouldn't believe how...

Carson's looking at Spike in a bizarre way. Spike quickly shuts up. There's sort of an awkward moment.

CARSON (changing the subject)
So... vampires are real, huh? Ain't that a kick in the teeth.

SPIKE
Guess it might be.

CARSON
So you guys are like this gang of monster-fighting heroes? Like the Fantastic Four.

SPIKE
No.

CARSON
Like the X-Men?

Spike considers this for a moment.

SPIKE
Maybe. If most of the X-Men were dead, and Kitty Pryde were retired and living in Italy, that'd be a pretty good metaphor.

CARSON
You read X-Men?

SPIKE (sheepishly)
No.

CUT TO:
28. INT. - DARKENED ROOM
The last remaining vampire from the battle stands in the middle of the circle of light. Once again, nothing can be seen outside of the circle.

DEEP VOICE (bellowing)
WHAT?!

VAMP #4 (trembling)
They're all dead, Master, even Cronus. Everybody who was working for you. Illyria was there. She had some back-up.

DEEP VOICE
Back-up? Who?

VAMP #4
I didn't recognize them. Cronus killed one of them, a girl. There was another girl, she fought well, she may have been a Slayer. There was also a white-haired British vampire, who fought like a mad man. And a puny boy, driving a really lame car.

DEEP VOICE
And it is these who destroyed my followers?

VAMP #4
Yes, Master.

DEEP VOICE
I shall have to deal with them accordingly.

VAMP #4
Of course, Master. Whatever you may require in this time of tragedy, I shall humbly attempt to enact your wishes.

DEEP VOICE
I WILL have Illyria. She is extremely important to the plan.

VAMP #4 (frightened)
Shall I... attempt another raid?

DEEP VOICE
No. First we must rebuild our strength. We must be patient. If we strike before the time is right, we will fail and it will all be for nothing.

VAMP #4
Yes, Master. You are the shoe and I am the ant you deign not to step on.

DEEP VOICE
I would not be too sure. You failed. I am very disappointed.

The vampire begins to quiver and shake. Smoke begins to rise from him.

VAMPIRE #4
No! NOOOO!

He bursts into flames. After a few moments, he GOES TO DUST.

DEEP VOICE
I need to get some better help around here.

29. EXT. - APARTMENT BALCONY - NIGHT
Dana sits on a small balcony outside of her room, taking in the city lights flickering in the night.

DANA
I know you're there.

ANGLE:
Spike stands behind her, leaning against the doorway.

SPIKE (sitting down next to her)
Bollocks, my sneaking skills must be backsliding.

DANA
The Slayer can sense vampires, remember?

SPIKE
I remember. Funny how Buffy never really got that one down.

DANA
Many never do. I have learned from the ones who have.

SPIKE
So... which century are you in now?

DANA
She loved you.

SPIKE
Sorry?

DANA
Buffy. Down in the Hellmouth, when you were wearing the amulet. She told you to follow her out, but you refused. Your hands touched and they made fire. She said she loved you, and you thought she didn't mean it.

Spike is transfixed. Dana turns her head to face him.

DANA (Cont.)
But she did mean it. She loved you Spike, in that moment, with every fiber of her being.

She turns her face back to look into the night.

DANA
I just thought you should know that.

The pair look out at the city for a moment.

SPIKE
So... you're not gonna stake me?

DANA
Not tonight.

SPIKE
Good enough.

BLACK OUT

DANA (v.o)
Wanna go kill something?

SPIKE (v.o.)
Yeah, OK.

The End

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