Harder Still

by Angel Jade

Copyright © 2003

angel-jade@buffyrocks.co.uk

Rating: R
Disclaimer: Not my characters or show, I make no money from this, yada, yada, yada…
Distribution: Forever Faith: http://mysticmuse.net/faith
The Mystic Muse: http://mysticmuse.net
Ask first please.
Feedback: Yes please.
Spoilers: Season 6 up to Wrecked.
Author's Notes: Sequel to The Hard Way.
Pairing: Faith/Willow

But she has.

Warm fuzzy feelings and all that shit.

You're probably wondering how I could fall for her after four weeks. Truth is, I fell for her after a few days. So smart, so sweet, so strong…she was everything I could have been.

Yeah, I was a smart kid once. They said I was bright. Teachers loved me and I was damn good at everything I did.

My family screwed me over, as families tend to do. Only, mine did it worse.

They turned a little Willow into a very grown up Faith before she had even turned nine. School was no longer important to grown up Faith. She needed attention from her drunken mother, so she smoked and she drank and she tried everything she could, except murder (and look at me now, convicted murderer…aren't ya proud, mom?).

That's the thing none of them got, ya see. They got their own little problems. Oh no, my boyfriend's a vampire! Oh no, how can I tell my mom I'm the Chosen One. You wanna hear my problems???

How about, oh no, I was first raped when I was eight years old by my step- dad. Or how about, my first dope was a gift from my mom. Or even, hey, no one has given a damn about me since my dad left.

But enough about my problems. 'Cause I don't think about them so much anymore. You see, Willow and I, you think we're different as night and day, but we're not.

We're both getting over some tough shit. She got addicted to magic, I got addicted to causing pain. As long as it wasn't my own, I didn't give a shit. Didn't realize I was even hurting inside until Angel held me in the alleyway.

I look at her now, sitting across the room, curled up on the sofa staring out of the window and I wonder why she's here.

We got our own apartment in the same block as Xander and Anya. Her friends were totally freaked at the time, which you gotta expect. Xander was kinda pissed at me for attacking his…durability in sex…while I was in Buffy's body. Oh yeah, and 'cause I tried to kill him an' all. And Anya, I don't think she cared either way, she just kept throwing me warning glares. Don't worry princess; I'm not after your man.

Dawn's a little wary of me. Buffy rarely lets us near each other. Probably 'cause I attacked her mom.

We haven't seen Tara for a while. I know Willow still loves her. I see it in her eyes as she looks out the window, sighing occasionally. Dunno how long they'd been together, but I guess you can't wipe away history like that.

I daren't ask her what we've got here. We're like friends, who kiss sometimes. We cuddle close for comfort and we sleep in each other's arms. And that's it.

Ain't never done that with no one else before. Shit, Red's turning me into a fucking pussy.

But I love her for it.

"Faith, can I borrow your top?" Willow asked Faith, as she lay sprawled across the bed.

Faith groaned and looked at the clock. "Shit. What sort of dumb-ass time is this to be waking me up?"

"Faith…" Willow said, trying to keep a straight face.

"If it's got a zero at the beginning, it ain't time to wake up." She told Willow.

"I'll take that as a yes." Willow grinned, slipping the top on, before grabbing her jacket. "See you later, okay?"

Faith didn't answer, she'd gone back to sleep.

"Wills, how you doing on this fine morning?" Xander asked as Willow walked into the magic shop.

"Fine." Willow said, suspiciously. "What's up with you? What's made you all chirpy and…unXander-like?"

"Can't a guy be abnormally happy without a reason?" Xander asked, sitting down at the table in the center of the store.

"No." Willow replied, simply. "'Fess up. You just had sex didn't you?"

"No!" Xander said. "It's just that…things are going really well. With you I mean."

Willow frowned. "They are?"

"Well, not with the whole recovery thing and the losing Tara thing and…"

"Xander, enough." Willow chastised.

"Sorry. I just think you've been a lot happier since Faith turned up. Now you've got your own place and you smile a lot…"

"I do?"

"Yeah. I'm happy that you're happy." Xander said.

"Yeah…right." Willow grinned. "You just had sex didn't you?"

"Twice." Xander replied happily.

Faith woke a couple of hours later and stretched. Looking around, she smiled at what she saw. A beautiful room. Wallpaper, curtains…no dodgy stains. It was homey.

She got up, still completely naked and walked into the kitchen to make herself some coffee.

She switched the radio station on and turned the volume up. The rock music blared out and she began to nod her head in time with the music. She almost didn't hear the knock.

She opened the door. "Sorry, I'll turn it…Angel."

"Faith."

She opened the door. "Come in."

Angel stepped through and turned away as Faith grabbed a dressing gown.

"What you doing here?" She asked.

"Heard you were here." Angel replied.

"Oh."

"What happened?"

"Shit…that's a long story. You sure you wanna hear it?"

"That's why I'm here." Angel said.

"Okay, where do I start?"

"…So Buffy took my side and they backed off…"

"Faith, are you up yet?" Willow asked as she walked through the door.

"Angel."

"Willow."

"Yes, Angel…Willow, you guys have met before haven't you?" Faith teased. "Willow's rooming with me for a while."

"I see." Angel replied. "How are you, Willow?"

"Oh, I'm good. All things considering." She giggled nervously.

"I was just finishing the story." Faith explained. "Angel heard I was here and he thought I might have broken out and come to seek revenge or something."

"I didn't think that. I was just worried about you. It would have been nice to get a call or even a visit." Angel said.

"Yeah, I know. It was just awkward." Faith said.

"Well, you're okay…so I'm gonna get back." Angel stood up and Faith followed him to the door. "You call me if you need anything."

"Will do." Faith smiled.

Angel looked from Willow to Faith and smiled. "Looks like you got all the support you need." He said warmly.

"You got that right." Willow grinned. "Bye Angel."

Left alone again, Faith hugged Willow in mock exhaustion. "That was kinda weird."

"He was worried about you?" Willow asked.

"Oh, you know the guy, can't resist saving souls." Faith joked.

"You need saving?" Willow asked, smiling.

"Not anymore." Faith replied, kissing Willow.

"Lets go out tonight." Willow suggested as they broke off.

"Out? As in, the real world?" Faith asked doubtfully.

"You have to go there some day, might as well be today." Willow pointed out.

"I know, it's just, my last experience wasn't…" Faith began, referring to the time she was almost attacked.

"You'll be with me. Who's gonna pick on us, huh?" Willow kidded.

"Fine. We'll go out. We'll dance, we'll party and we'll sleep it off tomorrow." Faith agreed.

"Sounds like a plan to me." Willow said.

It felt good to wear those clothes again. To go out and dance, to just be herself. Faith had to laugh at Willow's outfit. The redhead had opted for a similar style, tight trousers, semi-revealing top and a denim jacket. Willow grinned at Faith.

"You sure you're comfortable in that?" Faith asked.

"Not in the slightest." Willow replied. "But we look good."

"We sure do." Faith agreed. They finally made it through the door of the bronze and Faith looked around. "Long time, no see."

"You wanna drink?" Willow asked, raising her voice over the music.

"Nah, I'm cool." Faith replied. She looked across the room at the three young adults sitting around a table. Buffy, Xander and Anya.

Willow noticed what Faith was looking at and clasped her hand. "We can go over if you like?"

Faith looked a little hesitant. "I don't think they want me over there…"

"Tough. They gotta get used to us sooner or later." Willow said, dragging Faith with her as she made her way over.

Xander saw them first. "Wills. And Faith."

Buffy looked rather shocked to see Faith, but covered it with a small smile.

"Hey guys." Willow greeted. "Mind if we join you?"

"Uh…no. Sure. Join away." Buffy said awkwardly.

"Yeah, room for all." Xander joked.

"You don't have to, I can go if you…" Faith stammered.

"No. Sit down." Buffy urged. Inwardly she sighed. Getting used to Faith being around again was difficult. She didn't trust the younger slayer quite yet, but she trusted Willow.

Faith sat down in between Willow and Xander. "Thanks."

"So, what's up with you guys lately?" Willow asked, breaking the silence between them.

"Nothing much actually." Buffy replied. "Slaying's been quiet, life's been boring…"

"Tara." Willow said, as the blonde witch came into view.

"Hey Willow." Tara said uncomfortably.

"Um, hi. How are you?" Willow asked, standing up.

"Uh…good. I guess. Y-you?" Tara replied.

"Great!" Willow answered. "Well, I mean, not great, but…I'm doing fine."

"Good."

"Yeah."

"Do you wanna dance?" Willow asked.

"I better not. I just…I gotta go." Tara said, looking away.

Willow tried to hide her disappointment. "Oh."

"See you around." Tara said, before turning away.

Willow turned back to the table and realized Faith was missing. "Where did…?"

"She just took off." Xander told Willow.

"But she wouldn't…I have to go." Willow ran off after her.

Faith wasn't angry. She wasn't jealous. She was…lonely. So fed up of being on her own. The moment she found someone she enjoyed being with, someone would take it all away from her. Why could she never just have something of her very own?

She walked through the night, not caring where she was going. Perhaps it was time for her to move on. She could travel the states, kick some vampire butt in her spare time…

Being alone was better than being lonely and surrounded by people. At least she wouldn't have to watch people she cared about not care back. That was torture.

"Well, what do we have here?" A voice asked. Faith turned around and saw she was alone, on a dark street with a couple of vampires standing only meters away.

"Little girl all on her own…" One of them mocked. "Not too bright."

"No, I'll tell you who's not too bright." Faith replied. "Vampires that challenge me."

They laughed among themselves, and attacked.

Willow was sure she was going the right way, but honestly, Faith could have been anywhere. And it was just occurring to her that she was alone at night in Sunnydale.

The sounds of fighting not far ahead made her speed up. As she turned the corner, she saw Faith, standing amongst piles of ash, stake in hand.

"Great timing." Faith said, dryly.

"Like I would have been any use anyway." Willow said. "Why'd you run off?"

"Got bored." Faith said.

"Oh…well, you should have said, we could have left together." Willow told her.

"Thought you might want to go home with your girlfriend tonight." Faith answered, looking away.

"She's not my girlfriend." Willow replied, adamantly.

"Whatever." Faith said, quietly.

"Faith, she made it clear it's over between us." Willow reminded her.

"But you're not over her are you?" Faith accused.

Willow faltered. She couldn't deny she had feelings for Tara. "Faith, I'll always love Tara." Faith shook her head and started to walk away. "But things have changed. You're so different now and…well, I think I'm love with you."

Faith stopped, but didn't turn around. "I don't deserve you Red, go back to your witch."

Willow ran after Faith as she started to walk again but Faith just pushed her away.

"I don't need you and I don't need your fucking charity." Faith yelled, before running off.

Willow stared after her, tears in her eyes.

Faith kicked stray cans and rocks as she walked home. She hated herself for reacting that way, but it killed her to feel for someone like this and know they'll never return it.

She heard a scream in the distance and took off, glad to have something to vent her cooped up frustrations.

Two men were dragging a girl into an alley. She was struggling, but they only laughed at her efforts. Faith dived at one of them, pushing him to the ground.

She hit him over and over as the girl continued screaming. The other guy tried to pull her off, so she kicked him and sent him flying into the alley.

"Stop, please stop!" The girl cried at Faith. "You're hurting him!"

Faith looked at her, and then back down at the bloodied guy that lay unconscious on the ground.

"Oh God." She jumped off the guy. "I thought you were…shit." She took off, leaving them to help their friend.

She ran blindly through Sunnydale. No matter how hard she tried it always came to this. She was dangerous. She hurt innocent people.

Faith stopped running, finally in need of breath. She looked around and to her shock; she was standing outside city hall. Memories rushed back to her and she collapsed to her knees, sobbing. "Stupid fucking bastard! Why couldn't you just kill them all? Why didn't you just kill me? Why does everybody leave me?" She yelled into the night.

"Faith…" Buffy called out from behind her.

Faith silenced, but she didn't reply. She just kneeled on the grass, tears rolling down her cheeks, her eyes distant and pained.

"Faith, Willow's worried. We've been out looking for you." Buffy said carefully.

Faith frowned; she hadn't been gone that long, had she?

"I know things have been tough on you, but nobody's leaving you now." Buffy said, trying to comfort her ex-rival.

"Buffy…" Faith whispered.

"Faith, you have to come with me. I'll take you back to your place." Buffy went to help Faith up.

Faith allowed Buffy to drag her up and help her home. She was past caring what Buffy thought of her. She was tired of putting up a hard front.

"I never knew you felt like that." Buffy said suddenly.

Faith waited a moment before replying. "No one ever stays…they all leave."

"I didn't know."

"My dad, my mom, my friends…even the mayor." Faith said quietly.

"The mayor was evil." Buffy said flatly.

"But he looked after me." Faith said, trying not to start crying again.

"You've got Willow now, Willow's gonna look after you." Buffy assured her.

"Until she leaves me." Faith said.

"…Tara." Buffy said, understanding.

Faith nodded, wiping her tear stained cheek.

Buffy sighed. There wasn't a lot she could say to make Faith feel better. "You really love her, huh?"

Faith smiled slightly. "I really do."

Willow paced the room. It had been hours. Buffy, Xander and Anya were out searching. She had agreed to wait at home just in case Faith had returned there.

The slight tapping at the door made her heart stop. She opened it quickly and was relived to see Faith, held up by Buffy's arm.

"Oh God, what happened?" She asked, terrified Faith had been attacked.

"Nothing, she's okay." Buffy said, helping her in.

"Sorry I made you worry." Faith said, her voice lacking in emotion or even an apologetic tone.

Willow frowned sadly but said nothing. Buffy helped an emotionally exhausted Faith to the sofa. "There ya go."

"Thanks." The same dead voice.

Buffy and Willow exchanged glances.

"I better go and find Xander and Anya. They're probably worried." Buffy said. "Look after yourself, Faith. Bye Willow."

"B." Faith said suddenly.

Buffy turned around. "Yeah?"

"Really…thanks." Faith almost smiled.

Buffy gave her a genuine smile. "Anytime."

Willow was glad to see they were getting on a last, but there was a sick feeling in her stomach that she had ruined things with Faith. As soon as the door closed, Willow sat next to her and pulled her close.

Faith neither protested nor helped Willow, she merely allowed herself to be held, afraid it would be the last time.

"Faith, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I never wanted to hurt you." Willow said softly.

"I overreacted." Faith said quietly back. "It's my fault."

"No it's not." Willow said, crossly. "Stop blaming yourself for everything."

"You feel sorry for me, don't you?" Faith asked.

"What?"

"That's why you're here. All of this…it's pity." Faith said, not looking at Willow.

"I'm here because I want to be. Because it's nice to hold someone. To be with someone. To be with you…" Willow argued. "We're helping each other remember?"

"So we're just friends?" Faith asked.

"No, we're more than friends. We're…" Willow broke off. What were they?

Faith snorted. "See?"

"Shut up, Faith. Can't you just trust me for once?" Willow asked angrily.

Faith was a little taken back. Was Willow shouting at her? "Jeez, Red. No need to snap."

"But you don't do you?" Willow asked.

"What?"

"Trust me." Willow reminded her.

"I do…it's just…" Faith broke off, a strange look on her face.

"What?" Willow asked.

Faith smiled. "I never said that before."

"Said what?" Willow was getting confused now.

"I haven't been able to trust anyone since my dad left. I didn't even think about it. But I do…I trust you." Faith revealed.

Willow smiled. "Well duh. I've trusted you for ages."

"What about Tara?" Faith asked.

"It's gonna take me time to get over her, I'm not gonna lie to you. But I really want to be with you. I love you." Willow said, pulling Faith even closer.

Faith felt warm inside. "I love you too, Red."

The phone rang and interrupted them, mid-kiss.

Faith, who was nearest, picked it up. "Hello?"

"Faith, it's Buffy. There's a demon on the loose. You wanna help me kick its ass?"

Faith felt her heart soar. "Hell, yeah!"

This was it. This was life as it was supposed to be. Love, friendship and work. And for once it was happening to her. Faith couldn't stop smiling as she grabbed some weapons.

For the first time she really did feel like a chosen one.

It's the ultimate rush, seeing someone you love so happy. Watching them fall then helping them get back up is tough…and rewarding. We're like best friends, sisters, lovers and soul mates…all rolled into one. We might be different, but I think that's what makes us work.

She's so amazing. Strong, smart, sexy, brave and alive…I often wonder what she sees in someone as plain as me.

She says that she fell in love with me almost from the beginning. When I betrayed my friends to help her. I kept her presence from them because she asked me to. I believed her when, rightly, I should have delivered her to the Council. I listened. I cared. And then I loved.

She thinks I don't love her. That I'll never quite leave Tara behind. Maybe there's an element of truth in that. But I love Faith. More and more each day I find myself falling for her, wanting to be with her. Maybe she can't accept that yet, but I plan on doing everything in my power to convince her otherwise.

They've finally forgiven her. Accepted her back as if nothing had ever happened. She helps Buffy out, laughs and jokes with Xander, teaches Dawn things Buffy would not be happy about, stays away from Anya and she even gets on with Spike.

Things take time; I think we both know that now. But one things for sure, things are gonna start getting easier.

The End

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