The Price by April

Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: All characters are property of Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy. I only took them out for a stroll.
Distribution: The Mystic Muse http://mysticmuse.net
Sure, just let me know where and when.
Feedback: Please.
Spoilers: None
Author's Notes: I wrote this at the end of Season 6, trying to think of some way to bring Tara back. Little did I know how close to the theme of Season 7 I was coming. I have written Xena fiction but this is my first attempt at BtVS fiction. Please feed the author and let me know how I did.
Pairing: Willow/Kennedy

Summary: Haunted by Tara's death, Willow receives a visit and gift from her beloved and a warning as to the future.

"Wow." The figure said to themselves as they entered the large office. The light was blinding and she had to shield her eyes to even make out fuzzy images.

As the room began to get clearer she was able to lower her arm and get a better look. The office was huge and airy with a color scheme of soft blues and creams, down to the cream and glass furniture. A large wall of glass was centered behind the desk and allowed a breathtaking view of the sky and heavens outside.

From the way the clouds were gathered her view to the ground was blocked but she estimated that they must be on one of the very top floors. The office smelled of chocolate and sandalwood, odors that made her feel at ease. Soft music, unobtrusive but pleasant filtered through the ceiling speakers making the room even more welcoming.

Something kept gnawing at her, a feeling that she should be somewhere else but this interview was too important. After all the years of fighting the big and little bads, now was the time to see how she had done.

The desk was circular, immaculate and decorated simply. A desk calendar, pen holder, speaker box and a few file folders were all that was visible. Two large cushiony chairs were stationed around it and suddenly she realized she wasn't alone.

"I'm sorry; I didn't realize you were already here." She apologized with a smile. "Are you who I'm supposed to meet?"

Receiving a positive answer, Willow moved to the empty chair and sat down. When she went to open her briefcase for her resume' she realized she hadn't brought her briefcase. "I think I left my information in the car if you'd just excuse me a second…"

She fell silent when the interviewer held up a file with her name on it. Of course she'd already sent the resume or she wouldn't be here now. Blushing, she readied to answer the interview questions.

"Yes, I know my resume' is spotty. I've been moving around a lot the last few years, but as you can see I have a vast knowledge of computers as well as my teaching credentials."

Her face fell slightly. "Yes, I am also pretty well informed on the mystical aspects of the world as well."

A change in subject and the interviewer's soothing tone put her back at ease. "I grew up in Sunnydale California and moved from there when I was 22." She stopped for a second. "Yes, that Sunnydale. Just sank into the ground one day. Luckily I was out of town when it happened."

"After that I traveled some. I was with some friends and we had a lot of work to do but as time passed we all went our separate ways."

"Yes, that's the price of growing up, I guess. My friends? I've got some really great friends, well more like family."

She was flattered to talk about them but there were also some painful memories as well. "My best friend Buffy, last I heard she was traveling the world for the third time. She likes to stay somewhere for a little bit and then move on. She tries to get back to the states at least once a year but it's getting harder and harder because she's so busy."

The truth was that Buffy, had earned her freedom from being the "Chosen". For the first year or so she had helped them track down the new slayers and reform the watchers council but then her urge to spread her wings and live. Giles had seen to it that she had enough money to keep her going and with reluctance she had gone on her way, literally vanishing for the first six months. When she reappeared, she seemed lighter and easier going than she had since her sophomore year in high school. Her visits were usually short, as her desire to stay on the move was like a flame to a moth.

"I miss her." Willow said realizing that the room was silent, the interviewer waiting on her to continue. "But we all have to live our own lives, right?"

"My oldest and other best friend was Xander. We grew up together and he was even my first crush. He was a great friend and saved my life on more than one occasion." Willow felt the sting of tears but pushed them away. "He lost his ex-fiancé' when the town was destroyed and he never really got over it. After we left Sunnydale, he settled in Ohio and started a business. He did end up marrying Buffy's little sister about 6 years later. They had twin boys and were really happy…"

"No, that's okay; it's just still kind of difficult to remember. You see after all we did and went through to die because some idiot got behind the wheel drunk. He died instantly, like that was supposed to make it easier. Dawn, his wife did better than we thought she would. I think having the boys helped."

A large cup of steamy _mocha goodness was set in front of the redhead and brought her out of the past. Taking a few sips, she inhaled the rich smell and eased back in the chair. "Thank you. I really don't understand what my friends have to do with…"

"The way I relate to people and the kind of people I attract. Okay that makes sense. I had a mentor so to speak. You kind of remind me of him. He's gone back to England now. He's the CEO of an organization that we helped build from the ground up. Giles and I had a really great relationship. I had a father but Giles was more like a father than my own dad."

She remained silent for a few seconds, listening to the interviewer intently. "My current work associates? Well yes, as a matter of fact it is someone I met in my hometown. Faith Johnson. When we branched off from the company in Ohio, Faith and had a pretty good working relationship and we've been together ever since."

"Oh, I guess it's been 10 years now." Willow stopped and thought about that for a moment. "Wow. Ten years. It seems longer and shorter." She shrugged.

"No I'm not married or seeing anyone at the moment." She answered and moved in the chair in such a way that it was obvious she was uncomfortable. "You don't have to worry about that. None of that mushy love stuff to interfere with my work."

The anger quickly subsided. Her interviewer had such a compassionate and easy going way that she felt the questions were only that, questions. Not a means of intruding. "I've dated some but there's not been anyone in the last few years…"

"Well…okay…we…" She decided to be blunt. "Okay I'm gay. I'm sorry if that doesn't fit in with your ethics or policies but that's who I am. Faith and I tried as a couple but we discovered we're better friends than anything else. So now you know."

The reaction was calm and unaffected, and again she was put at ease by the interviewer. "I'm sorry; I'm just used to … thank you."

"Yes, I've been in love and I've loved." She answered the next question. "Kennedy and I met in Sunnydale right before its destruction. We stayed together for about two years but we were two very different people. We're still friends. I've dated some over the years but work is at the top of my list"

Willow shifted again in her chair becoming uneasy at the next question. "I was in love once but I'd rather not talk about it."

She felt the emptiness in her soul at the very thought of her lover. The shy blond was always in her thoughts and with her. Deep down she knew that it was part of the reason she seemed to wonder from relationship to relationship. A sense of security swept over her and suddenly she felt the need to answer the interviewer's questions.

"Her name was Tara." Willow began. "We met in college at a Wicca meeting. She was so shy and unimposing. I liked her the minute I met her. I loved her the minute she touched my hand." Willow softy laughed and blushed. "It sounds like it happened overnight and I guess our friendship did. As it grew, I felt something I've never felt before or since. A willingness to give up all that I am just to be in her shadow."

The interviewer gave her several minutes of quiet to savor the feelings that were deeply buried.

"We were together for 3 years. Like anyone else we had our rough patches but we got through it. Then I lost her." So many days, hours and minutes wasted because she had gotten hooked on the dark majicks. Time that could have been spent laying in her darling's arms, kissing her pale, soft skin, exploring her voluptuous body. Anger bubbled up at the thought of the time she had tossed away. Time that could never be regained.

All the facts and information that the interviewer had surprised her. "I kind of delved into black majick. I hurt the people I love and I did some very bad things."

"Better not get used to them." The blond responded, pulling from the embrace but remaining in her lover's arms.

Willow ended the kiss and looked at her partner. "Okay, not quite the response I was fishing for."

The familiar half grin appeared as Tara left Willow's arms and went over to the window. "No, he's here."

Willow stepped over to the dresser to finish preparing for a public appearance. "Think they're making up?"

Willow smiled and turned to look as the sun cascaded through the window and caused her baby to glow. A shadow crossed over Tara and Willow frowned.

Somehow she knew Tara was in danger and leaped at her lover. There was a pop and the sound of breaking glass as the two women crumpled to the floor.

Tara was confused and raised her eyebrow. "Willow" Then she looked down. "Your shirt."

Following her gaze, Willow looked down and saw the bloody spatter on her shirt. There wasn't any pain only a since of regret that she didn't have the strength to tell Tara how much she loved her before she slipped into welcoming darkness.

The scene ended and Willow was back in the office, noticing the look of compassion on the interviewers face.

"I would have gladly taken the bullet for her that day, any day. Whatever it would take to keep her here."

"She was very special. Gentle, kind, loving, that's why the world needed her in it."

Willow looked up and at the interviewer. "I'm not that special. I told you I didn't handle her death very well."

Warren was tied spread eagle to the trees, a cooling breeze tickling his exposed skin. Thick stitches held his lips together as the bullet slowly bored into his chest but it couldn't silence his muffled cries and pleas. Even watching his obvious pain didn't dull the heat that raged within the witch. "Bored now." She muttered and with a flick of her wrist, his flesh was ripped from his body. Death wasn't instant but in those few minutes he suffered like Willow was suffering now.

A visible quake passed over her and she pushed the image away. "I killed someone. The man that murdered Tara and shot Buffy. He was trying to kill Buffy but one of the bullets strayed and that was the one that took Tara."

She expected to wait on security to escort her out of the office but the interviewer studied her, fingers interlocked and occasionally glanced down at the file on the desk.

"Of course I regret it." Willow shot back. "Not only did I take a human life but I hurt my friends, destroyed Giles livelihood, and stained my soul to the extent that I expect to burn when it's my time."

"Grief was no excuse. It seemed to be then. Tara was my life. For the first time I was in love and I'll never have that again. How do you replace your soul, your everything?"

She toyed with the cup in front of her. "Sure I've done a lot of good before then and since then but I doubt it can begin to make up for what I did."

"I deserve to be punished. I should have to pay for what I did, no matter the reasons at the time or what I've done since."

"Would I change anything? Yes and no. If I could go back and listen to what Tara was trying to tell me about the majicks, let her help me beat them, I would. If I could be the one that the bullet hit and killed, I'd do it. If I could bring Warren back and return all that I took from my friends, I'm right there. There's a lot of things I'd change but the truth is I can't so I try to do what I can here and now. If this position allows me to do more good and help others, I pray I meet your qualifications and I guarantee you I'll do the best job I can. If my being honest has blown my chances here, I'll still do whatever I can to… yes, atone for my sins."

The tirade and honesty had drained her somewhat and she lowered her head. She was surprised when she felt a hand on her shoulder and looked into the face of the interviewer.

"I'm perfect for the position? Are you sure? I mean, I don't want to look a gift horse in the mouth, not saying that you're a horse but…you want me?"

She smiled and then was perplexed. "Do I want to remember what? I don't understand. Move on or remember what?"

The park was deserted and eerily silent. The reports were that a nest of demons had taken over the caves nearby and were using the park as a nightly hunting ground. The council has dispatched Faith, Willow and another young Slayer named Timi.

Timi was of Asian decent and barely past her 16th birthday but she showed a lot of promise and soaked up their teachings like a sponge. She had volunteered to be the bait while Faith and Willow followed under cover of the trees.

The demon exploded from the ground only a few feet from Timi. He was over six feet tall, horned, with blue and red skin and gleaming yellow eyes. In the place of hands were long, sharp claws that almost looked webbed in the darkness. He reached out to grab Timi but Slayer training and reflexes kicked in. She ducked, flipped and drove a strong kick into his side.

Four others scurried out of the hole and leapt at the seemingly defenseless girl. Taking their cue, Faith and Willow burst from the woods and jumped into the fight. Faith was forever the show off and liked to use her bare hands and fists, but she also kept a very sharp and large hunting knife tucked in her boot.

Willow relied on her skills with a staff or sword and only used her majicks when it was a life or death situation. She tossed Timi her preferred weapon of choice; sias' and the three began the battle in earnest.

The Slayers were holding their own against two demons each while the Wiccan took on the last remaining villain. Bringing her staff to a cracking thud against the demons head, he repeated the hits, until it was sprawled out on the ground, pinkish ooze coming from its head.

"Timi!" Faith yelled and as Willow turned, ready to take on another she saw a sixth demon joining the fray. A sixth demon that had come out of the hole and was aiming for Timi. Without thinking Willow rushed to intercept the newcomer. She knocked it off balance and raised her staff to knock it to the ground when she was met by a claw ramming into her torso.

She looked down and saw that the majority of the demons claw had vanished into her stomach and for a second she wondered how he did that. The pain began when he yanked the claw back, the wound emitting a sloshing sound and leaving a large noticeable ragged hole.

"Bastard." Faith growled and kicked off the ground, somersaulting away from the demon she fought and landed in front of the new guy. The demon growled but was cut short by the blade that was now implanted in his neck.

Faith's other opponent rushed over to continue the fight and aid his fellow demon but in one swift move, she pulled the dagger from ones neck and rammed backward hitting the other in the chest. With no special tricks needed to kill these types of demons, both fell to the ground around her feet. Looking up she saw that Timi had dispatched one and was about to finish up on the remaining attacker.

Color draining from her face, Faith slid next to Willow and cradled her in strong arms. She had seen enough to know the injury was bad, very bad, but this was ‘Red'. Some majick words and she'd be good as new. "Come on Red. Do your stuff; I need you to help clean up here."

Willow looked into the dark eyes of the Slayer and saw the fear there. Surprisingly she felt none herself but hated that Faith was so scared. "Not this time." She whispered and coughed, sending splatters of blood onto the Slayer and her clothes.

"Willow, get up. You know Giles and Buffy will kick my ass for letting anything happen to you. Besides that, I need you. You're my best friend, hell my only real friend."

A chill was soaking into her and she shivered. "You always kept me safe, my friend." Again she coughed. "I'm getting cold."

Faith held her close, rocking her gently as Timi kneeled beside her. "Call for help. NOW!" Faith instructed. Timi was up and running in a flash leaving the two friends alone.

Faith leaned in closer, placing a kiss on Willow's blood spattered lips. "I love you Red."

"Oh Goddess, I'm dead." Willow blinked, finding herself back in the office with the interviewer. Her hands went down to her stomach but found only her off white business suit. No blood or wounds of any type. "What…how…I…"

The interviewer shushed her and she felt the sting of tears in her eyes. "I remember." She muttered. "We were fighting those demons and I…"

The shock was wearing off but then she remembered where she was and tensed up again. "So is this like purgatory? Or maybe a waiting room before the next elevator down?"

"Of course I expect to go down. I told you what I did. No matter how much good I've done, I shouldn't be allowed to get away with that. Do I want to remember what I've done, no? But if I say I don't then I lose my time with Tara and all the others. They're my memories and my sins and I have to live with them, good and bad alike. I can't pick and chose what I want to keep or throw away because they are who I am."

"What do you mean I've punished myself enough? I took another life, there's no punishment harsh enough for that."

Flashes of the last 12 years encased her. Fighting vampires, demons, any kind of ghouly that came along including The First. More than once she had been injured and more than once it had been because she put herself in the line of fire to save or protect another. The most recent monster scrape had cost her her life. Images faded leaving only the one she truly desired, the day she could take the bullet meant for Tara.

"No greater gift than giving your life for others." She repeated the interviewer's words. The room began to fade and she felt so tired that she could barely keep her eyes open. "I don't understand…" Then darkness.

The feeling of warmth and sunshine greeted her as she awoke. Birds chirped and sang outside the window of her room. Such strange dreams she had had last night but now only the light of day and the promise of happy things.

She felt movement beside her and turned on her side. A head of blond hair poked out from the sheet and a slender long foot was sticking out at the bottom. Her heart tightened in her chest as she gently reached out and touched the figure, eliciting a groan of awareness. "Baby?"

Slowly the blond rolled over, exposing creamy white shoulders and chest. Striking blue eyes opened and blinked with sleep. "Morning Sweetie." The voice soft and smooth as silk.

Willow pulled the woman into her arms, holding her tightly and savoring her smell and touch. "Goddess please don't let this be another dream."

Tara kissed the freckled shoulder and chest. She pulled back and met green teary eyes. "I told you we'd be together again. My Willow."

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The Price

by April

Copyright © 2003

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