Heavier by Ana Ng

Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: I don't own the characters. I just enjoy them.
Distribution: The Mystic Muse http://mysticmuse.net
Yes, but please just let me know
Feedback: Yes please.
Spoilers: I wouldn't think so. I hope not.
Author's Note: Takes place during Season 6, sometime after Dead Things. Buffy has been resurrected, and Willow is abusing magic, Tara left Willow, from there it's different. Also, I didn't watch any Angel until recently, and am just catching up with the DVD's so all the stuff about the Angel Crew is complete conjecture based on Season 1 and 2, sorry.
Graphic and sometimes dark, or SM-type sex between two women, or three women.
Pairing: Willow/Tara Buffy/Tara Willow/Buffy/Tara

Tara awoke: cold, and naked on the wet stone floor. Her eyes shot open, and looked deep into the darkness. She could both sense, and see that she was alone. Tara couldn't remember what had happened to her, and why she now lay naked and cold in the dark place. But from deep within her body, she felt a craving unlike anything she had ever felt before. Instinctively, she knew it was blood she craved. For a moment the workings of her mind stopped and she realized her body was now a corpse.

She shook as she pushed her body up onto uneasy legs. She began to walk. The blond did not know where she was, but it was obviously a cave. She stumbled towards the smell of cut grass, and fresh air. Through a far off opening she saw the night, and through the cloudiness of her mind she knew it was safe to go out.

Her thoughts trailed off, and Tara hugged her arms around her body. The blond walked through the streets of Sunnydale, receiving both shocked and some admiring glances along the way. Tears streamed down her face. Her body was covered in the dirt and grime of the cave floor. Almost miraculously, her weak legs managed to carry her to Giles' door. Even more miraculous was that she faced no confrontation the entire way. Only in Sunnydale, could a naked blond walk down main street without getting stopped.

It was a warm night, but her body shook from a chill that would never leave her flesh. Tara would never be warm again, she realized.

She sat down on the front step of Giles' home. Tara hugged her knees to her chest, and she cried. She knew she was a vampire, but she could not remember how. And though she desperately craved the taste of blood, Tara did not want to kill. So confused: she was not sure if her feelings were normal. Thoughtfully she decided hers was not the ordinary state of mind for a newly turned vampire.

Inside, Giles sat in the dark; his glasses off, and his hair tousled. He hadn't had a shave in two days, and overall he looked like shit. He was exhausted, but unable to sleep. In his head: a constant, dull pounding, and every time he closed his eyes he saw the same image. It seemed to be permanently burned into his brain. He saw himself prone, and beaten on the floor of the Magic Box watching as his world, and the world of those he loved fall apart.

Giles watched through the fog in his mind as Angelus lifted an injured, and unconscious Tara into his arms and stole her away. He watched as Willow ran futilely after them, and his Slayer fought off a dozen of Angelus' minions. All as he lay there helpless.

It was the same image, over and over. Each time he thought of a million wrong things he did that could never be changed. It had been two days, and everyone but Willow believed Tara was gone forever.

The night after the kidnapping the whole Scooby gang had gone on patrol. The whole limping, bruised, and beaten lot of them. Just as the night had begun to creep into dawn, and the gang grew weary, Angelus had finally shown himself. Buffy tapped into a reserve of power that night, mustered from her pain and her own need for vengeance. Buffy loved Tara. All the Scoobies loved Tara, but one most of all. And Buffy would do anything to protect her best friend; if Tara was gone then Buffy had failed. That night when Buffy looked at her old love, she felt nothing but hatred. She beat him bloody, and then he would only divulge that he had had himself "a long, luxurious taste," and that she was tucked away underground somewhere. Buffy staked Angelus without hesitation. She believed that Tara was dead.

Only Willow maintained hope in Tara's survival. To everyone else it made perfect sense that Angelus would lash out at them by killing the purest among them. But Willow swore that she would know if Tara was dead, because their souls were connected. Giles wasn't so sure, and so he sat in the dark desperately trying to drink himself into oblivion. He was stirred by the sounds of a sobbing woman outside his door. At first he interpreted them as manifestations of his own guilty conscious, but soon realized they were real.

Cross the room, Giles opened the door and was shocked to see the blond, naked form on his step. He recognized the figure immediately and rushed to kneel by her side. He wrapped an arm around her but felt the deathly chill of the exquisite corpse. And he realized then, what she was. For a moment he believed he had been cruelly and fatally tricked.

"Oh God. You're a vampire. Tara no." He backed away from her, but stumbled before crossing the threshold. Too overcome with shock to move further he sat against the doorjamb, bewildered, and stared at the sobbing vampire. Something about her cry moved him, and he knew that though she be a vampire, the naked, and vulnerable female in front of him bore him no harmful intent. He slowly reached out his arm, and delicately placed his hand on her glowing alabaster shoulder.

"Mr. Giles," she turned to look at him through the tears in her eyes, "I won't hurt you. I don't know how this happened. I, I don't know... I don't know how this happened to me."

He was stunned, and his expression reflected his emotions. Slowly he stood, and he walked around to her front and knelt down so he was looking up at her. He realized the vulnerable position he was in, but didn't care. He wanted to believe somehow Tara still retained her soul even though she'd been turned. And if he was wrong, he'd rather die than face Willow with this news.

For a few moments they sat there. Then Giles moved closer to Tara and hugged her. She cried more at his kind and fatherly touch, and he knew somehow she maintained her goodness. Ultimately his modesty got to him, and he went inside to get a blanket. He came back out and wrapped her up, and she thanked him in a hollow broken voice.

Inside, Tara sat wrapped up on the sofa, and Giles turned up the heat as if it mattered. Uncomfortable, and unsure of what he should do, Giles sat in the chair opposite Tara.

Giles walked over to his small kitchen, feeling grateful for Spike's posturing and his own decision to always keep fresh blood in the refrigerator, even now. It was odd yes, but even when Spike wasn't their strongest ally, he could still provide valuable info when suitably motivated.

He couldn't bear to watch Tara's serene and graceful features morph into the demon, and drain the clear plastic bag viciously. He sliced it open and poured the thick liquid into a clean mug. The aging, and tired man brought the blood to Tara, but turned his back on the scene. Tara gulped the contents of the yellow mug down. One small trickle escaped from the corner of her lips, and glided down her chin and onto her neck. She wiped the stray drops onto her hands and began to lick them clean. This is what Giles saw when he turned around.

And so the scene replayed itself until Tara had drunk four pints, and Giles had no more. An hour later, after what felt like an eternity of unbroken silence Giles spoke again.

"I think it was Angelus. He took you, and then... well we thought he had killed you. Buffy staked him."

"Most likely to torment us. Tara, you should go clean yourself up, and I will call the others."

"They'll need to know. Eventually they will. Willow especially Tara, she's the only one who believed you were okay."

"You were turned yes, but by some unfathomable grace you obviously retain your soul. We should be grateful for that. It's clear you hadn't fed before tonight, and so I'm certain you've never killed. And we should be grateful for that. I can't begin to explain what has happened to you but I don't care, and I know Willow won't. You should clean yourself up, and I will call the others."

In Giles' nicely tiled bathroom, Tara thought back to the last time she spent time in the bath. She had hid away in it with Anya as the original Scoobies fought. At the time she worried she might have been the cause, at least partially. But after they all stood up to Tara's family, she knew she had been accepted. Now she wondered if all that would change. They stood up for her believing that, she at least believed herself to be a demon. Now that she really was, Tara wondered if they would remain by her side. She comforted herself thinking of Anya, and Spike, and even Oz.

Tara turned on the shower, much hotter than she had ever liked before, but now she just wanted to feel warm. As the water got hot, she stood in front of the mirror. Though she knew she shouldn't be, Tara was astonished to see the wall behind her. The effect made her feel more like a ghost then a vampire, and reminded her that she was truly dead.

The tired blond stepped into the tub, and under the hot stream of water. The hot trails of water cascaded down her back, making her shiver until she was completely wet. Tara did not use any soap or shampoo: she just let the hot water rinse her body, and make her warm. After a few minutes she heard a faint knock on the door, and then it opened halfway. Tara saw Giles place some sweat clothes on the hamper by the door.

"They'll be here shortly. I just told them it was urgent. I didn't know what else to say."

Tara reluctantly stepped out of the warmth of the shower. She dried herself, and dressed in the clothes which were big, and obviously Giles', though she had never seen them before. She combed her fingers through her hair, that was still baby soft.

Again Giles and Tara sat in silence in the dimly lit living room. There was no way to know what would happen when the others arrived. Giles' guilt would not allow him to believe that anything would change. In his mind, their lives would go on as normal. When finally they heard a knock on the door Giles leapt to answer it. After he had called the whole gang something compelled him to lock the door. He didn't want anybody just barging in. He felt both he and Tara needed the warning.

As he crossed the room, it occurred to Giles to wonder why Tara had come to him and not to Willow, and he decided to ask her later. But now, he needed to deal with the impending situation. There was no way for Giles to know how this situation would play itself out, and walking to the door he felt more scared than he ever had before. That surprised him.

"God Giles, since when do you lock your door?!" Buffy's loud and impatient voice came through the door as she continued to pound it so hard, it seemed ready to shake off its hinges.

"I'm coming Buffy," Giles yelled weakly. He crossed the last few feet to the door, but when he reached for the doorknob he hesitated and his hand began to shake. He took hold of the knob, then unlocked it, as well as the deadbolt. He sent one last look over his shoulder to Tara before he finally opened the door.

Outside the door Giles looked at the concerned and eager faces of Buffy, and Willow. Then over their shoulders he saw as Xander and Anya walked up to the door. He was glad to see that Buffy had not brought Dawn, but he was still concerned that she had left the girl alone. Almost as if reading his mind, Buffy explained that her sister was spending the night with friends. He stood their looking at them, and blocking their view inside his house. He didn't know what he should do.

"You gonna let us in G-Man, or are we standing out here tonight?" Xander asked with only the slightest hint of humor in his voice. He was scared; Giles had said it was urgent.

Giles looked down at Willow, and he saw all the pain on her face, and he just couldn't believe this was happening to her.

"I don't even know how to begin. Come inside." He moved aside and one by one Buffy, Willow, Xander and Anya walked into the house. And then one by one they all took in the sight of Tara sitting on the couch. They only saw the back of her head because she refused to turn around, but each of them recognized her. And then, almost as if in slow motion Willow began to run to Tara's side.

"Tara, baby?" But she was almost violently stopped by Giles. As she began to run past him, Giles reached out his hand and grabbed Willow's arm. The inertia was great, and a shocked Willow spun around and slammed into Giles.

"Hey! What are you doing, let me see her." But Giles maintained a fast grip on her arm even as she used all of her strength to try to get free.

"I don't know," he looked at how tightly he grasped Willow's arm and he knew he must be hurting her, but his only clear thought was to spare Willow the shock he had experienced. He did not want Willow to reach for Tara; expect the warmth of her lover, only to feel a cold corpse.

"Giles I think you better let Willow go." Buffy had moved into a defensive stance. For a moment it shocked him, but the ageing Watcher knew, Buffy would hurt even him to protect her beloved Willow. Giles was lost. He realized he should have planned a lot better for this. But... how could one prepare for this?

Finally, Tara stood. She rose slowly, as if painfully, and Willow took notice. Drawing from her adrenaline, Willow broke free from Giles' grasp, and she rushed to Tara. Only, instead of Tara rushing towards Willow as well, she drew back.

"Willow! Stay Away!" Willow was shocked. She was so shocked it seemed as if she had been shocked frozen. She stood in place only a few feet from her soul mate, and if not for the few tears that escaped from the corners of her eyes, Willow could have been a statue made of wax.

Buffy, Xander and Anya all looked on in bewilderment. Only Giles understood, and Buffy saw the knowledge in his face; in his pained expression.

Ever since she had been brought back, Buffy had felt so completely hollow. It drove her to do things that she was so ashamed of, she could hardly believe she had done them. With Spike of all people. He wasn't even a person; just a dead, soulless vampire. But Buffy opened up to Tara. And Tara hadn't judged Buffy. She hated to admit it, but lately Buffy found herself falling deeper and deeper in love with Tara. So of course the Slayer threw herself into getting Willow and Tara back together. It seemed right somehow, in her head: the two women she loved having happiness together. Darkly she mused that if she hadn't insisted Tara start attending the Scooby meetings again, the sweet blond would have been safe two nights ago. When Buffy saw Tara's form on Giles' couch, for a moment she rejoiced, but now she felt a deep fear welling up inside of her.

Tara looked up. She looked into Willow's eyes. Things hadn't been right between them. Willow had abused the magics and she had abused her, but regardless of all that, Tara still loved Willow. And she saw the Scoobies as her family; her real family.

"I'm a vampire. Angelus turned me." Tara said the words so cold, and clinically. Everyone was confused. They all took on disbelieving expressions, as their gazes shifted alternately between Giles and Tara.

"It can't be... Tara, baby... you're not!" Willow was desperate. It just wasn't possible in her mind.

But the Slayer, knew. She sensed it as soon as Tara had said it. She should have realized as soon as she saw Tara, but Buffy was just too happy to see it.

Willow rushed to Tara, and grabbed her by the shoulders, and kissed her. Then she felt the coolness of Tara's lips. She stumbled back, and fell. She lay there, looking up at Tara. Anya burst into tears and buried her head into Xander's chest. Tara looked to the floor again, away from Willow. Giles and Xander caught each other's gaze. Xander just didn't know what any of this meant. He turned to Tara.

"She still has her soul. Somehow she still has her soul." Giles stared off into space. Tara sat down again. Willow, Buffy, and Anya continued to sob. Even Xander cried.

Tara sat quietly on the couch; her back turned on the sobfest that had erupted. For a moment she contemplated running; escaping, and waiting for the sun. She wished to send herself up in flames in an act of self-immolation. She could deliver her friends from the pain she was causing them. But she did not, and it wasn't because she was unable. Since she fed, she felt full of strength and energy. Tara felt invincible. But the weight that her soul held on her was unbearable. She thought, that now, as a vampire with a soul, she had an understanding of what it must be like to have a split-personality.

Tara had never met Angel, and she didn't remember anything about being taken by Angelus. She had only ever heard stories about the brooding ensouled vampire. Now she felt sympathy for the man she had never met: sympathy for the man who destroyed her life. It was obvious to her, that her friend's impressions of his struggle were flawed. Tara knew who she was. She was a Wiccan. She had been abused, but she had risen above it. She loved Willow. She was a student. She loved pancakes with syrupy goodness. She was a Scooby. She had a secret love of all things hip-hop. One million and one things that made up Tara Maclay, big and small, she knew. She was. However, there was a new presence within her. A living demon. A demon that did not except the restraints of the soul. She was a vampire.

She sat. The pathetic cries of her loved ones surrounded her. One half of her hated it; she hated their pain. She hated causing it.

The other half loved it. She sat quietly listening, until she burst into a fit of laughter.

All eyes came to rest on her. Willow stumbled her way from her place on the floor to Tara. She half walked, half crawled across the floor. The red-head sat on her knees bellow Tara, and Tara refused to look her in the eye.

From her perspective, Buffy could see the beseeching look in Willow's eyes. Buffy prayed that they could fix this horrible situation somehow, if only for her best friend. Buffy gathered her strength and stood. There would be time to fall apart later when she was alone, but for now she needed to take charge. Just like she always did.

"Giles, what happened here?" She looked to her Watcher, the man who was supposed to have all the answers.

"It's obvious what happened Buffy! Tara is a vampire. Angelus came here and turned her. She's the only one of us who didn't deserve this, but that seems to be the rule...The best of us suffer." Willow was frantic, and she grabbed Tara in a panic. "Tara, baby, please just look at me?!"

"Willow stop. Let go of me," Tara put up only a minor struggle against Willow's grasp.

For a moment Tara looked deep into Willow's eyes, and all the love she had ever felt for the redhead was still there. Then she pushed her away violently. Willow stumbled back into the chair behind her. She was horrified, and she sat with her head in her hands in dumb shock.

In the room there was an overall sense of confusion. Where to go now, with all that had occurred in the past few days.

"You still have your soul? I thought that only happened with gypsy curses," Xander said. Xander hated the silence. He was confused, and knew that he wasn't alone. "Has this ever happened before Giles?"

"I have never heard of someone being turned and retaining their soul. No." Giles stated flatly.

"I really don't know." Giles took off his glasses, and wiped them over. He left them off, and pinched the bridge of his nose: he hated not knowing.

An hour later, still nothing had been resolved, nor did it seem anything ever would.

Giles, along with Anya and Xander and even Buffy, had gone through nearly every book he owned. They had turned up no answers. Willow just sat and stared at Tara. And Tara couldn't help but think of how much she really did love Willow; and of how much she wanted to run away and never come back. Tara sat and waged a mental battle over whether it was worse for Willow if she stayed or if she left.

After an hour of silence between the two former lovers, Willow moved from the chair opposite Tara, to the opposite end of the couch Tara sat on. Over the next half hour Willow moved herself tiny increments: getting closer and closer to the blonde. She had just about made it to the middle of the couch. Finally Tara laughed over the absurdity of Willow's actions. It was a pure laugh; full of love, and everyone in the little house smiled, and breathed a sigh of relief. Tara's last outburst had a hint of malevolence in it that scared them all so much.

"Yes, Willow please," and for a moment the redhead's heart swelled. Then Tara continued, "That is if you can stand the cold." Tara sounded so natural, and it shocked Willow.

Willow sat for a moment feeling completely unsure. She wasn't expecting vampire jokes, and she wasn't sure how to take Tara's words. Willow moved the last few inches to Tara's side, and she tentatively reached out her hand to take her lover's. This time, thankfully Tara did not pull away. When their hands connected, Willow did notice that her beloved's hands were much cooler than they used to be, but not how she expected. Tara's hands were cold in the way people's hands get sometimes, if they are really skinny, or it's raining. Willow expected to feel ice cold digits, and instead she realized that her own hands had been colder on occasion. And despite the new temperature, when the two women touched hands, they felt that same spark they did the first time they touched.

"Tara, I love you so much. I will always love you; nothing can change that," Willow had to say the words.

"Willow, everything has changed." Tara was tired and the tone of her words reflected her defeated feeling.

"Not everything; I promise you." Willow knew in her heart she would never stop loving the blonde. However, despite her resolve, Willow's mind drifted back to a conversation she had once had with Buffy; over the impossibilities of a fulfilling relationship with a vampire. This would be something that needed working through in the long run, but for the moment Willow just wanted Tara. She just wanted her.

Tara could sense the truth in the redhead's promise; her beloved's promise. And she could not deny the deep pull of love and devotion she still felt towards the lithe woman.

"Willow, I love you so much. How I feel hasn't changed. It's just... is this what you want for yourself?" Tara was crying. She wanted Willow to pull her close, and at the same time she wanted Willow to tell her to leave.

Then Willow did pull her close, and she kissed the blonde softly on the corner of her mouth. "We will figure this out somehow," she said, and Tara believed it.

Across the room, the gang had yet to find anything useful. Buffy sat looking at a book but not really reading it. She quietly and discreetly used her Slayer hearing to eavesdrop on the two witches.

What she heard gave her a great comfort: knowing they were going to try to work through it. It struck Buffy as slightly ironic, but also somewhat poignant that Tara had to die for her two friends to come together again. For a moment it made her think of her own death and resurrection.

It also gave her a slight pang in her stomach, though she would never admit why she felt it, or even that she felt it at all.

Suddenly Giles looked up, and slammed the book he had been reading shut, very dramatically.

He pulled of his glasses and began wiping them with the corner of his wrinkled shirt. "I just don't think there is anything for us to find. In fact, I think we are all really wasting our time. I am going to assume that this has never happened before, and if it has then nothing has been recorded on it. Surely I would have heard of it through the Council long ago."

Tara stood up from the couch, still holding Willow's hand. "What now then? What do I do now?"

Buffy stood up then. "You'll just come back home with us, and you'll sleep during the day, and patrol with us at night. You are still one of the good guys, and I will feel much better with you back home."

Buffy was motivated partially by her selfish desire to have Tara back home, but also because she felt she should keep an eye on the new vampire. It was completely irrational of her, she knew that. If Tara could still go bad, then the last place Buffy would want her is near Dawn. But she wanted Tara home, and the irrationality won out.

The three women walked up the step to the front door of the Summers' residence. Buffy, Tara, and Willow had walked home from Giles' home in near complete silence. Buffy walked slightly ahead on the lookout for trouble. Tara and Willow walked hand in hand. There was an overall sense of tentativeness and worry amongst the three women.

Willow and Buffy passed over the threshold into the house, and Tara stood painfully awkward outside. The two other women nearly walked away from Tara, until they remembered Tara could not simply follow them. The two smaller women turned around, but neither could look Tara in the eye.

Buffy looked up, and for a moment seemed to carefully consider letting Tara stay one last time. Finally she spoke, but her tone seemed to contain a warning.

"Come in Tara." Buffy spoke and like magic, Tara felt the invisible barrier keeping her outside dissipate. She stepped inside, and the three women stood awkwardly in the foyer.

Tara spent her first night back in the Summer's home in the living room. Willow had argued for her to come to bed, but Tara couldn't bring herself to sleep in that room, as if nothing at all had happened. Somehow she convinced Willow that she really needed time alone. She did. Tara sat in the pitch dark, and then the bluish dawn, and finally as the sun began to rise, she moved to huddle on the floor, in a dark corner of the glowing orange room.

What happened, Tara was able to piece together into one horrible story as the memories returned. It was like a movie she was watching.

That night, started with the promise of new beginnings. In their newfound friendship, Buffy was able to convince Tara to come to the Scooby meeting. Tara felt comfortable with Buffy now, whereas she was once painfully shy and awkward around the strong, athletic beauty. The vulnerability that Buffy had shown, fed Tara's nurturing instincts, and she wanted to protect the Slayer, as absurd as it seemed.

Buffy and Tara had begun meeting for coffee, in a very casual manner. Buffy needed someone as nonjudgmental as Tara to talk to, and Buffy had a lot to say. The relationship with Spike was over, and Buffy felt her life finally coming together again. Buffy wanted everything to be right again, for everyone.

It was weird for Tara: being back amongst the Scoobies, but her heart swelled at the sight of Willow. Her Willow; who looked healthy and equally happy to see her. The two former lovers sat next to each other, and with Anya, exchanged stories about all that had happened since Tara's departure from their circle.

"Oh and Willow and Buffy fought an old-lady with a penis coming out of her head!" Anya exclaimed.

"No," Willow laughed, "It was a big, long, green snake-thing, with teeth, that was shaped very much like a penis. I have to tell you, if I wasn't gay before..." Willow trailed off with a disgusted look on her face, and began to laugh again.

All three women laughed in a wonderful, carefree manner. Willow felt so happy to be spending this time with Tara again, and she hoped it was the start of a reconciliation between them. Anya was happy to have Tara back at the Scooby meetings, because Tara was really her only friend in the group aside from Xander. Tara liked Anya just the way she was, and didn't think she said stupid things. Anya had really missed Tara.

Tara felt so overwhelmed. Somehow she felt she really did belong there, and wasn't just Willow's hanger-on. No one batted an eyelash at her attendance. Tara reminded herself that this was really her true family, and she was glad to be back in their midst.

It turned out the Scooby meeting wasn't about some new big bad, and that was a relief. However, Tara was disappointed to hear it was about Giles leaving for England. When he returned those few months ago after Buffy's resurrection, he had every intention of going home again. Though, as Willow spiraled deeper into her magical addiction, and Buffy revealed that she had really been in Heaven, he didn't think it was safe to leave. He watched from afar, his heart breaking, as Willow hit rock bottom, and as Buffy ventured into a dangerous relationship with Spike. He needed them to grow up and start fixing their own lives, but he stood by in case anything got too bad.

But Buffy seemed to be visibly lighter the past few days, and she and Dawn seemed closer than ever. Willow had also made tremendous progress in her recovery. In fact, Tara's presence at the meeting, and the lighthearted atmosphere in the shop reinforced his decision, that the time was finally right. As far as Giles was concerned, these were his children, and it would pain him dearly to leave them. But he really needed to leave them. They needed to be on their own now, and he could finally walk away knowing they wouldn't fall. Buffy reassured him that was true, at least of her.

And so the meeting became a farewell party for Giles who had a one-way ticket on the next flight out. Everyone, aside from Buffy who had been forewarned, was shocked at the suddenness of his departure. Giles needed it to be quick, or he didn't think he could actually go.

It was a nice night, and things seemed right for once. Each was sad to see Giles go, but knew he was right to. Buffy sat, quietly talking with Giles on the stairs. Everyone left them alone, knowing they needed that time together. Willow, Tara and Anya continued their energetic storytelling, while Xander and Dawn browsed the shop making mischief, as for once no one was stopping them. They were having fun, and they were happy.

But as is so often the case, their happiness ended nearly as quick as it had begun.

It was about 8 o'clock, and the night was still young. Giles' flight was at midnight, and the goodbyes had already begun, when they heard a knock on the door. It was a Sunday, and they closed and locked the doors at noon. It was odd to say the least. Buffy walked to the door, and looked out the front window. She saw Angel standing there, with a look of worry on his face. Buffy knew that look, and it didn't bode well.

"There was some trouble in LA, and I wanted to come and let you know," The brooding vampire said.

Buffy's brow furrowed; she was disappointed to see her good night was going to end with bad news.

He wore a mid-length, dark coat, and a pair of dark brown leather pants. The worried look left his face, as he walked deeper into the shop. His stride was slow and deliberate, but he seemed eerily at ease; not weighted down, the way he normally was. Buffy noticed the pants right away.

Angel looked around the room in a subtle predatory manner. He noticed new faces, and all the old ones as well.

In a terribly nonchalant manner, he looked Xander in the eye and delivered shocking news: "Cordelia is dead."

Xander's mind reeled. Buffy moved forward, and grabbed the collar of Angel's jacket, "What the hell are you talking about? What happened?" she yelled.

Buffy was taken completely by surprise as Angel, who she finally realized to be Angelus, lifted her off her feet, and threw her across the room into a large bookshelf. She landed in a crash, and lay dazed on the floor for a moment.

The rest of the gang sprang into action, as nearly twenty vampires poured into the Magic Box, from both the front and rear exit. Each face was a mask of confusion and terror. Everyone moved quickly to arm themselves, and Buffy pushed herself from the floor. She was ready to fight. The Slayer went to the place in her mind where she was invincible and where no one she loved could die. Grabbing a splintered piece of wood from the floor she rushed forward and quickly disposed of one vamp. He looked young, barely an adult, and Buffy was heartbroken when she just barely recognized him as Angel's son while he crumbled to dust.

Buffy staked another vamp near her, as she saw a blonde female vampire across the room lunge towards Dawn. Buffy jumped up over the table, and staked her, before she could even touch her sister. Behind them, Buffy saw Xander stake a vampire after much effort. A little rougher than she had intended, Buffy shoved Dawn into Xander's arms.

Xander was torn; he hated the idea of leaving his friends, but knew Buffy would fight stronger with Dawn off her mind. He pulled a frightened and shaking Dawn close, and moved towards the door to Buffy's studio. He called out for Anya, and the ex-demon followed.

Buffy took out another tall, lean vampire. Angelus seemed to just revel in the show, as Buffy made her way closer to where he stood.

Near to where Buffy fought, a large, stocky vampire, who looked like he had been a biker in life lifted his hands high above Giles' head and knocked him on the back of his skull. Giles dropped to the floor, instantly unconscious. Buffy saw him drop out of the corner of her eye, and her heart skipped a beat but she never missed a step in the fight. The gang was vastly outnumbered, and Buffy could not allow herself to get sidetracked.

Willow and Tara huddled together. Willow herself fought the urge to use magic, but Tara racked her brain for some spell that might help. All she could think of was a simple spell to push the vampires away from her and Willow, but there were too many, and Tara grew weak.

Buffy was surrounded by vampires, and she felt herself slipping away as she took hit after hit. Angelus moved into the fight finally by moving towards the two witches. His focus was directed all on Willow, and as the blonde, who he did not know, moved in front of his target he threw Tara aside. She fell forward and smashed her head on a shelf of bottles, collapsing to the floor, unconscious and bleeding profusely.

Tara sat on the floor of the orange room. Dawn rushed into the living room and grabbed her bag off the floor. Tara found herself holding her breath, quite unnecessarily, and was glad when Dawn left the room without ever noticing her in the corner.

Tara could hear the pitter-patter shuffle of Buffy's feet across the floor upstairs.

"Dawn wait!" Buffy called after her younger sister, but it was already too late. Dawn was out the door, and probably half way down the street, Tara mused.

Buffy walked tiredly down the stairs, and moved down the hallway into the kitchen. One thing she was grateful for, were coffee pots on timers. She poured herself a mug, and left it black. She liked the stinging bitterness of it. Buffy moved tiredly into the living room, and towards the over-sized couch.

Tara was amazed at her new senses; she felt every move Buffy was making. Her instinct was to run. Tara didn't want to talk to anyone, but she had no place to go. All she could hope was that Buffy would not notice her, just as Dawn hadn't.

Buffy was not the type of person to be taken by surprise; it was her Slayer senses. She knew Tara was in the room, as soon as she stepped into it. She had nothing to say though. There was no place she could think to begin. Buffy just sat down on the couch and sipped her coffee quietly, looking anywhere but where Tara sat on the floor. Tara sat and studied Buffy. She was confused. Although it was obvious Buffy knew she was in the room, she still did not acknowledge her. It bothered Tara, and gave her a weird feeling that she couldn't explain. Tara had wanted to be left alone, and now it was pissing her off.

Buffy felt Tara staring, and it was quickly making her uncomfortable for a myriad of reasons. Finally she looked over at her friend. The two women made eye contact and just looked into each other's eye's for a long moment. So much passed between them. They had recently grown so close, and Buffy's heart ached to think that their friendship might not continue now. Tara felt that same pain, as she feared that the trust she had built with Buffy would end with their naturally opposing conditions. Not that Buffy had a history of swearing off close relationships with vampires, but still Tara worried.

Buffy just looked into Tara's eyes, and as deep into her soul as possible. Buffy knew Tara still had a soul, and that was the important distinction for Buffy. That was the distinction that mattered; the one that she had forgotten somewhat in her relationship with Spike. Tara knew the difference between right and wrong, and Buffy just prayed she acted accordingly. The longer she looked into Tara's eyes - the same, beautiful, blue, bedroom eyes that Buffy couldn't get enough of - the more Buffy trusted that at her core, Tara was still good, and she had no reason to fear her.

The two women shared one last moment of silence, until they both started to laugh. It was just the normal laughter of two friends.

"I think that might have been the dumbest thing I've ever said," Buffy admitted, as she looked into her coffee cup.

"I know, I'm just messing around a little bit," another moment of silence settled. Buffy looked up and made eye contact with Tara once again. Her expression conveyed that what she was about to say, was completely serious. "You really haven't changed, you are still our sweet Tara."

Tara looked away, and Buffy could tell that if vampires blushed, Tara would be ten shades of red. The Slayer was relieved, and amazed, and grateful to know that Tara would not, and could not become evil. What Buffy did not know, was that Tara did not share that same security.

"Tara, this is your home, and you are part of my family. I don't want you to think that's changed." Buffy meant every word. The unspoken condition however, and the one Tara did not need to hear, was that Tara was only a part of her family as long as the blonde vampire was a force for good.

The two women sat in silence again. However, this was a more comfortable silence. But Buffy's curiosity got the better of her, and she ventured into a topic that she was not entirely sure was safe.

"Tara?" Buffy asked tenderly, and the larger woman looked up. "Do you remember at all what happened?"

Tara didn't react negatively, in fact it never occurred to her that she should be sensitive, and not want to talk about that night. She filled Buffy in, on all that she remembered up to where she had lost consciousness. Buffy confirmed that all those memories were real. Tara asked Buffy to tell her what happened after she was knocked out. It was so difficult for Buffy to get her mind to go back to that night. She did though, and together Buffy and Tara put together all that had happened.

Buffy's concentration did break at the moment when Tara collided with the shelf, and she screamed out for the witch. Willow began to sob, and screamed for Tara as well, as she rushed to her beloved's side. Angelus observed both Buffy and Willow acting equally frantic over the blonde he had never before seen. He took a chance, and turned away from the Slayer's best friend and picked up Tara, and began to run.

Giles lay sprawled on his stomach still, but he began to regain consciousness just in time to see Tara get stolen away. He lay there powerless watching everything fall apart. Xander burst back in to the shop from the back. He tried to run after Tara but Angelus was out the door before Xander had even made it halfway in the room. Willow was being held back by two vampires and Buffy was surrounded by the majority of the horde.

Much to everyone's surprise, a few minutes after Angelus walked out the door, his minions left as well. It seemed they were there, to keep the Scoobies occupied more than anything else.

"I was so shocked when they just left. I thought we were going to die. I should have realized as soon as he took you his plans were to torture us," Buffy explained.

"Why would taking me be torture?" Tara asked, still not quite comprehending how she lost her life.

"Because we love you Tara. Somehow he knew that taking you would torture us, because we love you so much," Buffy said emphatically, as she thought at the same time, Somehow he must have known how much I love you. I love you so much. Buffy pushed the thought from her mind. Then the she began very quietly, "Do you remember what happened after he took you? At all?"

"No," Tara said simply. And it was the truth. All night Tara had tried to regain the memories from after she was knocked out. Surely she couldn't have been unconscious as her body was being drained.

"That's okay," Buffy reassured, though she was disappointed, and frustrated by the answer. "We'll figure it out."

Willow woke up alone, again; just like so many days before today. She had only been able to fall asleep the night before, from the pure exhaustion caused by her uncontrollable crying. Now her head was pounding, and her eyes were swollen almost completely shut. Despite the pain, she turned to her side to look at the empty space beside her. The place where Tara should be laying next to her.

Willow had been waking up every morning with that exact same thought. She finally had Tara home, but she wasn't in their bed. Would things ever be normal again? Willow couldn't seem to lift herself from the bed, so weighted was she by the reality, that nothing could ever go back to what Willow considered normal.

I told Buffy this was impossible. It's just as impossible for me as it was for her. Willow lost herself in her thoughts as she rolled over and hugged the pillow, and blankets close to her. She sobbed, just as she had the night before. We can't grow old together now.

And just as she had the night before, Tara could hear Willow's cries. She could not tell if it was a result of the bond that they already shared, or her new vampire senses. She wondered again if she should go to her lover. They promised they would work it out, and that had given Tara comfort, but could it be worked out?

"Yes. All night she cried, I think in her sleep," Tara paused, and struggled to continue, "It would stop for a while and then start again. Like when she talks in her sleep." Tara began to cry as she remembered all the adorable, and endearing things Willow said in her sleep.

Buffy sat and watched. Watching Tara cry was unbearable, and the small blonde found she was unable to just observe. Buffy stood up, and tentatively walked to Tara's corner. She knelt in front of the vampire, and just as Buffy had once done, Tara collapsed into Buffy's lap. Tara's whole body shook with silent tears, and Buffy leaned over the larger woman's body and held her tight.

Tara lifted her body up, and she looked Buffy in the eye. Both woman's eyes glistened with tears.

"I didn't think it could really hurt like this. When I said Spike loved you, I didn't know it was really possible for a vampire to feel this much," Tara admitted in a whisper.

Buffy turned back towards Tara. There was no judgment in her eyes, just simple understanding.

Tara's crying seemed to be subsiding, and the two woman just sat in another comfortable silence. Buffy had one hand on Tara's shoulder, and the other on her waist. She took the time to just marvel in the feel of Tara underneath her hands. She was so soft, Buffy didn't think she had ever felt someone so soft. Buffy wondered if Tara would get hard now that she was a vampire; she hoped not. Without knowing why, Buffy pulled Tara closer and the two shared a desperate embrace that lasted for minutes. When Buffy finally managed to pull away, they once again looked deep into each other's eyes.

"I think you should go to her," Buffy whispered unexplainably as she leaned forward and placed a soft kiss onto Tara's cool forehead.

"Okay," Tara replied. But the two women did not move, and Buffy leaned in and placed another soft kiss onto Tara's forehead while gently stroking the blonde witch's back.

Tara looked up at Buffy, and the slight movement of her head caused Buffy to move away slightly. However, she moved only inches, and when the two women made eye contact again, all of the Slayer's superior strength couldn't keep her from placing her lips upon the lips of the vampire beneath her. The kiss would have been chaste if not for the electricity that coursed through both women as a result.

Tara pulled away, with a shocked expression upon her face. She said nothing though. She simply stood and left the room. Buffy was left stunned on the floor.

Buffy listened as Tara walked through the foyer, and up the steps, and then across the upstairs hallway, before finally pausing outside of what used to be her mother's bedroom.

"What the hell was that Buffy?!" She couldn't help but exclaim to herself in a whisper.

It was perfect, Buffy thought. I just can't seem to keep my hands off of the undead... in more ways then one!

But Tara had felt so good. She was warmer than Angel or Spike had been. Maybe she just needed more time to get colder. Buffy laughed to herself until it all came crashing down on her: dead or undead, Buffy had just kissed her best friend's girlfriend. She had just kissed her best friend's girlfriend who she was in love with.

Buffy walked over to the coffee table to retrieve her mug, and after downing the last few gulps, she walked into the kitchen and placed it in the sink. Too ashamed and mortified, to go upstairs, she went down into the basement and pulled her wrinkled uniform out of the dryer. She changed her clothes right there, only feeling slightly gross for having not showered. She'd only need one when she got home anyway.

Tara had hurried her way towards the bedroom, but when she reached the door she couldn't even seem to knock. She heard Willow crying behind the door, and all she wanted was to wrap her arms around the tiny redhead, and take all her pain away. But Tara felt she had no chance of ever taking her pain away again, only causing more of it. And this is what kept her from turning the doorknob, entering the room, and scooping Willow up in her now unnaturally strong arms.

On the other side of the door, Willow's pained crying intensified, and the small redhead began to cry out her beloved's name.

At that Tara could no longer remain in the hall. Ignoring her lack of need for oxygen, she took one long, deep, steadying breath. It still felt good, and still centered her, and Tara was pleased by that.

She turned the creaky knob, and the door stuck for a minute before popping open. And as she ran to Willow's side, Tara processed in the back of her mind that today must be really humid, though she didn't feel it at all.

Willow looked up when she heard the door open, and was momentarily startled out of crying. All she wanted was Tara, and in that moment she was almost relieved.

Tara stopped by the side of the bed, and knelt down on the floor. She placed her chin on the side of the bed, and reached up to cup Willow's cheek as she looked deep into her green eyes.

"Please stop crying my darling," Tara whispered. She stood up again, and walked around to the other side of the bed. Willow remained completely still as Tara climbed into the bed, and spooned her.

"I'm sorry I didn't sleep in here last night. I needed time to think," Tara began, "I'm worried about how to make this work. I'm scared that I'll only be a burden to you. I'm scared that you won't want this, when I really do love you more than anything. I want only what is best for you though, and I don't expect anything."

Tara closed her eyes, and inhaled Willow's fresh scent, and wanted only to kiss her. But all of her voiced fears were real. She realized that her night spent in contemplation could very well have been similar to Willow's. Willow could have come to her senses and realized a relationship between them was impossible now.

Willow listened to Tara's words, and realized she had some of the same concerns. Willow was sure that she wanted Tara though, and that was the first thing she expressed.

Willow turned her body around so that she was facing Tara. " I do want you," She started as she kissed Tara's forehead.

She pushed it out of her head though, and focused only on her Willow. She knew, they would figure this out somehow. Many long conversations were ahead of them, but for now they were just content to lay together after so long apart, and push out all of the questions. Soft kisses, and sweet whispers of affection soothed them into a restful sleep. And at that moment everything was just fine.

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Heavier

by Ana Ng

Copyright © 2004

Timid_Ana@yahoo.com